Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Pocket Tweed Jacket

339 Comments

1. I recently visited my aunt and uncle and I realized things have gotten…. bad. They’re very far down the Trump rabbit hole, but also almost every other conspiracy theory out there. Specifically they believe that big pharma is making them sick, big vegetable is poisoning them, and plants are medicine (but not food!). All of this means they eat a diet exclusively of meat and eggs, and if they’re sick they will make some sort of a plant tea. Both my aunt and uncle are very frail from this diet, and oh my god the stench is absolutely unbearable. Is this something I can call some sort of elder services for? I’m genuinely concerned they are going to inadvertently kill themselves following the conspiracy theories they watch on YouTube. They were smart people who both worked for the city at one point, so I think there may be cognitive decline too. No physical ailments as far as I know, and they do keep me in the loop on that stuff.

   1. This is so sad. I have no specific experience but maybe look for resources for family members of folks in a cult? They may have advice on approaches.

   2. That is so sad. I would maybe call their local Aging Services for advice, but I really don’t know what they can do, other than connect you with resources.

   3. Oh man, that’s hard. When you said they are “way down the Trump rabbit hole” that is definitely not the conspiracy theories I expected you to reference. While obviously they have taken it way too far, I would note that….well…they aren’t fully wrong? Big Vegetable (lolol never heard this, but love it) and Big Pharma do actually have problems and lots and lots of people spend their life making calculated decisions about buying organic apples but not organic bananas, and deciding that one pharma drug has better safety and efficacy than another…that’s just life?

      If they are your aunt and uncle, I assume they have other family relations who are closer to them who may be in a better position to intervene, model behaviours, and stake more drastic steps if needed. Perhaps start by talking to them?

      1. I agree with this. I don’t think that big pharma is trying to kill is or that big vegetable is either, but there are less extreme versions of this worldview that are socially acceptable.

         It also sounds like there could be other family members who are closer they may listen to more readily. If you can’t really support some sort of cognitive decline that is severe, then there’s not too much the official channels can do. Also, it’s really really terrible and it sucks, but elderly people do get to make their own decisions if they have the capacity to do so. Again, it can be heartbreaking, but be sure whatever you do, you don’t treat them as if they have no agency.

      2. Their only child has already cut them off for their conspiracy nonsense. I did talk to them when I recently visited, I tried to teach them how to verify sources of information without success. JFC vegetables are not poison.

         1. I don’t know, I think Tom Brady is on to something with the nightshades.

            Kidding, kidding. So sorry you are dealing with this OP. I have no advice. Watching my elders suffer needlessly because of their own bad decisions is so painful for me as well.

         2. If their kid has stepped out, then I’m inclined to say you need to as well.

      3. “Big Vegetable (lolol never heard this, but love it) and Big Pharma do actually have problems and lots and lots of people spend their life making calculated decisions about buying organic apples but not organic bananas, and deciding that one pharma drug has better safety and efficacy than another…that’s just life?”

         You’re correct, but just like with everything the far-right conspiracy-theory camp puts out there, messages are being taken to the extreme. There’s a difference between “here’s how to spend thoughtfully on organic produce and spend your money on things that are actually healthier” (which I do myself), and “never eat vegetables ever because some shadowy (nonexistent) Big ______ organization is out to get you.” There is no nuance with that crowd – I say this because some of my own family members are in the same rabbit hole as the OP’s relatives. Things are either completely good and wonderful (Trump, America, cheeseburgers, guns, etc.) or completely bad and evil (liberals, immigrants, library books, Hollywood movies, vegetables, etc.) And the people who are deep in the rabbit hole will follow the conspiracy trail blindly, seemingly without thought of possible future consequences. This was brought home to me very sharply when my cousin’s wife refused to get vaccinated for Covid, got Covid while pregnant, and then had a massive, massive stroke that left her permanently disabled, with a newborn and a toddler to care for, and a husband (my cousin) who drives a beverage truck and is on the road a lot.

         The only thing that seems to matter to these folks is adherence to the ideological purity test of the moment. (The same thing happens on the extreme left, BTW.) So OP is right to be concerned. The next right-wing conspiracy-theory fad of the moment might be “don’t drink water, water is a tool of liberalism and Satan” and then what will happen to her aunt and uncle?

   4. I’m sorry to say I don’t think there’s much you can do. If they are both legally competent (whatever that means in your state) you can’t really expect social services to interview because they have gas and you don’t agree with their dietary choices. One of our most cherished freedoms in this country is the right to kill ourselves slowly with food.

   5. How old are they?

      If they are truly “elderly” (?) with no ailments, then there is absolutely nothing you should be doing. They are actually doing better and are healthier than the vast majority of the population! If they have lived this long and done this well, obviously their bodies are tolerating it just fine, and they are doing better than you think. There are a lot of people on much worse diets. And some people are lucky and have great genetics and they could eat hot dogs and bourbon and smoke cigars their whole live and live into their 90s. I’ve met some!

      And with aging, sorry to say that behaviors/preferences like they are demonstrating only get worse with time.

      I would just ask whether they have a regular PCP they see yearly. If they do, that’s great as they have found someone who they trust and who overseas the big picture. Let them live.

      They have no need for elder services. There are many many seniors who do, so don’t contact them.

      Probably the best thing you could do for them is get them out in the community doing ANYTHING where they could just encounter life, people, beauty… basic things that give people a sense of humanity/society/purpose. A movie, a concert, a picnic in a park, a walk in a beautiful place, somewhere that might make them laugh. Sometimes people will realize they enjoy feeling “this” way, instead of the way they feel cooped up at home. But you need to find the things that they would like doing… which may not be the ones you enjoy doing. It could be fishing, a beer in an outdoor beer garden listening to music, a sports event…. whatever.

      1. +100 to your last paragraph. My theory (hah) is that a lot of this extremism is a product of social isolation and people spending all day on their devices on SM.

         People, especially retired people, need more hobbies to occupy their time. It seems spending time on SM has replaced collecting of junk, watching Fox News (hah), and other stereotypical retiree hobbies for today’s current retirees.

         1. Just me, but this is why I am hesitant to retire early. My natural inclination is to be lazy, and I’m worried I would slowly just stop leaving the house and become one of those older people who watches too much TV and only gets out to go to the doctor. My parents, who retired early, are on this path and it’s kind of sad to watch. I know it doesn’t have to be that way, but it seems like there are more retired people with too much time on their hands, than retirees who are adequately busy.

            1. Interesting factoid here: when the US added Social Security in the 1930s, the US life expectancy was about 60 years old. SS didn’t kick in until you were 65. It was for the really, truly elderly of the era. The idea today that we sit around for literal decades in retirement, with all the advances in medicine and science and nutrition dramatically increasing life expectancy, is pretty wild (and the reason safety net programs all over the world are broke).

   6. Oh, yikes. One of my Trumper cousins had posted something on Facebook about how “plant-based diets are a scam, plant-based diets are killing people” but I just scrolled past it just like I scroll past his posts about adrenochrome being harvested from kids or how Kamala Harris is posted at the border welcoming in “illegals.” I just went back and looked at the link he posted, and yep – eating vegetables has now become politicized, and I guess “Real Amurcans ™” don’t eat their greens any more because vegetables are a tool of socialism and liberalism and the Devil, or something.

      I don’t know what you can do about this, because if we could solve this kind of bananacrackers delusional thinking with logic or reasoning or love, our country wouldn’t be in the state it’s in right now. I would consider calling Adult Protective Services, which my aunt threatened to do when my (ex-hippie) mother watched too many YouTube videos and decided she was going to treat her breast cancer with green juice and meditation instead of surgery and radiation treatment. Beyond that, there’s not much you can do. Stay in touch with them so when the inevitable adverse health event happens, you can help them out.

      1. I think at least half of these bizarre conspiracies are Russian psy-ops.

         1. They’ve got to be. The people I know who have gotten sucked into this also think that Putin is a hero who is rescuing kids from “the” Ukraine.

            1. Yes they are also pro-Russia.

            2. Having worked directly with Ukrainian refugees in Canada, these stories break by heart so much. I can’t understand how anyone can disregard one country invading another and all the pictures and video of it being bombed into obliteration.

   7. Vitamin C deficiency is serious, and I think there’s no way they are getting enough vitamin C on their current diet unless they are supplementing it separately. People don’t always recognize the symptoms of what is essentially scurvy either (e.g. gums bleeding, impaired wound healing, connective tissue issues that may be confused with ordinary aging).

   8. What does their doctor say? Do they have a doctor? Do they believe what their doctor says? You can call their doctor and share any (and all of this) information with the doctor that you want – the only restriction is that the doctor cannot tell you anything. (I say this because front office staff in medical offices routinely misunderstand this, in my experience.) Best outcome: at their next check-up, doctor asks about diet and runs blood tests and discusses results as part of evidence-based medical care.

   9. I’ve had some luck in similar situations with keeping things personal and historical. Like ‘interesting, I find my digestion is better when I have a bit of veggies every day, don’t think I could give that up” or talk about how you love eating apple pie using grandma’s recipe. Can also use partial acknowledgment – ‘yes, I don’t love buying vegetables from the grocery store so I get mine delivered from a nice farmer I met (insert info on farm delivery applicable to your area if that’s something nearby). Would they be interested in venerable delivery from a local farm? Sometimes you can find a farm that does both eggs and veggies.

      How is their health? If they are concerned about ‘big vegetables’, could you gift them a cherry tomato plant in a pot or herbs (basil/oregano/rosemary) in a large pot? If they are into plants as medicine, could they take a multivitamin or one of the various supplements like the greens brand.

      1. +1

         I worry so much less about my mom’s cycle of extreme diets now that she’s taking a multivitamin. And she does take it because she notices feeling better on it. No kidding!

         1. Years ago I read an investigative journalism article about the Moonies that said they purposefully only fed adherents simple carbohydrates (pasta, bread, pancakes) and no protein or fresh vegetables or fruit because that approach to diet/nutrition” kept them docile for lack of energy.

      2. They grow all their own medicinal plants. I don’t think I could convince them to eat local veggies since vegetables all contain ‘anti-nutrients’. They are very frail but aside from that I don’t think anything is expressly wrong. I would bet good money they have vitamin and mineral deficiencies though.

         1. Sometimes it’s possible to lean into the conspiracies to an extent. “I read that food doesn’t always have the nutrition it used to, so that’s why I take a multi…””Did you see that even wild animals are getting deficiencies with the world the way it is these days?” (Just leave out the part about climate change being responsible, unless they believe in climate change so long as it’s the fault of weather engineering or whatever.)

            Nutritional deficiencies can have significant cognitive and psychiatric symptoms. People who eat normally don’t always realize this because they’re just not at risk for severe outcomes the way people on restricted diets are! My household is on a very low fiber diet for medical reasons, and it’s possible to be healthy without eating much in the way of plant foods, but that’s largely thanks to supplementing.

         2. So I had never heard of “anti-nutrients” before, but apparently they aren’t actually wrong on this point? WTF – https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/anti-nutrients/ The part where they go off the deep end is avoiding veggie entirely instead of a more measured approach.

            If they are open to discussion, maybe try to understand which anti-nutrients they are specifically concerned about, does it relate to a specific health condition they are worried about (osteo, diabetes, anemia, etc) and have an intelligent conversation about what the science actually says about this.

   10. Stench meaning they are not cleaning themselves properly? You should call Aging Services – they are not well and need support.

       1. I took it as the stench relates to the meat/egg diet as that causes body odour.

          1. Their house is clean and they do shower but yes the diet creates this awful BO.

   11. Sounds like paranoid dementia.

       1. There is no such entity as paranoid dementia.

          1. No, but paranoia is a common dementia symptom.

   12. Is there a person of influence like a favorite relative–maybe a bit older?, a “patriarch” or “matriarch” or a local church elder that could come ask some gentle questions and start the process of deprogramming (like “does it make sense to keep a journal of your symptoms to see if the meat and eggs diet is making you feel good/living up to the hype?” or “I noticed a strong odor here since this new diet. Are you okay with that?”)

       As much as it pains me to point out, sometimes someone older, and yes, male (sigh) or affiliated with a “higher authority” might be someone they’d listen to and respect their opinions.

       I’ve learned that gentle, good-faith questions and responding to the *emotions* are good ways to keep the bridge open. Many people who go down these rabbit holes do so out of fear. And part of me doesn’t blame them! The same gov’t that is allowing child labor is also saying “these organic veggies are perfectly safe” so I can 100% see the disconnect there, even if I don’t agree with the outcome of the thought process.

       You can try naming and validating the emotions and then offering a way to handle them that’s not so extreme like “I think I’m hearing some anger and fear or feelings of betrayal. That would scare me too. What about looking into ways to farm/homestead that would add some nutrients to your diet without the grocery store produce?” [or whatever]

2. Just shedding a little tear here at work this morning. Saw a copy of my uncle’s will and it’s very clear he could barely write. Feeling thankful to my mother who fought her way out of poverty and was determined my sister and I should get the best education the world can offer and thinking of all the parents out there doing the same.

   1. Beautifully said. It’s easy to take a good life for granted, but it’s almost always due to someone working their tails off to create a better life for future generations.

      1. I know we sniff here about low-ranked schools but often they are the only accessible option for a person motivated to change their trajectory (parents drive school buses, kid goes to local school and lives at home to become a teacher or coach at school, their kids maybe become accountants, etc). A lot of us are from families where our grandparents went to school but didn’t graduate from high school for reasons we didn’t have to encounter: drafted, needed to work to support family, married early, etc. I can’t remember not being able to read or having books in the house.

         1. Well said. The “sniffing” at less prestigious schools is horribly elitist. I’m pretty tuned out on how the recent court decision is going to affect admissions to Ivy League schools because I’m just hoping my stepkids can access any higher ed, financially. Their dad (my partner) has a GED and some college, the latter of which he only got because his mom was working in cleaning services for the (no-name regional) school.

         2. My grandpa was an intelligent, hard-working man, born to two parents who, by most accounts, were not great parents at all. College was completely out of reach for him. He managed to work himself into a white-collar job after military service. He wanted my mom and my uncle to get a degree, but my uncle didn’t have the will, and my mom chose to marry young and didn’t finish. It was an ENORMOUS source of pride for him when his four grandkids graduated from our state’s land-grant U. I can’t overlook how our family’s trajectory changed in just a couple of generations. When he passed away, we created a memorial scholarship in his memory. Education was so important to him, and it had zero to do with going to the most prestigious school. TBH, I still don’t understand that mindset and find it incredibly elitist.

            1. What a lovely story. That scholarship is such a wonderful tribute to him.

            2. Thank you. I miss him terribly.

         3. Many of those schools have a much better track record of helping students move out of poverty than the top tier schools, primarily because the latter are so inaccessible to most students who are not already wealthy.
            https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/01/18/upshot/some-colleges-have-more-students-from-the-top-1-percent-than-the-bottom-60.html
            https://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/18/opinion/sunday/americas-great-working-class-colleges.html

            1. Not to mention that being a first gen student is hard enough, without layering on all the complications of fitting into a highly privileged student population. That is not easy.

            2. that’s an old article. while FGLI students do face many many barriers once they arrive at elite schools, i work at one of those schools and the number of staff members and amount of resources dedicated to this population has greatly increased over the 8 years i’ve worked here to a point where some almost argue that the resources spent to serve this population is too much. regardless of your views on that, i too am so grateful for those who came before me. my dad’s parents were Holocaust survivors who came to this country with nothing (didn’t even speak english) and neither completed college. His mom worked until her dementia got so bad she couldn’t safely live alone and my grandparents devoted every penny possible towards my dad and his siblings. all 3 went to college (2 at an ivy league) and all 3 got graduate degrees, 2 became doctors and 1 had a long career with the federal government. and yes, in some ways it was easier then because college was so much less expensive so the loans weren’t quite as debilitating upon graduation as they are now.

   2. Commiseration. I can still remember the day in law school in 2012 I received an email from my father instead of hearing the news from my mom’s phone call and realizing he is functionally illiterate. It had never registered that I had not read anything written by my father and then I understood why. It was like the floor dropped from under my feet.

      It’s like a punch to the stomach when you see how far we’ve climbed.

3. Maybe a dumb question– can you return glasses purchased at your eye doctor? I chose frames I have come to hate, and they weren’t cheap, purchased less than a month ago. Before I called my eye doctor I wanted to see if it was even worth asking.

   1. Nope, they were a custom ordered product.

   2. If they are returnable, what happens to them? I just bought glasses and I hope that they weren’t worn for a month.

   3. No, I don’t think so, unless there’s a quality issue.

   4. I’ve never known returns to be a thing, but I guess it doesn’t hurt to call and ask…

   5. Of course not

   6. My guess is that they probably donate them if they take returns. My eye doc will take my old glasses and they donate the frames.

   7. They’ll definitely remake the lenses if you’re having issues with them (I’ve had to do this before and this is why I pay more to get my tricky prescription at the local eye doctor rather than buy glasses online). But if it’s just because you don’t like the frames, I feel like that’s on you. They might be willing to take them back in the interest of not losing a customer, but it doesn’t seem reasonable to me.

   8. It depends. Sometimes they have a 30 day return policy for just this reason–you decide you don’t like them. Definitely worth calling and asking.

   9. Ok, thanks all, that’s what I suspected. I am new to glasses and didn’t know if it was a “thing.”

      (And for instance Sephora takes returns on opened makeup products which they’re obviously not re-selling, so I was holding out hope that frames could be returnable.)

      1. But Sephora relies on a volume of much cheaper goods and repeat visits. Glasses are pretty much the opposite on both counts.

         1. Plus Sephora can put out used merchandise as testers!

            Next time use some of the frame try-one from warby or whatever, that’s what they’re there for. The custom lenses is why you probably can’t return them – they won’t fit any other frame and can’t be used again.

            1. No they don’t put out used products as testers. Used products are supposed to be thrown away.

            2. I sure hope Sephora isn’t doing that. Eww.

            3. It’s called Destroyed In Field. They throw them away.

      2. LensCrafters will take glasses back within 30 days, so it is possible your doctor will, as well. I’d check.

      3. I think Sephora has agreements with the manufacturers of the products to be able to do that. The calculus must be that you’re going to sell a lot more $60 eye cream if people know they can return it. The increased sales offset the potential increase in returns. I could be worth asking, nicely, on the frames – you never know what they might be able to do for you – maybe at least help hunt down some sort of discount on the replacement pair?

   10. So I thinks this really depends. I have been a long-time customer (20 years) at a local eyeglass store and they have exchanged frames for me in the past that just were not working for me, but that was based on not being able to get the fit work after many many months of adjustments, so they were causing headaches. They do a great job helping me pick frames, so I never had a pair that I wanted to return based on the look.

   11. I think it has to be some sort of vision issue to return them. Not just no longer liking the frames.

       If you have single vision, just buy another pair in a frame you like at Warby Parker for like $100 and keep this one as a backup.

       (I have progressives and get those from Warby Parker too, though not for $100)

   12. BTW, if any of you have used glasses laying around, your local Lions Club will take them, sort them to determine the prescription, donate useable pairs to needy people in the community, and recycle unuseable ones to make new glasses. I headed up an eyeglasses drive last fall in conjunction with them and it was quite rewarding.

   13. I have a 30 day return and exchange policy at the place where I purchase my glasses. But it’s only one return and exchange allowed per purchase. I had to do it last year when the frames I chose were not a good fit for my face (the bridge across my nose was wrong and left very red and painful marks).

   14. Why would you not just call them and ask? How are random, anonymous people on the internet supposed to know if your specific optometrist will do this?

       1. This made me laugh.

          Of course, you are right…

          Yet, so many helpful answers!

   15. Check your vision insurance. Mine had a 100 day return guarantee. I could return and replace glasses I did not like up to the cost of the original frames and with a $40 replacement fee. I have VSP insurance and it only works with certain providers. If your eye doctor falls in that certain category, they can take them back and replace them. Mine were progressive lenses, and the frames ended up being almost too big that I couldn’t see properly with them on — the part of the lens I needed to see my computer screen was too low. Smaller frames worked better with the lens and I can now see my screen without tilting my head back uncomfortably.

       Definitely check. It’s worth a shot.

   16. This seems like a good place to mention an article in the latest New Yorker about what happens to products we return.

       1. Seriously. I don’t understand the fairness of returning something that wasn’t due to breakage but merely “whoops! didn’t like this style after all.” I don’t understand why the eye doctor should be the one taking the loss on that (different if it were a prescription that needed to be fixed).

   17. I order online (Zenni) with an RX and hated the last pair of glasses I selected. Zenni’s return policy covered this (1x). YMMV- but I don’t think it hurts to ask.

   18. LensCrafters takes them back for any reason.

4. I’ve been looking for a blazer like this. I just ordered it. I’ll report back when it arrives next week. Strangely enough, I walked past the Mango store yesterday and decided not to go in because I had so many shopping bags to carry as it was. That was a mistake.

   1. Super curious to hear your review. The ecru color would be a big workhorse in my closet.

   2. I want to know if the buttons on the top pockets really sit right on top of each nipple when it is buttoned, ’cause that’s how it would look on me.

      1. oof! I can’t unsee that now.

      2. I would have ordered this jacket immediately if it did not have those unfortunate pockets!

      3. My nipples are nowhere near that high, so I think I’ll be in luck!

   3. I have been pleasantly surprised with the stuff I’ve gotten from Mango over the last couple of years. I’ve ordered a few versions of this jacket (they seem to have it every season in one variation or another) and always return them because I am large of chest and sort of waist and this shape does not work for me. Very nice jackets for the price, though.

   4. I have this jacket in black and ivory and just ordered the camel. I do like red but it can be tricky based on the undertone. I have gotten a ton of use from them and find they’ve held up really well for the price.

5. I’ve been listening to the Explorers Podcast, which is excellent. Did you know that the race to the Spice Islands (real islands in Indonesia) was largely focused on cloves (cloves?! I use them in oranges at Xmas and know they are used in ham. Srsly cloves?). I’m listening to the Portuguese vs the Spanish. And realizing that I’d like to read a comprehensive history of the Iberian peninsula, which I know generally, but with a lot of gaps that I’d like to fill. It needs to be in English — my Spanish is OK but not up to reading anything harder than Hola.

   1. Cloves were also used for toothaches! Sometimes I think I retained more from children’s books than from school.

   2. I haven’t listened to this podcast, but it sounds great. It reminds me of a meme I saw once. The top picture was an iPhone and said, “What we think people from the 1600s would be amazed by.” Then the bottom picture said, “What they’d actually be amazed by” and it was a picture of someone’s spice cabinet.

   3. You might enjoy Spice: The History of a Temptation by Jack Turner. It’s not Iberian peninsula history, but it is a pretty interesting look at how spices drove exploration and then colonization to control access to desirable spices.

   4. Yes, cloves! Every once in a while I pull cinnamon or pepper out of my cabinet and use it liberally, all the while thinking of how extravagantly wealthy that would have been to someone in a different era.

   5. Comprehensive starting with the Carthaginians or comprehensive starting with the fall of Rome? Or do you want to start with the late Middle-Ages? Are you interested at all in modern history? (Spain is interesting from Napoleon forward.) Give me a time range and I will find something for you!

      1. Op here: starting when it was under Islamic rulers (at least in part). Still foggy on how there are two languages without a natural barrier like a mountain to explain it. Also: Basques.

         1. Not two, but five. Four of them are roman languages: portugese, castilian(Spanish), catalan and galician. They have words and structures with similar origin (Roman,Celtic, Arabic and other influences).
            In each area of the peninsula the Latin develop in different paths as it did in other regions of Europe as they were, in part but not only, different political identities.
            Depending of the contact or proximity, as Portuguese and Galician or catalan and occitan could be quite similar.
            Basque is supposed of indoeuropean origin and it was maintain in the Caserios (isolated farms) and it was different from one valley to other. It’s only in late last century when it have been “uniformed” in one,Batua, with written grammar (it was oral)
            You have also in the peninsula other languages as Aranes, Valencian, Astur.. But with no official recognition.
            Portugal was most of the time a different kingdom and as powerful if no more than the castilian or the Aragon ones while the peninsula reunification. Then, they have had it’s own language as France, Italy or Romania.
            I will take a look for books about that period and let you know.

            1. Anon – if you’re headed to the stacks anyway, I’d love your recs on the linguistic history of Basque. I find it so fascinating and I have a few Basque relatives by marriage.

         2. I mean, there are probably hundreds of languages around the world that are spoken directly next to other languages, without significant natural barriers in between. Welsh and Occitan/Provencal are examples from this region of the world. I believe that rivers and/or mountains do form the majority of the border between Spain and Portugal, so there is indeed a natural barrier in this case.

            1. No, only some rivers partially make the border between Portugal and Spain, the majority is open flat land. That area along the entire border is called “La raya” (the line) and both sides share many things in common, not only in language but also in customs.

         3. My comment is in moderation but this page maybe could help you. But in a nutshell as the Christian small kingdoms were re conquering land to the arabs kingdoms, they were also conquering each other or uniting by marriages. Then from, galician, leon, castilian, asturias, navarra, etc, and aragon kingdoms you were having by 1492 only kingdom of Aragon and kingdom of Castilla that leads to Spain and in from of them as rival kingdom of Portugal.

            https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e6/Europe_Continuum.png

   6. Don’t forget eggnog!

   7. I’ve heard James A Michener’s Iberia is well written and fairly expansive— though it’s dated at this point because he wrote it in 1968. It’s nonfiction and is structured around his visits to different regions of Spain.

   8. I recently picked up ‘History of the World Map by Map’ from the library and it was a great format for diving into some of these topics.

   9. Cloves, cinnamon, nutmeg, mace…it’s crazy how valuable and rare these were once upon a time. I guess when your diet is like, boiled mutton and potatoes, any flavour is welcome.

      1. no potatoes for most of the spice trade era though. mutton and turnips

         1. Wasn’t the spice in demand because the mutton was basically rotten by today’s standards?

            1. I’ve heard this claim, but I don’t think it was ever safe to eat rotten meat… and meat preservation techniques are a lot older than the spice trade. Maybe the spices were used in meat preservation though (like to make dried sausages); that makes more sense to me than the idea that anyone was eating rotten food.

            2. In part. The prestige of these products came from the lack that Europe suffered to keep food fresh, especially meat, since these were sometimes consumed in a state that was not very pleasant to the palate. Hence the importance of these spices, such as cinnamon, cloves, pepper, nutmeg, ginger and many others, when it comes to flavoring the product and making it more edible and appetizing, and also for medicinal use by its antiseptic properties, stimulants for digestion, etc.
               Also, In Al Andalus the cuisine was very sophisticated and they were used to many of these common ingredients in the East. Those recipes passed to the Iberian peninsula and its gastronomy.

6. TLDR: Is it ever appropriate to pitch yourself as a contractor/consultant to someone when they are looking to hire a full time candidate? If so, what are some of the considerations?

   Background: I was just approached by a niche recruiter about a director level strategy role at a firm. About a decade ago, I had an identical role. I crushed it, was promoted into the head of the department and hired someone to back fill me who ran the function. I eventually left and started a consulting practice where I’ve basically been doing this strategy work as an external consultant all across the industry.

   In my experience (a) having done this role internally (b) having had this role report into me and (c) having done this work as an external consultant, it makes a ton of sense to make this a contract position. Doing it full time is a waste of budget resources- it’s a big lift up front to design some internal corporate infrastructure but after that it’s just a role on cruise control. It also is the sort of role that’s highly visible and needs to have a big title with it, but hiring someone in with a big title is too expensive.

   The recruiter and I hit it off. The role, even at a director level, is a comp package I would be just fine taking. I’m concerned that this is really a 1 year project after which the role isn’t all that necessary and would be stuck with misc random projects. I’d be completely open to doing this as a contractor at whatever the adjusted rate would be. I’d prefer not to close up my consulting practice entirely, but could do this as a one off client for however long they’d like.

   Thoughts?

   1. If they’re looking for a full-time position, there’s probably a good reason why. I would find it really weird to be told “this is what you need instead,” but ymmv. Maybe this is a normal thing in your industry.

      1. +1 – I’d disqualify you as a candidate too, I know why I’m hiring for what.

      2. OP here- this is what I’m concerned about, though I suspect that the hiring manager, who is new to the role, may not even know a contract role is an option. In some of my other clients, I have to educate them on what they need and then they buy it.

         1. I would be pretty put off by a potential employee trying to “educate me”.

            But why not take it if you know you will rock it and you like the money/benefits. You can always leave in a year if you’re bored and you prefer consulting.

            It’s hard for me to tell what you actually really want, and why….

   2. “Fractional” execs are starting to become a big thing – one of my friends just became a fractional CFO and is way busier than she thought she’d be. Maybe think about pitching it like that – they might be better off with a fractional director of whatever, and here’s why? As long as you don’t actually want the job, there’s no harm in asking. If you do actually want the job, then obviously don’t do this as I think you’ll disqualify yourself by making the pitch.

      1. I guess could go either way. But I think this role isn’t really a long term full time role at a company- I’ve had it, I’ve hired for it, and I’ve done it as a contractor.

         1. It’s just very presumptuous to go in assuming you know how this company budgets and hires. That’s great you did it before, but either you apply for the job or you don’t. Don’t make a weird “pitch” like this. Instead ask questions about the longevity of the role since you’ve done it before. Also, many companies aren’t interested in “setting and forgetting,” if they value the position enough to hire for it, they may want someone to oversee it beyond getting it started.

   3. I think you can make the pitch but you need to totally flip your framing. Instead of “here is why doing this as a full time role is bad and a cost drain…” you need to say “I recognize this is a little outside the box, but have you considered doing this as a contract role? Here are all the benefits/opportunities/savings to doing it that way and my experience makes me well-suited if you’d be open to that …”

   4. In my field this would be acceptable, but it is an extremely specific technical skill that only a limited number of people around the world have. I think the hiring pool for a director level strategy role would be much bigger, so I wouldn’t do it.

      1. It reports into a VP of strategy reporting into a Chief strategy Officer. It’s basically the “do-er” role but because it requires high level work it’s got a director title. No reports.

   5. Another view – my former boss had a job like this (very senior level, leading an organizational transformation). Same deal, it probably should have been a project bc when it was over , they didn’t need this expensive senior person anymore and they laid her off. Bc she had only been there for the duration of the project she got very little severance and it was not a good experience. She approached her next gig more like you are proposing and the organization hadn’t considered it but understood and they set it up differently which was better for the company and her. Doesn’t hurt to ask what the long term view is and if they considered setting it up as a contract and why.

   6. My husband responded to a want ad with a pitch for them to hire his company and it worked.

7. Re this red blazer. I agree, adorable! but when a jacket is that short what do you wear under it under than a sheath dress. Most of us can’t show belly at work and even with high waisted pants i think there would be a gap between the waist of the pant and the jacket. i guess you could just wear a shell tucked in but seems to me that ruins the line?

   1. Yes of course you wear a shirt underneath!

      1. i am aware that you wear a shirt underneath it. what i am saying is that I think you would have a demartcation where your shirt meets your pants and then a demarcation where the shirt meets the jacket. Generally speaking, cutting your body into three zones isn’t so flattering. I would prefer the jacked (even if cropped) to hit the waist of your pants or have the waistband be higher, under the jacket. that was my point.

         1. Then wear high waisted pants.

         2. Wear a shirt that is the same color as your pants.

            1. +1 wear a column of one color for top/skirt/pants and contrasting jacket. Also super cute with jeans and tee shirt

   2. What?! You wear a shirt. It’s not that hard.

      1. +1

   3. I would (and do) wear cropped jackets with high-waist pants and a tucked-in shell.

      1. would you wear a shell that is the same color as your pants or a third color (like black pants, black shell, red jackte or black pants, white shell, red jacket) my original point is that the jacket is so short that you will see the waist band of your pants meeting the shirt which, i think is usually less flattering than when the jacket essentially covers the shirt. the model finesses it by showing skin but that isn’t really a real world solution for someone planning on wearing this delightfully work appropriate jacket.

         1. Yeah, I’d probably limit myself to 2 colors in this situation. Either matching the undershirt to the pants, or the undershirt to the jacket.

         2. I’d wear it with neutral pants and shell (like jeans and a white top a la the model). You’re gonna see the waistband no matter what if you wear the jacket open.

         3. I see what you’re saying, but I don’t think the model is really wearing high waisted pants. The model is wearing slouchy pants that are hitting much lower. My favorite highwaisted pants hit just above my belly button. I would wear this with a shell tucked in, but the jacket would cover all the wait to the waistline.

            If you click the link and look at the other colors, you’ll see more realistic work outfits. The black is shown with a dress and the ecru is shown with high waisted trousers and a shirt tucked in.

   4. I’d wear a slim-fitting tee, tucked in.

      1. This. Or a bodysuit that stays put.

         1. I would rather put my hand in a running garbage disposal than wear a bodysuit to work. Or anywhere, actually.

            1. LOL. I have a long torso and have a hard enough time finding a swimsuit that fits well. No way am I going through that effort for a freaking bodysuit.

   5. Jumpsuit! Or same color shirt/pants combo for same effect.

   6. We found the Gen Y person.

      1. If you don’t like people being “ageist” toward you, don’t do it to other people. Some of y’all have an absolute fit when people use the word “boomer” or talk about antiquated ideas from the 1980s or 1990s. Yet you post something like this. You’re engaging in the behavior you won’t tolerate from others, FYI.

8. I’m not sure if I’m looking for advice or just to vent. I’m visiting my sister in a few weeks, it’s a four hour flight and I’ve not seen her for six months. I love my sister, but I’m dreading the visit because my sister is an “uber” grandparent. She focuses on her grandchildren to the exclusion of everything else.

   For example, my sister regularly has her two grandchildren at her home one afternoon after school, an overnight visit during the week, and all weekend including Saturday night. It’s not that their parents are overloaded, they have a stay at home mom and their dad works very reasonable and consistent hours. My sister is in a constant state of getting ready for the kids or having them. Every shopping trip leads to what we can buy them, all dinner plans end up including them, any activity ends up being reviewed to see if they’d enjoy it.

   I know her partner and her best friend have talked to her about this, and she just dismisses it. I’ve suggested somethings we can do when I’m there, and asked her if there is anything she’d like to do. Her response is she has the kids 3 of the 5 days I’m there, and has already invited them to our plans for another day. I know their parents would be happy to take the kids so she could visit with me, but no.

   Her grandchildren are very nice, well behaved kids in grammar school, and I do love and enjoy them, although I’m not really a kid person. Sometimes when I visit, I feel like there is a constant under current of my sister thinking about when she next has the kids, how can she get the kids, is there any opportunity for her to get the kids, etc. and it’s uncomfortable.

   I realize I can’t change my sister, and if she won’t listen to her partner about this, she’s not going to listen me. How do I get through a visit of all grandchildren, all the time? I’m a little resentful in that my sister asks me to visit, and then pretty much ignores me when I’m there! Of course, I worry about my sister and what happens when these kids grow up, but she is well aware and just hopes that her grandchildren will remember how much she loves them and…I don’t know, continue to be the focus of her life? Maybe there is no solution, and I just visit my sister less often because the life she’s chosen excludes everyone else?

   1. I would probably go for a shorter trip if possible.

   2. Did she invite you to visit? If so you can ask her to make you more of a priority. And yes, use those words. If she didn’t invite you to visit, well – she’s showing you her priorities.

   3. It sounds like your sister’s sense of purpose is coming almost completely from her grandkids. I guess I’d focus on enjoying the moments when the kids aren’t there, or shorten the visit, or specifically ask for some 1:1 time with her.

   4. I would invite her away for a weekend somewhere, so the parents actually have to take care of their own kids for one weekend (!). Maybe even call her son/daughter ahead of time and try to ask them to help you in this effort and schedule accordingly.

      Maybe once she is away, she can relax.

      But she will likely still talk about the kids all the time. They are the center of her life. It wont be forever. Life is short, so I’d give her some grace.

   5. I would use your words to ask directly for an adults-only outing because you want to spend time one on one with her. The next time, both of you fly to a different city and tour it together.

   6. I don’t know, maybe I’m sensitive because most of this describes my mom with her grandkids, but I think this sounds nice. The implication that she shouldn’t watch the kids after school or take them for sleepovers just because their mom stays home is silly! I’m sure the mom appreciates a break and the kids love grandma time. My mom is my kids’ favorite person in the whole world, and it’s been really special to see their relationship develop.

      1. But surely you still want your mom to be her own person and to have her own friends and family visit, right? I think that’s what this post is about, not about whether it’s good to have a relationship with grandkids.

         1. Yeah, I agree that the OP describes a wonderful relationship between grandchildren and grandparent (honestly a lil envious for my kids who live in a different state from their grandparents) but it does seem a bit odd to not adjust one’s normal (wonderful) schedule a bit when you have out of town guests?

            1. I think it is bonkers that she’s taking care of the grandkids all weekend. I don’t know if that’s her choice or the parents are exploiting her, but yikes.

            2. Agree – and I wonder if maybe the parents are having trouble standing up to OP’s sister. I’d find it hard to set boundaries too when the alternative was free, loving childcare, but all weekend every weekend is A Lot.

            3. I have definitely seen a lot of exploitation of grandparents, usually the moms. It’s really screwed up.

            4. Yeah, the all-weekend, every weekend thing gave me a lot of pause too, but I’m taking OP at her word that it works for the sister, the niece/nephew, and the grandkids. (Though in my neck of the woods, those kids are getting carted around to multiple activities all weekend…). And quite frankly if I was a SAHM, even of school aged kids, I’d jump at the opportunity to have my weekends off my job without having to coordinate childcare schedules with my spouse. But not taking OP’s presentation of the facts, yeah to me there’s something off about the childcare schedule and volume provided by grandma.

            5. I’ve seen what you describe, but I’ve also known grandparents who seemed more excited than the parents themselves. It was really weird – like baby fever all over again, and with parents/grandparents who were very young. Think parents in late teens and grandparents late 30s. All I could think was, if you want another baby so badly, try and have one yourself!
               There’s normal involved grandparents, which, yeah, is nice, and then there’s over the top grandparenting. The OP is saying her mom is OTT and she’s in the best position to know. OP, I’m sorry and I hope your relationship with your mom gets better in time.

            6. Yikes… sorry, sister, not mother. My bad.

            7. Anon at 12:21 – I have seen this too, with a person I went to high school with; I’m friends with her on Facebook. She had her daughter at 22, and when the daughter was 20, she started dating a guy, and my ex-classmate started posting all of this stuff about “welcoming the guy to the family” and how she couldn’t wait to be a grandma – at 42. Next thing you know, the daughter is getting married and is visibly pregnant at the wedding. Later, pictures are posted of the “grandma shower” which looked just as elaborate as the one for the pregnant daughter. Baby comes and there are multiple pictures, multiple times a day of Grandma and Baby. It was like she’d had the baby, and not her daughter.

               Last week, she posts some vaguebooking stuff and later it becomes clear the daughter is getting divorced, after just over a year of marriage. I feel like – is it possible my ex-classmate pushed her daughter to get pregnant and get married because she wanted to be a grandma and wanted to re-live the parenting experience all over again? Because if so – now her daughter is a single mom in her very early 20s and isn’t in college, from what I can tell, so may have some pretty limited life options in the future. Pretty tragic.

         2. My in-laws have become like this (we are the childless couple in family) and it’s exhausting. I support enjoying retirement however and free will, but when it involves 5 days babysitting & all conversation & hobbies envelope the kids, it’s so tiring and comes to the detriment of their relationship to us (like OP with her sister).

            1. My DH’s aunt is like this. I want to tell her that it’s lovely to love your grandchildren, but also? Have a life of your own. I don’t think she has ever experienced that. OTOH, I am a bit jealous because while my kids have loving grandparents, they are not the types that want to do overnights and such.

            2. Okay but maybe the relative values the relationship with the grandkids more than with you? Why is that bad?

            3. I can see why it would be hurtful for my own parent to not prioritize their relationship with me at least somewhat!

         3. I’m the poster at 10:55. Honestly, no, my mom doesn’t really have much of a life outside my kids. Of course I wouldn’t begrudge her wanting to do her own things (and she does take regular vacations without us), but it didn’t sound to me like the adult children are pressuring grandma into this. It sounds like this is really what the grandma wants to do, and she gets to set her own priorities. I do understand why OP finds it hurtful, but I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with the choice.

      2. I feel like it’s fine that the op wants one on one time with her sister, but I’m not totally understanding why the sister’s behavior is problematic in and if itself. Not to be judgmental but I can think of a million worse things to devote your life to than doting on your grandchildren. Op, the grandkids will probably remain close with her for the rest of her life- it’s a beautiful thing and not a problem to be solved.

         1. Yeah, I get why the OP is hurt and her sister isn’t being considerate (in my view). But the level of involvement isn’t inherently wrong (and in fact is normal in lots of families).

         2. I wish my parents had wanted to be this involved with our child. As it was, they were helpful but within very strict limits. It was when I had a kid that I figured out that my mom, in particular, did not really like or enjoy kids and probably should not have had kids. The irony is that she pestered us for a grandchild for years, and then when one finally arrived, she was only moderately interested in being involved beyond occasional weekends (after which she would drop our child off complaining about how much work it was and how exhausted she was) and public photo-ops she could post on Facebook while gushing about how much she loved being a grandma.

            While I think the behavior from the OP’s sister does seems a little OTT, at the same time – it’s her life, and she gets to choose how to live it. Maybe she has some regrets about how she could have been more present for her own children, and that’s coming up as this close involvement with her grandkids. If OP doesn’t like this, she either needs to meet her sister off her sister’s home turf (as others have suggested) or visit at a time when she knows the grandkids will not be there, like if they’re on vacation with their parents, or something.

      3. +1. My mom is also very, very close to my kids, so this relationship doesn’t sound weird to me at all. That being said, my mom definitely does her own thing sometimes too, especially vacations. OP – I would invite her on a weekend away next time vs. visiting her at home.

         1. Going away for a weekend together sounds like a great compromise.

   7. I’d make the visits shorter but also schedule them around an adult only activity that you plan prior to getting there. Like, “hi I’d love to come visit you February 1st because the local theater is showing (insert play unsuitable for children) and I’m dying to try (restaurant unsuitable for children). I will buy the tickets and make a reservation.” Then even if you see the kids the other days, you have an evening of time with her.

      1. Sister doesn’t sound like this plan would work. Better to be direct about the feelings involved than try to trick her into kid-free time.

   8. while i agree this sounds like a lot, do you not have any relationship with these kids? the way you refer to them as “her grandchildren” without acknowledging your relationship with them strikes me as odd, but perhaps that is because i grew up seeing my great aunts and uncles fairly frequently (like they came to my birthday parties and ballet recitals when i lived locally)

      1. She doesn’t live locally, so I think it’s not unusual she doesn’t have a relationship with them.

         1. Nah, I think it’s weird. My husband’s sister (who doesn’t have kids) isn’t local and only sees my kids once or twice a year but she still cares about them and has a relationship with them independent from them being her mom’s grandkids. The OP sounded really detached from the kids in a way that’s odd to me.

            1. But that’s an aunt vs a great aunt. In my family, I never even met my great aunts and uncles.

            2. Not at all weird in my experience. I’m sure my grandma shared pics or updates about me and my siblings to her siblings, but I met them only a few times in my life since we lived so distant.

            3. Ok— you can think it’s weird. But also a lot of people don’t really know or aren’t close with their grandparents’ far flung siblings. As people have said on this thread. It doesn’t make OP a monster or anything.

            4. Your husband’s sister is your kids’ aunt. Obviously that is different. So, nah, it’s not weird.

   9. If the kids are in school, doesn’t that mean she just has them 3-5pm or something on those days? Is she hurt by your lack of interest in a relationship with them? My kids are very close with my Dad’s sister who has no kids of her own and she seems them at least weekly. And in my own case, even though I didn’t see her as much, my grandmother’s sister was almost like a third grandmother.

      My mom has my kids afterschool 3 days a week. They all love it. But she’s also involved in a few crafting clubs and generally her and my Dad go their lake house from Friday morning to Tuesday morning every weekend in the spring and fall. I agree that sleepovers during the week plus every single weekend is a lot but maybe there is something going on you don’t know about health wise with the parents?

   10. Maybe do brunch or go to a matinee movie while the kids are in school? What are your interests and what activities are you hoping to do with her? My mom will often make excuses around activities that she is no longer able to do – like a yoga class or a hiking route instead of telling the person that she can’t do it. Is that happening here?

   11. Wait, so if the kids’ mom stays at home and dad has a predictable schedule, what is the need for your sister to take the kids for multiple overnights per week, every week?!

       I would suggest inviting her to your home/city for the next visit.

       1. 3 overnight visits a week (one week and ‘all weekend’) seems like a lot. Only sleeping at home 4 out of 7 nights strikes me as unusual. Is that accurate?

          Is there something going on with the parents (either health or relationship wise), or has it been like this since they were born?

       2. I don’t think there has to be a “need,” if the kids, the parents, and grandma like it and want it. There are lots of families where grandparents are fully integrated into kids’ day to day lives in this way. The only person this seems to be a problem for is the OP.

          1. I wonder… really…

          2. Agreed.

          3. OP also said that the sister’s partner and best friend have talked to her as well, so it doesn’t seem to be a problem only to the OP….

   12. It is true if you are a main caregiver for young kids they are a big consideration in the background of your mind; you don’t like that about your sister but it’s not unusual or problematic necessarily. Why is that “uncomfortable” though? Do you feel like you aren’t getting enough attention or the trips are boring? If that’s the case you need to say that – hey I’d love to have an adults-only vacation with you, is that possible? Maybe she’ll say yes or no but you need to be an adult and speak up.

       1. The uncomfortable part is my sister is usually thinking about how she can get extra time with the kids. She is hyper aware if what their parents are doing, and ready to suggest she’ll come get the kids at any moment. So, if my niece says she wants to go to Target, my sister will immediately volunteer to bring the kids to her house. If their parents randomly muse about doing anything, my sister is ready to grab the kids. It’s like she is constantly on the alert. The parents don’t have any health issues or other family obligations — we text or chat almost daily.

          I’m quite close to my nephew and friendly with his wife, whom I call my niece. I do live 1500 miles away, so I’m not going to attend daily kid events. I have a relationship with the kids in that we spend time together and they know me, but again, I live far away and I work full time.

          I’ve asked my sister to visit, and even requested a visit while my husband is away for a month, and it just never works out. I don’t think it’s personal, she has never visited her other adult son and has visited her daughter once. She does visit or travel with her friend once a year. I had planned a trip with my sister, but we had to cancel when I had emergency surgery, though we hadn’t got to the point where she’d 100% committed.

          I guess the net of all this is my sister has chosen her priorities. I can continue to visit (I get snark if I don’t come) and suggest things, but I’m not going to knock myself out for 20 years either.

          1. That definitely sounds uncomfortable and beyond the usual. Did she recently retire? Does she have other activities or hobbies that she enjoys doing.

             It does sound like meeting up a third location might be a good option. Maybe one visit a year to her and then do the other visit at another location without the kids.

          2. That’s bizarre. It sounds like you’re right, she is making these kids her priority above anyone else. I’m sorry.

          3. I would absolutely respond to said snark with, “Well, I wouldn’t want to get in the way of your busy Grandma-ing schedule!”

             Some snark is sanctioned by heaven, to paraphrase my favorite line from Wicked (the book).

   13. Have your sister visit you.

   14. Your sister doesn’t want to change her habits, and you can’t make her. Just accept that this is how it is when you visit your sister, mentally prepare for the visit, and be grateful for any moments between the grandkids. Also, try to be welcoming and pleasant to the grandkids — they will pick up on any indications that you resent them intruding on your sister time. Your sister isn’t going to live her life to please you, and the grandkids come with any visit to her, part of the whole package, and your role has turned out to be an audience for her interactions with the grandkids. You are a good sister to come visit when she asks!

   15. This would bother me as well, OP. I don’t have kids and am not always comfortable around them for long stretches, partially because I don’t know how to interact with them. I have a couple of friends who, after having kids, that’s ALL they ever talk about. Even after the baby stage. Which is fine and understandable, but it also means that we just don’t have as much to talk about because I don’t have a huge amount of kid-material to contribute and because when I try to talk about something else after an appropriate amount of time, they turn the subject back to their children.

       I would be hurt if my sister wanted me to come visit and then took up the entire visit with optional kid activities. Surely there can be arrangements made for part of a week? Especially since it sounds like the parents would have the time/schedule. I have no real advice other than asking her for one on one time, but just wanted to let you know I hear you!

   16. Does your sister want you there? This sounds to me like she doesn’t really want you visiting and is using the kids as an excuse.

       1. That’s kind of what I think. She doesn’t sound burdened by her grandchildren. She is refusing to be burdened by OP’s visit. I think that’s what she’s choosing.

          1. Just because that is so doesn’t mean it’s not hurtful to OP, right? Doesn’t she get to be disappointed in the changing relationship with her sister? It feels like a very normal and human reaction.

             1. Of course it’s reasonable for her to feel hurt about it! No one said otherwise. I just think that a lot of people seem to be focusing on the wrong problem. It may not be “grandma weirdly obsessed with grandkids.” It may be “grandma not very interested in her sister.” Knowing what the root issue is will affect how OP moves forward.

   17. I am a parent who has benefited from involved & nearby grandparents and …. no, this is a lot. If this wasn’t a known and ongoing issue that she’s been spoken to about, I’d approach it as “hey, I am looking forward to seeing how much the kids have grown, but would love to have some sister/adult time so that we can [do whatever.] Any chance that we could plan to see the kids on Friday and then head out to do adult stuff the rest of the weekend?”
       But it seems like your sister has really made “involved grandma” her identity in a way that she won’t respond positively to that message. Can you align other tasks/visits for times she’s with the kids (after an initial visit with them)? I’m bummed for you that your sister doesn’t seem willing to compromise her regular schedule to spend time with you.

9. Has anyone found LinkedIn premium to be helpful while job searching? I work in a niche field and don’t live in my field’s main metro area (and never will), so I am casting a pretty wide net.

   I know it’s marketing but I get so curious when it says with premium you can compare yourself to other applicants. I’m in some ways very qualified for what I’ve been applying for but in other ways I’m an unconventional candidate, so curiosity really is getting the best of me.

   1. I just did a free trial of premium for job hunting purposes and found it to be pretty lackluster. For instance, it says I’m a “top candidate” for positions based on the “skills” portion of my LinkedIn profile, which of course just means that other people’s profiles are less filled out. Maybe I’m not using it correctly, but as a non-power user of LinkedIn I found it pretty meh.

      1. Yup. The comparison is just their page to yours. It’s not a useful comparison unless every candidate has their resume copied to their LI page. Not worth it IMO.

   2. The comparison tool is useless, especially because you have no idea who might be applying through other channels.

      It is nice to be able to see if you have profile views while still being able to search in private mode. You also can view more people’s profiles with premium than free- this is helpful when researching a company or trying to get intros to 2nd degree connections. I have also used the option to message people I’m not connected to. I hate the high fee, but I’m resigned to paying it as long as I’m job hunting.

10. Seeking recommendations for woven athletic shorts that have pockets and no panty / internal liner? For running mainly, and also the gym. The liners seem to be creating some ingrown hairs. I’ve cut some liners out but want to try some new ones that are designed this way.

    1. Title Nine has something called the Anti-Running Short that sounds like that, although plenty of people run in it.

    2. The Under Armour Women’s Play Up Shorts 3.0 fit this bill for the most part.

    3. I don’t run in them but I wear the north face aphrodite shorts in the gym.

    4. I have athletic shorts from Old Navy that don’t have a liner.

    5. I really like the Eddie Bauer Tidal and Amphib shorts for this. They’re often on sale/don’t be fooled by their rack rate prices. Both are quick dry. And no undies!

11. I am 37, wear sunscreen daily, get botox occasionally, but have never had a facial. Am I missing out? Or is it more like getting your nails done where it’s nice if you enjoy it but has no long term benefits?

    1. A facial is a treat, not a skincare strategy. If you want to add something that’s going to make a difference, add tretinoin. I get mine from Curology.

       1. This is what I wanted to know, thanks.

    2. Yes. It’s like getting your nails done: a fun treat and feels great but it has no lasting impact.

    3. Disagree somewhat. I think it depends on your skin. If you have a lot of blackheads, I think facials are essential.
       I get little “donuts” on my forehead that are impossible to treat at home (have tried retin-a, etc), so I get those taken care of at my facial appointments, too. If you don’t have those or other specific concerns, I think you’re fine without facials.

       1. Yeah if we’re talking red light therapy for rosacea or something, I thought that could be legit.

          I guess they can also be effective for exfoliation, but most people who actually need exfoliation probably need an at-home routine anyway.

          1. I have rosacea. I stayed away from facials as I assumed they would only make me flare.

             There is a type of facial/treatment for rosacea?

             1. My mom gets some kind of light therapy (maybe intense pulsed light?). Her skin looks a lot better than mine, but that’s all I know!

             2. I also have rosacea. My sister wanted to treat me to a spa facial last time we traveled together, and I could not talk her out of using steam on me (“it’s not much!” “it’s good for you!”) and the results were as expected – tomato face for the rest of the day. I’ve given up on facials altogether.

    4. I am a fan of Hydrafacials, they actually do something. And doctors offer pulsed light, laser, etc. treatments that can be really helpful to address specific aging issues.

       1. +1 to Hydrafacials and other specific treatments, otherwise just a nice hour to relax

12. If I needed to buy one of those Stanley thermal mugs TODAY, where would I do that? I see on their website that they have Dick’s Sporting Goods and REI listed as bricks and mortar retailers, but I was wondering if there were other potential sources. (It’s for a gift)

    1. I checked Target and it looks like they have some in-store.

    2. I’ve seen them at Whole Foods

    3. My local Whole Foods has some.

    4. I’ve seen them at Target and my local sporting goods store (in addition to the places you mentioned).

    5. The Paper Store, of all the random spots had them.

    6. My local Ace Hardware has them.

    7. Williams-Sonoma, if you have a store near you.

13. Anyone feel like sharing pet peeves today? Mine are:

    TVs in any bar or restaurant that is not explicitly a sports bar

    People who play music or videos on the train loudly with no headphones

    1. My coworkers are so effing loud. They have no indoor voices and I cannot concentrate when they’re chatting with each other (hours a day) or on calls. It’s so unprofessional.

       1. SAME. There’s a male attorney next to me that bellows legal advice and his fake client-facing laugh into the phone and it makes me want to scream. It’s so disrespectful and self-centered. He is capable of modulating his voice, he just chooses not to.

       2. Oh lord me too. One male coworker is so loud that it physically hurts your ears to be near him when he is being super loud, just like you’re at an arena concert – that kind of pain. He does not have an indoor voice, ever. I can hear him clearly and loudly though two closed solid wood doors. He does not have hearing issues that could cause this. He talks absolutely all the time. I think if he had to be quiet for 20 minutes straight he would die. He needs to be yammering loudly about something, anything, like the rest of us need to inhale oxygen. He and the female coworker who is not quite as loud but you can still hear her on another floor will both say “I’m just a loud person”. Eff that. It’s not an immutable trait like eye color or height. Thanks for coming to my TED rant about rude, loud coworkers.

    2. People who don’t take their backpacks off on a crowded train! -signed, Chicagoan sick of getting smashed in the face by an oblivious dudebro’s bag.

       1. Oh, hello fellow Chicagoan! OP here. How could I have forgotten that one?!

          May you have a more pleasant commute home 🤞

       2. My pet peeve, too!

       3. Ooh, also people who don’t wait for people to get off a crowded train before shoving their way on!

          1. An acquaintance once snapped at a woman who VERY aggressively shoved her way on to the subway first “Jesus lady, it’s not the last chopper out of Saigon” and I lolled.

          2. This, but elevators! OFF first, then ON. Why is that so hard?!

    3. I agree with yours and will add:

       Adults who say they’ll be ready when it’s time to leave (to make it to the start of a movie on time or whatever) and then dilly-dally and make everyone late and pissed off.

       People who try to insist that I should like mayonnaise and that I just haven’t tried it enough and who will not listen to me when I say I am positive I do not like it (this is surprisingly common).

       People who try to shoot down your happiness or positive outlook for no good reason. As an example, I said “I can’t wait to read Caddie Woodlawn to my daughter one day, I think she’ll love it” and this woman said “Don’t expect your kids to like what you like, she might hate it.” OK, thanks for bursting that bubble?

       People who say “just you wait” about anything parenting-related.

       1. Tardiness in general drives me up the wall. If I’m not five minutes early then I’m late.

       2. “People who try to insist that I should like mayonnaise and that I just haven’t tried it enough” ugh this. I hate people like this.

          My boss – an adult! – will, if someone expresses a non-work opinion he disagrees with, especially about food, theatrically gasp and say, “I bet you hate baby Jesus, too!” Like clockwork. It’s so irritating.

          1. Wow, that is so inappropriate!

          2. I can completely picture that personality type and am annoyed on your behalf.

          3. ‘Oh no, I’ve prayed about it and baby Jesus agrees mayo is gross so definitely don’t hate him’

          4. “No, but you’re making me hate you” – what I wish I could say to that kind of statement.

          5. I would respond that I do, in fact, hate baby Jesus, and say that it’s a strange thing that they always seem to comment this when they can’t comprehend that people have different opinions about things. (I’m not Christian, so while I don’t actually hate baby Jesus in the same way that I don’t hate Buddha or representation of other gods or religious figures, I don’t get why baby Jesus is even a thing and definitely think it’s a bizarre thing to call someone out for “hating”)

             1. Yeah I’m Jewish and would be tempted to reply “I couldn’t care less about baby Jesus.” This is SO inappropriate, especially in a workplace.

             2. I love the idea of responding with a puzzled, “baby who?”

    4. I totally blame Apple for changing the headphone norms. Phones used to come with headphones and headphone jacks and pretty much everyone used them. Then they got rid of them and switched to way more expensive AirPods and people decided it was acceptable to just blast their phones everywhere.

       I feel the same way about having to listen to everyone’s zoom calls too. Luckily I mostly work at home, but even there I have to listen to my next door neighbor’s calls through her open window (she’s a lawyer for a major tech company and you’d really think that confidentiality would be more of a concern!).

    5. Fresh from school pick-up. Parents vaping on the playground while picking up their kids! Like surely you could refrain for 15 minutes?

       1. I’m not even a parent and that sounds annoying.

    6. Co-workers texting with non-urgent matters at 7 am.

    7. I am grateful for TVs for n bars. I don’t like when they blast the sound, but I often eat and drink alone so appreciate the passive entertainment.

    8. Nail clipping in public. Also flossing in public, but nail clipping is much more frequent.

       More controversially – making plans more than 3 months in advance (very few things should be planned that far out. I don’t want to schedule dinner for November right now). People who can’t use the phone when the phone would be more efficient. Abrieviations like “gr8” and “Thx” – is it really so hard to spell our the word at this point?

       1. I once saw someone clipping their toenails on the BUS. Thankfully the driver told him to knock it off.

       2. Counter-point. I travel a lot for work and to see my aging parents. Because I’m out of town so often, I will invite friends to put coffee dates on their calendars for 8-12 weeks in advance. Then I can see a lot of people on the weeks that I am home without other conflicts arising first in their calendars. Of course the understanding is that if anyone needs to move the date because something comes up between now and then, we just reschedule.

          1. I totally thought you were about to counter-point clipping nails in public, and I was ready for the firestorm!

    9. When I’m behind someone in a long line at Starbucks or similar, giving the person plenty of time to think of what they want, but when they get up to the cash it’s like they’ve never been in a Starbucks before and have no idea what to order.

       See also: people who don’t know how to use self-checkouts at the grocery store but still try to use them. Oh my god.

       1. I was recently behind a woman who paid in one dollar bills at Whole Foods. AT. WHOLE. FOODS. Jfc.

       2. Ah, I see you’ve been behind my husband at Starbucks lol. I love the man but even when we go to our fav local spots we eat at frequently, he acts as if he has no idea what they serve! Drives me nuts! And his dad is the exact.same.way, so I suppose its inherited? LOL!

    10. People who go into starbucks talking on their phone and act like the barista is wasting *their* time because they need to stop their phone conversation for the two minutes that it takes to order.
        People who think I’m odd for 1) not liking wine, and 2) not drinking alcohol more often than I do.
        People who have loud conversations on their phones in public.

    11. People smoking and vaping everywhere, so the smell of marijuana affects my breathing, permeates my car and clings to my hair
        People who let their kids run around in a restaurant
        People who let their dogs run offleash illegally and who make no effort to leash their dogs when other people and dogs are in the area
        People who talk on the phone while walking or hiking outdoors

        1. I see your dog complaint and raise you “people who don’t clean up after their dogs and/or who leave a steaming, stinking bag of sh*t on the side of trails to interfere with others’ enjoyment.”

           1. Also, people who bring dogs into stores. When did this become okay? I love dogs, don’t get me wrong. But lots of people don’t, and they should not have to deal with dogs in stores and malls.

              1. I hear you on this one, but there’s also the issue of dogs getting kidnapped if you leave them outside a store while you run in for a few mins. I’ve heard of it happening too many times to feel comfortable. I wouldn’t take my dog on a leisurely shopping trip, but if I’m out on a walk and need to run in the drugstore for something, and the employees don’t object (on the contrary, they love my dog), then I’ll do that. I don’t let her sniff anything in the store and obviously she isn’t doing her business in the store. I don’t let her approach other people unless they express interest.

              2. +1
                 I am not “afraid of” your dog; I am allergic to your dog.

              3. Yes, why are dogs everywhere now? I grew up with dogs but don’t have one as an adult (because I don’t have the time to give it the attention a dog requires and deserves). With the exception of bringing our dogs growing up on hikes, they stayed at home. I am still so surprised when they are in so many places.

           2. Also co-sign people who don’t clean up after their dogs. AND people who leave their nasty trash all over the ground. I live in an upscale but high traffic area with lots of bars, restaurants, etc., and I am so f’ing tired of having to watch my dog like a hawk to make sure she doesn’t try to scarf down chicken bones, ice cream cups, poop, weed gummies, entire take out containers, who knows what the f’ else these savages are leaving around my neighborhood. Yes, she knows “leave it” but I can only say “leave it” if I’m constantly inspecting what’s around.

        2. ugh, people playing music in national parks!

        3. I don’t see anything wrong with people being on the phone while walking or hiking outdoors. It’s really not that different from two people walking together….some of us have friends/family who live in other states and don’t just want to sit while on the phone. This is the only pet peeve I’ve seen on here that I truly disagree with though

        4. OMG, the pot everywhere – I almost regret my vote to decriminalize it if people can’t use it politely. Lighting a joint on the metro is Not Cool.

           And the dogs. I, too, do not understand why dogs need to be everywhere. And if you are worried that your dog will get kidnapped if you leave it outside while you run into the store – why did you bring your dog on your errands? Does he need to help carry home the packages or something?

           I don’t really care if you don’t let your dog approach people in stores or whatever, dogs do not belong in stores where there’s items people might bring home and would prefer not to have dog slobber or dander on them.

           Also, just because I hate that people have to bring their dogs everywhere and am rather indifferent about dogs as a whole (no desire to have one) doesn’t mean I’m some sort of morally bankrupt person.

           1. +1 I got bit by a dog tied up outside the grocery where his (I’m sure very nice) owner had run in for just one thing.

           2. I wish more people who are indifferent to dogs (or any other pets) didn’t have them! There is nothing saying one must have a pet. Props to you for drawing that boundary.
              Signed,
              Volunteer (and pet lover!) who has worked to rehome too many ambivalent pet owners’ pets when they were over it all.

              1. Do people… really feel pressured into getting a pet?

                 It was not a hard thing for me not to have a pet. Pre-pandemic I was out doing stuff and didn’t want to worry about having to run home and take out a dog. And I didn’t love trying to get together with friends who couldn’t because they had to take out the dog, or couldn’t leave it alone during a storm, or had to leave early to get the dog….If I wanted those sorts of constraints on my lifestyle, I’d have a kid!

                 I have a friend (single city dweller) who had dogs most of her adult life. When her last dog died, she decided to take some time before getting a new one. It’s been about 3 years – she is really enjoying her ability to travel, spontaneously go out, and all sorts of other things, without having to worry about a dog.

              2. Very much so, in the same way people follow the herd on whatever someone of their group is “supposed” to do.

    12. My husband has a very short fuse often. I just called him to ask a question and he blew up at me. If I put a kitchen towel in the wrong drawer, he gets mad. :(

        1. I’m sorry, that’s an awful way to live. It’s not a pet peeve – he sounds like a real jerk.

        2. No, that is flat our mean..not a pet peeve!
           Call him out on it!

        3. This seems like a large problem, not a pet peeve (which by definition is small). He should not be blowing up at you, and I would think about how to address this.

    13. People who don’t do their own research into your recommendation even though they are looking for a specific quality in the service/thing you recommended and don’t tell you that’s an important item for them and then get in a huff about the quality of your recommendation.

        For example, a longtime friend moved to my city and asked for a house cleaner recommendation. I gave her ours, who we have now used for 8 years and have recommended to several others, everyone who uses this house cleaner has been happy with the house cleaner. This housecleaner uses standard cleaning products… they don’t advertise as a “green” company or anything like that. I was never asked by my friend if they used “green” products. My friend used them for a two times and then was basically horrified that her house smelled like someone had used cleaning products after the house cleaners had been there.
        She got in a huff about how they weren’t an organic/green cleaning company.

    14. Oh man, so many.
        – Opening a second food item when there’s already an open one in the fridge
        – MLMs
        – School-related events for parents that start at 11 a.m.
        – responding to text messages (or taking calls) during a yoga class
        – Adults getting upset that you don’t show sufficient enthusiasm when it’s their birthday

        1. Counterpoint…11 am is my preferred time for school events because it can just become a long lunch. I mean, evenings or weekends would be better, but relative to weekdays at 10 am or 3 pm I think 11 am is pretty good!

    15. I absolutely hate it when people play music in public that is not on headphones. Same with phone calls being on speaker. I don’t need to hear your music or entire conversation.

    16. Texts like this

        them: “We should get together for lunch!”

        me: “I’d love to. How about next Wednesday or Thursday, or any day the following week?”

        crickets

        3 weeks later:

        them: “We should get together for lunch!”

        1. This is when I reply with “let me know which days work for you.” Throw the ball back in their court and let them move it forward if they actually want to.

           1. I’ve done that – same lack of answer.

              It’s an ongoing problem with one friend, and one friend group. One or two people in the group are terrible about answering but also extremely bent out of shape if planning takes place without them. *shrug*

    17. Shared microwave etiquette:
        – people who take their food out of the microwave before the timer goes off but don’t clear the timer, so the next person tries to enter a time and nothing happens because they have to hit clear before they can set the timer, which is not obvious when you approach the microwave at ~1:00 pm and the last person took out their food with ~1:00 minute left
        – hogging the microwave during lunch time by: taking way too much time (nothing needs to be microwaved for 10 minutes!), walking away after you start the microwave and then not coming back when it finishes, putting your food in the microwave but not starting it and then puttering around the kitchen – start the microwave and then putter! – and insist no one else can use the microwave for the two full minutes that you’re puttering because you’re “using” it
        – not cleaning your spills. Especially people who set the timer for far too long, walk away, and then the container explodes and gets super baked on because no one is monitoring the microwave

14. What do you all tip on grocery delivery?

    1. $5

    2. $10-20 depending on the order.

    3. I don’t get it often, but I generally do 10%. More if I order something big/cumbersome (water softener salt).

       1. (Should have added, usually my orders are between $75 and $150)

    4. 10-20%, but never less than $10. I tip on the high end if there were super heavy items or the order was complex; on the low end if it was simple and they were done quickly and it’s not heavy.

    5. Around 10% but I’ll adjust based on number of items. Most commonly ordering from Costco via instacard. So like 4 items at $50 each is less work than an order that is 18 items and also totals $200. The first order I would probably tip $10- 15 instead of $20. 10% is the default tip on Instacart. If it’s more than $1/item then I may do like 7% but rarely less than that. Pickers are usually doing more than one order at a time so I find the lower tip orders/smaller orders still get picked up. At least at my Costco, may vary by store.

    6. The default on Walmart+ is 10%, so that is what I go with. My orders are usually about $150.

    7. $10. We live about a mile from the store.

    8. 20% because it’s a luxury service for me.

       1. I can kind of see that reasoning, but it’s not a luxury for everyone!

          1. Sure, but the poster asked what I tip and I added my mental model for why.

    9. The Kroger grocery delivery that I use doesn’t allow tips. Makes it much cheaper!

       1. Same with ShopRite. We tried to hand the driver cash and he turned it down.

    10. I use Amazon Fresh and just leave the tip at the default, which ranges from $7-$15 depending on size of order.

15. are exagerated bows on the shoulder of a dress young? I am looking for a dress for a wedding and found one that i think is pretty. it’s basically cut like a sundress with a dressier fabric) but the ties on the shoulder are bigger and more prominent than i would like…. worried it reads young (i’m 48).

    https://www.hillhousehome.com/collections/all-dresses/products/the-lace-ribbon-ellie-nap-dress-port-lace

    1. I think it does read a little young. But . . .
       a. this would be an easy tailoring fix to switch from floppy bows to very tidy knots, or to simply ribbon straps with no bow or knot.
       b. the dress might suit your body type and personality, and not read young at all. The dress would be incongruous on me. But I know some 60somethings who would look perfectly natural in it because of their build, general style, and general personality.

       1. Strong agreement on your “b” paragraph. This particular dress would look very off on me- tall, overweight, RBF 47 year old- but it could look great on another 47 year old.

          OP- if you like this style but might want to tone down the cute/yummy mummy, Anthropologie has some more streamlined options.

    2. I think you’re right, alas.

       And may I just say that the photos of the dress styled with a black turtleneck underneath are… how shall I say this? Hideous.

       1. agreed.

       2. And also? This will never not make me laugh: https://www.hillhousehome.com/collections/bridal/products/the-collectors-edition-ellie-nap-dress-black-tulle

          1. That’s the only one of those I would ever even consider wearing.

             1. As pictured?

             2. I am intrigued… where would you wear it?

                To a Rocky Horror Picture Show midnight showing?

                With the right make-up … totally.

             3. I have and wear the black tulle to weddings. HHH sells matching slips that take the look from peekaboo to twirly and fun.

             4. I have to admit it would be super fun with a slip to make it non see-through!!

             5. Yes, as pictured. Geez, live a little, guys!

    3. Isn’t the whole point of the Hill House aesthetic to dress in adult-sized versions of toddler clothes?

       1. indeed. this is so not my look.

       2. Ha! People rave about J. Crew Factory on this board but when I walk by their storefront the toddler and adult mannequins are dressed exactly the same. It’s…not for me.

    4. Looks like a really pretty dress, but I’d probably skip myself for the bows being too fussy and young. I’m 47. Might depend on your hair? Mine is stick straight so the bows would be prominent. If your hair has more volume at the shoulders, the bows may be less prominent.

       My strategy right now as I try to pick out a dress for an upcoming family wedding is to try to visualize an older celebrity wearing it. It’s hard at our age bc we are not wearing sequined muumuus yet but definitely not 30 anymore.

       1. this is a great strategy. any ideas?

    5. I think it reads very young. Like, the model who is wearing it looks “too old” for the style.

       That said, YOLO, and you can pry my midriff bearing casual tops out of my cold dead 30-something fingers…

    6. HHH is a younger brand but I’m 48 and I’d wear that dress. I don’t feel the need to try to dress like my mother yet.

       1. Yeah, I really like the dress and don’t think it’s particularly young. It looks really fun!
          That said, don’t get it if you think you’re going to be uncomfortable/self-conscious about the bows.

    7. I think you could totally pull it off. I’ve worn a number of them as a late 30-something. The tulle style is a fabulous dancing dress (buy the matching slip).

    8. I’d wear that dress! You aren’t old!

    9. OK The black ties on the white version are obnoxious and I hope you’re not wearing a white lace dress to a wedding anyway (unless you’re the bride, and if so, congratulations!)

       I think in the port color you could find a way to wear the straps in less of a giant bow. That would be OK.

       I’d skip styling either of them with a black cotton turtleneck (wtf)

       1. In this pic, they’re tied in the back – I really like that effect!
          https://www.hillhousehome.com/cdn/shop/files/August_TheRibbonEllieNapDress_BlackIkatFlatTaffeta1102copy_1920x.jpg?v=1691617082

          1. That looks like a good option!

             1. Agree. Love this look!

    10. Yes this reads young. The smocking and bows feel very childish. I’m 33 and I feel like it’s a bit juvenile for me. However I have friends who have a very specific, girly, extra-feminine style who would wear this without a second thought.

        I would buy a dress with an actual bodice, not a smocked one, for a wedding.

    11. I’m in my late 50s and I have a Hill House dress. I do think it’s too young for me, but I wear it on very casual occasions only, or around the house. It’s really nicely made but I’m not getting enough wear out of it for the price I paid (which was slightly discounted).

    12. It may read a bit young, but I know a 62 year old who could rock this! I think the ultimate issue is whether you are a bow person or not, regardless of age. If you’re not a bow person you’re never going to feel comfortable in this.

    13. I think it reads a bit young. But if you love it, go for it. It’s a pretty dress.

16. New Orleans food recs? Looking for classic Cajun and Creole places for dinner or brunch. First time visiting as an adult, so looking to try the best places – can’t say I was too concerned about the food last time I was there. Also any chill cocktail bars?

    1. Where are you staying? I love Adolfo’s (they close at 9, you probably need reservations) for dinner, Atchafalaya for brunch, and St Joe’s for a drink. They’re all kind of far from each other though. I’m sure there are locals who can make more recommendations.

       1. In the warehouse district, but super close to the French Quarter.

       2. +1 for Atchafalaya. I also loved brunch at Cafe Fleur de Lis – get the fried green tomato eggs bene.

    2. My very favorite gumbo is The Gumbo Shop on Saint Peter, a block or two from the cathedral. I go every time I’m in the city. Gumbo’s a regular meal in our house, and theirs is so, so good. And the restaurant’s vibe is very enjoyable – sort of an “old Nola” feel.

       Do get a Pimm’s Cup at the Napoleon House on Chartres. I swear theirs taste better than ones anywhere else – maybe it’s like New York bagels needing NYC water? – Pimm’s Cups need Napoleon House ice cubes or something 😂 You can stop in at their bar for that chill cocktail vibe; their muffulettas are good if you want some food with your alcohol 😉

    3. Jazz brunch at Commanders Palace is hella fun.

17. Kids clothing question- Where do you find reasonably priced fancy dress clothes for 8 and 10 year old girls this time of year?? I need dresses for my daughters for a family wedding. Easter and Christmas are the easy time of year to find something at Target. Right now everything is casual back to school dresses. I’d really prefer to spend $40-50, maybe $80?

    1. How fancy are we talking? Would something like this work?
       https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-6174861/girls-4-16-bonnie-jean-shadow-stripe-bow-dress.jsp?prdPV=87

    2. Ebay. That stuff is barely worn. You can get used flower girl or jr bridesmaid dresses, or just fancy dresses there. Or not used, new with tags. I’ve done both.

       1. I just searched for Girls Size 8 flower girl dress and found a ton. Most are new.

       2. Or poshmark

       3. Secondhand is the best for this type of thing. Ebay, Poshmark, local thrift or consignment shops.

    3. Poshmark/Ebay/secondhand website of your choice. At that age, I still find fit to be fairly straightforward, in part because kids aren’t wearing things like sheaths that need to fit perfectly. Dresses are Aline or have bows to adjust the waist, etc.

       And because kids only wear special occasion dresses once or twice before growing out of them, everything is basically new. If you’re spending $40-$50, you can get a REALLY nice dress (and likely spend even less).

    4. Poshmark or local consignment shop are good options if you are looking for jr bridesmaid type dresses.

       At that age my girls often wore a more basic dress that could be reused for school plus some fun sparkly headbands/hair accessories/belts/shoes from Claire’s or similar.

    5. Are there kids’ consignment stores near you?

    6. Dillards never fails me on this.

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