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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 257 Comments · by

Thursday’s TPS Report: Printed Cotton Pencil Skirt

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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Boden Printed Cotton Pencil Skirt | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I can't help it, I love this green and black skirt. It's a great color, it's fun, and (to me, at least) it didn't register as “green leopard!” until I saw Boden describe it that way. It was $88, but is now marked to $52.80. Boden Printed Cotton Pencil Skirt For a plus-size alternative, here are a couple of pencil skirts with interesting prints. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected].

Sales of note for 8.30.24

  • Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
  • Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
  • Boden – 20% off
  • Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
  • Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
  • Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
  • Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
  • White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale

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Comments

  1. YouSaucyMinx

    TJ-there are endless “wardrobe staples” and “clothes must-haves” lists for professional women, but what about jewelry staples? I’m finally at a point where I can afford good jewelry (so long, Charming Charlies and BaubleBar!!!) and have not the slightest idea where to start. What are classic jewelry pieces that will work for the office and are timeless? Do I have to go to jewelry stores, or is there a reliable online shop?

    Be kind…I am an utter jewelry newbie. I have faux diamond studs from Claire’s I wear every day, so have mercy on me.

    • Wildkitten

      You can shop online. Blue Nile is popular. Diamonds and pearls are both classics.

    • kc

      Pearl necklace, diamond studs (you can shop online or you can pick out the diamonds and have them set at the jeweler).

    • Bonnie

      My basics are diamond studs, Tiffany mesh ring, Tiffany silver beads necklace and a simple silver pendant. I have pearls but never wear them.

      • Julia

        I have traditional pearls but the ones I wear the most are a short (18″) freshwater strand in a large millimeter size, 12mm maybe? I have one in white and one in black. They have silver toggle closures. So they’re a little less formal. But if I were starting a jewelry wardrobe, I’d get pearls and pearl studs, and some kind of substantial gold or silver necklace and gold or silver knot or stud earrings. If you wear open necklines, the cut out monogram necklaces that are popular now are nice, and I think they have staying power. And I have the Tiffany bead necklace in silver which I love.

      • Baconpancakes

        I have a peach pearl station necklace that I wear way more often than my traditional strand. It’s nice to have some kind of pearls, though.

    • Baconpancakes

      Depends on your tastes! My staples are a reversible omega necklace with a silver slide and a gold/diamond slide, gold/diamond huggies, diamond studs, pearl studs, and a pearl necklace.

  2. 36 weeks

    Has anyone flown while 36 weeks pregnant? I’ve been offered a job interview for my dream job, in another state. The flight is about 1.5 hours. I could also take the train, which would be 7 hours each way. I spoke with my OB and she said that flying is safe, but the bigger risk is going into labor on the plane and forcing the plane to disembark.

    My gut tells me to take the train, simply because if I go into labor I could more easily exit the train than a plane without much disruption. But the prospect of 14 hours on the train is daunting. I’m already so tired as it is.

    Thoughts?

    • tesyaa

      If you and your doctor aren’t concerned, I think flying is probably OK since the flight is so short. The time it would take to divert the flight might be longer than the time to reach the destination.

    • Anonymous

      I am but one person and not a medical professional, but in my experience, you know for a while that you are “going into labor” before an actual baby’s head is coming out. 36 weeks is still early enough that it is rare that you would go into labor. My labor started about 30 hours before the actual baby was born. I knew very definitively that it was was starting and what it was. If you don’t have contractions when you board the plane, I think you’ll be fine.

      • Mpls

        Eh – I think this can really differ between pregnancies, even in the same women. The trend I had noted (not scientifically validated) is that first babies take forever from start to finish and subsequent ones are bit quicker on their way out.

        • (former) preg 3L

          Just to counter Anonymous’s experience — I was only sure that I was in labor for about 3 hours before my (first and only) baby was born because I had been having Braxton Hicks contractions for 4 weeks. Baby was fully out 10 minutes after I stepped in the hospital room. They didn’t even have time to ask my name before I delivered.

          • Anonymous

            Of course its different for everyone. For me, I was having Braxton Hicks, but when I got those “real” contractions, I absolutely knew that they were different from the Braxton Hicks.

            I still think 36 weeks is early enough and 1.5 total hours on the plane is short enough that I would do it. Even if you went into labor on a train, you can’t just stop a train without a station and then you’d have to get from the station to a hospital, which could potentially take just as long.

    • Greensleeves

      I flew more than halfway across the U.S. at 35 weeks. It was tiring, but fine. I would fly just to reduce your travel time, unless you’re so worried about getting on the plane that you think it will cause you more stress than the long train ride. I agree with Anonymous also, labor is usually a long, slow process, especially if this is your first.

      • Anonyc

        I’d go with flying, because 3 hours of travel time sounds waaay better than being stuck on a train for 14 hours, especially when pregnant. I feel like the recent birth-on-a-plane incident would make that seems like a real possibility, but I suspect it is just a freak coincidence. And while generally I’d agree that if this is your first labor, it’s unlike to come on all at once, I think all labors are difference, even for the same woman. My three labors were pretty different from one another in their start, from the first (no real warning signs until waking up in pain from real contractions) to the third (basically having contractions for at least a week leading up to the actual birth, including ones every ten minutes for the two days prior to birth). If I were you, even with my third, when I was thinking labor would start and happen faster, I’d fly.

    • anon

      FWIW, my water broke at 38 weeks with #1. Pack an extra set of bottoms and pads just in case. Check hospitals where you are going in case you have to go to one in a hurry (also, a lot of hospitals won’t discharge you without a car seat, so have one in mind that Amazon can ship you in case you need to fly home with a baby).

      Do the people interviewing you know that you’re 36 weeks along?

    • Diana Barry

      I would fly.

      HOWEVER, as another anecdote, my first came at 36 weeks on the dot, took 9 hrs start of labor to finish, and I didn’t know I was in labor for the first 3-4 hours; I thought I was sick. I would scope out a hospital in the other location just to be sure.

      And another however: be sure to check out-of-network coverage so that you won’t be out $20K if you do have the baby in the other location.

    • 36 weeks

      Thanks everyone who chimed in so far. This is my second child (with my first, I was induced at 41 weeks). I have heard that labor with the second pregnancy can happen quickly, which is in part why I’m worried about the flight.

    • Manhattanite

      You may need a doctors note to get on the plane. I seem to remember reading somewhere that airlines could refuse to let you fly you are too far along.

      • anon

        That is true, especially if you look to be very big. I missed a big conference once b/c I wasn’t able to fly commercially (one dominant carrier out of my airport won’t fly people in Month Nine and no one had a private jet handy).

    • Anon

      With the caveat that I have never had a baby, doesn’t most people’s labor last much longer than 1.5 hours? It might be an uncomfortable flight but you probably wouldn’t actually give birth on the plane.

      • Kim

        Yeah, but there are a lot of other concerns besides not actually having the baby on the plane! Like, not having to have the baby in a strange city with a different doctor.

        But, if it were me, and I was taking the trip either way, I would SO fly instead of the train. Cannot imagine sitting in a train seat for so long at 36 weeks.

  3. Preg Anon

    Any tips for leaving my current company for another right after maternity leave?

    A little background: I got a job offer right before I found out I was pregnant, and decided that I would stay put until after the baby was born. Mostly due to better benefits & leave, but also for stability in a job I already know. The other company is an amazing fit, and they still want to hire me after almost a year from their initial offer.

    I’m considering not even coming back to my current company after leave. My work is project based, so it seems worse to come back and get involved in anything if I know I’ll be leaving. A few years ago I may have felt guilty, but after the way multiple things have been handled here over the last few years (and I have over 10 years with this company), I don’t…. and hence the desire to leave.

    • anon

      I wouldn’t feel guilty. The one thing to keep in mind is that under the FMLA, under some circumstances you may need to repay some health insurance costs if you do leave. But if the other opportunity is better, that’s not a reason not to take it.

      • Idea

        You could make those costs part of your signing bonus or offer. I’ve heard of that.

    • Diana Barry

      I would not feel guilty. The leave is something you have earned during your time at the company.

    • Meg Murry

      I wouldn’t feel guilty, especially if you’ve been there for 10+ years. However, it could be bridge burning to not go back at all, especially if you don’t tell them until right before you are supposed to go back.

      If you don’t mind about the bridge burning (or if you have enough contacts from other people you used to work with there that have also moved to other places), go for it.

  5. Zelda

    Any thoughts about Fidelity versus Vanguard (or other suggestions) for an individual Roth IRA and investment account? I would like to open both a Roth IRA and an investment account (to save for retirement above the IRA max). My current and previous company 401k’s are both with Fidelity, so ease of management would be a big advantage. However, I’ve heard really good things about Vanguard’s low fee options. I would mostly be investing in index type funds, so low fees is definitely a priority.

    • Mpls

      Go with the low fees. You’ll get another set of quarterly statements, but will there be much management difference beyond that? You can also think of it as another type of diversification – you avoid having all your money in any one investment company.

    • Wildkitten

      I’d do Vanguard. I would choose lots of money over a little inconvenience, personally. Shouldn’t the index funds require pretty little action from you?

    • Spirograph

      Have you looked into whether/at what cost you can buy Vanguard funds through Fidelity? I do not have a Vanguard account, but I have their index funds (as ETFs, I believe) in my IRA and Roth accounts with TDAmeritrade. That said, depending on how you invest (monthly trades vs lump sums a few times per year, for example), it may make more sense to use Vanguard if they waive trading fees for their own funds or something.

    • Hildegarde

      I’ve had a Roth IRA with Vanguard for about four years, and have been very pleased. When I was looking around I looked at Vanguard and Fidelity, but I don’t remember why I thought Vanguard was better at the time. They do have low fees on index funds, though it varies, so look at the details for each fund before you buy. I also think they have a good number of options for index funds, and while it wasn’t a factor in my choosing Vanguard, I do actually like some of the investing articles they e-mail me and find them helpful.

    • jc

      I have both a Roth and an index fund at Vanguard and have been very pleased so far. When I was researching, they had the lowest fees on both (by far) which is why I chose them. I find their mobile app and online portal to be easy to use as well.

    • Zelda

      Thanks everyone! I had been reviewing older thread as well and Vanguard definitely seems to be the way to go!

      • M

        Just as an FYI – You can access Vanguard funds while with Fidelity. I custody my IRAs with Fidelity and am invested in Vanguard ETFs.

    • ACD

      My Roth is with Vanguard and it’s been a pleasure. I believe I opened it in 2011. I did the comparison research on my own, but when I spoke with my financial planning firm, they were relieved (I occasionally make rash decisions that create headaches for them) and confirmed that Vanguard is consistently their other clients’ top pick.

      I don’t have any accounts with Fidelity, but I keep most of my banking and some investments with Schwab. I’ll say that although I love Schwab and can’t imagine ever moving my primary checking account elsewhere, when I looked at their Roth offering, the fees were definitely higher. For me, the convenience factor didn’t seem like it would be a problem — it hasn’t been — and I also liked Vanguard’s index fund offerings.

  6. Raise with Promotion

    Early TJ: I am in an odd situation at work and I don’t know what’s reasonable. I have been in my current position (position X) for about two years. I was just offered to take over the team, managing three others who are also in position X and will need extensive training and oversight.

    My current salary is below market, so after doing some online research for average salaries, I figured I would receive about a 20% bump. I got the offer this week and it was $10k, so much less than expected, and far below the online average salary for the position.

    Two issues I have: one, I am a high performer with glowing reviews, so feel I should earn at least average market rate, if not more, and two, $10k to manage three people doesn’t seem like enough for the increase in responsibility and workload.

    Do I have completely unrealistic expectations?

    • Idea

      Ask for more. they threw out the first number.

      Was it presented as “non-negotiable”? I recently had a raise like that. 15% raise, but the whole company is under market rate :(

      • Raise with Promotion

        My boss said she thought I would be thrilled and she was really confused as to why I wasn’t. I told her about the research and she said she would try but she was sure there was no room for more. I said it just wasn’t enough and we left it at that. Knowing what I know about the company I don’t expect to get more unless I put in my notice. Their strategy seems to be to give people more money only if they quit.

        • Anastasia

          Not that I necessarily recommend this, but I got a big raise by quitting… I gave my company a chance to match an offer from another company (not a competitor, per se, but an extremely comparable position), and they still came up significantly short, so I followed through with quitting, but left on good terms. I ended up hating the new position, and got my old job back with the salary matched.

    • ml

      No. Present all of that information to your boss and suggest a number in line with your expectations. This is a perfect opportunity to renegotiate your salary.

      • Cat

        +1 – and also this is exactly the kind of evidence that people recommend using for these conversations (objective from the industry plus relative amount of responsibility increase).

      • Anon2

        As in, actually show her the job listings with the salaries. After begging for more (below market, high performer, recently rec’d raise), I showed 5 jobs and said I’d been contacted by two (which I actually had).. and this is market.

        I had a 35% raise within 24 hours.

    • tesyaa

      Maybe. In my own career I have not had the opportunity to successfully negotiate salary increases associated with promotions, but the advice on this s!te and others it always to negotiate, so I’m assuming you have already tried and come up empty. I would not, however, put too much stock in online average salaries since there are so many other factors (industry, location, company) that affect salaries.

      • Raise with Promotion

        Thank you. That’s a fair point. I know what I could be paid in other positions locally, as I have been reaching out to contacts, so I think my target is at least within the realm of normal.

        Any comments on how much of a raise is typical to go from no reports to having direct reports?

        • tesyaa

          Depending on the situation, it could be zero. However, you stated that your direct reports will need a lot of supervision, so agree, you should see something fairly substantial.

        • anon

          I’ve had good luck with getting a small bump with promotion and then agreeing to re-visit salary in three-six months instead of a year or whenever HR reviews would occur.

    • Apples

      You say you expected a 20% raise but got $10k – in order to compare apples to apples, what percent raise was the 10k?

      • Raise with Promotion

        About 13%. Market would have been 25%-35%, but knowing how the company operates I estimated 15%-20% would be the initial offer.

    • Jordan

      Yup. I would just ask. I think it is reasonable for them to at least explain why.

  7. T

    Need: white/cream shell that isn’t see-through. Some sleeve would be a bonus.

    Does such a thing exist?!

    TIA

    • LilyStudent

      Boden have their Ravello top in a pale peach? Don’t know if that would work for you.

    • kellyandthen

      I have a great, albeit sleeveless, shell from Ann Taylor or the outlet that is cream and completely opaque. Probably not possible for you to track it down, but it was made out of ponte and it is fantastic. So, ponte?

    • BB

      So this isn’t going to be helpful, but I was literally searching for the exact same thing for over 3 months. I had one from BR that was perfect: not see through, slight cap sleeve, went with everything. Never found another one sadly. Ended up sewing one by myself using the BR top as a pattern. It’s like a unicorn!

    • Anon

      Crazy isn’t it. No suggestions only sympathy. Such a useful basic item! I’m hanging on to one from Talbots 12 years ago (when their quality was much better ). Looking forward to learning to sew, as one poster did. Seriously! Good luck !

      • OP

        Right? As if they expect me to wear a cami every time I wear a white shell? It’s times like these I realize I need to sew.

  8. tinabelcher

    I’m a brand new associate at a law firm. To my complete surprise, I came home last night to find a really fancy gift basket from the partner for whom I primarily work, with a note wishing me a happy holiday and welcoming me to a firm.

    I was totally ready to figure out holiday presents for my secretary and staff, etc., but now I’m thrown for a loop- what do I get for the partner? Do I thank him in person and follow up with a present soon? What type of present is appropriate?

    Thanks for any advice!

    • Diana Barry

      Nope, don’t gift up, I would just thank him effusively and write a thank-you note and leave it at that. Probably his or the firm’s standard welcome gift – just seems different because it’s near the holiday.

      • Jordan

        +1 I just got a coffee mug from my secretary today with my initials on it. It’s awkward.

    • ac

      Say thank you the next time you see him in person, or shoot him an email saying, “Thank you for the lovely gift basket! I’ve really enjoyed working with you [etc.]” if you’re not comfortable saying it in person or won’t see him in the next few days. That’s all. No gifts upward.

      ETA: I agree with Diana Barry about this possibly being a standard gift, so I would appreciate it but don’t assume Mr. Partner picked it out personally for you. Still very thoughtful, of course, but making a big deal about it or viewing it as very personal could be perceived as slightly tone-deaf.

    • lawsuited

      Don’t gift up unless you’re sure that’s that norm/expectation at your new firm (it sometimes is at smaller firms). If there isn’t yet another associate or office manager you feel comfortable asking, then you’re best off leaving it at a nice thank-you/holiday card.

      • Anonymous

        Or larger firms. In my small practice group at my V50 firm, we all exchange gifts. It’s awkward. I was totally caught off guard when I was a first year and just had a gift for my secretary. Ask someone who has been there awhile.

  9. Casper

    I need packing and outfit advice. General packing advice for a 4 day trip to NYC this weekend. Vacation only, no work. Specific advice needed for what to wear to a broadway play on Friday night. I’m mid twenties and coming from the DC area to visit a friend. First trip to NYC and very excited!

    • Anonymous

      Black skinny jeans and a fun top. Actually, I would wear black skinny jeans the entire time, with warm layers for day and sparkles/sheer/boobs for evening.

      • Alana

        I did that but with dark denim (no B’way shows, just indie rock concerts). It worked well.

        As a related question, what do tiny or flat chested women do for evening that is appropriate after age 30 in a club/concert? I have a thin torso and used to wear belly tops, backless tops and miniskirts. Apparently, women over 30 are supposed to cover up with the exception of cleavage.

        • Pretty Primadonna

          I’m in my early 30s. I think crop tops are actually more age-appropriate for women in their 30s now than several years ago. The trend has been all over the red carpet and on celebs in the same age range.

        • Zelda

          I think there’s def an age-appropriate way to wear a crop top in your early/mid-30’s. Crop should be around the navel, not just under the b@@bs and the top should be fairly substantial both in weight (ie decent quality, not forever 21 practically see through) and coverage (ideally with a sleeve). Same with low back tops (full frontal coverage, decent weight and no visible bra) and mini skirts (coverage on top). Imo, the key to age appropriate revealing clothes in your 30’s is quality materials and appropriate coverage everywhere else, as opposed to the mini skirts with low cut tops that were popular when I was in college!

    • Basics

      Attending a Broadway play can be far less elegant than you might think. Depending on the theater and show, you may be herded in/out during intermission (ladies room especially) and the seats may seem like an airplane.

      For generally spending days visiting the city, I’d say keep in mind:

      – the more you can walk, the better (so good walking shoes)
      – it can be cold outside and hot inside (weird east coast heating), even in large places like museums (so layers) (scarves are also good for this: around neck outside, tie to purse handle while inside)
      – nice pants or even not denim jeans or basic skirt with slightly nicer top will get you far

      Perhaps I am jaded, but I still dress for the days in NYC when it was better not to look like you had any money and it was safer to respond “sorry, I don’t have a watch” when asked for the time by a stranger than to risk exposing your nice watch, so I have a hard time feeling like a should “dress” for the city unless I am attending a specific event that calls for it.

      • Anonymous

        What? You don’t sound jaded you sound old and rural. As a tourist in NYC you’re really really really safe. And have been for at least 20 years.

          • Anonymous

            Wait what? You live in Manhattan and actively don’t dress nicely because you worry about getting mugged? That’s absurd.

          • cc

            Wait what? You live in Manhattan and actively don’t dress nicely because you worry about getting mugged? That’s absurd.

          • WestCoastBigCity

            Same rule used to apply to San Francisco. In fact, I still leave the nice jewelry at home when I’m there for a big event. Old and rural? If 30s is old, maybe. It is probably good advice to not have anything you would be unhappy about losing when you are around big crowds.

            Then again, a quick internet search turns up lots of article about pickpockets in NYC stealing phones, watches, wallets…maybe that advice isn’t all that “old” after all?

      • Anon

        Old: Many eople use their phones to tell time these days.

        Ruural: There have been MANY national news stories about the rise of cities in popularity among young, eductated people. NYC-specific gentrification stories are numerous because it is a publshing cetner. This trend has been going on for the last 15 years or so. In short, cities are safer because many poor renters, some of which are criminals, have been pushed out due to high rents.

        • Been there

          I believe Basics was referring to back in the day, not trying to say people have to hide their watches now or don’t use their phones, so no need to jump on her … I lived in Manhattan/Brooklyn then too and know exactly what she’s talking about.

          Also, I know people are practically in sweatsuits at Broadway shows now, but I would make an effort to dress up a bit with a wrap dress/boots or nicer top with jeans. It’s a big night out!

    • Gail the Goldfish

      You’ll see a range of dress at Broadway plays, but it actually trends pretty casual. I’d wear pants, because most of the theaters have very narrow rows, so if you need to climb over something/one to get to your seat, pants are better.

    • SC

      I cannot stress comfortable shoes enough! As someone who used to live in NYC, it was SO annoying when our visitors would insist on wearing heels and then walk slow, complain, and make us stop in Starbucks every 30 minutes for a break.

      Also, pack light. We barely had enough room in our apartment for an air mattress, and visitors’ giant suitcases made things worse. It’s hard in the winter when you need layers, but your efforts will be appreciated.

      • Basics

        This is a much better articulation of my point: a 20-something woman visiting NYC for the first time shouldn’t feel like everyone dresses like SATC. There are other considerations (walking, in/outside temps). There’s nothing wrong with taking those into account rather than feeling like you have to dress a certain way just because it’s the city. Feel free to excoriate.

        • Anonymous

          No one suggested that she should dress like mini-Carrie nor did her post indicate she intended to.

        • Anonattorney

          Thanks for your insights, Basics! Sorry you’re getting some weird heat.

  11. lawsuited

    I’ll be stuck at home for 2 weeks recovering from surgery, and need Netflix recommendations. I’ve already watched Damages, HIMYM, The Mindy Project, Gilmore Girls, Downton Abbey, and Breaking Bad.

    Thanks!

    • Zelda

      If you liked Downton Abbey, I highly recommend Call the Midwife. I started watching based on recommendations from the Hive and have now watched all three seasons. Can’t wait for the Christmas special! I also just caught up on Criminal Minds, but that definitely isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.

    • Diana Barry

      Sherlock! Also, Masterpiece Mystery – Inspector Lewis (those are 90 minutes, each one is like a movie).

      • "Allergies" PSA

        Definitely, but there are only seven episodes on netflix. Also: scandal (netflix and abc app), how to get away with murder (abc app). West wing if you have never seen it (I think it is on amazon prime – if you don’t have it, you can sign up and cancel before 30 days).

        • LilyStudent

          It is on Amazon Prime – at least in the UK. I’m currently watching it for the first time.

        • Not a Coffee Snob

          West wing is also on Netflix!

          I just discovered Black Mirror if you want something a little more thought-provoking. Also on Netflix.

      • Anon in NYC

        My guilty pleasures: Hart of Dixie, One Upon a Time, Arrow. I just started Supernatural, and it seems equally mindless and fun.

        My husband and I also binge watched The Assets (only 1 season before it was canceled) about the internal CIA hunt for Aldrich Ames. We enjoyed it, if you’re interested in stuff like that.

      • Marie

        +10000000000 to this! Also, I’ve been binging on Sons of Anarchy. It’s a little violent, but if you liked breaking bad you might like this too.

    • Senior Attorney

      This is in a completely different direction than the stuff you’ve been watching, but as I mentioned on a thread a week or so ago, I can’t stop watching Once Upon a Time. Also The Mind of a Chef with Anthony Bourdain. And The Walking Dead, although YMMV on that one for sure.

      Oh, and big plus one for The Bletchley Circle!

      • SoCalAtty

        I love Once Upon a Time! Also Walking Dead and Game of Thrones. And you can always re-watch the “old stuff.” I may have re-watched the entire Buffy the Vampire Slayer series the last time I was really sick…

    • Anon

      Scandal. Also, if you like home improvement type shows, I recently (sort of accidently. . .just couldn’t stop watching!) binge-watched Rehab Addict.

      Also, I will second the recommendation for Call the Midwife. I loved it!

      • Must be Tuesday

        Loved Freaks and Geeks! I just watched it on Netflix for the first time earlier this year.

    • Little Red

      Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries is great. They have both seasons available for streaming.

      • Manhattanite

        I just discovered Miss Fisher’s! I was amused to learn Phryne is 28 in the books. Essie Davis is clearly not.

        Last Tango in Halifax is fantastic.

      • SC

        Second Miss Fisher’s! I watched it when I was sick (after Bletchley Circle and the latest season of Call the Midwife), and it was appropriately light and cheesy for being sick.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      The West Wing if you’ve never seen it, Parks and Recreation, Once Upon a Time. Is Scrubs on Netflix? If so, that if you haven’t seen it.

    • tudors

      Oh, the Tudors. Get ready. I binge-watched while I was on maternity leave. It was lovely.

    • lsw

      If you have Prime, we just devoured Orphan Black season 1. I think if you like Damages, you’ll enjoy it. Best of luck in your recovery!

    • Annie

      A&E/BBC Pride and Prejudice is on Amazon Prime. I just worked my way though the West Wing for a 2nd time, and Doctor Who.

    • 2 Cents

      (Not sure if these are on Netflix, but) Pushing Daisies, Wonderfalls, The IT Crowd (hilarious British series), Orphan Black (British Sci-fi), Doc Martin (another British series they show on PBS)

    • Must be Tuesday

      The Mindy Project, The Walking Dead, and if you haven’t already seen them 30 Rock, The Office, House of Cards and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Also, if you like a lot of other CW shows, try The Vampire Diaries.

    • Jordan

      Chelsea Peretti “One of the Greats”
      Bill Burr has a new comedy special also that’s pretty funny
      House of Cards
      Blacklist
      second 30 rock, Parks & Rec, Orange is the new Black
      Arrested Development

    • Anna

      Don’t Trust the B in Apt 23 is hilarious and you need to watch Orange is the New Black if you haven’t already seen it.

    • January

      You’d probably like New Girl if you like the other series you named (especially Mindy Project).

      • Brit

        If you can handle a bit of blood (well, maybe more than a bit), Peaky Blinders! It’s set in Birmingham England 1919 and about a gang. I’m only 4 episodes in because my roommate and I are watching together, but, oh! So good!

  12. Anonyc

    Broadway show attire totally depends on you–people wear everything from hole-y jeans to post-work attire–and I think it a depends on what you’re seeing. If you’re heading to one of the big musicals, there will be a lot of tourists dressed in jeans, but if it’s a hot new play, more people will be wearing nicer stuff. It’s also pretty cold in the city, particularly if the wind-tunnel effect is going strong, so I’d account for that.

    If it were me seeing a straight-up drama, I’d wear a sweater dress–it’s warm, less worried about wrinkling, and easy to dress up or down so I could wear it all day. Knee-high boots and perhaps a cool necklace or scarf. (Clearly I’m sitting in a cold office as I type.)

  13. Anon for this (and if you hate prego questions, skip me)

    Question about online forums/chats for pregnant ladies. While I am excited about C-Moms, I find that it’s mostly moms and not expectant moms (and I’m expecting my first babe), and I was originally pretty excited about the groups on b-center or the bump, but without disparaging anyone, I’ll just say that they are *not* corpor*ttes! :) Have you ladies found any forums or other chats with communities as supportive and professionally-minded as this one? I’m *so* excited to be pregnant, but not out to family or friends yet, and just bursting to talk about it with someone!

    Also, sorry if this is a triple post! I posted it a week or so ago, but way too late in the thread (after the thread had already moved on), and then I tried to post it yesterday, but guess it got stuck in perpetual moderation because I can’t find it. Le sigh…

    • Anonymous

      It posted yesterday. Go look for it.

      No. There are no forums for pregnant women but not dumb ones. Sorry you’ll just have to cope.

        • Anonymous

          Srsly it’s the third time she has posted the same question and she got tons of helpful replies yesterday. Internet better.

          • Anon

            But don’t you know that we’re supposed to excuse that because otherwise we’re just bitter spinsters on this s!te?

    • (former) preg 3L

      If you post on the Moms page, you will find there are a number of expecting moms who read, waiting for another expecting mom to post!

      • Annie

        Agree! I’m expecting too and I’ve posted on C-moms and gotten a lot of great answers. I’m in the same place as you – not really “out” yet but dying to get advice.

    • mascot

      I think you can still find value in those boards about being excited about being pregnant and discussing those early days/symptoms etc. Just skip the posts of “pictures of my BFP” and other annoying repetitive posts (unless that interests you). I found a few like-minded individuals as time went along. If anything, I realized that my job made being pregnant pretty easy. I have a private office, I’m a salaried employee with lots of autonomy over my schedule, I have good benefits, I had an uncomplicated pregnancy and so forth.

    • Romey

      Hi! I posted on Wedding Bee in their April 2015 due date group, and then after my initial post (which was just an introduction) some members said they started a “secret” facebook group. I LOVE the group. Not everyone on there is my cup of tea or a professional woman, but for the most part it’s an awesome group and they have been an amazing resource and so supportive.

    • Anon for this (and if you hate prego questions, skip me)

      Yikes! So sorry everyone! I did look and I have no idea why I didn’t find it. Aye, aye, aye — I didn’t mean to punch anyone in the eye. But for everyone who responded, thank you!

  14. Pumpkin

    Work holiday party attire question: I am planning to wear a dark blue strapless dress that hits slightly above the knee. First, is strapless ok? Second, what to wear with it? I was thinking black hose and black pumps because I can’t figure out what other shoes I can wear with hose. I have to wear hose, right? And as far as covering up, is a sweater ok? This is my first firm holiday party, so guidance is appreciated! Oh, btw, the event is on a Saturday night in an offsite urban building in the Pacific Northwest.

    • LilyB86

      I would not wear a strapless dress to a work holiday party, especially if you work at a law firm. Unless you wear some kind of bolero, but even then I don’t think it’s the best choice. I’d go with a sleeveless sheath with blingy jewelry, hose/tights and pumps.

    • E

      I would ask a colleague. A strapless dress would be very out-of-place at my holiday party. I’m in mid-law in the northeast, and the norm here is a work-appropriate dress with some sparkle (e.g. statement necklace, sparkly cardigan).

    • Anonymous

      Do not do strapless. This could be one of those “what was she thinking” situations.

    • Anon

      I wouldn’t do strapless with hose, it seems off to me. If everyone wears hose at your office, you should probably avoid a strapless dress altogether. A sheath dress is a safer choice.

    • Anonymous

      No strapless. Do you mean hose or tights? I think hose is hard to look good in unless you’re Kate Middleton or DVF. But depending on how cold it is, bare legs could be an uncomfortable choice. FWIW, Last year at my firm’s holiday party, I wore a jewel-toned print dress that had cap sleeves, black tights, and black suede heels. It was a sit-down dinner at a fancy hotel.

  15. lsw

    What shoes are appropriate to wear to a winter wedding? I’m thinking of wearing flats to the wedding itself (my dress is long, and I am tall) but my dress for the rehearsal is tea length and I don’t want to look too informal. Are plain black pumps too boring and work-like? I don’t really want to wear heeled sandals because, well, it’s December! I feel like I have no shoes that fall into a category of not-work and not-open-toed except flats. The pair I’m leaning toward are black leather almond toe pumps with a wooden heel, but that’s kinda boring. Thoughts? I also have metallic bronze flats that would look cute, but like I said I’m not sure if I flats will cut it.

  16. Frustrated Anon

    Relationship TJ: I think I need to vent before steam comes out of my ears.

    Last year I met and fell, hard, for a recently divorced (one year prior) guy. I don’t fall like that often, or at all. We started dating for about 4 months and then he all of sudden dropped off – no communication other than very short, cool texts. I got the message and stopped contacting him, but I was hurting so much it took a while to get over. Then I got an apology email from him weeks later, where he said that his life is very “complicated.” I knew then to move on and not dwell on it (actually I think someone posted something here that really resonated with me at the time: “You can never give someone something they don’t want.”), but secretly I’ve been thinking about him a lot. And missing him.

    One year goes by. I’ve recently met and been on 8-9 dates with a really great guy. He’s together, smart, kind, thoughtful, my dog loves him….etc. He never cancels plans or flakes out. He even showed up (voluntarily, I didn’t ask him to come) to help me when I had to go to the ER, and he displayed rock solid behavior throughout. All looking very promising. No relationship talk yet, but it seems to be heading that way.

    Then last year’s guy contacts me out of the blue and wants to go for coffee. I say “sure, why not” (trying so hard to remain cool even though of course I started getting butterflies again). We live in different towns (about a 2 hr drive) and I am going to be in his town anyway, so it all seems like a good plan. Then he cancels the day before, saying his life is “more complicated than he thought” and he’ll be touch. He even ended the message with a smiley face.

    I am so mad at myself (OK, a little mad at him too for doing this to me AGAIN). How could I be such an idiot and get my hopes up, against all better judgment? It was his suggestion to meet, and then he cancels his own plan? I get that life can be complicated, but that is no excuse for sh!tty human behavior.

    I think I know what the answer is here – focus on the nice, new guy who is not flaky and whose life is not complicated. But why can’t I stop thinking about the flaky, “my life is complicated” guy? And why on earth did I let him hurt me AGAIN, a whole year later, by canceling plans just like that? In my mind I am playing with different responses if he gets in touch again (“Oh, I’m kind of busy right now.” or “thanks, but let’s not meet up” but of course I know that I’m dying to see him so I will probably say yes.)

    • First Year Anon

      That sucks. He’s a jerk for jerking you around, no matter how much you like him. In fact, sometimes people find the unavailables more attractive because of the challenge, which may be what’s happening here.

      I think you need to cut him out, block his number, anything to detox. Don’t meet up with him! Focus on the new good guy. Baggage Reclaim might have some good posts for you!! (I say this as someone who has done the same thing, no judgment!)

      • Romey

        I agree. Ignore the flaky guy 100%, and if he ever contacts you again (which he probably will) don’t respond. Don’t be too hard on yourself. I’ve been in a similar situation before and it’s hard to not respond when you’re into someone but I’m confident this guy is up to no good.

    • Anonymous

      NOPE. You can either keep poking yourself with a stick because you’re hung up on a fantasy or grow up.

      Unfriend him on FB. Block his number and email address. You can stop thinking about him. You’re choosing not to because you like something about letting yourself get hurt. Maybe you like the drama. Maybe you like the escape. Maybe you like the fantasy. Maybe cocaine tastes awesome but you probably don’t let yourself do that to pass the time either.

    • cbackson

      You can’t stop thinking about him because that amazing, I’m-falling-in-love-zing! is rare and special, and because he’s the one that got away. And, I’d guess, because in a lot of respects, the prospect of something real and stable and happy and healthy can be really scary. That may not be the case for you, but it is for a lot of people. I went through this rollercoaster with an emotionally unavailable guy for WAY too long, and so I know how hard the siren song is to resist.

      You need to not see Mr. Complicated again, but I think you know that. Have you told any of your friends about this? I’d suggest making someone your accountability partner for this situation – make a commitment that you’re not going to see him if he contacts you again. Create some barriers for yourself by asking a friend to help keep you honest on that. I promise, it’s the better part of valor. I eventually married my emotionally unavailable guy, and trust me, he was the same after marriage as he was before. We’re now divorced. You don’t want this guy in your life – and you know it.

      • Frustrated Anon

        Absolutely right – I got stuck in the “amazing, I’m-falling-in-love-zing!” with him as I was still in that state when it ended. I never got to the “dirty-socks-on-the-floor-and-farting-in-bed” stage with him. In my mind he is still completely idealized.

        • nutella

          To help counter the idealized version of him, try focusing on the ugly parts of him, the red flags, the sh**ty and immature behavior he is still doing at his age. Don’t let it get you mad for falling for the idealized version, but think about it enough to help you see you probably dodged a bullet with this one — see cbackson’s comment. Looks like you were spared from months/years/lifetime of misery and futility. You want someone who wants you as much as you do them even more than you want this guy, I’m sure of that. Have you ever been in new guy’s shoes before? He is just waiting for you to be ready and give him a chance. Don’t wait too long to give him your full attention and let yourself fall for him or he might not be around for very long.

    • SuziStockbroker

      Do not say yes. Trust me.

      Think about (and I am not saying that in a snarky way at all) why you are dying to see someone who’s life is “too complicated” to keep plans with you.

      Interested people act interested.

      If he were really interested, he would have kep the date, or (if that was impossible) he would have offered another time or location etc.

      New guy likes you, doesn’t flake on you, and lives in your town.

    • Frustrated Anon

      Thanks, guys. Yes, I need a figurative face-punch for still having butterflies about this guy. I was reminded of that scene in SATC when Samantha thinks she’s so in control and is going to just go on a date with Richard and then dump him, only to end up being dumped by him again. She says something like “IT WASN’T SUPPOSED TO GO THIS WAY!” and I think I feel a bit that way about saying yes to his suggestion to meet up and then get canceled on. (Dumped again!) I think there’s some hurt pride in there – I was thinking about the coffee meet-up with me being all happy and doing well, etc. (i.e. not still brooding over him!) but alas I did not get the chance.

      You can never give someone something they don’t want.

      • January

        I do think this is probably a bit of an ego validation thing for you – you want to win him. He is probably using you for ego validation, too – in his mind, he’s thinking, “See? She still wants me!” I also think – having been there, more than once – you’re probably being a little too hard on yourself. You’re right to recognize that this is NOT the guy for you (he’s not, I promise. If he were, he wouldn’t be acting like this), but you don’t need to figuratively punch yourself in the face over it. I took an acting class once where the instructor told us to make “I forgive myself” the mantra for the class – consider forgiving yourself for falling for this guy and holding onto feelings about him. You’re human; it happens.

        Finally, I’m convinced that guys like this have some sort of radar that causes them to swing back around right at the precise moment you’re about to move on. I do not know how this happens, but it does. I agree with cbackson that you need to get a friend you can text if/when you hear from him who will save you from yourself.

    • plus one

      I had a similar situation happen at the end of this summer. This is what I did. Haven’t read the other replies, sorry if it’s redundant, it’s like I have a job to be doing or something.

      I was in the early days of seeing a new-potentially-great guy, and was contacted out of the blue by my One That Got Away/Secretly Still Thought About Him All The Time/Really I Thought We Were Going To Get Married/Etc. dude. I knew it was a mistake but we met for coffee. All of the butterflies and Feelings were still there, despite the fact that I knew–KNEW–he was never going to actually care as much about me as I did about him, just the way that you KNOW there’s no excuse for the way your guy is flaking out on you and being “complicated” (is he a Faulkner novel or something? otherwise, ugh). He said he’d be in touch soon after, he wasn’t (theme of our time together). I continued seeing the new guy (before anyone jumps all over me for being some kind of harlot, we’d been on 4-5 dates at that point and had not discussed exclusivity). While I still obviously thought/angsted about The One, I did my best to be fully committed and in the moment with the new guy.

      By the time The One got around to texting me again three weeks later, the new guy and I were exclusive, so I sent The One a polite email saying basically, “I’m sorry that this ended the way that it did, but nope.” I cried, felt the Feelings, second-guessed myself, etc. I continued thinking about The One intermittently (still do, actually–he was a big part of my life and emotional landscape for a while, it’s not like I can just magically excise him from my brain) even though the no-longer-new guy and I are going strong, and I can honestly say I’ve never been happier in a relationship with anyone.

      But even if you did’t have a potentially-awesome new human to hang out with, you still know that your ex is not good for you. I’m a big fan of Captain Awkward, and will link her post below if I can find it quickly, but basically, she has a plus one/minus one rule for framing these guys. Mine was “my perfect man PLUS initiating plans with me more than once every week or two”; sounds like yours is “your perfect man MINUS being complicated and flaky.”

    • Jordan

      What’s so complicated about his life? Geesh. I am sorry you have to go through this. No real advice in addition to what has already been said. Just *internet hugs* :-/ I second Anonymous at 12:01’s comment.

    • August

      Very busy today. So cannot write in length. Please read Nice Girl Syndrome by Beverly Engel.

    • Dulcinea

      I have been in a similar situation. I read that studies have shown that people respond better/are more attracted to intermittent rewards rather than predictable ones. IE, you are more likely to keep playing a game if you don’t know whether or not you will win. This tendency explains behaviors like gambling and other risk taking activities. I know it doesn’t help much but try to recognize that is what you are doing here and tell yourself your urges to reconnect w old guy are based on brain chemistry not that you are Destined To Be Togetger. I think the other comment here about cocaine is a good one.

    • Parfait

      Nope. Just nope. NOPE. Do not make dates with men who string you along in that way. He’ll keep pulling your puppet string as long as you keep dancing and jumping entertainingly when he does. If he wanted to be with you, there’s no complication on this earth that would keep him from you. At the very least, you deserve a better excuse than that.

      • Senior Attorney

        “If he wanted to be with you, there’s no complication on this earth that would keep him from you.”

        This times 1,000,000. Guys who want to be with you will find a way to be with you. I decided that this time around I am not going to date anybody who isn’t absolutely delighted at the very idea of going out with me. It took a little (okay, more than a little) willpower to keep from chasing after a guy or two who tended towards flakiness, but a year later here I am seeing a great guy who actually says “I would be delighted if you would join me for dinner” in those exact words.

        Just say NOPE.

    • Anon

      Is it possible his life is complicated because he’s married or otherwise involved?

  17. Romey

    Ladies, in what situation will you apologize for something at work? A few days ago, when I sent an email to opposing counsel I said “apologies for the delay” because we owe them a ton of documents that we haven’t sent to them yet. The female partner I am working with (who I really like) told me I should never apologize for anything because it could make me seem weak. I have heard this piece of advice before. But in what context would it be appropriate to apologize, and would you apologize to some people more than others (i.e. would you be more apt to apologize to a client or a senior person above you than opposing counsel or third parties)?

    • Anon in NYC

      I’d be more likely to apologize to a client/internal client for something like that than opposing counsel or a third party.

      Other advice I’ve heard so as to not seem weak: not to write “Hi John” (or Hello or Dear) to start an email. You should just lead in with their name. I do this depending on the situation – clients/senior person, I’m more personable, but more sparingly with opposing counsel/third parties.

      • Anon

        I’ll be the voice of dissent. I think it’s absolutely fine and necessary to apologize if you do something wrong or that’s even smoothing a relationship (like saying sorry to opposing counsel when you’ve delayed for a while). It doesn’t make you look weak, it makes you look self-aware and not like a jerk.

    • Diana Barry

      I would listen to her – don’t apologize for stuff you send out esp to opposing counsel.

      My boss will occasionally start letters to clients with “With apologies for the delay, attached are drafts” – but that is a client-smoothing technique, usually used when there have been months of delay.

    • Wildkitten

      That seems like a kind of off-hand apology. Do you lead with apologies often?

      • Romey

        Wildkitten, no, for context they’ve been asking us for a set of documents for about two weeks now and we’re closing next week (so this was a few days ago and we still had not given them initial drafts of docs which they would need to review before we close) so I did actually feel bad that it was taking us a while to get it to them. So after they asked what the status was I told them when we thought we would send, and then I said apologies for the delay. I think our delay might actually push back the closing too. :-\

        • Nonny

          Have been in exactly this sort of transactional situation before and in my experience apologizing is the appropriate thing to do, but don’t make a big deal of it. You just need to acknowledge that your delay has made things more difficult, you will remedy it, and move on. But whatever you do, don’t let your delay push back the closing. Bad form.

          • Romey

            Thanks for everyone’s input! Appreciate it. I guess I’m kinda throwing the P under the bus here, but I had sent my documents to her, but then she got swamped with another closing which is what caused the delay (she needed to review them before they went out).

            That’s kind of a completely separate question. What do you do in that situation? If the holdup isn’t your fault, but your team’s fault? You obviously don’t want to throw anyone under your team under the bus to the other side.

          • January

            Romey – if you’re still reading, the best thing to do in that situation is to let the partner know that the documents need to go out because X person is asking for them or you’ve missed a deadline or whatever. She may then review them, or depending on various circumstances, may allow you to send the documents out with the express disclaimer that they remain subject to internal review. You may also advise your opposing counsel in that situation that the documents are still being reviewed internally or answer that gives a bare minimum of information.

    • Anonymous

      I never apologize to opposing counsel. I am cordial but I do not work for them and do not owe them apologies. Ever.

      Completely different than the rest of the office realm.

    • Burger

      I err toward not apologizing in general, but I will sometimes apologize if its something that was legitimately my issue. For instance, if I said I would get a proposal to my client tomorrow, but got swamped and it ended up taking a week. I am definitely more apt to apologize to clients or internal senior people than I am to outside people. I often do a quick check before I send an email and edit out any “ladylike” tendencies to apologize, overexplain, etc.

    • Jordan

      Agree with not apologizing. If I have been behind or there was a delay sometimes I will say “Thank you for your patience.” or something like that. The “societal we” apologize far too often. A lot of people in this area say “Sorry?” if they didn’t hear you. It kinda bugs me.

      Whether it makes you weak? Eh, that’s your boss’s perception and some others but I think we just apologize too much. SORRY!

      • mascot

        If its a good working relationship with opposing counsel, I don’t mind giving an acknowledgement of their patience. I’d probably save it for times that you really are causing them some sort of angst by your actions. Being courteous is part of the “don’t be an a**hole” practice mantra.

        • Lorelai Gilmore

          What about a “Thanks for your patience. Attached, please find drafts . . . .”

        • Hel-lo

          I think this is a situation-by-situation thing. I’d rather be known as the polite lawyer with good judgment (even to opposing counsel) because then they’re more likely to play nice with me. I’ll get tough when I need to, but it doesn’t need to be 100% of the time.

          Plus, there is after all an ethical duty to be collegial to the court and other counsel. “Zealous advocacy” appears nowhere in my state bar’s ethical rules.

          • Anon

            “Zealous advocacy” appears in my state’s ethical rules in the context of you can still be a zealous advocate and be professional and courteous to others.

        • Brunchaholic

          Am I the only one who doesn’t understand how an apology conveys politeness? Getting things to people in a reasonably timely manner conveys politeness. There’s a lot of ground between being a a-hole and apologizing excessively.

      • Amelia Bedelia

        I frequently use “thank you for your patience” instead of apologising. It recognizes they have been waiting, but doesn’t include the “i’m so sorrY” theme. I pretty much never apologise and recommend the same to junior women. I’ve noticed this is often a gender issue. Women tend to apologise more.

    • Bonnie

      I never apologize to opposing counsel because I’ve had it later used against me.

    • Brunchaholic

      I think a lot of people (women especially, or so I’ve heard) equate apologizing with being courteous. They are not the same thing.

      In the situation you described (getting drafts to people late), the courteous thing to do is to not give people documents 2 weeks late when they ask you repeatedly for them. The courteous thing to do when asked the status of a document is to give them the (honest) status of the document. An apology when you finally do send the stuff is not helpful and does not make you look more courteous. It just makes you look apologetic and in my opinion just looks like you either aren’t on top of communicating with people or you are poor at managing your time, neither of which are good looks.

      Even with that said, what you described about getting drafts out late (and even sometimes delaying closing) has happened to me with pretty much every opposing counsel I’ve ever worked with. It’s unfortunate but I think that’s commonplace enough that people expect it to happen. I think over-apologizing makes you appear inexperienced and as if you haven’t been down the block a time or two enough to know that this is how a lot of deals operate.

  18. public vs. private

    I work in public (not law) sector. I want to negotiate a raise, and I know how tricky it can be with public money. I know that I am underpaid per market research and averages, even when I compare my salary against other public salaries for the same job description, and factor in COL.

    What I found was that when I compare my job to other equal jobs in public sector, factoring in COL, I’m underpaid by an average of 20-80%. If I were to try to translate that to private sector, how would it add up?

    If I wanted to see just how far below market rate I am, what kind of percentage should I add to the top of my current salary to account for our public benefits package? 20%? Anyone have any ideas?

    • A

      I tend to think of the public sector making around half of what you could make in the private sector. It doesn’t totally hold up but I think it’s a good starting point.

    • Wildkitten

      I don’t think comparing to private sector compensation is a useful frame to negotiate public sector salaries. Why don’t you negotiate with the higher public salaries as your target?

      • public vs. private

        This is definitely my MO, but I wanted to see if there’s any benefit to knowing the private sector market too.

      • Marilla

        Agreed. Also, if you’re public sector, are you unionized? If yes, there is probably a salary chart in your collective agreement.

    • lucy stone

      Can you tell me a little more about what you do? I work in law in the public sector but I’m in Wisconsin, where our benefits have taken big hits in the last few years. Our city, and a lot of other ones, recently did compensation studies and we did use private sector comparisons as part of the study. I think it was weighted 50/50 for management and 70 public/30 private for non-management rolls. If you can tell me more about what you do I’ll be happy to share our pay bands for a comparable position.

    • EH

      I don’t think it would be very useful to do private sector research here. It’s not applicable and seems pretty tone deaf in this budget climate. I’d probably somewhat jokingly tell my employee that if she wants that much of a raise she is welcome to go to the private sector.

      I’d be sure to know the ins and outs of your own budget well. What is your Department’s total salary budget? What is the current spend? Are there any open positions that your manager could borrow dollars from to get you to the salary you want? When does your fiscal year end? When does your Department head have to put together her next year’s budget documents? Do you have reviews? When are they?

      Also, be cognizant of what the salary is for your job if its a title that spans departments. If you are a Manager I that is a citywide title, you’re not going to have any luck convincing your boss that she should increase your salary since it’s out of her control.

      In the public sector sometimes the money just really isn’t there. It’s hard to get new salary dollars allocated mid-way through a fiscal year. And finally, be cognizant that if you really want to be a city planning in a small town that it will never actually pay “market” because you want to be a city planner and don’t want to move so… you’re sorta trapped. these are the only city planner jobs around and they can obviously fill them for less than “market”…

  19. anon

    So has anyone else bought those dress yoga pants from betabrand? I don’t even do yoga, but I bought a pair, and I kind of like them. I can never find pants that fit right, because my waist is big in comparison to my hips, so pants that fit in the waist are always baggy in the seat. I wouldn’t wear them to court or anything, but I wore them to work with a nice cardigan on an office day, and no one seemed to notice. I held them up to my rayon blend pants from Ann Taylor, and really couldn’t tell much of a difference in the look of the fabric. Am I just kidding myself that these are work appropriate? They are so darn comfortable. And no sagging in the seat!

      • anon

        Sigh. I have had no luck with tailoring for that problem. I read that is a very difficult alteration, I need to keep trying different tailors. I’ve mostly just given up on pants, I wear skirts or jeans on casual days.

      • Mpls

        Eh – it’s a tricky thing to tailor. It’s not as easy as taking in the waist. You might as well get the pants made custom with all the tailoring you’re likely to have to do.

    • Must be Tuesday

      I’ve debated purchasing those a few times, so I’m glad to hear about your experience. Whether they’re really work appropriate or not probably depends on how they look in person, how they fit on you and what your office’s dress code is. If they look interchangeable with Ann Taylor slacks and don’t fit you like skintight yoga leggings, then they probably are work appropriate for many offices.

      • anon

        I bought the straight leg dress pant, the legs are not tight at all. They also have leggings, I would not wear those to the office. FWIW, our office is very casual, unless you have court or a client meeting.

    • Parfait

      I’ve been kind of intrigued by them too. I work in a very casual workplace and I know I could get away with them, and yet, still I hesitate.

    • Anonymous

      For what it’s worth, that’s the kind of thing I’d notice but not say anything about. So people may still be noticing.

    • Anon

      I did. They didn’t fit me right, but if they had, they would have been fine for a casual day in my office (context – Bay Area).

      • anon

        Are those similar to the Columnist fit at Express? Those come closest to fitting me, but are a little short in the stride. I have a long torso.

      • AMB

        If those are the NY&Co pants I’m thinking of they FEEL like yoga pants but are actual pants. I have said many times I will weep then they wear out.

    • Saguaro

      Now I am interested in trying a pair of these because I have the same body type you describe (big waist issues!) and I have the hardest time finding comfortable pants. These would be totally fine in my all casual all the time So CA office. I wish they were cheaper though.

  20. OB in midtown

    Any recs for an OB in midtown west or thereabouts? My regular gyn doesn’t do OB.

    • (former) preg 3L

      I looooooove my OB but she’s on the UWS (86th & CPW). Dr Zhanna Shulina at the Mount Sinai St Lukes OB practice.

    • AnonZee

      WestCare Medical on 57th St- Dr Olivares or Laurie. I delivered with them this summer. The only downside is they deliver at St Lukes Roosevelt, but most likely everyone will in Midtown West.

  21. Annie

    I need shopping help!

    I went clothes shopping at Fred Meyer last night. (Please don’t judge. For you easterners, FM is a grocery store with other departments too, like apparel, housewares, etc. Owned by Kroger. Think Walmart/Kmart but about JC Penney-quality clothes.)

    I found a lovely navy and black brocade knee-length skirt. I’m 12 weeks pregnant and it had an elastic waist (!). Unfortunately, the largest size was L and the elastic was too tight so I’m looking for XL. I thought it would be perfect for holiday parties. I think it was Studio 253 brand, which I think is the store brand. I’ve looked and haven’t been able to find this skirt online. I’d love to find it in XL… but if I can’t, I’d love to find another shiny/brocade or other holiday-party appropriate pencil skirt with an elastic waist for under $50. I’m in a cold climate so no summer styles for me. Please help!

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