ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 208 Comments

Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Better-Than-Silk Wrap Blouse

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A woman with shoulder-length brown hair wearing a lavender wrap top and black pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Every time I browse the Universal Standard website, I find something new to fall in love with. I already have several of their pants and tees in heavy rotation, but this “better than silk” wrap blouse stopped me in my tracks.

I love the wrap silhouette, slightly puffed sleeves, and length, which would be perfect to wear with leggings if you’re working from home. This is the type of effortless elegance that makes getting dressed in the morning a pleasure, rather than a chore.

The top is $128 and comes in sizes 00–40.

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Sales of note for 1/22/25:

  • Nordstrom – Cashmere on sale; AllSaints, Free People, Nike, Tory Burch, and Vince up to 60%; beauty deals up to 25% off
  • AllSaints – Clearance event, now up to 70% off (some of the best leather jackets!)
  • Ann Taylor – All sale dresses $40 (ends 1/23)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything
  • Boden – Clearance, up to 60% off!
  • DeMellier – Final reductions now on, free shipping and returns — includes select options like Montreal, Vancouver, and Venice
  • Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; extra 50% off all clearance, plus ELOQUII X kate spade new york collab just dropped
  • Everlane – Sale of the year, up to 70% off; new markdowns just added
  • J.Crew – Up to 40% off select styles; up to 50% off cashmere
  • J.Crew Factory – End of season sale, extra 60-70% off clearance, online only
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale – extra 50% off

208 Comments

  1. Elizabeth, this is such a beautiful blouse! Rosa wears this blouse, and she looks so cute in it! I recommend it to all people in the hive, and she wears it even tho she has no outside job right now.

    Before the pandemic, she answered phones 1 afternoon a week at Fred’s office, whose a local dentist Ed knows, but Ed made her stay home once COVID set in. She has not returned since, which is probably just as well b/c Ed thought Fred might be leering at her to much.

    I have been busy lining up entertainment for the manageing partner’s party. Now that he’s moved it again, we should be able to be fruegal and save the firm money by trying to book 1 guy who was both a musician and a magician. So far no luck. If the HIVE knows anyone who can do both, let me know this week. YAY!!

  2. Does anyone have a bag from Taschendieb Wein? It was last night’s insomnia find but maybe not available in the US?

  3. It’s that time of year when I’m officially melting on my way to work.

    Aside from changing shirts at work, what tips do you have for arriving at work put together and not a sweaty mess? I have a 35ish minute walking commute and there isn’t really an alternative. Dress code is nicer end of bis cas.

    1. I’d like to “wipe down” before changing shirts when I get to work – what type of wipes should I be looking for?

      1. I’d try baby wipes. If you want to spend some money, water wipes are nice and has less chemicals. If you want to save money, Kirkland baby wipes are fine and I use it on my baby’s butt. The latter is probably most cost effective.

        But as for a 35 min walking commute, I (in NYC) would probably keep multiple outfits at work and walk to work in workout clothes.

        1. Sounds strange, but if you tend to have oily/acne prone skin, stridex wipes are GREAT for combatting body odor as well as overall clogged pores. I use them after working out if I can’t shower right away – pits/chest/back. They even make a larger ‘body wipe’ size. Witch hazel pads for your bottom areas also help with smells there if that’s an issue. From my days wearing a suit in NYC and having a combo walking/train commute, we all wore as little as you could manage (think skirt or slacks plus camisole) and carried our jackets or top layers. I had to wear hose in the office if I wore a skirt (I’m an old and it was a white shoe firm) so all us peons would make a beeline for the ladies room, wash our faces, put on makeup, reapply deodarant, and put on stockings at work. All ‘nice’ shoes and a full makeup kit, deodarant, comb/bobby pins/hair clips lived at my desk. Hair was typically worn in a twist or clipped back to avoid having sweaty hair on my neck.
          A managing director had a hissy fit once about how ‘tacky’ it sounded having people walk across the lobby in flip flops in the summer. Someone with more tact than I have reminded him that not all of us could afford a taxi/car service to work from our UES apartments on the daily.

          1. where can you find stridex wipes? they no longer have them at my target, cvs or grocery store and i used to buy them all the time

          2. Huh, weird, my CVS still has them, and you can still buy them on Amazon for about $3 it looks like.

          3. Stridex wipes are also great for your underarms if you tend to get red bumps after you shave. It’s just BHA – a great exfoliant.

      2. Sea to Summit Wilderness Wipes! You can get them from REI or any outdoor store probably. They’re made for backpacking/camping and I’ve found them to work really well for freshening up.

    2. TMI but I would also bring a change of bra/underwear (you might already do that). Once my drawers are sweaty I’m done for.

      1. Yes to a fresh bra! I used to bike to work and putting on a fresh bra really made me feel a lot better.

    3. if you’re not doing this already, natural fibers only and try to not carry too much. I feel like carrying a big purse or really anything extra just makes me feel extra sticky and wrinkled when it’s hot and humid.
      I also leave all sweaters/blazers at work and wear comfy shoes and a sleeveless/short sleeve top/dress for my commute.
      Oh, and your hair may vary, but in the summer, I just wash mine in the morning, throw on some styling cream, and put it up in a bun, wet. It air dries nicely that way and keeps me a little cooler while I walk.

    4. That’s a toughie, and I’m following with interest since I’m always hot!

      One thought would be one of those cooling neck towels that you wet and it keeps you cool (assuming you’re changing shirt when you get there)? Also an insulated water bottle that you can keep ice water in and drink throughout your walk. Maybe wicking undergarments if you can find them?

    5. This is tough. Can you wear a boxy loose linen dress, and bring clothing along, leaving shoes and jackets at work? it will only get hotter, and there will be no way to walk without getting sweaty. A big hat will help, or a parasol, and maybe pulling a rolling bag instead of a backpack. Drop of a week of outfits at the office on Sunday?

    6. I just wear a camisole or sleeveless top on the walk to work and then wear everything else on top when I reach. I also always put my hair up with a scrunchie that I can easily take down without it leaving a mark

    7. I think that changing your bra is more critical than changing your top, although both would be best. I find that the bra collects so much sweat and that I feel cleaner and drier and less chilled in the AC if I change that, as well. Yes to a wipe down, as well.

    8. Have you thought of an electric scooter? If you can walk, you can likely scooter, and they folk up nice and small to carry.

    9. Is it possible to get dressed and do your makeup at work? I would probably commute in workout gear under these circumstances.

  4. I’m supposed to fly to an important work conference today. The conference will be testing attendees upon arrival and anyone who tests positive needs to isolate in their hotel room and not attend the conference. My office’s approach to Covid has been to follow the letter of the law but there’s a lot of eye rolling and grumbling about it.

    I’ve had a headache and runny nose for 2 days, which I attributed to allergies, but last night my headache was bad enough to keep me awake, I developed a bit of a cough, my throat is sore, I’m achey, and my lymph nodes are swollen. I’m testing negative on a home test. I can’t get a PCR before my flight. I think it’s pretty clear I shouldn’t get on a plane, but I know my office would expect me to go to the conference because I’m testing negative. What do I do? Lie and say I tested positive?

    1. You could get a Walgreens NAAT test. They’re much more accurate than antigen tests and results come back super fast (~1 hour normally).

      1. +1 on pursuing tests

        If you have a Lucira test handy or access to one, they’re closer to PCR sensitivity, but give results quickly.

        I agree with your assessment that you shouldn’t fly. Even if it’s a not-Covid bug, no one wants to catch it. Less altruistically, in a Covid-cautious place, coming symptomatic will be bad for your and your company’s reputation.

      2. I’ve gotten those a couple of times at Walgreens and have gotten the results back the same day. You can schedule an appointment online. If you have car, you go through the pharmacy drive-thru and do the swab test. Very quick and easy.

    3. Just had covid 2 weeks ago and the only way I tested positive on an at home test in the early days was to swab my throat AND my nose. I know it’s an ‘off label’ use, but my primary care doc noted that she’s heard this new variant isn’t showing up as quickly on at home tests until you have full blown covid, not early symptoms. Ditto for my husband/kid – they didn’t test positive on at home tests until days after exposure to me.

        1. +2! My sister and I both initially tested negative on rapid tests but then got a strong positive on a second rapid test by swabbing the throat/back of tongue area.

      2. Yes, throat swabbing is unofficially recommended for more accurate rapid testing w/Omicron variants.

      3. they might. not have tested positive on the at home tests until days after because exposure does not automatically equal covid, they probably needed time for the virus to build up in their system. on the flip side, the tests are staying positive well after the 10 day quarantine

      1. I think it’s insane that lying would be required if someone is this sick. There are multiple viruses out there that eff people up, interfere with our ability to travel and work, and are worth not spreading to strangers on a plane.

        But at this point if someone had to quarantine again after two weeks I would assume they had a Paxlovid rebound.

        1. I agree with you, but nobody else seems to. The U.S. appears to be back to presenteeism and contagion as usual.

    5. +1. If you’re sick, just say you’re sick. Honestly, with all those symptoms, I’m surprised you are not testing positive for Covid if you have Covid.

      FWIW, my pediatrician friend said that flu is going around in our area, so you could have that.

    6. Pre-Covid you probably would not (should not) attend if you were sick with these symptoms so Covid or not, you shouldn’t go.

      1. I disagree, people attended things while sick all the time pre-Covid. Not saying it’s right! But OP has cold symptoms and most people would not have bailed out of a conference over a cold in the before times. A fever (which is indicative of flu or another more serious virus) might be a different story.

          1. That’s totally false – your lymph nodes can swell any time your body is fighting off any sort of infection, including the rhinoviruses that causes the common cold. I get swollen lymph nodes with colds regularly.

        2. I still shudder at the time I flew to Europe in 2017 and came down with the flu while in Berlin (my kid got sick the day I flew out and I thought it was just normal kid ick, not the flu). I took a day to rest in the hotel and then took meetings/met people while still actively feverish/sick. I disclosed I was sick, didn’t shake hands, and tried to keep my distance but the culture of ‘just work through’ was (and can still be) SO strong in a lot of places. The only reactions I got were ‘drink lots of hot tea/broth’ from the women and a lot of unspoken but obvious sense of ‘good for you for still coming in’ from the men.
          Also I wish strong/flavorful consomme was more of a thing here, I lived on beef consomme with delicious little matzoh ball like dumplings for those 4 days.

          1. Pre-Covid my kid got RSV from daycare and developed symptoms in the airport on the way to Mexico for a vacation. By the time we realized it was much more than just a cold, we were already in Mexico and had to fly home. I still feel terrible thinking about all the people we exposed and the vulnerable people they may have infected. We didn’t even wear masks because it just wasn’t on our radar. I will always mask up on planes whenever anyone in my family has even the slightest sniffle now.

      2. I had the opposite reaction; pre Covid you wouldn’t have canceled with these symptoms, so yes you should try one of the better tests noted above and if those are a negative, strap on your mask and hit the road.

        1. Disagree. Worsening symptoms + body aches = warning signs of flu, and it was always irresponsible to travel if you thought you were coming down with the flu.

        2. but maybe this should be a lesson we’ve learned from covid. why should people be walking around sick and killing themselves to get stuff done and get other people sick

      4. Pre COVID you should have cancelled with these symptoms, as you should now. You are sick, period.

        I’m not saying everyone followed this or not, but whatever anecdotes are given above I will tell you even pre COVID I would have thought really unkindly of someone this clearly sick being at a conference with me or next to me on a plane, and would probably remember it for awhile. And in the COVID world it would be even higher stakes, because even if you don’t give me COVID, if you just give me and my family your cold or whatever, that still disrupts our lives way way, way more than it would have pre COVID.

        Feel better. I don’t mean to be harsh, but it seems like you are waffling and I’m just being honest about how I would perceive this as a fellow attendee.

        1. This. I still think very unkindly about the mom and her sick teenager who sat in my row on a plane in 2019 and gave me a case of bronchitis that lasted 9 months. If they had been work contacts, that incident would have seriously damaged our working relationship.

      1. Agreed. People forget that covid is still a thing and is still killing vulnerable people.

    9. I’d go get a PCR right away and pay for prioritizing processing and reschedule the flight to tomorrow morning.

    10. Chiming in a little late to say that something similar happened to me at a conference about a month ago. I had a negative test before my flight (no symptoms either), tested positive on a rapid at the site and had symptoms start around the same time, was basically quarantined in my hotel room and missed the entire conference, along with my presentation. A couple of days in finally managed to get a PCR to exonerate me but until that point, it was looking like my 3 day trip would become a very pricey 5-10 day trip (depending on whether I got better quickly or not), and the domino effect on my family who had presumably been exposed (staying home from school, PCRs, etc) was significant enough that I would never chance it on a trip. And this was when I had zero symptoms going in! Worst of both worlds — you get stuck at the location AND miss your meeting. And you know, potentially expose everyone to a highly contagious, often serious illness.

  5. FB follow up. So today my H asked what I was hiding on FB and wanted to know why I don’t check it often when he is around. I said I only scroll every now and then. I don’t use it regularly and don’t use messenger with anyone regularly. I said I wasn’t comfortable with him checking my usage of anything online and he said we are married he should know everything. It was actually quite, I don’t want to say scary, but my body is not feeling good about the entire interaction. It is hard to explain. Thank you for all of your support and comments.

    1. Please do let us know when you’ve safely extricated yourself from the situation. We’re worried about you.

    3. I think you need to make a safe plan to get out. You mentioned religion yesterday and idk your faith, but I’m religious and I don’t believe any god wants you to stay in an unsafe abusive situation.

      Also please be sure you are posting safely. If he has access to your phone, not safe to make plans on there. Use a work computer at work or a library or a friend.

    5. Major red flags. Trust your gut.

      Visit the library without him. Use the computers to research resources for people in abusive relationships – do not use your phone or laptop. If you need to make a call, ask the librarians if you can use the phone. Grab some library books to justify your visit.

      Do you have a friend you can trust who is local to you? Hang out with that friend in person and let them know what is happening.

      Good luck!

      1. This is great advice. OP, you need to get out, but please be very careful of how you do it. Leaving is the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship (and yes, from what you’ve told us here, your relationship is full of red flags for abuse). Be safe, and let us know if there’s any way we can help.

      2. Question, how can he track her phone and google searches if they don’t share an account? I’m not sure if they do, but just wondering for my own benefit.

        1. Everything is so interconnected these days. All it would take is OP forgetting she was the last one to use Google as herself on one of the communal computers or iPads they potentially have and there you go. And that is how someone with zero tech sophistication could do it. I’m sure someone with more could figure out other ways even if the OP is sure she closes this loophole every single time (which most people would probably slip up doing).

    6. Echoing trust your gut — its time to take untraceable action to leave. Please keep posting for support here — we’re rooting for you.

    7. Oof. Good luck. Certainly doesn’t matter either way, but I’m curious if you think he’s gaslighting you? Many moons ago, when I had a partner that was cheating, he would ask what I was doing behind his back. I was also so flustered, I’d let him look through my phone but never did the same to him. Hindsight and all…

      1. Yes, BeenThatGuy, your comment resonates because I just read “Don’t You Know Who I Am?”: How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility“ and I read it can feel chaotic when someone is projecting onto you. Echoing everyone else, we are rooting for you AnonAnon.

    8. He is gearing up for emotional abuse or he is cheating on you. Get an STD test and your own bank account. Go to therapy, alone.

    9. You may not want to say scary, but it IS scary. Make a plan to get yourself out. He is ramping up on the intimidation/control.

    10. I know someone asked this yesterday but I’m not sure I saw a response… is this a new thing? Or has he always been like this? If it’s a new thing I would probably call his bluff as long as I got access to his phone/socials too because I would assume his paranoia was coming from a guilty conscience.

      2. Sorry no. She said she had a physical reaction to his response. Abuse victims often know something is off or escalating in their bodies even if they can’t articulate exactly what they are feeling or experiencing.

        Also, even if he were gaslighting her to cover his own affair, surely you wouldn’t want her to stay in that relationship?

        If you’ll go back and read the thread yesterday, this has been happening a long time and people IRL have told her his behavior is not normal.

        OP, you are under no obligation to work it through with this person or to “confront” him or anything else. I don’t know of any religion or child psychologist who would advocate you must stay in a potentially dangerous situation. It can be hard in certain communities, though, for sure. Please make a safety plan in a way that makes you feel comfortable.

    11. OP here. Not sure if he is gaslighting me with regard to a relationship, but I know for a fact he has said one thing and then told me later he didn’t say that thing. Or I know I told him something and then he tells me I never told him that.

      The hardest part is I think I know the right thing to do, but still have one child at home who is old enough to be independent and I just don’t know what is the best thing to do for them. If I try to get out it is going to be a mess. Has anyone been through something similar?

      1. If your child was the one in this situation, wouldn’t you tell them to GTFO? Your sister? Your child is watching how you react and learning that your husband’s behavior is ok. You need to leave, safely, for both of yours sake.

        I’ve been a DV prosecutor for 10+ years. This will not better, only worse, as long as you stay.

      2. Reinventing discussions, rewriting history, is pretty classic abusive behavior. I have mixed feelings about the term gaslighting and how it’s commonly used. It seems to imply some sort of active intent. But abusers can appear to not have any intent or even knowledge of what they’re doing; they have a narrative of your relationship (ie they are calm and rational and you are a crazed harpy) and anything that doesn’t fit in that narrative is disregarded and forgotten or manipulated in their own mind. Being on the receiving end of lies that your partner has told himself feels very different than lies your partner is telling you. You want to give your husband the benefit of the doubt and he seems so certain! Maybe you were mistaken, after all mistakes happen right?

        It’s insidious. It’s hard for people to understand if they haven’t lived it. It’s very likely that your community will not see this as abusive, unfortunately, and they will lean on you to reconcile with him. Be very careful who you confide in; anything that suggests abuse that isn’t physical tends to attract abuse apologists.

      3. Family law lawyer commenting. I haven’t been through it but I’ve helped many, many people through it. Your child will be fine. Lots of other children have been through separation. Things will be hard and painful at first but after you will be so glad you left. So many of my clients are markedly happier afterward- but it does take quite a while to get through it.
        You should call a family violence service provider in your area to do safety planning. What you are describing is coercive controlling behavior and it is one of the most dangerous signs in an abusive situation. Echoing another poster above- the riskiest time for extreme violence is before or shortly after leaving an abusive partner. Many women are killed or gravely injured by coercive controlling partners when there was no previous physical abuse. Please call a shelter or other service provider for guidance on how to safely leave. You can call a lawyer too, but being able to leave safely takes higher priority.
        It’s good that you recognized the physical discomfort you felt yesterday. Keep listening to that. Your gut is not wrong. Please take care.

      4. Hi OP – I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I will say, as the kid in this situation (my dad was emotionally abusive and very very occasionally physically abusive to my mom), LEAVE. My mom stayed until I was 20 to “stay together for the kids” and because she was scared of what he’d do if she left, and it was so, so much worse than ripping the band-aid off.

        But I knew what was going on, and it made my childhood really really hard – I could never have friends over, I could never go to things with my parents, all because I was scared of what my dad would do to me or my mom in front of people (which was a bad fear, but hey, the 2000s).

      5. As a DV survivor turned family law attorney: do take safety steps as fast as you can while at the same time not being careless (you do not want to tip him off as to safety and extrication activities). I didnt leave for 19 years and am still paying for it 22 years later. Follow the good advice that other posters gave but make sure to only confide in trustworthy friends. I told a friend I was going to divorce my abuser who told my brother who told my very angry soon to be ex-husband. Also, when you have a safe, undetectable space get the small paperback “the Gift of Fear” an read the short chapter “Intimate Enemies (Domestic Violence).” Prayers for your protection and the courage to do what you know is right.

    12. I’ve been listening to the Podcast “Something is Wrong….” lately. It is basically women telling their stories about their controlling/abusive relationships, that all evolved over time. It is scary. What was new to me was how many men who were “good Christians” were sexually controlling/abusing and domineering, using their religion as a justification. All of these men appeared to the perfect partners, at the outset. But then, over time, something would happen that just felt….. off. Like the example the OP gives, which to me sounds very concerning.

      OP, you have a lot of great advice here. Always trust your gut.

      Find a family member/close friend to confide in.
      Do you research outside of the house.
      Talk to a lawyer.

  6. Looking for recommendations of best pull-on pants to wear for a conference my company is holding. I have a disability and travel with a wheelchair, so I want something professional and easy!

    2. Macy’s is your friend here. I have several pairs from Alfani and Charter Club. They really look like normal pants, but they are very comfortable.

      1. +1 to Alfani! They are so comfy and hold up EXTREMELY well to washing. I have several pairs that I’ve had for years that look great.

  7. Moving across the country is stressful! We will be putting our house on the market in a couple of weeks, and then quickly find a house in our new location (which is in a very competitive market). We fully expect our current house to be under contract within a couple of days of listing it, which is great, but I’m nervous about finding a new home, getting everything lined up (including daycare and after school care), and moving to our new location. We plan to rent back our current home for a month and hire full service movers, but it will be tough to get everything lined up just so. Any tips to make this go smoothly?

    1. Plan for things not to go smoothly. Be open to renting in new location. Accept you might need a nanny for a while. Streamline your life aggressively.

    2. Following with interest because we are in a similar boat (minus kids and we’ll be renting, not buying). There’s so much that has to fall into place. If I get through this without an ulcer it’ll be a victory.

    3. i would say first step is probably accepting that everything will not go 100% smoothly and there will be some hiccups along the way. hiring full service movers, including packers is wonderful, but they will literally pack everything, so make sure you make some time to purge. take out what you need for the time in between the two homes. do you have a plan in case you don’t find a house in your new location? are you trying to buy there or rent? i would make all the lists. do you know what school your kid will be going to? if so, you could probably line up after care now. lots of college kids are home now for summer, so if you need help with the kids as you gear up for the move and you can afford it, hire sitters.

    4. Have a backup plan for housing. My family did a cross-country move last year, and even with trips to our new location to look at houses, the market is so insane that we had to secure a rental home instead.

      Start a list of all the tasks and divide & conquer. We also had full service movers, but we also had to secure shippers for our cars, get a cleaning crew & the junk people to clean our old house after the truck was loaded up, and close on our house before we could take a flight to our new location.

      Also if its an option – send the kids to the new location with a family member! Our kids were 4 and 1 when we moved, and my husband flew with them to our new location so they could stay with Grandma while we did all the stuff in our old city. Doing the final packing and getting the truck loaded was so much easier without having to worry about our littles being in the way or keeping them entertained.

      1. Would almost recommend this as a first priority – find a short-ish term rental. My mom recently moved cross-country, and she rented an AirBnB for 3 months proactively, put her stuff in storage, and only initially moved her personal items. It gave her the time to look for the ideal house and to do some basic changes before moving it. More expensive for sure, but it probably saved her a good amount of money in not just buying a house because she needed one.

    5. I say this as movers are currently packing up my house: set aside at least three days to purge stuff. We all have too much junk. The easiest way to move easily is to move with less stuff.

    6. This is exciting and definitely overwhelming! We’ve done this twice as a family of 6. Here’s some tips:

      Allow yourself a lot of grace. It will take longer to do everything. Just be forgiving of yourself and your family members. I think it takes 1 year to get settled and 2 years to really be established (that’s precovid; the pandemic makes all of it harder).

      Be ready to be surprised by things. In my most recent move, I was really surprised to discover that pediatricians here charge us to complete required school forms. It feels outrageous coming from a place where that never happened. You just don’t know when the new reality will conflict with your expectations. So expect some unexpected things and be a bit of a sociologist/tourist in your new hometown.

      Get on neighborhood listservs or next-door groups at your destination. This is a great way to learn about things in the new place. It can be very useful. Ask the realtor how.

      Use your real estate agent in both locations as fully as possible. They work for you–don’t be afraid to ask for a high level of service. I’ve learned (thorough many transactions and witnessing my counterparts in those transactions) that you can ask the real estate agent to do a lot: meet vendors, coordinate repairs, get quotes, even pay for things! If they can make your life easier, have them do it.

      Purge BEFORE you move. Start now going through medicine cabinets, junk drawers, etc.

      Packers will label things based on the room the item is in now. If kids are sharing a room now but splitting up at the new location, split up their things and tell the movers to label boxes packed from each side of the room differently. If attic items at the old house are going to the garage at the new house, tell packers what to put on the box.

      Think about what you can do now (in the place you know well), because everything is harder in the new place. In particular, before you go, you see all your doctors/dentists. Refill prescriptions. Get new glasses. Have your oil changed or your car tuned up. It will take months for you to have all these resources lined up in the new place.

      If your current home is a lower cost of living area, consider getting some things done before you move that you will want in the next few years. I had chairs recovered, car detailed, cedar chest refinished, etc.

      Get your area rugs cleaned before you move. Tell the cleaner that it’s for a move and that they will stay wrapped until you get to your destination.

      The post office does a so-so job of mail forwarding. Therefore, print a bunch of pages of labels with your new address and leave them for your house’s new residents. It increases the chances that your mail will be forwarded along to you.

      Start setting up utilities at the new place as soon as you get an address.

      Ask the people who sell to you for as much vendor info as you can: house cleaner, lawn care, babysitter, plumber, painter, electrician, etc. They might not have anything to share, but it doesn’t hurt to ask and can be very helpful. I have found that using an electrician/plumber/handyman who knows the house is a huge advantage when I don’t know the house.

      Finally, an admission–we made a mistake in choosing the wrong house in our last interstate move. I rushed into buying something too small because I was nervous that I would have to rent. It was not the right house for us, and within a year we bought something bigger. It was an expensive mistake, but not the end of the world. Accept that mistakes will be made and that it will be ok.

      I really do think it’s helpful to approach the new place as a student of sociology and to marvel at what is different rather than judging it as wrong. This helps me to feel intrigued rather than defeated when my expectations aren’t met. Good luck!

  8. What’s the going rate for a high school graduation check? If it matters, it’s my cousin’s daughter; we’re not close, but I’d like to recognize her accomplishment. $50? $75? $100?

    2. How many other cousins have kids and what kind of check do you want to cut for each of them? I have a large family and am not very close to most of them, but my family is definitely the type to compare notes. While I have one or two faves, I keep the amount low enough that I am comfortable repeating it without feeling resentment for the more distant ones.

      1. OP here. Great points, thanks. I only have 7 cousins, only 2 of whom have kids, so while I don’t have many checks to write, they will compare notes. I’ll go with $50.

  9. I have a work social at the end of the month and ordered the notch neck cotton dress in navy from Boden. What shoes would you wear? I’m thinking something like a dressy flat form sandal or maybe an espadrille? I’m a mid-manager but it’s a very casual company and at a casual venue. I’m not in a hurry to wear uncomfortable heels ever again.

  10. I’m helping build out a new team. We brought on a new hire who I recommended from a previous job. However while the ramp up is happening we probably have 20 hours of work a week. This guy is driving me crazy!! We have different functions but because he’s bored he keeps trying to insert himself in my work. He’ll literally look at my calendar and if I have a meeting he’s not invited to he’ll ping me about it after to ask me about it. I’m trying to be polite and I know this will resolve once our work picks up in a few months, but it’s SO annoying!

      1. The issue is he’s my coworker not my direct report. We do adjacent work but not the same work so I’ve sent him relevant reading but that’s really all I have.

    2. Sounds like you haven’t been direct with him yet. You need to lay it out for him clearly (in person or over the phone, not email), since he’s not getting hints.
      – I understand you don’t have 40 hours worth of work to do right now. We expect it to pick up in the next few months. In the meantime when you have downtime you can do X (professional development, learning something new or literally reading a book or whatever)
      – Please don’t ping me after meetings you were not invited to. If you need to know the information, someone will loop you in.

      Some people just don’t know work norms and it’s kinder to just be direct instead of getting frustrated he hasn’t figured it out on his own.

      1. This. You need to just tell him. There are other fields where not creating work for yourself if you’re only working 20 hours a week would be a problem.

    3. Corporate talk question: is “build” different from “build out?” I’ve seen this term “build out” and it seems like there’s a superfluous word but maybe there’s a distinction?

      1. No. It is another of those corporate-speak terms that drives me nuts. Along with “resource” for person, “inflection point,” etc. etc. etc.

        1. Yes. The OP needs to level set expectations with this new resource to ensure they are working toward a common paradigm and preparing themselves for the coming inflection point when the team is fully built out with talent.

          2. God, I hate that I totally understand what the sentence means. And would say it.

      4. To me, the distinction is that build is creating something from a starting point where you don’t have a functional product, but build out means you already have something that’s usable if basic, and you expand or improve upon it.

      5. To me build out is to expand versus build is to build from scratch. I didn’t realize that was corporate jargon.

        1. I think it’s corporate jargon more when it’s applied to people. I’ve heard construction people talk about building out a physical space, but you’d never say you want to “build out” a family if you’re having another child. It’s the dehumanization that makes it corporate speak to my ear.

  11. Finally thinking about cutting the cord with cable. What are the best options? I was considering either YouTube TV or Sling. I watch local channels in the mornings for traffic and weather. Also college football, but we have ESPN through one of those Disney/Hulu/ESPN bundles. Right now, we have access to HBO Max and Starz through the cable company so I might need to see how how much those cost separately.

    1. We had Sling when it first launched and we found it buggy – maybe it’s improved since then.

      I’ve heard nothing but good things about Youtube TV.

      Also you can do live channels with Hulu, since you already have it. You can also add extra subscriptions like Starz to your Hulu account. There’s also a Starz discount floating around right now, I keep getting ads for it on FB/Twitter.

      1. Hulu live works pretty well and, like you said, you can add premium channels. You can also do that on Amazon prime- they’re always running 99 cent per month promos for Starz and other channels.

      1. Depends where you live. I only get ABC, PBS sometimes, and a bunch of community access channels, and I’m in a small city, not somewhere super remote. But this is worth trying if you live somewhere with decent reception.

    3. Depends on what you normally watch on cable. You can get practically anything a la carte now. For instance if you mostly watch HGTV you can get Discovery+. If you’re watching shark tank you can get hulu, etc.

    6. We have Sling and you don’t get local channels – we get ABC News, for example, but not the local affiliate – so I don’t think that would cover your weather/traffic needs. It’s fine, but the interface isn’t amazing and it mostly gets used to watch sports in our household. I did recently get Peacock which I like – I think we watch it more than hulu at this point.

    7. We have tried all of them and we like YouTubeTV. It has everything and has very few issues. You can also add HBO and Starz through YouTubeTV – although we have them separately.

    8. We have Sling and get local NBC and Fox. To get ABC we’d have to upgrade but we also use an antenna and have ESPN through Disney so we haven’t found a need to upgrade from the basic option on Sling. They’ve also added 50hrs of DVR storage to Sling (I think that’s everyone. We got it and our bill didn’t increase).

    9. The PBS app is free for basic access, and if you donate any amount monthly, you get premium access plus the livestream of your local channel.

    10. We use sling. It’s just ok. I liked youtube TV better but it was getting almost as expensive as cable.

      In addition to the base Sling, we have Hulu (we got the Black Friday deal of a year for $12) and Netflix. Considering dropping Netflix because there is less and less content we are interested in. I have Amazon prime but not primarily for the TV content, and my sister lets me use her HBO login.

  12. Several people in the past few months have asked about how to help people in their lives who were dealing with difficult situations – medical diagnoses, injuries, etc. I just want to put a reminder out there to check in with those people again now and send some support their way, whether it’s a restaurant gift card, scheduling a play date with their kids this weekend, offering a ride, etc. So many people are there to help in the first weeks after something happens, but so much of the help you need is in the long term after you’ve been dealing with it for months and are exhausted. Sometimes at that point it feels like the rest of the world has moved on or lost patience with your needs, so I just wanted to remind you all to keep that support going to the people you care about!

    1. Thank you for the reminder. I am going to set up periodic reminders so that these important check-ins are not forgotten.

    2. This is such a good thing to say and I never thought of it myself until dealing with cancer this past year. I look normal and I think that’s a big part of it. I also haven’t told many people. I was sort of laughing about it with my husband the other evening. I received like 12 blankets when I was first diagnosed (very kind but you have to see some humor) and now almost none of the few people whom I told even ask how I’m doing when we talk. The truth is I’m happy most days but dealing with a lot. And when I think I might not be here in 5 years it feels extremely isolating. Add in high Covid precautions and just blah. I’m making it a rule from now on to do a few months out check ins when friends lose a parent or whatnot. Same for those who have babies and are coping with a big life change after the hoopla dies down. Sometimes the quiet times are when support matters most.

  13. Comments are disappearing again. Certain comments alternate disappearing and reappearing when I refresh the browser. Chrome, on Windows.

  14. I’d love some dress shopping help! I’m looking for a long-sleeved dress with a button-up collar or a v-neck for a business casual look in humid summer weather. I’m considering the Vivid Linen linen long-sleeve waist-tie dress (style D3580B), but I would wind up having to tailor/shorten this dress. I’m curious about what else is out there in the sub $300 range… trying to accommodate a curvy size 12 with large hips.

    1. Hmm, a summery long-sleeve dress can be tricky. What about a midi skirt + LS bu++on-up shirt (i’m not the troll)?

        1. Why does Banana Republic insist on limiting so many of its offerings to the same few colors that look good on a small segment of the population?

          1. Because they’ve listened to everyone here talking about how neutrals are so perfect and classy!

          2. Madewell does this too. I think they do it to make their stores and websites look harmonious.

    2. Talbots has some shirt dresses, mostly short sleeves at this point, but they may still have some long-sleeved versions available.

    3. Check Etsy! I bought a 3/4sleeve tie-waist linen dress on Etsy last year, and it’s perfect for so many summer events! Delivery timing might be an issue, depending on your timing requirements, but it might be worth a few minutes perusal of the site.

  15. What’s your practice around LinkedIn connections? I used to be very strict about only connecting with people I actually know. I now work in a more visible position in tech, which apparently lives on LinkedIn. I’m also posting more frequently and getting more connection requests from people I don’t know! If they would just include a message, I’d feel better. Should I just be adding them? Is it weird to send a message saying something to the effect of, “thanks for reaching out! I make sure to only add people I know so I would love to learn more about you! What made you reach out?” Or something to that effect? I don’t want to miss out on networking opportunities. To be sure – these are people who are 2nd connections, similar industry, etc.

    1. Yes, just add them. No hand wringing needed. I accept all connection requests, unless it looks spammy. LinkedIn is a better experience with wider networks. I think the hestitation to accept connections is unnecessarily paranoid. Unlike other platforms, you’re not going to post personal information or photos.

          1. I’ve struck up interesting messaging conversations and even set up informational calls with people I have connected with on LinkedIn who I didn’t know. I love networking and I am someone who has benefited greatly from connections and try to do the same for others. A young woman connected and then reached out to me and she asked for a call, which I agreed to. I gave her some advice and she applied for and landed an internship I told her about. I also have made connections in work adjacent spaces and am using them to identify boards I might want to try to join. There are lots of benefits if you are open to it.

    3. I think that might come across as a little weird, but you do you. I generally accept anyone in my city/industry/with common connections. I don’t accept random people from other countries because then I get a lot of messages about how they need me to help them find a job and move here. I promptly remove anyone who spams me.

  16. I’m ten years out of school, a partner at a small firm, and considering taking an associate position at a Biglaw firm. I’ll make almost double the money, I’ll have to bill more and “take orders” again, but I am looking to switch practice areas and move and this seems to be a way to do both. I’m slightly concerned about the recession predictions. How likely am I, who will be deemed a mid-level associate, to be laid off?

      1. Maybe I should rephrase – a lot of commenters on this blog had or have Biglaw experience including in the early 00s, ‘08-‘10, and early Covid. So thought I might get anecdata.

    2. I’m not in Big Law but I think chances of getting laid off is highly dependent on practice area.

    3. No one knows but I’ll say, being in Big Law, that nonequity partners feel more vulnerable than associates do. Associates are still sorely needed. I agree it’s practice-dependent though.

    4. To me, it seems crazy to go from the autonomy and job security of being a partner to being a mid-level associate. Regardless of whether or not there’s a major recession, mid-level associates are pretty fungible so you won’t have much job security and depending on the firm you may have almost no autonomy.

    5. This would concern me. What level associate would they be treating you as? Every Biglaw firm seems to be building massive stables right now, but they 100% cannot keep them when (not if) the market turns.

    6. I would hold out for a partner offer. I’m about your level, and a partner in a firm with about 30 attorneys. Over the last year or so, a number of big firms have reached out to chat, and all of them have been about a partner designation. I wouldn’t even entertain an associate offer, even one that would be double the money. Maybe that’s practice area dependent (employment law for me) etc., but I would really seriously consider if this is your best big law option out there.

  17. I’m currently using the ordinary’s mineral sunscreen and it’s okay. It definitely leaves a white-ish cast. If anyone has found a great mineral sunscreen for daily use, I’m all ears

    1. I have found that mineral-only sunscreen doesn’t actually prevent sunburn. I prefer sunscreens that combine mineral and chemical SPF. Those generally leave less of a white cast and seem to protect better than mineral-only or chemical-only, at least for me. I use the Olay sensitive skin facial sunscreen.

    2. I used to use EltaMD which worked well and left minimal white cast but I think with mineral-only you’ll always have a white cast of some degree since it’s a physical barrier.

    3. I use EltaMd tinted, which has zinc oxide. Much less of a white cast than other sunscreens I have tried, which as a brown-skinned woman is definitely necessary for me.

    4. Dr. Jart’s Premium BB Beauty Balm SPF 40 for me, unless I’m doing something more active than walking around on flat streets. I’m allergic to chemical sunscreens, so I have to use mineral sunscreens.
      If I’m going hiking or swimming outside, then I use Neutrogena’s mineral sunscreens, and live with the white-ish cast.

    5. I like Neutrogena’s SheerZinc. The white cast goes away as long as I rub it in well and it feels nice (not greasy).

    6. If you have dark skin, it is never going to work because the minerals in question are bright, opaque white (e.g used for white paint pigment). But if your skin is lighter, I love Paula’s Choice RESIST Super-Light Wrinkle Defense SPF 30. This is best for oily skin – it has a mattifying ingredient that really works and makes me less shiny. It is slightly tinted so the white cast isn’t apparent, but it isn’t like foundation.

    7. highly recommend Coola’s rosilliance. I also like Supergoop’s mineral sheer screen (also they have a set where you can test a bunch of minis and see which one you like).

      1. I used a tinted Coola SPF (maybe it’s also a bb cream?) and it’s amazing for me.

  18. I just, finally, did my seasonal switch and put the last of my wool stuff away for the summer. I took a long hard look at all my Eileen Fisher Crepe Ankle Pants (I have many) and the longer sheer-ish cardigans I used to wear with those and put them away too. I WFH full time now, permanently, but I do attend a meeting here and there in person, and I haven’t reached for those even once, when I used to wear them to work regularly. It feels like they don’t look right any more. Anyone else?

    2. So much this. I have a big storage bag full of mmlafleur dresses that were my work uniform. I’m still holding on. I work for a fully remote company but you never know what tomorrow may bring. But it does feel strange. Like saying goodbye to a part of me.

  19. Does anyone have a favorite chocolate gift they like to send/receive?

    I have a family member with a birthday coming up, who is dealing with a lot of awful personal/family stuff. I’ve been trying to support him from afar. I want to send something consumable (he doesn’t need/want things) just so he knows we haven’t forgotten about him/his birthday.

    Chocolate is good. Chocolate lovers, what is your favorite thing that you would appreciate getting?

    2. For mother’s day, I gave my mom the gourmet peanut butter cups from Uncommon Goods. She said they were great quality and really tasty. Much better than Reese’s.

    4. I loooove fancy chocolate truffles.

      My favorite is Cocoa Belle (cocoabellechocolates.com). You can order boxes as gifts. They’re gorgeous and delicious.

    9. Bakers Meltaways! These are made in NE and I am in the midwest so I like to support this company. Their candy truly melts away in your mouth. They are my go to gift these days.

    10. Escazu is a local-to-me chocolate shop that will ship and is delicious. Videri is another local one that is good and ships, though I like Escazu better (Videri has bars that might ship better, though). You might see if relative has local shops near him that would deliver.

    12. John and Kira’s chocolates. Or also look at Goldbelly and see if anything there looks good to you

    17. Something nostalgic or elegant. Cadbury’s or Green and Blacks, maybe?

      If you don’t know their taste, maybe a variety? I love chocolate, but I regift most of the fancy chocolate I get from “chocolate people” who gift things like orange or raspberry dark chocolate, neither of which I enjoy.

  20. I work for a small (<25 ppl), very casual (jeans, flip flops, bare shoulders ok) office, but am finishing up my MBA this fall, planning a pivot into consulting, and want to step it up for recruiting season in the outfit department. Reading last week's post about looking like you're in charge spoke to me. My current uniform of casual dress+ cardigan + ballet flats seems frumpy, but I can't imagine wearing the cardigan+ nice blouse + dress pants+ heels outfit I wore in my previous bus. casual positions and being appropriate here in the office.

    The female VP wears flats + pixie pant + flowy top type outfits. Male President wears khakis and a button-down. They are 3+ levels above me. My immediate supervisor (male) wears jeans and a polo.

    What advice would you have for this career-pivoting evening MBA in her mid-late 30's?

    1. Wear what the female VP wears. It’s a generic enough outfit that no one will know you’re copying her. Make sure everything is clean, pressed if it needs pressing, and that your shoes are in top condition. It’s really about looking intentional rather than “this was the last clean thing in my closet.”

      1. What are you wearing instead? I like the layering option of the cardigan and I hate wearing suit jackets unless I need to so I default to cardigans in various styles, but I’d love to hear other options!

      2. this is how i feel about any outfit that includes ballet flats. My body has a visceral reaction.

    3. I think you can find a more in style shoe than ballet flats that aren’t heels and that will help your outfits out a lot.

    4. Loafers, pointed toe flats, or even a simple clean sneaker would be better than ballet flats

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