Coffee Break: Leather Shoulder Bag
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Arket somehow only recently came on my radar — they're owned by the same group that owns H&M, COS, & Other Stories, and other brands. For my $.02, I feel like a lot of Arket's clothes are a bit too casual for most offices — but their bags are on point.
For example, the pictured bag is 100% chrome-free leather, all for $199. I love the minimal look with sleek lines.
The bag is $199 at Arket.
Sales of note for 3/21/25:
- Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off: Free People, AllSaints, AG, and more
- Ann Taylor – 25% off suiting + 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
- Eloquii – $39+ dresses & jumpsuits + up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – 25% off select linen & cashmere + up to 50% off select styles + extra 40% off sale
- J.Crew Factory – Friends & Family Sale: Extra 15% off your purchase + extra 50% off clearance + 50-60% off spring faves
- M.M.LaFleur – Flash Sale: Get the Ultimate Jardigan for $198 on sale; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy 1 get 1 50% off everything, includes markdowns
I just found out Jessica Chastain is 46. How do I age like she has?! Is it botox? Expensive skincare routines? The fact that she’s so fair and yet still so aging so gracefully is even more astounding. She looks 30 yet also doesn’t seem to have any fillers or noticeable work done (or even that much makeup in her movies).
Does anyone know what this sorcery is?
Probably a combo of good genetics, Botox, good skincare, and Hollywood magic (I.e., lighting, filters, photoshop)
Winona Rider is like this for me. She has not seemed to age. I assume it is good work done by someone with a very light tough, good genes, and a LOT of sunscreen. California is beautiful but murder on your skin -/ turns it to wrinkled leather.
Sunscreen?
I think in some ways being very fair can be a blessing because it teaches you to use sunscreen religiously from an early age.
This. I looked 25 right up until I hit 40 (and was a new mom) because I used sunscreen so religiously from middle school on.
I’m as fair as them, and 45. I stay out of the sun (hats always) with the exception of skiing, when I apply a ton of sunscreen and wear a mask. I still do fun stuff–I’m just covered! And I look way younger than my friends and teammates (from college) who have not been as religious about hats and sunscreen.
Money.
It’s her job to look like she does and she is paid lots and probably pays lots to maintain her skin.
I’m a huge fan, and think it’s a combo of sunscreen, tasteful dermatologic procedures, and genetics. Also never, ever going out in the sun without a hat and sunglasses (and preferably long sleeves). I don’t know if she goes to someone in LA, but if she does, I will be visiting that doctor right after I win Powerball. Her makeup artist(s) are also consistently good and don’t seem to do that spackle/slathering foundation thing that is so common.
Cate Blanchett is another one that looks amazing, but in her case I think she’s actually an Elf.
I try to remember that they have endless access to photo facials, botox, etc. from the best folks, the best products, the best nutrition, personal trainers to help maintain consistent weight and activity, and stress-bearing staff aiding daily life to culminate in maintaining great skin health day in and day out for years on end. Like the poster said, their job is to look good. And most of the photos we see of them are with ideal lighting and pro photographers and digital retouching. They also probably started out with amazing genetics since their look is part of what got them into their job to begin with. That said, she is such a gorgeous woman. Her skin really is out of this world. There is definitely sorcery there as well!
Honestly my skin looks like hers and all I do is sunscreen every single day and rarely drink alcohol.
And if that’s all you do, you have great genetics!
Money. She’s very wealthy, I guarantee she sees top cosmetic dermatologists and has good, subtle work done.
She looks like a well cared for 46 year old woman to me.
The sorcery is being an actor. It’s her job to look perfect and there are people being paid a lot of money to make it happen.
I think some of it is just pure bone structure. She has large eyes, high, wide cheekbones, and a wide full mouth. So some of the typical signs of aging might be mitigated just by her literal bones (like jowls, marionette lines, thinning lips, hollowed eyes, etc) and of course Hollywood magic. Plus her long hair and lack of greys helps a lot. She dresses youthfully but tastefully. But FWIW, she does look like she’s in her 40s to me and that’s no shade. I think many of us have lost touch with how “X” age looks–we’re referencing our parents who smoked, drank, tanned, had hard lives, cut and permed their hair at 40, wore “matronly” clothes and so on.
Does anyone know what the cool brands of makeup/skincare are for teens and tweens? Mostly middle school aged.
i think they wear the same fancy brands as adults, gone are the days of bonnie belle. if you go into sephora or ulta they will help you if this is a gift question.
Laneige and Summer Friday. Also Sol de Janeiro. Drunk Elephant too but my dermatologist friend says don’t let them use it.
I hear Drunk Elephant is popular, but all the derms and skincare experts online say it is way too strong for younger teens/tweens.
Maybe Glossier? Colorpop is fun packaging.
Our 13 year old is obsessed with Drunk Elephant, which I hate because it is $$$ and I also do think most of the active ingredients are too much for her skin.
that stuff is so expensive! Man, these 13-year-olds have a better skincare budget than I do!
Glossier, Florence by Mills (Millie Bobby Brown’s line), Rare Beauty (Selena Gomez’s line)
If you’re trying to thrill someone that age, just get her the Drunk Elephant Protini moisturizer. It’s ridiculous. But by niece uses it and she’s in 8th grade. It’s what they all want.
Half Magic! The makeup artist for Euphoria has her own line.
What are tips and tricks for eliminating filler words (eg, like, sort of, basically) from your speech?
Practice and listening to yourself. Part of my job is conducting interviews and listening to the recording is very helpful. Is there a chance to do that in your line of work?
I will say, though, that I encounter far more misogyny without the filler words (including here). A man can say “please submit the draft by COB” and people hop to it, but I say it and I get critiqued in my performance review for being “too direct.” I make a LOT of effort to ensure that I don’t cross the line from direct to a-hole and I’m sure I haven’t in the workplace.
There’s some evidence that people use these filler words to keep the floor, i.e. to indicate that they’re going to continue speaking and not allow others to cut in. It’s worth considering if you’re using these words to keep others from interrupting and talking over you.
So what if she is? What is the fix?
Not who you are responding to but I personally think filler words are often unjustly demonized for this reason. Similar to using softening language. I know what I’m doing, it’s intentional. There was a good article in The NY Times a few months back. When the world is less sexist I’ll start being more direct, until then I’ll be indirect intentionally.
Yeah, I kind of agree. I grew up in SoCal where both young men and women spoke like this (although the stereotype is always of the Valley girl). I still have some of it in my speaking language today and it doesn’t bother me (nor does it appear to have affected my career at all).
Anyone have opinions on Ojo Caliente in santa Fe? I am thinking of going there for a milestone birthday in late winter. I have been to NM before and loved it. Also welcome recommendations for alternatives in the Santa Fe/high desert area. I am looking for a peaceful tranquil environment, some hiking, definitely want to be able to get a massage and spa treatments and eat delicious southwestern food. Thanks!
I went there pre-pandemic for a 4 day weekend after a stressful time and loved it. I had a massage, did a hot soak, participated in yoga classes, enjoyed the beautiful scenery and great food. Based on my experience, I would recommend.
Correction – I believe I went to the Ojo Sante Fe, not Caliente.
Ojo Caliente is great. So is Ten Thousand Waves in Santa Fe.
Also Ojo Caliente is not in Santa Fe. It is about an hour north of Santa Fe. There is a newer place called Ojo Santa Fe that is in Santa Fe. Both have massage, as does Ten Thousand Waves.
ohh, that’s a really good tip, thank you! their website is a little confusing on that aspect (the two locations).
Go to the Ojo Caliente that is actually in the town of Ojo Caliente, which is still an hour north of Santa Fe. There, the hot springs are natural. At the Ojo south of Santa Fe, there are only man-made tubs, not natural hot springs.
We are having “real winter” this year in NM so you will need to watch the weather carefully. The road to the real Ojo Caliente (which is absolutely the one you should go to, as others have said) can get dicey when inclement weather comes in. And we’re having quite a bit of it this year and also much colder temperatures than the previous few winters. If you are renting a vehicle, consider renting something sturdy, and bring lots of warm clothes.
Has anyone here been to boarding school/ what are the pros and cons? My middle schooler has been talking about it as it is a thing in our neighborhood and she is aiming for top-tier colleges. I know nothing about it and I am scared about the idea of letting her go off on her own this young.
No personal experience, but I went to an Ivy so I knew a lot of boarding school kids. It’s a hard pass for me as a parent, personally. The kids I knew from boarding school had way more experience with dr*gs , alcohol and s3x than the kids who were on the honors track in a public school or local private school. Not that there isn’t the option to get into that stuff anywhere, but it seems much more pervasive in the boarding school environment and seems way more likely that “good kids” will experiment in boarding school vs local school. I also don’t love the idea of my kids being surrounded by extremely wealthy people, but that may be more of a public vs private school thing than something that’s specific to boarding school.
How about this: 70K+ a year, drugs can be a real problem, living in a fishbowl, bro and jock culture starts here and is strong, no good pipelines to the best schools through boarding schools (instead: family / legacy connection matters much more).
I was a day student at a boarding school and would have hated boarding, especially with my very bad periods that were debilitating as a teen. School was 6 days a week. It was great for a lot of first generation students but kids from my prior public school who were high fliers did better than the average boarding school kid.
For me, I’d rather my kids travel abroad or go to interesting summer programs vs spending all our money on boarding school. I’d love it if they were where classes were this small and every kid could play a sport, but we try to use the options that make the most sense for our kids and budget and having 2 working parents.
Counter to this, one of my college roommates went to boarding school and loved it. Her dad was a diplomat and when he retired when she was in high school there was talk about taking her out and she protested vehemently because she did not want to leave. I suspect it is very school and student dependent.
+1 to preferring travel abroad and interesting summer programs over boarding school
No useful experience, but I learned recently that my grandfather was sent to boarding school when he was only 6! He was home just a few weeks a year from then on. I cannot imagine what that was like or being willing to do that to my kid.
My MIL was sent a bit older but IIRC it was because there was a polio epidemic locally that they wanted to protect her from.
I just can’t imagine. When my daughter was 6, we were reading Harry Potter when she suddenly asked why the kids never go home for dinner -she just hadn’t grasped the boarding situation. When I explained it to her, she was horrified and tearful, and I had to reassure her over and over again that we would definitely never send her to boarding school and it basically wasn’t really a thing for Americans and/or Muggles.
For what little it might be worth, I tutored for boarding students at a local (very expensive and well-regarded) school in college, and was really turned off. The work was no different than the basic stuff I had done, and the kids came across as really sheltered. (Plus I wound up having to really fight to get them to pay me, which left a pretty bad taste in my mouth.)
My almost 6 year old has more awareness of college than most kids her age (DH & I are professors, and she attended daycare at a university) but she somehow didn’t grasp the “moving away from home” part until recently, and when she found out about she was inconsolable about having to move out. We promised her that she’d be more than ready to go at 18, but we couldn’t convince her and we ended up just telling her she can live with us and attend the local university (I’m very sure she’ll change her mind in 12 years :)). She’s generally an independent and confident kid, who loves school, summer camp and sleepovers at friends houses. I can’t imagine any kid this young is ready to go away full time.
OMG! Is this a universal conversation with all daughters of professors? My daughter (now 10) had a similar reaction at a similar age.
Isn’t that view pretty typical for 5-6 year olds? At that age “what I wanted to be when I grew up” was to be Mrs. (Maiden Name) and live next door to my mommy.
It’s trash! Boarding school is either for very specific geographic reasons or because you’re too rich. If this is your neighborhood move.
I did and I loved it and I would do it again and would encourage everyone to consider it seriously. Benefits:
* academic rigor
* learn to make decisions for yourself in a safe environment
* if the student body, faculty and staff are more diverse than your hometown, experience diversity and learn from different perspectives
* learn different kids of responsibility (we had chores, were required to play on athletic teams etc)
I will say that diversity is sort of theoretical: all of the black kids were from inner city schools and there on scholarships and were really not fully embraced in a way that kids going off to their ski houses were. They often kept to themselves and the benefits were just educational but at an emotional cost. I was at one as a chaplain’s kid for a year and faculty kids were in a no-man’s land between some very different groups of students. The kids weren’t mean about it, but the school could been much more intentional about knitting these groups together.
As for rigor, when the English language learners are very advanced in their native language, it is just apples and oranges to a big public city school system. But no different than IB or AP classes at your typical Country Day type school.
Exceptions: kids with Really Toxic home situations, US dependents with parents working abroad, etc.
I agree with this list. The diversity at both of my boarding schools was incredible. Our parents who had a global mindset worked together so we went to each other homes during the holidays. I went all over Africa, Middle East, Asia and South America. Other parents were entrepreneurs, diplomats, UN workers, senior executives and civil servants/non European royalty.
I didn’t go, but my mom and her two sisters did (two went to one school, one went to another) and they all loved it. They got personalized attention, got to explore subjects and interests they couldn’t have at public school, and made lifelong friends. None had drug issues or friends with drug issues. As someone who went to a poor public school in a rural area, I can attest that drug issues are probably a lot worse in many public school systems that offer few opportunities. A high-performing public school system may be different.
Go and find out. My school was bottom of the barrel then and at 70K a year now still has a 15% acceptance rate (which is wild). They may not want you or your kid unless she is a very shiny penny or you can write a large check. So it will be being a small fish in a small pond if she does get in. It’s too bad there isn’t a summer session for trying things like this out because it can be great for some kids but I think most kids aren’t too different because if you can go here, your home school would likely get you to the same places for college and life in general.
There is a summer session! I went to Andover summer school in 1982 and loved it.
One in between option is doing a semester at a boarding school, typically in your junior year. I recently posted here about Mountain School, which I heard about from my current 8th grader, who has become convinced she must go. It’s part of a network of schools that offer semester-long programs (https://semesterschools.net/). I think this program is popular at boarding schools, but it’s open to kids from public school too.
I went to a public residential magnet school for my junior and senior years and it was a really excellent experience. The school was aimed at STEM, and a lot of states have that kind of school. Because it was public, there were kids from all different walks of life and areas. Plus 16-18 year olds are a lot more able to handle being away from home like that, in my opinion. This could be a good middle ground.
NC Science & Math?
I agree. I’m anti-boarding school, but would make an exception for this if my state had a school like this and I had kids who were into STEM. There’s a huge difference between going away as a freshman and going away as a junior, imo. And I also think the STEM focus and more diverse student body cuts down on some of the toxic behavior you see at the ultra wealthy northeast prep schools.
I wasn’t a STEM kid, but I had a not-so-great home situation and probably would have loved boarding school for junior and senior year of high school. I was SO happy to leave my hometown for college (it wasn’t a fun place but my home situation made it worse).
Also did this and agree with all points.
I don’t understand why you would ever do this to your kid. Why would I want to spend most of the week (month? year?) away from my kid? Why have kids if you’re just going to send them away? They’ll be leaving home at 18 anyway, why accelerate that?
Makes zero sense to me and honestly I feel bad for anyone whose parents send them. To me it’s essentially abdicating your parenting role.
I get where you’re coming from and I would be very sad if my kid wanted to leave home before 18, but I think this take is a little harsh. There are kids who really want to go, and it can be hard to deny your kid something they really want if you’re in a position to pay for it and you think it would be a good experience. That said, I wanted to go to boarding school when I was in middle school but I picked one that wasn’t very good academically (it had something to do with my sport) and my parents shut that down quickly with a very reasonable “we’re not paying tens of thousands a year for a place that’s worse academically than your public school.” I’m not sure what they would have said if I’d wanted to go to a top tier one with good academics though.
Agreed. There are lots of successful ways to parent. My parents weren’t “sent” to boarding school – they were given the choice, said they wanted to go, and both loved it. My mother has maintained those friendships for 50 years now. The level of closeness and intensity of experience is something you just can’t get everywhere. It may not be for you or your family, but it’s a wonderful choice for many families.
Yeah, the assumption in Lily’s comment is that the push is coming from the parents, not the student. I was desperate to go to boarding school when I was about 14 – I was unhappy at my local private school, other private schools in the city weren’t an option because they would have been an hourlong drive each way every day, and the local public schools s*cked. My parents were not comfortable sending me away, so they shut that down, but it was 100% coming from me.
There can be a few situations in which it makes sense. Parents move around a lot for their jobs and want kids to have a stable school life. Parents’ jobs or caretaking their own parents has them in areas with dismal school systems.
When I hear boarding school, the first thoughts that come to mind are drugs and SA.
That reputation is not undeserved.
I hate to break it to you but those issues exist at plenty of day schools
For sure, but the boarding school environment makes it more of a widespread issue and the nature of a residential school means kids are exposed to more of this stuff at younger ages. Kids in day school typically get a lot more freedom and independence from parents when they learn to drive at 16, but in the residential boarding school environment 14 and 15 year olds have the kind of freedom that is typically reserved for older kids, and I don’t think that’s a good thing.
Is there a specific need for the boarding school? Most of my friends that had positive experiences went to boarding school because some combination of their parents living abroad sending back to school in the US, living in a rural area and not having access to the same opportunities, something really not working in the local schools, or alternatively a bad family situation to get away from. I’d look into what is driving the request to not go to her current schools and evaluate from there – e.g., could a local private school solve the problem.
Yes, I was a day student at a boarding school. It was fine, but I don’t talk to anyone I went to high school with. It was also 6 days a week of classes (half days on wed and Saturday) which is a lot.
If you’re going to go, go as a boarder, not a day student. In my opinion. And my opinion only, If you can go to Exeter, Andover, hotchkiss, miss porters, or choate, it’s worth it. If you’re a superstar male hockey player, add Avon old farms to that list. Otherwise, I’d hesitate to go. I think these schools set you up best for success later in life.
I think some of the smaller, less well-known schools that offer a special niche can be really awesome for certain kids. I know someone who went to Tabor Academy (which has a lot of coursework related to oceanography and extensive on-water extracurriculars) and absolutely loved it. He’s sailed the rest of his life, coached kids, and developed a niche business repairing a certain type of instrument used on boats (don’t ask me what).
OTOH, if you can be a day student at a boarding school, IMO it can be the best of both worlds. I was briefly a day student at one and it was my 9th school (college was the only time I was in one school for 4 years). I keep up with people I knew from 4th grade on, including the boarding school, several years later. I loved college but was SO GLAD that I didn’t have to board all the time (I did for a summer program, and that was great because I wasn’t 13 and having to mentally sign up for 4 years even if my parents moved again). Each kid is different but my day girl homies are some major rock stars (day boys also, post-grads also, boarders also). But day girls, we were special.
I went to boarding school from age 11 in the UK. There are good and bad boarding schools. I went to a bad one and at 16 moved to an excellent one.
The school can be day or boarding and you will have issues with drugs, bullying etc. When you pick a boarding school it’s very important you properly check them out and be honest if it’s the right fit for your child. I am not a fan of the American boarding schools I’ve reviewed. For my daughter I like CLC (Cheltenham Ladies College), my son is not best served by boarding school and my youngest would do well at a sports heavy school like Habs in Monmouth.
The American boarding schools scare the crap out of me and considering it’s 5 hours to the UK I’d much rather they be at a school I can trust that’s a bit further away and schlep over for their exeat weekends. Breaks longer than 7 days they can fly home unaccompanied.
I just passed a woman in an intentional outfit with a silky blouse and she had Ugg boots on her feet. I think we are done with hard shoes, along with hard pants.
I confess I’ve been wearing mine quite a lot this winter. I wore them the first time around, so I don’t think I can pass them off as fashion again. Also at my age I definitely have shearling arch support insoles (yes these are a thing), but definitely not every outing is a hard shoes outing.
In not wearing Ugg boots but I’m definitely not on team hard pants anymore. There are so many great ponte options that I can still looked dressed up (more on the polished side of business causal) and be comfortable.
Speak for yourself, lol…I will be team hard shoes and hard pants forever!
+1 to a recent observation here that flares shouldn’t be tight on your thighs. I have 3 pairs of pants where this is now the reason I’m not wearing them (vs a vague “something is off” sense). Now if someone can stop all of my extra pounds from going to my thighs or tummy, I’d appreciate that also. Thx!
like not stretched across tight, or loose across thighs?
Are you sure they are flares and not wide leg pants? Flares to me have to “flare” out, thus are tighter up top.
Whatever, I think they look way better if they’re fitted on the thighs. I have no desire to be shapeless.
For real. This is news to me. I think flares look better when they’re fitted through the hip and thigh. Otherwise, it’s just a lot of fabric and zero shape.
+2 I don’t understand how they can be flares without being fitted on top and you know, flared on the bottom.
+3, this is how I wore them in the late 90s/early 00s when everyone was wearing bootcuts and flares. I personally do not like the wide all over look.
Flares should be fitted from the waist down to about the knee, then loose below that.
Yes. If they are loose in the thighs they are not flares, they are wide-legs.
fun, random question: what is your favorite way to eat potatoes?
I’m going to say fries – more specifically Pommes Frites fries in NYC. Hashbrowns are a close second (whether freezer or McD.)
I love potatoes in pretty much all forms, but Lyonnaise potatoes are probably my favorite. Especially the ones at Musso & Frank in LA.
Fries are, of course, outstanding but my favorite is a good baked potato (not microwaved, really baked in an oven so the skin is crisp) with sour cream and chives. i’m going full homer simpson right now
Scattered and covered.
In this spirit, I’m going to go with Cracker Barrel’s hashbrown casserole.
Mashed potatoes, tater tots, good steak fries, hash browns, breakfast potatoes, loaded baked potatoes…
Just please not the abomination that is scalloped potatoes.
I could go full on Bubba Gump Shrimp answering this question.
lol
Gnocchi, pierogies, and McD’s fries.
Mashed potatoes, but specifically the ones my mom makes for Christmas. I think they have both sour cream and cream cheese in them? I really need to get the recipe this year.
Scalloped!
British chips/ wedges fried or baked in goose fat or beef drippings.
Cold leftover boiled potatoes.
You sound like someone who hasn’t eaten scalloped potatoes in a while. They’re a bit of a pain in the ass but they’re so delicious. Once I made them one Easter, my then tween kids never stopped asking for them again!
I use Tillamook cheddar, personally.
My long time favorite way to eat potatoes is to go to a really nice lunch with my best friends and order a big salad, the pomme frites, and a glass of very dry white wine.
McD’s hashbrowns #1 all the way. I don’t even really like McD’s, but whatever they do to their hashbrowns, it’s addicting.
i’m travelling to japan this summer and just went down a rabbit hole of tourist blogs about not wearing sandals (since it is customary to take shoes off inside). As a tourist going to public spaces and hotels (not homes) is this relevant?
Yes! I believe you sometimes will take shoes off in restaurants and places like shrines. It’s definitely not just in homes.
Yes
Yes! Wear socks.
You will take your.shoes off in public spaces like pagodas, fancy restaurants, fitting rooms in shops, public baths, Ryokan hotels…. taking your shoes off is NOT limited to homes.
Why would what type of shoe you are wearing matter if you are going to take them off anyway? This is a genuine question.
I think because it can be harder to get sandals off and on when they involve buckles. Instead, it’s easiest to wear shoes you can slip on and off.
Also some people may not want to be barefoot.
My solution for that is wear slip-on Birks and carry socks in your tote rather than have to be in sneakers in hot weather, but YMMV!!
It can be kind of gross and unsanitary to be barefoot in very public settings (people’s feet can get kind of grimy and sweaty in sandals, and bare feet are unfortunately good at picking up diseases from the ground especially if other people are also going around in bare feet).
Yes, and it has to do with cleanliness, so bare feet that have been in sandals are seen as dirty, like shoes.