Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: High-Waisted Linen/Wool Side-Slits Midi Skirt

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1. I have a sister that I have generally been low contact with. She just can’t be civil with me (and, I suspect, people generally; she seems to go through a job a year), so this year it’s just texting vs calls. Yesterday’s text zinger: “minimal contact is just you being passive aggressive.”

   Asking you all: yes? No? I’d love no contact or a Christmas letter or a civil relationship. But the only choices I see myself having are going with minimal contact (she needs $ at times, so needs to call me, I update her on aging parents because she has the same issues with me that she has with everyone else in the family; I don’t reach out otherwise other than birthday and holiday texts) or no contact (likely after parents are gone).

   1. I don’t have siblings so grain of salt… but what are you getting out of the relationship? Do you worry she’ll harass your ageing parents if she doesn’t hear from you? Or are you guys stuck in a toxic dynamic and you need to drop the rope?
      My mom’s brother calls her everyday to moan about his life, sometimes ask for money, etc, and as an outside observer, I think my mom feels a need to be needed, even when she complains about his calls/does the wordle while he vents.

   2. I don’t think being low contact is inherently passive aggressive. I do think it is possible to be passive aggressive (or otherwise display unhealthy behaviors) in the context of being low context.

      If you have a therapist relationship established, this is a wonderful topic to explore with them; if not, some careful reflection on how you’re framing things will probably help you identify whether there’s anything you want to improve on within the context of remaining low contact.

      1. This exactly. It is not inherently passive aggressive but it can be.

   3. If you’re already low contact I would just continue to walk back the communication until you hit a level you’re comfortable with. Don’t respond to texts like that. Grey rock.

   4. You might be doing it wrong if she knows you’re low contact or “minimal contact.” It’s better to feign that you simply don’t have time due to your busy schedule, prefer texting, even want to avoid disturbing her (or a repeat of your last argument), but telling someone directly that they’re low contact is bound to get pushback. Just fading out due to your “availability” is the way to go, and as someone else noted to continue drawing back as necessary (without comment). And also just make excuses to others in her circle instead of telling them you’ve gone low contact — you “haven’t heard from her lately,” got caught up in a big project at work, have been focusing on your kids, or exchanged birthday greetings with her last week. Someone else mentioned “gray rock” — just gray rock the whole process. Make the whole thing as boring as possible. Low contact? Huh, I forgot we were doing that (nothing interesting about it).

      1. I wouldn’t advise this, especially with a family relationship. It only perpetuates the reaching out and poor behavior. When you’re a grown up, you set boundaries clearly.

         Work with a therapist who can help you establish boundaries in a healthy way.

         1. Relationships can evolve naturally. You don’t have to wait until it feels like an emergency then go from 0 to 100 in cutting someone off. Setting boundaries along the way or even all at once is the point — you firmly tell them you want to talk less, you don’t signal to them your playing games or experimenting with contact levels in ways that encourage them to push back. They hear “low contact” and panic whereas you can just go ahead and enforce low contact without making an announcement.

         2. The last thing a good therapist is going to advice is using therapy speak to set boundaries though. Big announcements like “I’m setting a boundary” just stir up drama vs. “Oh I don’t always answer my phone these days.”

            1. *advise

               The point of the boundary is what it actually is, not the fact that it is a boundary.

            2. Anon 10:57 here. That’s not at all what I’m saying. A good therapist isn’t going to advise that you keep saying work is crazy or I don’t answer my phone these days and other excuses about your availability rather than addressing the actual issues as they arise. “I have a work call” feels good in the moment, but it’s not addressing the real issue of “No, I am not lending you money.” It just perpetuates the problem. Having the hard discussion about not lending money (and continually following through with the boundary) will eventually lead to no more discussions about lending money.

               At some point, you have to learn how to have difficult conversations. This skill will help in many areas of life, too, not just with tough family members.

            3. Then I think we agree. “No, I am not lending you money” is great. “I’m going low contact with you” is not great and invites drama.

            4. “No, I’m not giving you any money and won’t be able to going forward,” then blandly declining every time is different from saying, my therapist advised me to cut you off financially. Don’t open it up for discussion and don’t reveal your methods. For example, Anonymous, “I’m going to grey rock you starting now by saying either ‘cool, bummer, or wow’ to whatever you say next.”

   5. You really, really need a therapist to help you work on scripts for your interactions with your sister. Have you started looking for one?

      Or if your parent is suffering with a progressive illness, can you join a caregiver support group? Difficult sibling interactions are common there.

      You keep asking variations of the same questions, and since our suggestions don’t seem to help you, perhaps this isn’t the right audience. It is particularly hard when difficult family interactions are in a sense “forced” because of circumstance.

      1. +1. Whether these suggestions aren’t helpful to you or you have a form of anxiety that makes it hard to hear them, I don’t think this is the right place to keep posting.

      2. You’re right, only one person can possibly be having problems with their sister.

         1. Thank you, was my exact thought when I read the rude response above from this know-it-all.

         2. Haha seriously when I read it I was like “omg did I accidentally make a post about my sister?”

            1. Heh, I thought it was my own sister posting about me, only I’m not the one who’s been in and out of work over the past few years.

         3. Not the prior poster, but the OP had been posting about her sister and sick parents on a common basis (it seems weekly, but I don’t have that great of memory). It’s always basically the same post, and she doesn’t seem to actually listen to the feedback because it’s the same exact thing the following week

            1. +1. I assumed it was the same poster, too.

            2. +1. It doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes-level sleuthing to see this. If you have sight, you can read it.

            3. +1 it’s always the same scenario and always the same non-question and refusal to answer follow-up questions.

   6. Are you giving her $ when “she needs $ sometimes” and contacts you? Stop that right now.

      People can only take advantage of you with your permission.

      1. That jumped out at me, too. Why would you give her money when you have such an awful relationship?

         1. Because she needs it and you feel sorry for her? It’s hard to say no to a request for funding from a sibling, it just is.

2. Hi ‘rettes- about a week ago, I was out for a run in a large park when an off-leash dog attacked me. Owner was nearby. Park has signage that dogs must be on leash. Owner could not get the dog under control, another runner who came by seconds later bravely threw rocks at the dog to get it off. (Some hit me, but I’m not mad at the runner!) The runner helped me to the road and flagged down a cab – I had a broken bone in my forearm and needed surgery, plus the rabies shots. I vaguely remember the breed but didn’t get the owner’s info. Animal control and PD told me basically, too bad unless I can get the owner’s info. I’d love to find and thank the runner and find and sue the dog owner. I went by the same area of the park today with my DH (and pepper spray) and didn’t see the runner or the dog/owner. Any suggestions at all for what to do? Do I just give up and move on? Is posting signs tacky? Can I ask a business across the street from the parking area if they have a camera that might show cars? I go back to work tomorrow so can’t sit there all day every day. I don’t even know if the runner or dog go there often.

   1. Oof, that’s awful, I’m so sorry that happened to you. My son and I cycle on shared use paths and there are some big dogs off lead that terrify me! Do you have a nextdoor site where you can post? Be prepared for pushback through, a man got bit in our town, and loads of people blamed him for wearing orange???

   2. Post in local FB groups. Chances are other people have had encounters with the same dog and may be able to help. I’m sorry this happened to you.

      1. +1 Is there a neighborhood listerv or Nextdoor group? Maybe someone else has had an encounter with this dog and can give you more info.

         1. to answer your specific question you can certainly ask the stores if they have footage but do it quick. those tapes usually roll over pretty quickly. Also i don’t know where you live or how helpful cops will be but there is likely city surveillance in a park. beyond being a decent human, this person stopping could have prevented you from having to get the rabies shot which, my understanding, is horrible. i’m so sorry. god people are jerks.

            1. It baffles me that cops could just write this off with no investigation. Shouldn’t it be on them to do some of this legwork? They have no obligation to assist in a civil suit, but this person also broke city law.

            2. What exactly is a police officer to do? Unless there is some clear way to track this person down, there isn’t a whole lot I personally do not think pulling video of nearby businesses to get an image of a person (if it even exists and is of decent quality) makes a whole lot of sense even for OP. With this image, folks will then ID them by…how? I feel for OP. It isn’t fair that she has had to take on medical bills and the horrible mental and physical pain of this. But it’s like a hit and run where no one was killed and there isn’t much info on the car. It just isn’t going to be a priority versus preventing or solving things they can actually do something about or more serious crimes.

               Best bet is to make a report, Then put signs in the park to see if anyone else witnessed the attack in case you can identify the dog at some future point. Without a witness, it still might be hard to pursue.

      2. You could also try the R*ddit group for your city. I’m so sorry. What an awful situation for you.

         1. +1 – this will get more readership.

         2. I was going to suggest reddit as well–I’ve actually seen a similar post on my city’s reddit.

         3. I think Nextdoor would be the way to go, based on my neighborhood. They recently were able to identify the problematic aggressive dog in our local dog park, which at a minimum resulted in a visit to the owner by the police. Not sure what happened since then, but the neighbors were On The Case and had it figured out really quickly.

   3. Ugh, that is terrible! Rabies shots are no joke.

      Posting signs isn’t tacky and I’ve seen it at our dog park from time to time. Just saying something like “looking for information relating to a dog attack on X date at Y time, text me.” I would absolutely ask neighboring businesses if they have cameras, too. I’d do it ASAP because they may not keep footage very long.

      1. This sounds perfect. I think posting signs is important because if someone else was attacked by the dog then there will be much stiffer penalties. I know some states have a “1 bite” rule.

   4. I’m so sorry. Second the call for flyers and Nextdoor and also make sure you’ve documented the time of the incident and taken photos of your injuries.

      Some dog owners need to be in jail.

   5. I’m so sorry this happened to you.

      I have to ask… Dog owners: is letting your dog off the leash in areas with clear leash laws really worth it? There’s a popular system of trails by me that require dogs to be on a leash, but we see dogs running free all the time. Is it really worth risking your dog attacking another person or a small child, just to not have to have the dog on a leash? Even if you think your dog is perfectly behaved, there’s always a risk.

      Plus how easy would it be for someone to steal your dog if it’s off running around out of your sight?

      I don’t get it. There seems to be a pretty significant number of dog owners who think the rules don’t apply to them.

      1. My personal fave is entitled NIMBYs saying “mountain bikers ruin the trails for the rest of us!!” as their off-leash dogs bark in people’s faces at 100 decibels and the owners leave rotting bags of dog sh*t lining the trail, if they pick up at all.

      2. I’m a dog owner, and I HAAAATTEEEE when other dog owners don’t keep their pets leashed in places like that. Even if the dog is friendly, they disturb wildlife, could run to a dangerous situation, or get stolen, or get attacked by another off leash dog or wildlife. Plus a lot of people just don’t like random dogs running up to them. The dog is still getting exercise and mental stimulation on the leash, or you can take them to an area that is for off-leash play!

         1. There are also other dogs that are aggressive to dogs running up to them. I’ve seen it happen countless times where an off-leash dog runs up to a leashed dog and the leashed dog freaks out.

            1. This. I don’t know how many dog owners will shout to me that their dog is friendly and I have to swoop up mine and explain that mine is not. No matter how well-trained your dog is, it isn’t going to tolerate when my leashed dog lunges and possibly bites, And mine is just a chihuahua–so people don’t recognize the threat.

            2. yes. this is why I don’t walk my dog alone. he’s aggressive toward other dogs off leash dogs have caused issues before.

            3. It’s called reactive – and yes, my rescue dog can be reactive to aggressive dogs who get in her face, especially unleashed dogs. She’s never gotten into a fight but she will do the nip-bark (no contact) and let them know it is definitely not OK with her. Some dog owners are upset by this and I’m like “control your dog.”

         2. Completely agree. Off-leash dogs grind my gears.

         3. I absolutely hate when random dogs run up to me and bark. It’s not an uncommon trigger for PTSD sufferers, too.

         4. In addition to leashes, I really believe more dogs should be muzzled in public, and I appreciate it every time I see it! Especially the way that some people encourage their rowdy kids to run up to strange dogs in public places with minimal warning… I know some dogs are bullet proof, but it’s still scary to watch.

            I don’t honestly care whether an animal is leashed if it’s genuinely trained, but but I can go months in the USA without seeing an actually well trained dog, the standards are so low here.

            I have a leash trained cat, which is the legal way of taking cats outdoors where I live, and I really appreciate every dog that’s been trained to be polite around other people’s pets.

            I know people whose dogs have been badly hurt when attacked by other people’s dogs (off leash or on those uselessly long leads), so it’s genuinely a problem for other dogs and dog owners too.

            1. I think the kids in this post should be leashed, rather than muzzling leashed dogs who are doing nothing wrong,

      3. It seems like off leash dogs are like loud music in restaurants – everyone hates it, yet it persists.

      4. Also it can be dangerous for the dog! I’ll never forget somebody coming up to me on a trail – in Alaska – asking if I’d seen their chihuahua that had run off an hour earlier. Sorry, that dog was probably a snack for something.

      5. I am a dog owner and dog lover Who 100% supports leash laws and thinks they ought to be enforced as strictly as possible. It’s rarely good dog owners who flout the laws.

   6. I am so sorry this happened to you, OP! I had something similar, though less severe happen years ago, and even when I was able to identify the dog and owner, the police didn’t do anything. Post signs with a burner email address, and also post on FB groups and/or nextdoor to try to get more information. If you do, you may want to sue the dog owner.

      I hope that you have support for your mental health as you go through this. I had PTSD and couldn’t sleep after I was attacked by a dog, and it took a lot to get better. Sending support.

   7. How awful! I had something similar happen a few years ago, and started carrying a small taser type device. Sucks the cops left the investigation to you. I second posting on the subreddit for the area, and also suggest that the owner will probably not return to the scene of the crime for a while, and will look for somewhere else to run the dog. Look for other parks that are nearby and seem like they might attract dog owners. Sucks to have to go to this length, but if it were me I would be very eager to find that owner and dog and do everything I could to make life hell for them.

   8. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I have a lot of experience with broken arms and it’s really tough and unpleasant. I’d definitely post signs and see if you could get info from local FB or Reddit groups, but it’s possible that no one will come forward. It’s also likely that the person who owns the dog will avoid the area either permanently or on a temporary basis. FWIW, my aunt had a largely off-leash dog that bit a couple of people, and she paid the medical bills for a couple of people when her (awful) dog bit them instead of going to court.

      Not legal advice, but there’s a strong possibility that even if you find the owner, that person is judgment-proof and/or has no insurance that would cover a dog bite.

3. What are some tips that you have for dealing with work interruptions from within the office?

   For context, I’m a partner in a law firm who works in a practice area where I work with a lot of different staff (assistants, paralegals and other attorneys) on a daily basis. I split my time between two of our offices and have a practice that is largely in-person and requires me to be in the office daily. I’m naturally a people person, and understand the importance of communication with my team and try to remain as available as possible. But, sometimes (like last week), the amount of interruptions via phone and in person is at an overwhelming level.

   1. I wear headphone (over ear, so visible) as a signal to others that I am doing heads down work. Can you forward all your calls to voicemail when you are focusing?

   2. Very common in my office to have “focus time” blocks set on your calendar like a conference call would be for an hour (or two). Even in law, there is very little that cannot wait for something less than 60 minutes.

      1. My manager has “No Client Appointments” blocked on her calendar, which I assume is supposed to be similar, at least in practice!

   3. I find that closely managing your calendar and making it visible to your team is helpful to limit interruptions. Block off time before meetings to prepare, block time for lunch, block admin time, etc. Scheduling a set time and reoccurring time with your own team members both in a group setting and on a one-on-one basis (weekly or even daily depending on the size of your team and your availability), gives them a set time when they know they can bring issues and updates to you, and should limit the number of drop-ins. Set the times when you are available and set the times when you limit your availability. Also, making sure your team understands your reporting expectations (what you need to know and when/how to communicate those items) will improve expectation management and help keep communication on your terms.

   4. Do you have a door? Close it when you don’t want to be interrupted.

   5. It sounds like you’re in a role where you need to make time for interactions, I set 1:1s with my regular players and open office hours to control those drop-ins. If you’re interrupted a lot it’s a sign you need to be meeting and you can control the timing.

   6. at my law firm we used to go to conference rooms for this purpose — +1 to focus time on calendar. clear, easy to understand for support staff and colleagues alike.

   7. I just stay home when I need to focus and get work done. I have tried everything; closing the door, putting up a sign, blocking the door with a chair, my old office door used to lock and people would try to force it open over and over like they couldn’t fathom the concept of a locked door – nothing dissuades some people. One old partner repeatedly walked in on an associate while she was pumping and never got the hint (this was before pumping rooms were a thing and also our doors didn’t lock and yes she had a sign up AND a chair in front of the door).

   8. Are the work interruptions urgent? Like, client A called and said they have an emergency and your para doesn’t know what to do? Would you prefer an email with interruption-level info? Does your team know what you want to be interrupted about?

      I meet with my legal assistant twice per day. Once about 9 am and once about 3 pm. She emails me work product throughout the day and handles my calendar. Clients know to go to her first for appointments. If something happens she usually saves it for our 9/3 check ins. She’s learned what I think is more urgent from me telling her.

      I meet with my para team twice a week. Ditto re emergencies. I had to train them when to come to me in the meantime.

4. ah, the find that got away! Mine is a St John knit blue/navy jacket and skirt suit that I saw at a goodwill for $35. I was in college and didn’t know much about suiting brands, I didn’t love the style at the time and we didn’t have Google then… now I wear that style of separates all the time and also know it was worth much more!

   1. mine was a purple fuzzy sweater that I could have bought but didn’t when I was very young – 13, 14? and just had a credit card for the first time. i would have looked awful in it, but i loved it.

      after that early experience i’ve bought far too many things for anything to have gotten away, ha.

   2. Back in 2010, I had a gorgeous wool midi pencil skirt in a black and grey plaid pattern with a paperbag waist. It fit me like a dream but I never knew what to wear it with and donated it after it hung in my closet untouched for a few years. I still kick myself for getting rid of it; it would look fabulous with a black cashmere turtleneck I picked up right after I parted ways with the skirt.

   3. A chocolate brown Max Mara coat for $35. As Cher says, “if I could turn back time.”

   4. A big oil painting of cherry blossoms that seems slightly overpriced at the time. I miss being able to gaze on it from time to time.

   5. A designer skirt with a reproduction of a historic fresco on it, at a resale place. Yes it was quite a statement. Yes occasions where I might have wore it anyway eventually came up.

5. Friends. Crisp Cotton Poplins are A Thing in summer… and they’re lovely; however, if you are going to purchase them you will need to accept that you need to iron them. While linen and some cotton (twills especially) look great slightly rumpled, if you buy cotton poplin you will need to iron it. She is not a low maintenance gal.

   Don’t want to iron? FINE. Use a clothing steamer (a cheap travel steamer will work fine) or spritz with water and hold tight while you blow dry the clothing. Use a hair straightening iron to touch up hems and collars and plackets. But really… it will look so much better. Now let me go clutch my pearls elsewhere.

   1. This is why I don’t buy them!

   2. I’ve started a weekend ironing habit – I pick out 5 things to wear that week and then download a podcast or call a friend while I iron them. Makes mornings MUCH faster and I’m finally wearing all the cute poplin and linen tops/dresses (yes, linen looks fine rumpled but it feels like silk if it’s ironed first!).

      1. I really need to start doing this. I have had two cotton poplin tops hanging in my laundry room for 2 weeks now? It’s silly. This is the time to wear them.

      2. This is an excellent idea!

   3. To each her own there. I don’t mind a less crisp look with poplin on a casual day.

      1. Yes, awesome. Same as the linen vibes.

         But if you’re going to send your whole family out for an event where photographs are taken and not iron the outfits (which are cotton poplin) and then text your group chat at 7AM on a Monday complaining because you don’t like how it looked… It’s because some fabrics need attention to get the look you want. And if that’s not for you, cool! But… Buyer beware.

         1. Tell them directly, not here where they’re probably not reading.

            1. What is up with the rude replies on this site? People are truly unhappy with themselves. Sad.

         2. Um what are you even responding to? It says on a casual day, that’s not the same as a photo shoot?

         3. Ma’am, this is a Wendy’s.

            1. Haha

   4. How is seeing unironed people hurting you? Move on.

      1. You move on to a new blog.

         1. +1

   5. I steam everything for work and never use dry cleaning. Not a requirement, but it makes everything look crisp (and brings me joy). I used to use a hand steamer and finally decided to buy a steamer closet. Game changer! Everything for the work week gets steamed on the weekend when I’m doing laundry, and I don’t have to iron. Also, a steamer closet is great for sanitizing kids’ stuffed animals and pillows.

      1. Oooh, do you have one of the fancy Samsung ones? I’ve seen them in APAC but not over here – is it a replacement for dry cleaning too? Or just steam/sanitize?

      2. Wait – do you steam your blazers? Does that get them clean enough?
         I hate the hassle and smell of dry cleaning and have a great handheld steamer. I wonder if that would get the same results as a steam closet.

         1. Yes, I would love more information about this steamer closet. My only experience has been cheap hand held steamers but I too would love to eliminate the dry cleaning expense and hassle (for imperfect results).

   6. I hate ironing and I have to agree with this. It doesn’t have to be completely crisp – you can just vacuum after you wash them and then hang them. They wrinkle anyways but they need to wrinkle gracefully from an ironed state.

   7. I’m a big fan of the steam refresh cycle in the dryer, it’s perfect for a regular work day and low effort.

      1. i would not even have thought my dryer could do that!! trotting over now to take a peek

         1. If it doesn’t, I’ve had success with spraying a lot of water and wrinkle releaser on a top and drying it for 15-20 minutes.

   8. Why do you care if the rest of us iron enough?

   9. I know how to steam an iron, but I don’t think anyone needed this lecture from you

      1. You’re right. It was weird. But also… It’s a fashion blog where we are allowed to talk about clothes. I wanted to blurt out something I was thinking based on an interaction. Some fabrics and designs really don’t work as wash and wear. I should have just said that.

   10. I was traveling last week. The hotel room had a pretty high-quality steamer which was great on silk, but not on linen or poplin. Agree an iron is needed.

   11. I didn’t know my mom read here.

6. Is it just me or do the boots pictured with this skirt not go… at all?? Is this the trend for this fall?

   1. i’ve seen boots like styled this, although with skinnier heels. it’s not pretty but it’s just one of those weird 2024 fashions i think.

   2. I never assume that clothing pairings used in these kinds of photo shoots are guidelines for styling — much less commentaries on latest trends. The pairings reflect the eye of the stylist or art director for the shoot, along with the limits of the actual items they had on hand that day as they were shooting a lot of items.

   3. Not sure. But I have some very similar boots that I NEVER wear, and was wondering if this is the way I could maybe wear them? How would one wear those boots?

      1. I have a light-colored pair of western-style boots. I mostly wear them with wide-leg jeans.

   4. I actually like the cut of them with the skirt, but the color is horrible both with the skirt and with the model’s skin tone.

   5. That was my first thought. They look awful.

7. Have fallen in love with Matouk sheets,but not the price. Managed to snag a set at their outlet outside of Boston when I was there last year, and have been looking (futilely) for a good sale ever since to buy a second set. Anyone have a lead on where to find a decent sale on these? Not heading back to Boston anytime soon.

   1. Why not just call the outlet?

      1. They don’t take orders over the phone, or online. You need to dig through what is in there.

         1. This could defeat any discount but what about hiring a Taskrabbit in Boston to go for you?

            1. FYI the factory is in my hometown, which is closer to Providence, RI than Boston.

            2. Second thought, feel free to post a burner email. My mom would probably go and do a video call with you for a few bucks. She loves rifling through clearance and outlet sales.

            3. Anon, this is the sweetest and most Fall River mom thing ever. I mean it <3

               Signed, originally from RI

   2. Or try eBay? You can often find unopened packages of sheets for “sale” prices at department stores.

   3. OP just comingback late! In case I’m not too late pls use Matoukfan@gmail.com

      I am a lot like your Mom; I could have a side hustle finding stuff in estate sales for folks, if I had time. I love it so hard. I don’t need any more but it was a great help in setting up my house.

8. Does the ban on federal contractors making political contributions to campaigns apply to employees of federal contractors? My company has many federal contracts and I work on them, but I’m not signed on on an individual basis and am not a sole proprietor.

   1. No, it does not

      1. https://www.fec.gov/help-candidates-and-committees/federal-government-contractors/

         1. It’s about 1/3 of the way down where it explains that employees can make contributions

            1. Thank you! I saw that sentence last night and thought that it meant spouses of employees of federal contractors are in the clear.

9. I am trying to eat more leafy greens. Looking for favorite recipes with leafy greens! As a side is fine but as a main meal is even better since I prefer to just cook one dish if possible.

   1. Cobb salad with spinach.

   2. I love warm grain/rice bowls with kale.

   3. Cookie and Kate’s Kale and Clementine salad. I skip the radishes and am very liberal with the toppings, but omg, it’s heaven.

   4. there’s a great recipe from Kalyn’s Kitchen that is just sauteed greens, a vinegar (balsamic?) and sausage… i’ll try to find it.

      i try to throw spinach into a lot of things that i make for the freezer – as long as it’s chopped finely and all the water is squeezed out it works. mac and cheese, egg wraps, rice casseroles, etc.

   5. I routinely saute some garlic over low heat, sizzle some red pepper flakes when the garlic is nicely toasted and then add leafy greens plus a tiny bit of water to the pan and let them steam/saute. If I want more protein I’ll also fry an egg to put over top but sauted greens plus good bread/butter is a great fast and easy dinner.

   6. Arugula with lemon, olive oil and Parmesan cheese on top. I can eat bowls and bowls of this.

      1. Yum. I love arugula with a tiny bit of goat cheese and a red wine vinegar vinaigrette.

      2. I do, baby arugula with olive oil and a sprinkle of sea salt as a side dish, easy to throw on a plate and it goes with everything. I don’t think arugula needs acid/ vinegar due to its inherent peppery taste

      3. i do this with massaged kale salad! i think my recipe is from skinnytaste. delicious.

   7. I take a few different approaches with leafy greens:
      1. Pesto. Freeze as needed or eat on pretty much anything. I like arugula best for this, but works for spinach, chard or kale too.
      2. Salad. Self explanatory, but I like it best with the baby spinach, chard, and kale mixes and some kind of fruit and nut.
      3. Sautéed with olive oil, garlic, and green onions. I’ll eat this on avocado toast or mixed into any grain or bean dish.
      4. A cheesy casserole dish like veggie lasagna or enchiladas. I’m mostly vegan, so I usually substitute some or all of the cheese with cashew ricotta in lasagna and just blend the greens right into that (my husband is not a big fan of greens, and I also have trouble with them when they’re too fibrous or bitter, but he likes them this way).

      1. big fan of #3 on this list. Here is a specific recipe, there are hundreds more! https://www.shelikesfood.com/garlicky-kale-with-white-beans/

      2. I’m leaning in to the salad option for my work lunches right now, and like to put it together while DH loads the dishwasher after dinner, or while brewing my coffee in the morning. I buy whatever greens are in season at our farmers market on the weekend, boil up a dozen eggs for the week, and keep the rest of the toppings on hand based on what looks good.

         Salad greens, cherry tomatoes or fresh fruit, some kind of cheese, nuts, sliced hardboiled egg, and a quick honey mustard (literally just a Tbsp each of honey and brown mustard, add water to thin it a bit plus a dash of salt & pepper, stir it together with a fork, then pour it over the top of my salad).

   8. This is a good main – you can use chard or bok choy as suggested, but any leafy green (or any green veg) would work: https://www.dinneralovestory.com/crispy-tofu-with-ginger-and-whatever/

      If cabbage counts, this is a great way to use it: https://www.loveandlemons.com/okonomiyaki/

      This is a tasty method of cooking collards or other similar large greens – it gets kind of crispy like roasted Brussels sprouts: https://cookieandkate.com/quick-collard-greens-recipe/

      1. Similar to the above okonomiyaki recipe, I use all sorts of vegetables in the Smitten Kitchen recipe: https://smittenkitchen.com/2013/05/japanese-cabbage-and-vegetable-pancakes/ I always use cabbage, but then add whatever green I have on hand – kale, chard, mustard greens, collards, spinach – and carrots if I have them. Garnish with scallions, sesame, chile crisp, kewpie mayo, and/or banchan barbeque sauce. We try to eat vegetarian once or twice a week, and this is in regular rotation.

         Also delicious is the NYT recipe for Coconut Saag by Priya Krishna. I’ve made it with spinach and mustard greens, and have used both paneer and tofu. The techniques in it are a little different, so I have to use the recipe, but it’s quick and easy to make.

         1. One more idea: I love to make spanikopita in the colder months, and usually cheat by using frozen puff pastry instead of filo. But in warm months when there is no way I’m baking my dinner, I make what I call “spanakopitish” which is the greens and feta without the pastry and egg. I’ll saute whatever greens I have on hand in olive oil with whatever allium I have – leeks, garlic, onion, shallot, scallions – and big handfuls of fresh dill. Then stir in crumbled feta so it melts a little but not completely. This is good as a side with grilled fish or chicken, and also makes an amazing sandwich stuffed in a pita or on focaccia.

   9. Lots of great recommendations already (arugula, kale and spinach are yummy). I’ll add bok choy, chard, beet root and turnip greens, and collard greens if you want to add more cooked options to the mix.

   10. I think the key to a hearty leafy green salad is lots of toppings. Last week I made a quick kale salad with craisons, pistachios, grated parmesan cheese. If I had felt like waiting, I would have air fried some chickpeas and put them on top for crunch. Cut up apples are good in salads like this too. I also like little diced chunks of cheese. I topped it with a quick homemade dressing of lemon juice, olive oil, salt and pepper.

       Plus chop up the greens small enough so it all mixes together nicely, and eat it with a spoon.

       Check out Kat Ashmore’s Hungry Lady Salads for good inspiration. She’s the one who got me hooked on eating salads with a spoon and having lots and lots of toppings.

   11. Collard greens? I need to try to recreate the recipe KW Collards used (fabulous jarred collards, but the company is currently–and hopefully just temporarily–out of commission), but the owner is from Kenya, so I think it’s something similar to this-https://www.seriouseats.com/sukuma-wiki-kenyan-sauteed-collard-greens-recipe-8637473
       If you want to make it a whole meat and eat pork, collards topped with BBQ is a thing here in the south (could also do BBQ chicken if you don’t like pork)

       1. Californian here. I eat collards with my blackeyed peas on New Years Day! They’re easier to find year-round now. When they’re tender I treat them like chard and do a sautéed thing, but I don’t try to eat the stems. Otherwise I simmer them down with onion and optional bacon in a bit of liquid.

   12. This is one of my all time favorites & can be made ahead up to the last few steps of adding liquid and feta.

       https://www.bonappetit.com/recipe/saag-paneer-but-with-feta

       For a no-recipe recipe, I also love to sauté kale with garlic, add a can of rinsed white beans and throw an egg on top with some grated parm over the whole thing. You can start with impossible sausage (or regular) if you want it to be more filling/substantial & omit the egg.

   13. Here are two frequent flyers in my kitchen:
       https://www.budgetbytes.com/garlic-parmesan-kale-pasta/
       https://www.forkknifeswoon.com/lemony-kale-white-bean-soup/

   14. This chickpea and kale shakshuka is a go to for me, it’s super fast if you used prewashed precut kale & canned chickpeas

       https://smittenkitchen.com/2019/10/chickpea-and-kale-shakshuka/

   15. As someone who grows chard pretty much here around, I’ll tell you how I consume a lot of it.

       Wash it thoroughly of course then chop from the stem end up toward the leaf. start sautéing the stem pieces first, then add some of the leaf pieces that have a bit of stem, then roll the green leafy part in bunches then sliced that in a chiffonade/ribbons and barely sauté that at the very end. It’s delicious.

       Its too easy to over-season wilted greens if you add the seasonings at the beginning, because your eye can’t adjust to how much they’re going to shrink down, so I always season at the end.

       1. *year round, not here around

   16. Ooh, our Friday pizza obsession lately is this: top with a thin layer of regular pizza sauce, torn mozzarella, salami and thinly sliced half moons of yellow onion. While it’s baking, toss a couple big handfuls of arugula in salt, pepper, lemon juice and red pepper flakes. When the pizza comes out, pile the arugula on and let the heat wilt it slightly while you shower it with parmesan. (I’m sure this is a common recipe but my blueprint is from Molly Yeh’s cookbook Home Is Where the Eggs Are.)

       1. That sounds delicious! My similar one copying a favorite Hungryroot meal is a lavash base, a thin layer of ordinary marinara mixed with a heaping tablespoon of harissa, a sprinkling of grated mozzarella, and in the oven for a few minutes until the cheese is melted and the lavash is headed for crispy. Meanwhile toss baby arugula with a basic vinaigrette of red wine vinegar and olive oil. Top “pizza” with arugula a few moments after it comes out of the oven.

   17. Rick Bayless’s Swiss chard tacos.

   18. I like Alison Roman’s crispy chickpeas, which had chard or kale, and spinach salmon pasta (make a cream sauce, use fresh or frozen spinach).

   19. Mark Bittman recipe for arugula anchovy pasta salad. We’ve been playing with the proportions so it’s mostly arugula. The anchovy, garlic, and red pepper flake “dressing” is umami squared.

   20. Caldo Verde soup: Portuguese sausage (or sub kielbasa), onion, potatoes, and chopped greens. I like the recipe from America’s Test Kitchen, but I’ve seen restaurant versions online too.

   21. Here’s one I like to make. Quick and good:

       1 bunch swiss chard
       1c chopped onion
       3 cloves garlic, minced
       6 oz chicken breast, cubed
       1c cooked (brown) rice
       1-2T soy sauce
       1/2c shredded cheddar (2oz)

       1. Preheat oven to 350.
       2. Wash chard. Cut stems off chard leaves and dice. Cut leaves into 1/2 inch strips.
       3. Spray nonstick, ovenproof skillet with cooking spray.
       4. Cook chard stems, onion, garlic, and chicken over med-hi heat for about 8 min.
       5. Add chard leaves, and 2T water. Cook 3 more minutes, until chard is limp.
       6. Add soy sauce and cooked rice and cook 2 more minutes.
       7. Sprinkle cheese over top and put pan in oven til cheese melts, about 10 minutes. (or simply turn off stovetop heat, cover again until cheese melts)

       Serves 2-4 as main course.

   22. Spinach and kale lasagna
       Spinach and blue cheese pizza
       Kale chicken soup, broth based
       Cauliflower and kale cream soup
       Indian Saag spinach and kale sauce, with your protein of choice
       Garlic and soy stir fried pac choi
       Mushroom and spinach quiche

10. Any sense on the Veepstakes now? I guess it can’t be Newsome because you can’t have the ticket from the same state (plus: why; he likely subtracts more than he adds for any candidate). Julian Castro?

    1. Mark Kelly since his replacement will be named by the Democratic governor.

       1. Adding – must be someone with charisma in addition to gravitas. The choice of Tim Kaine was terrible from a charisma POV.

       2. He’s the obvious choice here. His personal story is aces, he will appeal to alpha males, and the Dems can keep a governorship.

       3. His replacement would be named by the governor but then there would be an election for the rest of the term. I don’t know enough about AZ politics to know how likely that is to go D, but I’m sure it will be close.

       4. I think he’s be amazing!

    2. Andy Beshear is my guess. I think they have to go white male.

       1. This is what I’m hoping for.

    3. It’s going to be a generic white guy governor or senator from a swing state. Josh Shapiro, Mark Kelly, Andy Bashear, Roy Cooper, Tim Walz, etc. I’d be fine with any of those guys. I think Mark Kelly might actually be most compelling to me, but then you possibly put the AZ senate seat in play. I’ve lived in NC and MN and like Cooper and Walz, who add a lot of experience, but aren’t as high on charisma. Shapiro and Bashear have somewhat less experience (but are younger) and not sure about their replacement scenarios and how much it matters.

       1. As a Pennsylvanian, I’m a fan of Shapiro but think he should do a full term as governor before VP and eventual presidential aspirations. Partially so he gets more experience and name recognition and partially because I like him as my governor and want him to stay in that position.

          1. Yeah, that’s why I bump him down a bit in my mental ranking. I think he seems promising, but it’d be nice to see someone who’s been office a little longer (I know he’s had other positions before this). There are a lot of Kamala haters out there and a VP with more experience might get some of them on board, especially someone who’s been in the military like Kelly or Walz.

          2. I think Shapiro’s Jewish faith is a huge liability especially with Israel-Palestine being perhaps the Biden-Harris admin’s biggest weakness, especially in Michigan. (I’m Jewish myself and weren’t this weren’t true, but it is.)

             1. *wish this weren’t true

             2. Agree – need a white, straight, Christian man to appeal to former republicans who won’t vote trump.

             3. I’m worried about this about Shapiro, not as much because of his faith but because he’s waded into the debate too. I don’t blame him one bit for going there, but I think the more we talk about Israel-Palestine during the next four months, the more harmful it is to the Democrats.

             4. Eh, I think the democrats need to get the Jewish vote back, it’s only the far left that’s at risk with this and they’re unlikely to vote for Trump.

             5. It’s not just about whether or not they vote for Trump. Turnout is everything. If the far left stays home because they don’t like a Jewish VP who’s been outspoken about his support for Israel, it could easily cost Kamala key swing states and thus the election.

             6. I don’t know. I am ardently pro-Palestinian, and would vote for a Jewish VP.

             7. It’s not just that he’s Jewish; he’s been pretty outspokenly supportive of Israel.

    4. I’m seeing lots of chatter for Kelly, and some for Shapiro, Buttigieg, and Beshear.

       The choice needs to be a likeable, moderate, white man. From a swing state where he’ll be replaced by another Dem. Probably ideally a straight, religious, veteran and family man.

       All in all, sounds like Kelly.

       1. Kelly risks the Senate. A governor is a much safer choice.

       2. IMO, we need to move away from “white male” as a qualification. The more we repeat it, the more people believe it. This isn’t something younger Dems insist on.

          1. Of course younger Dems don’t insist on a white male. But we need to be courting older people who don’t identify as democrats to win this race. A white male VP makes a black female President much more palatable to them.

             The young very liberal people I know are not planning on voting in this election anyways. They’re never ever going to vote for a prosecutor (I think it’s dumb but I know a lot of people who feel this way). So we shouldn’t waste a VP pick pandering to them, we should be pandering to people who actually will vote – the older moderates.

             1. Omg young people get out and vote!

             2. Agree with this. Kamala is a brown woman, former prosecutor with a Jewish husband. I’m Jewish but I can see how in the current climate that could be off putting to some antisemitic people and the young people who are protesting. I’d like to see a white Christian male as a VP candidate for electability purposes though I’d really love to see Whitmer as VP.

             3. Based on an n=1, my ACAB, pro-Palestinian 25yo son is thrilled with this change and is ready to vote for Kamala. He knows what is at stake and even with that was planning on sitting out a Biden vote. No matter how many times I yelled, “It’s about the Supreme Court” in his face. I think younger voters are relieved to have an option who is younger and more aware of their politics.

             4. I work on a college campus and +1 to LawDawg’s anecdata.

             5. That’s a relief, because those in my circle who are ACAB pro-Palestine seem to be more anti-Harris than they were Biden. They hate, hate, hate that she was a prosecutor. I’ve seen a few share memes calling her “Cop”ala instead of Kamala. Which, I think is extra disrespectful since so many on the right “can’t” pronounce her name right (aka they’re being racist and obtuse).

          2. Of course young Dems don’t care, but the job of a presidential ticket is to appeal to as many people as possible, which you do by picking candidates with complementary traits. If Harris is the nominee, she needs someone from a swing state who will appeal to the kind of person least likely to support her, which is older people, white people, men, and people without college degrees. You need to pick up marginal voters, while also generating excitement with your base. I like Gretchen Whitmer, but I don’t think she’s such a compelling candidate to outweigh the people who just wouldn’t consider voting for a two woman ticket and she’s the only one who even comes close to making sense (Warnock would lose the GA senate seat, Moore doesn’t have enough experience and isn’t from a swing state).

             1. If people don’t vote that’s very bad down ticket in purple states (I live in one).

    5. Ugh, it’s so hard to know. My husband is convinced young people won’t vote for Harris “until Palestine is free” (not a position he takes himself, obvi) and I don’t know if there is a VP candidate who checks all the mythical boxes all Dem leaning voters insist on.

       1. I think the Dems have lost the far left (which is fine with me) – I’d say I’m mostly a solidly moderate Dem with a few topics where I’m more liberal but I’m also ultra practical and thus play to the middle mostly. It’s absolutely infuriating to me that the far left would rather sit out the election than vote for the party ticket and cause another Trump presidency but no one Harris chooses will appease them enough to vote for her. So, we need to play to the never Trump ( former ) republicans and moderates and people who hate how disgusting politics has become that they’d rather sit out.

          This is a must win election, so we go for the safe but not exciting VP.

          1. I also think that the Dems are close to having a MAGA-esque split.

             I’m 30 and a very typical liberal, but I’m also pragmatic and recognize that just because we want something a) politics doesn’t work that way and b) there are so many nuances and contextual issues both domestically and internationally that something that feels right may not be the right choice.

             All of the Gen Zers I know basically think I’m a fascist for some of my views. I know a bunch of very liberal Gen Zers who hate AOCA because they think she’s sold out to the establishment democrats and isn’t actually progressive.

             I don’t see how the party can ever corral the Gen Z progressives and the millennial / gen x typical liberals and the boomer and older Blue Dog dems into one coalition. I fear that we’re one or two cycles away from a MAGA party and a “further left than the squad” party and nothing for anyone who is more moderate. And of course bipartisanship between those two groups will be nasty and nothing will get done.

             1. I believe you about your Gen Z bubble; a lot of mine is similar. But is it actually representative of Gen Z, or just a relatively privileged subset who has had a lot of education, are very online, and who are rebelling against liberal parents? Most of the Gen Z young people I know who don’t meet that description have less outlier views.

                My millennial bubble is not like yours; I don’t know many millennials who would identify as liberals; they’re progressive but much more practical about it. They don’t like Harris at all, but they’re very willing to display enthusiasm for her and vote for her.

             2. So I’d say the Gen Zers I know fit into two groups: very progressive, very anti Israel, won’t ever vote for Harris or pretty apathetic about politics in general so might vote or might not, regardless of the candidate.

                I’m confused about your second paragraph though. Why wouldn’t someone who is progressive but practical identify as a liberal?

                I’m definitely left of center, but not far enough left to be a progressive and consider myself a liberal. To be liberal = left of center, conservative = right of center, and there is obviously a wide range within those two identities.

                One of the issues I see with true progressives is that they’re not practical enough. We are existing in a hyper partisan environment, compromise and making smaller incremental progress instead of immediately jumping to what we want is the name of the game.

                I’m also not a huge Harris fan and think the party totally fumbled the bag with how they handled her VP term. But, I will rally behind anyone who isn’t Trump.

             3. I think it is important to remember that most of this board skews very white. As a POC, I would disagree and say the majority of Gen Zers of color recognize the implications of not voting in this election and are very vocally planning to vote this year.

             4. Our party used to draw strength from the fact that it was a big umbrella. It pains me to see that go away. Plus I personally don’t like the look of an intolerant liberals

                IMO that side is far worse than this side, but both sides have some very intolerant people these days. I wish that those on this side would get the f over themselves.

    6. Andy Beshear!!! White man who has a 62% approval rating in a deep red state, plus he can shut down Vance’s faux Appalachian schtick. He was on MSNBC this morning saying Vance “ain’t from here” and it was great.

       1. The little I know of Beshear I like him, but I’ve seen that folks don’t think a D will ever win a state wide election in Kentucky again and so to keep him as Governor for the time being.

          1. Beshear is term limited and can’t run again, and his lieutenant governor who’d take over the rest of his term is a Democrat (unlike North Carolina!) So it won’t change the party in the governors office at all. Arguably it would help to give the Lt Gov an incumbency advantage for 2027.

             But even if it did result in R leadership, I’d much rather have an R governor of Kentucky than an R senate. I think Mark Kelly would be a huge mistake for that reason although I like him personally.

             1. NC’s lt gov is bonkers and running for governor

             2. NC-Yep. the lt gov is straight crazy, but he’s already running and Cooper’s termed out, so I don’t think it’s an issue.

             3. Yeah, Roy Cooper’s term is up and the completely bonkers lieutenant governor is running to replace him. Hopefully he doesn’t win! Either way, Cooper is done, though.

       2. I live in Kentucky and… Beshear won’t play well nationally. Important things to understand: Kentucky is weird and terrible. People don’t really have a coherent political ideology, which is why the legislature went from 90+ years of Dem control to 75% GOP within six years. People also have reaaaally low standards for what they want out of government; Beshear going on TV during COVID to reassure everyone was the epitome of what Kentuckians want from their authority figures. They don’t care if he did a good job or not; they care that he reassured them. He has no desire to meaningfully grow the economy in the state, change the way it operates so that people want to move and stay here, improve the schools (no, further burdening a broken and dying pension system isn’t the answer), anything. Beshear is the son of the former Governor, so he won based on name recognition and, per above, longstanding Democrat feelings.

          Vance will absolutely destroy him.

          1. Hmm. I know Kentucky is a bit weird politically (I live in Indiana) but can tell you that Beshear is VERY popular with rural whites here, so not sure why that wouldn’t extend to neighboring swing states as well. I don’t know why you think Vance would destroy Beshear. The MAGA faithful have accepted Vance as heir apparent but they won’t be voting for the Democrat no matter what, and outside of Trump’s relatively small base Vance is not popular.

             1. Because Beshear isn’t very bright and absent his daddy, probably couldn’t even win a state rep seat?

             2. Then why do lots of people outside of Kentucky like him? I’ve heard him speak many times and don’t have the impression he’s dumb and (this sounds braggy but whatever it’s true) I’m far more intelligent and educated than the average voter. Even if he isn’t super bright, that’s hardly a huge roadblock with the average Midwest voter without a college degree.

          2. Beshear may not be accomplished, but is Vance? I think of Vance as a culture warrior and a grifter who personally lacks a coherent political ideology.

             As far as I can tell the entire country just wants to be reassured and has bipartisanly embraced reassurance over anything science supported at this point, so if anything that works in his favor!

             1. Yeah I’m the Indiana person above and outside of deep MAGA circles, Vance is seen as a huge grifter here. I can’t even tell you how many non-voters or “reluctant” Trump voters have said something like “you know if we had a guy like Andy Beshear in Indiana, I’d actually vote for the Democrat” to me. And I’m in the northern half of of the state, not on the Kentucky border, so I don’t see why he wouldn’t appeal in other Midwest/Rust Belt states too. He doesn’t have to win over voters in California and Massachusetts, although I actually think he probably has broad national appeal too. We also have blue collar family in Wisconsin and they all love him. They sat out 2016, voted for Biden in 2020 and (currently) are planning to sit out 2024 and I think Beshear would go a long way towards encouraging them to vote.

             2. It’s different, trust me. I have lived in many other places and the Kentuckian “I just want my experts to make me feel better, not to actually fix problems” is unique.

          3. Honestly, your description of Beshear sounds like someone who would play really well nationally. The past 2 elections have come down to a handful of swing voters in a few states, and Beshear sounds exactly like the kind of politician those swing voters will go for.

             1. 100%! This is what voters all across the Midwest want. He doesn’t have to play well to Ivy-educated costal elites. Those states are going blue anyway.

                Another not so bright guy who got where is he thanks to daddy is George W. And he won twice, as president. VP is a lot less high stakes.

             2. Andy is actually really smart. Yes, he has the benefit of a dad as a politician, but he’s far from a dummy.

    7. I think it needs to be someone from the upper midwest. So Shapiro tops my list, but my money is on Pritzker from IL because of his money and association with the midwest. Having lived in these states, IDK how the IL governor plays in Wisconsin/Michigan/Minnesota (iykyk the feelings towards IL) but it’s better than ignoring the block of states and the pretty not great polling coming out of all of them.

       I would love for it to be Whitmer or Klobuchur but I don’t think they will do it, plus a double woman ticket might scare the risk-adverse party faithful too much. Frankly I think I think I’m down for a gamble and would be very interested in a double woman ticket. We’re already making the Hail Mary pass, let’s really go for it. It’s not just that they’re women, I genuinely think Whitmer and Klobuchur would be best players for the play.

       1. Illinois will vote D anyway though. Not sure what he adds for getting elected.

          1. I don’t disagree, but I think that some people not in the midwest may think that Prtizker helps generally with the other swing midwestern states. I think that’s how Pritzker is trying to position himself anyway.

             I’m in one of these states in a rural area and have been hearing for a year “not these guys” and no enthusiasm at all for Harris. She’s seen as California elite. I don’t think we can’t overcome the California elite thing for Harris, but it would be VERY helpful if we could have someone on the ticket from the middle of the country.

       2. Shapiro is culturally very SE PA, not at all western PA so he wouldn’t guarantee the Midwest bloc.

          1. +1 and being Jewish doesn’t help with that perception.

          2. I don’t think most Midwesterners know or care much about the cultural differences in eastern versus western PA.

             1. I think its more that he’s an East Coast guy, not a Midwesterner. I live in his former PA house district / the county that he was county commissioner of. If they’re trying to choose a VP candidate to woo over Midwesterners, he’s not it (even though I think he’s great) because he is not a Midwesterner.

                PA truly is “Philadelphia and Pittsburgh and Alabama in between” and no one likes to be lumped in with a region that they’re not. Just because yes, PA does border the midwest, does not mean that a guy from the Philly burbs has anything in common culturally with the Midwest.

             2. Ah. As a midwesterner, I feel like people here tend to see Pennsylvania overall as more midwestern and less as east coast because they don’t know much about the cultural distinctions of Philly versus western PA. But obviously that’s just my own perspective!

             3. I live in the Midwest and people here absolutely see Philadelphia as the East Coast, not the Midwest. TBH, I don’t think most Midwesterners think of Pennsylvania as being in the Midwest at all, although I realize that culturally western PA is more like Ohio than it is like Philadelphia.

             4. Oh that’s so interesting – I’m in SEPA and the cultural identity here is 100% Northeast / East Coast.

                Assuming someone is from a different part of PA is fighting words. The rural / urban divide is definitely the strongest – as a Philadelphian I have nothing against Pittsburgh but I have about as much in common / feel any affinity with them as much as I do with someone from another state. There isn’t much overall PA pride or affinity, its very much about what part of PA you’re from. And, as a Philadelphian, that is everyone’s first identifier.

             5. Cerulean, where do you live? I’ve lived in four Midwest states and have never met anyone local who considers Pennsylvania, especially Philadelphia, to be part of the Midwest. It’s 100% east coast to everyone where I’ve lived.

             6. In in the Chicago area. I don’t mean that people in the Midwest think PA is *in* the Midwest (obviously it isn’t). I mean that I don’t think people see it culturally as part of the stereotypical east coast elite/liberal part of the country and more similar to the Midwest in culture. I worded that very poorly!

          3. I’m Jewish and think a Jew as VP is a scary thought. People already blame us for everything.

             1. Yes, I’m Jewish and would fully support him but I think a lot of young liberals wouldn’t vote in this election if the VP was Jewish.

          4. As a Midwesterner, I agree that they don’t think about the differences between eastern and western PA, as PA is definitely the east coast, not the midwest! Plus he’s a lawyer, and a lawyer-lawyer ticket isn’t going to do much to appeal to the blue collar crowd. I’d be fine with him at the top of the ticket, but I don’t think he’s the best match for Harris since he’s also too coastal elite (I say this as someone who lived in CA for a long time, so I have nothing against the CA, but I know exactly how people elsewhere feel about it).

             1. +1 an east coaster, a lawyer and Jewish. Lets be real, they’re aren’t many Jews in the non-Chicago Midwest so it’s another way he’s “other.”

       3. I like Tim Walz from MN for that reason. Seems very much like the next door neighbor type I grew up with. Former military, former teacher, and from a smaller town

          1. I’m from MN and agree. It’s not an act – really is an ‘aw shucks’ guy – smart, but not elitist in any way. Won many elections as a D in an otherwise conservative rural part of the state while in congress. I don’t agree with every decision he’s made but he actually knows and cares about farm policy; had a very middle of the road approach to Covid / schools; and the state has faired well economically under his stewardship. Of course – George Floyd was murdered here, and Trump loves to talk about how MN ‘let Minneapolis burn to the ground’ (it didn’t) but it my opinion he brought order to that chaos as best he could given a wholly unpredictable and unprecedented incident and response.

    8. I think Buttigieg would be great. Breath of fresh air, young, the “ists” already won’t vote for Kamala so you don’t lose anything there.

       1. I’m a huge Buttigieg fan. We’re very aligned politically, he’s brilliant and so well spoken, and seems like an actually decent man. But, a black woman with a gay VP ain’t gonna fly with too many people. Even if that gay VP is a devoutly religious family man and veteran.

          1. Back to Kelly then?

             1. Yeah I think Kelly is the right choice.

                We clearly have a great bench for the future, especially with how young Buttigieg is, and Shapiro and Whitmer are also relatively young too. We just need to not totally botch developing the bench…

          2. I think a bigger issue with Buttigieg is that a lot of people think he hasn’t been that effective at DOT. The governors and Mark Kelly all seem actually popular with their constituents, and I’m not sure Pete has that kind of approval. I like him personally though.

          3. But he’s got the most charisma. I think anyone who cares about him being gay also cares about Kamala being black so it’s no new net loss.

             1. This.

             2. Buttigieg has charisma? Whaaaaat? Kelly’s got it in spades. The man is an astronaut. Astronauts get stuff done.

             3. Don’t need to worry about loss you need someone who can gain. Buttigieg doesn’t bring in the white working class vote – he just doubles down on the college-educated / coastal / youth vote that Harris already has in the bag (if youth show up to vote at all).

       2. Whether this is fair or not, I think he comes across as an out of touch and somewhat entitled and condescending child of privilege. He reminds people of yuppies driving up their rent. I don’t think that’s what Kamala needs.

          1. Yeah, he feels that way to me

          2. I really like Buttigieg, but I think this is a true criticism, fair or not. He needs his face to age.

             This is a little nitpicky, but He’s also got the title of Transportation Secretary at a time when transportation is a huge pain in the butt and there’s big headlines about it. I don’t think this is his fault. However, the headlines write the jabs for Trump.

             1. Right?? Especially with the airline meltdown last week. I know it’s not his fault, but this is not the guy to pick right now!

       3. I’m not into him – minimal experience, big white male ego. I’d consider him in 15 years, maybe.

       4. Strong disagree. I like Buttigieg but I someone who was always going to vote for the D ticket anyway. No one unsure about Kamala Harris is going to be swayed by a brilliant gay policy wonk.

    9. The short list is apparently Kelly, Shapiro, Beshear and Cooper. It seems like it will be one of those four.

    10. Why can’t it be Newsome? I’ve never heard “you can’t have the ticket from from the same state” thing before.

        1. 12th amendment. But in practice it’s not a big obstacle because she could justifiably change her residency to DC.

           But strategically Newsom doesn’t add anything to the ticket. You need a non-coastal elite to appeal to less educated white voters in key Midwest and Rust Belt swing states. That’s not Gavin.

           1. if you throw out amendments as if you’ve read them, please at least understand them. There is no rule against two candidates from the same state.

              1. Loll I’ve read it, thanks. You’re the one who needs to be educated. There is no constitutional ban on having P and VP from the same state, but California’s electoral votes would be voided (obviously a disaster for Dems!!) if Harris and Newsom ran as a ticket and neither changed their residency, because the 12th amendment says an elector cannot vote for two people from the same state as the elector. Thus, in effect, the 12th amendment prohibits Harris from picking Newsom without changing her residency. It’s simple to change your residency though.

                 This is why Cheney had to change his residency to Wyoming when he ran with Bush from Texas.

        2. No e. And he’s got a lot of problems.

           1. He’s not as popular in CA as the national news media coverage would suggest. He checks a lot of VP boxes (great hair, handsome enough, male) but he wouldn’t add any voter group to the mix.

    11. It won’t be Newsom (I think), but it’s incorrect that you can’t have a ticket from the same state: https://www.history.com/news/can-the-president-and-vice-president-be-from-the-same-state

        1. Ummm did you read what you linked? Per the 12th amendment, electoral votes from a state are voided if both candidates reside in the same state. You think Kamala can get to 270 without California’s 54 electoral votes?! Obama in 08 barely did that and it was a landslide win. Obviously she and Newsom cannot be a ticket unless one changes their residency.

11. PSA to remember to thoroughly apply sunscreen all over your face. I’m 40, with naturally oily, olive colored skin so minimal wrinkles or age spots so far except my upper lip is losing pigment and there is a fair amount of melasma /age spots above my lip. Dawned on me that even though I wear spf lip balm and sunscreen daily, I have somehow never put sunscreen above my lips! Also realized I skip ears too often.

    1. My dad currently is fighting melanoma on his ear, definitely don’t forget the ears!

       1. Or wear your hats!

    2. And around your eyebrows too. I have crazy melasma above my right eyebrow.

       1. I do to, I think. For the longest time I thought it was brow pencil straying.

12. A close friend of mine was just diagnosed with Lupus. She has some family history of it (including one family member who died quite young, though she wasn’t treated for it), so she’s been worried when she had a recent set of odd symptoms. She’s 40 and has young kids, a stressful job, and doesn’t feel like she gets a lot of support from her husband (who I think is a nice guy, just kind of insensitive sometimes).

    I admit to knowing basically nothing about lupus other than that it’s never the diagnosis on House. Anyone want to offer me some guidance on what this really looks like for her, and how I can help support her?

    1. Oof, I have lupus but was diagnosed at 15 (39 now). I think a lot of it is luck of the draw in terms of treatment. I’ve done stints on antimalarials, steroids, and methotrexate (made me much sicker than lupus ever has) but lately I’m well-maintained with good rest, exercise, and occasional codeine.

       1. Hi, we’re twins! Diagnosed in high school and am 38 now. I concur. The most important thing for me is sticking to a rigid schedule of rest, eating well, and exercise (whatever that looks like for me based on symptoms). I’ve had a couple of flares that required steroids but otherwise have just been on antimalarials and living a relatively normal life. I work full time and always have, though working from home has been a huge improvement in my quality of life because I have much less fatigue and less sun exposure.

    2. I’m sorry that your friend is going through this. I have a good friend who has lupus and a family member who has “undifferentiated connective tissue disease” with suspicion of lupus. For them, fatigue and pain are major symptoms of a flare, and getting things done around the house can become difficult and painful.

       But there’s a lot of variability depending on how reactive someone is, what their flare up triggers may be, and how well they respond to treatment. One thing to be considerate about is that the pandemic is still ongoing for patients who have found that both boosters and COVID flare up their lupus beyond what their meds can control (which in lupus comes with a risk of organ damage). But other patients may be able to live normally again without flaring, so it’s hard to generalize about anything.

       Like all autoimmune conditions and conditions predominantly affect women, lupus has long been an under-researched condition managed by a relatively low paid specialty. But recently CAR-T treatment has put some patients into unmedicated remission, so the treatment options may be changing rapidly in the next decade or two. I think it’s appropriate to be hopeful that the future of lupus could look really differently from what it’s looked like in the past.

    3. I was diagnosed with lupus about a year ago, and this board had some thoughtful helpful feedback. Here are some random thoughts. I went through a grief process, knowing that unless some cure is found in the future, this is a life sentence and there is still personal uncertainty as to how it will play out for me. I have to take things slowly and rest, which others do not always understand — I mostly look and perform just fine even though I am so fatigued I feel like I am dying. Staying out of UV light is important so suggest low key activities with her indoors if you are getting together in the daytime. I also have a young child and an unhelpful husband which has been one of the hardest parts. It can feel lonely and scary. Having friends who are just willing to listen means a lot, and I would not expect this but it is nice when they offer to help with something around the house. The lupus foundation of America has some helpful resources on their website. And please don’t suggest it can be fixed with a gluten free diet or just exercising more or things like that. You are a good friend for asking.

    4. Also, as this is an immune condition, please be conscious of extra precautions – don’t visit her when you’re sick, and maybe be careful about meeting her in the days after you attended a big gathering.

       Also, my regular PSA as a molecular virologist: There’s a Covid wave right now in many parts of the US.

13. Family advice? If someone invites you because they’re obligated to, and not because they actually like you what is the polite response? Give a 20 minute appearance? Politely decline? Attend the whole party?

    1. Go if it’s a wedding and decline otherwise.

       1. Disagree. If it’s a wedding and you are only invited out of obligation, I’m sure the bride and groom would love to save the money or invite friends instead. If it’s a wedding, feel free to decline and send a gift.

          1. It really depends on the bride & groom. My husband and I aren’t close to our family members, but wanted them at our wedding. It’s a (hopefully) once in a lifetime event.

    2. What kind of party? I make an effort to attend weddings, funerals and graduations but otherwise wouldn’t feel any obligation to show up to a family member’s party. If you’re local though it may be different. I’m a plane flight away from all my family members.

       1. Cousin’s bridal shower. I’m in town because there is a different cousin’s birthday the same weekend. So cousin knows I’m going to be in town, FWIW my mom is invited to the bridal shower too, not out of obligation but because my cousin likes my mom.

          1. I think it was polite and generous of her to invite you and knowing there is lack of mutual liking, I would politely decline. That way, you can both enjoy the day fully as you wanted. Thank her, wish her well, say you have agreed to other meetings.

          2. Stay for the entire shower or don’t go at all. Showers are usually small enough that it will be noticeable if you leave after twenty minutes

             1. I don’t think you have to stay the entire time, but I would stay at least an hour if you go. 20 minutes is weird.

             2. I agree with that it’s weird to leave a bridal shower after only 20 minutes. I think you can get away with leaving after one hour though.

          3. Go and spend about 2 hours there. It’s not a huge chunk of your time and it looks bad to skip given the circumstances.

          4. I would actually go to that. They probably didn’t invite you because who would travel for a cousin’s baby shower, but if you’re there already it makes sense to extend the invite. It’s nice to get family together even if you’re not close.

             1. +1

          5. I would probably go in these circumstances. And plan to stay for 1-1.5 hours. If you only want to stay for 20 min, I think you should decline.

          6. Does this person actively dislike you that you know of? because otherwise I think it’s normal that someone who lives out of town wouldn’t be invited normally, but would if they knew you’d be in town. I think it seems like a nice gesture and that it would appear bizarre for you to not go while other members of your family would be there. Unless you already have actual plans that day you’d have to cancel.

             1. Yeah she actively dislikes me. Basically our grandparents have a deal with all grand kids where they will buy us a house only in their city. My cousin took my grandparents up on the offer, I did not, my cousin holds a lot of resentment that I live in a different city (in a house that I paid for 100% myself).

          7. I would go if it was important to my mom or my grandmother. Especially with my mom, she likes the idea/illusion of a big happy extended family and it makes her feel good when she can attend something that might look (to an outsider) like we are that family.

             My aunt dislikes me, always has, and her kids (my first cousins) seem like nice enough people but don’t seem to want much of a relationship. I go to stuff if invited but mostly just stay away.

    3. what kind of party? Like, it’s your adult cousin’s birthday and she and some of your other cousins are going to dinner, but you get a last minute half hearted “oh you should come!” or it’s like, your nephew’s birthday party and even though you and his parents aren’t super close, you’d still have fun with the other guests?

    4. It depends on if there are other family members there who I want to visit with. If there are, I go. If I don’t want to see any of them at all, politely decline with a a fake conflict.

    5. Assuming this is not a wedding (definitely don’t do a 20 minute appearance in that scenario), I think the polite thing is to thank them for the invite, express that you wish you could attend but have a conflict and won’t be able to make it.

    6. There’s a complicated calculus here, but my biggest factors are how much effort will it be and how much upside can there be to showing up. So for a wedding across the country, politely decline the invite and send a gift. For a birthday party in my neighborhood, show up with a good attitude, but give myself permission to leave within an hour if it’s not fun. Also, I try harder for events honoring the generations above me, like milestone anniversaries, retirements, big birthdays. Those people won’t be around forever, so it’s worth it (to me) to try to show up for them.

    7. I have declined plenty of these because I’m so busy. Now my family thinks of me as a very busy person haha.

14. We RTW last fall and I selected my cubicle before I knew it was configured to be a standing desk. I decided to try it and like standing sometimes. The office gave me a standing desk chair but it doesn’t have a footrest, so when I sit in it my legs dangle and go numb after a while. Office won’t give me a standing desk chair with a footrest unless I submit a reasonable accommodation request, and even then I wouldn’t be able to select my own chair – HR would select it for me. So should I get my doctor to complete the form saying I need a standing chair with a footrest for back/circulation issues, or should I buy my own standing desk chair, or should I have my full desk or part of my desk converted to a sitting desk?

    1. You should have an adjustable desk! I don’t understand companies that don’t provide the tools necessary for employees to do their jobs optimally. Where I am it a legal requirement that all workstations (where you work for more than 2 hours) has to be adjustable so that you can change between sitting down and standing up.
       What happens if you wear a shoe with a different heel height than what the desk is configured for? Sounds really messy.

    2. I’m confused – is it standing only or is it sit – stand? I’ve never seen standing only desks, but sit stands are popular.

       1. Right now it’s standing only. The options are to keep it standing only, or move one part of the desk to sitting and the rest (e.g. computer workstation) as standing, or move entire desk to sitting.

    3. Can you just use a stepstool? Or even a paper box in the interim and see if it helps?

       1. Once when I was recovering from knee surgery I repurposed a small side table from a lounge area in the office as my footstool to elevate my leg under my desk. I’m sure there’s something around your office you can test out as your footstool, OP. And if anyone complains about it, point to the process to get it remedied.

    4. If the chair is otherwise fine, can you just bring in a stool for your feet?

15. My annoyance with the NYT continues — after 10,000 above-the-fold headlines about biden being incompetent, now they’re like, “here’s 10 other people we think should run!”

    it all feels so mansplainy.

    1. The NYTs move to the right over the past 2 elections was not on my bingo card but here we are.

       1. I wouldn’t say that’s how the shift has gone – but I would say that it’s shifted from hard-hitting, investigative reporting to cheap clickbait. There are some newsworthy issues that are never touched in favor of pumping out endless repetition of guaranteed-click outrage bait.

          1. But it seems to be cheap clickbait that hurts Dems way more than Republicans…

    2. The NYT has been infuriating lately.

    3. the headline is all about how Kamala is coalescing support.

       Did you read the opinion piece on the 10 dems? I went and found it after your post, some of the comments are so funny. The Chris Murphy ones in particular made me laugh out loud. I actually think it’s kind of helpful to see the bench we have. We’ve heard for months that there is just no one else..here’s the list everyone.

       I don’t mind this kind of coverage, but I’m very interested in the dirty business of politics and I see a little bit of competition to Harris as strengthening, not harmful. I can see why it is so exasperating for those who aren’t interested in the backroom politics and just want the dems to get a candidate to coalesce around.

       1. I think there are a couple of issues. First, having the Democratic candidate for president selected in a backroom deal run by mega-donors is kind of gross. Nothing says “we believe in Democracy” more than having the candidate selected by oligarchs.

          And second, we need a candidate on the Ohio ballot by August 7th (and yes I know they changed the law; it goes into effect September 1 and I do not really want to take that risk).

          1. VP Harris was on the Biden-Harris ticket in each and every primary. Not a perfect system, but all voters who voted for President Biden also voted for Kamala Harris. The campaign chest, reportedly, can only be spent on campaign expenses of Joe Biden or Kamala Harris. So if anyone else had been put forward as Biden’s successor candidate upon his dropping his campaign, they would have started from ZERO campaign contribution funds. It’s just the way this is all structured. It’s not anti-democratic — the nomination will be made by the delegates. This anti-democratic criticism is just Republican talking points, which is pretty rich coming from a party that supported overturning the general election four years ago. By the way, have the Republicans realized yet that VP Kamala Harris may preside over the certification of the electoral college votes that may vote her into office as President?

16. Help me with a wedding guest outfit! I’ve been invited to a good friends’ wedding in December. Dresscode is “fancy” which I read as cocktail attire. I haven’t been to a winter wedding since I was a teen and any wedding since 2020. I’m a size 8 hourglass in my mid-30s. I’d prefer a dress that I can wear a normal bra with and my style is pretty classic. Anyone have ideas/suggestions on where to start looking? Thanks!

    1. Lulus

    2. Ralph Lauren and Adrienne Pappel are made for this.

       1. +1

       2. Seriously the last two weddings I attended, I just went to the Ralph Lauren site, clicked add to cart, and then was easily perfectly dressed for the weddings. It was too easy.

    3. What’s your budget?

       1. I’m currently just looking at brands. I’ll probably go secondhand whatever I do.

          Is all black appropriate? It feels weird to me to wear black to a wedding, but maybe a black dress with glitzy jewelry works?

          1. Where is the wedding located? I’ve been to many weddings in the NE where guests are wearing black, even in summer. But I think this depends on location

             1. Ohio but both bride and groom are from the SE. It’s going to be a pretty American wedding but bride’s family is from Pakistan

             2. I would not do black in these circumstances. I’d opt for a long-sleeved cocktail dress or jumpsuit, or a luxurious silk/velvet shirt + pants/long skirt combo in jewel tones (if those suit you).

          2. I’d avoid black for a wedding. I understand the impulse but it’s too somber.

             1. If the bride’s family is from Pakistan, my guess is that a lot of the guests will be in color. If you’re looking second hand — Tadashi Shoji has some lovely, conservative lace dresses.

17. Is there a checklist somewhere for opening your own firm from scratch? (register, get malpractice insurance, get an IOLTA account etc.?)

    1. Not a joke – ask your malpractice carrier. Some have major claim prevention operations and this sounds like something they may have.

    2. Lots of state bar associations have information about this. It may be something where you have to be a member of the bar/small firm “section” in order to access though. I’m in health care and I also know that there is a NY “legal manual for physicians” put out by the NYS Medical Society that has a chapter or more on this-perhaps there is an attorney version somewhere as well?

    3. When you’re choosing the bank, make sure they understand not to take banking/merchant fees from the IOLTA funds account. It’ll save a lot of headaches in the future for accounting/reconciliations.

       Signed, a legal bookkeeper

    4. this feels like something above the law would have for sale? maybe they should

    5. Also check the r/LawFirm for tips and suggestions for new solo advice. I found a link for a checklist document there that was pretty useful for me as a jumping off point (although of course cannot find it now).

18. My small one-bedroom apartment has a lot of built in shelving; I’d like to make one or two of the shelves in my living room a bar shelf (no room for a bar cart, and I have pretty glassware I’d like to display). For whatever reason, I cannot get it to look right – has anyone done this and do they have any tips?

    I also need the other shelves to be utilitarian – I have one beautiful built in bookcase that is decorated well, but others need to be storage for less pretty things (kitchen appliances) that don’t necessarily fit in containers. Any ideas on making this look nice?

    1. Use trays or mats to group similar things. Maybe prop a mirror behind the bottles to reflect light and make it look more full.

       1. A tray makes clutter into something intentional. I just did it in my home office. I had a couple of outbox/inbox wooden trays from back in the aughts, and now my tape dispenser, stapler, paper clip thingy, and random things I keep near the printer are all grouped on a tray and look so much better.

    2. Yes, this can be done well but not if you’re mixing storage with displays. If you can’t live without the appliances or store them elsewhere, this won’t work.

       1. I only have two cabinets in my kitchen, so need to use these shelves for storage, unfortunately.

          I have 10 ft ceilings and the shelves run from floor to ceiling; the bar cart shelves would be in the same bookcase as the kitchen storage but not the same shelves.

          1. Can you use the lowest shelves for appliance storage, and use perhaps cafe curtains and a tension rod to cover up the utilitarian part?

             As for styling the others, a mix of finishes and heights will help even if that means you’re not always grouping like with like. So if you have 12 wine glasses, maybe have a grouping of them 4 at a time in 3 different places.

             1. Unfortunately, no – the lower shelves are not tall enough for the appliances – they have to go on mid or high shelves which are taller. Shelves are built in and not adjustable. Right now I have them on the second and third highest shelves – I can’t reach the highest even on a stepladder.

             2. ok well curtain idea stands, even if it’s over the upper shelves!

          2. What does “can’t get it to look right” mean? Do the items themselves not look good? Do you have too many items? Does it not match the picture you’re looking at online somewhere? My guess would be that you have too many items and not enough space, that you’re mixing glassware and bottles on the same shelf and it doesn’t have the sense of luxury or space that you’d like, or that you’re missing some purely decorative items that would set it off or make it look good. Or that the shelves themselves don’t look good (poor wood, aging paint job, etc.), or that the concept you’d like for the bar shelf doesn’t look good next to the storage shelves.

    3. I’m assuming bar means alcohol, not a coffee bar.

       1. Mirror back – either a framed mirror, or mirror tile.
       2. Pretty and functional trays, wood or glass, to put bottles and shakers. Glass bowl for jiggers and sieves.
       3. Layer the glasses – taller and more voluminius at the back, medium in middle, rocks at the front.
       4. Leave space

19. Can someone comment if nicer sheets or linen sheets are worth the price? I need new sheets and I’m not opposed to upgrading to nicer ones, but only if they’re worth it.

    FWIW, I swap out pillowcases from sheet sets with satin ones for my hair, so I wouldn’t be using those. I also don’t use a top sheet – just my duvet. So, I guess it’d really just be a fitted sheet and perhaps I’d try a top sheet again.

    1. I find linen sheets feel warmer than sateen cotton given the texture, so they’re more of a fall/winter sheet for me, interestingly. I love sateen cotton. The company store is where I buy mine. 100% worth it. Eye poppingly expensive thought.

    2. I upgraded from the $20 target-back-to-school-sale-special quality to an $120ish retail price set last year on a black Friday sale & that price difference feels worth it to me – they just feel nicer, enough that several months later I still notice and appreciate it! Plus they feel like they will last longer

    3. Apparently Nancy Meyers uses the Lands End percale sheets in her home/in all of her movies. They’re not target prices but they’re not super expensive – why not start with those?

       1. The Land’s End Supima are the best!

       2. Co-singing this. I have Lands End sheets and they are so soft and held up amazingly well.

    4. I wanted 100% cotton, non-percale, reasonably high thread count that wasn’t sateen (which wears out faster, especially when your spouse apparently curates claw-like toenails) in a very specific color and found the perfect no-name brand on Amazon for under fifty bucks a set. The specific brand doesn’t appear to be available any longer, but there are plenty of similar options upon a cursory search. I look for decent reviews and plenty of them, rather than the options with only 3 five-star reviews.

    5. Personally, I think natural fibre & high-count materials feel great on skin and regulate temperature better. You don’t need to spend a lot on them, even brands like Zara Home or Ikea have great quality cotton/linen high-thread-count options. I have several sets of Ikea Natjasmin white cotton bedding and every guest that stayed in my place and used them bought a set too. I alternate them with some Lithuanian linen beddings in summer.

    6. Up to a point. I like the Company Store percale and think it feels better than Target house brand sheets, but having felt $$$ bedding, I don’t think it’s worth paying 100’s more. (Same with wine, tbh.)

       1. Thanks! Everything I have now is Target, so good to know a mid level upgrade is probably worth it!

    7. I’m the poster who went all in on four seasons bedding and I have opinions about this! My .02, of all the things to make your bed better, sheets rank last for me. Get an amazing real mattress first, equally important is good pillows, followed by a good duvet. Sheets, I like the Lands End ones mentioned above and think you need better than rock bottom but they’re not going to change your experience like a mattress and pillows will.

    8. I love linen sheets, and I sleep hot. They can feel a little warmer than cotton at first but they breathe so much better for me that I find I overheat less than with cotton!

20. Help me brainstorm! My husband turns 50 this September. I’d like to take him on a trip — like 3-4 days. We aren’t beach/resort people. We like to hike and wander in cities, eat good/interesting food (doesn’t have to be fancy). We’re on the east coast, so it’s possible Europe isn’t out of the question.

    Ideas? I’m open to thinking about anything, really, and I’d love to hear your well-traveled and/or well-imagined ideas! Thanks.

    1. Oh easy, weekend in Paris.

    2. It sounds like Portugal would be up your alley.

       1. I really loved Lisbon and highly recommend it

       2. Ooh, yeah. My SIL just came back from her honeymoon in Portugal – it was super romantic and gorgeous, and they like to do all the things you mentioned, too. Definitely have a look.

    3. Oslo? There are trails/outdoorsy things close and you get all the city benefits.

    4. New Orleans.

       1. NO has the best food

       2. New Orleans is my favorite US city for food. Others on the short list: Nashville, Charleston, Napa, Portland Maine. NYC and Chicago too although they’re a little different because they’re such big cities and have everything. I was very underwhelmed by the food in Asheville and Portland, Oregon.

    5. Coastal Maine. Fly into Portland. Head up to bar Harbor and back.

       1. Love Maine but that’s a lot of driving for a 3 day weekend. I’d probably spend it Portland and Kennebunkport and not try to go all the way up to Acadia which will take at least a half day each way.

       2. Portland was my first thought. It’s got great food and scenery.

    6. I’d go to Lisbon, Paris, or Madrid if you do Europe. If you’re east coast based I assume you’ve done Philly/Boston/NYC? If not I’ll say the Four Seasons in Philly is amazing. Or a luxury B&B would be nice – something like Canyon Ranch, Inn at Little Washington, Miraval Berkshires, etc.

    7. Nashville? Not to do the city, but to hike and then do dinners.

       1. In that case, I’d vote for Asheville, which really caters to the hiking-dinner-good beer crowd. Not so many bachelore*te weekends. More adults. Hiking is amazing. Somewhere like Grove Park or the Grand Bohemian in Biltmore Village. Can fly into Asheville or it’s an easy drive from Charlotte, which may have more flights (you’d need to rent a car anyway to get out to trailheads).

          1. The food in Nashville is leaps and bounds better than the food in Asheville, imo. I’ve been to both cities several times.

             1. Is the hiking better though? Everyone in Asheville seems to hike or mountain bike. I just don’t see or hear about that in Nashville and my company has an office there (and it’s always music / event spaces / downtown events talked about; not even glamping).

             2. No, I don’t think hiking is as big of a thing in Nashville, but if you care about food I wouldn’t go to Asheville.

             3. I live in Nashville and there are hikes to do but Asheville is significantly better than Nashville in that regard. You’d need a car to access any park system where you’d want to hike and the “good” hikes are either outside of the city or on the far outskirts (Radnor Lake, Percy Warner). I love the restaurants here but if hiking is a top priority – this isn’t your place.

    8. I would pick a European city that you want to go to that has a direct flight from your closest major airport. There is good weather just about everywhere in Europe in September.

       Alternatively, if you prefer to stay in the US, Blackberry Farm would be amazing for a milestone birthday. My only hesitation would be that it could be quite warm still in September.

    9. Iceland is a shorter flight from the east coast and would a good place to hike and wander, though more about nature than city. With a short trip though a day is plenty of time in Reykjavik.

    10. If you decide Europe is too much for a few days (though I agree, with 3 full days it’s worth the effort!) Quebec City or Montreal?

    11. What about Scotland? Not city-focused and maybe more travel time than you want for 3-4 days, but could work. It would be my ideal trip (I turn 50 next year so maybe I’ll treat myself).

        Fly into Glasgow, maybe stay a day in the city to recover from jetlag, then rent a car, stay one night at Inver. They have “luxury bothies” and an incredible restaurant, and deliver breakfast to your bothy the following morning. Then drive up to Ullapool. Have the freshest seafood at the Seafood Shack. Stay the night at the Dipping Lugger, a restaurant with just three rooms. Generous sense of hospitality, comfortable rooms with good bathtubs, coupled with an incredible meal and thoughtful wine pairing. Ullapool itself is dinky, but the drive there is beautiful and there are plenty of walks nearby. There are plenty of other places within a few hours drive for however many nights. The ferry to Lewis/Harris is probably a bit much, but the west coast of Scotland is stunning, with a good selection of hotels and restaurants.

        Overall, I’ve been incredibly impressed by the food on recent trips to Scotland: the produce and seafood is amazing, and the overall value is much higher than you’ll get in the U.S. Bonus if you like whisky. I wasn’t overly impressed with my stay at the Torridon (the food was merely fine), but I’d stay again purely for access to the Whisky Bar.

    12. I asked a similar question recently (except it’s my 40th and in late May) and got a lot of good ideas. I tried to find the thread but I can’t. I think we’re between Napa and Blackberry Farm in TN.

    13. North Spain. Fly to Bilbao if you have direct flight and go to San Sebastian or to Madrid+Oviedo. Pretty towns, amazing food and plenty of mountains and lakes to hike in Picos de Europa mountains.

21. Random question – but how do you know if plums are still good to eat? Like if it’s not soft or mushy, no mold, is it fine? Had a few left over which I must have bought close to three weeks ago now. Went to go throw them out as I was pulling things out of the fridge but they still seemed in good shape so I left them there. Seems kind of old for fruit but they’ve been in the fridge the whole time. If it was apples it’d be no question, as I know they come from cold storage but wasn’t sure about plums. Thoughts?

    1. I’ve eaten 3 week old plums and not gotten sick or anything.

    2. They probably don’t taste as good as they would at their peak, but they’re safe to eat. I eat fruit under these conditions ALL the time.

    3. Yeah, if they aren’t moldy, go ahead and eat them

    4. If they’re not moldy, they’re fine. They may or may not taste great, but you can stop eating them if they’re mealy or sour.

    5. As long as no one was saving them for breakfast, you should be fine.

       1. Heh.

       2. All kinds of extra points to Vicky Austin for the literary reference!

          1. I am bowing with a flourish, thank you hehe!

       3. :)

    6. You can eat plums when they’re extremely soft, almost like a ripe persimmon level of soft.

    7. Baked fruit can be delicious when the fruit is slightly over-ripe

    8. I would avoid mold or leaking significant amounts of liquid. Otherwise, it’s just a question of whether they still taste good.

    9. I just resort to cutting a little wedge out and tasting it.

22. I’m going to a wedding in a few weeks, with the dress code of “sundresses or Hawaiian shirts.” I, shockingly, do not own a sundress. I have t-shirt dresses, I have work dresses. But nothing in the sundress category. Where should I look? I really struggle with wearing tiered or ruffly or poofy things, and lots of sundresses right now fall into that category. 5’8″, size 14, would prefer midi length if possible.

    1. Do you have (or can you buy) a sleeveless work dress in a bright or summery color? I’d say it’s a sundress and call it a day.

    2. Tommy Bahama

       1. +1, or Faherty

    3. Doen has some nice summer prints. The ubiquitous suggestion to check Tuckernuck would also work here.

       1. I would read this as meaning casual and summery, don’t get hung up on the specifics. that said you could also buy an old navy sun dress.

    4. Abercrombie

    5. Banana has some sleeker shaped sundresses right now. A few even come in geometric prints that red a little Hawaiian.

    6. Maybe get something very simple like this, and accessorize the hell out of it with flowers (hair, belt) , straw bag, sunnies and wedge sandals?

       https://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=431848002&cid=13658&pcid=13658&vid=1&nav=hamnav%3AWomen%3ACategories%3ADresses&cpos=175&cexp=2859&kcid=CategoryIDs%3D13658&ctype=Listing&cpid=res24072211455416796475377#pdp-page-content

       https://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=888694012&cid=13658&pcid=13658&vid=1&nav=hamnav%3AWomen%3ACategories%3ADresses&cpos=143&cexp=2859&kcid=CategoryIDs%3D13658&ctype=Listing&cpid=res24072211455416796475377#pdp-page-content

    7. I would use this as a reason to acquire a Hill House dress.

    8. Old navy if this is a very casual thing.

       https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=863521012&vid=1&searchText=sundress#pdp-page-content

    9. If the t-shirt dresses look nicer or are a more formal material, I’d just try wearing one of those. Wear nice sandals or heeled sandals and jewelry to uplevel the look.

23. Hoping someone will see this down here.

    I know that there are air programs for unaccompanied minors. Do they have anything for seniors (or will they let you go to the gate with them)? My dad doesn’t really need a mobility cart, but he’s just hard of hearing, used to tiny airports, and slow (and just has a older flip phone and I’m struggling to get him to use an iPhone). He’d do fine if I got him to the gate of an on-time flight. But not as well if once on the other side of security his flight gets delayed, moved, or routed through some place where he has to make a connection vs flying direct.

    I could plan to fly him to a place and fly back alone (throwing $ at the problem really, and a bit of time), but am not sure what else is out there.

    1. Any airline can give you an escort pass to go through security to assist a passenger with a disability (and hard of hearing would count); you don’t need formal documentation for it. You can also ask for one for the trip back and meet him at the gate if that would help

    2. I think you can get a gate pass when you check-in to accompany him to the gate. My understanding is that it’s usually available for someone with special needs, including elderly.

    3. Yes- here’s the link for American’s version.
       https://www.aa.com/i18n/travel-info/special-assistance/special-assistance.jsp

    4. Yes! My mom used to do this with my grandmother when grandmother was fully mobile and had no disability but was in her late-80s and early-90s. My mom would walk her to the gate for departures or walk meet her at the gate for arrivals. They always checked any bags so Grandma only boarded with a purse.

    5. Thank you all — this is super helpful.

24. is there a blog like this about furniture/decorating? I like how people here sometimes post about what to wear with what and I would like that sort of advice about my house. I have my grandparent’s bedroom furniture and the bed needs to go but I love the dressers and would love some sort of a forum to get opinions on what to buy…. thoughts?

    1. Pinterest? Search for “maple 1950s dresser” or what have you and see how it’s been styled?

    2. Try the Houzz forums! Tons of question and answer and often people seem to love advising on design problems.

25. Is there any way to contribute money to a presidential candidate WITHOUT getting added to a mailing list? The emails, texts, and phone calls are already such an annoyance. I’m hesitating to donate because I don’t want to be hounded more than I already am.

    1. you can always unsubscribe. or just put a dummy number or your work number. if you don’t already, i would have an email that you basically don’t check where you send all your junk. you could also give cash at a grass roots event i believe.

    2. Haven’t tried it but a quick search points to: silentdonor dot com

26. for some reason my social media feed is filled with college dorm rooms. Do people really bring furniture and light up signs to college? boys too?

    1. Clearly you do not live in the south or near the SEC :) Yes, this is a thing. And I’ve seen it done for boys, too.

       But yeah, I’m not a mom and I’m getting lots of advertisements for college dorms. I suppose because the ads are correctly geolocating me near a state U.

       1. Went to an SEC school and yes some girls brought in a cutesy headboard and curtains. Bonus points if your roommate got matching items. It looked like Lilly Pulitzer threw up everywhere and was useless when you got a different roommate sophomore year or moved into a sorority house.

          1. i’m the original poster and my eldest son is a rising HS senior. I cannot imagine him getting into having his room “decorated.”

             1. My now 29-y-o is nonbinary but was most definitely a boy when they started college. They were sharing a room with two boys, and I bought three plates and bowls for them to take. When I arrived for the move-out in May, the plates were all still in the same packing material they arrived in on move-in day. I said, “I know you’ve been eating a lot of PB&J, what are you making your sandwiches on?” Answer:”A paper towel. Or, you know, my pant leg.” Decor was not on the radar.

             2. This is my kid, too. Pants legs are a universal tool, ideal substitute for counters, dishes, hand towels, cleaning rags, you name it.

             3. My son is a junior in college and still has stuff in plastic bags and cardboard boxes.

       2. Haha my nieces went to SEC schools and joined sororities. I’m a Bay Area native who stayed here and I was just like “what is going on?” looking at their IGs.

    2. I keep getting posts from a college dorm room moms group. Dorm decor is not practical for my freshman daughter because her school is 1500 miles away. I’ve told her we’ll drive her stuff up once, she has to store it at school so she can’t buy any furniture or anything else the school won’t store in the dorm basement, and we’ll drive up again to move her stuff out in 4 years. No headboard, no rug, no fridge shelf unit, nothing that doesn’t fold up and fit in a footlocker or box.

       The posts are very weird to me because the moms talk about “us” moving in and “our” room. Uh, no, you aren’t going to college. Your kid is.

       1. Oh, gross. Step aside, moms, you’ve had your moment.

       2. I used to live in a southern flagship university city. The study abroad program has a section on their website of recommended rental accommodations for parents who will also be abroad with their students. I know a nonzero number of families who moved to the city to accompany their student. It’s incredibly weird, but is an actual thing some parents do.
          There’s got to be some midpoint between my college experience (parents had no involvement whatsoever) to whatever it is these parents are doing.

          1. I am an old and I too am for the midpoint. There seems to be so much parental involvement now. In the dark ages, the parents barely slowed down enough to toss you and your stuff onto the front walk of your dorm. (Kidding, but not by much).

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