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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Boatneck Stretch Wool Dress

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A woman wearing a black dress and black heels

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This long-sleeved sheath from Akris is one of those dresses that has me asking whether I really need to pay my mortgage and buy groceries this month. I love a boatneck, I love a bracelet sleeve, just go ahead and take all my money.

If this is in your budget, please buy and wear it with confidence, because it’s going to look great. 

The dress is $3,390 at Neiman Marcus and comes in sizes 2–16.

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

274 Comments

  1. I have a history of anxiety/depression, but honestly its been much better for years now. I’m on a low dose of wellbutrin, but not talking to a therapist right now. I’ve been having some family issues recently and work has gotten a little hard, and I really feel like its coming back. I feel very demotivated, nothing is exciting me, its hard to do things whether thats work or keeping up the apartment. Honestly for the work stress part I can’t even tell if its a real issue or if it’s just me being anxous.

    I haven’t felt like I was having an “episode” like this for literally years. I guess I should try and find a therapist to talk with again. That’s just the type of thing that feels so hard right now. I live in a major city near family and friends, am single/no kids/no pets.

    – I’m going to try to go to the gym more because I think that does help in many ways
    – I’m fully WFH, but try to work-from-coffee-shop a bit
    – Maybe a massage? I feel like a want a vacation, but I’ve had fairly relaxed weekend and that hasn’t left me recharged. I also have 24 days of PTO (10 days booked this years). Maybe I try to take a few days off, or even a week, and make a plan for it? I feel like I need some time to not think about work. This is annoying because until recently work wasn’t stressing me out, which was fabulous and made me feel like I could stay here for the long long term.

    1. I find instead of going to the gym I like to take a class. The structure of it forces me to stick to it, and it feels more like self care to me than working it because I have to. I’ve been doing ballet, but it could be anything – yoga, rock climbing, spinning… I’ve never made close friends in any of these classes but I do see familiar faces and nod or say hi. Doing something where I can see a progression makes me feel like I have a purpose. Just an idea if it works for you! But also, there’s nothing wrong with seeing your doctor to talk about adjusting your meds.

      1. I’m not particularly athletic, so many times group classes make me feel like I’m in high school gym class. Maybe a dance class or something

        1. I’m also not athletic (I am pretty flexible though) but I’ve found easy yoga classes and ballet classes don’t give me that high school gym class vibe. I can’t do anything involving hand-eye coordination (except mini golf) and pilates/HIIT classes definitely make me feel like a pathetic weakling.

      2. +1 to some kind of class that you enjoy at a consistent time. I think a massage and vacations can help in a moment, so that’s good to do, but for long term I really think that having a regular thing that you do that someone else tells you what to do for an hour is really helpful in managing stress and not thinking about work. Personally I love yoga classes for this. For less athletic versions, skip the power flow, flow or 26+2 classes and look for the slow flow, hatha, or restorative classes.

    2. Definitely take a vacation.

      When I’m in times like this, leaning on my friends really helps me personally – they lift me up in ways that therapy/exercise/etc do not. When I’m depressed the last thing I want to do is leave the house and socialize, but I know I feel so much better when I do.

      1. I have been socializing a lot and it’s definitely helped. I went on a short trip with friends earlier this year and have another short trip booked. These are long weekends though which made me think that maybe I need an actual week off – other senior people at my company have already taken serious time off this year so it wouldn’t be odd at all. Even if I go on a trip by myself if its to a new city or something I think I would have a good time. Is this a good time of year to go to New Orleans?

        1. I also struggle with anxiety, and I would definitely take a full week off. For me, long weekends and short trips are helpful but not enough. Sometimes, I just need a longer period of time to not think about work. You don’t even have to take a trip–you can do a staycation, plan some classes and walks and fun activities around your own town or city. In July 2020, I took a week off and painted my bedroom and bathroom and listened to audiobooks. Even that helped, though outside of lockdown, I’d probably choose something more fun than painting.

          I live in New Orleans, and this is a wonderful time of year to visit. The weather is beautiful, and there’s a food or music festival somewhere around the city every weekend between now and Memorial Day. Jazz Fest is the most famous, but there’s French Quarter Fest, Crawfish Festival, a bbq competition, Bayou Boogaloo, Greek Fest, and many more. I will say that downtown New Orleans and the French Quarter are not particularly safe lately, and I’d avoid walking in those areas if you’re alone at night. I’d recommend staying uptown on the streetcar line, either the Hampton Inn on St. Charles in the Garden District if you prefer chain hotels, the Hotel Saint Vincent on Magazine St., or The Chloe if you like a hotel with its own lively scene.

          1. Also in Nola and the Chloe is a great rec if it is in your budget! There are some B&Bs uptown that might also be nice. If you do come to Nola, post the date of your trip and we can give specific recs but these next couple of months are a great time to visit!

    3. Find a therapist. The other things in your list are lovely and do them if they make you feel better, but none is a substitute for therapy. You seem to acknowledge that that’s what you need and I agree it is so hard. But its worth it– you’re worth it. Do the hard thing. You can do it.

      2. OP can you ask your employee assistance portal for a list of therapists and phone numbers or links?
        Maybe you can just go down the list and start calling or clicking and sending a form or email while you’re watching a comfort show or listening to good music

        To me the research is daunting
        I suggest EAP because this was an example I heard from an EAP presentation
        A friend or family member you trust could also help with this
        Just asking for help will help you feel better
        Sending internet professional hugs and thumbs up reactions

        1. And if you have the PTO, go ahead and take a day off this to do the legwork of calling around, figuring out who has openings, works with your insurance, etc.

    4. It sounds like you’ve moved since you last went to therapy? If have a therapist you clicked with before, I’d suggest seeing if they offer virtual sessions.

      1. Yeah exactly. And changed insurance. So I’d have to find a new therapist. I had looked for one but couldn’t find a decent one that took insurance . . . it wasn’t dire before but maybe now I just pay for one.

        1. Also “doesn’t take insurance” just means they won’t bill the insurance for you. Pretty much any therapist will give you the paperwork you need to submit a claim to your insurance company yourself. I did that for years and once you figure out the process it’s not that hard.

    5. I feel like it is such a huge cliche, but yoga has been life changing for this never-athletic, uncoordinated, group-exercise-averse person. I started out with the Lululemon Studio aka the Mirror, now run by Peloton, in my basement. I learned enough to venture out in public and now I go to an inclusive yoga studio where I feel supported. It has become my “third place” and has improved my physical and mental health immensely.

      I fully believe in and rely on medications and therapy as well, but this adjunct has been amazing for me.

      3. The Body Keeps the Score highlights some very convincing research on the mental/emotional health benefits of yoga. I’m a believer too – it does me wonders.

      4. Everyone always says this, but yoga has been the worst for me. Yoga classes give me the “gym class” and also “not fitting in” issues the most out of any type of exercise class. I tried for a while, even got a membership at a small, friendly local yoga studio, but realized that I regularly feel more upset after yoga classes and it was fine to give it up.

    6. I have periods like this and I think the gym is the right idea – there’s a ton of research out there now that hard exercise that really gets your blood flowing (running, stairmaster, squash, and dance above all) is a big mood booster. I bet a close friend or family member would help find and make a therapy appointment for you, lean on your support network!

    7. I have been on anxiety medication for over 20 years and during that time I have found there were times that the meds I had taken for years just didn’t work as well anymore and I had to switch to something else. This might be the case for you at this time.

      1. Or talk to your doctor about changing to the extended-release version, if you’re not already on it. When I started having breakthrough anxiety, switching helped a lot without needing to change the dose.

  2. I’m going to Montreal in a couple weeks – we have some things planned out but any must-see sightseeing suggestions?

    1. A spa is a nice Montreal classic – Bota Bota is the iconic Old Port location, but there are other nice ones around the city if you have a car (I like Strom Nuns Island for a slightly quieter vibe). Go up Mount Royal, see the McGill campus and Downtown on the way up, and go back down towards the Mile End and the iconic Bagel shops. Go to the markets – Jean Talon or Atwater. Depending on when you’re coming, the food stalls at Atwater might be open already. If so, I like to walk or cycle along the canal from the Old Port to Atwater and get some food there. I’m biased because it’s my area, but there are cute restaurants and coffee shops around there and it’s a fun local vibe. Museum-wise, I like the MFA and Pointe à Caillère for Montreal history (decent brunch with a lovely view in the restaurant on the top floor).

      3. They have a great light show at the Basilica that is definitely worth seeing.

        https://www.aurabasiliquemontreal.com/en

        Also make time to visit the Basilica in the daytime because it’s just gorgeous and there is an amazing gold chapel behind the main altar that is not to be missed.

    2. Get bagels! Montreal-style bagels are far, far superior to NY style and that is a hill I will die on.

        1. Oh fun! I recommend going with basic sesame to start. Very popular with cream cheese or in a smoked meat sandwich in one of Montreal’s many delis.

  3. I’ve inherited a house – and now want to figure out how to balance retirement savings.
    I will have some monthly costs, but be paying ~$1500 less per month than I was paying in rent.
    I’m single, HCOL city.

    Until now I was contributing about 10% to my 401k (plus company 6% match) because I wanted to save up for a downpayment – I wasn’t expecting this house. Now I will definitely increase my contributions to 15%. Do I need to max out Roth IRA as well? I have one, but I mainly used it in the past when I didn’t have a 401k. If I have money to save beyond the 401k contribution, does it make sense to put it in the Roth IRA or does that tie it up unnecessarily?

    1. If your company has that level of a match, they may have a financial advisor you can use to talk about your investments more broadly, so I would check your benefits. It’s hard to answer these questions without lots of follow up, so that’s why the advice will generally be find a fee based financial planner to build an initial plan with.
      I recently inherited a house as well, so my one piece of advice is wait a bit to see how your expenses settle. You may already know this, but i’m a first time owner, and seeing all the insurance costs, maintenance costs has been surprising.

      1. Also add estate planning to the list. In addition to the accounts you already have, you now need to have a plan for how to handle the house if you die. It’s a little different than the account because whoever receives it will also receive the expenses that come with it and you might want to provide for that.

        1. I’ve been thinking of this. I was planning on getting an estate planning lawyer but this sounds like I need a financial planner as well.

    2. If you have not owned before, make sure you account for property taxes, homeowners insurance, and maintenance costs. When I first bought my house I was told to plan on spending between 1%-4% of the rough value of the home each year on maintenance and repairs. That has been a good rule of thumb.

      If you are covered there, then putting extra in a Roth IRA makes sense. Look up the parameters to be sure you understand them, but you can generally withdraw your contributions (not earnings) penalty-free if needed in the future.

      1. This. Even though you don’t have to pay rent anymore, there could be significant expenses associated with homeownership that you were not expecting. Since you inherited this house, my first thought was how old is it and does it need any substantial updates, repairs or maintenance.

        1. +1 hire a roof inspector + general inspector (+ in my earthquake prone area, a foundation inspector) for a full check as soon as possible. If you know a realtor ask them for recommendations.

          Worth also taking a look at the hazard map- will you need flood insurance? earthquake insurance? etc.
          You probably also need an appraisal for estate taxes and the like.

      2. Also agree with this. Houses can be expensive. But it’s never a mistake to max out your Roth if you still have extra money sitting around, because you lose the opportunity to have that money grow tax free through retirement if you don’t contribute each year, but you can always withdraw the contributions penalty free (there is some risk associated with whatever you invest that money in, if you end up needing it again in the short term and your investments have lost money over that time period, but if you’re really concerned about that, you can leave some amount of it in low risk investments, though you’ll be reducing future returns).

        1. This is what I’ve been trying to figure out. So the tax benefit (over just putting it in a normal brokerage) is that the growth isn’t taxed, and I could still get the money I put in out of the Roth IRA if needed (market permitting as you said).

          I know there are likely some costs, and I still have to move, buy new furniture etc.
          So it’ll probably be:
          – Increase 401k % bc at some point in my life I want to max out my 401k
          – Pay for all house improvements etc
          – IF there is extra money, decide about putting it in a Roth IRA or just directly into a brokerage.

          1. If you’re eligible for a Roth IRA, I’d go in order of 401K contributions to get the company match, max out Roth IRA, then work toward maxing the 401K.
            As others have said, houses can be expensive. See where your expenses settle and make sure you have a good emergency fund. Figure out the age and expected life span of the roof, each major component of the HVAC system, and the hot water heater, and make plans to save for anything that likely needs to be replaced in the next 5-8 years. It’s not uncommon for those types of expenses to bunch together, especially if they were all installed at the same time (new build, renovation, prep for sale, etc.). Depending on the age of the house, I’d also hire a plumber to scope the pipes and make sure they’re in good shape and clear. If you have deteriorating terra cotta or cast iron pipes, it’s better to replace those on your schedule than when your sewer line completely falls apart.

          2. I’m always opted to max out my Roth before pretax, but that will depend somewhat on your tax bracket (I work for the state so I put a lot into pretax too, but nowhere close to maxed out because I have mandatory contributions to a 401a plus a 403b and 457). I like to have a balance of pre and post tax savings and the fact that you can withdraw Roth contributions penalty free gets me to save more than I would otherwise, though I’ve never actually made a withdrawal. But I agree that you should definitely keep a decent amount in a HYSA in the short term for the inevitable expenses over next year or so.

      3. Yep. I’d save enough to cover some significant potential house emergency expenses, and only then turn to additional retirement savings. Roof, major systems like electrical or HVAC, sudden crack in the foundation or water in the basement – $20-30K is not too high for the house emergency fund and insurance isn’t going to cover regular replacement of the major systems.

    3. Echoing what others have said: property taxes, insurance, and maintenance can be a lot of money.

      I think your first step is to get your arms around the annual cost of this house: mortgage (if any), property taxes, insurance, landscaping, snow removal, and maintenance.

      Then consider what repairs it needs now as well as what repairs are coming down the pike. Is the roof brand new, or will you need a new one in five years? Appliances in good working order? Does it need fresh paint? Any issues with the bathrooms? It seems like you could probably get an inspection done, akin to a pre purchase inspection, that would give you some insight.

      Also consider how much you like the house and if you want to do substantial renovations.

      From that, decide if you’re going to be in for significant cash outlays in the next 5 years. If so, I would throw it all into a HYSA, rather than mess with into and out of retirement vehicles, but your own preferences will vary.

      1. If its going to be used pretty soon I would definitely rather keep it in the HYSA. The house is fairly new but there are some needed upgrades that I was going to do more immediately.

    4. How old is the house and how recently have the roof, mechanical systems, and windows been replaced? Unless the house is in amazing condition, I would budget at least $500-1,000 per month for maintenance for the first few years as all these things fail and need to be replaced.

  4. I used to find PowerPoint easy when I needed to make camera-ready or high-resolution materials to be printed. Now, i just cannot easily seem to use it. What in 2024 is easiest to update my skills in and use for this task — Word, Adobe, PowerPoint? Any helpful YouTube tutorials? I just need to make a 12×24 sign with a QR code. I tried Canva but it may not scale up to be sharp (plus I need it in landscape orientation). I can get a paid version of anything I don’t have now but what should I use?

    I’m actually great at hand-lettering but that is for restaurant chalkboards and wedding invitations. Ugh!

    2. Canva works great for this, you just need a blank page where you choose your size.
      Go to the “what will you design today?” and do “custom size”.

      1. Thanks — I played around with it some and this option is helpful. I defaulted to landscape but being able to choose the size is an easy work-around. Is the paid version much better? Maybe it will address by resolution concerns.

        1. You can always do the free trial for canva to see if you think it’s worth it. I like fact that i get a ton of templates to access. You can also download as a png or jpg and choose the size/quality settings, so you should be good from a resolution standpoint.

          1. +1 all of this. I use Canva a ton for my small business and for work and you can definitely get a high resolution 12×24, landscape or portrait, whatever you want. Set the size, and then when you go to download make sure you have a high resolution for print selected. You can download in different formats, so you’ll need to select a PDF print version and set the resolution higher. Or perhaps a png with high resolution.

    3. Figma, honestly. Free individual version is fine

      to get “scale up sharp” (indefinitely), you need to be working with vectors (like a .svg file)

    4. I have Adobe Illustrator, which is a tool for creating vector-based graphics. If all you need is one sign, I’d be happy to do it for you. I’ll check back on this post to see if you need help or if you’ve figured out a solution that works for you.

  5. I live Akris and real wool but the MMLF Etsuko has this same vibe and you can often find them in Posh. I have it in 2 colors.

    1. Great suggestion. The featured dress is stunning but you’re right about the Etsuko. I know you can find them on resale sites because I have sold some of mine after becoming mostly WFH.

    2. I love the featured dress and would purchase in a heartbeat, were the price only $3,000 lower.

  6. Not a typical question for this board, but I know we have people who work in higher ed. With March Madness basketball upon us, do any of the high ed people (or perhaps moms with kids who are college athletes, or really anyone) have any thoughts on where NIL (name image likeness) is going to go/end up in the near term (2-5 years)? I cannot get over the announcement of the tournament in Vegas this fall where each team gets $1 million just for attending (with another million to the inning team). I get sports are big business, I get that a lot of this extra benefits to players (notably football and men’s basketball) has been happening for a long, long time, but I’m genuinely curious about the perspective from people who are not male sportswriters and from people who are in it.

    1. I guess I have a D3 mindset and tune out. Most sports at even big D1 schools are grateful to have spectators and boosters. The circus is just the circus. The field hockey teams and things like XC maybe keep being normal. But nothing is normal in sports — even at the kid level it is nuts. I read that this is part of why Alabama’s coach retired — kids calling and asking for millions.

      1. I’m not so sure
        Social media has really changed the game
        Women’s gymnastics and swimming at big schools have increased spectators because of visiting teams with social media NIL stars

    2. NCAA basketball tournament is a massive pain for the non-athletics finance folks who have to deal with the quick turnaround of games (if they win, it’s off to another, if they lose, they’re done and coming home) and associated expenses in systems that are not designed for quick anything, and the powers that be in the big sports (football, basketball) are used to being catered to. Football has at least a week between games, so it’s not as hard to make things happen on their deadlines, provided they let someone know what they need in a somewhat timely manner.
      When I worked in higher ed, football or basketball having a crappy season made my life so much easier.

    3. As a former college athlete in a non revenue sport, the landscape of college athletics blows my mind. I graduated less than 10 years ago and I hardly recognize it!

      My sport and my league (small D1, 1AA in football) is obviously not the target of NIL or the new transfer portal, but I think the transfer portal is more damaging to the concept of college athletics in general.

      I’m not entirely opposed to the NIL, I recognize that college athletes put in a crazy amount of time and energy and the NCAA and their schools benefit and profit off of them, so I do understand the desire to also profit off of yourself. I especially understand it for sports beyond football and men’s basketball; most athletes in most sports will either never have the ability to profit off of their sport or will do so in a much smaller way. Most college sports don’t have pro leagues (and many, many pro leagues are barely paid!). I know national team athletes (including a few 2021 Olympians) in two sports who are members of team USA and need to work a second job because even as Olympians they don’t make a living wage.

      However, college athletics are for amateurs and college athletics are so out of hand right now. Being a mid level college athlete requires way too much of the athletes in many ways and for 99% of them it’s for what? I haven’t played my sport once since I graduated. I made friends and at times had fun, but I also had a verbally / emotionally abusive coach, my academics suffered, and I didn’t get to pursue other opportunities in college as a result of being an athlete.

      I have a really complicated view of college athletics and I don’t have an answer to the NIL question. I guess I’m generally hopeful that it gives athletes a chance to also profit off themselves since others already are but also worry about it driving college athletics even further away from amateurism and that it only widens the gap between revenue producing programs and the rest.

      I have cousins who are D1 football and men’s basketball coaches and hearing from them, it’s crazy how much the game has changed in the 10 years I’ve been out. I can’t imagine coaching in the current transfer portal era, how do you build a team with no year to year continuity? Kids who aren’t ever going to go pro (or will play G league / in Europe in basketball but not NBA) are transferring not because of playing time or coaching styles but for NIL possibilities. It seems that particularity in basketball it’s incredibly rare to stay with one program for your tenure.

      I still love sports and think being an athlete was one of the most transformative things I’ve done, however, the current system is overall damaging.

      1. I’m sorry — that’s crummy how you were treated. I played on a rec league team in college (all sports, all seasons) and co-rec floor hockey in law school and those were some of my best memories. Volleyball! Flag football! Basketball! I wish that the magical-ness of sports were more widely available for participants vs forcing us to be spectators. I hate watching sports (other than hockey life and a good highlight reel) — it makes me miss playing them.

      2. I’m not a former college athlete, but I do work in higher ed, and I agree 100 percent with everything you said here. NIL is the wild, wild West right now. On one hand, I appreciate the intent behind it. Colleges have profited off their athletes for years, while limiting student athletes’ employment opportunities, which has never felt fair. But the downside of NIL is that every athlete is out for him or herself, which is damaging to the team overall, results in less loyalty, etc. I sure wouldn’t want to be a coach trying to figure this out. Also, it kind of blows my mind when people transfer as a junior or senior. Wouldn’t that completely screw you over and extend the time it takes to earn a degree? At some point, college does have to end and you have to figure out how to do something else.

        1. I think they should just be employees and not students. The degree part so obviously doesn’t fit with this.

      3. I’m the OP and I agree that the transfer portal is perhaps more havoc wrecking than NIL. I know that an athlete who transfers from one school to another has their reasons for doing so, and you’d go from most of you world/people you interact with at college being the teammates at school one to your teammates at school two, so you have that community. But, from my outsider perspective, it just seems like a real bummer for these athletes that you’d potentially never get to feel like you are part of the larger college community because you only spent limited time there. And it’s such a pain for coaches and staff to have to constantly re-recruit their rosters. It’s clearly a world where everyone is in it for themselves, and it’s just crazy how much is changing in such a short amount of time.

    4. I follow swimming quite closely, so I’m very interested in the impacts on the non-football and basketball sports. There are so many more student athletes in NCAA sports than just those two, but they’re always forgotten about.

      1. I kinda think that it may make football and basketball more like baseball, where there are legit minor leagues and good kids just skip college and go pro at a lower level and we are done with this madness. D1 football then looks like D1A, where it’s kids who want to go to college and play a sport, but they field more coaches and orthopedic surgeons vs NBA/NFL draft picks. It may make college sports feel more collegiate and personal, like it does at non-SEC schools, but IDK. Does it make a difference to the average XC runner? Probably not a bit — maybe they get a free pair of sneakers. Same with women’s lacrosse or diving. I’m holding out for the Cornhole scholarships :)

        1. Hockey has this too. Most kids skip college because for NCAA purposes the highest level of high-school of Canadian travel hockey was considered “pro” and made you ineligible so the AHL and ECHL was where most people ended up.

          1. That rule should go by the wayside now. Play AAA baseball and then you should be able to go to college and play baseball. The football and basketball athletes are pretty much professionals, so why deny the actual professionals? They may realize that sports are hard on the body and decide that a CPA looks appealing.

    5. The high school league in my home state is preparing to launch NIL (for high school students!!) and that does seem off to me. Like just… high school sports are too high stakes already, and they’re reacting by making them even higher stakes.

      2. A LOT of the kids on my kid’s track team (independent all-takers team with some high fliers) and kids of friends have contacts for this on their SM accounts. Like some might make the Olympics and are nationally ranked, but still.

      1. Concerning because it will be a PITA to administer or because it pull the curtain off what I feel is true in big $ sports — that they are employees. I know so many people, mainly women, who did a sport for 1-2 years, but dropped it to focus on academics and preparing to enter the job market (so needing to travel for interviews and internships). That makes sense b/c there is no $ in it from a scholarship. But I think if you unionize, you have to drop the fiction of scholarships (or make them on par with what other employees get). I think that D3 gets it right, TBH. Big $ sports are just minor leagues that colleges get to fund.

        1. Everyone thinks colleges spend too much on admin but you have to pay people with specialized skills to do union negotiations and manage a unionized workforce.

          1. IDK how this is everwhere, but does Dartmouth already have unionized employees? And will that vary by state school vs private and right-to-work state vs non-right-to-work state? IDK how any union could have the knowledge to adequately rep them (like will they get pensions and good medical benefits?) — they aren’t plumbers or mine workers.

          3. Only ~25% of higher ed employees in the US are unionized. Definitely not “most!”
            I work for a flagship state university and we have no unions except for grad students.

          4. @12:43, Dartmouth has plenty of unionized employees, including student employees (research assistants and such). The union the basketball team joined already represented both student employees and full time long term employees at Dartmouth. At least one team member was already a member of the union through his dining hall job. (Source: the NLRB decision ordering the election.)

            So, yes, many colleges already have labor counsel either on staff or on retainer.

          5. This is so, so true. I have been watching this unfold at my institution and the added administrative costs are astonishing, without factoring in any increased costs resulting from new labor contract terms.

    7. Between Bota Bota, Fiverr, Figma, and NIL (Name Image Likeness) this morning I have started to feel like I no longer understand English.

  7. I’m planning a 4 day trip with one or two friends for June or July, and would love suggestions. Looking for a location in the mountains with beautiful scenery, the ability to do shorter day hikes (nothing too strenuous), and good food and bars. We did a similar trip to Vail/Breck last summer and it was awesome- looking for a similar vibe elsewhere in CO (reasonably accessible from Denver airport) or really anywhere in the west has decent airport access. Would be grateful for any suggestions!

      1. +1 the High West Whiskey Distillery would be a fun place to go with friends. It’s just outside of Park City. The views are great!

      2. I was going to suggest Park City. Easy access from the SLC airport. Cute mainstreet. Lots of bars and restaurants. Easy hiking because mountains aren’t as high as CO and elevation is 7,000 feet, which is lower than a lot of CO resorts.

        1. I should have added. June weather in Park City is gorgeous; so is August. July is hot. If you go in July, make sure the place you stay has AC. June nights should be cool enough that you won’t need it.

    2. Probably an obvious answer, but Aspen and Snowmass are beautiful in the summer. There are some really great hikes in that area. Other good options: Jackson, WY and Park City or Deer Valley in Utah.

      1. Aspen is pretty far from Denver (3.5 hours without traffic) and incredibly expensive to fly to directly. I went last year and it was nice, but not nice enough IMO to be worth the much longer drive relative to Vail/Breck.

    3. Portland, Oregon! Great food and bars in the city and easy drive to the mountains or the coast.

    4. How about Santa Fe, NM? You could do day trips to Abiquiu (Georgia O’Keeffe’s ranch) or Los Alamos.

    6. Glacier National Park. The major airport nearby is Whitefish, MT I believe. We stayed at Grouse Resort Lodge which was nice and had a great spa.

    7. I mentioned the Broadmoor in Colorado Springs the other day and it soulnds like it would be good. Portland, OR is nice, too, and you can do a wine tour in the Wilamette Valley if that’s your thing.

    8. Telluride. Fly into Montrose and drive a bit and you’re there. It’s a great town in the summer.

      1. There are several towns in the San Juan mountains that are glorious in the summer. Telluride is fantastic but ritzier. Ouray is cute (“Little Switzerland”). Silverton is a quaint little town. None of these are going to have a ton of eating and drinking options but you’ll have plenty to entertain you for a few days.

      2. And I want the Arby’s franchise we bought outside Telluride.

        Damn it, Johnny, you know I love my Big Beef & Cheddar.

    9. Palm Springs would be a blast! My sister and I went for a girls long weekend and it was a lovely mix of great food and drinks and half-day hikes.

    10. Rocky Mountain National Park is wonderful. Estes Park isn’t as sophisticated as Vail/Breck. If you do a longer day hike, the crowds will drop off after the first mile or so (tourists in flip flops!).

      1. Second vote for Estes Park/RMNP – stay at the Stanley and then hike in RMNP from eastern entrance. Alternatively, stay at Devil’s Thumb Ranch in Granby and then enter RMNP from the western entrance. Lots of easy hikes with views in RMNP – national parks are meant to be accessible so you can do VERY easy hikes, plus longer ones as you want.

  8. Oh, I really love this dress. It’s great.

    Boatnecks are really flattering on me but I haven’t cracked the bra code for them – what am I missing? My normal bras always peek out right at the edges of the boatneck. If I slide the straps a little closer to the end of my shoulders they inevitably just fall off all day. Is there some magical solution?

    1. Unfortunately my solution is not wearing boat necks even though I love them. :( I guess some people wear strapless bras but those don’t work on my frame.

    5. unfortunately I think the answer is a strapless bra, at least for something more formal like this. For a casual top, I usually just wear my hair down to cover the bra straps a bit. you could also pick a contrast color so the bra showing looks intentional, but that seems like a high difficulty level….

      1. +1 to strapless bra. I found going in for a fitting at someplace like Soma does wonders to have a strapless bra that actually works.

      1. This. I’m old enough to remember clothes coming with them, at least high end clothing. I’m not above using a safety pin in a pinch.

    7. You can add little loops and a snap on each side to hold the strap. Some dresses (Talbots used to, no idea if they still do) come with them already installed.

    8. Bra strap fasteners.

      If you have basic hand seeing skills, as in can do a button, look for how to do a thread loop and add a little hand sewable snap.

    10. The magical solution is to get a tailor to install a ribbon and a snap to keep a standard bra strap at the very edge of the boatneck!

    11. Boat neck dresses and tops sometimes have a little string or strap underneath the shoulder seam that can be used to keep the bra strap in place. If they don’t come with it, a dry cleaner or tailor can easily install one.

    12. I think some of it is brand-based. I have very narrow shoulders and the Talbots boatnecks are wide enough to be flattering without showing my bra straps. Most of the time, I have to put in those little ribbons and snaps.

    13. You can sew or have a tailor sew in tiny little straps that hold the bra strap in place. They used to be fairly standard in women’s clothing 50+ years ago and some really high end clothes will have them still, but they are a real boon when dealing with bra strap nonsense.

      1. You can also purchase the ribbon and snaps in a kit ready to sew into the dress at a sewing store. I’ve seen them there in the past, and likely they can be ordered as well— if you are so inclined to diy this— otherwise, it’s an easy job for a tailor/ dry cleaner alterations place.

  9. I have a dress very similar to this from the brand Goat, which has since been renamed, that is at least 8 years old and cost about 1/10 the price of this dress. It has been a workhorse in my wardrobe that entire time.

    1. J McLaughlin also does very good dresses like this for cheaper than MMLaFleur and better made imho.

    2. I was always wondering what happened to Goat. I have a great dress from the brand I got on the Outnet pre-COVID, and thought they went out of business. I see it is now called Jane – thanks for the info! Beautiful dresses, and great quality (100% wool, fully lined)!

  10. This is probably a stupid question but I would appreciate input from you guys. I’m in a mid-level role in my field (not a lawyer) and I’m almost 40. I switched career paths in my 30s which is why I’m not higher up at this stage. I do my job well and get great performance reviews, but I feel like in comparison to other women at work I’m missing some kind of professional gene. Can anyone recommend books/podcasts on how to be the kind of confident, assertive, cool professional woman I want to be? Like seriously, I feel like I missed the college class where everyone else learned this. There are women at my work who are younger than me and higher ranking and they are always so collected, polished, well spoken, taken seriously, etc. I don’t know how to be anything other than myself, who is sometimes imperfect and messy and awkward, and I’m always mistaken for being younger and less experienced than I am. If I ever want a management role I feel like I need to step it up. Do you guys have any resources or advice?

    1. In the same boat so following with interest!

      I will say that I feel like I fall into the “big sister” role of the younger women I work with—I’m not their boss so they can come to me with venting or needing advice on how to handle things because I have more life experience than they do. I don’t mind this but I’m sure someone here will tell me it’s tanking my potential future development :)

    3. At a previous job (Big 4) there was a big milestone conference once you were promoted to ‘manager’ at it included almost a full day of media training. All participants were trained on speaking skills, were recorded presenting, and then got feedback from the trainers/class on how to best tweak their presentation skills. I wonder if there are smaller media agencies who might do this for you on an ad-hoc basis? If by any chance there is a women’s networking group or toastmasters org near you I’d start there!
      In terms of physical polish – a good haircut, clothing/shoes/accessories neat and in good condition, nails/skin in good condition (I don’t do polish but my nails are short, buffed, and clean). I don’t wear very much makeup but my skincare is geared at evening out redness/dark spots and that does the trick.

      2. Follow Paula Rizzo on LinkedIN. She also has a few LinkedIn courses on media training, skills. If you sign up for LinkedIn premium, you get access to lots of courses like that for free.

    4. While comparing yourself to others can become a toxic habit, I think there is value in observing people you admire in order to analyze just what it is that captures your attention. See if you can break down what it is that makes them “well spoken” to you. Is it their enunciation? Volume? Pacing? Then practice that yourself. Is there something about their confidence that you can incorporate into your own practice? Posture, open arms as opposed to closed arms, walking without stooping? Practice that so it feels more natural to you.

      1. +1 – also practicing doesn’t have to be formal presentations and speeches, you can practice with literally every meeting you have whether it’s 1:1 or in a group. The more you get used to speaking professionally the easier it will be when it counts.

    5. Fwiw I’m also clumsy and will inevitably spill something on myself if given a chance. I try my best to account for that – my clothes are polished and ladylike but all machine washable. I opt for dresses over separates so I don’t have to fuss with a blouse coming untucked. I will play with my hair if it is down around my face so for big days I do a low chignon or get a wavy blowout and pin the front pieces back so I’m not tempted to futz with them. My nails are kept short and buffed with nail glow/clear nail polish so they’re never chipped. I do tinted lip balm instead of lipstick so it’s not on my teeth. If I wear eye makeup I use all day formulas and setting spray/powder so I don’t look like a racoon by 1pm, things like that.

    6. Nice Girls Don’t get the Corner Office is dated in a lot of ways. But, I did follow some of that advice, and it’s served me well. Off the top of my head

      – Blazers not cardigans
      – Don’t bring cookies or volunteer to make / bring coffee – you’ll remind folks of their mom
      – Similarly, don’t volunteer as the primary person to deal with administrative tasks
      – Speak slowly and avoid making statements that sound like questions
      – If you’re going to volunteer for extracurricular projects, do so in ways that give your more face time with the bosses

      2. +1 I think there are a lot of valid criticisms of this book, but as someone who was totally clueless about working in a corporate environment this book was a lifesaver in my early twenties

    7. If you feel that substantively you are an expert, then Consider researching “executive presence” for more info on this!

    8. Note: the fact that you started this post with “this is probably a stupid question” says a lot….

      It sounds like your general confidence levels might need some work. Does that resonate? I feel like that is a job for therapy and/or a career adviser.

    9. Here’s what I noticed when I felt similarly. The women who carried this presence did all of the following things: had a simple, refined, but ‘kept up’ style. Hair was done in their own way whether short or long but was never unruly. Good shoes, minimal jewelry. At meetings they structured their inputs, it was never free form. They spoke with an even cadence and more often than not ended their sentences with a falling sound rather than upseak. They made a strategic ally or two (work friends) a level or more above them.

      1. Thank you, those are all really good things to keep in mind. I think I should work on my hair – it’s curly so it’s always a bit unruly. Maybe time to invest in straightening it.

        1. Sad to say, but once I started straightening my naturally frizzy hair, I was perceived as more professional and more attractive, and was treated better by strangers.

      2. Ending sentences with a falling sound is such a small thing, so hard to remember when you’re nervous, but it makes SUCH a big difference.

    10. Counter point… how high do you want to go? There can be more hassles and more self regulation required to go higher. Some people enjoy people management/leadership, some people don’t. It can be very stressful without as much power/impact as you’d think. You can learn the skills, but you don’t have to if you’d be happy trying different lateral moves over your career.

  11. Is there conventional wisdom for how long it takes to find a job? I’m leaving consulting as a junior partner and have been looking for a month and it just feels like things aren’t really coming together.

    1. It varies widely depending on your skills, seniority, field, the economy, etc. My last search took several years, but I was probably not looking at the right roles for a lot of that time. A month is nothing!

    2. Usually takes me ~ 6 months but as stated above, there are so many factors that can impact it.

    3. I would say 3 – 6 months? As long as you have things in the fire (sent in applications, talked to some contacts), something not coming together yet in a month is not something to worry about.

    5. I got a new job late last year. I started looking and applying in September and got an offer in late November. I’d last job searched in 2019 and it took six months.

    6. There’s a rule of thumb that it’s one month for every $10k of salary. I’m not sure that’s really accurate, but I think it’s definitely true that if you’re senior and looking for a big salary it will take longer (unless of course you’re actively recruited for something).

      1. I think there is some truth to this once you hit the mid-career level. There just aren’t as many positions available.

    8. I think this is very field and level dependent. For anecdata examples, I have 13 years of experience in a niche public policy sub-field and my last job search took 8 months, with only approx 1 relevant job opening each month. I also have never gotten a job cold, always through some version of networking. By comparison, my friend who has 6 years of experience as a software developer had 5 interviews in a week and her search took about a month. Hers was a totally cold application process.

    9. Unfortunately the only real answer here is that it takes as long as it takes. You just have to keep looking until you find something.

  12. I hate ankle strap shoes. Growing up I think so many sources touted how they cut the leg line off, I can’t unthink that. If anyone has t-strap or X-strap suggestions for summer favorites, I’m all ears.

    1. I have long shins so I’ve always been fine with ankle straps. It depends on the shape of your lower leg. But if it bothers you, look for a shoe where the color of the strap is relatively close to your skin color it won’t cut you off nearly as much.

      I used to be very into shoes and had the chance to talk to a shoe designer I admire about this once. His next collection had a couple of pairs of shoes that had tan colored t straps / ankle straps in a lighter tan color vs the darker rest of the shoe. It wa was over a decade ago, but I was really happy to have had that influence! And yes I bought both of them and they were very flattering.

  13. what is your favorite credit card with perks? we currently have an Amazon visa but we don’t spend much on Amazon purchases… I’m open to paying for something, our average cc bill is around $8k (we pay it off in full).

    1. We put absolutely everything on our Southwest Visa and use the points to fly our kids and ourselves back and forth to college, travel sporting events, spring break, etc.

    2. If you’re loyal to one airline, you’ll rack up elite status and large numbers of award miles very quickly with that level of spending on an airline credit card.
      If you like to travel but aren’t loyal to a particular airline, Chase Sapphire Reserve is a good option.

        2. It is easier to earn status with credit card points only on American, though on United I believe you get 500 PQP per $12k of credit card spend, so with that amount of spending you’d have 4,000 PQP from the credit card and if you had even one international trip or two domestic trip on United you’d have the lowest level of status, which requires 5,000 PQP. If you literally don’t fly United at all you wouldn’t get status – but then why would you have a United credit card?

          1. I have a United card from when I used to travel a lot, but I keep it because I have hundreds of thousands of miles I don’t want to give up.

          2. You won’t surrender the miles just because you close the card.
            The only exception would be if you’re trying to game the system and constantly opening cards, collecting the sign -up bonus and then closing the card to avoid paying fees. In that case United can kick you out of MileagePlus and you’d forfeit your miles. But if you’re just a normal person who closes one card because you don’t need it anymore, you retain your miles. The miles are linked to your United MileagePlus account, not to your credit card.

          3. The fine print says that I only keep the miles earned on the card (not actual flown miles) as long as I keep the card open. I called them about this a few years ago when I wanted to switch to a club card. I didn’t want both open. They told me the above verbatim, and I checked the written policy at the time as well.

          4. Huh, that’s really weird. I closed a United card a couple years ago when I switched to American. I called to confirm I wouldn’t lose any miles and they reassured me I wouldn’t, and I didn’t. The miles are still in my account — hoping to spend them next year.

    3. What perks are most valuable to you? Cash back or rewards programs like airlines, hotels, etc? The cards with the best perks are not free (like $500-$600 a year) but we totally get our money’s worth out of the fee.

      1. If you don’t care about airline club access, there are good airline cards for a lot less. AAdvantage Aviator Silver Mastercard ($199) and Chase United Quest ($125 after travel credit) are both stellar in terms of earning miles, status, and various other perks (the AA card includes an annual companion certificate, Global Entry fees and $25/day for in-flight food and beverage credits).

        1. Fair point. We use the club often and so the card pays for itself just for lack of airport snack purchases.

    4. Fidelity credit card 2% back on everything as my retirement/brokerage/bank is Fidelity. I don’t travel a lot.

      1. +1 If you don’t travel much and want to set and forget it, find a card with a flat 2% back and redeem for cash.

        Or, if you have a little more brain space, open a couple cards that offer rotating 5% cash back categories and alternate use. Categories include groceries, gas, drugstores, Amazon, etc. Then use the 2% card on everything else.

        We also have a BoA and get 3% back on all online purchases. But I don’t mind keeping track of when to use what to maximize rewards

    5. I have a United credit card as my main one. The perks–priority boarding, free lounge passes, free carry ons and checked bags even at the lowest economy tier, and reimbursed TSA precheck fees, no foreign transaction fee–all make it worth in, in addition to the miles. Just replace United with whatever airline has a hub in your nearest big city.

      Chase Sapphire is supposed to be great but I’ve never gotten around to opening one up. I also have a Chase Freedom that I opened during COVID when I wasn’t traveling, that just accrues cash back points.

      FWIW, just pick the one card that has the base perks that make the most sense for you. I think trying to game the points system too much is a waste of time.

      1. I have so many credit card miles on United. Do you use your miles in any other way (other than buying United tickets?)

        We are about to go on a family trip to a wedding & I was able to get the airfare done with miles, but it’s all standard economy now.

        Oh how the mighty have fallen – I was an 1K for years pre pandemic.

        1. We use our miles mostly for the difference between economy and 1st, and book the points + miles tickets. In my mind, it makes 1st a freebie and also means that my knee won’t hurt by the end of the flight.

    6. I have a Fidelity visa. 2% cash back on everything and I can roll my cash back into my investment accounts or Roth

    7. If you want travel perks, I love my Chase Sapphire. I’m usually able to pay for flights for vacations for my family just on points, which is how we’ve been able to afford to travel more than others we know but on a lower income. With $8k spending a month, you would build up points fast.

      This was years ago, but when I closed my Amazon card, Chase was able to transfer my credit limit over to my Sapphire card (which I already had)(I didn’t ask for this but it was nice!). You might need to open it first for rewards points, then call to close and transfer the credit limit, or do it all at once. Might be worth calling them rather than doing an online app and asking — they were very happy to help me sign up in a way that maximized my rewards points.

      1. +1. Chase Sapphire points transfer 1:1 to Hyatt points, which you can then use to book free hotel nights. We’ve been able to do all inclusive vacations or stay at resorts that would be out of our price range by using these points. The sign up bonus is helpful at getting a good amount of points. And, if you travel quite a bit, earning loyalty with a hotel chain gets you perks with the hotel, like room upgrades and late check-out.

    8. I use 4 credit cards, none of them premium cards.
      – Fidelity credit card. It’s a free card and gives you 2% cash back. Discover and other banks have similar cards. There’s something wonderful about the simplicity of a straight percentage back, no matter what the category. It’s great for uncategorized spending, like bills, car or home repairs, healthcare, my kid’s summer camp fees, etc. The uncategorized spending is about 60% of our spending each month.
      – American Express Blue Cash Preferred, which gives 3% cash back on gas and 6% cash back on groceries (up to $6000 spending annually). The card has a $95 fee. I think I net about $300-350 per year in rewards on this card. I’d probably cancel it as being too much trouble, but it has one of our highest credit limits, which helps our credit score and makes it a great emergency card.
      – Amazon Synchrony card, which gives 5% back on Amazon purchases. Free when you’re a Prime member. It’s tied to my account, and redemption is automatically applied to my credit card statement, so it’s very easy to use.
      – Chase Sapphire Preferred, which gives 3% on dining and travel, plus you get about 30% more value when you use your points to book airfare or travel through Chase. It has good rental car insurance as well. We’ve mostly used the rewards for travel, particularly last-minute hotel stays.
      We live near a medium-sized airport that is not a hub, and we don’t repeat a particular destination to visit family or anything like that, so it’s very difficult to be loyal to a particular airline. I am considering a hotel loyalty card because I’ve been traveling for work more frequently and can stay in Marriotts anywhere.

    9. Chase Sapphire Preferred for travel and dining — gives triple points on those categories and then you get 1.5x when you spend the points on travel. We spend a ton on travel so it adds up.

      Citi Double Cash Card for everything else — gives 2% on everything and I take it as a statement credit once a year.

      I also have a Nordstrom card and an Amazon card, which gives me a 5% statement credit on Amazon purchases, which I use to buy more amazon stuff.

      Hubby has an American Express Platinum for his business and as far as I can tell it’s good mostly for getting into airport lounges.

    10. I’m sure there are better hacks if I would sit down with a spreadsheet but for now I’m too lazy and my three cards are as follows: Costco for 4% on gas and 3% on travel/restaurants, Bank of America 3% on online shopping and subscriptions, Fidelity 2% on everything else. They are all zero fee cards with institutions I already do business with. I’m not a big spender and I don’t have loyalty to any airline or hotel chains to make the fee cards worth it. I like the simplicity of cash backs and not tying myself to an airline or hotel. I haven’t been able to redeem my miles to pay for Delta baggage on any of my trips and their customer service has been no help on that front so it makes me wary of collecting miles or points that I can’t redeem anyway.

    11. American Express Platinum. It’s a charge card so you can’t carry a balance and you pay 700 up front annually. But we make it back through: airport lounge access, CLEAR airport security membership, 200 airline fee credit toward costs like checking bags and plane food, 15 monthly Uber credit, 50 biannual Saks Fifth credit, local restaurant discounts, 20 monthly digital entertainment credit (think Disney plus, Hulu, etc.), several other credits I’m not thinking of at the moment. It all adds up! Even in 2020 when we weren’t traveling we still made back our cost.

    12. The perk I care most about currently is cash back, so I have the Amex Blue Cash Preferred like the other poster above. I make back the $95 in the first month, and each year earn hundreds back towards my statement as I use the card for everything.

      I have looked at the Capital One Venture X for their CapOne lounge access, but at my home airport the lounge is not in a terminal and it takes forever to get to the terminals so it’s not as attractive to me as it would be if it got me access to in-terminal airline lounges.

  14. random question: if you at one point had chin hairs/neck hairs that you kept an eye on — have you had those disappear with age? i think mine have but now i’m just paranoid i’m missing them when i inspect my face.

    1. I used to have good eyes and a light-filled office and could spot / fix. Now, I need readers. I let the electrolysis lady inspect and zap. With perimenopause, the problem was more new ones and ones I couldn’t easily spot. I didn’t want to be one of whose women constantly feeling her lower face, feeling around for the sharp ones starting to poke out.

      1. I feel very called out by your last sentence.

        How expensive and painful was electrolysis? How did you find your practitioner? How many sessions did it take?

        1. I did electrolysis about 9 years ago (and should go back for another round, like, now). At that time, it was about $1/ minute for a session in downtown Chicago. I took 2 ibuprofen before hand which made it painful, but manageable. I recommend evening if you can swing it because I definitely looked red for a few hours afterwards. I don’t remember how many sessions it took. Each hair follicle must be caught in exactly the right phase of grown in order to be killed, which effectively means you can do a multiple 30 minute sessions separated by 2 weeks. I believe I did 30 minute sessions for about 5 months, so 10 sessions? I think if I had done 45 minute sessions it would have been faster, since with 30 minutes she wasn’t hitting everything at first.

    2. Mine are turning gray. I’m 39 with PCOS so I’ve had them for a long time. Was never able to zap them away because I was in IVF treatment for the better part of the last decade. It’s annoying because I can still feel them so I get the urge to pluck, but increasingly what I’m feeling isn’t visible. I can’t say I’ve lost any in terms of quantity, sadly for me.

    4. No, mine never went away – I ended up going in for electrolysis for upper lip/sideburns and just added this on, so now they’re gone.

    5. I had one fine but long hair under my chin from high school through my 20s. I used to have to pluck it a few times per year, then in my 30s it just never seemed to come back in. Now in my 40s I am still paranoid it will just show up in full force one day so I crane my neck in the mirror every so often trying to spot it, but it’s been at least a decade with no sightings.

    6. Mine seem to have turned grey. I don’t put too much thought into them, though. I will remove them if I see them, but I’m not going to waste time looking for them.

  15. My HG foundation shade is either being discontinued or is impossible to find at the moment, so I got myself to an Ulta to get matched for another type. I could see that the shade looked good on the jawline. But all over my face, it looks SO light. My DH says he can’t tell a difference and that I look fine, but I feel like Casper. Should I try again, with a slightly darker shade? The salesperson also picked a neutral undertone, and I typically go for something slightly cool. Or is this my actual skin color and I’ve been doing it wrong all along, lol? It does look seamless between the neck and jaw, but I can’t get over how pale I look. I do have a light complexion but have never considered myself truly fair.

    3. If it’s not right, it’s not right. Look at your jawline and make sure you don’t have a line.

      I find glowy foundations often look lighter in bright light than they are in normal lighting. So it kind of depends on where you’re putting your makeup on vs where you actually spend most of your time.

    4. I am on my third try to find the right color match in a new tinted moisturizer. I think I’ve now sorted out that one shade will be my winter color, the next darker for high summer, and a blend of the two between times. The first one I tried (although the name seemed like a good bet) washed me out. In short: keep trying.

  16. Anyone following the Constance Marten / Mark Gordon case? cw: child neglect and child death

    I’ve been listening to The Trial podcast from the Daily Mail (I know, but this is just straightforward reportage and mostly reading transcripts from the trial proceedings). Constance Marten already had four children taken away from her by social services, so she and her husband went on the run with their newborn, changing cities every few days, paying ca$h only, and eventually sleeping in a tent in January in British winter. The newborn died and was discovered by police in a reuseable shopping bag… which makes it seem like taking away her children was a good idea.

    She sounds delusional to the point I almost feel sorry for her. She doesn’t seem to see there’s a disconnect between “I would do anything for my child” yet she didn’t visit her children who were taken by social services for over 2 years.

    1. That is horrible. Some people shouldn’t be entrusted with children the same way that animal hoarders shouldn’t keep pets (much less 50 cats, etc.). A woman in my state just had her second newborn die of co-sleeping (possibly not a problem and I know it’s controversial, even though risky, but it seems that there was significant drug use involved on her part also).

      1. I did co sleeping until my babies were 6 weeks old but everyone involved has to know that means absolutely no drugs or alcohol.

    2. I don’t follow that case, but my best friend works for CPS and it’s very clear to us both that some people cannot safely parent and will continue to have more babies anyway. I blame the men more than the women. My friend has seen COUNTLESS abusive, manipulative men impregnate women with diminished capacity, to name just one harmful dynamic in her daily work. My husband spent time in foster care and saw the same thing – one woman had no fewer than seven children taken from her.

      Controversial opinion, but I would have NO problem with the state offering significant financial rewards to undergo placement of an IUD (for women) or vasectomy (for men). I would NEVER argue for the state to force the decision, but to heavily incentivize? Definitely.

        1. This case is in the UK where both of these procedures are already free, for what it’s worth.

    3. I worked in child protection for years and this kind of scenario is all too common. Usually we can find them before the newborn dies but not always.

      A lot of women want to start over with a new baby because supervised visitation with a toddler is hard and getting clean is work. They blame their kids and think the next one will be different.

    4. Not following it closely. I read the occasional update article on BBC if I remember. I don’t feel sorry for her, and I hope they both receive the harshest penalty they can receive.

  17. Does anyone have a yoga studio they love in downtown Manhattan (below 14th)? I haven’t really vibed with any places close to my home but maybe I can go after or before work.

    I prefer a studio that’s relaxed, not focused on the aesthetics of yoga or super athletic, but not too woo-woo either. Also someplace that’s pretty inclusive of body types and abilities — I’m very slim but also very inflexible. Tall ask maybe, but since my favorite studio closed in 2019 (the teacher I loved retired), I haven’t found any place like this.

    1. I don’t know any in Manhattan and I’m assuming rent is too expensive for smaller independently owned yoga studios but if you ever want to go to Hoboken/JC I know a few amazing studios! Instructors are great and it is very inclusive with classes for all levels.

      1. Thank you, but that would unfortunately be too far of a trip back home for me after! Good point on the rent, but perhaps there’s a 3rd floor back room studio somewhere….

    2. I haven’t been in a while, so don’t know the current teachers, but I used to really like Kula. They’re really specific in their instructions and I was able to feel what’s supposed to be happening in poses in a way I hadn’t been able to before.

    5. This sounds like Iyengar yoga to me. I’ve only been to the Brooklyn studio which was lovely but I don’t think the 14th street studio would be very different

  18. Oregon is re-criminalizing hard drugs after decriminalization failed epically. Apparently popular support for this is running at 64%+ with highest support among POC, even though a majority in the state had originally supported decriminalization. There’s a good short article in the Atlantic that highlights how the attempt failed on almost every measure. This is so interesting to me, especially since I live in San Francisco (where street conditions are obviously an issue).

    1. It’s a lovely idea, but I feel like it runs up against a big practical limit of civil liberties, that you can’t force people into treatment (other than crashing out in jail, which is likely not in a low-level offender’s future for any significant amount of time) and adequate levels of social support services are so frighteningly expensive that they aren’t likely to be funded. I hate that jail is the only answer, but the way our laws and habits work, it seems to be the only (and yet still problematic) answer.

      I wouldn’t want to work in a jail — this population is different than other jail subpopulations and the liability it creates to house addicts who will be in withdrawal is huge and concerning.

    2. The Daily podcast from 3/12 was about this. The big thing I took away that (not surprisingly) the treatment options were not even remotely ready for a big influx of people. I’m not in that field, but it reminded me of my industry + regulation. I am in a field where Congress will pass laws and expect my industry to comply in completely unrealistic timelines. Businesses (especially big corporations) simply don’t move that fast – there are tons of logistics and hiring qualified people and supply chains and all kinds of things that sometimes take YEARS to change.

      The treatment facilities obviously face different challenges in scaling up, but even the basic thing of finding enough employees to rapidly expand sounds totally unrealistic to expect to just happen. And then you have the problem of overtaxed treatment centers who don’t have the time and space to figure out how to get more people, and anyone looking at people working in treatment centers just see overworked people – who wants to go into that? And then they continue to be short of qualified staff.

  19. What are your experiences with AC/heating duct cleaning in your house?

    It’s never been done at our house (built around 2005, we oved in in 2018), and we suspect some allergy issues are due to dust in the central AC/heating duct system.

    If I were to hire a company locally, what should I expect, what are questions to ask or things to look out for? And approximate costs and time?

    1. When I was considering this service a decade ago, the EPA had helpful advice that ultimately lead me to decline to engage a duct cleaner. I don’t have the link handy, but I’m sure it’s easily findable.

    2. I honestly think it’s a bit of a scam. And yes I fell for it. Your ducts have forced air moving through them constantly. If the forced air hasn’t dislodged something by now, it’s not going to dislodge it in the future and bother you. I’d leave well enough alone.

    3. Just do it yourself, there is no need to pay anyone anytjing for this. Stick a vacuum hose down a vent and turn on the.vacuum. Count to 10, turn off the vacuum and move on to the next vent.

    4. It makes a big difference- they put brushes down the ducts to dislodge crap from the walls then vacuum up. I usually try to get them cleaned out every 3 years or so. You should plan to change out the furnace filters at the same time.

    5. My HVAC company – a small family-owned business that has been wonderful – do not ordinarily prescribe this, but they did do it for me a few years ago when we all realized that the contractors who worked on my home before I bought it had essentially treated the ducts (brand new ones installed during that project!) as a garbage chute and swept all kinds of construction debris into them. I am talking about large pieces of wood, chunks of plaster, large nails, and more. It has definitely made a difference in the air quality.

    6. And all the “Hi, I’m a local duct cleaning service” posts that have infiltrated my private FB group pages are all getting reported as spam. They are all really fake looking –yet how do they get through?!

    7. I had my ducts cleaned after I kept smelling mildew while the clothes dryer was running (upstairs dryer, vented through the ceiling). The duct cleaners found a bird’s nest, complete with dead bird, inside of the vent opening outside. So glad I paid for the duct cleaning. The mildew smell is still there, though…

  20. What are your experiences with TSH blood levels and possibly investigating/doing something about it?

    My levels have been creeping up over the last 2-3 years, and are now just at the upper edge of normal (just below the threshold of 4.5 uIU/mL, I saw some other labs already reference >4.2 as high).

    I am 42, and have some other health symptoms I attributed to perimenopause so far, like shortened menstrual cycles, increased hair growth (e.g. upper lip), minor hair loss (widow’s peak), some difficulty with sleep, increased irritability before my period (so ragey!), fatigue (even though who is not tired as a mom of an elementary-age kid and working full-time?).
    But now I read that some of those symptoms can also relate to thyroid problems, so I’m wondering whether and how I should bring this topic up with my provider during my annual checkup.

    1. I’ve been hypothyroid since I was 28 (or maybe before, but that’s when I got tested.) I take a little levothyroxine / synthtroid pill every morning and I’m fine. I get my TSH levels checked fairly regularly. It moves more or less with my weight – I need more synthroid when I weigh more, and less when I’m lighter.

      It’s very common and easily treatable. But they’re not going to treat you if you’re just high but still in the normal range. The immediate side effects of being over medicated are worse than being under medicated.

    2. I think you can just ask for some additional testing. Besides testing TSH, they can check for Hashimoto’s antibodies and do a lipids panel. I’d definitely have symptoms at 4, but I do have antibodies.

      1. If there are no antibodies, they may check for something else like iodine deficiency (people who have switched from iodized salt to Kosher salt or sea salt aren’t always hitting intake requirements these days, since a lot of processed food doesn’t use iodized salt either).

  21. My in-laws can no longer manage independently and have asked for help finding some sort of assisted living option. They have a decent amount of pension + social security coming in monthly, and savings, but it will not last that long at the prices I’m seeing online. Would they have to move to a place Medicaid would pay for once they run out of money? Anyone have any wisdom or resources on figuring out how to navigate this? We are not in position to help financially.

    1. In order to give a useful answer to this, it would help to know why they can no longer live independently and where they live (or where you live if they are planning on moving to where you are). There is a huge difference between finding services for someone who needs or will soon need memory care in a small, rural town and someone who cannot manage house/yard work in a large city.

    2. Generally speaking, if they have assets (house and or $$) that has to be spent down first, then Medicaid kicks in.
      We put my mothers house in one siblings name to avert the 60 month lookback as there was a different high needs sibling whom needed the house. Elder care attorney was a big help in navigating this, and was $ well spent for my family.
      .

      1. +1 My FIL has a neuro disorder that has put him in assisted living at fairly young age. Medicaid eligibility, survivors benefits, best asset allocations, etc. can all vary by state too. Having them talk to an elder law attorney early could only benefit them.

    3. It’s not cheap, but it’s well worth consulting an elder care consultants about the right kind of care. A lot of assisted living facilities are owned by private equity firms and are good at marketing and sales and looking pretty, but not so good at consistently providing high-quality care. An elder care consultant can advise on where to look for the best kind of care and may be able to help with some Medicaid questions. However, a lawyer specializing in elder issues will probably be needed for questions on Medicaid eligibility.

    4. I would also see if there’s an elder care social worker in your area you can tap. Call your county, ask their doctor, etc.

    5. Your in-laws may have access to a social worker or care management professional via their primary care doctor’s office. You can research actual ALF online yourself for prices to compare locations with Medicare star ratings. You may have access to assistance for aging/elderly individuals through your local government agencies I.e. social services. Maybe consider an ombudsman?? Talking with a financial advisor/professional may also help you or your in-laws plan how best to stretch their money.

    6. I’d reach out to their local area agency on aging. This may be state dependent, so take this with a grain of salt. In my state, assisted living facilities are not eligible for Medicaid. So, if someone runs out of assets to private pay, they will have to be moved to a different type of facility that accepts Medicaid (also, this assumes that your in-laws would qualify medically for a higher level of care). FWIW, many elder care attorneys are going to be geared more toward preserving and protecting assets than they are toward actually navigating housing options and Medicaid applications.

      1. We had an eldercare attorney who was helpful with this, but it is true that assisted living was not eligible for Medicare/Medicaid for my mother. The assisted living facility staff were very helpful, though, they suggested a veteran benefit that my mother would have qualified for based on my father’s service. We hadn’t even known about it.

    7. Highly recommend the subreddit r/AgingParents. It’s eye-opening. This situation is the #1 thing discussed and there are no easy answers.

    8. This very much will depend on the specific need. You may find they need to hire outside care on top of being in an ALF, because while the facilities help with certain tasks, they will often not cross the line into any sort of nursing.

    9. One thing we considered (and rejected for unrelated reasons) was renting out mom’s house and using the rent to pay for her to live in an assisted living place. The math worked really well in our market.

    10. I used to work in this area. Highly recommend finding an elder law attorney to know what benefits/options are available in your state.

      Generally though– Medicaid will only pay for SNF-level care, not assisted living or memory care. A lot of people fall into this gap where they cannot live independently but do not qualify for a SNF. Sometimes, you can get home health through your state to assist in this in between state. Though, there really isn’t a good solution.

      For a SNF, the SNF will take whatever money your parents receive through pensions and then will supplement the rest with Medicaid. I do not recommend dipping into your savings to support your parents unless absolutely necessary. Eldercare is very expensive and is kind of like a black hole– it will take any money you can throw into it.

        1. SNF =skilled nursing facility. ALF= assisted living facility, ILF= independent living facility, LTC= long term care facility.

  22. I’ve gotten into a bad habit of eating my sons goldfish and toddler snacks as my salty afternoon snack. Any suggestions for healthy salty afternoon snacks that aren’t cracker and chips? I do keep nuts around, but thinking of something more special and unique.

    1. Might be too late for you to see this but I like the Bada Bean snacks. Lots of flavors.

    2. Whisps. Jerky. Cottage cheese with everything but the bagel sprinkled in. In-shell edamame.

    4. Oh god, my brain stopped reading at “goldfish” and I had visions of you mainlining guppies straight from the fishtank.

    6. Thin rice crackers (I like the Lieber brand) spread with good quality, thick, lemony hummus with about a teaspoon of sunflower seeds sprinkled on each. Gives you crunch, protein, and hummus is usually loaded with salt. You can also spread hummus on apple wedges, and dip celery and carrots and bell pepper slices into hummus. In other words, hummus with a delivery device (or just by the spoonful). Enjoy!

  23. Anybody have any favorite uses for hazelnuts? I have a bag of them and no inspiration. I’m not really a Nutella person, so non-chocolate ideas would be welcome, but I’ll take any ideas.

    1. I like a hazelnut raspberry torte that I’ve lost the recipe for, but if that sounds good you may find one.

      I might try cracked hazelnuts instead of pecans or walnuts in a bib lettuce salad with blue cheese and fruit.

    3. They make lovely crust for fish. Toast in a pan briefly, crush them up, and dip the flesh side of the fish, sauteed in some browned butter, add a squeeze of lemon. Delicious.

      1. You can also make this by baking with the topping on. I am recalling making this in a toaster oven.

      1. +1 – I had yogurt with raspberries, honey, and salted pistachios this AM, hazelnuts would also have been yummy!

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