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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Ariane Contrast-Trim Tailored Denim Jacket

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A woman wearing a white top with denim blazer and pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I’m always wary when I hear the phrase “denim blazer,” because the first thing that pops into my mind is a Gap jean jacket that I wore over every sundress from 2002 through 2010.

Fortunately, this contrast-trim blazer from Cinq à Sept is that jean jacket’s cool, rich aunt who just flew in from NYC. The tailoring is stunning, and the contrast trim is so chic. I’m not cool enough to pull off denim-on-denim, so I’d wear this with black trousers.

The blazer is $495 at Neiman Marcus and comes in sizes 00–14.

Hunting for something similar? You can actually find denim blazers trending again (and they can be a great way to adapt conservative clothes to a business casual office). Check them out at Nordstrom and Ann Taylor.

Sales of note for 4/24/25:

  • Nordstrom – 7,710 new markdowns for women!
  • Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event: 30% off your entire purchase, including 100s of new arrivals
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off
  • Boden – 25% off everything (ends 4/27) (a rare sale!)
  • The Fold – Up to 25% off
  • Eloquii – Spring Clearance: Up to 75% off + extra 50-60% off sale
  • J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Up to 60% off sale styles + up to 50% off summer-ready styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Extra 50% off clearance + extra 15% off $100 + extra 20% off $125
  • Kule – Lots of sweaters up to 50% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – 3 pieces for $198. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 50% off last chance styles; new favorites added
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Friends & Family Event: 30% off entire purchase, includes markdowns

349 Comments

  1. My son is misguided regarding the Jean Carrol situation-please inform me:

    He believes that in NY if a monetary judgment was made, then the amount of the judgement must be put in escrow in order to file an appeal. Is that correct?

    2. The case was in federal court. He can file an appeal without paying the judgment. However, to stop her from making efforts to collect the judgment while the appeal is pending, he must either pay the amount into the court’s registry (what you are calling escrow), post a bond for the amount of the judgment, or seek relief from the court that either allows him to pay a lesser amount into the registry (or post a smaller bond) or avoid paying or posting anything. In the latter instance, there are a number of factors the court could consider, including his inability to pay. I cannot imagine Trump going to court and admitting he does not have the $83MM.

      1. That’s $83M cash, right? He wouldn’t have that sitting around in a bank account. He would need to do something like sell securities, mortgage Mar a Largo, sell a stake in any companies he has, etc.

        2. That is where a bond comes in. If he can collateralize the bond, he can get a surety to post the bond and pay them a fee for doing so to avoid putting up cash or having to sell assets now to get the cash. I am not sure how any receivership from the other case would affect that, but that seems like a potential wrinkle though maybe not.

          1. There aren’t many surety insurers who would take on a risk of this size. I used to work for one such insurer and we ended up with a lot of assets that had been used as collateral, which we didn’t really want or have the expertise to deal with.

          2. Agreed. The practical here is different from the hypothetical.
            It is also going to be complicated to collect on a sum this size, changing the risk calculus on both sides.

    3. It is called a supersedeas bond. It must be posted to avoid collection of the judgment. However, there can be disputes as to the amount of the bond and there are surety options where the surety posts the bond after the appealing party provides collateral for the amount of the bond plus fee (often real property).

      1. Yeah, per above good luck finding a surety to do that – maybe some deep pockets MAGAt will step forward

    4. This is what happened to my dad where he won a mid six figure sum in Nassau county. He ended up settling for a lesser number while the appeal was pending. I’m an attorney and I thought the appeal was without merit. He wasn’t injured; it was a business dispute. His lawyer was awesome.

    5. That’s pretty common, don’t know about NY specifically. Purpose is to deter frivolous appeals for the goal of putting off paying (or spending or hiding all your assets while the appeal is pending, which can take awhile).

    6. Not a lawyer but spouse is always pleased when opposing counsel forgets to ask for what MD calls an appeal bond: you have to put up some money to be allowed to appeal. The amount of the appeal bond is not necessarily equal to the amount of the judgment. Not sure about NY but I assume there is something similar.

  2. Any thoughts about the Mirage Hotel, Las Vegas? We are going with my 2 middle school kids to meet up with grandparents this summer. Is the Hoover Dam tour worth it? Any other recs? Grandparents would just do shows but we are open to doing things on our own for some of the time. TIA!

    1. I went on the Hoover Dam tour in 1994 and really enjoyed it a lot! I wasn’t in middle school but I think that age is old enough to appreciate it. It’s a really good break from the strip

    2. A colleague highly recommended one of the Grand Canyon day trips. They got on a bus in Vegas, got something like 3 hours at the Grand Canyon and said it was absolutely fantastic and a great way to see the Grand Canyon.

    3. We took our kids to Vegas this summer and had a great time. Yes, do take time to go to Hoover Dam. The tour is relatively short but there’s plenty to explore and see. The size and scale of everything blew my kids’ minds. We actually stayed a couple of nights at the Mirage. It was fine, but be aware that there are not a ton of breakfast options nearby unless you leave and go to the strip. The pools were enjoyable, and I didn’t feel weird having kids there.

      1. Oh, and I completely agree with the above poster that getting out in nature provides a much-needed break from the strip.

    4. I would normally endorse getting out in nature but getting out in nature in the desert in the summer is brutal – maybe a tough sell for middle school students.

      1. Yeah I was in vegas in July and it was 110 degrees out… as someone from the northeast I couldn’t stand being outside for more than the time it took to walk from a car to inside. Ended up skipping the grand canyon and hoover dam

      2. If you go a bit farther out into the mountains (Mt. Charleston is nice), you’ll be at a higher elevation and it should be cooler – hiking out there is nice, even in summer.

      1. I’ve been in October and the weather was spectacular – high 60’s / low 70’s, cool at night, bright and clear. Been twice in January – the first time it was cold and grey, the second time cold (40’s) and bright. Been in July and it was 110 but dry, which was not so bad as a Washington DC native who’s used to high heat + humidity.

      2. I went in December last year, and it was great walking weather. If you want to go to pools, probably spring or fall would be ideal – December was too cold

      3. february – may (january is often grey and cool) and later september to mid december. Personal favorite months are april and october.

    6. I think the Mirage is one of the best bang for your buck hotels on the Strip. Clean, great location, fun theming, very fair price. Good choice! The Cirque du Soleil Beatles LOVE show is in the hotel and is the best CDS show for kids IMO.

      1. +1 for Beatles LOVE. It’s my favorite of the Cirque du Soleil shows in Las Vegas.

      2. The Mirage has been sold to Hard Rock and the volcano is being taken down, just FYI. Not sure if there is construction going on yet or not.

    7. Unpopular opinion I guess, but I thought the Hoover Dam was incredibly boring and I don’t plan to take my kids there when I eventually take them to Vegas.

      The Mirage is a fine hotel – nothing fancy, but it’s perfectly satisfactory and has a good location mid-strip. Agree on getting out into nature if you can find something cool enough. I would not go to the Grand Canyon from Vegas, personally. It’s a very long day (12-14 hours) with at least half of that time spent on a bus. There’s lot of cool stuff to do in Arizona in and around the Grand Canyon, so I would just save it for a separate trip.

  3. Can anyone recommend a brand of very short false eyelashes? Trying to add them to my night out routine but the pair I tried (eylure 03 I think) was comically almost hitting my eyebrows

      1. you know, i tried to do that — one pair while it was literally on my eye, and the other before i got it on there, and both looked really wacky. the one i’d done on my eye was like curved in places and choppy, and the one i’d done before i got it on there was too short and way too straight across, not wispy at all.

      2. I’m not OP but it’s pretty hard to figure out how to trim the lashes and still have them look good and not like a hack job.

  4. Can someone talk me out of quitting my job? I have two kids. My husband out earns me several times over and we have strong financial picture including a big term life insurance policy on him. If I’m being honest, I need to work in case he divorces me. We’re happy but you never know right? Meanwhile my company, which used to be amazing, is going down the tubes and all the stress and anxiety seems way too much for job that doesn’t really move the needle on our lifestyle. My kids are in daycare all day for this and have an unhappy burned out mom. It kind of feels like…what’s the point? Sigh. Does anyone else feel like this?

    1. I just want to reframe this a bit for you – You also need/want to work so you can divorce your husband. This is about agency.
      That said, you might be well justified to agree with him that you will take some time away, either to stay home or to find a better fit in a job.

    2. It sounds like you need a different job, not necessarily no job! Maybe a new employer at either full or part time would help resolve many of the downsides of your current set up.

    3. This sounds like a good reason to job search, honestly. Since you already have a job, you can be picky and you don’t have to search for something that makes more than you currently do if you don’t want to, due to your financial picture.

    4. It’s not a binary choice. You could have a different job. You could work part time. You could do lots of things. Get your resume out there now.

    5. In your situation, if I really wanted to stop being employed – rather than changing jobs- I would get a post-nup agreement.

      1. Not the OP, but advice on how to navigate that discussion? For me, it seems like it would be much easier to navigate a job search than that discussion with a happy couple. TBH, I know one relative who was left in the lurch by a spouse who wouldn’t pay (not that couldn’t) who added in a new spouse and 3 new kids along the way (so drafting for that in a post-nup advice) and two young widows who were glad they had kept working since they went to being a solo earner with a baby for one and a teen approaching college for another. Working has kept them and their kids in good health insurance, among other things.

        1. “TBH, I know one relative who was left in the lurch by a spouse who wouldn’t pay (not that couldn’t)”

          A post-nup is a legally binding piece of paper, but it’s still a piece of paper. If he gambles away all the money, it doesn’t help you. If he spends it all on a new family or affair partner, it doesn’t help you.

          In addition to a post nup, consider having the direct deposit on his paycheck split three ways: joint account, just his account, just your account. Also figure out how your state handles retirement accounts in a divorce, and consider an IRA just for you as he works.

          1. This is such a great point. A pre-nup, a post-nup, and a divorce judgement for that matter, is only as good as the other person’s willingness to pay or your ability to collect.

        2. The situations that most make me want a post-nup are ones where no one is at fault. It’s not my husband’s fault if he gets a brain tumor that affects his thinking and decision making, but it could still be a crisis for me, right? And vice versa if I got a brain tumor or injury and it made me want to divorce him. (Unfortunately this is also a real thing that can happen and not a hypothetical fantasy.)

          1. So that “in sickness and in health” thing just falls apart? IMO, men are least likely to be wifely caregivers and anything serious likely needs 24/7 skilled care (so even if you wanted to care for someone, if you still have to earn a living, like you might need to do if you have young kids or are still young you can’t actually leave them alone that long).

            All I can think of is that divorce might make someone medicaid-eligible (but do they need to get a guardian appointed to get divorced then? what if they won’t go through with it or fight it?).

          2. I didn’t mean that the healthy person might want to divorce the afflicted person. It’s the other way around (thinking and choices can be affected by some maladies and the sick person may want to divorce the person who is well).

          3. Statistically, men are much likelier to leave a sick spouse than women are. https://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE5AB0C5/ (“Women are six times more likely to end up separated or divorced if they are diagnosed with cancer or multiple sclerosis than if their male partners were facing the same illness, according to a U.S. study.”) I believe the odds are even higher when the disease has something to do with sexual function or fertility. Depressing, I know.

    6. Does your husband have amazing disability insurance? Are assets in your name alone so he can’t clean out accounts or hide assets if he divorces you? Would you be happy being a SAHM?

      Your answer is to find a new job, not to quit working. Your job is insurance against affairs, your husband getting into an accident and getting addicted to painkillers, him getting disabled, his industry collapsing, another 2008 style financial crisis, whatever.

    7. Yes. You should job search. I got a new, better job that really re-energized me and it made an amazing difference. Job searching is extremely painful but will be worth it when you move! Also I have two kids and now that they are in elementary school I am so so glad I stayed in the workforce, I absolutely would have gone insane being home with them all the time.

    8. this won’t be a popular opinion here, but – all of my friends in that situation, if they work, have a very ideal job for them. Flex time, job share, more academic or social work focused… they’re not doing the rat race, but they’re using their brains, making an impact, making some of their own money, and keeping their resume active. definitely check your social security credits if you do decide to quit though if you haven’t worked for at least 10 years.

      1. This doesn’t seem unpopular at all – its what I was thinking for OP. Get out of your soul-sucking job and into a better fit. Like someone above said, you can be picky.

      2. If she’s married for 10 years, seems like she might want to collect on her husband’s SS instead of her own! (If eventually divorced)

      3. +1 I understand the advice on this board, but the vast majority of my friends in their 30s have taken a step back or decided to stay home. There’s a reason everyone makes that choice in the end.

        1. Everyone does not make that choice. Personally, not only did I want to stay in the job market, with the related independence and long term financial stability, but I wanted to model to my kids that both parents work to provide for the family. That is the likely reality and I think it is a great thing if that is set as the norm.

          1. I don’t agree that it is a good model, necessarily. The ideal is for one parent to have a full tilt boogie job and the other to step back just a bit, if they can. For us, I went parttime as an attorney when our son was a toddler. When he started school, my husband chose a less lucrative job from home instead of leaving town for contract work. Someone has to do school functions, doctor appointments, etc. Kids don’t need two exhausted parents. It also depends on whether there is extended family to help. I really never want to see both parents grinding away while a 4 year old is in daycare for 10 hours or longer all the time as the norm!

        2. Speak for yourselves. I outearn my husband 2-1 and me staying at home or stepping back would be very rough.

        3. Lol – no. My ex-husband shocked me by announcing he wanted a divorce a few years ago. So glad I never left the workforce. I get no child support or alimony (for various reasons) but I have a good job and can take care of myself and my children. Far too risky to be a SAHM unless I had family who could truly help me out financially.

        4. Not “everyone” does that. 2 small kids and I earn 80%+ of our HHI with a lot of upside. I come to this board specifically to be around other high earning women.

          1. lol. This board is for high achieving, professional women. That does not necessarily equal high earning.

      4. What are these jobs your friends are doing? I need to change my life/job situation and this is where I need to be, with as much work from home since I’m immunocompromised. Money doesn’t need to be huge, but health insurance/social security credits/not crazy stress/job flexibility/making an impact are key.

        1. I didn’t make that comment but this is also extremely common in my area. here are some examples.

          Former VP marketing working as a freelancer doing marketing strategy and some market research type work
          Former firm based divorce atty working for herself now taking a few clients/year
          Former advertising exec get into real estate. Her husband was in….banking? and has since gone part time and started working as a contractor/ GC for homes they build themselves. I believe she works about 30 hours/week except during the peak spring selling season, and he works about 30 hours/week. They have 10 year old twins and she made the career switch when the kids were 4; husband dabbled in construction then left his job when the twins were 6.
          Former tech product exec works as a part time director of product
          Former account manager/client executive type got a job working for the town. It doesn’t pay anything like what her other job did, but has great benefits and “moms hours” (8-4, very flexible) and can be done from home. She also runs 2-3 sports leagues in town.
          Former salesforce admin at a Corporation does one-off projects as a salesforce implementation consultant. She does it as a 1099 and makes about 80k/year for maybe an average of 10 hours/week vs her $130k/year job with benefits that had her working 50+ hours/week and travelling.

          Other ideas: work for the town, work at a local nonprofit, work for the local schools, etc.

        2. Higher ed admin. Lower salaries but benefits are generally good with lots of PTO, you can feel like you’re contributing to society, and many jobs are remote/hybrid if you’re not doing something student-facing.

          1. +1 I left a “big” career for a higher ed staff job shortly before having kids, and have no regrets. I’m officially full time but in practice almost never work a full 40 hours, am 100% remote, home with my kids every afternoon after school and for a large chunk of the summers, have decent health insurance, extremely generous PTO and retirement matching, and a huge tuition discount for my kids. The salary sucks but it’s enough that I could put a roof over my kids’ heads if my husband left us (although certainly not at the standard of living we’re used to with his salary) and the fact that I haven’t been out of the workforce for years means I would hopefully have an easier time moving back into a more demanding and higher paying job.

        3. If you’re a lawyer, look into a job as a career clerk for your state Court of Appeal. I did that for a while and it was amazing. Even more amazing now when most or all of it can be done from home.

        4. the two friends that came to mind right away – one is a pharmacist but shares her job at a teaching hospital; she specializes in neonatal pharmacy stuff (preemies) and has given fairly academic presentations. her husband is the CEO of another local hospital.

          the other friend is a school psychologist – she was a SAHM when the girls were very small but then went back. She works part time for a therapy place and does ASD and ADHD evaluations.

    9. Can you find and try a different job? There’s no guarantee it will be less stressful, but that’s what most of us do. Not a mom and not partnered so I have to work anyway, but I have a mom friend who tried to make working work, gave another job a go, before deciding that she should take a break afterall. And I know you asked us to talk you out of quitting, but I think if at that point you decide that you would rather spend quality time with the kids (they don’t raise themselves afterall), then it’s a legitimate decision to stay home. I know we hear a lot of horror stories about divorces, so maybe look into post-nup if you didn’t have a pre-nup for the peace of mind, but another mom friend stayed at home until all her kids were out of the house and is now having a 2nd career that she leans into and enjoys. So it’s also very possible that you guys will remain happily married and you’ll find another job should you want to.

    10. Why not another job? It seems like you’re looking for an excuse to leave the workforce. It’s OK if that’s what you want to do, but really be honest with yourself.

      Things I would weigh with that sort of change: What will you do for insurance if you split or husband loses his job, and can you sustain that? How will your retirement savings look if you split? How easy/hard is it to get back into the workforce if you take time away (for example, a tech role may be harder than something with less change like a project management role or a sales role with lots of contacts vs an editor who isn’t as dependent on network).

    11. Definitely quit this job. That is no way to live a life, grinding through your day-to-day in case of a far off hypothetical situation. You can find a new job, perhaps a part time job, or take a little time off (while doing volunteer work to keep up skills/resume?) to assess how you feel and explore next steps.

    12. Get a new job. Look for something interesting. Don’t sell yourself short but also, don’t worry about the money since it seems like you don’t need every penny of your current income. If it’s a career problem, start a new one. Or freelance to stay in the game but don’t have a full on 40+ hour/week job. I live in the Boston burbs and this is very common- there are many, many women who are either part time executives or former execs that now do consulting and work 15-30 hours/week. If they ever needed to, they could step back in but for now it’s enough to stay busy without all the stress.

      In the meantime, lean out. Start taking time off.

      Separately, is there a specific reason you are worried about your husband divorcing you or are you generally just risk averse? If you both believe you not working is best for your family, you could always get a post nup.

    13. Have you discussed this with your husband? What are his thoughts about you not working at all? In this case, I would lean way out. I’d work the bare minimum and essentially work 9-5 while looking for a new job. There’s no reason to burn yourself out for a job you hate when you don’t really need the money. I wouldn’t quit for several reasons but if they let you go for not going above and beyond at your job, it won’t be a huge loss.

    15. I was in your shoes and I switched jobs.

      For me, the point of being financially stable is the freedom. You don’t have to work the same amount, try to keep the same salary or prestige. You can work part time and then ramp up years from now if you happen to get divorced. You can get a late start date for your next job, keep your kids in daycare, and relax. This is what the money is for!

      Think about what you want and then go for it. I realized that I like being outside counsel so I switched to a smaller, nicer firm. I never stress about hitting my billable hour requirement because I don’t need the bonus.

      1. Same! I felt exactly the same, got a new job and feel totally different. Granted, my new job was a pay cut (biglaw to in-house), but I’m still in the game. Your career/working life is a marathon not a sprint.

    16. Hating your job is not a good reason to stay home. If possible, take a week off and keep the kids in daycare – sleep/rest and apply for other jobs.

      You will end up exhausted and burnt out as a SAHM if you are not doing it because you want to do that. Lower intensity job or part time hours might be a better fit.

    17. Unpopular opinion: I went through this and quit the job and stayed home for several years. It was the best choice for me and my family.
      I wish you the best in finding the solution that works best for your family.

    18. I think a lot of people feel like this! I work primarily because I want to maintain financial independence from my husband. We’re very happy but I hate the idea of not having at least some of my own money should something go wrong. I expect to inherit a lot of money from my parents, and although I hope that day is a long way away, when it happens I will quit my job immediately.

      I will say though that daycare was great for my kid. She’s super confident and outgoing, much moreso than my husband and me, and I really think going to daycare from a young age was a big factor in that (we both had SAHMs). If you’re unhappy, that’s definitely a problem, but you don’t need to feel like you’re ruining your kids by having them in daycare, or aftercare or summer camp (all of which my kid begs to do even though I work part time and staying home would be an option).

    19. I’m in a similar boat: DH out-earns me 3x – college and retirement funding is on track. We have insurance. In 2020 I got laid off and was a SAHM for two years. TBH it wasn’t that great. I was still exhausted at the end of the day. I job hunted that whole time and now I have a contract job that’s part time. It really works well for me; I think the company is probably not super happy with me because I keep saying no to new projects. But part time is where I want to be. So you can do it, but it might take a really long time to find the balance you want. But it’s worth it!

      1. Your point about exhaustion as a SAHM is a good one! I have many friends who love staying at home with young children, but it is an exhausting, demanding role with very few breaks ever. I truly think working at a more relaxed pace with childcare and a cleaning service is easier.

        1. I think this applies if children are under 5, but once they’re in school full-time I don’t know how it could be more exhausting than working in an office. No disrespect to SAHMs. It’s a valid choice for a family that benefits the kids and certainly benefits the still-working spouse, but I don’t understand the argument that being a SAHM to kids who are in school 30-35 hours per week is harder than working.

          1. Agree. I used “young children” to mean kids who are too young to be in school full time.

          2. I am a SAHM and agree (I’m so thankful not to have work stress.) But there is a 9-year spread between my first and last kid, and I don’t send kids to any sort of school until age 4 (too $$ near me) so that is 13 solid years of babies and toddlers home full-time. I will feel no guilt once I hit that first “all in school” year

          3. I don’t have kids, but nothing is more exhausting to me than watching kids for even a few hours. I’ve never had an office job where I had to worry about someone accidentally hurting themselves if I stop paying attention for a matter of moments!

    20. I agree with the general consensus of just get a new job, don’t throw the whole thing out. Besides being a contingency plan, there’s a lot of advantages to working including staying interesting, able to relate to your husband and role modeling for your kids. That said, only you can know how much contingency planning you actually need to “divorce proof” your life (health is different) and how resilient you are personally. I’d look at those factors to determine what your next move is – similar job to what you have now, wildly different take a risk job, stay home for a few years, consult, etc. Also, nothing is issue free and sometimes just a mindset shift around what work means to you can do wonders.

    21. I’m seeing an uptick in people taking an unpaid leave of absence in my org right now. Maybe that’s career suicide in your org, but maybe you don’t really care at this point?

    22. I feel like that and to be honest, if I weren’t the high earner, I’d quit my job. As it is now, I’m thinking about asking to work 30 hours a week next year.

    23. Don’t quit. Lean way out now and then find a new job, maybe part time, and set boundaries. Think about what you want to do – professionally, with hobbies, as a parent – and configure your life around that, given the security net you gave. But I also agree with all prior posters’ reasoning re divorce (saw my own mom go through this), plus i think it’s good for kids to be in daycare socializing and learning to be in their own space for at least part of the day!

      I also say this as someone who was the family breadwinner (by like 7x, in biglaw) and recently decided to move to gov (both as career advancement and as a life move) and I could not have done that if my spouse had been at home with our two kids and was trying to return to the workforce. It could put a lot of pressure on the breadwinner.

    24. Quit. Enjoy your kids. Life is unpredictable, and you can’t insure against every possibility. This choice seems right for now.

    25. Do not quit. I agree with others to find a new role.

      I was in your shoes and was under a lot of pressure from my now ex husband to leave my role. He out earned me 10:1. I did all the family admin, worked FT and it was a lot with 3 children, all with various special needs.

      Today, I’m divorced and I make enough that I was able to walk away from my marriage with not a lot. I don’t get alimony and child support is limited to 50% of child related costs. Had I quit my job I would be absolutely screwed and digging myself into a hole. Now, I’m employable, employed and financially independent. I can afford to call my lawyer. I’m so thankful I’m in this position.

      The trend today is for very limited alimony and child support. There is absolutely no way I would ever advise anyone to stop working because their spouse earns enough to support the household. Death, disability and divorce happens much more frequently than we like to admit. Disability is the one no one thinks of and it’s devastating.

      1. Death and disability can at least be insured against. There’s no divorce insurance.

        1. Not yet, anyway. I can just see some insurance company somewhere reading this and thinking “Hey, now there’s an idea for a new product.”

        2. Disability is very poorly insured against. Disability income is usually a fraction of the wage earner’s income,at the same time you may lose a second income, and have increased medical or care costs.

    26. I think working a job you dislike only because you worry something terrible miiiiight happen to your happy marriage or husband sounds like a way of ignoring joy and forcing yourself to be miserable. (And, a very American situation – in most other countries you wouldn’t be worrying about health insurance, etc, so if the worst happens, you’d just….go find a job to earn some money). So I don’t think you need this job. Is what you actually need some financial independence or security? If so, is there another way to get that? I didn’t marry until I was 40, and thus know that even if my (happy) marriage were to end, I’d walk away (in my community property state) with all my savings from before I married as well as half of what we saved together. I’m thinking as I read your note about how different it must feel for couples that marry young – but hopefully some other people on this board can give ideas for how to think about your having some financial independence and security. Maybe even something simple like putting some money in your own account (rather than all in a shared accounts) would help. Do you need a job you like, rather than this one? If your family doesn’t really need the money, and you’re working just to keep your resume alive, why not explore some other jobs (either similar to your current career, or, something totally different)? Could you take a career pause for a year and see what that feels like for you and your family? Do you trust future you to figure things out if the worst happens? What would bring you joy at this point, and can you move towards that?

  5. Can anyone recommend a tour to see the Provence lavender fields? I will be in Marseille and Cannes at the end of June. I received one tour price from a Marseille operator, and it was 750 euros for two people. Is that the standard price to expect? Everything seems so expensive these days.

    1. This seems ridiculous. You can see lavender and sunflower fields from the side of the road. The roads in Provence have periodic pull-offs with picnic tables at the more scenic fields. The roads are really easy to drive on– just make sure to park at the parking lots on the edge of villages instead of trying to drive into the interior. I would just rent a car. Provence was our first international trip where we rented a car, and it was super easy.

    2. if it’s a private driver for the day, that’s not outrageous, based on what we’ve paid for private winery and town-hopping days in France & Italy.

      you can def DIY the driving with a rental car if you want to save money and won’t be drinking much, but if you’re trying to coordinate a more complicated day, it’s really nice not to have to worry about dealing with the car and where to park in the towns.

    3. It seems a little high but not outrageous for a private guided tour. But agree with others you don’t need a private guided tour to see lavender fields.

    4. Frugality goes out the window for me when I travel. Could you DIY? Sure, but you could also find out you missed the main thing that was the whole point of going there. I’ve never regretted spending money on a tour guide to make sure I saw the right things.

  6. HELLO WORLD! I return to work today after recovering from covid and I am SO EXCITED to see people again.

      1. Hi SC. Me too, first day back and honestly i was wishing i had another day or two feeling pretty OK back at home :) Not quite ready for people yet.

    2. Yay! It was the full ten days when it raged though my household starting MLK weekend. Congrats on it being over!

    3. LOL, same. I haven’t done a lick of work yet because I am making the rounds seeing people.

    5. One of my coworkers returned to the office after WFH with sick kids for an extended period of time and he was literally high giving everyone because he was so happy to be back.

      1. Is it bad—the last thing I want is a high five from someone recently around a bunch of sick kids. Eeeh.

  7. I have a new bedroom that is huge. I can put a bench or couch at the foot of my bed and will have 3 feet until I get to the dresser. TV is on the dresser. I need a rug for the room. I haven’t bought the couch yet (last couch took months to get after ordering anyway) and prefer a rug now because my feet are cold. How much past the bed should the rug stick out — all the way to the dresser (so around 6 feet)? All the couch should be on the rug, yes? I’m so used to a couch facing into a room that I can’t think through this. Rug will wind up being huge — is this where you’d want a lot of smaller rugs in a big room (1 on either side of bed and 1 in front) or is that just weird. I have bad allergies so I don’t want wall-to wall carpet and need some visual interest or a pattern from the rug.

      1. Not OP but thanks for that. I liked seeing a pic of the rug placed perpendicular to the bed, which I’ve seen discussed but couldn’t visualize how good / or not it would look.

    2. I’m team one huge rug since I think it marks out a zone better and with less visual clutter than a bunch of small rugs. Standard rug sizes are 9×11, 7×9 etc so 6′ isn’t a huge stretch.

      I’d suggest getting some masking tape+ a tape measure. Mark out where the couch is going then mark out where you’d want the rug. Walk around it and make sure you can get to everything in the morning.

    3. I’ve actually bought smaller rugs to go next to the bed. Two for either side of the bed and one for the foot of the bed. Not matching, but complementary.

    4. We have a huge bedroom and we have a giant rug under the bed and another, smaller rug anchoring a seating area to one side of the room.

    5. I am always on the one-giant-rug-looks-better-than-several-smaller-rugs team. Small rugs look cluttered, and tend to shift around a lot. You want a giant rug that will come out from under the couch and preferrably reach to the dresser.

    6. For what it’s worth, I have a not-huge bedroom (maybe 11×11 or 12×12) and I have the same setup—bed, bench at end of bed, dresser w/TV—and I have an 8×10 rug. It covers the majority of my floor and means the bed and bench are on the rug but not the dresser. The rug ends right before the dresser feet. I like it and think it looks good!

  8. I’m tasting some all too rare fruits of parenting success and I want to share:

    A few weeks ago I made a very well-received tofu dish for dinner. Our kids usually like opposite foods so I was delighted to find something both liked and I made it again for tonight:

    Kid B: Yay!
    Kid A: I only said I liked it to be polite.
    Me: Thank you for being polite!

    (Although Kid A did eat multiple helpings last time, quite a lot for just being polite.) Even if Kid A doesn’t like it, I am so delighted to realize Kid A has developed that level of consideration for the person did the work of making dinner that I’m planning on generous servings of cookies and ice cream for dessert.

        1. It’s not that fancy and it’s barely a recipe: tofu, carrots and cashews pan-roasted in soy sauce, orange juice, and a little powdered ginger, to taste. Over rice. I’m still not sure why they liked it (or at least said they liked it) so much.

    2. Congrats! We’re still working on the politeness part, but my 8yr old has asked to try different foods three times in the past two weeks! Including Earl Grey tea, a yellow curry (Arroy brand), and Chinese hot pot – and liked all 3. I was honestly shocked, because they are still in the “components of the meal shouldn’t touch on the plate” phase.

    3. I hate it when my kids say they like something they don’t actually like, because then I go out of my way to cook or buy it again and they turn their noses up. The polite thing to do would be to try it and then politely say it’s not their favorite without making faces or saying “ewwwww grosssss.”

  9. What is this singing experience? In a group, but without performing in concerts?

    Wise hive, what am I looking for? I want to sing in a group. I’d love to sing songs I already know and like, but would be willing to learn new ones. I don’t want to be in a chorus because I have no wish at all to do concerts. (The “production” – dress, black folder, going onstage at a “fancy” venue – doesn’t appeal to me.)
    Is there a way to do this? I’d be delighted to go sing at old folks homes or … almost anywhere except in a formal concert setting. Am I looking for a pub singalong? I feel silly that I don’t even know what this is.

    Thank you for your advice! (And, if this resonates, I highly recommend Choir! Choir! Choir! The best, but sadly it comes to my city only once every few years.)

    1. My local community center has just started offering something like this. People get together for a few hours on a weekend and just have a community sing. It isn’t a formal group but I love the idea.

    3. Other than occasional “open sings” I am not sure that groups like this exist. You could also try Threshold Singers (singing at hospice patients’ bedsides).

    4. I think choirs are getting more casual? My husband was in a choir that emerged out of a university research study (on singing and mental health) and it was pretty casual, and now his workplace choir does lunchtime practice 1x a week. It’s a nice mix of folks, some of whom cannot sing a note. They sing on the steps at Christmas, but it’s a simple production (everyone is in their work clothes, no extra practices). He auditioned for a local choir that was more formal, and didn’t get a spot, but there seems to be another casual singsong choir in town.

      1. I despise virtual choir with a the fire of a thousand suns. It was acceptable when that was all we could do during the pandemic, but singing alone in front of a camera with a click track is the exact opposite of singing with other people and a live conductor.

    7. What about a church choir? Look for one that has at least 20 people or so; smaller ones tend to be abysmally bad unless they are select groups that require an audition and sing more challenging repertoire. These generally rehearse once a week in a casual environment, with chitchat, joking, and asking questions all permitted at least to some degree. “Performances” mean singing one or two short prepared pieces of modest difficulty plus a few hymns, in parts or not, on certain Sunday mornings. In the church where I sing you do not have to be a member of the congregation, the denomination, or even the faith in general to participate. The formality of the service will vary by denomination and church. I belong to a UMC in the SEUS where services are so relaxed that it gets on my nerves as a trained classical musician.

  10. My shape has changed as I’ve hit my 40s. I can’t wear suits with pencil-type skirts (or even pants). Has anyone seen current offerings of a dress made from suiting fabric (ideally, tropical-weight wool) that is fit-and-flare (not overly flared, but can be fitted a bit at/above the wait) that is knee length and might come with a same-fabric jacket? I’ve seen some offerings but they are more evening or mother-of-the-bride looks and I need some clothes that I can wear to formal/serious work events. For formal not-gravely-serious work events, I have some dresses that work and some DVF non-wrap silk twill shirt-dresses that have worked well (or well enough).

    2. I am in the same boat and I have not found the magic dress/blazer combo I’m sure is the solution. I have one option sourced from a thrift store but I just got lucky there.

      Is it that you truly can’t find a pencil skirt / pants suit that fits, or you can and it just doesn’t look as flattering as it once did? If it’s the latter, consult a tailor. I have had stuff go from looking marginally okay to great thanks to a tailor.

      You could try a sweater or vest on top instead. I think a vest especially helps create a smoother line where the waist of the skirt/pants sits. Either can go under a suit jacket.

    3. Have you looked at Talbots? Also I think you should revisit the notion that you “can’t” wear pencil skirts or pants. You may have to size up more than you’d like and get them tailored down in the right places.

      1. Not the OP. Just going to say that many women proportions that simply do not work for certain types of clothing. I’m athletic and early 40s; my thighs are almost two dress sizes larger than my waist. Instead of spending a pile of money on something that won’t ever look good (tailored pencil skirts), I buy skirts with a subtle A line.

      1. My problem is that no one lines their wool pants anymore. And I can wear chub rub shorts with dresses that aren’t sheaths.

        1. I buy liners for my suit pants. Essentially they are slips for pants. Attractive-no. Effective-yes.

  11. Relationship advice… about 9 months ago, I split up with my long distance boyfriend of 4 years. We’re both late 30s, we were very serious, had a plan to remove the distance, and he was talking marriage (I was personally OK with a party but wasn’t sure about the whole actual marriage thing). We split because he wanted kids and I didn’t. It was gut wrenching for me as he went from “not sure/maybe” to “yes.” I was the one to break us up. Felt like delaying the inevitable- eventually, he would leave me to have a baby. We didn’t talk much over the summer, but then he called me late summer for something, we started texting, and I just realized that even through the holidays, we’re in a very similar communication loop as when we were dating (talk daily on the phone and via text). He signs off that he loves me, he wants to go to therapy to see if we can work it out. I feel like I either need to end it for good and stop talking to him, or give it another try and risk that he will push me for kids/adoption/etc. Advice?

    1. Stop talking to him. This is the definition of emotional cutting. You love him, but you are not compatible.

    2. oh man, that’s hard. But there’s no compromise on a baby. One of you is going to end up resenting the other whichever way you would decide on that topic, no? I don’t see how therapy would help.

    3. You need to end it. He wants to go therapy to fix you / change your mind.

      You know your mind. And you also know what to do, which is why you made this post.

    4. He was talking marriage and kids and you aren’t sure about getting married (beyond the party) and don’t want kids.

      Cut. It. Off. There is no happily ever after.

      1. 1) long distance
        2) not sure about marriage
        3) disagree about kids

        That’s three serious dealbreakers. Three strikes / yer out!

        1. Good point about LDR. I wouldn’t think it’s a big deal if they had plans to be in the same city after a year or so of dating; however, they have been long distance for four years.

          I was long distance with my now husband. We literally talked about moving logistics four days after we met. The move itself happened about 18 months later, after we got engaged. We just didn’t want to go down the road of dating in our mid-thirties if we couldn’t be in the same place, ever.

    5. I ended a LTR with someone I loved because I wanted kids and he did not. I was heartbroken and healing took a long time, but I am so glad I did. Your earlier reaction that the kids issue is a dealbreaker? Spot on. Consider whether you have the capacity to cut the emotional cord as a necessary, big picture action.

    6. As someone child free by choice and very happy with that call, I’d still ask yourself how you really feel about kids and if your thinking has changed at all or if there’s a compromise that could work for you two, like only one kid, no extreme measures to have one, etc. I was lucky enough to find someone on the same page with me but connection is hard and as time has gone on, I could see having been happy with a different decision on kids.

      1. Yeah, I have one kid and am very happy with my life, but I also think I would have been ok with no kids if I’d met someone who was strongly childfree, and I would have had a second if my husband had felt strongly about it. I think for a lot of people there’s some wiggle room on this issue and you won’t necessarily live with regret or resentment for the rest of your life if you compromise. A lot of the comments here seem too black and white to me.

        1. To be fair, women are bombarded with “of course you will want kids” and “you will change your mind when you’re older!!!” messaging from the time they exit the womb. So to anyone who hits their late 30s and doesn’t want kids, my inclination is to respect that.

          1. Yes, I agree that messaging is pervasive. I was actually thinking that maybe he would be open to not having kids even though he’s currently leaning towards yes. I love being a mom and love my child to an unimaginable degree but I feel like I could have had a very satisfying life without a kid (especially not knowing what parenthood would be like) and I know other happy moms who feel the same way.

            There are people who feel very strongly that they must have children or they must not have children, and those choices should certainly be respected, but I also think there are a lot of people in the middle who could be happy either way and since it sounds like he was on the fence until recently, I’m guessing he is in that middle group.

          2. And that’s why I put the very loud qualifier that I am child free by choice. It’s a very hard choice with all the noise that you will or should change your mind. Despite that, it is worth examining what actually matters to the OP – thoughts and feelings on the subject can and do change over time and that’s okay. As much as there’s pressure to change your mind, there’s an awful lot to “stick to your guns” that’s equally unhealthy.

        2. A human child is the biggest commitment you will ever make. You can compromise on things like the kind of restaurants you like to do, or whether your spouse puts their dirty clothing in the hamper. But having a child should be a full, enthusiastic yes – if it’s not that, then don’t have a child.

          1. It would be easier if things were this simple, but it happens that people who weren’t enthusiastic really do later change their minds and have regrets about not having children, and it happens that people who unenthusiastically have a child feel it’s the best thing that ever happened to them and have no regrets and only wish they did it sooner. So in reality it’s hard to sort out.

          2. I agree with Anon at 3:41. I just don’t think it’s that simple for a lot of people. I agree that before you TTC both partners need to be on board and no good comes from tricking or ultimatum-ing someone into a pregnancy, but I think it’s pretty common to start from a place where one partner is less enthusiastic about a(an additional) child than the other partner, and eventually comes around.

            If you read the moms site there are lots of people who had partners who initially weren’t sure about a second or third, but eventually came around. I said that I would have had a second if it had been really important to my husband, and I don’t know that I ever would have been an “enthusiastic” yes to the idea in the abstract, but I’m sure I would have loved the child and been happy if we had gone for it. It doesn’t mean we aren’t also happy stopping at one. For some people there are lots of potential family sizes that could bring happiness.

            Also I’m the one who used the word compromise and that doesn’t automatically mean the person who wants fewer kids having more. In this particular instance I was suggesting maybe he could have a happy childfree life.

    7. If you are ok getting a divorce at 50 like Sophia Vargara, then continue to see him. Otherwise, reiterate your stance on children and cut him off.

    8. As others have said, and as you know bc you ended it already, this isn’t going to work long term. End it end it. Delete all contact methods and block. You’re never going to be able to move on while still communicating with him.

    9. You want different things, and that’s tough, but you’re not compatible. Therapy won’t change that. Some people want kids, and others don’t, and both choices are valid. My mom divorced her first husband of 7 years because she wanted kids and he didn’t. She then remarried and had us, and he never remarried or had kids. I’m grateful she made the difficult choice, or I wouldn’t exist! Please, let him go find his happiness, and give yourself the opportunity to find your different, but equally valid, happiness!

    10. Definitely just let him go. I’ve had friends go through similar breakups. It is painful, but necessary. The person who wants kids ends up married to someone else who wants kids and raises a family. The person who does not want kids does not have them. Everyone is better off in the end.

    11. Honestly, no amount of therapy can help with something like that. He may be hoping the therapy will change your mind, he is highly unlikely to change his. Unless you want to have kids (and it sounds like you don’t), a clean break is the way to heal. When I split with my exH (partly due to our divide on the kid thing, partly due to other reasons), he would reach out to me when he was feeling lonely. It would be nice for a while, because we still had that ease of having been so close, and then something would remind me of why we split up. I ended up going completely no contact, and have not regretted it a single day since then. He made it sound like I was bitter and heartless but really, we were just prolonging the inevitable and it was causing me pain.

    12. End all contact. He wants to be a parent and you don’t. There is no way that continuing the relationship is a positive thing for anyone involved.

    13. I also went through a breakup of a 4-year relationship late in the summer. I initiated it because it was clear we wanted different things and it was so very painful. I also insisted we go no contact. Last month I reached out to him because of an item of unfinished business and we have also slipped into a semi-regular communication pattern. I realize this is not good for my emotional health as it has opened up old wounds. It’s so hard when you are compatible in so many ways but disagree on something that is very fundamental. To use a phrase from Jillian Turecki — it’s your job to be the protector of your heart (check out her insta — lots of wisdom there). Being caught up with this guy means you don’t have the emotional capacity to move on and potentially find another relationship that suits you better. Or to fully heal. I’m going to head my own advice and cut off things completely as I realize being in contact with my ex is not protecting my heart. I wish you the best OP. Relationships and breakups are so hard but there’s light at the end of the tunnel if we do the work and choose ourselves.

    14. You need to go no contact. I dated someone for several years who would have been an amazing husband but split over differences in wanting children (I didn’t want any). It was brutal at the time, but I am so glad that we made the choice. I’m now 15 years married to someone who didn’t want children and we have the life I’ve always dreamed of. Had I stayed on that course, I know I would have resented the time, money and attention taken away from my dreams that a child would have required. If you really love someone, you recognize that they need to be happy. That goes for both of you. Kids are just one of those areas where there is no compromise and it’s no ones fault.

    15. You are both blocking each other from finding the actual right partner for yourselves by continuing to talk and engage in emotional long distance partnership. Go no contact.

      (I had to do this last year and it is not easy but I am finally through the worst of it and see how necessary it was).

      1. This this this.

        Anecdote: When I left my second husband I thought we would be able to be friendly and would still see one another or at least talk — maybe continue to use our subscription theatre tickets together, for example. Instead when I moved out, he cut me off completely and I was SO HURT. It was just awful. I literally woke up weeping every morning for weeks, even though I was the one who’d initiated the breakup. Well, guess what? He did me a huge favor. I was able to break the attachment and move on with my life, which was a very necessary step.

        The only way out is through, and that doesn’t start until you cut off contact.

    16. What is his reason for suggesting therapy? Is it for him to work through a life without kids or is it to try to convince you to compromise? If it’s the former I’d consider, but not the latter.

      I’m currently in a relationship with a man I want to marry, but we can’t move forward because I don’t want kids and he still thinks he does. However, he’s also a decade younger than me and right around the age where a lot of my friends went from firmly “yes kids” to “no kids” once they saw what a DINK lifestyle offered vs what our friends with young kids lives looked like. Because he doesn’t seem to like kids and has often made comments about how life would be awful with kids, I’m willing to give up a few years of my life to see if he changes his mind because we are otherwise so wonderful together and so in love. I know most people on this board will disagree and tell me to get out, but a lot of this comes from family pressure on his end and his idea of what he always thought his life would look like that he is still clinging to. But I also know that, heartbreaking though it might be, one day he might come to me and say that he needs to move on and I’ll have to accept it.

      Your situation is a little different because you’re around the same age and by late 30s I think most people really know what they want. Plus the long distance angle doesn’t help. But if he’s committed to being with you and working through it (not convincing you to have kids, but to work through what a life together might look like without kids), only you can decide if it’s worth the risk of heartbreak for a chance with a future with him.

  12. Help! I need some simple cotton undies and I am struggling to find anything that fits the bill. I’ve been wearing aerie for years but the quality has gotten bad. I was sweater shaving pills from the lace trim recently and realized that it was time to move on. For Reasons I need to stick with cotton, and I prefer the shape of a full backside coverage of a boy brief style. Everything I find is in the same price range as aerie or like $40 a pair. Is there no middle ground? I don’t need frills or patterns just plain black.

    1. I have H&M undies that sound similar, they don’t hold up forever but I’ve definitely had some for 2-3 years.

    2. I got some Pact undies on sale last summer and they’re really lovely – I prefer them to the Natori Bliss ones actually. Years ago I used to adore the Maidenform cotton boyshorts, don’t remember exactly why I stopped.

      1. I second Pact (and will add that I just discovered their camis and I love them too). I’ve had them for a while now and they seem to be holding up as well as any others I have.

    4. I buy almost nothing from Amazon, but the Innersy high waist briefs are SO comfortable. Mine have held up perfectly after two years. The wide elastic in the waistband is fully enclosed in cotton and feels really nice.

      1. And while they’re marketed as postpartum, but I think it’s just because the comfy waistband. I’m picky about the way my undies look and I think they look pretty decent in black.

    5. I had the same criteria as you and found the Target bikini style to fit the bill. Cheap, cotton (or maybe a blend, but close enough for me) and long-lasting.

    7. Jockey Elance French cut briefs. Even the string bikinis in the Elance line provide full seat coverGe for me. These are reasonably priced and last for years, all cotton.

      1. This is the answer, though I just do the full-on granny panty briefs. Quality is great.

      2. Wirecutter just did an article on undies and Jockey came out very well. I’ve worn nothing but forever.

      3. Or Jockey brand traditional French Cut briefs (with the menswear-style white elastic waistband). Been wearing them for decades nows.

      1. I bought these after they were recommended here. I find that the all black ones are holding up better than a multicolor pack from this line. Both are better than some of the Target ones I have gotten.

    11. There’s a cotton version of the Warner’s no muffin top blissful benefits hipster. There is black but annoyingly it’s sold in a 3 pack with other colors.

      This is what I switched to when Aerie let me down on the basis of a recommendation here. They’re what I wear when I want to experience no issues (no lines showing, no adjusting, no matter what pants/dress/skirt I am wearing).

    13. I’ve recommended these here in the past and posters have come back to comment with how happy they are. I’ve been buying them for years!

      Fruit of the Loom Women’s Breathable Underwear, Moisture Wicking Keeps You Cool & Comfortable, Available in Plus Size https://a.co/d/59e0f1q

    14. I like Pact but my new absolute faves are the Huha brand. Not cheap but an absolute game changer for my specific needs.

    15. Natori bliss full brief. Expensive but not $40 a pair. They never ride up unlike other brands I’ve tried.

      2. I tried the Natori bliss french cut and hipster and like both. I’m short waisted so kind of prefer the hipster, but both have full bum coverage. I do NOT recommend the Gap’s cotton underwear.

    17. M&S online have excellent cotton underwear. I buy when I go home. You can easily buy online. Next is also online and has excellent cotton underwear.

      If you are close to Primark, they have excellent cotton underwear but they are only in person shopping, no online ordering.

    18. I used to do Jockey elance but now I’m getting into silk panties, which breathe as much as cotton but dry a million times quicker. I’ve bought this pair several times and like it.

      https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B098SQY26Y/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

      these too
      https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07MFS8J4Z/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

      i’d say both run TTS… I’ve just been washing them in a lingerie bag with other laundry and then airdrying them and they’ve held up for almost a year now.

  13. For the last week, I have had pain from my neck/should on my right side that increases with head movement. I get some relief with Ibuprofen and laying down, but I’m trying to figure out what is causing it, and I wanted to see if anyone had similar symptoms. I do have an upcoming appointment with my PCP.

    Some of the facts include, I gave birth to my second child in June and had a epidural (which seemed fine with no lasting affects, epidural from first birth resulted in leakage of spinal fluid and spinal headaches but I had full recovery within about 8 months). I am overweight and have had my weight fluctuate significantly over the last 4 years as I lost weight after my first child and put that back on again with my second pregnancy. I am large chested and have not been fitted for a bra in awhile (I have an upcoming appointment for a fitting at a specialty boutique). Sometimes when I sleep I will get numbness in one of my hands if it is above my heart. I’ve recently had some plantar fasciitis like symptoms but consider them mild. I am primarily a side sleeper. In October, I got a sinus infection, which mostly went away with antibiotics, but I have had lingering mild cough with some production in the morning since that time.

    1. Any chance you tend to pick up your kid with your right arm? I’ve definitely had strain from that. If you’re nursing, that could also be exacerbating the issue.

      1. +1. My left (dominant) arm was some combination of painful and numb until everyone was walking consistently.

    3. Also overweight and large chested (and getting older), and I’ve just had to accept that I can’t sleep on my side. If I do, I strain my neck – which is what this sounds like – or my back, or my hands will lose circulation while I sleep. I’m not so overweight as all that, only 160, but it seems like I really need to lose some weight to get back to my prior best health.

    4. I’ve been experiencing neck pain on the right side. My personal trainer told me I have a huge knot in my rhomboid. This is caused by side sleeping and poor posture while sitting and, I’m convinced, because my arm is at an uncomfortable angle all day holding onto my mouse. DH and I looked up some massages and trigger point releases. He did ok, I definitely see an improvement but it’s not 100%. I think I need to book a massage with someone who specializes in this, which is going to require a lot of phone calls. In the meantime I’m massaging my shoulder blade against every particularly pointy door frame.

      1. I got dry needling from a physical therapist in my shoulder knot and it made a big difference. I also got exercises to strengthen the other back muscles so I’m not overusing that one.

    5. What position do you sleep in? Is the numbness in the night also on the right side hand? What part of the hand? Carpal tunnel like (palm/thumb) or more like the lower arm/hand/pinky? How do you carry your baby? Always on one side?

      Sounds like you need a few physical therapy sessions to get some manual work on your neck/shoulder, and input on your sleep position and good body mechanics when carrying baby etc..

      You’ve been through a lot this year, and your body is still changing/slowly recovering. Likely it is muscular and a knowledgeable PT might help a lot.

    7. Does it feel like it’s been getting better over the week (which might suggest there was a particular incident or a thing that caused it) or has it got worse or stayed the same? Do you carry a bag on your right shoulder – maybe you’re lugging more stuff around now your baby is a little more alert? Or back at work and been hunching over a laptop more than usual? I get upper back pain on and off but can usually figure out what happened to start it hurting (unfortunately in my late thirties sometimes that’s ‘rolled over in bed too jerkily’). I usually try to remember to check my posture regularly and loosen my shoulders and do very gentle, slow neck stretches, just nodding my head up and down and shaking side to side to a point of discomfort but not pain.

    8. I sleep on my side and a new, thin pillow solved my neck pain. I much prefer fluffy pillows, but I guess giving that up is just part of getting older.

    9. Are you still taking your prenatal? (Sometimes vitamin/mineral deficiencies can make people more prone to muscle cramping.)

      I think childbirth can cause thoracic outlet syndrome, so that may be something you’ll discuss with the doctor.

    10. Not to be an alarmist, and I am not a doctor, but this sounds a lot like what Washington Nationals pitcher Stephen Strasburg was feeling as thoracic outlet syndrome sidelined him. The Mayo Clinic website says this: “Common causes of thoracic outlet syndrome include trauma from a car accident, repetitive injuries from a job or sport, and pregnancy”. Take this seriously and don’t let doctors act like it’s not a big deal and a little PT will solve it. Keep pushing if the pain and numbness don’t go away. Strasburg lost his career and apparently can’t pick up his kids or do much of anything without pain.

    11. It sort of sounds like it could be from muscle tightness/weakness. Two kids did a number on my body and I’ve had to do dedicated training to avoid daily pain.

      1. I went to a physical therapist then a chiropractor for months and months (until my benefits ran out for each) after my second child was born, for a stiff neck that would not ease up. Something about all the crap you have to carry including the baby and and a breast pump was just too much for my body.

        I was referred to an MD pain specialist (whom I went to with the biggest eye roll, because I didn’t think I had pain at the pain specialist level) and she had me take round-the-clock NSAID/anti-inflammatories + a round the clock muscle relaxer (flexeril) to allow my muscles to un-clench. Damned if she wasn’t right. It only took three days and my neck relaxed. It was the biggest, most wonderful aaahhhhh! moment ever.

    13. Have you tried a heating pad or a stick-on heat wrap? When I sleep wrong and get a sore neck heat helps clear it up days sooner.

    14. Yoga With Kassandra (free on YouTube) has some excellent 10-20-30 minutes videos for neck and shoulder pain. You can search by length.

      If you are not allergic, Alleve for the pain.

    15. Book a massage. I get one every month because I sit all day and I sleep with a CPAP so my neck is a mess. However, in the past few months, my right shoulder is much worse and I now have a prescription for physical therapy. You may be getting older but we can get relief from pain.

  14. Looking for vacation/travel rec/inspo. Family of 5, kids 5,8,10 (all still in elem). We are looking for something to fill up our April break which is the 3rd week in april. We do not want to fly (we did flying trips in Dec and Feb) or drive more than 6 hours. Coming from the greater Boston area.

    We are toying with Montreal or maybe Niagara (Ontario side), or maybe doing something in NYC but we tend to do better doing NYC trips 1:1 or 1:2 and not 2 adults + 3 kids of varying ages and interests.

    1. Niagara Falls is a seven hour drive (not sure how much that matters) and isn’t very warm. Also, as much as I love it… there isn’t all that much to do there. I think Montreal would be much more fun.

      Philadelphia with a side day trip to Hershey Park?

    2. Niagara Falls is going to take you more than 6 hours. I’d say 7.5 and that’s with no bathroom breaks, no traffic, and a seamless border crossing.

    3. Philly is right at the edge of your drive time (or take the train – it’s cost effective if you book super early).

      We loved a long weekend in Montreal in winter and your kids would probably enjoy the Biodome, but I’m not sure what there is to ‘do’ when it’s not snow sport time nor reliably warm.

      1. Franklin Institute in Philly is hosting Art of the Brick (Lego sculptures and art) during April and my kids (6/9) enjoyed the other Franklin Institute exhibits during our Philly trip.

      2. Yeah, April is a very awkward time of year in Canada and northern New England. You can’t count on nice weather for being outside and walking around, but you also can’t count on snow for winter sports. It’s likely to just be gross and slushy.
        I like the Philly idea.

    4. Have you done a family trip to Philly yet? It’s about a 5 hour drive (if it’s timed to avoid traffic, and of course depending on exactly where you are coming from in Boston area).

      Philly area schools don’t have an April break, so it shouldn’t be too crowded. Old City is geared for families and school trips. Even if your kids aren’t super into history, it is cool because Boston and Philly obviously share a Colonial history.

      While April weather is unpredictable, it has a decent shot of being warm enough and sunny in late April and things will be in bloom, so the city will be beautiful. In addition to Old City, we have a really great city park system which the kids might enjoy.

    5. I’ll put in a plug for Montreal because I live here and it’s great, with the caveat that the 3rd week of April is super unpredictable weather-wise. It could be really nice, or slushy and miserable… and it’s a bit of an in-between time where you can’t do winter things like tobogganing or ice skating anymore, but may not be able to enjoy the fun summer outdoorsy stuff yet depending on the weather.

      1. OP here- it’s our first choice but we started looking at things to do with the kids and found we were in a weird time frame where there is no winter fun and no summer fun. I’d love ideas if you have them, other than the biodome which is on the list.

        1. We always went walking through Chinatown and eating the pastries, buying Japanese candy, etc, when I was visiting as a child. Understanding that it’s outside walking, obviously slushy is not ideal but is still doable if you end up there 😄.

          As a child, I enjoyed both Parc Safari and Granby Zoo any time of the year we went (in fact, so long ago that there wasn’t a pool area), but I can’t speak to how they’ve held up over the years (or if you want to divert while driving).

        2. If you have a car and the weather isn’t too bad, the Ecomuseum is cute – it’s an outdoor zoo featuring local species and a nice complement to the biodome. If the weather is nice: all the parks – Mount Royal, but also Lafontaine Park, and lots of little parks everywhere with cute playgrounds. I really like to walk or bike from Old Montreal to the Atwater Market along the Canal. Lots of cool food around Atwater market even if the stalls aren’t open yet. Try Arthurs (can get really busy on weekends), Satay Brothers (spicy malaysian) or if your kids are good eaters you can try Joe Beef/Liverpool House (evenings only, kind of high end, but we’ve gone with kids and they were surprisingly nice – go early before the party crowd arrives). Outdoor spas are a quintessential Montreal experience, most don’t allow kids but some have kid-friendly times. The science center is pretty cute, and the Pointe a Caillère museum is a Montreal history museum that has a kid friendly installation (and a nice restaurant on the top floor). Old Montreal is fun to walk around – try to get a spot at Olive et Gourmando or take some pastries to go. Walk around the Mile End to try the fresh bagels (Fairmount and Saint Viateur are within a block of each other, try both and pick your favorite!). If you want a bigger brunch, Beautys or Bagel etc are old-school dinner There are a lot of cute little boutiques around there. Bilie the Kid in the Plateau sells expensive and cute kids clothing. April should still be sugar shack time if you want to try it – you’ll have to drive out of the city but it’s a fun meal with kids and lots of sugar shacks have horse drawn carriages and other kid-friendly attractions.

      1. This—a great kids’ vacation destination that works for parents, too. I hesitated to suggest it only because the OP said they want to drive.

    7. Niagara or Niagara Falls?
      There is more to Niagara than the Falls, which is a horribly overpriced tourist trap and not something I would drive that far for.
      The rest of the region, though, has historic forts, wineries, museums, quaint towns with lovely stores, the Welland Canal, and so much more.

  15. Who wants to help me shop? It might be too early for this, but I am looking for a dress I can wear for Easter and other spring events. Given that I’m in the Midwest and the holiday is early this year, it will be cold. I guess I’d prefer something that has long sleeves, if possible, and won’t look ridiculous with boots or otherwise covered shoes. I’m a size 14 and carry most of my weight in my hips and thighs. I despise the blouson sleeves that are shown everywhere right now and can’t abide by anything that looks reminiscent of a prairie dress or rufflepuff. Sorry to those who like them, but it’s 100 percent not my style. I don’t even know where to look, honestly.

      1. Ditto Boden. I have two knit dresses with sleeves from there that I wear a lot in spring and fall.

    2. Mango carries shirt dresses and other midi/maxi dresses with sleeves. Not top quality but could work for holiday attire

    4. Try Talbots – their spring stuff is coming out, and they have a fair number of dresses with sleeves.

  16. I need some words of support, either give me permission to wallow or tell me to suck it up and get back out there. DH and I have been going through fertility testing and we had our appointment with the doctor this morning to talk about treatment options. I was really hoping IUI might be worthwhile. DH has a VLL so it’s difficult to get the timing right on our own. Well apparently that’s not a viable option so it’ll have to be IVF, which after seeing friends go through horrific experiences I’ve said I would never do. I’m pretty devastated and I feel like it’s all on me now. I chair the board of a charity that bought a table at a networking event and dinner tonight and I’m supposed to be one of the attendees. I really do not want to put on a happy face rn. I have a ton of work (in my actual job) today so I can’t check out for a few hours before the event, either. They could probably fill my seat if I didn’t go, but still, I said I would go and I would feel guilty backing out at the last minute. Can I stay home or should I push through and go to the event?

    1. Obviously, you do you. However, unless this event is child/fertility focused itself, I know I personally would feel better forcing myself to go, keeping the commitment and hopefully allowing myself to be distracted by mindless chit chat and okay food. If I say home I personally would wallow, and there is enough time for that in the coming days…

      But I am not you. You know what you need.

      1. This is how I’d feel about the event.

        Re: IVF, this internet stranger gives you permission not to, if you need to hear it. We have unexplained infertility – after all the tests, there is not a thing wrong with either of us. When we got the “there’s nothing wrong with you” test results back and the doctor said in the next breath the same thing you’ve just heard – IUI doesn’t have great success, so let’s just jump to IVF to save you time and money – it felt like a shock to us. And we decided it wasn’t for us. We have no biological need for our own children and honestly we both like school aged kids more than little ones. Our adoption journey has taken many turns (including a failed placement, an indescribably heart-wrenching experience), and we’re on a pause right now for our careers, but if you want to be a parent, there are ways to get there. Hugs to you on this journey, whatever you decide.

    2. You should go. There are a lot harder days than this is trying to have a baby.

      And you should also seriously consider IVF. It sucks. But your doctor is probably right that IUI is a waste of time.

    3. I think that in like a week no one will remember if you went or not. Maybe it’s a great opportunity for someone junior who is excited to attend. I say wallow.

    4. Oh, I’m so sorry! I remember thinking that I never, ever wanted to do IVF and feeling really frustrated when we got to that point. I will say that although IVF wasn’t easy, it wasn’t nearly as hard as I was anticipating (probably due to a combination of my anticipating worst case scenarios at every turn and having a medical experience that had a few setbacks but overall wasn’t too bad). I tried to think that IVF was a “pull out the big guns” treatment, and while it wasn’t how I wanted things to go, it was the most likely path to get us to our goal.

      Generally, I felt better when I carried on with regular life stuff as a distraction rather than wallowing (I think the exception was when I declined to attend a baby shower for my husband’s cousin). I feel like when I don’t go to things I tend to both wallow *and* feel guilty about not attending during the time of the event, which leaves me feeling worse overall. I also hate coming up with a white lie for why I’m not attending.

      1. I completely agree with this. IVF wasn’t fun – but I think finding out that we had to do IVF was the hardest part. The actual medication and procedures weren’t that bad.

        IUI actually has a pretty low success rate – whereas IVF is much, much higher in most cases. FWIW, we did one retrieval, two transfers, and I have two kids. There are so many horror stories because people with normal, uninteresting experiences….don’t talk about them.

        As for the event? Feel free to wallow. This stuff is hard and exhausting. Save your emotional energy for where it’s really critical.

        1. Well I’ve done two transfers and have nothing to show for it. The IVF stats aren’t great either, but they are better than IUI.

    5. I have 3 kids from IVF and although emotionally it was difficult, physically it was a big nothing. Monitoring appointments were annoying and obviously the shots weren’t super fun, but it was really no big deal. You absolutely need to keep living life though. Staying busy kept me sane.

      1. On the other hand, she’s dealing with a ton of grief in the most excruciatingly lonely way, and if she doesn’t want go she doesn’t need to go.

        1. She asked if she should push through and go. In my experience as a real veteran of this exact thing over the course of many years, going is for sure going to be better than sitting at home feeling sad.

        2. In my experience, I feel far more lonely in these circumstances when I opt out of events.

    7. I would not go in your shoes. I had a pretty rough fertility experience over many years, and I would have just skipped in your shoes on days I got really bad news. I would try to fill my seat by asking a friend/colleague or go in my place.

      And generally on fertility treatment:
      Fertility treatment is generally a matter of timing – how fast do you want to get pregnant? Fertility isn’t binary for most people – e.g., it’s not that you can or cannot get pregnant, it’s that it is taking you a very long time to get pregnant compared to the average.

      You know how people will tell you that “their friend got pregnant the month they were starting IVF because they finally relaxed?” Um, no they did not just relax – it still took them 2 years to get pregnant which is significantly longer than average an in indication of fertility issues. And my friend who had her first 3 kids through 4 years of IVF, and then got spontaneously pregnant with a 4th – that was not because “she didn’t have fertility problems” it was because her odds of getting pregnant without assistance are low, but not zero.

      IVF is FASTER than IUI, which is why it is often recommended. Unless your condition makes it highly unlikely you will get pregnant doing IUI (e.g., you have no fallopian tubes), I think it’s fine to do some IUIs and in many cases helpful – if you are willing to accept it might take much longer for you to get pregnant since chances are lower, and the risks that come with that (e.g., age), you can learn a lot that is helpful for IVF (if you need it) by doing medicated IUIs.

      I have an unusual condition where IVF is only 2-3% more effective than IUI, so I opted out of IVF and did 14 IUIs over almost 2 years to get pregnant. I’m going into IUI #7 for #2. It has in many ways been worse than some of my friends who did IVF, but in some ways it has been simpler.

      1. Thanks this is helpful feedback. And thanks to everyone so far.

        Our problem is male factor infertility. The doctor says there aren’t enough quality sp*rm for IUI to be worthwhile. I knew going into today that count/motility were issues, but I was really hoping they could maybe wash multiple samples to make one good one, but I guess that’s not a viable option for us either.

        1. IVF works much better for male factor than IUI (even when it’s doable). It’s understandable you’re distressed to learn you need IVF, but that’s largely a mental hurdle. IVF is more intensive than IUI, but you will likely be doing so many fewer cycles that overall it might actually be easier. Not the same situation, but: I have a child with epilepsy, and when our neurologist suggested we see an epileptologist, my heart sank, because it meant his case was more severe than I had been telling myself. And seeing an epileptologist meant going into NYC from the suburbs, and would be more difficult, etc. From the vantage point of several years later, it’s clear it was the right decision to go this route, despite the inconvenience (my child is doing well). The mental hurdle was by far worse than the actuality.

        2. If you are fertile and would presumably have no problems getting pregnant, I think IVF would be a lot easier for you because you will actually be able to conceive unlike many women doing it.

        3. I would strongly consider IVF. I didn’t find the it physically taxing. The appointments and shots are annoying, but I would happily do it again for my daughter. We are planning to have a second, and luckily have frozen embryos so I will only (hopefully) have to go through the transfer.

          If you want more than 1 child, IVF may likely be less stress on your body than multiple IUIs for each child.

      2. Exactly this. I have a cousin who was able to get pregnant twice in twenty years. There was no voodoo magic the times she got pregnant; it was just the time everything lined up.

        Sure, you can get things like extreme amounts of stress impacting fertility, but “just relaxing” is not what cures that. It is often something like a three week vacation after leaving a high stress job and before taking a lower-stress role.

    8. DH should take the little blue pill to at least give the timing thing a try.

      Go to your charity event. You can do it!

  17. Chapter 13 here. Anyone have experience with a Public Trust background investigation? How long did yours take? Did they reach out to all of your contacts? Did they reach out to you for an interview? I found out that’s what my background for the new job actually is. I filled out my forms this weekend (it took hours). There was a whole section on bankruptcy where they wanted every little detail, including the amount, which was high for me (around $90k). I still have about $70k to pay off. I’m worried they will say that’s enough to be blackmailed and won’t give me the pass on the background. However, I won’t know if I passed until a few months after starting with the agency. I’m definitely really nervous (so nervous that I reached out to my doctor for an ad hoc anxiety medicine). Any stories to share?

    1. I filled out my paperwork in September’23, received provisional clearance in 4 weeks ( and started work in September), and last week received a call to schedule an in person interview. This is for a public trust clearance as a contractor at a regulatory body

    2. The best tip for passing is just to be honest. As long as you are honest, you should be okay. They did reach out to my neighbors and several contacts but it was perfunctory. The interview itself took maybe an hour (90 minutes tops) and was scheduled pretty quickly. You disclosed the BK on your application, right? As long as there’s nothing new, they’ll want to better understand who you are but this shouldn’t be disqualifying.

      2. Yes, this. Being fully transparent is the way to go, and will be unlikely to hurt you. I don’t know the circumstances surrounding your BK, but assuming it was something like medical bills or even just CC debt (as opposed to gambling or something similar), I can’t imagine it really mattering. $90k may seem like a lot to you, but it might not really be that much in the grand scheme of things. It’s certainly not when it comes to overall debt (how many people here have student loans greater than that amount?). I also really don’t understand the whole blackmail angle: you’re already in BK, I assume you have a payment plan, you’ve disclosed it to your new employer, etc. What exactly is there to blackmail you over?

        Source: have done a Public Trust background investigation for myself and been the reference for others, including being interviewed for my own investigation and for someone else’s. I remember being asked whether my friend could have been blackmailed in any way, and I said something along the lines of “well yeah if you threatened his family or something, just like anyone else” and that shut down the line of questioning. A former bf with a top secret security clearance disclosed MJ use from when he was in college and it didn’t count against him. They only cared that he disclosed it up front, rather than failing to disclose and it coming out later in the investigation.

        1. I would be afraid that answering the question in that flippant manner would be misinterpreted and lead to further questioning or negative consequences. The person I know who used to do these interviews says to treat them exactly as you would if you were being deposed or were on the witness stand in court—answer only the question asked truthfully and narrowly, don’t speculate, don’t volunteer anything extra.

          1. I mean, I was like 23 or 24 when this happened, and probably wouldn’t answer it that way now. But I remember the investigator really pressing repeatedly on this issue, trying to get me to say something and reveal my friend’s deep dark secrets. His deep dark secret? He loves his family and would do anything for them (low income parents, disabled sister, etc.). So that’s why I said it, because duh, anyone who loves their family as much as he does could theoretically be blackmailed if someone threatened to harm their family members. I absolutely didn’t say it in a flippant way, more of a “aren’t we all vulnerable in some way if we have someone we love?” way.

        2. Thanks for the info! I think blackmail was the wrong word, I meant that I worry they will view me as a risk for stealing/embezzlement, etc because I have so much debt. But you are right that others have just as much in other areas. I paid off my student loans and I don’t have a mortgage.

          1. Adjudication for public trust and even security clearance isn’t binary; it’s about honesty and assessment of risk factors. It can take a little time and feel invasive but with honesty it would likely turn out ok. I’m not familiar with it for public trust but I know people who have successfully appealed security clearance denials (which is a higher bar) so though I am not an expert I think you would be ok.

    3. Since you are on a plan and are making payments on that plan, then I don’t foresee it being a problem.

      The process is truly different for every investigation, so hard to say if you or your contacts will be interviewed. I’ve had a few levels of clearances / background checks and it seems to be different each time, and when I discuss with coworkers, we have all had different experiences as well.

    4. I can’t help with the logistics, but as an outsider who has followed your posts and seen that you’re working really hard to pay back your debts, I want to share that I really don’t see a valid reason for the bankruptcy to be a barrier to most jobs.

      I don’t understand how someone could be blackmailed over a bankruptcy that 1) is part of the public record and 2) you fully disclosed. Who could someone threaten to tell that would make a difference to you? You owe money that you have to pay back, which means you don’t have a ton of spare cash for fun. However, how is that different than someone who has a lot of student loans? A big mortgage?

      Unless the bankruptcy is due to something ongoing like an untreated addiction, I really don’t see why it should be a problem. Unless the policy goal of background checks is to not hire people who had some financial trouble and didn’t have a trust fund to bail them out. Which, may be the case? But would be a really bad policy goal.

      1. +1 hiding adverse things >>> adverse things.
        They want to know what risk you pose and make sure that you’ve been straight with them more than they want to say no.

      2. Agree with this. Regarding your comment about trust funds – cynically, I wonder how much being upper class or upper middle class with loving, involved parents correlates to things that companies find desirable. If you are mentally and physically healthy, have good people in your life, and can throw money at problems, you probably have fewer personal circumstances that take you away from your job. Obviously, there are no guarantees against having problems; it’s a matter of chance and not certainty.

    5. You should contact the persons you listed as references and let them know you listed them and that they may be contacted by a background investigator, so it isn’t a suspicious surprise. Please also be aware that the investigator will not limit themselves to only contacting the references you affirmatively identified in your background investigation form — the investigator likely will ask your references who else you had contact with at the time they knew you, and will seek to reach out to those additional contacts. If appropriate, you can discuss with your references who might be good additional contacts for them to offer to the investigator, if asked, so they can gather contact information for the investigator (emails/phone numbers), and to maintain some visibility into who the investigator may contact about you. And you can alert those additional contacts, too, that they may be contacted about you. You don’t have complete control over who the investigator may contact, but if you make it easy for them, they may just contact only those people for whom they have an email/phone number. (Specifically, you can list names of contacts on the form, but if you are no longer in contact with them, you can say you no longer have contact information for them; the investigator will either search them out, or just go with whoever you provide contact information for); they ask for three names per job and educational institution and address, but don’t always contact all three.). You can alert your neighbors and current co-workers, too. Nothing wrong with alerting your references, and nothing wrong with letting them know that they should please just tell the truth.

  18. Is there a way to make the Poshmark “Feed” relevant to me or do I have to find things I’m interested in manually? I don’t care about “Shows” or “Recommendations” from their annoying “Ambassadors”. I want to see if there are new items from specific brands (which yes I have “followed”) listed. It doesn’t matter how many people I unfollow or even block, I cannot get the information I actually want to be front and center.

    1. Just do searches for the things you’re interested in. Sounds a lot faster than trying to mess with settings.

    2. Search the brand and then sort for item type (eg women’s, men’s, kids) then do sort by ‘newly listed’ as the default is by ‘just shared’.

      1. I do this and bookmark the search result page with all of my filters set up properly; I just open this group of bookmarks when I want to check that s-te.

    3. So far as I know, no. I likewise find the social media aspect of Poshmark weird and unhelpful. I just want the used clothes I want! I rely on Mercari a lot for this instead.

  19. Reposting after last week, since our flights are booked now.

    I have a surprise business trip to Florence over spring break (beginning-mid of March where I live), and will take my family. Kid is 8 yrs old, seasoned traveller (family in Europe, been to London and some other cities with museums and sightseeing). We fly into Florence and out from Rome. Will be one week in Florence during my conference where kid will be exploring with husband, and a few days of vacation to go to Rome together.

    Any tips for sights to see, playgrounds, parks, anything else kid-friendly?

    Also thinking about agritourism, renting a car and staying in the country side between the two cities. Has anyone done this and do you have tips?

    1. Florence is great! I didn’t have kids back then, but I liked the Boboli Gardens. If your kid is up to it, hike up to San Miniato al Monte, but it might be a little steep for them. Otherwise Florence is very walkable, and lots of good kid-friendly food options. I enjoyed exploring the Oltrarno (the “other” side of the river) which was generally quieter and more chill. The blogger Aspiring Kennedy has some Florence with kids content that looks helpful. No specific agrotourism recs but my friends did it last year in Tuscany with a toddler and it looked incredible! Warning that driving into Italian cities can be complicated – there are restricted areas, the streets are narrow, and the driving is a little chaotic. You’re probably fine driving out of the city and then focusing on the cute villages. Italy also has pretty decent public transportation options and you can easily do a one-day trip with a driver from Florence if that’s easier.

    2. I was in Florence this summer and loved it and would go back in a heart beat. If you are looking for nice leather item the leather school (Scuola del Cuoio) is worth a visit. I got several beautiful items as well as some gifts there. Maybe not super kid friendly but not bad.

    3. No specific recs for Florence, but we did countryside agriturismos in Germany, Austria and Italy this past summer and it’s my preferred accommodation. It’s a ton of research, but you can find some really magical properties with some amazing hosts off the beaten path. We enjoyed delicious food, great hikes, and thoroughly enjoyed slowing down outside of cities. As a family of five, we were also able to find places with enough room to spread out and not be sleeping on top of each other.

    4. I was in both cities in October this year. Florence was perfect. I have visited several times and will happily go again. It is very walkable. For me, Rome is harder. I enjoyed the less popular things. Pre-booking very early and very late tickets ( Sistine Chapel at 7.00 a.m.) did help but some things were truly miserable and would be worse for a child – think of shuffling through a narrow museum gallery in a wall-to-wall scrum of people. Or waiting in line for nearly 3 hours to enter St Peters, even with a prebooked ticket. Although there were 9 entrance security gates only 2 were staffed. It all seemed to be much worse than it used to be, perhaps the post-Covid travel boom. I will visit Rome again but choose very carefully what I revisit. Walking around less visited places can be fun!

    5. I’ve recommended her here before and I know people have had good experiences with her: My friend Claire lives in Florence and is an American expat who guides tours ranging from a half day to two weeks: http://www.wildsage.it She could definitely help you with an itinerary in the countryside as well as guiding you in the city. If you tell her Senior Attorney sent you, she’ll know who it is and give you the VIP treatment!

    6. We went to Venice and Rome last year with an 8 and 10 year old. We booked a private family tour of the Vatican through liv Italy and it was bananas expensive but so amazingly worth it. You don’t have to wait in any lines, the guide was great and tailored the tour to my kids’ interests. I recommend. We also did gladiator school which was a great way to get some energy out with little boys. It was all American families but a cool location and a lot of fun. My kids also really liked listening to Rick Steve’s audio tours in Italy with one earbud for each of them. Have fun!!

    7. Museo Gallileo in Florence is pretty kid friendly for a non kids museum – it’s got a bunch of his old laboratory equipment and experimental setups; and some of them even had replicas you can test out yourself

    8. Florence – an 8 year old can appreciate seeing the Santa Maria del Fiore and David at the Uffizi. Just don’t stay hours!
      Go for 25-35 minutes, see the highlights and leave.

      Same for Rome – see the Trevi fountain and the Colosseum, just be brief.

      I would watch Disney’s Pinocchio with kid before you go – there are loads of Pinocchio souvenirs everywhere, and it’s fun to have some references. Also – find some Donald Duck (or other Disney stories) set in Rome and Florence, there are so many great historical spoofs that will give kid references and maybe they get some ideas of their own of what are must-sees.

      For a fun project – plan to try as many different gelatos as possible during the stay, if kid likes ice cream. Try all the flavors, at least one new one each day, and take pictures and make little reviews to send you while you’re working. Hold up five fingers for five stars, in the picture.

      If kid enjoys giving people presents, maybe have them look at things like the locally made specialist soaps in Florence, or bracelets at the leather market.

      If kid likes H Potter, find one of the statues of the wolf twins that are part of the founding legend, Professor Remus is named for one of the wolves.

  20. We are doing a bathroom remodel, and I’m kind of overwhelmed with choices. I also am trying to figure out what real people actually do in their bathroom remodels as a lot of the photos we find on Instagram, etc. seem impractical. Does anyone have a freestanding tub and likes it? We are replacing a giant, broken Whirlpool tub. A freestanding tub fits the aesthetic of the room better, but I’m worried about ease getting in and out (I’m short) and storing my “stuff” like a book/shampoo/etc. while I’m in the bath.

    1. I’ve never had one, but my first thought is whether you have enough space to make it truly freestanding. If it’s near a wall in any way, I would foresee very hard to reach grime from the dust/shower spray combo.

    2. I’m constantly renovating my terrible bathroom in my head. The biggest issue with a freestanding tub is whether you have space to actually get behind it to clean. You don’t want to have it like 6″ from the wall — you’ll never be able to get behind it easily to clean. Also think about how you actually bathe – do you want a ledge so that you can put candles or a glass of wine up? (I love the look of freestanding but I would need a side table nearby to actually use it.) If you read in the bath, think about lighting and where you would want the lights to be. Also think about how deep your tub is and whether you have enough hot water to actually fill it or if you need to upgrade your tank or go tankless.

      As far as getting in and out, when you go to a showroom, actually test it!

    3. Just remodeled and put in a freestanding tub. DH and I both love it. It looks great and it’s just the right angle to lean back in comfortably. We are tall so not concerned about getting in and out, but as for “stuff” we had a niche put into the wall next to the tub, and we also bought one of those teak bath caddies that go across the tub. It’s heavenly to prop up your book or tablet and enjoy a lovely warm soak. If you have the space, you could also put a small stool next to the tub.

    4. I have an old house so I do have a freestanding tub, one of those clawfoot styles. It’s the absolute best for baths. It’s not the absolute best for showers – we have a ring of two shower curtains – but it’s absolutely workable for showers.

      If you just want one for a soaking tub, go for it.

        1. Aw, thanks. It was a really fun project even though I did move out of that house when I married my sweet husband, which was less than a year after it was finished!

      2. I love it! And I have essentially the same blue metal tables on my screened porch!

    6. We’re in discussions right now with our designer on renovating our forever house. My husband is adamant on a freestanding tub, but I vastly prefer a built-in because I want room for all the stuff I have in the bath – candles, a drink, a book, my phone, and shampoo and conditioner to wash my hair under the faucet at the end. Yeah, it’s a whole production. Apparently we’re compromising on built-in shelving behind the tub.

      I did recently climb in and out of a clawfoot tub at a B&B that felt too tall and I was worried about slipping, and I’m 5’7. So do see if you can try yours out before your purchase.

    7. I have one and hate it. The prior owners put it in as part of a remodel and I thought it was great as I take a lot of baths during the winter.

      It’s very easy to splash water outside of the tub and on the floor, so need mats around. I also find it hard to put my head anywhere and bought a tray for soap, bath salts, etc., bc there isn’t a ledge of any kind. When I was pregnant I couldn’t use it at all since it was hard to get down and back up in a tight space. If I were 40 lbs heavier now it wouldn’t be comfortable either.

    8. For any bathtub – is there access to clean, and is there access to the drain? Having to move a massive tub any time you need to clean the drain is not fun.

    9. I stayed in a hotel once that had a free standing tub inside a really big shower (with no shower door, just a shower wall that spanned only half the width of entry, so you could walk straight into the “wet room” and decide whether to shower or bathe). It was cool, if you have the space.

    10. I grew up with one. My mom’s house had a free standing porcelain ball and foot bathtub. It was great until suddenly it wasn’t— as she got older, it got harder for her to get in and out. Right before she had hip surgery, we had to make arrangements for me to come by and help her just so she could take a shower. I had it replaced with a fiberglass shower kit that could fit a seat, plus we installed grab bars and a handheld shower head.

      Ask yourself how long it would serve you as you age in place, what your alternatives would be if you were injured and couldn’t get in, and how long you plan to stay in your home.

  21. I need help using my words. I’m overthinking this! I took a short contract (1 month very PT) with a startup I was interested in working for longer term. How do I say we need to part ways? I don’t think the startup knows what they want, other than “we need money”. The CEO, who reached out to me, is pretty disrespectful – either arrives to calls late, leaves early, cancels, or shows up and doesn’t want to do anything I suggest. He has rolled his eyes at me on calls and been argumentative with both me and his staff. I’ve made a plan for his staff, which I doubt he’ll implement, but I did my part as best as I could given it’s been really unclear what he even wants. Perhaps the biggest red flag is that his staff seem scared of him.

    Backstory: they asked me for long term consulting PT for 10 months, which seemed like potential misclassification of a worker, and I also work FT and don’t need PT work that long. I was hoping this contract could lead to them hiring me FT, but I’m not longer interested in FT work there. My contract is up, and they want to extend it.

    How do I politely decline, while keeping a good or at least neutral relationship? I’d like to maintain a good relationship given the small ecosystem of this particular startup niche, but I can’t imagine working for this guy again. I would, however, happily work with the team that will implement my strategy. Perfectly nice people!

    1. “Thanks for the offer, but I won’t be accepting. I need to prioritize full time employment.”

    2. I just did this. My existing client just sent me an RFP for a bigger project and kept following up with me to apply. I finally responded
      “Thank you so much for thinking of me, but I will not be applying. Best of luck to you.”

      This is the client that bugged me while I was in the hospital – I was admitted for 3 days due to an unfoseen emergency – and even though I let them know I was hospitalized, they kept emailing and texting me and trying to call me because they had a “deadline.” It was an internal BS deadline too. I’m finishing up what I’m working on for them but I will not be working for them again.

      1. Oh wow! What a nightmare! Hope you’re fully recovered and yes, don’t keep working with them!

    3. you are definitely overthinking. “Thank you for the opportunity; I’ve really enjoyed working with TEAM these past few months/whatever. However, I am not able to commit to additional consulting time. I am happy to spread the opportunity to my network.” (which you dont actually have to do).

  22. Hi Chicago-area readers,

    Does anyone have recommendations for painters/wallpaper installers? I’m also looking for recommendations for someone to do a small amount of tile work in the shower. Lincoln Park area in case it matters. TIA – thanks!

  23. Is there an app to take a picture or input measurements of my small, oddly shaped guest room/office and help me figure out the best configuration?

  24. Any Atlanta friends have a recommendation for dinner near Perimeter mall? Staying in the Dunwoody area.

    2. How nice does it need to be? There is a Seasons 52 near the mall. I find S 52 to be a good nice’ish but without pretenses of being nice-nice. I’m not a big fancy restaurant person, so it’s just right for me.

    3. Adding that if you are staying long enough and like hamburgers, NFA Burger is often deemed the best burger “in Atlanta” and is located in a gas station in Dunwoody. Look for the long line.

  25. Dumb work travel question. I recently started traveling for work again after several years off due to back to back pregnancies plus the pandemic. Am I the only one still putting my liquids in a quart ziploc for carry on luggage? I am PreCheck if that’s any difference – but I noticed my colleagues had cosmetic bags in their totes without ziplocs and wondered if this has changed but can’t find any official notice. Like I said – low stakes! But I’d much rather be able to keep my lip gloss and hand sanitizer in my tote and not have to combine in my suitcase with my overnight stuff, especially if I’m carrying on and going straight to my office.

    1. TSA Pre-Check means you don’t have to take your liquids out of your main bag. They should still (supposedly) be in a zip-top bag. I do that mainly to keep them tidy and reduce spills. Don’t slow down the line to remove anything from your bag unless you’re instructed otherwise. But yeah, a lipgloss and hand sanitizer won’t be a problem.

        1. Yeah in the US it’s not a problem. But I did have a guy at CDG give me a great deal of hassle about my liquids in a clear zipper case that was not a quart sized ziploc.

        2. I haven’t done a ziplock since I got Precheck. It’s great. I have a travel toiletries case that keeps all my liquids on one side and it has never been an issue.

        3. +1 The US is pretty lax, but international security checkpoints for flights re-entering the US are way more strict. I keep my liquids in a cosmetics bag for the US but do a ziploc bag with ten items or less when flying through Mexico, Canada, and Europe.

    2. I use ziplocs for some for leak protection, but otherwise just pack stuff where it makes sense (so foundation stays in makeup bag, eye drops and sanitizer stay in tote, etc). with precheck they don’t care.

    3. It varies from airport to airport, and sometimes from agent to agent. It does seem rare that an agent asks for toiletries to be separated and placed in the bin, but it’s happened to me at least once in the past year, and I don’t travel monthly even.

    4. No one at TSA is paying any attention to whether you have liquids in both your tote and your roller bag. They don’t know which tote goes with which roller. Just make sure everything is a compliant size (up to 3 oz or 100 ml) and you’ll be fine.

    5. I still keep them separate just because it ended up being a handy way to pack, but not in a ziplock bag, there’s a bunch of cuter options that are also more organized and I use those. No one has looked at my liquids in years.

    6. If you are doing any international travel, do please use the plastic bag. You will be stopped at e.g London Heathrow, making all your fellow travellers miserable.

      1. +1 I was stopped there in 2022 because I had forgotten to put a hand sanitzer in the ziplock bag. I had to wait for 2 women to paw through every single thing in my tote bag and roller bag after triumphantly finding the illict hand sanitizer in my tote bag.

      2. LHR is the WORST they got me on a tube of Chapstick. But for domestic travel, it is 100% nbd to have stuff wherever so long as it’s under 3oz.

    7. If you have precheck you don’t need to put liquids into ziplocs in the US (will vary for international travel), but I also still do it despite having precheck because you never know if the shampoo bottle cap becomes unscrewed and causes a mess inside your bag.

    8. For work travel, I keep liquids in a zip lock in the front pocket of my backpack. That way if I have to pull them out, they’re super easy to grab. It probably doesn’t look very cool, but I’m prioritizing efficiency and rule following over anything else in an airport.

    9. I use my normal toiletry case in the US since I don’t have to take them out for pre check. I use clear ones for international travel since they do care.

  26. I have a work-related Q:

    I’ve been with a mega-corp for just shy of a year. I’ve had to figure almost everything out on my own for a couple reasons, but early on I was paired with a “mentor” who is…not great. She’s friendly, and she’s been here forever, but either she’s incompetent or something else.

    Every single question I asked was met with a wrong answer or a misinterpretation of a very simple question. She started off on a bit of a wrong foot with me when she expressed surprise I wasn’t expert at Tool X “because we only hire Your Role when they can use Tool X” well I was hired specifically to shake things up and move fast/break things so…. it just struck a sour note.
    At any rate, I’ve avoiding interacting with her but I still get occasional redirects from well meaning coworkers when I reach out for help. I typically just thank them and look for another way, but it’s grating.

    Is there a way I can gently hint “this person is NOT helpful, someone else please”?

    1. As in you want a new mentor? Or just a new general resource?

      I don’t think you should hint about it. Have a chat with your boss. Say you think the new employee mentorship program is great, but that the relationship has run its course and you would love the opportunity to be paired with someone in a different function to learn even more about the organization or whatever corporate BS would work best with your boss. Or direct this convo to the mentor program coordinator.

    2. You can preempt by saying you’re planning to check with Mentor but also thought your perspective would be useful / in case Mentor is tied up this week, anyone else you’d recommend I chat with?

      And if appropriate, I’d ask for another mentor – doesn’t have to be a big thing, just that you’ve loved your time with X and are excited to keep growing your network at the company

  27. Inspired by Tulsa King, DBF and I are contemplating a 3-4 day trip to Tulsa, OK.

    I think we might stay at the Mayo (where Dwight lives, in the series) and visit the Bob Dylan Center and Woody Guthrie Center.

    Any other must-sees, or restaurant recommendations?

    1. I lived in Tulsa one summer. I suggest you check out the Philbrook and the Gilcrease museums (lots of Native art) if that’s your thing! There’s also a zoo, aquarium, and a botanic garden. My restaurant recommendations are probably out of date, but definitely check out a steakhouse!

      1. Valkyrie is an amazing bar.
        I had great food and (bar) service at Amelia’s
        Steak at Prhyme was excellent for steak.
        Visited solo for work twice in late 2019 and early 2020 just before the pandemic

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