ByKat G Hours Updated
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Frugal Friday: Wrapover Top

Wrapover Top This elegant wrap top strikes me as a steal for $25. I like the cuffed sleeves, and although I like the belt it comes with, I kind of like that it's removable in case you want to mix something higher with the low. The top comes in both red and black, and seems like a great desk to dinner option. Wrapover Top This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

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266 Comments

      1. Can I ask if you will be equity partner? I have been noticing a lot of my friends making “partner” but are only being elevated to nonshare partner. If you will be nonequity partner, when will you be up for equity?

    4. Yay!! Kudo’s for Diana Barry! I have always thought you would become a great partner and now you have! Congratulation’s to you!!!!!

      You must now remember, like me, that now that you are a partner, you can NO longer fraternise with the associate’s. Yes, you can be freindly, but do NOT go out at night w/any single man b/c it will likely be misconstrued, if not be the man, by the other’s in the office, who will think there is something goeing on, even if there is NOT.

      It is much better to find other men to eat with, b/c now that you are a partner, there will be other men comeing out of the woodwork to date you. Be carful of them too, b/c they may NOT be interested in much more then your bank account, Dad says. I have NOT had much of a problem here, b/c most men I am interested in are NOT interested in much more then s-x, and that is a non-starter. It should be for you too.

      Anyway, I am sure you will hear the same thing’s from other’s in the HIVE, but I just wanted to give you my perspecteve, as someone whose “been there and done that”. YAY again for you!!!!!!

      1. Thanks everyone! I am super stoked, bringing the women in the partnership up to a whopping 25%!

  3. Ladies that have the Woolf Jardigan in straight sizes – can you confirm that the sleeves are not full length? The plus size pictured looks like it is and I like the dimensions so much better. This jacket in bordeaux is so close to what I’ve been looking for, but I want full length sleeves. Does anyone have any recommendations for something similar?

    1. They are not full length, they’re a bracelet length. If you’re petite they may be full length on you. I’m tall and jacket sleeves are always a little short. These are just short enough to be intentional on me.

    3. They are true bracelet sleeves, just shorter than long sleeves and nowhere approaching 3/4 sleeves. The sleeve length is actually quite flattering and plenty warm enough.

  4. I’m a lifelong vegetarian who has never eaten fish, but I wanted to start for health reasons. What is the best way to start? What is the most approachable fish? I don’t have a taste for it and my experience is mostly with smelling people’s fish that has been microwaved in office kitchens (why do people do this?? It cannot possibly taste like that smells) so it’s not like I can work up a craving. I need something mild and basic to start with. Is that salmon? Tuna? Teach me your ways.

    1. Sushi isn’t a bad way to start. Rolls, salmon and tuna are all pretty accessible.

      1. If OP is open to raw fish, a ceviche might be a good start too. It mainly tastes like citrus and whatever spices they use.

    2. I would recommend starting out with mild white fish–they shouldn’t have that super-fishy smell and taste that you can get with things like salmon and tuna. Tilapia is easy, affordable, and sustainable. You may also want to check out flounder. Shrimp could be another good option.

      I’ve been doing Budget Bytes’ baked tilapia with tomatoes a lot this fall. Tilapia and flounder also work well paired with veggies and baked in a foil/parchment packet (google for recipes and flavor combos, you’ll find a ton). #1 fish tip is to not overcook it. Pull it out of the oven as soon as you can flake it with a fork.

      FWIW, I eat a lot of fish and I am right there with you on the hatred of people who microwave it in the office.

      1. I actually find white fish to have a “fishier” taste than salmon. Salmon has more of its own flavor so it masks the fishy flavor that comes from not being super fresh.

        1. I agree. Salmon is pretty much the only fish I’ll eat. My favorite recipe is lemon-dill salmon, which I make so much I have memorized–it’s 1 Tbsp fresh dill (or 1 tsp dried), 1 tsp sugar, 1 Tbsp salt (although I usually only do a tsp-it’s really too salty with a Tbsp), zest of 1 lemon, and a pinch or two of cayenne pepper. Mix that all together, coat top of salmon with olive oil, rub salt mix on top of salmon, cook. So good.

      2. I was going to suggest tilapia too. My favorite flavor in the world is lemon, so I tend to do this:

        Get a big ol’ piece of tin foil and put some spinach in the bottom in the shape of your piece of fish. Put a single piece of tilapia on top. Douse that ish in lemon juice and a little white wine, salt if you want, spices maybe or some diced garlic on top (I’m usually too lazy for that). Close it up into a sealed foil tent, with some room above the fish for steam. Bake it… idk 350 degrees for a while? Serve over brown rice with lots of lemony goodness.

        The reason I think this is a good beginner recipe is that the fish ends up tasting like lemon and wine (less fishy), there’s spinach (yay!) and because the fish is cooked in liquids in that tent thing, you don’t run the risk of turning it tough and dry by overcooking. It might kinda fall apart onto your rice, but that’s fine! And of course you can swap out anything. Add other veggies (asparagus?), different fish, a splash of veggie broth instead of lemon juice, whatever…

    3. Tilapia is very mild. Salmon and tuna are more hearty, though I find their flavors more delicate when eaten raw in sushi. Sushi might be a good place to start?

      You will want to stay away from canned tuna, just guessing.

      1. Wild caught canned tuna is actually a very accessible way to start eating fish. Costco has a good brand of it. Try wild caught canned tuna in water (not oil) in a vegetable filled tuna salad sandwich as a quick hearty meal that is delish.

        1. I mean, I love canned tuna, but since she said she specifically wanted to stay away from a fishy taste, I was thinking about that. I don’t think there is a fishier taste than canned tuna.

    4. I’d start with a mild white fish like halibut seeing as it doesn’t have much “fish” taste. But salmon is my absolute favourite.

    5. Yay! Fruegel Friday’s! I love Fruegel Fridays and this red wrap! Great pick, Kat! The manageing partner loves me in red as it is very stylish, tho I would wear a cami at work b/c it is chilly here in the winter and Frank will not be able to see anything should he do his standard “unwrapping” exercise. FOOEY on him, but he will come up empty with a cami! DOUBEL FOOEY on men who do stuff like him, who are MARRIED!

      As for the OP, good for you goeing for FISH! Just start with something mild, like Flounder. I was never a fish person growing up either, but Dad said I needed protein and he did NOT want me getting protein other ways. Rosa also did not eat fish, but she does now. So I started with baked flounder, seasoned with a nice tomato based sauce (kind of like Marnara), and loved it. From there, I got hooked on Salmon, grilled again, but w/o any sauce. I eat Salmon at least 2x a week, and it’s easy enough for me to do it myself at home, which saves alot of money. It must be fresh, so make sure to use it within a day or 2 after buying it. I get it at Whole Foods and Fairway’s, and I generally get two 4 oz. pieces. Do NOT get the steak, b/c there is bones—get the fillet, it is much better and no bones. It cost’s more but no bones! Eventueally you can start eating tuna and start by getting a sandwich from a good deli, where they put other stuff in it. You will be a fish eater like the rest of us if you just start slow! YAY!!!

    6. Oh, yum! If you are looking for the mildest flavor, start with a white fish such as sole or rockfish. Tilapia is also very popular, but to me it has a weird non-fish taste. Salmon is delicious and loaded with healthy fats. Honestly, the best way to start is to order fish in a good restaurant, where it will be properly cooked and won’t stink up your house. Grilled fish tacos would be an especially tasty introduction, but only if you live in an area where fish tacos are a thing. (Over the years I’ve learned not to eat fish tacos east of the Rockies.) You might also like shrimp, which is fantastic grilled or in pasta (e.g., scampi, fra diavolo). If you want to try sushi, I find tuna the most approachable of the raw varieties.

      At home, here are some salmon recipes to try:

      https://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/roasted-salmon-dijon-dill-sauce (yogurt sauce keeps fish moist)
      https://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/open-faced-salmon-blts (fine without bacon)
      https://cupofjo.com/2018/08/easy-salmon-sandwich-toaster-oven/ (I prefer brioche buns to ciabatta here–ciabatta is too difficult to bite)

      Here is a recipe for sole fillets that is really good despite the fact that it comes out of a Disney cookbook for kids:
      http://the-creative-homemaker.blogspot.com/2012/02/bufords-fish-fillets-and-oven-baked.html

    7. I’d start by ordering it in restaurants! See what you like without all the work of figuring out how to cook it.

      1. this. Fish is really easy to cook wrongly (it’s also really easy to cook correctly, but let’s just say there’s fine line)

    8. If you’re only eating fish for health reasons, don’t bother with tilapia or other white fish. You want a cold water, fatty fish. Salmon is a good choice, wild better than farmed. As an otherwise vegetarian who does eat fish but not meat, I’m not actually convinced you need to eat it for health reasons, but if you do, make sure to eat fish with low metal and organic pollutant levels and high omega 3 fatty acid concentrations. Most of the benefits of fish eating seem to come from people eating it instead of red meat, so if you’re already a vegetarian, that doesn’t apply.

    9. Not particularly healthy, but fish n chips at a good British/Irish/etc. pub would be a nice introduction to fish. It’s deep fried with a delicious batter so you know it’s going to be good.

    10. I don’t care for fishy flavor, I only eat it for health/etiquette reasons as well.
      I prefer well-done fish. At home I eat from the tail of the filet (it’s thinner), and the best restaurant salmon I’ve ever had they asked me to specify “cooked to flaking”.
      I prefer white fish like tilapia, but I’ll also eat salmon.
      Another tip, for everyone: fresh fish has no scent. 100% of that scent is spoilage- it doesn’t mean it isn’t safe, but if you get it fresh enough and keep it cold enough, you can avoid that smell.

    11. I would start in a restaurant and order a mild white fish like halibut, talipia or sole – fish is easy to cook when you know what it’s supposed to be like, but it can be challenging to both develop a taste for it and make it at the same time. I’d start by figuring out how you like it and then move to cooking it.

    12. I did this in my early 20s after being a lifelong vegetarian and I found raw fish with distracting flavours was bet (so a tuna tartare with lemon and avocado and some heat or sushi that was brushed with soy sauce and had a little spice). A couple of years of half-heartedly doing this and I only like tuna tartare, fish-based sushi (no other seafood) and oysters.

    13. I didn’t like fish as a kid, but I started eating salmon in my twenties and love it. White fish has a pretty mild flavor, but it does strike me as fishier. That said, I eat meat and I think salmon is pretty accessible for meat-eaters because it has a meatier texture.

    14. I started with salmon when I went non-vegetarian. To me it had the best combo of non-fishy taste/smell and being inexpensive enough that I wasn’t super upset if I failed at cooking it properly. Tuna steaks also don’t have that fishy smell, but are more expensive so I wouldn’t start there from a cooking perspective (I find canned tuna smell to be highly disgusting, personally, but it doesn’t have that odor in steak form).

      FYI – tilapia farming is pretty gross. It’s a common and inexpensive fish, but I won’t eat it for that reason.

    15. Where are you located in a general sense? My suggestions will be different if you’re located in Oklahoma as opposed to south Florida.
      That said, there are some good IQF fillet options that should be available at many supermarkets. IQF Flounder, Grouper if you can find it and Haddock are all solid choices. Costco’s frozen section often has some good choices, too. I’m not a fan of tilapia in any form. It’s inexpensive, mass produced protein and tastes as such.
      If you’ve always been vegetarian and are new to meat in general and fish in particular, I’d make a focus on quality over quantity.

    16. I made this change as well. I like getting fish in restaurants so I don’t have to smell it at home. Sole, halibut and swordfish are good starter fish.

    17. FWIW I would not recommend a super mild white fish to start. Tilapia is quite possibly my least favorite fish since it just tastes like… nothing? Leaving all the excitement up to its meh texture.
      Ways to start:
      – Sushi – a spicy tuna roll is a ubiquitous menu item for a reason
      – Order salmon or tuna as an addition to a salad, or as a “burger”
      – Milder fish with a heartier texture, like mahi mahi or swordfish, may be more appealing than tilapia
      – Order your fish “blackened” when available to get a little more flavor (via spices) and texture
      – Although not healthy as a habit, fried/battered fish is certainly delicious…

    18. I grew up eating white fish and never cared for it. In my 20s, I discovered salmon and I absolutely love it. I agree with the comment above that “fishiness” means the fish is not fresh. Fresh fish won’t have a fishy taste or smell. Salmon does have a stronger flavor than white fish, but it’s not overwhelming and it’s not fishy. I still enjoy a good macadamia nut mahi-mahi in Hawaii, fresh halibut in Alaska, or cod in fish-and-chips but salmon is the only fish I can eat at home (ie, when it’s plain and not that fresh).

    19. I’d go to a good restaurant and order salmon or halibut, preferably grilled and minimally prepared, to establish a baseline. Restaurant fish is usually better than the stuff we can buy.

    20. If you’re doing this for health reasons, you’re probably wanting fish with omega-3 fats that are also low in mercury and other contaminants. That’s my focus, and I eat a lot of wild-caught salmon, and, Sardines packed in WATER and eaten with salsa. (The sardines packed in water are less fishy than those packed in oil. I buy the ones with bones to get extra calcium). To help me identify fish to eat, I use the guide put out by the Monterey Bay Aquarium. http://www.seafoodwatch.org/seafood-recommendations/consumer-guides

    21. I love Salmon. Also try Swai. Its a cheap white fish with no flaky fishy taste.

    22. I’m a lifelong vegetarian who started eating fish a couple years ago for the Omega 3s! I eat mostly only salmon, but have tried tilapia, mahi mahi and a couple other fish at restaurants.
      I’d suggest:
      – start with salmon
      – try it in a restaurant first
      – drench it in lemon butter/garlic butter and/or squeeze lemon on it
      – I also douse it liberally in black pepper.
      All of the above mask the fishy taste but also add more flavor to the otherwise bland taste of fish.

      If it goes well, then try the pre-marinated salmon (I have gotten it at costo) and use foil to wrap and put in oven. Maybe it’s just me but I didn’t feel comfortable going to raw fish rightaway.

  5. My office is out of control for Christmas. There are events happening every day next week, each requiring some kind of preparation on the part of employees (potluck dish, white elephant gift, cookie baking, office decorating, etc.).
    A lot of people are taking vacation during this time, so it’s intended to be a fun break for those of us still at the office, but it ends up being overwhelming. I need a graceful way to bow out of some of these events and keep from spending all of my time outside of work prepping for Christmas at work. I know this should be easy as saying “no thanks,” but because everything is organized by teams of coworkers, people get offended if you don’t participate in “their” activity. Any advice?

    1. Be firm when you say no and only participate in the ones for which the organizer is a person you need to cultivate a relationship with.

    2. It’s an imperfect solution, but I have found that it can help keep the peace to participate with minimum effort and maximum enthusiasm. Bring store-bought food, buy your white elephant gift from that same grocery store (a potted plant, who cares?), show up for decorating for ten minutes before mysteriously disappearing or making an excuse and leaving.

      The secret to pulling this off is that you always act like you are so excited to be participating and so grateful to the person who organized. So, you walk in at the beginning of the event with your store-bought cookies, go straight to the person who organized, and say, “Sam!! Thank you for organizing this!! This is so great and festive! These cookies were the best I could do!” and then nibble on a couple of the best looking co-worker cookies before slipping out as soon as you possibly can.

      Your goal is to get maximum interpersonal credit for minimum effort, so showing up on time, acting excited, and thanking the person goes a LONG way. The phrase “it was the best I could do!” is fairly honest and goes a long way when people are giving your store-bought, low-effort contributions a side-eye.

      One other tactic is to team up with another co-worker, and divide and conquer, claiming joint credit on everything: “These cookies are from both Alex and me!” “Alex and I teamed up – we brought potato salad!” Find someone else who you guess is feeling the same way about these activities and form an alliance.

      1. Oh, one other tactic – tell them upfront you just can’t participate in whatever part that requires outside work, but you would like to help set up. “Oh, a potluck, great idea! Rats, I’m not going to be able to sign up for a dish because next week is just so nuts. Could I come by the conference room at 11:45 and help you set up?”

        1. I think the problem with “I’m too busy” type excuses is that EVERYONE is super busy. Like it’s the holidays yes we know you’re busy. But Suzie just had twins and her in laws are in town expecting her to wait on them hand and foot, and her mom is in the hospital, and her dad has dementia but refuses to go to a home and SHE’S still making cookies SO WHY CAN’T YOU???

          1. Then the response is “Then WTF are you asking Susie to do anything for this? If she wants to great, but if everyone is so busy, why are we adding another layer of obligations?”

          2. Not to sound callous, but that is a Suzie problem, not a me problem. That’s why I like the phrase “this is the best I can do” – it might not be the best Suzie can do, but I’m being honest with both you and myself about the limits of my participation.

            “The most I can do is [x]” can also be swapped out for “best” in a whole variety of situations where people are asking you to do something. It makes it clear that you want to support them – you are literally offering them the most you can do! – but also clearly establishing a limit/boundary.

      2. Agree with all of this. Trader Joe’s has always been my go to for this stuff, but a Wegman’s recently opened so I might be checking that out this year. I have a white elephant, potluck, and cookie exchange next week. I’m making one stop. White elephant – bottle of wine (or box of chocolates if you can’t bring wine). Potluck – premade cheese plate plus crackers. Cookie exchange – store bought cookies, thought in past years I’ve brought chocolates from TJ’s instead of cookies and it went over really well. It’s nice to have variety.

    3. I love my office culture but it’s like this too. This year they added a cookie exchange to the mix and I flat-out said no and don’t even feel badly about it. It would cause me way more stress than it’s worth. I think there are ways to politely decline or participate at a very cursory level and still maintain your friendships.

    4. My suggestion is to grab a male coworker and say “if I have to do this you do too” because this crap always gets left to the women. The men I work with feel no compunction at all to participate.

      1. My male coworkers really do participate in these things equally with the women! I suspect my office is something of an anomaly in this regard :)
        But maybe some of them would be on board for a lessening of the expectations surrounding these activities through teamwork like LAnon suggested.

        1. My husband really gets into the office celebrations. He actually cooked food to bring to his holiday potluck, and every year he makes giant batches of his special family holiday cookies for both of us to bring to work. My co-workers eagerly look forward to “[Husband] Cookies” every year.

      2. If I didn’t to do this, and it was eating up my personal time, I just wouldn’t. I agree the idea is to make the office fun at the holidays, but if it is a burden why are you doing it? Are the others who participate less senior and less busy (either professionally or personally)? Would you get a side eye if you didn’t participate, or would no one really care?

        Posts like this make me glad I work in a small IP firm with mostly nerdy bros. I imagine most of them don’t even know what a “white elephant” gift exchange is, and picturing them baking cookies and decorating the office made me laugh out loud.

    5. My firm did this when I first started. Everyone brought something in that they MADE (not bought), which had to be preapproved by the manageing partner — in his words, we don’t need 15 people bringing in the same chicken fondue. So it worked so-so, until Madeline made a quiche that got everyone sick. She said she forgot to refrigerate it b/f bringing it in so it had begun to turn, but b/c it was so filled with stinky cheeze, no one noticed until we all had to run to the toilet within an hour afterwards. After that disaster, the manageing partner, who also had to run to the toilet, proclaimed NO MORE FOOD FROM THE STAFF! and from then on, we all go out to a fine restruant at least 3x / year to celebrate, and we order off the MENU, not get the same 3 dishes you normally get at a planned event. This way, in case something is off, only those eating it will notice, and the rest of us stay well. Personally, I always look for PROTEIN, not starch when I go there b/c I can make my own pasta, thank you, w/o haveing them uplift the charge 4000 percent! FOOEY on that!

  6. I started a new job recently with billable hours (consulting). It’s about to be totally dead at work for the holidays and my supervisor and closest colleagues will all be out. I’m worried I won’t have enough work to do but I know I’ll get side-eyed by the boss if I charge overhead time. I’m asking for more work and doing what I can, but I’m not positive there’s going to be work to be had with everyone on vacation. What should I do?

    Note to self: don’t apply to jobs with billable hours requirements in future.

    1. What does your boss say? Instead of asking for more work – which you’ve already done – maybe specifically raise this concern with her. Ime (law/litigation) it’s kind of expected that hours drop off at the end of the year.

    2. I mean, this sounds pretty normal for a billable hours job – unless you are one of those people who inherits a massive transaction closing Dec 31 (I was one of those people once. It was terrible), the holidays tend to be pretty dead. Assuming you can’t take time off because you just started, do you have any in-house “billables” for professional development, training, admin work, etc? Watch CLEs, revamp your filing system, draft an article pitch, read up on latest developments in your profession, and be around for whatever work there is to do.
      Also, I no longer bill my time and it’s such a breath of fresh air.

    3. If you communicate it loudly enough, you’ve covered your bases. You’re fine. They’ll calculate this into your utilization rate, don’t worry.

      1. I wouldn’t say that they will calculate this in to metrics. However, consulting utilization metrics account for some non-billable time between projects, and it’s typical for new hires to have lower utilization as the have no network.

        At the end of the year, if you are below target and below average, then no internal contribution or mitigating factor makes up for it. You won’t get a standout review.

    4. The most important thing I’ve found in my law firm billable hours job is that you have to keep your boss/bosses in the loop about specifically what you’re working on. It cuts both ways – times that are too slow and times that are too busy.

      “Boss, Do you have a few minutes to talk about my utilization? I was looking over my to do list for the last few weeks of the year and it’s pretty light. I have X to do for Client 1, but that will only take four hours. Since I’m not taking vacation between now and December 31st, is there anything else I should be doing during this time to assist other team members or prepare for next year?”

      This also works well when someone has assigned you all the deals/cases/projects. “Boss, how should I prioritize my time? I am doing X for person A, Y for person B, and Z for person C… do you have time to discuss so that I can can deliver a quality work product and make sure our clients are satisfied?”

      No halfway decent boss/manage in a billable hours job wants their underlings under utilized or so busy that they’re not prioritizing correctly/delivering crappy work. But, sometimes, you just except that your utilization for a month will be only 50% or 60%. This may be one of those months.

    5. No advice, just commiseration about the same problem. I’m a younger associate five months into a new firm job and I am CONSTANTLY scrambling for hours and barely getting enough work to make it each month. This month with less business days and bosses taking days off and I’m pretty much effed about making it. I can’t exactly squeak my work requesting wheel if no one is around to hear it.

      Not sure if people constantly assign me low level projects with the assumption that I’m supposed to take double the time because I’m half the years of practice of most people here, but I unfortunately don’t take that long. Got glowing reviews at 90 days about how I had talent and how the boss appreciated my contributions, but all that is going to mean jack when my hours don’t add up.

  7. A while back here someone recommended a pull out sofa bed that was actually comfortable. My google skills are failing! Anyone have a good brand for this? It may have been Room and Board? Thanks!

    1. Yes, Room & Board’s night & day line of sleeper sofas. These are the foam mattress sleepers. No springs. They are manufactured by American Leather, so you can also purchase through other retailers. Search for American Leather Comfort Sleepers. When I bought one a few years ago, I was looking at Room & Board and Jensen-Lewis, but Room & Board turned out to be less expensive given the fabric that I chose. I’ve got a king size Berin sleeper sofa. I’ve slept on it and found it comfortable. My parents and my in-laws sleep on it (not at the same time, of course…). My in-laws have willingly slept on it for 2 wks at a time. I think they’d have voted with their feet and gone home if they didn’t find it comfortable.

    2. The comfort sleepers from American Leather (and available at several other retailers), I think.

      There is a much less expensive Ikea version, too, that I recall got a lot of props.

    3. My sofabed has a queen-sized Tempurpedic matress that’s quite comfortable. The brand is American Leather. There are many fabric choices available and not all of them are leather. Mine isn’t leather. It has held up well for eight years.

    1. Yes! I have a long drive (to go skiing!) later today, and I’m looking forward to cranking my playlist!

  9. My company is having a holiday party in a few weeks, cocktail atire. This is my first cocktail/work party. Would the White House Black Market embellished tank be appropriate to wear,
    and what would I pear it with? A shrug, duster, gold earrings/bracelets, velvet pants or skirt?

      1. This would be too casual or avart-garde for a first time participant at my company, if cocktail attire is specified.

    3. Given that it’s your first office party and you don’t know what the standard is at your office, I’d just go with a normal cocktail dress. personally I have work some places where the outfit you’ve described would be fine and others where you would be really out of place. Unless you know which your office is, I would play it safe

    4. Pretty! Since ‘cocktail’ tends to mean ‘cocktail dress’ for women, I’d go for a skirt. Maybe a fun full skirt? I’d wear bare shoulders (I wouldn’t, I never do, but I mean if I were you) and maybe a pendant necklace? Bare legs and fun shoes.

  10. I am very close to paying off my student loans–once they’re done, I’m going to have around $3-4000 a month “extra” that I had been putting toward loans. I intend to put half toward retirement savings and half toward some medium-term projects (bathroom renovations and a new car). I anticipate the bathroom renovations/new car needs being in 2-3 years. I already max out my 401k. My emergency fund is fully funded and sitting in a 2% online money market account. So, where is the best place to put these two pots of money? To the extent it is relevant for tax penalties, I’d like to retire a little early (Like mid-50s)

    1. Retirement savings: you need a brokerage account and a good advisor (I prefer RIAs–registered investment advisors). The advisor should also be able to help make sure your brokerage account and 401k are hitting the right mix when looked at together. Consider some whole life insurance or a Roth account, too.
      Medium-term projects: my instinct is the online savings account. Last time I looked CDs didn’t have much better returns. You could also keep it mixed in with your general brokerage account if you’re okay with it fluctuating.

      1. I didn’t think that investment advisors were for people like us. The WSJ had a supplement on it this week and many people had average account sizes listed in the 7 figures (with a few people in small cities having an average account only in the 6 figures). I am a 5-figure person on a good day (all of my assets are pretty much my emergency fund, home equity and my 401K, none of which would count or need advising).

        1. You may not work with the named partner or big wig at any given shop but if you have money to manage beyond a savings account then you need an advisor.

          1. This is not necessarily true. We put our money in a Vanguard investment account with a target retirement date and basically forget about it. Very low fee, and no advisor fee. FWIW, we started out small many years ago but now have substantial savings, in the seven figures (not because Vanguard outperforms the market but because our salaries have gone up a ton), and we have made no change to how we manage our money.

          2. I just don’t think this is true. I have low six figures in investments, and I can’t find an advisor who will work with me who seems competent. The only ones I found that will take on somebody with my amount of money are new to the field and don’t really seem to know what they’re doing

          3. This is a myth from financial companies. If you are willing to do a little legwork yourself, read the Bogleheads guide to investing and use their very solid strategies.

  11. I was approached about a job as an executive director for a legislative committee. I’m a government lawyer with experience in the committee’s subject area, but I’ve always been in a non-partisan legal position. As a lawyer, I’ve always had the mindset that I’m working for my client and my views don’t always line up with my clients and I was ok with that. However, this is a non-lawyer role so would it be crazy to consider a position that is political when my personal views are not aligned with theirs? This would be a huge job for me and a change in career path that I am excited about, but I’m worried about the political aspect of it. Any advice or experience?

    1. What is going to happen if the legislature changes hands? Will they replace all the committee staff?

      1. That wouldn’t happen for the next few years anyway, and considering the state I live in it’s unlikely to change any time soon.

        1. Doesn’t matter if party affiliations don’t change. Turnover still happens when new people come in. You could get the boot because somebody’s cousin or a major donor wants the job.

    2. Hey there. I love policy and am a left-leaning moderate. I was a policy director for an R-led committee in an R state. (Because when you love policy and live in an R state, there are only so many options.) Behind the scenes, yes, there were some obnoxiously partisan moves on “red meat” type issues – abortion, guns, etc – but on all the rest of the issues, the parties weren’t THAT far apart. And the lawmakers were surprisingly good friends outside of the office. I actually enjoy state work more than federal, because without the 24 hour cable news attention firing up a base, lawmakers can be a bit more reasonable and make more rational decisions. And FWIW, your coworkers will probably be great – while there were some super partisan R and D staffers, for the most part, because most staffers were 20- and 30-somethings, all the staffers were pretty moderate and could see both sides of an issue.

      I’m happy to chat more over email if you have a burner email address you’d like to post.

      1. I would love to hear more about your experience! My email is palawyerette5 at the mail of google. Thank you so much!

  12. Are shelf liners outdated? Do you all have them in your kitchen and/or pantry? If so, any specific recommendations?

    We are about to move back into our renovated house and I’m trying to decide whether I’m ready to make the effort!

    1. I’ve always felt they were unnecessary unless the cabinets were of a lower quality that made me feel like my dishes wouldn’t stay clean. I do use them (with little success, TBH) to keep certain things from shifting around in drawers (like silverware caddies and the makeup in my wide vanity drawer).

      1. +1. I’ve always viewed them as a way to make dirty cabinets/shelves minimally clean. I wouldn’t use them in a freshly renovated house.

    2. I think they’re generally unnecessary. I have some of the clear plastic ones on my shelves because my predecessors had these horrible sticky shelf liners that were probably put on in the 1980s that I pulled up (never, never use the contact paper type shelf liners) and couldn’t quite get all the sticky residue off, so the current unobtrusive shelf liners are to cover the residual stickiness.

    3. I use them in the pantry, so that if something leaks or spills (in a big way), I can just pick up the liner and replace it. I don’t use adhesive liners.

    4. Built a house 5 years ago, started using the clear plastic kind (LifeLiner) right away to protect the finish on my painted cabinets. The cabinets aren’t top-of-the-line, but they weren’t cheap, either, and I can tell a difference between the cabinets/drawers I chose to protect right away vs. the ones that I was too lazy to do until a year or so later. Some people wouldn’t be bugged by scratched paint, but I am finicky like that. I also find it easier to clean up any leaks/drips/crumbs that occur in the areas where I store oils and spices.

      1. That’s a good point towards using them—I hadn’t thought about protecting the shelves.

      2. +1 to Life Liner. Put these in my cabinets for plates/glasses/silverware/cooking equipment over 10 years ago and still going strong. Also, the ridges help combat the musty smell in flipped glasses or bowls that do not get used regularly.

    5. I use them because latex paints are sticky, even long after they dry. My newish kitchen cabinets and drawers don’t have a tacky surface, but the pantry shelves my contractors painted were done in latex and the slightly sticky element is something I can’t stand. I use this type of product and like it a lot:

      Gorilla Grip Original Drawer and Shelf Liner, Non-Adhesive, Size (12″ x 20′), Durable and Strong, for Drawers, Shelves, Cabinets, Storage, Kitchen and Desks (Beige) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07773PQG7/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_e0PcCbBBTE4QD

      1. Just as a counterpoint to the post above, we have that kind of shelf liner (my husband put it in so things wouldn’t shift and break in an earthquake) and I hate it because it deprives me of one of my short-person life adaptations, which is to put an item on the edge of a high shelf and then push it back into place. So if you’re a shorty like me, I recommend sticking to smoother shelf liners!

        1. Haha good point. I’m 5’11 and the shortest member of the household (my daughter) is 5’8”.

    6. Another vote for held liners. I also use the non-adhesive plastic ones for ease of cleaning. I thought they were unneccessary until we moved out of our old house and found our cabinet shelves were coated with grime and oil and dust, particularly the shelves where we kept the condiments and baking supplies. In our new house all the kitchen cabinets and drawers are now lined.

  13. I’d like a new carry-on suitcase for Christmas. Are the Away bags worth the hype? Other recs?

    1. I would say save your money as TSA/Other govt security agencies could always change their regulations. Apparently Away arent selling well bc ppl caught on that longer term , smart bags are helpfulm but can be deemed obsolete in short order. I would stick w a good roller carryon from travelpro (or whatever your budget can accomodate). Costco also makes a decent one if you area member!

      1. Away bags have TSA locks and the battery is removable, so I don’t think those are reasons not to get one if OP is otherwise interested.

    2. Nope, get a Travel Pro instead. I had originally ordered an Away and found the handle really flimsy so I sent it back. I got a Travel Pro instead and am so so pleased with it. I travel a ton and it’s rolled over all sorts of cobblestones and is still in fantastic shape.

      2. +1 to TravelPro. My mom was a flight attendant for 30 years and TravelPro was the brand the airline issued / the flight attendants chose for their work bag after testing various models. She’s been retired for 15 years and is STILL using her last TravelPro for personal travel.

        If you don’t travel that much, a Samsonite, etc, from TJ Maxx will work just fine.

    3. I love the lightest weight tumi hard side. It’s a great, super sturdy roller (I like the continental carry on size) and the hard sides mean i can really pack it full but it won’t bulge and be difficult to get into the overhead. It’s compliant with all us carry on sizing requirements, and I’ve gotten away with it in Europe too.

    4. I got a Ricardo that I am very pleased with. All of the interior pockets are amazing and the way it is structured makes it a very nice piece of luggage.

    5. As a counterpoint, I like my away bag and I’m pleased with the quality. I think it looks pretty chic and it’s super lightweight.

  14. A bunch of sororities are suing Harvard b/c you apparently belong to a non-Harvard-affiliated single-sex organization and be considered for leadership and perhaps scholarships as a Harvard student.

    Is that really true what Harvard is doing?

    In my life, I have been in Brownie scouts, on single-sex sports teams, in a sorority (not at Harvard), in the Junior League, and on a domestic violence hotline staff (largely women, but not limited to them). Most of my leadership opportunities have been through my sorority and the Junior League (formerly Junior League of Washington, now Junior League of large SEUS city). Am now an equity partner at my BigLaw firm.

    OTOH, I also went to three schools that were formerly men-only (high school, college, law school). The middle one was co-ed since WW2 (when it lost all its students to the war) and the other two turned co-ed in the 70s or 80s. I have girls who are currently in . . . boy scouts.

    I don’t get what Harvard is getting at, but I have found it helpful at times to be in single-gender organizations. I work in finance, so it is largely exclusively a man’s world, so I do enjoy reconnecting with women through the Junior League (it’s how I found my awesome OB — couldn’t have had that convo otherwise).

    Help a non-Harvard person understand their position (or perhaps it is a bad position). I don’t get it. I mean, Harvard has an all-male football team and that’s not a problem I bet. But sorority membership gives them the vapors?

    1. You might want to reword your first sentence, it’s incomprehensible. I think you meant to say that Harvard has established a policy that if you are in (or in a leadership position – can’t remember which) at Harvard in a single sex organization, you can’t be in a leadership position in other organizations of the school. From reading op eds by Harvard students, the school explained it is an attempt to thwart memberships in single-sex orgs that exclude others from power – specifically Skull and Bones types of organizations where traditionally only men can join and basically feed each other jobs and riches over the course of their lives.

      Harvard specifically excluded some single sex orgs, particularly those that are career focused, but were just particularly terrible in their execution and non-registered/sponsored at Harvard sorority orgs got swept in. Basically the intention was good but execution was just awful and seemed to target safe spaces for women as much as secret power orgs like Skull and Bones.

    2. Harvard is trying to break the power of all male social clubs following some truly vile behavior. There’s tons of info on this if you google it. The sorority issue is collateral damage.

      1. Does this apply to graduate students?

        Current grad student active in undergrad sorority alumnae chapter.

    4. Harvard really screwed up here. Sororities and all-women organizations are not responsible for male violence and sexual assault. There is great value to be had in single-sex organizations, particularly for women, and I’m really disappointed at the overreach.

  15. Would you find it weird to get a”Happy New Year” card before Christmas? I had planned to send out “Happy Holidays” cards in early December, but time got away from me and I’m just ordering them now. Hanukkah will be over before the cards get mailed, and I know some Jewish friends and family will (not unreasonably) be offended if they get a card that says “happy holidays” when their holiday is over. So I think I’m just going to do Happy New Year. But not sure if it’s weird to send those in mid-December or if I have to wait until after Christmas. Any thoughts?

    2. Wait is it too late to send out Happy Holidays cards? I/my firm always send them the second week of December. I can understand being miffed if the cards are sent out just a few days before Christmas but I can’t imagine most people expected you to get your cards out earlier than normal? Right?

      1. Offended might be a bit strong, but I’m Jewish and I definitely think it’s tone deaf to send a Happy Holidays card after Hanukkah is over. It shows you don’t know or care when my holiday is.

        1. New Year’s is a holiday for everyone in the U.S., so the “holidays” aren’t over yet. It is proper and not tone-deaf to send Happy Holidays cards any time before New Year’s.

          1. Yes, but the only Jewish holiday is over and the only Christian holiday is not. You can do whatever you want, but a lot of us find it a little insensitive.

          2. I think you’re asking for too much from a card sender and definitely being too sensitive. Most people send a Happy Holidays card in bulk at once to all their card receivers, when they remember and pretty much only think about it after Thanksgiving. It’s a hassle and honestly I would feel a bit weird specifically pulling out the cards I send to my Jewish friends but not other friends early. Then you can get nit picky – send before or during Hanukkah. At the first end or tail end?

            Sending a Merry Christmas card to a Jewish or Muslim friend is tone deaf. Sending a Happy Holidays card (emphasis on the plural of Holidays) during December or shortly after the New Year since New Years is a holiday is time efficient and makes sense. If a friend complained about the timing of my Happy Holidays card before the Holidays were over (and honestly up through the end of January is still respectable), I’d drop them from the card list. Life is too short for such high maintenance people.

          3. +1 My “happy everything” cards are on the way-they specifically wish everyone a bright holiday “season” and a happy new year and I can’t imagine anyone getting offended by that. FWIW, I had no idea anyone was giving separate cards to folks who don’t celebrate Xmas. I just assume anyone who sends a “merry Christmas“ card either has no Jewish friends or doesn’t care to be inclusive.

        2. Oh man, I did not think about that! My boyfriend and I still need to take the picture for our card, and most of our recipients celebrate Christmas but some are Jewish. What about Seasons Greetings? Is that still too Christmas-centric?

          1. It is fine. Besides, New Year’s is still a holiday, so Happy Holiday’s is also fine. You are lucky to have a boyfreind, but it does tend to complicate things sometimes around the holidays if you are a different religoun then him, or even the same religoun, if one is more strict then the other is. I had this with my ex, as his family was very religous, and I am not. Good luck!

        3. Hmm, I’m Jewish too and have a stack of Happy holidays cards sitting in my living room waiting to get addressed. Yeah, they’ll go out after Hanukkah but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
          I’m not offended OP, and agree life is too short..

          1. Ooops, this Jew is trying to get her holiday cards out on Monday! I am always so happy to receive holiday/Christmas/New Year cards — they’re festive! i get to see your family! — regardless of when they arrive, so I’m just going to assume my loved ones feel the same way.

          2. +1 Whenever I get a card I assume that the person took the time to wrangle their family into family a photo, order the cards, write me a message in one, find and write my address on an envelope, and buy a stamp to mail it to me because they love me and not at all because they have any ill will towards me or my holiday.

    3. We routinely send and receive “happy new year” cards before Christmas. We also get them in mid-January sometimes. We like them all.

    4. I think it’s fine! Send the cards; the sentiment applies anytime. It might be weird in, say, March, but not in December.

    5. My Jewish friends haven’t sent out their cards yet, so I think happy holidays is fine (the holiday could be New Years).

    6. God I hope it’s not offensive because I never mail my “happy holidays” cards until I’m off work for the actual holiday. No time.

    7. I’ve already received a couple of cards wishing a happy and healthy new year, so seems like you would not be outside the norm if you sent them.

    8. I think Happy New Year is totally fine, but I would just send Season’s Greeting or Happy Holidays cards if you have them. I am Jewish and it never occurred to me that it would be weird to send my corporate cards out so they arrive in mid-December (that is what I am doing, like I always do, and they say Season’s Greetings). I could make some guesses, but I don’t even know what religion many of my contacts are.

  16. I feel like a teenage girl asking this, but has anyone had success with any of those “automatic hair curler” things? The ones where you just put your hair in it and it curls it for you? I’m totally inept with regular hair curlers and want to give one a try. I have really fine hair that doesn’t hold a curl very well and I’m just wanting some beachy waves or something.

    2. Yes — my hair is like yours. Look for one that spins in both directions. And flexible hold hairspray before and after is key.

    3. My friend has one and it works really well, but the curls are total Shirley Temple type. If you want beachy waves you need a curling wand.

    4. Also tried and failed (and I’m decent at curling irons). I suspect it would not work particularly well with fine hair that doesn’t curl well because the heat isn’t strong enough to really set the curl. Maybe do something to set some curls or waves while your hair is still damp? My hair gets aggressively curly and frizzy if I attempt anything like that so I don’t have a great suggestion.

    5. Yes – the Babyliss Miracurl is the only thing that curls my hair and makes the curl stay all day and even into the next day. Even when I have had my hair done professionally, the professional jobs haven’t held a candle to the Miracurl. I think it heats the hair more evenly than a wand. It’s a product that has a lot of counterfeits, so buy from a reputable seller like Folica instead of somewhere like Amazon.

      1. I also have this Babyliss one and it works well on my hair. It holds a curl for a long time. It has a little learning curve, but I love it. There is no way I could curl my hair myself to look like it does with this contraction without it. One warning is that it takes me forever to get all of my hair curled — like 25 minutes or so because I have very thick hair and the curler thing is limited in how much hair it can curl at a time. So I only use it for special occasions not daily use.

  17. This top looks great. Would buy it in a snap if it came in petite sizes. I love wrap tops and love second base half-camis to raise the neck line without adding to bulk at the waist.

  18. To the anon who posted this yesterday on the MLM thread: Truer words have never been spoken, and you articulated what I’ve long felt but couldn’t put into words.

    “Modern American society has no forking clue two to distinguish between hobbies, side hustles, and actual jobs that result in enough money to run the house.”

    When did it become “selling out” to have a good job that pays the bills? For cripes sake. I’ve been thinking about this a lot after my sister spent her last weekend of maternity leave selling stuff at a craft show. During a blizzard. She’s talented and her stuff is cute, but she made exactly $40. I must not be a side-hustle person, or even a hobby person, because if that were me — I would be so upset by how much time I sunk into it! Sister views her crafting as a hobby and whatever she makes goes right back into supplies, but she’s been approached by so many people who wonder why she doesn’t have an online retail space (other than Facebook) and why she’s still working full-time as an RN when she could use her “side business” to earn money for her family. Really, people? Because a real, salaried job couldn’t possibly be a better option for a mom of 3 kids who holds a master’s degree? It makes my blood boil for her. As a society, we so undervalue women’s financial contributions.

    1. I get this from a good friend of mine. I earn a really respectable salary in my field and am the primary earner for our family. But she’s always trying to come up with small business ideas for me. Like, I knit. She will say “you should open an Etsy shop to sell your knitting.” I helped her with a finance problem once and she hasn’t shut up about how I should open a small business helping people with that specific finance problem that might come up for them once every five years. It’s grating.

      1. I knit.

        If I paid myself minimum wage, you couldn’t afford what I knit (never mind cost of supplies).

        It’s only a “business” if my time is worth . . . nothing.

        1. Same. Like my sweater? Want to buy it? How does $500 sound. Wait, maybe $750 if I really add up the hours.

    2. I think it’s all a symptom of the fact that many jobs don’t pay enough to support a middle-class lifestyle anymore. I’m not sure if that’s because societal standards for middle-class have resin (doubtful but may be a contributing factor) or because salaries have stagnated for so long. But I don’t personally know anyone with a side hustle who does it exclusively for the fun; they do it because I needed to find a way to make a little more money

      1. Idk most of the women on my social media feed who are selling supplements, oils, etc are well to do stay at home wives who are just bored, honestly, and like to create a social media image of themselves that they are small business #girlboss types.

        1. Yes, agree. They want to give the illusion that they are a #girlboss. But the reality of leadership and business acumen is not mimosas and lipstick. It’s late nights and early mornings, giving and receiving tough feedback, protecting your team and absorbing the hits. And frankly…admitting to yourself the very real pain that there are times that you are NOT there for your kids/friends/parents/spouse because you have colleagues or employees who need you more in that moment. It’s ok to be a SAHM. It’s wonderful, in fact. But it is not this.

        2. Oh, I totally agree with regards to MLM. I think those are largely SAHM that don’t want to admit that they don’t work anymore.

          But I don’t know any MLM people who call it a side hustle. I was thinking more about people I know who say they have a side hustle, like all the people I know who sell arts and crafts that they make or drive for Uber or have a second job as a bartender

        3. Mm, disagree. Most of the women I know who sell MLM products are doing it because they are struggling and have been convinced it’s a lifeline to a slightly better life. (Which makes it all the more nefarious that it is just a ploy to sell Sales Starter Kits to _them_ instead.) The #girlboss stuff comes in when they have to act like it’s actually working on social media in order to generate sales.

          1. IDK — I always thought I’d sell Avon b/c that is what people legit used to do (and for lipsticks, why not buy from someone who will come to your house and let you play with samples and then deliver to you). I had one friend sell Mary Kay b/c the starter kit is not that expensive and you could use yourself if it didn’t work out. She also legit needed the money and I think made maybe $200-$500/month while staying home with her kids (and not having a daycare bill).

            That is IMO totally different than the LuLaRoe racket where the kit costs are immense, there is a lot of junk in those kits, and you are always promoting. The Avon ladies dropped off books that I read all the way through and they didn’t have to keep inventory. I wish the Avon / Mary Kay approach would be how other orgs worked. Don’t even get me started on Amway (but could I interest you in coming to my motivational seminar for $1000 + travel + hotel?).

          2. I posted the first #girlboss thing above. I wasn’t necessarily thinking about MLMs, but friends who are married to wealthy men and are trying to start businesses like nutrition advisor (with no training, believes everything she reads on the internet!) and life coach (easily the most f%^#ed up person I know is hoping to advise others…) and the curated social media feeds to go along with it, #girlboss, namaste, and living my best life ad nauseum.

          3. Edited to add, but there is also my cousin selling both workout supplements and essential oils who I think has just fallen prey to her more dominant friend who is a rung above her in the MLM, and even though she’s a #girlboss, I feel pretty sorry for her.

      2. That is a reason to have a side hustle; that’s not a reason to tell people to quit their salaried jobs and engage in the side hustle full time.

    3. I have a different perspective. I work in high tech as an engineer and I make 150K per year in MCOL area. I understand the importance of my job (for me, my family, my long term financial situation etc). I do very well at work and have a good reputation. However, as I move up, the competition is fierce and it takes very very ugly forms. If I have to play in it, then I will have to sacrifice my peace of mind, be constantly on guard, build alliances, lobby. It is extremely political. After a horrible year of this , I decided that was not worth for me. I will still do well in my career and move up and eventually reach where I want to be, but it is not going to be as fast as I want it to be.

      Now, I still have the same drive to succeed, I need a place where I can channel that energy. So, I decided very recently that I will have a side hustle ( I always wanted to have a side hustle, but didn’t know what). I decided to knit to sell as I already knit very well. However, as previous posters mentioned, I cannot even get paid minimum wage for it. However, it will be something to start, with a craft that I already know. The intention is to feel that I have something going on where I am learning a new craft, selling, marketing, accounting, dealing with people etc. I do have other ideas which are more lucrative (but peanuts compared to what my real job pays) which I intend to do as well. My goal is to make like $2500 next year and grow more over the years to get to $1000 per month.

      The moment I started working on this, I felt more at peace. If a promotion takes one or two years more to come my way (on which I really don’t have much control), I will not feel so bad as there is something else in my life which I have some control over an where I might be growing (or realize that it is not what I thought it would be !!! Either ways I will have some new experience to learn from and move to next thing). I know this may not make sense to many, but it is worth a try for me.

      1. I get this perspective. Also topping out (different industry, similar level) due to my political inexperience and lack of desire to get really good at it. I decided to pursue a certification that will (maybe) allow me to lateral into a less shark-like industry, but I am honest with myself that essentially learning this new cert is my hobby to give myself a sense of control.

      2. This is a hobby! Not a side hustle though.
        I am in the same spot professionally and I dance and do yoga. Knitting is that for you.

    4. That was me.

      It also makes my blood boil. Sorry for working a corporate job that pays the bills – since when is that a bad thing?

      I’ve literally had to explain to people – women included – in interviews that I want a paycheck and benefits, and working for $30k a year with two professional degres is idiotic. “Do what you love and the money will follow” is a lie.

    5. I also feel like a big piece of the MLM thing is the expense of childcare. In most places in the U.S., daycare is as expensive as a mortgage payment each month PER CHILD. Part time child care is not really an option in a lot of places. MLMs are the only “businesses” I’ve seen that will allow women to continue “working” part time without having to pay ludicrous sums for childcare.

      I think that until we as a country figure out how to make childcare more affordable, women will continue to work for these awful companies because they have no other alternatives. They want to work. They want to financially contribute. But there are just not that many other viable options.

      1. This is true. I am married to a cop so maybe my view/social circle is different than the most of you, but the women I know who do MLMs are officers’ wives, who have 2-4 kids, could use extra cash, and need flexibility to take care of the kids and run the household. If you have a spouse who works strange and unpredictable hours, it’s tough to have a steady 9-5. MLMs are definitely not my thing and I think they’re annoying, but I understand the appeal for a middle-class mostly-SAHM who wants to contribute financially but can’t afford full time child care. I can’t speak to upper-class SAHMs because I just don’t know that many of them.

      3. I don’t know. I’m only two years into the mom thing but nothing I can do with my son home looks anything like work. I’m sympathetic to the point about the daycare expense (believe me I’m paying those bills) but I get pretty insulted when someone implies that whatever they are doing to work from home while also watching a kid is “work,” equivalent to what I do all day. I don’t really believe that someone who isn’t willing to invest in at least part time childcare really wants to work.

        2. I don’t agree fully to “I don’t really believe that someone who isn’t willing to invest in at least part time childcare really wants to work.” May be they work when the child is sleeping or playing and may be able to pull 4 – 5 hours a day.

    6. So I live in Asia and no one would Dream of suggesting that a hobby should replace a regular job.
      Side hustles are not too common but hobbies are recognised for what they are.
      I do t know if this is a societal thing or because we’re all so busy aspiring to the “American” way of life out here that we have no inclination to throw up good jobs and ride off into the sunset on our Etsy made horses.

  19. Has anyone ordered the MM LaFleur Margot Sweater? I’m hesitant because it seems fairly expensive for what it is, but I’m having issues finding anything that’s similar– work appropriate than can be tucked into a skirt and into pants and is a nice color.

  20. odd one- in the past few months, i have noticed my nails are weirdly getting white lines and deep ridges (to the extent that tye nail bed is no longer straight but very jagged) on them. Is this something that a manicutist could polish away?

    1. My nails have developed length-wise ridges on at least two nails, and I think a third is developing. It’s a pain because if I hit the nail just right it tends to break along this vertical line rather than the usual horizontal direction, and can be quite painful.

      I looked it up and also briefly asked my dermatologist. It’s normal. It’s not a nutritional deficiency but just a normal effect of aging.

      My solution has been to maintain regular manicures and ask for “powder” at the nail shop. Powder is a combination of super glue and some kind of acrylic powder. It thickens the nail slightly and adds a protective layer above the ridge. My nails are far less likely to crack at the ridge point when I have the powder going.

      I keep my nails pretty short too, and that helps. I don’t have talons, I have shortish red nails that end at or slightly above my fingertips.

    2. Vertical nail ridges are NBD (I’ve had them my whole life), but horizontal ones can signal a medical condition.

  21. My mom asked what I want for Christmas but I’m struggling to come up with ideas. She doesn’t use the internet and isn’t close to a mall. She will shop from catalogs (no idea which ones), the grocery store, and maybe JC Penny’s. There is a Target near her but she finds it intimidating. She doesn’t want to give me a gift card, cash, or any experience-type gift; she wants to give me an actual physical present. Budget is under $100. Help?

    Wrapped up in this – mom is ageing and isn’t getting around so well anymore. A trip to a store is really taxing for her. She wants to hang onto the tradition of gift-giving, though. For those of you with ageing parents, how did you handle this sort of thing? It might be time for some tough love along the lines of, mom you’re not up to gift giving anymore please just don’t, all I want is to spend time with you. She’s not really ready to accept that yet, I don’t think.

    1. I think telling your mom she’s too old to give presents is more tough than loving. She is obviously able to give gifts, just not from the sources you’re most comfortable or familiar with. In your shoes I think I’d ask for a sweater, socks, or gloves. If what she finds in whatever catalogs she gets isn’t to your taste, you’ll have warm clothes to donate to your local homeless shelter.

    2. When my mom started having the same issue, and probably a light sprinkling of agoraphobia, she started giving me a check for Christmas. I made sure to spend it on something I wanted or something for the home and I’d send her a photo of me excitedly holding the gift. It made her happy.

      I didn’t want her spending her limited funds on me, but she wanted to feel part of the gift giving, so accepting her gift was a gift to her.

      2. I love this. My mom has started giving me checks too. I’ve been putting them in my son’s college fund, but I love the idea of buying something specific and letting her know about it.

        I am not a gift person and I really wish she would save her money, but she hasn’t heard me on that.

    3. I’d ask for … towels or a new blanket. A scarf, hat, and gloves. It will be easy to find those at JC Penny. I could use a new saute pan these days, and some new hot pads.

      I wouldn’t try to get her to give this up. I’m sure when I’m finding a trip to the store taxing, I will STILL want to be a grown adult who can buy my daughter a gift and wrap it for her. Though tiring, it would make me feel like i’m still participating in things I’ve always loved and enjoyed.

    4. If she bakes or cooks, could you ask her for something homemade? It would be something that reminds you of her and that you could enjoy. My sister is much younger than me and gets around and shops just fine, but when she asks me what I want from her, I often ask her for a loaf of her homemade pumpkin bread and I love it when I get it.

      1. +1 to this. When The Hub’s grandmother aged to the point where store shopping was not fun for her, he always asked for her famous homemade apple pie on all gifting occasions (birthday, anniversary, etc.). She bought a Tupperware container to put the pie into and would send it up to him where we live and he would return it to her by mail. Win-win (except that she would not share the pie recipe and it died with her, but the Tupperware continues to last!)

    5. Not sure if this is an option for you, but the way I fixed this problem is that me and my brother both help our mom purchase gifts for the other. I’ll normally send my Brother a list of a few things I want on Amazon (this year it was a few board games and some books), and he’ll go through the list with my mom and she’ll pick out a few things. My brother that orders them on Amazon and get them delivered to her house. I’ll then do the same thing for my brothers gift, although I sometimes have to run to a store to pick up his.

      If that’s not an option, I’d go with a sweater or gloves or some game or book that target sells

  22. Any suggestions for a beach front house vacation in Europe for 8-10 people? Apartment(s) at a resort would also work.

    Looking at August (timing is firm unfortunately) any possibly Italy (incl Sardinia), Greece France, Portugal but not finding the right fit. Open to other locations in Europe. SIL prefers gated pool or no pool.

    2. Crete is amazing. We stayed in an amazing beachfront condo in Plakias and had the best beach day of my life there. But any of the little towns would be great.

    3. I love Sicily. Taormina and the surroundings are lovely, although will be mobbed in August (as you know).

    4. Thanks all ! Those all sound like good options i haven’t looked at. Any specific places you stayed there that you would recommend?

    5. If you don’t mind the crowds, go to Portugal/Italy/Spain. Deep south of Italy is less travelled (food and wine is still amazing). Same for northern Spain. Have you considered the Atlantic region of France (La Rochelle for example)? Greek islands are also abundant with great food, wine and much less crowded.
      Croatia is packed with touristsin August (esp from Poland/Czech r/Slovakia) and the staff is already drained and they overcharge you (even though I agree the sea is great, esp islands).
      I have a non-conventional tip – but only if you don’t seek necessarily super warm weather: Scottish islands. Try Isle of Lewis and Harris or Cornwall. Just do a gxxgle search. They look lovely and I promise food is much better than you imagine it to be. Also – they have great whisky and gin.
      As a kid, we went to Croatia every year and I have been several times (>15) in different Italian seasides. I would choose Italy – you will get the best value for your money (plus you can indulge in some nice Italian fashion as well).

    6. Spain, specially Balearic islands. Do you have any specific requeriments apart of the pool?

      2. Not really – two families plus MIL so ideally 4-5 bedrooms and 2-3 bathrooms. It seems the bigger places all have pools so wondering if two/three apartments at a resort is a better bet. We have small kids so also something that’s not adults only.

    7. Corsica is really, really nice. August is the highest of high season though (given, France), so it likely will be expensive.

      1. Sardinia is way nicer than Corsica IMHO. Corsica is beautiful but more rustic. Take me to Porto Cervo and the Gucci store <3

        1. I don’t recommend Sardinia, especially not with kids. It’s a strange and boring island with few restaurants outside the fancy yacht areas. It felt like a ghost island. Mallorca, Crete, Cyprus etc would all be better options. Actually, I don’t recommend Italy at all. Greece or Spain are way better options IMO.

  23. Realized this week I really need a coat that’s appropriate to wear over cocktail and long evening dresses in the fall and winter. My wool work coat and trench feel off. I’m not sure I’m interested in a faux-fur shrug and it gets pretty cold where we are.

    What are other ideas?

    1. I think the short jacket in faux fur is the classic look but if it’s not your thing and you have reason to need this pretty frequently, I’d go with a cape. Velvet would be nice.

      1. Ps also search on the term “cloak” (which is also a great word for hangman – you’re welcome)

    2. I have a shawl collar wrap coat from Tahari that I’ve worn with cocktail attire. (Though I can still hear my mother in my head and a million rules about evening attire…)

    3. I have a velvet evening cape (custom) and a satin trench (Talbots) for this purpose. Furs also are a good option if you are not opposed and I have had excellent success thrifting for them.

      If you want something more multi-purpose, Ted Baker has some beautiful cashmere blend belted coats in jewel and other tones that would work for evening, but also be usable outside of dressy occasions.

    4. That leopard coat from Emerson Fry that someone posted about buying a little while back would be beautiful with a cocktail dress or gown

    5. There’s a coat company called mycra pac that makes raincoats out of a satiny material. If you don’t need a lot of warmth or you can combine them with a warm wrap, they might work. Some of the styles have dramatic hoods like a cloak would have.

    6. I used to have a really pretty long black wool coat with a hood lined with (fake) fur. The shape was like this: https://www.etsy.com/listing/203002784/long-wool-coat-womens-coats-navy-blue? and whenever I wore it I felt like I was swooshing around like a fancy princess.

      I like how girly this is (but only for shorter dresses):
      https://us.asos.com/asos-design/asos-design-skater-with-faux-fur-trim/prd/10012883?

      Here’s a cheaper version of the leopard one linked above! [grabby hands!]
      https://us.asos.com/asos-design/asos-design-leopard-coat/prd/9483248?

      Psssst have you considered an LJ? Maybe in a metallic? I think it would be important that it hit at your natural waist, tho, with a long dress:
      https://www.neimanmarcus.com/p/neiman-marcus-leather-collection-zip-front-metallic-leather-moto-jacket-prod212880821?
      or cheaper… https://www.bloomingdales.com/shop/product/bagatelle-metallic-faux-leather-moto-jacket?ID=3200341&

  24. I was at a holiday party last night and was chatting about travel with some folks I’d never met. One mentioned the recent murder of a tourist in Costa Rica. Then they went on this victim-blamey rant about, well why was she traveling by herself? That’s not safe! She should’ve known better.

    This sort of thing makes my blood boil. A woman existing in the world by herself is not asking for bad things to happen to her. She’s just living her life. And honestly what other choice do we have? I’m single and I’d love to have a group of girlfriends who all have the time/budget/interest to travel to fabulous places a couple times a year. But I don’t, and most people don’t. I travel alone because I want to see the world and I’m not going to put my life on hold waiting for other people to give me permission to do what I want to do.

    1. As a woman who travels alone a ton, including all over Latin America, I would be far more concerned about my safety in the US than in CR.

    2. I was just looking at tickets to Costa Rica the day they identified her body! That’s infuriating, especially since she wasn’t traveling alone – her SIL’s flight was a day before hers. She took her to the airport, then stayed in a new airbnb closer to the airport since she was leaving the next day. Texts to her family showed her saying the place was sketchy, and then she went off the grid. If they’re going to bring this sad topic up at a PARTY and have such a strong opinion on it, they should at least have their facts straight.

      1. They acknowledged that she was traveling with SIL and faulted her for spending one night alone. They said she should’ve gone home with SIL. It’s ridiculous.

        1. That’s insane, talk about an easy way to vet out who you’re not going to become best friends with! I hope you jokingly called them out.

  25. Does anyone know how the Everlane V Heel runs? I am a solid size 8 in Cole Haan. I recently bought a size 8.5 in Cole Haan and it is falling off my foot.

    1. I found they ran true to size. I am normally a size 8, and got a size 8 in these are perfect. They are actually some of my favorite shoes, and I don’t wear heels. (Also, have not had great luck with Everlane shoes normally.)

      If this is helpful, I normally wear an 8.5 in Everlane shoes bc they run small. Generally wear an 8 in everything else. I have a narrow heel, so I sometimes end up getting a 7.5W to accommodate that.

  26. Anyone suffer with irrationally disliking someone? I am trying so hard to like and be kind to one of our new associates.

    I work with her a lot and spend a lot of time teaching her things, basically doing my job as a more sr. associate, but sometimes I am just irrationally annoyed at her. Sometimes it is because she is not resourceful in finding an answer, like using our computer system (not law related, I know that is a steep curve). This is more like Googling how to make X happen on a spreadsheet, etc.

    I am working through my emotions in therapy generally, but I am not generally angry, though sometimes get frustrated. However, it is almost like this poor associate just seems to always set me off (internally), obviously. I want to fix this. What even is this?

    I do not think it is jealously. I am doing well at work, home is great, etc. and I love my life. If anything maybe it’s me being haughty. I have traditionally struggled with changes to groups and organizations and feeling protective over that kind of thing, so maybe that triggers me to be more territorial?

    I am trying so hard to course correct because she is generally great and she is smart. But even if she weren’t, this isn’t nice. Help!

    1. Honestly, you are feeling insecure. I have been on the receiving end of it and it was the worst experience of my life, I left the job after one year of suffering. Before I left, I had meetings with very high level managers (not only her immediate manager), explained her behavior to them, gave examples of previous people who had left because of her and sent the documentation to them about the way this person treated me.

    2. I think this is a different issue than irrationally disliking someone. It’s ok to find junior associates annoying. Particularly when they’re doing annoying things like asking you how Excel works. I mean obviously (as you know and acknowledge) we have to be kind to them and try to guide them because that’s our job and we were all once annoying first years. But maybe have a little grace with yourself.

    3. I have kind of the opposite problem. One of the junior people who works for me is objectively not doing a great job, but I like her, everyone likes her (she’s a genuinely good person, and fun to be around) so she slides along.

  27. The husband and I are getting away from the kids with a week in Tulum this February! Any recommendations for where to stay or what to do? We are lookign for a mix of lounging on the beach and maybe a day or two of outdoor or sightseeing adventures. Our ideal lodging budget would be $150-200 per night, but we don’t get away without the kids often, so if that will have us in a dirty apartment miles from the beach and we should really spend more to be somewhere else, chime in! Also, we are flying out of Cancun, and assume that Tulum is where we want to be for beautiful, less crowded beaches, but if you have other alternatives close to Cancun, we’d be interest in those as well. The only thing set in stone so far is the flights.

    Oh, and no kid-friendly places, we love kids but this trip is about getting away from them ;)

    Thanks all.

  28. Hey Kat,
    When you write these posts, could you make sure to always include the brand by name somewhere in the description? That way I don’t have to click over if I know I’d never buy something from that particular brand. Thanks!

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