Coffee Break: Lifestyle Pointed Ballet Flats

Black Ballet Flats: ASOS LIFESTYLE Pointed Ballet FlatsASOS has so many cute, affordable ballet flats (some in wide sizes, too), it’s kind of crazy. I’m always a fan of strappy ballet flats, and it’s nice to see that they have them aplenty. I just got my first pair of shoes from them (ahem), and while I wouldn’t call them “comfortable,” I would say that they’re wearable, and no worse than any other shoe that starts at that price. Pictured: these simple black flats are $38, with a few lucky sizes in stock. ASOS Lifestyle Pointed Ballet Flats

Here’s a narrow option in black.

Psst: I’m also in love with this pair, this one, and this one.



  1. CorporateInCarhartt :

    One the subject of flats … any recommendations for cute, comfortable driving mocs (or similar) that I can commute to work in (I drive) before changing into my heels at work? I’d like them to be cute enough to wear with skirts, dress, etc. but also comfy. There are just so many options out there and I’m overwhelmed ….

  2. I suspect the “narrow” width mention on the Nordstrom Rack website is a typo. Width “B” is typically standard, not narrow, and I’ve never known Aldo to make any narrow-size shoes. I could be wrong, of course, but I’m suspicious (and it’s a subject that I follow closely). Also, I’ve almost never seen mainstream stores carry shoes that are available in narrow but not standard width.

  3. I see a lot of cute flats at asos, but what’s the quality like?

  4. 2" wedges :

    Any good recommendations for 2″ wedges? My old Air Tali wedges are getting worn out after many years of good service. I’d rather avoid the TB wedges for anything else that is logo-less and comfortable. I liked the soft leather of the Air Tali, but wouldn’t mind something a tad more polished.

    • Coach Laura :

      I’ve had the old CH Air Tali 2″ wedges and also Calvin Klein Saxton wedges and like the CK Saxton better. They are available on amazon, zappos, dsw and 6pm and sometimes nordy’s. They come in regular leather and patent. I have a couple pairs and they show little to no wear after 2-3 years.

    • Anon in NYC :

      I just purchased the Jessica Simpson Sampson (haven’t gotten them yet so no opinion yet). It’s a 2.5″ wedge, but thought you might be interested!

  5. Anonymous :

    I am in a quandry. My fiance and I are getting married in June (YAY!). That is also the month that he is finishing residency. We are planning on moving to a new city in July so that he can start his one year fellowship in August. That was (and still is) the plan. His department loves him, so there is a great chance we’ll end up in current city after fellowship, but it is too early to know. We probably wont sign a contract for a job after fellowship until the fall.

    There is a huge wrinkle looming over said plan. I am a lawyer. I am currently a fourth year associate at a firm. I am unhappy with private practice, and I told my boss I would be moving last September (so it is no surprise to my boss that I am movitng cities). In the meanwhile, I have been on secondment with a huge company in my current city. It’s been almost 4 months and is going well. Well, as expected, the guy I work for at the secondment asked if I was open to a job. This is a dream!! In-house with a great company!

    I told him my current situation–I’m moving, and we may (or may not) be back in current city when fiance finishes residency). He said they’re interested, but with this new information, he’ll have to figure out if it’s do-able. I told fiance, and he is going to talk to his current residency director to see if there is a way to know sooner if we’re heading back for a job after fellowship. Either way, we had always planned to move together for fellowship year, and that is a non-negotiable. HELP!

    All of this i smaking

    • How far is the new city from your current city? Within commuting distance? Can you live in the new city with fiancé, work remotely most of the time, and come back to the home office for meetings, etc. at regular intervals to check-in? I know a couple in a similar situation and one person flies coast to coast for 1 week out of each month (with airfare paid for by the company). If you are married with no kids, it may be worth it to invest in your careers for this one year since the potential payoffs are great.

      • New city and currently city are hundreds of miles (and a plane ride) away– but we will be married and childless (and I’ve told secondment company that I could be flexible for that year apart in terms of my ability to come to town). Fiancé has a condo here that he was considering renting for the year, but he is willing to forego the rental and use that as “home base” if I need to fly in during fellowship year

        • My husband was a management consultant for the first 7 years of our marriage and was traveling Monday through Friday for 3 years. He would fly (from TX to CA) on Monday mornings and get back in on Friday nights. Obviously, the cost wasn’t an issue because his company paid for it. But, having a marriage where you spend the majority of time away from your spouse is doable.

    • Anonymous :

      I would stay in your city until you know where he would be longer term. You don’t want to move for a year only to have move again somewhere else.

      Maybe work M-TH in your city and ask to work remotely on Fridays and be in his city F/S/Su and fly/drive back Sunday evening/Monday morning. Try to alternate in a weekend in your city occasionally when he has a weekend off.

      • I can see this on a lot of levels, but they’ll be newlyweds and he will have a stressful job situation, so I can see that she’d want to support him.

        • Exactly. We do not want to spend the first year of marriage apart. It’s just not an option. Before this opportunity presented itself (seemingly out of nowhere), we were fine. And plans to move, get married, etc., while hectic, seemed (and still do seem) do-able. I planned on just doing contract/temp work to fill my time and make some money while away for the year to support my spouse. We want to start a relationship where that is the priority. Neither one of us wants to sacrafice that year one. I think there’s a possibility to work remotely–the in-house gig’s hang up is (understandably) that my return isn’t guaranteed. I mean I guess there really isn’t any progress to be made on this without knowing whether we’re coming back to Old City. The timing is just terrible with all of this. And also the M-Th idea above sounds work-able, he is going to be terribly busy next year (busier than residency), and there’s no way to know whether weekends would even work with our schedules…

          • Anonymous :

            I think you would have to do it presuming that you would travel and be together for those three days every week. He will be working very long hours so I’m not sure it makes sense to give up a great job opportunity given that you won’t see him a ton even if you are in the same city. With being together those three days, you can still support him by doing household laundry and prepping meals/running errands on the weekend. It will also be nice to sleep in the same bed a few nights a week. You won’t be able to schedule weekends in your city too often, but when he does have two days off in a row, then on occasion he should travel to you to support you too.

          • Anonymous :

            Sorry, but it’s silly and arbitrary to say you have to spend the first year of marriage together at great cost to your career. If being together 24/7 for your first year of marriage is that important to you, delay the marriage until after his fellowship. Otherwise, $uck it up and be a commuter couple who lives together on weekends and is apart during the week. Many people do it, and it’s really not that big a deal. You have the rest of your lives to be married and in the same place.

          • Eh, I don’t think it’s silly or arbitrary to make living together a priority. Different strokes. But every thing has trade offs, so if you really value living together, then you have to recognize that you’ll likely trade off career mobility/options for several years as a result.

          • Agreed with JJ. I don’t think that this is “silly” or “arbitrary.” Consider that 1) I was already unhappy with my firm job so leaving for fellowship was a good out; and 2) this in-house opportunity literally just came up last week, so these considerations are all very new. I already had discussions with mentors about whether going for the year would be viewed negatively and hands down all of the partners I spoke to said no one would fault me for moving to support my spouse during a stressful time (and during our first year of marriage). Also, spending the first year of marriage apart could also come with a “great cost” to my marriage, not just my career. While that year seems “arbitrary” to you, it is a formative year for us, and in my opinion it sets the tone for the marriage–for us, staying together is the priority. It’s not about necessarily being together 24/7 or being together 24/7 first year of marriage. It’s about being supportive to someone who means a lot to me during a time that is very busy and stressful and to be around for the big discussions that we’ll have regarding next steps. To assume that it’s “not a big deal” for me is contrary to the discussions that my fiance and I have had. It IS a big deal to us, which is why it is a non-negotiable. I wouldn’t even go so far as saying “many” people do it. If people can do it and make it work, that’s fine. It’s just that we do not view that as being a workable option for a variety of reasons.

          • lawsuited :

            FWIW, year one of my marriage was a mess and I would have been happy to sacrifice it. (We’ve now been happily married for 7 years, so I don’t think it was a reflection of a bad marriage overall.) But if you’ve already decided that that moving with your fiance to his residency year takes priority over all other opportunities, then your answer is easy. Turn down the in-house job with the great company so you can move. Ask your boss to keep you in mind for any future opportunities, and follow up with him from time to time to keep your network connection strong.

          • Anonymous :

            I don’t think it’s necessarily arbitrary to say “we will not be long distance” (although I think it is dumb, especially if we’re talking be-together-every-weekend kind of long distance), but I do think the fixation on not being apart during the first year is arbitrary. Unless you haven’t lived together before marriage, the first year is just like any other year.

          • Re: Anon @ 3:35pm. We haven’t lived together before marriage.

          • What lawsuited said – if being together your first year of marriage is non-negotiable, then your decision has already been made for you. Yes, you can continue to pursue whether working remotely for a year will work for this company, but if you don’t end up moving back to your current city, you could burn that bridge. Life is full of compromises and in this case, it looks like you are willing to compromise at least some of your career for being together for your marriage. Don’t apologize for making that decision if it’s the right one for you and your fiance, but don’t be surprised that some of us don’t agree with it.

          • shopping challenged :

            So the priority is his work, with you as support? Then it seems pretty clear that you go with him. Not a choice I would make (I’ve made two big career decisions based on other people, one because I wanted to, one our of financial necessity) and have not been happy with either. But that’s me. If marriage to this guy is more important to you, then that’s your choice.

          • lawsuited :

            It’s not her marriage in general that’s more important than her career, which would be easier to understand, it’s the first year of marriage specifically that she is giving up her ideal job opportunity for. I don’t think that compromising for the first year of marriage is tantamount to compromising the entire relationship/marriage.

          • Anonymous :

            Just noticed that you posted you have not lived together before marriage. The option of living together half the week if you commute for extended weekends might be a great way to get used to living together but still having a bit of your own space/time to help with the adjustment.

          • You’re getting a lot of negative here, so I thought I’d chime in that I agree with JJ above and think that moving to New City and not living separately is obviously a decision that is well-reasoned by both of you based on an evaluation of your own priorities and what you value. I’m sure it’s hard, but it sounds like you need to focus on figuring out if you could work remotely or if you both can commit to each other (and then to in-house employer) to moving back to Old City after the fellowship.
            DH & I have a simple policy – we follow whoever is making the most money, wherever it is (which is sometimes hard when the potential to make more money is an option – but we follow the present offer-in-hand). For a while, I sacrificed my career for him and now he’s sacrificing his for mine. We’ve decided that on the whole, that works for us (and allows us to make these decisions together without feeling like one person is taking charge). Is it the best thing for either of our careers? No, but it is the best thing for our marriage and we put it first. You’re allowed to choose to put your marriage first.

        • Also, I think it is important that there be bedroom reprocity before we go out too far on a limb for men. In my situation, my boyfriend always insists on me pleasuring him first (before we have sex). To be fair, I want him to reciprocate before I get all worked up, but he absolutely refuses to pleasure me. That is virtually ruining our relationship. Does any one have a solution for this? He is otherwise a caring guy, but I feel like I am literally getting the shaft when he does not reciprocate.

          • This is always an issue. What I did, after stopping all oral pleasures for a month, is to give DH an ultimatum. I let him know that he had a mouth just like I did, and his use of it on my breasts did NOT measure up to what I did for him. To be fair, I let him start things right after I came out of the shower, as I was at my freshest then. Once I got off once, I then did him. After some rest and cuddling, we went at it conventionally (usually with him on top). He never got tired of this. Once in a while when he was tired, I got on top and rode him. It was satisfying for both of us. The key is to speak up and spell out exactly what you need. Not what he needs, but what you need. After a long stressful day at work, a hot shower and a session like this, you should be good for a great night of sleep!

    • You have a big year coming up – a lot of changes. Wedding, marriage, new city, new job for spouse, new house. But you’re biggest fear/anxiety is something that may or may not happen in a year from now? OK. Prepare for it.

      If your goal, plan, non-negotiable is to live together for fellowship year — then do that. Can you work remotely? Travel? IWhat was going to be your plan if secondment didn’t come through for a job offer? Do that now, and prepare for jobs BOTH in New City AND back in Old City at secondment (or elsewhere – what if you’d moved back and then was fired/let go/etc.). It’ll be a tough year — but you knew that. If you two can get through this year, you’ll be stronger and be able to face the changes for NEXT year, that you already feel looming over you, when they have arrived.

      If you do NOT feel like you want to live together for fellowship year, then you might need to re-evaluate a lot – but if you’re sure if this short-term and long-term goal (marriage) then focus on that and fit the other priorities around it.

    • Anonymous :

      I would really encourage you to think about doing long distance for one year (the fellowship year). I understand you don’t want to be long distance forever, or even for several years, which I completely understand. But one year is nothing in the scheme of your lives. My husband is in academia and every single person we know who is coupled up has done some long distance with their partner at one point or another. Medical residency seems similar to academia, with having to move around so much. The job at the secondment company seems like a dream job for you. I think it would be a shame to turn it down, when there is a good chance you will be able to move back to your current city after 1 year, and in-house jobs are so rare. If it turns out not to be your dream job or you can’t stand the distance, you can always quit and move to be with your fiance at any point, and are no worse off than you would be if you moved this summer. It seems silly to turn down the job preemptively. (And as someone whose husband moved 3,000 miles away less than a week after we returned from our honeymoon, I can tell you that it wasn’t fun, but our careers – and our relationship, for that matter – are much better off for it!)

      • Anon same :

        I’m in a very similar boat, and I agree with Anonymous @ 2:25.

        My fiancé and I are getting married in June, and we’ve spent the past near-year apart (3 hour flight). He’s a post-doc, and the initial contract was for one year. It made no sense to either of us for me to essentially torpedo my career (in-house attorney) for one year. Now that it’s looking like he’ll be extended for an additional 1-2 years, we’re re-evaluating our options, and I will likely move (and keep current job – hooray!).

        Another thing to think about – fellowship = brutal hours. Post-doc hours are pretty rough, too. I’d see him more if we lived in the same city, but barely – he is typically on campus 9am – midnight.

      • Anonymous BigLaw Associate :

        I feel like people are sort of saying “dong long distance” pretty flippantly. This isn’t really an option for everyone and it is a highly personal decision. For some, it works well. For others, it doesn’t. I personally can’t imagine a situation in which I would ever do it-I hate when my husband is gone for even a few days for work!

    • I could see myself in a very similar position a few years from now. I honestly wouldn’t move for the fellowship. I know you want your first year of marriage to be solid, BUT, a fellowship is not a permanent job offer. I would keep my options open in the city I am currently in until your husband to be has a real offer in hand. As someone mentioned here recently, law is notoriously unforgiving- you don’t want to squander any great opportunities that come your way for no reason.

    • shopping challenged :

      You know this is really a question you and he have to answer, about how you rank careers within your relationship. Some couples take strict turns, others discuss each choice based on current opportunities, and of course there is the “lead parent”/main breadwinner arrangement. Those are for you guys to figure out. Sorry.

      • I know. And that’s always going to be the struggle for us. If I’m being totally honest, he’s going into a surgical specialty and will be making at least $450k coming out of fellowship. He will always be the breadwinner–there really isn’t a way around it for us. Which is perhaps why I am so willing to let him lead for a while on this. And I understand everyone’s opinion on this. I guess having this outlet as a way to sort my feelings out is helping.

        • Alanna of Trebond :

          I don’t really see why this is true. If you are in biglaw, you could make partner or become a senior attorney and make more. You could become general counsel of your new in house company.

    • Anonymama :

      Also, think about how difficult it will be to move to new city with no network for yourself, only a temp job, and a husband who is working all the time. It can be hard to make friends, especially if you will only be there for a year, and that can also be really stressful on your relationship. I mean, I totally understand why you would want to actually be in the same place as him for your first year of marriage, but it also will go by a lot faster if you also are keeping really busy.

      • Anonymous :


        Do not underestimate the stress it will place on your marriage to give up your professional and social life to follow your DH when he will be in an extremely busy job and you will be alone a lot. This happened to my DH and I except I was the one with the crazy busy job. It was not good for the balance in our marriage for him to have given up so much and I had so little time to spend with him.

      • Thankfully (and by some crazy stroke of luck) we already have a network of some family/friends in New City, which helps ease the transition. I am also a social butterfly, so in a way I feed off of new situtations where I can get to know new people. But I hear ya. It’s definitely another wrinkle in this whole debaucle.

    • For all the well-stated reasons noted above, this is obviously your decision and I’m sure whatever you decide you will make it work.

      However, I have now been married almost 20 years to a lovely guy I was engaged to after 4 months of dating. He then left to do a two-year residency across the country while I kept my legal job. We got married halfway through and spent the first year of our marriage apart waiting to find out where he would be working. He had no flexibility in accepting that post-residency job, so at that point I left mine we moved in together for the first time!

      20 years (ok 19 of living together) and two kids later, it’s all good. I think in the end it was easier that we were apart with fairly frequent visits during his residency. He was working insane hours and I was busy and professionally fulfilled in my own space.

      It was hard enough for me to leave my career to follow him to a fairly permanent place. It has all worked out for me.

      Just FYI I am living proof that it CAN work!

    • WishI'ddonelongdistance :

      You’ve received a lot of great advice. Here’s my two cents–

      I left the most amazing job offer of my life and the best working group EVER to live with my spouse for our first year of marriage (and first year of living together, like you) in another state. We decided to make each other the priority, etc. etc.

      Now I’m stuck in a miserable, awful job with miserable, awful people and frankly, it’s a miracle that I don’t resent my spouse for it. My upward mobility is stunted and I’m counting down the days until we move. My relationship with my spouse was wonderful…right up until my miserable job started affecting my personal life, too. 4 years later, we’d probably have a much better marriage if we’d spent the first year apart and then we would have been able to make a clearer decision about where to live moving forward.

      TL; DR: first year of marriage is super important, but it might not be the most important thing, even coming from someone who made the same choice.

      • THIS. I could have written this same post myself. Choosing to do long distance temporarily so you don’t end up at a crap job, isn’t “putting your career over your marriage.” It may be the best thing you do for your marriage.

  6. Anonymous :

    Interesting, I would’ve called these sandals and not flats. Now I’m wondering “what makes a flat a flat and a sandal a sandal”? Dang you, apple crisp crust for the carb coma.

  7. Delta Dawn :

    Anyone want to vicariously shop for some leopard flats? I thought they would be easy to find, but they are surprisingly elusive. I would prefer pointed/almond toe but at this point would consider anything leopard and flat. I ordered the Ivanka Trump (gag) “Chic” leopard flats. I love how they look, but they are dreadfully uncomfortable. Suggestions?

    • Delta Dawn :

      I forgot to say I’d like to stay under $100. I also liked the Steve Madden “Elusion” (despite harkening back to those 1998 platform sandals with the stretchy band), but they seem to be sold out everywhere.

    • I have these from Dr. Scholl’s. They are extremely comfortable and shockingly cute.

      • I heart flats :

        +1 to these. Who would have thought, but they are comfy and stylish. I also have a pair of Tory Burch Nicki calf hair flats from Shopbop that are really great looking.

    • anonypotamus :

      I was on this quest for a long time – I thought finding pointed/almond toe leopard print flats without much embellishment would be relatively straightforward but I was wrong. I’m not sure if they have them anymore, but Madewell had a pair that I liked (so much I bought two pairs so I had a backup one when this pair wears out!)

      Some ideas: (d’orsay/more embellished) (much larger print than I was looking for, but might work)

      happy hunting!

    • Delta Dawn :

      Thank you both! Sounds like a trip to DSW is in order, and I never would have thought to try Dr. Scholl’s. I appreciate your help!

  8. assistant trouble :

    Any ideas for how I can deal with an assistant I’m having an issue with? The dress code here for everyone is business casual, so men wear dress pants and dress shirts or golf shirts. No ties or jackets. Women wear flats with dress pants and blouses, or dresses with cardigans. The assistant I’m talking about wears skirt suits and heels every day. She often gets mistaken for a manager or executive.

    I’ve tried telling her that the dress code is more casual but she says she feels more comfortable on suits. It’s embarrassing for everyone to have an assistant dressed more formal than everyone else and it makes her seem uptight and unapproachable. I want to address this with our manager but I’m not sure how to frame it because her work is good and there are no issues with deadlines or anything like that.

    • Senior Attorney :

      Honestly I think you need to get over it. If I were your manager and you came to me and complained about an assistant who does good work but dresses too formally for (your perception of) her position, I would think you were insecure at best or insane at worst.

      • Co-sign. This reads like “my assistant is way too uppity and presumptive.” She does good work and doesn’t miss deadlines? Count yourself lucky.

      • assistant trouble :

        The management and executives dress the way I listed above. Of the four I’ve seen today three of them are wearing slacks and golf shirts. One was wearing a maxi dress and a cardigan. They don’t interact with her on a daily basis so I’m not sure they are aware. There is a such thing as dresses too formal for the job.

        • Well, if you talk to her about this, I look forward to reading her email to Ask a Manager about her ridiculous boss that has issues with how she dresses even though she’s fully in the dress code.

          • If I was your manager and you complained about this, I would assume you didn’t have enough work to do.

          • Senior Attorney :

            Yup. And if you keep harassing her after she’s gracefully responded to your input, you may end up in hot water yourself.

        • lawsuited :

          Of course there are “dresses too formal for work”. Like ballgowns or sequin c*cktail dresses that are not intended to be worn in an office. And if you were saying “my assistant keeps wearing her wedding dress to work even though I’ve asked her to cut it out” most people would agree that it’s not office-appropriate. But a skirt suit is designed and intended to be worn in an office and is completely office-appropriate. She may be taking the “dress for the job you want” advice a bit far, but I think arguing that there’s something inappropriate about wearing a business suit in an office is going to be a non-starter.

    • These issues are yours, not hers. If she wants to project a more formal image, that is certainly her right to do. And I’m not clear on why you’re involved in this situation at all.

    • So, she makes you look bad? There is nothing wrong or unprofessional about dressing well. You will look like a toddler throwing a tantrum if you bring this to your manager.

      • My guess is that she looks more presentable than you do. We women need to take care not to bash each other and to support each other. She is just an assistant, but she is trying hard, perhaps to land a man. There is nothing wrong with that. Unless you are in competition with her for the attention of the same men, applaud her for her professionalism and do not fault her for wanting to find a decent man to marry. We all want to find such a man, and it does not do any of us any good when some of us look sloppy or bloated and as a result, men look to our assistants for succor.

    • Also, are you a troll? I really feel like this is a trolling post. Who has time to care about how overly formal someone is?

    • Anonymous :

      Are you insane? Leave the poor woman alone and get a grip.

    • Why do you care so much? You’re not having trouble with her, you don’t like the fact that she dresses up.

      “It’s embarrassing for everyone to have an assistant dressed more formal than everyone else and it makes her seem uptight and unapproachable.”

      Has anyone else told you it’s embarrassing? Why does it matter to YOU if SHE is perceived as uptight? Again, who cares… I can’t think of anyone who isn’t going to approach their assistant to ask her to do work because she seems unapproachable. Just be grateful you have a good assistant who does good work. You will sound catty and ridiculous and focused on irrelevant things if you bring this up with your manager.

    • Anonymous :

      Please don’t say anything. A good assistant is worth her weight in gold. If she wants to wear suits, I truly don’t see the problem with it. My assistant is amazing and if she wanted to come to work wearing a clown costume, I’d be like, “You do you” as long as her work was still good.

      • Anonymous :

        I once had an assistant who almost literally dressed in a clown suit every day. Her clothes were garishly bright colors and super oversized, including her shoes. I had a couple of people tell me I should talk to her about her attire and I flat out refused. She was awesome and did good work, I didn’t care what she looked like. The few times I had a client come into the office, I mentioned to her that I had an extra suit jacket in my office if she felt the need to put it on to greet the client, which she happily did, but that was the closest I ever came to talking to her about her attire.

        • Your first two sentences made me LOL harder than any actual clown actually has.
          Thank you.

    • Anonymous :

      If this is not a fake question, please don’t say anything. She’s perfectly fine as is. The problem is you.

    • This is a non-issue that you are making into an issue. Who cares? You should be thankful she errs on the side of professional and not the other way around.

      • Anonymous :

        +1. I really thought you were going to say she comes in wearing cut-off jean shorts and a bikini top.

    • Anonymous :

      It’s embarassing that you posted this. There is no such thing as dressing to formally for the job- dress codes set floors not ceiling. It’s insane that you are evening thinking about discussing this with your manager. Are you going to pick her outfits? Make her wear flats?

      This can’t be real this site had gone mad

    • Anonymous :

      I’d like to hear more about why this is “embarrassing for everyone” and who exactly “everyone” is. I can see how this would cause issues if your office has a lot of outsider traffic. You don’t want to be mistaken as your secretary’s secretary. If that’s the issue here, then my only real advice is to dress a bit more formally. You don’t have to wear a suit, but smart separates with fun accessories will help you present with greater authority.

    • Being mistaken for a manager or executive is a GOOD thing. Unless you work in the mall, I can’t see a maxi dress and cardigan being appropriate and I don’t care how high ranking she is.

      Good for your admin for wearing clothes she feels confident and professional in. If you hate that she dresses better than you, that’s an indication you need to step up YOUR game.

      Definitely leave this one alone.

    • askamanager citation :

      Askamanager sort of addresses this. She says that dressing more formally than others can send a signal “I’m not quite part of the team”.

      • Senior Attorney :

        I don’t disagree with her advice that “In general, if an office has a pretty specific dress code, it’s good to fit into it.” But that was in response to someone who was contemplating being the more-formal-than-others person. I suspect her response to our OP would be similar to the posts on this thread.

        • Anonymous :

          +1 – you can mention *ONCE* to her that she’s out of step with the typical dress code if she’s erring more formal (as opposed to less), but then you need to let it go.

      • I worked by a secretary who dressed in a suit every day and often outdressed the partner she worked for (he was usually in sloppy slacks/collared shirt thing unless he had a client lunch or court) but I liked it as a young associate because her attire also translated into very professional service. It was also a good reminder to me about “business casual”.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      One thing to consider is whether she came from a previous job where suits were common or required. Saying she feels more comfortable in them may be her way of avoiding saying that she can’t afford to replace her work wardrobe with more casual items. it’s possible she’ll adopt a more casual wardrobe as time goes on and she replaces individual pieces.

    • You seem like the type of women I try to AVOID in the work place, I can only imagine how your poor assistant feels with you picking at her wardrobe choice. She isn’t coming into work dressed as a stripper, so I’m lost as to why you are so disturbed to the point of coming to ask us for advice on HER wardrobe.

    • I work with two executive secretaries who wear suits every day. I believe they do it because they are executive secretaries and feel they should dress appropriately for the executive the support.

      They’re both great assistants and I’m glad they take their jobs seriously and care about dressing nicely. I highly prefer these two to a prior assistant who didn’t dress up and had an attitude that many tasks she was asked to do were beneath her.

      I’m guessing the assistant you’re speaking of is older – this is how higher level assistants were expected to dress back in the day (and I am also older)

    • Anon Lawyer :

      Any chance she lives in my city and wants to work here? I would take an overdressed well qualified assistant over my current assistant any day. I would take an underdressed moderately qualified assistant over my current assistant… realize how good you have it!

    • Stormtrooper :

      Depending on where she worked before, she may only own suits. Or, she feels more comfortable in them. She’s not violating the dress code by being more formal in comparison to how others dress. Leave her alone.

  9. It almost looks like the outside side of the model’s forefoot is hanging over the edge of the shoe, near the strappy part. They seem like they would be very uncomfortable.

  10. My lovely father asked me to look over his new will. In it he gives everything to my stepmother, or if she does not survive him, to my half-sister. My brother and me (from his previous marriage) are expressly excluded–it says it throughout the will at least 10 times. This is crappy, right? Normally don’t you specifically provide for children from a previous marriage, since they will not inherit “through” your current spouse? And at a minimum, wouldn’t you include all of your children equally as the alternative to your spouse inheriting? I don’t actually care about the money (he’s not exactly rich), but it’s more upsetting because it’s a confirmation of how my brother and I have been treated throughout our lives–we’re not the “real” children. His Christmas cards for years (even when we were kids) did not include us, only the new wife and half-sister. I’m about ready to give up on a relationship where its clear how he views us and is now legally “disowning” us. Any wills lawyers that can weigh in on how unusual it is to disinherit two of your three children? It’s so hurtful–I thought that was generally reserved for children you were estranged from and disliked.

    • shopping challenged :

      I am sorry you are being reminded once again of such a history of hurt.
      Could it be that he’s trying (pathetically) to start a conversation by actually showing you this incredibly hurtful document while he’s alive?
      FWIW, when my son was born and I was setting up retirement and college savings account, I foolishly followed my parents’ advice to focus more on the present–they’d provide much help with the latter. Now whenever they are angry and displeased, they threaten to cut me out of their will.

    • Senior Attorney :

      Why on earth did he even give you the will to look at? It seems so hurtful!

      Yes, it’s crappy. I suspect his wife has a lot to do with this. My mom is the second wife in this scenario and although she hasn’t been able to convince my dad to completely disinherit his kids from his first marriage, they are getting half what my brother and I (her kids) are getting. Her rationale is it’s the estate they built together so it makes sense to her that her own children get a bigger share. I think it stinks and it would stink worse if they were broadcasting it in advance.

      If I were in your shoes I’d be mightily tempted to just cut him off.

      • Sydney Bristow :

        I can’t believe he gave it to you to review! That is so hurtful. I’m sorry.

      • His step wife must have a lot of influence on him. When my dad got old, the same thing happened. A woman entered into his life after mom, and she was very attentive to dad. Dad kind of fell into love with this woman because of her sexual attention on him, which had gone unsatisfied for years. Now that she is giving him daily attention, he has “perked up” without artificial stimulation, and she has also gotten dad to give her 1/2 of his estate (worth about $5M). The other half is going to us kids (5 of us). I am not greedy, but do not believe that daily sex for 2 years and running is worth that much. But I cannot look a gift horse in the mouth because it is his money and he always treated me fairly. I wonder when I am his age if I can find a man like him. I will probably need the $5M to support myself, as my own husband is a deadbeat who relies on me already to pay the rent.

    • Coach Laura :

      1) Your father is nuts and rude. To ask a disinherited child to “look over” a new will is passive-aggressive nonsense.
      2) At least you won’t be surprised. Maybe that’s why he did it though… so that you could have a conversation. Maybe have a word with him now but his intent seems clear enough. Maybe he thinks you’ll inherit through your mother and/or that your mother got the best of him in a divorce, if that’s applicable?
      3) I hope you and your brother can be there for each other.
      4) I could never imagine disinheriting a child. We had a family situation where one offspring was a drug addict and though he may have deserved being cut out, he was provided for in a trust. Disinheriting a child – to me – would only be done if the child were unrepentant and in prison or something like that.

      Good wishes to you.

    • S in Chicago :

      I would ask about it. Is it possible that he sees this as something where financial situation is a factor? My brother has four children and often scrapes by while I’m childless and married to another high earner. I’m probably closer to our folks than he is but I fully expect them to leave more or almost all to him as a matter of need and ongoing legacy. I’m actually OK with that. Although your history makes it sound like there probably are other issues–in which case, you should still want to communicate.

      That’s a crummy way to find out. But at least folks are still alive so you can have these conversations. Better now than if it hadn’t happened and you would always be wondering.

    • Although your father’s conduct is, IMO, extremely uncouth, parents are free to disinherit their children in almost every state.

      • Anonymous :

        +1. Intestate laws (for when a person dies without a will) may have rules to account for surviving children that are not also the children of the surviving spouse.

        Rubbing a disinherited status in a living child’s face is pretty crappy.

      • Wildkitten :

        Just because it’s legal to be a jerk doesn’t mean you should ask your kid to review your documents codifying that you are a jerk.

        Is your dad normally a jerk or this a change of behavior?

    • shopping challenged :

      Why not ask him why he had you look at it? Maybe that will start a big conversation that will eventually bring some healing or at least understanding. Or maybe it will be the final blow to a relationship that has been strangled for years anyway. The latter would hurt, but at least you’d get to closure. Seriously, it’s not like you would risk a happy family relationship by asking.

    • Anonymous :

      Is it possible that he doesn’t know that the will disinherits you? Maybe that’s exactly why he wanted you to look at it – his wife had it drafted and he suspects something is amiss but didn’t bother to read it himself.

      • Anonymous :

        This is what occurred to me as well. It’s one thing for him to disinherit you, but the fact that he asked you to look it over is strange and makes me question if he fully understands the content.

        Is your half sibling still a minor? That might explain the financial unevenness if he does understand it.

        However this plays out, I hope your relationship with your half-sibling doesn’t suffer as none of this is their fault.

      • This could be true. My father-in-law suffers from a degenerative disease that affects his brain and memory, and so do the medications that help him. He is functional but not like he once was (a top VP at a Fortune 100)

    • Honestly that is very evil of your father to do that to you and your brother.

      If i were you, I’d tell him:

      “Dear Dad,

      With all due respect, f#2$ YOU AND YOUR WILL! #BYE”

      As some one with a narcissistic father, if he ever tried this with me I’d explicitly cuss him out.

      Father or no father he is disrespectful.

    • I hope you billed him for your time. It cost us $800 to use a lawyer to create a will, and I heard that was a good deal.

    • While it isn’t “normal” to disinherit kids, when one chooses to intentionally omit a child from receiving a share of the estate, it should be done very conspicuously so that the terms of the will can’t be challenged as a mistake after the individual who wrote the will is dead. Basically, either he is being a jerk OR he is being advised to get all the hard feelings out of the way to decrease the likelihood that you and your brother sue to prevent the will from being executed as written after he is dead, or maybe both.

    • 1) hi dad, I reviewed your will. It is appropriately worded, if that is what you were concerned about. Here’s what it does : it leaves everything to your wife. If she dies before you, it leaves everything to her child. It expressly leaves Brother and me out of it. Was this your intention?

      If yes: Dad, may I ask why you wish to leave nothing to Brother and me? And why did you ask me to review it?

      If no: Dad, who wrote this will?

      • Anon in NYC :

        +1. This is a good way to approach him if you want to have a discussion with him about it (or perhaps to try to get answers before you make a decision about ending your relationship with him).

        But, OP, hugs. As other people have mentioned, your father can disinherit you, but it still is an extremely hurtful thing to do. And to ask you to review the will?! Just horrible.

      • Anonymous :


        This is an excellent reply.

        I’m so curious what he will say….

    • Ugh.

      Is the new wife much younger, with a young child that needs support through college etc…? If his estate is small, that may explain things…

      My father is a widower, and disabled. I have taken care of him for years. He is now in his 70’s.

      My mother died several years ago, without a will. She and my father had started the process of will/trust years prior, but was never able to complete it before she passed.

      My father has since decided that he is going to leave all of his/my mom’s $ to an ex-girlfriend, many years younger. This woman is someone we never knew existed until a few months after my mother’s death. They now have an erratic, long distance relationship, he has told her he will take care of her for the rest of her life, and she has an open invitation to move in at any time. She hasn’t so far, as she does not want to be his caregiver. But she will once her own money runs out.

      It is still painful that he shared his $ plans with me, but it may have been worse if I found out after he passed. It is also painful as he could set up a trust and perhaps still ensure that his or my mother’s estate pass on to us after his ?girlfriend passes. Part of me says it shouldn’t matter, but it smarts…. particularly since I am his caregiver. From what I have been able to gather, he feels that he “owes” this girlfriend, and that she needs it more. He is equally disinheriting my brothers. We were all pretty good kids.

      To the OP – I would broach the subject with your father, as either he wanted to tell you to see how you react, or he doesn’t realize what the will says and is he is truly asking for your advice.

    • Why is he even showing you his will then?? To make it even more clear that you’re excluded?

      I would ask him this.

  11. shopping challenged :

    Life’s too short to wear uncomfortable shoes!

    Plus, pointy toes are really. really long in a size 10. I like flats, but these are not for me.

    • pointy toes :

      I hear you.

      I actually love the look of pointy flats, but I wear size 9.5 and they make my feet look huge and out of proportion unless I wear a really wide leg pant.

  12. Speaking of cute flats, I am breaking in a brand new pair of Everlane Modern Points and holy cow, it hurts. Six hours into wearing them, my heels are literally shredded. I love the shoe design and quality and I really hope I will be able to use them, but does anyone have any helpful tips on how to gently break the shoes in? I already ordered the shoe stretcher on Amazon, but I wonder if there are other remedies -for the shoes and my feet.

    • Anonymous :

      Are they too stiff, too narrow, or too short?

    • Anonymama :

      I’ve found it helps to put on a pair of socks with shoes and wear them around the house for a few hours before going a full day outside the house… The socks pad areas that rub while you break them in and also help stretch them out a little, particularly in the tightest places.

    • Anonymous :

      I have the same issue with their street shoes! I’ve been getting away with bandaging up my ankles before putting them on to prevent blisters, and wearing them with thick socks for extra cushioning. I’ve also found that leaving leather shoes (with their stretchers inside) in your bathroom with you when you take a shower can also help to loosen the leather. (Not in the shower, but right outside of it so the heat and steam can get at it.)

  13. Shopping help! :

    I’m looking for casual dresses to take to Southeast Asia in May. I understand it will be HOT so breathable fabrics and short sleeves are good (though I like shoulder coverage or at least wide straps since I’ve had several bad sunburns on my shoulders and don’t want to wear a strapless bra while traveling). I want something that is more structured than just a traditional jersey dress because I feel like those make me six months pregnant when the wind blows them against my stomach (I am overall relatively slender but have a bit of a pooch). Ideally in the $50 or less range but would spend up to $100 for something well made.

    • lulus dot com

      Thank me later.

    • Anonymous :

      Try Boden (some of their stuff is cute, some is kind of mumsy), or for a more beachy look, Prana, Athleta, or Target should get a lot of casual dresses soon. I would err on the side of jersey.I bet you could get a lot of mileage out of something like this: or this: or this: and toss a lightweight gauzy scarf around your shoulders.

      • You could try eShakti dot com. They do customizable sleeves and have many dresses in cotton.

    • Boden.

    • Aunt Jamesina :

      Look for linen dresses!

  14. I live in Mel by Melissa flats. I think the model name is Pitanga. I have them in 3 colors. They’re like adult jellies, but they actually look like real shoes. Maybe not the most formal shoes, but they work in my business casual law firm. Especially with some nice ankle pants or a skirt.

  15. What are your favorite online clothing retailers?

  16. “Welcome! Please consider liking us on Facebook or signing up for our newsletter to stay in touch. ”
    I don’t agree

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