Corporette.com

Updated: Oct 31, 2018 244 Comments · by

Tuesday’s TPS Report: Dasona Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. BOSS Black Dasona DressI love this bright, happy blue fit and flare dress from BOSS Black, on a good sale over at Bloomingdale's. I like the 3/4 sleeves, the round neck, the seam details, and work-appropriate length — lovely. (Oooh: Nordstrom has it on the same sale and actually has more sizes.)  The dress is marked down to $357 (was $595). BOSS Black Dasona Dress This $139 dress is a dead ringer for it (but with elbow-length sleeves); here are two plus-size alternatives. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-5)

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anon

    What are your reactions when you hear men say something like, “All women are crazy” or “All girls are crazy”?

    I hear that every so often, but lately I’ve heard it from several different people. It distresses me, and when I brought up that distress with a trusted friend, he said, “I’ve said that before. I don’t say it around women though, so it doesn’t harm anyone.”

    Sigh. Maybe I’m overreacting, but the “all women are crazy” comment makes me feel like we haven’t come that far from the Mad Men era. At least, in terms of the number of men who still think that’s a valid statement.

      • Sydney Bristow

        I agree completely.

        That being said, I have no idea what to say in response to that. It seems like any frustration I express would just feed into what that person is claiming, which makes them feel even more correct in saying it.

        • Wildkitten

          I am really curious as to why the trusted friend thinks that talking crap on people behind their back isn’t harmful. Does he think the same when he’s discussing individuals, or is that only okay when making generalizations about whole groups of people? Is he thoughtless generally, or has he just not thought this one concept through yet?

          • Anon

            I asked him about that. I suggested in his example it was harmful even if a woman didn’t hear it because it was perpetuating a stereotype. He said that none of the people he was talking to would use that as an excuse to go discriminate against women, so it wasn’t harmful.

          • Not crazy

            Sounds like he’s not a very thoughtful person if he doesn’t understand the concept that perpetuating stereotypes can lead to subconscious discrimination. Ugh.

        • bridget

          “If you think all women are crazy, maybe it’s the women you are hanging out with. The one constant in that equation is you. Maybe you should figure out what you’re doing that causes sane women to flee.”

      • TXLawyer

        I agree, as well. Sometimes “all women are crazy” seems to be code for “I’m emotionally stunted and don’t know how to deal with people who have emotional range.” There’s a difference between “She asked me to stop hanging out with my ex because it made her uncomfortable” and “She keyed my car for not responding to a text within 30 minutes.”

        I think women should be more careful about being quick to agree. I’m so guilty of calling other women “crazy,” and I know that even if I don’t like someone, or think she’s being irrational, I should find another way to describe her.

    • NYNY

      I get what you’re feeling, but it’s useful to look at it from the other side: Is it just venting? I know my friends and I have our own version of “all men are crazy,” when we’re letting off steam.

      • Idea

        +1
        Had a friend in High School, our line was, “Boys are stupid! And cute!” which I think still holds in some personal venting situations (obvs. not professional situations…)

    • mascot

      I feel like men aren’t free of these comments though. I hear plenty of comments that imply that men are incompetent at certain things. Some of them are related to household tasks and childcare (daddy is baby-sitting), but some are more personal (like man-cold). Generalizations aren’t great for anyone.

      • Anonymous

        Yeah but they are much more harmful for the opressed group. Which is why “white people love yoga” is not harmful but stereotypes are.

      • Anonymous

        ohh yaaay we are doing notallmen and men get this too! on this site. thank god I was worried we had a site full of smart feminists who recognized that if men are sometimes subjected to the same thing women are, that overall its more harmful to women and that women are much more likely to be defined by their gender. Even the examples you gave: men are bad at household tasks, bad at child care and need more supervision, need to be taken care of when they are sick. Those ideas are all harmful to WOMEN who need to come in and do the chores, childcare, and tend to their poor husband.

        • roses

          I get what you’re saying, but not everyone is attuned to the nuances of feminism – especially the controversies that really tend to play out over social media (i.e., the #notallmen thing). It’s totally valid to point out that men aren’t harmed in the same way as women by these comments, but you can do it without the vitriol, as the first Anonymous did in response to mascot.

          • Wildkitten

            It’s also a good reminder that we must both smash the patriarchy and be the change, and the second one is sometimes harder, at least for me.

          • Anonymous

            But I don’t want to do it without the vitriol. That’s why I put it in there. I am frusterated, and I want to express that. Please don’t tell me that I have to be nice, or that’s its my responsibility to nicely educate people who want to buy into harmful stereotypes.

      • Ginjury

        While I agree that there are certainly comments that generalize men in negative ways, I don’t think they’re nearly as harmful as the crazy women trope. Generalizations about men don’t usually undermine their credibility in the same way.

    • Not crazy

      You are not overreacting. I dislike “all women are crazy” because it is used to dismiss women’s thoughts and emotions- usually when those thoughts and emotions are a refusal to put up with a man’s poor behavior. Oh, no need to pay attention to her, she’s just “crazy.” Oh, she got pissed off when I didn’t call her back, she’s crazy (ie, “I don’t need to evaluate or change my behavior- the problem is with her.”).

      I recognize that women say negative generalizations about men sometimes, too, but I see those comments as less rooted in a system of oppression and silencing women (I mean, come on- hysteria, anyone?) and more of a generalized critique. I also see a difference in a generalized “insult” (men are lazy, men can’t clean), and an attitude of dismissing experiences and opinions as valid.

      Your friend is wrong- it is harmful. It encourages his male friends to dismiss the experience of women. That’s not ok.

    • Mpls

      “I don’t say it around women though, so it doesn’t harm anyone.”

      Well, that’s bullsh!t. It’s perpetuating an attitude about women that is harmful to women. It says it’s okay to dismiss women’s feelings/actions because ultimately women (as a group) are irrational and don’t know better. It’s also a lazy choice of words – is the person being discussed really psychotic and needs to be avoiding (or have restraining order – men can be victims of domestic violence too), are her actions frustrating and guy is missing something due to being self-centered, or is she acting out of character and may need health screening.

      I also agree that the helpless-man-with-child stereotype is not cool.

    • Anon

      Kurt Vonnegut once wrote something like, “men are all jerks, and women are all psychotic.” I don’t take it seriously — and I don’t think he meant it to be taken at face value.

      But I think there is some truth to the extent it’s about how men and women generally relate to each other. It’s more about men being from mars and women being from venus. I agree that it’s not true, and that saying it can perpetuate harms. But I really don’t think that men mean it the way it comes across. It’s about the way genders experience each other.

    • la vie en bleu

      Why can’t your friend just go with my new version of the phrase/idea: “People are the worst”

    • Asideralis

      It pisses me off beyond belief and I generally will inform the speaker that they have made a very sexist comment. I agree with the other hive members that it dismisses the thoughts, emotions, and opinions of an entire gender and makes it easier to view women as the “other”.

      Your friend is wrong. It is harmful.

  2. Wildkitten

    Any tips or tricks for meal planning for non-chefs? I want to have organized, easy, healthy meals that I can actually put together and eat on weeknights. I’m trying out the Blue Apron types companies, but would still love other ideas that are cheaper than theirs…

    • NO

      I did Six O’Clock Scramble for a while – easy recipes and it generates your grocery list for you! Unlike Blue Apron, you do you have the buy the ingredients – but the recipes I used were pretty easy and the whole family enjoyed them, and I enjoyed not being stressed about figuring out what to cook and how to cook it.

      • Wildkitten

        Yes! These are the ideas I’m looking for – I can’t afford Blue Apron every day. I’ll check it out.

      • CHJ

        I use a similar service called Cook Smarts. Each week, they have four new recipes, you can tailor them to for dietary restrictions, and it will generate a shopping list for you. I’ve also used Blue Apron and Plated, but they are more expensive and I found the recipes to be too time consuming for a weeknight.

    • Rosemagilly

      I keep it simple and I think healthy (not an expert). I just pair a protein with a vegetable. I save fancy meals for when I am eating out and someone else is cooking. Here’s a sample week (very typical meals I eat every week – keeps grocery shopping easy as well).
      – tilapia (buy fresh but pre beaded at fish counter) with roasted broccoli and garlic
      – chicken breast (pre marinated Perdue individual packets) grilled on George foreman with some sort of steamed vegetable (frozen green giant)
      – chicken breast like above sautéed with cherry tomatoes and onions
      – turkey burger on George Foreman grill with spinach
      – chicken sausage with peppers and onions.

      It’s all seriously very easy!

      • TXLawyer

        I think this is great advice. I’ve come to terms with the fact that not every evening meal has to be sophisticated (or even interesting!). Some Mondays I buy a rotisserie chicken and eat it all week done different ways- tacos, chicken salad, with a veggie side dish, etc.

        I’ve also abandoned the idea of doing things “from scratch” on weeknights. Enchiladas? Great, throw some rotisserie chicken in a grocery store tortilla with a can of enchilada sauce and some sprinkled cheese. Nuke to preferred heat. Serve with freezer veggies. Voila!

      • Jen2

        This is what I do too. I’ve also started chopping a mixed salad in a large bowl – spinach kale green peppers mushrooms cucumber- as my own version of bagged salad, keeps 4 days no problem. Olive oil and balsamic vinegar on the table, and you have a guaranteed mix of fresh vegetables to serve with your protein and veg side every night. better and cheaper than bagged salads

      • NavyLawyer

        Yes; embrace the pre-cooked/cut/shredded like rotisserie chicken! When you grocery shop, break up the meat into plastic bags for freezing, and add a marinades (e.g., oil-based salad dressing, salsa, bbq sauce) so you can just throw it in the crock pot later. And crock potting means you don’t have to remember to thaw the meat! Then serve over rice/quinoa. I use bagged salad (e.g., Cesar, coleslaw), frozen microwaveable steamer vegetable bags. Salmon is an easy fish – top with butter and lemon juice and cook stovetop. Dump a can of beef stew over rice. You can spice up steamed frozen veggies with butter or a season-all, etc. Instead of buying a million spice bottles, buy a few combos like fajita seasoning, lemon-pepper, steak seasoning, etc.

      • Shayla

        https://www.gatheredtable.com/

        Easy. Mobile Version. It can auto-fill your menu for you. You can a “diet.” You can import recipes. You can share grocery list and meal plan with whomever you share those duties with.

        (ETA: I’m almost certain this is free, but it may only have a trial period that is free…for some reason I am not finding the info…)

        • Parfait

          “Limited time offer – 3 months Free! Normally $10/month.” Right on the front page.

    • Meg Murry

      I saw a good idea on Illustrated with Crappy Pictures, although I haven’t fully implemented it yet. Basically, you collect a binder full of recipes (and a list of meals you don’t even need a recipe for) that are easy enough for weeknight meals, and then you page through that each week to make a meal plan. So you could include any Blue Apron recipes that you think are worth shopping for, as well as basic go-tos like grilled cheese to start. Here is the post where she explains the system:
      http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1041505/how-i-plan-meals-for-the-week

      The other idea I’ve seen that I used on and off was to assign each day a theme, and then pick from that theme. So for example: Meatless Monday, Pasta + Chicken Tuesday (or Italian Tuesday), Stir Fry + Rice Wednesday, Something from the Freezer Thursday (that was cooked on a weekend) and Pizza Friday was how our week went for a little while.

    • Idea

      Sorry I can’t remember your family situation.
      Clean Eating Magazine has 2 great meal plans in each magazine – 1 is 5 budget dinners, for a family (serves 4)
      1 is 2 weeks breakfast-lunch-dinner-2 snacks for 1 person, I think, with some cooking, some assembly, etc. Everything I’ve made from there tastes delicious, obvs. you can substitute you own non-“Clean” ingredients, with more or less levels of cooking/assembly.

    • Rogue Banker

      I kinda play mix-n-match with food – one item from column A, one from column B, one from column C :P I’ve got a handful of really really easy ways to cook meats, and I absolutely love the Steamfresh veggies you get in the freezer section. Being able to pull out a bag, toss it in the microwave and have yummy veg in 5ish minutes is amazing.

      re:Easy meats – I like variations on a theme of steaming for more delicate meats. I have a rice cooker (seriously good purchase, go get one) that has a steamer basket on the top, and I’ll toss a salmon fillet with salt and pepper, and a couple sprigs of fresh thyme on top – 20 minutes later, rice and fish done perfectly. (Rice also keeps pretty well in the fridge – leftover veggies and carbs make life a lot easier!)
      I also like a method we did in girl scouts when I was a kid – wrap the meat and something flavorful – I like tilapia with lemon juice, salt/pepper, garlic powder and a teeny bit of butter – in a foil packet and toss it in the oven (or on the campfire). It steams in the foil and tastes amazing.
      Also, Mom’s stovetop chicken – lay a bunch of chicken tenderloins in a single layer in a skillet. Pour 1cup lemon juice and 1cup Italian salad dressing over the top of them. Cover and cook till done, turning the tenderloins every couple minutes. Tastes really good with pasta. :)

    • CHS

      Big shoutout to Cook Smarts – it creates weekly meal plans and sends them to you a few days prior. You can customize based on dietary preferences, number of servings, etc, and it generates a grocery list for you. It also tells you what you can prep in advance, say on a Sunday, so that throwing the actual meals together during the week is minimal effort, and it takes you through each step to get it right, so you learn at the same time. Most meals are healthy and balanced, and everything I’ve made has been good to excellent. A nominal fee for what you get in return – can’t recommend enough.

    • A

      Easy meal formula:
      -choose some fresh veggies
      -choose a grain or grain like item that is available from the TJ’s frozen section (frozen quinoa, frozen brown rice, etc. obviously you can cook this fresh, but I am too lazy and the frozen is good quality).
      -choose a protein (like a bean, tofu, or maybe some meat – I’m a vegetarian, idk how that works, but I have added precooked shredded chicken to things for others)
      -choose a form (like sautéed, stir-fried, mexican-inspired, italian-inspired, etc)

      So basically I’ll end up sautéing some veggies, putting them over some quinoa, maybe add some chickpeas and herbs, maybe a sauce, and that is dinner. Or I will stir-fry some things in a wok, put it over rice, and it’s dinner. Or put some sautéed veggies and black beans in a tortilla or over rice with salsa and cheese. Or some whole wheat spaghetti with some a lot of sautéed or roasted zucchini and carrot ribbons, some sage brown butter sauce. Or a veggie burger with some roasted sweet potatoes I cut up like fries and broccoli. You can follow recipes if you like, but you don’t really need them.

      It’s not an actual service that literally tells you what to do, but you can run through those points in your mind in the grocery store. Look at what vegetables look good in the produce aisle, choose what style of food you’re in the mood for, and it’s easy. I’m not a fan of meal plans because they’re kind of limiting and are not always things I like or that are in season, and most of the ones I’ve seen do not have enough vegetables in them to meet the minimum rda.

      • roses

        This is what I do too! I never know what to say when people ask do I “cook” – I don’t like, follow a recipe, but I make sure to have this combination of carbs and protein (though I do try to make sure I have a healthy fat in there too, like avocado, nuts, or cheese).

      • la vie en bleu

        yeah, this is what I do for my daily meals, too. And I will add that Trader Joe’s has “just chicken” in both the refrigerated and the frozen sections, pre-cooked slices of chicken. So easy.

    • Anon

      I like to sit down one day a week (For me it is on Thursday night) and plan for the week. I try to think of 3 meals I want to eat that week and then from there I think about what would be leftover or extra and how I can incorporate that into the other 3 meals. And then there is always one day that we either eat out (or have cereal for dinner, haha.) So for example, if I know I want to have cheesy chicken, veggies, and rice one day, then I will plan chicken fried rice for later in the week with the leftovers. Or if we have burrito bowls one day, then we will have beans and cornbread another day. I always have frozen fish and frozen veggies also, so I can put that together quickly. Or a quesadilla or an omelette.

    • Jen2

      I don’t do crockpots and don’t want to spend weekend time cooking ahead- if I’m baking chicken or something that takes an hour, I’ll do that the day before, starting the same time I start that nights dinner. By the time were through eating, next nights main course is done. The trick is not forgetting to put it in fridge after you wait for it to cool…we’re only DH and I so usually I cook enough for two nights and have leftovers esp main course/protein

    • Amy H.

      I have tried both The Fresh 20 and (currently) Real Simple’s paid menu plans, and think they are both worth the relatively low cost for one year of recipes/shopping lists. I think they are each five meals per week. Caveat — I have not actually made that many of the recipes on either to be able to comment on taste! I’m more into planning on the theoretical/inspiration side. :D But they all have been quite healthy-sounding and in many cases simpler than Blue Apron (which I like — but have gotten somewhat less enamored of over time, esp. with the cost).

    • shadow

      I don’t want to cook a new meal every single day, so I cook things that can be stored in a refrigerator as leftovers, and I want something quick that I can throw together.

      So for example, on Sunday I might make something like 3-4 cups of rice (probably feeds me for a whole week), and then I might make a stew that I can have for dinner Sunday and dinner Monday. Then on Tuesday-Friday I’d do something easy – pan-fried tofu with green onions (takes maybe 15 min tops), or baked salted salmon (zero prep, just throw into toaster oven with salt on salmon and set to 25 min), etc. You could do stir fried foods, you can do breakfast for dinner, etc. Pasta is another one of those things you can cook a lot of and just have it in the fridge for multiple meals during the week. Sometimes I’ll do a noodle soup – for example, chicken stock or make anchovy broth, add noodles, add veggies, salt, top with an egg, etc.

      I also like to keep things in the fridge that can last a long time, or keep things in the freezer. I use eatbydate.com a lot. So for example, I keep kimchi in the fridge, bc I can put together a kimchi stew pretty quickly, or if I’m feeling really lazy, a kimchi fried rice. I always have anchovy in the freezer, and kombu can be stored in the pantry for quite a while – I use that for stock for soups and stews.

  3. Sydney Bristow

    Has anyone seen any cute white skirts in sizes 18 or 20 lately? Everything I’ve seen is so full, which just isn’t flattering on me. I’m looking for something more on the casual side of things but in a straight or slight A-line style.

    Edited to add that a really pale, blush pink would also work.

  4. daily lipstick?

    Any suggestions for a good brand/type of daily lipstick/lipcolor? Ideally, something that just enhances my natural color that I could wear every day and that doesn’t scream that I have make-up on. Non-drying.

    I am not very experienced with make-up, but need more as I’m getting older (40’s) to feel put together and….. to look alive. So far I use only vaseline on my lips and am self-conscious the rare times I have used color.

    And how do you go about ?trying different shades of lipstick? You just have to buy/try a bunch before you figure out what works for you? So pricey…

    I have brown hair, fair skin with a touch of ruddiness, hazel/brown eyes.

    • TXLawyer

      If you go to Sephora or department store make-up counters and ask to try different lip shades they’ll let you use q-tips on their testers. It won’t give you an idea of how the lipstick wears over time, but you’ll get to see how the colors look.

      • Basics

        Re: “wearing over time” — you can ask them to write down what you have on and then say something like, “Thanks. I’m going to wear this around for a while.” And then see how it feels and looks for a couple hours before making a choice. In all, an irritating and lengthy process.

    • Burt's Bees

      I’ve had good luck with the Burt’s Bees lip crayon (it’s either the napa color or definitely not the napa color — one was too bright and the second one I bought was perefct) gone over with their Red Dahlia chapstick. My coloring is similar to yours. My age is similar to yours. I have about enough time for something I can buy at the checkout / grocery store and this has worked really well for me.

      I have about 4 of the chapsticks at home, in my purse, and at my desk (and a spare somewhere).

      • Anonymous Poser

        RE: the comments below recommending Clinique’s Almost Lipstick in Black Honey–
        Yes, it’s good.
        Some consider the Burt’s Bees Red Dahlia lip balm to be a good dupe for Black Honey. It certainly works that way for me.

      • pickle

        Burt’s Bee’s Niagara Overlook crayon is just a tad brighter than my natural lip color. I love it.

    • Pep

      Give Clinique’s Almost Lipstick in Black Honey a try. It looks really intense in the tube, but it’s fairly sheer when applied. You can build up if you want more color, or I guess even blot a bit if a swipe is too intense for you. I’m not a big lipstick wearer but I do like this when I feel the need for a little something.

      • Anonymous

        Man, I still love this color best, 20 years after I discovered it. Has there ever been a more universal lip color?

      • Rogue Banker

        Black Honey is magic. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything that works so nicely on so many people. :)

    • NYC tech

      Go to a MAC store if possible, sit down with a salesperson, and try on shades until you find one you like. They’ve been very good at helping me, and the difference in quality compared to drugstore brands is amazing.

    • AIMS

      A little pricey, but I love Dior Lip Glow. Color’s very natural and flattering, it’s moisturizing, wears well and doesn’t feel sticky or cakey.

    • Scout

      Bobbi Brown creamy lip color blue raspberry 5.

      I’m similar to you in complexion and it’s my go to nude for when I want to look like hey I cared enough to put lipstick on but not enough to make it look like it’s just too much.

      Go to the Nordstrom counter and tell the women exactly what you are looking for. They will pick them out and you can see what works for you.

      • Emily

        I also really like the Bobbi Brown Color Rouge (?) Pots. It’s a lip color/blush in a cream formula and lasts a long time.

        • Editrix

          Same coloring here. I like Bobbi Brown Brownie (it’s pinker than you’d think). Also Bobbi Brown lip gloss in Petal, but not on a windy day. I hate when my hair sticks to my lips.

    • ORD

      I’m wearing Revlon Just Bitten Kissable balm stain every day lately. It’s a stain so it lasts for hours, and doesn’t look like lipstick. Just my lips, but brighter with more color. I like 001 (honey douce) for a natural looking pink.

    • Calico

      I have your exact coloring. I’ve been searching for the perfect everyday color for years and have spent untold amounts trying to find it. Hopefully my holy grail will also be your and can save you the energy. Nars Brigitte. Bonus points for the magnetic cap that stays closed in my purse.

      • daily lipstick?

        THANK YOU to all of you for your suggestions. I have written them all down, and am particularly grateful to those who mentioned they have similar coloring.

        I’m going to visit my neighborhood ULTA this weekend, and am planning a trip to Nordstrom’s soon. I’ve been thinking for ages of making an appointment with someone at the Bobbi Brown counter to give me some general pointers. and suggestions for basic eye shadows/liner.

        • Ginjury

          Just FYI: you’re probably better off skipping Ulta since I don’t think they carry most of the brands commenters recommended, specifically Nars, Bobbi Brown, and Clinique (I might be wrong about this one, but I don’t think I’ve seen their makeup in any Ultas nearby). You’re probably better off just going straight to the Nordstrom counters, especially since their makeup artists are likely to be more skilled.

      • a.k.

        I have similar coloring and I am a fan of the YSL Glossy Stains. Sheer on first coat, but you can build to intense coverage. They stay put for hours. I recommend #7 and #12 in particular.

        They are pricey – but you can return them to Sephora if you don’t like the colors! Also I understand that Target now allows returns on cosmetics, though I haven’t tested it.

    • Houda

      MAC Impressive, it is a sheer plum pink color in a very moisturizing formula (not the classic bullet shape)

  5. Q for those who have been pregnant...

    What doctor’s appointments has your SO gone to with you? I’m wondering because I’ve just had a positive home test and just scheduled my confirmation appointment (blood test and ultrasound), and my husband wants to come. Which I am of course happy with, but I’m thinking considering two schedules for every appt. would get tiresome, so I’m wondering what others have done?

      • Diana Barry

        +1, mine went to the first one and the ultrasounds, etc. I think there was one ultrasound he missed for a meeting, but for 3 pregnancies that’s pretty good! I did not ask him to come to the super-long appts like the GD test.

      • Anon in NYC

        +1. To the best of my recollection, my husband went to the first appointment, the 12-week nuchal ultrasound (plus the appt with the doctor to discuss results), the anatomy scan(s) (we had to have two because baby wasn’t cooperating) plus the appt with the doctor afterwards to discuss results, and my 36-week appt where they did a quick sonogram to see if the baby was in the right position. TBH, the 36-week one wasn’t really necessary for him to be there, but it was nice for him to see the baby again for 2 minutes and because my doctor went over some things about labor.

        He also came to one or two other appointments because there was an issue with some blood test results and he had a blood draw or two, plus we had the follow up with the doctor and a genetic counselor. If those issues hadn’t come up he wouldn’t have gone to those appointments.

      • due in june

        Yep, me too. DH has come to the initial ultrasound, the nuchal screen, the anatomy scan, the second hi-res ultrasound when they thought there might be a problem, and the genetic counselor appointment. He also dropped me off and picked me up from the gestational diabetes screen because I had been forewarned by friends that I might be semi-delirious with hunger and dehydration by the end (which ended up being accurate for me).

        I personally don’t feel he needs to come to any of the checkups, which involve waiting at the doctors office for 15++ minutes, then weight, blood pressure, and urine checks, fundal measurements, and most recently feeling for the baby’s positioning and how my cervix is doing, so it ends up talking 45++ minutes, plus getting there and back. While I’m grateful that my checkups are all super boring (interesting = complications = bad), I think they’re a huge waste of his time. That said, more than half of the women in the waiting room seem to bring a partner to every appointment.

    • Wildkitten

      I haven’t been pg and I agree it’s ridiculous to have your SO go to every single appointment, but it makes sense that he’d want to go to the first one and meet your doc and see where the office is, and then he’ll want to go with you to big ones (ultrasounds?) or scary ones (amniocentesis?).

      • anonymama

        It’s NOT ridiculous to have SO come to every appointment, if both of you want him to be there. I think it can really help a partner feel involved in preparation for the birth, and some partners may feel reassured to hear the heartbeat at every appointment. That said, if it doesn’t work for your schedules I certainly wouldn’t say it’s necessary. My partner didn’t come to every appointment, but it was really nice when he did come, both in terms of his relationship with the baby and our relationship as partners and as parents.

    • Anon

      My husband came for each appt. we have scans each month where I live, and he loved seeing baby grow. I loved that he wanted to be there each time. He was seriously upset when he missed one appt.

    • mascot

      Gah, post went missing. Look at the C-moms discussion on 3/25- (black ankle pants post). There was a pretty good discussion about this.

    • Lyssa

      For our first, my husband probably came to about 1/2 of the appointments, and all of the “big” ones (the intro/confirmation ultrasound, anatomy scan, the last appointment before the planned c-section). For this current pregnancy, he’s come to almost all, but he’s a SAHD now, so there’s not much of a schedule to manage.

      Many offices make the first appointment a pretty big deal, where you have to make some decisions about what sort of testing to get, view the ultrasound and hear the heartbeat, talk some about family histories, etc.; I think that it’s definitely a good idea to have a partner there if possible (if for no other reason then to help you keep track of everything). I also think that it’s good to set the stage for him to be an equal partner in child-rearing by having him involved early, and for him to meet the doctor. But that doesn’t mean that he needs to be at every routine appointment.

      Congrats and good luck!

    • Marilla

      My husband hasn’t been to any appointments yet with me (I’m just at 12 weeks now). He would have liked to be there when I saw the heartbeat, but the technician printed off a picture for him. He said last night that he’d like to start coming to the next ultrasounds/appointments, but our work locations are so far apart that he’d realistically have to take half a day to drive down and come to even a short appointment, so I’m not sure how it’s going to work out. Interested to see what other people have done!

    • Anonattorney

      My husband comes to all of them. I love it – he is fully engaged with the doctor and process. But he has a flexible schedule, so making appointments work is easy.

      • A Nonny Moose

        +1. DH would be very upset if he missed an appointment. He’s been to all so far. Some are more exciting than others but we always get to hear the heartbeat, which is just so cool. I don’t understand the judging about him wanting to go or me wanting him to be there.

        • Idea

          Sorry – I certainly did not mean to judge.
          I’m on my 2nd kid, ~4th pregnancy and I know that sometimes partners come to appointments, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes people WILL judge you as a parent – but in general I don’t think that pre-natal appointments are one of those times, maybe at the time, yes, but not after the birth and the kid is x years old &tc. no one will ask about it. No judging! No guilt! No shame!

        • Wildkitten

          That was me – ridiculous was too strong of a word. If he wants to come and can swing the flexibility that’s fine, you get to choose how to budget your time.

      • Anon

        Mine did, too. I think one upside beyond the obvious is the doctor getting to know both of you and having another person there to ask questions and to begin the process of feeling like two parents. I really appreciated having him there. And I loved my doctor and really liked how she was as interested in my husband as me. But if you can’t swing it, no big deal.

    • anon

      Mine came for ultrasounds. Both so he could see them, and in case something was amiss. He also came when we thought there was a problem (both when thee was a problem, and when we thought there was but it turned out fine).

    • Jen

      Husband came to the first one, then the one where we did the spinal testing and genetic testing, and the 18w ultrasound. I did the rest solo. I was a super straightforward pregnancy, so my routine visits were (1) pee in cup (2) weigh in (3) get BP taken (4) confirm I am still taking prenatals (5) confirm with doc I am still OK to fly for work

      If I were very nervous about the glucose test, I’d have asked him to come–but I wasn’t. His schedule isn’t super flexible and if there were anything important at the appointments or concerns, I’d have askd him to come and he would have…but there is a whole lot of nothing for a while.

    • SC

      My husband came to the ultrasounds and one where we met with my doctor about some pregnancy complications. Check with your doctor’s office about what they do at the first appointment because it seems to vary widely. My first/confirmation appointment was with the nurse practitioner, not the doctor, and she basically confirmed that I was pregnant and gave me information on do’s and don’ts. My first appointment with my doctor was also the first ultrasound (around 9 weeks I think), so my husband came to that.

    • PinkKeyboard

      My husband thinks babies look like aliens in ultrasounds so he’s come to none. Which sounds horrible… but he is really excited. I judge this by the babies extra fancy window framing, beadboard ceiling, and the currently being refinished hardwoods. Although, we did IVF so he already did the bloodwork and genetics and family history. So he was pretty superfluous after his time with the cup. Other than buying me cookies.

      • Anon

        I laughed out loud at the alien comment. I would totally take cookies and be happy (and I’m not pregnant).

      • due in june

        I also thinks the baby looks like an alien in ultrasounds and the u/s tech is always rather disturbed/disappointed by my failure to ooh and coo over the 3D pictures she shows me.

        • PinkKeyboard

          I refused to do 3D at all because it’s even creepier and for mine it isn’t standard. I’m not paying for pictures I don’t like. The technician did seem pretty disturbed. I assure you, it isn’t different because it’s my baby.

        • anonymama

          I thought the baby looked really creepy in the 3d ultrasound too, but I also thought the technology was just so cool that I still oohed and aahed, not like “oh my baby is so cute, I’m in love” but in a “whoa, you can see the internal organs! that’s nuts!” kind of way.

    • FWIW

      Congratulations! I’m just a couple weeks ahead of you. Because my husband travels for work, he won’t be around for most appointments. I’m hoping he’ll be around for the big anatomical scan, but for the rest I’ve decided to fly solo.

    • Walnut

      Husband came for ultrasounds only. To be frank, sometimes I wonder why most of the appointments in the middle of the pregnancy are even necessary.

      • Anonattorney

        Yeah, this is definitely true. There should an online check-in instead. Do you have any symptoms you are concerned about? How much weight have you gained? Is your urine cloudy? Go to a pharmacy and give us your blood pressure.

        Okay, all good. See you at week 36.

    • Idea

      I strongly suggest Partner going to the confirmation appointment & any appointment with ultrasounds – there could be bad results that you might need support for.

      Even for you – Husband couldn’t make some ultrasound appointments for 2nd kid so I asked another family member to attend.

      Actually, during the GD test, the nurse gave us a lot of information to read & stuff. Yeah, he didn’t have to be there the whole hour or so, but I was really glad to have a 2nd set of ears to listen.

    • Anonymous

      He went to the first appointment, the 12 week appointment, and the anatomy scan, which I wanted because of fear of bad news. He also went to all my appointments in the last month, because he quit his job and had lots of free time.

    • Anon

      My H came to all of them except one when he was on work travel. He wanted to come, and I was happy to have him there.

    • Anon

      My husband came to almost all of my appointments, but he works odd, though flexible, hours so we were able to schedule them pretty far in advance and he knew he could almost always make a 4:30 appointment. My work hours are more typical, but can also be flexible when needed so it worked out for us. There was one appointment where baby’s heart rate was measuring slow and so I had to have extra monitoring (non-stress test or something?) and I was glad to have him there with me because I was very worried.

    • lucy stone

      I only went to a couple without my husband. I had to have numerous ultrasounds and ended up losing the baby to a missed miscarriage and I was so grateful my husband was there to hear that news with me so I wasn’t alone. If I get pregnant again, I want him there for as many as possible.

    • OP

      I know it’s late (I didn’t have time to review these until later), but thank you all for your responses and for the link to the moms s*te….it gives me a good idea of what will be the “must go” appointments he may not want to miss in the future (and me an idea of what to expect, as I’m nervous at this point). Thank you!

  6. Sad for Sheryl

    This may sound odd, but is anyone else really upset about the death of Dave Goldberg? I just read today it was a senseless tragic accident (he hit his head on a treadmill). It just seems too cruel – Sheryl Sandberg was the woman that was supposed to have it all, and I really admire her. I really want(ed) to be her, but now I can’t imagine the pain she and her family are feeling.

    • Anonymous

      I think someone has posted the exact same thing the last four days. So no not odd, I think I lot of people feel that way when their role model/ idol goes through something tragic. The sense of the identity or “that could be me” is strong when its someone around your age or has similar traits (career woman, etc)

    • Wildkitten

      I thought this was poignant -http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2015/05/04/death_of_sheryl_sandberg_s_husband_lean_in_prepares_you_for_a_worst_case.html

      • mascot

        One of the reasons that DH and I both work is to be able to support our family in a worse case scenario. We have life insurance too, but I’d need something else to focus on.

      • TXLawyer

        I read the headline but didn’t put it together that he was her husband. How tragic.

      • Sad for Sheryl

        I love that the article calls his death a sucker punch from the universe. That sums it up perfectly.

      • Lyssa

        I found that article very interesting, but my personal take is that you can’t always live your life based on the worst case scenario. There’s certainly risk involved in my family’s decision to have my husband stay home (for both of us), but, at the same time, it’s such an enormous benefit to our day to day life that I think that it is worth some increased risk and other downsides. Of course, it’s a very personal decision, but I think that it’s important to recognize the trade-offs.

      • anon for this

        Had to go anon as this may out me.

        A very similar situation happened in my family. My father died at the same age (47) and very unexpectedly, too. In the 21 years since, I keep thinking if my mom hadn’t had a career at the time, I honestly don’t know how my mother would have coped or how or family would have managed. (Siblings were all still grade-school aged.) I grew up in a neighborhood and went to a school where I was one of a handful of children with working moms much less one with advanced degrees. The worst case scenario is very real, as the Slate author mentioned. True, it doesn’t happen to everyone, but my mother would have been out of the workplace for 11 years if she had stopped when having children; after that long, I’m not sure she would have been able to be employed to the level she was when my father passed.

    • Lyssa

      That made me really sad as well, particularly considering how she spoke in her book of how important it is to have a supportive partner (something that I’ve stressed many times myself, so this hit home a little more for me). I can’t imagine losing someone that young and that suddenly.

    • Miss Behaved

      It’s awful. And he was on vacation with friends and family, including their small children. Plus, there was initial speculation that it was suicide…. Just horrible.

    • Ellen

      I was goeing to post on this today! I am a VERY big fan of Sheryl Sanberg, and I read her book, Lean In, and I learned that it was her HUSBAND that made it very easy for her to lean in at work b/c he was kind of like a Mr. Mom, or at least did SOMETHING to make her life easier. He also encouraged her to be assertive, which is NOT like most guy’s who want us to be submissive and agree with Whatever they say, no matter how dum they are.

      So yes, I am VERY sad that Sheryl lost her husband, and he was ONLEY 47 year’s old. She will probabley NOT need to find another guy, but since she is very pretty, there will be leeche’s looking for her to latch on to her. FOOEY on leeches who just want us b/c we are successful. That was NOT the case with David Goldberg, who was also successful, but NOT as much as Sheryl.

      I realy hope that I can find a guy like David, tho I would NOT let him exercise in a TREDMILL. He unfortuneately was NOT svelte, and proabley got tired running on that dum thing. I would INSIST he use the elliptical machine, like I do, which you cannot fall off of. If he needed exercise, I would insist on doing stuff with him so that we BOTH had fun. I think we should all mourn for guy’s like this. They are to few and far between. Even my DAD said I needed a guy like that, but did NOT even hear of him before all of this happened.

    • Anonymous

      Ugh, I was feeling really upset about it and hadn’t even heard how senseless/random it was. Argh. As best I can tell, I think I”m upset that Sheryl & Dave seemed to be succeeding at balancing two very successful careers and family and then this…

      • Kat G

        I keep thinking about Dave Goldberg and Sheryl Sandberg as well — so sad for her loss and her family’s loss. The treadmill thing just makes it worse — I am still upset about a similar accident that happened to a good friend of mine. (She had just finished med school, was on a cruise with her family, and hit her head on the treadmill — she was deprived of oxygen too long by the time they found her.) She didn’t die, but she has severely diminished capacities. Her mother sued the cruise company as her guardian (and lost).) Senseless, tragic. Horrible.

    • Anon for this

      This story about how David Goldberg died totally freaks me out but for a different reason. Two years ago I passed out and cracked my head on a treadmill at the gym and woke up woozy and with blood running down my face. I ended up with 18 stitches and a long day in the emergency room…. so I see that story and think that could have been me. I was lucky.

      I was on the stair-master early one morning and forgot my water and did not eat before (which I always did before exercising). My blood sugar was apparently low, I overdid it on the Stair-Master and got dizzy. (I was and am in good shape an exercise regularly so it was just one of those things — a combination of events) I got off the machine and as I was walking towards the bathroom to splash cold water on my face I passed out cold and smashed my head on the base of the treadmill I was walking past. The paramedics came, told me I was having a heart attack (I wasn’t as it turns out) and whisked me off to ICU. Eighteen stitches later, a day of being hooked up to heart machines and a stress test later, I was cleared to leave.

      Ever since then, I have been sure to: (1) eat something before vigorous exercise; (2) always, always bring water and drink it while working out; and (3) listen to my body before I overdo it. Any sign of wooziness and I stop immediately and rest until it completely goes away. I tend to get overheated so I just have to watch that before it becomes a problem.

      My heart goes out to Sheryl Sandberg and their family. What a sad and tragic loss.

    • la vie en bleu

      The suddenness reminds me of how I felt when Natasha Richardson died. It was so sudden and such a seemingly small and innocuous cause. (She slipped while standing at a ski resort and hit her head.) I am so obsessed with bike helmets now. It makes it more scary somehow. So sad.

  7. Anon for this

    Has anyone out there ever used a diaphragm? I am trying to find a short term birth control method that I would only use for about 4-5 months. After 15 years, the BC pill is not agreeing with my system anymore. In the future, I think I will get an IUD but I do not think it would be worth doing that now for such a short term solution. Thanks in advance for any advice!

    • Former Partner, Now In-House

      I used one in high school. They are pretty simple to use and, if you use them properly, pretty effective. It could be a good solution for you. My only tip (perhaps not as necessary for you as it was for me as a teen) is to practice inserting it and removing it a few times until you have it down. Oh, second tip: remove in shower (cleaner than other options).

    • layered bob

      I considered it, but it seemed kind of finicky – and I don’t like using spermicide, which is really necessary for full effectiveness – two friends who use it without the spermicide now have 4 “diaphragm babies” between them.

      • Coach Laura

        If you’re just using it for 4-5 months before TTC, I’d think the today sponge + cond@m would be a good stop-gap (pun intended) measure. I wouldn’t suggest that if it would be a crisis if you were to get pregnant during those 4-5 months. You can also use these non-BCP months to practice charting your fertile period so that when you do TTC you have that info (which is not available to BCP users): Avoiding fertile periods plus the barrier(s) can be effective.

    • Anon

      I used one after my first child was born while I was nursing. Got pregnant with second child while using diaphragm. Maybe I did something wrong; I don’t know, but I believe its failure rates are much higher than other barrier methods.

  8. CPA Lady

    Random shopping help needed– has anyone seen a mustard yellow pencil skirt out there recently? Or is this something where I’m going to have to wait for fall?

    • Pretty Primadonna

      Google Macy’s Alfani Classic Pencil Skirt. There is one in a color called “Maize” that looks kind of mustard.

    • Idea

      oh my that’s pretty for $100 – I think you could wear it with skinny jeans and/or leggings well into fall or in early spring if that’s your thing, as well as as-styled with sandals. I would throw a dinner party and wear it, or maybe even as a beach dress? It does seem ‘memorable’ but fun – almost any warm-color jewelry or scarf could go with it to bring the colors up to your face.

      +1 great taste.

    • Anonymous

      It looks very spring to me. I would pair it with wedge sandals and some simple jewelry. I did wonder if it could get abit hot because of the long sleeves–it is polyester. But that depends on where you live too. Other than that nice casual dress.

    • moss

      I think it’s really pretty but I don’t like that it’s made out of polyester. Polyester never feels cool enough for summer and it’s not particularly warm either. I would have a tough time fitting that into my wardrobe.

      • Mpls

        I think it really depends on the weave and weight of the fabric. Polyester is just the fiber, and not all polyester is created equal. Though, yes, polyester does not tend to breathe as well as natural fibers.

    • 2 Cents

      That is so pretty! I feel like it’s something Joan Watson from Elementary would wear, with stacked short boots and an long, open, drapey cardigan. (Then again, I covet everything she wears.)

  10. Bored

    I’m a first year associate at a large regional firm and I do not have enough work. I am doing my best to make myself known, but I’m in a niche practice area and there are very few partners doing this type of work. My question is twofold. First, how long does it normally take for a firm to fire or layoff an underperforming new associate? Six months? A year? Second, how do people pass the time? I have to be here at least 9-10 hours a day for face time and to try to drum up work, but there are weeks when I have only 3 hours of work a day.

    I am happiest when I’m busy so this is hard on me. I would like to think things will pick up but there have been several cycles of this and I just don’t think the volume is there. Being a niche area, I knew this was a risk when I accepted the position, but I still can’t help feeling like a failure all day while I sit here without work.

    Any words of wisdom from those of you who have been here would be greatly appreciated.

    • (Former) Clueless Summer

      Different market, but you’re unlikely to get fired as a first year, imo, unless your firm as a whole is doing terribly. I’d say the likely firing period is 1.5 years after you start (spring of year 2, assuming a fall start). If your group has a need for you, they may keep you around. I get the impression that associates who are underperforming are more likely to be fired in groups like general corporate or litigation. They don’t generally fire the person who is the only junior in a niche group unless there are additional issues, not just work load.

      • ace

        Agree with this. Unless the firm/group itself is doing really poorly (like, close-the-doors poorly), you have at least 15-18 months — likely from when you started through the first formal reviews that you would receive. For the firms I’ve worked at, you’d have from September until 1 year after the next January or March.

        Also, it may be that a slow ramp-up period is expected for first years (it was for many groups at my biglaw firm). A lot of the work of being a first year involves being available as-needed — and a resulting unpredictable schedule, unfortunately

        • Maddie Ross

          I had a really slow ramp up as a first year at my firm. Can you go outside your niche at all for work? (i.e., if you’re in construction, could you look to help on regular litigtion?) I would mention it when possible to senior associates that you have availability and see if there is something you can help them with. Sometimes it’s just a question of getting in the pipeline and being thought of as available to help.

      • Bored

        Thanks for the comments so far. Any suggestions on how to pass the time? I completely understand that I am expected to be here when the partners are, and I am very lucky my partner works regular, predictable hours, but I am still having a hard time with nothing to do for hours a day. The free time gives me too much time to stress about my lack of work.

        • Anonattorney

          Start networking and doing CLEs. Offer to research some area of law and co-author an article for a legal publication. Figure out if there are local bar committees you can join to meet other lawyers. Take on some pro bono cases to improve your skills. Figure out some organizational tools you can create for yourself. Join some industry groups that have regular lunch meetings.

        • 2 Cents

          If your office has a blog, offer to contribute to it.

          If your firm has a pro bono area, offer to help there?

        • Emily

          Pro bono, get involved in the bar associations, long lunches with colleagues/classmates/ friends from college, write your novel, gym time during “lunch”. Also, start Outlander.

          • Mpls

            Outlander, the book (800 some pages), not the TV show. TV show is DEFINITELY NSFW.

        • Anonymous

          Pro bono. Write an article for a law review/legal magazine. The more substantive legal work you do, the more experience you build. Your partners will notice and appreciate that. Plus you will gain skills that will improve your marketability just in case things don’t pick up at your firm.

    • L in DC

      I’ve known several people in your scenario, where the partners like your work and you only have low hours because of the lack of volume of work, and none of them have been laid off. If the partners start thinking that it no longer makes sense to have you there, they’ll likely let you know that it’s time to look for something else (they’d rather ease you out than fire you).

      If you’re coming to the conclusion that the volume isn’t there though, I would spend your nonbillable office time looking for a new job. If you want to stay in your niche industry, start going to niche industry events, getting to know people, figuring out your potential career path options. Since you’re a first year, you may also have the option to switch into a different practice area at another firm. Get to know some lawyers as different places, talk to them about their jobs, set up informational interviews, etc. Once you start the process, you should be able to get a better idea of what you want to be doing and that will help you make decisions as opportunities start to present themselves.

    • TXLawyer

      Is there non-billable work you could be doing to pass the time? Ask partners if they have any non-billable projects you could help on. If you do well on those and things start to pick up again, those partners will be more likely to send billable work your way.

      • mascot

        This is good advice. Doing the first draft of articles and presentations is a good way to show your skills for research and writing. Solicit for work both in emails (so you can document you tried) as well as in person. I’d also try to sell your skills as a lawyer and not just your niche. Get to know the other lawyers, talk to to them face to face about what they are working on, tell them about your practice area. The others in your firm may know what it means to do commercial litigation, but have no idea what kind of clients/issues you see in your niche practice and how you solve those problems.

    • roses

      If there’s any background skill for your practice area that would be useful – even learning a new language or brushing up on one you know! – I’d suggest that. Or if there’s a professional certification you want, go for it. I was slow my first year too but didn’t have as clear of an idea of what niche I’d end up in – now that I’m in it, I keep putting off getting a certification that would be really helpful because I’m always so busy!

      • Coach Laura

        This. Foreign language(s) refresh. If your niche is banking, for example, read trade publications or take a self-study MOOC on accounting or finance. If it’s regulatory, read related regulations and keep current on upcoming House/Senate legislation. Study for PMP exam, CFA exam PHR/SPHR exam. Research (for example) patent law or something tangential to your niche. Read decisions of your relevant courts and provide summaries to the partners. Check out ebooks from your library, put them on Kindle reader through your work computer and read up on anything that you didn’t have time for in law school – the stock market, Internet Cloud storage whatever.

    • Hollis

      When I’ve been in this situation before, I’ve passed time by a) getting all of my CLEs out of the way, b) applying for jobs, and c) networking with people (sometimes at CLE seminars) to find my next job. Not doing much, especially as a first year, does not set you up to do well as a mid-level or even go inhouse. You want to be busy, and there are plenty of places where you can be busy (my firm is hiring for more junior associates). So, look around and find an opportunity where you can learn and grow.

  11. Venting

    Warning – possibly triggering post for those with eating disorders / weight / body image issues.

    I volunteer with a health care organization. We have been invited to participate in a regional 5k as a fundraiser. Basically community organization A hosts it and a variety of charities are chosen to receive the proceeds. We are all encourage to walk/run the race. My husband and I are both participating.

    As part of the sign up, you are asked to check off if you are a woman over 140 pounds or a man over 190 pounds. If you are, you are registered in a special category of Filly’s/Clydesdales respectively. Who thought it would be a good idea to equate people to horses based on their weight? These weights are also very low in my opinion. I am considered tall and thin by most standards and I came very close to classifying as a Filly. My husband has some body image issues. He is in excellent shape but very tall and muscular so he is over 190 pounds. Luckily, he found the “Clydesdale” classification humorous (at least he pretended he did) and it didn’t seem to trigger him into attempting to lose more weight.

    I know we aren’t the ones hosting this event but I might suggest to the healthcare organization that we suggest to the community organization host to get rid of this category in the future. I get that the point is to have age categories for prizes and a special category for winners in the heavier category but it just seems like a bad idea to categorize people as heavier than the rest.

    I hear this is common for races. Am I over thinking this? Do you find it offensive? Do the numbers seem low to you?

    • Idea

      I race a lot around my large Southern city and have never heard of this – a special category for “heavier” racers? Wow. Just, wow.

      And I thought weight was declasse at this point and BMI was in – yeah, those weights seem low as a general number, though I guess not for competitive runners.

      Wow.

      ETA: Quick google shows that this is a thing: http://www.clydesdale.org/
      but the website looks VERY 1996 and VERY northeastern heavy and VERY WTH?! So I am still full.of.questions.

    • (former) preg 3L

      Are you over thinking this? No. I’m … more offended than I need to be, because I’m over 140lbs and I’m only a size 4 (but 6′ tall). Nobody on the planet would call me fat. That’s outrageous.

    • Jen2

      Not a runner – I have heard of Clydesdale category though so must be common- but yes to me it’s low (I’m 145 and still not overweight by bmi) but more important I think it’s very offensive! Frankly this would probably turn me off from registering. I also think this is a slightly different story for men and women.

    • Anon in NYC

      Wow. Yes, I find it offensive. I don’t understand the point of having a separate category for people who weigh more than those numbers. And the numbers do seem completely arbitrary.

    • mascot

      I’ve never seen this in a race. I have seen the terms used as a self-description in some running forums and discussions. Also, weight does come into play when buying shoes and I feel like those are close to the numbers used in that analysis. But 140 at 4’11” is totally different than 140 at 5’11”. Seems like a healthcare organization would understand this.

      • Venting

        The health care organization is one of the beneficiary charities and not the one organizing/hosting the 5k, though it is encouraging all of its staff and volunteers to participate. My husband is a pretty serious runner and has come in third place before in his age category without any special weight category. I just read on one site that some races take you out of the age category if you are in the special weight category. I hope they leave him in both.

        I will definitely bring this up at our next board meeting and suggest we provide feedback to our host that this category could be very harmful.

    • Wildkitten

      I’ve always thought Athena was for female runners over 160+. It doesn’t bother me because I rowed crew in college and we had lightweight categories for folks who were smaller. I also never check it because even though I weight more than 160, I’m not going to be the fastest person over 160 so I don’t need to worry about weight class awards. Nobody who is winning those categories has a body weight problem – they are super fast and healthy – it’s not about obesity.

      • Wildkitten

        Runner’s World says: Age and sex divisions allow us to compare our race results with our peers. Weight categories are simply another way to compare results among similar athletes.

        • Anonymous

          Yeah, this is common. It’s a way to make heavier runners more competitive, so I can’t get too upset about it. Maybe the name should be different, but the goal is admirable.

      • FWIW

        As another former rower, I see running and rowing as two TOTALLY different beasts. Our lightweight rowers were all shorter, smaller and slower than our ‘open’ weight (aka heavyweight or above 130 pounds) boats.

        This running class would cause me anxiety. As a tall, muscular lady, I have enough stress about weight. I know the number shouldn’t matter, but how do I make myself not care about the number? Why is my freaking self esteem so tied so that if I weigh 159 I feel great but at 161 I feel horrible? Gah. Freaking societal expectations of the petite flower.

          • Baconpancakes

            My coach affectionately called us his “Big Girl” boat, but he was extremely proud of us, so it didn’t bother me. I’m not sure why it feels different for rowing than running – maybe because rowing is so much more of an organized and regimented sport than running? Like wrestling – you know what you’re signing up for, that your weight classifies you, and you’re ok with it. I’ve never heard of weight classifications in professional running, but there are definitely lightweight and heavyweight boats in competitive rowing, so it seems an unnecessary segregation.

        • rosie

          Yeah, this. Another former rower here, the lightweight category strikes me as totally different. I would have no issues telling the healthcare org to tell the race organizers that they need to change this.

    • Anonymous

      I race quite a bit and see this far more often than not, though the female category has always been named Athena. I’ve always interpreted those labels as describing someone with a lot of strength (and therefore weight coming from muscle mass vs. fat), so I’ve not found it offensive.

    • Wild Chicken

      I, too, have seen this in races I’ve entered, and while I am offended by it, I may also benefit from it — as a larger racer, I have a slightly harder time than some of the lighter runners, so I guess it’s kind of nice to be in a category of women who are similarly shaped. I don’t really understand the horse comparison, but since horses race and are generally considered fast, I suppose it could be much worse.

    • Anon

      Shamefully common, and horribly offensive. I see this a LOT in the Boston area for races that are put on by old school running clubs/organizations.

    • 2 Cents

      I would be offended too. I’m just starting to run, and as I’m definitely a heavy individual, I’d feel more like an outsider if I had to check that box. It’s hard enough to run outside in public, much less be segregated even more by the officials holding the race. I’m glad I read this thread. If I ever do a formal 5K, I’ll be ready.

      • Mpls

        I would challenge the idea that you *need* to check the box, at all. If you do, it helps you sort your results against others who also did so, but it’s not like they are going check to be sure, right?

      • Anonymous

        You are never required to check the box. It is an OPTION for people who want to be able to compete for awards in a category of athletes who have similar bodies as they do. And if you are fast enough to place overall or in your age group category, they give you that broader non-Athena award.

        • Editrix

          This. It’s a BENEFIT for taller, heavier athletes to have a category for similar-size athletes. Lighter people have advantages and disadvantages in races like triathlons. The categories are not meant to shame anyone, but you don’t have to check the box.

    • anon

      I would be pretty sad to have to classify as a filly or an Athena since I’ve worked really hard to get to my current weight of 150.

    • Houda

      All the races I have been to were classified by age and gender, I have never had anyone ask about my weight.

  12. CHJ

    Question about an aggressive neighborhood dog. We live in a semi-rural suburb, where people have large lots and a number of our neighbors let their dogs wander off-leash in their unfenced yards. Last week, we were out for a walk, and our neighbor’s black lab mix charged out of her yard and attacked our dog (a corgi). A huge dog fight ensued, that was only broken up by me screaming bloody murder and DH kicking the dogs apart. Neither dog was hurt, as far as we know. We emailed our neighbor about it, and she blew off our concerns, saying that a construction crew accidentally left the gate open, but the dog is very sweet and has never had problems with aggression.

    Since then, we’ve seen the dog out in the neighborhood off-leash twice, once with the neighbor, and once unattended in the (unfenced) yard. We were in the car both times, so we don’t know how the dog would have reacted if we were on foot.

    I’m really torn on what to do about this. On the one hand, I’m a dog-lover, too, and I hope that the attack was just a fluke and this really is a nice dog. On the other hand, the neighbor doesn’t seem to be taking our concerns seriously at all. I am debating calling the police, but feel like that will create more neighborhood tension than I want. DH wants to carry a golf club and/or pepper spray in case it happens again, but I hate the idea of having to be “armed” when we’re going for walks just in case we have to have another violent confrontation with this dog. Any advice on how to deal with this? What would you all do in this situation?

    • Toffee

      I’m harsh, but I have a toddler and a slight fear of large, untrained dogs. My neighbors are at war over unleashed dogs, so it’s a very real issue for many people. I’m trying not to get involved, but I’ve made it known that I carry bear spray and will spray any dog that rushes us, even if the dog is only trying to be friendly. I have no qualms about doing so even though I’m a huge animal lover. Since I said that, the formerly unleashed (and overly enthusiastic/excitable) pittie is now leashed at all times. The small dogs are still unleashed, but they don’t rush at and jump on people.

    • JJ

      Does your city have a non-emergency line (like 311?). The next time the dog is out and you see it, I would call either that line or your city’s animal services line and report a loose dog. They can also start a “file” on the dog/owner, in case the dog acts aggressively again. I wouldn’t recommend calling the actual police for this – they aren’t trained or equipped to handle potentially aggressive dogs and could resort to shooting it (which is depressingly common).

      As for walks, if the neighbor isn’t going to be responsible and keep her dog contained, then I think you don’t have a choice but to carry some sort of protection for your dog. Maybe the neighbor’s dog is only aggressive to smaller dogs…maybe it will turn and attack a person if that person tries to break up a dog fight…at this point, you don’t want to find out.

    • Anon

      I am also a huge dog lover and I am understanding of aggressive dogs, but part of owning an aggressive dog is a heightened sense of responsibility. I have a dog that is fearful of new people and I physically step in people’s way who try to pet him without asking (and I would never have him out off a leash). He’s never bitten anyone and I would like to keep it that way. If a dog is aggressive towards other animals that dog should never be given the opportunity to be near other animals. Your neighbor is irresponsible, plain and simple. I would contact her again and tell her to restrain her dog or you are reporting it. I feel horrible for the dog in this situation, but having it taken and hopefully adopted by someone responsible is a better option than having it eventually kill another animal (or worse, attack a person and be euthanized).

    • Clementine

      As a dog owner it drives me nuts when other people aren’t responsible about it. Our dog is well trained and we have a fenced backyard. If we’re out in the front yard he hangs out with us off-leash, but if anyone ever had the slightest issue with him being aggressive or even ‘scary’, I would keep that dog on leash and likely muzzled with no problem.

      Also, I’ve been told by my vet that if you’re ever in a situation where there is a dog fight-type situation, the best thing to do is lift the dog up by its back legs. It keeps you away from their mouth and disorients them so that they release.

    • Mountain Girl

      I was attacked by a dog while on a walk about 20 years ago. The dog jumped at me and I put my arms up in a defensive move to protect my head and face. It was at a park and the owners were close enough to get the dog before he did anything other than “just” bite me. But, he was reported to law enforcement and eventually put down. While the physician was stitching up the bite he had me recreate my actions and the bite was positioned in a place that it kept the dog from latching on to my throat. I’m sorry but I have ZERO tolerance for dogs that are not under control by their owners.

    • kc

      if the dog wears a tag–Call the non-emergency police number and have it picked up by the humane society next time it’s off leash. They will then call the owners (if he wears a tag), and they’ll come pick him up. They most likely won’t want that to happen again. But if it were me, I would call the police. Their dog attacked yours. What if your dog had been killed?

      • kc

        Also…my dog has been attacked twice. Both times I have flipped the eff out at the owners because they were present. No polite email from me. I mean yelling and screaming at strangers. And then I said “there’s leash laws for a reason” and that has stopped people from having their dog off leash.

      • DogMama

        To add more perspective- as I said below, I actually have the aggressive dog. He is always, always leashed.

        Several times, neighborhood dogs have come charging at us, on the street, to play/sniff/ check out my dog. My dog flips out, and it turns into A Thing. It’s awful, because the owners are never in the yard and I’m always stuck breaking something up when we are just minding our own business and get rushed by these dogs.

      • EEK

        Also, I would call whatever version of animal control you have next time you see the dog loose. You are doing this dog a favor.

        If the dog attacks someone/another animal, the dog could then be put down.

    • DogMama

      I am the owner of a somewhat large occasionally dog-aggressive and very territorial (ie barks his head off if someone comes into our yard he doesn’t know). I would never let my dog out in anything other than a real fenced yard. We have debated electric fencing, but almost all of our neighbors’ dogs have blown through the electric fence after a squirrel.

      Our dog walker always carries a walking stick to break up fights- he has used it several times (never with our dog, thankfully). I lost it once when I was walking my dog and baby and we encountered someone walking his dog w/out a leash. I walked up a driveway since my dog isn’t always great with other dogs, and I had the baby in the stroller to boot. The off-leash dog trotted up the driveway after us. I hollered to the owner that my dog isn’t good with dogs and can he please call his back – he tried, failed, and his dog trotted right up to the stroller and started sniffing/putting paws on the stroller. My dog totally lost his cool, pulled so hard he knocked me into the stroller (would have knocked me over if the stroller weren’t there), and pulled the leash out of my hand and aggressively chased that dog off and into oncoming traffic.

      I was absolutely LIVID at the owner. No one and no dogs were hurt, but I called animal control anyway. Of course, my dog was the aggressor, but the situation was 1000% avoidable. Talk to your neighbors.

      • Another dog lover

        Yes this! I have a dog who is aggressive with new dogs and she is always on a leash when outside the house or fenced-in yard. We’ve done lots of training to get to a point where I can walk her and avoid confrontations, but when the other dogs are off leash all bets are off. I’ve had multiple instances of fights almost breaking out while I was standing with my dog with <2 ft slack on the leash in my own driveway, all because neighbors had their dog off leash with no collar (!) and let them wander over to me. It doesn't matter how good your dog is with other dogs, the other dog might not be so happy to see them and there is nothing the other owner can do to control the situation.

    • rosie

      Talk to your neighbors, and get animal control involved if necessary. Check your local laws–it may be that “dog at large” is its own offense, nevermind the aggression/attack. Look at it this way: these people are setting their dog up for failure. It could get hit by a car, seriously hurt a person or animal such that it gets taken away or put down, end up lost, etc. It is totally consistent with being a dog lover to try to do what you can to get the situation under control.

    • Devil's advocate

      Okay, I’m going to play the devil’s advocate for a minute here and ask you how sure you are that this was a dog fight? I’ve been to dog parks and watch owners positively flip when they hear anything that resembles a growl while dogs are wrestling. I have 2 males dogs that get into squabbles every once in a while that NEVER result in biting or injuries. We know this about them, but when people who have never seen this type of behavior are around they get super freaked out by it. Like I say to people all the time- this is how they communicate, since they can’t very well speak English. Again- this has resulted in injury ZERO times- I’m not a crazy dog fight lady.

      I only bring this up because it might be the rationale behind your neighbor blowing you off. But hey, just like there are people who scream bloody murder at the slightest growl, there are also people who will watch their dog fully charge another dog and still insist that they’re dog is completely sweet. So I’m not saying this to suggest that you’re wrong, but merely to throw out there that this might be what you’re working with.

      But here’s the thing. From what you’ve shared, you had one instance of what could be aggressive behavior, but after that you’ve just seen the dog out of the yard. I see this as 2 separate issues. Regardless of whether the dog is aggressive or not, the dog shouldn’t be loose period because there are leash laws and its just not safe for people driving (a dog in the road could cause an accident) or the dog. If it were me, this is what I would focus on with your neighbor. People tend to get defensive about their dog when you start labeling them as aggressive, and I feel like it kind of misses the point. Especially since your neighbor didn’t witness the attack that you talk about, your neighbor will just ignore/discredit you because they don’t believe their dog is aggressive. And really, people have a right to not want a dog jumping at them even if the dog is Lassie.

      • CHJ

        I hear you, but unfortunately this wasn’t a playful rumble. The dog came running from about 100 feet away, tail up, fur up, teeth bared, and ran straight for our dog and grabbed him by the scruff and threw him to the ground. Our dog jumped up and fought back, but the whole thing was ugly and very hard to break up. I’ve seen the hyper, barky play that you’re talking about, and unfortunately this was much different.

        • Devil's advocate

          Ugh, I’m sorry. I have certainly been there and it’s a stressful thing to go through. Hopefully your neighbors don’t have to learn their lesson the hard way. Good luck!

        • anonymous

          I would call the neighbor, not email, and try to have a heart to heart. Tell her you were honestly scared by what happened, maybe she will put more effort when she sees the real effect.

    • Anonymous

      Call the humane society or the police, and don’t have any shame about it. One, you have every right to try and keep you and your pup safe. Two, you could save that dog’s life, too. It could get hit by a car while it’s out wandering around, it could get attacked by another dog . . . . The owners may not ever thank you but it’s the right thing to do.

    • Asideralis

      Report this instance to animal control ASAP. As someone who has owned an aggressive dog, and who has had multiple dogs attack my dogs in the past, you need to have this on record. We had a very similar situation before I owned my own aggressive dog.

      The neighbor in question was mowing their lawn with the back gate open and I was walking my two dogs on leash across the street. The neighbor’s dog came tearing from their back yard growling and barking at mine. I yelled and tried to get between my dogs whilst backing away, but the dog (it was 20lbs or so) came at one of my dog’s faces (they were 60 and 80lbs respectively). The neighbor’s dog tried to bite my dog, but my 60lb dog snapped at it and broke its jugular. The little dog required surgery. I took my dogs home and finished mowing my neighbor’s lawn in good faith, but he came after me threatening to sue. I immediately called animal control to report his dog and we were found not liable. But, if he had reported first, it may have been his word against mine.

      The fact that they did not have their dog under control is a point against them and puts the fault on them.

      Trust me, I am a huge dog-lover, and I work with extreme dogs in rehab. Report this to animal control immediately. And talk to your neighbors. If you don’t want them to be fined, you can speak with animal control as just a notice for future use, most of the time.

  13. E

    Vicarious shopping/recommendations needed: I’m looking for a SUPER light weight rain jacket. The kind where I can wear it in warm spring/early summer weather and not sweat to death. Basically an alternative to an umbrella

    • Hollis

      You can find these anywhere. Marmot makes a jacket called “pre-cip” that’s super lightweight. The LLBean trail jacket might be good, too. North Face and Columbia makes jackets like this, too.

    • nutella

      I have a Lulu Lemon “rise and shine” jacket that is very lightweight and _actually_ waterproof, if you are looking to replace an umbrella. I have returned many other lightweight “rain” jackets that soak through the second they get wet; why call them “rain jackets”? The LLL one, though, I ran my arm under a faucet and totally dry!

    • Laura

      I saw some cute ones at Nordstrom over the weekend – don’t know the brand, but maybe you can find them online.

  14. Presentation attire

    Can I wear this jacket (green one) to present at a conference (law)? The jacket fits beautifully. I would wear it with nice black slacks, a white silk top, and a gold necklace. But is it nice enough? Every other presenter is a man; some will wear suits, but others will wear non-matching sport coats. The attendees will range from suits to business casual.

    http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/vince-stretch-frise-asymmetrical-jacket/3918371?origin=category&BaseUrl=Clothing

    • lucy stone

      I would. The jacket is not my personal style but I think it would be perfectly presentable the way you’ve described it.

    • Shopaholic

      I think it actually looks a bit casual in the green. I really like it but I probably wouldn’t wear it to present at a law conference.

    • EEK

      I think this depends on where you are. If you practice in Anchorage? Yes. DC? No.

    • Presentation attire

      Sigh. I love this jacket and it makes me feel really confident. But I think the majority is right. Thanks all for the feedback.

      As an aside, why is it so hard to find nice blazers? I mean, I have nice suit jackets, but sometimes I want to wear something other than a boring ‘ol suit. Everything I see is either super trendy or too old/makes me look like I’m trying to play TV lawyer. A good blazer = unicorn.

    • Asideralis

      Right? I read this and was amazed that they get away with it. What gall. And I wish I could pull it off! (somewhat joking)

    • Anon

      Oh that’s hilarious. And also me. I’d never ask to work less – but I’m REALLY good at managing my workload, and it seems like I’ve happened on the exact thing this study is talking about.

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions