Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Wrap Dress

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1. Brand recommendations for an overnighter/duffle bag for my extremely unfancy SO? No idea where to shop for men’s items in this vein. Preferably under $100, looking for something simple but more solid than “top rated on Amazon”

   1. Overnight Bags-
      Everlane
      Walker Family Goods
      Herschel
      Fjallraven Duffel

      1. +1 to Fjallraven Duffel. I bought one for my husband for our anniversary, and he loves it. Very good quality, minimalist design.

   2. Try J. Crew.

   3. LL Bean has some great classics and I think they’re running a 25% off right now.

      1. +1

   4. I would go with a gym bag from a brand like Under Armour in all black or any solid neutral, since he’s so unfancy. They’re made well and they can be used for multiple occasions.

   5. I have this duffle in pink and really like it:
      https://www.rei.com/product/109989/patagonia-lightweight-black-hole-duffel-30l?CAWELAID=120217890003497026&CAGPSPN=pla&CAAGID=30320803960&CATCI=pla-316311430449&cm_mmc=PLA_Google|404_68204|1099890004|none|1cecd090-f66e-40f1-a8bd-bd799dd5963b|pla-316311430449&lsft=cm_mmc:PLA_Google_LIA|404_68204|1099890004|none|1cecd090-f66e-40f1-a8bd-bd799dd5963b|pla-316311430449&gclid=CjwKCAiAx57RBRBkEiwA8yZdUCMTXK7gaHoGWeQL13xJxKVNyAJo_SjvQ0WZLKiGEH6QTZYztxJk0RoCpIsQAvD_BwE

      1. Yikes, that link makes no sense. Sorry, all. It is a patagonia duffel at REI.

2. Thanks to all the ladies who posted their morning routines yesterday!! It helped me realize I could really use my time better. Today, instead of wallowing in bed hitting snooze and hating the morning like I always do, I sucked it up and got up 30 min early. I used the time to 1. write X-mas cards (which I also HATE but was fine because I was on autopilot) and 2. Take an extra-long walk with my daughter and dog, which I LOVE. The annoying chore being out of the way and the extra time with my kid made me so much happier to start my workday.

3. Thanks very much for all the comments and helpful advice on my post yesterday about my daughter’s biting (and sleeping) issues. We met with her teacher, the director, and the center owner this morning and discussed lots of tactics we can try to stop the biting. I’m also going to try to adjust my schedule so she will be at the center from 8-5 instead of 7-6 which will also give me some more one on one time with her. They said they will see how the next week goes and if the biting continues she will have to “take a break” for the center for probably 30 days. She can come back after the break but if it continues after that she will be removed.

   No real questions for now, just wanted to give an update and express gratitude for all the support yesterday. It really made me feel a lot better.

   1. I meant to mention this, but forgot to do so yesterday. My daughter’s biting increased as she was starting to age out of the infant room and (I think) a little bored. Not sure if your daughter has transitioned to the toddler room yet, but another thing to think about — maybe the daycare could have her spend an hour or two in the other classroom.

4. I just got to offer a job to someone who seems SO excited about the opportunity and it makes ME so excited to hear her enthusiasm.

   1. That’s so fun! I got to call someone with a job offer once. He was on the west coast, feeding his kids breakfast, and I could hear their little kid cheering when he told them he got the job. It made my day.

      1. That is flipping adorable.

      2. That’s great! :)

      3. I love that. I made a call once to an OCI interviewee to tell her that we were offering her an articling job and she did not even let me finish before she yelled “yes” and then started crying.

         Is that what it feels like to propose, I wonder?

5. My husband and I are 34 living with a 2 year old in a small townhouse in Seattle. My cousin is an 18 yo sophomore in college in the Northeast. She is coming to visit us for Xmas break for 10 days and the rest of our family is in yet another state, so it’s just us. We have a very boring lifestyle that revolves around not losing our minds between work and taking care of kiddo. How do I entertain a teenager in Seattle??

   Preference to activities that get her out of our tiny house to go do something safe on her own while we work (we both work from home but also have a hefty daycare commute, so she can’t have the car). She’s a science oriented tomboy but has already done Museum of Flight, and Boeing Factory tour last Xmas. What else can I arrange? If I don’t come up with something, it will be ongoing couch vegetation which I know will annoy me. I am willing to spend some money. Thank you for any suggestions.

   1. Are you in or near enough to the city that she can get there on her own or by Uber? Bc then I think there’s lots of options. I don’t think the activities need to be science focused — has she done the classic tourist things? Can she make a day (or a few half days) of wandering the city – stopping into bookstores, lunch, and the Seattle favorite of coffee houses? I’d be direct and say – this is your break, I want you to have fun and not just be stuck at home with us 40 hrs/wk, what would you like to do? Despite having some ideas though, be prepared that there will be a fair amount of time in your home though I don’t see how that’ll bother you bc kids that age will be on their laptops or phones the whole time anyway, it’s not like she’s looking for you to play board games with her.

   2. Can you just level with her that 24/7 couch-vegetation isn’t going to work for you and ask her what types of activities she’d like to do?

      I visited family with young kids on the other side of the country from school/other family at around that age, and my aunt had an up-front, friendly conversation with me before we arrived, along the lines of “here’s the family schedule for the week, here are some things we’ve planned that we’re all going to do together, here are some options for things to do on your own when we are not going to be able to entertain you, please let us know if there are any specific types of activities you’d like that we can set up for you for those times.”

      Also, I know this depends so much on the specific personalities involved, but is there any chance she’d be up for spending a day or two chilling with your toddler? I have really fond memories of watching my cousins when they were that small, and I remember feeling kind of honored that my older relatives viewed me as “adult” enough to trust with their small people.

   3. I’m not sure it’s reasonable to expect her to be out of the house all the time. College can be intense and wanting a lot of down time over Christmas break is pretty reasonable. I rarely did anything over break except sleep, read, watch TV and maybe get dinner once or twice with high school friends. If she’s just finished finals, she’ll be burned out from those and if they’re after break, she’ll probably have a lot of work/studying to do.

      On the other hand, it’s totally reasonable to communicate with her that you can’t entertain her between the hours of 8 and 6 or whatever it is that you work, but most teenagers wouldn’t have any problem entertaining themselves, so long as you have an internet connection.

      1. This. I’d be clear that you can’t take breaks during the work day and that you’re happy for her – and will pay for her – to go out bc you don’t want her bored at home. But keep in mind that a college student can be happy sleeping until noon, eating breakfast/lunch at 1, then wasting time online or texting friends and bam it’s 4 pm when they hop in the shower and suddenly you’re available to hang with them bc it’s 5. She may be happy doing this the whole break or even half the break. What I would be sure to offer would be some kind of gym/workout option whether in your home or passes to a local gym if she wants. Some people are into gym routines. Between a gym and a local mall, I honestly could have spent the first 5-7 days of break sleeping, texting, watching tv (didn’t have one at school not was there time), 1-2 trips to the mall, 4-5 trips to the gym.

      2. Yeah, I feel like being annoyed at her doing nothing is just the price you’re going to have to pay. I think it’s prefectly reasonably for her to want to spend her vacation vegging out.

      3. Yeah, I feel like being annoyed at her doing nothing is just the price you’re going to have to pay. I think it’s prefectly reasonably for her to want to spend her vacation vegging out.

   4. I have Seattle friends who are really obsessed with Emerald City Trapeze. Not cheap, but probably a good way to burn a few days if she’s movement-inclined.

   5. Sounds like you might not have much space with both of you working from home in a small townhouse, but she will probably want to veg on the couch quite a bit. If she has her own room to sleep/surf I’d let her spend some down time.

   6. Couldn’t she have the car for a few hours? You drop the kids off at daycare and then both WFM for 6+ hours, right? Can’t she have the car during that time as long as she has it back in time for daycare pickup? What if she did daycare pickup for you? If she’s a morning person, dropoff too? Agree that she has to have her cell on her in case kiddo needs to be picked up then she has to either return the car or do the pickup.

   7. Why would it bother you to have her vegging on the couch most of the time? That’s how I was on breaks from school!

   8. Does it bother you to have her vegging out because she’d be in your space, or because you object to the perceived laziness/whatever? If it’s the latter, I think you should suck it up and let her veg, because that’s what Christmas breaks are for. Surely you can remember that if you’re only 34. If it’s the former, then I definitely think you should talk to her ahead of time about what kind of arrangement will work for both of you.

   9. Thank you for the Emerald City Trapeze recommendation! That sounds like a great idea and I think she’d be totally into it. I also like the idea of offering her to watch the toddler in short spurts. Right now my kid is very mellow and curious so it may actually be a pleasant experience for both and a good bonding opportunity. In fact, the age difference between the teenager and my daughter is the same as between me and teenager. She will be the cool aunt some day :)

      Also, thanks to all for reminding me what it’s like to be done with finals. I honestly forgot. Yes, she’ll want to vegetate, and I’ll just have to deal with it. The original problem was having 3 ppl in one small space – we already have to coordinate conference call locations so husband and I don’t talk over each other. She’ll have a room but trust me it’s not one you can hang out in, more like a closet. However, I’ve just realized I can go work at a coffee shop – DUH.

      I will have to think about the car. We only have one, it’s 11 years old and a stick shift. I personally taught the kid to drive, in this car, so I know she can – but the terror of something happening is too much. Also, I have never once lent my car to anyone else (other than husband, of course). I’ll probably just pay for Uber for my own sanity on both counts.

      1. I bet that if your WiFi reaches into her closet-like room she will be quite content in there for hours at a time.

         1. yes! if you have a netflix account, let her use the password for the week and i’m sure she will be very happy to lounge around watching movies/tv shows or at least that’s what i liked to do after finals. i also often used to sleep until 11am each day, so you might not need to entertain her for as many hours as you might think.

      2. With any luck a lot of conference calls are canceled over Christmas week since so many colleagues are unavailable, and it won’t be as hectic as you fear.

   10. I think you can very reasonably ask her to be out of the house one evening a week, until, say 9pm. Tell her you and DH need date night and she’s free to go to a movie, a meetup group, etc.

       1. So in addition to not being wanted anywhere over the holidays, which has driven her to have to stay with a cousin who also doesn’t really want her around because she might disturb a conference call, now it’s OK for that cousin to say “sorry we don’t want you here every night, please go amuse yourself in a strange town”? This seems so cruel. Honestly I feel so sorry for this girl.

          1. + 1 Please don’t do what Chicagoan suggests. This is the epitome of bad manners. And it’s a good point to remember that she’s not spending time with her immediate family over Xmas break (for what reasons we don’t know) and being extra kind and gracious as the host will go a long way in making her feel welcome.

             1. She will be visiting back home for the second half of her break – although you are right on the money: her family is insane so she has to stay with my parents when she’s there, and she would probably rather go back to school early if the dorms didn’t kick them out (somehow it’s cheaper to still live in the dorms). That said, her crazy family still pays for her private college even as they eat soup every night. We love her and are happy to have her and have tons of fun during off-work time when she visits (slightly moderated by the kid addition in the last two years). And we have taken her to do much more interesting things than most kids her age get to do because DH and I were DINKs for most of the time we’ve known her (she immigrated to the US 10 years ago) and have been happy to take her on cool adventures. So bad with good and yes, she has had a very weird life. So all this is why I am interested in making sure I am a good host that doesn’t have the air of being annoyed with her presence, and also why I want to sponsor some interesting activities. More activities suggestions are welcome!

       2. No couple needs a date night every single week. If the cousin were moving in for six months, it would be one thing to want to stick to a normal routine of weekly date nights, but she’s a guest in their home, not a resident. If you are hosting a guest, you can put your weekly date night plans on hold for a couple of weeks. Please don’t ask a guest to be out of the house until 9 pm once per week – especially not a teenage guest who is alone in a strange city where she knows nobody except the people she’s staying with. This is so cruel.

   11. I’m not sure where you are in Seattle, but here are some of my favorite things to do on a day off. Some of these make for good trips with your toddler, if she wants to do that.

       1. Theo Chocolate Factory tour
       2. Woodland Park Zoo (have her take your toddler! Zoos are much more fun with kids)
       3. Wander around Seattle Center, maybe go to MoPop or the Science Center
       4. Go for a long walk in Discovery Park
       5. Find the coolest coffee shop nearby and walk there to read a book

       I second all the people who say she’ll probably be fine to entertain herself for many days on end, all I wanted to do during Christmas break was eat tasty food not made by me or the dining hall, and decompress from the semester.

   12. Since you work from home, you could drop her off at a mall and then you go to coffee shop or somewhere to work, maybe meet up for lunch, etc. For example, you could drop her off at UVillage or UW for a while, where she could surf wifi in the library, and/or go shopping in Uvillage. Or she could go to downtown Bellevue, shop around, eat, go to the library if she wanted to, most of it is walkable and the bus is easy. Pacific Science Center is alright although might not be that interesting for her. At that age, I would have liked going to EMP, but probably with friends.

       Would she be interested in playing an Escape Room Game thing? Do you have friends that have children around the same age as her that could go with her as a group?

       Other ideas – craft/art/cooking classes? Cat cafe? Ice skating?

       If the home is not a comfortable space, maybe she would enjoy spending time at a local library (probably one with decent food options nearby so she can walk around and get something to eat at lunch).

       If she’s comfortable helping with your toddler that could be nice, keeping in mind that you might need to be around to help with stuff, like if toddler needs to use potty and needs some help, or meal times, etc. Reading and playing together would be fun though.

6. I feel like there’s no way to say this without coming across as braggy, which I’m not trying to do – but anyone not gain much weight in pregnancy and have a normal weight baby? I was on the slender side of normal to begin with and my doctor told me at the outset I should gain 25-30 pounds. I’m now 30 weeks pregnant and am only up 12 pounds, so it seems pretty unlikely I’ll gain more than 20. My doctor doesn’t seem too concerned (she said “Oh, you must be eating really healthy, that’s great”) but the thing is, I’m not eating especially healthy (although I don’t know that I’m eating significantly *more* than before I became pregnant – I’m just not that hungry, especially in the last few weeks). The nurse said something like “It will be so great, you’ll be back in your pre-pregnancy clothes ASAP!” but the thing is I’m much more concerned with having a healthy baby than fitting into my pre-pregnancy clothes. DH and I were both really big babies (I was almost 9 lbs, he was almost 10 lbs) and baby was measuring big (80th percentile) at the 20 week ultrasound, although I know ultrasound measurements aren’t super reliable. I’m a little nervous that her growth has slowed down or my plateauing weight gain (I’m only up 1 pound since my 24 week appointment) translates to plateauing growth. I would love some reassuring anecdata if anyone here didn’t gain much weight and had an average or above-average weight baby.

   1. I was on the very low end of normal weight when I got pregnant. I had hyperemesis for nine months, gained 17 or 18 pounds, and had a robustly healthy 8 lb 4 oz baby. Two weeks after delivery I was two pounds lighter than my prepregnancy weight and wearing my jeans again.

   2. There is really no rhyme or reason to weight gain in pregnancy so please try not to stress out too much. Also, a lot of my friends started gaining a lot more in the last weeks (partly due to more water retention), so it may yet happen.

      I am significantly overweight and was before I got pregnant. I lost 14 pounds after I got pregnant due to morning sickness and eventually gained it back plus 2 so at delivery I was just 2 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight. My son was born at 38 weeks and 4 days and was 7 pounds 10 ounces. So yes, a very normal weight.

      Hang in there!

   3. My sister’s four pregnancies resulted in little weight gain and a quick return to normal, and all her babies were in the 7-8 lb range and were perfectly healthy. She’s always been slender and that’s just how her body works. And it’s completely individual–my other two sisters and I had completely different experiences. It totally happens, but I think people don’t mention it much because they (like you) feel like it will come across braggy or insensitive to other pregnant ladies.

   4. I gained a total of maybe 20 lbs. in my first pregnancy and my daughter was close to 8 lbs. when she came out. Most of the weight gain was at the end & I was also a week late. The weight came off within a few weeks after. It was super unexpected and honestly I didn’t get it because I wasn’t eating super healthy or trying to watch my calories overly much. My mom even gave me a hard time at the end because she kept saying “you just don’t look like you’re about to give birth! You look like you’re 6 months along, if that!” But everything was fine and my daughter was perfect!

      I’m pregnant again and I gained a bit more with this one but I’m about 33 weeks along and probably gained 16 lbs. at this point. Two things – 1) if you’re concerned, ask for a follow up growth ultrasound – I just had one at 32 weeks, per my doctor’s orders; and 2) the tech at my u/s said that the earlier ultrasounds are generally more accurate and it’s only the ones at the very end that tend to be unreliable.

      Anyway, to sum up, I wouldn’t worry and if you trust your doctor and your doctor isn’t concerned, relax!

   5. Not exactly what you asked, but my husband and I were both big babies so we were surprised when both of our kids were born on the smaller side (slightly less than 7 lb). They’ve both ended up being 90th+ percentile kids like we expected. And, keep in mind, 50% of babies are below the median, and that’s completely fine!

   6. If it is due to a healthy diet I wouldn’t worry but make sure your diet is adequate. The reason for the recommendation range is also to protect the mom’s health. The pregnancy will take from your body what it needs to keep the baby healthy, so that’s it can be hard on the mom’s health if the diet is inadequate. Like lower bone density etc.

      Avocado, full fat plain yoghurt, and nuts are all easy ways to add some healthy calories.

   7. I can’t remember the breakdown, but there’s some estimate to how much weight is actually baby/placenta/essential parts and how much is extra fluid/fat that you body tacks on. A baby born at 30 weeks may weight what, 3 lbs? So at 12 lbs in, sounds like your body is doing what it needs to do. Let your doctor worry about this.

   8. two anecdotes. first, when my mom was pregnant with me, she lost 15lbs in the first trimester bc she was so sick. she ultimately regained those 15 and then another 15, so from her pre-pregnancy weight she was only up 15lbs and I was almost 8 pounds and totally healthy. second, one of my best friends had gained very little weight and then gained a bunch more towards the end, but probably only gained like 20-25lbs total and she had an 8lb baby. Everyone’s body is different! Just make sure you are eating when you are able. (i’m currently in my first trimester and can’t really eat at the moment bc i’m so nauseous and i hate when my doc keeps telling me to eat, so i understand it can be easier said than done). Also, if your baby does end up on the smaller side that doesn’t necessarily mean there is anything wrong with them! I have friends who’ve had perfectly healthy 5 pounders with no NICU time.

   9. I only gained around 25 lbs with twins. They were each between 5 and 6 lbs. I am tall, but really slim with a small frame, so thank god I didn’t gain more. I maintained a healthy diet and exercised throughout my pregnancy.

      1. 30 lb with my twins, 5.2 and 5.12 lb at birth, full term and healthy. I am 5’2″ and weighed 120 at conception.

   10. FWIW, I gained 18 pounds of a total 30 pound weight gain during weeks 35-40.

7. Dear lawn care service,

   Why are you mowing the lawn outside my window? You spent two hours mowing it yesterday.

   Signed,

   Left my noise-cancelling headphones at home

   1. *tries to imagine living in a climate where lawns are mowed in December*

      *zips up puffy coat*

8. yes! if you have a netflix account, let her use the password for the week and i’m sure she will be very happy to lounge around watching movies/tv shows or at least that’s what i liked to do after finals. i also often used to sleep until 11am each day, so you might not need to entertain her for as many hours as you might think.

   1. sorry -this was for the person above with the cousin visiting in seattle

9. routinely follow, but have never posted (I’m oddly excited). Has anyone had any luck working remotely for a period of time (thinking 2-3 weeks), taking days off sporadically, maybe 2-3 days each week, working the rest of the time–the catch is that I would be in a completely different time zone, and out of the country, so phone calls would be limited, and my availability would overlap only a few hours each day with my office. I’m trying to figure out if it’s even worth exploring with my manager or if I should just plan a much shorter, probably 1 week trip. I have a sibling living overseas and I would really like to take advantage of having someone we know there and exploring the area while she is there. We are already going over the holidays, but we’d like to go back this summer. I have the vacation time, but it’s not customary at my office for people to take large chunks, and availability is always a big thing. I really want to come up with a workable arrangement.

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