Weekend Open Thread
Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
I tend to be a solid-color T-shirt girl for most purposes, but every so often I find a great print T-shirt that I have to have. Right now Sanctuary has a bunch in both long and short sleeves — and this gorgeous pink and red floral print is calling my name.
I think it looks great with shorts but could also look great layered under a cardigan or classic blazer, or even worn with a maxi skirt for a casual vibe. The T-shirt is $49 at Nordstrom and comes in at least nine other prints (some of them in plus sizes). (You can also find other additional prints at Zappos, SanctuaryClothing.com, and Amazon.)
Looking for T-shirts with fun prints? Some classic brands to check include Ted Baker, Boden, Talbots, and The Kit. These may be on the more casual side, but also look at Tommy Bahama.
If you're hunting for striped tees, Boden, Tuckernuck, and AYR have a ton of options that look great; this cashmere striped tee from J.Crew also looks fabulous — and it comes up to size 3X.
Sales of note for 12.5
- Nordstrom – Cyber Monday Deals Extended, up to 60% off thousands of new markdowns — great deals on Natori, Vince, Theory, Boss, Cole Haan, Tory Burch, Rothy's, and Weitzman, as well as gift ideas like Barefoot Dreams and Parachute — Dyson is new to sale, 16-23% off, and 3x points on beauty purchases.
- Ann Taylor – up to 50% off everything
- Banana Republic Factory – up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off
- Design Within Reach – 25% off sitewide (including reader-favorite office chairs Herman Miller Aeron and Sayl!) (sale extended)
- Eloquii – up to 60% off select styles
- J.Crew – 1200 styles from $20
- J.Crew Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off $100+
- Macy's – Extra 30% off the best brands and 15% off beauty
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
- Steelcase – 25% off sitewide, including reader-favorite office chairs Leap and Gesture (sale extended)
- Talbots – 40% off your entire purchase and free shipping $125+
My shoulder-length hair is now mostly gray and very fizzy. It used to be straight, now it bends at weird angles and always looks a mess. Best hair product recommendations?
brazillian/keratin treatment if you want it straight
lots of moisture (masks, leave-in conditioners) if you don’t want a chemical straightener
Bond repairing mask. Brand doesn’t matter that much.
After that, a leave-in product like a serum or a curl cream.
My hair is somewhat frizzy from gray hair and is hard to blow dry into any kind of style. I find that jumbo heated rollers help conquer some of the frizz and allow the lines of my hair cut to be seen. I leave rollers in for just as long as it takes to put the last one in, don’t use heat setting products and brush out right away so it doesn’t look too “done”.
switch to curly girl method — products, approach, etc.
Back to the UM/UIM coverage where somebody brought up umbrella policies. I thought umbrella policies cover you if YOU are sued, not if you are hit by an un- or underinsured driver? [Thinking through all this now with eyes wide open. A new teen driver will do that to you.]
Correct. An umbrella policy is basically additional funds if you are sued. If you have any significant assets, you may want to speak to your agent about it. The cost for us is less than $300 a year for an $5 million in coverage for home and auto.
+1
When a family member was hurt by someone underinsured, there was some interest in our Umbrella policy, but unfortunately that didn’t kick in to help. Maybe some do?
If someone gets seriously hurt by my family / while on my property ….. I would want them to get $1 million plus from my Umbrella insurance if they were paralyzed for life, for example. And yes, if you have significant assets you want that protection or else your personal savings could be at risk in a lawsuit.
Anyone that has a home pool or trampoline should definitely have an umbrella policy….. or not have those things at all.
Others can comment on whether they’ve heard differently, but when I was shopping for umbrella coverage, a well-known financial blogger advised that you can settle for a $1M policy (instead of shelling out for a $5M policy) because most insurance companies are going to be very motivated to fight to avoid a payout anywhere close to 7 figures. There may not be much additional benefit after you’re already paying for a mil.
Except if you lose. And I’ve seen cases lost that on the merits, they should have won; the cost of the appeal is more than I could bear, so setting within a $5M policy limit means I get to retire. A $1M limit means that I’ve got to start saving for retirement all over again I think (or my home equity is wiped out entirely).
I’m more worried about UM/UIM coverage for an accident that mains me and gives me crazy medical and rehab bills; I’m covered if I die, but not if I linger on semi-disabled for decades :(
Maybe, if it’s a claim that is arguably worth significantly less than $1M. But, where a claim is clearly worth more than policy limits, I don’t see why an insurance company would spend money on litigation instead of just paying out the policy limit of $1M.
Thank you for giving me the reminder I needed to call and get umbrella insurance!
I did this today!
If you took extend time away for parental leave (looking at the Europeans and Canadians with better parental leave laws), when did you notice your work load start to slow down?
Mid-size boutique lawyer, planning on taking 10 to 12 months off (amazing that I even can!). I’ll still be working for about 4 months still, but I feel like work is already being navigated elsewhere? Not the work that comes directly from my long-time clients and not any of my existing files, but the new files are likely be directed elsewhere.
It makes sense (why put me on a file where the hearing date is while I am on leave), but it feels strange. What was your experience?
I had the biglaw 5 month long leave with 2 pregnancies and found that I stopped getting new cases mid pregnancy. that unfortunately made it harder to keep hours up before the leave but both forms were understanding and didn’t seem to hold it against me.
Yeah, I wish that people were more fungible in law (such that job-sharing was a thing), but it’s like the polar opposite of nursing, where you could be in the middle of birthing a baby and if it’s time for a shift change, you get a new nurse mid-push.
very true! at one firm, we did actually have a revolving door of pregnant associates, so it actually worked out well – Susie came back from leave in Jan so transitioned onto Jane’s cases before she left in March…. but most won’t have that
I think this depends on your practice. I’m in a transactional practice where the heavy lift tends to be about 6-8 weeks, and I noticed a decline around 6-7 months. But if it’s longer, I can see how it would kick in earlier.
I’m in Canada, so I took 12 months. I’m an in-house lawyer so I don’t have origination issues, but I worked a regular workload until my 7-8th month, then I slowly started to not be staffed on new deals and projects. I’m happy I had started transitioning stuff and kept an updated transition memo at that time, because I ended up having to leave early due to health concerns and my baby was born at 37 weeks. When I came back, it took 2-3 months to feel fully on-boarded again. It’s kind of like starting a new job, which can be frustrating since it’s also not a new job, but such is life.
Not in law, and taking just 4 months, but I’ve definitely found that I’ve had less work since about halfway through my pregnancy as well. At first I felt really guilty about it, but honestly it’s nice not to be as stressed about work when I have enough to-dos to stress out about at home!
My leave wasn’t that long (12 weeks), but I found the same thing. I was in litigation at the time, and I volunteered for busy work to keep my hours up. Some of it was actually interesting because it was novel for me–I made an appearance at a relatively meaningless hearing in federal criminal court, I argued a creditor’s case before a rural justice of the peace, and I attended a few depositions where co-counsel from another firm took or defended the deposition and our firm just needed someone there. Other parts were less interesting–I made a spreadsheet of damages claimed in over 80 plaintiffs’ depositions in a mass tort case–but it got the hours in without being overly stressful.
Not in law, Canadian, and took the full 12 months offered at the time.
My workload started slowing down around midway through, so 5 or 6 months. It worked out well because I ended up starting my leave toward the end of month 7.
Like this pick for being patterned, but anyone know of an alternative option that is 1) 100% cotton and 2) scoop or v neck? I’m busty and crew necks are not flattering.
Caslon sometimes has those but not yet this year
Lilly Pulitzer’s Etta tees
When do you trade in cars, and what factors make you decide to trade one in? My parents have always been “buy + drive for 20 years” kind of people… we have a 2016 Subaru Outback and 2016 Honda Accord. Honda is everyone’s least favorite. (Bought outright in 2015/2016.) TIA!
When the car doesn’t work anymore. I was also raised in a buy new, use until not useful any longer kinda family. My 2004 corolla was driven till 2019 when it died in a car accident.
I currently have a 2023 Accord hybrid and it’s great. I like Hondas because they are reliable and drive well. May not be as fancy as the SUVs I see parked at the elementary school at drop off, but I’m not looking to impress the neighbors with my expensive car…
I have a 2021 accord hybrid coming off the lease in a few months and I’m planning on buying it. I can’t believe how much the used ones are going for!
Ditto. I had a 19 year old car and I was worried about it making it to the dealership so I could trade it in. Repairs were way higher than the car was worth. So I was happy with the deal. Otherwise, there are lots of ways to sell a used car. Had a car that I’d driven til it was almost dead, and I donated that one to a nonprofit who was happy to accept it.
I have a friend who buys new cars every couple of years or so, then sells them privately, and she makes money on the sales. I’d rather just get a car I like, take care of it, and keep it til it falls apart.
This is what we do. We pay cash for a new car and drive it until it breaks and it no longer makes financial sense to fix it, which is usually around the 12-year/250K miles mark. I am rethinking this a little now that you can’t just go out and buy the car you want immediately, though. Our older car is going to cr@p out any day and I worry that we will have to wait months for the replacement we want. I am beginning to think it might be wiser to pre-emptively replace cars around 10 years or 200K miles. I have the same concern with appliances.
I am in my 50s and have owned 4 cars in my life.
Car #1 – A very used VW Rabbit that I drove in college and when I first started working. I kept it until things in the engine started breaking due to metal fatigue. Traded it in when my alternator fell off on the freeway.
Car #2- My first Honda (a Civic) that I sold relatively early (I only had it 5 years) but it was a coupe and I was pregnant and needed a sedan.
Car #3 – My second Honda (another Civic but this time a sedan) I bought used with 12K miles and drove to 250K miles (12 years). It reached the stage where it needed quite a lot of expensive work for me to feel safe driving it for the long distances I routinely drove at that point in my life so I donated it to charity.
Car #4 – My third Honda, which I own now. It is approaching 200K miles and I just spent about $3K on it (brakes, tires, spark plugs, etc.). I think I can get another two years out of it given that I do not drive as much anymore. When it is in the 225-250K mileage range, I will trade it in or sell it when my (very trustworthy) mechanic gives me a list of several thousand dollars worth of repairs.
We don’t. We drive them for 200,000+ miles and then sell them for cash. And since we maintain them very well, we usually sell them for enough to fund a significant portion of their replacement.
I drive cars until they die. However, I think a trade-in is warranted when, first and foremost, your family can afford it.
Second consideration is that the car no longer fits your needs: it’s too unreliable, repairs are expensive, it’s too small, it’s too big, it uses too much gas, it was bought for road trips and is uncomfortable on road trips, something about it just annoys the living daylights out of you….
Spend time finding something else that works better for you and your family. The advantage of not driving a car into the ground is that you can take your time finding a suitable replacement.
When replacement makes better financial sense than repair. I am married to a mechanic who is very on top of maintenance and repair and we are a buy-used-and-keep-as-long-as-possible family.
I kept my previous car for 20 years (including time my parents owned it). However it was so outdated for safety features, apple play etc by the time I sold it. I also needed to do some maintenance like new shocks that I didn’t want to deal with, which maybe lowered the price. I’m going to target 7-10 years to sell my current car privately and buy a new car. Or a used car 1-2 years old.
Unlike some others here, I am not looking at my car just from a financial perspective but also factoring I’m not having the flexibility in my life to go for repairs all the time, and if that means I end up not getting 100 percent the best value that’s ok with me. We have replaced when we no longer feel that we want to spend so much time repairing or when our family needs change – so at one point we replaced our still in great shape Honda Fit we bought before having kids with a RAV4 as we needed more space and 4 wheel drive in at least one of our cars. We currently also have a 20-6 Honda Civic that is totally adequate but we hate it and when we need a third row for carpooling and grandparents staying with us, we will replace it even though it’s in great shape.
I’m from a “drive it until the engine falls out” family, but as an adult I replace my cars a little more often and have leased because I’ve needed a really reliable car that could do frequent, long drives. When my parents were my age, they had 3-4 oldish cars, the space to park them, and none of the cars were getting driven more than 10-15 miles in any direction more than once a month. The local mechanic was my dad’s BFF, one car was always pretty much in the shop, and there were 2-3 other cars that could be driven by a family member. I live in a more urban are with less parking space / less space in general and a long commute.
FWIW, when I first needed a car in my city, they were the people that encouraged me to lease a car.
Help! I was going to wear Dress A to a friend’s wedding in a few weeks, but I just discovered Dress A is a little too small. I have Dress B that fits and looks great, except for one problem: my chest. The dress is low in the back and a pretty deep V in the front, so I can’t wear a bra (even strapless) with it. What recs do you have for b**b tape? I need the kind that holds the girls up in addition to covering my n*pples. Preferably available on Amazon for easy purchasing. (Also, I’ll take any tips you have for applying the tape effectively … I have a pretty large chest for my frame.) Thank you!
Have a look at the ABraThatFits reddit, there are tips for choosing tape, removing it and what not to do.
Are you going to be comfortable and relaxed in the braless-but-taped dress? If not, this is a circumstance in which I would borrow, rent or buy a dress that fits and that I could wear without stressing. If you will be comfortable, go for the taping.
this…and is the venue such that a braless-but-taped dress won’t have people talking behind their hands…
If it is a venue-appropriate dress, OP, then go for it. Otherwise I agree with renting or buying a dress that fits.
If the wedding were this weekend I would say use tape, but since it’s in a few weeks you have plenty of time to get a new dress.
Apparently I’ve made this dress sound a lot more scandalous than it is! It’s got good coverage in the front except for the V, and the back dips down below a bra strap but not, like, down to my butt or anything. (It also has straps, if that wasn’t clear.) The lower back is the only reason I can’t wear a bra. So I’m totally comfortable wearing it, just my b**bs are very flat in it because there aren’t built-in cups.
Thank you to the poster who suggested ABraThatFits reddit!
You could also ask your tailor if they could put in cups.
Favorite personal finance blogs? I’m looking for anything covering budgeting, investing, FIRE, or any other financial hacks :) Would love any recommendations you have!
Not a blog, but I like Michelle Singletary’s work on personal finance at the Washington Post. I love her writing and she’s very sensible for the vast majority of people, especially people who make truly average incomes or low incomes.
The advice doesn’t always make sense for people with very high incomes/have a reasonable path to go on to make very high incomes, though a lot of it is still sensible.
Amen -/ she is fantastic.
Neither of these post much anymore, but I still find Mr Money Mustache and Frugalwoods interesting and helpful, though I have no plans to follow their examples too closely.
Not a blog but has a great wiki and forum bogleheads.org
Canadian couch potato (if canadian!)
Are there any collectors here? What do you collect and why? How deep have you gone into that “collecting” world?
I bought some Barbies this week from a local auction, all part of a set that I had nearly completed in my prime Barbie-collecting days (ages 15-20). But now I’m struggling with the whole idea of collecting? It just feels like more… stuff… and it feels like there is very little value given how little things go for on auction sites.
But then I also decided it was OK to buy myself one or two new pieces each birthday (mostly pre-owned) from a jewelry designer I adore because hey, I’m a collector!
I’m not, but if you enjoy collecting because you like the items, have at it. If you’re collecting with a goal to finish a set and have resale value only, I don’t think many “collectibles” will do that.
You’re right. Very rarely do collectables have significant resale value, especially collectables less than 50/60 years old.
Collecting something for anything other than enjoyment rarely works out well.
I have several things I actively collect and buy new pieces every month or so. I collect them because I like them, lol. I also have old-school display furniture for them. I’m not a “deep” collector, I only buy what I come across at antique or other second-hand stores.
It is a lot of ‘stuff’, but I collect because it makes me happy, not because of the value of the items.
I collect refrigerator magnets and have for years. The collection outgrew the fridge long ago, so we painted the walls and ceiling of our laundry room with magnetic paint and now we have our own little magnetic Sistene Chapel. I buy them on vacation and also at things like Broadway musicals and concerts if they’re available. They’re great because they’re cheap and don’t take up much space, either in my luggage or in my house.
I collected Beanie Babies to fund my college and retirement. My investment in tag protectors didn’t seem to pay off, though.
Post of the day! Thank you.
I collect word atlases. I keep my eyes open for ones from decades I do not have covered and probably buy one a year at this point (the easy ones I already own so I am constantly on the lookout for ones that are reasonably priced and from decades I do not already own).
Hit “post” too soon. I collect them because I am interested in history and I like looking through them and comparing the political divisions of different parts of the world before or after a specific event. I am under no illusions that they have substantial monetary value or are an investment. I just enjoy them.
Although they proved quite valuable when it came to discussing the history of the middle east given recent events!
Wow, that sounds so interesting!
I collect fountain pens. I don’t buy frequently and I’m not aiming to complete any sets or anything like that. But I buy a nice pen for significant events. They get used on a rotating basis with 1-3 being in use most days. I have about a dozen now.
Whiskey, because why not?
I have shoulder length hair which is at the longest I’ve ever had.
It is constantly getting pulled by my shoulder bag strap, caught in my jacket zipper, backpack shoulder straps, etc. And now, everytime I put on and off my sunglasses a couple hairs get stuck in the hinge near my ear. I have hairloss already from perimenopause and this doesn’t help!
What do you ladies do? Is this how it is with long hair? Do I need to carefully hoist any bag with straps after first clearing my hair off my shoulder?
I have long hair and the glasses thing happens sometimes, but I don’t ever get it caught in things. I think you’ll probably subconsciously adjust how you move if you keep your hair long.
mine has gone long and short over the years- when it’s long you do learn how to manage it. Like sweeping it to one side and then the other when putting on a backpack, brushing it behind your shoulders when zipping stuff up, tucking behind your ears when needed, etc.
Not all glasses do that. I had one pair of glasses that was really awful and I eventually had to replace them because they did so much damage, but I haven’t really had an issue with any others. I also avoid sunglasses with nosepieces that get stuck in your hair when you put them on your head. It’s now just one of those things I look for when buying glasses. I can’t say I’ve ever had much of an issue with the shoulder strap issue, though. I think it’s just habit to brush my hair out of the way first.
My 9yo has asked for a Harry potter themed birthday party with about 10-12 friends at our home. I am not crafty at all, but have found some fairly easy games and can buy some themed party decor off amazon. I am assuming and hoping parents will drop their kids off rather than stick around so I dont need to do anything for the parents.
How do I get a helper to assist me to run the games and manage the food on the day of? I will have all of it planned and ready to go, just need assistance shepherding the kids and setting things up.
Should I look for a babysitter or a specialized party activities person? Should I post something in my neighborhood website or look on Yelp?
This sounds like a babysitter task to me, so if you have a regular babysitter or a teenaged neighbor, that’s who I’d ask. I’d also be comfortable asking a friend or two (or mine) to come help with the party, and then repay with dinner.
If you’re friends with any of the other parents, I’d try asking if one of them could help you first. Otherwise, I think a babysitter would be appropriate. Have fun! I would have LOVED that party (and still would).
This. Usually the party helper is grandma, an aunt, or mom’s friend. A babysitter is also fine, or an older cousin if one is available.
I think this is the kind of thing TaskRabbit would be good for — especially helpful because there will be reviews. (Assuming you’ve asked around and your friends don’t have any recommendations.)
something you may want to look into is whether or not there are any Harry Potter-themed camps in your area — i know there are several near us. If there are, maybe call the school or whatever and see if anyone on the junior side would be open to helping for $X the day of the party?
but otherwise I’d go for an older kid in the neighborhood
I think a teen who babysits or is a camp counselor in training or such would be great for this – are there kids like that (older siblings?) in your sphere?
I don’t have kids but I tagged along with a friend when her 8 year old went to a Harry Potter themed party and there were two college-aged looking kids who were dressed up like Harry Potter characters who had the kids do fun activities. Maybe your neighborhood website or Yelp can help you find something like this.
This seems like a good learning opportunity for you to educate your 9 year old about how harmful and dangerous Harry Potter and J.K. Rowling are. I know a lot of people have happy memories associated with the Harry Potter series, but because of what we know now about how harmful the creator is, that’s exactly the kind of thing you should talk with your child about. You can teach your child that covering up her atrocities can do real damage, and there are a lot of historical examples that illustrate this too that you could talk about. Maybe your child can make a different choice that will signal to their friends and to your peers that you have the appropriate worldview and that you are a safe place for your peers to send their children. Bonus, you might even see a better birthday turnout if you pick a different theme and it will probably make your child feel really good to be seen as popular! Just a thought!
I’m still waiting for someone who calls a beloved children’s author, feminist, and leading charitable figure “dangerous” to offer proof – not hot takes, not hit pieces, not op-eds, but proof in her own words. I’ve been waiting a long time and it seems that no one can ever provide receipts for these supposedly prolific, hateful statements she makes ALL the time.
Personally, I’m glad to support Rowling – her recent opening of a women’s rape crisis shelter filled an important service gap in Scotland and she has never hesitated to stand with society’s most oppressed women, especially DV victims. I absolutely love the Harry Potter books and her Cormoran Strike novels are possibly even better.
Nice try.
Another thought: mind your own business. If you don’t like the discussion you have the choice to collapse the thread and scroll on by.
Oh FFS they are children who love the characters in a beloved book series. Let them enjoy the books (which have great messages/values). There’s no need to bring JK Rowling’s politics into it.
LOL to the Harry Potter theme negatively affecting popularity of the party amongst the 9 yo set.
Right? I can’t imagine that canceling an awesome Harry Potter party to talk about why JK is problematic would make a kid more popular, but that’s just me…
Seriously? Harmful? Atrocities? No.
Agreed. Words have meanings,
“Signal” that you have the “appropriate world view.”
The kid is NINE! Let the kid have a wizard party.
(And no matter what the theme, someone, somewhere, will disagree with something. Maybe the only “appropriate” view is no party at all?)
I’m sad that we’ve gotten to the point that even Harry Potter is off limits. I find JK’s views pretty abhorrent and would certainly not want to attend a party celebrating *her*, but the books are wonderful and have brought and are continuing to bring joy to so many and you should allow children to celebrate how they want. Of the things 9 year olds could be into, this is damn near the most innocent and least offensive.
I hate to be all “this is why Democrats lose elections” but y’all… this is why Democrats are losing elections.
What in her views do you find “abhorrent?” I’ve read her infamous essay and all her posts and interviews on the subject, wondering what on earth could possibly inspire this witch hunt, and I’ve never found anything objectionable at all, much less anything rising to “abhorrent.”
This is a tro11. The part about “the appropriate worldview” is from virtue signaling discourse.
No ideas on the Harry Potter aspect, but for you hoping parents don’t stay…parents in my elementary school circles will just say something in the invite to the effect of: “Note, this is a drop off party” which seems to work well, I think everyone appreciates the clarity. (Because sometimes they do want parents to feel welcome to stay and socialize, and I’ve seen that explicitly said in the invite too).
That being said, at least at our school it would be pretty unusual for a parent to stay at a 9 year olds birthday party at someone’s home without being explicitly asked/invited to.
No real recs on party planning but I’ve been saving the lovepop Harry Potter birthday card in my shopping list for months for the my similarly aged Harry Potter loving niece.
This isn’t what you’re asking, but I just have to take this opportunity to plug a site: birthdaypartyideas.com. People post scads of ideas about how to create birthday parties for a theme like Harry Potter and you can get some amazing ideas! I used this site to create parties for my girls for years: Sesame Street, mermaid, chemistry, backwards, Clue, Strawberry Shortcake, etc. Look for ones with your theme and that won a prize or honorable mention for the quality of ideas.
$83.3 million
You have to love it.
THIS MADE MY DAY!! WOOT!
I will always think that Alexandra Petri piece about his “not my type” comment was one of her finest pieces.
https://wapo.st/497ncDj
(gift link)
I hope it can bring her some small amount of piece.
He’s just gonna have another tantrum and defame her again, but the meter’s running. I just read both the concept of adding on to an existing award.. additur? Or she can just make suing him her full time job, and it seems like she is very good at her job.
Yes!
Jowls. 43 years old, and I’ve got them. I was a cheeky baby, kid and pre-teen and then a beanpole of a teenager. Now, I’m certain that 20 (er, 30+) lbs I’ve gained, lost and gained many times since the late 2000s hasn’t helped and now, I feel saggy. Has anyone had success using fillers for a lift, or other non-surgical options? I’m all in on a facelift but 43 feels…young. Looking for advice and perspective.
Honestly, it seems the trend is towards a younger facelift (less dramatic, longer to enjoy results, possibly in better health than later years). Fillers and some lasers can help delay the need for surgery but some amount of filler may always be present (not sure how that impacts the actual surgery or results) and eventually you may just spend the money on surgery. Your face will continue to age if we’re lucky, so not permanent but pretty close. You may also still need fillers or fat transfers to achieve desired look. A stable weight will help with results. Might be good idea to schedule some consultations with plastic surgeons just to get some ideas. And yes, I am also in this process…
Haven’t done it myself but have heard good things about Aysel on YouTube. She uses massage techniques, and I just saved her info to try it myself.
I have now jowls. My sisters now have jowls. My brothers now have jowls. Both of my parents? Jowls, clear in photos, starting between 45 and 55.No solution, just commiseration.
I’ve used those jowl-holding gels… I heard about them from a TikTok derm so you know it’s legit
Stylia Double Chin Reducer – Chin Strap For Double Chin For Women – V Line Lifting Mask with Collagen, Hyaluronic Acid, Aloe Vera – Double Chin Sculptor – V Shape Face Lift Face Shaper 10PCs https://a.co/d/1LYR780
I’ve been invited to a birthday happy hour. It’s cold, rainy and I just want to go home and curl up in front of the fireplace. Please encourage me to go; I’m trying to say yes to more things. I’m trying to tell myself I don’t have to stay long.
Go! You could think of it as an experiment – your hypothesis is you’ll be happy you went (even though, same, it’s slushy and gross here); and you get to test it out (and if you get the data early – you’re really not enjoying it – absolutely you can duck out)
You can do it! When I need party inspo, I think of that scene from The Holiday — on Christmas Eve where Jack Black says, let’s open a bottle of bubbly and celebrate being alive. Your couch will be waiting for you after the party, I promise!
That’s perfect! Thank you!
Go! And give yourself permission to leave after one drink if you still really want to.
Go for it! You can leave after a drink or set your phone alarm for 45 minutes. Worst case scenario you go home in under an hour to your comfy couch. Best case scenario, you have a good time! You got this!
Hope you ended up enjoying yourself!
In search of bathrobe recommendations! Do you have one you love? This would be for wearing out of the shower. it’s time to retire my ten year old one from Target. they’ve changed the fabric to be too thin on the new version. thanks!
I have a linen robe from Flax. It’s wonderful. Mine has a print but they have stripey ones too, not sure about plain. I love it because it wicks water and dries quickly. It’s my out of shower robe. I towel off then wear this robe for skincare / makeup / haircare. I love it a lot.
Lake PJs. Their pima cotton is soft, not too thick or bulky but not too flimsy, and washes and dries well.
This may also be too thin, but coming from a hot climate I love the Matouk seersucker robe. Keeps me warm but not sweating, which is my experience in thicker robes.
I’m looking for opaque scoop neck white tank tops to wear to work under blazers. So far, I have 1) some silk ones from Quince – nice and opaque but a little too drapey; 2) some thin and not sufficiently opaque ones from Ann Taylor; and 3) a really see-through one from Nordstrom (I think it’s Halogen brand).
Any suggestions?
Target and Duluth Trading Company. Maybe more casual than you had in mind, but I’ve been served well by both for tank tops.
They’re pricey, but I have a black and a white scoop tank from Hanro and they are opaque and nice quality. Bought at Nordstrom.
The Lands End cotton tanks are pretty substantial. A little boxy, but perfect for laying.
Express has double-layer shirts – so does old navy and boden I think.
I love two tanks I purchased at Kohl’s – the Nine West squareneck tank is the more work-friendly option and the Sonoma brand tank is thick and comfortable. Nine West runs tight, so I recommend sizing up.
What on earth is going to happen with this Taylor Swift controversy? I feel so so bad for her.
my first thought was that she will use her influence to make all the swifties call out all the creeps in their life for sharing that stuff around.
While yes this probably makes sense, I don’t think it will be very effective. The guys involved likely don’t have a swiftie in their life, or if they do they almost certainly are participating without her knowledge.
This has been a huge problem for a while, both with AI generated and good old fashioned photo editing but it has mostly been personal. The reputable AI companies do not allow this use of their program, but obviously there are a lot that are not reputable and the law has not caught up. Now that it has happened to someone as famous (and generally loved) as Taylor Swift, we can hope for some legislation and social media policies addressing it.
+1 I hope the silver lining here is legislation to protect people from this. Awful for her but hopefully it can be the event that inspires legislation on this
This is supposed to be a site for high achieving professional women. We should feel comfortable here discussing our “first world problems” and whatnot. But everytime someone talks about spending decisions when it is clear they are very wealthy, someone has to complain that the person does not have a real problem or gets accused of humblebragging. This morning, someone was triggered by a poster mentioning she was in gifted in school. I am going to guess that a high percent of the followers were in gifted or advanced classes. If other women expressing their personal experience upsets you, find another blog.
I agree with you that a lot of the criticism comes from envy, but I do think some of the money threads lately have felt a little ridiculous and like they’re mainly writing in to brag, e.g., “I have $30k per year to spend on travel and no idea how to start spending it.” I’m sure plenty of people here spend that much or more on travel and talk about the various nice trips they take, but it’s just such a ridiculous question. It’s not hard to spend money traveling and if you find it hard you either need a travel agent or need to accept you just don’t like to travel and do something else with your money, which is completely fine. It’s not a “first world problem” it’s literally not a problem by any reasonable definition of that word.
I didn’t get the kerfuffle about the gifted thing today though. The person wasn’t saying “I’m gifted, I accomplished XYZ” which I agree is silly (and tbf, I do some of that here and even moreso on the moms page). It was more just people mentioning doing riddles in gifted classes, which seems to me a fairly benign thing — they were a feature of a lot of 90s elementary school gifted programs.
Horses for courses. I think it’s great that a woman, single mother I think, has $30k a year to spend on travel. This is something my mother’s generation fought hard for and I think too many of us take this for granted.
It’s a significant budget and I think it’s very valid to ask the question here on how to spend it efficiently. With travel, 1-2 extras can transform your trip, for good or bad, but cost $$$. Why not ask here?
Just because it doesn’t apply to you, doesn’t mean it does apply to them. Scroll on….
I’m not sure about this morning but I do find this place to be really weird about money, especially given how many people are from big law or other high paying professions. For instance the conversation about cars above. I’m not trying to be mean but I don’t know upper middle class people who drive cars for decades. I can’t tell if it’s a regional thing or what but the idea that people are making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year and driving twenty year old cars and thrifting their clothes and living in a tiny starter house and never eating out is about really not consistent with my experience. I’m personally in a pretty high HHI bracket and our finances are really solid but we buy new clothes and have vacations that aren’t camping. What’s more there’s like a kind of pride in thrift here that I’ve just not encountered anywhere else and I think the flip side is people getting attacked when they don’t act sufficiently thrifty or humble about money. So yeah I think part of it is a person who earns less or has some other difficult financial situation getting jealous but also plenty of well off folks getting mad that others are spending money in a way they find unacceptable.
Rich people with old cars is definitely a thing, not just on this page. We’re very affluent and keep our cars for decades. I’m not a car person and our 20 year old Toyotas run great. We replace them as soon as they start to become unreliable, but we get 20-25 years out of them easily with minimal maintenance.
I didn’t comment above because the question asked about trade ins and “I don’t trade cars in” doesn’t seem like a very helpful reply, but I don’t think keeping cars for a long time even if you can afford to replace them is odd.
Same. You know what builds or maintains wealth? Not spending money on stuff that doesn’t add corresponding value for you, especially when it’s a big-ticket long-term decision like a house or car.
But where to splurge/save so that you’re getting the most value out of your money is super personal, and so I’m not surprised that people take questioning of their choices personally!
Honestly, I’d never reveal my personal financial situation, even anonymously, or semi-anonymously, because believe me, there’s some good AND some bad. It’s a bit like when my kids were small and every person on the mommy message boards complied with all wage, hour, and tax laws down to the last dime for every household employee.
I don’t think there are people here who purport to be upper middle class and talk about driving old cars AND thrifting clothes AND never taking vacations or eating out AND living in a tiny house. In particular, the discussion about old cars often comes up in the context of vacations with people justifying a massive vacation budget by mentioning that they keep their cars forever, and that kind of trade off feels very true to the upper middle class professionals I know. If you don’t need to be at all selective about which of many luxuries you indulge in, you’re straight up rich, not upper middle class.
Also high achieving =! high earning and I know there are quite a few people here in industries like academia, government and non-profits who aren’t super highly paid. While this site has a lot of very well off law/finance people, it’s inaccurate to say that’s universal here.
Be careful,
Months ago I made a similar comment, about how surprised me that people who identified themselves as upper-middle class or with jobs in big law had such “supermarket” tastes and they jumped at my throat (I imagine because they felt clearly pointed out).
If you move in a certain environment for work or social relationships, you have knowledge about certain fine things that some people here do not have, not because they choose not to spend on it, but because they have not seen or heard about it in their life.
And it surprises me because there are also people in the forum who have openly commented that they come from more humble backgrounds and have found it difficult to fit in when they have gotten one of those jobs in, for example, big law.
In short, I don’t understand trying to pretend to be something you’re not, especially on an anonymous blog.
Some of us come from very wealthy backgrounds but families who don’t spend their money that way. My grandfather has a building at a top flight college named for him, and also drove a Lincoln Continental and my grandmother drove a Honda Odyssey. One house, large but not a mansion, swank town, kids went to public high school.
I would humbly suggest that some people are conspicuous spenders and others are not.
I’m replying to my own little mini thread from 410 on 127. Several people have jumped in to say they are actually very wealthy and have extremely old cars. I want to clarify that, as I said, this doesn’t jibe with my real world experience. However, I don’t doubt that it’s true it’s just absolutely not my experience. Furthermore, these folks have made my point; there’s a pride to thrift here. The attitude that extreme thrift in this area in particular is a reflection or function of wealth has been reiterated several times. I am familiar with old money stereotypes about this. I think, to my point, that we’re in a micro culture where even middle class or upper middle class people are demonstrating frugality with such pride because they deem it reflective of the habits of the truly wealthy. My point is, that is part of your push back when someone mentions something expensive.
I think you’re right about the pride to thrift. I think those are the same people who hate to celebrate birthdays and bachelorette weekends.
I think it’s highly regional. I lived for a while in Miami with an ex-bF and cars are A Thing there, lots of middle class people stretching their budgets to buy flashy cars and lots of wealthier people who perceived cars as a big status symbol. Now I live in a college town in a rural part of a flyover state and although I don’t know anyone with nesting yacht money, most of our circle is upper middle class, certainly by the standards of this very LCOL area (doctors, lawyers, STEM/B-school professors) and we don’t know anyone with a fancy car. It’s just not something anyone here cares about, and it’s not because people are pretending to be “old money.” Some people are flashier about money than others, but even the flashier people don’t put their money in cars…it’s just not something that’s seen as a status symbol here.
agree with the highly regional comment — also, i think it depends on what you do! if you have a job where your clients will see your car then you might be inclined to go for something fancier, whereas if you’re me and work from home you go for the subaru. my understanding is that luxury cars are better insulated and quieter, which might be the deciding factor the next time we buy, but stuff like leather / name brand just doesn’t matter to us. i like to think we’re saving it so we can buy that fantasy apartment in paris.
It’s also supposed to be a fashion blog, and someone complains whenever there is a fashion comment made…so…
It’s an anonymous blog on the internet, there are always going to be negative comments and complaints.
I feel like this blog is a pretty special corner of the Internet, where you can meet women who are all committed to sharing advice and help each other reach their goals. That’s rare enough that it attracts many posters who don’t care about the fashion aspect, and high-achieving is rather definition dependent.
Oh whatever, get over it and stop whining. Dry your tears with all your money if you have to.
Found the miserable bitter woman. I was a career public defender and gifted. So not rich and I am not mad at the women in BIg Law who made a different choice. You need to find something that makes you happy.
If thinking the reason for the comments is envy helps you, then more power to you I guess…
If people are that easily triggered, maybe the internet is not for them.
You’re telling on yourself. This post is more scolding and lecturing than anything in the morning’s comments about gifted courses, and the “find another blog” comment says, “If you’re not like me, then leave. This is a place for me and people who I think are like me.” (Same with the “they’re just jealous!” claim, which is a tactic as old as time.) Turns out, what constitutes “high achieving” and “professional” includes people with a wide range of experiences, incomes, and opinions.
Maybe if being on the internet, asking for opinions, and receiving some that don’t make you feel great is a problem, then this isn’t the place for you?
I am 100% positive you didn’t read that post that was mad about people mentioning they are in gifted. Her opinion was not solicited and her response was not advise. She was just being mean. And, the response about the gifted program and riddles did say that everyone is different. Perhaps not jealousy, but some other petty emotion is involved.
I did read the post (both, in fact). I agree that the comment was petty.
The bigger point I’m trying to make here is that this post makes some really assumptive arguments. It states that this place is for high-achieving, professional women. It then argues that comments which judge a question means that the commenter is envious (of privilege? of wealth?) and that it means that the person doesn’t belong on this blog. Those are two very common gatekeeping tactics, and they assume “high achieving” and “professional” signify a very specific version of wealth, with similar concerns that come with that version of wealth.
Like any blog, it’s open. Who belongs here, who’s should comment, and what constitutes the “right” response is as attached to self-centered emotions as the putative envy noted in this post.
Odd. As I mentioned earlier, I am a career public defender and not at all wealthy. But why are women here who are triggered by the kinds of discussions that wealthy and/or high achieving and/or highly intelligent women might have.
BUT HAVE YOU HEARD PEOPLE ARE SPENDING $50 ON PINK TUMBLERS FROM A CAMPING COMPANY
But is my Big Dumb Cup professional with my scrunchie and my Birkin? I want people to know I am rich without knowing that I want them to know I am rich.
Does anyone have the link for a top similar to the Belleville top from The Fold? I saw it was discussed earlier this week.