Bargain Friday’s TPS Report: Cable-Knit Wrap Vest

111 Comments

1. I wouldn’t wear this to work, but I really like it for weekend wear.

2. I was thinking the outfit you described would be perfect for working a Saturday morning. You could wear monochromatic boots and tights and look great, especially if you were headed out to brunch with friends later.

   Wow, that imaginary life I just constructed seems pretty nice!

   1. I don’t know that I’d call working on a Saturday morning a great life :)

      But I do see this as more of a weekend/brunch/casual outfit than a work, even casual Friday, outfit.

      1. Completely agree.

   2. Ha ha! Sounds like something to pencil into your calendar for Oct/Nov. Luckily, based on the work I do, it’s not easy to go into the office on the weekends, but the brunch is always appealing.

      1. I meant “exactly” about the nicely constructed imaginary life. My perpetual goal is to turn those constructions into reality

   3. Haha, at my office everyone would assume you had a hot date if you came into the office on a Saturday wearing a skirt and boots. My office is pretty conservative fashion-wise, but I think that outfit would be fine for a casual Friday.

3. I actually ordered this vest online and returned it last week. I loved the look of it (and actually imagined an outfit similar to what Kat described) but when it arrived it was ridiculously chunky knit and very fuzzy. Normally I love Old Navy, but that vest was a shapeless bag (on me), so back it went. For those without a *very* hourglass shape like mine, this might still work.

   1. I generally like Old Navy too, but I stay away from anything there that isn’t 100% cotton. This vest is 40% acrylic which = static hair

4. Can’t see myself in that outfit (especially the bangle on top of the long sleeve shirt) or wearing a vest, but I do love Old Navy sweaters for weekend wear – it may not be high brow but acrylic sweaters are soft, washable, and affordable :-)

   1. Agree. I love Old Navy sweaters too and wear their cardigans to work all the time. This one was just…puffy. Which isn’t a look I strive to attain.

      1. Love the term ‘puffy’… and totally agree! The only thing marshmallows and I have in common is that we’re eerily white and burn easily – and I would prefer to keep it that way!

5. Ladies, I have a dilemma that perhaps some anonymous input would help.

   My boyfriend has a ring that has been in his family for years. However, he says he “obviously” can’t give it to me as an engagement ring, because he got divorced before we met and had given it to his first wife. Fair enough, right? She’s given it back to him, but it’s damaged goods and he was not even considering trying to recycle it on me.

   The issue is that he happened to show it to me, and I absolutely love it. LOVE IT. It’s beautiful, and it’s far and away the thing I would pick out of any store if we went ring shopping. Of course, there’s also the huge sentimental bonus of the fact that it’s an heirloom.

   How wrong am I to feel like volunteering to take it as an engagement ring even though he wasn’t even considering it? I guess I just feel like a material item can’t doom our relationship just because another woman wore it first, and I also feel that the connection to his family is important. On the other hand, dude, it was someone else’s ring. It seems like not taking it should be a no-brainer. (Why isn’t it?)

   Or is there some kind of compromise I am not thinking of?

   1. If you would feel okay about wearing it, I think you’re absolutely right to volunteer to take the ring. I don’t see the point of buying something new when there’s something beautiful that has sentimental value as well. It’s sweet of him not to want to re-use the ring – I give him points for being sensitive on the issue – but I say go ahead.

   2. If HE is not comfortable giving it to you because of his past assocations, I wouldn’t want to put him on the spot. But if he’s trying to be sensitive to your feelings, which obviously are not bothered by the idea of wearing the ring, then I think its OK to express this fact to him.

   3. You love the ring. You think the connection to his family is important (and I agree). It was always someone else’s ring, by definition, and more than one woman wore it first. Tell him you’d be honored to wear his family ring and then leave the decision up to him.

      1. Posters are all right-0n with their advice. As long as you both understand each argument, I think an arrangement could be made. He will love your family sentiment and not holding the prior situatuion over his head and you already love that he is sensitive to you needing to be whole and wanted and wonderful.

         Happy engagement and nuptial planning…

      2. ^ that

   4. well, what does your boyfriend think about it? He may be very uncomfortable giving you a ring he gave another woman.

      1. I get no read on his own feelings. I think he just so strongly assumed I would not want it that he doesn’t have any thought on it either way. I also think he’s afraid of looking like he’s trying to give it to me–know what I mean? He thinks I would be insulted, and I know a lot of women probably would be.

         1. You guys are getting married. You should be able to talk about this stuff without tiptoeing around. Just tell him “Babe, that family ring of yours is freakin’ awesome and exactly what I pictured. Would it bother you if I just wanted that one instead of a new one?” Also, congratulations.

            I also have a totally offtopic request for help from the commenters at large: I’m starting my first lawyer job (WHEEEEE!) on Monday and I will regularly be bringing a set of gym clothes so I can stop there on the way home. Can anyone recommend me a reasonably priced, acceptably posh gym bag I can carry with me and dump in my office unremarked upon? Thanks.

            1. I like a lot of the bags from Lululemon. They are cute, totally utilitarian (tons of pockets, even lap top sleeves, separate compartments for shoes). I got one several seasons ago in black, and even though it says “gym bag” to me it says “cool understated gym bag” not “freshman JV softball team gym bag.”

            2. I have this:

               http://www.nautica.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3371469&cp=2949264.3026116

               It’s obviously a gym bag, but it’s basic enough that it seems unremarkable under my desk. And it can collapse down for storage, if need be.

   5. I’m kind of scratching my head as to why he would bother (1) telling you about the ring and (2) SHOWING you the ring, if he feels like it is something he can’t give to you. Does not compute. It seems like he could have left all of that unsaid and simply chosen a beautiful new ring for you when the time comes.

      1. Well, his mom made sure I knew about it, and that I felt welcome to it. Incredibly awkward moment, but it is now on the record forever…

   6. I don’t think you should use the ring as-is, since your husband does not want you to have another woman’s ring. Likely he will remember his ex every time he sees it, and he doesn’t want that. Could you keep the setting and have a new stone put in it to make it “yours”? That seems like an easy solution. Even better, you could have a new ring made modeled after the existing one so it’s just as pretty but it wasn’t someone else’s first. You can then save the ring to pass down to your future daughter as an heirloom.

   7. Is there a way you could have it reset or restyled to keep it similar to how it looks now but turn it essentially into a new ring? I suppose it would depend on what you like about it, but I would bet that if you took it to a nice jewelry store they would have some good ideas of how to alter it a bit.

      1. I would think that would REALLY bother his family. If you like the ring a lot, having a new one made that is aesthetically similar seems like a good idea – but altering a family heirloom is not OK. Either take it as it is because it is a family heirloom, or get a new one.

         1. Agreed. That seems incredibly bratty to me.

         2. Yep. If it were JUST the “other woman’s,” then it would be fine, but since it has value to the family, I think you’d be taking a risking move to do much permanent change to it. Of course, having it cleaned and perhaps refinished (e.g. re-dipped if it’s white gold or something) is more than appropriate.

      2. Keep the ring as is. Perhaps suggest that the wedding band will be new and that is what symbolizes the marriage, not the engagement ring.

   8. I think I’d say, lightheartedly, “it’s too bad that you don’t feel comfortable giving me that ring because it’s SO GORGEOUS and I would just LOVE to wear it. But I totally understand why it might make YOU uncomfortable.” That gives him an opening to say “no, no, I was thinking about whether YOU would be uncomfortable.” If it doesn’t take that opening, I’d let it drop and not pursue it. You don’t want to take the risk that he’s actually uncomfortable and trying to suck it up to make you happy. And congrats, by the way.

      1. I like this idea. I, personally, would be extremely uncomfortable just asking for the ring even as an engagement ring. I think you should/could let him know that you’d like it, but I don’t really think you should “volunteer” it for yourself. If he doesn’t give it to you as an engagement ring, you could ask to wear it as just a piece of jewelry after you’re married?

   9. I dont think there is anything wrong with wanting it or taking it. Some people are more superstitious than others and feel like wearing something from a bad relationship can jinx them or something. I don’t think that’s true at all, and if you like it, I dont see why you shouldn’t wear it.

      On the other hand, maybe it reminds him of her/brings up unpleasant memories for him… I think you maybe need to talk about it with him, but I think there is nothing wrong with you wearing it, personally.

      1. Agree with this – If you’re okay with it, and love the ring, then denying yourself something b/c of some purported bad karma would be a shame – but if it’s an issue for him, then you may want to talk about it – and possibly abstain.

         You can always show a picture to a jeweler though and see if they can create something in that style that is consummately yours.

   10. I think if he wouldn’t be opposed, than you are not “wrong” to feel that you love it and would like to have it. It’s a family heirloom and it’s had that standing for far longer than the amount of time that it was worn by the ex.

       Personally, in your position I don’t know if I’d want it, but that’s really a different question – I wouldn’t judge you poorly for taking it. A little bit different situation, but my husband was engaged when we met. Though he offered me her ring (even just as general jewelry) I wasn’t interested, though I’d always wanted a sapphire ring. Ironically I ended up with a family heirloom for an engagement ring instead, and when I see the other ring – which eventually my sister-in-law got – I don’t really care for it any more.

   11. If he has children w/ his ex-wife, don’t take it – b/c having seen male relatives blithely “pass down” jewelry to their next wife, I can tell you that it creates all kinds of ill will and bad feelings (more when the first wife is deceased rather than divorced, but across the board, there are resentments that you just don’t need).

       I would ask him if he’s being sensitive to how you feel about having a hand-me-down ring – or if there’s a bigger issue. If he doesn’t have kids w/ the ex, then I don’t see a problem w/ the ring – but you may still want to think about finding your own perfect ring – there are a lot of beautiful pieces out there!

       1. No kids, FWIW. Short marriage, she rarely wore the ring, and they are on good terms now. I have met her many times and dealt with her for things like cat-feeding favors. No hostility or anything.

          1. In that case I would say that the previous generations of women trump a few years when it wasn’t worn much – especially if his mom made sure you knew you could have it.

          2. Go for it. I congratulate you for having such a grown up relationship with his ex.

             Sounds trite, but the key to a great relationship is open communication. You should be able to have any type of discussion with your husband-to-be. I can tell you after 18 years of marriage (I was a child bride, ha-ha) that this should not even be a difficult convo since you are each being considerate of the other. There will be many harder conversations to come so start the openness right now.

   12. I see his point, but I think the fact that it is a family heirloom that presumably other women in his family also wore cancels out the fact that his ex had it.

       Another option would be to reset the stone in a setting you choose. I did this with my mother in laws engagement ring stone. But it seems in this situation, resetting the stone would take away from the specialness of the ring – as the setting has been passed on from generation to generation.

       I don’t know what he plans to do with it – giving to your children seems even odder to me. I mean, their mother didn’t wear the ring and their father’s ex wife did?

       Personally, I think copying the ring and creating a new one that looks exactly like the historic one would be a waste of money. Just MHO.

       If you love the ring, I would wear it – think of the other women in his family who wore it happily, and forget about it temporarily going to the ex. As an alternative, I would reset the stones in your setting.

   13. I agree with the folks who are recommending that you *talk* with him.

       Do NOT try to read his mind about why he said he’s not giving you the ring: Instead, share your thoughts/feelings with him.

       You would be happy with it if he’s comfortable giving it to you, and you’d be happy without it if *he* isn’t comfortable giving it to you, right? Tell him that. Speak with him about this.

       1. I agree and I think “hinting” is never the way to go about it. If you just say it straight up (love it, don’t want to put you in tough spot, your decision), then no one gets the wrong message and you’ve made your feelings known.

   14. Can you wear the ring as a right hand ring? Maybe next time you have a speical nite out, hint around about wearing it? I agree with the sentimental value and the ring is meant to be worn not sit in a box and I couldn’t imagine changing it. I was engaged once and the ring was my ex-fiances’s gma’s ring–I was the only one she ever permitted the ring to go to. I loved it, it was a tiny stone but so meaningful, however we broke up and I gave it back. He’s now married (she did not get the ring) but the thought of her wearing the ring is weird for me not to mention that I think everytime you look at it would you think, he gave this to another women first? Just a thought.

       1. I think you should be candid with him. If you’re already talking about getting engaged, ask him WHY he thinks he “obviously” can’t give it to you. Then respond appropriately — if he says because he’s already given it to one woman or whatever, tell him that you feel differently and that it doesn’t matter to you or whatever. He may well be wishing to give it to you but is concerned about your reaction to it….

          As my dad said in his toast at my wedding, if the three most important words in real estate are location, location, location, the three most important words in marriage are communication, communication, communication.

          Good luck!

   15. Pick the right time and let him know that you love the ring and wouldn’t at all feel uncomfortable about wearing it, but make sure he knows that it is his decision whether or not to give it to you. It’s not like he bought the ring specifically for his ex-wife. It’s a family heirloom, so let him know that you’re willing to carry on the family tradition with him.

       If he’s uncomfortable, let him know what you like about the ring. The cut of the diamond, the setting, the metal, etc. Maybe he (or both of you) can find something that you both love.

       Good luck!

       1. I agree with this and all others saying basically the same thing. Honest conversation is the best in this case – you don’t want any awkwardness about this for the rest of your marriage/lives.

          Also, kudos for him (and you) on being on good terms with the ex-wife. Its nice to see :)

          1. Thank you. :) When he first raised the issue that we would probably meet each other, I just thought “I could make drama in this situation, but why?” And from then on it’s just been low-key all around.

             This is relevant because I am kind of applying the same logic to the ring question: “sure I could make this a big deal, but what if it just isn’t?” A million thanks to everyone for the advice. Very helpful.

             1. I am looking at this situation from a very basic view point:

                You are still marrying the man after he was with this other woman, right? So who cares if the ring was with her too? I bet the couch was, and maybe the tv, and even the bed, etc! The ring is a symbol of his love just like his vows are. For whatever reason it didn’t work, the first time but that doesn’t take away from what he is giving you at all. To me it is like someone saying “I can’t say I love you because I used to say it to someone else.” I don’t see anything wrong with you keeping that ring.

   16. Are you thinking about having children? If so, it sounds like it would make a lovely gift (where I live they are light-heartedly referred to as “push presents”) to celebrate the birth of your first child. That way it would gain even more sentimental value and still retain some of the family tradition. It could later be passed down as a wedding ring to the next generation.

   17. As a person who also had a short term unhappy marriage, I would feel weird seeing the person who I decided to marry (next) wear something of my ex’s. It would feel too eerily similar and those are bad memories I wouldn’t want to taint my new marriage.

       Assuming that he may feel the same, I would suggest getting a new engagement ring and then, as you build your own happy memories and marriage together, ask (or hint) for it as an anniversary present. Your engagement ring is not the only ring you will ever own in your life and lots of women wear an anniversary ring instead of their engagement rings.

       Of course, finding out if he feels the same involves discussing it with him per the other poster’s suggestions.

       1. You need to talk to your BF. On the one hand, I think it could be weird for him. On the other hand, my own father used the same ring to marry twice b/c “he already had a gold ring, why get a new one?”
          People are different. Talk to him.

   18. I think he should get you a new ring that he picked out just for you… and maybe you can get the family heirloom ring at some point in the future. I think it’s awesome that you don’t care, but he may have some misgivings about it and there’s no reason why he can’t save it for awhile and kind of get more distance from the failed marriage.

       I also don’t get how a ring that’s already set can be worn by a bunch of different women – do you all have the same-sized finger? I have big knuckles and I wouldn’t be able to wear any ring passed down from any generation on my DH’s side…

       1. Most rings can be resized without disturbing the setting. That said, I ended up with my grandmother’s extremely delicate wedding ring in part because I have the same tiny fingers she did. In that particular case, there wasn’t a lot of “extra” gold in the band, so stretching it for my mother or one of my cousins would have been tricky.

   19. Why is it a problem? I would think it would be a really nice thing to be connected to his family by wearing the family ring. I wouldn’t change the ring at all. Being the next person to wear the ring doesn’t mean you are lesser or better in any way.

       If he is really, really against it, he should just tell you, and tell you why. A second marriage is a different marriage, and the ring itself shouldn’t be tainted by a first marriage. In fact, most of the people I know have wedding rings that are gold bands, same as thier first marriage.

   20. One compromise would be to have the stone(s) in the ring re-set into another setting. If he was going to buy a new ring anyway, this would be much less expensive, and it would preserve the stones that have the connection to his family, while not being the “same ring” he gave to his ex.

       If for some reason that is difficult, you could let him get you a new ring, and have the stones re-set into a necklace or something that you could wear at the wedding. This is what I ended up doing, but for a different reason – by the time a family heirloom ring became available, I was already engaged and had my ring. So we had the diamond from the old ring put into a really pretty pendant and I wore it at my wedding (and frankly I wear it all the time now, because its one of my favorite pieces of jewelry).

       Maybe one of those would work in your situation :) Good luck, and a pre-mature congratulations!

6. It’s cute, although I wouldn’t wear it to work…ever. Weekends only.

7. This is a great business casual look, esp for the fall in northern climates. Absolutely. Looks more up to date than a lot of the dresses shown on here. Good job and good recommendations for the styling.

   1. Agree. One of my friends, for example, works in an office that’s very casual except for client meetings, etc – so jeans most of the time, and then full on interview suit. This type of thing would be great for her office.

      Although I’m personally going to pass on the sweater due to the 40% acrylic.

   2. I agree. At first, I thought it looked too casual for work, and probably is for those who work in a formal office. At my business casual office, this would be a great look with the styling that Kat suggested. It would be especially great on a nice chilly autumn day. Looking at this makes me think about pumpkins and scarves and apples….. Did I mention that I love the Fall?

8. On a different topic – this weekend I am planning on hitting up the grocery store to stock up on good foods to start a new healthy regimen, and I am looking for advice. I’m a third year law student, and since starting law school two years ago I have gained a good amount of weight (about twenty pounds). I’m still pretty slender – at the upper range of my “healthy weight” – but I would like very much to, by Christmas, be back to where I used to be… In no small part because I know trying to get back into shape once I start at a firm next fall will be a challenge. So I’m not going for anything dramatic – just about a pound a week. I’ve been working on this for about six weeks, but haven’t made ANY PROGRESS AT ALL. Does anyone have any advice? Any tips on what has worked for you, and can fit into a busy schedule? I’m also interested in people’s tips for when they eat out. So much of a law student’s social life is going out to eat and drink, and I’m wondering what my options are to partake in that without sabotaging my efforts. One last wrinkle I’m sure a lot of you can sympathize with – I’m married, so when we cook at home, it’s for my husband as well who, while health conscious, is definitely a fan of pasta, red meat….

   THANKS FOR ANY AND ALL ADVICE!

   1. If you don’t mind sharing what you’ve been doing over the past six weeks that hasn’t resulted in any progress, that might be helpful to us in suggesting changes that could turn no progress into progress. Just a thought.

   2. Oops – good idea! I just started running again for the first time since college. Not very far or very long since I’m pretty out of shape; just about 2 miles/day – am trying to work up to being able to do a 5 mile run without collapsing! Also, I have been trying to limit calories by having 4-5 small meals a day. I’m having difficulty figuring out what the appropriate caloric intake is, though (I’m 5’4”, and have probably been averaging 1400 calories/day), and I’ve been using websites to help figure out how to keep track of calories without just eating pre-packaged food, but question how accurate my methods really are. Sometimes I do slip in my efforts to eat only small meals – when that happens, it is pretty much always at dinner time.

      1. In response to the calorie counting, I tried Weight Watchers -the program- and while it works for a lot of people, the calorie counting was just too cumbersome/time-consuming for me to maintain. As basic as it sounds, I’m focusing on having mostly fruits and veggies, whole grains and some kind of lean protein in my meals. What I did like about Weight Watchers was their concept of “filling foods”-the bang-for-your-buck nutritious stuff to fill up with, so you eat less of the high-caloric/fat stuff. OK, backing away from commenting now… :)

         1. Agreed with all of the above – calorie counting without using packaged foods is hard, and a pain – it’s worth buying a food scale and calorie count for a couple fo weeks to get a sense of it, but then I found estimating worked fine.

         2. yes yes yes. weight watchers totally works. I lost 50 pounds on it. After 3 years, 10 of them have crept back on in the last 3 months and I’m back on them trying to lose them again.

            Eat 8-10 servings of fruits and veggies, 2-3 of whole grains, go easy on sugar and fats (but have some good fats every day, like olive oil), limit alcohol, and increase your exercise and you’re golden. TRACKING your food intake is the key. It’s so hard I know (I’m struggling with it right now) but believe me, writing down EVERYTHING is absolutely the key.

            1400 calories sound low by the way. Especially if you’re running 2 miles a day. Don’t undereat, it’s the quickest way to slow your metabolism and make your weight loss SO much harder.

      2. So here is one thing I’ve noticed with a lot of people who tell me that they are eating 4-6 small meals a day but not losing weight = the meals are not all that small. They aren’t huge, but they aren’t small enough to allow you to lose weight if you are eating 4-6 of them daily, unless you are adding in significant exercise as well. People tend to underestimate the caloric content of a lot of healthy foods (ex: nuts) and eat a bit too much in every sitting when weight loss is the goal.

         So, first off, I’d start with reducing by 25% each of the meals that you are currently eating, and see if that starts to make a difference.

         Second, tough love, you need to increase your exercise to really make a lasting difference. If you are already up to about 2 miles/day running, good for you! Tomorrow, run 2 miles and then walk a third mile when you finish (and maybe even a fourth, if you feel good!). Gradually increase the amount you run each day, even if only by 1 minute a day. It will make a difference. After you finish your run, and feel like collapsing on the floor – do it – and then immediately start sit-ups, crunches, bicycle crunches, etc – at least 5 solid minutes of abs. Take short 10-15 second breaks when you need to.

         Once you’re feeling more comfortable with increasing your running, add in a few days a week of strength training and/or yoga.

         Finally, and I say this kindly, but firmly – the biggest hindrance to your ability to get into shape and stay in shape when you are working at a firm will be attitude. Yes, there will be some early mornings, some crazy days, some late nights, and you may not be able to hit the gym those days, or cook for yourself, or even manage a coherent hello to your husband when you get home. I typicially exercise twice a day (morning and evening) – yesterday, I woke up late, then got slammed with work and missed every.single.workout. Sh*t happens, and work does come first. But I still got up early this morning to run, and will be going to yoga after work. Make yourself a priority, and don’t succumb to the notion that you won’t have time to exercise or eat healthily. Sure, some days you will barely have time to eat, period, much less wonder about the health content. But most days, with a little prioritization and juggling, you can make sure to carve out some time for yourself, and to spend it exercising/cooking/shopping for healthy and delicious foods, if that is what you choose to do.

         1. So true – work does come first, but if you make yourself a priority it is possible to take care of your health. Also eating healthy (whatever that means for you) becomes easier as you get more practice. A year ago I could barely get myself out the door with all my meals/snacks/supplements/gym bag, and now I manage to photograph my lunch for my blog most mornings (also, if you had asked me if I ever thought I would do that, I would have told you no, even just a month ago) – but many of my friends and readers really wanted to see lunch pictures because it helps them get ideas.

      3. Ditch the running and spend 30 min on an elliptical at high resistance and then 30 min on a bike or walking on the treadmill at high resistance. Keep upping the resistance. When you want to fall off, keep going because that last five minutes when the sweat is pouring off is what makes you lose weight. Make it a part of your day. I did this in law school and dropped 40 pounds in one year. Then I got bored with the gym and now I cycle. I started working and only get to bike on long weekends now, but my metabolism and eating habits changed so the weight did not come back.

         Bring raisins, instant oatmeal, apples, cucumbers etc. with you everywhere so you have snacks and don’t get hungry and make bad choices at law school receptions and events, etc. If you’re hungry, eat, but eat non-processed stuff instead of grabbing a bagel or chips (those are my go-to’s, not saying they are yours).

         It’s a tough change for about two weeks and then you will start noticing a difference. Also if you have a scale, hide it. It takes a long time for your metabolism to change, the flab turns to muscle instead of just dropping off your body and it’s easy to get discouraged. My body looked totally different and the scale said there was only a five pound difference. Scales suck.

         Also if you go out and need a drink, make one last. Keep a water by your side. Vodka soda is low calorie as far as drinks go and you can let the ice melt down for a long time before anyone will notice. Also park as far away and on the highest floor you can everywhere you go and walk/take stairs.

      4. I know it sounds like a “fad diet” but I had great success with the South Beach Diet. The first two weeks were hard, but once you start adding things back in, it is really managable. And it’s far from a “fad diet,” I find it really easy to eat that way every day and even when eating out. Also no calorie counting is involved which makes it MUCH easier.

         1. +1. South Beach worked for me.

      5. If I remember correctly from college Ken Cooper “aerobics” class, it takes 35 miles to lose one pound, all other things being equal. However, I lost about 5 pounds in the first 6 or so weeks of our “aerobics” [read, running] class. How? If you work hard enough to get your metabolism up, heart rate up, sweat going, that will kill your appetite for about 2 hours. Drink plenty of water or watered down gatorade afterwards, and that should tide you over, ifyou exercise before work, til about mid morning. YOu can then get by with about a 100 calorie or so snack, nutrigrain bars are incredibly nutritious.

         If you exercise after work, you should be able to get by on a very light meal, i.e., real fruit with yogurt orcottage cheese, or cheese adn crackers.

         Don’tgive up, you are on the right track. It’s the aerobic workout–getting the heartrate up — that will really help you change the rest of your day to help you lose weight faster.

   3. I put on weight -20 lbs also- after separating from the military and finally am doing the small things to shed it. My recent labs for annual checkup came back w/elevated cholesterol and that’s motivated me like nothing else. I have limited the Haagen Dazs to once a month and have found a couple of Weight Watchers desserts I like instead. I try to bring veggies and crackers into work for afternoon snacks and keep bottled water in my fridge (recycle of course). I’m also taking my dog for longer walks, including getting the slight inclines/hills in my neighborhood, and scheduling my runs/tennis, etc. I have also largely banished steak from my repertoire, and will eat that once or twice a month. I have lost 4 lbs over the last month. I’m not married but I think that my last boyfriend would have been very supportive and joined in the health kick to a large degree. But I know it’s got to be difficult when there are a couple different eating/cooking goals in the household. Baby steps, slow and steady wins the race, and all that…

   4. I think a few easy things that can help are:

      – Just eat less of the bad stuff. maybe have the pasta and meat your husband likes, but take less of it and fill your plate with half salad or half cooked veggies.

      – weight lift with heavy weights 2-3 times per week. building muscle raises your metabolism and also makes you look slimmer and more compact.

      – when eating out with friends, try to balance it by eating healthier/lighter for the other meals that day.

      – Don’t drink your calories. Give up soda, juice and sugary coffee drinks. try to pick lower calorie alcoholic drinks if you drink daily. if you drink on weekends, think of it as a treat and limit it to 1-2 drinks.

      1. Agree with this —

         – When it comes to giving up sugary drinks, try diet soda or seltzer — I have become a big fan of seltzer (plain or flavored) – the bubbles make it more interesting than tap water, and it’s filling. Try drinking a glass when you first start to feel hungry. If you’re still hungry in 20 minutes then go ahead and eat, but it could be that you’re eating b/c you’re bored, stressed, frustrated, etc. (I say this as an emotional eater fwiw).

         Also, ask yourself as you eat if you are still hungry, still enjoying what you’re eating, etc. – and when the answer is no, get up, put away the plate. You can sit w/ your husband while he eats but if you keep the plate in front of you, odds are you’re going to keep nibbling.

         1. This. You can also add crystal lite.

         2. Love seltzer too – or it’s more expensive French cousin – Perrier. Yuuuum. I could sip Perrier all day every day if it wasn’t so pricey. Which it becomes, when you allow yourself to go through several litres a day. :)

            1. Just as a somewhat related follow-up from yesterday’s acne discussion – I found through trial and error that sparkling water (flavored or plain) makes me break out. I have no explanation for this, but it is completely true in my case. Cut it out = skin cleared up! Just an FYI for others who are dealing with complicated skin :)

            2. That’s really interesting Anon. Is it that water with Splenda in it or just plain sparkling? my sister swears splenda makes her break out.

         3. This was me 4 months ago; I dropped the extra pounds w/ calorie counting & running. No need to make it complicated, all it is is calories in minus calories out. Counting calories is not hard – I use livestrong.com but there are also iPhone apps. Once you realize how many damn calories are in everything (I guarantee it’s waaayyyy more than you think), you can make more informed decisions. Read about food – you’ll realize that the food pyramid is all screwy (6 to 11 servings of grain? That’s a pound a day straight to my butt!).

            If you start a program, you fret in situations when there are no program packaged meals around you (e.g. travel, cocktail party. Livestrong’s calorie need estimates are pretty on target. Run longer – your running is working since you’re not gaining, so keep it up.

            And on hubby – he likely piles your plate if he’s cooking. Mine does. I cook myself to keep both our weights down.

   5. I had to overhaul my diet for a number of reasons three times in the last three years (first for weight loss and then for specific health reasons then for food intolerance reasons). Getting my husband on-board was key – we both work long hours and we split the cooking, and we needed to hit a point where what he cooked was something I could eat – or at least eat part of. Honestly, start with that, followed by examining what you eat when you eat out. When I was just counting calories/eating healthier, I would go out and order appetizers or eat half the entree. By the time I hit overhaul #2 and then #3, I had to completely change my approach to eating out but there’s no need to do that if you are just looking to lose weight. Lastly, and many ladies have said that before here – if you are struggling to lose weight, it never hurts to get a basic round of bloodwork and have your thyroid and other indicators checked.

   6. For me, when I need to lose a bit of weight, what works best is just making small, healthier substitutions and being more active in what I am already doing.

      So, e.g, I don’t have time for the gym, but I take stairs to/from class/work, get up to get things from further away more frequently, volunteer to go get stuff for others, take the express train but get off at an further subway stop (or park further if you drive), walk briskly, etc. It really adds up! Sometimes, I also just spend 10 min. in the morning on some light aerobics. No gym req. A few jumping jacks, some sit ups, a couple plies, touch your toes 20 times, and your metabolism has just improved while you waited for your morning coffee! And, of course, if you drink high calorie drinks, like soda or fraps, just cutting those out & switching to water would lose you a lb. a week, hassle free. \

      In terms of eating — I just stick to healthier foods & smaller portions. But so as to not feel deprived, I would, for ex., eat the same pasta you cook your husband but maybe switch to a whole wheat version & cook a ton of veggies to add in. For his pasta, you can balance the proportions differently, but for yours I would just make the ratio more veggies/less meat and pasta. I also recommend a smaller plate. I lost about 15 lbs. with virtually no effort just by switching to a salad plate and leaving my significant other with the dinner plate. Even if I have seconds, that registers in my mind as “extra” and I am inclined to eat less. Also, just adding healthy stuff to each meal insures you eat less overall. So a simple soup/salad will mean less steak and baked potato. Ditto for just having variety — it’s easier to make a bowl of pasta and sauce, but you’ll eat more of it, because it’s all the same and boring, than you would if you ate a little bit of lots of stuff.

      Good for you for doing this now — it will be much harder when you take up working, esp. if you have to buy a bunch of work clothes for your job and then know that if you do lose 20lbs, you’ll have to shell out more money for new stuff or for alterations.

   7. I eat 5 times a day — I eat 3 healthy meals and do a snack in the morning and one in the afternoon. The morning snack has been a godsend because I don’t find myself ravenous at lunchtime so I can make better lunch selections. I eat a smoothie that I make at home and bring to work with me. I’ve found that keeping my body full of healthy foods has done wonders to prevent me from overeating. It particularly helps when you’re eating out because let’s face it, there often aren’t a lot of great options and the best thing to do may be to control your portion sizes rather than try to eat a plain lettuce salad or something awful like that. It defies logic to eat more often than you’re used to, but if you make wise selections, you’ll end up feeling better and your overall caloric intake may be a little less. Congrats on your efforts – hang in there!

   8. I gained weight right after I got married because I was in this gooey nesting phase where I wanted to cook things he liked. Well, what he likes is meat, meat and more meat, and maybe some potatoes. And pasta. That’s it. We also both LOVE to eat out and as we were double income/no kids at that point, could afford to. Unhealthy home cooking + too much eating out = weight gain.

      Ultimately that diet was not good for me and it wasn’t good for him either. After we both gained noticeable amounts of weight, my dear grandma, God rest her, pulled me aside and said “you guys are both looking healthy and settled but you might want to think about eating some more salads.” She was right. I am the cook in the family, so I just kind of told my husband, I’m going to make meat/potatoes dinners two nights a week, and then the rest of the time we need to eat more vegetables. I looked up some good recipes for Asian food, which he loves, and got pretty good at making stir-fries and noodle dishes that don’t have a lot of fat or sodium. It wasn’t easy for him to make the switch and there was grumbling at first, but when he started losing weight he got it. Guys, especially guys who have previously lived on their own, can fall into bad habits diet-wise and sometimes you have to bite the bullet and set the tone for what meals are going to be in your house.

      As far as the going-out thing – I am sure you know that alcohol and bar food both have a ton of calories. I know it’s hard to go out and NOT drink, but try to have a healthy snack before you get to the bar so you’re not hungry when the bar menu comes around, and also try either having one drink and then seltzer water the rest of the time, or at least alternating alcohol and water.

      Good luck! :)

      1. I love what your Grandma said–how nice!

      2. So on the money. When I know I’m going out, I plan for it during the day – I eat less during the day so eating/drinking doesn’t end up being a ton of extra calories. Remember how so many people drank a ton of beer & didn’t gain weight in college? Not magic – it’s b/c we ate 1 meal a day – the 2nd meal was beer. So you came out even. Also look at the menu before you go – it prevents your eyes from getting big & craving a fried appetizer or cheesy dinner.

   9. Buy real food, not diet food – just eat a real portion.
      If you have a food scale – use it. It will help you correct your portion sizing.
      If you buy in bulk, spend some time on the weekend portioning… then you can take it with you when you need a snack.
      Figure out what eating plan works for you… for me for example, I need to eat high protein to lose weight, low simple carb, but that doesn’t work for everyone.
      Eat one day at a time. If you have an off day, its an off day, brush your plan off and start anew the next meal.

   10. I’ve never had to lose more than 5-10 pounds at a time, but when I have tried, exercise alone is never enough. I always have to adjust my diet. Here’s my strategy: Add whole grains to fill my stomach, lean protein to keep me satisfied, fruit and veggies for crunch, and herbs and spices for flavor. The flavor part is important, since I crave salt or sugar if I’m not thoughtful about adding other flavors.

       Make sure the easiest food available is a smart choice; I like to make a pot of wild rice, add some cut-up apples, chicken and peapods, add a drizzle of olive oil, lemon juice, and some sesame seeds. I keep it in the fridge in pre-measured portions. When I’m hungry, I warm it up or eat it cold, and it is the easiest thing I could possibly eat. You could do the same thing with a healthy soup (crock pots are the best!) or tabbouleh.

   11. What works best for me is 1) To make a conscious effort to cut my portions in half (no joke, even the Starbucks Spinach/Egg White/ Feta wrap gets cut in half, and it’s quite healthy); and 2) Try to eat each meal and snack with the mindset of “filling in” what I haven’t had for the day.

       For example, if I have had a bunch of carb related things (croissant, sushi w/ rice, etc), I make it a point to have something fruit or veggie based for my next meal or snack. Or, if I’ve been running around and only managed to eat nuts and fruit that I packed for the day, I’ll make it a point to have some chicken and rice for dinner (or steak and potatoes – sometimes, you have to eat what you like =) ). It’s so easy when I’m busy and looking for a quick bite to fail to eat a balanced diet, so this approach helps me fill in holes.

       As for exercise, 45-90 min a day works for me is what I shoot for (usually winds up being 4-5x a week). If I’m good, it’s power yoga 3x a week + circuit weight training the other days. If I’m bad, it’s a Pilates DVD I found On-Demand (I don’t think it burns many calories).

       Hope this helps and best of luck!

       1. should read “works for me / is what I shoot for” – darn typos. =)

   12. Before you go to Safeway: Spend some time nosing around the Cooking Light website. Find a few recipes that excite you and buy all the ingredients for them. Then, this weekend, give yourself a few hours to cook the meals and pre-package them for grab-and-go convenience. I lost 40 lbs this way (15 of them between October and a late-December wedding) during my 2L year. Now I’m thrilled to say that Law School’s got nothin’ on my backside! I used LooseIt (iPod App) and it made the calorie counting much easier. Food Scales are a great investment – $20 should get you what you need.

       Good Luck! You can do this! Don’t let anyone tell you you’re stuck with those Grad School pounds.

   13. I managed to lose about 40 pounds working in big law by following Weight Watchers online. I think I was successful because I wrote down every single thing I ate (even when it was more than I should have eaten) using the WW online tracker & my boss and husband did it with me. While not everyone has a biglaw boss who will count points with you (the WW equivalent of calories) being accountable to someone at work and at home helped me a lot.

       Good luck!

       1. I’ve done WW with great success, losing 15 lbs of baby fat. But honestly, I felt hungry constantly when I stayed within my POINTS (and that’s even eating my Activity Points). After a while, it just got too damn tedious, and when I was losing, it was often up and pound, down a 1/2 lb for weeks (maddening!) but yeah, it works eventually….

       2. I read the book Intuitive Eating a few years ago and found that it totally changed my perspective on eating. The basic premise is that when you were little, you ate according to what you felt like eating–if you were busy playing and didn’t feel like dessert, you didn’t eat dessert–but that as you grow older, you start eating what you’re expected to eat and not what you actually feel like eating (obviously, this is a really simplified description). It’s not necessarily a quick weight-loss solution, but I’ve been able to maintain a pretty constant weight using these principles. It helped me move beyond the stress/guilt I felt while trying to stay at a certain weight and enjoy food without overindulging. Is that too much of a spiel yet? :)

          Honestly, though, I think it’s worth a read if you have the time! It’s nice to shift away from doing things (eating a salad, exercising) because you feel like you need to do them, and instead doing them because you know those choices make you feel good.

          1. Thanks everyone for all the feedback! These are all wonderful ideas, and incredibly helpful. This morning I pulled out my old food scale (I’d forgotten I even owned one until I saw posts mentioning them) and started out the day with a three mile run. It’s encouraging to know that others on this site have dealt with and conquered this!! Hope everyone has an awesome weekend.

9. OK my Corporette Peeps – out shopping this weekend for a maternity suit for an interview. Wish me luck on the suit… and the interview!

   1. Good luck!

   2. My wish for you…May you find something that makes you look and feel great but doesn’t break the bank! Good luck!

   3. Best of luck! Post a link to the suit if possible, so we can enjoy it vicariously :-)

   4. Good luck!

10. I think ceb’s idea about the first-baby gift is brilliant.

    I am not a vest person in general, but I really , really loathe this one, and all things acrylic. Sorry, Kat.

    1. I have 2 grad school friends who own a long sleeved version of this ON sweater from last season. I am sorry to say, it looks very much like a bathrobe when they wear them…

11. So I have a question about wrap dresses/tops/sweater/anything with a longish belt like the above – no matter how dressy said item is, somehow the belt always makes me think of a bathrobe – am I the only one? I generally end up looping the belt a second time around my waist to minimize the amount of it – am I the only one with this odd hangup/notion?

    1. I tie mine with a single bow/loop on one side. This helps make it feel more outside-appropriate,

       1. Thanks :)

       2. Me also. A single bow on the side.

    2. Ha, I just posted this thought above. I definately always get the bathrobe vibe, but perhaps the comments on alternative tying methods would make it look a bit more like a sweater?

       1. I think some of it is the length of the tie – like if it can be tied in bow or knot and not have much left over it looks fine to me – but if if it is long (ie like in the picture of the ON vest) i immediately get the bathrobe vibe.

12. Where is the weekend thread?! I am about to go completely bananas from boredom writing neverending doctrinal cr*p on some arcane insurance statute – need fun distraction!!!

13. Cotton and acrylic is not my favorite blend for a sweater. I think the style is cute for a big person who is very slim. This sweater would overfpower me.

14. Wow! This vest is really great. I like the charcoal color. When I saw this photo, I imagine myself wearing this vest. Gotta have one.

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