Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Dicoris Stripe Sheath Dress

154 Comments

1. About 3 weeks ago I went to my GP and when I explained to her I was having memory issues, she recommended I get tested for ADHD. I was pretty surprised by that suggestion, but the more I read up about it, I’m almost certain I have it (or at least display many of the symptoms). I’m getting officially evaluated next week.

   I’m more on the inattentive side, than the impulsive or hyperactive side and really struggle with procrastination, disorganization, not following things through, etc. It’s affecting my job because I have a hard time staying organized yet I seem to have a knack for pulling everything together at the last minute. If ADHD is the cause for this, it’ll be a relief but I know there’s still some behavior modification that needs to happen even if I am put on medication.

   Does any one have any tips for how to get by at work with ADHD?

   1. A doctor or therapist who specializes in ADHD will be an immense help. They’ll be able to give you different memory/attention strategies to keep you focused.

      What works for me is when I am sharpest (usually right before bed) I make a list of stuff that I MUST accomplish–the 2 or 3 tasks I would be killed for if I didn’t complete–the next day. I block hunks of time for my workday to accomplish those 2 or 3 tasks, and give a little cushion in case my brain wanders. I save this list and schedule on my computer (and set up email reminders) and print it out so I carry it around so I have it to remind me in case I’m in meetings or faced with distractions.

      For the workday, I keep a tiny notepad by my computer so if I get a random “Oh, I should do this instead…” thought, I write it down. Usually I’ll get sidetracked by remembering needing to do personal tasks, like returning a sweater, calling the dentist, etc, so I use the notepad as a personal parking lot so I remember what I need to do and can finish it at lunch or in the evening after work. It keeps me from panicking and sidetracking my real work.

      I also set aside about 15 minutes that I consider GOLDEN, HANDS OFF TIME before I leave for the day where I organize my desk, file away documents, clean up my computer desktop, etc. It’s tricked my coworkers into thinking I’m OCD, but it keeps my focused, organized, and limits procrastination.

      1. Loving the real examples of forced self-organization–I also struggle with adult ADD, and I don’t want to live my life on ADD-meds.

   2. I have had Sari Solden’s book recommended to me by a woman friend with ADHD. I did download it onto my Kindle but I’m, wait for it, only 5% into it right now.

      I think it’s likely quite common.

      My friend says the suggestions from her doctor, and this book, are helping her somewhat.

   3. Organization and routines are key. It’s easy to let the item of the moment take over what was in progress or on your to-do list.

      Use a calendar that you can see and write on, not your phone. Take the time to transfer everything, I mean everything, that you did not cross off today … onto tomorrow’s list. Otherwise, it just slips away and then you are working to deadlines and under panic.

      I recommend a weekly calendar as a result.

      Put both work and personal stuff on it, so that things “to do” are in one place.

      I also recommend NOT using sticky notes. They end up falling off or are not associated with any time line.

      Try to break large tasks into smaller ones.

      You might read a book by Hallowell as he tends to write on adult ADHD.

      In my professional experience, there is a cluster/co-morbidity of folks with memory, processing speed, and ADHD characteristic.

      Also, if you try medications, it is not one-size-fits-all and it may take some time to find the “right” for you.

      ATTITUDE magazine has columns in every issue for adults.

      working with a professional organizer can help and coach you through to new routines.
      NAPO is the national organizer group and they have referral lists. So do the ADD/ADHD national support groups.

      All the best to you.

      1. I second the comment about finding the correct medication for YOU. I’ve had some very negative experiences with ADD medications (so negative that I only use behavioral modification to help myself, with varying levels of success). I think that I put so much pressure on each medication to be the *miracle drug* that would suddenly make me this super human with laser focus, that I hung on a little to long to medications that weren’t working for me.

         Curious to see what others might say, but if I could go back I would have put a lot more effort into behavioral modification and only tried the medications if I felt that the behavioral changes weren’t working for me. These pills do not mess around.

   4. I’m trying to decide if I should get evaluated for ADD/ADHD (also inattentive with the same results as the original OP ADHD above.

      I’m reading a book called “The Disorganized Mind” by Nancy Ratey which has some great tips and worksheets. Also finished “Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD” by Susan Pinsky. Note that I read both these on my Kindle but also checked them out from the library to see the photos and charts.

      I’ve been pretty successful in my career despite some flops but now at 50 wonder how much I truly could have accomplished (been a lawyer, been truly successful, been a CFO) had I been diagnosed in my 20s. Being called lazy, disorganized, lacking in follow-up does a number on one’s self-esteem after a while.

2. Egh, I’m not feeling this dress. Maybe for summer…but I think it wouldn’t look quite right with a blazer or cardigan to make it fall/winter appropriate.

   1. I like it. I think it would be cute with a mustard color cardigan, which reads as fall to me.

      1. I like it, too. I wear those colors year-round and definitely in the fall/winter. The wool blend would certainly be appropriate in the cooler weather.

         It looks gorgeously constructed.

3. Has anyone ordered br*s from True & Co? Curious re quality, service, etc. Looks interesting but afraid to pull the trigger without recs…

   1. I wish I could order from them, but they don’t carry my size. Attention br@ makers – sizes above DD do, in fact, exist! And we’re *used* to paying top dollar for our br@s! -.-

      1. They sell brands that do carry above DD, like Chantelle and Natori. I think the mostly carry the same things Nordstrom does, except with a smaller size range. They might have their own line, but aside from that, they don’t carry anything that you can’t find in other stores.

         1. I am a 30D and would love them (or almost anyone but nordstrom) to carry my size. Alas, they’re not great with smaller bands either.

   2. They do have their own line based on the data from their website – more “custom”. They also pick bras to recommend for you based on your answers to their sizing questions, which I like as a service (though you could buy the bras elsewhere).

4. How do you ladies get through the work week when you worked all weekend? I usually start petering out by about Tuesday/Wednesday without a worthwhile break on the weekend, and I feel like trying to get through this week will be brutal.

   1. I try to let myself have Mon/Tues as “cheat days” or a mini-weekend on one aspect of my life. Let yourself eat whatever you like those two days, or skip your workouts, or wear the most comfortable still professional outfits you can. If I can give myself a little break on one thing, I can usually keep my productivity up.

      1. Yes, cheat. If it is possible, try taking half-days or long lunch breaks on Monday and/or Tuesday. I will usually schedule an “appointment” (well, Mani/pedi or something fake) to have an excuse to leave the office for the afternoon. Just know your office before trying this.

   2. Yay! Pricey Monday’s! I love Pricey Monday’s and this sheathe dress, tho more for Rosa then for me b/c of the stripe’s! The manageing partner does NOT like me in stripe’s unless they are verticeal. But Rosa has an unlimited buddget so she can look nice and also be modest b/c it has a high neckline. YAY!

      As for the OP, this is an age old question that we profesioneal ladie’s have had to deal with for along time. When we work all weekend, it is dificult to get thru the week b/c no one care’s about what we did over the weekend–they JUST want results today and tomorrow. FOOEY b/c there are so many times I bill 15-30 hour’s over the weekend just to be ready for the week, and the manageing partner just burp’s and walk’s away after I tell him how busy I was. He said I have to expect this as a profesioneal! But when THEY work, they moan all week about how they gave up golf to work, or whatever. DOUBEL FOOEY!

      The manageing partner is mad b/c we were NOT listed in the latest edition of “Superlawyer’s”. He said we should be recognized in PI or WC, but they are to high class to cover alot of what we do. He said if we took out a FULL page ad that I could be a “SUPERLAWYER”. I do not want to have to pay $$$$ to be a Superlawyer. Is anyone in the HIVE a SUPERLAWYER? Did you have to pay to take out a FULL page ad?

      Also, Noah said you CAN get pregeannt with your sock’s on. He said it is an old Eastern European wive’s tale b/c a woman wearing old and smelley sock’s and rattey “corsette” (whatever that is) will useueally repel a man so that he is NOT interested in mateing with such a woman, but techniecally, you CAN get pregnent if he is abel to get past the smell and thru your “corsette”. He say’s that since I do NOT wear a “corsette”, I am at risk, tho I did NOT let him try anything yet. YAY!!!!!

      Dad also dropped off my new down coat. It is very warm but he doe’s not want me weareing it until DECEMBER! FOOEY b/c it is already cold and I walked in today cold. He say’s I need to have my body wear off the extra 3 pound’s from my TUCHUS first. YAY!

   3. It’s hard to have a productive week when you worked all weekend. Unless I’m in trial, I actually prohibit myself from coming in on the weekends, definitely not both days, because I find that I get less done during the week. If you can, come in later one day and let yourself sleep in or relax half an hour longer with a cup of coffee.

      1. I agree with Bonnie on this.

5. I have always been a minimalist when it comes to eye makeup but recently decided that I would try doing more to bring out my eyes, which are a nice feature. I’m going to try a moderate cat-eye for Halloween (with cat-ears for the costume – thank you to the poster who suggested it!) but leading up to that, anyone have any tips for liquid eyeliner so I can get the hang of it over the next few days without having it consume my morning routine?

   1. For a dramatic cat eye I actually use a bit of scotch tape on the bottom to get that perfect, crisp liquid eyeliner cat eye effect

   2. Watch youtube videos to see how to apply it.

      1. I like these two by Michelle Phan:
         “Eyeliner Tutorial – Pencil, Cream/Gel, Liquid” (the basics, very helpful if you’re new to eyeliner)
         “Easy Ways to Use Liquid Liner” (includes good instructions for cat-eye)

         I also find liquid much easier than a pencil. GL!

   3. I have no tips bc I am scared of regular eyeliner. But there are a bunch of really helpful make-up tutorials on Youtube – I bet if you did a search for liquid eyeliner and watched a few of the more popular ones, you’d get some good tips.

   4. I’m a fan of liquid eyeliner “pens” for this. Much more dramatic than pencil liner and easier to control than the brushes you dip in liquid.

      1. Second the “pens” suggestion since it’s basically like drawing it on with a marker. Stila makes a great one, and Maybelline also has their “stiletto” line for a cheaper option. Also second the scotch tape suggestion. And for super-awesomeness, I put some black eyeshadow on an angled brush and pat it directly on top of the marker lines I drew – this sets the eyeshadow AND kind of smooths over any shakey lines.

         I like both the Beauty Department website and Batalash Beauty for tutorials.

         1. This woman is wise. I do all these things too. Also, I found that a small amount of loose powder, applied right below my eyeliner line helped absorb the oil that was making my eyeliner migrate southward throughout the day.

   5. If you outline the line with dots in pencil, it’s easier to connect them using liquid. For the wing, also outline in pencil or either use tape to make the angle sharp. You can also, at the end, take a q tip dipped in makeup remover to remove or reshape the wing if it’s not as sharp as you want.

   6. I found I prefer the little pot of eyeliner that you draw on with a brush. Maybelline’s is great for this. Check out Lisa Eldrige dot com for amazing makeup tutorials on all things, including the cat eye.

   7. I use gel eyeliner with a slanted eyeliner brush for that crisp thin tail.

      1. Thank you, everyone! Great tips! I have some homework and practicing to do!

6. Posting to thank everyone for their support over the last week and a half; H has stayed out of the house and I didn’t see him at all from when he drove away from daycare on Wednesday to when I picked up baby from his house on Sunday. Baby is in daycare (YAY) and I’m back at work today. My attorney says I can change the locks on the house and I should plan on sharing baby every other weekend. H and I haven’t formalized anything about our separation yet; I’m trying not to rush into anything and I want to make sure we all do what’s best for baby.

   1. Awesome. Awesome awesome awesome. You go strong lady!

   2. Oh good. Change the locks! Also ask your lawyer if you need to take any steps now to start like, waiting periods, so you aren’t stuck later.

      1. What sorts of waiting periods exist? I’m totally unfamiliar with that. (Yes I’ll ask my lawyer, just wondering what sorts of things you have in mind)

         1. I believe the poster is referring to the fact that in some states, you have to file for divorce (or possibly separation) and then there is both a time period before the case is heard and then a waiting period after the cases is heard before the divorce is finalized. I think its meant to give time for settlement or reconciliation.

            (Not an expert on this – but that’s what I recall anyway.)

            1. This. It varies widely (was 3 months minimum from filing to final in my state).

            2. Yes. In California it’s six months minimum from service on the respondent to final judgment.

            3. I believe my mother had to show that she was separated from my father for 6 months before she could file for divorce (in NY). I think that separation date was also used for any asset divisions/calculations (i.e., assets of X as of Y date).

            4. Six months in Louisiana.

            5. Yes, some states just require the parties to be separated for a certain amount of time before the divorce is finalized. Others require a certain amount of time after the legal case is commenced before it can be finalized. Others have no waiting periods at all or have waiting periods for certain grounds (no fault, desertion) but not others (abuse, adultery). Check with your attorney what applies to you.

   3. Virtual hugs to you and baby! Getting back to a routine is sure to help and be a comfort.

   4. You should be SO proud of yourself for doing this for yourself and for your precious baby. We are rooting for you :)

   5. Your strength is very inspiring. I’m so glad that you get to be comfortable at work and at home.

   6. Awesome! You go!!! Change the locks TODAY. Hope your attorney is being helpful!

   7. Congratulations! Great work!!

      How old is the baby? Every other weekend is not generally recommended for very tiny children. Does your state or county have any suggested custody plans for children of different ages? Here’s the one from Los Angeles County, which suggests non-consecutive days rather than weekends: http://www.lacourt.org/selfhelp/familiesandchildren/pdf/parentingunder3.pdf

      1. Baby is 8 months. My lawyer recommended every other weekend. H is currently living an hour and a half away from me & baby, so not sure he could really do any other time.

         1. Do you trust him with the baby for a whole weekend? If he chose to move an hour and a half away, in my view that’s on him and he needs to do what is necessary to have appropriate visits. Seriously this is not an awesome schedule for the baby and I would consider pushing back on this. And frankly I would ask my lawyer whether she is aware of the extensive body of literature regarding appropriate visitation for very young children.

            Not that it’s any of my business, but it just seems like a red flag on a few levels.

            What does your therapist say about this?

            1. He’s living with family for free right now. There are a few other factors in play regarding the weekend-long visit. I will definitely ask my lawyer with the language you suggested about visitation for such a young baby.

            2. I think there are other factors in play here though that may make this arrangement more appropriate. This way Separated doesn’t have to see her nasty ex multiple times per week. She gets to put more distance between them. Courts here are loathe to pick one parent over another as primary caregiver and are moving towards equal time whenever possible. Usually this means switching multiple times per week like you suggested. With high conflict exes, this is bad though. Every other weekend really doesn’t look so bad compared to 50% sharing. It also gives Seperated the benefit of some time to herself every other weekend to take care of herself. That is priceless. It is hardly a “break” if Dad has the baby an hour or two at a time multiple days per week. It is actually more stressful working out drop offs and pick ups.

            3. As I say, it’s none of my business and I totally get I have incomplete information and I’m sure Separation is going to make the arrangements that are best for her situation. I don’t at all disagree that those every-other-weekends off from parenting are awesome. I just worry about the baby.

7. How do you break up with your therapist? I feel like I’m in a good place and don’t want to spend the time going. I guess I’ll see her one last time and then talk about cutting back to an irregular schedule? (I see her once a month now.)

   1. I never broke up with mine, I tapered to once a quarter for 6 months, then once every 6 months, it seems to be working well, and I like going for “check-ups” to make sure I’m not slipping.

   2. I think it is fine to say what you did here. You are doing well, and would like to start spacing your visits more. This is pretty normal. I would probably space them out more, rather than cutting back to an ?irregular schedule (what would that mean?).

      Like space the next visit to 2 or 3 months. If you do well, then at the next visit space it more.

      I have started to feel like it is not great to cut off therapy completely in the winter, as so many people I know have some seasonal affective disorder (SAD). So maybe a check in around Dec/Jan (holidays are stressful too) may be a good idea.

      And congrats on your therapy success!

   3. I left cold turkey. Therapy was of immense help to me. But at some point, it just became weekly chat session with really nothing substantial to talk about. I was not getting anything out of it and I had the confidence that I can manage my life well. But the therapist was in no mood to let me go. So during one session, I just told her that I was feeling good for many months and I want to discountinue the therapy. I said I would contact her and work something out if I think it was necessary . It has been 3.5 years now. I had moments when I felt I need to go back. But I haven’t gone back and managed my situation well.

      1. This was my experience as well, except my therapist was supportive of my ending therapy, but let me know I could always come back if/when I wanted to. Similar to Anon, I began feeling like I no longer had anything to talk about that I couldn’t just talk about with my girlfriends. At my next session (I was going weekly) I told her exactly that and that I felt like I’d made a lot of progress toward the goals we’d initially discussed. She then did a kind of debriefing where we discussed what’s changed and how I’ve felt about the experience. If you have a good therapist, he or she will want you to eventually not need therapy with such frequency. That is the point of it.

      2. I also left cold turkey but it was forced i.e. there was an an abrupt life change that made it impossible to go for sessions. I still had to deal with the stuff I was going through which was hard. However, I am still wondering whether I should contact the therapist just to say thank you keeping in mind that it has been over a year since I last went. Advice?

         1. Why? Don’t bother doing this. You thank service providers by paying them.

         2. I’m a public service provider and it makes my day if I heard from someone that my work made a difference for them. It makes the difficulty days far easier to work through, and I try to pay that forward to as many service people as I can because I know how draining it can be.

   4. My therapist was actually the one who said, “You’re in a good place now, I don’t think you need to come back unless you think you need to,” which I really appreciated. I hadn’t been to a therapist before, and was thinking the same thing but didn’t quite know how to broach it. Since, I’ve told other similar people roughly the same thing.

      1. Mine did the same thing, said I don’t need to come around anymore. I’m thinking about starting up again as I’ve got new stuff to work through. It’s been a few years. Always evolving into new dysfunctions…

   5. Don’t think of it as breaking up. Think of it as graduating. And you always have the option of a little post-graduate work if you need it.

      1. Exactly. You aren’t breaking up. You have made progress. A good therapist will welcome you returning if you feel like you need to or checking in from time to time.

8. I’m considering printing some of my wedding photos for framing and gifts via an online order rather than through a photographer ($12 for a 5×7 adds up!). Does anyone have any stories/recommendations in regards to the quality of sources?

   Right now, I’m considering Smugmug (I read the quality of prints may be better than my usual go-to, Snapfish) or Adaromapics….

   1. I love mpix. They have this very slightly metallic paper which makes your photos have a really lovely sheen without being gaudy. Check them out.

   2. My brother is a semi-pro photographer (in addition to his day job) and I know he uses Smugmug.

   3. I like Mpix for a step up from regular (Snapfish, Shutterfly).

   4. I used Costco for this and was super happy with the results, the photos are indistinguishable from the ones from our photographer’s printing lab.

      1. Perhaps visually but your photographer’s lab should use archival ink and paper so those prints will last longer.

   5. I like Adorama. The quality was great.

   6. Another vote for mpix. My photographer recommended the site to me and I have been impressed with the quality.

9. Has anyone used latisse? I was thinking about lash extensions, but a friend lost most of her real lashes with extensions. I want my own lashes, just more of them. I have brown eyes already, so i’m not worried about my iris changing color

   1. Yes, I use Latisse and like it a lot. I did extensions twice, and while they looked fabulous, they itched a bit, and they were a little too over the top.

      Latisse won’t give you quite the same look as extensions, but mine are still much longer.

      FWIW, I have blue eyes and have had no issues with pigmentation changes.

      I only have to use it 2-3 times a week now, for maintenance.

      Don’t use the brushes that come with it, buy a gel eyeliner brush, it soaks up much less product.

   2. I use neulash, which I bought from Nordstrom. I am still on the same tube from June and noticed a difference in the first 4-6 weeks. They are long and I get complemented on my eyelashes and eyes often! I have hazel-brown eyes and experienced no pigmentation or itching/irritation of any kind. Unlike Latisse, it is just the one brush – so you could follow Suzi’s advice above very easily. If you are curious, Gal Meets Glam did a comparison blog post between the two.

   3. I’ve been considering this too but too nervous, I think. My lashes are not bad, but, like you, I just want more of them (I always wanted really thick, long lashes). My big hesitation is from a nurse who said it’s safe enough, but it’s basically off-label medicine for cataracts and who knows what the long term effect of using it might be. Like, what if you need the medicine for its intended purpose at some point and it isn’t effective because you’ve been using it for something else all these years… Not sure if that’s entirely medically sound, but it made me think twice about it. I think if I had less lashes, I might do it, but it seems not worth it when my lashes are fine and I just want more, more, more of them.

   4. I have in the past and loved the results. I bought disposable brushes on ebay to use as applicators. I want to use it again but it is a splurge. I’ve been using RapidLash but find that the results are not even close.

      1. Oh man, then I would love to see what mine do with Latisse! I had good results with RapidLash (and loved the price), but I have nothing to compare it against as far as other products.

         1. Hi, I’ve been using Latisse since July and LOVE it. I smile every time I look at the mirror and see my eyelashes. I have hazel eyes and have not had any issues with irritation or pigmentation. The one down point is that I don’t think I have more eyelashes, but they are definitely longer. I bought my first batch at Costco for $177 for 0.5 ML bottle. I bought my second one from a plum district deal (similar to google) from Skintology. for $125. Anybody found any cheaper places to buy it from?

            1. Latisse.bz. I thought it sounded shady at first, but it ended up that the doctor who prescribes it lives near where I live (it is a real office I have driven by) and they were written up in an article in the New York Times. Sometimes they have sales.

10. Has anyone made a successful transition from night owl to morning person? Any tips?

    1. Sort of. Not particularly happily or willingly, but its happened. Its sort of obvious but just start getting into bed earlier. Like turn off your tv, turn off the computer, maybe read a book, but BE in bed. And then start setting the alarm clock for earlier and it might suck for a couple weeks but then you’ll be used to it.

       Or, on the flip side, adopt a 6 month old lab who doesn’t believe in sleeping past dawn.

       1. Funny you should mention having a 6 mo old lab! I’ve been considering dog ownership, but was hesitant for this exact reason! Perhaps having a puppy would force a “night owl to morning person” transition.

          I think having a dog would make me a better all around person (waking up early, exercising, coming home on a regular schedule instead of shopping and partying after work, receiving and giving unconditional love, being responsible) but my inner college freshman is fighting the urge to care for something/someone.

          TCFKAG – Do you enjoy having a puppy?

          1. Well, our six month old lab is now two, but I enjoyed it when he was younger. He came to us already house-broken so that was a relief. And it took a bit of adjusting to get used to his higher energy level as opposed to our older, less energetic beagle. And also to learn things like not to leave patent leather shoes anywhere he can get to them.

             But overall he’s great. He’s hilarious and makes us get out of the house (and up in the morning) and the house is creepily quiet when he’s gone. Two thumbs up.

          2. My dog sleeps in. She had to go out early when she was a puppy, but would fall back asleep afterwards, and now that she’s 3 she’ll sleep til noon with me. So, a dog is not an guaranteed alarm clock.

          3. Now that he’s not a puppy, our dog isn’t necessarily a great alarm clock all the time (if we take him for a last walk late on the weekends, he’ll sleep in with us) but he does help me get up and going in the morning. Going out for a walk, even quickly, especially when it’s chilly out really does wake you up and you’re not likely to go back to sleep afterwards. Also dogs like schedules, so if you have trouble being consistent about early mornings, they help with that. If your dog expects a walk at 10pm and then again at 6 am, he will be awake at 6 am, even if he’s not barking to be let out.

          4. Really good information everyone! I can see how having a dog would require set schedules. With my luck, I’d end up with a lazy late-rising dog like myself. Thanks for the input!

             1. I mean. I still LOVE my lazy dog and think she’s perfect.

             2. Of course you do! I knew what you meant. ;) I’d actually love to snuggle with a dog til noon. I’m jealous. :)

    2. I haven’t, but I have helped a family member do this.

       You actually have to decide that you want to do it. That is actually the hardest step.

       A few basic tips…

       Start having a regular night-time routine. At least 1 hour before bed, get off the internet (bright lights so close can help keep you up), no exercise, and start doing relaxing things. Reading, light TV etc.. are fine. Intense discussion/arguments are not fine. Then go to bed. No TV in bed. Nothing but sleep, and se*y time in bed. If you have trouble going to sleep, download some “mindfulness” exercises off the web, and listen to them as you go to sleep. Keep up your regular night-time routine every night. Even weekends.

       Think about a trial of melatonin in the evening, to help shift your sleep time if needed.

       Get enough sleep, or you will always feel like crap in the morning and wont want to get up. You probably need at least 7hrs… start with that. What time do you need to get up in the morning? Count backwards 7hrs. Then count back from that how long it takes you to get ready for bed/lay out your clothes for morning. That is the time to start your night-time prep for bed. It is earlier than you think.

       Get a loud, obnoxious alarm clock. Put it across the room. Get up when it goes off. No “sleep” button for you.

       I would minimize alcohol… especially at night.

       Get a “Happy light” and sit next to it in the morning as you eat your breakfast, check your email etc.. It will help you wake up and may improve your mood. Bonus. Natural sunlight coming in your windows is also a good thing.

       Get some exercise/cardio into your day. Even walking is better than nothing. If there is a way you can get that in in the AM… bonus. It will improve your mood.

       If you do these things and no improvement…. make an appointment with a sleep doctor. Very rarely, people can have genetic tendencies to be “night owls”, but the vast majority of people are not. In fact, most of us are cognitively our sharpest in the morning and that is when we get our best work done.

       Good luck!!

       1. Wow! Thanks for the great list! The Happy Light is interesting. I don’t get much natural light in my bedroom. A Happy Light could help. I will do more research on that and melatonin. I was a little bummed about no “nightcap” drink before bedtime and no more snooze button, but I’m glad s3xy time is still permitted! :) Thanks so much, Carrie!

          1. Getting one of those “fake sunrise” alarm clocks made a WORLD OF DIFFERENCE for me. Like seriously 300% improvement in my morning wakefulness in a room with not much natural light.

             1. +1000000. I wake up and fall asleep much easier with a sunrise/sunset clock. Also agree with the blue light.

       2. Very good list. I know someone who goes to bed at 9p.m. every night without fail. I tried this and it works, ditto on the bright lights or TV. Also if you have to drink tea, take herbal or decaf.

    3. Yes. I am a notorious night owl. But a new job and a baby required me to start my day earlier than I am used to. What worked for me was waking up earlier. It eventually has the same effect as going to bed early but I find the latter very difficult to do consciously. So I set the alarm to wake up two hours earlier and assign some work projects for the morning. Waking up at 4 or 5 means I will be tired sooner in the evening and hence go to bed sooner and thus fall into a pattern. It does break sometimes and that means I will walk around like a zombie for a couple of days but I fall back into the early rising pattern quickly.

       1. I am highly skilled at the zombie walk! (Btw, totally off subject but did you see walking dead last night? Yeah, I stayed up late to watch it, which is part of my problem…)

          I like how you approached the problem/solution in reverse so to speak. I do find myself staring at the clock when I try to hit the sack anytime before 10 pm, so perhaps forcing myself to wake up early and suffering throughout the day will mean that I fall asleep faster come bedtime! Brilliant! Thanks Wolverine!

    4. I’ve made the transition and something that helped me was trying to get something concrete accomplished ASAP. So for example, rather than aiming to get into the office by 6:30 or 7, I’ll set my alarm for 5:30, pop out of bed and walk straight to the computer and work. It always helps that I have a list of things I absolutely need to accomplish in these “bonus hours.” It sounds kind of masochistic but I swear it’s worked. Once I got into a better habit of getting up, it became easier to come into the office if I wanted to do that instead.

11. Any suggestions for wedding presents from the bride to the mother of the groom?

    1. What is the purpose of this gift? Are you getting all the parents gifts? How about a nice frame, and then you put a wedding photo in it after the wedding? Why would it be just from the bride, though, as opposed to from the bride and the groom?

       1. +1, I have never heard of getting the MIL a gift for the wedding.

    2. We got each of our parents those wall art things where there are photos of common objects spelling out their last names. They both seemed to like them and have them hanging prominently in their houses.

    3. Lovely framed photos of MOG and son dancing?

       something monogrammed for MOG … something she would use regularly like leather goods, calendar/apt book for her purse, serving tray or table linens for their home?

       anything that you’ve received as a gift and liked it so much, you thought she would use one as well?

    4. Wedding pictures with her family and you guys in them is a good way to thank people who participated in your wedding. I don’t know about a special “bride to mother-in-law” gift, that’s not a thing where I’m from.

    5. I got my MIL a lace handkerchief with a message embroidered on it.
       I did the same for my mom and dad as well (each got handkerchiefs with a short personal message)

       1. +1 Handkerchief.

          I invited my MIL to my bridesmaid luncheon and gave her a bracelet that matched her MOG dress and a hanky. Honestly, I think the most important part of this gift is the heartfelt card you attach to it.

          1. +1 to a heartfelt note. Even just a few lines thanking her for doing a good job raising her son and how much he means to you would be nice.

    6. We’re doing a gift to each parent, but the groom’s father passed away and it’s just to his mother. I wanted to give her something from just me. Already bought my own mother and father gifts.

    7. There may have been a gift attached – I honestly can’t remember – but what I mostly remember is that I wrote a heartfelt card – I just said that I loved their son so much, that they had done an amazing job raising him, and that I was so honored to become a part of their wonderful, loving, funny family. If you want a physical gift to attach, what about one of those Willow Tree figurines? There’s one called “Soar” that is a woman releasing a bird – you could write a really sweet card about how parenting is about giving children roots and wings and she’s given her son roots (in a wonderful family) and wings (to fly off and form a new family). Really, it’s all about the card, though.

12. On Saturday evenings, I sit at the reception desk at a gym to too far from me because (1) it’s an easy way to get a little extra money, and (2) free gym membership!

    A few weeks ago, one of the members asked me out, and I politely declined by saying I was flattered, but now is not a good time. Which is true, right now I have bigger fish to fry and dating is not a priority. Plus, I’m just not interested. He brought up again this Saturday, that the offer is still on the table. I was busy with something else, so I said thanks and left it at that. He’s always chatty with me when he comes in, and since I’m basically being paid to be nice to members, I play nice. I find it kind of uncomfortable, and I don’t want to be rude, so is there any way to tactfully discourage him?

    1. Just keep saying no. If it escalates so that you feel uncomfortable, tell the management.

       1. Yes. Just because you work there does not mean you are there as a sexual object. I hate it when men think of us as sexual objects. Do not go out with men like this or lead them on.

          1. I used to have people stop me on public transportation to be like “Ok I know you from the gym!” No. You do not know me. We are not friends. I work there. I do not know you.

             1. Exactly. Then again, I’m also the kind of person who doesn’t see it coming until it actually happens. He talked a lot to me, and I figured at first that he was just one of those overly friendly people, but then he started asking questions about loans for school. It’s a small gym, so a number of people know that I finished law school and that the gym is just something I do once a week. But I was thinking the whole time that I am not the right person to talk to about this stuff, and because I don’t want to discuss numbers (he was asking about tuition costs).

                Well, now I know why he was always talking to me.

    2. “Sorry, I’m not interested.” Sometimes people take you saying that you’re busy to mean that another time would be better instead of you not being interested.

    3. Ugh, I hate those situations where you feel captive, my sympathies! If he asks again, make it clear that your answer is a firm no, and do NOT use the “it’s not a good time right now” line- that gives him some glimmer of hope and he seems very persistent. Women are socialized to let people down as gently as possible, but you’re well within your bounds to just say, “sorry, I’m not interested”. I agree that if this continues, you should put management on alert.

       1. As soon as I said, “now is not a good time,” I was afraid that he may get the idea that after a month or so, it WOULD be a good time. Of course it doesn’t even take that long.

          Anyway, thanks! I have to work on being firm when saying no. I always end up trying to be subtle and hoping the other person gets the message.

          1. Been there, done that! It sucks that being kind seems to come across as “try again later”! Good luck.

             1. Being vague isn’t being kind. My friend is an immigrant who speaks English as a second language and had a lot of trouble understanding that all of the people he met in NYC who invited him places or suggested that they socialize together weren’t sincere. It was hard to explain how to tell, as sometimes saying that you’re busy really means that you’re busy and want to do something later, while sometimes it it a fake-nice excuse. Life would be so much easier if people were more clear in expressing themselves.

             2. Anon: I totally agree- saying “not now” is vague to the point of sounding like “please try later”.

                But I’ve also had instances where I’ve given a firm, but kind no and some men STILL won’t back down. Unfortunately, the lines between “no” and “maybe” get really blurred by some men.

                I lived in Europe for a few years, and I totally changed my reflexive “we should meet up sometime” chitchat after realizing how fake it was. Totally agree there.

    4. Most reputable gyms have zero tolerance for hitting on staff. They can’t afford it. Tell him no, firmly, and if it continues report.

    5. Asking once, being told “now isn’t a good time,” and then asking again a few weeks later doesn’t seem excessive to me. You essentially said maybe later; he waited a while and tried again.

       I get that you’re trapped in customer service smile zone, but if he asks again, I would tell him no without any feel-good waffle words like “not now.” You can decline firmly but politely.

       Once you’ve done that, if he continues, then you should absolutely escalate.

       1. Yeah, I’ve noticed that people almost reflexively insert “right now” into statements that are really supposed to be saying no. I’ve tried to start being more genuine with it by leaving it out when I don’t mean it. It does result in messages that are much clearer but also sometimes difficult- both for giver and receiver.

          1. That’s pretty much what happened. When I said “now is not a good time” I meant for it to be a soft way of turning him down.

             Lesson learned. Just say no thanks.

          2. There’s a how i met your mother episode about this…

    6. Had this happen to me. Report it. Gyms typically don’t allow this kind of behaviour.

    7. It seems overkill to me to report him to the gym. You said not now, so he asked you later. Just tell him no.

       1. And then if doesn’t stop immediately – report it. Do you have a manager who can be in the area when this guy stops in? I had this same job in college and I know having another person nearby can be helpful, so you feel safer.

       2. I agree with Bonnie; it’s not crazy to ask a woman out “later” when she said “not now.” If it happens again I would say something like, “No thanks, I’d rather not,” or “No thanks, I’m not interested.” If he brings it up after that, then I would tell the gym management.

          1. It’s really my fault. I was trying to use “not now” as a nice way of saying no. I’ve learned my lesson!

             1. I’ve done the same thing myself!

             2. Actually, I think this is very much his fault: you’re a captive audience since it’s your job to be there, so a respectful, reasonable guy should only be asking you out – especially for the second time – if you are obviously inviting it and expressing interest. Saying “not now” – without offering that later might be a possibility – is not an expression of interest. A reasonable, thoughtful guy would know that this is just a softened form of “no” – and that many women deliberately use this sort of code either to be “nice” and polite, or to avoid the potential threat of a guy reacting badly to a straight-up no (as discussed here many times before). It is NOT your fault that this guy is (or is acting) clueless about these realities.

13. I keep thinking about the poster who had serious issues with her fiance’s best man – how are things going? Were you able to get through to your fiance about it?

    1. I’ve been wondering about this too!

    2. Thanks for checking in on me, I really appreciate your support. Things have been… tense. Fiance was/is getting a lot of pressure to make amends with everyone in preparing for our wedding. He’s definitely torn. He’s been friends with some of these people, like Best Man, for just about all of his life, and to have to exclude them from a life event is really painful. And of course Best Man & Co. are telling him, we have no problem with fiancee! It happened so long ago, she should just forgive Best Man and give him another chance! Best Man is sorry and would never ever do it again! So I’m the bad guy because I’m the only one with the problem. If only I weren’t so difficult, everything would be perfectly fine.

       So I’ve had to remind fiance, no, everything wouldn’t be perfectly fine. I would be afraid. And I deserve better than to be around people who make me feel afraid. He said he realizes it’s really awful to pressure me to be around Best Man and he will choose someone else. So that’s where we left it. We’ll see if it sticks. I’m guessing there will have to be a series of conversations about it, though.

       1. I remember your situation. This might seem out of left field, but you could go to an al-anon meeting, describe the issue, and say you’re looking for insight or suggestions. Even if you’ve never gone before and never go again, I guaruntee people will get it and be willing to discuss if you have an open attitude. There’s an amazing amount of wisdom there.

       2. I remember your situation. This might seem out of left field, but you could go to an al-anon meeting, describe the issue, and say you’re looking for insight or suggestions. Even if you’ve never gone before and never go again, I guaruntee people will get it and be willing to discuss if you have an open attitude. There’s an amazing amount of wisdom there, and your experience is very familiar to us.

       3. The fact that Fiance is experiencing this as a hard choice is kind of blowing my mind…

          1. Right? It’s just blowing my mind.

             Also? Not to totally freak you out, but if this jerk remains in your social circle, you should probably think about how you’ll react when (not if – when) he behaves that way again. I hope you never need to defend yourself, but you should know how to.

          2. Thank you, I was wondering if it was just me.
             This should not be as difficult for him as it appears to be – if a “best friend” physically threatened your fiancee, he should not be a friend anymore. Full stop. And he certainly shouldn’t be anywhere near the wedding! Serious red flag.

             1. Yeah, I didn’t see the post with what exactly happened, but I can tell you without question that if one of my husband’s friends (even one of the guys he’s been friends with for 20 years) ever harmed me or physically threatened me, that man would be cut out of hubs’ life immediately. No hesitation.

       4. Dude. Why are you marrying this man? The fact that this is a difficult choice, and the fact that he hasn’t stopped hanging out with this guy completely, is a huge red flag. My FI has a childhood friend that is his best man, but they are totally different. Best man drinks a little too much, smokes too much etc, but they are brothers. If Best man ever even raised his voice to me, it would be over until there was an apology and I wanted him to forgive him.

          In absolutely no way should this require a “series of conversations”

14. I am in the middle of sending out a bunch of emails and I realized that I almost always close with Thanks, MyName. Even in situations where a thank you is not necessary. I have seen many Bests and Regards. There have to be others that are similarly pleasant, but not so…stale, right?

    Ladies, what are sign offs you use?

    1. I mostly don’t use one at all.

    2. Best, Best regards, Cheers

       1. ….and here we have different strokes for different folks.

          I feel so uncomfortable receiving work e-mails signed “Cheers”. It just seems so inappropriate to me, unless you have a glass of wine in your hand. “Cheers”, to me, is informal to the point where it shouldn’t be used in an office setting.

       2. “Cheers” is very Canadian. All my Canadian friends sign emails that way. In my (US) office the most common sign-off is “Thanks” but I too feel weird using that when I am not actually asking the person receiving the email to do anything. I usually use “Best” internally and “Best regards” with clients.

          1. “Cheers” is not Canadian. I am Canadian and I rarely see it. In fact, when I do see “cheers”, I instantly think the e-mail is either coming from a Brit or from someone who is trying unsuccessfully to seem British.

             1. I agree with you Nonny- “Cheers” is rare in my Canadian experience.

             2. I’m also Canadian and find it really common, regional difference maybe? Or type of work maybe? I’ve noticed an unnatural cheerfulness in emails in my non-profit work – lots of overly-cheerful greetings and closings.

       3. I use cheers all the time, but I’m Australian and it’s not uncommon here. Conversationally we use it the same way you would “thanks” so I think of it as a slightly more casual/friendlier way of saying thanks.

    3. “xoxo”

       1. +1 (I miss that series!)

    4. Most work-related emails get a “Thank you,” above the signature block with my name. Sometimes with an addition – “Thank you, and I hope to speak to you soon” or “Thanks – looking forward to seeing you next week” or something like that. Personal addenda like that make it feel a little less boilerplate, you know?

       Personal emails get anything from “Love, Jessi” to my dad (yes, we email lol), to “XOXO Jess” to my best friend, to “~Jessica Lastname” for stuff like choir schedules. I use the tilde before the name a LOT, actually – it makes it seem a little more like a sign-off, but it’s not actually words. :P

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