Coffee Break: Coola Sunscreen Spray
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Going somewhere warm on vacation? This 2-oz sunscreen is great to pack in your carry-on luggage.
It can be tricky to find spray sunscreen if you only want to carry on — you can find really cheap options in the travel section of drug stores, but those can be hit or miss. I was excited when readers turned me on to this clear, fragrance free sunscreen from Coola — it's only $12, but feels like a world of improvement.
(Spray sunscreens aren't for everyone — personally I like to use them for legs and arms, particularly for my kids.)
The sunscreen spray is $12 at Nordstrom; you can also find scents like guava mango and pina colada.
Psst: Sunscreens readers have loved over the years are pictured include Elta MD, Supergoop!, and Kat's latest favorite sunscreen. Don't forget a sunscreen stick for your purse! If you're hunting for cute rash guards, check out J.Crew, Boden, Coolibar, and Athleta.
Sales of note for 3/10/25:
- Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
- Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + 20% off
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off all sale and select styles with code
- J.Crew – 40% off everything + extra 20% off when you buy 3+ styles
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off all pants & sweaters; extra 50% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Flash sale until midday 3/14: $50 off every $200 – combineable with other offers, including 40% off one item and 30% off everything else
Brand suggestions for a young teen/tween who needs to order bathing suit separates in different sizes? We are in a weird place where she is 5’3″ and has the athletic booty/hips of an adult but her bre@sts haven’t developed. Adult bottoms in an XS fit well but any bathing suit top meant for adults is way too wide or too adult in style for her. We found a bunch of cute bathing suites at abercrombie kids but she’s a 12 on top and a 14 on the bottom and they aren’t sold separately.
Our backup plan is to buy two bathing suits to mix and match but I’d rather not! She doesn’t like any of the styles at Athleta this year which is a bummer because it has been our go-to for years.
Aerie?
Try Nani. It offers small adult sizes that work for a straight figure, and the styles are sporty.
I second Nani
Dick’s Sporting Goods house brands like DSG or Calia. I think there are styles in one of the lines that go from kid to adult sizes.
Title Nine?
Bare Necessities
Jolyn
This sunscreen has avobenzone and octocrylene, so I wouldn’t really call it “reef-friendly.” Sunscreens with octocrylene are banned in both Hawaii and USVI.
Where are you seeing that it claims to be reef friendly?
+1 it’s clearly not reef friendly and doesn’t claim to be
It says “reef-friendly” under the details on the Nordstrom page.
On the Nordstrom website under the description. Second bullet point.
Hard on sensitive skin for a lot of people too.
$12 for 2 ounces?? With a spray that’s like, 2 applications and half of it blows away?
My recommendation- buy the $1.25 3oz plastic squeeze bottles from Target’s travel aisle, and fill with your preferred creamy sunscreen. Again and again.
What’s the secret to preventing your travel sunscreen container from leaking? I’ve only had success keeping them in their original containers. Otherwise it’s a leaky mess every time even if I leave extra room or use screw top containers or tube containers.
A piece of plastic wrap screwed beneath the cap. Works for my shampoo, conditioner, and aloe, too.
How do you get over being mad at a friend? I’m in my late twenties and just moved out of an apartment I shared with my closest friends to move in with my boyfriend. The move-out process made one of my friends very stressed, and as a result I felt like she took every opportunity to create conflict. She tried to take all of the furniture we bought communally to her new apartment because she ‘thought she bought it herself.’ She booked a bunch of weekend trips the month we were set to move and then asked us to each spend an extra $500 in double rent so she could have 28 days of apartment overlap instead of 21 days of apartment overlap for moving. She tried to block our landlord from showing our apartment (first by being a bit aggressively verbally, and then when we told her we had no recourse to object, by taking a shower during the time the landlord had scheduled a tour). Just thing after thing like that. She is moving into an apartment with our other roommate, and that roommate broke down crying a couple of weeks ago because she felt so overwhelmed about living one-on-one with someone who gets so aggressive and bad-faith when stressed. I was surprised that this friend finally opened up about this, because she typically contorts herself to defend our aggressive friend (they are cousins).
Anyway, the tipping point was that yesterday was our last day for cleaning, and aggressive friend said she couldn’t start until 10 am because she wanted to go out the night before, but would have to leave at 1 pm for another commitment. I expressed that I didn’t think 3 hours would be enough time, and that there was still a ton of stuff left in the apartment. She insisted that she would go the night before to remove all of the random objects left and do a dump run, and that therefore she wouldn’t need to stay the whole time on Sunday.
Anyway, I get there on Sunday to clean, and she’s obviously super mad at me. Apparently she felt like too many of the random objects left were mine (there was a bowl and some silverware that were mine that she pointed out). Other roommate was being extremely passive aggressive and silent treatment-y with me as well, bordering on hostile. I went to my room to calm down because I was stressed about the vibe of it all. While I was gone, aggressive roommate texted our other friend who wasn’t there to say that I had left too many objects in the house and that I wasn’t helping bring trash bags to her car (I was in my room trying not to cry).
Anyway, I tried to avoid the two roommates for the rest of the cleaning day, but it was the most stressed and awful I’ve felt in years. I truly don’t understand why either of them would be as mad at me as they seemed like they were, especially the non-aggro roommate. I think it’s perhaps just that she is now aligned with the aggressive roommate since they are living together, and is happily pretending to not have broken down crying two weeks ago about the way she treats her.
In this moment, I’m feeling like I never want to talk to either of them ever again and it feels like a landmine dealing with them. But it feels sad to give up friendships over such small reasons, especially the one who was just passive aggressive. How do you guys deal with friend conflict? Just take space to cool off and then act like nothing happened? I doubt I could ever have an actual conversation about it, as that is not the way either of them roll.
Here’s the good news: you don’t live with these people anymore, so only have to see them on your terms. You can still be friends with them, but can limit what time/energy you spend with them; you just may not be as close as you were before. Maybe this incident just made you more aware of a dynamic that was there the whole time, the immaturity, the thoughtlessness.
If it were me, I would have a direct conversation with them in a neutral place, like a coffee shop. Give them the opportunity to correct what went wrong. Then, you’ll have more info on how to move forward. But, for me – this kind of drama is just not my jam.
Thank you – this is so helpful. Would you stop being friends with them over it?
Give it some time living separately before you decide. Sometimes you’ve outgrown the living together phase of friendship but that doesn’t mean you can’t be normal friends.
Honestly, I would probably never call them again.
I think there’s a chance the friendship is going to die out naturally given that you won’t be living with them anymore.
Is your moving in with your boyfriend inconveniencing them? As in, did they have to break a lease or move on short notice to someplace less nice or more expensive? I’m not excusing their poor behavior, but wondering if that’s what’s driving this.
Not at all. I gave them 7 months notice to make it as easy as possible. We’ve been in our apartment for four years so we were month to month.
Well, that is plenty of prep time on your end.
I would have been furious with your annoying friend on the stunts she pulled. I would definitely not make any effort to see her ongoing, and would wait for her ?less crazy cousin to reach out to me.
This is what I was wondering too.
It can be stressful when you have a very stable living situation to suddenly loose it. Clearly your apartment mates dealt with it poorly.
No, I gave them 7 months of notice specifically to make it easy on them. We’d been there four years, so our lease was month to month.
If it’s so bad that you’re crying in your bedroom it will be hard to forget this behavior. I moved out of an apartment early due to roommate issues that were making me miserable. I figured that once I left we could go back to being friends because the only problems were related to sharing an apartment (and yes I found a replacement renter that they approved of). Then one of my roommates was horrible to me after I started the move-out process. It wasn’t just petty roommate arguments- it felt personal and like an intentional bid to upset me. I thought maybe I’d cool off after getting some distance but I never got over it. And you know what? I don’t miss that friend at all now that I know what she’s a capable of. It’s okay if you can’t forgive these people.
I probably wouldn’t talk to them again. I personally don’t have a lot of tolerance for people feel the need to resort to the silent treatment or passive aggressiveness to deal with hard feelings. I would feel differently if you were in college or directly after — sometimes people need life (and roommate!) experiences to develop better conflict resolution strategies — but it sounds like these are fully adult women who should know better.
I feel like this is sort of a friendship breakup moment. There are some things you can’t come back from, you can’t act like they didn’t happen. It’s sort of like breaking up with a guy and then having him call you every name in the book, then thinking you can still be friends.
Block them on everything now. Why would you try to address it when you can more easily ghost them? It’s 2025. This is the modern way
BTW – I know several people who meet people on Bumble BFF now, which is perfect because when the friendship ends there is a whole catalogue of others to pick from for your next best friend forever.
I mean, do you really want to be friends with these people moving forward? They sound like drama llamas. And family members will always close ranks together.
In your shoes I’d leave the door open but I wouldn’t put any effort into the relationship. If they want to reach out then ok. If you want to socialize with them again then I think you’ll have to let the move out stuff be water under the bridge; don’t expect an apology.
It’s very hard to apply enough sunscreen using a spray bottle. The fumes are also unpleasant for anyone in the vicinity. Team lotion sunscreen forever.
I break out from lotion and the alcohol-based ones give me alligator skin and I try not to do sunscreen-required activities with people who are so uptight about the existence of others, personally.
yikes
You sound wonderful.
It’s very hard to apply non spray sunscreen to my back at all. Spray is better than nothing
You’re gonna lose this one, unfortunately. My daughter does team sports and the sidelines are crowded with girls spraying on sunscreen. Maybe 5-10 at a time.
Same team, being around spray sunscreen fumes gives me a headache.
What are your favorite sheets?
The Company Store percale
Oh I tried these and were very unhappy with them – wrinkle terribly, yellowed quickly, shrunk a lot and barely fit my 10 inch king mattress.
Wow we had the reverse experience – ours have lasted over 5 years with no trouble (idk the exact date but know it was pre-Covid). They sell a deep pocket version for thick mattresses.
I used to be a sheet snob. The best sheets for my money are the Target Threshold 400 thread count. I think the patterns are better than the solids for some reason.
How are the pocket depths on these? We have poncy sheets but we have a mattress with a pillowtop and the poncy sheets seem to barely make it over.
Lands End: 400 Thread Count Premium Supima Cotton No Iron Sateen Bed Sheet Set
They’re cotton but silky smooth, don’t wrinkle much after drying, more resistant than other brands to yellowing.
Cozy Earth is my favorite. Bamboo and super soft. They do get wrinkled. For cozy sheets, Amazon jersey knit. My boys both love them. Amazon also surprisingly makes a decent percale sheet set too that my boys likes. I am fussy about scratchy sheets, and these all work for me.
Red Land Cotton. 100% cotton, grown and made in the US. They are beautiful.
WWYD? We own a two-year-old Tesla that we bought long before the current antics involving that company. Would we have bought the car today? Definitely not. But it was the best option at the time, we like the car (aside from the owner of the brand), and it’s fully paid off. It’s our only car.
I’m feeling very conflicted about driving it given everything that’s going on. But selling it and buying a new car also seems like an aggressive move — at least until yesterday, when a note was left on our windshield with a truly awful (avoiding naming so as not to go in mod) symbol on it.
Would you sell the car? Ignore the current situation and hope it blows over? I’m very conflicted. FWIW, we live in a super liberal (perhaps the most liberal) area of the country, which cuts both ways — many other Tesla owners, but the impact of continuing to drive the brand feels problematic. But we probably couldn’t get a ton in trade-in and a new EV would be a not-insignificant outlay for us.
I realize this is a super privileged post given all the other hardships this administration is causing. But I’d welcome any thoughts.
I live in a left-leaning, very pro-science college town and like 20% of the people I know drive Teslas, obviously bought before the current situation. I think you’re overthinking it.
Right at one point liberals were buying them because they were solid electric cars! Not that long ago.
FWIW, I have seen bumper stickers start to pop up basically saying “I bought this years ago, don’t @ me”
I also vote bumper sticker.
Yes, slap one of the “I bought this before we knew Elon was a X” stickers on and be done with it. Teslas have pretty poor resale value, so I wouldn’t let this dictate your finances.
I think these are funny because it’s not like we just recently learned how awful he is. He was definitely a terrible person 2 years ago, too.
Right?? Workers at Tesla factories were getting injured because Elon Musk didn’t like the color yellow back in 2018.
2 years ago he still sucked, OP just decided to overlook that when buying the car and is only concerned now that there’s consequences.
Exactly.
Very helpful, thanks!
+1000. Don’t pretend you didn’t know, you just didn’t care.
He was known to be bad in the sort of “all billionaires are bad” way. Not uniquely evil and terrible the way he is now.
That said, I’ve always thought it’s funny that people think he’s smart. To me he’s always seemed like the epitome of the mediocre white man who gets way too much credit for his intelligence and accomplishments.
These bumper stickers get a big eye roll from me, so I would not go this route. The true answer to what I would do is: sell the car and buy whatever else I could afford (could be a used EV/hybrid), because I just wouldn’t be able to stand being associated with Tesla. Having said that, I wouldn’t judge you for keeping the car. We all do things that are a little hypocritical/out of alignment with our beliefs and I don’t think that selling your used Tesla is really going to do much for the people whose lives are being ruined by Elon Musk.
If you acknowledge that nobody is perfectly in line with their beliefs, and you acknowledge that selling a Tesla makes a meaningful difference, can you say more about why you are against the bumper sticker? It expresses basically those sentiments in my opinion.
Because bumper stickers are for high schoolers and losers.
Don’t gut your finances because other people voted for Trump. People know you could have bought it before the Elon antics went into high gear. Just keep the car.
I don’t think you are ethically wrong, but I will say I definitely side-eye Tesla drivers. My implicit bias is on some level is best case that they are apolitical / don’t particularly care about what’s going on in the country right now / don’t care about the implications of his salute etc. I know rationally that it’s way more complicated (and even have a couple of liberal friends who bought Teslas a year ago or less), but I think it’s just the gut instinct I have. I also get mad to see so many Teslas in my city and it feels like an implicit endorsement of Musk and contributing to the ‘he’s not that bad / this isn’t the end of democracy’ complacency that’s taking root.
I would probably sell my Tesla if I had one, because I wouldn’t be able to stomach being associated with him and also contributing to that sense of endorsement of him. But I don’t think most people judge Tesla drivers the way I’m describing, so it may not matter if other people’s opinions are the only concern. FWIW, they do have good resale value.
You are me.
I looked up Tesla sales numbers. If you take the Twitter takeover in 2022 as the watershed moment (because that’s when his unhinged-ness went front page), then roughly half of the Tesla drivers bought their car before that happened. Before then, it’s conceivable to me that you wouldn’t have read about him unless that stuff was in your news bubble. There is so much news that you can only track a sunset at any given time!
So for the Tesla in front of me, it’s a coin toss. Cyber truck drivers on the other hand, I feel pretty safe to judge!
I land here too. Everyone is making compromises and priorities between their different values, and I’m not particularly fussed about neighbors who drive Tesla’s. Cybertruck feels different.
Same here. I don’t think it’s ethically wrong to own one, and I personally don’t even assume anything about the politics of the person driving it. But it is a brand that is closely associated with Elon — and they are everywhere in my city, and so I usually do “ugh” when I see them on the road.
My friend is in the same predicament. His solution is to loudly announce to anyone who will listen that he is now embarrassed to own a Tesla while his wife rolls her eyes and mouths “I told him so.”
As long as it isn’t a Cyber Truck, which is just embarrassing, keep driving. Wasting a perfectly good vehicle doesn’t help anyone or anything.
Exactly this. Yes he was odious before but the issues with workers etc apply to many car manufacturers, we’re just not always up to date on all of them. If you’re getting nasty messages I would put on a bumper sticker. If some people roll their eyes at that – well you can’t please everyone.
I would think seriously about selling it. It depends on your financial situation and how much of a hit you’d take, but not buying Teslas and contributing to their decline in value is actually one of the few things that will actually affect Elon. And while I might be more inclined to give you a pass on a five year old car, I think it was actually quite clear two years ago that this man was a seriously bad person and certainly not one I would want to have control over my car, completely aside from any political statements.
This is why we didn’t buy a Tesla a few years back. I didn’t want to give the man our hard-earned money, and I didn’t want a vehicle that I didn’t have full control of.
But what does selling it now do to help? Tesla already got its money. And selling it at a Tesla dealership, which would probably be the way to go, just compounds the profit.
It’s basic supply and demand. The more cars on the used market, the lower the price for both used and new cars. And it helps set the example that it’s not acceptable to drive a car that supports a man doing unacceptable things, which further decreases demand.
The dude is a bazillionaire; your mildly driving down the resale value of Tesla’s isn’t going to affect him.
One way you could think of it – what’s the net financial loss of selling the Tesla and buying a Nissan leaf or whatever your alternate would be? Set that money aside in your mind and in your budget – and then treat as a separate question how you want to direct that money most effectively (eg. donate it to a political cause; to a nonprofit that’s lost it’s funding, or use it to swap out the cars).
yes it’s escalated recently but I am eye rolling that you were okay with him in 22/23 when you bought it. It is not news that he’s terrible.
I would be embarrassed to drive around in a yahtzee’s car.
I would get rid of it, only because it’s always bothered me how much access Tesla has to your car after purchase and it doesn’t seem impossible that Elon could decide to get in the operating system and decide how you could use it. Since he’s not been reined in in any other way.
No, obviously you should not buy an entire new car, but I am laughing at the (extremely minor) consequences of your actions. The dude has always been awful.
I judge anyone driving a cyber truck, but don’t give a second glance to anyone driving a run of the mill Tesla sedan.
I would get rid of the car, and I would also keep in mind that Elon’s terribleness and antics have been known to most of the public for far, far longer than two years. Teslas, and in particular Cybertrucks, have become far more than just a car. It’s a symbol, and your driving it communicates tacit agreement with what Elon is doing. You may not feel that way in your heart and your house, but everyone around you on the road isn’t going to know that. If you keep the car, I would do so with the expectation that you are going to continue to get notes, dirty looks, cut off in traffic, etc.
It’s never been clearer that anything that has ever been actually achieved by that company never had anything to do with any contributions of someone this technologically clueless.
If I had infinite time and money, I’d replace the car. Given that I don’t, I’d rather give money to Dems and time to causes that have more direct impact, like Vote Forward.
Next car will be something else.
I vote for the bumper sticker
I’d either sell the car or get a bumper sticker. I’d assume you were a “symbol left on note on your car” otherwise.
I’m a liberal, and this thread is why people make fun of liberals.
I live in San Francisco and I’d sell it in your shoes.
trying again since I was in mod all morning. Going to Oakland for 6 days of work and have one 24 hour period, afternoon to afternoon, during which I can pop over to San Francisco. Where do I stay? Can I uber over the bridge and not rent a car? Is ubering cost prohibtive? What else should I see? Thanks for all suggestions!
Definitely Uber! Should be $50 or less from Oakland. I’d stay in the Marina, Pacific Heights, Lower Haight, or Nob Hill (though make sure it’s a good area). Visit North Beach, Chinatown, Palace of Fine Arts, walk to the water for a great view of the bridge. The Presidio is also gorgeous for a naturey walk.
You can uber to San Francisco, but you can also just take BART (our subway – it’s fine for getting from Oakland to SF). In Oakland, a walk around Lake Merritt (near downtown Oakland) can be nice, and neighborhoods like Grand Lake and Rockridge are fun for wandering. If you do get a car, regional parks like Redwood Regional are great for a day hike.
Local here – I agree about BART. It’s easy.
In addition to the trip to the City, which OP should absolutely do, Rockridge is a fun Oakland neighborhood to wander, and it’s also a BART stop.
I just returned from a 2-night stay in SF, managed to squeeze a lot into a short time. We stayed at Hotel Kabuki, which was perfect for us. It’s a smaller hotel in Japantown, and it felt quite safe walking around, even after dark. Their restaurant has a Michelin star. I was with two young kids, so we mainly hit the museums, but I would also check out the Presidio (absolutely stunning public park that encompasses the SF side of the GG bridge) and Golden Gate Park (confusingly, the GG bridge does not connect to GG Park). We also tried out a Waymo, one of the autonomous taxis, which was a fun lark. Fillmore is a great neighborhood to wander and window-shop.
Two of my close friends got married recently – I’m single. We used to do a mix of just girls hanging out and hanging out with the husbands, but I’ve realized now its always with the husbands. I’m friends with them too so I don’t mind it, but girls night is different. Should I try to say anything or just let it go? Even if I was partnered I would want to just meet my friends and not their partners sometimes.
Suggest a girls night! They aren’t mind readers
Fair! We’re also at the “everyone is so busy we need to schedule hang outs ahead of time” phase so it feels like we couldn’t do both girls night and the full group so that’s why I was hesitating.
You are also a person who gets to have preferences!
Invite them to do a girls’ night! Text, “Miss catching up with you guys! Want to a girls’ night?”
No need to have a confrontation – just be direct in what you’re asking for.
They may be more interested in a girl’s night once they are more settled into the marriage. If they don’t pick up on it right away, give it a little time! I’m an insufferable smug married person, and I always wonder if friends are secretly hoping for girls time. Sometimes I initiate something with ‘just me’ but usually husband makes puppy eyes so I invite him. Talking about it is important.
So one is recently married, the other has been married for a while and is settled into it. I just don’t want this to be the new dynamic! I do think their husbands make puppy eyes about it sometimes.
Since there are two husbands, they can hang out with each other! At least that will be my recommendation next year for mine and the other husband who acted like they don’t know what to do with themselves this past galentines.
What the heck is up with these husbands?
They can’t amuse themselves for a couple hours alone?
Some kind of helplessness for sure! I told mine ‘I will be hosting a galentines dinner, you should make plans for that night, it’s 3 weeks from now, you can come home at 8:30’. Two days before he phoned up a friend, found him unavailable, and then just worked late. Apparently the husband of one guest also had failed to make plans and was envious of our fun evening. So they should hang out next time, but also, big eye roll at all this.
In generalities, a lot of folks get better at hanging out with friends sans partner a year or a couple after getting married, but plenty of people relish the opportunity to get in the habit of maintaining a social life independent of their partner. I wouldn’t wait too long for the invite, since it doesn’t usually get easier to schedule things.
From the perspective of of somebody who has been the single friend in this situation- don’t bring your partner to friend/girl night, even though he wants to come. Not if you want to keep a strong friendship.
Friends need friend time at least a lot of the time, if you want to keep the relationship you need to make that space.
I wouldn’t do that! But somehow we never say girls night – it’s just “want to grab a drink on Wednesday?’ and then I overthink if they meant just me or if I can bring my husband. I could of course just ask, then it’s only down to those which then feel like they need to extend the invitation out of politeness, lol!
That makes me want to vomit. Your adult man husband makes puppy eyes about you getting dinner with a girlfriend and you give in? Get a grip
It was a figure of speech, maybe you could get a grip. He is the person I like to hang out with the most, so I don’t need much convincing. But I don’t let him crash a girl’s night if it is so labeled.
My closest female friends are an ocean away, most people here are work friends or couple friends. Working on that.
I tend to want to spend my weekends with my boyfriend, so it has limited my availability for girls nights, although I am always down to do a weeknight dinner with my friends. However, my boyfriend also likes to do the occasional poker/boys night, so I try to schedule girls nights when he’s doing those activities. I know it’s hard for you as the single person (who doesn’t know when their husbands might be otherwise busy), but you could always suggest a girls’ night and do it far enough in advance that it gives their husbands time to find something to do as well. Good luck!
Don’t drop your friends to spend time with your husband…
I get what you’re saying, but the shelf life of a good husband tends to be longer than the shelf life of a good friend. And investing in the relationship keeps the relationship good, which is kinda more important if you share a home/finances/children/etc. with them than if you don’t.
Yes, but a relationship with a friend also requires investment. The way you’re talking is a good way to not have any relationships outside your husband – which is also not ideal.
I disagree that the shelf life of a good husband is longer than that of a good friend. Do you not have long term friends, such as childhood or college friends?
That’s not the world I live in. Those who still hang out with high school friends are those that never left their hometown, those who still hang with college friends are those who stayed in the college town. I’ve got a couple friends from boy scouts that I’ve kept because it’s hard to come by good outdoorsy friends, but we only plan camping trips together and don’t do much else.
You know what? My husband is a much better person than my friends as much as I struggled to admit it.
Fair enough, if that’s your situation. Then honestly, it seems like you should let your friends go then.
Maybe we’re weird but even right after marriage DH and I weren’t insistent on spending ALL our time together? Maybe it’s because we were together a long time before marriage so there wasn’t that infatuated newlywed stage? Maybe it’s because we had separate groups of friends to begin with so it was always normal for him to grab a drink after work with people or for me to do a girls night with other people and if those weren’t the same night or time, nobody was guilting the other person to come along? We just entertained ourselves reading a book or watching TV or working out or whatever we did pre marriage when the other was working late or going to an event or whatever.
Yeah, I’m long-time married but have always had time for nights out with friends. My husband does not have a big local friend group, but he never begrudges me a night out with friends. I wouldn’t be able to be with someone who wanted to keep me locked down, nor much less show up to gatherings he wasn’t invited to (looking at you, my friend’s husband PAUL.)
Yeah, things changed when my friends and I had kids because they demand so much of your time and on the rare occasion you can get away it’s natural to want to actually talk to your spouse. But when we were all just married and childfree, we both saw our individual friends a ton. Marriage change nothing.
I am clearly an “old,” but I love when my husband goes out with friends solo. It gives me time to indulge in activities I alone love without feeling like I need to engage with my partner. My mom on the other hand has a Linda and Paul dynamic with her husband that makes me nuts, so I guess maybe gauge where your friends are on that scale?
What’s a Linda and Paul dynamic?
McCartney, I assume. Though it’s hard to be negative about their relationship, since they were clearly the loves of each others’ lives.
Many of my friends are partnered but I almost never see them. I am fine going to concerts or some activity together but usually I don’t want to be a third wheel to their couples. Not because I dislike their partners or dislike being single, but because I want to discuss things with my women friends I don’t want to discuss with their male partners. I think you just have to tell them you want to do girls only for some things.
So this is a bit of a topic in DC but just curious if it’s on anyone’s radar anywhere else – are you cutting back on spending in any way?
Obviously in DC it’s because so many people are federal or fed adjacent employees and even private employers like law firms and consulting firms do a ton of regulatory work, so there could be less of that work if we stop enforcing regulation. But in other places are people concerned about economic impacts whether from tariffs or health systems bringing in less money and therefore making potential staffing decisions etc? Or is it just DC that collectively can’t sleep right now?
we’re absolutely heading into a recession, and i’m trying to be mindful of that when spending.
I was already planning to cut down on my spending in 2025 before he got re-elected, but all this current news has reinforced my decision to spend only on necessities and when I do, at stores that support DEI. I’m lucky enough to live in a suburb with lots of store choices so I’m voting with my dollars.
Do you have a list of DEI-friendly stores handy or know of one? I’d like to do this too.
Nope, none of us are exempt from the chaos. We are having our disaster aid held up, have lots of universities and other research facilities that Trump wants to gut, a large VA hospital in the area, airports that are going to be understaffed, etc.
Yes, my husband is a professor who almost certainly won’t have grant funding this summer and quite possibly not for the next four summers. His academic year salary is paid by the university but summer funding is about 1/3rd of his annual income and he’s the breadwinner, so it’s nearly 20% of our HHI. We had saved money for this coming summer (because even in the best of times it’s not a sure thing he gets a grant every year), but will have to cut back soon to prepare for future years without funding. Even more if I lose my higher ed staff job, which seems likely with the cuts to overhead and university budgets.
I’m in NYC, in government and nonprofit circles (few feds though) and everyone is cutting back. Last year everyone was in Europe for spring break, this year everyone is trading play dates to avoid paying for camp. No one’s lost a job yet, but we all feel it’s coming.
No, because I have always had an overly-cautious emergency fund that would cover two years of living expenses assuming no Argentinian levels of inflation. This is no different than the war in Europe or COVID, it’s just more of the same…
Was US AID mentioned at all, by anyone, during the election? I was trying to remember the other day. Why would they go after that one first?
(Theories I’ve seen include Putin wanting it, and also something about how US farmers supplied a lot of soy and wheat to US Aid, so now all those farmers are going to go bankrupt, which will enable foreign entities to buy up US farmland using an app that JD Vance created. Acreshare or somethign?)
IDK about pre ejection but a certain tech billionaire has had it out for USAID because the org has historically done a lot of work in South Africa helping a population he actively dislikes.
That was my thought too.
The reason I heard is that so much of their spending is basically a massive slush fund for pet projects that enrich the buddies of people who work there, it was a good target. Doesn’t mean all of their spending was that, just waaaay too much.
It might be harder to downsize the FERC or something (even if it is, hypothetically, bloated). Hit USAID, people are furious at what is exposed, knock it down, and use groundswell of public opinion to go after tougher targets.
Again, no one is “furious” at “what is exposed” – especially not liberals.
Literally none of the spending does that and USAID won an award for data availability for its work on foreign assistance dot gov, and participates in the international aid transparency initiative. Federal rules require full and open competition to the maximum extent possible, or significant documentation to sole source. In my 15 years the only times I ever got pressed to keep a project was a Congressional earmark written into law or the International Republican Institute.
I don’t know anyone who is “furious” about what’s been exposed, namely because they haven’t exposed much of anything; although I do know people who are furious about blatant lies Elon’s claimed with absolutely nothing to back him up (like “only 10% of money reached beneficiaries”).
Not sure about why first, but it was one of the Project 2025 targets.
(https://www.project2025.observer/?agencies=USAID)
Because they hate helping people. Idk why you are searching for a hidden motive? They hate the poor, especially brown non American poors, and actively want them to die
It’s an easy argument to make to their base. Here, look at this agency that is using American dollars to help others/non-Americans when there are Americans that need help. We are going to eliminate your money being spent in other countries.
It is the prime example, to some folks, of the US “wasting” $ on non-Americans while we have people suffering at home. But then, this faction also generally wants to cut Medicare/SS/Medicaid that support the elderly, disabled, and poor children, so I can’t close that circle.
Right? The same people screaming about helping people “at home” are the same people upset about free school lunches. Does not compute.
The scrutiny of the UNRWA may not have involved USAID by name, but they are linked.
Is there a going rate for a monetary gift for returning a lost wallet?
I would do what you can and in proportion to the effort made. Did they find it and call you? Did they drive it across town? Did they call you immediately, and also your office via the business card in it, and overnight it to you?
In any case, $50 feels right to me if you can afford it. If it was a big effort and you can afford it and they seem like they would appreciate it, then more. If money is tight, an honest thank you and maybe a $10 Starbucks?
FWIW some kind people let us park in front of their driveway (blocking them in) on July 4th one night. We had young kids and it saved us easily an hour of walking AND a massive headache. I mailed them a $10 Dunkin gift card (we knew their address because we parked there). I’m sure it made their day.
Once, I let a neighbor borrow a random costume accessory. She returned it dry cleaned and with a $10 Starbucks card and it absolutely delighted me. Another time a neighbor dug her son’s recorder out of the basement to save my kid’s butt when she lost hers the night before her 4th grade recorder concert. I picked it up and left a $10 Starbucks card and she was over the moon at the thoughtfulness. Lady lives in a $2M house; it was just about the gratitude (I didn’t think kiddo playing the recorder for her would count!).
I want to take an anatomy & physiology class, online only, and not for college credit. It could be a live online class or something where you just watch recorded lectures. Just for my own learning that’s more structured than trying to watch YouTube videos. I am OK paying a bit for something of quality. I know there are things like eCornell and Harvard has some classes. Oddly, my community college doesn’t offer it except in person (is big with their health careers students and they are taking it for real vs just as a curious person). Any good recommendations? I feel that there are a million humanities things but maybe I’m searching for the wrong terms.
It probably only exists in person at your community college because there is a required lab. I took this at cc and that was the reasoning-idk if there is ever an option to do anatomy labs online?
No experience with this particular field, but I like Coursera and they have a bunch of options: https://www.coursera.org/search?query=anatomy%20and%20physiology