Suit of the Week: Boden

101 Comments

1. I love purple and I love velvet, but I am not sure I could pull this off as a suit. I’d do the pants with a silver or black sweater. I have a black drapey sweater from The Reset that has some bling and would work.

   1. Too much Grimace for my taste.

      1. Not that I’m planning to wear this suit, but leave Grimace out of this. There is no such thing as too much Grimace.

      2. I feel the aesthetic is more Barney than Grimace, thank you very much.

         1. Ok i am fine with this. There is such a thing as too much Barney and that happens around the one minute mark.

2. Also, I have a PSA. I unpacked all of my sweaters yesterday. My $50 Quince cashmere crewneck (worn maybe 3-4 times) has tiny holes in the back of the neck. I don’t think it’s moths or anything creepy because I packed cedar blocks and all of my other sweaters are OK. Buyer beware.

   1. If it got holes while it was packed, it’s certainly some sort of insect damage. Stick them in the freezer to kill the larvae.

      1. And don’t kid yourself that cedar blocks are all it takes to prevent clothing moths.

         The number one thing you could have done is washed the sweater before you stored it.

         1. I was reading the reference to # of wears as that it shouldn’t have been damaged from heavy use, not that OP didn’t clean the sweater before storing it.

            1. THANK YOU. Of course I cleaned before storing!

   2. Unless you can tell without doubt it’s necklace snags, treat it as moth damage and freeze/thaw/refeeze/wash everything that was in that container.

      1. +

3. I love how insane this is

   1. Me too!

4. What are we wearing to evening office parties (law firm, big city) that are weekday evenings? Venue is in the downtown core near work, so no going home to change en route. Is this where I’d bust out a velvet jacket? Or attempt desk–to-evening dress?

   1. I would wear one of my cuter work dresses to the office that day, and then just wear that to the party.

   2. If you can pull off these pants during the day, simply toss the matching blazer on at EOD and go.

   3. Pre-pandemic I had two ‘holiday’ blazers for this purpose. I’d go with softer fabrics and sparkle – velvet pants or skirt, tartan, sparkly threads in a jacket, or sequins. Talbots is a great source for holiday pieces that are still work appropriate and Jcrew has a TON of tartanaround the holidays. I have an older version of this dress and it is surprisingly versatile:
      https://www.jcrew.com/p/womens/categories/clothing/dresses-and-jumpsuits/CF794?display=all&fit=Classic&colorProductCode=CF794&colorCode=YD7986

      1. I second Talbots! I also recommend Chico’s and J. Crew. They have a great selection of subtle holiday day to night stuff: tartans, subtle sequin tweeds, Fair Isle sweaters in holiday colors. Also consider brooches–they can read stuffy and old fashioned *except* in the case of fun vintage novelty holiday items, where they can be playful and a conversation starter (in my experience).

   4. Either of those options. You could also bring some big costume earrings and switch to them before the party.

5. This is the perfect suit for the actuary formerly known as Anon. My symbol involves an integral sign.

   1. I am here for it.

6. has anyone ever seen the hip hop nutcracker?

   1. I saw A Hard Nut to Crack (Mark Morris) and it was fun. I’m glad I went. But I wouldn’t go every year, and it didn’t really fill that nutcracker space I have in my heart every year.

   2. Yes I went last year in MD. I thought they would have updated the actual music itself, but nope- it’s still the original score just with hip hop dancers. I enjoyed going to see it b/c it had been on my list of experiences, but as the other poster said it wouldn’t be an every year thing. The hip hop was impressive but I struggle a bit with classical music & staying awake (especially in warm auditoriums)

      1. I love the music and the OG nutcracker. Last year i took my daughters (now age 6) to see the real thing and was thinking this might be fun for them for this year bc they are taking a hip hop dance class this year

7. Has anyone (themselves or a kid) applied to a BSN program at a flagship state U or large fairly-competitive state U lately? I have a feeling it is insanely competitive to get in directly from high school. I have a high school kiddo who is interested but is being counseled to do dual-enrollment into community college as a more sure-fire way forward. I have no idea, but a pitch focused more on LPN and EMT license programs. My relatives who are RNs went to nursing schools decades ago (vs 4-year degree schools) and I went to a SLAC where you just applied (vs applied to a program). Our state just has large state schools, one of which is in our city (so the transfer pathway isn’t a crazy idea, possibly).

   1. Why wouldn’t they just apply to both?

      1. In my school system, dual-enrollment is aimed at students who are likely short on funds for a 4-year residential college to help them earn credits for free in high school. They often are remote-taught classes and often haven’t resulted in transfer credits at more competitive colleges (so kids lose classroom learning time and have to re-do those credits anyway in college). In anything with a progression (engineering, maybe nursing, accounting), you likely have to do those classes at the school awarding your degree unless you’re a transfer student. It seemed to be less seamless than advertised.

      2. Because dual enrollment courses in high school are often incompatible with the AP and IB courses required to get into a competitive four-year college.

   2. They are not the same thing and don’t open the same doors. In terms of how competitive it is, that is going to depend on the program and your child’s credentials. I also realize that it’s a huge luxury to be able to think this way, but what type of college experience does your child want?

   3. Is your student reasonably competitive? AP classes sound great. A LPN doesn’t though because — Why downgrade your kid to a lesser program & a lesser career before they’ve even begun? Many programs are better funded if entered from the outset and your kid won’t waste valuable time earning less before leveling up.

      1. Kiddo is an A/B student taking reasonably hard classes (mix of IB and AP) and is motivated to take a wilderness first aid class over break and has AED/CPR certifications already. So a crapshoot at best for our most competitive state schools but kind of in the running. A SLAC might suit her otherwise, but many don’t offer nursing.

         1. Look at St. Olaf for nursing.

            1. I wouldn’t pay for a prestigious SLAC like St. Olaf for a nursing degree. No shade at nurses, but it’s not something that requires a name brand school.

            2. +1 or recently someone here mentioned Goucher for nursing.

            3. I feel like nursing is like teaching and maybe accounting, but I wouldn’t tell a kid to avoid going to a “better” or pricier school just because they could go somewhere else unless budget is the main factor, which is a legitimate reason. But you can be a teacher or nurse from Vandy or UNC or UVA.

            4. My kid is at one of the top SLACs that offer merit aid. It is costing us less than W&M and UVA wanted us to pay in-state. The math just doesn’t math for top state schools anymore.

         2. Are you in VA? If so I bet I can guess the school district. Don’t listen to them. Hire a private college counselor.

         3. There are lots of schools that offer nursing programs. I suggest she apply to the state schools directly from high school, as well as any affordable private schools that seem appropriate. The community college idea does not make sense to me.

   4. Are you the frequent poster with the kid on the autism spectrum who wants to work in health care that you don’t think is cut out for college? If she does well in school, a dual enrollment program is not for her. Competitive colleges are looking for students to take the most challenging courses offered at their high school, which means AP or IB, not dual enrollment.

      Your school district sounds like ours, which hates smart kids and wants to push everyone into vocational programs. The guidance counselor recommended that my daughter, who had 99th percentile SAT scores and was ranked third in her class, apply to a low-ranked state university that admits everyone becuase “it’s a great option.” She got into the honors program at the very competitive flagship state U and was offered tons of merit scholarships to the private college of her choice. Don’t listen to the school if they give one-size-fits-all advice. Hire a private college counselor ASAP.

      1. That was a little sister. I don’t think that’s what’s going on here.

         1. There is a mom too.

   5. I can’t give much advice about the education question, but I would not want my child to train to be an LPN only. The work is less sophisticated and a bit more physically demanding than what RNs do (although I think there’s plenty of grunt work in nursing to go around), there is less of a market for these jobs in hospitals (versus nursing homes, etc.), and the LPN jobs are much lower paid. I represent the nurses union at a small rural hospital where only maybe 3 percent of the nurses are LPNs. The pay for RNs is 35% higher.

      1. Thanks! People mention LPN to RN progression and maybe that’s a thing or used to be for people who worked their way through school (lots of people at gran’s nursing home seem to be doing that), but if your kid is likely going to a 4 year school regardless, it was a head-scratcher to me. But also a field we know little about. I get that if you want to be a doctor, you don’t really deal with this in undergrad (or it’s not a foot-fault to be a history or bio major).

         1. Unless there are some socio-emotional-special needs circumstances that make you think that she will not complete a 4 year program, skip the LPN. The LPN to RN path is for people who cannot afford to do 4 years in a row, and earn their way as they go along.

   6. Wait. . . .getting As and Bs in IB and AP classes is only “reasonably hard” and a “crapshoot at best” for admission to a STATE SCHOOL? What a time to be alive.

      1. In my city, white suburban girls getting As and an occasional B in similar classes could fill UNC-CH’s incoming class from just 1 or 2 local huge high schools. They maybe all could get in on credentials, but they won’t all get in for optics. It feels pretty dire.
         I’m sure it’s like that in Arlington for UVA, etc. in other cities. I guess this is who goes to SLACs and private colleges. They will all be solid citizens, but some are going to get their hearts broken if they are set on a school in high school (and with family ties and friends, that is hard to avoid).

         1. FWIW, that was a true statement of my school and UNC-CH 25 years ago. And yes, my classmates who didn’t go to Carolina did go to Elon, Emory, Davidson, et al.

            1. How crushing was it to them and how long did it take to pass? I am bracing for impact for a kid who even with all As and doing all the right things and being a really great kid (with a really great friend group who sticks together for the next 4 years ideally) is in the crapshoot for UNC crowd. [I have told her that if she does well and wants to, we would help with anything needed to be a transfer, burn a deposit if she got in off of a waitlist, and have been saying this since she was a freshman). She has done all she could have. She will be a great adult. If she gets through the rest of the year, that is.

         2. UNC-CH is the flagship, but it’s fine to go to NC State, Wilmington, etc.

            1. I feel that NC State wouldn’t be a given, either. If you’re lucky, you could get an invite to get in in the spring, after a couple of kids have not returned after the fall semester. I’m telling my kid that if she wants to be a graduate of School A, she needs to accept that she may not start there as a freshman in the fall, but if she really wants it, she should start with eye to transferring without losing credits. As a graduate, you go to it all and I know lots of people who transferred from other good schools.

            2. Yeah. There are hundreds if not thousands of public 4 year colleges in the US. Most of them are not hard to get into. UNC-CH is #5 on the current US News public schools rankings so it’s no surprise it’s very competitive. But when you get outside the top 10 or 20 public schools it’s really not that competitive.
               Rutgers (#15) has a 65% acceptance rate
               Minnesota (#23) has a 77% acceptance rate
               UC Merced (#26) has a 90% acceptance rate.

               And it just gets easier from there. This board loooooves to be anxious about college but unless you’re talking Berkeley/UCLA/UVa/UMich/UNC etc., it’s really not that hard to go to a four year state school.

         3. You know who goes to private colleges? Kids who get in to top state schools but find that private college actually costs less and offers a better experience. I don’t think the big schools where you are just a number are good for many kids who aren’t there to study engineering or just to party. And you don’t even have to go to a big school for engineering.

            1. Not disagreeing that many top students go to private colleges, but want to push back a bit on the idea that the only things you can do at state school are study engineering or party. I work at one, and there’s really a community for everyone and everything. That’s one of the big advantages of a large school. The honors college also offers a SLAC-within-the-Large-U environment.

      2. Maybe for some of the top tier state schools, but most flagship state schools wouuld gladly take a kid with a 3.6-3.8 GPA and a decent number of AP classes. Below 3.5 it gets a little dicier, and you might be better off with a higher GPA in easier classes.

      3. This is reality. The University of Illinois was my safety school but it is nobody’s safety school now.

         1. The University of Illinois is one of the best public universities in the US though. Most state schools are nowhere near as selective as UIUC, but still provide a very decent education.

      4. This feels true to me at competitive, well known state schools, but there are definitely state schools a student like this would be a shoe-in for

      5. There are plenty of state schools with competitive admissions. Michigan, UVA, Berkeley, UCLA, etc.

   7. Random semi-threadjack: does anyone have an experience with the nursing program at the University of Arkansas (main campus)?

8. Vent about law firms and the billable hour. Of all the things I hate about the billable hour, one of the worst has to be the entitlement that clients feel because they’re paying so much for “my time.” Surprise: slavery is illegal! The fact that my firm bills you for my time does not actually mean that you own me!

   I understand you’re paying $100k/mo to my firm for my time. But you are not paying ME $100k/mo. I am a W2 employee, I get $0 of that. And that is not even half of my billable hours for the month. You are not my #1 priority in life at all hours of the night and day. I am not at your beck and call to text and call me out of the blue on my personal cell phone whenever you want to complain about how unfair the world is to you. That is not legal advice. That is therapy. Get a therapist, they’re cheaper, and they too will have boundaries.

   1. This sounds awful. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with entitled clients.

      But! Can we not use “slavery” to describe situations like this? It’s happened a few times on this board, and it’s pretty gross.

      1. Eye roll.

         1. Why the eye roll? A person making multiple of hundreds of thousands every year is NOT the same as an enslaved person.

   2. That is not a feature of the billable hour. It is a feature of a high billing rate. If your client is paying your firm $1.2 million a year for your time, that client will feel like they are entitled to call whenever they want about whatever they want. That is what they are paying for.

      The real issue is what are you being paid? If your firm is pulling in over $2.4 million a year for you, then hopefully they are paying you accordingly. If they are and you do not want to be available 24/7/365, then find another job where you will get paid (probably much) less but you get to have a life. That is the trade-off you make for the money. And if they are NOT paying you, then go somewhere that will.

      I get it. I really, really do. I had that job. Once I paid off my loans and had some savings, I left. But you do not get to collect the $$$$ and also get to be free from clients who make unreasonable demands on your time.

      1. It’s definitely a feature of entitled clients. My billable hourly rate is $210. My clients still call and text my cell phone any time that they want to and expect an immediate response.

      2. Clients arent paying bills like that every month for an entire year. Litigation is lumpy. Some months it’ll be a lot, like during depositions, and some months it isn’t a lot. I understand the client just got a big bill but that was for last month. There is no reason to be treating me like you’re entitled to my time today because you’re paying for my time from weeks ago.

         And no I don’t get paid for that kind of availability. I make $300k as a non-equity partner with 15 years experience. It’s good money but this isn’t NYC biglaw and I refuse to work like I’m still at a shop like that. I left for a reason.

         1. $300K is a salary big enough that it’s reasonable to expect 24/7 availability.

            1. Not at that level of seniority. First years start at $225k.

            2. WTF? No, it absolutely is not. $300k is below what a third year makes with bonus in NYC big law. If a 15 year professional is making $300k, they should be getting the trade off of decent hours and culture.

            3. Depends on the area of the country.

            4. You can protect your own time! $300k really is a lot anywhere, but especially in a city that’s not as expensive as NYC.

            5. *Cries in worked in politics and now works in government and my colleagues and I are crushing it at $130K managing huge staffs and programs and providing essentially 24/7 availability**

            6. The respective salary trajectories of going into law and going into politics are not hard to find and were not hard to find 15 years ago. I don’t think it makes sense to cry the natural consequences of the choices you made — especially when it sounds like you find your work fulfilling!

            7. I feel you, fellow government worker! I make 160k, manage several programs, supervise 30+ people, and am not even at the top of my chain and am expected to be available for 24/7– several times I’ve been called while on sick leave, vacation leave, holidays, etc. I work really hard and do not have the salary to match. It always makes me ragey when people assume government jobs are low-stress or cabined to 9-5. Work life balance, where are you???

9. Just catching up now on the morning thread, and for those of you who made bucket lists before 50… please share! I’ve got about 2 years before that milestone and I’d love to get some ideas.

   1. All 7 continents is my big pre-50 goal. I’ll be at 6 after next year.

   2. I did a 30 for 30 list when I was about 25. I listed stuff that would require effort and planning to achieve and other things that are easy but outside of my normal habits, including:
      Play mini-golf and disk golf
      Complete a 500 and 1000 piece puzzle
      Take a hot air balloon ride
      Complete a sprint and Olympic triathlon
      Get a milkshake
      Run a half marathon in a specific time
      Read a few specific books that had been on my I’ll get to those list
      Knit something
      Attend a live music event
      Complete a no-buy year for unnecessary or extra clothing; replacement only
      Travel to a country where a language I speak is spoken natively

      1. Girl, go get you a milkshake TODAY.

         1. I did have almost a pint of ice cream for lunch. So maybe milkshake tomorrow?

   3. 2 Europe trips – nothing on this board I know but mid 40s and haven’t really traveled yet beyond the UK once, so I’d like to get it started.
      Stop being a lawyer by 50 – ideally much sooner.

   4. I did a year of yes, and I’m thankful I did, because it was 2019 and there have been a lot of years of no since then.

      The year of yes meant always saying yes to opportunities that came my way – whether it was a band in town I’d always wanted to see, a chance to visit a foreign city I’d never been to, or even going out on Friday night when I might have otherwise convinced myself I was too tired to go out.

      I reminded myself that I wanted to come from a place of yes, and that got me up off the couch. I always ended up having a way better time out or away than I would have at home, and I created some lasting memories that way. #noregrets

      1. This is a little funny to me because I’ve been convincing myself to allow myself a year of “no.” I’m going through a lot. IVF, an unemployed spouse, difficult aging parents, career demands, including a really high turnover rate that I’m powerless to do anything about but requires me to constantly train new people. I’m not sleeping. I’m not exercising. I’m eating like crp. I’m not scheduling any non-IVF doctors appointments because it’s just too much. I don’t remember the last time I went to the dentist or eye doctor or dermatologist. Apparently I’m supposed to get mammograms now, yeah I’m not in an emotional space to schedule that.

         I’m saying no to non-essential work travel and networking events. I’m saying no to new projects at work. I’m saying no to any attempt to deal with my husband’s unemployment, not that I can do anything about it anyway. I’m saying yes to things that enrich me like time with friends and any excuse to get outside.

         1. A year of no is great. 2020 was a very strict year of no for me compared to other people. Do what you need to do for you.

            The year of yes was a fond memory to look back on when I had my own year of no (extra cautious about COVID due to immunosuppressive medication.)

         2. Please, please go get a mammogram. Especially if you’re trying to bring a child into the world. It takes next to no time and can be so, so important.

         3. Frankly I love a year of No. I did it a while back and may need to do it again. It’s empowering and also freeing.

         4. I did a year of yes and it was awesome and I filled my life with a lot of great organizations and people and commitments. Then 5 years later, I did a year of less. It felt very intentional so that I could lean into what was rewarding and less into things that had run its course. It took time and felt uncomfortable at first but saying “Thank you for asking, but I don’t have energy for that right now”, without explaining or apologizing, is very empowering.

   5. We listed travel goals US and foreign, crafts goals, seasonal events we never get to (from big like the Olympics to small like chopping down our own Christmas tree), and activities we wanted to try for the first time: riding a tandem bike, trying a ballroom class, etc.

10. Has anyone gotten a career coach and do you recommend it for someone who is not job searching, looking to switch careers or even interview or promotion preparing, but is generally not sure what next? Would love to hear recommendations and even anecdata on good or bad experiences. It sure seems to be a lot of $$$ without a clear goal in mind and all the people i reached out had a very clear reason like “don’t love current job” (I do love my job and my chosen field) or “want to triple income” etc.

    1. I’d be interested in hearing about this too. If you don’t get much back I may ask in the morning another day. I’m not sure it is the right moment for me yet and I want the right person (which is a whole other challenge) but I’m keeping my eyes open.

    2. I personally know two people who couldn’t hack corporate life so decided to become career coaches. So choose carefully.

       1. My impression is that people become career coaches for exactly this reason. I wouldn’t waste my time and money.

          1. Agreed. Find someone who has a career you want and make friends with them and get advice. Talk to your friends at work, make friends at work.

             1. Agreed– networking is what you want. Career coaches are charlatans. A very good friend of mine is a career coach. She got some bs “certification” during a period of her own unemployment and is basically a salesperson for her own brand. She does not make a full living off of it, but keeps clients on the side who use her like some kind of unlicensed therapist-slash-copyeditor, mostly for fields in which she has no experience at all. Truly bizarre.

                Network with friends and former classmates and you will learn a lot more about the actual jobs and how to get them.

    3. I have one provided through my work (following a leadership program). It was very useful during the program to develop and strategize around my goals, but since then feels little like going to therapy without an agenda of what you want to improve – maybe helpful but not a great investment of time/money.
       So, I don’t think it’s great without goals or specific problems you’ve identified and want to work on.

    4. My company works with a third-party provider to offer coaching sessions as an employee perk. I did a round of coaching a couple of years ago to clarify whether to keep trying to pursue a promotion at my current company or job hunt. I was struggling a bit with the overall vision of what I wanted to do next as well.

       The session were helpful because the coach gave me different homework and frameworks than I had already used. It wasn’t some novel or groundbreaking work, but it was helpful because it was different, and I had some accountability each week to actually think deeply about the questions. I ended up staying at my job and getting a promotion.

       I just booked some coaching sessions with someone new because I’m feeling unmotivated, low energy, and probably a bit burnt out. I’m debating about taking some extended leave from work, but I don’t really know why I would take leave, what it would accomplish, or what I would do while on leave.

       I booked some coaching sessions to talk about it. I have zero expectations that this person will “answer” my questions, but I find that having a neutral third-party with a different set of prompts to get me thinking is helpful.

       I’ve been on the other side of these conversations, with people coming to me for advice about career paths, leadership, etc. I don’t think my advice is particularly new or fancy, but many people tell me that I helped them a lot. Again, I think that asking someone else for their perspective, getting new questions thrown at you, etc. is the helpful thing.

       Coaches don’t have any special insights or tricks, but they talk to a lot of different people, and they aren’t so close to the situation. I think you do need to figure out what you’re looking for from a coach, but I’ve found it to be helpful when it occurs to me that “maybe I should talk to someone about this”.

11. Is Mackinac Island a good fall (mid-October) destination? Just got home from kiddo’s fall break and have wanderlust so I’m starting to plan the next one.

    1. I would totally go in fall (only been in summer). Do your homework to confirm things are open, believe most shops close at the end of October and the ferry doesn’t run as often as summer.

    2. I read the above thinking I can’t relate to bucket lists but Mackinaw Island is top of my domestic travel list. I think they have a pretty short season but I would definitely look into going. And read Wendy Webb’s The Tale of Halcyon Crane to get excited to go.

12. Test

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