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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 162 Comments · by

Tuesday’s TPS Report: Cashmere Color Block Turtleneck Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. C by Bloomingdale's Cashmere Color Block Turtleneck DressBloomingdale's is having some pretty steep discounts — this simple yet fun color-blocked turtleneck dress has been on my watch list for a few weeks now, and it's at the lowest I've ever seen it, $159 (originally $228; the sale runs through 11/17). The dress is available in sizes XS-XL, and in heather oatmeal/black (pictured) as well as winter white/dark charcoal. C by Bloomingdale's Cashmere Color Block Turtleneck Dress Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)  

Sales of note for 9.16.24

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Comments

  1. Winter Tennis Skirt?

    Cute dress — I would get makeup on the turtleneck in a hot minute, based on 30+ years of turtleneck wearing. And the itchiness would drive me crazy (would need scuba dress for underneath). But I’m impressed with how work-approprite it looks here.

    On another note: my tennis skirts have built-in bike shorts. I have seen some skirts with leggings attached, but there’s nowhere to put tennis balls (or anything else). Adding leggings below the skirts that already have bike shorts is just too weird feeling (and some skirts have ball pockets on the shorts part, so it defeats the purpose a bit).

    Is there such a thing as a winter tennis skirt that has usable ball pockets? Thanks!

    • Duchess

      I always used to just either tuck the ball into my leggings or fold over the waist band so it made kind of an upside down pocket, if that makes sense. It’s obviously not a skirt in these situations, but I tend to get super cold, so I was more interested in warmth than skirts.

    • Meara

      Skirt sports! I love their capris for running (which have tennis ball pockets, or whatever you want to put in them–the different pairs I have all have pockets but some are the upside-down tennis ball ones and some are right side up) and they also have full length.

  2. Sparrow

    I have somewhat of a strange medical issue. Several days ago, I noticed that my sense of taste was diminshed. At first I thought it was just the food I was eating. However, I ate different types of food and they all tasted bland and dull. I can taste spicy and salty foods to some extent, but the flavors are not strong.

    I haven’t changed toothpaste or eaten anything out of the ordinary. I don’t smoke. I do take birth control and medicine for hypothyroidism, but I have been taking those for years. The only change is that I am taking a higher dosage of the thyroid medicine.

    Some reasearch I did online mentioned that thyroid medcines could cause this side effect. Other things I read pointed to zinc or vitamin B deficiencies. I’m going to call my doctor today, but I don’t feel hopeful that they will be able to come up with a concrete reason for this.

    This is so strange, so I thought I would throw this out there in case anyone else has experienced something like this.

    • Cb

      You didn’t eat pine nuts, did you? This is totally anecdata but this happens to me whenever I eat something with pine nuts in it.

      • Carrie Prestom

        I was going to say this too! Apparently there’s something called “pine mouth” that’s like this, one of my good friends had it and she said it took about 3 weeks to go away.

    • NYNY

      How are your sinuses? This happens to me from time to time, and is always a sing of sinus inflammation for me. I have nasal allergies for most of the year (pollen and mold), and also tend towards sinus infections after colds. Depending on where the inflammation is, I don’t always know that I’m having sinus trouble, so it’s worth a look.

      Hope you find a solution soon – it’s terrible not to taste your food.

    • Sparrow

      No, I don’t recall eating any pine nuts. Since I first noticed it, I’ve been trying to keep track of what I eat in case there is some trigger.

      I did read about sinus problems causing issues. I can smell things fine and I don’t feel like I have any problems, but it would probably be good for a doctor to check.

    • Frugal doc

      Is your sense of smell decreased? Close your eyes and put some coffee under your nose…. Smell is actually a huge enhancer of taste, and decreased sense of smell is very common. My guess is your taste sensation is ok, but your smell is down.

      It’s very common to get a mild viral infection and then develop decreased smell. Very rare to have it due to a vitamin deficiency….. Very rarely, a side effect of a med. Usually it improves with time.

    • Bonnie

      This happened to me once when I had a sinus infection. It came back after a round of antibiotics.

  3. Gross fruitflies - help?

    Can someone please tell me where the fruitflies in my kitchen are coming from? I have been taking out the trash nightly, making sure to wrap any bits of fruit in their own plastic bag before throwing into the main trash. I have poured bleach down my drains. Has anyone had this problem and found the culprit somewhere I am not thinking of? I have devised a trap of leftover wine to catch them, but I want to solve this problem!

    • In the Pink

      Do you have houseplants? Fungus gnats often appear if the soil is too wet.

      • Ellen

        Yay! I love this COLOR BLOCK dress. I will go look at it at Bloomie’s, b/c I need to get a new pair of Winter Boot’s before it get’s to cold. I am thinkeing of UGG Boot’s b/c they are very warm and my old pair got destroyed by the NYC Salt on the street’s and side walk’s. FOOEY!

        As for the OP, yes, if you have house plant’s and you left them OUT for the summer, if you bring them in, the bug’s and other GNAT’s and worm’s all come in with them. Rosa had this probelem. She had put them out for the summer in Chapaqua, and there are alot of bug’s around and when she brought them back in, the bug’s are now flyeing in the house. FOOEY! So she had the housekeeper get rid of them!

        Ed called me at work to tell me that FRED want’s to come into the city to see a show and what do I recomend? I told him I have NOT been to a show on Broadway in a long time, but that I heard from Margie that Lion King was good. So Ed is calleing Fred to tell him about that. If Fred come’s into the city, that will be alot easier for me b/c it is a long ride on the train to Chapaqua, or to his house wherever that is, and I would NOT want to go to his house right away, unless we are dateing. So for the time being, he is goieng to have to come to the city, and meet me here. Ed say’s Fred work’s on Saturday, so he will have to come on Sunday then. I hope he turn’s out OK, but he does NOT do alot of talkeing. I hope he does NOT think I am a chatterbox, b/c I have to do all the talkeing when all he does is look at me.

        I would love to hear the hive’s expereince with men who run pet supply store’s. Myrna think’s they must be great guy’s b/c they know all about feeding animal’s and fish. Myrna also wan’t’s me to get MARRIED! She finished the Marathon in less then 3 hour’s! She is so healthy, I should have loaned her my fitbit. FOOEY!

    • Cat

      I had a gifted planted flower (daffodils) that came with little fruitfly-esque pests (are they still fruitflies if they come from a bulb?) – I ended up pitching it because they kept multiplying, and problem solved.

    • tesyaa

      I had a major infestation and the wine/fruit homemade trap worked great. Keep it up for a week after you see the last fly, because apparently the eggs have an incubation period. We never found the source of the infestation, but it never came back.

    • Sparrow

      I had this problem once and found an old bag of potatoes that was rotting in the pantry. Gross. I have no idea why I didn’t notice it before, but that was the cause of my problem. I found also that a glass of apple cider vinegar with a drop of dish soap helps attract them. Try putting the traps in multiple places around the house.

      • Cb

        It’s funny how we can completely overlook things. A friend complained about her fridge smelling for months, she cleaned it completely, everything. I walked in and pointed to a container with a piece of trout in it.

      • Mpls

        I had an infestation recently, so I had the opportunity to do a little comparision testing between apple cider vinegar, beer, and wine. Beer and wine worked better than the ACV, in my completely unscientific experiment. But yes to adding a drop or two of dish soap, which disrupts any water tension so the flies that land on the liquid will sink. Also, the alcohol gets them too drunk to fly away.

      • zoradances

        Yeah have you checked the entire kitchen for a random gross spot? or just a moist spot? Maybe under the sink? Or they could be coming in on your produce from the store. ;oP

    • rosie

      I mix lemongrass oil and water in a spray bottle to take care of fruit flies. I think the lemongrass oil helps, and it’s fun to spray at least.

    • Rural Juror

      Sometimes I notice they come in on fresh fruit or produce. I always make a trap of apple cider vinegar, add a little dish soap and water and stir so it gets bubbly on top. Leave on the counter and they should be gone within 24 hours. Repeat as necessary.

    • OHCFO

      We have one of those espresso/coffee machines that grinds the beans befre every cup and you empty the grinds every few days. When the weather changes like this (midwest) the frutiflies come in and procreate in the grinds if we don’t empty them after every cup. Suuuuuuper disgusting, I know. I almost threw the whole ($2,000) machine away after I learned this is what was happening. Now I’m just vigilant about the grinds.

      • Granola

        Oh dear lord. Now I want to rush home and make sure fruit flies aren’t procreating in my coffee grinds. Gross!

    • MissK

      Do you have any balsamic vinegar sitting out? I had a fruit fly issue that would.not.go.away.

      Turns out I had a bottle of balsamic vinegar in my kitcen that had a hole in the cork and the fruit flies were living off that stuff. As soon as I got rid of it, the flies were gone too.

    • Natalie

      They could be drain flies, which look really similar to fruit flies and live in your drains, as you might expect from the name. Pouring bleach or ammonia down the drain doesn’t actually do anything.

      If they are drain flies, they are probably eating gunk stuck to your pipes. Try a drain volcano (dump baking soda down drain, add vinegar) or a bottle brush to clean the pipes out.

  4. staff evaluations

    TJ: How do you handle staff evaluations? I generally try to keep thing neutral to positive on the evaluations and then speak to people privately if I have concerns. My management style is that evaluations shouldn’t be the first time you get criticism and I don’t want to mar someone’s “permanent record” Problem is, I’ve been solicited for a review by a staff person that does not report to me directly. She’s the assistant to a senior partner (who I work with) who has been very vocal that he will protect her. I think she has a lot of room for improvement and her actions can be pretty disruptive. Should I just decline the review?

    • NOLA

      I’m not sure how I would respond to the request to review a staff person who does not report directly to me. That’s tricky. Who would see the review? Would it be for development purposes?

      I generally try to keep things positive, however, I usually will pick one thing that the person can work on and develop. People like to get honest feedback. If there are real problems, it is extremely important to document those problems and development plans in the review. If you don’t do this, you’re doing yourself and the staff member a disservice. Yeah, you are potentially marring their record but, honestly, I’ve gotten burned by giving people generally positive reviews and overlooking issues that later came back to bite me. HR comes back and says “Why did you give this person a positive review if they had these issues?” Sometimes, it was that the person had problems early in the year and then seemed to turn them around. But, for one person, this was a pattern of turning things around at review time.

      • mascot

        Yeah, while I think it is just HR/management that sees the review, I would be concerned that she would complain to him if someone dinged her.

    • Niktaw

      I would decline. This does not seem like a kind of person that would be open to criticism or suggestions for development.
      I think they just picked you so they could check the box that the annual review has been completed and are not really looking for a real evaluation.

    • Bonnie

      If you do have negative feedback, you should put them in the evaluations. Otherwise, your company will have problems if the person is fired, does not receive a promotion, etc.

    • Avodah

      I was an EA in a former life, and I was fired. As it turned out, there were things I was doing wrong, and needed to be changed. I learned this for the *first time* when HR was explaining COBRA and my severance package. Had I known days, weeks or months ago, I would have made the necessary changes (or politely given 2 weeks notice).

      If a staff/admin employee has some work to do, please express it *clearly* and constructively. If you’re worried about marring someone’s permanent record, then I strongly recommend the sandwich technique. Negative feedback does not have to be net negative. It can be useful for the individual, you and the company.

    • anon

      I definitely agree that a staff person shouldn’t get negative feedback for the first time in a written “annual review” type evaluation. That’s just completely demoralizing. Feedback is most constructive and effective when delivered at the time the issue comes up, when the person can improve.

      However, if there are ongoing performance issues, it’s actually very important to make sure they’re documented in the personnel file. In my work as a litigator representing employers, I can think of many cases in which the plaintiff employee was supposedly fired for poor performance, but all written reviews were neutral to positive.

    • zora

      yeah, the political situation with this ‘vocal partner’ would make me nervous, too. If she’s not your direct report, I would CYA and stay out of it, and decline the review. To paraphrase Admiral Ackbar: feels like a trap.

    • staff evaluations -op

      Thanks ladies. I think I’ll sit this review out and let the cards fall where they may.

  5. NOLA

    Update on “the cough”: thanks so much to all of you who chimed in with your experiences. It was really helpful to have some options to discuss with my doctor yesterday. Chest xray was clear. I do have a secondary sinus infection that is recent but the doctor feels that much of this is triggered by allergies (and I agree) that somehow surface at this time of year, when I generally get this. So, I am now taking antibiotics (for the sinus infection), Flonase, and tessalon perles (for the cough). She wanted to add prednisone but I declined that because my body does not react well to it and it generally has not helped. Appointment with an allergist next week. The doctor and I agreed that this is twofold – clear up the problem I have now (drip, stuffy head, cough) and then focus on what I need to prevent this in the future.

    • Cb

      So glad that the doctors are responsive, fingers crossed that something helps. It’s the worst when the medicines that are supposed to help make things worse (looking at you, prednisone and methotrexate).

    • Katie

      Please update. I have a similar problem: I’ve had a cough for 1.5 years, and the doc thinks it’s allergies. Chest x-ray and pulmonary function test came back fine, which is reassuring. But it’s pretty darn frustrating not to know how to fix this. Asmanex is the only thing that has really helped the cough. I take Zyrtec for allergies, which helps but doesn’t totally alleviate them.

      • NOLA

        I will… bleah. I used to have this cough whenever I had had a cold. It would last about 3 months. At that time, my pulmonologist determined that I only have clinical asthma when I have had a cold. Then I would get terrible chest congestion and wheezing, with the lingering cough. Since I started on maintenance drugs (Allegra and Pulmicort), that hasn’t happened at all. This is the first time in years. So now there are some wild cards. I was without Pulmicort for a brief period right before I got a virus. And, I’m now on blood pressure medication that has the potential side effect of… a cough. That said, it’s not the horrible deep barking cough that I have.

      • Godzilla

        My allergist says that prolonged use of a certain allergy medication can lead your body to become accustomed to it, so it’s not as effective. I was straight up MISERABLE last year (I whined about my allergies all of last year). I switched from Zyrtec to Allegra and finally to Clarinex. So far, this is the first year of my adult life that I’ve sailed through allergy seasons without steroids or a nasal spray. It might be time for you to switch.

        • Godzilla

          Actually, my allergies and resulting sinus congestion and pain were so bad that I was contemplating sinus surgery. But switching to clarinex literally changed my life. So don’t give up!

  6. Inlaws Encroaching

    Looking for a little advice. My husband’s parents just bought a second home in our city. His parents are generally great- generous, loving, caring. For a lot of reasons I feel like it will be nice to have them closer.

    However, while they were here last they came over to our home a great deal. We saw them nearly every day for half of last week– some of those times they were just dropping by our house to pick things up, eat lunch, etc and ended up hanging out. I didn’t say anything to my husband about it because I realize his parents aren’t settled into their house yet, and so they are leaning on us for things (using our kitchen, etc). BUT.

    I’m a very introverted person. My house is my sanctuary where I don’t have to make chit chat with people. I can just relax with my husband and dog and feel comfortable. As much as my inlaws are family… I don’t feel totally comfortable around them and it is always an effort for me to make conversation. I feel like I have to “host” them. I just don’t want to have a “stop by whenever” type of house.

    Should I try to set some boundaries? I don’t want my inlaws to feel like we don’t want to spend time with them… it’s just that I want that time to be planned out and on my own terms.

    Any advice appreciated!

    • preg anon

      I would wait for a bit and see how things shake out. Do you know how much time they plan to spend at their second home? Presumably it won’t be too much, and maybe they’ll stop visiting as much when they settle in. It could just be the excitement of being close to y’all. Of course, did they buy the house JUST to be near y’all? Is it in a city where they have other connections or interests?

    • Anon

      So you saw them 3 or 4 days in a row because they needed to use your kitchen when they were unpacking? I think you need to give it time. If you say anything now, before they’re settled in, you’re probably going to alienate them. Presumably that’s not every day behavior. It’s also ok to say that you have a headache or have to go run errands if they come over and won’t leave.

    • Anonymous

      I think it’s probably just part of them getting settled. You will need to wait longer to see if they will keep stopping by all the time. I understand not wanting your house to be a hang-out place, but maybe your husband does. So you need to talk to him about this. If he agrees that boundaries need to be set, then I suggest that he approach them about it. And I understand being introverted, but you may need to compromise a little on this. The more you spend time with them, the more comfortable you will feel around them. And you don’t always have to be home for them. If you really need time alone, leave the house!

      • Eleanor

        This is a good point – the more time you spend with them, the less you’ll feel as though you have to be “on” when they’re around, or to host them. As they settle in, I would try treating things more casually when they come over: instead of offering to get them a drink, point them toward the glasses, and instead of stopping what you’re doing to sit and chat with them, talk as you’re cleaning or whatever. I realize you can’t just ignore them to sit there and read, but you can take steps to make their visits more comfortable for you.

    • Sparrow

      I agree with others about giving it some time for them to get settled. I can relate to you about being introverted. When I have people over that I don’t know well, it can be tiring to be “on” the whole time – especially if it is multiple days in a row. Also, for me, it can be tough having people stop by unexpectedly during the work week. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to have a specific time planned to meet with them. Hopefully once they get settled, this will work itself out.

      • rosie

        I agree with this–it’s not unreasonable to get some boundaries in place in the future. I would give it some time, but talk to your husband about it now to make sure you’re on the same page. For example, if they say “It’s great that we’re so close, now we can drop in all the time,” he should not respond in a way that creates expectations that this can continue once they’re settled.

    • OP

      Thanks! This is what I needed to hear. I will see how it plays out. They *do* enjoy a great social life in their other city and so I expect they will want to make friends here and have their own social life so we won’t be their only source of entertainment.

      I think you’re right that maybe I’ll get more comfortable around them and this will be less of an issue.

      Whew. Just got a bit nervous that this was going to totally shake things up.

  7. Valerie

    I have a quarterly networking lunch event coming up – usually this is on a workday, and I tend to wear a serious looking black suit (ie full sleeve, conservative cut, as opposed to something a little more fun like a 3.4 sleeve suit, which I do wear to the office sometimes for variety, but not to networking events and so forth). I tend towards one of the younger people to attend that event, which contributes to me leaning towards the “serious” suit.

    The next time this group meets is on Monday Nov 11, which means that my office will be closed. It seems REALLY silly to wear my usual uniform to this, but I am stumped on what business casual approach to take – wrap dress or slightly more casual pants with a blazer?

  8. Winter Tennis Skirt?

    It’s a time of transition, so I’d just wait and see how it plays out. I’d go about your tasks: grocery store, cooking dinner, taking out the trash, etc. And maybe walk the dog a little bit more for some alone time (and space and maybe they’ll see how you have a life here so they don’t interrupt constantly once they are moved in).

  9. PTK

    Hey guys, sorry for the wedding related threadjack, but I am afraid of wedding boards and I know you guys have lots of great insights! I am looking to book a wedding photographer who will need to travel 4 hrs (drive) to my wedding location. She doesn’t have any set travel rates or fees so we will have to negotiate them. Any suggestions on what I should offer to pay for? All I know so far is that she charges $x per hour for photos, but I can’t imagine travel time would be charged at the same rate – or is travel time even charged? What about accommodations/meals etc? TIA!!

    • Anne Shirley

      I would offer to pay her travel expenses (using the IRS Mileage $ to set an amount) and a night’s hotel accommodation post-wedding if it will be too late to drive back as an initial offer and see how she responds.

      • Anon

        I’d also add the night before too, you don’t want your photographer exhausted from driving 4 hours before shooting your wedding.

    • Photog

      Former wedding photographer — your photographer won’t be able to work other jobs if he/she is travelling for your wedding, so there is an opportunity cost to the travel that could be comparable to working-time (may different if your wedding is on a Tuesday, but different if you have an evening wedding and the person has to pass on a earlier wedding — in the summer, this could be a huge issue). And if the person has to stay overnight, that’s a cost that gets factored in, as well as meals (FWIW, when I got married, I included the photographers and band in my headcount).

      Also, many photographers have assistants (who also need to eat) or use two photographers / wedding.

    • Diana Barry

      4 hrs one way or round trip? Mine charged for travel, I think it was 25/hr of travel if it was more than 1 hr away from her. If it is 4 hrs one way, I would offer to pay for a night at a hotel plus some comp for the travel time. She may also have a typical travel charge.

    • mascot

      Could you figure out what the mileage is and the reimbursement at the IRS rate? That may be a starting point. Also find out if she expects to have you contribute to her hotel costs. If so, I think it is perfectly reasonable to have her stay somewhere clean and safe, but not necessarily at the resort or whatever. Your caterer or venue should have vendor meals. A lot of times vendors may not eat, but it is always nice to make sure they have soft drinks/water etc.

    • rosie

      Definitely feed her at your wedding. Some caterers/venues have a lower vendor meal rate. It’s actually common that a photographer would require a meal in her/his contract (or else s/he will go offsite to eat, which you don’t want).

      As for travel, I would cover her accomodations and mileage (could just do a per mile reimbursement), and then a reasonable amount for meals that she will have to eat on the road (lunch the day of the wedding, breakfast the next day, for example). I think this would also depend on what her hourly rate is compared to other photographers in your area–if she were on the lower end, I might offer a bit more.

    • CBM

      My photographer charges a flat $1500 to travel for a cross-country wedding for him and an assistant. His base rate was $4000 for unlimited day of shooting and an engagement shoot. For your case, I’d at least subtract 600 for airfare for 2.

  10. Diana Barry

    Hey ladies,

    Just thinking ahead to the office holiday party. I have a tank with sequins that is Laundry (got from Last Call), so I could get a pencil skirt to go with it. Should I do that or try to get a dress? WWYD?

      • preg anon

        Plus, you could probably get more use out of the pencil skirt than the dress. I once wore a silver beaded tank with a navy pencil skirt and a wide red belt to a somewhat schmancy party, and it was one of my favorite outfits of all time.

      • Diana Barry

        Thanks! The tank is actually pretty loose so it should be fine. I ordered 2 skirts and 2 dresses from ASOS – cheap enough that I can keep one of each if they fit. :)

  11. BB

    What’s the proper way to give holiday tips to your doorman/concierge?

    We have a concierge service in our building and I’d like to tip them for the holidays (people still do this, right?). Do I give them cash in a card…in an envelope? What’s the range? Help! I’ve so never done this before! :P

    For context, there’s probably~8 of them that work there on various shifts, and there’s 4-5 that are super helpful to me, always say hi etc.

    • Anne Shirley

      In my NJ rental building, I give $300 total allocated unevenly to about 9 building staff- more to my favorite doorman, less to the grumpy one ect. I put cash in a card with an envelope, sign it with my name and apt number, write their names on the outside, and deliver them all at once- the building has a card box so I hand all the cards into it at once.

      Best bet is asking neighbors on the elevator to see what’s normal in your building.

      • AIMS

        This is more or less what we do: card to each, cash inside, sealed in envelope with each person’s name on top and delivered to the building office (or holiday box) all at once. Don’t worry about knowing everyone’s name because in most buildings you will get a holiday card with everyone’s name and position inside.

        I don’t think you will have much luck asking your neighbors what to tip though — this is a very fraught subject for most people (the NYT writes an article about this seemingly every year). FWIW, we give the super $50 and work our way down from there. When I was in a doorman building I gave the doormen $40, handymen $30 and porters $20. If someone does a lot for you, you can give them a bit more. There really is no right or wrong way to go about it, so I wouldn’t overthink it.

        • Anon in NYC

          +1. The amount per person is up to you. My building is very large so has a lot of staff. We tip $20/pp which equates to about $400 total. We occasionally give certain people a little bit more (like $10-20 more), but it adds up fast.

    • anon

      Interested in this and also in who else should get a holiday tip. Do you give an extra tip to your long-time hair stylist? How about your cleaning person? If so, how much? I usually double my typical tip to my hair stylist (i.e. give her 40% instead of 20%), and give my cleaning person a holiday tip equal to the cost of one of her visits (i.e. I pay her double). But I’m never sure if I’m going overboard, or being stingy.

      • Another anon

        What if it’s the landlord’s policy that residents should not tip employees? We’re in a garden apartment complex within which each building has its own team. I suppose I can always write a nice note to everyone’s supervisor and give a small home-baked item (banana bread or pumpkin bread)…?

        To anon at 12:37 pm, I also give my cleaning person a double payment in late December.

      • Need to Improve

        I give my cleaning lady a tip that equals double her per-visit fee (and pay her for the visit on top of that).

        Our nanny got 2-3 weeks’ pay as a bonus.

        The lady who waxes my brows got 2 waxes’ worth.

        And I got gifts for staff in my office.

        I have never tipped my hair lady because I happen not to be in the salon during that crazed week or so before the holidays–I always avoid it–but maybe I should rethink that.

  12. ANP

    Not sure if this has already been discussed on thissite, but the Lands End Friends & Family sale is happening right now, which means Yours Truly will be buying another ponte sheath dress. Any other LE must-haves? I’m curious about their Gatas shoes — can anyone speak to their sizing/comfort?

  13. preg 3L

    Pumping question: I can order a Medela (“Advanced Personal Double Pump” – double electric, compatible with a battery but comes with a plug) or a Phillips Avent (again, double electric but I don’t have any info on battery or plug). There are actually about 8 options but I think I’ve narrowed it down to those 2. What do you all recommend?

    • Diana Barry

      I had a Medela, probably the previous model, and it was great. Fairly quiet, parts easily available, etc., if you need extras.

      • preg anon

        I have a Medela too but it’s the Pump In Style. I like it but I don’t think it comes with a battery, which would be super nice. (I actually haven’t really explored that question yet but I haven’t seen one, so my best guess is that it doesn’t.) What does double electric mean?

        • Anonymous

          Double electric means both b**bs at once, instead of just one at a time. Saves time, and most women get more milk that way.

        • Anonymous

          my pump in style ( 6 years ago) had a battery, so im sure there are some now that do

    • Anon

      I got the Medela one, and it works great. Very powerful and fast. And it seems like the one that all the working moms I know have as well. I don’t have personal experience with the Phillips Avent, but when I was researching this, I read reviews saying that it wasn’t as powerful as the Medela. Also, I love the Medela Harmony as a back-up hand pump, and all the parts are interchangeable.

      (Also – definitely order through your insurance company! Which it sounds like you’re doing, but I just wanted to throw that out there in case anyone didn’t know to do so.)

      • preg 3L

        I just reread my post and didn’t realize that I left out the insurance part! Yes my insurance is covering it and I’m so relieved. Thanks for this suggestion about a backup too.

        • In House Lobbyist

          Medela has always been what I have used (as I type this while pumping at work). I have a 10 year old Pump in Style, a new Freestyle and my insurance pump is the Hygeia Enjoye. I like the PIS the best and leave it at work all week. The Freestyle is great for traveling since it is lightweight but it doesn’t pump as good. I think the Hygeia is terrible and wouldn’t recommend at all. The good thing about Medela is you can easily find replacement parts and accessories. My PIS has a battery pack but it eats through batteries. There is also a car adapter that is great. The other good thing about the Medela is the hospital pack you will get is all Medela parts.

          • Anonymous

            The hospital pack will only have all Medela parts if your hospital uses Medela. Mine used Ameda. And my insurance gave me a free Ameda. But I hated the Ameda so much I bought my own Medelas.

          • NewMama

            I did fine with the Hygeia once I got the hang of it. I HATE the Ameda Purely Yours. Suction was fine, but the cycles weren’t fast enough to get let-down. Although I wonder if the pump I bought from amazon was a dud…

        • Anon

          Do you mid providing some information as to how to purchase a breast pump through insurance? I had no idea that was an option.

          • preg 3L

            Each insurance will probably be different, but I called my insurance company a few months after getting pregnant and asked whether they cover pumps. They said they do, and that I just have to order through one of their two “approved” retailers. One retailer has a really nice website, one has a phone number and emailed me an order form. They offer different pumps, so the Medela is only available through one. 30 days before my due date, the retailer will process my order — they will bill the insurance company and ship me the pump. If the insurance company doesn’t cover 100% of the cost of the pump, the retailer will reach out to me to receive payment info before shipping the pump. Does that help?

          • In House Lobbyist

            My insurance company said it was part of the Affordable Care Act but what each carrier provides can vary. I had to wait until I delivered and was able to order it. My husband calls it my Obama Pump.

    • Anonymous

      Agree that the Medela Pump in Style is the best. Mine (purchased 1.5 years ago) has a pretty good battery. I could run it with the battery for my 2-3 daytime pumping sessions and only charge it at night.

      • Anonymous

        Not that you asked, but in case someone hasn’t already made you aware, bre*st feeding can be difficult. I’d say it is the second hardest thing I’ve ever done (law school being the hardest). Once you and baby get the hang of it, it’s easy/beautiful/natural/all that jazz but it is rarely any of those things at first. Since you’re already planning ahead, it might also be worthwhile to identify potential sources of support/resources now, in the event you need them once the baby arrives. The last thing you want to do immediately postpartum when your baby is inconsolable and your body isn’t cooperating is try to figure out which Lactation Consultants make midnight house calls.

        • preg 3L

          Thanks so much! My doula said that she’ll be available to help us (she’s a certified lactation consultant) after the birth at any time, but finding a few backup people would probably be a good plan.

      • Pumping veteran

        Does your insurance give an option for hospital pump rental vs. buying one? I had bought a Medela Pump in Style, but the mother’s rooms at work have the Medela Symphony (the hospital grade pump). There’s no comparison, that Symphony was ten times the woman that the PIS was. Next baby, I might rent one for home.

        • preg 3L

          I have no idea! I’ll have to look into this. Is the hospital grade pump much heavier? I will have to carry mine to & from school every day (walking both ways), and the Medela one that I can purchase is 6 lbs. I don’t know that I’d be able to carry anything heavier than that, especially if I end up with an emergency C.

          • Pumping veteran

            Nope not heavier, and it’s about the same size but lacks the built-in carry bag that PIS comes with.

            I’m with Anonymous at 12:29 – b-feeding is oddly difficult for being the ultimate natural process. But I toughed it out for the full year, so I’m taking bragging rights. Pumping 3x per day at work, you get it down to a science.

            So the reason I explained that is I would estimate that I got maybe 1/2 ounce more per side with the hospital grade. And pumping ladies know that’s like gold.

          • Anonymous

            No idea about comparative weight, but I think the standard recommendation is to use a hospital grade pump if you will be pumping long-term because they are so much more effective. I used the Medela Symphiny and didn’t find it very heavy.

    • Need to Improve

      I had the Medela Pump in Style, which does have a battery back (critical), and it is double electric and you can use it handsfree.

      The Medela Freestyle is the nicest but more expensive.

      I would go with Medela because they are the most trusted brand and you want a really quality pump.

  14. Cornellian

    Kat- how do you access the 20% off sale at beauty.com you mentioned yesterday? I don’t see it anywhere, and I didn’t get an e-mail code.

    Thanks!

  15. TO Lawyer

    So I saw yesterday that someone commented that the Sephora VIB sale is starting soon which is problematic because I LOVE that sale and I am currently on a shopping ban. So vicariously amuse me – what are people planning on getting this year?

    • preg anon

      I’m on a shopping ban too. I just moved my closet and seeing how much work it took to move my mounds of clothes made me a little uncomfortable with how much I have. So no more shopping for me. I am trying to make it through the end of the year (except I am going to buy a couple of button up shirts for when I go back to work because my tops don’t fit me anymore – joys of nursing).

    • Anonymous

      I think it was me that mentioned it and I mentioned what I was getting (mostly stuff that I already use that is on the way out and in need of replacement and splurging on one nice lipstick in a fantastic color).

      Also, based on the website that someone recommended yesterday (maskara.com?) that had a lot information on highlighting and contouring, I may try to pick up a powder highlighter. I already use a bronzer and blush, so I may add highlighter to contour.

      I’m also intrigued by the white or beige eyeliner that I see in magazines (for the lower rims).

    • Nellie

      This isn’t quite your question, but I’m on a different type of shopping ban, and I am sitting out this sale for the most part, and missing it!
      I recently made the decision to switch to all animal-testing free cosmetics & toiletries, and since then, my use of Sephora has gone way, way down. Most of all my old favorites (Nars, Bobbi Brown, Smashbox, Urban Decay) are now off limits (in case anyone is curious, these lines are nominally cruelty-free but they are owned by parent companies like Estee Lauder, Shisheido, and L’Oreal which all do animal testing, or they sell in China, which requires all cosmetic ingredients to be tested on animals). Sephora really has very few alternatives for me now— Tarte and Too Faced are the only ones with cosmetics I like, so far. It would be great it Sephora would add a filter on their website for cruelty-free products, but I suspect their brands would be pretty upset by that. Oh well.

      • Penny

        Which brands have you started using? The animal testing really bothers me (My kids have a pet rabbit who is like a cat- litterbox trained, has access to the entire house, comes when called) and I can’t imagine how sad it would be to have a little personality like hers caged for testing. I would love to start supporting brands that are really cruelty free.

        • Nellie

          I answered below about some brands I’ve tried. Some of the resources I’ve used for information are Leaping Bunny / Gocrueltyfree.org, Peta, and some blogs like My Beauty Bunny, Humanely Chic, and Buying Cruelty Free. White Rabbit is an online retailer that sells only cruelty-free brands, and Vine is a store that at least lets you filter products for cruelty-free. Beautypedia by Paula’s Choice lets you do that too, although I don’t personally agree with the standard applied there, because it doesn’t account for brands whose parent companies do animal testing, and therefore your money still supports it when you purchase the subsidiary’s products.

      • Anon

        I’d be interested to hear some brand recommendations as well. I barely use make-up and recently made the decision to stop wearing make-up to work on a regular basis (I intend to save it for special occasions, etc) and I would really like for the products I do use to be cruelty-free. I’m also trying to track down products without dangerous chemicals – I need to spend some more time on EWG’s Skin Deep database. I think it will definitely be worth it for me to spend a little money on a few quality items rather than continuing to rely on drugstore products that are definitely not top-of-the-line when it comes to these issues.

        • Nellie

          For higher end, Tarte. And Too Faced I’ve just started with but seems promising. For drugstore brands, there are almost no options for makeup (even Almay, because it’s a Revlon subsidiary) other than Physician’s Formula or Burt’s Bees. I actually really like Physician’s Formula organic tinted moisturizer.

          Skin care is a little easier because many of the organic lines (Kiss My Face, Avalon, JASON) also have no animal-tested ingredients. I know folks around here like Paula’s Choice, too. I recently started using a cleanser from Beauty Without Cruelty, and I really like it.

      • Anonymous

        Obsessive Compulsive Cosmetics is 100% vegan, and sold at Sephora. Their lip tars are the business. I can’t speak for their airbrush products. I follow the same rules as you do, and have had pretty good luck with drugstore makeup. If you stay away from the L’Oreal empire, a lot of things are cruelty-free. Sonia Kashuk (Target), E.L.F., Nyx, and Wet N’ Wild are all cruelty free and don’t source from producers that animal test. I’ve been able to gradually replace my collection with things from these lines without too much trouble.

    • Marilla

      I like to use it to stock up on my basics (mostly concealer and eyeliner). I’m disappointed I didn’t know it was coming though, since I just ordered extra of both last week..

      • Anonymous

        I think its only for VIBs — I don’t know what you have to do to attain that status.

        • Marilla

          You have to spend over $350 in a year, I think. Which I definitely do! I just haven’t received an email about the sale yet.

          • HSAL

            I didn’t get an email, but I got a card in the mail last week. It contained the discount code for VIBs, as well as another 20% off card for non-VIB members, but a VIB is supposed to be shopping with them.

      • Anonymous

        Not unless you have a friend that is willing to take you. This is Sephora’s way of saying “thank you” to those of us that do shop there throughout the year, it’s not just a sale.

  16. Lo & Sons

    So Lo & Sons is offering a 15% off discount and I’m considering finally getting the OG. I feel like this has been discussed recently, but I can’t find the thread. Is this the highest discount they offer now?

    • FP

      I think Lo & Sons maxes out around 15% now. Their Facebook page said something about fewer discounts going forward.

    • Rural Juror

      Around thanksgiving last year they had 30% off. Haven’t seen that high of a discount since though.

    • I am a banana.

      I feel like they had 25% off for Columbus Day but that might be my imagination.

  17. Neiman's discount

    Has anyone signed up their email with Neiman’s recently and gotten a 10% off code?

    I signed up last night, got a bunch of promo emails but no 10% off code. Not sure if this is an issue with their system and there is no 10% code, or if I just have to wait.

  18. Cb

    I just had a conversation with a colleague….with a lentil stuck to my forehead. How does that even happen?

  19. Advice on father's fiance

    Ladies, I could really use some of your advice here. My father, a widower, has recently become engaged. His fiance is a very nice woman, who I don’t know very well. Should I write her a brief ‘congratulatory/welcome to the family’ note? Or would that be super awkward?

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      How far away do they live? I’m thinking if close you could take them out to celebrate (money permitting) for dinner or champagne or something and then you would also have a chance to get to know each other better.

      • Advice on father's fiance

        About 400 miles unfortunately – part of why I don’t know her very well.

    • Advice on father's fiance

      Thanks ladies! I’ll send it tonight. I’d like to build a good relationship to her. I think I’m struggling with these decisions because it all feels so strange to me. I mean, I’ve introduced my father to my boyfriends, meeting his girlfriend (now fiance) was a new one!

      • Both Sides

        I don’t know if you’re still reading, but I thought I’d post my two cents.

        I have been on both sides of this: I am on my third stepmom, and I have two stepkids.

        In my experience, the relationships that have worked have been the ones in which both parties have been open to having this new person in her life. The relationships that have not worked have been the ones in which just one person has been hostile to that idea. It takes only one person with no interest in the relationship to kill any chance of it working. In my case, it is stepmom 3 and my SD. My SD’s reasons are obvious: loyalty bind with her mom. I still do not know why stepmom 3 is uninterested in a relationship with me (although it might have to do with the fact that we are the same age, but I digress).

        My advice: be as warm and welcoming as you can tolerate being. You are an adult and out of the house, so you will not have a lot of interactions with her (unlike my SD, who lived with us for years before leaving for college). Thus, there won’t be lots of opportunities for her to cross into your mom’s territory — or yours. Unless she is evil, she will appreciate greatly your friendliness and you will enjoy a large ROI on your investment of time and niceness.

        I can tell you how it feels to be treated the other way by a SD: nasty and exclusionary and mean and awful. And being treated that way makes it very hard to treat her the way I want to: warmly and supportively and cheerfully. I expect that your soon-to-be stepmom will appreciate a warm welcome. I sure would have.

        • Advice on father's fiance

          Thanks. Your perspective is really good – a great booster shot for what I should know already.

  20. NYC Meet Up

    NYC meet up in a week! Nov. 11, 7pm, Grey Dog’s on W 16th St & 8th Ave. Hope to see you there!

  21. I am a banana.

    Unreasonably exited about: The e-mail I just received from Pinterest telling me that the price of some of my pins from Nordstrom dropped. I had no idea they were adding price drop notices as a feature. Good on you, Pinterest.

  22. anon pity party

    Need to whine here for a second since I can’t talk to anyone about this IRL…

    Just found out that two of my closest friends are pregnant and due within a few weeks of each other. I’m thrilled for them, but also so, so sad. No one IRL knows that my DH and I have been trying unsuccessfully for over a year now, and we just found out last week that DH has low sperm count that will make it much more difficult for us to conceive naturally. I’m so happy for my friends, but really bummed too. Sigh… is it Friday yet?

    • tesyaa

      I was in the same boat when I was TTC (this was 20+ years ago). Didn’t want to tell anyone I was trying, but then had no one to talk to about my misery.

      OTOH, many/most men with “low sperm count” do father children, often naturally, depending on how low. Best wishes and stay optimistic.

    • OCAssociate

      That has to be so difficult, I’m sorry. You’re a terrific friend for being happy for them, but remember that it’s perfectly ok for you to feel sad/conflicted about it.

      Like tesyaa said, it may take a while, but the chances are in your favor in the long term. Have you checked out Resolve for support/information?

      Good luck.

    • ezt

      Ugh, sorry anon pity party. Commiseration and hugs. Your feelings are totally understandable.

    • KLG

      That is so so so disappointing and frustrating. I’m really sorry.

      But if they’re your closest friends, consider talking to them about it. Or consider talking to another friend about it. It really is helpful to have someone IRL you can talk to about this stuff because it’s really tough emotionally.

    • anon

      Oh man that sucks. I just wanted to post that I could have written your post word for word 11 years ago. My son turns 10 tomorrow (and his little sister turns 8.5 today). Hang in there– the odds are so in your favor that it will work out because it usually does, one way or another. For us, a bunch of weird vitamins and another couple of cycles and that was it, despite having been told that it was unlikely to happen without IVF.

    • anon pity party

      Thanks for responding… it’s so nice to feel some support from the internets :)

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