Coffee Break: Sheer Sock Set

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1. Another college rant. My daughter chose to attend one of the highest-ranked SLACs that actually awards merit aid. It is one of the top programs in the country for her primary major, a field that is her passion but is not one where she wants to be locked in to a career for very good reasons. The major she intended to pursue as her second, practical career major is popular at the school. She has learned that most of the excellent faculty in that department have left and been replaced by inexperienced visiting and adjunct instructors, some of whom do not even have PhDs yet and none of whom has good teaching skills. Her intro course was a disaster and the upperclassmen are warning the freshmen to choose another major. This is a field that she enjoys, for which she has an aptitude, and in which she could make a decent living. She doesn’t want to transfer because she otherwise adores the school and because the faculty for her primary major are uniformly excellent. So she’s stuck hunting for another major and potentially altering the course of her life just because the school decided to cheap out and rely on a bunch of adjuncts who don’t know how to teach. It makes me so mad because one of the reasons she chose a SLAC was to avoid having grad students as instructors.

   College is such an overpriced scam, but for academically oriented kids like mine there’s really no alternative.

   1. Solidarity from the mom of a Computer Science major.

   2. Threading fail below

   3. Adjuncts are treated poorly by the institution, but they aren’t necessarily bad teachers, even if they don’t have PhDs. Who ends up tenured vs who falls off the tenure track and ends up adjuncting has a lot to do with luck and “publish or perish” and very little to do with teaching interest or ability. I went to MIT and had classes from literal Nobel laureates and most of them were terrible teachers and a-holes to boot. I had much better experiences with grad students, post docs and adjuncts, so I wouldn’t necessarily write off professors on the basis of them not having prestigious credentials.

      1. MIT is a research university, though. It’s expected that many professors at those schools are poor teachers. She specifically chose a SLAC because of the focus on teaching.

         1. Even at SLACs, research is a component of evaluation and can be an important one at the more prestigious SLACs. The point is not that all schools are MIT, the point is that being a big name professor with the commensurate big ego often does not equate to being good at or interested in teaching undergrads, and that grad students, while green, often have a lot more patience and interest in working with undergrads.

   4. It takes up to two years to post, interview, and fill a faculty role. There’s a good chance the SLAC will have gotten a new roster of professors by the time she is a junior. She shouldn’t jump majors or look at transferring schools based on one bad intro course!

      1. +1 intro courses are often taught by junior faculty in any case and are rarely indicative of the quality of upper level classes. If that’s really what she wants to study/do, she should just stick with it!

   5. What is the major in question? Might help to get some perspective here on whether your daughter’s assessment of its value is accurate or not.

      1. +1

         1. Econ

            1. Is the goal to get recruited? If so, I wonder how much the departmental upheaval will matter?

               I definitely know people in econ major careers who majored in things like modern languages or philosophy, so I wouldn’t think of dropping the major as slamming doors shut, but they also weren’t recruited as seniors.

            2. Unless she’s going to eventually get a PhD, that’s the same as any other liberal arts or business school degree. I wouldn’t sweat the program for something that basic.

   6. A good friend of mine found out freshman year that she couldn’t obtain the major she wanted. She scrambled and picked a different major without thinking it through. It limited her career to one that requires a masters degree, has low earning potential, and offers minimal transferrable skills. If your daughter decides to pick a new major make sure she fully understands the ROI and career path. Don’t let a moment of panic limit her opportunities.

      1. What major really has anything to do with your career, outside of engineering? I majored in Latin, and I’ve only used it for two years out of 30+ since graduation. I went to a SLAC, too, where English was the most popular major and History was second.

         1. Any STEM or Finance career, to name a couple? Education? Business? Yes, major matters. And in modern times, you often to have to enter as one of those majors because you will not be able to transfer into it later.

            1. We always judged business majors pretty heavily, because they weren’t getting an interesting undergrad education and would still have to get an MBA anyway.

            2. You can go into business from tons of non-business majors.

            3. Eh, I’m an English major working in finance. I take the position it really doesn’t matter either. A major gives you something to talk about in an interview out of college, that’s about the extent it matters for anything other than the hard sciences.

            4. I think it doesn’t actually matter though; people just think it does, and they end up competing with the other students who thought it mattered, but it would have been fine to major in another, academically stronger department all along.

         2. I’m thinking something like psychology & education is one where a college student might be surprised at the ROI?
            I mean, they would know about art history, right?

            1. That art history majors can make great money because they’re not locked into a career in art history? Hopefully!

         3. I’m guessing the major is something like theater, where you can’t really do anything with it, except I guess maybe go to law school. There’s English/history/psychology “useless” and then there’s fine arts useless. Most people don’t use their major that much in their career, but a general liberal arts degree is going to open a lot more doors than a BFA.

            1. My music major sets me apart in my present field (computer science) because all those years of performance training makes me a much better speaker and presenter than the vast majority of my peers. I’m the go-to for anything that involves presenting technical material to non-technical audiences. Possibly also a more interesting dinner party guest than your average tech bro. I wish this framing of some fields as “useless” would die a thousand deaths.

      2. I don’t remember it mattering this much what major we picked at a SLAC.

         1. Ditto. This seems like a thing that isn’t a problem yet.

         2. An antiquated viewpoint for sure

2. It’s weird no one has commented yet. I’ll be the first, these socks are a crime.

   1. I agree – the suggestions for what to wear them with are even more awful (on Ann Taylor).

   2. I wouldn’t mind them if they were knee socks but I don’t understand them as crew socks at all

   3. I leave the “sheer socks with dressy sandals” look to the younger crowd, but am enjoying wearing socks like this with wide-legged floor length pants and flats or loafers. Doesn’t matter that they aren’t knee high since no one sees the top of them anyway.

   4. This look is very trendy right now, for better or for worse.

      1. Yes, we are in a Sock Era for sure

   5. I like them, I don’t always want a thick sock with my shoes under pants and a trouser sock hurts all day. I’m glad these are available but I don’t style them like a 20 something.

3. How much do you anchor your week with gym/yoga classes? Like going to yoga every Saturday at 10. I’ve never been that person but I’m wondering if it would help me be more consistent with exercise but also just feel like I’m accomplishing more in general.

   1. It’s huge for me — it gives me structure and that structure helps me be productive elsewhere. (My job is a bit unstructured, time-wise.). I really think consistency in something supports consistency in other things.

   2. I’m pretty consistent with my preferred yoga classes because they have my favorite instructors. If I have a legitimate conflict — like a once monthly book club or volunteer commitment — I’ll try to make up the day with another class, which I inevitably don’t enjoy as much.

      Regardless being a regular is fun, I’d say try it out for a few weeks and see if it works with your schedule!

      1. Being a regular is a great way to build community. I like that people know me at my studio (and vice-versa) and realize when I’ve missed a couple of weeks. They’re not close friends that I hang out with outside the studio, but they’re definitely part of my tribe.

   3. I exercise before work and on Saturday mornings. Two group classes and three solo workouts. Unless I’m traveling or sick, my workout schedule is non-negotiable and doesn’t change. I like the predictability and structure it gives my mornings.

   4. I never thought I would be this way, but I only discovered yoga this past year. It was the highlight of my week.

      Sadly my wonderful teacher has stopped teaching, and her class was just the right level/mix for me. So I have floundered since, with no good replacement. Literally…. floundered in my exercise, sleep and life. It is amazing how good routine is for me, and how the benefits of yoga overflow into so many things. I guess this is often true for exercise, when you find the right fit.

   5. I go to the same yoga class once a week; my gym has classes pretty much every day, but I have a strong preference for that particular instructor.

4. Is it at all reasonable to muddle through the major anyway? Seek out summer programs elsewhere for enrichment? Perhaps the college will get its act together in the next few years.

   1. oops that was for the first poster above

   2. That was my thought. I don’t know what major it is, but I think if in her situation, I would either stick it out there, or seek another school with the major. I don’t think I would change majors + life course, unless I wasn’t otherwise super committed to that study in the first place. But maybe my sentiment would change depending on the major?

   3. Not reasonable to muddle through if the other courses are truly like the intro course she took this fall. Far too much work and self-teaching for a mediocre grade because the exams were poorly written, in a subject where she should easily be making As. (She got a 96 on the one exam the instructor did not write himself, so I believe her.) This is a field where both grades and substantive learning matter, and she’s not getting either. It’s not that all adjuncts are bad. But unsupervised grad students with little to no previous teaching experience who base their instruction on someone else’s blog?

      1. Sorry, but as someone in higher ed, “ the exams were poorly written” is just an excuse. It’s normal for kids to have some struggles adjusting to college, and college requires more independence in learning than the typical high school course. I’m sure your kid will eventually be fine, even if her first semester grades were disappointing. But none of this sounds like a massive problem with the teaching or school.

         1. +1.
            I came from higher ed and partner is a HS teacher. The approaches to pedagogy are so massively different that it’s no wonder freshmen have a rough time adjusting.
            Step back and let her digest what disappointment feels like, especially if academics have always come easily for her.

         2. +1 my husband is a tenured prof with good teaching evaluations and every single semester he has students and parents complaining that they got a bad grade because his exams are not clear. His exams are fine. It just takes people time to adjust to college, and many students who got straight As in high school will not be able to maintain that GPA in college because they’re in a more competitive environment. It doesn’t mean they’re failures or they’ll flunk out.

      2. Are they adjuncts or grad students? I understand you’re disappointed that a SLAC has adjuncts or TAs teach intro classes, but that doesn’t necessarily mean the whole program is trash. Also, regardless of level of education, there is a learning curve to teaching a particular class. I know that doesn’t help now, but hopefully she’ll have better experiences in future classes.

      3. Does this school not apply a curve?

         1. I don’t think many SLACs do. Many classes are too small for the curve to be meaningful.

            1. I’m in higher ed and have never heard that SLACs don’t have curves — what matters for grading on a curve is the size of the class, not the size of the institution. And the size of the class at a SLAC isn’t any different than the size of the class at an Ivy etc. If anything, the Ivies have smaller classes. The average class size at Yale and Harvard is only 12 students and they definitely grade on a curve/have grade inflation!

      4. She got a 96 on an exam? What is her 2nd major?

         In my classes, no one got a 96 on most tests. That’s often a sign tests are actually not written well – not rigorous enough. I have no idea what she is studying, but to think everything will be perfect the first semester of college is not realistic.

         1. And it sounds like this student is pursuing a double major. I’d just do one major (which has all the faculty) and take as many non-major courses in the other subject as possible. Why torture yourself?

5. I have an elderly dog who has occasional incontinence issues. He’s getting regular vet care and is on a myriad of drugs, so not really looking for advice on the dog. The issue is that the dog’s accidents sometimes happen on the living room carpet floor where the kids love to hang. Obviously, we clean up with disinfectant etc, but first of all it smells like disinfectant, and secondly I often find stains after the carpet is dry and have to repeat treatment. So I feel like the carpet is generally super gross. I’d love to give kids a cleaner surface area to hang. I put a rug there before and then the rug got gross within a month. It cost a lot to clean and I never put it back because what’s the point. Does anyone have ideas for us? We don’t have a “play room”, everything goes on in the living room. The dog generally wears diapers but manages to get them off (perhaps with the help of bleeding-heart children).

   1. Replace the carpet with laminate? Carpets just aren’t sanitary with pets, I’m a crazy cat lady and have hardwood for a reason.

   2. What about those foam panels that snap together that people put on playroom floors? It may not look great, but they are easy enough to get up if you had company. And they can be cleaned more easily than carpet.

      1. Oh that’s an interesting idea I didn’t think of, thank you. Do they withstand things like dancing and roughousing?

         1. I have these play tiles from House of Noa and they have held up great. Easy to wipe down, soft to play on.

      2. This is a good idea. Interface flooring has similar carpeted floor tiles where you just have to replace squares of carpet, not the whole thing. Seems pricey to me but as far as carpet goes it’s considered about the most sustainable option available

   3. Our beloved dog went through this for his last couple of years before he passed. I did carpet squares from the local big box hardware store, and bought an extra box. When there was a mess on them, I pulled the ones affected up, took them outside to get very clean (soaking multiple times in hot water and bleach, then rug shampoo to get bleach smell out) and left to dry outside, and put others in their place until those were ready to swap back in. The puzzle pieces did not work for me. They are not smooth, so I could not get them clean enough and they stained horribly — and the smell seemed to cling to the foam.

6. Help! I now have an antique 6-seat mahogany dining room table. I can cook a turkey and all of the things. But apparently I cannot set a table in a way that looks nice (says my sister, who is a joy and who will also be there at Christmas). What goes on an elegant table and how did I miss this growing up? My mother, aunt, and grandmother have all passed away, so I have you, my internet aunties, to turn to for help. Start with the basics and assume I know nothing, but help me make a Martha Stewart-worthy table.

   1. Pinterest is your friend! Look through holiday table settings until you find ones you like for inspo.

   2. Ok, that’s crappy of your sister, but aside from that, the trick (like dressing) is layering. Tablecloth + runner or placemats. Charger under the plate. I think cloth napkins really dress things up. Interesting center piece or multiple of them (three small arrangements down the middle, etc.). Water glass + wine glass.

   3. Martha Stewart’s website and books are great and easily accessible! I’d start there.

   4. Sounds like your sister should be tasked with bringing the table decorations!

      sarcasm aside, co-sign the layering advice.

      1. Seriously

         1. Another echo. Your sister would be absolutely horrified at how my family eats holiday dinners. Sometimes we use … vinyl placemats (horrors!)

            1. We use a mix of Chinette and Dixie, with many of us seated directly on grandma’s ancient shag carpet!

            2. My house is a craftsman and my decor style I guess goes with that. I cannot stand fussy, cluttered decor. So we have a very plain long wooden table with plain wooden chairs, this time of year we have a plaid runner in red and green, and then any food we are serving at the table is laid on that runner in serving dishes. That’s it. No candles, no flowers, no garland for sure. All of those layers of STUFF make me itchy to even think about.

            3. Chinet… that’s the GOOD paper plates!

      2. Seriously.

         OP, please only put effort into this if it matters to you personally, apart from your sister. (I remember you asking this same questions 2-3 weeks ago, so it sounds like it’s on your mind.)

         Are you starting from scratch? Or do you already have a nice set of dishes, silverware, glasses, linens, etc. and just need to know what kind of decorations to put on the table?

   5. I cannot imagine criticizing someone’s table scape. My personal formula is tablecloth for holiday dinners (keeps the table protected), low flowers in the middle and lots of taper candles. I like to set the places ahead with a cloth napkin, plate, glasses and silverware and I usually also layer a straw placemat under the plate for extra interest.

   6. +1 to the layering, I think chargers under the plates make a huge difference and don’t cost a ton of money. I also think either matching dishes, flatware, and glassware, or intentionally eclectic items look nice. So, if you’re doing a mix of random plain plates and bowls, either swap to 100% matching or swap to a mix of prints and styles.

      If you’re going to serve the food on the table, matching or coordinated servingware makes a difference vs. any pot, pan, or baking dish.

   7. Hi!! This is deeply personal and please know my ideas are just some ideas and not the correct way to do anything.

      First, give yourself time, you can do the day or several days before. You want all the dishes you need for bread appetizers and main course on the table.

      Second, I’m going to recommend stemmed water and wine glasses if you can swing it. They create a pretty height.

      If we’re doing a table cloth consider either matching or coordinating cloth napkins and rings if you’d like. I think a pretty ribbon in lieu of a napkin ring is nice for Christmas. Velvet or satin would be gorgeous if you have it. You might consider a bit of holly or rosemary tucked in the ribbon. If you have or want to purchase them, chargers are pretty under the dinner plates. Traditionally they’re removed before you eat.

      If you’re not into a table cloth a runner down the middle works. Either way , in the center you want to consider flowers. Traditionally, low enough to stay on the table and folks to talk over during dinner. In my world those flowers come off before we eat so it doesn’t matter. Flowers are a fortune and I personally opt for Trader Joe’s white roses but you do you. Pretty coordinated vases or clear freebies, it all works. My mother always brought the florist a bowl of her Xmas china to make the arrangement in but that’s next level. You could also *gently* put some pretty Christmas ornaments in a beautiful large bowl if you don’t want to fuss with flowers. You’d want enough to make a mound so you see them over the bowl. Taper candles in holders on either side would be lovely, especially if your arrangement is round and your table is oblong. I think the candles are more important than the holders; the holders can be simple or fancy.

      Alternatively, a garland over the middle of the table and scattered real or faux tea lights also makes a gorgeous table, for the holidays if you’re so inclined. You want a garland that’s substantial and real but it can be gorgeous.

      A row of three pillar candles in hurricanes can stand in for flowers, especially if you scatter some bud vases amongst them with greens or single roses. Similarly certain table top faux trees would be pretty lined in a row down an oblong or rectangle table with scattered faux tea lights in little holders.

      There’s a million ways to make a beautiful table but these are just some basic ideas.

      I think you’ve posted before about losing family matriarchs and I’m so sorry for your losses. I think it’s so lovely that you’re hosting and making use of all of these beautiful things. I am rooting for you and I’m certain you’ll do a beautiful job. I hope you have a lovely holiday. Sending hugs.

      Ps: this is extra but my mom LOVES a place card. It’s nice that everyone is not asking where to sit and you can write everyone’s name in pretty script.

      1. I love a place and too. It always feels so good to know exactly where I’m supposed to go. And a good host sets up conversations well with them.

         1. Great point! My family thinks it’s fussy but it’s so nice to know where they want you to sit.

      2. I’m into paper crafts, so place cards and menu cards are fun additions! I like to use my Cricut to make pretty shapes and sometimes I also use my stamps to add some flair or seasonal elements.

         Again, OPTIONAL, but it’s fun for me to do paper crafts. I don’t really enjoy centerpieces or florals, so the place cards, menu cards, and/or place cards for each dish add some nice elements to my tablescape or food display.

         1. That sounds fabulous! I’ve never gotten a menu for a home cooked dinner but it would be so lovely and special.

            1. Yes, menus are super fun and can double as place cards if you put names at the top!

   8. Crate and Barrel has a number of table linens on sale now. Think about the look you like and place an order if you want.
      Something that helps me have pretty table is to plan the table once the menu is firm. Allocate each menu item its own specific serving dish and serving utensil; decide where each menu item will go on the table (or whether some items will be removed to the buffet after being passed); and determine the number of salt/pepper sets and butter dishes needed based on the size of the dinner party. Then the day before the party, before cooking, I set the table with table cloth, place settings, serving dishes, place cards, etc. (When the kids were very small I did not put out the glasses early because a strong bump could knock over a lot of crystal.)

   9. My grandpa used to put a greeting card with each person’s name on it at their place at the table. That way they knew where to sit and they got a card and everyone arrived to the table happy not going to complain about the table.

      If you hit a grocery store right now any checkout line will have Real Simple or Better Homes and Gardens and profess to enhance your holiday table settings.

      I’m sure it will look great!

   10. I have given up on serving dishes on the table. I either plate the food in the kitchen (my strong preference), or I do a buffet on the island in the kitchen and let people serve themselves (do this at Thanksgiving because there are so many choices). It’s easier to make the table look nice if it’s not too cluttered.

   11. A couple of practical suggestions: buy a table pad and use scissors to cut it to the shape of your table with about two inches of overhang. That protects your table under the tablecloth which drapes past the overhang of the table pad. Also, if you are decorating with bowls full of stuff (ornaments, pine cones, etc.), you can place a smaller bowl or a pyrex pie dish upside down inside the bigger decorative bowl to reduce the number of things (ornaments, pine cones, etc.) you need to fill the decorative bowl bowl. Dark patterned cloth napkins are practical, as they don’t instantly show stains. Enjoy!

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