Coffee Break: Amazonian Clay 12-Hour Blush

164 Comments

1. Lawyer ladies (and DC-area ladies specifically):
   I just found out I passed the Maryland bar! Huzzah! As soon as I told my boss at my firm, he said “Great! Now you can take Virginia!”

   My question is: Should I look at this as a blessing or a curse? I can’t decide between (1) the VA bar would increase my professional value in the DC area and its better to do it now than later, when the MBE is fresh in my mind or (2) Oh God Oh God, not another bar exam! The firm would cover costs, and I don’t know how they would handle time off for studying. We’re small, and apparently the firm needs more people who can practice in VA. I’m not clear on VA’s pro hac rules, but perhaps they are restrictive since this seems like an important thing?

   If I never mention this again, it is possible it will just go away. But if it would actually be good for me, I might want to bring it up again to be sure they follow through. I can’t decide. What do you think?

   1. Double check, but I think that your MBE score is good for a certain amount of time, meaning you would just need to do the essays if you take the VA bar this year. If your firm is covering the costs, I would just go for it. I would negotiate some time off though and make sure that they will also cover costs of additional state bar fees and any separate CLEs you’ll need. These costs can really add up.

      1. I think I would have to take the whole exam – “I took the Multistate Bar Exam in another state. Can I transfer that score to Virginia? Virginia requires an applicant to take both portions of the bar exam at the same administration in Virginia as a means of assessing the applicant’s current competency.”

         1. Your bar prep company should be able to answer these questions for you, if you can’t find someone at the state bar to call.

   2. Congrats on Maryland! If your firm will cover all costs associated with taking Virginia (application fees, bar study costs, time off for study and taking the exam, CLE and annual dues), then I would do it. And I think that sooner is better, since it’s all (relatively) fresh in your mind like you said. It’s good for the firm and good for you (both for you to be valuable to the firm and make yourself more marketable in the future).

   3. YAAAY!!! (Sorry but this does deserve Ellen caps.)

   4. I’m not convinced that taking the VA bar increases your professional value, but I guess it would depend on your area of the law. It wouldn’t make a difference for me and I wouldn’t do it. But, if you believe it adds value and is something you would like to do, I would recommend doing it now.

   5. Congratulations on passing the MD bar!

      If you think that any time in the future you will need to practice in VA, take the VA bar now. Just make sure you negotiate time off to study. The VA bar is notoriously hard (I should know, I took it!). I’m pretty sure the law hasn’t been updated since, I don’t know, 1776? A lot of the procedural stuff is just bizarre. At least you won’t have to worry about studying for the MBE portion too much since you just took it and that info should still be fresh.

   6. Congrats! I am way late, but I would say if your firm wants to have someone that practices in VA, it would be professionally beneficial. Also, if you ever go to another firm, you might need it.

      I took VA (my second) and didn’t find it particularly challenging. I am no genius, but after taking another one, even though the first one I took is not considered hard, I just didn’t find the second one that bad. I didn’t study very hard (self-studied with old books and and MBE book), finished each section early and passed fine. Not to say that you should go my lazy-pants route, just that it’s not necessary to go into full-on bar freak out mode about it.

      I found this website very helpful when deciding what to study while I was sitting at the pool www (dot) virginiabartutor (dot) com. Also peek at this one www (dot) dcbarexam (dot) com.

2. Hey, ladies. I’m traveling for work for the first time this week and will be pumping. I’m sure we’ve discussed this before, so can anyone point me to the thread? Or, otherwise, any tips? Thanks in advance!

   1. Bring extra pump parts. (Or even a backup manual pump, if you can. I won’t go into details on how I learned that one except to note that it was at the beginning of a long international trip and resulted in frantic, tearful research on how to pump without a pump. Not a happy memory. I know that pumps have improved over the years.) And be good to yourself. Good luck and happy travels.

   2. I found that I needed to pump more often (or for a longer period of time) than I expected at first. As in, in a normal work day, I’d nurse morning and bedtime and pump 3 times during that day. (and when LO was really small, once when I got home and again at bedtime.) When traveling, to avoid engorgement I had to pump for longer than usual at night and in the am and would get more volume out than my usual sessions during the day (because a pump is never as good as baby!). If you are going to have to skip a pumping session due to a meeting or such, remember to wear pads! Be ready that travel problems (delayed/cancelled planes or trains) could affect your supply when you get back and try not to stress about it. You will get back up to normal. I wish I’d had a battery powered pump or manual pump to use in bathrooms.

   3. 1. Make sure to give yourself the time to pump, especially if you have packed meetings.
      2. If you are going to be in another company’s offices, make arrangements to have a space to use. If there is no space, bring a car adapter.
      3. Try to pump for longer than you normally would. If you normally do 15 minutes, pump for 20-25.
      4. Drink lots of water! It’s easy to dehydrate while travelling.
      5. Research TSA’s rules. I never had a problem with airport security, but I have had friends who had bad experiences with uninformed TSA agents. I still found it easier to just put my pumped milk into a little cooler in my checked luggage. I never had to throw any out!
      6. Good for you! Go team!

      1. :( a work trip at 5 months ended my bfeeding… pump broke in beginning of trip while in suitcase going from hotel to another place, and after that I just gave up. I was fine with it but it definitely impacted the length of time I fed my kiddo which is a tad sad. My supply was never great to begin with. I did some hand pumping and it is just not cool.

   4. You go!

      I always asked for a mini fridge in my hotel room and brought ice packs from home, which I kept in the freezer of the hotel mini fridge. When it was time to go home, I would pack the milk and ice packs in a cooler in my luggage. It’s ok to carry on a flight. In the end when I was less worried about supply I would just dump the milk.

      I pumped in the morning before leaving the hotel, at night before bed, and at least once during the day. For the morning session I would do my make-up while pumping.

      Also you can pump on the airplane in your seat with a nursing cover or in the bathroom. Just tell the flight attendant that is what you will be doing.

      1. This is my second baby and my second time traveling and pumping and I still learn things. Look for the family bathrooms in airports – they are private, have more room and have plugs. You can even google nursing rooms and airports and find a great lists of which airports have dedicated spaces. Hotels will not charge you for mini-fridges if you tell them it’s for breastmilk. I like to take cloth diapers to lay out wherever I am pumping or cleaning parts. I traveled with Nalgene bottles as storage bottles for my last trip and it was easier than lots of small bottles. I got a polar bear cooler on amazon that worked great and I just used ice instead of ice packs. Just be familiar with TSA rules but I have never had a problem. They usually want you to take off the bottle lid while they wave a little piece of paper over it. Everyone has been great- in fact I seem to get the same TSA agent at an airport I frequent that wants to spend way too much time telling me about his wife’s breastfeeding. It’s a hassle but totally do-able.

         1. I once saw a lady changing her DOG’s diaper at the airport diaper changing station. She could have at least saved that for the family bathroom behind closed doors – ha!

            One trick I learned is to bring ziplocs in your pump bag or cooler. You can fill them with ice at any of the restaurants at the airport if you are worried that your ice packs aren’t going to stay cold through the day.

            And definitely bring a manual pump, since you never know what bathrooms will have outlets. Or whether your meeting is running late and your b**bs are leaking and you have to pump in the rental car on the way to the airport. Manual pump!

3. Oh, I just got a sample of this blush from Sephora in one of their 500 perk packages, I LOVE it. And it does last all day. I plan to buy it when I run out of the sample.

   Gift question – a close friend of mine just bought a house. So, what is the most memorable or useful housewarming gift you’ve ever received? I’m pretty flexible on dollar value, if it’s pricey I can probably convince a friend or two to go in on a gift with me. To make this more entertaining, what is the worst housewarming gift you’ve ever received?

   1. Yes, I love this blush too! I bought it on the recommendation of the hive. Blush is so critical to me looking okay (in other words, not like a zombie) at the end of the day, so it’s worth every penny.

   2. Worst – Huge ceramic statue of Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus riding on a donkey. My husband is an atheist.

      I’m really not creative, I would probably just give wine. I love wine, though, so its the perfect gift for any occasion as far as I’m concerned.

   3. The best “congrats on becoming homeowners!” gift we’ve given was a Lowe’s giftcard. They loved using it for garden/yard things.

      1. Nice thought, but I still have the Lowe’s gift card someone gave me when we bought our house 3 years ago. There are about 10 home depots and twice that many targets between me and the nearest Lowe’s.

         1. Ah, I should have added that we chose Lowe’s instead of HD because they live in a Lowe’s-heavy area (the nearest HD is much farther away).

   4. Can’t think of worst gift at the moment – but I would say the most useful thing you could possibly give them is probably a Home Depot gift card. Seriously.

   5. Lowe’s/Home Depot gift cards are certainly useful.

      My DH got a few knick-knacks from his realtor when he closed – colorful ceramic measuring cups, adorable handmade wastebasket made of something recycled, etc. They were all from Pier 1. I thought they were really tasteful and nice, and didn’t realize realtors gave closing gifts.

      1. We’ve gotten gifts from our realtors both times we’ve bought (gift basket, home depot gift card).
         The Frontgate doormats that look like rugs are really nice and last forever. Or maybe a nice photograph or watercolor picture of their house. I imagine you can buy them some sort of gift certificate for that in case they want a certain season in the picture.

   6. I would love to get a gift card to Bed, Bath & Beyond or Home Goods.

   7. Useful: my mom got my SO a power drill when we moved in together.
      Memorable: my grandma gave me a giant porcelain bear.
      Worst: one of those emroider by numbers “paintings” of a Da Vinci angel done in all sepia tones. And I had to hang this on my wall so that the giver wouldn’t be offended.

   8. Gift card to Ikea, but i am a shameless addict. ;o)

      Best response to a gift I’ve ever gotten was for a large, handmade mango wood saladbowl + tongs. Something for when you have people over, but that costs a tiny bit more than you would buy for yourself. large serving bowl or platter or something. But it’s best if you can get something that coordinates with their style.

      1. One of my friends received as wedding gift a painting that one of her friends had made of her and her new husband. Her friend is not an artist. They had to hang it up somewhere (friend was offended it wasn’t over the mantel) so they hung it in the guest room where they never had to see it. My friend apologized to us when we stayed over that we’d have to have their creepy faces looming over us. It still makes me laugh.

         1. That’s a situation where you display the gift only when the gift-er is coming to visit, I think.

   9. Depending on if this could survive where you live, a plant and accompanying beverage. Examples: Lime tree with Coronas/Pacifico; strawberry or jalapeno plant with margarita mix; mint plant (in a nice container since you should never plant that invasion) and mojito makings or bourbon. You get the idea.

      Someone gave us a basket full of spaghetti stuff (noodles, sauce, bread, kitchen towels, servers) once. I still have the basket and the serving utensils, so that was a nice idea too.

   10. Favorite: Microfiber dusting mitts. I was admittedly a smidge offended when we got them as a gift (from my SIL, no less), but I love them so much and they are probably the most used of our housewarming gifts.

       Good: Nice salad servers, simple but high quality wood.

       Bad: A million different pairs of wine glasses and a random placesetting of china. I appreciated the idea – we do use wine glasses and china – but nothing matched and there’s a limit to how much cabinet space I’m going to dedicate to wine glasses.

       Ugly: We also got a framed poster of mickey mouse. LOL. My husband wouldn’t let me get rid of it so it’s been in the back of a closet for 8 years.

   11. My favorite gift that I gave to friends was to buy a piece of art that they admired and I had it framed. If I hadn’t known their taste in framing I would have gotten them a gift card for the framing.

   12. If you have a photo of the house (try searching the real estate listing) you can get cute drawings or paintings of the house on Etsy. I’ve also seen a Christmas ornament with the same concept.

   13. We bought our friends a c*cktail recipe book + ingredients for one of the drinks we thought they’d like. This idea could be translated into different contexts – regular cookbook if something involved special/ expensive ingredients, wine, cheese, etc.

       Those friends, after helping us with some stuff around the house after we moved in, bought us some tools that we apparently needed.

   14. The best gift I got was an outside set – a rake, a shovel, a snow shovel and a bucket of ice melt. It probably would not have occurred to me to buy a snow shovel until the first snowfall.

       Worst gift was a (really nice) set of Japanese sushi dishes. My husband doesn’t eat sushi.

   15. I pretty much always gift this: http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/product/home-tabletop-dinnerware/973646.jsp

       I think these are the BEST GIFTS EVER. They protect people’s furniture, and they’re cute and are a great conversation piece.

4. I have the MIA and I like it just fine. For the brush heads, I was told that the sensitive skin one is the only one you should really use on a daily basis; the deep clean ones are actually only meant to be used once a week at most (for an actual deep cleaning). I have switched back to sensitive skin and my skin is much better. Also, something I didn’t realize for over a year of having the clarisonic: the brush head comes apart so that you can just leave the inner, center part which is the best way to use the brush on your nose to really get all those pores. This has been a huge change for me — my nose has never looked clearer.

   1. Hmm, that’s interesting– I didn’t know it came apart. I might have to give it another chance. I stopped using mine because I developed terrible breakouts, which I’ve heard is not uncommon as all the dirt works its way to the surface. But at 42, I feel I’m past the age of being able to deal with that.

   2. You don’t really need the Aria unless you want the stand up base. The Mia works great, and the charger is smaller if you travel a lot. I really like my Clarisonic – it cleared my skin up right away after I started using it. I had an awful breakout a few weeks ago, but I think that was from work stress/changing seasons. Excepting that horrible week, my skin is much clearer than it used to be pre-Clarisonic.

5. Question about emergency funds – inspired by the discussion about how much you would need monthly for your bare necessities:

   Does it really make sense to have the emergency fund sitting in a savings account (where it earns <1% interest), when I have enough credit available on credit cards to handle any unexpected emergency in the short term (thereby taking away the need for liquidity)? I have saved up $25K in an emergency fund (and at the same time I have around $30K available on credit cards, and no credit card debt/balance at the moment), but I don't like the idea of that money just sitting there and getting kicked by inflation year after year, when I could have it in a mutual fund and possibly earning some compound interest / dividend. I know that it is a bit of a gamble – if the economy and stocks tanked and I lost my job and needed to live off my emergency fund, it would be a clear disadvantage as there'll likely be less than the original fund in the mutual fund account. But, I'm starting to think this is risk I'm willing to take (and it seems like Mr Money Mustache does this too).

   What do you guys do with your emergency fund, and what is your thought behind it? For context, I am single, no mortgage and no kids, so if needed I could cut way down on my expenses (moving to a shared rental, stop buying organic food, etc.). My main expense other than rent is gas for commuting, and if I lost my job that expense would mostly go away too.

   1. I think if this works for you, it’s fine. I’d keep a month’s worth or so in the savings account to keep it liquid. But if you can get at the rest within a month’s time, then I agree, it loses its worth if the interest rate is below inflation.

   2. I do the same as you (no CC debt, about 40-50K limit on two cards, about 50K in online savings account doing nothing).++ I *know* that it is not the optimal use of that money. But I can’t let it go. I was not born during the Depression, but I just can’t not have cash (actual cash in a savings account, not available room on a CC) around. Not smart, I know. But there you have it.

      ++This is separate from the $2-4K in actual dollar bills in the house for natural disasters.

      1. Good reminder – I need to get a stash of cash for the house. We’re in an earthquake zone and I’m pretty sure ATMs would not work.

         1. From experience (Northridge 1992):

            * ATMs will not work, so you want cash
            * stores will not have change, so you want small denominations
            * traffic lights will not work and you will have to carry groceries home, so you want a backpack

            1. I think a financial emergency fund usually refers to what you need if you lose your job or something, not an actual disaster. Yes, you need some cash in a safe or something at home, but that’s different than your emergency fund. You definitely shouldn’t put 6 months’ expenses in cash in your house.

            2. Nevermind– didn’t read far enough up. Duh.

   3. It might be easier to get ALL of your spare money, and put it into an account, then give Power of ATTORNEY over that account to some one that you TRUST to keep manageing it for you! In my case, it is my DAD, b/c he pays all of my bills. You sound alot like me; single, no morgage, no kid’s. If you trust your DAD, you can have him pay all your bills, and put you on a budget like my dad does. Also, you can have your dad make all your investement’s for you b/c he proababley know’s alot more about the STOCK market and the other market’s then you do. Dad also helps me manage my weight b/c he monitor’s my FITBIT usage from his computer. He know’s if I do NOT do enough steps, and he also know’s when I do the steps so I can NOT fool him. FOOEY!

      Soon I am planning on finding a smart guy to marry and dad say’s he can then take all of that work off my dad’s plate b/c dad want’s to retire and not have to do all of this every day for me. Dad want’s me to find a guy like Ed (he does NOT know yet that Rosa is pregenent again!), but I am sure when he find’s out, he will be pusheing more for me to get married already, mabye to Fred, who he has NOT even met yet, but who Ed says is good enough for me. I do NOT take marrage lightly, so have to think about if I want to marry Fred and live in Westchester and manage a pet supply store.

      What does the HIVE think? He is hardley a banker, but he does want kid’s and that is a good thing. My onley concern is that he probabley will want me to commute to Manhattan every day from PURDEY’S (up here somewhere) and that waste’s alot of time on the train and I can NOT use my fitbit on the train. FOOEY!

   4. To earn a bit more interest, you could put them in ladder CDs, making a portion of the funds liquid every 3 months.

   5. I feel the same way. We just recently got our emergency fund to the “magic” $25k mark (I don’t know why that was a target for me, but it was just a goal I set), and I hate for it to sit there. I have a few friends that have the same situation – $20-$30k in cash, and then around $30k available in credit lines if needed, and they have put about 30% of their cash into metals – like silver and gold. One friend was showing me that she has a stack of the silver bars from one of the silver foundries (Credit Suisse?), and it is 100 grams but divided into 1 gram pieces, so you could break off 1 gram at a time. She comes from a country where having gold or silver on hand was a good idea (big risk of hyperinflation or having to flee the country), so it was an old habit.

      Has anyone done this? I thought it was an interesting idea for just such an event – earthquake, power outage, something like that where you would either need cash or some kind of valuable currency. You can also always sell it back, and it will probably be doing as well as a mutual fund.

      1. It’s probably less relevant in a developed country, I think.

         In a developed country, you’d have a better chance of finding a functioning local bank branch than a metals trader in an emergency. You’d also lose a fair bit of value between the buy/ sell retail price of precious metals and you’d be the owner of a non-productive lump of shiny stuff, rather than an owner or lender to profit-generating job-creating business enterprises, as would be the case if you invested in an equity or bond fund. Plus you’d have an issue with storing the stuff safely at home – a break-in is surely a much higher risk than needing to flee with portable assets in a modern developed country.

         If you have a tradition of giving precious metals as gifts on important occasions and want to ‘lock in’ a good price when commodity prices are low, why not look at an ETF ? The SPDR gold ETF is one of the largest of the traded ETFs and backed by physical gold ownership ie. every unit you hold represents a little claim on a massive stock of actual gold held safely in a series of secure vaults on your behalf.

   6. I got my emergency fund over the $10k mark this year (which was a goal for me since I’m in my first job out of college and not earning a ton…) and I’m trying to decide what to do as well. I already used some of it to start a Roth IRA and will aim to max it out this year, but otherwise, I just have part of my paycheck deposited in savings every week and it will continue to grow until I touch it again. I wonder if I should keep a smaller amount in the high-yield savings, take out some that I’ve saved, and put it in a CD or something?

      I agree with the other posters that cash on hand is important – I need to take care of that aspect as well!

      1. Perhaps not with your emergency fund, but with your retirement savings, please think about “save +invest” and not just “save.” I was in my late 30s before it occurred to me that I should be doing something with (ie, investing) the money I saved. Duh. I wouldn’t want anyone else to lose all those years that I lost; you can’t get that appreciation back once it’s gone.

   7. I used to think that way. I had plenty of credit and kept my emergency fund in a mutual fund. Then I needed to cash out at the worst possible time, when the market was down. Plus it took a little while and I ended up having to pay a little interest on the credit card.

      Ever since (and it’s been almost 20 years now) I keep my Emergency Fund liquid and I sleep much better at night!

   8. I kind of have two emergency funds: 1) The long-term emergency fund that could cover 6 months of expenses. That’s in a brokerage account. 2) The emergency-emergency fund – as in, the furnace broke, the roof is leaking, car broke down, etc. – which is in a low, low-interest savings account. The second account is about 1/3 the size of the other account. I don’t contribute anything anymore to the first account, and contribute monthly to the second account. That second account also covers vacation expenses.

   9. I struggle with this question as well. I’m married, own a house, have significant student loan debt, and live in an expensive area. Our emergency fund goal is $30k (only $5k to go!) because of our higher expenses. We also have plenty of credit available, but we never carry a balance on our credit cards. Therefore, we need enough cash on hand to pay our credit cards each month. I would consider CDs, but the interest rates are miserable right now. My savings account’s APR is 0.75% right now and I can move money in and out of the account at will without incurring penalties. Maybe I will consider an index fund in the future, but I hate having all my money in the market in case there is another financial crisis (and, if history is any indication, there will be). Still waffling, obviously.

6. Since this is a makeup-related post, I figured I’d ask a dumb makeup question: how does one use bronzer? I have relatively fair skin (usually the 2nd to lightest shade in most brands), and my recent Bare Minerals foundation order came with a bronzer called “warmth.” I am interested in trying it but have no idea how/where/when to apply. Any ideas?

   1. My understanding is that you apply it to the high points of your face in order to simulate a little color from the sun. So – the apples of your cheek up to the temple, across the brow and down the top ridge of your nose, and on your chin. It also adds a little contouring. Might be best to google a tutorial to really make that make sense. The Beauty Department website might have something good.

   2. I was told to apply bronzer in a capital E shape on the sides of my face (one E will be backwards).

      So around the hairline on the forehead, in just under the cheekbone and then around under the chin. Obviously blending is important — it should not look like it on there, but those are the spots where you want the bronzer to hit.

      I really recommend getting a make-up tutorial from Sephora or somewhere else. There are also *tons* of them on YouTube if you don’t want to actually interact with the person.

   3. Check out the blog maskcara.com. She is in love with highlighting and contouring (which she refers to as HAC), and has many posts on how to use bronzer to do this. I think it is similar to what anonymous at 3:44 said, and kind of the opposite of what Mpls said. I am such a makeup newbie and I’ve never touched bronzer, but I gather from what I’ve read that it depends on what you are trying to do with the bronzer. Highlight and contour, or look a little tanner.

   4. It depends based on your face shapes. There are lots of diagrams floating around and they generally all say the same thing. My face is shaped like a short diamond or pear – my face is shorter than it is wide, very defined cheekbones, and my hairline is somewhat narrowed around the temples. I use a bronzer brush or fan brush to apply and blend bronzer (for most days, I use a matte face powder or light brown eyeshadow two shades darker than my skin) in the “3” shape. I put blush in small triangles at the upper end of my cheekbones, close to my ear. If I use highlighter (not an everyday occasion for me), I put it on my lower cheekbones, stopping before my pupils, and then between my eyebrows and on my cupid’s bow.

   5. I am very fair and bronzers labeled bronzer never look right on me. I have better luck with tawny blushes, and I apply where sun hits – nose, forehead, cheeks, chin.

7. Reposting from the weekend thread because it disappeared for a while – thanks to those who chimed in already. Does anyone have suggestions for negotiating therapy rates? I like my new provider, but they charge $160 which is more than I had budgeted (previous providers charged $125 – it’s all out of pocket). Someone suggested prepaying for sessions. Any other ideas? Does $125 seem too low for a large East Coast City?

   1. $125 seems kind of low to me. I’m in the upper midwest (not Chicago) and my therapist charges $135/hour. My step-mother is a psychologist practicing in NJ and she charges $175/hour. Hope that helps.

   2. I responded on the other thread, but I’m coming back to say that $125 is quite low for a large city.

      1. Thanks for reposting. I didn’t see your reply earlier and my post is not there anymore so this is helpful. I may just need to adjust what I think is the average rate

   3. So I started researching this more for my area and rates vary by if you are seeing a psychologist, LCSW, professional counselor, or some other type. Which obviously makes sense, but I hadn’t thought about before. Mine is a licensed professional counselor, which apparently should be on the lower end of the spectrum

8. Did anyone take folic acid before getting pregnant? I am probably a year or so out from actively trying, but if pregnancy happened now, it would be ok with me and my husband. I’m currently charting per TCOYF. I wasn’t thinking of taking pre-natal vitamins or folic acid until we are actively trying, but just read an article this weekend recommending it.

   1. That was my doctor’s recommendation as well, although they can get expensive so I typically take them just during the two week wait.

   2. My primary care doc was always a proponent of taking a women’s multi-vitamin during the child bearing years. Those have the RDA of folic acid so there is some benefit during those early weeks before you know about being pregnant, which is I guess when the folic acid is so important.

      1. That’s what I’ve been told as well.

      2. This is what I do as well – I checked and my multivitamin meets the folic acid guideline, so I’m sticking with that for now.

   3. you should definitely start prior to TTC (my PCP actually recommended it to me). I don’t know about any other vitamins, though my PCP suggested taking a prenatal, but the impact of folic acid on pregnancy outcomes is most influenced by the mother’s level at the time of conception (making it less relevant, actually, to take once you are pregnant. I have a different chronic health issue for which I need to supplement folic acid anyway, but I did start taking an even higher dose once TTC. Of course, in the end, we took years to get pregnant…but I’m not aware of too many downsides to having too much folic acid (though you will find an article or two on it).

   4. Yep, I started taking prenatal vitamins a few months before we started TTC per the advice of my primary care doctor. The extra folic acid will not hurt you, and it can definitely help prevent birth defects if you accidentally get pregnant a little bit early. I think it is a good practice.

   5. No, but I eat a sufficient amount through my normal diet. You could just make sure you eat vegetables, etc.

   6. If you’re thinking about it but not actively trying, you could just add a few foods that are naturally high in folic acid to your diet on a regular/semi-regular basis (e.g., lentils, beans, spinach).

      1. I normally eat these foods, so I figured I would be ok. But I also heard somewhere that folic acid/folate is better absorbed as a supplement rather than through diet. (I thought the opposite was true for other nutrients, so I have been focusing more on diet than on supplements.)

   7. Yes. It’s recommended for women who *could* become pregnant, not just those *trying* to become pregnant. Folic acid is necessary for the fetus in the first month, before most women would know they were pregnant or be able to positively test. Depending on your diet, you may not need a supplement, but a supplement is the easiest way to assure that you are getting enough.

   8. I took prenatal vitamins 1.5 years prior to pulling the goalie. I needed to take a multivitamin anyway, so why not one with more folic acid?

      Word to the wise, though: Don’t take a full prenatal vitamin (with all that iron) on an empty stomach.

   9. I’m a year or two out from trying to conceive, but I take VitaFusion PreNatal gummy vitamins. I love them. They are delicious. I hate trying to swallow big vitamin pills so I was on the lookout for gummy vitamins, and these have been perfect.

      1. fyi VitaFusion gummies are NOT full prenatals… I researched all chewables to death as I hate large pills. the only proper ones are bellybar brand. the vitafusion are tasty, but only have like 2 of the 8 needed nutrients or something if i recall. so you’d need other actual vitamins too. i looked up the exact amounts recommended of each thing and compared the labels online… you can do your own research too but i was disturbed they were calling it a prenatal gummy rather than a partial or something.

         1. Ah! You’re right! I just looked it up and they’re missing calcium, thiamine, riboflavin, and iron, and don’t have enough vitamin C or zinc. Dang it! But they’re so tasty . . . .

            At least they have folic acid?

         2. Well shoot. I took the VitaFusion ones for a year before getting pregnant, throughout my pregnancy, and am still taking them now while BFing. My doctor okayed them when I asked. Oh well. So far baby is healthy…

   10. yes i took bellybar chewables and loved it, no side effects. was 9 mo til pregnant and was glad i’d been on it. healthy baby. i noticed after stopping breastfeeding and then the vitamins my body missed it- it liked that mix. i could not take the stand-alone irons.

9. I have a training class coming up this week at work, and there will apparently be a group workout as part of the class. I looked at an old thread on this but the opinion seemed to be split. I am thinking of wearing my running capris, which are obviously tight but not see-through. I would wear a relatively long, fitted short-sleeved workout shirt and proper bra/shoes/etc. Is it ok to wear the running capris or should I wear baggier pants? I’m not sure what the workout will be, but I always feel uncomfortable doing situps, etc. when wearing baggy running shorts. But I also hate wearing baggier capris/pants because they always seem to fall off if there is running involved. Thoughts?

   1. As long as you don’t have cameltoe/bad panty lines with the capris, I don’t see anything wrong with wearing them.

   2. I’d definitely wear the capris. No danger of flopping open. Covers more leg. They are perfectly appropriate work out attire.

   3. I think you can wear normal workout capris. Anytime we’ve done something “physical” with work, everyone wears normal athletic gear and it isn’t revealing/inappropriate.

   4. I agree that you can wear the capris, but if you feel uncomfortable, maybe wear some of those unbiquitous Nike running shorts over the capris? I have seen people do this before, and never really understood why, but it doesn’t look too bad and might make you feel more comfortable in this situation.

      1. Or you can wear longer shorts with compression shorts underneath. Comfortable, not skintight, but you still don’t run any risk of flashing people.

   5. Lululemon Studio Pants is an option.

10. How irritated can I be about the fact that no store in my area (medium metropolitan area in southern California) has Hanukkah merchandise out yet?

    First I was told (by Target, Rite Aid, Walmart etc.) that it would go out after Halloween. Christmas merchandise was already out in many of the stores here before Halloween. Now the Thanksgiving merchandise is out. But still no Hanukkah. We have college kids in other states to whom we want to send boxes so they can decorate their rooms etc. So last minute purchases won’t work.

    Every store says the same thing: our trucks haven’t arrived yet.

    This year, Hanukkah starts BEFORE Thanksgiving. Is it really possible that none of the retail distribution planners at these large companies can use www DOT interfaithcalendar DOT org? Or is the sad truth that they just don’t care about our business — a distinct possibility?

    1. The sad truth is that they don’t care about or think about our business. Its a total afterthought and I guarantee that the vast majority of people will not realize that Hannukah starts before Thanksgiving and will be well over long before Christmas.

    2. I have seen menorahs, etc. in grocery stores in Anchorage. I’d keep looking.

       1. There are Jews in Anchorage? How did they get there?

          1. The Alaska Democratic Party ran a Jewish candidate – Ethan “the Frozen Chosen” Berkowitz – for Governor in 2010. He was longtime minority leader of the Alaskan House of Representatives, and a much-beloved (to the extent that a Democrat can be) Alaskan politician.

             1. Thanks for enlightening and amusing me. That’s a genius nickname.

          2. Jews came to Alaska the same way every other non-Native Alaskan person did. They drove the Alcan or flew on Alaska Airlines. http://www.alaskajewishmuseum.com/#!

          3. I didn’t see this until today, but I am flummoxed by this question. Is it a troll question?

             Anchorage is a very diverse bustling city of half a million people. Anchorage residents are from all different cultures and backgrounds.

    3. The Container Store had a bunch of stuff when I was in there yesterday. It admittedly may have just been wrapping paper and such, I didn’t look closely, but there was definitely a section.

    4. Hanukkah starts before Thanksgiving this year? Because my calendar says “First Day of Hanukkah” on Nov 28. My understanding is that the eight days count from there, but now I’m wondering if I don’t understand correctly.

       1. The first night you light candles is Wednesday evening, and then you wake up in the morning on Thursday and it is Thanksgiving day. It is a little confusing on some calendars.

          1. Ahhhh, that makes sense. The day starts at sunset. Thanks!

       2. All Jewish holidays start at sundown the night before. The first night of Hannukkah is the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.

    5. I’ve seen some Chanukah merchandise out at regular stores (i.e., non-Judaica stores), like David’s Tea. It may be a bit early though (even though Chanukah is early this year, most people won’t have thought of it yet). I would check a Judaica store in your town as they’re sure to have a ton of stuff, and it will also be less faux-Christmas/Christmas with the colours changed than a lot of the stuff you might find as “Christmas-adjacent” merchandise.

    6. Do stores in your area usually carry Hanukkah merchandise? If so, it doesn’t make sense to conclude that they “don’t care about your business.” They’re just inattentive. Businesses exist to make money; if you remind them it’s Hanukkah and they conclude that carrying Hanukkah merchandise would be profitable, then they’ll provide it.

    7. Order stuff online. Problem solved. I understand being upset with the principle of the matter, but all you can do now is actually solve the issue by ordering online.

    8. I’ve seen it in Nor. Cal. for the last 1-2 weeks. I’ve definitely seen stuff at Williams-Sonoma (probably not what you are looking at for college kids), but I thought I just bought Hanukkah candles at Target (racking my brain to think of where else I’ve been in the last 2 weeks that I might have picked them up).

    9. I saw stuff at crate and barrel over the weekend.

       1. Crate and Barrel had VERY cute Chanukah candles last year.

    10. There is NOTHING in stores near where I live (mid-size southern city). Le sigh. :(

    11. That’s really odd. I’m in nor-cal right now & Chanukah stuff is out everywhere. As soon as I see stuff out I grab it up because I feel like all the stores only get 1 shipment & when it’s gone, it’s gone.
        I’ve had luck at bed, bath & beyond & TJ Maxx as well.

    12. I saw some at Costco this weekend (Brooklyn). You might check there.

11. On a beauty related note, does anyone have a lipstick they love? I’m thinking clinique chubby stick coverage and not a ton of shine but more staying power? Sadly no Sephora in the UK…

    1. I recently started using Elizabeth Arden Eight Hour Cream Lip Protectant Stick Sheer Tint Sunscreen SPF 15 (in Plum) and love it. Used the Fresh Sugar (also in Plum) for years, but I prefer this. It lasts much longer.

    2. I swear by catrice for sheers and… kate by rimmel for more coverage. I’ve also had really good experience with Revlon

    3. Revlon’s Colorburst line in Candy Apple is a near dupe for my favorite “day” red (MAC Lady Bug) but has quite a bit more staying power and is about half the price. There are a lot of cute shades in that line.

    4. I’ve had great results with Dior Rouge. I have Blazing Red and a fuchsia color (don’t remember the name), and both stay well and are very pigmented. A little pricey, but totally worth it!

    5. Tarte LipSurgence comes in a stick like the clinique ones but is more of a lipstain+lipbalm, so it lasts much longer. I like it a lot. The enchanted color is my favorite. Another good option would be the NARS satin or gloss lip pencils.

    6. Revlon’s Just Bitten Kissable is a dupe for the chubby stick. And it smells a bit minty. I’m partial to the Honey color (medium caucasian, “winter” complexion).

12. Following up from post earlier about joint and discretionary accounts, do most people have joint accounts for everything or joint accounts for major expenses with separate accounts for smaller discretionary spending/splurging? I’m getting married and have been single for so long and used to not having to answer questions about how I spend my money so the latter would seem to be a good idea. Curious about how other couples manage their money.

    1. We keep everything (everything!) separate because of the comments my stepkids’ mom has made to my DH about suing us to get at (what she perceives to be my greater) assets and income.

    2. I have yours, mine and ours accounts for convenience, but we think of everything as joint. Who picks up the dinner tab is a joke between my husband and I, since it totally doesn’t matter. I have to admit I was pretty surprised that a married couple would even debate who’s “discretionary account” a family trip should come from.

    3. DH and I were single most of our adult lives before getting married last year. We decided we were all-in, so we kept small balances in our own bank accounts, but opened a joint account in a new bank. Our paychecks go in our joint account, and our mortgage/student loans/utilities/big monthly expenses come out of the joint account.

       Many couples do the thing where they assign a certain percentage as “mad money” or discretionary funds for each spouse. We decided to talk about purchases over a certain amount ($200 or whatever).

       We also use Mint.com to keep track of our credit cards and bank balances, and budget certain amounts for various things. He’s the kind of guy that puts all purchases on a credit card to accrue points, and I put most purchases on our debit card so I don’t have to worry about forgetting to pay a credit card bill and accruing a penalty. With Mint.com, we can each see each other’s accounts and credit cards easily. (You can’t link logins, though, so we both log in under his email address.)

       There’s no real good answer that works for everyone. Some people prefer having separate accounts, and auto-transfer a percentage or amount into a joint account for joint expenses. You’ll just have to talk it over with your husband, and don’t be afraid to adjust your system as your needs change. As with many things in your new marriage, you’ll feel like if you set it up one way now, then you can never change it, and it will be this way for 30 years. That’s unnecessary pressure on yourself and your marriage. Try things out. Nothing has to be set in stone. See what works for the two of you, and don’t be afraid to say, “Honey, can we try something else? This isn’t working for me.”

    4. We have joint everything. We don’t try to control or monitor each other’s discretionary spending, and we use a team approach to creating and managing the budget/expenses. Together ~10 yrs.

       1. Oh, and we married as adult professionals.

          1. This is us too. We do check in with each other prior to big purchases, but that is more out of courtesy/making sure money is in place. We have similar spending styles and attitudes about money so there are rarely negative surprises or fights.

             1. We’re the same–all accounts combined and we consult as we go about major expenses. No issues so far.

                However, OP, I hear you about not wanting to have to answer questions about your spending as long as it’s within reason. I feel the same way, perhaps because one gets used to it as a single working adult. So we each have our own credit cards and do all our discretionary spending on those. It started as a trial system but I think it works perfectly. We’re each accountable for the amount on our bill every month, but the specifics of how we spent it don’t need to be hashed out. It’s also helpful in buying gifts for each other if we’re trying to hide a surprise.

             2. (I’m in moderation, so here’s another try. Apologies if it ends up going up twice.)

                We’re the same–all accounts combined and we consult as we go about major expenses. No issues so far.

                However, OP, I hear you about not wanting to have to answer questions about your spending as long as it’s within reason. I feel the same way, perhaps because one gets used to it as a single working adult. So we each have our own credit cards and do all our discretionary spending on those. It started as a trial system but I think it works perfectly. We’re each accountable for the amount on our bill every month, but the specifics of how we spent it don’t need to be h@shed out. It’s also helpful in buying gifts for each other if we’re trying to hide a surprise.

             3. Same here, although we married at the beginning of our professional careers (me – 1 year in, husband – after MA graduation but before starting work).

    5. We bank with a credit union. I have my own account with a checking/savings account and my husband has his own account. However, we use the checking account under my husband’s name as our joint account.

       When we got married, we put everything in the joint checking account. We each have money from our paychecks automatically deposited into our individual savings accounts. And we have separate Roth IRA accounts.

       Everything is paid for out of our checking account. I do make a lot more than my husband, but he has more expensive tastes – like music equipment. If he wants to make a big purchase we talk it over and see it’s feasible. I took a girls only trip couple of years ago and I did not pay for that separately.

    6. This is all helpful and our first decision doesn’t have to be the final decision we are stuck with if it isn’t working for us. Most of our spending is on credit cards which get paid off monthly so the only major change may be non-cc transactions which should, IMO, come out of our soon to be joint account.

    7. We share everything. If I want to buy him a “secret” present, I just put it on my credit card (we do have separate credit cards and pay them separately). He does the same.

       You mention being concerned him commenting on how you spend your money. That is something to discuss before you get married. My husband and I discuss our budget regularly and we make sure to save money, too. Neither of us would ever dream of commenting on the other’s purchase(s) unless there was something really screwy or questionable.

       I’ll tell you a funny story though. He got into photography one year and wanted to sell some framed prints at a show. Asked me if he could buy some frames for the photos he wanted to sell. I was like, “sure, no problem.” The credit card statement came, I opened it, and he had spent $1200 on frames for his photos. I was like, “Those better have been the nicest photo frames ever!” So, yeah, sometimes stuff will come as a surprise. I still wouldn’t change the way we divide or handle money, though.

       Having separate accounts and then a joint account just seems like a lot of work. I did inherit a substantial sum a few years back. I didn’t want it to become part of our joint assets, though. So I do keep that in a separate account that’s not connected to our joint finances in any way.

    8. We have a main joint account for spending, one for savings, and then I have my own account for discretionary spending. Dh is low maintenance & his mad money just comes out of the regular account and I’m OK with that. I get a certain amount per paycheque that I deposit into my own account and use my own credit card to buy clothes, etc. Dh sometimes still makes comments about what I spend, but I always let him know that it’s within my budget.

       We’ve been married 19 years – got married as young university students, and have evolved our finances to this position that is working quite well for us. At least on my side, anyway.

    9. We do his/hers/ours with 10% of our checks into individual accounts and 90% into the joint.
       The 10% covers coffees, a drink with co-workers, lunches etc…
       The joint account gets to almost zero every month because its all allocated to bills/investments/short & long term savings/retirement/college funds etc….

    10. We have separate accounts and a joint account for joint expenses and I love the setup. Every week, we both automatically transfer an agreed upon amount into the joint account and use that for all bills, dinners out, groceries, trips, etc. IMHO, it’s a great and easy way to avoid arguing about money, or even having to rationalize expenses. DH likes to go out for lunch, and I like to buy shoes but we never have to explain our choices because we budget for them on our own.

    11. DH and I eventually plan to have slush funds but right now all income is required to pay monthly expenses, meet savings goals, etc. I do all our finances. However, DH maintains a business account and credit card that I do not track on Quicken/Mint. If he needs to buy me a gift, he uses those “blind” accounts.

        I would suggest discussing budgets, savings goals, etc. with your SO early and regularly. I love Mint because it sends a weekly report that I then forward to my husband. He may not see the accounts daily, but he has some idea of what is going on and can ask me any questions. We discuss all purchases other than groceries, Target, and gas and plan all major expenditures as much as possible.

        I also keep Quicken so I can maintain records on stock basis, capital gains and losses, etc.

13. Ladies, I’m on a boat. :D my holiday is underway!

14. I am planning to stock up on things I need at the Sephora VIB sale that starts on November 7th.

    I’ll be ordering / purchasing:

    Tarte Clean Slate Poreless 12-hour perfecting primer
    YSL touch eclat foundation
    Bobbi Brown long wear eye pencil
    A fun and splurgy lipstick (deciding between a Givenchy dark red color or a Chanel pinky-browny shiny one.)

    I have the Tarte Amazonian Clay in ‘Natural Beauty’ and I love it, but it is a very bright pink. Just to let you know that it is a highly pigmented and intense color. I usually layer it with Benefit Coralista to tone it down a little.

15. Yay! My boyfriend has begun talking about going engagement ring shopping this month (even as soon as this weekend), which is really, really exciting.

    However, I literally know nothing about engagement rings – I tried to avoid looking as much as possible to avoid making myself crazy about waiting for him to propose – and have no idea what I want (I don’t even know my ring size). Also, I don’t know what his budget is, and I don’t really know how to handle that whole aspect of it either.

    I’m normally a pro shopper, but looking for such a significant purchase is making me a little nervous. Anyone have any tips on ring shopping with your SO?

    1. 1) Get a manicure or at least try to make your hands look nice so you aren’t distracted. (optional)
       2) They can measure you for ring size in 30 seconds at the first store.
       3) Try on a bunch of styles to figure out what you like, what looks good on your hand. Try them on with wedding bands too. BF and jeweler can handle the budget once you have an idea of what you want.
       4) Have fun. This is a time to try on all the sparkly things.

    2. I know some people handle the budget thing by having the buyer call the jeweler ahead of time and telling them the budget. Then the jeweler knows to show the buyee only those rings the buyer can afford.

       But I also wouldn’t worry too much about budget at this point. Most rings can be made at wildly different price points. If you’re going with a diamond solitaire or similar, the diamond itself can range in price from several hundred to tens of thousands of dollars based on the four C’s: carat, cut, clarity, and color. Also, the metal used for the setting affects the price. So a ring made of 14k gold with a smaller, lower quality stone can cost thousands less than the same ring made of platinum with a large, high quality diamond. If you like a setting, your boyfriend can work with the jeweler to find a diamond that fits his budget while preserving the overall appearance of the setting you liked.

    3. Just did this a few months ago and ended up with a beautiful engagement ring which he designed himself but was based on various suggestions I had given during our ring shopping trips. We went to a variety of jewelers (both low and high end and also online shopping) to get a feel for what we both liked. I had no clue about bands, stones, carats etc but spending some time at jewelry stores helped me figure out my style and what I thought looked pretty on me but was also unique and then once I shared that, he ran with it and came up with the perfect ring that I adore. Re budget: he decided his budget based on discussions with the jewelers in my absence.

    4. I just went shopping for rings a few weeks ago with my boyfriend. We went to two different places about 2 weeks apart and we’re pretty much done shopping now (it’s all in his hands!). The night before we went I looked online a little so I had some idea of the styles I liked. We went to a place that was really really helpful. The girl there basically taught us everything about rings. We started off with trying on different styles (3 stone, solitaire, halo, pave band, etc…) and then narrowing things down from there. Once we selected a few bands we moved on to trying on different diamonds in the bands. I would at least have SOME idea of style and diamond shape, but you can formulate opinions pretty quickly and easily in the store. The first time we went shopping it only took us 1.5 hours and we had 3 different rings picked out by the end. The 2nd time we went shopping it pretty much confirmed what we wanted. I’m so thankful we had a good salesperson, so I would go to a nice jeweler to check out rings if you want a good, informative experience and a lot of attention. You can make an appointment at most places.

       In terms of budget, I asked him straight up to give me a range so that I knew what to look at. I actually thought it was a lot lower than it was, so I was surprised. Our first ring salesperson said we can deal with budget later, the second one asked up front so I didn’t pick out a fancier ring (I think he thought we didn’t have a lot of money since we tend to look young).

    5. Do you have engaged/married friends? If so, looking at their rings might give you a very rough first idea of what you like (gold versus silver or white gold, thick vs thin band, shape of diamond etc).

       If you don’t have any idea what you like, then its probably best for you guys to go to a jewelry store together and look at a wide selection of rings. My guess is you’ll immediately gravitate toward a certain type of ring. When you do that initial shopping, I don’t think budget is a huge concern. Unless he has a budget where it will be hard to afford any kind of diamond (<$500 or so, probably), you can basically conform the ring to the budget by changing the size of the center diamond, so even if the rings you're looking at are out of budget you'll still get a sense of whether you like that style. If he wants to discuss the budget with you, obviously you can look at rings in that range and you might find a specific ring you like. But even if he doesn't want to tell you the budget, I think shopping together is still a good idea for him to get a sense of your style. Its very common for couples to go to jewelry stores together, so the sales people shouldn't act weird or anything.

       Ring size is easy – they can size you in any jewelry stores and there are also ways to print out a piece of paper online and size yourself. But going into a jewelry store is more accurate and should only take 5 minutes.

    6. Something to consider (and that I didn’t fully realize before e-ring shopping) is that you can look at setting and then scale the stone size up or down, giving the price flexibility within a particular design. While looking with him, mention what about a style you like and which stones are about the size/shape you’d like, since based on the experience of my friends and me, it seems that most men understandably overestimate. If you don’t want him to go over a certain price point, let him know.

       I selected ~3 settings that I liked. He went back separately to select one and the stone(s). It worked beautifully. He felt confident that I’d like what he picked but still got to surprise me like he wanted.

       1. And try all designs of rings! I started with an idea of what I wanted, but thankfully tried on a wide range because I ended up liking something completely different. It was different once they were on my finger.

    7. If you’re in the market for a diamond, take a look at the Blue Nile website, which has a step-by-step ring-buying function which starts with a stone or a design, and is very clear on pricing at every stage. Very useful starting point, whether you eventually buy from there or not.

    8. Just a couple more things to add: 1) Don’t forget to be a little bit practical. I’m really clumsy and work with my hands all the time, so I knew that I needed something that wouldn’t snag on sweaters–i.e., a flat setting without any diamond that stuck out. 2) Be reasonable about price. It may technically be your soon-to-be-fiance’s money, but any money he’s spending on a ring is money that you aren’t going to have in your marriage for other expenses 0r savings goals. 3) Don’t buy into any “keeping up with the Joneses” approach to your ring. Pick one you like because it’s pretty, not just because it will impress other people. 4) Have so much fun because it’s really fun to try on pretty jewelry!

16. My husband and I are expecting our first baby in the spring and are working on getting our stuff in order (will, life insurance, etc.). We’re totally stuck on guardians. Neither of us has siblings, nor cousins we’re close to, and our parents are healthy but have admitted they’re too old to have full care of an infant/toddler. My husband’s best friend and his wife are an option. They’re good people and the baby would have a loving home, but the wife is 100% different from me. Same with another couple we’re friends with (although they also aren’t sure they even want kids while best friend and wife already have two of their own). There’s one other couple who we both agree are good people (exceptionally good — they’ve really been there for us in the past in ways that bowled us over), and are very much like us in personality, values, outlook, and sense of humor. They have no kids yet but are planning to start very soon. But, while they’re friends, we dont’ know if they’re close enough friends for us to ask about this kind of thing. I’m at about 20 weeks and really want to wrap this up before the baby becomes viable. It’s totally gruesome, but I worry about what happens if, after the baby is viable but before he’s born, my husband and I will be in a car crash and die but they’ll be able to save the baby. So I feel like we should have a plan before that becomes a possibility. Has anyone else dealt with this? How did you make the decision? I realize children aren’t possessions and you can’t just will them to a person, but it does cut down on the redtape, right? Does having a guardian in the will ensure that the child stays out of foster care if you die?

    1. Actually, a will is the ONLY way to designate a guardian for minor children in the event of your death, so you are on the right track.

       Honestly, though, I think the chances of anything happening are so vanishingly small that in your shoes, I would designate somebody I knew well now, and maybe revisit it once the relationship with the other couple develops to the point you feel comfortable broaching the subject.

       1. Check jurisdiction on this. In CA I’ve seen a separate, one-page guardian nomination. It is not binding but states your preference and has pretty heavy weight with the court.

    2. What about your parents, with the idea that they would hire help? My parents are only in their 60s but they are just totally wiped out by my school aged kids. Still, that’s where I would want them to go because there really aren’t other options, and I think they could do it if they had to.

    3. For various reasons, we also had to nominate non-family as guardian. We chose a couple that we both knew well when we were married, who we thought were good parents, and would be able to handle raising our biracial child with visits to family spread across two continents. They live out of state, and closer to my family. Our child has visited with them twice in six years. We agreed that we would revisit the nomination when our child was five. It took us a year to choose someone new. Today, we just signed codicils and chose a different couple. This couple knows our child better than the first, but like the first couple, they live out of state. However, they also live closer to some of our extended family, and they are expecting their first child. The wife has been my BFF for 15 years. Our child is closer/has a more developed relationship with the family near my BFF. Our child has spent quality time with this couple over the years.

       We also nominated temporary in-state guardians so that our child will (hopefully) not end up with strangers in a foster environment waiting for the guardian to arrive.

       The short version of this: at first, we nominated someone who we considered to be a good parent (and had similar values re: parenting and education) and would be able to talk to our child about what we were like when we were young, and be able to handle the demands of visiting our families. We agreed to revisit it when our child was five to see if anything changed.

       Good luck, it’s such a tough decision. Also, when I say couple, I really mean one individual is nominated from the couple (in case of divorce or death).

17. Just saw your question from the weekend thread. (Back from a day in court and unmotivated to do other work . . .)

    Several years ago I used NY Habitat dot com to find a flat in London and they were great. We didn’t really know the city and the staff was helpful in helping us choose a very reasonable flat in a nicely central, not-too-touristy and safe area for DH, our then 12-year-old son and me.

    A friend also used them this year to find an apartment in Paris and was very happy.

    Have a great trip.

    1. Thanks a ton, Jules!! Most appreciated. I’m actively planning now & I”m sure will be back on here asking for some recs in the coming days. So excited!!

18. Any ideas how to prevent yellow armpit stains in silk blouses? I don’t sweat that much but this seems to be an issue for me. Is it the deodorant?

    1. I stopped getting those stains when I switched from antiperspirant (Dove) to deodorant (Tom’s of Main lavender). I don’t sweat very much, either.

    2. I use a cancelled antiperspirant that is aluminum free (have to buy it on ebay or amazon because it’s not made anymore) called Adidas for Women Cotton Tech+ Absorbent-Deo. If you only use this, it totally prevents yellow staining on white shirts. Only downside is you can’t use it on freshly shaven armpits without putting lotion on first because it stings a little. I bought a 12-pack of this cancelled product and have been using it successfully while wearing white tees and light colored silk shirts for a while. I can’t use deodorant without antiperspirant in it because I sweat too much, but this product is great. Not super strong but it does have an antiperspirant.
       If you do get a stain, scrub with Dawn and/or spray all over with Oxi-clean. Wash. Repeat if stain not gone. DO NOT PUT IN DRYER or the stain will set and be a lot harder to get out. I’ve had a lot of success with this method.
       Here’s one person selling that deodorant on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Adidas-Women-CottonTECH-ABSORBANT-DEO-Deodorant/dp/B001B4S0ZG

    3. Late in the game, but in case you’re still checking: it’s the aluminum in the antiperspirant. A deodorant shouldn’t leave the yellow stains at all, organic or no. Also, I noticed that my body sort of “adjusted” to using deodorant, and over time I sweat less. Just a word of warning that if you switch, you’re going to feel quite damp and weird for a little while, but your body adjusts.

19. I have an Aria and I love it. No complaints and my skin has never looked better.

20. Surprised no one else noted the product recommended here is from harvested Amazonian clay… does this seem possibly like a bad thing? Maybe it’s good, creating jobs… but really, can’t we take clay from a less biologically sensitive and diverse place?…. I wouldn’t buy it without more research and would still likely be cynical of its impacts or truthfulness.

21. I’ve heard a lot of bad things about the Clarisonic from a friend, like it breaks if you leave it on the charger all the time, it’s cheaply made and not worth the money, etc.

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