Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Belted Sheath Dress
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This dress from Akris is aspirational in more ways than one. For starters, I’m not really at a point in my life where I’m casually dropping four figures on a work dress, no matter how stunning. Furthermore, even if you’re leaving the house to go to work, is anyone actually getting super dressed up right now?
The general consensus that I’m hearing from friends around the country is that they’re either fully remote for the foreseeable future, or they’re going into the office and noticing a very casual vibe, even among the typically business formal offices. Regardless, when life goes back to normal, this is the kind of look I’ll be shooting for.
The silhouette is classic without looking too stuffy. I like the way it looks with the belt for a little waist definition.
The dress is $2,590 and available in sizes 2–16. Belted Sheath Dress
This dress from Black Halo is a nice alternative that's a lot more affordable at $375; this plus-size option at Eloquii is $109.95.
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Sales of note for 2/14/25 (Happy Valentine's Day!):
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- M.M.LaFleur – Save up to 25% on select suiting, this weekend only
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase — and extra 60% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + 15% off (readers love their suiting as well as their silky shirts like this one)
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 300+ styles $25 and up
- J.Crew – 40% of your purchase – prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site and storewide + extra 50% off clearance
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Flash sale ending soon – markdowns starting from $15, extra 70% off all other markdowns (final sale)
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- My workload is vastly exceeding my capability — what should I do?
- Why is there generational resentment regarding housing? (See also)
- What colors should I wear with a deep green sweater dress?
- How do you celebrate milestone birthdays?
- How do you account for one-time expenses in your monthly budget?
- If I'm just starting to feel sick from the flu, do I want Tamilfu?
- when to toss old clothes of a different size
- a list of political actions to take right now
- ways to increase your intelligence
- what to wear when getting sworn in as a judge (congrats, reader!)
- how to break into teaching as a second career
Topic I was thinking about over the weekend: If money were no object (or if it is no object for you, answer accordingly,) what would you spend more money on/upgrade and what wouldn’t change?
For example, I am just fine with my IKEA furniture (only pine and metal-avoid particle board) but would get a nice rug; would get a hybrid vehicle but still a Toyota; would travel (if it were pre-Covid times) extensively; would live in a moderately sized home but have at least 2 acres of land/woods; always thought I’d stay committed to public school but would enroll my kids in an outdoor education school to escape Zoom.
My answer is slightly different than it would have been a year ago, I think. I’d want a flat that’s the same as the one I do live in but with an extra bedroom, to make into a study/ guest room. And ideally with private outside space too.
I always joke that I have modest ambitions, I just want a small third bedroom to use as an office/stow guests, ideally a one story bungalow with a decent size garden. Sadly, in our city, this is way out of budget. I’d like to trade in our Civic for an electric car, and buy an electric cargo bike for doing the nursery run. On an even more modest level, I’d also buy whatever books my heart desired.
I’d move into a lovely old house that I could afford to renovate and restore beautifully. I’d keep my cheap clothes.
There’s a beautiful historic neighborhood in my city with huge, rambling houses in various states of repair. My dream is to buy one, shovel money into it and make it a showpiece.
My husband and I have done this a few times. It is SO FUN. We usually buy houses in the $30-40k range. It is definitely a labor of love, but right now we live in a ca. 1920 brick foursquare style that is just perfect. Sometimes I wish he was less of a perfectionist when it comes to restoration (do we really need the baseboards to be oak when they are getting stained?), but the end result is beautiful no matter how many years it takes.
I would: get a hybrid RAV4/Highlander and trade it in every few years if there were major safety upgrades, keep inexpensive furniture (largely from IKEA-ha!) bc it looks fine and not upset if kids/pets damage it, have a small lake and beach place (more of a cottage/cabin than house), enroll my kids in private/nature school if public school is entirely Zoom for the foreseeable future, travel to every Caribbean island, have more land, hire someone to research how I can claim Italian dual citizenship (I had a grandparent born there), possibly get a b@east reduction/lift , get a second master’s degree or PhD, hire a landscaper to take my outdoor space and plant a pollinator and bird-attracting space and donate tons of money to environmental causes. I can’t stand cooking and am bad at it, so would probably eat at or get take out from restaurants much more often. +1 on buying any book I wanted!! Can’t wait to read Elena Ferrante’s new book.
Try italiancitizenshipassistance.com! They were super helpful to me in researching my eligibility for citizenship. Unfortunately my great grandparent was naturalized before my grandparent was born, wishing you better luck!
I would buy a few nice pairs of high quality custom made shoes. I have narrow feet and it’s very hard to find shoes that fit properly since it seems like ever normal width shoes have been getting wider and wider.
Relatedly I would probably look into having a seamstress make the specific clothes I want for my wardrobe that I never seem to be able to find in stores.
+ one on both the custom made shoes and clothes.
My favorite designer died several years ago, and I haven’t been able to find someone else, so I’d like someone to sew new versions of my favorite clothes as they are worn out, or to get some more colourful versions.
Look into Vaneli!! Their narrow shoes are the only shoes I can wear!
+1M to custom made shoes and a seamstress, books, and travel!
Would absolutely put the kids in private school and install a tesla powerwall. Would (post covid) upgrade the vacation budget quite a bit.
Would leave alone: food, clothing, electronics, housing.
Oooh, I love this thread. I’d probably also stick with IKEA or second hand furniture, but would redo my kitchen. I’d still meal plan carefully, but buy all the fancy ingredients. I’d buy all the books, but stick to my current clothing budget. I wouldn’t change our cars, they’re perfectly fine, but I’d put money into making our home nice in smaller ways (outdoor space, fresh paint, etc).
Vicki has some good ideas. I am throwing out all of my books, dumping my 2 book cases, b/c and am going digital to free up space. Without bookcases, I can repurposee alot of space and my cleaning lady will not have to dust the books, which I never open any more–do I really care about contract and tort law from the 18th century? Not really! It’s all on the web. With the space I am opening up, I will then have room for an absolute Zero refrigerator and or freezer where I can store fresh food and cold drinks so that I will not have to go out shopping so often for food and drinks. I can also avoid catching the virus that way! YAY!!!
Vacations, vacations and vacations. We do take them, but I’d make them the two bedroom hotel suite, have our own pool on our deck, in amazing locations on a very frequent basis variety.
I am perfectly fine with our moderate sized house; I actually prefer a moderate amount of yard vs a lot of land; and I could care zero amount about the type of car we have as long as it has the features we need at that moment in life.
Vacations are the only things I want to spend money on. :(
I desperately want waterfront property. It can be a lake, river or ocean, doesn’t matter. I have the next best thing right now where I’m a walk to a river and a 5 minute drive to a portage but it is still a pain in the butt loading the paddleboards onto the truck for the 5 minute drive each way. I’d love to have my own waterfront land where I could just walk down and hop on the water at the end of the day.
I live right next to a canal and I love it. I don’t interact with the water but it helps me breathe.
Now, if money were no object, I would:
– hire a FT live in tutor for the kids (governess?) or teachers who would come to our house and teach them outside
– build a garage with Tesla solar roof etc.
– hire a personal shopper to go to the farmstand and the grocery stores and Costco who would actually know what I wanted and get it
– get DH a bobcat and some other lawn power tools so we could get rid of the giant pile of stumps in the back of the yard
– have a site solutions person get rid of all the random piles of bricks near the pile of stumps
– custom made shade sail for the patio
Post COVID: more $$ for travel!
I would hire someone to Reno my historic house, sourcing salvage materials and utilizing fine Craftsmen. But since that would be insanely expensive to pay for both the labour and the expertise I get to rip out the 70s linoleum myself and thrift/salvage/antique myself. I would keep my house though, no amount of money would make me give her up.
I’d hire a full-time housekeeper/assistant. They would do all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry, etc. Also would schedule and manage all the home maintenance and repair quotes.
In before times, I loved fancy vacations (think suites with swim out pools and butler in the Caribbean). I’d up my budget there for villa and private jet. Hey, if we are fantasizing, might as well go big.
I’ll keep my modest home and TJMaxx bargain hunting.
I’d figure out how to get a pool in our (steep, rolls downhill to a creek) backyard, convert our screened in porch (that we don’t use because it’s tucked away and not part of the natural flow of spaces in the house) to another bedroom/second home office, and redo our kitchen to make it more functional (my dream is to have a column fridge and separate column freezer and a stand alone ice maker, along with pantry cabinets).
I’d also finish off the rest of our unfinished basement and turn part of it into a full on bar/speakeasy space for my husband to have a retreat. Would keep our nanny (but give her a huge raise because she’s amazing), current furniture, my clothes, and our current vacation budget.
– Upgrade my living room furniture and change out the furniture in the home office.
– I think I would keep the same car. I’m WFH so I don’t really have anywhere to go.
– Since I’m at home, I’m working out more regularly so I would treat myself to some high quality workout clothes.
– In a post-Covid world, I would travel everywhere first class
Unsolicited, but I highly recommend buying just 2-4 pieces of quality workout clothing and then just doing laundry more often. Good workout clothes make working out so much better (and I like to work out to start with). But when the clothes shift around, chafe, rub, don’t support, etc. as I’ve often found lower quality ones do, I’m miserable. I don’t own a lot of pieces, but I just keep washing them.
All the travel!! I’d like to buy a cottage on a lake, and rather than upgrading our modest house, reno the kitchen and flooring and buy a garden tiller and a hybrid SUV that’s big enough for several dogs.
I would:
Buy a Tesla SUV and a fun car, like an Audi convertible
Fly first class everywhere
Take super fancy vacations- eg. Ritz/4 seasons/St. Regis 2-bedroom suites
Buy my across-the-street neighbor’s house, which is bigger and has a bigger kitchen. (I love my house and neighborhood, but the kitchen is a bit too small in ideal world)
Buy season tickets to the theater
Buy membership at expensive yoga studio (if post-COVID)
Keep my wardrobe
Fun topic! I would keep our modest home and my dented 10-year-old minivan — I love our neighborhood and don’t care about cars. Our food/dining out budget would stay the same, too.
Post-COVID, we’d travel more and to further-away locales.
I’d upgrade our kitchen and master bath and hire out all of the “little” house projects that we’re slowly piece-mealing ourselves over time (ex: painting every room and all the trim, refinishing floors, adding curtains). I’d also get cleaning ladies every week instead of every other.
If we were really getting crazy, I’d buy a cute lake cottage within a 90 minute drive of our home. It would need two bedrooms, 2 or 2.5 baths, and a big bunk room for my kids and all their friends.
I would upgrade our apartment. We are in a cramped 2 bedroom apartment in our VHCOL city and I would love a single family home in our desired neighborhood. A 4 bedroom would be $3M+.
I wouldn’t trade my car (a Toyota Corolla) because I really don’t care about that.
Here’s one thing I’ve never cared about: crystal or nice china. I love to cook and eat, and I love our basic white Crate and Barrel plates and flatware. I can’t imagine spending thousands on fancy plates that I can’t even put in the dishwasher. My MIL offered to give us her crystal at one point (it sits in a glass cabinet to be used like once year) and we noped out of that pretty fast.
Ours are dishwasher safe and we subscribe to survival of the fittest. I have glasses that aren’t dishwasher safe but we have run through the dishwasher for years with no issue. They were a gift and otherwise we would never use them.
Yep I put all my fancy stuff in the dishwasher. In our house wineglasses are a consumable.
I’m confused, if they break in the dishwasher, or simply break often, isn’t cleaning up all the glass more trouble than it’s worth?
Heh it’s not that often but it’s more often than never, which seems to be the goal of those who never put their good stuff in the dishwasher. We manage.
I wouldn’t spend thousands or buy any that couldn’t be put in the dishwasher, but my grandparents gave me their dishwasher safe wedding set and I really like it. I use it at holidays and use all the different fancy cups for cocktails.
Ooooh, fun topic!
I would keep my small house but make the following upgrades: (1) mini-splits in master bedroom and laundry hallway/area which currently do not have central ac (or heat in the bedroom); (2) install smart garage door opener; (3) have the house re-wired; (4) hire a lawn care service; (5) have professional landscaping done; (6) get rid of the propane tanks and have the house put back on natural gas then put in a gas stove/oven; (7) redo all the gutters with some fancy ones that keep all the crap out; and (8) put in a small pool. As someone else mentioned, I would also buy some sort of water-front property but as a second home. I’d upgrade a few pieces of furniture – office desk, bedroom dresser, coffee table, and bookcase.
Car wise, I’d pay off the loan on my current Outback and then also buy a smaller electric vehicle for every day driving.
Like many, I would also travel more.
I’d also probably buy another (fancier) horse and horse show regularly!
I would build a large and completely custom home on at least 10 exquisite wooded and watered acres, then have it professionally designed to my taste inside and out with high quality furnishings, appliances, and finishes. I would stock it with a chef, housekeeper, and landskeeper who all knew exactly what they were doing to keep the household running.
I would get a horse again, but I would choose to be fancy horse adjacent instead of becoming a fancy horse insider. I also would still choose to put my child in daycare instead of hiring a nanny. My fancy closet would be full of clothes from tjmaxx.
But a big house with a waterview in the great school district. Join a country club and get my preschooler golf lessons. Wear fancy clothes and probably get very serious about professional skincare and have cosmetic surgery. Buy a convertible for the weekends. Have all my get-togethers catered with professional waitstaff. Have cleaners come weekly, maybe twice a week?
I’d keep…my family and that’s about it!
Twice a week cleaners and professional catering…. yep, adding these to my list.
OH YES to the professional waitstaff!
I’d keep my beater car but I’d pay for a parking space. I hardly drive because street parking in my area is so terrible.
I’d replace a lot of my wardrobe at a less than 1:1 ratio with better made clothing (something I’m already doing gradually but if I had a ton of money I’d do it more quickly), I’d buy a slightly bigger house with a dedicated studio/workshop/darkroom space, and I would just totally splurge on bedding.
And travel, of course, in a non-COVID world.
I would buy time. Housekeeper, landscaper, etc. The thought of pricey belongings that are easily scratched or broken is more stress than joy for me.
I saw my dream house on Zillow this week for $3.5 million. Perfectly restored and decorated mid-century modern with a gorgeous view. And I’d take all the beautiful MCM furniture, too.
And I’d buy that Burberry trench with the ruffled hem I saw when I went to return some stuff at Nordstrom yesterday.
Oh and once travel is a thing again I’d buy a pied a terre in NYC and one in Florence.
Since it’s a fantasy and we’re pretending money is no object, I’m also going to pretend other countries are still welcoming us. I’d decamp you Paris for several months. Rent a flat. Do some work in the evenings, enjoy Paris during the days.
I don’t think I’d upgrade my car, house, or wardrobe. I get enough enjoyment out of what I have.
But, if I truly didn’t have to worry about money at all:
I would work 20-25 hours a week at the most. Enough to keep me busy, but not so much that all my waking hours are spoken for.
I would love to have a lakeside getaway. I want to walk 20 steps from my back door to the sand. And I’d have all the fun lake toys (boats, jet skis) to go with it.
I think I’d travel more? I have never gotten over the sticker shock for even the simplest vacations.
I’d hire someone to landscape the backyard. It gets overgrown so quickly and it’s all I can do to keep up with the mowing. I kind of like bargain shopping so I’d keep the clothes and furniture I’ve scored for cheap.
Immediately get Invisalign. More travel, not necessarily at fancy places, but all the places I want to see and with nicer airplanes seats (we’re dreaming so pretend also no pandemic). Nicer quality food, not worrying about grocery prices for organic meat, etc. More funding for the causes I care about. Further down the line, cosmetic improvements as I age. More hosting parties at home for large groups.
I would travel and go on outdoor adventures domestically and internationally and pay for my nieces and nephews to join me.
Since my job is permanently remote and I love national parks, I would maintain a residence in my current location and then just travel and work from different areas for a month or two at a time, visiting all the local parks and sites on evenings and weekends.
I would move to a townhouse and get furniture that works perfectly for the space. I like my furniture but every apartment is just a little different so I always seem to end up with bins or shelves or something that isn’t quite right for the new place.
I would go to grad school indefinitely and get master’s degrees at night for every single field I find interesting.
I would set up recurring donations to every charity I come across that is meeting a unique need and managing their overhead well.
I would buy the best gifts for all my nieces and nephews, especially upgraded educational and hobby equipment (like cameras and music lessons) that their parents can’t afford but that could help them find their passion.
I would keep a small residence, my current car, a lot of my clothes and stuff, and buy groceries/cook the same way (though it would be nice to be able to just go to whatever restaurant whenever I’m invited without a second thought).
+!M
I’d get a new car – a Subaru, something not too big but more rugged than my dinky Honda civic coupe, that can take on these New England roads in the winter. I’d buy a house, just a small 2-3 bedroom up in or near Salem, set up a home gym in the basement. I’d fence in the yard and get a dog. I’d look into one of those Sleep Number smart beds for my partner and I.
Perspective wanted (yes, I know there’s a mom’s site but it seems to be mostly folks with younger kids): is it reasonable for me to expect my older elementary school-aged children to play outside for at least an hour? Context- we live in a peaceful neighborhood, have a swing set, tent, outdoor games/balls etc. in the backyard. I give them a snack/water bottle, appropriate clothing etc. and have them choose a book to being outside with them. This is in good weather (no higher than 75 degrees.) They whine, complain and say I’m being unfair/mean. I played outside for HOURS as a child and feel like in this time period of physical distancing and hours on a screen that it is important to be outside and reasonable to give me an hour of quiet within the house.
So, reasonable or am I being an unfair parent?
My 3 year old can play outside solo for 30 minutes (obviously I can see him from where I’m sitting), your big kids definitely should. Especially if they have a book option! They could just sit on the porch and read.
Speaking as a former child who has not yet become a parent, this sounds 100% reasonable to me. I reveled in our hour-plus of outdoor play after school (which my mom spent sitting outside the school building chatting with the other moms, something I am sure refilled her bucket!).
Another former-child-but-not-a-parent chiming in to say this seems fine. I just went for a 45 minute walk! As a kid that age I was not sporty at all, but I would have read a book outside for that long. I think its more that they’re not used to entertaining themselves perhaps than being outside necessarily. Especially if there are a couple kids they can find something to do for an hour. I think you should keep doing it so they get a bit used to it.
There are lots of moms with older kids just FYI!
Are you modeling the behavior you want to see? Do you ever go outside to hang out? Do you read outside? Do you play outside with them on weekends? If you do all that, give them an option: either you can play outside for an hour or you can read quietly in your room with no devices. And ignore the whining.
Modeling the expected behavior is a really good point. I’d love for my kids to be intrinsically motivated to go outside for hours, but at least for the time being my kids aren’t allowed to have recreational screen time if they’ve refused to go outside. I need them not to be full-on cyborgs and need at least a few minutes to have tea with some leave and quiet while they’re outside.
100% reasonable.
Sounds reasonable — my mom made us play outside even though we didn’t want to and she didn’t particularly care if we thought she was being mean. Your kids need to suck it up.
+1
My mom, who is a lovely person and a great mother, did not earn the nicknames “the commandant” and “mean aunt Beth” for nothing!
No, you aren’t being mean. Sometimes everyone has to do things they don’t want to do.
My 5 year old can. I don’t have a backyard but she regularly plays in her room (no screens) for an hour with the door shut and doesn’t let me in, and I bring her and a book to the playground and she plays there for hours with occasional visits to me to retrieve or return a toy, for water and snacks.
Also, next time, post to the Moms site– that’s why it’s there.
Stop it. Moms are allowed to exist on this site too.
Stop it
You have got to stop policing moms.
+1
Knock it off
I will agree with the OP that it certainly seems like the moms on there have super young kids, so if you want an older kid opinion here is better. I’m sure that’s not 100% true but it feels true. Sorry. You can peruse past!
My kids aren’t even that old but I’ve already backed off my engagement there as I really don’t remember the nuances of bottles and sippy cups and the things that are mostly asked about there, and the recommended products like maternity clothes have no relevance to me.
Could you go away instead please?
Lol – you know I’m just going to post more kid related questions here just for you right?
Also, there is a bizarre amount of hate for working moms on the mom’s board today. I’m considering taking a hiatus from there…
It is not hate for working moms. Someone dredged up a controversy from last week, wherein a mom from a dual biglaw couple griped because her 2-year-old could not entertain herself independently all weekend so that she and her husband could work. When people pointed out that she needed to hire weekend child care if she and her husband wanted to continue with a dual-biglaw lifestyle, she got snippy. I am a working mom and support working moms, but I find the idea that one should be able to get paid biglaw bucks without paying for biglaw child care hours to be frankly offensive. I paid for child care on a nonprofit salary. Biglaw mom needs to suck it up and pay for child care too.
I’m a different anon but do you actually want to hear from people who don’t care about this stuff? If so, my opinion is that your children sound dreadfully boring and unimaginative.
Nice to insult children who are experiencing stressors associated with a global pandemic. “Dreadfully unimaginative and boring” or coping with parents who are likely preoccupied with work and stress.
I really don’t care, do you? Keep this crap on the moms site if you only want sympathy.
And you sound like a total b*tch.
Seriously, anon at 2:11 pm? I love how *I* have the reputation of being a nasty woman, but you take the cake. You really could have just scrolled on by.
Oh, aren’t you sweet! Bless your heart.
This is 100% reasonable.
Your expectations are totally reasonable. Some kids, however, just hate playing in the backyard. When my daughter was little, she loved to go to the playground, play outside at school, camp, and hike, but she absolutely refused to play in our yard. I can count on one hand the number of times she went out there by herself, and she was always back inside within 5 minutes. We had all sorts of toys and sporting equipment and even built her a swing, but it was never enticing enough. My husband and I both spent out entire childhoods playing outside, often alone, so we never really understood it.
One thing to try is banning screens until late afternoon, after outdoor playtime. I’ve noticed that whenever my daughter starts the day with screen time, she is a whiny mess for the rest of the day. If we prohibit all non-academic screen time until the end of the day, she is much happier and will engage in all sorts of creative activities. Any screen time seems to turn off her imagination and motivation for the rest of the day.
Your last sentence is true for me as a 30-year-old. Working on it…
Haha, me too.
+1
Yes. I have an eight year old and two 5 year olds. They regularly play outside in the yard either on their own or with neighborhood kids for a few hours. I’ll leave the back door open to keep an ear out for noise level (try to limit the full volume screaming) or excessive fighting which I’ll usually break up with new activity items.
Keys are swing set, chalk and some variation in what else is out there. Sometimes it’s the soccer net and balls, sometimes it’s a tent set up, sometimes it’s paints for painting rocks. They don’t necessarily get to pick or change every day. DH and I just change it up sometimes. Too much changeability and they just hop from activity to activity.
They are allowed to bring things out from the house within reason (e.g. costumes from costume box but not shopkins or playdoh)
100% reasonable. But, I can relate to your experience! My kids complain about this too. I send out my 13, 11, 8 year olds every morning from 9-12. They know that this is the expectation and required if they want to have screen time later. Yet they bemoan their boredom, complain about the weather (it is hot, but they can handle it), fight endlessly with each other, and drag their feet getting out the door on time. One day I actually locked them out of the house, because they kept coming back in.
Stand your ground, require them to be out there. It’s good for them. They need to be outside. They need to be active. It’s good to be bored!
You deserve the space and peace and quiet!
I’m going to take a page from your playbook and go lock my back door!
100% reasonable and please keep doing it.
Totally reasonable. Mine whine and complain etc. too! I find that once you get them over the hump (which takes like 20 or 30 minutes, unfortunately) they will stay out for longer.
One thing to consider is whether your backyard offers any appropriate risks. Kids get bored if it’s all safe green lawn and a parent over the shoulder. My brother and I played for hours on end when we climbed trees, played with scrap wood and hammers, rode sleds down a grassy hill, etc etc. What’s in your yard that would be fun and enticing to your kids? Risk is so, so important for development, but it also makes life interesting!
Such a good point about making sure there are reasonably risky/challenging activities available. I would walk in the woods behind my house, ride bikes over logs etc. and other risky activities that weren’t just hanging in the yard. And remember those see-saws that you’d crash down on if the other person jumped off??
This is a good point. Maybe they need a hammer, some scrap wood and some nails? Or garden tools for a spot for themselves? Or let them go for a longer bike ride along? I was doing this stuff at their age.
My favorite thing to do from about 8 until probably 12 or so (when I got busy with more organized activities) was exploring construction sites in a huge new development that was being built (late 80’s early 90’s when these weren’t fenced and workers weren’t on site 7 days/week). I’m amazed I never fell through an unfinished attic or some other thing. It was tons of (risky) fun. I *think* my parents knew what I was up to, but don’t really know for sure. I love poking around construction sites to this day. It’s so interesting watching work in progress.
Ha, same here! That’s probably how my brother and I both ended up in real estate.
I loved this too!
me too! I loved especially when framing was started so I could wander around and guess the layout :)
Here’s an interesting article about it: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/freedom-learn/201404/risky-play-why-children-love-it-and-need-it
Yeah as kids (not all that long ago – I’m mid 20s) we played outside for hours after school / in the summer. Played sports, made up games, imaginative play, etc. Sometimes with friends (not a ton of kids our age in my neighborhood growing up so we had a small but tight knit group), sometimes just my brother and I.
We almost always went willingly but if we didn’t, my mom would force us out the door and not let us back in except to grab a quick snack / use the bathroom
If screen time (other than school) is correlated to other activities, kids might magically become more interested in outdoor play, reading, puzzles, etc.
I don’t have kids, but when I was young we played outside for hours after school, especially during the summers and on weekends. (In the south. It was hot. We did not melt.) We had a cul-de-sac with other kids our age that we were friendly with, and one of whom we were very close with. We would play all sorts of imaginative games/scenarios — we spent a lot of time ‘harvesting’ items for the winter, we once pretended we were witches a la Snow White and tried to get our neighbor to eat a poisoned apple we dunked in mud (he saw through us), hung out under the deck and pretended it was our cabin in the woods, we did skits, we pretended we were animals, rode bikes, roller blades, played softball, climbed trees. So, seems 100% reasonable to me.
Do your kids enjoy playing with each other? I could definitely entertain myself if left to my own devices outside, but having friends to play with made it special and exciting.
This is so much like my childhood.
As we got a little older, there were also a lot of all ages, all skill levels cul-de-sac hockey games (some kids in shoes, others in roller blades).
so i am going to be the voice of dissent. i honestly didn’t love playing outside as a kid in our backyard, but preferred to play in the front where the driveway was and i could bike ride, color with chalk, play hop scotch, four square, use my skip it and pogo stick, etc. however, that had street access so i definitely could not be out there totally alone for quite some time. i was not very good at any of the ball sports, and wasn’t so into playgrounds by the time i was 9 (loved them when i was younger). this might sound strange, but i find grass to be extremely itchy/uncomfortable (apparently i haven’t really liked grass since i was an infant), so was just happier with other types of spaces
Sounds reasonable, I would just add that I have been a bug magnet my entire life and that was (and is) a big reason I didn’t like being outside much. Maybe sprays or those clip on mosquito repellent noise things would help?
Reverse psychology. Tell them there is some reason they can’t be outside today. Too hot, too buggy, aliens coming, whatever. They will swear they can handle it and beg to go out.
Ha I love this.
Honestly my (amazing and not at all neglectful) mom would kick us out of the house and have us play outside all day every day in the summer. She locked the door behind us on at least one occasion. We’d go to the neighborhood pool a lot but also spent a ton of time playing in the yard. I really only remember spending time inside the house at night or during thunderstorms during summer break at that age (and even at night dark tag was all the rage).
We had so much fun, we were loosely supervised (mom was often doing yard work or something nearby but my brothers and I and our few neighborhood friends would run around and play whatever for hours). On the rare occasion we didn’t want to go out, my mom did not care and sent us outside.
So what’s drawing them to the inside. Is it screen time? I think you have to make this a policy about screen time rather than outside time. No matter what, there are no screens for that hour. They can play outside for an hour or they can sit quietly inside (no complaining about being bored) for an hour.
I think if you give them a choice they’ll feel more control of the situation. I doubt they’ll choose quietly inside with no screen time for more than a day.
Oh and I have another idea. Make the kids take turns making snacks for outside each day. Make a list of things they could make (carrots and hummus, celery with peanut butter assuming no allergies, jelly on crackers, etc.) If you have some kind of a tray even better. A pitcher of ice water or watered down juice with ice, and some kind of tumblers that won’t break. That goes outside with them. The snack making will be fun.
My mom kicked us out for a lot longer when it was a lot hotter and we figured it out. Sometimes we absolutely hated it, other times we were happy to be out there all day every day.
Some things that helped with the attitude:
-Ensuring there were comfortable spots. Somewhere shaded, a safe spot to sit, protection from bugs, access to drinking water, etc. for the days we just weren’t feeling it. Books are really good.
-Having things to do. We went through phases of different sports (baseball, basketball, bocce, croquet, soccer) as well as phases of made up games. Having access to things that helped with whatever we were into at the moment (like having cones to make a soccer goal or being allowed to use random stuff to make an obstacle course) made each of those phases last longer. It didn’t have to be new stuff or fancy equipment, either, usually it just meant a parent airing up whatever sportsball or pulling stuff out of the garage.
-Being allowed to take “inside” things outside sometimes (normally very much Not Allowed by my mom). When Polly Pockets are boring and the sandbox is boring, Polly Pockets in the sandbox is still hours of nonstop imaginary beach vacation.
-Practical projects like washing the car, digging a hole to China, sorting & cleaning all the outside toys with a hose, painting some cheap pavers to make a hopscotch game or path through the side yard. Elementary schoolers are notoriously inefficient at this sort of thing, which is a huge benefit if what you want is for them to be absorbed & entertained for a period of time.
-Outdoor crafts in general, even if that just means “here’s some dollar store chalk and water, make your own chalk paint” or “here are random wood scraps, nails, and leftover paint”
-Water. Sprinklers, hoses, slip & slide.
-Notebooks, pencils, and a stopwatch. Endless entertainment in the form of tracking records for all sorts of games/races, writing down rules for the bajillion clubs we made up, tracking birds and insects, and making treasure maps in the backyard
Ideas – badminton set or croquet set, cornhole set, soccer balls and small net
Tent or shelter – tree fort on the ground
Snacks as someone else said, popsicles are summer favorite. Have them make them the day before. Otherwise, cheese and crackers, apple slices with peanut butter.
Lemons for making lemonade
If it’s hot, a sprinkler or water slide
Reasonable. Sounds like they are having screen time withdrawal.
I need some recommendations for work pants (yes, I am in what seems to be the minority who is using my work wardrobe right now). The largest part is my stomach/mid-section. My thighs are not overly large, and I have virtually no hips or backside. I am 5’7″. I prefer straight cut or skinny. I am currently a 12/14 but have been losing weight, so something that isn’t going to break the bank as I continue to size down. Bonus points if they are washable. Prior to starting to lose weight I was about a 20/22 and went with “whatever fit and looked professional” without as much regard to what style worked. But now those same styles I had worn (J.Crew Factor Ruby and other J.Crew suiting) fit in the waist in my correct size but sag terribly in other areas. I currently have a few pairs of the LOFT Julie pant that I found on ThredUP that fit okay, but I haven’t found anything that is great.
Express’s mid-rise knit skinny pant in black have worked well for me. I typically buy petite sizes, but found that a short size vs. petite with this particular pair. Hadn’t bought anything from Express in a zillion years, but these and some skinny 5-pocket black ponte pants from Ann Taylor have been my go-to work pants. I’ve tried BR’s Sloan, ON Pixie, Gap ankle pants etc. and none have worked. Boden has some that I’d consider trying but too $ for me.
There is a pair by Spanx that I saw on an “influencer” as part of NAS promoting – they looked pretty good.
White House Black Market comfort fit slim pants are great. I bought a pair on an after Christmas clearance and ended up getting 3 more. They are almost always on sale in some way, they are machine washable with no special care, and I am even wearing them for work from home when I need to feel like a grown up.
I like the Betabrand work yoga pants (more casual) or the Nic and Zoe wonderpant (it’s called something like that). If you have a lot of curves the Betabrand pants especially can look revealing, but I do not have a curvy bottom and they look like regular work pants on me. Both are stretchy and will have some wiggle room in size.
Does anyone have any recommendations for knee highs? I don’t like to be barefoot in my work shoes (usually flats), so I either wear knee highs, nylons or tights. For years I have just purchased the 10-packs that you can find almost anywhere and thrown them away after a couple of wears. But, I’d like to find something that I can wear more times before pitching them.
Marks and Spencer 40 denier is super durable. Can be machine washed (I use silk cycle) again and again, hang to dry.
They get little nupps on the heel, but stand up so well. I have M&S hosiery that has lasted YEARS.
The 20 denier is okay, but will not last as long as the 40.
I’ve had good luck with the Hanes Silk Reflections knee highs. They launder well in a mesh bag a definitely last a while. Plus they come in a few colors so I don’t have to have to use “dark suntan” all year!
+1
Does anyone have any recommendations on where to buy used suits online? I’ve had decent success with ThredUP, but they sell as separates. So, you really have to search for blazers and then look at what else that seller is selling to find skirts/pants/dresses that are part of the suit.
What size are you looking for? I have been meaning to divest some of my suits since I am WFH for the rest of the year at least.
Not the OP, but I’m 5’8, 160, about an 8 in the hips/thighs and a 4/6 up top.
Have you tried Poshmark? I just looked and they have pantsuits under the “Pants” section, and under “skirts they have Skirt Sets which has quite a few suits. Their search bar is pretty good too, so if you enter suits you’ll pull up some too. If you’ve never used Poshmark, use my code (merrpg) and you’ll get $5 off your first purchase, I’ll get the same. And make sure you make an offer if you see anything you like. 90% of the time my lower offer is accepted. Good luck!
I’ve found a great one on the real real. You can get high end suits for the cost of a mall brand suits and then tailor it to fit perfectly
How do you respond to strangers LinkedIn requests?
I work in a field that is (IMO) annoyingly hard to get into, particularly for people trying to switch over from other related industries, so I do really want to help folks. I recently gave a lot of help to 2 people I had a connection to – one went to the same grad school as me and one was like a friend of a friend. I don’t want to further gatekeep, so I feel a little but about not helping people trying to break in. I also don’t want to add them on LinkedIn since I don’t know who they are, and I do use LinkedIn to find people at companies I know.
Plus they don’t even have a question. I’ve had success reaching out to random or vaguely connected people on LinkedIn (another reason I feel a bit bad) but I had a specific question about their role or career or anything, not just “would love to connect”!
If we have connections in common and I can see where they work, I’ll likely accept. Because of past experiences of getting creeped on I’m more likely to reject cold-invites from men than I am from women.
+1
I accept them all. Why not? What’s the harm? I’m in the same kind of field you’re in. If someone thinks it’s good to be “connected” to me, god bless. If they do something tacky, I remove the connection or block them. If you’re only going to use LinkedIn or any social media for people you already talk to, what’s the point?
There is no right or wrong, but just in my mind the “why not” among other reasons mentioned below (sales-y targeting, creepy dudes..) something about just accepting people you don’t know just kind of…cheapens the whole thing for me? Like if I’m looking for a job and interested in one at xyz co., and see you -my friend – have a 1st connection at xyz co. I might get all excited (yay! Maybe you can introduce me!) but then I reach out and find out you don’t actually know that person at all…you don’t even technically know if it’s a real person…that’s when to me it just starts to feel like, what’s the point of all of this?
To your last point, I think we can all agree that we only have the capacity to actually have a talking to relationship with so many people at any given point. So I see LinkedIn as connecting me to connections I DO know but have no capacity to engage in frequent dialogue with at this particular time in my life. But at some point our paths have crossed enough where if either of us sees the other works somewhere that might be helpful to the other, we would be happy to reconnect.
I ignore anyone I don’t know.
I’ve learned on this site that there is no right answer and everyone feels about this differently, but I for the most part flat out deny anyone I don’t know. Even if it looks like we have “connections”, I have learned the hard way that the “connections” we had in common the person didn’t actually know, but my acquaintances had accepted the person’s request anyway – so I thought I was helping a friend of several friend, and it turned out that was definitely not the case. I just don’t see the point of being connected to a bunch of people I don’t know at all. Who knows if they’re even real people at that point?
I think if a young person from my alma mater, or something where I had at least SOME personal connection to reached out and wanted to talk about career stuff I would probably engage, but that specifically doesn’t really happen.
Yeah this person is kind of in that category – we have a common connection but I don’t really think this connection knows the person either. I wouldn’t mind talking to him but why be connected!
No, 90% of the time it’s someone who wants to sell something to me or my employer.
I hate that this seems to be an accepted part of the sales process now. I mean, I get it, if you send me an invite, it makes me read your message, but no, I am not going to add you.
I ignore anyone I don’t know, unless it’s clear that they work in a role and at a company that might be relevant to me in the future. I don’t want the hustlers and spammers combing through my contacts lists and harassing my connections.
I don’t, there’s a lot of bots on LI bc people are trying to look connected or sell stuff. My only exception is if we have a lot of common connections and do the same thing where I’m pretty sure we might have met. I like my LI to reflect my actual network.
I accept people that seem to genuinely work in my field, and they usually have multiple connections to me (often over 10) even though I may have no idea who they are. I think of it as-to make LinkedIn useful TO ME, I need people to be able to find me through their networks on it. Recruiters, people at other organizations looking for something like me-they will all be more likely to find me if I am a first or second degree connection to them. I’m not looking for a new job, but why close off possibilities for someone to find me later and offer a new opportunity.
If there is an easily detectable link (alma mater, former employer in common, same industry, etc.), I accept. Otherwise, I generally ignore it.
I vet carefully because some of my work involves a VERY sexist industry (O&G). If they are within a 2nd connection or a member of the invitation-only groups I belong to, I accept.
I don’t accept college students I don’t know anymore. I’m an actuary and the field interests a lot of people because it’s always a highly rated job. But I just don’t have the time to help every college student out there, and I figure if they’re blindly soliciting me, they’re blindly soliciting every actuary they could find on LinkedIn.
I’m on a committee aimed at helping college students get a leg up into the profession , with an eye toward diversity. Because of that I know we have provided plenty of resources that are easily accessible, so I know I’m not their only path in. That makes me rest easier about declining the specific requests.
Body positivity – I just came across a discussion about body neutrality vs body positivity on r e d d I t which I will link below.
https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/iavnnt/lost_70lbs_and_realized_body_positivity_isnt_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I have really been liking the concept of body neutrality. It’s honestly too much to ask for me to love my body all the time or even some of the time and I’m not sure that I want to anyway. I’ve spent so much time obsessing about it over the years and I would be so much better served using my body as a tool to do the things I love to do, regardless of what it looks like. I can do so many things too – I ski, mountain bike, backpack, ride horses, surf, knit things, travel! Why does that count less because my thighs look large? It’s a work in progress moving towards neutrality, but a worthy one.
The equivalent of a Category 2 hurricane swept through the Midwest a week ago, and we are still reeling from it. Things are particularly dire for my state’s refugee and immigrant community. Apartment complexes were ripped to shreds. People are living in tents and under tarps outside their former apartments.
I’d like to ask this site’s readers to consider offering financial support to this group. I would recommend that people donate through EMBARC (Ethnic Minorities of Burma Advocacy and Resource Center) which is directing funds directly to the refugee and immigrant community: https://embarciowa.ourpowerbase.net/civicrm/contribute/transact?reset=1&id=3&fbclid=IwAR2T3RAdu51RKFUNAtcWaLqlyT_nC-ZmlSO29WTHqTaMH8wgHIfgqrSWNos
Thanks for this — donating now.
Thank you for your generosity!!!
I’m going on 167 hours without power, but I am so lucky to have a roof over my head. :-)
Hang in there! I am shocked at what I’ve been seeing in Cedar Rapids.
Hugs! I’m glad you’re ok and I hope you get power back soon. I grew up in Iowa and it’s crazy that more people aren’t talking about this. The devastation is unreal. I know there’s a lot going on with covid and the election but this should be bigger news than it is.
I’ve never been bothered by age but now I’m 34 I feel like I’m having a bit of a shock. Mostly tied into feeling a bit frumpy with some lock down weight gain and a few more greys I think. I recently went to refer to myself as a ‘Young woman’ and suddenly thought that’s not the case anymore. I also feel like tv show characters and actors who I’d normally think of as older all seem younger than me and I may soon be managed by someone younger for the first time. Usually I feel grateful for each year but I think I’m a bit in the 2020 blues.
No answer but I’m 41 and I hear you for sure. I am also constantly surprised by the people that in my world I assume would be older and then I learn are years younger, although I’ve gotten more used to it. I think it’s a weird dynamic bc when you are young, it almost feels like being young is a characteristic you have (even though you obviously intellectually know everyone gets older). So gradually moving out of that “characteristic” feels weird, almost like you had blue eyes your whole life and all of a sudden they’re brown. Okay, I don’t know if that’s the right analogy, but hopefully you catch my drift.
That being said there are many many people who would think of us as SUPER young and to stop wasting time feeling like we’re old, so it’s all about perspective. Like when I look back and kind of remember feeling “old” when I was like, 25, and wanting to go back in time and shake me.
Thank you for your reply! Describing it as a characteristic actually makes a lot of sense for the way I feel.
Raising my hand and thinking of you as SUPER YOUNG! Holy cow my SON is going to be 34 this year!! I’m 61 and honestly I feel young and I encourage you to do the same.
I totally get it, though. I remember being shocked when Olympic athletes were younger than me. Then when the President of the United States was younger than me (although the current occupant is older and hopefully the next one will be, too, so there’s that). And all the Hollywood actors are younger than me, of course. And yep, I’m managed by somebody younger than me.
But seriously. At 34 and 41 you are objectively young, so enjoy it while you can!
I hear you, aging is weird. I am turning 40 soon, and still think of myself as being in my mid-late thirties …
What I do is remind myself I will never be younger than today. If I spend this time feeling old, I will probably reflect back in another 20 years and think of what a young-un I was!
This will ebb and flow. You will feel ‘old’ sometimes – particularly in hard periods of your life (like a pandemic), and sometimes you will feel ‘young’ when you are feeling energized by something.
I felt this way at 34 too and feel much better at 38. It passes!
34 and feeling the exact same way. Feelings were exacerbated by accidentally catching myself in a selfie view from under my chin in natural light. Yeesh.
I feel like these feelings ebb and flow, and I remember 34-35 being an inflection point for realizing that hey … I’m not actually a young woman anymore. I just turned 40 and feel so much more accepting about it all. Yeah, I have more grays and crow’s feet than I used to, but it doesn’t bother me nearly as much as when it *first* started happening. I also had to make peace with not being that young wonder kid at work. When you hit 35ish, people sort of expect that you’re capable and have your sh!t together. That was honestly a harder transition than the physical markers of aging!
But really, I expected to feel super crappy about turning 40 and I really didn’t. I still feel young, but I have so much more life experience. That’s pretty great, actually!
It took me some time to accept. I was used to being the youngest person in most groups – I was a grade ahead, and I started my career on the young side. So I was very often the youngest person in the room. And I was always trying to project myself as older than I was. Ha
I guess a number of hard knocks in life finally made me feel a bit “weathered” and accepting of my age. At 55 I feel like I’ve finally settled into the wise elder role work-wise. I have kids who are almost adults so I have to accept it at some point!
And by the way, 34 is young. Enjoy it!
This is a great point thank you, I have always been the youngest in groups due to being young for my grade.
Same. I was always the youngest in my class, in my family and in my friend group, always looked younger than my age, and always felt insecure and tried to act older. Now that life has beaten me up a bit, I feel older and I’m fine with my age. It sort of feels like when you can anticipate the worst that will happen most of the time, you’re more confident. If that makes sense.
I’m car shopping for, well, really the first time ever. Does anyone have a Subaru and can you speak to reliability and how long they last? I am replacing a 1997 4Runner that my parents bought me when I turned 16 (which was nearly 20 years ago…). Needless to say, I am extremely sad to have to finally get rid of this car and want something that is similarly going to last me a really long time (maybe not 20 years, but at least 10-15). My current front runners are Subaru Forester or Toyota Highlander. Obviously I know Toyotas will last forever, but I’ve had lots of people tell me they love their Subarus, but they are all fairly recent Subaru owners so don’t know how they do long-term.
I owned a newer Subaru Forester years ago and perhaps it was because I was young and got taken advantage of, but I recall that when one of the tires busted I was told the other 3 needed to be replaced in order for the balancing system to work properly hence costing a lot of $. FWIW, I’ve gone back to Toyota’s and am happy with them. Will get a hybrid model next time, but Highlander is helpful for schlepping kids around and with a set of snow tires feels secure in the winter. Also, don’t know if car seats are a factor, but the Forester used to have a strange middle seat that made car seat installation impossible.
In 2012, I bought a new Subaru with the full intention of becoming a Subaru person. The car turned out to be a lemon. It burns two extra quarts of oil between oil changes and has had transmission problems. Both of these issues were common with this model and year and were the subject of “warranty extensions,” but Subaru refuses to do anything about the oil consumption because it apparently isn’t severe enough, and only applied a temporary band-aid fix to the transmission instead of replacing it. It went through a number of other mechanical issues very early in its lifetime. Our independent Subaru mechanic says that the quality started to decline around 2011, and newer Subarus just don’t have the reliability that the old ones did. We switched back to buying only Toyotas.
+all the numbers. Would never ever buy another Subaru. Ever.
2011 forester, same oil consumption issue. Their warrant has alot of “MAY” language they use to not stand by their brand and put the onus into the purchaser. It took a class action lawsuit (look it up) to get the company to weakly! deal with it.
Stay away.
We just bought a new-to-us 2018 Subaru Forester, and love it so far. My husband had a ’99 Subaru Forester that was going strong until 2016 (when his dad borrowed it, and totaled it – no injuries thank goodness). We loved that car and were very sad to see it go.
We’re a “buy new/new-ish, keep forever” family (our other vehicle is a 2005 volvo, purchased new and still going strong!). Our hope is that by the time we go to replace it, Subaru will have another hybrid model apart from the Crosstrek.
We’re recent Subaru owners (2 years with our Crosstrek), but my husband also drove a 97 4Runner in high school!
Bought a 2013 Subaru in 2016 and it’s been great. My family has bought Subarus for years with no problems other than my brother crashing one. You need to steer away from anecdata though and actually look at what you want in a car.
Alas, that’s the problem. What I want in a car is for my 97 4Runner to never die because it is the perfect car:-( (Yes, I am emotionally attached to my car) Husband said he’d kill me if I sink any more money into repairing it and intellectually, I know he’s right, but my car!
Family member is a Subaru mechanic; we have 2 that are 2 and 4 years old. He doesn’t even see the cars until they are 6-7 years old because they are unlikely to have major problems before then. Properly maintained you can easily expect 150-200K miles from one.
This is a good time to buy a car, you should be able to negotiate well on price as well as have a dealer throw in an extended warranty that will make your first several years worry-free.
I’ve been very happy with the two Imprezas I’ve owned, and they are probably the cheapest models Subaru sells. The first one lasted 14 years with almost no troubles and minimal maintenance. I bought my “new” one 5 years ago. I agree with the poster who says you need to figure out what you want in a car first. Subarus are great in the snow and the hatchback allows me to easily move large items — that’s what was important to me. They are expensive to repair, though.
Never again! I had a 2007 Outback that I intended to drive into the ground. It ate oil, had recurrent issues with the exhaust and head gaskets, and the transmission died at 95,000 miles. My best friend had a 2010, same story, down to the transmission going with less than 100,000 miles on it. I’m going on 200,000 miles with the VW I replaced it with, so I’m on team anything but a Subaru at this point.
Anecdata – I had to replace the transmission on a VW Jetta with 82k miles on it after buying that Jetta with my buy back money from the TDI Jetta I got burned on. I’m team anything but a VW and replaced it with an older low milage Outback (2011), which I LOVE. My family had a 1980 Subaru station wagon growing up and it lived until the person we sold it to after it was 15+ years old totaled it with no major issues, so I am team Subaru!
I used to own an ’07 Forester and my husband currently drives an ’11 Highlander. Loved the Forester and would go back to Subarus in a heartbeat. Highlander is also nice (we got the highest-level trim package) but I preferred the Subaru because it drove like a car, not a truck. The Highlander also feels more cramped than the Subaru did. My plan is to test drive the Subaru Ascent (with three kids and a dog, we need a third row) when my minivan dies.
Have you test-driven the cars? I was just shopping for an SUV last month. I read all the reviews from the major publications (Car & Driver, etc) and I was really surprised to find that I didn’t like the cars they were gushing over. The Subarus just weren’t my cup of tea. The Outback infotainment screen was the size of a computer monitor and very distracting for me. The Ascent was just so-so. The Highlander was nice, but didn’t sing to me. The VW Atlas seemed dated.
(This will totally out me if you know me IRL…) I was looking for a new car because my 2017 Highlander had a fuel system failure that left me stranded on the side of the road on a 100* day with my dogs in the car. A 2017 with just 70,000 miles! That was on a Sunday. That Saturday, the transmission failed in my husband’s 2016 Tundra and left him stranded on the side of the road in the middle of the night during a tropical storm. Wild week for our Toyotas to just give up! And we always had all scheduled maintenance done at the dealership, etc.
My husband’s Tundra broke down 2 miles from a Ford dealer, and we quickly scanned the reviews on the best trucks and the F-150 had great reviews as always, so we had his truck towed there and got him an F-150. A pretty blue Explorer was parked near his truck and I ended up falling in love with it. It handles so nicely! Low center of gravity that makes it handle more like a car, LOVE the infotainment (so easy!), super comfortable seats, good mileage. Just super happy with it. I never (ever) thought I’d be a Ford driver, but I seriously love this car. And I especially love that it’s union made in the U.S. Seeing the union sticker on the windshield makes me feel really good.
I bought a used crosstrek and love it. I always buy used and check make model and year on car complaints dot com, since so many cars will have major issues one year but be fine the year before and after. The same is true of Subaru: certain models and years have known big issues, others are some of the most reliable vehicles you can purchase. Of course this makes people’s anecdotes all over the place.
I just bought a Tiguan (VW) and I love it. I like to check out true cost of ownership and each year’s model reviews on edmunds.com. They have a lot of people who write in and it’s very helpful. GL!
Also, if you like the Highlander, check out the Hyundai Santa Fe–they’re selling them way below cost to get market share and they’re really nice inside, with a great warranty. Almost got one of those!
Hey, we will be flying out of JFK this weekend* for the first time. Using the cheapest long-term parking that’s run by JFK itself. Can someone give me the lowdown on (1) what to actually type into Google Maps to find it on arrival, and (2) the process to get ourselves from the lot to the airport? Looks like the Airtrain? Is it free even to the long term parking? (We usually fly out of PHL which is an easy train ride, so are super rusty on navigating the “drive yourself to the airport” world.)
*Please trust me that this is necessary. We have been behaving responsibly and WFH, and are going to get a rapid test the day before flying. We are flying Jetblue because they have continued blocking middle seats. We will be staying by ourselves (the pros of WFH right? no vacation days needed for this) for 5 days after arrival and getting another rapid test – hopefully! – before seeing relatives and an ailing grandparent.
From long term parking there is both a shuttle bus and air train. I think Air Train is free, but if not, the cost is nominal.
You don’t need to explain or justify your travel plans. People have different tolerances for risk, and also different situations that may cause them to do things — looks to me like you have a relative in poor health? This must have been a difficult decision, and I hope your travels are safe.
I have nothing useful to add about the parking situation but would LOVE some day to tour/stay in the TWA terminal at JFK that’s since been turned into a hotel. I can’t put into words how beautiful I find that building.
100% agree. We were supposed to overnight there in the spring before a morning flight – alas. We have a credit for the night but aren’t quite ready for a hotel stay yet…
Just type JFK long term parking and it will bring you right to the lot. You drive down a small road and enter through a gate and grab your ticket. Airtrain is free for LT parking to all terminals. I usually park in the section near the fence (not right up against it) for my trips. No judgment – enjoy your trip!
Thank you :)
Work/life balance as a new partner in biglaw? I was the go-to litigation associate in my (small, satellite) office before I made partner early this year. I’d been asking/begging my office to hire a mid- or senior-level associate for about a year because I was so overwhelmed. I felt like I couldn’t say no to new work – even when I was already billing 200/mo – because I was trying to make partner. I was also trying to build my own book.
Fast forward to now and I’ve made partner, my book is expanding (enough to pay for me and an associate), but they still haven’t hired anyone. My work never slowed down with Covid – I billed 120 during a month I took 2 weeks vacation. Now other partners‘ work seems to be heating up, and I’m being asked to run a ton of new, very involved cases, with only a junior associate to help. I want to be a team player but I can’t take on more new matters with no help. I do not want to repeat the last 3 years of taking on more and more work for others so I’m unable to devote enough time to my own clients and business development. I also actually want a life, which I haven’t had for years. When I pushed back on taking on the latest new matter, I got a lot of flack for it. As an associate, I just did the work because I wanted to make partner. But now… I don’t really know what is reasonable. Help?
Are you equity or non-equity?
Non-equity. I’m not going to make equity by allowing myself to get overwhelmed with other people’s work so I can’t devote time to my existing clients and develop my relationships with potential clients. It’s a tricky balance – I need those relationships with folks in my firm, but I also need the numbers to justify another promotion.
If you’re in biglaw, there has to be a competent mid-to-senior associate in another office who would love the opportunity to assist you on these matters from a distance. I am now in-house, but some of my best work as a senior associate came from other offices in my firm (I had the niche specialty and they were general litigators in the forum state). It was really good work for me as a parent because it wasn’t face time-centered as we weren’t in the office together anyway, and I typically did heavy-duty research/outlining/briefing in the evenings after my kids’ bedtime so that I wouldn’t get interrupted. And I know the partners really liked that I could turn issues around overnight for them based on that schedule.
Any advice on how to find these folks? I’ve asked around my firm and I keep getting told no.
Call up a partner you have a good relationship with in another office. Not necessarily one of the powers that be, but someone you are friendly with who can be candid. Ask who is known as a good associate–they’ll know. Your firm might have a more formal work management protocol… sidestep it and go direct to the source.
Sometimes you have to be a little bit of the heavy to get the ball moving. find out who is in charge of lit in a nearby office and find a good associate whose hours show availability. Then assign the case. As an associate, if you are truly overwhelmed that is one thing, but otherwise, you gotta do the work. Be kind and respectful but firm. “Hi Bob. I’d like you to work on a new case with me. I see your calendar looks free tomorrow at 2. Let’s set a time to talk. I’ll send the complaint and a calendar tag. I’m looking forward to working with you.”
+1. Look for help from someone in another office.
Somebody last week mentioned that they got better results when asking for advice from a trusted mentor. I would suggest framing it as ‘Based on how much work I have in my book and on deck, I’m going to need to start turning down work unless I can get more assistance. I absolutely don’t want to do that – what would you do in my position?’
I have another thought on this. If you’ve worked as co-counsel or even on the opposing side of a case where you noticed someone who appears to do good work but is at a place that pays less or has less prestige, perhaps you can recruit someone to join your team and also join your firm? I tell everyone this, but the first and best thing I did once I made partner was to recruit a new associate. I interviewed 2 very promising candidates – one was going to be up for partner in a couple of years and the other was more junior than that. I hired the senior associate because – like you – I needed someone who could get sh-t done for me as I had way too much work. That associate worked hard to prove herself, she became partner with my support, and earlier this year, she and I jumped ship to another firm together where we both became equity partners. I don’t know if you get a say in hiring someone for your department, but if you can do that, it is time well spent.
If you grew up in a working class family / did not have any family connections in your field / etc . . what are some things other people did or agreed to that helped you get where you are today?
Inspired by the Ask a Manager question about internships. And I’d like to counter the random requests I get for help from friends of family/friends by being more thoughtful about spreading out the help
An older female attorney who I originally met at a networking event mentored me, beginning shortly after I moved here 10 years ago. By mentoring, I mean she has spent hours coaching me for free, both through new practice areas and areas I knew, but need to learn the new state law and procedure . Also, she encouraged me to start picking up contested matters, and even helped me for free when I got in over my head. To this day, if I have a tough question that I can’t answer, I’ll call her and she’ll pick up the phone or call me back. It’s been invaluable and I owe a great debt to her. She is amazing.
My first office job was a receptionist and gofer, I made minimum wage. I was taking classes at night, plus waitressing on weekends and any night hours I could get. One of our big bosses found out, and he paid for a few of my classes on his expense report. (The company later on put in an OK tuition reimbursement plan.) I found out years later he attended Harvard on a scholarship and was a dishwasher to pay his way.
Later on, a boss promoted me into a non-clerical role. I’m not sure why, though I was smart and worked hard and made a heck of a lot less money than the guys in that job. But, until then I never considered that I could have an “office job” for real.
I started off a working class but ended up poor — I was 17 when I got this office job, and had been working since I was 14. I was so amazed when I realized I had a job where I didn’t get sweaty or dirty. I read that AAM discussion, and have personally decided that if I will always take an opportunity to do something kind. But, my perspective is different because I’ve been a poor and hungry white child.
This is a great question. Kudos to you for looking for ways you can help.
I worked in the library at law school. A law librarian agreed to author a chapter for a well-regarded text in the field of law we were both interested in. She asked me to co-author it with her. That byline meant a lot.
Before law school I was volunteering with a social service organization serving refugees. The director there strongly encouraged me to go to law school and handed me off to an international law professor who became my mentor.
I needed a lot of help learning to dress and behave in a professional environment. Simple things — don’t wear jeans at work (this was the ’90s before business casual was a thing); be reserved and not overly familiar in the way you address people at work; keep your nails groomed. I don’t know how you’ll get the opportunity to do that but that sort of modeling helps a lot.
In college I joined Beta Alpha Psi, the accounting organization. https://www.bap.org/
The weekly meetings had professionals come in to give presentations and afterward you could speak with them 1:1. They also had job fairs with local cpa firms and industry businesses present who were offering internships. BAP members got lots of handholding (yay!) around building a resume, mentorship programs, an more.
There was also a community service requirement.
I met so many professinals and made friends I still have today. Once I was a professional myself I went back and did presentations on behalf of my firm. It was really rewarding.
None. I literally answered an job listing. I realize that people who have connections are more likely to get in the door but I just wanted to remind you that it can be done without.
Insurance – how do you decide how much coverage to get? We have kind of been ignoring our coverage and our agent of course wants to talk about whatever “the next level” is for all the different categories auto and home. How do I know what is reasonable? Thanks!
All of it. I go absurdly overboard on insurance. When I was an intern as a 2L, I heard a story about a retired teacher in her 80s who was passing another car and accidentally clipped the car she was passing as she merged back over and that car ended up crashing – one passenger died, another was seriously injured, and one was mildly injured. The teacher felt awful, of course, and wished she were the one who had died, but there was nothing she could do – blood from a turnip and all – it’s not like retired teachers are rolling in the dough. I never want to be in a situation where, if the worst should happen, I’m wishing I had just paid a few extra bucks a month.
I try to cover most of my home value and net worth minus 401k/IRA. So I have 250/500 on my primary auto and home insurance and then an umbrella for $2mm, which I should probably increase to $3mm.
I clerked at a personal injury firm during law school and very quickly increased my coverage and got an umbrella policy. One small incident and your policy limit will be reached very quickly.
Does anyone have orthopedic slippers that they recommend? I’ve been using Kirkland brand slippers for about 2 years and I’ve noticed my feet get sore after lots of standing in them. 30 years old going on 75??
lol, I have “house birks” for this reason. Either wood or stone floors + standing barefoot = sore feet!
+1 to House Birks. Helped my plantar fasciitas as well.
+1!
Same, but “House Allbirds”
Same. I have a neuroma and have been wearing Birks (classic Arizona in narrow width) almost exclusively since March. I cannot feel the neuroma now after not wearing work shoes at all. Even flats hurt normally, so this is huge for me.
That’s great! It was my Morton’s Neuroma that turned me into a “never barefoot” person.
I just had the steroid shot – it worked but yowza. So great that you didn’t have to go that route.
Another +1 to house birks!
+1 to house Birks! I have skinny, bony feet. Going barefoot for long periods of time does NOT feel good and never has.
Plus a million for house Birkenstocks. I have the clogs in both plain and fleece lined. I prefer the plain.
I have a pair of Birkenstock Essentials (less expensive than classic Birkenstocks; more robust to water and stuff) that I wear around the house and like a lot. Not themselves warm, of course, but to me that’s a plus: I wear them sockless when it’s warm out and with socks when it’s colder.
I used to live in some Vionic slippers. I don’t have a current version, but the footbed would likely be similar or the same.
+1 on Vionic. I haven’t tried their slippers yet, but their flip flops are my ‘house shoes’ in the warm months.
Vionic flip flops for warm weather. Haflinger clogs for cold.
+ 1 for “house birks” … I have a pair of the shearling lined ones for winter.
I have “house” Crocs flip-flops. Soooo comfortable and supportive
I wear danskos when I’m standing in the kitchen. I used to wear them at work as my standing desk shoes. I love them but not everyone does!
I also wear them barefoot and haven’t had problems with stinky/sweaty feet since I’m not in them for long periods of time.
Spenco slides for house use. Saved my feet when we moved into all hardwoods.
I am coming out as a person who hates running. I got Strava and can walk a 15-minute mile pace for an hour. To my (woefully out of shape) body, this feels like a workout. Am I kidding myself? I just hate running so much that my running pace is also a blended 15-minute mile (b/c I slacker walk in between not-fast running) and I feel that I am less prone to injury when walking vs running. I get that I’ll have to do maybe an hour’s worth of movement to get the benefit of maybe 15 minutes of hard running, but absent a sprint here and there (my main sport used to be tennis, but it’s sporadic given WFH, homeschooling, and COVID-scheduling issues, now more than ever if I play monthly I’m lucky). I just need something to do in the meantime now that gyms are still closed in my state.
Also, is 4 MPH a decently fast walking pace or should I be aiming faster? Even in high school, I was scraping bottom with whatever the presidential fitness tests required for a good grade even when I was in shape.
this sounds really good! That important thing is really that whatever you do, you stick with it. If this feels doable to you, keep it up.
That is a very fast walking pace.
I am from the northeast and I feel that this is just how one walks in NYC? There is no sauntering.
That sound right. If you look up google maps directions it gives you about 20 minutes to walk a mile, and growing up I distinctly remember that we lived 1 mile from school and it took 15 minutes to walk to/from home.
Sounds about right, I’m from Boston and I think my pace might be closer to 20 minute miles, but we definitely walk with purpose in the Northeast.
I did realize, at some point earlier this year, that if I enjoy walking fast to upbeat music, then maaaaaybe I might not hate running as much as I thought I would. Turns out, I don’t hate running after all. I mean, I’m not gonna bother when it’s hot as balls outside, but when the temperature dips below 70, I make a point of going for a run.
I have run almost twenty half marathons in my life. Your power walk is a good workout and a good walking pace. My usual walking pace – which I have trained for as part of my running plan, for complicated reasons relating to chronic injuries – is about 13 min/mile. However, it took me a decently long time to get used to that.
Power walking plus intervals is a really great workout, FYI.
A mile is a mile is a mile. Running, once you work your way up to it is more efficient, but you cover the same ground and burn nearly the same amount of calories, if that is important to you. There is no need to go faster, or even monitor speed at all.
If you are starting to exercise from a deconditioned state, running is going to be tough!
You’re doing the exact right things. When you decide to mix some running into your workout, don’t increase the pace beyond what you can handle and still carry on a conversation.
Of course it’s fine. There is no requirement that everyone run during the pandemic. Would you consider hiking trickier terrain on the weekends to add some additional difficulty? Or how about resistance training? If you really are very out-of-shape, you might get some quick results by adding some resistance training.
There is literally nothing wrong with a brisk hour long walk a day. That’s a great work out.
+1. Not everyone has to like running. There are so many other ways to get moving.
I’m a firm believer that the best workout is one that you’ll do, and this seems good to me! If you want to punch it up, maybe pick a hilly route? But seems like good exercise to me regardless!
That is a very fast walking pace! I think walking is much easier on your body long term and as you point out, if you do it longer you can burn the same amount of calories as you would running without the injuries. If you’re doing it outside during the day you also get the benefits of an hour of sun exposure.
I don’t know what your goals are but I personally don’t feel like there’s a need to “progress” into running. I’m mid 30’s and only doing strength training and walking for the past couple years and am healthier (lower BP/body fat) than when I was doing cross-country/marathon training in my late teens and 20s. The only running I do now is an occasional hill sprint workout.
You could throw in some push-ups/planks/split squats or something like that after your walks and it’d be a pretty decent full-body workout, but it sounds like you’re already doing pretty great if you’re fitting those walks in with everything else you’re juggling!
It’s definitely not every day or even most days! But I am happy doing it (vs just an angry when running).
Walking, esp the sustained speedy walking you’re doing, is an excellent workout.
My wife also likes walking – when she wants to kick it up, she wears a small hiking backpack with weights in it. If you give it a try, definitely get a pack with chest and waist straps for support.
I was a runner for many years. Then I had a back injury and was strongly advised to stop running to avoid further damage. Now I’m a couch potato. Wish I had been walking all those years; I’d still be at it!
Any recs for a frizz creme or some leave in conditioner for loose wavy hair?
I’m working more on a wash and go style, but live in the south where I have to battle humidity so my natural waves typically just look messy.
My hair is a little longer than shoulder length and has loose waves to it. Prefer drugstore options/ price range.
I love Redken Smooth Force. It’s gotten more expensive but it works great on frizz and doesn’t feel sticky at all
I’ve been having great experience with the Garnier Fructis smoothing milk. Long straight/wavy undyed hair
Garnier Fructis Sleek and Shine.
Similar hair in the same climate. I really like using a serum/hair oil. I currently use Aquage oil, and I really like it, but I have not experimented with others so I am not in a position to talk about what is “best.” I also use L’Oreal EverCurl Sculp & Hold Cream Gel to smooth flyaways at the roots and really like it, too.
Frizz Ease was a game changer when I was in high school and struggling with frizzy hair! I’d use the leave-in spray conditioner and the serum, occasionally the finishing creme.
The comment I read last week didn’t get a lot of traction but I agree with the thoughts that it’s looking like some sort of immunity is reached at around 20-30% of the population. Mostly because the people that I know in NYC (which is a lot) are all doing the same things I’m seeing elsewhere (socializing in groups, outdoor dining, outdoor drinking, etc.) but the testing rates are still low and I know so many people there who had symptoms back in March / April but were told they couldn’t get tested. Are there more articles about this that you would recommend?
I can’t remember where I saw this – but I remember reading that it depends which 20-30% of the population it is. So for example if I’m immune, but I WFH every day and only socialise outdoors with one or two people at a time, that’s not going provide as much benefit to society as if someone who works in a frontline healthcare setting and goes and sits inside bars at the weekend is immune.
i saw something about this in the Times today. I think it is saying more like 40-50% rather than the 70+ they thought initially, but they still don’t know for sure and it also will depend on how long the antibodies last, which is also unknown.
The difference in NYC of people being out and about and it not causing a spike like it did in Florida isn’t likely to be about herd immunity being reached at all. It’s about a combination of the number of cases in the population when reopening started, the actual review of metrics to make slow reopening decisions, and actual enforcement of public health practices that work like social distancing and masking.
So for #1, it’s because NYC waited long enough to reopen-they had truly flattened the curve. And they are testing a ton now, don’t know where you are seeing that the testing rates are low? If you meant that the positivity rate of testing is low, that’s exactly what should be happening. You wait until there are a low number of cases (in the hundreds in New York State now, not the thousands), have a massive amount of testing available with quick turnaround times, and enough contact tracers available to contact all new cases immediately and get their contacts into quarantine before they have a chance to infect someone else. New York isn’t doing these things perfectly yet, but they are certainly doing a better job.
Then for #2- they didn’t just rush from one phase to the next because two weeks had passed, they looked to see if cases were still declining/how much they were rising. They took certain activities off the table/refused to move into other phases because they seemed too risky (indoor dining).
And then most people are ACTUALLY wearing masks and businesses are actually enforcing this and social distancing guidance.
Sure, it’s going to be a little harder for the virus to spread if more of your population has some immunity already, but this is one of those things where people seem to be looking for the secret sauce that would get us off the hook from following the annoying but effective public health policies, rather than any actual scientific breakthrough.
+1 – while testing rates are still “low” in that you can’t just necessarily waltz up and get a test with short turnaround time, they’re way better than they were in spring. The fact that the percent of tests that are returned positive is super low is great news as it means there’s adequate capacity. Explained well here -https://coronavirus.jhu.edu/testing/testing-positivity
The level of herd immunity required depends on what R0 is. If R0 is at 1.2, then yes, you’re going to see it forced below 1 when 20% of the population is immune. The problem is that the “natural” R0 of the disease is probably somewhere between 2 and 3 – it’s all the social distancing measures that are keeping the R0 so close to 1 to begin with. So unfortunately, 20% of the population having immunity doesn’t just mean we can resume normal life or anything resembling it. If we did that, R0 would quickly go above 1 and the disease.
I disagree with AnonMPH. Every expert I’ve talked to thinks herd immunity is absolutely playing a role in NYC and in the recent bending down of the curve in the hardest hit southern states like Arizona. But it’s herd immunity PLUS all the social distancing measures. It doesn’t mean we can abandon the social distancing measures and expect herd immunity alone to save us. But it does give me hope that if social distancing is maintained through the fall that things will be significantly better in a few months. Flu season is a big variable, but apparently the southern hemisphere isn’t really having a flu season (which is actually not surprising to me) so it may not be as bad as feared.
Victory/good news I want to share with strangers: a light went on in my husband’s mind over the weekend. We had been having the same stupid, brutal fight for over a year and a half, and we’ve been married for a bit less than two. As I was looking at apartment listings so I could move out, something caused the light bulb to go on in his head. “I’ve been treating you like a girlfriend and not a wife.”
He finally got it. We’re a family – us, baby, pets. We don’t draw boundaries with his parents because they are so exceedingly reasonable that there is no need to draw boundaries; however, if they acted differently, we would need to. My husband actually thought we didn’t draw boundaries with them because parents still run the show, even though we’re pushing 40.
The multitude of people who have stuck their noses into our marriage, told us how to run our lives, treated us like kids shacking up, aren’t people to be listened to. My philosophy is: if you wanted to run my marriage, you should have been the other person up at the altar. When people were nasty to me about my pregnant body, he shouldn’t have balanced their feelings and my feelings and held a freaking tribunal; “shut up about my wife’s body” is, more or less, the correct response.
I had been telling him since we were dating that you can tie yourself up in knots dealing with people who are taking potshots at your significant other, fiance(e), or spouse, or you can draw a quick, clear boundary and enforce it. The latter is so much easier. Yesterday, the light bulb came on and my husband said that he finally understood what I meant about it just being EASY. He said that he understood that this family is his primary focus and responsibility, and that everyone else – extended family, church people, friends, randos on the street – are secondary.
Previously, he had never really understood why I drew such strong lines with my controlling and cruel parents. He didn’t get why their actions re: our wedding were a prequel to how they would have treated us in our marriage if I had let it continue or why that would have been such a huge problem. “I used to 20% understand and 80% think you were wrong. Now I 100% think you were right. We’re not playing house; this is our new nuclear family.”
Alleluia.
Wow, that’s wonderful. Good for you for sticking to your guns all this time!
that’s great to hear!
Wow! Fantastic!
I agree with everything you’ve said about the importance of being a spouse/partner. I’d be very skeptical, though, that he had this sudden revelation right as you were about to move out. He may have simply decided he’d rather you didn’t move out & he’s going to say all the right things to get you to stay. Obviously, he must have heard you all the many times you told him to prioritize you and be your teammate before, it just wasn’t important to him until now. I’d watch to see if his actions demonstrate his newfound understanding, and I’d at least plan out your move as information to keep in your pocket for now.
Can you ask him for some details of how he envisions this newfound partnership playing out in the future? Does he have his own ideas on the topic or is he just vaguely repeating some of the arguments you’ve made before in an enthusiastic tone? My ex was a master at this, but he totally failed to imagine what the future could look like, or do any actual planning, and continued to prioritize how cool he looked to others (for example). The lack of substance or his own vision or any tangible action was many red flags waving.
Ah. There’s that. I hope this change of heart is real but sadly I have experienced this, too.
A good point and thank you for saying that.
First, the man can be stubborn, stuck in his ways, attached to ideas like a dog to a bone, but “duplicitous” he is not. He’s been working with a therapist, very recently; they get along quite well. They met Friday afternoon.
The other thing is that while he did say a fair number of things I have said, a lot of it is different. I have said things like, “Your friends don’t treat their wives this way” and how my family was wrong to act like our wedding was just a big party, but he’s the one who really put it all together. He articulated it in ways I can’t: we’re an entirely new nuclear family, even his parents are now his extended family, and he had been acting like I was his girlfriend and not his wife.
He said that when his sister takes potshots at me, he used to think that it was family (sister) against family (wife); now he understands that it’s extended family (sister) against nuclear family (wife). I never, never used language like that or remotely described it in those terms. My description was never much more involved than “I put you first because our marriage doesn’t work otherwise.”
On the potshots thing, I have always held the belief that my friends and family need to respect my husband (previously fiance, previously boyfriend). My take is, “There’s no reason for someone to take potshots at you and if they feel the need to behave that way, they can go screw off. I’m not going to tie myself in knots figuring out if maybe there was something to this: that person is clearly not being respectful and it’s really not a complicated situation.”
@anon I’m really glad to hear that & also glad you don’t mind me speaking up, as I really did not want to be a downer but obviously have learned some lessons the hard way :)
:)
Stupid question, but I can’t seem to find an answer online…when they say “you get your test results in 3-7 days” do they mean business days or all days? I assume it’s the latter since those labs have to be working on weekends, right?
Totally depends on the state and honestly on the particular testing location. I got tested at an urgent care center in the DC suburbs two weeks ago. They said their standard turnaround time is 3-7 business days, and wouldn’t budge from that estimate. But I got my results on the 3rd day after my test (tested in the evening on a Wednesday, got the results on Saturday evening), and my other friends who have used the same business for testing all got their results in 3-4 days, not business days. At the same time in the DC region I was hearing about people getting their results in 48 hrs from the public testing sites, it taking 7 days still from other public testing sites, and just generally really variable. I think the most important info for how quickly it will happen is what lab they are using to test-if Labcorps/Quest, then they may get backed up if there is a national backup for those chains (what happened in July). If they use their own laboratory facility, they can better predict turnaround time.
So- basically, you’ll have to ask them? Sorry!
Read it as business days to give yourself a realistic estimate, even if they mean calendar days. My estimated turnaround time was 5-10 days in July and it took 14…
Where I got tested it meant calendar days, but I’m guessing that varies by who and where is doing the testing.
what are you doing to deal with quarantine boredom/lack of excitement? months on end of this and I just can’t figure out what to do. it’s not necessarily that there’s not enough OK things to do, but more that nothing just feels exciting enough. I have tried cooking, cocktail making, watching ton of shows /reading books, going to outdoor places with the kids (fruit picking, farm, zoos, hikes, etc), zoom dates, outdoor dates w/husband … and still, it’s just miles away from what life was pre-virus. I miss having fun things to look forward to!
I don’t know – it’s really been hitting me lately, that it’s the same week-in week-out. I will be interested to read people’s responses.
+1
I did spontaneously paint an accept wall in my main living area teal this weekend, which is fun to look at but not providing all that much ongoing excitement.
I love the autofill of “accept” wall rather than “ accent” wall, given the context.
Hahaha!
I am with you 100% on this. I feel like I have a billion hobbies that I can (and do) do at home, but nothing much excites me any more! I am bored out of my mind and nothing is helping – I’ve learned how to paint, have started some online creative writing courses, read tons of books, watched all the shows, played board games, puzzles, zoom book clubs, yoga, on and on, and just nothing is entertaining to me anymore.
I’m sorry I don’t have any real suggestions for you, but commiseration, and also I am following in case anyone has any brilliant insight into this. I’m not sure if being detached and unenthusiastic is just a coping mechanism, or if it’s just waiting for the other shoe to drop, and so it’s a defensive mechanism to not get my hopes up or what. I’ve tentatively started researching an international trip that we wanted to take this year, that I’m hoping we can do next year, but even that isn’t as exciting as planning past trips because of the uncertainty.
Feeling exactly the same. It’s a struggle. I have a million hobbies but agree that it all just doesn’t feel like enough. I’m so tired of not being able to switch up my environment.
I miss restaurants SO MUCH. Like everything about them. The fun of choosing from a menu. Being served. Having someone else clean up. Eating fun foods that I would never make. Being out with groups. The vibes of a room filled with happy people eating and drinking.
I miss travel even more than I thought I would. I like where I live, but I am so, so bored with it. I went on a trail walk this weekend and I spent the time internally whining about the wildflowers because I’m so sick of them! Same old wildflowers everywhere you go. Ha, I’m such a jerk. But I never realized how much I counted on being able to get away and change up my environment. I live in a big city and I never cared about living near an ocean or mountains because I could always fly to them for a weekend. Now I feel trapped.
My problem is that we’re in the grip of a brutal heat wave that is lasting about 2 weeks, most likely. We have one window unit and no options for additional ones (thanks to the unusual design of our windows). Wildfires are also a risk and there is already a big one not far away. Forget all the hobbies I enjoy – this GD year sucks.
Oh, and my toxic-positivity coworker chirping “how was your weekend??” isn’t helping.
We have been having rough weather here as well. Super hot, very humid, rains every single day. I agree it definitely makes it more difficult to cope; it’s hard to enjoy getting outdoors when it’s like this. I’m sorry you’re dealing with lack of A/C and wildfires on top of this whole year!
Animal Crossing!
I am seriously considering enrolling in some sort of adult education courses at a community college or something. Something regimented, interesting, but not over-taxing will probably be really good for my mental health once the weather turns. My parents have been taking remote art classes, sketching I think. That looks pretty interesting.
Right? We were planning a two-week road trip for the fall, and Saturday morning we sat down and mapped it all out and picked the places we were going to stay, and what we were going to do.
And Saturday night we realized we were completely delusional and canceled the whole thing.
*sigh*
I was mildly alarmed at your first paragraph, thought “hey it’s none of my business,” then relieved at your last paragraph … what a ride :). I’ve read that according to psychology planning a vacation can be as good for your mental health as taking one. I hope that’s the case, but I think a lot of that was attributed to the anticipation which maybe isn’t very lasting in this case. But maybe someday you can go.
That sounds like something I would do. :) But hey, you’ve done the hard part of planning! You could table the trip for 2021, right?
Yes that’s exactly what we’re doing. Saved the itinerary for better days!
We took a 3 day weekend to potty train our kid. I’m set for excitement and drama for the next 6 months!
At first I was doing a lot of projects and exciting things–Animal Crossing! Reading! Taking online classes! Redecorating and home projects! and as my enthusiasm for that sort of thing has faded, I’ve tried to recreate “normal” as much as possible.
In the before times, I tried to do a mix of regular evening activities and weekend events, and of course there was natural separation between work/home/family/friends. Now what that looks like for me is:
-working at a dedicated workspace, taking a lunch break to cook/run errands, and saving some random things (instagram and netflix) for “after work” even though I don’t strictly have to
-having separate work and non-work clothes (even though the work clothes are 100% sweats and lounge clothes) and changing into a casual outfit of some sort anytime I leave my apartment
-having scheduled zoom events in place of in person ones. Happy hour on Tuesday, photography club on Thursday, extended family game night every other Friday, etc. It helps me keep track of what day it is and I find the short, reoccurring, scheduled zooms less exhausting and more “normal” than the endless and sporadic ones I did at the beginning of quarantine
-planning at least 1 thing every weekend, even though that’s usually hiking 6 feet away from a friend wearing masks
-talking to at least one person directly (e.g. via messenger or phone instead of in the comments) each day
For me, the key to endurance has been to make things recurring and scheduled as much as possible. I would get bored of trying to make art in a day or two, but scheduling a video chat with my sister every Monday for an hour where we make art gives me something manageable to look forward to and the fact that it happens whether I’m feeling super into it or not helps to maintain momentum.
I’m dreaming of various home renovations I’d like to do and curious as to people’s experiences with any of the following:
– A “column” fridge and freezer (where each one is a separate unit that is the height (and potentially width) of a standard fridge freezer). I have had your old school freezer on the top model, side by side with ice/water dispenser, and now have the top with french doors (I think that’s what it’s called) and the bottom is a pull out drawer freezer. I really dislike the side by side models, don’t like how much room a ice/water dispenser takes ip, and can’t ever find anything in our bottom drawer pull out freezer model. These seem awesome because you could fit a platter, a 13×9 casserole dish or a whole pizza or a frozen pizza in one of the sides without tipping it at a weird angle or on its side. But does this really work out in real life?
– separate ice maker in fridge – does anyone have one and find that they like it more or less than a in the door ice dispenser?
– Has anyone added a bar to their house? with a sink, small dishwasher, separate ice maker, etc? Any tips or advice on this? We have the shell of a room that could potentially be perfect for this, but would want it to be a separate room with plumbing and it’s own dishwasher and ice maker (would not be easy to get here from the kitchen).
I think a bar would make it harder to sell the house in the future, unless it is a multi-million dollar mansion with a bar in the billiard room or something like that.
I like the “normal” freezer on top configuration best. I HATE side by side and french doors and when I’ve seen my parents’ bottom freezer, I agree that it seems hard to find things. I just have a small chest freezer in the garage or mud room (right next to the kitchen) for extra freezer space. It’s very energy efficient and since it’s fairly small, it’s not too hard to find things (I fill the very bottom layer with ice packs so I’m prepared for power outages and to keep things from falling all the way to the bottom).
Top freezer + chest freezer FTW.
We have friends with “column” fridge and freezer in their house, and it is amazing. The units are pretty wide (maybe 36 inches) and faced with their cabinetry, so we actually didn’t notice them during our first couple of visits. The units are actually across from each other in a short “hallway” that leads into their pantry. It works really well, especially for their family of 6. DH and I are the appropriate level of jealous.
Their home actually is a multi-million dollar mansion. The kitchen is large in general, and there is a separate wet bar with an ice maker and wine cooler, and a separate billiard/game room (though the bar isn’t located there).
Since someone below commented on the lack of in-door dispenser, these friends have a water cooler in a centrally located hallway, in a very casual area when you come in from the pool/backyard. There’s also ice and a filtered water tap in the wet bar.
I don’t have a column fridge and freezer because I wasn’t spending $15k+ on a fridge and freezer, but I know someone who has them and they’re very nice.
We just moved houses and the sellers bought this nice new fridge without an ice maker/water on door and we dislike not having those things so much we are probably going to replace it. I prefer drinking water colder than the sink, and an in fridge brita is a pain to keep filled etc. My smallish kids could get their own water easily from the fridge dispenser in the old house, but cannot from a big brita/not really from the sink without a permanent step stool there. And I don’t like ice that one reaches in to grab, even with a scoop. Just kind of grosses me out – all those touch points.
My two cents.
I think the ice maker and water really just come down to personal preference. I very rarely use ice and dislike cold water. Ice makers use a lot of energy and take up tons of space so the last fridge we bought, we skipped the ice maker and water completely. Why waste money/space on something you don’t use? But for the poster above, you’d definitely want in door. In freezer ice takes over a lot of the freezer space, though if you have a column freezer, I guess it doesn’t matter so much. The ice gets gross when it sits for a while, though.
I don’t like drinking cold water and we rarely use ice. We did not want water/ice in the frig. We adore our counter-depth Fisher Paykel frig that has a freezer with three pullout drawers on the bottom.
I have the column fridge and freezer. They are great!!! Ours are built in with panels on the front , and only ice, no water, in the freezer.
Anyone want to do some virtual shopping? I’m looking for a backpack purse. Preferably nylon or some other non-leather material that is lightweight. Leather trim is fine. Big enough to hold an iPad, small water bottle, and wallet/phone and some kid stuff. Prefer black or grey. Want it to open/close securely but easily.
Look at Tumi, either the Just in Case or the Jane Convertible should work for you.
Tom Binh. Locally made in Seattle.
I have a tumi that I bought on poshmark and it is awesome.
I posted 2 weeks ago about advice on buying a secondhand leather designer bag. I ended up with a vintage Coach Willis crossbody bag from Poshmark. Of course, I currently I have nowhere to take this bag, but I am thrilled with the quality of the leather and glad that I spent that money to treat myself. I don’t think I’ll ever want to buy a contemporary Coach bag after this because one that I already had seems so cheap and poorly constructed compared to the one I just bought.
If anyone else is in the market for a secondhand brand name, I will share that I think sellers seems to be slightly more open to negotiation on price than normal. Perhaps that’s because people aren’t going out as much and thus aren’t buying these items at the same level.
New Coach is such mass-produced trash, it devalues the whole brand.
My thought is kudo’s, but since they are married, they really shouldn’t give a horse’s arse what people think about what they are doing, and how they are doing it, etc. They are MARRIED, and as long as they dock only with each other, what difference does it make? Dad agrees, as he is happy I am not out there having random s-x during the pandemic just to stay frisky. I think we all need to keep this in mind.
Somwhat related to the boredom conversation above… I really enjoy cooking and baking so I want to splurge on a fun not-very practical kitchen appliance. Any suggestions? Budget is up to $500 and I already own a hand-crank style pasta machine, and a Stand Mixer.
So you don’t actually have something that you want or need in mind? I’m confused. Why not start there?
Fair question. I sort of have been thinking about a home mill to grind my own flour but I can’t find a source, and they’re pricy. I thought others would have some good ideas of things to splurge on for the home cook–now that we are, well, always home.
I think it’s a better idea to figure out what you want and would use, then ask for tips. The reason I say so is because it’s all too easy to get a recommendation for an ice cream maker or an elaborate food processor, but then discover that you just don’t use it. They’re so expensive and large that I think you want to make sure that you have the need (and space!) first before getting caught up in the excitement of someone’s rec for a popcorn machine. Good luck.
Or you could just let people answer a fun and frivolous question without overthinking everything to death.
some stand mixers have attachments for grinding stuff. Depends on which one you have.
I think I will go on the hunt for a fondue set as my next appliance, although am also contemplating a waffle maker.
If you don’t already have an enameled cast-iron dutch oven, get one! They are great.
I would also encourage an ice-cream maker.
I splurged on a Le Creuset frying pan and Le Creuset braiser. Neither of which I *needed* but I love both and use one and/or the other literally every day.
I cooked all weekend (baked, roasted a chicken, etc.) and I realized at the end of the night last night my sink was filled with about 5 different Le Creuset pieces. They are awesome workhorses and I wish I had realized it years ago and not wasted money on other cookware.
Espresso machine?
This just seems wasteful. What about fancy ingredients- special flour, cocoa, oils, produce, etc? I cook/bake a lot, but besides a food processor and stand mixer, I really don’t use appliances much at all. I have found it to be worth spending money for a nice scale, measuring spoons (multiple sets), mixing bowls/spoons and baking pans, though. I use those almost every day, whereas a fancy appliance would just sit unused taking up space.
My Le Creuset Dutch Oven and the LC braiser are my two favorite pots in the kitchen. I also like my InstaPot and use it regularly. The sous vide is fun, but not something I reach for very often.
Vitamix? Stovetop smoker?
For me, this would mean buying the *ultimate* serving/bakeware piece I’ve been lusting after – weather a Le Creuset or Staub baker, really fancy bundt pan, etc. OR, one of those home pizza ovens! Like this: https://ooni.com/collections/shop-all
Do you have a food processor? Get a 12- or 14 cup one and go nuts. Or get a sous vide machine, since you’ll be home enough to let something cook for hours before dinner.
Cuisinart Ice Cream Maker
Deep Fryer
Does anyone have a food processor that they love? I have a mini-sized Cuisinart that works great, but every summer — when I’m wanting to make allll the pesto and such — I realize what a pain it is to not have a full-sized version. I also think I’d be more apt to make pie crust if I could blend the ingredients with a machine rather than by hand.
Cuisinart Food Processor – had it for 25 years and still a powerhouse. The mini barely works – you need to trade up.
No, the mini is GREAT for when you have a small amount of something. That never works well in a big one.
I have the Cuisinart and really like it. I’ve also had a KitchenAid but I feel like it was more fiddly. The Cuisinart is easy peasy.
I have a full sized Cuisinart, but I almost never use it- it turns out that the mini one is so much easier to use that I just end up making batches of pesto rather than haul out the big one. I’m glad I have the full sized one and it works fine when I gather up the motivation to actually use it, but having one that fits on the counter and is easy to clean turns out to be a big advantage.
Cuisinart Food Processor for the win. My mom has had hers since her wedding in 1972. I’ve had mine for about 15 years, and it’s as good as new.
+1 for basic full-sized Cuisinart. Mine is still going strong after 19 years.
The mini Cuisinart is only good for making bread crumbs. It can’t even handle pesto.