Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Colby Pant
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
These straight-leg pants from La Ligne are a bestseller for the brand, and it’s easy to see why. They have the look of an elevated trouser, but with the pull-on waist and drapey fit, they feel like your favorite sweatpants.
With an inseam of 30¾”, it looks like these are meant to be worn with flats. If you’re in a sneaker-appropriate office, I’m loving these from J. Crew; otherwise, I would probably look for a driving loafer like these classics from M.Gemi.
The pants are $295 at La Ligne and come in sizes XXS-XL. They also come in 12 other colors/fabrics.
Hunting for more wide-leg pants to wear to work? In 2025, general favorites include pleated pairs like Aritzia, Favorite Daughter, Everlane*, Reformation*, and Abercrombie*, with flat-front pairs from Good American,* M.M.LaFleur, and Ann Taylor (* = plus sizes; see the post for notes on petites and talls). We've also shared our thoughts on what shoes to wear with wide-leg pants!
Sales of note for 3/10/25:
- Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
- Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + 20% off
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off all sale and select styles with code
- J.Crew – 40% off everything + extra 20% off when you buy 3+ styles
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off all pants & sweaters; extra 50% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Flash sale until midday 3/14: $50 off every $200 – combineable with other offers, including 40% off one item and 30% off everything else
Best tips for overcoming secondary insomnia? Lately I am waking up at 4 am to go to the bathroom and have trouble going back to sleep – I start worrying about one kid’s latest injury/medical thing or planning trips in my head or thinking about work stuff I have to do. (Note – I always wake up to go to the bathroom at least once in the night and am not interested in drinking less water etc.) If I wake up earlier it is mostly fine, but if it’s at/after 4 it becomes a problem (doubly so if DH is there and snoring, which is not every day).
Unfortunately I’ve never succeeded at this and did have to resort to drinking less water. Doesn’t always work but when it does, it’s worth it. I have a friend who takes a Benadryl when she wakes up like that.
I would be hesitant about frequent use of Benadryl as some studies are showing a link with dementia.
+1
For me, B complex in the AM, high protein low carb dinner, and magnesium glycinate, L-serine, and cetirizine at bedtime if I want to cover my bases.
I don’t think of getting up to go to the bathroom as a too much water thing; I think of it as too much sugar/starch thing.
I also got DH on CPAP which is a lot quieter than snoring.
I know “counting sheep” is silly but some kind of meditative practice can sometimes help with clearing the mind. But for me I think it’s usually that adrenaline woke me up in the first place that I think drives the thoughts.
I have found that if I eat a little something (yogurt, a croissant), it usually knocks me into a mini food coma enough to fall back asleep. Like I have the energy to stay up or digest food but not both. Needs to be something bland and with zero cook time. Toast might be OK though.
This whole pattern seems like a potential red flag for blood sugar control issues.
Eh, if your sugars aren’t fine, this is probably not the path for you. And a Twinkie probably isn’t anyone’s good choice. But if it’s what you have on hand for your normal breakfast, it’s probably fine. Actual cooking, though, may wake you up solidly.
What I am saying is that waking up part way through the night can be from blood sugar instability. The stress hormones that help raise blood sugar also wake us up.
Mini food comas isn’t an entirely normal phenomenon after a snack either.
I’ve definitely had to keep a snack near the nightstand to get through the night before, but a bad glucose tolerance test showed why.
If this is a frequent thing, I’d agree that it may need some workup. It may help any doctor if you can jot contemporaneous notes so they can see if there is a pattern or rule in/out things.
If occasional, just have some things in your bag of tricks.
It’s not a “mini food coma” it’s the fat satiates you and helps you sleep.
Or the starches provoke hyperglycemia and makes you drowsy? Easy to just make guesses without actually testing!
Yeah, like this sounds exactly like the naps I was taking during pregnancy before being diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Turned out I was having very abnormal glycemic reactions to carbs!
+1 fat is satiating
-putting in ear plugs and adding eye mask (not that it’s that loud or bright in my bedroom, but physical reminders that it’s sleepy time)
-writing down useful stray thoughts on a notepad I keep by the bed
-literally thinking to myself ‘brain, stop that’ and focusing on a bland object – like a piece of fruit
-mimicking my sleeping husband’s breathing patterns, which is another way to focus your thoughts I guess!
Ah, I wake up at 3:40 regretting all my lie choices. I do a DIY bodyscan or put a sleep meditation on my phone. Even if I don’t fall asleep, at least I’m resting my body/brain.
I love the sleep meditation thing. It doesn’t work 100% of the time, but at least I’m trying to get back to sleep.
When my mind starts spinning, I turn on a podcast (YMMV with your husband) which knocks me out. Or, I move to the couch and throw on the tv
I have 4 well-worn audiobooks on rotation for this, and a pair of earbuds on my nightstand just for this. Sometimes I also just cradle the phone near my ear in low volume.
I used to do that and now I put my phone directly under my pillow instead. I can still hear it on lowest volume but it doesn’t mash against my face. I was surprised I could hear it fine through the pillow!
This is what I do. If you’re a Bravo watcher, I highly recommend Watch What Crappens. They reenact Bravo shows while making jokes. I find the fact that it’s talking about something I’ve already seen to be extra soothing. Their voices are very calming. I rarely make it through more than a few minutes if I listen at night.
Make sure you’re eating enough healthy fat and protein at dinner to keep you full until morning – it could also be a blood sugar thing.
I like to listen to a comfort-read audiobook (one I’ve read a bunch) quietly to help me get back to sleep. Don’t turn on lights or move around too much.
I stayed in a Marriott that had a tiny bottle of ThisWorks deep sleep pillow spray.
It actually does work to knock me out when I wake up at 3 am.
Once I’m done with my tiny spray bottle, I’m going to order more.
I’ve sometimes had success with getting up, turning on a warm light lamp, and reading a book until I feel my eyes starting to close, when I can go back to bed.
A while back there were some popular articles about how before electric lighting, many people got their two sleep cycles non-consecutively and sometimes even socialized with neighbors in between!
I also struggle with this. I can’t let my brain get going on things, so I do slow deep breathing and count backwards from 500. If I’m still awake after 20 minutes or so, I read in the kindle app on my ipad on dark mode. This is also how I fall asleep every night so it’s always right next to my pillow already and puts out so little light that it doesn’t wake up my husband or keep me from falling back asleep.
I’ve lived through this, and have lived through a kid with this issue. Any chance you can wake yourself up earlier to use the bathroom? That worked for my child. What worked for me was staying up an hour and a half later so I could end up sleeping through the night. I’d try the first before the second!
Yeah, 4am is pretty close to actual wake-up time, which is probably part of the reason it is harder to fall back asleep.
I keep a pad and pen by the bed. If a work thing or worry pops into my head I write it down and let it go. Then my mind is clear and its easier to fall asleep.
This was happening to me, and it turned out I was prediabetic and my blood sugars were waking me up. I’d get bloodwork checked just in case, and ask specifically about your a1c. Most doctors I’ve come across don’t say anything until you’re nearly or actually diabetic.
The Red Cross is offering free A1C testing with donations in March, FYI!
The only time in my life when I had enough control over my mind to stop the middle of the night mind zoomies was when I was doing a yoga class twice a week. It was amazing.
Can you just embrace being up at 4?
I am a frequent 4am waker (shout out to the 4am club on TikTok, IYKYK) and have definitely found that “surrendering” to being up helps me. I will often read or listen to a pod, but by removing the “omg I must get back to sleep asap” feelings, I can trick myself into falling back asleep again more than 50% of the time.
(and regarding the rest of the comments here, no my wakeups aren’t blood sugar related)
I keep seeing videos about something called “cognitive shuffling” on social media. It seems easy enough to try.
I also find that magnesium glycinate at bedtime helps me stay asleep all night.
When I’m awake in the middle of the night I tend to stress about being tired the next day, which makes it even harder to fall asleep. When I tell myself “I’ll just call in sick tomorrow,” I fall right back to sleep and don’t actually have to call in sick.
It might seem unrelated, but are you using your phone before you fall asleep, and/or is it located within arm’s reach?
I had the same problem as you. Once I stopped using my phone at least one hour before bedtime and charged it out of arm’s reach across the room, my sleep quality improved IMMENSELY. I pair this with a 10-15 minute evening yoga sequence to help me wind down. I haven’t woken up in the middle of the night since!
I know in humans, we make less urine overnight. There is some name for this effect and a hormone involved; both names escape me. Is that also with dogs? First-time dog owner (but partner has had dogs before). Partner wants me to wake a sleeping dog to take him out at a fixed time each day to pee. My take is that if the dog is sleeping, he’s like me: could go if woken up, but am OK if left to sleeping.
Are dogs like babies where it’s better to keep the same routine 7 days a week or more like teens where if they are sleeping, you let them sleep?
As kids have switched to a school that starts VERY EARLY in the morning, our weekdays and weekends now have dramatically different start times, so dog goes out before the school run on weekdays and I’d honestly like to not have to do that on weekends (so maybe an hour later). Dog (adopted) is 4 and seems fine; never has pee accidents; only has poop accidents rarely and if he has had a gastric misadventure.
If the dog is four unless they have an upset tummy there’s literally no reason to take them out overnight. Also dogs generally like routine but I don’t wake my dog to go out unless it’s almost bedtime for me and she hasn’t been out in a while. But in general if the dog is well-behaved, not having indoor accidents and is an adult I wouldn’t really worry too much about any of this, as in, it doesn’t really matter if you keep a strict routine or vary from day-to-day.
In my experience with adult dogs, you don’t need to do this. A healthy adult dog should 100% be fine overnight without peeing (and it sounds like yours is!)
IME, dogs waking you up in the morning is 100% about wanting to be fed, not needing to go out.
We got a dog who refuses to do stairs, so except for his first hight, we have slept on different floors. We took the crate away once he outgrew it and he just sleeps / patrols the downstairs at night. He seems fine? I come down first thing to get my meds and a drink and he is 99% of the time sleeping and when he isn’t, isn’t wanting to go out or even by the door until a bit later when I have shoes on and grab the leash.
Adult dogs don’t normally need to pee overnight.
Maybe it’s a “can you take them out a 6 on weekdays and sleep in and take them out at 8 on the weekends” situation. I try to stay within the hour, and it’s a routine vs a schedule, but a 2 hour variation (including at lunch / afternoon) seems to be OK when things come up and adult can’t stick to the dog’s usual timing.
Yeah most dogs should be more than fine with that variation.
Like mentioned above, the real issue seems to be food. If they get breakfast at 6 on weekdays, they’ll want it at 6 on weekends too
Yeah, dogs don’t need a schedule like that. Depending on the size of the dog, they may need to pee every X hours. But they don’t read a clock and they don’t need to be let out at specific times each day.
You need some consistency. You can’t expect a dog to pee at 6am Monday to Friday but be able to hold it until 9am on weekends.
That said, it doesn’t have to be exact. Our Lab goes out at 7:15am on weekdays and at about 8:30 on weekends with the occasional 9am. For weekends, DH and I are usually up a bit later on Friday/Saturday nights and make sure she gets a chance to go before we go to bed at midnight. She’s 2.5 years for reference. If you’re just gotten this dog as a rescue at 4 years old, you may need to be letting the dog out more frequently until the dog adjusts to your household routines.
You absolutely can expect that, in my experience.
+1 especially bigger dogs.
Probably true that it’s easier with bigger dogs, but I have a 20 lb chihuahua mix who has never needed any sort of consistency in terms of her morning pee time. She doesn’t even want to go out in the mornings half the time because she’s so old and lazy now she just wants to stay in bed. Especially in winter when it’s cold.
+2 agree. if you create the consistent routine, they will expect it and act like they need to go out since that’s what they’re used to. But they definitely don’t need it if they’re sleeping and not bothering you to go out
I have a 28 lb dog. We are out of the house by 7:30 am 4 days a week and it’s often a bit of a chore to convince him it’s time to go. On the other 3 days, if I waited for him to tell me he has to go out, I could sometimes wait until 10 am. He is 6 yrs and has lived with me since he was a puppy. Hasn’t had an accident in 5+ years.
“Partner wants me to wake a sleeping dog to take him out at a fixed time each day to pee.”
Definitely do not do this. You are correct. There is zero reason to train a dog to expect you to get out of bed and do something with it in the middle of the night, because that’s what you’ll be doing. Dogs are creatures of habit. They thrive on routine and a schedule. If your dog isn’t having accidents or waking you up to go out, there’s no need to worry. My dogs routinely go 10+ hours from last walk to first pee in the morning and they’re fine.
I’d say that in general you should let a sleeping dog sleep unless there’s a real need to wake them. Dogs need a lot of sleep, and you’re not accomplishing anything by waking them up.
I have a dog, previous dogs, and have fostered (aka lots of potty training dogs with no housetraining).
waking the dog up to take them out is a great way to train them to expect to go out at that time! dogs like schedules & patterns. If they’re having trouble with training or puppies, exact scheduled times can help.
My current adult dog (small) is fine going out at 6am on days we’re in the office, closer to 8 on WFH days, and even later on weekends. He’ll wake us up if he needs to go out. Our last dog couldn’t hold it as long overnight once he was a senior, but that’s pretty typical, and again, he’d let us know when he had to, we never woke him up just because.
Seems like if Partner wants the dog to wake up and go out, Partner should be doing that. Why on earth would Partner be assigning that task to you??
Also, dogs are generally fine going all night without a trip outside.
Is anyone else here watching The Pitt? I’m not in health care, but I had a terminally ill parent last year and an ambulance ride -> ER -> admitted -> discharged to nursing home parent right after that. I thought the show would be a little bit PTSD for me but had I seen it a year ago, I would have understood the rhythms of a hospital much better (as a lay person, the boarding in the ER and hospital social workers seemed pretty spot on, ditto paperwork for DNRs and POLSTs being hard to keep track of or getting lost with handoffs). [These aren’t plot spoilers, just likely any moment in any ER or facility.]
I haven’t seen it, but I have heard that it’s the most realistic doctor show
Same. I’ve watched in fits and starts; at times it is a bit intense for when I’m trying to power down before bed. Like all medical shows now, it has gore (probably realistic gore, but gore nonetheless) and I have a tough time looking at it. The part that is fascinating is how the patients are triaged; how administrators are at odds with providers; and just how very very screwed up our healthcare is. That comes through loud and clear. Noah Wylie is superb in it.
I’m a hospital administrator and hate the way we’re portrayed on television. I get that it wouldn’t be interesting to watch us review spreadsheets all day, but I swear some of exist who care deeply about patients and providers and work really hard on behalf of both (of course there are also some hospital administrators who are villains! same with any industry!). Not the point of this thread, but just needed to vent!
I think there are enough villains that it’s fair to be wary and distrustful.
Every single hospital that isn’t requiring masking as source control right now is contributing to needless mortality for the highest risk patients, and that lands on admins.
Can we not?
TV goes easy on an industry that lobbies against safe staffing requirements, adequate PPE for staff, and infection control to protect patients.
OK — let’s move any ranting about the system to another thread. The TV show The Pitt is awesome and I am here for an on-topic post. I hate medical dramas and was shocked to be eagerly awaiting the next episode to the point of not bothering with S3 of The White Lotus in favor of The Pitt.
I was impressed by Code Black, but watching took a lot out of me and I ended up not watching it. So if the Pitt has managed to do a good job with a medical drama that also makes people want to watch the next episode, that sounds like something I should try.
I am watching St. Denis but only a few of the episodes are all that hospital specific (and I agree that admin aren’t fairly portrayed in that one; I am not sure what they were going for with that character).
The administrators at my hospital seem to be available (by Zoom, they all work from home) from about 11am to 2pm, Tuesday-Thursday, so I’m not sure I would cede hardworking. I’m the physician in a leadership “dyad” with an administrator I haven’t seen in-person in over 6 weeks (I’m at the hospital every day). Flagship academic center. Talking to colleagues at other centers leads me to believe this is more the norm than the exception.
I believe there are good guy admins, but probably not ones who think it’s no different from any other industry. It should be!
Agree with the other physician poster that we never see hospital administrators in our ERs. Never. Every administrator that could go remote is remote. It is funny that the way this show is filmed, the administrator is literally stepping into the ER every hour, harassing the poor ER attending.
I am ready for the elastic-waist trend to be over. It’s fine on sweats and linen beach pants, but I don’t want the diaper look with my dress pants. I think it’s just another way for clothing manufacturers to cheap out, both in the construction and by only having to offer S/M/L sizing instead of numeric sizing.
I’m OK with some back ease / elastic now that I’m not in formal suits but still wear a jacket / cardi that covers it. But not full elastic unless I’m at the gym.
Agree. Honesty I bloat a lot so
I’m happy with elastic in the back. Hate it in front though.
Yes, the fold (and even Brooks Brothers!) have elastic back pants which I do appreciate for ease. But the elastic waists/drawstrings on ‘dress’ pants are horrible and somehow manage to give me both a wedgie and an awkwardly bunched front.
Drawstrings IMO belong only on gym attire. Hate that this moved to workwear and wrecked so many otherwise OK items.
I think that’s the problem for me – my proportions work better with short/cropped jackets, and I just do not like how visible back elastic looks. With the OP on this one, ready for it to be over!
I have decided that what happens in the back of my outfit is none of my business as long as, like, my underwear isn’t exposed.
Same. If anyone behind me thinks I have diaper butt and judges me harshly for it, that’s their problem and not mine.
I like flat front with elastic back. I’m not disciplined enough to maintain a specific size so the flex is nice.
+1
Oh yeah.
It’s because everyone got doughier during Covid and wants clothes to stretch if that happens again.
Ehhhh, I think a lot of it has to do with how much easier (therefore cheaper) those garments are to construct.
Yeah, but the fact is that there wasn’t a huge market for those before and now there is.
If that were the whole story, wouldn’t the Ozempic fad bring back real pants? So far that has not happened.
As a pregnant lady, I’m in nothing but elastic!
Heck no to drawstrings though. So frustrating when an otherwise fine looking pair of pants gets ruined with stupid drawstrings. Looking at you, Athleta linen pants.
I don’t know, my body shape changed post partum and has shifted to a broader waist. Elastic is forgiving while I’m still changing 1.5 years out. It can be done better or worse.
I hope it stays. I have a nickel allergy that is getting worse with age. So many pant closures give me horrible rashes. I’m finding having some give is also great as bloating can shift dramatically in a day. So, so much more comfortable.
I am cooking pasta for about 40 people this weekend, mix of adults and kids, and want to make it as easy as possible for myself. What’s your favorite from-the-jar-sauce and your best tips to fancy it up a little? I can’t do wine because of religious reasons for the crowd but willing to add anything else.
Little Italy in the Bronx. I added crushed red pepper to it.
Raos or Victorias. Both are available at Costco (given the size you’re cooking for).
Rao’s and Carbone are both solid. I just get whichever is on sale, keeping in mind that Rao’s is a little thicker and sweeter. If I have one, I like to add a parmesan rind to the pot. Or pork neck if pork is something people eat, but I wouldn’t do that if I was trying to keep things easy and simple. We add fresh olive oil to our plates but not to the pot.
Carbone sauce is amazing. I could drink the arrabbiata. Maybe offer a few choices so people can opt for sweet (tomato basil or marinara) vs spicy (arrabbiata) vs meaty.
This is an especially good idea with children. My kids would only do very plain tomato sauce with minimal spice as small children. Having meat free options (or meat served separately) would also be great.
If you are looking for 3 options I might do ‘plain’ tomato, meat, and vodka sauce (I’d keep this vegetarian even though my recipe uses pancetta).
Would also recommend having veggies on the side, like mushrooms and onions and peppers, because kids don’t like those and some can be polarizing. You don’t need to make enough veggies for all, only about 1/2 to 2/3 of attendees or less
+1 – this is a great addition but I’d buy veggie trays from your local grocery store and call it a day.
If you melt in some cream cheese you get a lovely creamy pink sauce.
There’s so many people with mild lactose intolerance these days, don’t do this. Leave the cheese on the side.
+1. This would be way too much dairy for my stomach. If you have decent sauce then there’s no need to drown it in this heavy stuff anyway
Rao’s sauce is delicious and has a lot of olive oil in it.
Fancy it up topping bar:
Fresh mozzarella balls
Parmesan
Fresh basil
Olives
Artichokes
Sautéed mushrooms
If the religious friends also have restrictions on meat, Gardein “meatballs” are delicious.
I’m vegetarian, so I’ll leave the meat-eaters to discuss what kinds of meat to add. Maybe shrimp or chicken if you’re doing an Alfredo sauce as well as a marinara?
Rao’s marinara. Agree with the other commenter to buy the big jars at Costco if you can. If you want to fancy it up then cook a diced yellow onion and add it to the sauce along with butter. Red pepper flakes too if the kids can handle it. Bake a bunch of meatballs in advance then keep them warm in a crockpot with some of the sauce. Spring for a big tub of the good grated parmesan- none of that canned sawdust.
My best tip is to salt the pasta water A LOT and then add A LOT of butter after you drain it. Then it tastes good all by itself and some kids will eat it plain like that!
+1 I’ve heard it should be as salty as sea water. Makes a big difference in the taste.
No kidding, the $1.99 jarred marinara at Trader Joe’s is our favorite sauce. (Rao’s for 40 could get pricey!) You can simmer it with a little olive oil added, perhaps a bit of sautéed garlic or small can of diced tomatoes, and have some fresh chopped basil and Parmesan on the side for people to add on top.
I agree. Rao’s is better, but only by a little, so I usually prefer TJs given the massive price difference. I guess it depends on whether you’re trying to go all out or not.
I was feeling kind of down about my life last night and I started reading about Elizabeth Holms in Bryan prison camp in People. Then I started searching about life there and as I got further down the rabbit hole I stumbled on a guide to preparing for life in a federal prison camp. When I finished reading it I was so happy and grateful for my life and my freedom. It completely turned my mood around. Even this morning, I feel so lucky for everything I do have. Anyway just wanted to share that.
Interesting. I’ve heard (from people who worked there) that Alderson FPC for women is pretty nice, as prisons go. Martha Stewart went there.
The operative phrase might be “as prisons go.” Being in any sort of captivity would be awful!
I think I’d love captivity. Having meals magically appear and only having to work out and do my crafts sounds like heaven.
My dad views assisted living as just a prison with better bathrooms, so one way or another, institutional living may come for us all.
I think you don’t understand what American prisons are like, or what populations are in them. Yes, even the “nice” ones.
What you’re describing is more like a convent.
apparently the food sucks, so that’s a no from me! Also do you get to control your own time? Crafty retreat is not what it’s about surely.
Yikes – I hope this is sarcastic. Prison is no joke and is an incredibly dangerous and damaging place, even the “nicer” ones.
I had a relative in Alderson. It was not “nice” by any stretch of the imagination.
Do they still have the conjugal cabins?
I just skimmed that article. Not much sympathy for her; my heart breaks for her sweet children.
Yeah, hopefully they grow up knowing that she used them as props, knowing that she would likely have to abandon them, and that she is undeserving of their loyalty.
You hope that for their sake or for her sake?
I hope they grow up knowing it’s okay to be mad at their mom for creating this situation. I hope they grow up knowing that it’s okay to have very mixed feelings about parents who don’t do right by their kids. I really hope that they grow up knowing real love – from their dad, grandparents, cousins, friends, etc.
I don’t know about that. Every time I visit a jail or a criminal court for work, I come out thinking “man, it would be so easy to end up in this h311hole due to law enforcement or prosecutorial overreach.” It doesn’t make me feel better about my own life; it makes me feel less secure.
I feel like if we snapped under high stress, it’s easy to imagine anyone crossing over a line. Maybe a court would sort it out but it’s easy to have one bad moment wreck several lives. (And the other end of the spectrum are the frequent fliers in this area).
I have zero temper, so have never envisioned myself going to prison for violence, but now I worry I will go there for speech
https://www.whitecollaradvice.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/The_Girls_Guide_to_Federal_Prison_camp.pdf
I am thrown off by the usage of “camper” here. Is that how inmates refer to themselves? Is this only in particular situations? I can’t tell if it would be comforter or just weird.
If anyone needs a bright spot in a dark world, the clip of Macron shutting down DT when DT tries to claim that the Ukraine has to pay the EU back.
Macron knows all the numbers on the Russian frozen assets and is very clear about the expectation for Russia to pay for the war that Russia started. Nice to see a leader who’s not Putin’s b!tch.
Yes, in addition to the substance, it’s also so nice to see a leader who is a healthy, normal, middle-aged, handsome looking man, not the ancient, decrepit, orange cheeto with bizarre fake tan and insane hair we are saddled with.
I’d be happy with just not a narcissist.
A rare breed indeed.
Agreed! I was getting supreme satisfaction thinking about how annoyed Trump must have been last night.
But it’s… true? Something like 90% of the EU aid to Ukraine was given in the form of a loan. The US’s was mostly given outright. I know now there is talk about mineral rights but that was Zelensky’s original idea.
Source: https://commission.europa.eu/topics/eu-solidarity-ukraine/eu-assistance-ukraine/eu-financial-support-ukraine_en?utm_source=chatgpt.com
ChatGPT, really?
Time is a limited resource. That doesn’t mean it’s not true:
A few google searches easily supports this as true. So I am just confused why this is taken as a dunk on Trump when it’s actually true that most of the EU aid is a loan.
https://www.eeas.europa.eu/delegations/united-states-america/eu-assistance-ukraine-us-dollars_en?s=253
It’s a dunk on Trump because it’s showing how Trump is Putin’s b!tch by suggesting that the Ukraine has to repay, instead of the Russians (directly or via liquidation of the frozen Russian assets). Suggest you watch the clip of Macron where he explains it clearly.
The chances of Russia voluntarily (previously under Biden or Trump) paying reparations directly or via frozen assets are near zero.
Of course Russia is voluntarily not going to pay unless they do so to avoid sale of assets (so not really voluntarily). Assets are frozen in a multitude of jurisdictions and statements that they won’t have to pay via frozen assets is an overbroad statement as even if you were familiar with the intricacies of multiple legal systems in multiple countries, the conflict is not over yet and therefore the applicable legal basis for adjudication is not established.
This very website says “This loan cooperation mechanism is to be financed by extraordinary revenues stemming from immobilised Russian sovereign assets. The first tranche of this MFA, worth €3 billion, was disbursed to Ukraine in January 2025.”
Lol, chatgpt still has no reading comprehension.
comment in m0d but this very source clearly says that €3billion of Russian assets have already been handed over to Ukraine to pay back those loans. Pretty much what Macron said.
The loans will be paid back with Russia’s assets that were frozen. So it’s technically a loan, yes, with very generous terms. Unlike Trump, the EU is not demanding Ukraine turn over its mineral resources in exchange for protection.
It’s like international conflicts 101 that if you give support to one side that you make arrangements so that if your side loses, there’s a debt that can be offset against so the side you are opposing does not benefit.
Otherwise, if Ukraine loses to Russia, the Russians gain everything France gave. France and all the other allies have frozen Russian assets they can then offset against.
I am not disputing this.
The point of the original post was that Macron shut down Trump for claiming EU aid for Ukraine was a loan when it’s true that is loaned.
This site gets caught in a real echo chamber but then wants to cry fake news when it doesn’t support their narrative.
No – he shut down Trump’s assertion that the EU will be expecting Ukraine to pay them back. Macron clearly states the expectation the Russia will repay Ukraine and the Ukraine’s lenders. Then he specifically referenced the seized Russian assets. Thus showing Trump to be an idiot who understands neither international law of war or international finance.
Should I get a Master’s in Public Health? A local university offers certificates in public health as well. I have a JD but I have never practiced – I have been working for a state Medicaid agency leading large public health initiatives for 12+ years. I get by through working with public health experts and googling things I don’t know. I just got my student loans forgiven and am not excited about taking out more student loans again. My employer would offer very little financial assistance. I like school but don’t love it, and the idea of writing term papers and taking tests stresses me out. Also, I have a 4-year old who will be in full-time preschool for the next couple years and then will start elementary school.
No. Use the degree you already have unless you are made of money and can afford to keep putting your earning years on hold.
Absolutely not
With the way the world is going, we desperately need more public health knowledge and resources to spread around, but also with the way the world is going idk who would pay you for that/give you a job at the end of it. So you’d have to do your own risk/benefit analysis there. Myself, as primary parent to an infant and family breadwinner, it would be a hard no. But if I had some wiggle room (no kid, spouse with secure job, rich family, something like that) I would strongly consider it.
absolutely not unless you have a clear career path that provides you a quantifiable advantage from doing it – what’s the ROI here?
+1 to knowing exactly why you’re doing it and what the ROI is if you’re going to do it.
I always thought I’d go to grad school because I enjoyed school and just thought I’d keep going, but I decided to take a couple of years off of school and work, which led me to my project management career in a specific subset of environmental contracting where no one gives any f’s whatsoever to my education – there is no education path that will give me what experience gives me in this very specific field. 15 years later, I’ve get so much enjoyment and confidence out of the experience level I’m at now and I’m so glad I stuck this out and didn’t go back to school
+1 I’m also very glad I just worked instead of going back to school for no real good reason.
Nothing you’ve said in your post makes me think you should go back to school.
Also, it’s going to be a very rough 4+ years for public health and the job market.
It sure doesn’t sound like you want to go back to school.
You don’t need it. I would skip it (and I have an MPH that I found valuable). It’s not the time to take risks and go into debt in this field.
Doesn’t sound like it. An MPH would be expensive, and I am very concerned about your job prospects after you finish because of the current climate.
It sounds like you are very experienced, so I would leverage your JD and experience to apply for roles that sound interesting to you.
I have a masters in public policy that I’m really glad I got, and I don’t think you should do it. I learned a lot of useful public health things that I do implement, but I’m not sure its worth loans and the chaos of doing it with a young child, especially since it seems like you already have a good career in this field and a graduate degree.
I didn’t go to grad school with a super concrete goal. But I knew I wanted a change and I did get a partial scholarship. I was also very early in my career and went to a top school. Since my job title / history aren’t obvious public policy it does help give me some legitimacy.
Why would you do this? I say this as someone with an MPH. If you want to learn things to be better in your daily job, audit some classes or attend lectures or watch TED talks. If you have no reason for an actual degree there are a million better ways to get niche knowledge. In fact, you should message some of the professors at local programs. I’m sure they’d love to have a guest speaker who has spent 10 years at a Medicaid state agency!
FWIW I did my MPH right after undergrad, while working in a lab at a university that paid for most of it. I concentrated in healthcare management and biostatistics, but did research in epidemiology. I use essentially none of that stuff in my job now, which is working at a health plan.
Unless you’d be making significantly more money with it, no.
Weirdly my father is a JD/MPH. He passed the bar but never practiced and spent his entire adult career as a statistician. It sounds like you need basic medical jargon training- this would be easier through a few courses in public health or training classes. Though if you’ve been doing this 12 years, your role as an individual contributor is probably pretty minimal.
Ha, I am a JD/MPP who is basically a statistician and has never practiced law. I often wish I’d gone for a PhD instead, partly because the funding for those programs is better than the funding for law degrees.
Such an odd question, as you say nothing about why you would want to do it, and what you would do with it that is different than you do now?
Maybe do some research on what courses are involved and buy the used edition of the books for them to read in your own spare time. I also like to have a more comprehensive look at things rather than just picking it up piecemeal, and have done this a few times when the temptation to go to grad school has struck.
I need a new tote for work. Current tote is the Cuyana Basic Tote (no zipper), which I’ve had for years. I am an in-house attorney, and my office is business casual to casual. Requirements:
Similar aesthetic with minimal branding.
Budget– $200-300
Truly lightweight– my Cuyana tote is almost 5 lbs before I put anything in it, which is too heavy.
Travel-friendly– I now have a job that requires quarterly to monthly air travel, and that is when I see most of my clients. My current tote has no zipper or other closure.
Pocket for laptop
Durable– I need to be able to just put the bag on the floor without worrying about marks or scuffs.
Material– would prefer leather but open to other options. Functionality is more important for this bag.
I always recommend a black longchamp le pliage when this question comes up– I have the Neo which is more durable/has a better zipper (discontinued but on ebay). Weighs nothing, holds a ton, zips shut, the straps never fall down, and the nylon is super easy to clean. I had sick dog incident recently and I just threw the bag in the washing machine.
This is the answer.
I’m eying the new Lo & Sons Trinity that’s been posted about here. It’s 2.5 pounds empty.
I think if you want it to be lightweight you may want to reconsider the laptop pocket and leather requirements. I just have a laptop sleeve for my laptop that I can use/not use as needed. Not sure if this is too much branding for you but I have a le pliage tote for work and love it. It’s lightweight and fits everything, can be zipped up, cleaned, & great for travel, too. There is a new coated canvas version that I am considering getting that looks really nice.
Yes– leather is not a requirement for this bag because I care more about it being lightweight. I mostly want a laptop sleeve or divider to have some division between my water bottle/lunch and my laptop.
I had a Longchamp in law school, so while I like the bag, and I realize that lots of adults use the bag, it feels like a step back to college/law school to get another one.
They had a trend cycle among students for a while but they were around long before that. In fact I bought one for law school and was the only 1L with one, then suddenly half the class had them in 2L. And I didn’t even get an award for getting there first!
I’m many years out of school now, and have gone through many bags but always return to that one. That said, when I need to carry a laptop I need a backpack, my back can’t do the laptop tote anymore except for very short distances.
This! I gave up leather in totes and prefer nylon due to weight.
I used to use the Lo & Sons until I started getting shoulder pain (now I use it as a gym bag). That’s when I switched to a convertible nylon backpack/tote bag. I think my first one was a Bartaille, which was a kickstarter deal, convertible backpacks are much more common now. My most recent one I bought on Amazon at: ALPAKA Bravo Totepack Axoflux… https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0D3295YC2?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
I’ve learned that I don’t want it too big, or I’ll fill it. I need it to carry a laptop, folders, some life maintenance items, and a small crossbody purse.
Good luck!
Leather AND lightweight AND with the type of structure you describe are a hard trio to satisfy together. Like you could look for a market tote type of leather bag, which tend to be thinner materials, but it would be unstructured and no zipper.
Like the above poster, the Le Pliage is my ride or die for air travel, especially the expandable style (offered in the Nordstrom sale every summer). Also maybe check out Mark & Graham (some open top styles, some with zippers or at least zipper compartments).
Calpak has some nice looking totes with what you need. The Haven tote is the most polished one, but I like the Luka one too. Full disclosure: I don’t own any of these but I have heard good things!
I have the Haven and like it, but it’s still not a unicorn. It’s still a bit heavy and the paired straps cannot go over your shoulder; to carry over your shoulder, you have to use the single long strap. That said, the pockets are awesome, I love the zipper in the middle, and it has a luggage strap.
I have the Lo & Sons Brookline, now discontinued. It absolutely meets all your qualifications, but I encourage you to think about two other things:
– color of material and color of hardware
– water bottle/umbrella holder
I like the black material/contrasting gold hardware. I’ve tried olive, maroon, and navy totes in the past, and I have finally admitted that black just looks more professional.
My one complaint about my bag is the lack of water bottle holder. I’ve had 1-2 water spills in my bag and while it dried beautifully, it would have been better if I could have prevented that in the first place.
Would you consider a backpack? I switched from a tote to a backpack and now I’m a convert for life.
I have a kate spade kitt nylon tote — looks OOS right now but available on other sites. Similar to a le pliage but looks nicer, they have leather versions too but would be heavier.
a few inside pockets, super lightweight when empty, zip top. Nylon is definitely easier to maintain ime.
I don’t understand how your Cuyana tote wears that much? I have had that bag for eight years (still looks great!) and it weighs practically nothing. The newer version (which seems like it might be heavier) weighs 1.6 lbs, according to the specs. Did someone hide some gold coins in the lining??? lol
I think it’s the insert? It isn’t that heavy without the insert, but I really can’t use it without it.
Ah!!! Yes. I just use pouches to keep things corralled
I wonder if there’s something out there in a nice waxed canvas that is polished enough.
I have been thinking a lot lately about the use of the word “inclusive,” and have concluded that what we call “inclusive” is actually the opposite. For example, yesterday’s discussion about mainstreaming of severely disabled kids who disrupt other students’ learning. It might be inclusive for the disabled kids, but it is not inclusive for the seatmate who is constantly interrupted or for the class that has to be evacuated when one kid has a violent outburst. A more mundane example that drives me bananas is the music at contemporary church services. Our church refuses to print the music in the bulletin and just puts the lyrics up on the screen, on the rationale that “it’s not inclusive” to print musical notes because not everyone can read them. Everyone I talk to who can read music, however, feels excluded from the contemporary service because none of us knows the songs and we can’t sing along. To the church, this seems to be a feature and not a bug–one of the boomer ladies in the band even makes derogatory comments about how those snooty choir people should just go listen to the symphony and stay away from the contemporary service. Taking this reasoning to its logical conclusion, “inclusivity” seems designed to push out the neurotypical, the educated, the skilled, etc.
This is people who don’t actually understand how to be inclusive co-opting the buzzword.
Additionally, look into “competing access needs” – it’s impossible to please everyone, so I’m deciding who to please you’re making a statement about who you do value. Pretending that you’re completely inclusive is just a current popular posturing tactic.
Often I would prefer NOT to be included and it feels like the push towards inclusivity is actually about discomfort and a refusal to acknowledge how different people can be.
School is a good example of this (so often kid having the meltdown is not happy about being included; they don’t want to be there at all and it’s causing them distress). Right now the back to office push is another (think of all the hoops an office has to jump through to make it accessible to someone whose special needs were fully accommodated at home where they were doing the exact same work).
I like more structure so I’m partial to the Dagne Dover ‘Daily Tote’ bags.
Fed here – I LOVE my job. It’s the best job I’ve ever had and I was gladly looking to stay in my agency for the next 30 years. I love the mission, I love my day to day and my “other duties as assigned”, my direct boss is not awesome but I love my leadership and my colleagues. I make good money and good benefits. My commute is 10 minutes. I can wear jeans to work. I have flexibility (so I work 4 10s with every Monday off). The office feels like a family. Everything is great.
However, given all of the nonsense, I am so checked out. I’m pretty sure I’ll be laid off, so it’s hard to care too much about what I”m doing day to day – we’ve stopped a lot of our interesting work and are in “maintenance” mode on most projects. All of the cool initiatives I was working on have been tabled.
I have very little motivation to job search (nothing seems to stack up to how great my current job is). I see jobs that would be not great but fine and I just can’t get the motivation together to apply for them.
I know my mental health is not good right now, so I’m sure this apathy is due to that but ugh.
This is one of those situations where it’s not your mental health that’s the problem, but your situation. This whole circus is designed to make people crack. I’m sorry. I’m waiting for a layoff too.
+1
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like the job that you had and loved was exactly what we should all want for people working on missions for this country. I hate hearing that offices like yours are in survival mode at best right now.
The cruelty is the point. The way you feel right now was purposefully cultivated.
I feel like naming and understanding that helpful.
You say “nothing seems to stack up to how great my current job is.” But your current job is no longer great. It’s sad and scary and boring. Be realistic about what you are comparing your options to.
Combo of vent/asking for advice
My company and industry is going through waves of layoffs, betting on AI, and offshoring more and more jobs to cheaper countries such as India. I don’t think this is unique to my company/industry, but I’m really struggling to figure out what I can do to protect my career trajectory and future earning power. I’m not in a career that requires licensing or specific certifications, or else I’d start there. I’m just another run of mill MBA grad hired at a big company. Does anyone have an informed perspective to share about when AI would realistically be able to do my job or what I can do to upskill? I think how stressed and overwhelmed I feel seeing better and smarter people than me have their careers upended is keeping me from thinking as clearly as I usually do. I’m the primary earner with multiple dependents.
Some people I know have managed to rebrand themselves as AI wranglers of some kind. Even if a lot of people’s work can be done by AI, someone still has to work with the AI typically.
What do you do? Can’t determine if AI will be able to do your job if you don’t say what you are doing, or what your skills are.
sorry! I guess I was spiraling so much, I left that out! product strategy
Check out AI certifications, or “wrangler” like the poster mentioned above, there are different types of certifications that will make you more marketable. Maybe add a data analytics certification too, which are hot right now. AI companies are growing where I am, and there are a lot of different aspects you could expand on.
What are the downsides to getting deeper into a relationship with a guy when you know there are significant red flags but in the moment it’s just so great?
Here’s my hot take, it’s perfectly fine to have fun, garden and date people who are red flags. Don’t intermingle your lives though, no meeting the family or friends, no spending the night, and certainly no living together. If you keep those strong boundaries it’s fine.
This is actually super helpful guidance. Can I get a little wiggle room on spending the night?
No spending the night fosters too much intimacy for a red flag and blurs boundaries
Dude, you know it’s a bad idea. Stop trying to convince yourself otherwise.
I do. Just trying to gauge HOW bad of an idea.
I agree with you on the gardening. For this specific poster the “deeper into a relationship” gives me some heartburn.
To be clear I have caught feelings
The find someone else!
Yeah yeah, easier said than done. But it will be harder after getting out of a red flag relationship.
I also say, no exclusivity and actively KEEP DATING other people.
Too late, we are exclusive. Plus everyone else is completely unappealing compared to him!
Don’t do it! You see the red flags! You know it’s a bad idea! Protect your peace and your mental + emotional health. You asking this question is you asking for help in advance, listen to your gut and gtfo!
You’re looking for permission. Permission denied.
:( You sound like my best friend
I’m the best friend to someone else in this same situation. She hasn’t taken my advice and sleeps over there all the time, and does hang out with his friends, and is very conflicted. Take our advice.
Are you the person who’s in this situation?
I think the downsides depend on the red flags. They can range from mild discomfort (an annoying habit) to literal death (I.e., domestic abuse).
Yes. I’d say if your two examples are a scale of 1-10, the red flags are like a 4. Possible hurt feelings/broken heart but physically/financially no risk.
I give you permission but also a time limit. All the time and energy you’re investing into this guy takes time and energy away from finding a good fit for you. If you don’t particularly care about having kids you have more runway but from personal experience (and from watching friends date) it is SO much easier to date when you’re under 30 as a woman vs. over it – even in big cities.
Thank you. I already have my kids and first failed marriage, so time is less of an issue – more focused on making the most of today.
I’m all for adults making their own decisions.
The downsides I see in this situation, given the red flag severity is wasting time, setting yourself up for heartbreak, and not having someone to lean on when the heartbreak inevitably comes because your friends have already told you this was a terrible idea.
If you’re good with all that, go forth! I wouldn’t be.
Uhh the downside is he has significant red flags and it’s a waste of time?? Is this a real question?
There’s safety in dead ended relationships
Exactly, this is how I feel right now.
OP! I was just like you! I loved relationships that couldn’t go anywhere because they felt safe – I could be myself and not worry because I knew it wasn’t going to go anywhere so there was nothing to mess up. Of course, when you’re in that mindset, everyone falls in love with you. This is called being emotionally unavailable. People who are emotionally unavailable often seek out men who are unavailable. This guy is unavailable to you because of these red flags. If you ever want a real, serious relationship, you will have to address emotional availability and the root causes. Continuing to date unavailable men is not a rewarding path. It is not a useful path. I did 5 relationships like this in a row, then sprinkled in a couple more a few years later, and it did a number on me. And shockingly, none of those relationships turned into the serious, healthy relationship I wanted but wasn’t ready for. It *feels safe,* but it’s an illusion. You feel safe because you don’t have to be vulnerable like you typically do, but it’s not actually safe because you’re still dealing with feelings and attachment and everything that entails.
You desperately need therapy.
deeper into a relationship? uh, the fact that it’s going to get more and more awful while also getting harder to extricate yourself, and you’re preventing yourself from meeting someone better?
My thoughts exactly. Red flags mean you’ll have to part ways eventually, and it doesn’t usually get easier to dump someone. Depends on what the red flags are, but there’s a chance that the longer you stay the more dangerous it is to leave. If they’re not those kind of red flags and you just want to have someone right now but are okay dumping later, have fun.
Wasted time if you’re looking to get married (and have kids) eventually. And a brutal, crushing, “wait, it’s Wednesday already?” grief when you finally break up. I’ve only felt emotional pain like that one other time in my life.
I kept waiting for him to resolve the red flags himself – because he fully could. A healthy person will work on their own red flags. But so far as I know, he never has. He’s had two serious relationships after me – dating each woman for a couple years, and eventually they split up, too. I was with him in 2016-2017. He’s still single; I’ve been married 7 years now.
Btw, it was this board that told me to break it off with him! I couldn’t see it. It took me six more months to finally do it, with everyone’s words rolling around in the back of my mind the whole time, but I finally did.
What is Wait Its Wednesday grief?
When you don’t know it’s Wednesday because you’re so shell-shocked from the pain you just exist in a haze. I was fortunate enough to have great girlfriends as colleagues and I said something about the day of the week, and they said, “No, remember, you took Monday off because you couldn’t stop crying and yesterday you were here with us. Today’s Wednesday.”
Wasting time that could be spent meeting someone who’s actually a good fit, putting up with BS along the way that results from his red flags, then dealing with the pain and drama of the inevitable breakup (which only gets worse the longer you’ve been together). Run now. No one ever looks back and says “I wish I had stayed with Red Flag Guy longer”
Well, make sure your protection game is very, very, very strong, or there are some obvious downsides.
+1
I ended things with a Red Flag Great Gardening guy when I had a pregnancy scare and it was really, truly SCARY.
You sound like me from June of last year. Was casually dating a guy with some red flags but I told myself it didn’t matter because we weren’t serious. Had the most sparklingly amazing summer, gardening was out of this world, he completely adored me and treated me so well. He wanted to get serious, and I got in deeper than I meant to.
Cut to December, when I caught him cheating on me, and spent weeks crying constantly and not eating because I was so utterly devastated.
I think you know the answer and that’s why you’re asking– it’s only going to get harder to end it the longer you stay.
how do you mean by “deeper”? agree with everyone else that emotional intimacy with this guy is bad. no sleeping over. no playing house. no going on vacation together or having him be your plus one.
this isn’t because he can’t FAKE those things – but chances are good he can’t actually feel or respond with the intimacy you would require in these situations.
The biggest one I can think of is it prevents you from meeting someone else. If you want to get married and/or have kids, that could be a downside depending on your age.
I mean, you sound like you’re going to do it anyway. The downside is it’s really going to suck when it ends, which I’m sure you already know.
Been there, done that! The great parts will wear off and you’ll wonder what on earth you were thinking and how you wasted so much time. Skip away joyfully now and pat yourself on the back for being old and wise enough to think straight!
No, because you’re already calling it a relationship. Get out now, even if the “gardening” is good.
What’s the upside?
Find another friend with benefits who is at least decent enough to be friendly with.
Why waste your time on a red flag dude?
At a minimum, make sure he’s not holding you back from meeting green flag guys.
Depends on what the red flags are.
In addition to heartbreak, which people have noted, consider the downstream impacts of that heartbreak. In the past, my “I know this won’t work but it’s just so amazing right now” relationships ending lead to feelings of abandonment, triggered and worsened existing self-worth issues, and decreased my trust in men. Sure, I guess I was prone to this before these guys, but the breakups made these issues scream and reinforced them. All of this made it harder for me to date successfully in the future and made the pain last for much longer, and it required therapy to figure it out. Just food for thought.
This. So much this.
I’m divorcing now and really wish I had cut bait when those yellow and orange flags popped up
And then the red ones
I got some great kids out of it
Good luck
Possible hurt feelings/broken heart is a huge downside. I can’t explain this, but heartbreak from a casual relationship ending abruptly can hurt way more than heartbreak from a commited relationship running its course. Just run away. Or try to. Google Nat Lue Baggage Reclaim. And try to stop this relationship asap.
Update us and let us know if it was worth it. Or to others, have you knowingly entered a relationship like this and was it worth it? How long did it last?
I wish I’d asked this question six years ago and listened to the chorus of voices telling me to run. The red flags were just the tip of the iceberg. And before I realized it, I couldn’t get out without risking significant harm. I did not make it out unscathed. Please don’t be me. There is a better, actual nice guy out there waiting for you if only you’d make space for him in your life. You can’t do that if your emotional energy is with Red Flags. Honey, please run.
I just have to add because I’ve been thinking about this post all day. I did not think his red flags were THAT red. If I had known it would escalate how it did, I would have walked away at the beginning. That’s the thing, I didn’t. Those initial red flags? I would have rated them as a 4 too. But those were not the only ones. By the time the 7s and 8s came out, I couldn’t leave easily. That’s the point.
The biggest downside to me is the waste of time. You could be building something with a life partner, but are fooling around the shallow end of the pool. When the sun goes behind the clouds, it’s going to go from a lazy Sunday with a White Claw on a swam floatie to feeling like you’re locked out on the porch in a late-October rainstorm.
I would think about things like seeing friends celebrate life milestones with partners, build families, go through tough times with partners, etc and how you will feel with Sexy Jerk causing you pain and frustration. Because he WILL get around to that stage.
The most amount of harm Sexy Jerks can do is literally cost you your life but I’m assuming this is more ‘he doesn’t want kids’ or ‘he’s a different but not outright offensive political affiliation’ type red flag, not “he kicked the dog but he was drunk/didn’t mean it” flag.
I’m currently job hunting and recently applied to a position where it was voluntary to submit your application to an AI Learning tool that scores your resume. The posting said that all resumes are considered, regardless of score, and that submitting your resume to the AI Learning tool was optional. I opted out. But open to hearing what others would have done and why.
I am surprised that they didn’t put your resume through the AI tool without asking. I bet they are having a human assess all the resumes and then using the human’s assessment to train the model.
I encountered this for the first time recently too and wasn’t sure what to do. I opted out but I’m afraid it will hurt my chances for the job.
I probably would have opted out as well. A resume contains a lot of personal information, and I don’t know if I want that put in the AI database.
IDK if anyone follows Rick Steves on social media. He is a delight! He had a recent post that was pretty heavy, about his treatment for and recovery from pr*state cancer. It was really eye-opening, what men go through. I didn’t know 90% of what that involves (and I had a parent go through that that I now am the sole local adult relative for). Worth a read (male incontinence and dribbling; they have similar issues like female pelvic floor patients).
OTOH, husband is a nervous nellie, so I actually don’t want him to read it or he will never go to the pr*state doctor again.
Really? Men have it easy. I’d take prostate cancer ANY DAY over the lovely options we have, which are more deadly and much more difficult to treat – breast cancer, ovarian cancer, endometrial cancer, cervical cancer to start.
Nevermind the health challenges women go through monthly menstruation challenges, birth control responsibilities, pregnancy with all of its complications and the damage it does to our bodies, menopause and all of its sequelae (osteoporosis, mood instability, insomnia, hot flashes and long term effects on cardiovascular health and dementia risk), endometriosis, polyps, pelvic exams, mammograms…. I could go on and on.
As you say yourself, women without cancer often develop “dribbling”/incontinence …. and are rarely warned about these long term complications prior to pregnancy.
Rick Steves is the best though! I’m sure he gave a touching, honest story.
It’s not a nothing burger and no one wins in the suffering Olympics. IMO no one talks about this and it ought to be normalized and more well known, like we have started do to well with women’s issues.
I don’t know if you knew this, but it’s possible to keep these sorts of thoughts to yourself.
Right!! Yikes!!!
You clearly have an axe to grind, and you’re not wrong that women are expected to go through a lot physically without a lot of support or sympathy.
There are different ways looking at this though. Despite how much less research funding women’s health gets, and the pervasive systemic misogyny we encounter in healthcare systems, and the pervasive misogyny that leaves women poorer and more vulnerable societally, women still have the advantage. Even when we control for behavioral health and life decisions, or even if we’re just talking about infant babies, men are more at risk of actually dying.
And I’d guess that whenever a health issue is associated women’s health (like pelvic floor issues), women find it easier to access care.
At every party, there’s a person who hears about your broken leg and starts talking about their heart attack. anon at 12:38 is definitely that person.
So is my mother.
Prostate cancer has a reputation for being NBD and slow growing, but that minimizes the experience of men who have it (and impacts the perception that you need to take it seriously!) My grandpa and his brother both died from it. Yes, they lived with it for a number of years, but it wasn’t a smooth road and, ultimately, it killed them, same as any other cancer.
Yes, my husband is a fairly young prostate cancer survivor. Side effects in that geography are not immaterial. It’s been, not a struggle per se, but definitely a new normal.
What are your favorite not-too-sweet breakfasts? Need some new ideas.
I pretty much just eat Icelandic yogurt or oatmeal. Sometimes plan, sometimes I zhush them up: chia seeds, fruit, collagen powder, chocolate chips, sliced almonds, etc.
Occasionally I’ll make chia pudding (same toppings) or a frittata.
nothing novel but yogurt with protein powder, chia, and fruit, eggs, an english muffin with peanut butter. there’s no rule that it needs to be breakfast food– you could eat a sandwich or pasta or a salad… whatever sounds palatable.
I love Icelandic yogurt! Tons of protein, not a lot of added sugar, excellent flavor and texture, and there are many brands available without artificial sweeteners and without the icky fruit goo on the bottom that so many varieties of yogurt have. Even if you don’t like Greek yogurt, Icelandic yogurt (skyr) is worth a try.
Toast with peanut butter & sliced apples
Savory oatmeal
Breakfast sandwich/burrito
plain yogurt with almonds & sliced berries
Avocado toast with Everything But The Bagel seasoning and Balsamic glaze drizzled over, both from Trader Joe’s.
Made-ahead steel cut oats, nuked with frozen berries = slightly sweet berry-flavored oatmeal, add toppings as desired.
Scrambled eggs, fried eggs, egg salad sandwich, quiche, frittata, eggs benedict…
I’m going broke because I like eggs so much. Seriously contemplating getting some backyard chickens (it’s allowed in my city).
Eggs on greens
Shakshuka
Breakfast burrito!
Vegetarian sausage
On that protein train right now, so I usually make a big egg bake on the weekend with whatever veggies I have on hand, eggs blended with some cottage cheese, and maybe some cheese if I have some to use up. Bake it, cut it up and bring to office for reheating. Keeps me full til lunch.
Scrambled eggs with salsa verde and cheddar.
YMMV but sometimes I really want kippered herring with sliced red onions (sometimes I really do not, but it’s easy enough to have on hand).
If you’ve never made ralston with salt instead of sugar, I actually really prefer it that way.
Greek yogurt + fresh blueberries/strawberries/raspberries
I like to roast sweet potatoes, then mix them with sliced breakfast sausage & kale. A little sweet, but has protein, veggies and looks super colorful! You can make a big batch and reheat.
Sweet potatoes with refried black beans, scallions and cilantro
Savory oatmeal with soy-marinated eggs, grated ginger, ume vinegar and sesame oil.
Waffle toasted topped with peanut butter, banana and everything sprinkle.
Whatever is leftover in the fridge from dinner wrapped in a tortilla.
I need a new laptop bag. I have to buy a new one every few years b/c it’s just a lot of wear daily, never mind for travel. How formal does Tumi read? I feel like that is the gold standard for a lightweight laptop bag. And the tote vs the backpack? I would use daily, but when I travel (6-8 times per year), it is often to Serious Meetings. Is the backpack formal enough (and does it have a travel sleeve)? I feel like it’s time to spend the $ on a levelling-up bag, especially if I can buy less frequently.
The classic black Tumi backpack (Voyageur, it appears from a search) is ubiquitous for senior train commuters around my org.
Best dandruff shampoo / treatment?
Depends on the cause: if your dandruff is essentially dry scalp only, maybe switch to gentle SLS-free shampoo.
If you have ‘proper’ dandruff, 2% ketoconazole shampoo (Nizoral). Let it sit on scalp for a few mins, then wash out. It kills fungus that causes dandruff, that’s why it needs to sit on scalp for a few mins. Follow on-pack instructions. They also sell a maintenance (Daily Care) range (shampoo and scalp mask).
I’m looking to transition to contract/freelance work. Any recommended websites? I’m a fed employee that needs a new direction.
The Small Business Association (SBA) website and IRS dot gov
Sorry, that should be small business administration