Lounging & Workwear Hall of Fame: Circle Cardigan

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1. How pissed would you be if you found out via Facebook a _____ was quitting and joining a competitor, instead of being told first as a client (or in the week that followed)? In this case it’s a BCBA therapist for my autstic kid, but it could also be an OB/GYN, a private therapist you or your kid see several hours a week, etc.

   1. Why in the world are you friends with this person on FB? Its against BCBA code for therapists to have those types of connections with family or their clients. Thats a huge code of ethics violations.

      1. I interpreted it as the new medical practice making a FB announcement, not that she’s friends with the therapist.

   2. Not at all upset. There are legal reasons they can’t tell you.

   3. I Like the competitor on FB because we also use them for other therapies (speech & OT) – they’re the ones who did the FB post.

      Anon @ 3:57 – genuinely curious – what legal reasons? That they can’t tell me they’re quitting (but maybe not what they’re doing next)?

      1. I understand why this feels personal, but it’s not. As far as legal reasons, s/he may be subject to various restrictive covenants, including a covenant not to solicit clients of the old practice. That doesn’t mean you can’t follow them to the new practice.Also, the old practice may want to keep you as a client and would prefer you make arrangements with on of their other providers. These are businesses with competitors just like any other business.

         1. this! I used to have a dentist I loved, but she moved a bunch within the city and I felt weird for tracking her down each time and showing up at her new practice, but she wasn’t allowed to actively take me away from her old employer.

      2. Not sure how it works in medical world, but in legal world, an attorney may not be permitted to tell clients that she is leaving for a competitor. The employer may view that as soliciting the client (who is a client of the employer, not the attorney) to jump ship to the new employer.

         1. Fascinating. What if the client really likes Attorney-Who’s-Quitting and hates Partner-In-Charge and would like to know sooner rather than later so client can make changes sooner rather than later in her legal representation? As a client, from a consumer choice, standpoint that really sucks.

            1. Most attorneys have an online presence these days so you could probably track them down. And yeah, while the attorney-client relationship is with the firm as a whole and not the individual attorney, the choice of being represented by a firm/attorney rests with the client and attorneys have ethical obligations to respect that. So you could probably raise a big enough ruckus that they would tell you. For an active matter, you can’t just abandon your clients so firms have procedures for transitioning work from departing attorneys. I’ve left firms before (and taken clients) and the firm wanted any communications to be joint and on their timing. They didn’t straight up forbid me from saying where I was going. But, they get cranky if you start calling clients to take them with you before you tell the firm. It’s a delicate dance.

   4. What’s the anger about…is there some kind of betrayal going on here, or some kind of “rest of the story”?

      1. It’s a very intimate kind of therapy, including parent trainings in our home discussing the worst shit we go through with an autistic kid, so yeah there is a betrayal element. I thought she was going on maternity leave and then saw the FB post from the competitor that she was joining their team. When there were crickets in the week that followed and no one else on the ABA team seemed to know what the deal was (beyond the fact that the entire team was not moving — they had no idea she was quitting and coulnd’t tell me if she’d be working with both, if there was a partnership agreement between the two competitors), it felt disrespectful and unprofessional. The fact that, after the post went live, she was cute about it (“no don’t take me off the group texts, they make me happy”) pissed me off.

         1. Actually, it would have been unprofessional for her to tell you… like it might have jeopardized her job or subjected her new employer to a lawsuit from her old employer if they think she’s being shady about soliciting clients. It’s probably a really stressful situation that she is in being in limbo like that and she’d probably like to tell you, but it just isn’t how it’s done from a business perspective. Let her live her life.

            1. Really fascinating. On the client side it looked like a huge CF when I saw the FB post, and then no one on her team knew if she was quitting and she herself did not contact us since she was busy with labor and stuff, and also seemed like a CF because because it seemed like her “temporary replacements” had not been brought up to speed on my son’s case (calling him by a name he doesn’t go by, for example) at all and couldn’t “keep” us after the end of the contemplated maternity leave so we’d still have to transition to a new BCBA whenever someone decided to get a clue or tell us what was going on. Particularly since new employer already wants written permission to bring her onto our son’s “case” so she can weigh in on his behavior. Just seems like it was all handled really poorly and everyone looks totally unprofessional and disrespectful and if I could find new providers for everything I would.

   5. It’s personal for you, yes, and it sucks but it’s a career move for her. This happened to me a few months ago and while I am still upset that I can’t go to the doctor that I prefer (they moved out of state) you need to separate your feelings about the situation from the personal attacks. It is not unprofessional or disrespectful.

      1. Just to be totally clear in theory I’m happy for her to have a better opportunity and I understand staffing changes happen. I just feel like it’s disrespectful and unprofessional to not directly tell your clients who you otherwise talk to daily when those staffing changes happen and then pretend that they are not happening because you’re in a weird inbetween zone like maternity leave.

         1. I don’t think it’s disrespectful or unprofessional, it’s just life, sometimes things are awkward and transitions are hard, it doesn’t mean anyone is at fault.

         2. You’re taking this too personally.

   6. It sounds like there should have been better communication from her previous employer. I am a lawyer and at my firm, when an attorney leaves we send a letter to all of that attorney’s clients just saying that attorney has left, now this person will handle your case so that way they are informed and assured that there case is still being handled by someone. We don’t say where they went or give out their new contact information or anything like that, but we do let them know of the staffing changes.

2. Niece, age 32
   Rents her apartment which is too small to entertain in
   Minimalist (hates all things clutter and sees decorative items as clutter most of the time)
   Doesn’t drink/smoke
   Has some food allergies and some metal allergies but I can’t recall exactly what
   Single/no kids (interested in dating, is forever CF)
   loves tie dye and is always trying to, as she says, “make it not look like summer camp activities” when she wears it
   Doesn’t cook
   Says she has everything she needs for her hobbies

   Help!

   1. Does she like to read? You could get her a BooK of the Month club subscription.

      1. Nope… Books = stuff

         1. A magazine subscription, maybe relating to one of her hobbies? Magazines = recyclable stuff

   2. Membership to an art museum, or season tickets to a performing arts series, that offers “young professionals” events. Our local art museum, ballet company, and symphony all have special events for the under-40 crowd.

   3. Restaurant gift card

   4. Nice candles or diffuser and essential oils, heated blanket or mattress pad, giftcard for meal plans like Blue Apron, netflix/hulu/amazon/youtube tv/etc subscription, board games: Settlers of Catan/Ticket to Ride/Cards against humanity/Game of Things, bluetooth speaker, google home

   5. Donate in her name to one of her favorite charities –maybe FARE -the national advocacy organization for those w/ food allergies. I’m older but my favorite gifts are Amazon or Starbucks gift cards. They may be impersonal, but they get used!

   6. Tiny Galaxies earrings

   7. What is CF?

      1. Childfree, I imagine

   8. Budget?
      A few ideas:
      A socks of the month subscription
      An Uber Eats gift card
      A subscription to Hulu, Spotify, Audible, etc
      A roomba
      A mani/pedi (awesome if you can take her, if she lives far away then a gift card)
      Nice gloves
      A fun class (like yoga with goats or something)
      A magazine subscription relevant to her hobbies
      Nice sheets

      1. I LOVE the nice sheets idea. Maybe a gift card to the Company Store or Garnet Hill, depending on budget?

      2. I sound really similar to the niece.
         Id love a set of sheets or the gloves, but I’m pretty picky so it’s hard (e.g., only high quality plain white sheets)
         Subscription, but only if you know she would be into it (I live in California and never wear socks)
         Gift cards are a great idea, though!

   9. Does she like movies? Movie tickets are a decent suggestion. Or a gift card for Netflix/her preferred streaming service.

   10. These are good ideas, but what is CF?

       1. Child free

       2. Child free was my thinking

   11. I think I am your niece. Definitely an experience gift. I got a friend a glass blowing class that she liked. I found it on Groupon. Think classes, concerts, massages, etc. A lot of the things mentioned above seem cluttery to me.

       1. If she wants to find a boyfreind, get her a subscription to one of the on-line dateing services. I don’t know what religion she is or whether she prefers a professional man, but you should check out which services have local men that are interested in dateing and marrying. She can then move out of her small apartment into a nice home with him, and then no longer be CF (child free). FOOEY on CF! I want a baby! YAY!!!!

       2. Agreed. Gift her experiences or consumables.

3. Can I get some commiseration? I had my first appellate argument earlier this week. It went really well (yay)! I was obviously super stressed about it ahead of time. That evening was my firm’s holiday party. The holiday party was held at 6 p.m., it takes about 30 minutes to get there form the office, so most people come straight from work. I went in my suit. A woman partner (who showed up in a c*cktail dress) gave me side eye and asked why I was wearing a suit. I explained that I had an appellate argument earlier in the day. She asked why I didn’t bring a change of clothes. I mumbled something like, oh I didn’t think about it. I felt like saying – Uhhh because I had more important things to worry about this morning than which dress I should wear?? Also would you ever ask a man why he’s wearing a suit??? I just can’t.

   1. You’re way overthinking this. Let it go.

   2. Agree this is ridiculous and falls into the category of things it is okay to vent about on this site! Have fun and congrats on your case!

   3. If you were at my firm, the partner would be the one that was overdressed for the occasion. What a weird comment!

   4. I would hate that too! Seems nitpicky given you came from doing your job in perfectly professional attire for a 6 pm party…

   5. Hugs and congratulations!!! Women partners can be so catty to us younger pretty attorneys at law! FOOEY! and FOOEY on the partner who dressed her down for NOT being as formal at the party. She did NOT come in with jean’s! The older woman partner probably was not getting enough attention from anyone, let alone the women, with her party dress, and decided to take it out on the younger, prettier OP. I had this issue with Madeline when I joined the firm b/c all the men started to nuzzle up right next to me, even tho I was really green as an attorney at law, and they all bent over backwards to help me learn the ropes; even Frank. That I am sure is at the root of the problem with the older less pretty female partner.

4. (Reposting the following since I was late to do so this morning.)

   My therapist suggested that I try CBD oil for anxiety and insomnia. (I also see a psychiatrist, who is open to this.)

   What are you recommendations on brand and dosage? Do you see relief?

   1. I know nothing about this topic. But…I read seattle’s independent paper, the stranger, and they write a lot about p0t. In general, I would consider them a plausibly trustworthy source, and your question is in their wheelhouse.

   2. Just wondering, did your therapist have recommendations on brand/dose? That’s who I’d ask first.

      1. +1 – if the therapist suggesting you try CBD didn’t also provide a brand/dose or other treatment plan for using it, it would think it wasn’t a serious suggestion, or they didn’t know enough about it as a treatment to know if it was even a useful thing to try. Or is considered a prescription that the therapist didn’t have the authority to advise on and the psychiatrist is meant to give more details on?

         Bottom line – seems to me if a professional is suggesting you use it, they should also be providing guides on how to use it.

   3. I have liked Lord Jones and Cured brands. The lord jones lemon is my favorite, I take about half a dropperful morning and night. It has absolutely no hallucinogenic properties and works best after several days of dosing – there is no immediate effect. It mostly just makes me feel vaguely calm and positive. I am in a state/industry where drug/doping tests are not a concern.

5. Carry on bag with luggage sleeve? I would appreciate your suggestions! I’m interested in the Tumi Voyager “Just in Case” in navy, to go with my Tumi Voyager “Just in Case” backpack. But I’d love to hear if you have experience with it… and others. Thank you all so much!

   1. I love, love, love my Lo and Sons OG.

6. I must be a huge grinch, but WHY must companies have holiday parties? Ours, at least, costs tens of thousands of dollars and few people actually want to go. It’d be so much better if employers just gave employees a couple hours off or a $20 Target gift card than make people go to mandatory fun. Am I the only one?

   1. I like my coworkers and enjoy having a chance to socialize together and see people I don’t usually see. I don’t need $20.

   2. I totally agree. I would love a gift card.

   3. You’re not alone. Our is a whole day affair involving taking a train and staying overnight. I don’t want that much mandatory “fun” even if I appreciate all of my coworkers as people.

      1. Ouch…I would not want that to be mandatory.

         1. I’ve skipped out on most of the other socials this fall in the interest of my projects so I signed up because it would probably be frowned upon socially if I didn’t go but, ugh, only half looking forward to it.

   4. I like holiday parties. A $20 gift card would mean less than nothing to me – I’d seriously be insulted at $20 from my employer – but a chance to have social interactions with my coworkers is something I look forward to.

      People like working for companies where they like their coworkers. That’s the purpose of these things and why companies do them.

   5. Shrug – my company holiday part is just my department (about 60 people) and consists of a fancy lunch out at a restaurant and then you go home for the rest of the day. Which feels like the right speed – you get the socializing in, it’s during work hours, so it’s not taking extra time away from life, and you don’t have to get dressed up.

   6. I’ve always felt the same way. Please give us $20 Starbucks cards or close the office early. I really like some of my coworkers. And I see them every day at work (a few I see outside of work too). I do not want to go to a party and stand around making small talk on an evening that I’d otherwise do my own thing. DH hates that his company does it too even though his is limited to his department.

      I wonder if this is an introvert/extrovert issue about who enjoys these events.

7. Cute but ugly Christmas sweaters: anything cheap but vaguely flattering in shape at least for a size 16 apple? Thanks!

   1. I have no recommendations for the thing you asked for, but…if you can’t find anything, I use the Ugly Christmas Sweater thing as an opportunity to be blatantly festive. Like, wearing my green jeans and white/red striped sweater together with some really Christmas-y earrings. Or wear a red suit jacket with a tarten plaid skirt.

      But this is mostly because I really don’t want to buy an ugly sweater.

   2. J Crew Factory has some holiday themed sweaters that aren’t very expensive.

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