ByKat Hours Updated
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Coffee Break: Turquoise Necklace

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triangular turquoise necklace with bezel edge and faceted cut

Warning: there is only one of these necklaces left, but there are several others that are similar. The reason I'm posting it is because I own one of these and have been getting compliments on it left and right — if you're a fan of turquoise or this kind of necklace, it's definitely worth checking out.

(In fact, this is one of my most worn pieces this summer!)

The pictured one is $58 at Etsy from seller BubuRuby — but like I said, they have several others with bezel edges and facets, including this pink chalcedony necklace ($32), this really pretty opalite necklace ($42), this dark blue lapis lazuli necklace ($34), or this round turquoise necklace ($34).

Readers, what are some of your most-worn jewelry pieces this summer?

Sales of note for 3/21/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off: Free People, AllSaints, AG, and more
  • Ann Taylor – 25% off suiting + 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – $39+ dresses & jumpsuits + up to 50% off everything else
  • J.Crew – 25% off select linen & cashmere + up to 50% off select styles + extra 40% off sale
  • J.Crew Factory – Friends & Family Sale: Extra 15% off your purchase + extra 50% off clearance + 50-60% off spring faves
  • M.M.LaFleur – Flash Sale: Get the Ultimate Jardigan for $198 on sale; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Buy 1 get 1 50% off everything, includes markdowns

180 Comments

  1. Saw too late to respond to Sasha’s question about wine/cheese tasting in Paris but if you’re still looking, we have had very good experiences at O Chateau. They have wine tastings, some including cheese or food, a wine bar where you can just go and taste wines by the glass, and excursions as well.

    1. Hi! I was looking at one of their classes on Viator, so good to hear you enjoyed them. Thank you! And thanks to the other two commenters as well

  2. Really like this necklace!

    Hesitant to post this since I’ll probably get dragged, but I’m debating whether to stop sending gifts to a good friend who doesn’t acknowledge receipt. I’m not asking for a handwritten thank-you note (that ship has sailed), but a 7-second text saying “hey the package arrived, thanks so much!!” Over the years, I’ve given her numerous gifts and also sent gifts for her kid and I can count on one hand the number of times that she acknowledged receipt. I know you should give gifts without expectations of the recipient, but I can’t say it doesn’t sting to put in thought and effort (and cost) to send something I know they’ll love and use and then not even get 10 seconds of effort in return – so I don’t even know if the package arrived or got lost in transit or stolen. Maybe I should be happy enough with seeing her kid wear the sweatshirt I sent in an Instagram post a year later or a six-months-delayed “that Christmas cookie package was really good” but I guess I’m not. WWYD?

    1. Well … I think she’s being pretty rude, to never acknowledge the gifts. Like you said, a quick text message is fine; that’s minimal effort. I would probably stop giving at some point, tbh.

      1. Agree. It’s not hard to send a quick text message. Definitely stop sending gifts.

    2. I’d stop unless she sends similar gifts to you. Maybe she feels awkward when a package shows up bc she doesn’t want to reciprocate.

      1. She does reciprocate occasionally. I’m actually not at all bothered by that aspect, especially because her budget is a little tighter than mine and I know she does care about the friendship, but the lack of thank-yous are bugging me. The one time I ever spoke up about this (when a gift I spend four months making didn’t get so much as a text), she was genuinely apologetic, but the behavior hasn’t changed.

        2. Does she want this stuff? Has she tried to get you to stop sending stuff and you don’t listen.

          Like my mom buys way too much stuff for my kids. I’ve tried talking to her about it but she just gets worse so I don’t mention it now and just avoid giving the overtop acknowledgement that she is looking for (thank you SO much, it’s great! SUCH a good idea etc ). DH doesn’t even stay in the room when they start opening stuff. I donate at least half of it because it’s the wrong size, or not something the kids want – based on what they ‘should’ like because their cousins like it.

          1. +1 to she probably doesn’t want it. It’s super kind of you to spend 4 months making something, OP, but as a fellow crafter (I’m a knitter) we have to know our audience. There are plenty of people in my life who would not care about receiving something I made, wouldn’t wear it, would probably donate it. Then there are others who would be ecstatic. I’m not knitting baby sweaters or whatever for the first crowd for sure.

    3. I’d stop sending gifts and I don’t see why anyone would drag you for it. Sure flouncing for one missed thank you card is a bit much but this is a pattern of her not appreciating the gifts, so don’t send them!

    4. I feel like I could be your friend. I have a friend who gives me and my kid gifts on numerous occasions through out the year. In general she’s just extremely thoughtful and likes to shop. I try to do my best to acknowledge each one. But sometimes it gets lost in the shuffle. To be honest, it’s also a little tough to get so many “things” throughout the year.
      It also makes me feel guilty I’m not able to come up with as many thoughtful gifts to give her back, because she’s constantly decluttering and is good about buying things she wants/likes, etc.
      It might be worth a check-in to make sure your friend likes getting these gifts. Or maybe they’d prefer these gifts to be in a different form (ex. same friend picked up that we’re tapped out on toy space and has started giving kiddo memberships to local museums, which we enjoy a lot more).

    5. I’m a gift giver and I don’t expect people to always reciprocate, but it also irks me when people don’t even acknowledge receipt. Same as you I’m not looking for gold star for sending a gift, but want to make sure I didn’t throw money away if the package was never delivered. Personally I’d stop.

    6. I have a family member who does this. We stopped sending gifts to her and her kids a long time ago. We made an exception recently when we sent a very large check for a high school graduation that has not been acknowledged (or cashed), even after we followed up to make sure she’d received it. Crickets. I don’t get it.

        1. You would think so, but she has a history of doing to other people. She just doesn’t get around to cashing gift checks. And if she didn’t receive it then why not respond “no we didn’t get it” when asked?

      2. That’s so damn rude. That’s also an occasion where a real handwritten thank you note, or at least a decent lengthy email, is the polite thing to do.

    7. Yes, she’s rude, but stop giving her gifts unless you know she likes them/she’s expressed appreciation for them/there was at some time an expression of “oh my gosh, this is great!”. Some people (you!) love giving gifts. It’s their (your!) love language. That’s great! That’s what makes you tick and it’s so thoughtful. But please realize not everyone ticks that way. This will sound crazy to you with how you’re wired, but I hate giving AND receiving gifts. It’s not my love language. It’s not my love language to the point that obligations to purchase gifts make me actually angry and receiving gifts makes me cranky because I didn’t ask for X and now you’ve given me a task for this thing that I didn’t want (hand-writing you a thank you note, because yes, I will do that). So if your friend is anything like me, stop sending her unsolicited stuff.

      1. But if you don’t want to hand-write a thank-you note, surely you would at least text?

        1. Sometimes expressing thanks just encourages the gift giver. I think it’s problematic not to expressly say something, but in some cultures any protest is taken along the lines of “you shouldn’t have!” and isn’t sincere, so it can be difficult to discourage unwanted gifts.

          1. Oh my, how rude about people trying be kind. Speak about about what you want so no one gives you gifts.

          2. No I agree with this poster. People who love gifting see this differently than those who don’t like receiving gifts. You have to listen to your intended gift recipient and not gift @ them when they don’t want it.

      2. “It’s not my love language to the point that obligations to purchase gifts make me actually angry and receiving gifts makes me cranky because I didn’t ask for X”

        This is me. My life is busy, I don’t want more ‘stuff’. If I can’t eat it or drink it then I don’t want it.

        1. Same. And somehow no matter how many times I vocalize this there are people who either refuse to listen or don’t believe me.

          I so appreciate my friends and family who either don’t get me gifts or only get me consumables!

        2. I just have to mention that after stating “please, nothing we can’t eat or drink” on several occasions to my gift-giver mother, she brought 48 lbs of food to our home in a suitcase when flying here to help with our newborn. Like completely normal food that we could have bought here without paying Bay Area sales tax, throwing my dad’s back when loading it into the car, reshuffling the extra lb that the airline did not allow to be checked into a carryon, and dragging all of this stuff through two unpleasant airports. It was so crazy that the TSA guy asked – OK, but why the cheese?? The cheese won’t go bad while you’re away (my dad was home… he eats food). It was enough to feed us for the month she was here plus some. So, to those saying “use your words” like it actually works, I give up on communication attempts. I might try being rude next.

      3. I truly love the thought when people give me gifts, but I pretty much never like any that I receive and probably 90% go straight to the donation pile. I’m a very picky semi-minimalist, so I understand where you’re coming from when you say that you don’t like gifts. But getting angry seems really out of proportion with the issue. Donate the brand new item and move on.

    8. Do you know she likes receiving gifts? She may hate it and be hoping you stop. I personal hate gifts and despite telling people to stop sending me sh*t and refusing to play the thank you card game, I still get stuff I don’t want and passive agressive requests for praise.

      1. Yeah, I’m very confident that she likes the things that I send because I usually will see the item being used in a picture later on or she’ll reference two years later that she used the gift card I sent to get much-needed winter clothes and things like that. That’s the reason I kept giving for as long as I have because I could see that it was being used and I told myself I shouldn’t hold out for the thank you, but not even getting the text is too much for me.

    9. Or, having vented here and having recognized that this is how it is and how it’s going to be, you could continue to give gifts for the pure pleasure of giving gifts, with no expectation of any acknowledgment, or you could taper it down to just 3 or 4 major gift-giving occasions per year (again, understanding that you might be giving the gift to a big black hole of no acknowledgment).

    10. It would be weird to me if a friend sent me gifts all the time, so I think you should stop.

      1. Oh, it’s definitely not all the time – her kid’s birthday, Christmas, and usually her birthday. I did give an extra couple of gifts off her baby registry when she had that. Gift giving isn’t my love language at all. It’s just the basics.

        1. We don’t exchange Christmas gifts beyond immediate family (like our family, DH’s parents/siblings/nieces/nephews and my parents/siblings/nieces/nephews) because it is just too much stuff. Birthday presents are the same except kids also get them from friends who come to their party. We don’t exchange birthday gifts between adults except gifting to our parents (usually consumables), and my sister and I exchange small birthday gifts. DH and his brother haven’t exchanged in a decade at least. When you’re adults, everyone can buy their own stuff.

          Gifts for Christmas plus her kid’s birthday and her birthday seems like a lot.

        3. So are you saying that if it’s above a certain threshold, the gift receiver is free of any obligation to acknowledge the gift?

          1. Yes. Especially if you have told people it not necessary or to stop. Then they are being rude by inflicting your shipping habit on someone else. Hoard at your own house.

        4. FWIW— I don’t think this sounds like a lot. My friend group usually does gifts for Christmas and birthdays and then maybe 1-2 very small “thinking of you” type things throughout the year.

          I know different folks do things differently, but that’s how my crowd is!

          1. I don’t think it’s a lot either. Maybe it’s because I’m long distance from my closest girlfriends, but we all send each other’s kids things for every kid birthday and Hanukkah/Christmas, and often give each other things on our own birthdays do. My husband even has a couple of colleagues we exchange kid gifts with. In general, I think people give to kids more than adults, so giving to kids at their birthdays and Christmas and buying something off a baby registry when someone is pregnant doesn’t seem excessive to me.

    11. Thanks all. I think I will go ahead and stop with most gifts. It just doesn’t feel good to put in time and to send something I know that they use, but not even get the slightest acknowledgment. I’d rather keep engaging in other ways and I think that would be better all around.

      1. You sound like a thoughtful person and I’m sorry to that your gifts aren’t acknowledged.

        I sent my nieces gift cards yo stairs that their mother said they liked, then Visa gift cards, and they were never acknowledged so I stopped. I didn’t know if they had been stolen or just not appreciated and I hated checking as it felt like fishing for thanks.

        1. That’s exactly it – I can’t do any more fishing for thanks. It doesn’t feel good at all. Thank you for your kind words.

  3. How do you know when a winter coat needs to be replaced? I love my Patagonia puffer (that I bought in the winter of 2017/2018) but I thought it maybe felt less warm than before this past winter. Is that a thing that happens? It still looks new, and I wash it at the end of the year and sometimes once in the middle.

    1. I feel like that Patagonia should last long enough to be inherited as a still-warm coat.

    2. The material has empty space to trap warm air against your body. If the coat has been washed enough that the material becomes denser I imagine that could make it less warm. Five years seems pretty short for a puffer though. Make sure you’re not putting it in the dryer. Hang it outside after washing in the spring or point a fan at a drying rack when you wash it mid-winter.

      1. Woops I’ve been putting it in the dryer… didn’t realize I wasn’t supposed to do that! I usually put one of those dryer balls in with it. I thought washing and drying it would help with the fluffiness.

        1. I put mine in the dryer on low with tennis balls. That’s what the label on my (not Patagonia) jacket says to do. Mine also seems less warm as time goes on, but I wonder if it’s from the down that keeps escaping from the jacket. At least once a day a feather or two seems to sneak out. It’s disappointing given the price.

        2. No, you should put down in the dryer – it helps fluff it up again. You don’t want to wash it and then hang dry.

          1. +1 definitely put in the dryer. Low-heat, if you can, but you need the tumbling tennis balls to break up the down clumps so they can do their down-thing to keep you warm.

    3. I still have my Patagonia puffer from 2015 and it’s been through heavy use in tough environments. I’d say you should still be good to go.

    4. I had a down coat from Land’s End that was purchased in 2004 – I finally got rid of it in 2018. It was visibly worn at the cuffs and whatever water-resistance it once had was gone. Also I looked like I was shedding feathers every time I moved.
      I doubt many coats have that kind of lifespan any more, but Patagonia should be one of the best.

    5. I don’t expect puffers to last that long, maybe a couple of seasons tops. I’d donate yours and get a new one.

    6. Care instructions will depend on materials, but I always dry down coats and use tennis balls in the dryer on fairly high heat. Synthetic insulation may need to be treated differently.

    7. Not a thing but give it a good airing outside.

      Sounds like how you are drying it would keep nice and fluffy so there’s no reason it wouldn’t be as warm.Has it been a colder winter?

    8. I only replace mine when they become worn beyond repair. The coat I replaced last winter was over 10 years old.
      I would never replace a like new coat that only felt slightly less warm, I would add a layer under it and look into whether a professional cleaning would perk it up again.

    9. If it’s down, you can absolutely wash it too much. I vaguely remember that it’s after about 10 washes (down appropriate soap and wash, down program in dryer) that down puffers and duvets will start to deteriorate. The feathers get worn out and loose their fluff by the process.

      If it’s a synthetic, you may have washed it so much the lining is clumping. Patagonia will repair stuff, though, so worth checking with them if it’s possible to have a down or padding top-up.

  4. How do you stop thinking about people you dislike? Any time I have to interact with people in my extended friend group that I really intensely dislike, or even hear stories about them, I start actively ruminating on them. I don’t know why this happens but I really want to stop. Anyone have this experience / have insight into why they would do this / what helped stop it?

    1. No advice but interested in the responses. I have sort of a similar vibe where I will sometimes ruminate on a specific behavior of a good friend (“why won’t she just __, it’s clearly the right decision, is she just being a martyr?”) I do not like this about myself.

    2. After quite a lot of therapy, I’ve developed some ways to deal with this.

      First is mindfulness— I practice meditation (not every day, and not for long periods of time). This has helped me recognize that sometimes a thought just exists and it will float away. I’ll try to observe the thought with curiosity (ask myself why the thought popped up or I wonder how long it’ll stick around). Looking at it analytically in that way can help me get to the root of the thought. Maybe it popped into my head because I was afraid someone else would react in a way that reminds me of what Mean Person did. But sometimes I just decide that maybe I was hungry or my brain misfired or whatever. But I try not to engage with the thought and just view it as a cloud or something that will float away.

      This doesn’t always work! So I also have a strategy where I just let myself think about it. I don’t reprimand myself for ruminating— I just let my brain go crazy. I used to set a literal timer for 15 mins and just ruminate as much as possible. At the end of 15 mins, I would tell myself I could keep ruminating, but it has to be tomorrow from 3-3:15. I almost never came back to the subject. I almost never made it a full 15 mins before my brain would exhaust itself.

      If I’m afraid someone will make me uncomfortable, I’ll also let myself think about it and will just ask myself, “Then what?” Until I get to the end of the chain. I’m afraid Mean Person will bring up an embarrassing thing in front of the group. Then what? I will feel embarrassed. Then what? Everyone will move along in the conversation. Then what? I’ll go to the hallway and take a few breaths. Etc.

      I hope this helps! The biggest thing for me is taking away the self judgment. Everyone thinks about negative stuff sometimes. It’s fine. It doesn’t make me a bad person.

      1. This is really helpful (I’m not OP but share her feelings). Thank you for that lovely, helpful sharing and advice.

    3. Huh. I don’t tend to develop deep negative feelings about people, especially those tangential to my life.

    4. It’s a strong reaction to ‘really intensely dislike’ someone in the ‘extended friend group’, basically acquaintances – strangers, meaning the reaction is an overreaction and not really about them but about you. Something about these people is triggering something in you.
      Give yourself some time and really sit with one of these examples. What exactly is it about them that bothers you so much? Are they too loud or rambunctious? Maybe you have some nervous system sensitivity that you are not adequately protecting. Are they snarky and gossipy? Maybe the issue is dissatisfaction with the mutual friends tolerating that behavior, and maybe you know you need new friends but don’t want to face that. Or maybe it’s something deeper – the annoying ones are confident when they haven’t done ‘enough to be proud of’, or whatever it is that bothers you. These deeper things can indicate ways you aren’t offering love to YOURSELF. To continue the example, maybe you hold your own worth against accomplishments and so seeing someone confident without the accomplishments you have/want means there is part of you that thinks ‘how can they be worthy when I am not? (or not without these accomplishments?)’
      Worth spending some time to really unpack what it is here that has you in knots, because the behavior you describe means there is some work here for you.

    5. Journaling and asking God to take it away. Praying for them to get all the blessings they want in life.

  5. Does anyone have lightbulbs that are dim coming on but then get to be a usual brightness? Bulbs are 3YO LEDs that didn’t used to do this in a room I paid $$$ to remove the knob and tube wiring from and put in Morton wiring to code. New fixture from Pottery Barn or somewhere mainstream like that, also 3YO. Where do I start to attack this? The bulbs or an electrician? We have the same light in another rewirrd room that isn’t having this issue.

    1. That’s normal behavior for most LED bulbs so I’m curious which ones you use that go immediately to full brightness!

    2. I had this with certain bulbs in an old fixture. I just waited for them to get to full brightness. IIRC it wasn’t with all bulbs, so maybe try a different type.

    4. I mean – I’d start with changing out the bulbs and see if that fixes it. If new bulbs have the same issue, then it’s the fixture.

    5. I’ve had this issue with some brands, but never with GE LED bulbs fwiw. We bought a bunch when we moved six years ago and they’re still going strong.

  6. I’m intrigued by the Super Goop Resetting Mineral Powder sunscreen but a bit skeptical that it actually works. I would wear it over my regular sunscreen plus tinted moisturizer (that has sunscreen also), and just use it to reapply during the day. Anyone with experience using it or other powdered sunscreen who can speak to effectiveness?

    2. I use mineral sunscreen powder. I don’t use it on its own so I don’t know how effective it is a sunscreen. I do like that it offers extra protection.

      1. I’m The Fairest Of Them All so I appreciate it as just one more tiny barrier (as well as under makeup sunscreen, a hat and as much shade as I can find) against the evil sun.

  7. Has anyone used a med spa / compounding pharmacy for semaglutide? I’m normally not one to take risks but just booked a consultation.

    1. My vet won’t even recommend compounding pharmacies for medications for my horse because of how inconsistent they can be, so I definitely wouldn’t trust them for people.

      1. That’s bizarre. There’s nothing inherently problematic about compounding pharmacies.

      2. There are good and bad compounding pharmacies out there.

        I’m eternally grateful to the pharmacy that compounded chemo meds for my cat (who achieved a 3.5 year remission).

        Statistically, every kind of pharmacy out there has serious issues with medication errors, and compounding pharmacies have more opportunities for error. But there’s a lot of resentment about competition from compounding pharmacies, so while there can be a real problem (I don’t trust the compounding pharmacy near me at all and always do mail order instead), there’s also a lot of fearmongering. Many human patients would be absolutely screwed without compounding pharmacies, so they’re a necessary part of medicine.

        I don’t know anything at all about semiglutide though.

    2. Yup. I use a teledoc in Colorado that’s licensed in my east coast state and his corresponding compounding pharmacy for tirzepatide. I don’t have a single question about safety, quality, or efficacy. I asked him about the safety reports in the news during my initial consult and he had reassuring answers to all of them (and actually kind of got upset because some of the reports really are stupid – like vials come looking dirty, etc – don’t be stupid about things you’re injecting into your body). I’ve lost ~30 lbs in 3 months (so ~10 lbs a month, about what I’d lose on WW).

    3. The WSJ did an article on compounding pharmacies on Aug 7. I don’t think I can share a link, but it’s worth a read. Basically, some pharmacies are increasingly using large compounders due to drug shortages.

      1. WOW – just read. Wild that the FDA doesn’t regulate actual drugs for heart medicine and chemo but does regulate sunscreen.

    4. so i have a question about everyone using these med spas, teledocs, etc. for all of these weight loss meds, i’m assuming there is no care coordination with any other practitioners you may see, so how do you/they make sure that there are no interactions with any other medications you might be taking, or that the meds are contributing to any other issues in your body etc. you’ve just decided that for you the risk is worth taking?

      1. It’s truly not hard? I’m not taking any other meds but also every time I go to the doctor they ask what meds I am on and I tell them. Just like any other drug? Like my fertility clinic isn’t talking to my regular doctor

      2. I mean, the providers I see in person don’t coordinate with each other so it’s not really different?

      3. I wonder too.

        Does everyone tell their other doctors?

        Are your primary care doctors watching for all side effects?

        1. But do they pay attention, and ask you about the side effects/monitoring etc?

          My docs are terrible about that.

          Most docs are just learning about these meds.

    5. My husband is a retail pharmacist. His pharmacy has a compounding lab (doesn’t do semiglutides) and he compounds regularly. He has heard numerous reports that the large compounding pharmacies that compound semiglutides are skirting a lot of regulations and are largely going unchecked by regulators. Similar compounding pharmacies have popped up with other popular weight loss drugs in the past and have been shut down for dangerous conditions and not accurately compounding drugs. My husband tends to be less cautious on the risk spectrum, but he believes many of these large compounding pharmacies making semiglutides are unsafe and has counselled against it.
      He also feels that this is a drug that should be taken under doctor advisement given some of the risks / side effects that he is seeing. YMMV, but I would be nervous to be prescribed this new class of drugs by someone who is looking to make a quick buck off their sudden popularity (med spas and compounding pharmacies).

  8. In my early 40s and my lipstick has started settling into the fine lines on my lips when it wears off – not bleeding outside my lip area.

    What’s the best way to address this? Lip primer?

    Any specific product recommendations?

    It makes me feel elderly.

    1. I’d definitely start with lip primer and go from there. there are also lipsticks for 40+ ladies that i’ve seen online but haven’t tried. what kind of lipstick brands are you seeing this with? i’ve kind of wondered if i should be switching to what i think of as old lady /establishment brands like estee lauder, chanel, YSL for just this very reason.

      2. ? you mean you color-in your lips first with a layer of clear lip liner? Which one do you use?

        1. outline your lips with clear liner (just outside where you want the color). It acts as a barrier and keeps the color from bleeding.

  9. Looking for everyday flat wear recommendations. We’ve had the same set from William-Sonoma for 25 years and knives are starting to rust and we’ve lost more and more spoons. Why is it always spoons?! I know I will need to go to stores and try them out in my hands but would love any specific recommendations from the hive for something equally long lasting, simple design (and not Target or IKEA)?

    1. Same company, but mine are from Pottery Barn. PB cannot get it together in the website ordering department, so I would buy in store if possible.

      1. +1 I just replaced our flatware at Williams and Sonoma. Similar experience. Their website makes it tricky to ensure your buying the right finish of flatware (mirror vs matte, etc.) and returning to re-order the right finish was a nightmare. I’d also recommend buying in store instead of on-line.

      1. Me too! The “mirror” finish. They are great — had them since 2018 and they look new.

    3. I personally love Lenox – and they have sets with sporks, which have been the MVPs of our flat wear

    4. Reed & Barton – my parents’ set still looks good like 30 years after they bought it.

    5. Gorham brand, Studio design. Very solid stainless steel. Very neutral design. High quality, will last and look good for decades. Also, it is available not only in place settings, but in a wide array of serving pieces and speciality utensils.

      1. Or Gorham Fairview (which is a stainless version of Gorham Fairfax). It’s discontinued, so you may need to find it on EBay or Replacements. I bought my set from Ross Simons a couple of decades ago, and they are still going strong! Nice weight and feel in the hands, classic pattern. Good luck!

    6. Those brands (WS, PB) seem too big and heavy for me. Look at Silver Superstore and order one set each of 5 that you like.

      1. I agree it’s strange, but I also kind of love it. In another life, where I have multiple sets of flatware for use according to my mood, I have the full set of this and use it to host dinner parties where we drink only vintage Champagne, have very erudite conversation, and toddlers never interrupt.

      3. thank you! we washed some plastic cups that kind of melted and my kids keep using them to drink from and last night it hit me that they’re avant garde and I thought I need to find an example of an avant garde cup or dish to show them. this is great

    8. Buy from a set that sells pieces individually so you can buy replacements later on to fix the rusty knife and missing spoon problem. 18/10 only, and pick a popular pattern from a company known for flatware to increase the odds that it’ll be available down the line.

      1. This is good advice. I still love my set, which I purchased at William & Sonoma, and it’s still in great condition after fifteen years. But the company manufacturing it went down the drain, and they had a lot of quality control issues before they stopped existing. So I can’t track down reliable replacements and now probably have to start over, though I’d have been happy to just expand my set and replace the pieces that have gone missing over the years!

    9. I’ve had my Oneida flatware that I got from Macy’s (but also available elsewhere) for years and it’s great. I have the Apollonia pattern.

    10. We went with Dansk Bistro Cafe – highly recommend. They are a slightly smaller scale than a lot of choices we look at. Have held up very well.

  10. Paging Trixie–I responded on the morning thread but wasn’t sure if it was too late for you to see it–re your comment that you can’t use HSA funds while on Medicare–unless you have some unusual circumstance, I would encourage you to double-check that because I’m not sure that’s accurate–I thought a lot of people used it to pay Medicare premiums. (and see this: https://www.uhc.com/news-articles/medicare-articles/hsas-and-medicare)

  11. Senior Attorney Appreciation Post:

    I found your Rules to Live by when I was searching for an old doc. These are at least seven years old, but Senior Attorney has been living by them for longer.

    1. Be kind.
    2. Don’t be poor.
    3. Use it or lose it.
    4. Have young friends.
    5. Look where you want to go.
    6. No chair noises.
    7. Presume good intentions.
    8. You know what the right thing is. So do it.
    9. Never assume the ball is dead.
    10. People are not improvement projects.

    I don’t remember what “no chair noises” means though! Please explain!

    Also, we love you.

    1. I’d like some explanations. What is don’t be poor—does that mean you should save? What does it mean to never assume the ball is dead? Agree about number 10, 1 and 7.

      1. I’d guess “never assume the ball is dead” is a tennis/other ball sports metaphor, meaning attempt to save things you might assume are a lost cause, because you might end up making a hell of a play.

        1. Yes, exactly. We came up with that one watching football one time, when everybody thought the ball was dead except the one guy who scooped it up and ran it in for a touchdown.

      2. My guesses:

        Being poor is HARD. If you can avoid it, do so. (This is one of the many reasons I refused to quit my career when I got married and had a kid. Two incomes >>> one income.)

        In sports, you should always assume that the ball is live. Kick it in the goal, shoot it into the hoop, tag the runner out, keep running until tagged out, whatever. If it’s actually dead, the ref/ump will blow the whistle and stop the proceedings. In life, I think the analogy is to always just go for it until someone tells you otherwise.

      3. Never assume the ball is dead means that just because you haven’t heard back from someone about an issue, either work product or personal issue, don’t assume that it’s resolved. They may think the ball is in your court.

    3. Is it don’t scoot your chair back along the floor like you’re an animal who was raised in a barn and didn’t your parents ever teach you manners? Because that’s what I think every time my husband and I sit down for dinner together.

      I would very much like to know what “Don’t be poor” means, though.

      1. Seems obvious, it’s a lot easier to deal with life when you have money. Make choices that lead to having it.

        1. Yes to the first part. And also it’s sort of a wry social commentary akin to “be born on third base.”

      2. IIRC, “no chair noises” means something like no grumbling from the sidelines. No sighing or gnashing your teeth or clearing your throat to make a point passive aggressively.

        2. I think “no chair noises” is this: when we get older, we tend to make noises when we get out of a chair or sit down into one (grunts, oofs, sighs). No chair noises = no making old-person noises when you sit down or get up.

    5. I also want to add to this impromptu Senior Attorney appreciation post to say thank you for the therapist recommendation from earlier this year! And I’m be up for a SA Retirement Day here in the comments :-)

    6. I quote SA all the time on the 3 relationship points, deal breakers, price of entry, and the fixers (which are not a thing). This list is a great find!

          1. I got the first two from Dan Savage and “there is no Number Three” is me. I’m sure he says something similar.

    7. Awww!! THIS IS SO NICE!!! What a fun thing to discover upon getting to work on a Wednesday morning!!

      LOVE YOU BACK!!! XXX OOO

      Retirement Day is September 15. Can’t wait!!

  12. If you use Slack at work – how much do you use emojis?
    I’m the director a small team at a pretty casual start up. Team announcements are boring and I don’t want to add another block of text to the wall of text that a busy channel can be.

    In a past more serious consulting life emojis would have been seen as silly or unprofessional. Should I be concerned about that here?

    1. used in informal chat with colleagues? Sure. In official comms like an “announcement”? No, not really.

    2. I use emojis constantly in the company Slack. Company is Fortune 50 but casual dress code, so there isn’t a lot of formality. Very common for leaders of all levels to use GIFs, emojis, etc.

    3. We use emojis in our Teams chat and it’s nbd, but something like a team announcement would be an email, not in chat.

      1. This company doesn’t really use email internally at all.
        And not big team announcements, more day to day stuff

      1. Okay I actually went through and looked. Starting off a message to the whole team with a relevant/funny emoji is extremely common, across all levels. No harm to it after all.

    5. Emojis are uncommon in conversational communication on our Slack but are used extensively (sometimes humorously) in announcement headings.

    7. I’m director of a small team of individual contributors in healthcare finance, and we use Teams for our group chat. Any announcement that is informal enough for Teams is emoji and/or gif appropriate. Since my team works remotely, the chat is our primary communication tool, and people use emoji and gifs for humor all the time. Example: I’m giving someone a shoutout for good work, I’ll add a gif of someone with a bullhorn at the top of the post.

    8. I use emoji (not silly faces but images) in subject lines to stand out visually in inboxes. Like ‘reminder for the scheduling meeting’ will get a calendar icon, or Fall newsletter will get a leaves icon.

      1. This is what I’m familiar with. For me it’s just a visual highlight and reminder and some color to make things stand out in the sea of text.

  13. I have a very silly question, so please be gentle :) How do people wear pants in hard fabrics? Every pair of pants I have ever owned have either fit standing up, but cut into my belly sitting down, or been comfy sitting down but fall down when I stand up. Are people just uncomfortable/hiking up their pants all day????

    3. Tailoring is the only real answer unless you hit the pants jackpot and find something off the rack that by pure dumb luck fits in all the right places. If you’re talking about something like heavier weight wool gabardine or twill with no stretch, tailoring is your answer.

    5. I’ve become more like this as I’ve become fatter (not saying this is your case!), when I was slim not much moved when I sat down but that is different now (size US 6 before, size US 10) and it’s much more uncomfortable.
      I have no hard pants any more, there seems to be lots of great options since Covid & the rise of athleisure.

      1. FWIW I’m ‘only’ a size 2/4 and I find hard pants squish me to death (dig into my hip bones) when sitting or if they fit when sitting they’re too loose to stay up.

    6. I have this problem with high waisted pants. I have a short torso, plus I’m short and apple shaped, so pants need to be fairly low waisted to be comfortable for me. Pretty much every pair of pants for sale right now seems to be too high waisted for me, so I’m either wearing athleisure or pants I bought years ago.

    7. Every person has to figure out the waist height that works best for their shape. And honestly, for those who are curvier, you need to tailor all of your pants at the waist. Or wear belts, and accept that your pants will never fall beautifully around your waist/midsection. And I’m not sure what you mean by hard fabrics, but in general sounds like something to avoid.

      So you may need a high enough waist that doesn’t dig into your belly when you sit and a long enough rise, but tailored to not fall when you stand.

      Or you wear elastic waist. But even elastic waist/waists with stretch still need to be chose in cuts that fit your shape. Or you move to all stretchy, drapey fabrics with enough weight/quality that they flatter your shape as they drape.

      As your body changes with time, you will be more comfortable in different types of pants.

      Or you start wearing more dresses.

  14. Posted in the wrong thread – looking for some clothing advice. I’m starting a new director role that involves site visits, lots of walking, and occasional ladders. I would be with my direct reports (middle managers) as well as lower rung employees. What do you wear to this? I’m generally a dress gal and that’s just not going to work. It needs to somehow convey the right level of formality while being not fussy. I’m super short so giving up heels is already going to knock me down a notch. Thanks!

    1. Machine washable pants – Dillards house brand ‘Investments’ fits me well. Cintas (the uniform brand) Cathy fit pants are also awesome. They wear like iron and have the most wonderfully huge pockets.
      Pick a top that’s appropriate to the rules of your site. If buttons are allowed, then whatever brand of no-iron buttondown suits you. If your facility means a high likelihood of getting dirty, hit your local Goodwill. You can always find some nice ones there.
      If no buttons are allowed, you’ll have a bit more of a hunt, but a shell and open cardigan can work, or if you prefer the look of a buttondown, you can sometimes find ones that snap or use magnets (adaptive lines).
      Company issue polo shirts are often fine for this sort of thing.
      If you’re a skirt/dress person, tights will give you the modesty you need for the occasional ladder, should you decide to keep on with dresses/skirts. No reason not to, if that’s what you’re comfortable with.
      For shoes, everyones’ feet are different. If you are required to wear non-skid, the Shoes for Crews Envy III is surprisingly comfortable (it was my everyday shoe for a while in a manufacturing job that regularly had me out on the production floor).
      Look at what the others are wearing, even if it’s all guys… if they’re in khakis, Blundstones and polos, then there’s no reason not to follow suit.

    2. Chelsea boots, work pants with some stretch (I like wool for breathability, comfort and a little stretch), blouse/button down shirt and a roomy blazer. Consider a smart hat as well.

      I’m like you – love a dress – and started a job where I had to go to greenhouses, laboratories, paddocks, drive around, be outside between buildings etc. I liked RM Williams boots, trousers, shirt (cooler and more sun protection than other tops) and a stretchy colourful blazer (bright colours for safety around cars and tractors) and an Akubra hat.

    3. I actually have had “safety” in my job title. ladders are actually a source of a lot of OSHA-reportable injuries. I will assume your workplace has a ladder safety course and you have passed this. it’s usually 45 minutes and of course seems like common sense – don’t put ladders on top of ladders and then climb them, for example – but also includes the answers you need.

      You really should wear flat sole shoes that will stay on your feet and also keep your feet flat – no wedges to get around this! do the facilities have dress requirements? like do you have to wear steel toed boots or workboots to protect the top of your feet? if not sneakers or similar to sneakers are ok. but the shoes should be flat soled so the heels do not get caught and your foot should be flat inside so your balance is sturdy and predictable. your clothes should not be too loose fitting to snag on the ladder and not too tight fighting that they constrict your movement either.

      I was not trendy or stylish when I wore steel toed boots and jeans and neon safety vest as part of my wardrobe. but I was safe and my ladder certification has not expired

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