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Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
I'm not usually a stripes girl, but I love this top — and they have it in several colorways, as well as a few solid colors.
It feels really easy and chic — perfect for lounging, errands, or even a low key night out. The top is $52-$78 at Zappos, Nordstrom, Amazon, and Free People. (And Walmart!)
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
Anon
Hi Stylish People, if you were trying to wear less on the business side of “business casual” and more “elevated casual” what would you buy from the Ann Taylor sale going on? I always skew on the more formal side and have to consciously scale down where I can but can’t afford to just replace my entire closet. So….where would you start. For context, I usually buy blouses, often with floral patterns, or on my days where I give up, wear solid color button downs. I don’t think I’m too far off the more casual end but would like some solid casual/of the moment options. But, not athleisurewear! Please help me shop!
AIMS
I would pair your existing blouses with jeans or other more casual pants. I think a nice pair of jeans in a lighter wash or wider cut would help make whatever you’re wearing on top feel less fussy, for lack of a better word.
Alternatively, what about one of those cute short sleeve collared sweaters? Seeing a lot of them now and they all have a kind of relaxed 70s vibe that feels inherently less formal to me but you can still pair them with regular bottoms for the office.
Anonymous
maybe the wide leg chino and the “mixed stitch v-neck sweater”? both can be found if you click the weekend tab. looks like a nice stripey tshirt also or that slouchy ribbed v-neck cardigan. the trouser jeans in light wash look nice too.
Anon
Maybe a jacket like this over your floral blouses
https://www.marinelayer.com/collections/gals-new/products/freya-utility-jacket?variant=40628977500234
Anon
“of the moment” is probably not going to be from Ann Taylor, FYI
Anon
OP here. I get that honestly, but they do have some basics that I know would last a while. I’m not looking to be super trendy but less “buttoned up” looking.
Anon
Not the same commentator, but Ann Taylor is the last place I’d go to not look buttoned up, try Faherty or Sezane.
Anon
OP here, thanks for the recs. Will take a look!
Cat
I would move away from anything resembling a classic b-ton down and towards knits.
Anon
slightly off topic but even on sale the AT stuff seems SO expensive (compared to earlier years). Does anyone else find that. I mean ~$50 for an average short-sleeved top on sale?
Anon
I have been sale stalking some pieces there (their silk nightshirts are amazing), and I think they just jacked up all the prices in anticipation of “40% off everything.”
Peaches
Wear your blouse open over a tank top with more casual pants – jeans, linen pants, etc.
Anon
Why are there front-loading washing machines? Even when I had stackers, the bottom one was a top-loading washing machine. Front-loaders seem to get moldy and perform poorly. I have never figured out why they exist at all still.
Anon
Concur. I’ve also noticed that some of the newer “efficient” ones don’t actually wash the clothes thoroughly. I’m really glad our rental apartment has stackers with a top-loading washer. It’s old and loud but it works well and has never, ever had an odor.
Anonymous
To each their own. I have a front loader and really like it.
Anonymous
I love my front loader. It did get some.mold on the gasket after 6.5 years but I cleaned that and it’s all good now. It also could be replaced. But my clothes get super clean in it.
Anon
They are the worst! Always gross and moldy.
Anon
I’ve never had the mold problem with front loaders. Maybe we wash so many loads it just doesn’t have a chance. Never one issue.
Anyway, front loaders are more energy and water efficient.
Anon
This. Going on 25 years of at least one load per day and no mold. Extremely happy with how clean my clothes are.
Anon
I think this is the reason I dislike ours. We’re a household of 2, and just don’t generate that much laundry.
We don’t get mold, but it’s because we spend a bunch of time making sure that the gasket is dry each time we do a load of laundry that isn’t immediately followed by another. We also leave the door to the washer open for about 12 hours after the last wash load to make sure everything is dry in there.
It does a great job cleaning our clothes and is water and energy efficient, but it’s more work on the upkeep, at least in our house.
Anon
Leaving the door open is annoying to me and it takes up much more room in narrow spaces to do so. We couldn’t even do it in our house because it would COMPLETELY block the hall so I’m glad we have a top-loader.
nuqotw
I used to love getting a break from our top loader when we visited my mom. Then our top loader started leaking sporadically and we bought a front loader. Bonus from the grown up point of view: the kids can use it more easily! They still require direct supervision but at least they can reach the controls.
KS IT Chick
We have a stacked front load and dryer, and we haven’t had any issues with mold or clothes not getting clean. We routinely run a dozen loads through on the weekend and follow up with a cleaning cycle.
Anon
A dozen loads routinely??? How big is your family?
Anonymous
Not the above poster, but we are 3 and routinely do about 10 to 12 loads a week. That includes bedding, towels, and clothes.
Anon
We’re two and do three loads a week, if that – and I don’t rewear anything except pants.
Anon
Oh, and just to confirm, sheets are changed weekly so it’s not like we’re being gross.
Anonymous
My H works in the construction industry so his clothes alone are 3 loads a week, lol.
Anonymous
We do at least 9 loads per week for a family of 3, often more. We have a high-capacity HE top-loader and combine all our laundry. It takes an entire day because HE machines are so slow. We change sheets and towels weekly and generate a lot of dirty workout clothes. My husband and I both WFH so none of our clothes go the cleaners anymore.
Anonymous
My HE front loader has an ‘express wash’ setting that takes 28 minutes. The dryer is what takes the longest in my house, and the reason I try to do a load or two every day.
Anon
I guess I own too many changes of clothes and sheets since we are two and run maybe 1-2 loads of laundry a week.
nuqotw
Also not the above poster but we are 4 and probably do 6 – 8 loads a week. (I keep hoping this number will go down. Probably 1 – 2 of those loads are due to a kid who avoids being close to the table and consequently spills stuff on himself with some regularity. Also, even when he doesn’t spill he likes to change his clothes every few hours, like he is a Victorian aristocrat.)
Anon
We are 4 and I easily do 4 loads of just athletic clothing a week.
KS IT Chick
2 adults. DH & me. Sheets, towels, kitchen towels, jeans, whites, darks, lights, delicates. Shop rags if DH has been working on the car/motorcycles. Steam refresh for wrinkled stuff.
Anon
Wow, that’s a lot. It must take all day if you do a dozen on a weekend day.
Anonymous
I am solo and I probably do about the same. I guess there are a few times a year when I don’t do any laundry in a week. I probably separate things more than others, but I also tend to wear 3, sometimes 4, outfits in a day, and only rewear a few items.
Anon
Excessive separating is creating a lot of work and waste. I’m sorry, but a dozen loads per week for one or two people is wasteful and life-limiting.
Anonymous
Wrecking your clothes by washing jeans with thin t-shirts or red clothes with other colors is wasteful.
I also wash my clothes when they get smelly or dirty, so even if I didn’t sort my loads it would add up to at least 2 or 3 full loads of clothes plus a load of sheets and another of towels each week just for me. Add a husband with his giant man clothes and a teenager who plays sports, and you’ve got at least 8 or 9 full loads total. If you combine everyone’s laundry and sort it, you still have the same number of loads.
One of the best things about living in the modern world is that it’s easy to bathe and do laundry so you don’t smell. I find the anti-laundry and anti-hair-washing trends ridiculous and disgusting. I guess if you work in biglaw and take a car service everywhere and never work out then you don’t sweat so you can wash your clothes less? And maybe most of your clothes go to the dry cleaner? For regular people who walk the dog and work out and cook and do chores it’s just not realistic never to wash your clothes.
Anonymous
I’m sorry, 1:13, but ‘life limiting’? Do you not have modern automatic machines?
I have done 10 loads in one day and it took maybe 4 hours of hands-on time, and most of that was folding and putting away, the machines do all the work, I’m just loading, unloading, and pushing buttons. I spent the rest of that day spending time with family, as well as doing other household chores and running short errands.
Anon
We have a household of two, we work out daily (in specialized clothes), shower daily, and change sheets weekly. We don’t smell and don’t reuse most clothes. This is done in five loads, tops. The wasteful part is going above and beyond what is needed for basic hygiene.
Anon
We are two couples. One couple does 4-5 loads a week, which includes household laundry like kitchen towels. The other couple does at least 3 loads. Maybe another load each for bathroom rugs etc.
Then there is dog bath day, which means another two loads of his bedding and the towels used for his bath, dry off.
Me
I purchased my front load washer in 2008. My mom had had one for a few years and so had my MIL. All three of us liked our front load washers and no one had mold problems.
Subsequently, around 2019-2021, several friends and my MIL had to replace their washers and got front load washers again – everyone hates them. I’ve read that the newer ones use less water than the older ones and more people complain their clothing isn’t getting clean. When it was my time to replace my washer this year because we moved into a new house, I bought top load and have been happy.
I speculate the older front loaders were fine and the recent ones don’t use enough water to clean the clothes.
Anon
I think some people are more sensitive to the mildewy smell than other people. I’ve had it hit me in the face when walking past the laundry room in some people’s otherwise clean and nice homes!
Anonymous
I only had that mildewy smell in my front-loader when I used liquid detergent.
Anon
I’m sensitive to mildew smells – I’ve smelled it at rental houses in their front loaders. I smell it so much if someone leaves a damp washcloth in the laundry basket that I can’t be in the same room. But our first and now second front loader haven’t had mildew problems. I think there’s some luck involved in whether you get a good one, and also the fact that we are doing loads of laundry pretty much daily. It just doesn’t give anything long to sit around and get musty.
Anon
That maybe why ours doesn’t get musty. We run one or two loads a day so it’s in constant use. Dh has the sensitive nose in our relationship and doesn’t find it to smell musty/mildewy.
Anon
That is a good point about quality of machines and frequency of laundry. I’m more of a weekly laundry day launderer so there’d be a ton of time unused in my household.
JTM
*shrug* I love my front loader. And it has the bonus of allowing my kids to learn to do their own laundry at a young age, since they can actually reach inside it, unlike a top loader. I enjoy not having to do kid laundry (though I do supervise the process).
Anonymous
We just got a stool for the kids when they were shorter.
pink nails
I think the layout options for front loaders are way better. Stacked uses vertical space, side by side doubles your flat space for folding.
We have a top loader and will likely stick with a top loader when we replace, however our laundry room is generously sized and built around the configuration. But when we had a smaller laundry space, we went to a front loader to gain valuable countertop space. And if I wouldn’t have had a top loader when we designed/built our house, I would have strongly considered a front loader so that I could have had a long uninterrupted run of counter all along the cabinet/machines wall.
Anonymous
I have never had a front-loader get moldy. I am extremely sensitive to mildew, and have only had that happen when I somehow left the laundry in too long (24 hours or more) – in which case the smell was obvious and the only thing to do is rewash immediately. I think that has happened maybe three or four times in the 30+ years I’ve done laundry – all in front loaders, with no effect on the machine.
Annie Q
I like a front loader. When my washer and dryer were side by side, it was a good place to fold laundry. Now I have stacked units and the bottom unit is a front loader washer, because I really did not like to stackables where the bottom unit is a top loader that is difficult to get into. I leave the door open overnight after I do a load of laundry and it never gets moldy. My clothes get very clean.
Anon
Front loaders are generally more gentle on clothes (per appliance salespeople/technicians and my own experience). As my anecdata, I’ve cloth diapered three kids; the first 7 years were with a front loader, and I had no issues. We moved and got a brand new top loader because I’d heard such great things about them. In 9 months it has SHREDDED my diapers. I don’t even have an agitator.
I do a TON of laundry (see: 3 kids and cloth diapers!) and miss my front loader every day
Anonymous
I cloth diapered, and went from top loader to front loader after a move. The difference between the two was shocking; the front loader was so much better in terms of cleaning and not damaging them! I will never own a top loader again.
AnoNL
Front-loading washing machines are standard in Europe. Perhaps because our apartments and houses are smaller, we need to squeeze max out of the small sq.footage we have.
I have a front-loader, it washes perfectly, and never got mold. I leave the door wide open and the air takes care of the rest. My mom always wipes the rubber part after each wash to prevent the mold, also seems to do the trick.
Anon
My top loader doesn’t require an open door or a wipe down to stay mold free. Leaving the door wide open isn’t exactly small space friendly either; it’s always in the way in some layouts.
Anonymous
Are the newer ones different? I remember back when everyone had top loaders and the thing was to leave the lid open, even in laundromats, so they wouldn’t smell.
Anon
I’m not sure but I think mine is ancient! It’s still hanging on from the 1990s.
AnoNL
In Europe, the average apartment or a house is usually smaller vs in the US. It is not uncommon to have a tiny bathroom, so a washing machine doesn’t fit in there and they are often placed in the kitchen next to other built-in devices. I think that the newer models have a better drainage in the rubber door seal area and don’t get moldy as easily as the older machines.
I personally leave the door open, since I am not limited by the space. My mom has the machine built-in, has OCD and has the habit of wiping the machine after use deeply ingrained.
OP asked why are there front-loaders, I offered my POV.
Anonymous
I’ve had front loaders for over 20 years and have never had mold. If I use liquid detergent it will start to smell funky after a couple of loads, though.
I find front loaders clean better, and are much more gentle on fabric. I can also use less detergent per load, because the machine is using less water. I probably use about a quarter of the amount of powder the box tells me to use and everything comes out clean.
Anonymous
With multiple front loaders I had issues of black marks on clothes despite being very careful not to let the clothes touch the gasket when loading and unloading, and cleaning the gasket regularly.
Anon
Favorite lip color/product? I’ve tried a Clinique chubby stick and NARS lipstick in Dolce Vita but both seem to have zero staying power. Thinking of trying Dior lip glow. I like a subtle color vs. bold red.
Anonymous
For staying power, I prefer a liquid lipstick. I really like Stila since it’s not as drying as others. Patina is a nude for me but better shade. I also have found crayon sorts of lipsticks are better for longer wear. While I like Dior lip glow, it’s not going to last very long. Like most lipsticks, you’ll probably need to apply after drinking or a few hours of wear.
AIMS
Dior Lip Glow in the original color is my all time favorite.
Anon
+1 to the door lip glow. It stays on surprisingly well.
Anon
I love my Ilia tinted lip balms. But if you want something with staying power, you need to be using a matte lipstick or a stain.
Vicky Austin
I swear by Burt’s Bees lip shimmers. Rhubarb is especially good for this boring blonde.
Anon
Wonderskin lip stains! These have changed my life, literally. Once application lasts 12-24 hours and you can just apply lip balm over it throughout the day instead of re-applying color. I have pale lips and it’s such a relief not worrying about whether my lip color has worn off throughout the day.
Anonymous
for staying power you’ll want more of a stain, not a tinted gloss. i think of korean products as better for this – i like the rom&nd dewyful lilac cream (super light pink) or Unicorn Glow Essence in Fog. the color is very buildable if you want a darker shade.
https://www.amazon.com/rom-Dewyful-Longlasting-Moisturizing-Natural/dp/B0B2RDCGS8
https://www.amazon.com/UNICORN-GLOW-Essence-Tint-0-16/dp/B09B13FN6K
anon for this
I have very dry lips and am extremely sensitive to any lip colors that are the least bit drying. My favorites are the Fresh lip balms for easy, casual color, and YSL lip stains (water cream or tatouage couture) for all-day color.
Anon
I like glossy lipsticks which by definition will have little to no staying power. Matte lip products have far more, but can feel dry. I’d go into MAC and check out some of their mattes. They have ALL the colors.
My favorite glossy lipstick is discontinued, the Revlon Super Lustrous Shine, shade 003 Glossed Up Rose. Not much staying power but gives pretty color and feels like a lip balm.
Supposedly a dupe for the YSL Rouge Volupte Shine, which is three times the price. I did buy one of those just to see, and it really is nice, but not that much nicer than the Revlon.
Anon
I like the Revlon color stay product with a stain on one side and clear gloss on the other.
Trixie
this! exactly! lasts a very long time, some shine, and a great applicator.
Anonymous
What colors do you guys like? I can never get a good color in Revlon or L’Oréal.
Jules
For staying power, I swear by Maybelline Super Stay Matte Ink, which I apply once, blot and apply again. The last time I was at the dentist, the hygienist asked me what I was wearing because it did not come off at all the whole time I was having my teeth cleaned. I have a few colors but the least bright is 15, Lover; it’s a nice, medium pink
Anonymous
Glossier!!
AIMS
I know we have had recommendations for this in the past but having a hard time finding it in past threads… any recommendations for where to a hotel to stay with kids in the LA area? Thinking Malibu or Santa Monica but flexible.
Anonymous
Shutters on the Beach is lovely
Anon
We stayed at the Georgian and enjoyed our stay. We didn’t have kids back then but it’s right on the beach and has a nice breakfast. And it was cheaper than Shutters :)
Senior Attorney
I used to love the Georgian but after their recent remodel they have really jacked up the prices and last time we stayed there (last summer) we decided it wasn’t really worth it. Next time we’re trying Shutters instead. Just my two cents.
Anonymous
if you’ve had laser hair removal, how important do you think the yearly touchups are, at least in the begining? i had my legs and underarms done in my late 20s and yearly touchups were free – haven’t gone in a long time but they’re still ok. just had my bikini line lasered last year and i’m trying to decide whether to go for a yearly touchup.
Anon
See my post below – get an at home device!!
Anon
I have a friend who didn’t keep up with touchups due to COVID and she says the regrowth is pretty major, but patchy.
anon
It depends on whether you see any regrowth and I haven’t seen any on mine so I haven’t gotten any touch ups for the 10 years since (legs).
Anon
Has anyone done a tummy tuck or breast lift and if so can you comment on the recovery time? I’ve lost a decent amount of weight post childbirth and the sagging/loose skin is physically uncomfortable and making me feel pretty awful about my body despite my hard work. I feel like the surgeons are underselling the recovery timeline so firsthand experience would be great.
Fwiw I did a septo/rhinoplasty about 18mos ago and took 2 weeks and really should have taken 3 at least.
Anon
No firsthand experience but I believe Senior Attorney has posted often on this – I remember her saying to double whatever recovery time they tell you.
Senior Attorney
Haha, yes I say that!
Anon
Tummy tuck is like a 2-3 month recovery time. My mom had a full tummy tuck in her early 40s (I was her primary caregiver) and for the first week she could barely get to the bathroom (and needed assistance to stand from / return to bed) and for the two weeks after that barely walk around the house. A month out she had a lot but not all of her mobility back (could drive shorter distances and carry a coffee mug but not lift anything heavy, needed to bend delicately). For at least six months, maybe a year afterward she had some pain/numbness/tingling directly at the incision site. It is major, major surgery. That said, the results are incredible and last.
Me
When my 60-year old aunt had a tummy tuck, the recovery was pretty rough. Moving around was challenging and so was the compression garment. She wasn’t employed so no comment on how long she would have needed off from work, but I’m guessing 4 weeks or more. She said it was absolutely worth it. Make sure you have a caretaker at home. You won’t be able to do the recovery on your own.
Senior Attorney
I’ve had a tummy tuck and it was GRUESOME. I took a month off work and was happy to have every day of it. That said, I am delighted with the results even now — 10 years later.
My rule of thumb is that you should take the recovery time the doctor tells you and double it.
Senior Attorney
Oh, and the best thing I did was go to a surgical aftercare facility for two nights after the surgery. Believe it or not, they do this huge gruesome surgery as an outpatient procedure and believe me when I tell you that you will NOT want to be home with untrained help. Aftercare is like a cross between a cruise ship and a hospital and is well worth the (not inconsiderable) price.
Anon
Yes, breast lift with augmentation sub muscular 4 months ago. My doctor had me up and showering 2 hours after surgery, walking often to keep blood flowing. I did not need any narcotic pain medication and was able to manage on Tylenol. I have anchor scars and they are present but fading nicely with silicone scar tape and gel. Getting in and out of bed was different but not painful, twisting to put seatbelt on and lifting dishes into cabinets took some time. I am still working on some range of motion issues with my arms- but to be fair, I had some tendonitis prior to surgery. So happy with the results and honestly I judge my body much less harshly now that I look more balanced.
Anon
Commenting since I am evangelizing this to all my IRL friends. I’ve been using the Braun 300 IPL since new years and it is amazing. My bikini line and underarms are almost entirely bare and my legs need about 2-3 more treatments. I am pale with dark hair and have PCOS and I am simply shocked at how well, quickly, and fast this gadget has worked. I have spent 30years stressing about body hair and to not have to think about it is truly life changing for me. It is also doing wonders for my KP (chicken skin) which has been terrible on my thighs in years past.
Anon
This is interesting. Is this device considered safe (generally)? I went for a laser hair removal consult and was ultimately told I’d need a doctor’s note because of an immune condition that I have, but it sounded more like a CYA thing. I never got the note because I got pregnant and wasn’t going to pursue it anymore. I’d definitely be interested in a home device for the bikini line and upper thighs.
Anon
I’ve got all sorts of health issues and the only thing I’ve noticed is that I shouldn’t stand while doing it as it makes my blood pressure wonky to balance on one leg for 10-15 minutes.
My girlfriend who recommended it has MS and has no issues either.
Anon
That’s great! How regularly do you use it and how long have you been using it?
Moose
Can you clarify which model you’re using? Don’t see any model called ‘300’ on the Braun website. Thank you!
Anon
Sorry! I’ve got the ‘Braun Silk·expert Pro 5 IPL: Alternative to Laser Hair Removal with 4 Caps and Vanity Case, PL5347’. I’ve been using it weekly since early January so about 6-7 times. It takes me about 30 minutes to do both legs, bikini, and underarms. I do wear sunglasses while using it. It is NOT advertised to help with KP but it kills hair cells and hair is keratin so kind of a ‘duh’ moment when I realized I was having a ton less KP.
Anonymous
Do you wear any eye protection when using it?
Anon
I have KP on my arms. The Braun works on that?!
Anon
Idk but AmLactin after every shower has completely eliminated all traces of my KP. It took a while but it does work. My elbows are really soft now too.
Anon
Make sure to keep up with the treatments. It worked great for me, but then I was too lazy to keep up with it and a year later I have hair again. But, it’s still better than it used to be. I imagine if I had done their recommended monthly or whatever routine I’d still be hair free.
Anonymous
Thanks for this. I am the poster looking for one of these for my next bonus splurge and I am glad to have a personal review.
Anonymous
where are the best places to get chic glasses, preferably online but i’ll take IRL too
Anon
Warby Parker.
anon for this
I had a good experience at EyeBuyDirect.
Anon
L.A Eyeworks. You can’t buy online but you can search where to buy locally.
Anonymous
Oliver peoples IRL
K.
I love Eye Buy Direct!
Anonymous
How do you deal with street harassment and staring? I recently moved to the largest city in my Midwest state. It’s been an adjustment from my sleepy college town of 50k people. I walk 5 blocks from the parking garage to my work, in skywalks or on the street. Men regularly openly stare, talk at/to me, sometimes follow me, yell that they like my clothing, etc. I only ever work during normal working hours so I don’t feel unsafe specifically – there’s always others around – but it is so jarring to me. To be very clear I don’t think this should happen to anyone, regardless of looks or attire. I’ve also never thought of myself as someone who would get catcalled, especially in my 30s…. I would describe myself as average looks, petite/athletic frame, generally more modest dresser (I’m usually cold, dress in layers with lots of mock/turtlenecks, nothing tight due to sensory issues; on warm spring days or summer I might wear a Boden midi dress). I have always thought of this as like, an NYC at night thing- I’ve maybe encountered it twice ever in the Midwest- but I’m clearly wrong. How can I handle this differently, better- prevent it? I’m not sure what to ask. Ignore it better? It feels icky and yet like I should know what to do?
Anon
Ignore them. It is highly unsatisfying, but it is the only answer.
Anon
+1 They want any reaction from you, good, bad, angry, whatever. Don’t feed it.
Anonymous
This is the only way.
Anon
First, it sucks you are experiencing this. It really has nothing to do with being in a major urban area (NYC) and much more do to with the local culture. Some big cities don’t have much catcalling, some have a lot, same with small towns. I see catcalling as a pernicious form of men asserting that women are there for their appraisal or enjoyment, whenever, no matter what the woman is doing (I’ve been catcalled both with small children and with what is clearly a group of business people). It has nothing to do with what you are wearing.
Some men seem to enjoy getting a reaction, even if that reaction is negative. I lean toward being unflappable, pretending not to see, hear or notice catcallers in any way.
I would work on cultivating a ‘big city, don’t mess with me’ vibe, which is a combination of a quick, ‘I know where I’m going’ walking pace, head held high, eyes ahead, and a neutral facial expression. It won’t deter all, but might deter some.
Anonymous
are you talking about Minneapolis? Skywalks and all…
anyway, there’s no way to prevent it, so ignoring is your best bet. I must have quite RBF when I’m walking because the go-to for me was always “smile!” and I like to think I perfected the stare-right-through-the-dude reaction.
Anon
It is icky and there is not going to be a one-size fits all approach to how you handle it IMO/E. For me, my responses range from flipping the bird and saying “F off” (this is when my gut tells me it is safe to do so), to scowling so hard it would be very hard to imagine I am enjoying it, to saying I will scream if you come any closer to me, to ignoring it completely. I probably have less regard for my own personal safety than most bc after being through some ISH, I don’t care anymore. Do not recommend the aggressive approaches for everyone obviously.
Anon
Yeah, I tell people to go f themselves or worse. I guess if it was a truly threatening situation I wouldn’t but the regular bozos on the street should know where to shove it.
Jules
When I was younger and walking around DC a lot, this happened to me all the time; I’m over 60 now and just furious that apparently things still aren’t much better out there. Depending on the circumstances, I would sometimes ignore it – but yes, it is unsatisfying and contributed to the feeling of powerlessness – and sometimes I would say something like, “leave me alone, and stop harassing women.” I liked this because it named the behavior and I felt like I was taking back some control. (Be aware that if you say anything at all, you might well get some face-saving hostile response (you might be called a b*tch or a dyk* or something similar), particularly if the offender is with a group of other men who will laugh at him.)
I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
Anonymous
Ignore them, walk by as though they don’t exist and at the same time improve your situational awareness skills.
A
Ignore and internally seethe at the patriarchy. If it makes you feel better it does end by your mid-40s even in NYC, DC etc. I honestly think it would have helped me to know at 25 that I had 15-20 years left and it would be over. I mean still so shitty but I would have felt better knowing there was an end.
Anecdata
Unfortunately yes, ignore
I mean, I also flip them off with my hand in my coat pocket, if that sounds at all fun
Anon
Men are the worst. I’d consider notifying city hall or the police if you’re getting cat-called by large, loitering groups of men. If it’s a lot of one-offs, that’s harder to do anything about. I’m sorry.
Anon
You know the look you give a toddler to make them stop dead in their tracks? Works great for this purpose. All kidding aside, I just ignore staring. I’ve probably been guilty of it too, even if it is just when I space out. Small talk situations, I just make small talk and move on quickly. On shoutouts on clothes, I tend to wear a lot of statement pieces so most comments about clothes roll off my back – and with time you can tell when it is a shout out or more threatening. I will say following is not normal, and if you are downtown, there is nothing wrong with ducking into a building and going to the security guard. Same for popping into a shop.
Peaches
In the same vein, I like a look of mild disgust. It says “you are gross, not scary or important or manly.”
OP I’m sorry you’re experiencing this, catcalling makes my skin crawl.
OOO
Say Hi to them. I lived in a couple cities in the Midwest where I got catcalled regularly. They want to make you feel uncomfortable. If you show it doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable then it takes away their power. Don’t engage in conversation and don’t stop walking, just briefly acknowledge them. “Hi.” “Why thank you!” “Aww you made my day!” “Sorry I’ve gotta run, have a nice day!” It may turn into a daily friendly interaction. Or they may get bored and move on.
The problem with ignoring them is that they may be persistent and follow you until you acknowledge them. Obviously you should trust your instincts and decide what would be the best way to handle it in the moment.
Anon
If you are saying ‘why thank you’ or ‘you made my day’ to catcallers, you are signaling to them that at least some women appreciate being catcalled and that they will at least sometimes get a positive, receptive response to catcalling. It doesn’t really help the rest of us..
Anon
Yes, for the love of god, do not do this.
Cat
agreed. I know it’s patronizing negative attention but it’s still attention, which is what these idiots want.
Anon
What? No effing way. No, never, do not feed.
Anonymous
Do not do this.
Anonymous
Yikes. Acknowledging them so they don’t follow you is not a great idea, especially since the type of guy who will follow you is only going to be encouraged by your acknowledgement.
Anonymous
I hope you realize that your ‘friendly interaction’ encourages them to continue seeing you as an object that they control for their momentary amusement/pleasure.
Cerulean
I would love the satisfaction of giving them the finger or yelling some obscenities, but I think many of them get off on getting a reaction out of you and feeling a sense of power over your attention and feelings. So instead I act like I literally cannot hear or see them. Look down at your phone and pretend to laugh at something funny on it. Look straight ahead and yawn. That kind of thing. I like to think that it’s infuriating to them that they can’t get even a shred of attention from me.
Anon
Miranda handled it perfectly
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YEMM9N3cTP4
Anonymous
Put in your earbuds so they think you can’t hear them, and stride on by.
Anon
We need better role models for our boys. I stopped at a drug store with my son and his friend when they were about 9 years old. The friend started cat calling a woman out the window. I could not imagine where he learned that …. and later I met his uncouth uncle.
Anon
last time this happened to me, I told the dude where to shove it, and he came back at me with something like, “oooh, feisty!”. The interaction usually ends there, but we were in a store so he kept going. I gave him an angry tirade about how no one loves him and he was going to die alone. He couldn’t get a word in, and that put a stop to it. The cashier looked horrified. Just desserts, I say.
Jeans alterations?
If there a way to alter jeans around the button fly/zipper? I have several pairs that fit great (waist, legs, behind) EXCEPT they are too loose in this area and wind up making it look like I have some extra puff there.
Anonymous
My husband got a job offer over the phone, with an emailed offer letter following shortly. Over the phone, he was told total comp was over $200k, but the salary in the offer letter is significantly less than that. We’re assuming that they consider insurance/retirement 401k matching/vacation days to add up to more than $50k, but does that sound right to you ?
Anonymous
Maybe you can ask for a breakdown. We give that when we make offers. At my state government job, salary is typically about 60% of total compensation, with benefits at about 40%.
Anon
I’d confront it head on. Where’s the $200k comp you discussed?
Anonymous
I would not consider insurance and vacation days to equal total comp. To me, total comp would be base, bonus, and any commission.
Anon
Insurance and vacation days are definitely part of your total comp. You may not feel that the entire comp package is high enough but they really count and are part of the neogiation for total comp.
Monte
Yes and no. Insurance and PTO are definitely part of comp and something one negotiates, but when a hiring manager/HR throw out a specific number to an applicant, it is typically inclusive of salary, bonus, and any equity.
Cat
Is part of it a bonus? I just checked my fully loaded comp and, with bonus and benefits as you mention, my salary is only about 60% of the “total comp.”
Kind of annoying of the company not to be clear about base salary vs. total comp, though.
Anon
If they’re counting bonus and or equity, kinda annoying but within the realm of normal.
If they’re counting PTO, insurance, etc in the compensation # they gave you when you asked about salary, you do not want to work for these people (if you have other options)
Anon
^^^ This.
anon a mouse
It’s worth clarifying how they value anything that’s not salary. If there’s a bonus potential, make sure the bonus structure is clear as well.
Senior Attorney
Has anybody had any experience with annual travel insurance policies like Medjet? We generally buy travel insurance for every trip but it’s stupidly expensive and it seems like maybe an annual policy for just medical evacuation would be a better way to go. Any thoughts or recommendations?
Anon
Based on my experience in this industry, and not specific to Medjet, read any travel insurance exclusions verrrry carefully. https://www.atg.wa.gov/news/news-releases/ag-ferguson-insurance-company-must-repay-every-penny-washingtonians-it-denied
Anon
Some premium travel credit cards have medical evacuation insurance.
Anon
Same for employers, if you are at a certain level.
Senior Attorney
Oh, wow. Just checked and my Chase Sapphire Reserve has $100,000 medical evacuation insurnace. It’s not great (only covers to “nearest hospital”) but good to know it’s there.
Anonymous
We have MedJet; it covers more than our credit card. But do read the policy.
anon
Interesting idea. I like it, but can’t help you unfortunately. But if you find anything, keep us posted.
We have had at least 3 episodes in our extended family where serious health events happened in while on vacation (different people). All were accidents. One in a ?jungle in South America, one in rural Montana and one in NYC. Guess which one went the smoothest, and was the cheapest with surprisingly good local health care (including surgeries)? South America! Guess which one was very expensive, got no assistance from the hospital in helping to get back home and cost a small fortune….. NYC.
I have some health issues now, and later in life if I am traveling more I would really consider this type of insurance.
Senior Attorney
Check out the comments to this article. Lots of intriguing info, although I haven’t had a chance to really research it: https://www.washingtonpost.com/travel/tips/medical-care-remote-travel/
Anon
You want the “evacuate to a location of your choosing” kind, not the “nearest medically appropriate facility” kind; and I usually get the more expensive “adventure” policy that covers “extreme sports” like, uh, walking and riding a bike
Annie Q
I am retired and travel a lot, and I always buy an annual travel healthcare policy. Many U.S. healthcare plans do not cover healthcare abroad, so you should check yours. I buy travel insurance because (1) they help you find a healthcare provider for you situation; (2) they get you to a provider in emergencies and they get you home if that’s what you need; and (3) I don’t want to worry about whether a provider will provide care to someone who is not part of the healthcare system in the provider’s country.
In addition, it isn’t very expensive. I buy the Trekker Essential plan from GeoBlue, a Blue Cross Blue Shield company. It costs $151/year for as whatever number of trips I take. This gives me $500,000 in coverage with a $200 deductible. It includes evacuation. For me, it’s inexpensive peace of mind.
Senior Attorney
This is exactly the kind of information I was looking for. Have you ever had to file a claim?
Annie Q
No, I haven’t. Thank goodness!
A
Not in the US but we did this for the first vacation post Covid. It was a godsend as I broke my leg on vacation. It was all covered.
Anon
What do you consider to be a reasonable hotel cost? Granted I know it depends on location and a lot of other factors. Growing up, Hampton Inn was as fancy as we got. Now DH and I have healthy incomes and savings, and we can afford to splurge. I want to have a vacation where we just relax and everything is easy. I’m thinking a resort hotel but not all inclusive, somewhere domestic like CA or AZ. But I’m getting nervous about the thought of spending 500 or more per night. Which I think just might be my own mental block?
Anon
$200 and under is reasonable. No expectations of this in a city like New York though.
Nudibranch
<$200/night would be budget level in most of CA.
Anonymous
I’m very cheap when it comes to vacations – sticker shock is my middle name – but $600 is a good ballpark in my mind. For an upcoming trip I was looking at hotels and some were $1200 a night – ouch – and others in the area were $190, which I don’t trust either!
Walnut
With the caveat that I have three kids and I dislike sleeping in the same room as my children, I will spend as much as it takes to achieve the comfort/location/amenities for my desired vacation. If the price is more than my budget or than I can stomach, then I check for shoulder season. If it’s still out if reach, either my budget needs to be addressed or I need to compromise one of the three above.
For popular destinations in peak season, this is often in excess of $500 of night for my perfect fit hotel.
Anon
I know what you mean. A hotel “should” cost under $200 to me or at most, under $300. But I really want to stay ski-in, ski-out at a resort next year and I think I may venture into the $500+ category to make that happen. Getting over the block already feels challenging!
Anon
I’d consider a travel agent if for no other reason than to pick their brains and to access their ‘perks’ OR book via the Amex fine hotels and resorts program. The points guy has great hotel suggestions once you narrow down your destination.
Deedee
It helped me to get on a site where I could compare the difference and prices from the 3- 4- and 5- star hotels and yes we’ve stayed in 2-star on occasion.
And also don’t forget you’re paying for the location too if it is close to where you want to be or maybe they have transportation to the airport or the nightlife or something
Anon
It really depends. In the US and Europe we are mainly in the hotel to sleep and we mostly care about clean and centrally located. We try to keep it in the $200-300 range (varies by how expensive the city is) and have not felt very limited by this budget. However, for beach resorts or other hotels where the hotel is a large part of the destination we often do $500-$1000, sometimes even more if all-inclusive. The most I’ve ever spent is $2k.
Anon
I have a friend who takes his family of 5 adults and teens to Hawaii and they all share a room. He says “who cares, we’re just in the room to sleep!” I’m not like that. Having a little space is part of the vacation to me. We love Hawaii but tend to rent a condo now so we can have some privacy.
Anon
We’re a family of 3 with a young kid. I do understand wanting more space with a larger family or with teens, but for now we’re all fine in a single room with a sofa bed if we’re not spending much time in the hotel.
Anon
It’s definitely easier when they’re little.
A
$500 per night for a good one. That’s what our ski resort charges.
Meredith
Very relatable. I know that some hotels that we could afford but I’d still be doing the math on how many nights we could have stayed at a ‘liked but not super fancy place’. I find it also helps to be clear on what I want from the trip. I find my brain sees it as far more worthwhile to spend on rooms for a ‘drop and flop’ holiday as opposed to one where culture/attractions/exploring are the purpose.
Cat
We keep it at $300 or under – but that budget matches up with our vacation preference, which is more self-sufficient and liking to explore or beach-hop at an island destination vs. staying at the same place each day.
Anon
All the numbers here are really low. Hotels have gotten expensive since the pandemic. They were before but especially now. $500 is basically entry point for a decent hotel. The hotel is also a very important part of a vacation for me, it’s not just a place to sleep and store things. So just depends on where I’m going but I’m comfortable paying up to about $800/ night without getting too upset about it. It’s part of the cost of going somewhere.
Anonymous
HaaaaaaaH! “entry point”
Senior Attorney
I’ll spend up to $500 in a big city without twitching too much. The most I’ve ever spent is $1200/night for a suite on the beach in Santa Monica.
A
$200 per night regular, $120 per night no frills but clean and well reviewed, $300 per night city but compromising, $500 per night luxury.
Anonymous
Maybe if you have time travelled a decade ago.
DB Cooper
No, this seems about right for chains in flyover country, at some random highway exit or even small cities or outer ring suburbs of larger cities. St Louis, Kansas City, Birmingham, etc.
EWD
Our family of five (3 kids ages 9-14, all seasoned travelers) has a week to travel at thanksgiving. It has to be at this time of year. Where would you go? Right now I’m thinking Paris with a stopover in Iceland (husband and I went there a few years ago and LOVED it — would be fun to take kids to the Blue Lagoon for a night or two!) but I’m open to ideas. We’ve been to London, NYC, Mexico, Florida, Arizona, Utah, Hawaii, and Belize as a family. Don’t want to do Italy (spouse and I were there recently) and we’re not skiers though are semi interested in learning. Would like to keep it on the inexpensive side if possible…recs?
Anon
I’m not as keen on Iceland as many here but I think a stopover there on the way to Europe would be fun.
I’d also consider Costa Rica if you enjoyed Hawaii and Belize. Unlike Caribbean islands, November is a fine time to go.
Morocco also has nice weather that time of year.
Senior Attorney
I feel like it would be really dark in Iceland around Thanksgiving. Also last I heard the Blue Lagoon was closed due to the volcanic situation. (Oops just checked — open as of March 4 but I have to think the situation is pretty volatile).
Other than that, I feel like Paris is always the right answer.
Senior Attorney
Oh, if you want to keep it inexpensive, how about Greece? The island of Crete is fabulous and Athens is wonderful and so educational!
Anon
Paris is always the answer.
Anon
Dark might not be a bad thing. I went in early July and basically didn’t sleep due to the near constant sun. By the end I felt like I was going insane. I’ll never travel to a polar place near the summer solstice again.
But yeah by late November you might be quite limited in what you can do because of winter weather. And agree about the volcanic unpredictability.
Anon
It was just evacuated today because of the volcano!
Senior Attorney
I was just coming back to report that! Wow!!
Cat
London at Thanksgiving is Christmassy and delightful so could be worth a repeat if your prior visit was warm? But Paris sounds fabulous too.
The Caribbean reopens in late November since hurricane season is over, but it’s less expensive than festive high season prices.
Dee2
Canary Islands
Brazil
Spain or Portugal – Europe but closer, not as far inland.
Key West if you still want American thanksgiving but warm
You don’t say where you’re flying from, I assume east coast
Walnut
My family did this last year (three kids, a bit younger than yours) during the first weekend of December. Weather was a bit cold and rainy at times, but sunny and 60s at others, so we dressed with easy layers and had a great time. Christmas markets were all open, so we popped into a few of those as well as the usual tourist sites. We added in a few holiday special events and finished with 1.5 days at Disneyland Paris as a surprise to the kids. The bright side of Disneyland Paris it is easy transit from the city on RER A and then a ten minute TGV train ride to CDG, so a convenient way to end our trip.
Anonymous
Can’t go wrong with the west coast of Costa Rica. You can do it relatively cheaply or luxuriously or somewhere in between.
Runcible Spoon
I did Barcelona one Thanksgiving — it was so much fun! The museums and tourist sites were not very crowded, it’s an easily walkable city, the food was wonderful, and I stayed at a Renaissance hotel in-town. Plus, there was some sort of American citizens society that sponsored a Thanksgiving meal on Thanksgiving Day, basically for American ex-pats that happened to be held in my hotel, so I took it as a sign from the heavens both that I should go to Barcelona and that I should stay at that hotel. Plenty to do — Picasso, Gaudi, Siete Portes restaurant on the waterfront, food market, ancient ruins under the city museum, and the possibility of a musical performance at the rococo theater. Enjoy!
Senior Attorney
Also I was just in Buenos Aires and LOVED it. Thanksgiving time here would be spring there so weather should be great. We did a cooking class at Criollo and it was a highlight and the kids could participate. We stayed at the Alvear Palace and it was one of the nicest hotels we’ve ever stayed in anywhere in the world. The money situation is a little odd but the exchange rate is most favorable so everything ends up being super cheap.
NYCer
South America is great over Thanksgiving week. We have been on separate trips to the Galapagos, Argentina (BA, Ifuazu and Patagonia), and Brazil. All were great!
I have actually been to Iceland over Thanksgiving as well. We enjoyed it, but the days were very, very short. We did see the Northern Lights though, which was very cool!
3 days in NYC
Help me plan a few solo days in NY in Mid-late May. I’d like to fly in from Chicago one day, do two full days, and then take the train down to Philly the following day to visit my parents. I’d fly home from Philly later in the week. I like to have a vague idea for an itinerary before booking flights/tickets.
So far I have the idea that I’d use one day for the met and central park, and a day wandering around a neighborhood or two in lower manhattan to see whatever I happen to come upon, some casual shopping and people watching with a coffee or beer, and probably a show one of my evenings. The first day is probably a wash with travelling and getting from the airport, and what I find most stressful about this trip lol.
What would you add? Places to stay (Ideally under $300/night)? Favorite neighborhoods or areas for wandering or people watching? Alternate suggestions if the weather doesn’t cooperate and it’s a rainy mess? I’m romanticizing the weather being perfect for strolling and outdoor seating.
Despite growing up in Philly, I’ve only been to NY 2 or 3 times, most recently about 10 years ago. Those trips covered Ellis Island, ferry rides, statue of liberty, 9/11 memorial, parts of midtown and Rockefeller and top of the rock. I’ve never been solo. I take public transit in Chicago daily, so I’m willing to use the train and bus system for this trip. Happy to spend most of the day walking.
Cat
For under $300 a night you’ll need to stay in NJ.
Anon
That’s silly; it’s not hard to find hotel rooms for less than $200 in NYC, or hostels <$100.
Anecdata
I don’t think so, I was looking at nyc this fall (no kind of holiday or special event driving up prices) and the cheapest dorm bed in a hostel was $100. I don’t think any hotels were under $200, and there were only a few under $300 (although there were a few)
Anon
I just checked so maybe prices have come down since then?
Anon
That’s not true. We stay in the Courtyard by Marriott Midtown East and it’s normally under $300. It’s not fancy at all but it’s clean and very spacious by NYC standards.
Cat
Sorry, bad sarcasm, I was reacting to the hotel post that was all “you can’t find anywhere decent under $500” above!
Anon
OP here – haha, I skipped that post so thanks for clarifying Cat! Staying in NJ at my parents the entire trip would probably be cheaper – a free bed and the cost of the train for a couple days…in exchange for staying with my parents…
I’ve got cousins who would never be caught in less than $800/night accommodations.
Anon
Depends on your definition of decent. Mine isn’t the courtyard by Marriott.
Anon
Meh, I’m the one who said we stay there. I think most people who aren’t one-percenters would consider it “decent” albeit not fancy. It’s immaculately clean, rooms are spacious, staff is kind and helpful, rooms have good city views and it has a fitness center. We could afford to pay more and have paid much more for luxury resorts, but it feels like a waste of money to me to pay for a fancy hotel in a city like NYC where you’re barely in the hotel.
jm
The Algonquin/Marriott?
Runcible Spoon
For hotels, La Quinta or the Lucerne on the upper West Side, or check the chain hotels around Times Square or near Grand Central.
For what to do, one charming jewel of a museum that I always recommend is the Neue Gallerie on Fifth Avenue at East 86th Street — excellent exhibits, and a wonderful Viennese café to grab a bite. The entry fee is a bit steep (last I check a year or so ago, around $25), but it’s New York City.
Anonymous
Don’t write off your first day! It’s a 2 hour flight and getting into the city is super easy. In this scenario, I would try to stay near Grand Central, drop my bags and get going. Grab some food and see a show the first night. Then you’ve got the next two days to wander. One of my favorite things to do solo is walk to Hell’s Kitchen and then through Hudson River Park to Chelsea Pier for lunch, since I don’t care much about sitting down for a leisurely meal when traveling solo, at least for lunch. Browse the shops for a bit, then keep walking or take transit to another spot.
Anon
Inspired by the washing machine thread, is there a way to put long pants and long shirts in a top-loader without all the clothes becoming tangled and knotted? I just unloaded big hunks of twisted and knotted clothes – I can’t imagine it’s good for the fabric or even as clean as it would be if the clothes were not tethered in place. I guess this issue is newer for me because my kids used to be smaller and had smaller clothes?
Anon
Get several more lingerie/laundry bags and bag it before washing. For outer shirts and pants, wash less – only when smelly or visibly dirty.
That said, I toss stuff pretty carelessly aside from socks, which go in a bag in order to keep them together, otherwise I’d never get them paired off. I’ve never had a problem with stuff being ruined from getting a bit tangled up.
Runcible Spoon
I think you’re supposed to put clothes in individual soft piles around the top-loader agitator, and not wrap them around the agitator, if that helps at all. Good luck!