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Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
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- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
Random survey – but at what age did the older people in your family (grandparents/aunts/uncles/parents) seem “elderly” — and what was it that made them seem that way — i.e. retirement, change in activity etc.?
Anon
Based on grandparents, 80ish for women, 75ish for men. That was when physical and mental slowdown became noticeable. My parents are both 70 and so far don’t seem old to me but I know it’s not that far away.
anon
It’s varied, but I would say around age 80+. Then again, my grandpa was mowing his lawn as a 90-year-old (not saying it was a GOOD idea, but he was capable of doing it).
The mental slowdown/cognition is more noticeable to me than the physical, most of the time. My ILs are in their 70s and in terrible shape, physically speaking. But because they are still firing on all cylinders mentally, they don’t seem elderly to me.
Anonymous
When they start to lose their hearing. That seems to be the trigger for social disengagement, cognitive decline, and reductions in physical activity that leads to reduced mobility.
Vicky Austin
+1
Anon
85 for women, late 70s for men.
Ellen
This may not always be true. Men do not live as long as women stastically (both Grandma Leyeh and Grandma Trudy are widowed), but the quality of life varies even if we as women live longer. Personally, I try and stay in shape b/c I read WebMD and all they talk about is eating well, exercising, and not smoking or drinking to excess, getting a lot of sleep, and not being promuscus. I have followed their advice and will continue to do so b/c I want to be healthy, even if there are some things that I can’t control. My family has a history of heart conditions, probably linked to our larger tuchus size, and Dad knows that if I walk 10000 steps a day, my heart will keep my blood pressure lower, and my tuchus will stay at least in check for a while.
Anonymous
My dad’s parents not until 80+. They both died of cancer in their early 80s, and while they slowed down a little physically, they didn’t really seem elderly or frail until they were diagnosed. Mentally they were pretty sharp until the end. My mom’s mother died of heart attack fairly young (68 or 69, I think?), and mom’s dad always seemed kind of elderly to me-he had chronic health issues and ultimately died around age 80. My parents are in their late 60s and don’t seem elderly. My mom has a selectively terrible short-term memory, but I’m convinced she has undiagnosed ADD and just doesn’t process information the first time, rather than not actually recalling something, if that makes sense.
Housecounsel
Completely depends. In my observation, the delineating factor is smoking. It makes people old at a much younger age.
Anon
+1 that was my mom.
Anonymous
It’s a bit of a slippery slope. My FIL is 80 and hasn’t been “elderly” since 75. He stopped air travel, doesn’t drive well anymore, and. Alessandro an entire day to accomplish a task. He also gets my kids confused now. He’s been retired for nearly 35 years so it wasn’t that!
My MIL retired at 55 and started seeming “like an old lady” at 65. She’s 70 now. The main hallmark is she is super set in her ways in a way she was not in her 50s. She also seems incapable of basic decision making/getting stuff done and she used to be super on the ball.
My mom still acts young at 64, but has developed a bit of an old person smell. Many of her personality traits have also magnified and now make her seem old- she talks to people without listening, she complains about everything and gets a huge high from scoring a free deal. Literally she called me to tell me she got a free slice of deli meat (wink wink) the other day because she sweet talked the dude at the meat slicer. I’d bet my paycheck she was talking his ear off and he wanted her to go away :-).
My dad is still working and still seems not-old to me at 61. His own dad died at 63 so he takes good care of himself and has a very YOLO mindset these days! He and my mom are no longer married.
Of Counsel
This varies so much! My mother is 72 and not elderly in the slightest. Her sister is 70 and definitely is (she has had health problems here entire life). My grandfathers were not elderly at 84 and 86 and then each died relatively suddenly. One of my grandmothers decided she was old at 60; the other was not elderly until she was in her early 90’s (she lived to 97).
Smoking, general health, social engagement, the genetic lottery – there is so much that goes into this.
Anon
My grandmother seemed noticeably older (as opposed to just “mature adult”) a few years after she retired. She was still independent and able to do all the big family gatherings, but had much less energy day-to-day and was less able to keep up with things like traveling where you have to be “on” several days in a row.
My other grandparents scaled back considerably around age 70–going from hosting every holiday to just attending at someone else’s house and from taking grandchildren to Disney world or keeping several of them for a weekend to just watching one or two for a few hours at a time.
Anon
Honestly, it happened to both of my grandfathers at 91. The first 90 years of their lives they were physically spry and mentally sharp. The one’s mind started to go around 91 and then his body finally gave out at 93 (for real, he died of old age) and the other was mentally sharp til the end (92) but the cancer (that he’d had for years) finally got him. Even on hospice, he was super mentally with it. He had had some cancer/congestive heart failure related mobility issues for a few years (had to give up tennis in his mid 80s) but was actually in the process of getting experimental heart treatment before he was placed on hospice.
Unfortunately my grandmothers didn’t live long enough to become elderly, and their decline was tied to their illnesses (one died in her 60s of cancer, the other at 80 with Alzheimer’s).
I have several aunts/uncles either approaching 70 or in their early 70s, all of whom are not at all “old” yet. All are physically active, mentally sharp, have hobbies, travel, have a social life, etc. Even my uncle who has lung failure and is on oxygen goes to the gym daily and works in his yard, etc.
Anonome
Mid to late 60s for my parents and their siblings. That’s when their hips, knees, and ankles started breaking down. Living with daily pain and reduced mobility caused drastically reduced life satisfaction and a lessening in social life, plus the complication of treatment (i.e., my uncle got a severe infection during his knee replacement surgery and needed a PICC line), really aged them quickly.
Anonymous
So, especially after reading this morning’s thread about needy men and unequal relationships, I am more convinced than ever that I am right to pursue a relationship with my current, Gen X BF. He didn’t initially knock my socks off, but my feelings have grown. He looks amazing with his clothes off, but I have been most turned on by his saying: (1) “Sl^t-shaming is really bad for society because it suggests that women should never be interested in sex” and (2) to the lawyer trying to give me unsolicited career advice and asking me questions but also answering them before I could speak: “Hey, don’t talk to her like she’s an idiot just because she’s a woman.” Not being burdened by having to educate a Gen X-or-older man is refreshing.
uniacke
neither of your anecdotes have anything to do with neediness or emotional labor, though? also confused by your Gen X references, since neediness/emotional labor/generalized sexism issues exist in all generations.
Anon
This. Also not to be a downer, but most men I know are feminists in the way you described. It’s a big leap from those things to actually contributing equally to running the household, especially once children are involved.
Worry about yourself
In my experience, a guy being vocally progressive and pro-feminist isn’t necessarily more likely to pull his weight around the house. If anything, guys like that tend to get very defensive and hold up their “ally” status as a shield when people call them out on garbage behavior, whether they’re slacking around the house or crossing women’s boundaries, because in their minds they’re simply not capable of such behavior.
anon
I only half-agree. The examples might not be directly about emotional labor, but on average, I believe you have better chances meeting a woke man if you look at younger generations.
Anon
this may be true, but gen x isn’t exactly young. You are talking about people in their 40s and 50s.
Anonymous
If I heard a guy say either of those things, I’d assume he was aggressively performing his wokeness. My husband demonstrates his egalitarian values by doing laundry, taking off work early for carpool duty, and letting me negotiate all car and mattress purchases because he knows I’m better at it.
Anon
Yep, agree re: performative wokeness, which is the biggest turnoff ever (in both romantic partners and friends).
Is it Friday yet?
Ugh yes, I hate when guys make these sorts of proclamations – they always seem to want a medal for it.
Ellen
Agreed! And for you to have to do stuff with him in bed that is demeaning to you is another BIG double entendre. How hypocritacal is that, especially in this #MeToo world? Remember that so-called “evolved” guys talk a big line often to snow us under, then say and do stuff in private that is hypocritacal to us as so-called equals and as women. DOUBEL FOOEY on them!
Anon
+1
Anon
Yep. I tend to think there’s an inverse correlation between how performative a guy’s feminism is, and how much he’d actually support a wife who wanted to have a career. There’s a guy at my workplace who acts extremely feminist and woke, and is always going on about how we need to support women in general and especially working mothers. Guess what – when I was nursing and wanted to bring my baby with me on a work trip (with a full-time caregiver, at my own expense) he decided it was “inappropriate” and went several steps above my head to try to prevent me from being allowed to do this (he did not succeed, because my org’s awesome executive director is a mom of grown kids who actually cared about supporting nursing moms). My husband isn’t as loud about his feminism as this guy, but is definitely more of a feminist, especially in ways that help me and my career. He was the aforementioned caregiver.
Anon
I tend to agree….it’s nice in theory and it is better than the alternative, but I would rather see action both in the workplace and in the home. My husband works in construction in a very conservative state and I still have to occasionally remind him not to refer to the female admins at his workplace as “girls”. However he did go to battle with the owner of the company and demand that he pay their office staff full maternity leave, which they did even though it was unprecedented in the history of the company, he promoted their first female foreman in the face of major backlash, and he aggressively maintains a true s*xual-harassment-free workplace (he’s fired several employees and customers for s*xually harassing female employees). He also does more than half of the household work and childcare. I can overlook him occasionally not being politically correct.
anon
That was my impression, too. Ugh. Words don’t mean sh!t, sorry to say.
Anonymous
Both of his remarks turn me off, but I cant put my finger on why. The sl*tshaming is bad for society one almost sounds like “sl*t shaming is bad for men” I agree in principle that it is bad for society, but I’d prefer the knee jerk concern to be for the women who have endured it.
The second comment is total performative wokeness. And, again, the wording rubs me the wrong way “just because she’s a woman” sounds very ’80s version of wokeness.
Anon
Yes, men who rail against sl*t-shaming are generally just horny dudes who want lots of women to open their legs. Sorry, but it has zero to do with feminism in my experience.
Anon
Yeah, I agree with all of this. And to the point made above that performative feminism has nothing to do with actually being an equal partner. So this guy can talk the talk, but does he actually show up and *do* feminist things?
anon
Nailed it. He’s missed the mark on s!ut shaming. Yes, it wrongfully implies that women can’t be interested in s3x, but the problem is that it devalues a woman’s fundamental worthiness—including her right to be loved, cared for, accepted, and valued by society—with s3xual activity which is an arbitrary basis.
Diana Barry
To poster from yesterday with the trusts based on life expectancy:
I think this is probably your parents’ estate planning lawyers’ default. BUT it is a weird one, I haven’t heard of it before (I am in the northeast). See if the state they are in has a “termination of small trusts” law – that means if your trust falls below a certain amount ($100K or $200K, usually) the trustees can terminate it and it won’t have to last for your lifetime, so you won’t get $1K a year for 30 years (which is ridiculous, any halfway decent trustee would just terminate it at that point)
FWIW, I wouldn’t set up a trust like that unless (1) the clients had a ton of money, at least $10M, or (2) there are other issues (creditor protection, or just plain old dead hand control) with the clients such that they requested that structure. And I would probably try to talk them out of it at least once, or tell them why that structure wasn’t a good idea.
NYCer
+1 to all of this from another T&E lawyer.
Anonymous
Help me navigate a tricky situation. I’m planning to meet BF’s family for the first time. He grew up in another country but he has a sibling in the States (a 6 hour drive away). His parents and siblings from his home country are coming to visit in the summer. They’re planning to stay with his sibling but BF floated the idea of them spending a couple of nights with us. He also suggested that we spend a couple of nights with his sibling while everyone is there.
Problem is, his whole family smokes inside. I have severe asthma; I cannot be around smoke or third hand smoke. When BF comes back from sibling’s house (I haven’t visited), I can’t be near him or his clothes until he’s washed them and bathed. There’s no way I can step foot in that house.
Also, when they come to visit, I don’t want people smoking in my house. Frankly I don’t want them smoking outside and then dragging the thirdhand smoke in with them, either. An added complication is that the most convenient place to smoke is my deck, which is right below my bedroom window. I’m not really sure how to handle this – sorry BF, your family can’t visit us? That sounds harsh, doesn’t it? But I’m not really sure what to do. Any suggestions on how to navigate this?
Anon
Others might disagree, but I don’t think you can compromise on your health. My asthma is a lot less severe than yours, but I couldn’t visit or host heavy smokers. Stay in a hotel when you visit them, and offer to put them up in a hotel when they visit you.
Blueberries
I totally get this question—it’s hard to ask people not to do what they’d like/are accustomed to because of your health.
My asthma is like OP’s, and I couldn’t stay with smokers or have smokers stay with me. For me, medication might prevent a hospital trip during the visit (assuming only third hand smoke exposure), but my lungs would be in rough shape for months.
Is it possible for you to visit the brother’s area, stay in a hotel, and only see them in places where smoking isn’t allowed and you can keep them at some distance? I’m thinking restaurants with giant tables or museums. If they visit your area, they stay elsewhere and don’t come hang out at your house.
Understanding and caring enough about your health not to willingly expose you to something very damaging to your health is a bare minimum level of support one should expect in a partner. It’s rough that it makes it hard to see his family, but it’s essential.
Housecounsel
What does BF say when you express these concerns?
Anonymous
+1 to this question. If you can’t be around him before he showers and changes clothing, then presumably he’s very familiar with your strong reaction to smoke. How is he suggesting that you deal with or solve that problem if his parents stay with you guys?
Anonymous
Get them a hotel room.
Anon
“Any suggestions on how to navigate this?”
Talk to your boyfriend, obviously! What does he say? A hotel room is probably a great idea, but he should be the one to figure that out with his family (and of course you could offer to pay some or all of it if you want).
Anonymous
I think if this is true, that your asthma is genuinely so bad you can’t be near someone who has smoked recently, then the answer is simple. You can’t visit his family and they can’t visit you. I’d encourage you to talk to your doctor about options to get through life.
Anon
Agreed. You asthma isn’t properly controlled if you can’t be in the room with someone who smells like smoke, that is a fact of life. If they’re not very heavy smokers, you may be able to ask them to simply not smoke in the home, not smoke while you’re home, and if they smoke, to do so 20 ft from the house, and to change clothes afterwards. Honestly, at that point, they’d probably volunteer themselves for a hotel.
Blueberries
“Options to get through life” reads as a little hostile to me, as if a person with asthma has an obligation to try to medicate so that they can tolerate smoke (which is unhealthy even for folks without asthma). The OP didn’t indicate any problem with handling life generally and there’s no reason to believe she doesn’t already have good medical care appropriate for her everyday life.
Asthma drugs don’t necessarily work to make it ok for someone to be around triggers (see: the many essays by doctors who treat people with asthma who live in substandard housing).
Ellen
Yes, many Europeans and other non-US persons still smoke, even though we all know how bad it is for you. When I was dating this guy Willem, from Belgum, he wanted me to come visit his family there, but I already knew that I did not want to live out in the countryside (i.e. on a farm )just so that I could bear him children, and I am pretty sure some of them were smokers! FOOEY!
Anon
It could also be that there’s an additional allergy. Just as with other serious allergies, there may unfortunately be no medical option other than careful avoidance.
Anonymous
Stay in a hotel when visiting the sister’s location. Plan activities where they cannot smoke like a winery tour or a museum visit.
When they visit you, have DH keep a couple new coats ready that they can put over their clothes when they go outside to smoke. That should help minimize third hand smoke. Keep your bedroom door closed to minimize any smoky smell. Stay home or have to ‘work’ a few times to get a break
how will I know if he really loves me, I say a prayer with every heartbeat
Any advice for the time between deciding you like someone and want them to like you and when enough time has passed that you can find out if they’re really interested versus happy to play but not thinking as deep as you are? I know this is probably a “time will tell” thing to see if words match actions but it’s making me fixate and that’s so frustrating for someone who is otherwise not at all a 14 year old!
Anon
Ask them?
Anonymous
Well, does he leave a little note to tell you you are on his mind? Does he send you yellow flowers when the sky is gray? He’ll find a a new way to show you a little bit everyday.
If he’s into you, he’ll show you, and you wont be left to wonder.
Anonymous
It’s in his kiss, that’s where it is!
Housecounsel
These shoes are gorgeous. Finally, a pair of pointy toe flats that don’t show toe cleavage. I hate toe cleavage.
lsw
Love the vamp on these.
Anonymous
What’s everyone having for dinner? Looking forward to a yummy sausage and bean soup with some crusty rolls tonight.
Vicky Austin
Tuesday is grocery day so Tuesday night is pizza night. :) Sausage and bean soup sounds delish though. I just finished the leftovers of a batch of chicken wild rice from last week. Soup season is HERE.
anon
I spent Sunday afternoon making the Smitten Kitchen mushroom soup. It required a lot of mushroom….and time. But it came out delicious. So I’ll be eating that all week with crusty french bread. No complaints.
anon
Baked ziti. It is comfort food time.
Senior Attorney
Blue Apron chipotle chicken chili. We’ve had it before and it’s good!
Unless Hubby decides to go cycling and for pizza with the lads, in which case I’ll be having chili-flavored ramen with kale and green onions, in my bare feet while watching TV. ;)
Another Anon
I desperately need to do some grocery shopping, so I’m throwing frozen pork chops and Brown rice in my Instant pot, and roasting a mix of random veggies that I failed to use up last week.
NOLA
What I have almost every weeknight – salad (sweet hearts mix) with strawberries, blueberries, and pear, sauteed chicken, crumbled blue cheese and balsamic vinegar. One glass of chardonnay and a ramekin of M&Ms that I take up to my bedroom with me. I’m a creature of habit and eat what I like. It’s too hard to figure out when I get home tired from the gym and end up not wanting to eat what I have.
Anon
Whatever my husband or son come up with. I sent my husband a Venn diagram with a circle that says “people who are cooking dinner tonight” and a non-overlapping circle that said “me.”
It has been a long week already.
teen!
ahahaha!
NOLA
That is hilarious (about the Venn diagram). I was talking about Venn diagrams with my students today and I played the clip from Big Bang Theory where Penny says that she remembers that it’s a Venn diagram because she thought, “Venn is he going to stop talking about that diagram?”
Coach Laura
Pinch of Yum freezer meals every day this week. Yesterday was Detox Lentil Soup (silly name), today is Chicken Tinga. Tomorrow is Beef Ragu over noodles or zoodles. Thursday is Hawaiian Tacos. Friday is Italian Beef sandwiches.