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Workwear sales of note for 3.24.23:
- Ann Taylor – 40% off everything
- Athleta – 20% off shorts, swim, linen & more
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything; extra 15% off purchase
- Boden – Up to 50% off
- Brooks Brothers – Clearance styles to 70% off. Some pretty serious markdowns!
- Express – 40% off dresses & tops
- J.Crew – 25% off your purchase; up to 50% off special-occasion styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 15% off 3 styles; extra 20% off 4 styles; extra 50% off clearance
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty
- Talbots – 25% off select styles; 25% off markdowns
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
- What are your favorite parts of a typical day?
- At what point in your life (age, income level, whatever) were you able to take an annual vacation?
- What shoes can I keep at the office to go for mid-day walks (that go with everything)?
- How do you release stress or trauma that’s stored in the body?
- What are the best “networking for women events” you’ve ever been to?
- I feel like we’re burning through any savings we acquire…
- I hate my job and make 30% of what DH makes – should I quit?
- What do you keep in your office?
I have two elementary school children in summer camps all summer.
WHY do they love the ones that are $500/kid/week and detest the ones that are $200/kid/week?
[One kid especially loves a camp that is ~$500/week AND you have to bring lunches. Which makes me appreciate the $500/week camp that provides lunches even though I have to leave before 7am to get there.]
CAN SCHOOL PLEASE JUST START ALREADY?
FWIW, school-year after school expenses are $250/week/total (3 days of a sitter and 2 days at after-school onsite).
This is my life right now too. Added to the battle of someone would like to be playing Fortnite every home/waking minute of the day. BE A KID! PLAY OUTSIDE!
September can’t come soon enough
Right there with you. My oldest LOVED the camp that was crazy expensive and 20-30 minutes from our home in the opposite direction from work. The kicker? It was a “farm camp,” where he loved to collect eggs, walk outside, and help with farm chores. Sounds lovely, no? WE HAVE A FARM. He can go collect eggs from our chickens, help me in the garden, or help muck out a stall any day. Somehow it is not as fun when it is mom asking to collect eggs versus a teenage counselor.
School starts after labor day here. There are NO camps next week, so it is time to call in the reinforcements. Camp Grandma for a week. Can school start? Please?!
I’m sorry – that sounds immensely irritating for you. But thank you for sharing, because it cracked me up!
HAHAHA me, too! One day you will laugh about this, I promise.
“Somehow it is not as fun when it is mom asking to collect eggs versus a teenage counselor.”
I pay a sh*tton of $ to go to math tutoring largely b/c “someone other than me” is usually the best choice for a task they do not love.
And to add to the cray-fest that is my life: I pay a sitter and often she takes my children with her to walk her (the sitter’s) dog. [Which I’m cool with — it’s like the empathy and benefits of owning a pet without having to actually have a pet. I am sure they would have zero interest in walking a dog that was, like our dog.] And they love going to Target with the sitter . . .
So true. My child refuses to learn anything from either of her parents, even things we have been paid to teach other people’s children. My favorite is when she begs me to help her with something that I have a degree in and/or do for a living, and then thirty seconds later starts screaming, “You don’t know what you’re talking about!”
I’m the OP at 9:41. I am a math whiz, particular at the grade-school teaching level. I have tutored as a volunteer since I was in freaking high school. I’m also good at most romance languages. And grammar. And most everything else (I am mediocre at physics though). It will be of no use except in vetting tutors.
I think we should all swap children when it is homework / chore time. It will be better for everyone.
This is why I am happily child-free. (and married and older, in case someone wants to tell me I will change my mind)
My nanny spends 99% of the summer outside with the kids/dogs. Every time I check in, they are at the park, taking walks around the neighborhood, etc. I’m convinced they only go inside to use the bathroom because my house is spotless when I come home from work. But for some reason, getting my kids to play outside on the weekends is a struggle….it’s too hot, too early, I’m too tired, I’ve heard it all.
I’m resigned to the fact that I’m not cool enough.
On the camp discussion, we let our kids pick one camp week a summer and that’s it. The costs kept skyrocketing – to the point that a year round nanny was a bargain.
Day just started and already this is the best story of the day!
Summers are when I always felt like it was all falling apart. They are simply not designed for households with two working parents. The good news is that it does pass – mine is a teenager now. Another thing mine like to do was complain BITTERLY all Summer about how I work, how she has to go to camp, how awful camp is, yada yada yada. Flash forward a few years and she is NOSTALGICALLY telling me loved the JCC day camps so very much that she may convert to Judaism as an adult. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I’m fine with whatever religion but not so fine with her clear goal to consistently administer torture to her mom for years. She thinks it’s hilarious. “I was basically Miss JCC. Everyone loved me there.” Hang in there, ladies, and remember they save all the best for their parents.
“Another thing mine like to do was complain BITTERLY all Summer about how I work, how she has to go to camp, how awful camp is, yada yada yada.”
Um, did your child meet my child at camp? B/c my child has this exact script.
A couple of hundred years ago (or less!) they’d have been married off by now (or thereabouts). They’d be allowed to complain, but they’d also be treated as adults tasked with doing life activities (like getting food pre-refrigeration, not dying of disease, doing laundry down by the river, etc.). Now, we have All the Emotions and nowhere to put them (but for the earful they give me).
This is why there are 4-week sleep-away camps, no? Everyone wins (sort of). [Srsly — 6K for 4 weeks of no a/c, no TV, beaucoup mosquitos — a couple more years of tween girl hormones and I will probably gladly sign them up for this.]
I commented on the summer camp thread about a month ago, but I loved going to my 4-week sleep-away camp. I went for 9 years as a camper, then 1 year as a junior counselor. It was incredibly important to my life in ways I can’t even describe. (If you think about it, I spent 1/12 of my life there between ages 8 and 17.) It’s not for everybody, I’m sure, but I think it’s a good option.
I recently asked my parents what they did while I was at camp. Their answers were not that exciting–“worked, mostly” and “caught our breath.”
Another sleepover option
“Miss JCC” from above was not a fan of traditional Summer camps (probably never sprung for one nice enough) but adores camps that are offered for high school students on college campuses. That may be another good option for your children. She spent three weeks (one single week and two consecutive sessions) at running camps, living in dorms and eating in cafeterias. My husband and I could not believe the peace. It sounds so terrible because this child is so loved and was so very wanted but let’s just say that it’s amazing how much room – literally and figuratively – a 15 year old can occupy. :) I am sure she enjoyed the break from us, too!
+1 for camps on college campuses. So much fun for older kids and littles too. Mine went to a college sports camp starting at age 8 and adored it.
Can’t you just send your kids to the cheaper camp and explain that money doesn’t grow on trees? Or send them to the fancy camp for part of the summer, and the cheaper camp for the rest of the summer?
So, that is a rational response and 100% not incorrect. But it’s really an emotionally-driven outburst of feelings from kids.
What I think helps (even if it doesn’t change what kids get or the parental budget):
— what do you like about Camp A (on a lake, with animals, only offered June/July, so not an August option at all)
— what didn’t you like about Camp B (a lot more kids, a bit chaotic); why was that (camp is camp of last resort for many parents as August camp pickings are slim, food is hotdogs and corndogs); how might things be different there (maybe art-focused camp there will be more tranquil than other ones; packing a lunch that you like)
Sometimes they need to vent their feelings to you and then you can untangle and talk about how things can be better.
I do just want to scream “B/c Mommy works and hasn’t won the lottery” b/c it is soooooo frustrating. I totally hand it to families who live with a lot of stress and w/o the $ I can sometimes throw at things, but family/$/time stress is just so, so toxic.
That is what we have done this year. Expensive farm camp was only for two weeks. It was expensive because the initial cost is decent, plus the camp charges extra for each of before care and after care per child, making the total cost for parents who need care beyond 9-3 very high.
Although it is not universally true, we have found that with camp, you get what you pay for. The opposite of farm camp is a local Y camp, which was akin to preschool Lord of the Flies last summer. My partner, who is an elementary school principal with a high tolerance for chaos, noise, etc., became overwhelmed every drop off and pick up at the camp, so it was a no for us this summer. The middle ground is the still expensive but more reasonable (before and after care included) private school camp where they have weekly field trips, do science experiments, and throw in a movie on days where it rains.
I do talk about our expenses and that I LOVE my job (most days), daddy LOVES his job, and we all have to pitch in to make this family work.
Grateful for y'all
So I’m in Biglaw and I’m probably the female attorney with the oldest kids (like mine aren’t in the double-digits yet, but have been in school for a couple of years each).
1. that says something awful about female parent attrition in BigLaw
2. I’m so grateful I can come here and “meet” people in a similar boat (or who are further along)
BigLaw Sr Assoc
I have kids that are 15, 13, 7, and 7. I really think it gets easier as they get older, but you just have to hang on through the infant/toddler/very early grade school years.
I didn’t realize that they offered petites. For years, that was my gripe with them — my torso is about 3″ shorter than what they designed for in regulars, so their stuff (while of excellent fabrics and well made and perfect for offices) never worked for me. I may give this a try.
I had a dress like this from Pendleton a few years ago that I got a lot of mileage out of (and compliments). It got some holes in it that couldn’t be rewoven (moths?) and I could use a replacement.
I have a petite button down shirt from them. It’s a bit too tight in the bust and shoulders, but length is fine. It drives me nuts that I can’t roll up the sleeves.
I love this dress and that fabric would look great in a suit, too. Good pick.
Love the dress, love the loafers and the jacket and the styling. Wish it was in my budget. Any other recs? I don’t like the option Kat posted.
I like their petite section, it’s pretty well cut.
I will say, this season at least, they have a lot of higher waisted dresses – I got two recently at the outlet (which was admittedly the outlet brand) that look like they were cut very similarly to this one and are fairly high waisted.
Yes, they do have petite’s and that is me. I LOVE Brook’s Brothers and this Sheathe dress! It is not all that pricey, either, for Brook’s Brothers! I hope the manageing partner will approve this b/c this is goieng to be great for the FALL! YAY!!!!
The summer is drawing close to the end, and I am still w/o a boyfriend. I was out in the Hamton’s again, and it seems that men are not interested in me once I tell them I am a PARTNER in a law firm. I meet other attorney’s but they are all associate’s except for 1 guy who works for the Federal Government. Some agency. All he did was stare at my boobies — kind of like the boys who worked in DC for the government. I wonder if that is a requirement. Stare at boobies? Yes. Get government job? Yes. FOOEY! I did NOT stare at their crotches, I think b/c there was probabley nothing to see down there! DOUBEL FOOEY! The guy even said I had a nice body. I am sure he was thinking about things I could never mention to the HIVE, but I am sure he was NOT interested in a long-term relationship, unless longterm means that he would stay for an hour after huffeing and puffeing on top of me. TRIPEL FOOEY!
First Day of School Pics
Back to School rant/PSA
Your kid’s teacher does not have time to pose for insta-perfect pictures on the first day of school. It’s not because they’re mean or don’t like you or your kid, it’s because they have a classroom full of other kids and parents and a million other more important things to deal with.
Today’s the first day of school in my area and I’ve already seen quite a few social media posts whining like “Disappointed in Suzy’s teacher this year. She wouldn’t stop to let us get a picture with her for the first day of school. Thought she’d understand how important it is to treasure these moments!”
Trust me, she understands. But she’s busy assuring Johnny’s parents that she knows about his peanut butter allergy and explaining to Georgie’s parents how pick-up works and trying to keep track of bundles of paperwork while keeping the other 25 kids from running loose. Please don’t condemn her for not being able to stop for your photoshoot!
Srsly — take a lesson from the Kardashians and just photoshop the pic to look how you want. Just add the teacher in later.
What??? At our school, parents are not permitted past the front door on the first day of school. You meet the teacher at open house the week before. Zero contact after that until Back to School Night.
+1 This is what meet the teacher night is for. The kids see their classroom, find their desk and take a photo with their teacher (who is not in a rush and actually happy to take a photo.) Elementary night is short and sweet – more in depth discussions are saved for Parent-Teacher night a few weeks in.
We drop off at the cafeteria on the first day and that’s it.
This is a thing? I’ve heard of parent-kid photoshooots but never w teachers.
Oh my gosh, yeah. My feed is overrun with elementary school kids posing with their teacher (who, naturally, is wearing the mandated elementary school spirit t-shirt). Come to think of it, I haven’t seen my northern FB friends do it, only my southern FB friends, so maybe it’s a geography thing. (Or maybe the northern schools just haven’t started back yet.)
Now I’m curious. A lot of the teachers here in the south seem to be very friendly/youthful/nurturing/literally use babytalk frequently (not making this up!), and I’ve wondered if this is regional or generational. When I was growing up in the north, even the teachers we thought of as “nice” were pretty stern and projected a lot of dignified authority. I can just imagine the face they would make if they were asked to do a cutesy first day of school photo!
My mom was a teacher in Northern VA for 23 years. Granted, she is from Long Island, but I have never ever years heard that woman use cutesy or babytalk language/tone of voice, and I have been in her classrooms. She would probably rather die. She is a no nonsense teacher (both in the classroom and at home)!
Also, in her school, you had to be an approved guest to get past the front office and my mom didn’t really encourage distractions of parents in her classroom!
Totally based on anecdata but teacher licensing standards are very different state to state. A friend’s nanny was a licensed elementary school teacher in Missouri and said it was way too much effort to get licensed in NY so she is working as a nanny instead. IF it’s an easier position to get, requirements wise, I can see how it would lead to a younger and friendlier pool of teachers vs. what we have in the NE.
Big city in the SEUS. This is not a thing in our public school. Pics of kids in front of the school / waiting for the bus / with a sign saying the grade # are a thing, but not this. I have seen zero teachers in my FB feed. I would not waste their time asking them to pose; I feel bad for teachers that they get asked to do this.
My feed has been full of kids holding signs saying grade number and first day of school, but no teachers. I have wondered though, when those signs became a thing, and at what age kids start dying of embarrassment at standing there in front of a wall, holding them.
They are a trend of the Pinterest era. I have to say, though, I noticed a steep dropoff in signage in this year’s photos. Maybe the moms don’t have time for that stuff anymore, or maybe the kids are protesting, but the oldest sign-toting kid I saw was in fourth grade.
I’m shocked there are school aged kids who wouldn’t die of embarrassment at this request.
BigLaw Sr Assoc
So much this!
Peak complaint reached. Congratulations!
There are some moms in my ‘hood who insist on these photos and the teachers have obliged, but I really, really wish they wouldn’t. It crosses a line, IMO. Your kid’s teacher is not/should not be social media fodder. (Also, how special of a moment is it, really?!)
Yikes! I get wanting to take pictures on the first day of school, but in my experience, that’s something you do at home, on the front steps, with the little backpack and/or lunch box, before the bus comes or you get in the car to drop them off.
I mean, you don’t even know if the kid’s gonna like that teacher yet.
But most of the people I’m connected with on social media don’t have school aged kids, so I might just be out of touch with how things are done these days.
Anon from the Bronx
Our district buses every kid so this is a total non-issue. If for some reason you drive your kid, you are not allowed in the door. Drop off is outside to the monitors.
My nieces in Texas always have first day of school pics with their teachers. Then the moms all go and have some weird thing like Tea and Tissues or something. It’s very 1950s, like don’t any of the moms work? Why is it only moms? But yeah, I’d hate to be that teacher who has to pose with every kid, and not just for one shot but multiple shots because little Caitlin didn’t look cute in that one or whatever.
I live in the Bay Area and have no pics of my kids with their teachers. Never occurred to me.
I live in the Bay Area too, and pics with teachers is a common thing but at my school it’s a last day of school thing. (I don’t personally have pics of teachers with my kids, but it is common to see.)
Ok, who saw Crazy Rich Asians this weekend? What was your favorite outfit? I swooned many times over the clothes and sets.
My favorite outfit was Eleanor’s burgundy gown for Nick’s welcome back party.
Also, did anyone who listened to the audiobooks think that the tall woman with the bob in the Bible study group was the audiobook narrator? I think I recognized her voice.
I loved it, but on the whole not for the fashion.
I agree about Eleanor’s burgundy dress. I also liked a lot of the fashion from the publicity events. I did not like the 70s dress, but I guess it was lampshaded that it was a bit of a statement.
BTW, if you haven’t read about Michelle Yeoh’s influence on how Eleanor was adapted from the book (or about her contribution to Eleanor’s wardrobe… I’m trying not to give away plot points here), it’s worth looking up.
I honestly didn’t like the book, but I felt rewarded by closely adapted scenes like the Bible study scene.
I saw it and thoroughly enjoyed it (much more than the book, actually. I remember reading the book and thinking, “This is terribly written, but it would make a great movie.” And it did!).
But I loved seeing the food more than the fashion! None of the outfits really did it for me. I didn’t love Rachel’s ice blue poofy dress for the wedding that everyone was swooning over.
Other random thoughts:
Astrid’s storyline seemed unnecessary.
LOVED Awkwafina. She made the movie for me, and her goofy family provided some nice comic relief.
I found the scenes with Rachel and her mother and Rachel with Nick’s mother and grandmother unexpectedly powerful. It’s a fluff movie, but there were some surprisingly deep themes about tradition, Western vs. Eastern values, and family vs. “following your passion.”
One thing I loved was that Rachel was likable. She was successful and portrayed as confident in herself. She wasn’t some kind of mess or disaster who needed rescuing, nor did she behave badly to Nick’s family. It’s pretty unusual to see that in a rom-com lead.
And now I want to go eat all the dumplings!
Astrid’s story line is essential to the next book/movie.
Agree about Astrid’s story in the movie – it played better in the book when you could really flesh it out more and see more of her inner thoughts/struggles with it.
I read that they filmed a lot more of her subplot but then cut it.
Expected to like/feel so-so about the movie but ended up walking away with a lot to think about! I’m a South Asian American – born outside the US but raised here since I was a baby and the debate of following your passion vs. sacrificing for familial duty is such a big part of my life (ended up getting an MBA solely for the earning power rather than staying a teacher). Also, I am married to a man whose family abhors me (seriously, they iced him out of the family for years after he told them he was going to marry me and only his siblings attended our wedding).
The scene at the end where Rachel is willing to sacrifice so Nick doesn’t have to leave his family made me feel all sorts of things about whether Rachel was a game theory genius or truly selfless. I came home on Saturday after watching the movie with some friends and told my husband about it. He said that either way, he would have lost something precious to him (me or his family), so he didn’t find Rachel’s gesture all that great because she was choosing for him. Obviously, we are both biased by how our own lives have played out, but some of the parallels really got us thinking so I thought I would share with the group.
My husband and I talked about this too (his family is Eastern European and has its own version of “family first”–and my mother-in-law definitely did not accept me). He also thought it was totally inappropriate for Rachel to choose for Nick. I thought that Rachel was (a) probably mad at Nick anyway at this point, (b) maybe calling Eleanor’s bluff (I’d have to revisit game theory to think that through). But in general, I feel like Eleanor was a second protagonist by the end, and I was really moved by her decision to finally talk with her son.
Crazy Rich Asians
I loved it. It’s hard to describe how much it means to me as an American-born Asian, but I had a visceral reaction (even just thinking about it makes me well up) and based on all the articles out there, I’m not alone. I’m so happy that it did well this weekend so that there will be more movies and TV made with principal Asian characters and Asian American stories.
If you are not a minority, it is probably impossible to imagine growing up in the US with no/extremely limited representation in popular culture of yourself. It might seem trivial, but it’s not.
I am merely a brunette and had to struggle in the 70s to find dolls that looked like me, esp of the Barbie variety. Luckily, there was a Hispanic Barbie-knockoff (which is odd, considering I was a military dependent living in Asia at that age).
So, if that is what it is like for a brown-haired white girl, I probably can’t even imagine. Our neighbor is from Ethiopia and has been thrilled this year with Black Panther + Royal Wedding, so I know the joy exists b/c I’ve seen it on an 8-year-old girl’s face.
Also Asian American and I know exactly what you mean by that visceral reaction to seeing people who look like you and sharing your cultural background on the big screen. And people who speak my childhood languages! As someone who has Hong Kong and Taiwanese background, the parts where the characters speak Cantonese or Hokkien with English subtitles was a throwback to my summers spent in Asia with the extended family…
I loooovvved Astrid’s (Gemma Chan) look. I want to dress like her when I grow up.
Crazy Rich Asians
Gemma Chan is gorgeous and perfect for that role. She was stunning! Her clothes were beautiful and she carried them so well.
It’s amazing how excited you can get about representation, even as an adult. About 25 years ago, I started participating in an obscure sport that has very few people of my background as participants, even in multi-state competitions. When Target sold a towel showing multicultural participants, I tried to buy it right away.
Paging the poster from a few weeks back who was feeling burned out and underpaid and asking if she should apply for other jobs.
I was one of the several people who encouraged you to apply elsewhere, and I hope you are well! I was doing the same thing–in the same boat of bait and switch job, overworked, underpaid, covering for a nice but not competent co-worker–and am happy to report that this is my last week in my role. I hope for you, there is an end in sight.
I applied for and was offered a role at a close-to-home competitor, doing the same work with a different client base, and a 64% raise. There’s hope!
Wow, that is spectacular! Congratulations!
Damn, you go girl! Hive five for the enormous increase!
Wow!! You go girl!
I did! I loved it – thought they got the casting Just Perfect and frankly thought it was funnier (with better character development for the protagonist) than the book, which I enjoyed but did not think stood up to re-reading.
I don’t know if I had any one favorite outfits, but I think Eleanor’s were all awesome. I don’t think Peik Lin was the same brand of crazy as she was in the book, but I liked the film version even better. I honestly wasn’t a fan of the Marchesa Rachel wore for her “Cinderella moment” — clearly that was the cultural reference they were going for, but it wasn’t all that magical, in my opinion.
There’s some very interest articles on the web about how the film actually had a very low budget for clothes and they basically had to beg, borrow and create. I bet the sequels won’t have that problem!
I LOVED the Missoni dress Rachel wore for the evening party.
I’m always drawn to Missoni dresses but when I try them on, they never look good on me… which just makes me covet them on other people even more.
Second favorite outfit – Nick’s white suit. Wowza.
Moving with Dog; Living with dog in apt.
We live in the ‘burbs and are moving to an apt. (from a fenced-in yard) with our dog. He is medium sized, well-socialized, and goes to daycare a few times a week and has a walker on the other days. Does not make much noise unless excited about humans being home or during meal times/goofing off. We take him out on long walks and to the dog park on weekends.
He is not using the yard a whole ton as an adult, but sun bathes and goes outside whenever he wants without supervision. I am concerned about the changes, though it will be an apartment on the first floor with grass, dog park, in a very dog friendly community. SO and I adore the apartment community–great amenities, brand new unit, etc., but our concern is the adjustment for the pup.
I know many of you live in big cities and apts. in buildings (vs. garden style). I would love to know how you manage with bigger dogs that have plenty of energy to play and goof off. We recognize this is a very first world problem, but we also recognize that we got a particular dog with his particular level of energy and it is our responsibility to be good neighbors and good caretakers.
Your dog gets plenty of exercise and attention, far more than most. He will be fine. You don’t need to do any adjustment. It doesn’t sound like his life will change much except for smaller yard (a first floor apartment with grass is a yard) that you say he didn’t use much anyway. Remember, dogs aren’t like cats, they are attached to their human, not home. I’ve moved 4x with the same dog (tiny apartment, to house with huge yard, to another tiny apartment twice, to house with smaller yard, had no issues adjusting).
If you’re worried about barking being an issue for close neighbors, get a bark collar that squirts citronella when he barks. Harmless and kills the habit quick.
I think you’re doing great. One thing you will need to teach your dog is not to “guard” against noises in the Hall. I like Pet Corrector for this. It’s a red can you can get from the River Site. It is very expensive, but it makes a loud whooshing noise that dogs really don’t like (it’s a fancy can of air). My trainer had me spray it from behind my back when my dog barked, so the bad noise, “Emanated from the universe.” It worked. Now she knows the command, “Hush” and also knows that the bad noise happens when she barks. GL!
My Labrador did this move as a 4 year old (except to a sixth floor apartment with just a balcony for outdoor space) and he did great. Between the mid-day dogwalker and our evening adventures to the nearby parks, he was a very happy camper – the transition was much easier on him than me (I was going through a divorce) or the cats (who spent weeks spraying the bed and couch, hiding under the furniture, and whining loudly at 3:00 in the morning).
The only issue I had with the dog was that the apartment would often do maintenance inside the apartment (for instance, replacing furnace filters, etc.) without advance warning. He’s generally very friendly but was not okay with strange men coming into the apartment when he was there alone, and would make this clear by barking and growling, so they’d leave a passive aggressive note about how they couldn’t do the maintenance. I could and would have kenneled him or made sure to schedule him for daycare if they’d have given me proper notice, which your apartment will hopefully do, outside of the stray emergency.
Sephora Flash subscriptions are going up 50% and I am cranky. I know that the actual amount is only a few dollars, but their stuff already costs a fortune, the e-mail ad samples run out in less than 24 hours, and it just feels greedy. I’m tired of their nonsense. I think I’m switching to Ulta.
Any other brand/site suggestions for beauty and skin care?
Credo and Dermstore are both great.
Seriously?? Ugh . . . I barely used mine this year too, and it seems like Ulta carries more of what I want anyway, so maybe I should switch too.
I have been a Sephora whatever level for a while now and I tried Ulta because it was closer to work. I didn’t like them. They didn’t decant any samples in the store and they were really awful about a return I had to make.
If I had to start over I might do Bluemercury.
I came here to ask for a dress/jacket combo suit and was pleased to see one featured. But I really don’t want to spend that much! Can y’all recommend a dress/jacket combo suit for around $200?
White House Black Market has suit separates that you can probably find a dress/jacket for around this budget and I find their quality fairly good. Especially if you shop their sale section. If I get a chance at my lunch break, I can suggest a few options from other places as well.
Good lord, I looked around and none of my normal go-to stores had much in the way of dress-suit separates at any price point.
I did get a dress/suit recently that is quite nice at the Brooks Brothers outlet (don’t know if it was under the $200 price limit bc I bought a bunch of things) but right now I think outlet shopping, if it’s available to you, might be your best bet. Or waiting for the fall/winter stuff to really start showing up in stores because there’s usually more suits in those seasons.
I find the Calvin Klein suit separates at Macy’s to be a decent option for that price.
+1. I also like the Kasper brand at Macy’s. I can almost always find something that works when that “oh [email protected], I’m interviewing and hate everything I own” feeling strikes.
Anne Klein Executive collection at Macys. Someone on here turned me onto them and I got the dress suit in blue and black and LOVE it.
I’d love to find an inexpensive pencil dress that is flattering. Most are too tight. Any suggestions ladies? Ian 5’5” and 129 pounds.
Boden’s Else or Kaia ottoman dresses?
Maybe there is something deeper that I am not thinking of, but have you tried going up in size? If “most” are too tight, that makes me think you are trying on the wrong size.
Agreed. You should buy the size that fits your widest part, and then get the rest tailored.
I definitely carry more weight in my hips/thighs and have found that J Crew Factory sheath dresses work really well for me. They fit through the hips, but not too tightly so you don’t get that “cupping” of the bottom.
Full sizing disclosure – I’m 32D, about 5’3″, and probably around 130 lbs. I usually wear a 4 at Loft, although that’s for flare/a-line dresses. For JCF, I usually order a 4 and a 6 and one of them will fit (their sizing is not super-consistent, but not crazily inconsistent).
And conveniently, they are having a sale! I mentioned it below – swear to god I’m not some sort of JCF blogger or anything, I just like their stuff and I like their sales.
Chelsea Rose dresses are cut well for this and are very inexpensive. I have 37″ hips in a size 2 and each one fits like a glove. Good length too (I’m short but usually need same length as someone ~5’7″ for mid-knee.
Also, in addition to the above idea of going a size up, where are they too tight? Not all pencil dresses are cut the same (and pencil dresses aren’t for everyone) so knowing where it’s too tight would help suggest alternatives.
J Crew Factory dress, second hand if you want to save even more money, get it tailored (don’t skimp on the tailoring! I’ve had dresses f’d up before).
Sale PSA: J Crew Factory has everything 50% off (from their made-up prices, but the “50% off” prices are reasonable) plus an extra 15% off, plus ebates has 10% cashback.
Just thought I’d let y’all know.
Does anyone have any resources/advice for establishing healthy boundaries as a new step parent? I’m starting to get serious with a guy who has two kids with his ex. I’ve met the kids a couple of times very briefly; I haven’t met the ex yet. BF and I don’t live together.
Ex is already pushing some boundaries – BF travels a lot for work, so ex has the kids when he’s out of town. Ex is insisting that BF should take the kids when he’s away because I can just babysit them. Obviously I’m not going to do that; I’ve never even had a meal with the kids I’m not taking them overnight. Fortunately BF told her no right away. I took the opportunity to start a conversation about what our joint lives might look like. My view is that the children have two parents, and the parents need to be responsible for childcare. I will be available for support and (true) emergencies, not as a primary caregiver.
I’d like some help continuing this conversation. I’m a little gunshy about the whole thing because I once lived with a guy who had a kid, and I became the default parent for anything that was remotely inconvenient for mom and dad. I’m in biglaw now, I can’t do that. Heck I couldn’t do it for my own kid. But I also don’t want to come off as uncaring or unsympathetic. Any advice or resources are appreciated!
The slate podcast “Mom and Dad are fighting” has discussed the step parent role many times on their podcast. Look through their archives.
I found the StepMonster book by Tuesday ___ helpful
Been a step-parent for 10+ years (and parent as well). I think of a step-mother as “your fun Aunt who lives with Daddy.” Not a parent — that is Daddy’s job (or Mommy’s). They own the parent problems and need to figure them out, not push them out to you. Step parents are always the best cooks and are loving and supportive, like an aunt or uncle. An extra loving adult.
Also, I’m sure you know this, but discretion is the better part of valor is so true in this context. There was no hill I ever wanted to die on, either.
Agreed. I really disagree with the comments below that a stepparent is basically a third parent. No one treats stepparents as equal to the actual parents, so why on earth should you take on equal responsibility? And frankly that would be bad for the kids because a stepparent isn’t going to stick around if the relationship doesn’t work out.
As the child of divorced parents who both re-married I am going to take exception to this! My parents divorced when I was very young. My mother re-married when I was 7. My step-father is my father. Full stop. That does not mean I do not love and have a relationship with my bio-dad, but my stepfather took on all of the responsibilities and gets all of the credit of having been my dad. (He adopted me as an adult once my bio-dad could not stop it because we wanted him to have a legal relationship with my children and so that I am legally “family” in the event of an emergency.)
Your statement that step-parents are not treated as equal to “actual” parents is way over-broad and in many cases does not align with reality. it did not happen over night, but it did happen. I love him very much and would resent the heck out of someone implying that he is not really my father just because we do not have a biological relationship.
StepMonster by Wednesday Martin. That book is awesome.
I don’t want to be harsh, but you’ve never even had a meal with the kids, yet you’re in a serious relationship with the dad and you refer to yourself as a stepparent? It seems like YOU need to set boundaries with yourself, before you start setting them with the BF and his ex. I agree with you that you are not obligated to be a primary caregiver at this point in time, but that could get much stickier/harder to enforce if you end up having a child with your BF. I guess my question is — what do you want out of this relationship? Are you willing to let your relationship with his kids evolve over time?
Of course you shouldn’t be the default childcare in the early stages of the relationship, but if you see yourself long term with this guy, living together and possibly getting married, are you okay being in a stepmother roll? You don’t sound like you want to or could care about these kids or play a roll in their lives at all, ever. This guy is a package deal; if you become a stepparent, you will be a third parent, not Dad’s wife. Trust me, it is easy to become the witch in the story of the step kid’s lives, and I haven’t seen a single marriage like that last more than a few years. The stepparent inevitably grew resentful at having the parent’s attention split and having to take on any parenting duties. Don’t be that witch. Find a guy without kids.
Can we not with the, women must be martyrs for children or else they’re child-hating harpies? She’s asking for advice on setting appropriate boundaries. Idk how you took that to mean – “You don’t sound like you want to or could care about these kids or play a roll in their lives at all, ever.”
I’m not the Anon above (I am the Anon directly below), but this is a basic human decency issue, not a feminist issue. I would be extremely concerned about a man who wanted to be with a woman who has kids but doesn’t really want to be a part of their lives.
When dating someone with kids, they are a package deal, full stop.
That doesn’t mean that she has to be Mommy on the third date (and that would be creepy), but she needs to understand that being with this guy long-term means taking on a parenting role with his children.
No – it means have a role as an adult in their life. That does NOT mean have a role as a parent. They aren’t her kids until/unless she adopts them (which doesn’t really seem to be an issue at the moment). These kids already have 2 parents. The step-mom isn’t another parent.
“The step-mom isn’t another parent.”
This is wrong, full stop.
“My view is that the children have two parents, and the parents need to be responsible for childcare. I will be available for support and (true) emergencies, not as a primary caregiver.”
That is true now. The fact that you are dating their father does not mean that you are a default caregiver, primary caregiver, etc., for his kids.
However, once you get further along in the relationship (engaged, married, moved in together), that will change. You can have a discussion about the limits that your job places upon you, but you will have to contribute to parenting. Once you marry a man with kids, you marry the entire family.
Your ex might need his custody agreement modified if you two aren’t able to (regularly) care for the children per the agreement.
This is so hard. I found the book Stepmonster really helpful when I started getting serious with my boyfriend (now husband) who had a kid. I also liked StepMom and StepParent magazines.
But … I think all the podcast and book references in the world will only help if your BF is supportive of how you see your role. He’s got to be the one dealing with his ex and advocating for appropriate boundaries with her. It sounds like he’s done that so far, but just keep an eye out for this in your future discussions with him. Stepmom is SUCH a challenging role as it is, and I think it would be even more so if my husband weren’t 100% supportive of me and my boundaries.
Can I just say I think it’s weird ex wants to leave the kids with you while their dad is out of town when she’s never even met you?
My exact thoughts.
+1 if she actually means it (vs something divorced parent say b/c they are burned out b/c the other travels and they are solo too much and at the end of their rope).
When I travel, my actual spouse struggles with our kids (and he knows them and the family routine). Not sure trusting a stranger to the kids to manage them is anything is well-thought-out legitimately on the table except in a huff.
Also a stepparent of a now-colleged aged delightful stepkid.
Yeah. This is the biggest concern I have. This doesn’t seem like a rational request, are we missing something?
She went on vacation with the kids recently and it sounds like it didn’t go well. So she’s burned out and needs a break, but dad can’t rearrange his work schedule at the last minute to accommodate. He’s had them (on their normal schedule) since they got back but I guess ex needed more of a break than she got. Her parents live nearby but they’re apparently refusing to take the kids (they were also on the vacation). I mean I empathize but it’s super not my job to take my BF’s kids – who I barely know – overnight for a day or more so his ex can have a break.
It is not your job to be a crutch to his relationship with his ex. There’s clearly something he and the ex need to sort out as it relates to childcare, and you are not the answer.
I feel like this post says something different than your original post about the circumstances. Have you ever actually seen their written parenting time agreement? Because from your first pist it sounded like Dad doesn’t always have the kids during his time because of his work schedule, and Mom was wondering about you watching them, then. Now it sounds like you’re saying Mom last-minute wanted him to take them during *her* scheduled time.
These are very different issues. You as babysitter isn’t the answer to either problem, but they are very different.
I have been on both sides of this type of situation (as the stepmom and as a biomom with a stepmom involved). I would just say I would always be cautious when it’s *all* the ex’s issue, supposedly. Cuz it kinda sounds like Dad has been playing kinda loose with taking his parenting time bc he’s just so busy with work and Mom mught be just a wee bit fed up.
Just tread carefully.
Here’s my boundary: I’ve barely met your kids. I don’t want to even hear about your drama with the ex. I want to see you handling it without involving me at all. I want to see that you have good boundaries.
This. Did BF tell you this as a way of broaching the idea that you’d babysit when he travels?
Ex may be pressuring him to travel less so she doesn’t have to single mom it so much.
This was my concern. Like why are you telling me this? Are you just giving me a heads up that I came up in conversation? Or are you venting about your unreasonable ex? Or are you trying to gauge my reaction to see if I’d actually go for it? My kneejerk was something like, this is a wholly unreasonable request, but also I feel like we should talk about what my role is going to be… and it’s not SAHM while you travel for work and your ex needs a break.
+500 There’s no room for you in the relationship until his existing ones are under control.
Hi all – I am having a bit of a work dilemma I was wondering if you could provide your insight on. I work for a nonprofit organization. When I was hired (less than a year ago), I was told there were a few “all hands on deck” events per year that were on Saturday or Sunday. At that point there were 3-4 per year so I really had no issue with it. However, recently they have begun adding events to the calendar for every single month. One of which they are requiring us to be there at 5 am. I feel like this is crazy and unnecessary. I don’t mind helping here and there, but monthly events seem like overkill to me. I get employers can basically do whatever they want and be demanding, but I feel they’re making unnecessary demands. Any advice? Thanks in advance.
If these are “all hands on deck,” surely there are other employees who are feeling the effects of the change? What’s your organizational culture like …are you a mom and pop where whatever the founders say goes, or are you a large organization with a organizational chart and a HR department?
What kind of events are they? Is it an open enough nonprofit that the organization should start looking at developing a core of volunteers that can help run these events?
I have worked at nonprofits for almost 15 years and think you are correct this is crazy if it is really required for everyone. How senior are you? I’m not sure you have much leverage but pushing back as a group is probably your best bet, especially since you are pretty new.
What level are you? How much are you paid/how much do you like your job otherwise? If, as I suspect, you are fairly close to entry level, there’s not much you can actually do about this other than start job searching. The question is whether you like the job enough otherwise to stick through what you perceive to be unreasonable demands.
If routine off hours are a new normal, is there any option for comp time or flexibility during the rest of the month? If there is a weekend event, can you find out if you can take the Monday off? This might allow you to recharge your batteries while still being a team player for the off hours events. If you’re in at 5AM on Thursday, can you cut out at 2PM on Friday?
Oh, yes, nonprofit life. I was a program mgr at a nonprofit for 10 years, and your story doesn’t surprise me in the least. The nonprofit I worked at was good at creating and exerting lateral pressure, so if somebody spoke up about something insane (like working to 5am), someone else would lay out the martyr card and sort of shame you into submission. At first. After we’d all been there for years, everyone grew tired of the increase in expectations with the little to nonexistent increase in pay.
If these new events weren’t part of the job description when you were hired (like, “and other duties as assigned”), then you may have a leg to stand on if you speak up. However, “if everyone else is doing it,” and you put your reasonable foot down, you will likely be creating an “us v you” situation, and as a newbie, this is not the way to get your career there off the ground. You will not be seen as a team player.
A few things I’d suggest trying: say that you can work these *from time to time*, but that you can’t work every one of them, b/c of outside responsibilities (and this doesn’t require any further explanation–don’t open the window for someone to tell how how to arrange for childcare or when to walk your dog or how you can best enjoy time with your partner). It is very reasonable that an adult would have adult responsibilities outside of work that require time and attention. The other thing you can do, either in conjunction with this or as it’s own thing is ask for “comp time” so that you get back the time you put in past a regular work day, hour for hour, to use as you wish. It doesn’t matter if your org “doesn’t have/do comp time,” these are just words that describe a very reasonable ask/expectation, and your Executive Director can very likely accommodate this without fanfare. Mine did. Note: do not wait to use these hours, thinking that you can “bank” them like vacation time, as they are often rather fugitive. Plus, taking the comp time shortly after the event reinforces the link between the event hours and time needed to attend to your personal life.
Lastly, now’s the time to start trying to figure out the culture there and whether you are really a fit for it. I think nonprofits are great at presenting a spit-shined image of who they aspire to be (so much pro bono marketing out there!), but they are often really poor at fairly laying out who they are right now. Don’t be complacent. Take the long timers out for coffee, one by one, to see what they offer on their own. Ask a few questions. At the very least, you’ll be meeting your colleagues and building rapport. And at the very worst, you’ll get the ultimate insider’s view into how things really work there, whether people are happy, whether the place is on firm footing, how the leadership is viewed, and ultimately, you’ll figure out sooner rather than later whether this is a place you can be happy, learn, contribute, and grow.
I had gel nails done for my holiday, a first for me. They crazed quite quickly so after 11 days I had the colour removed at a good quality spa (soaked off not filed or drilled). But ever since my thumb mails are flaking like mad and they are all ripping low weekly. I’m keeping them as shirt as possible, but even when the flaking apparently grew out after 5 weeks, it started again.
What can I do to revive my poor soft nails?
Get a nail oil and don’t get gel nails again.
Very impressed you read through this to get an answer despite the typos. I couldn’t make out what the person was saying at all!
This is normal for gel nails.
Next time, tell them not to buff the top of your nail.
This shouldn’t be normal. If your nail aren’t generally in good condition gel is probably not a good idea, but gel shouldn’t be causing those kinds of problems, especially after getting it just once.
No, this is absolutely not normal.