Coffee Break: Square Toe Standing Flats

113 Comments

1. Sorry, these look very orthopedic. And I say that as someone who has not-great feet.

   There are shoes that are cute and supportive and don’t look like this.

   1. I am not known as fashionable at all. And I like being comfortable. But these shoes are ugly A-F, and even I wouldn’t wear them.

      1. They’re really bad. Sorry, Kat!

   2. I honestly love ugly shoes, but these are awful. I think the issue is that shoes need to look like what they are. If you’re going to be a chunky comfort shoe, that’s fine. In fact, lean into that vibe to be cool. But this is a chunky comfort shoe pretending to be a delicate ballet flat. Pick a lane.

   3. Share links? I’m having so much trouble shopping for supportive shoes that are cute when the market wants to sell me unsupportive shoes that look orthopedic.

      1. yes, please!

   4. yeah, what people have done in my office is just wear cute street sneakers with business casual, not trying to wear this kind of aggressively comfortable fake-dressy flat.

      1. that was my office in like 2023 but we’ve been steadily getting back to regular work clothes

      2. Cute street shoes do not fly in my office. The head boss demands office appropriate shoes. These are fine. No one would even notice them.

   5. These are awful and look way too casual for many offices. And that’s coming from someone who always prioritizes comfortable footwear.

   6. I think these shoes look cute and would totally wear them.

      1. They look better in some of the other colors to me.

   7. I went to the listing – the square toed version looks better on the model than the shoes do alone. And the pointy-toe version looks even nicer. I do wonder about the durability of the knit upper, though.

   8. These look totally fine to me! I’m confused by the idea that wearing these would look “orthopedic” and wearing sneakers with trousers wouldn’t.

2. ** Re posting because I posted at the very end of the morning post **

   What is up with job applications that have a salary range in the job description, but also require you to put in your desired salary? Do they want you to put in the middle of the range? Bottom?

   I have a Masters and while I think I am a strong candidate, I probably don’t have the highest number of years of experience of all the candidates. What should I put? My current salary is a lot lower now but thats because I work in the public sector and am applying to the private sector (and also that shouldn’t be relevant!)

   1. Do you know what salary you want/expect and where it fits in that range?

      Also, is it a really big range, like companies do when they’re meeting a legal req to post the range but don’t really want to; or is it a realistic range?

      1. why don’t you start by honestly thinking about what you would want to make to take this job? Consider that you may be working harder/ longer/ travelling or whatever else. Come up with a number that, if they offered you the job you would take it. Then ask for some percentage higher than that to give yourself some wiggle room to negotiate.

      2. The ranges are like $180k – $240k. I actually can’t tell if that is just to get out of the legal req or not. Based on what I’ve seen I’d say minimum $200k seems reasonable.

         1. In large companies, that is actually the real range of the level, and there’s usually overlaps across levels to make sure you have plenty of room to keep getting small raises, even if you don’t get a promotion.

            This is particularly true for more senior IC roles or mid-level management roles, where it could be a terminal level for some people from a title/promotion standpoint, but you don’t want them feeling de-motivated because they’re at the top of the range as soon as they get hired.

            As another commenter noted, but what you actually want. The middle of the range is likely a good starting point. For the range you listed, the actual budget is probably $200k-$220k. If you want $200k, say $210k or $220k to leave some space for negotiation.

            You will not get the top of the range in most companies, and asking for it doesn’t really give you much leverage, because the concern is that even if you agree to ~$10k or ~$20k less, you’re not going to feel satisfied with the salary. Only you know that you would be satisfied with $200k when the top of the band is $240k, but if you ask for the middle of the band, they might just give it to you without even negotiating because that’s likely the actual budget for the role.

            1. This. if you’re allowed to put a range in the input field, I always just duplicate the posted range. If I have to pick a number, I use the midpoint unless it is below the minimum salary I would accept.

   2. I would always start at the top of the range, but that is partly because negotiating contracts is part of my job.

3. Interested in hearing your HRT experiences, specifically with the estrogen patch. I’m only on progesterone right now. Age 46, perimenopausal, but still regular periods. My anxiety (in particular physical symptoms such as feeling like I’m fight or flight mode all the time, chest tightness, heart palpitations) is through the roof. Nothing else has really changed in my life, so I’m exploring if it’s relating to peri. What was your experience with adding the estrogen patch? good effects, side effects? when did you decide to add estrogen? My doc suggested trying a low dose beta blocker first, before trying the patch. For other reasons I’m unavailable to do SSRIs right now. Already doing CBT, exercise, cutting caffeine and alcohol, eating healthy, working on getting sleep, etc. (And none of that is helping.)

   1. Are you on progesterone progesterone or some kind of progestin? (I only ask because fight or flight mode is what progestins put me into, whereas I find progesterone much more calming.)

      1. It’s progesterone progesterone. Prescribed specifically to address my (likely perimenopausal) anxiety, but I haven’t seen much effect on the anxiety. Maybe some improvement on irritability.

         1. I wonder if estrogen would help. Loestrin + norethindrone is what gave me awful fight or flight, and while I felt the norethindrone put me over the edge and is what led me to finally quit, I wonder if the low estrogen from Loestrin was contributing more than I knew.

   2. How did you conclude that you are in perimenopause if you are having regular periods? Truly looking to be educated by the answer to this question.

      1. Apparently periods can continue to be regular for a while in peri. My first doctor who specializes in this had me test my progesterone and estrogen through a blood draw at a specific point in my cycle (and both were on the low end of normal), but now I have learned that testing is not necessarily the standard of care since the levels fluctuate so much. So it’s mostly based on new (or increased) symptoms of anxiety and irritability, and my age. I’m trying to be more educated too – it’s all very confusing.

         1. I’m 48 and going thru it. Other peri symptoms for me were night sweats, inability to focus and be forgetful, extreme irritability (when I am usually pleasant). I started Duavee and Premarin. Both have helped and I feel 90% more like myself. Coincidentally, you period stopped 3 months into treatment (3 months ago).

            1. I started on the estrogen patch for night sweats/hot flashes (with progesterone) and it has been amazing. Addressed moodiness and brain fog and all kinds of things including things that had been going on for years that I didn’t think were peri. Now, crappy sleep may have been a big factor in all that stuff such that when the estrogen fixed the sleep it helped my brain, but I don’t think that’s the entire explanation for all the improvements.

      2. I’m also curious. I’m 40 and my hormone levels show I’m nowhere near menopause (sadly) but I’ve had such terrible experiences with added progesterone and estrogen (for IVF) I think I’d be pretty resistant to taking them when the time comes. I’d like to be more educated about this for my own peace of mind.

         1. Don’t be sad that you are not in menopause. You will really miss your estrogen when it’s gone!!!

   3. I just stayed on the pill. It’s literally been so easy, I have no symptoms at all and am in my early 50s. If you can tolerate it, highly recommend.

      1. Thank you for posting this! This is what a gyn who has a menopause focus suggested for me. I’m 44 and have been on the pill forever. She said she thought I could sail through if I stay on the pill for another 10 years.

         1. I made the comment and that’s exactly where I was and the exact plan.

      2. My version of this is a Mirena IUD. I’m 49, recently started tamoxifen for prevention, and I’ve had minimal perimenopausal symptoms.

         1. I am 47, also have a Mirena that’s good for another 4 years, and this is my plan. No symptoms to date.

   4. Honestly, for your situation I think your doctor’s rec of a low dose beta blocker sounds pretty smart. Because anxiety like you describe is not really classic perimenopausal anyway. Perimenopausal is more often mood lability, sleep disruption and sure some irritability but not fight or flight typically. And you’re correct that measuring hormones is not very reliable (what was your FSH? But that’s not totally reliable either). And if this is your only symptom and your periods are normal, this seems off.

      I didn’t start estrogen until I was deep in the throws of perimenopausal with crazy bleeding changes, insomnia, hot flashes, crying spells from mood swings and more. Estrogen did level me out, helped my hot flashes and my sleep some. No side effects that I can tell. Be more aware of the blood clot risk (but all of us on hormonal birth control have this) but transdermal estrogen is nice.

   5. I’ve been on mirena IUD for years (or similar brand). For the night sweats and to even out my cycle (every 2 weeks is not cool!) and for crazy mood swings and dealing with stress – I went on 1 mg estrogen daily, brand or generic name estradiol. I love it and highly recommend it to everyone.

   6. I took 1mg of oral estridol with my mirena IUD for progesterone for the first year and recently switched to the .1mg estrogen patch, still with Mirena. I started treatment at 49 when I was not sleeping, sweating all the time and filled with rage and belly fat. I also am so dry — it’s like my body leeches water. My hair, my skin, my eyes, my sinuses. The patch has been much better for dryness overall, my sleep is slightly better, my night sweats are pretty much gone. I think the better sleep helps more with managing my anxiety/mood swings than the meds, but they are a team to help with that. Eating a protein heavy diet definitely helps me — I find it regulates my insulin levels, which also helps with sleep, which helps with anxiety.

      The panic feeling is real. Don’t let folks diminish your symptoms. It’s a hard time. Be kind to yourself and be your own advocate.

   7. I had exactly these symptoms after having an ovary removed (so dumped right into peri, per my gyn). A 0.05 ug/day estradiol patch and 200 mg of progesterone keeps them at bay. Before we got to this, I tried SSRIs (some worked, some didn’t, all deadened my emotions and killed my libido). But this is a classic sign of perimenopause that has just been brushed aside for a long time. I’d try the estrogen before the beta blocker so that you are treating the root cause, not just the symptom.

4. I’ve decided that my sneakers and flat dress shoes _are_ my cute shoes.
   No need to train my feet to accept further discomfort.
   IDGAF if that is questionably stylish!

   1. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that sneakers became the most fashionable footwear during a time when many of us were suddenly working from home full time.

      I’ve made the transition and dread the day fashion turns away from them. But I don’t think I will move with fashion, honestly. My feet are too happy now.

      I only wear any sort of “dress shoes” for things like business meetings at a client’s place or a wedding. I am still not a sneaker-with-dress kind of person but I mostly wear pants or jeans anyway.

5. Back (again!) to the Gene Hackman story. Is anyone else surprised that no one seemed to have been in regular contact with the couple? There were multiple non-local adult children. He was 95ish and had Alzheimers. His wife seemed to have been his only caregiver, so when she died first, not only was that not found out, but put him in immediate jeopardy.
   I get that when you are in your 90s, your friends may have died or may have issues (and that could be true of your adult children as well). I’m just wondering as a society, if people with means have to die like this, what can the rest of us think about as we and our non-local parents age alone?

   1. some communities offer free wellness checks – I always see it in our little town bulletin. I think it’s just a regular call maybe ever 2-4 weeks.

      Wasn’t there something with Hackman where the pacemaker was sending info to his doctor? That part is really annoying. Health care system fails again.

   2. I think the circumstances of his death speak more to second marriages than they do to the current state of society. My FIL is remarried to a decades younger woman with whom he has no children, and I could see us not speaking with his wife more than once a month or so in this scenario. We’re friendly but not close, and she’s pretty private. Even if we wanted to do more, not sure we would be allowed in.

      1. This is an interesting dynamic. My exBIL is 55 and has 3 kids in diapers with wife #3. Kids with wife #2 are teens to early 20s and want to leave that city permanently as soon as they are done with school. Wife #3 is maybe 20 years younger than he is. I guess now that people have cell phones I’d always assume you could reach at least the parent you were close to. But maybe not a 95 year old parent with Alzheimers. I have a stepkid that I imagine I’d never lose touch with. When my parents were gravely ill, I called daily and had help come over 2x a week, and called at least weekly and flew in monthly (and the Hackman kids were old enough to be retired and likely (?) had money).

      2. This was my thought exactly. Who knows whether the kids were ever close with him or if his second marriage strained their relationship. If the couple refused to a hire a caregiver and the kids don’t get along with the wife I’m not sure how much information they could get if they even wanted to.

      3. This is where I’ve landed, too. I was in Santa Fe last week and the story was everywhere, so I’ve thought about it a lot. I wonder if Ms. Arakawa became very protective of him at the start of his decline and just didn’t know how to ask for help as it progressed?

         My father remarried after my mother passed away. I’m not close with the new wife, but I’m glad she’s in his life. Especially because my siblings and I all live across the country from Dad. We have an active family group text, but he’s 81 and at some point may not be able to keep up with it. We’ll have to figure out a system of regular check-ins then, since weekly phone calls won’t be enough.

         1. I have a dog and feel like that makes me really aware of my neighbors, especially others with dogs, and our routines. And they had dogs, which means SO MUCH PET FOOD to go out and buy (and it is heavy), so I’m surprised that they had zero help. At least there should have been delivery people? And curious dog friends?

            1. They had a lot of land with multiple buildings on it. I bet the delivery people just brought the heavy stuff where it was needed. The dogs could run around and didn’t need other dog friends – there were at least 3 dogs there! I know someone who puts the dog food in a big garbage can and just scoops it from there. There could have just ordered dog food every other month or every month with all the room they had to store it

            2. Plus the infected rats were on their land, so there were conditions around their land for the rats to thrive – there may have been dog food in the outbuildings or something

   3. They didn’t “have” to die like this. They were apparently very private and did not want hired caregivers in the house. My parents also resisted hired caregivers, but they always had local children. Please don’t think the Hackman situation is typical.

      I agree people who aren’t wealthy can’t pay for full time care, but many elderly adults don’t need full time care but would benefit from paid part time caregivers and helpers checking in and alerting non-local family when needed.

      1. I feel that this is unusual though. Did they not get mail or deliveries or have a yard person?

         1. They likely did not have a yard person. Their home is on the outskirts of Santa Fe, the only place I know where a home on a dirt road has more cachet than one on a paved road. Not sure if their gated community required natural landscaping, but even if it didn’t, that’s the general preference there.

         2. It was a maintenance person of some sort who found them.

         3. It was the yard person who found them I think.

      2. This actually is a pretty common scenario, it seems. A neighbor died on my street last summer and wasn’t found for a week, they think, and in mentioning it to others (I was processing; I was the one who called in the ultimately sad wellness check when the mailman mentioned mail piling up), I heard numerous stories of people’s relatives or neighbors being found after some time.

   4. My in-laws are in their 80s and extremely squirrelly about anything health-related. While we go and see them (they are local) a few times a year, they won’t let anyone come into the house to do cleaning or repairs. The gardeners are the only ones allowed on the property. They switch doctor groups fairly frequently, and I think the reason is to cover my MIL’s memory issues. They rarely call or email (once a month or so is pretty common). I could see them passing away in a situation like the Hackmans’ situation. I’ve brought up my concerns with my spouse and BIL, but my in-laws refuse all help and I cant’ spend my time supervising them.

   5. In addition to the second marriage dynamic that people have discussed, I think it actually really matters that he was rich and famous. It sounds like they valued their privacy and that would always be a major concern with having people in the house, especially as he aged. They could have had help, but either didn’t want it or couldn’t find someone they trusted. Most people don’t have to worry that their dementia photos will get sold.

      1. I wonder if there isn’t some standard NDA that they all have for babysitters, dog walkers, household help, caterers, etc.

         1. I’m sure there is. But a lifetime of avoiding celebrity probably makes habits stick.

         2. NDA don’t stop things from leaking, it just lets you sue someone when it does

            1. And you may not even get anything if you sue – what are the assets of most domestic workers?

   6. I’ve posted this on some of the recent threads we’ve had about aging/caregiving and while the celebrity factor does add complications, I think this situation still points to the fact that you CANNOT count on adult children to be caregivers, you CANNOT count on one single woman being a caregiver, and the risks of having little support/assistance are high.

      1. For anything, ever, having a single point of failure is a bad system.

6. My downstairs neighbor registered a noise complaint about me with the building manager. While the noise occurred, it happened at about 8:30 pm, and she is claiming that it happened after quiet hours (10pm).

   I had issues with this neighbor in 2017 when I first moved in. She yelled at my then 4 year old for being too noisy at noon on a Saturday. We worked it out and have been cordial since, although I always try to keep my distance and limit noise from the apartment. However, before we negotiated a peace she took several minor but retaliatory actions against us (eg, telling the animal rescue that she volunteered for that we would make unsuitable cat parents and they refused to allow us to adopt).
   I am concerned about these new lies and her instability. I will relocate the activity that is bothering her, but I’m concerned that she will continue to lie about me to building management. I can’t afford not to have my lease renewed; however, this is clearly a she said/she said situation and she has a history of instability (and in the years since we’ve been cordial has complained to me about many other building-related issues). This is the cheapest apartment building in a VHCOL suburban town. I need to stay five more years until my daughter graduates HS. There literally is nowhere else in town that I can afford to move to, and I’m now paranoid that I’m back on her complaint list. Is there anything I can do proactively to protect myself? (I suspect the answer is no)

   1. Just behave like a normal reasonable person with building management

      1. This. And stop doing whatever you were doing that generated the complaint.

   2. Anytime you think you’re doing something that might be considered by her as “noisy,” can you take a video of the activity, including leaving your apartment to compare the noise level in the hall (on the video).
      There are also sound measuring devices – I actually just found one I had purchased years ago when my next-door-office-mate would have ridiculous booming conversations from 8a-11p at work. (All work calls, but his volume was a constant distraction.)

      1. lol the activity is gardening. Usually we go to my partner’s house but he stays over maybe once a month or so. The last time this even happened was back in January, but she’s claiming its weekly. Not sure what set her off to complain today. Also I know for a fact that we never violated quiet hours because we both go to bed around 8:30 since we get up at 4:45am to run. I am loving the idea of measuring ourselves on a noise device though. Thank you for making me smile! From now on we will garden elsewhere

         1. Honestly, gardening noises are one reason we will never go back to living in an apartment or condo. So awful.

            1. Okay, I think the fact that it’s gardening changes the equation. Yes, she may be misrepresenting the time of day, but honestly you shouldn’t be having gardening loud enough for neighbors to hear and complain. Moaning etc can be subdued if you live in an apartment with thin walls.

               Loud gardening is very unpleasant for anyone (regardless if it’s 8 pm or 10 pm) and monitoring the noises you make is the price of admission for apartment living. Also she may be misrepresenting it, but she isn’t ‘lying’ about you in this situation (though the cat thing is crazy! She sounds unhinged).

            2. Not all of us have that privilege, sadly. I’d love to be able to afford a house instead of living in this popcorn ceiling, daily-pot-smoker-adjacent POS apartment.

            3. I feel like hating your apartment to this extent and describing it as a borderline slum means it must have a pretty negative quality of life impact? Can you move to a different suburb where you afford a nicer place? Or change jobs so you can afford somewhere decent? There must be a better option than living somewhere you describe as a ‘POS’ but are committed to staying for another half a decade longer.

            4. I’m the OP — did not write the borderline slum comment. My apt is very nice.
               Per the noises it’s not moaning. Apparently the sound is the bed banging against the wall.
               I get that she doesn’t want to hear that but it’s maybe once every six to eight weeks and again — I will relocate it.

            5. Pull the bed from the wall so the headboard won’t bang against the wall?

         2. Get it girl!

         3. I’m going to hell for suggesting this… maybe she needs a boyfriend. She might complain a lot less about your gardening noises if her own flowerbed is being watered.

            (Yes I’m going to hell.)

      2. You can get an app on the phone that measures volume in decibels.

   3. If it makes you feel better, you might consider the chances that this neighbor is generally a complainer may be making complaints about others too. If that’s the case, the building management is more likely to want complaining neighbor out that you (and other reasonable neighbors) out.

      1. I would assume the same. She’s the neighborhood crackpot. Building management knows that.

         But in OP’s shoes, I’d probably try to have a reasonable, sane, friendly conversation with management just to let them know you’re not the crazy one.

   4. People don’t usually take issue for no reason, is there something which would make her not like you?

      I’m always skeptical of the ‘crazy’ neighbor narrative since I was once the ‘crazy’ neighbor who ended up getting my neighbors (ex?) girlfriend arrested when she tried to break into the building by moving and climbing our dumpster.

      1. Nope. She’s nuts. I swear I’m a boring 50 year old single mom. I mind my own business, I have a good kid who plays sports and hangs out with her cats and doesn’t even have friends over.

         1. She sounds crazy. Hope you and your lovely daughter are able to have minimal interaction with her in the future!

   5. If management addresses anything else with you, I’d send something back phrased like this: “I’m surprised to hear that Betty made a complaint about me being loud at 10:30 pm – I go to bed at 8:30 because I’m a runner and I get up early. It’s possible she misunderstood something, but that said, I’ll make sure that I always respect quiet hours.”

      You want to introduce a little uncertainty about the truthfulness of her complaints while not sounding super defensive.

   6. Why is management saying who made the complaint? That’s super unprofessional.

7. Remind me of how 401K and mutual funds work?

   I’m trying to help my dad consolidate accounts. If he has one fund’s 500 Index fund, we can’t just roll that over into a new 500 Index fund at another fund company? But if it’s a 401K, you can do a trustee to trustee transfer into a similar 500 Index fund and THAT is tax-free.
   Anything else to be aware of? He has small duplicative-ish accounts across 10ish funds. Ugh.

   1. If this were me, I would call Vanguard and say, “my dad has 10 accounts at xyz and we want to consolidate them. Can you help me do this?” and they will walk you through everything and explain what you can/cannot combine, help you open a new account to do so, etc.

      1. +1. I find Vanguard easier than Fidelity.

   2. And when I was in this situation with my own various IRAs/401Ks and I was consolidating, I rolled everything over to Fidelity. I found their customer service easier to reach and better than Vanguard’s.

      Agree with the other poster that I would call up the place where you want to centralize the accounts, tell them what you want to do, and let them help.

   3. I had some fidelity funds in my 501k and rolled them to my new vanguard IRA account with no tax consequences. Vanguard or any IRA offerers, really, are able to host funds from many companies. I kept the fidelity fund at vanguard for a long time, then sold it within the IRA and bought Vanguard’s target retirement rate fund. This is all still in pretax funds so no consequences, and I don’t have to keep track of basis or anything.

      1. *401k

8. Regarding yesterday’s bra post I wondered how many people here went the “a bra that fits” (redd1t) route after wearing the wrong size. My story is that Nordstrom put me in a 40D and I wanted to rip that thing off every second of every day I wore it.

   You all pointed me to abtf and now I wear a 38FF UK size! And, at least as importantly, abtf provided guidance that helped me understand my shape.

   My correctly sized and shaped Panache bras are so so so much more comfortable.

   Interested in hearing your stories!!

   1. Same! I went to ABTF based on recs here several years ago, followed their measurement instructions and ended up in, um, a 38GG. (Good grief!) I also found some Panache bras that I really liked – for the first time since I was in my early 20s, I thought I actually looked good in a bra! (I did find that the bands were a bit tight on the ones that fit in the cups, but I bought extenders in matching colors and they worked perfectly.) I’ve put on weight since Covid and need to go through the process again, I suppose.

   2. I’m going to be a dissenter. I’m average sized but found the subreddit and used the calculator after I went through some body changes and my standby size was no longer working for me. The calculator put me in a 36 band that made me feel like I was suffocating. Like I’ll believe that maybe it was technically correct, but I am much more comfortable in a 38 band. My formerly IBTC self cannot even believe that I’m a 38D now, but that’s life, I guess.

      The shape stuff is still very confusing for me. I may need to get a PhD in bra fitting to read through the posts on that sub. But I’m glad the resource has worked for others.

      1. +1. I found that there were too many measurements required, and I have other requirements (like “not itchy) that rules out a lot of commonly recommended br@s (like Natori feathers for example). I can wear the band size that it recommends but only in certain brands.

      2. OP here – I sister sized up a band size too. The calculator says 36G but I don’t like that tight of a band. I think it’s biased toward that because it’s true that bands stretch over time, but I’m too impatient for that.

         The shape was the most important thing for me. I’m bottom heavy projected so now I know that I have to look for styles that work for my shape. Natori is a no, Wacoal is mostly a no. Soma also doesn’t carry projected bras. That rules out a lot, which helps.

         1. Band size is really brand dependent for me (annoyingly). I have one German one that I couldn’t even get on in my usual size.

      3. Re. the PhD, these days I would just do an online bra fitting (it’s weird but it is a thing!) and skip the subreddit education.

   3. Life changing for me. Originally switched from a constantly uncomfortable 34C from department stores to 30DDD imported, now a 32DD years later after gaining some weight. I can find 32DD from US brands these days, but the proportions are still wrong. I think they make the band size smaller in back without moving the cups closer together in front, so it’s still too wide in front which is uncomfortable and doesn’t look right.

   4. I went from a 32D to a 28G many years ago! I love ABTF.

   5. Ugh… Nordstrom. They were horrible. I’m small, but Nordstrom put me into a 34A that smooshed me so flat it was depressing, yet it always seemed to be falling off.

      YEARS later…. I went to Reddit. Turns out I’m a shallow / wide set 30DD. My best bra is one recommended here – Natori Feathers. Life changing. I have b00bs.

   6. According to ABTF and my own prior measurements and observations, I need a 38AA. Which only a very small number of companies even say they make. And most of those are never in stock, and when they are, they are lumpy, highly padded, deep colors that show through everything I own. I go with a 36A that’s somewhat easier to find.

   7. I was pretty frustrated and let down by the sub r*ddit a-br*-that-fits. I did their measurements a couple times and came out with my exact current size/one cup size up, which, fine. I know their focus is on really small band sizes + much bigger cup sizes, like most people go in as a 34C and come out a 28FFF or whatever, but that wasn’t me. I have a large flared ribcage and a really short waist, so that could be part of it.

      But their recommendations for a large band size + cup size were all really cantilevered lace items that hoiked the bust up front and center like the prow of a ship and a) were really visible under every single piece of clothing and people acted like this was normal/no big deal (!?!) and b) felt very matronly and old-fashioned and unpleasant, while still being super, super expensive. The focus was on this really prominent, rounded, almost mono-b00b (I felt matronly) look I associate with my grade-school teachers who were in their 50s and dressed like it was 1964.

      I went on a long search with different brands to find ones that fit, supported, and didn’t feel matronly and make me feel frustrated and upset about my band/cup size and honestly…still looking. So far Wacoal has been the best fit (I size up and recommend most people do) with Savage x Fenty being a reasonable second, and ThirdLove being ‘okay’, although I feel their tee-shirt br*s add several unwanted inches to the projection of the bust.

9. I have used a Brita pitcher for maybe 25 years now and I need to replace it because I accidentally broke it. It made me realize that maybe I don’t want to drink water out of a plastic pitcher due to potential for ingestion of microplastics or leeching of chemicals. Does anyone here have an alternative that does not involve plastic but the water tastes better than your typical city tap water?

   1. Honestly, I’m more worried about the lead content than the Brita. You just reminded me that I have to buy the Brita filters that filter out lead, as I only have the cheaper kind at the movement.

      I know people who have the Berkey system on their countertop and like it. Expensive.

   2. Is it just taste? My local Home Depot had a free water-testing kit, complete with instructions and pre-paid padded envelope to send the sample to a lab. It took a month or two but I finally got a call back that my local water is fine. I do keep it in a plastic pitcher in the fridge because i like it cold but that’s it. You could … have a glass pitcher. Do you *need* to filter for something?

      1. I filter for taste because tap water tastes like tap water, which is not for me.

         But since OP is concerned about plastics, my city’s tap water has a serious microplastics issue. No idea if Home Depot checks for that though.

      2. My city has some of the best tap water in the world and I still filter it. (very blessed to be Canadian)

   3. We have an Ecowater filter tank/spigot on our kitchen sink, behind a whole-house softener. We weren’t pleased with water quality when we moved to town, because we came from a community that routinely won national & international water quality awards.

      1. I put in an Aquasana under-sink filtration system. The water tastes much better than Brita water and it’s so much more convenient. It has its own little faucet, which fits perfectly in the hole left over from the old sprayer when I installed a pull-down faucet. Yes, I installed both myself.

         1. I used to have this and loved it. IIRC I gave it away when I was in a rental that somehow wouldn’t accommodate it. I should get another one now that I own; thanks for reminding me what the brand name is!

   4. I have the Aarke brand from Williams Sonoma. The filters are pricy but it’s worth it to me. I just have the 5 cup one, my dh drinks tap water (shudder), so it’s just me using it.

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