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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Asymmetrical Cardigan

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A woman wearing dark blue jeans, a navy blazer, and carrying a tan handbag

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This asymmetrical cardigan from & Other Stories is an interesting topper if you’re tired of the typical blazers. It also has a nice length to it for the long-torsoed among us.

I would wear this buttoned-up over a bodysuit so the cardigan can be the star here. 

The sweater is $109 at & Other Stories and comes in size XS-XL. 

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

338 Comments

  1. Read any good “business books” lately? I really enjoyed the Culture Map, and before that, Radical Candor.

    2. Especially if there are any about being a middle manager. I’ve been one for 2 years and generally enjoyed it. But now some things are happening which are showing me the downsides

      1. I really like the Management Myth. I read it about the same time I took a business administration degree, and it gave a lot of perspective to the very straight reading we did (Ansoff, Porter etc)

    4. Just started reading Values: Building a Better World for All by Mark Carney (governor of Bank of England during Brexit and now Canadian Prime Minister).

      1. Mark Carney is a gem. Not especially radical but he’ll make the economic argument for doing the ethical thing every time.

        1. I find it interesting that he came to the realization of how climate change needed to be addressed more urgently when looking at insurance industry losses in his term as bank governor.

          Speaks to the language of people who are not open to caring about the planet for the planet but because it’s good for business.

          1. I honestly hate having to pander to people who won’t do the right thing for goodness sake and having to make the sell to their selfishness. However a lot of people are like that so unfortunately it’s good for a leader to have that view, it breaks through to other selfish folks.

          2. It’s valuable to have someone make the economically based argument that even if you don’t care about the environment for the environment itself, you should at least care because it’s going to cost you if you don’t.

            I suspect his personal views actually value the environment given that he grew up closely connected to the outdoors.

        2. What I love about economics is that the moral choice is also inevitably the one that makes the most economic sense for society as a whole. Government provision of public goods supports more growth in the entire economy. Breaking up monopolies and otherwise equalizing market power benefits consumers as well as overall economic growth. A fair and simple tax code without loopholes for wealthy special interests increases economic efficiency and maximizes growth. Certainty and stability promote growth and investment. Etc. Our problem is that the people in power rig the system to promote excess gains for a few at the expense of maximizing total economic welfare.

    5. I just saw a book called WHAT WOULD SKELETOR DO that im going to order for my bro for xmas

    6. I’m halfway through Team of Teams by Stanley McCrystal. Easy to read, some interesting points.

  2. I don’t care where you are on the war in Gaza, but the seizure of Mahmoud Khalil should alarm anyone who cares about freedom of speech and organization. He has not been accused of any crime, nor of providing material support to Hamas (which would be grounds for deportation).

    This is just the beginning and we need to fight back. If you need a script for your reps, try “hello, I’m calling to express my strong opposition to the proposed deportation of Mahmoud Khalil and to urge Rep. ____ to do everything in his/her power to fight back against this abuse of justice.”

    1. Totally agree with you. But wish you hadn’t started by referencing Gaza. The point here has really nothing to do with the man’s specific politics and everything to do with abuse of power. His politics are an excuse. If they get away with it on this pretense, next time it will be for something else. Like protesting MAGA.

      1. Not OP, but I assume that’s why she started by saying she didn’t care where you on Gaza. That’s not the important thing here. It’s a classic example of the Niemoller poem

        First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—
        Because I was not a socialist.
        Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—
        Because I was not a trade unionist.
        Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
        Because I was not a Jew.
        Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

        2. Not especially applicable. He wasn’t just sitting there in a group that’s being targeted. Actions have consequences.

          1. LOL because “trade unionists” and “socialists” were “just sitting there.”
            What a weird take. Probably consumed too much shoe polish doing all that bootlicking and it’s addled your brain.

      2. Actually I think the fact that it’s about Gaza is important for people to understand. People should know that this administration is silencing critiques of Israel (and yes, it could be anything they don’t like next). And people should know that this particular man’s parents were forced off their own land by Israel, which is why he grew up in Syria. If anyone has a legitimate bone to pick with Israel’s government (and there are many), it’s him. It’s egregious no matter what his politics are, but talk about gaslighting…

      3. I think something should’ve been done about all of the protests long ago….but wholeheartedly agree with you that this is not it. I don’t care if he’s protesting the color purple. Where is his due process? This violates fundamental principles of this country. It’s disgusting

    2. I wholeheartedly agree with you! Hypothetically- if he had been convicted of let’s say trespassing, could his green card be revoked? Or assault during a protest? Or could it be argued that he was involved in activity that threatened U.S. security? (I’m not saying that I personally think he did- in fact I think the opposite, but I’m just trying to understand if there is any argument to be made)

      1. Yup to all of those things. It isn’t news that green card holders can and regularly are deported for violating the law.

      2. No one is losing LPR status over trespassing or assault during a protest. More like, an aggravated felony, crime involving moral turpitude, DUI, drugs.

      3. There are specific types of criminal activity that could cause one’s LPR status to be revoked, or be a bar to eventually getting citizenship. Trespassing is not one; providing material support to terrorists is; and there’s a lot of complexity in the middle.

    3. since a lot of the “protest vote until they free Gaza!” people lost the election for the dems I think partially falls under the category of FAFO. who knew the radicals would have a hard time getting along with the fascists?

      1. Yep. Struggling to muster sympathy here, really stretching the agree with the principle notion as far as you can take it.

        1. Okay you don’t have to sympathize with him to recognize that what’s happened to him is a blaring warning sign.

      2. Interestingly, “FAFO” is not the legal doctrine applicable to the government’s treatment of our civil rights and liberties. While it may be cathartic for you to witness, I’m sure you’d also agree that there’s no “FAFO exception” that authorizes the government to strip our civil liberties and such an exception would be very detrimental to a free society.

    4. I wish the government had followed what appears to be the correct process with a Notice to Appear and then immigration court. There may be valid reasons to deport him, and I’d prefer these be addressed in the proper court with a clear and enforceable decision. My interpretation of the law is that he does not have had to provide “material support” to Hamas, but a looser definition of engaging in terrorist activity.

      I strongly believe his case should be brought to immigration court, which is due process. Personally, I don’t have empathy for people who come to the US on student visas, benefit from education, housing, etc. here and then protest against America. If you don’t like it here, leave.

      1. He is not protesting “against America.” He is protesting a current (and reversible) policy position of the American government. Maybe he likes it here specifically because it is (or used to be) a place where people can voice their opposition to a current policy position the government is taking.

        1. He is indeed protesting against America, and being an apologist for this is just as bad. I actually don’t care why he likes it here. If he opposes a particular policy, find constructive ways to communicate and work against it. The sheer privilege and audaciousness of coming to the US on a student visa, attending a prestigious university, and then participating in protests that support Hamas and Hezbollah is stunningly offensive.

          I fervently hope his case is transparently heard by an immigration court, and let the law decide. If he’s guilty and they deport him, fine. Personally, if he’s guilty doesn’t like it here and can’t be constructive, leave.

          1. The fact that you don’t see how un-American your ideas are is truly frightening. I wish people like you would self-deport to another planet.

          2. This is such a gross take. Protesting is a fundamental, protected freedom and is a valid and constructive way to demonstrate dissent. Just because you disagree with the point of view (I disagree with his point of view) or don’t personally enjoy protesting doesn’t disqualify it as a valid form of speech. Protests have been an important and constructive vehicle since our nation’s founding. What do you think the Boston Tea Party was? Get a clue.

          3. This kind of response is terrifying to me. It feels like the erosion of democracy runs much deeper than I thought.

          1. Subject to learning more facts, he WAS “behaving,” that is, he was demonstrating peacefully. He was not brandishing a firearm, he was not sending funds to Hamas, he was not assaulting passers-by.

      3. Benefiting from education and housing, how so? It isn’t free. International students on student visas don’t get federal financial aid, and many universities won’t give them any assistance or scholarships. Their universities are benefiting from their full freight tuition payments.

        1. Not just benefitting, depending upon. Universities are freaking out about losing foreign students precisely because they pay full freight.

        2. Not that it really matters to this discussion, but this person is not on a student visa. He has a Green Card, probably because he is married to a American citizen.

      4. If we all just leave every time we bump up against a federal policy we disagree with, there literally wouldn’t be anyone left in the country.

  3. Help me word the email/ meeting invite. I did a project for start up in Q4. It went great, they asked me to work for them full time, which I can’t/didn’t want to do. I agreed to take a part time role for Q1 and I listed out objectives for the role during that time frame (A,B,C, and Z, which was to help them recruit for a full time role. Over Q1, D, E, and F were added to my plate, so really, I got A, D, E & F done, with some work on B and we decided to kick C out a ways. Z fell by the wayside though we had a long conversation about hiring talent that could do some of the responsibilities of what I’m doing plus fill another gap in the company. That went nowhere because they have no long term plan so can’t decide if they want more of talent type A or B (think: digital marketing vs paper).

    I need to have a conversation with my boss, the CEO, to figure out what, if anything, they want me to do in Q2. Normally this would be fairly straightforward but this guy is out to lunch. He just had his 4th kid and his home life is nuts (we mostly have calls with him strapped to their 2 year old walking their preschooler to school). There is some major initiative happening that he’s totally unplugged from. He’s also the head of sales and trying to close a bunch of deals. He has negative time. I also saw the company’s budget for 2025 and he also has not put in any budget for a full time role to replace me. FWIW they just got a big round of funding so I do know there is money to be had and they do have my role budgeted for at least the first half of the year. I am almost certain he has totally forgotten that my contract is up at the end of March, if he in fact knows that it is March at all right now.

    I’m thinking that I schedule a check-in for early next week. Do I frame the convo as a “Q1 wrap-up and Q2 planning”? I can go over what I did, and what’s left to do, and what might be coming and ask him if he wants to extend my contract or help look for a replacement (or both in parallel)? I do not want to work there full time. I would be happy to continue our current arrangement, but they probably should hire someone full time instead, or at least make plans to do so. I know there is no time to do this and keeping me on is better for them budget-wise (they’re paying me a retainer and to hire a full time employee with benefits even a full step below me would be 2x the cost to the business). They may want to reduce my hours and lower my retainer, or switch me to hourly, both of which I would also be okay with, but it won’t save them any money. Should I have some kind of visual on that? Right now they are paying for 40 hours/month and I have easily hit that over the past two months. Moving to hourly would cost them more.

    Thoughts?

    1. IMO – Be smart about this. Act as if your contract is of course going to be extended (since it seems like that’s what you want, and the business wants that too). Provide new contract via email with a docusign. Add a note that your fees are going up 15% due to market demand for your services. Sign here, boss. If he wants to meet and hash it out or re-negotiate, fine. But don’t open the door to him hemming and hawing. Show him the easy button that’s exactly what you want.

      1. Perfect, this is the 3rd party insight I needed. I did an end of project wrap up last time, but after thinking about your comment, it was because it was a project-based contract. It feels a little weird to push a renewal his way with no new objectives or goals or even a review of accomplishments…but maybe that’s on them to figure out and decide if they care and then schedule a meeting about it if they do?

        You are 100% right, there will be hemming and hawing if I schedule time to have a conversation about renewing and goals and…and…and.

        Since my contract is up at the end of Q1, does it make sense to push it out essentially at a “two weeks notice” timeframe (next week)?

        1. Yes.

          (From the amount of detail in your posts, I’m getting the sense that maybe you like to dot all the i’s and cross all the t’s, and deal with all the options? If so, no shade there — that’s me, too. I want people to know what they’re deciding and why, and for us all to be very clear on the whole list of implications that follow the decision. But I do think that in this situation, you need to set aside all that and just present what you want in the shortest way possible.)

        2. Personally, I wouldn’t. I’d do it now, especially given the fee increase (wink wink). You can then use the “two weeks notice” as a reminder to press your boss to make a decision (since he likely won’t sign or even look at it when he gets it). If you want to attach a summary PDF document of accomplishments / metrics with the contract, go for it. If you think they won’t approve the contract without defined goals or projects, you can press for it, but you said it’s an hourly retainer, so I don’t think that’s necessary since that’s a defined deliverable.

        3. and actually, I just pulled out the contract to see how the “end state” was written, and their language made it easy: “a monthly retainer of $X (USD) for an initial term of 3 months, with an option to extend the agreement upon mutual consent by both parties”…so even the contract is worded for extension.

  4. Has anyone had their tubes removed? A doctor of mine mentioned in passing that I could consider it to reduce the risk of ovarian cancer (an aunt died of it, but did not have any known genetic mutations) and to secure permanent birth control. My husband is getting a vasectomy anyway, but I do want to think about this for cancer risk reduction. I’m already at high risk for three other cancer types due to a condition I have. Does it make sense to pursue this further?

    1. I’m no expert but how would removing fallopian tubes reduce the risk of cancer in your ovary? Aren’t those separate organs?

        1. +1

          This is an increasingly popular option, especially for young women with a family history of ovarian cancer (especially BRCA carriers).

    2. I’ve not looked into it in depth, but I am definitely intrigued. By leaving the ovaries you don’t disrupt normal menopause, while still reducing cancer risk. Ovarian cancer is particularly scary because of how difficult it is to catch, so if insurance covered such a procedure (due to family risk) and a doctor recommended it, I would seriously consider it.

    3. I had my tubes removed. Not because of cancer just because I don’t want kids. The surgery itself was pretty easy and outpatient, assuming you have an okay partner who will take out the trash for a week recovery should be a breeze. The worst part for me was the doctor over inflated my abdomen with gas which resulted in some intense shoulder pain and limited movement until the excess gas dissipated. I presented at a conference 3 days after my surgery, not the best decision but it was fine.

      1. That’s not overinflation, that’s just how the process works. And yes, it HURTS like a MF for a few days. Worse than childbirth, at least in my experience.

        1. It was over inflation. My doctor literally said post op ‘I accidentally over inflated you, so you’ll have extra pain, sorry about that.’ But please go on about how you’re so much more knowledgeable than I.

          2. Do you have more experience other than your one personal anecdote shared here upon which you are basing your claim that you are more knowledgeable on how insufflation works? You know that what your doctor told you about your individual case doesn’t make you an SME on the process generally, right?

          3. @11:48 Your reading comprehension is pretty bad. The poster only ever commented about her own experience. And then you came in and told her that she was wrong about her own individual experience. You need to step back.

          4. Anonymous at 11:48 – I used to read/post here all the time. Then I left, for the most part, but periodically – once every few months – I check back in. On the days that I do, I say to myself, “well, let’s see what the mean-girl misfit sociopaths over at Corporette are talking about today.” Thanks for confirming that my assessment of this blog’s reader base continues to be accurate.

          5. @1pm, the 10:20 post’s snarky, uninformed, and minimalizing end language was directed at a comment about pain from being inflated for abdominal surgery (unfortunately) being normal and not an exception. Playing apologist for that doesn’t reflect well on you.

      2. I think this is pretty typical with abdominal surgery. I have had shoulder pain with every one.

    4. I’ve done it and have been extremely happy! My doctor also told me that a lot of ovarian cancers start in the tubes and so it’s a way to reduce that.

      Like the poster above said, the surgery itself was not a problem, and recovery was quick. I would not have been able to do a presentation 3 days after, but it really wasn’t bad. I was working out again after a couple of weeks, just being careful not to disturb the incisions.

      Beyond cancer prevention, I am a strong advocate for women taking care of their own fertility. I don’t want kids. I have a long term monogamous (male) partner. Anything could happen— he could die early or leave me or I could be the victim of SA. My state doesn’t allow abortions for any reason. Also, my birth control of choice was an IUD, and those are in the sights of people who want to erode our rights to birth control. That’s just my little soap box.

      1. I also had mine removed and had a similar experience. I was working a wedding as a day-of coordinator just a few days afterwards (no heavy lifting, just some mild pain perfectly managed with Tylenol) and was fine.

        I’ve never wanted kids. My sister died from a pregnancy-related cancer. Once Roe was overturned, I knew what I needed to do, and my GYN was fully supportive. (In fact, I have a close friend who I referred to my doctor for a consult and she just got her surgery date scheduled this morning.) With so much out of my control, it was the right choice for me to take control of this. I wish I’d done it 10 years sooner.

        I still have my ovaries, so no early menopause here, and I still get a period, though it is fairly short.

    5. Yes. I had an ovarian cyst that had to come out, and my doc advised me to let her take out the tubes at the same time. I looked into it and the VAST majority of ovarian cancers start in the tubes. I believe the recommendation was that for women who are done having babies, docs should recommend tube removal when there is an abdominal surgery of any kind.

      1. I think the risk/reward calculation might be different if you are contemplating surgery just to remove the tubes, though? I have serious safety concerns about anesthesia and surgery in general, so I’d want to know the stats on those risks v. my likelihood of developing ovarian cancer. Like how much cognitive damage will the anesthesia cause, and is that worth the reduction in cancer risk?

        1. Oh, I agree. I would not undergo general anesthesia just to have my tubes removed and I don’t know if doctors are recommending that regularly. The ACOG guidance I read was to the effect of “if you’re in there anyway, might as well take them out.”

          1. Yes, doctors do perform surgical sterilization even when the person isn’t undergoing other abdominal surgery.

            I did it because I knew I never wanted children and did not ever want that choice taken away from me.

          2. That’s another case of having the surgery for benefits other than cancer prevention.

    6. Getting tubes removed is pretty standard to offer during a c-section as well– my OB told me that it’s becoming more common.

    7. I had them taken out because I am child free by choice. The cancer reduction was an added bonus. The process was very easy for me. I was working the next day. I was a little sore, but otherwise had no ill effects. I may be an anomaly but I wish I’d done it 15 years earlier.

    8. No experience with your actual question but wanted to share this article as FYI to others. It was eye opening to me regarding lack of clarity / information on long term effects of these procedures for women (gift link): https://www.nytimes.com/2024/12/02/health/hysterectomy-ovaries-women.html?unlocked_article_code=1.3U4.vR14.neYSiGtvpG5S&smid=url-share

      TL/DR:
      -try not to remove ovaries if possible bc they continue to proceed needed hormones
      -women unknowingly had their ovaries removed during hysterectomies due to lack of clarity in medical terminology

  5. Do you have any tips with dealing with a direct report with a bad attitude? Everyone in our 8 person department is cheerful, sweet and fun except her. I don’t want to require toxic positivity but she brings down the mood and is such a downer. She cries at her desk, she ignores her coworkers when they ask her what’s wrong, she wears a sour face in meetings, abuses PTO (eg takes sick days when not sick) and complains constantly about her job despite it being objectively good. I’ve worked with her for ten years but have only been her supervisor for one. I think she is mentally ill with lots of free floating anxiety that is funneled towards non-existent work problems. She’s been openly job hunting for years but has never received another offer, which is unsurprising to me. She is fine at her actual job. I’ve told her that her attitude impacts the others and that I’d like her to be more mindful of how she treats her team but no change. I don’t want to police her feelings but she is such a drag to the team. Thoughts?

    2. Accept her difference. If she’s doing her job well you’ve lucked out.

      Describing your office as cheerful, sweet and fun gives me the creeps, as another point of view.

      1. Yep it gives me the heebie jeebies, very ‘keep sweet’ vibes. It’s soul sucking to put on a fake smile every day.

          1. At least we try to not do it openly. We all have tough times and it might happen so we try to hold it in until you can get outside or to the bathroom. Crying at her desk regularly is strange (I assume she doesn’t have a private office).

    3. If you have actual proof of her abusing leave, I would talk to your HR people because that’s something concrete and objectively wrong to work with.

    4. It’s not policing her feelings to require so certain ~actions~ at work, including a baseline of “reasonably pleasant to work with”, and it’s clearly impacting the rest of your team so you need to act. I’d start with the crying regularly at her desk and the complaining. She doesn’t need to ~feel~ happy, but she does need to eg. not complain about her job at the all-star meeting, or step outside if she needs a minute to pull it together. If you think a disability might be in play, talk to HR for guidance on reasonable accommodations first (where again, reasonable accommodations might be a private workspace or a place to step out and reset, but won’t be “cries all the time, concerning her coworkers, but no one can say anything about it”

      2. Agree with all this. Some of these other responses piling on OP are giving major Ask a Manager vibes.

        1. (although I agree that “sweet and cheerful” isn’t a great description of your desired behavior for your team)

      3. Well said. OP can (and should) address the behavior and its resulting impacts on the workplace.

    5. I was tracking with you until I read “I’ve worked with her for ten years.”

      If you’ve seen her live this way for 10 years with zero personal growth in all that time, she likely doesn’t have the stable foundation she needs to make ongoing fundamental changes to her behavior in the way you want her to.

    6. I think you can be more direct about managing these issues as they come up. If she is crying at her desk, ask her if she needs a minute or tell her to go into a private room. Ask coworkers not to ask her what’s wrong, clearly thats going no where. If she’s complaining about the job tell her to either figure out what will make it better if its fixable, or not to complain about it. It’s not about not feeling your feelings – that’s fine. She just still needs to be professional.

    7. This poor woman! If she’s doing her job well and not actually treating other people badly other than bringing down the mood, harassing her about it doesn’t really seem productive. She’s clearly miserable and you admit she almost certainly has a mental health condition, so I don’t know why you think she’s lying about sick days. I get that this isn’t ideal employee behavior, but it’s also hard to hear the lack of sympathy and support for her while talking about sweet and fun everyone else is. I’m sure that attitude isn’t helping the situation.

      1. OP is certainly the type of person who doesn’t think mental health is health and sick days are only for physical illness.

      2. Okay but how is it alright to cry at work and then ignore coworkers who ask how you are? Also you can definitely tell people to cut out the complaining at work.

        1. Eh, I think she might be ignoring them because she’s embarrassed they noticed her crying. If she’s not ignoring her coworkers generally, just when she’s upset/crying, I don’t think it’s that big a crime.

          I agree you can tell her to cut out complaining though.

          1. Doubtful – she probably enjoys the attention. There is a real component of mental illness here.

    8. The advice I’m always going to give: you aren’t a psychologist and you aren’t her psychologist. You don’t know if this is a mental health issue or what kind of mental health issue. That’s for her to figure out with a professional, then work with you and HR on reasonable accommodations.

      Talk to HR to make sure that a conversation you have with her is appropriately sensitive and within the bounds of the law and company policy. Discuss with her what accommodations she might need: a closed office for telehealth, work from home so she can see a psychologist in person, some flex in her schedule if that reduces anxiety.

      She’s a decent person with good work product. Figure out how to make this work for her.

    9. Mental health is health, so I’m not really sure why you think she’s taking sick leave when she’s not actually sick.

    10. As you acknowledge, the issue is mental illness. Is there anything you can do to shield the rest of her team (or shield her)? For example, does she not have much privacy that people see her crying at her desk? Why are coworkers still asking her what is wrong after ten years; can they stop doing that?

      I believe you that she complains too much. But keep in mind that people who are suffering any kind of illness or pain can seem like “downers” or can seem to have a “bad attitude” compared to people who feel fine.

      1. this is a great point. if she’s on the spectrum or has SPD she might be getting overwhelmed by the environment – bright lights, loud coworkers, etc – and essentially have meltdowns. maybe try keeping a little journal for yourself of when the crying/complaining is at its worst to see if there are any common denominators and then help her change the environment to account for those things? private office, WFH, quieter corner, whatever.

        1. I don’t think this is for OP too. It seems like overreaching, and I wouldn’t like it if my boss was observing that closely. This is for the employee to do, or maybe HR, and offer accommodations.

        3. I think journaling and speculating about neurotype is overkill. But if her work is fine, a work environment that accommodates her known needs seems like an easy solution.

    11. OP here – thank you all for your feedback and thoughts. I am so close to the issue that it is hard to evaluate next steps objectively. I appreciate your help very much!

    12. As you say, you can’t police her feelings. If there are specific ways her attitude is affecting your team’s work, then you should make sure you document those. So, for example, if her complaints about the job are made aloud, you can certainly tell her that is inappropriate for the office. But you need to clarify precisely how her attitude impacts others.

      Frankly, this post suggests that you just don’t like her. Her PTO is hers to use. A sour face isn’t an issue. “Sweet and fun” is not a workplace requirement, and the way you’ve written this post sounds a little middle-school-popularity-complaint. So figure out what actually impacts the job and address that, and be honest about what is actually impacting the work and what is just your dislike of this person.

      And finally, since you’re the supervisor: I certainly hope you’re not talking behind this person’s back to your team members.

        2. Where do you work? People crying in the office on the regular and openly looking for other jobs is not normal behavior.

          1. blinks. Not the op, but it’s par for the course at my large company and this is kind of a kick in the pants that maybe I need to get out, maybe there’s a better environment somewhere

          2. I mean, people are humans and experience human emotions, but if everyone is crying, and crying often, that’s a bad sign.

    13. would WFH work for her part or all of the time? might be a good way to get the bad vibes out while also maybe making her happy if she wants it.

    14. In this economy you keep her around because it’s likely you will be asked to make someone redundant. Let it be her.

      She is clearly mentally unwell. You give them space and let them be if their work is done sufficiently. Dont be that manager. If their behavior really bothers you ask them if they would prefer to trial working from home.

  6. Does anyone have experience with taking HRT to treat osteoporosis (or just generally any experiences to share about taking HRT)? I am meeting with a doctor tomorrow to discuss. I am 52, still getting irregular periods, no peri symptoms that need treatment. I know there is also a pill I can take but my primary care doctor said it wasn’t as effective. Would love any insights before my doctor appt tomorrow!

    1. I take HRT for osteopenia. Am 49, was diagnosed with osteopenia a few years ago. Was having annual bone density tests and they were getting worse every year. About 2 years ago when I was in perimenopause, my endocrinologist suggested HRT to try to stabilize the bone loss. She was very honest about potential side effects (possible increase in breast cancer risk, etc) and gave me materials to review. We decided that since I didn’t have family history of breast cancer, it made sense to start HRT. Been on an estrogen patch and progesterone pill for 2 years and bone density has stabilized. So it’s very individual to one’s own medical history and risk factors. I felt better that I was seeing an endo who specializes in this type of thing and appreciated that she was a woman. Wouldn’t have felt as comfortable if my primary care was managing it.

    2. Yes. I have osteopenia, and I was having a lot of perimenopausal symptoms and already knew it was important for me to start HRT for all of the health benefits. I started progesterone pill + estrogen patch, which seemed to have the best combination of benefits with fewest serious side effects. My osteopenia was mild, so no other medications were recommended for me at that time.

      Soon after starting HRT, I found out I am at higher risk of breast cancer. Genetic testing showed I have a cancer gene mutation. So my Gyn got scared and sent me a patient portal message saying stop the HRT, and dropped me as a patient. My perimenopausal symptoms were wild at that time. I found a new GYN oncologist. And I transitioned into menopause. And then I started a newer HRT called Duavee. It is not for pre-menopause though. It is estrogen + estrogen receptor modulator that actually gives you the benefits of estrogen on bone health/perimenopausal symptoms, but blocks the cancer causing effects on the breast and uterus. So I am on that now. No side effects. My osteopenia is stable.

      Do you already have osteoporosis? If so, I would definitely see an endocrinologist for advice about starting a medicine specifically for osteoporosis treatment, AND take HRT, as well as vitamin D, eat enough calcium rich foods, weight baring exercise.

  7. Has anyone heard of Breda watches and have any reviews they’d like to share? I’ve been eyeing the coda but I’m unfamiliar with this brand

  8. Shop for me please!

    all black, leather, riding boots, very slight heel (so they can be dressed up or down), going for a classic look so I can wear them forever, no adornments (no buckles or whatnot), comfortable or has room for an insert as I have super high arches and I want to be able to really walk in them. The biggest area I’m struggling with is that I am 5′ and I need them to look the right height on me since most are too tall and I can’t bend my knees. Size 9. Hate the idea of spending a fortune but I’ll wear them for a decade or more so it’d be worth it for exactly the right thing. Help!

    1. Have you measured what shaft height you need, since it’s the fundamental factor to whether a boot works for you?

    2. Look at Duo Boots. They come in a wide range of calf sizes and shaft heights, so you should be able to find your fit.

  9. I wish we could do a job post and recommend each other for jobs but I know that’d out too many of us. I just wish we could use this strong women’s group to network and to help us all rise up!

    1. I love where your heart is for this, but I would never recommend anyone for a job who I’d never met….

      1. Maybe not recommend people for a job but I see jobs available in my location that I could share with people here and let them apply for. LinkedIn has so many listed
        that I think lots of jobs aren’t seen by people who would be good fits

        1. The sentiment is nice, but people who are looking for jobs really can search LinkedIn for themselves.

    2. There are other valuable ways to support each other here. I’ve seen lots of good resume advice, thoughts in leaving a bad situation, etc. Let us know what’s going on with you or what your experience has taught you. Are a lot of people out of work right now in your area? How’s the outlook?

  10. This is 50: hungry; eating moderately; just sized up again in pants. It’s like I have a parasite in my midsection demanding to be fed.

      1. I have no idea — I’ve had fasting bloodwork done annually and no one has ever said anything about it. BMI isn’t in any overweight or higher category. It’s just like this body isn’t the body I satisfactorily had for decades and now my head is food noise all the time (like I wake up hungry, eat a filling breakfast of yogurt, and can be starting again in 3 hours, way before lunch). I run cold, so the bloodwork is usually to check for low thyroid (runs in family, mine is normal still despite legit having symptoms for that).

        1. If I eat just yogurt for breakfast I am definitely starving again in 3 hours! It’s less than 200 calories but wakes up your digestion and metabolism.

          1. OP here — 2 yogurts = breakfast for me, adding anything at breakfast makes me uncomfortably full. It’s almost like being pregnant and having to eat many times throughout the day (and I have a little food baby; there is no real baby in there and I checked for that).

        2. I’m the volumetrics poster from below – try adding the cereal “fiber 1” to your yogurt. old WW trick! you could also do overnight oats with chia or a muesli-style bowl with berries and maybe a protein granola.

    2. This is me every October-March. I read somewhere that your body’s hunger cues are responding to the gut bacteria demanding to be fed their preferences (so if you have gut flora demanding sugar, you’ll have intense sugar cravings, if you have gut flora demanding meat, you’ll have those cravings.)

      It doesn’t strike me as more unreasonable than anything else, but if you feed those cravings, they’ll never go away. I give in for a quarter of the year, and behave myself when the weather is warm enough for me to care about anything else.

      1. Is hunger the same thing as cravings?

        I get hungry. I wake up hungry. The longer I wait for food, the less picky I am. But I tend to have yogurt or oatmeal for breakfast and keep dried fruit at my desk to get to lunch.

        I’m actually finding it challenging to ever think about going to the gym because I either have no energy because I’m hungry or I have no energy because I just ate. It’s like I can’t win. I don’t want to take something like Ozempic b/c I really only would want to be about 10 pounds lighter and there are side effects and I would fear a rebound but just quieting the noise would be such a blessing.

        1. Can you possibly drive yourself to the gym and give yourself permission to just stretch, and do more if you feel up to doing more? Sometimes I go to the gym and do absolutely nothing of value, but it helps me get into the habit of going and doing more over time.

        2. Dried fruit is actually not that good for you. I mean, it’s unprocessed and that part is good, but it’s just sugar and fiber. So yeah, you will feel tired after eating it once your blood sugar crashes.

          1. Agree. I always side eye people who recommend it as a healthy option. Like it won’t kill you, but it’s a treat.

          2. I would say it’s high in sugar and calories. So it could be a sneaky source of those if you’re grabbing a handful regularly.

          3. Really? I mean, it is a great way of having a sweet tasty snack and it has vitamins and fiber, which are excellent. It is a much better alternative than eating oreos when you are hungry and have a sweet craving.

            Sometimes we are too extreme here.

      2. interesting that you say October-March — I always feel like those are my worst sugar craving months also but I’ve associated it with Halloween candy & Xmas candy setting the stage for sugar cravings.

    3. With you. I don’t get it. I exercise, I lift weights, I eat healthy foods. I have tried tracking calories and it was a lot of work and angst for very little payoff. Or I was hungry way too often. And yet the shape shifting continues. When does this get better? I am now overweight after a lifetime of being in the normal range (and I realize that may be a flawed metric). My doctor isn’t concerned, fwiw, but I hate this! It’s not like I was super thin to begin with.

        1. Well, I have been using compounded semaglutide, which is a lot cheaper than brand-name, but due to FDA rules it looks like compounded GLP-1s will no longer be available. I got them through Henry Meds but there are many other online outlets. I am assuming that the brand-name ones will still be available through online providers. I took a full dose to lose about 30 pounds over the course of a year, and for the past two I’ve injected a small maintenance dose every week. I don’t think about food other than to make sure I am getting protein. I have had no side effects except that I used to love wine and now the thought of it grosses me out.

          I wish this had existed decades ago. The amount of energy and angst I have devoted to hating myself and trying to get thin enough could have been directed to so many more important things. Now I spend money, but I have peace and it is worth every penny.

          1. How is your diet otherwise? Are you getting a well rounded nutritious diet? Do you find that you skip more meals?

      2. Yes – I hate to be one of those people who always say medicate the problem away but this is exactly why I started using a GLP-1 and why I am current taking a .25 dose every two weeks.

        But also I gained 25 pounds during menopause so was on the edge of obesity and my cholesterol, which is highly sensitive to my weight, soared to over 300 so I had a medical reason. OP – If you have not already met with a weight specialist, I would recommend one. My sister had this issue and that helped enormously (she needed a lot more protein).

    5. look up “volumetric eating” – and also add fiber and protein to everything. fiber helps balance hormones anyway but also keeps you full for longer.

      1. Ha — I tried eating more salads and sides of broccoli and I swear the poop became enormous and I swear having that in my stomach / intestines just made me feel very internally crowded. Like through-putting that much bulk is not something my body liked (even through it is OK with bean burritos, fruit, and oatmeal).

        Just me?

        1. you have to go slowly with fiber. 25-35g is the daily goal but i know i barely get 10 if i’m not paying attention. don’t go up more than 5g at a time.

          you might also try focusing more on probiotics for a while to help your gut adjust, whether through Align or through active cultures/yogurt/kimchi/etc. good NYT article that lists them and why the foods are better than the pills.

        2. Hahaha, yes, same. Never heard it described quite like this, but when I eat too too many vegetables, I have normal poops but like 5-6/day, no exaggeration. It’s insane and time-consuming.

      2. I don’t understand why people think this works. When I get hungry it’s not because my tummy isn’t full. It’s because my blood sugar is low and I am hangry. I can eat a giant salad and be hangry two hours later even though I don’t feel hunger pangs.

        1. It’s not normal for blood sugar to drop two hours after a meal though. It can be from insulin resistance.

          1. The point is that hunger isn’t just about how full your stomach is, it’s about how much fuel is available for your body. If you fill up your stomach with fiber but no calories you will be hungry.

          2. A healthy human can go hours without eating and without getting hangry. This is because we’re able to burn fat for energy even when we didn’t eat enough calories. If we’re getting hangry instead, it could be because we’re not burning fat, which would also explain weight gain or difficulty losing weight. Insulin levels being too high is one obstacle to burning fat.

        2. Yeah. I’ve had this before. Its a chore to regulate your body’s response and you really do have to do the work of reading (Jason Fung’s books are a good resource) and then the meal prep once you figure out your plan.

          I’ve never used factor but their protein heavy meals might be an option for the time strapped/well resourced people. Calorie counting isn’t the problem for early signs of insulin resistance, more what you eat and when you eat it.

        3. But if you are having hunger pangs?

          I did the colonoscopy prep recently and was just so hungry on day 1 and was just weak the next day until I could finally eat again.

          And I switched to yogurt in the AM for more protein. And the dried fruit for the fiber (mainly dehydrated apples, but sometimes other dried fruit from TJ). Could add in some Cheerios, but hate having it on my breath.

          Ugh. This is going to be my slog for the next decade, I can feel it (which, fine, but I hate the idea of needing my own special food plan and becoming That Person on family or group outings).

          1. Cheerios and dried fruit are not great for the blood sugar. Cheerios did a number on the American population pretending to be healthy. I say this as someone who actually loves the taste of both the plain and the honey nut. But I treat it the same as Froot Loops. I buy them once a year as a treat to binge on and then I put it away. It is not a part of my regular eating.

        4. Volumetrics is more about the psychological aspect of restricted eating, though.

          For salad it really depends what you put in there! If you don’t have protein and some healthy fats then yes you’ll be hungry.

          1. That’s exactly the point, though. You need actual food with calories, fat, and protein. You can’t survive just on volume without calories. That’s why volumetrics is stupid.

    6. You should track your macros and see where you stand with a baseline. Then get a recommendation on where you should be to preserve muscle mass but lose weight (and then maintenance). You may be eating more calories than you realize and not the right macros (not enough protein or too many carbs/fat). Also, grazing all day doesn’t allow your blood glucose levels to return to baseline. It’s better to eat 3 meals spaced 3-4 hours apart. You could have some insulin resistance.

    7. This is me. Normal weight all these decades, faithful workouts including lifting heavy, and hit age 49/ 50 with a new hunger that wouldn’t satisfied, along with a new shape and weight and incessant food noise.

      I went on metformin about 9 months ago, and it has stopped. I’ve dropped the pounds I picked up, I’ve reclaimed my headspace from the food noise, kept on with my regular workouts, and I feel fantastic. I know it doesn’t work for everyone, but for this perimenopasual person, it is incredibly effective at moderating what I think of as hormonal eating.

      1. Metformin treats insulin resistance which is very much tied to hormones… that is part of why people keep bringing it up, because it can often be addressed!

        1. Yes! I’m the metformin poster above. Just describing how it went for me because I really wish I’d heard it sooner. My A1c didn’t skyrocket, and my dr wouldn’t talk to me about insulin resistance or pre diabetes because my A1C was still technically within normal range. I knew something was off, I was hungry all the time and counting calories, maintaining hard workouts, with only increased weight was so frustrating. There are other perimenopause issues that cause weight gain, I’m sure, but people should consider looking into metformin if the weight gain seems to be related at all to insulin resistance.

          1. My A1C was beautiful… because I was getting hyperglycemic and hypoglycemic and the A1C is an average, so the abnormalities were canceling out. Needed a glucose tolerance test to sort that out.

            Insurance doesn’t love paying for fancier tests, but sometimes A1C doesn’t catch issues early on.

            My doctor’s threshold for prescribing metformin is pretty low; he said it has evidence as preventive care.

    8. Same. I am 55. Nothing seems to work. My husband did dry January and lost weight. I barely drink any more and I gain weight! But not everywhere, just around the middle. It’s super frustrating. Then you combine that with night sweats and poor sleep, I just do not feel like myself at all. This is all with the patch too, by the way. Ugh!

    9. I’ve found that the older I get, the less my body works well on starches and sugars. My current preferred breakfast is baked bacon/prosciutto and egg cups, or eggs with avocado. My blood sugar drop based cravings, hunger and hangriness disappear if I avoid starches and sugars.

      For me this means that if I eat a sweetened yogurt or oatmeal, I’ll feel that I need something else within 10 minutes. If I eat eggs, it will be 4-5 hours before I’m hungry. I eat loads of vegetables, just not the most starchy ones.

      1. Not the OP—I have dealt with insulin resistance for years as a teen/young adult. I have been to multiple doctors about it, taken medication, and researched on my own. NONE of it was as helpful to my understanding as this discussion right here!!! Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences.

        For all the ‘everything’ going on in the world, the US particular, this has made a positive difference for me. Thank you for contributing -and to the ladies who write/host this space-it is much appreciated!

  11. How does it help government efficiency to turn the White House lawn into a Tesla showroom?

    1. It literally feels like a sitcom, except there’s nothing funny about the dept of ed being gutted.

      1. Everything has been so wildly horrible and yet I think I stopped feeling it the night of the election. I saw how things were trending and put my phone away, disgusted with America. We deserve everything coming to us right now.

    2. lol. I guess when the Tesla dealership is the government, it saves Elon time on his commute to work.

      Even though you wouldn’t think he’d care about such a thing since he opposes working from home /s

    3. If this was a movie this would be the point at which the audience would know that things are getting extremely weird, but in real life it’s just another day…

  12. I posted this on the moms page but not sure how much traction it will get. Has anyone here done marriage counseling postpartum? My husband and I would like to work on our connection and communication skills now that we have emerged from the newborn trenches and we are finding it difficult to do so on our own. If you did counselling, did you find it helpful? What kind of counselling did you do? Not interested in anything religious based or affiliated, thank you!

    1. Counseling wasn’t helpful, but spending time together was. Spend the money on a babysitter and establish regular times to connect without the baby around. Extra credit for weekends away. The sooner you start, the easier to continue.

      1. This. Highly recommend having a sitter on a Wednesday or Thursday night so you can easily get a spontaneous restaurant spot and dine and actually talk. Even an IHOP — the point is to have time together.

        1. Thank you – I agree and am thinking we will need to institute regular date nights. It’s hard as we already lean on family for daily childcare so we feel that we are imposing even further to ask for once weekly babysitting, but I am starting to feel that we need to prioritize our connection.

          2. Hire external help so you’re not dependent on one source. It will come in handy for more than just this.

          4. I babysat regularly for a family when I was 14 years old. Sometimes it was just me giving the kids supper and putting the kids to bed while the parents had cocktails and wrapped gifts for the holidays in the basement. Those parents had regular date nights and it’s something I really wish I had done in the little kid years of my marriage. DH and I have grown apart a lot now that it is easier to do with older kids.

          5. Anon @ 12:51. It isn’t too late to start date night.

            Ask your husband out tonight.

    2. We did but it was so hard to schedule because our kids are 24 months apart and their sleep was/is terrible. We tried for a good 6 months about every 2-3 weeks. I agree with poster at 10:39 that spending more time together was better for our marriage (in addition to outsourcing a few more things and me working on my own mental health separately). BUT YMMV depending on what the issues are. It cannot hurt to try! You can always stop.

    3. No kids for me, but in observing my friends with kids – get a babysitter! I’m not sure what it is about Toronto, but nobody seems to do this and then they wonder why they never have time to spend with their partner or friends…

      1. When I was a student (in Toronto, actually) I did this for lots of couples – I liked it because it was good money and flexible around my school schedule. I found jobs through my university job listing website.

    4. I think the best step is sleeping! It is okay to hire a babysitter and then go to your room and take a nap. You will both be better versions of yourselves.

  13. I asked an investment question last week and was hoping with some additional context I could get more helpful insight. Let’s say I’ve invested $100K in the stock market, which went up to $125K the last couple of years. Due to the current economy, I’ve lost all of the gains and am back at the $100K. I predict the economy is going to get much worse before it gets better due to the current administration and am worried about staying in. Traditional advice is to stay in the market because in the long term I will make more money and if I exit now, I won’t know the best time to get back in (although, presumably after our politics resemble more normal circumstances than the current sh*tshow). Except now that I’m back to my original investment, this is real money and not gains on paper. If my portfolio drops to $50K and then there’s a really good market day and it goes up to $60K, traditional advice would say if I’d been out of the market I would have lost that great day. Except I’d still only have $60K instead of $100K.

    Last week some of you said that cash isn’t great either right now because of inflation, but inflation isn’t rising at the same rate that the market is crashing, so it still seems like cash is the safer investment. And if I sit on my cash for a year or two and lose some gains in the market, at least I haven’t risked losing a significant part of my portfolio. I will also still keep my entire 401K invested, so it’s not as though I’m out of the market entirely. This seems really simple to me, but since it’s contrary to traditional investment advice, I wanted to see if I’m missing anything other than the potential to make more money if I stay invested and the market suddenly turns around. I also feel like these are pretty unprecedented times, so not sure that traditional financial wisdom is as applicable as normal.

    2. I’m not an expert, but this does indeed seem like common sense. I’m not pulling anything out but why not do CDs and high-yield savings accounts until Trump is out of office or things otherwise look less bleak? I know people say keep investing (as things crater) but I’ve never seen any actual numbers or facts supporting a specific case vs a general statement that over time it goes back up. Perhaps it’s selfish advice to keep their own established investments/the stock market in general more stable? And “it could go up tomorrow” sure Jan, sure. If I’m gonna buy into a “dip” I might as well wait for a low point and we’re certainly not there yet.

      1. It’s not a general statement that over time it goes back up, it’s actual data. For almost every 10 year period over the last 100+ years, the stock market has gained. People don’t/shouldn’t invest by making a one-time purchase and then moving all that money in and out as a lump sum, they consistently buy smaller amounts over time, and then have a plan to pull money out on a schedule that makes sense for their needs. There’s a mass conspiracy wanting to keep people invested, it’s just proven the better strategy over and over and over again, because timing the market is extraordinarily difficult. but you do you.

    3. It depends what you’re invested in. Thales Group isn’t exactly going to be going down anytime soon with almost a trillion dollars in European defence spending just announced. Tesla will continue to crater despite the White House lawn stunt yesterday.

    4. Pulling out only makes sense if you are retired NOW and dying soon. It does not make sense if you have a decade to go, as you said the other day. Your story is not unique. And it repeats. You’re old enough to know this.

    5. The question is when you expect to need/want to use that money. If it’s going to be 5+ years, I’d follow the traditional advice, since when you average over years stocks keep pace with inflation. If you think you’ll need/want the money within 5 years, I follow what you’re saying.

      1. +1. I took maybe 15% of my money out of the market last month only because I’m making a big purchase this year and would’ve needed to liquidate soon anyway. I moved the cash to a high yield savings account. If you don’t have a specific expense planned for the next few years and you already have an emergency fund in cash then keep your money where it is.

    6. You buy 100 shares at $1 each. They go up to $1.25. Now you have $125 worth of your 100 shares. Presumably, you are buying $10 worth of shares a month. when the market is higher, you can only get 8 shares ($1.25 @ 8). If you do that for the year, you’ve added 96 shares, and your account is worth $245. Now, let’s say you pull those shares out because the market is unstable. You’ve pulled them when they went back down to $1. You have your $100. You do not invest when shares go down to $.50, When the market goes back up to $1.25 in five years, you have $125. If you continue investing at .50c when the market is down, your $10 monthly investment gets you 20 shares. Continue investing for 5 years, you now bought an additional 1,200 shares. When the stock goes back up, your account is worth $1,625. You bought the stocks on sale ($600 face value invested). But wait, you say. I will sell now and buy when they go down to 50c – but will you? You might want to hold onto that $100 principal and hold on to the $600 because times are uncertain. You will have $700 with that plan, vs $1625 if you invested.

        1. +1. dollar-cost averaging for the win. I invest the same amount of money every month. When the stock market is on sale, I get more for my money.

    8. I sold enough stock before the inauguration to have 5 years of cash on hand. It is all invested in high yield savings accounts – across 4 different banks as an additional hedge.

      Beyond that I am trying not to check my investment balances much.

    9. I have a relative whose thinking lines up with yours. They sold all their stocks in January, assuming that they could time the market. The thinking is: I invested $100K, it went up to $125K, and it went back down to $100K. In four years the value might be $50K. Then it might take another four years for the value to return to $100K. If I sell now, I can park the cash in a HYSA for four years, then use it to buy twice as many stocks in four years. In eight years I’ll have $200K. Sound in theory, but the reason it’s not advised is that historically it’s been difficult for ordinary investors to predict or identify highs and lows. In this case I think we could all see it coming. I kind of wish we’d sold at least some of our stocks a couple of months ago too, but we are sticking to the course of dollar-cost averaging and set-it-and-forget-it because our horizon is long. I am sure I’ll look back someday and wish we’d sold in early 2025, but oh well.

  14. Update on my DD with migraines – she has been out of school 3 days/week for the past 2 weeks (and 2 days the week before). I finally got her neuro to prescribe a preventative (topamax) so hopefully that will work. She is also taking a med to lessen her dizziness, which helped with the dizziness but didn’t do anything for the migraine frequency. She is on a medrol dosepack for her latest headache, but it hasn’t done anything yet. I would welcome any other thoughts!

    1. I think I might have missed the initial discussion but I’ve had mgraines since I in elementary school, and now at 35 have them finally, blessedly, under control. I got here through a ton of trial and error, so here’s what I wish I did from the beginning:

      – Make sure she’s seeing a headache specialist, not just any neurologist. There may be a long wait for an appointment, but this has made all the difference for me.
      – Topamax is one of the “old” meds, which work for some people but very hit or miss, and come with side effects. The old meds were all developed to treat something else and are used off-label for headaches. I had no luck with any of the old meds.
      – The “new” meds, CGRP-inhibitors, were developed specifically for mgraines. They are expensive (doc may be prescribing topamax bc insurance often requires you to “fail” one or more of the old meds before they pay for the new ones), but have been incredible for me. No side effects, and coupled with some lifestyle changes, I’m getting ZERO headaches. Before this, I was having 10-15/month.

      I would do everything you can to get her to a headache specialist and trying one of the new meds. Even if she doesn’t do a preventive, the CRRP rescue meds are incredibly effective for most people.

      1. Thank you! I can’t find any pediatric headache specialists (they are all for adults only and she is 17) but will keep looking.

        1. With wait lists as long as they are, would it make sense to make an appointment with an adult headache specialist as soon as she turns 18?

        3. I also have chronic mgraine and disagree that it’s important to see a headache specialist as much as it is to see a good general neurologist and just try a bunch of medications as soon as possible. It’s mostly trial and error anyways and you have to try the crappy old ones before insurance will cover the better ones. At that point she’ll be 18 and it will be easier to see better doctors and have get access to treatments that aren’t necessarily covered for pediatric patients. Just get through trying at least two classes of the older preventatives and get to the newer drugs as soon as you can (and bonus if the older drugs help, I’ve actually found topamax to be really helpful and still take it in addition to other things, though at a fairly low dose to minimize the side effects, which can be significant).

    3. I feel for you and your daughter, I started getting migraines when I hit puberty, complete with numbness, aura, speech slurring, etc. I’m 40, and I mostly grew out of them, with only 1 migraine every year or two at this point, so hopefully it gets better as she ages.

      My MIL also gets migraines, and one thing that she did to help make her meds more effective was get checked for heavy metals. She had some issues with this, got on some additional treatments, and that helped her meds work better and faster with fewer doses.

      My other advice for your daughter is not to try to fight the migraine. I used to think that I could just power through if I started to feel the early warning signs, and I did that out of defiance. As an adult, I take meds, go lay down in a dark room, etc. immediately if I feel the signs. This tends to help knock it out in a day vs. the multi-day struggle I used to have.

      I also realize that if I’m getting a migraine, I’m going to have to go through the full cycle of the migraine. This used to make me very stressed and angry, which exacerbated the symptoms and recovery time. As an adult, I accept it and just lay down in the dark with calming music and medication and let my body go through the cycle. It still sucks, but the calmness helps move things along and I feel less tired from dealing with it once it ends.

    4. Start and have her keep a record of the meds she tries for her migraines. Her own record, especially as she transitions from peds to adult (don’t rely on doctor’s records). Record the med, dosage, what symptoms it helped, what symptoms it didn’t help, any side effects, time of day dose taken, note the brand name and generic name if applicable because this can be confusing for non-medical people (including myself here), plus anything else she feels important about the med.
      Unfortunately, as other commenters mentioned, some migraine meds are deemed upper tier by insurance companies and to get approved, you have to try other meds first. What makes that trial extra frustrating is some of the required trial meds have a build up and leveling off period of sometimes 3-4 months before you can say a drug isn’t working. Then you have to wean off before trying the next drug. However, she may avoid repeating a lower tier drug if she has good records, ones which state when she tried the drug, for how long, and what it did and did not help. (After repeating a few bad meds, this is my approach and it has served me well as we have moved and changed insurance and doctors a lot.)
      Migraine meds have weird side effects sometimes – one had me bursting into ugly crying without warning which was a total non-starter.
      Topomax impacts how my body feels temperature so I really, really have to pay attention outside in the summer, especially at the beach with hot sun combined with cool breeze as I have gotten overheated without feeling it several times. It also is dehydrating so I’m sure that contributes to the overheating issue for me. Otherwise, it’s a great maintenance med for me. I hope it helps your daughter.

  15. I’m looking for a quarter zip sweatshirt in an a-line cut – so more fitted in shoulders and arms but flare out at bottom. Bonus points if it’s long enough to cover the bum. Any recs?

    6. This is the “look” / uniform of certain influencers. I haven’t purchased (bc $$$) but the brands they seem to often link to: Varley, Alice Walk, Sloppy Joe, Fat Head, Frank & Eileen, and others I don’t recall

    7. I have a Patagonia better sweater that checks all of these boxes (well, maybe not full bum coverage, but bottom of jeans pockets coverage).

    8. Lands End has one that might work: https://www.landsend.com/products/womens-anyweather-quarter-zip-fleece-tunic-pullover/id_388569?attributes=44967,31677&source=GS&currency=USD&geo=US&skumv=6269906&promotion-code=BOTTOMS&promotion-pin=0&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=%23PLA%2F_(1)_GGL_(2)_US_(7)_GEN_(9)_Outerwear%7C&cm_mmc=139971612&SC=pla_non-brand&CMPGN=11304131262&ADGRP=112781523753&KYW=&MT=&DV=c&PID=6269906&TRGT=pla-974863018733&gclid=Cj0KCQjw4cS-BhDGARIsABg4_J10BlEROPtMCmarTXOp_5vNePeLv820EvgAQFYfLoVpVI_TTmq6NfMaAlJQEALw_wcB&CH=Google%20AdWords&gad_source=1

    10. check out lilly pulitzer – not sure the quarter-zips qualify as a-line but they’re loose in the belly area, some with a shirt hem.

  16. Where do you buy light fixtures? I don’t know what an appropriate budget should be, what to look for, etc. We’ve always just lived with whatever light fixtures were there, but finally at a point where we can replace builder grade things.

    3. Depends on where it’s going, but agree with antique stores, West Elm has great lighting at a low price point, and for style not quality per se, Lamps Plus and Wayfair. Rejuvenation for midcentury, also owned by the Williams Sonoma group.

    4. I’d start with a Ferguson lighting show room in your city to just browse and get a sense of what sorts of lighting fixtures you like. It will also tell you if you and your spouse are on the same page as far as the fixtures – e.g., if will get distracted by a LED light that changes colors and spend two months campaigning for the tacky monstrosity. If you are look for more updated traditional, Rejuvenation carries lots of good upgraded solid metal fixtures that you can create a cohesive look. For MCM, I’d recommend looking through back issues of Architectural Digest and then tracking down the lighting sources. Depending on the city you live in, lighting stores generally tend to cluster together – so you really just need to find the interior designer row of your city.

    5. I’ve always just gone to Home Depot/Lowe’s. If you have a Home Sense nearby, they have a lot of lighting options too.

      An actual lighting store probably has a better selection, but I find them to be overwhelming and pricey.

    6. I’ve had horrible experiences with Ikea lighting, so not there. It’s made me wary of a lot of lighting places, though, so I’m surprised to hear people say thrift stores. (I did buy one lamp for $10 and my husband rewired it with a kit we bought on Amazon, but I’ve been wary of that one too.)

      I feel like Target or the big box stores like Lamps Plus are fine. Lowes is also fine if you just want something simple/classic.

      1. You realize the slave labor making lamps for target aren’t trained in electrical safety any more than you just diy rewiring right?

    7. Our contractor highly recommended Pottery Barn fixtures (like, for sconces, chandeliers, etc) as good quality for the price point. I was a bit surprised as that is not exactly my experience with their furniture, but have been very happy with them.

    8. I replaced lights in my 1928 house with fixtures from Old Brick Lighting, I’ve been very happy with the quality and look of my purchase.
      https://oldebricklighting.com.
      “Olde Brick Lighting was founded in 2011 by William (Bill) Eichorst, an electrician by trade, who spent decades rewiring historic buildings in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Also an artist at heart, he was continually inspired and fascinated by the beauty and character of the architecture.”

  17. I’m looking for a quarter zip sweatshirt in an a-line cut – so more fitted in shoulders and arms but flare out at bottom. Bonus points if it’s long enough to cover the bum. Any recs?

  18. Hi! Husband and I are two feds in DC and amid all of this turmoil and uncertainty…we need to figure out a short spring break trip. We are still employed and are likely safe, but everyone around us is going on big international trips and that just doesn’t feel right for us at the moment. I’m trying to figure out a 1-3 night getaway for us, kids are 7 and 10, and I want to have some semblance of normal, family fun time. We have been so stressed at home, reading the news, and trying to explain it all to the kids and I think we all just need a break. Any ideas on where to go? Is this a good time of year to go to Hershey park?

    2. With the caveat that I’m not a parent, Central PA weather is not particularly reliable in early April, so I wouldn’t do Hershey–if the weather is bad, I don’t know how much there is to do in that area as a visitor with two kids. Divert to Kings Dominion and Williamsburg if you want an amusement part? Or go to Philadelphia or NYC, which will have indoor options?

    4. Also a DC parent of kids this age, and would recommend going to a beach town (Rehoboth is my local favorite) for a long weekend. Drive is manageable, as are prices since it’s off-season. My kids love riding bikes on the boardwalk, shopping at the candy store, doing puzzles, playing in the sand, and eating out. I love being outdoors and relaxing on the beach (even in a sweatshirt or coat) and reading.

    6. This might be one of those times you just accept the up and down sides of Great Wolf . . .

  19. DNA databases (multiple) revealed very recently that my elderly mother’s dad was not her biological father. With the help of a genealogist, my mom has identified her bio-dad and how he and her mom met (both married, met at work), and she has determined she had half-siblings who are now deceased. She has also identified the children of the half-siblings. A couple are lawyers and would be easy to contact through work e-mail or LinkedIn.

    Mom wants to reach out. Why? She can’t really articulate it and neither can I, but I get it. I guess she is looking for connection, maybe to learn some more about her bio dad. Can she reach out? Is it callous to contact people and say your beloved grandpa had a child he may or may not know about? What would she say in an intro? What would you think/do if you received this email?

      1. It isn’t either of those things–knock it off. People have an intense need to know the people they come from.

        OP, I still wouldn’t do it, but might think about helping mom do research outside of contacting family members–where was her father from, what kind of town was it, what industries did his ancestors work in. That kind of thing.

        1. I agree with your second paragraph. Even an online obituary, if available, could provide a great starting point to learn more.

      2. The mean girl, and I suspect it is one and not multiple, is out today. OP here. I fully expected at least some people to say this is a bad idea. The rudeness is unnecessary.

      3. Existing isn’t rude. She’s allowed to know who she is. If the bio-family she reaches out to doesn’t engage, so be it. But it’s far from weird and is WAY more common than you realize.

        1. But the “bio family” aren’t her family. They probably have no idea she even exists and have no relationship with her. It’ s likely that most of them didn’t even sign up for this DNA database but were just pulled into her “research” through publicly available genealogy data. It’s intrusive and inappropriate.

          2. Intrusive, yes, but so is basically any interaction that wasn’t requested by the other party. It would only become inappropriate or rude if she followed up repeatedly without any encouragement to do so, wouldn’t take no for an answer, demanded a response, etc.

    2. I think she needs to get VERY clear on what she hopes will happen after she reaches out. Will she be OK if they don’t want to interact with her, and if they don’t want to create a connection or tell family stories?

      Sorry to say, I’m not the person who would welcome this email.

      Darn DNA databases.

      1. I wouldn’t welcome it, either. Sometimes, it’s really best for the past to stay that way.

      2. I would welcome it as a curiosity (and you never know when you might need a kidney or such). OTOH, I feel that someone, somewhere, would like some money please, especially if people are in very differing situations. I’d try to sleuth out what is the case as much as possible before sending the letter — you can’t unsend that and you can sleuth forever.

      3. I guess I’m a weirdo (and I’m also into genealogy), but I would totally welcome this email, although I would definitely want it to land in my personal inbox if at all possible. It’s perfectly natural for OP’s mom to want to connect with her bio family. Think of all of the adoptees from earlier generations who had closed or international adoptions who do the same thing. I think it’s less likely to be a sore spot or cause new drama since it’s the older generation and the people who cheated (and the sibling generation) is now gone.

        If the recipients are uncomfortable, they’re free to delete. I really don’t think I would be scandalized to find out my deceased grandfather had cheated, it’s hardly unusual!

    3. Hmm. I have a lot of empathy for your mother and her desire to find out more/connect, but reaching out just seems risky for little benefit. Without knowing more, it’s hard to know what kind of can of worms could be opened. If my beloved grandpa had a child he didn’t know about, that would possibly (depending on ages) mean he had a secret family, or at least cheated on my grandmother, which would be pretty upsetting. Sounds like that may be the case with yours, if by “both married” you meant “both married to other people.” I wouldn’t be inclined to start any kind of meaningful relationship with the person or interact with them, I don’t think. Just too much emotional burden for little, if any, pay off. (I’m sure your mom is lovely but my initial gut reaction would be that I don’t care to find out if this woman is lovely/truthful so that I can make myself available to provide some kind of emotional closure to her after having my idea of my grandpa completely upended.)

      1. The idea of reaching out to people you’ve never even heard of before, and who probably never consented to the possibility of this type of outreach, and claiming a familial relationship just seems incredibly entitled. Don’t blow up someone else’s life over your own curiosity or desire to connect.

        1. It’s not just idle curiosity though, it’s the human desire to know where you came from. Would you say the same to someone who found out they were adopted and wanted to reach out to their bio family?

          1. No one said it’s “idle curiosity.” We get that the desire to connect is valid and deeply human, but that doesn’t give you an entitlement to interfere with other people’s lives in such a personal way or to be connected with them.

            “Would you say the same to someone who found out they were adopted and wanted to reach out to their bio family?”

            Maybe, depending on circumstances. But that’s not really the same thing as what we’re talking about here. Meeting a half (or full) sibling or parent or grandparent is one thing. Meeting a middle aged child of a deceased half sibling who never knew you existed is another. And she already knows half her biological family.

          2. This woman’s desire to know where she came from does not outweigh these strangers’ right not to have their world view upended.

          3. I don’t really think there’s any such right. I think blissful ignorance is often an illusion and family history affects people even when they don’t know where it’s coming from. Why is the right to remain ignorant more important than the right to know?

          5. I’m not registered on a DNA site but would want to know, so that doesn’t add up in my view.

    4. I actually don’t think this is weird – and with genetic testing, it’s an increasingly common situation. Your mom can reach out – just say what she found out. They may or may not reply.

      1. I think she has to be prepared for them to respond, or for them not to respond. It’s possible that they may be eager to have a relationship, but it’s just as likely that they won’t want to get involved.

        I have one grandfather that probably had a secret boyfriend and/or girlfriend and/or secret family, at least based on what various members of the family have said in recent years. If someone reached out to me about him, I’d probably be willing to talk just because I’m nosy and hardly know anything about the guy.

        FWIW, there are also a few members of my extended family who were placed for adoption with no paperwork or extremely loose paperwork. If they want to find biological relatives, DNA may be the only way.

    5. My great grandfather was an awful man, I won’t do DNA testing for specifically this reason, Im sure there are many affair babies and I want nothing to do with it.

      1. +1
        Friend’s partner found out bio dad was an awful person. His bio mom had protected him from the fact that his conception was not consensual. His bio dad was bitter and angry towards everyone in his life. His other bio children raised by him were non-contact.

        1. Do they regret finding out, or did it help them understand?

          I understand the impulse to protect people (especially children). But I’m not always sure what’s supposed to happen when they grow up and have questions about why a parent wasn’t in their life.

          1. He regretted it because he was so hopeful and he looks a lot like his dad. Bio mom had passed on and he often wonders if it was hard for her raising him looking so much like her attacker. He’s doing better after therapy but he had not worked through scenarios before the meeting other than that bio dad will either be excited to meet or be indifferent and the reality was much worse.

          2. Thanks for explaining. I’m glad he got therapy to work through it all.

            I absolutely believe it’s important to consider those scenarios.

            People so often seem to have that hope!

    6. I don’t have great insight but my husband has a half sister he found out about this way. His (full) sister was delighted to meet her and he (husband) had been standoffish. Bizarrely, my husband’s mother, the woman who was married to the half sister’s mother when she became pregnant with the half sister, was also delighted invited both the half sister her mother for thanksgiving. All of this is to say people have very different ways of reacting to this and to emotionally prepare for the worst. My husband’s half sister lives across the country and has an incredibly impressive career. We exchange Christmas cards and it’s all very nice if a bit strange. Oh and none of us has ever discussed this with my husband’s dad and second (third?) family.

      1. Ugh -my MIL was married to my husbands dad when the half sisters mother was pregnant! Sorry for the confusion. Thanks for bearing with me!

      2. Sorry one last thought: “Is it callous to contact people and say your beloved grandpa had a child he may or may not know about?” Such a real concern. Yet, often grandpa was a know cheater and a crummy dad in these situations. My husband said the hardest part was having to explain to his half sister how disappointing a parent their dad was and would always be.

    7. Here’s my experience. I found out through one of the databases that my father was not who I thought and that I have two half-brothers. We are all middle aged. One of the half brothers was already in the database, which is how I found out. I reached out to him through the app, and we had a couple of long-ish text conversations where I found out that my bio father is a severe addict and generally chaotic person.

      I know the other half brother through the grapevine, but I have never contacted him because I think it would be very weird. He isn’t signed up to receive these messages, and I don’t feel like I have the right to crash into his life.

      Trust me, I deeply understand wanting the connection. I’m an only child whose mother died when I was young. My adoptive parents are also now dead. Finding the half brothers felt initially like an opportunity for at least somewhat of a familial connection. It hasn’t turned out that way. I don’t regret find out or contacting the first half brother. I also don’t regret not reaching out to the other. But I just don’t think it always fills whatever goal is intended, especially if those goals are murky to begin with.

      1. I also will add that through the first half-brothers, I talked to his mom (who was married to my bio father when I was conceived/born). She was so lovely and actually knew my mother and had a couple of stories that I now treasure. We made a real connection, though it was temporary. She lives in a neighboring city and we talked about getting together and keeping in touch. I left the ball in her court very explicitly, acknowledging the situation was weird and she was the one with the big bombshell about this person. She hasn’t reached out anymore (the events all happened a couple of years ago)

        All this is to say that people should not send these messages without really thinking about why and what they want out of it. It’s not always roses and getting invited to new family reunions and things like that.

      2. You touched on a really good litmus test. If the person is signed up on the website then they are open to receiving these types of messages. If they are not, then they probably are not.

        I think OP’s mom should reach out to any family members who are also signed up through the app. I do not think she should reach out to them through LinkedIn or, worse, by looking up their firm profile and contacting them at their work email.

        1. OP here. Thank you. I agree that is an important distinction and I hadn’t thought of it.

    8. I feel for your mom. Must be difficult to learn this at an advanced age. I understand why she’d want to learn more. However, I personally would not reach out. If she was younger and needed important medical info, if the bio dad was still alive, I could see those being reasons to reach out. But as so much time has passed, I think it’d cause more heartache to all involved vs really helping.

    9. I’m almost certain my father had other children I don’t know about, and I would be totally open to meeting them if they reached out. I have one half-sibling that I’ve known about their whole life, and I would have no objection to gaining another.

    10. I agree with others that she needs to be prepared for a variety of responses from them. They might be angry or aggressive or accuse your mom of lying or they might just ignore her. All of those options are more likely than the possibility that they will welcome mom with open arms.

      I’ll share my story. My parents had a contentious divorce when I was very young and my father agreed to give up all rights to me and not contact me. When I was 18, I found him and also found contact info for his other children, who are 10+ years older than me and obviously knew about me. So there was no surprise reveal that I exist.

      My father basically ignored me. We had a couple of phone calls but he never reached out, never apologized or anything. My siblings had a Job for me though – they had this revenge fantasy that I would turn up some day and right all the wrongs of our collective childhoods – including his inattentiveness to them – like some messianic figure. When I turned out to be just a kid and not the avenging angel they had hoped, they cut me out with some pretty cruel words. I’m 40 and haven’t spoken to them since. It was a painful experience and while I don’t necessarily regret contacting them, I wish I’d been a bit older. I wish I’d been better able to deal with the weight of their feelings and not internalize so much as if it was my fault.

    11. If I received this call or e-mail, my first thought would be that she was some type of scammer or grifter. If I actually believed her story, I would conclude that she had some sort of ulterior motive–she wanted money, or attention, or to worm her way into my life for some other nefarious reason. I would ignore the first communication. If she persisted I would tell her firmly not to contact me again, and if she continued to reach out I would probably consider filing for a restraining order.

      1. LOL. I know a lot of people who are convinced the world is out to scam them somehow. Grow up.

        1. And they’re not wrong. I get spam emails and text messages daily. Probably phone calls too but I don’t answer phone numbers I don’t know. I’m not sure where “grow up” comes from, it’s mostly very grown up seniors who fall for these scams.

          1. I did not post any of the above comments. I literally got a phishing email and a scam text within the past hour. Being skeptical is part of being a ‘grown up’ in the technological age.

        2. The mom is the one who needs to grow up here. It’s immature and self-centered to try to blow up the life of someone who doesn’t even know you exist, just to satisfy your own curiosity. If they wanted to be contacted in this situation, they would have registered with the genetic testing company. No, they don’t have to respond, but the initial contact alone is enough to cause serious problems. This woman does not have any right to interfere with other people’s lives.

    12. What possible benefit is there to calling up a stranger out of the blue to inform them that their grandfather had an affair 80 years ago?

      1. People often try to reconnect with family. Some people welcome it; some don’t. I have family I’ve never met, but I don’t think of them as strangers!

    13. I agree with others who said it was ok to reach out if you found them through a DNA site. You know uncovering some family secrets is a possibility when you use those sites. However, it’s not clear if that’s the case given that you mentioned a genealogist. My husband’s uncle discovered he had a half-sister after doing an DNA test. He reached out to her and the tried to piece together what happened given that everyone involved was long gone. I’m not sure whether they kept up with communication, but it was a very nice exchange. On the other hand, my husband’s father wanted nothing to do with this half-sister and didn’t want to know anything about her. You just never know how people are going to react.

  20. What is your perception of a Chief of Staff to the CEO/Chairman role? There’s a job that opened at a large financial institution. Someone in passing suggested I apply. The financial institution is a household name. I am an expert, seasoned professional in one vertical of the bank’s overall set of verticals, and it’s probably a non-major vertical. As in, it’s one that the whole peer set has but it beats to it’s own drum relative to many other verticals that have interplay.

    Anyway, I don’t thinkkkk I’d apply quite honestly because I’ve never remotely considered such a thing. But, it does have me curious about what that kind of role would entail. It says it’s 2-4 year seat that would have potential for a high profile VP or MD position post stint in this chair. The soft skills (deep organization, time management, people skills, relationship building) are major strengths of mine. I’ve always thought I’d be better in a COO type role than what I currently do. There’s nothing really super technical in the description except that the candidate would have this potential for the VP/MD position. Thoughts? Anyone have visibility in to something like this at a large institution? The description seems very COO-esque in that it’s managing priorities, work flow through the chairman’s seat etc.

    Hmmm..

    2. I love these jobs. I think they’re a cool blend of strategic and organizational savvy. I would be prepared though to work like all the time because you’re basically tracking to the executive.

    3. I think it could be a fascinating, challenging and door-opening role.

      I had a chief of staff-ish role to a C-level, but not CEO. It was strategy, financial management, program management, executive comms, and a lot of relationship management. I enjoyed the work, but the big wildcard is the person you’re working for. This is the type of job that one person can make your life really miserable or really great.

        1. Getting a bit more specific, Before: I was originally hired to lead information security risk management, and that evolved into the chief of staff to the CISO role when a program manager left and I took over those responsibilities with a major acquisition looming. My soft skills + background knowledge + analytic background basically turned me into the “right hand” and it evolved from there. My official title ended up as “VP, Strategy and Governance” but it was essentially chief of staff.

          After, startup founder.

    4. If done well it’s training for a COO type role. If done more typically, you’re following the CEO around, taking notes, and essentially serving as a super-admin that’s privy to some more confidential info, but not necessarily providing *input* on decisionmaking.

      1. I’m the super admin type. It suits my skill set. The job can be what you make of it, and like the poster above stated, it depends very much on the CEO.

      2. My firm has a Chief of Staff who essentially came to the role by being first an admin and then a super-admin. It was clear she had long been relationship & project managing on behalf of the C-suite and doing far more material decision-making than a typical EA-turned-office manager. She is not in line to be COO, but will be instrumental in managing the growth of the next person in line for that role.

    5. As a woman, the chief roles are all too often perceived as being an executive assistant role. It’s frustrating but happens and it harms your prospects of what role you slot into after executing that role.

      Apply and have the conversation to understand the role. It should be the check/facilitator of the executioners of the chiefs vision. Tough role but it’s great for career development and skipping to executive level if set up right.

    6. I’d be interested if I paid at least 200k, you’re basically going to be doing all the emotional labour, organizing, and being second brain, which is soul sucking unless well compensated.

      1. I’m the commenter above who had this type of job, and yes, exactly this. My base salary was 275, total comp including equity was around 400. It got to be too much with school-age kids; I was giving too much to work and letting myself and my family down. The work itself was mostly fun, but there was too much and I couldn’t maintain healthy boundaries.

    7. Late to the party but there are many different models for this. From Admin plus to ‘training my successor’.

      I helped develop this role at my org and its much closer to the latter. All in pay is very high six figures.

      The one thing I would say is crucial to liking this job is how well you like and click with the CEO. You will be spending literally all your time together and it will either be a good match where you provide advice that they listen to and you both work off of each other or a bad match that feels like being stuck in bad marriage you can’t get out of.

  21. I know there are a lot of Virginia and UVA people here. Does anyone have any experience with the UVA at Wise campus? They have a major there that my kid wants and they are probably a crapshoot to get into UVA. IDK if kids go there and transfer to the main campus (like Penn State) or you stay there all 4 years. For various reasons, just going there is very emotionally important right now.

    1. Not sure now (I know there have been changes), but 20 years ago, there was no meaningful overlap between the two. I don’t recall anyone transferring into Cville’s campus.

    2. It’s out in the middle of nowhere. Many of the students are first-gen, and not the type of students who get recruited for UVA, W&M, etc. I don’t think there is any real benefit to going there and transferring into UVA.

      Just for numbers: the interquartile range of the SAT for Wise is 935-1175. For UVA, it’s 1380 to 1540.

      If the plan is to transfer, why not start at GMU or Mary Washington? It won’t much matter what she takes her first year, since it’s all distribution credits anyway.

    3. https://www.uvawise.edu/admissions/uva-deferred-admission-agreement but other than that there is not (to my knowledge) an advantage conferred by transferring from Wise. Students certainly can transfer but it’s not a Penn State type situation.

      It’s a VERY different experience than Charlottesville. Unless your kid is doing the waitlist/deferred admission option, they should start somewhere that’s a fit for their interests and academics.

  22. Any good receipe recommendations to use up half a bottle of Cabernet sauvignon? I made a beef bourgingnon the other night and I’m not otherwise a Cabernet drinker (and neither are my friends). Something that does leftovers well since I’m just making food for myself (or even freezes well, so I can make it and freeze it before a surgery I have planned at the end of the month).

    1. Food and wine has a chocolate red wine cake with promising reviews. Next time use a red you like or send the cab to me ;)

    5. The NYT Old Fashioned Beef Stew is so good and uses a cup of red wine. You could double or triple the recipe to use up the extra wine.

    6. Could you freeze the wine in ice cube trays to drop into tomato sauce (or other dishes) down the road?

    8. If you don’t find a good recipe, freezing the wine itself is an option too. I would portion it into small ziplocks as it will be slushy-like and not solid ice cubes.

    9. In the future just use a whole bottle. When I roast a chicken I use a whole bottle of white with two sliced onions. It gives a better taste than just water.

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