ByKat Hours Updated
Comments 174 Comments

Coffee Break: Ambeur Carry On

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

cobalt blue carryon

I'm delighted by the vivid cobalt color of this carry on from Calpak. They offered to send me something as a gift and I chose this one because we need a new carry on anyway. It arrived and… I don't think I've ever been more excited for luggage.*

The color is a vibrant, bright cobalt, and I can't wait to use it on my next trip. I haven't played around with the interior too much, but I like that it has multiple interior pockets, a built-in TSA lock, and expandable packing. It is 21″x13.75″x9″ with exterior dimensions. I love the cobalt (because of course I do) and think it will brighten any hotel room I'm in. There are a ton of colors if you're not into cobalt, though, including two pinks, a light blue, two greens, and a metallic red.

It's $245 at Calpak.com; you can also find a few colors at department stores like Nordstrom.

*Small teensy hat tip to my favorite movie.

Sales of note for 7/19:

174 Comments

  1. How does Kohl’s stay in business? Such UGLY, out of style clothing made out of such cheap fabrics that I weep for the waste of the earth’s resources. Ran in for something and they had skinny ankle pants (Vera Wang) and ponte pencil skirts (Nine West) front and center. Is it 2009? You could buy the same things at Goodwill for $2.99.

    2. I mean, it’s not my go to but I think it has a diverse range of sizes, items and branding at generous price points. I never shopped there so heavily as I did during my “adopt a family” effort at the holidays when the 13 year old boy wanted adidas shoes, a nike sweatshirt, a winter jacket, gloves and several other items. My dollar went further there than any other place. Add on intensely generous coupons to their loyalty program… and suddenly I fully understand it.

      1. I liked Kohls for back-to-school shopping because of the range of brands and sizes. It was so much easier to have one place where my picky tween could try on 37 pairs of Nike and Adidas and Sketchers and Converse and Vans in person in one afternoon, without me having to taxi them from store to store or schlep a bunch of boxes back to return from an online shopping bender.

    4. I usually feel that a person with good taste can shop anywhere, but there is a lot to look past.

    5. I have to agree, the quality of the Vera Wang line took a serious nosedive.

      That said, I get good prices on workout clothes and underwear with my Kohls card. They also have decent prices for Asics gym shoes. The Sonoma line isn’t bad for casual clothes, and I got some Nine West boots there that I really like. And they carry a few major luggage brands – if you hit the sales right, I got 28” Samsonite suitcase for maybe $100.

    6. I got some jeans from Lee and Levis from Kohls. They had a decent number of petite sizes in store so I could try them on in person.

      I also got bedding there when we upgraded to a king size bed. The often have sales on those items. They have the Ugg (or Koolabura by Ugg?) brand, which has some nice blankets.

    7. I say this as a factual observation and not a judgement: many of the people in my semi-rural area consider Kohls the fashionable, fancy alternative to Walmart. There is a whole world of people for whom The Fold is not practical attire for their daily lives.

      1. Yeah, I can’t help but roll my eyes at the casual elitism here. Go to any health department in Kansas or any insurance office in eastern Washington and people will be dressed in Kohl’s and they will look fine. OP, are you aware of how much people are struggling to purchase necessities these days? Do you realize how many people are trying to raise families on minimum wage, which is set at an amount that would make me laugh if it weren’t so damn tragic? Obviously they shop at freaking Kohl’s.

          1. Some do, and others consider shopping at Goodwill rather than Kohls akin to stealing from those who really cannot afford Kohls prices. Is there a reason you think the options should only include what you consider acceptable high fashion or Goodwill, nothing else? Where do you consider it acceptable for the kindergarten teacher in my small town’s public school to shop? What about the principal at that same school? Or the office manager at the local mechanic’s shop – does she have to wear Akris, or can she get by with Worthington?

          2. The people who consider shopping at Goodwill akin to stealing sound pretty elitist to me!

          3. Elitist? Try compassionate. They don’t want to snatch up great deals and leave nothing for those without means.

          4. If they’re struggling to purchase necessities raising a family on minimum wage, I think it’s okay for them to worry about their own resources! It’s fine to shop at Goodwill. It’s not like Goodwill runs out of clothes. The more people frequent a business, the better it tends to do.

          5. I’m saying the local elementary school principal can afford and is happy to clothe herself and her family at Kohls. She doesn’t snatch up all the great deals she can find at Goodwill; she prefers to leave them for others who do depend on those lower prices. At the same time, she would be out of sync to show up dressed to the nines every day in bespoke power suits with Louboutins and a Berkin.

          6. Goodwill is regional though. Chances are high that the Goodwill in my area will be stocked with clothes from stores like Kohls and Marshalls.

          7. Shopping at Goodwill requires luck and time. Sometimes you just want to buy something and not have to spend an hour to see if they even have anything remotely suitable in your size that doesn’t have a hole in it.

          8. No sane person thinks they cannot shop at Goodwill because someone poorer than them might also shop at Goodwill and might want the same item they want. That is just not at all a reasonable thought to have.

          9. 4:37 – the world contains multitudes, of which you are a rather insignificant part.

          10. And because I am insignificant, I know that I do not need to worry that I’m going to harm another human being by shopping at Goodwill.

          11. lol at high school principal. They earn pretty good money where I’m from. Just looked it up, is 190k plus a pension and gold plated health insurance poverty to you people? I don’t care how anyone dresses but this is not a tax bracket without options.

          12. When the parents they are interacting with work minimum wage factory shifts because that’s the reality of small town life, they aren’t making $190k and flying to a Big City to dress like a Big Law partner. They are shopping at the Kohls and Target in the local strip mall.

        2. It is not elitism! I shopped at JCP for years and always liked the bargains. The clothes purchased from JCP and Target in the 2000-2010s lasted a long time. i had a pair of yoga pants from Target that I wore every week with no pilling in the crotch area. My tees didn’t get little holes. WHAT IS GROSS IS THAT POOR PEOPLE CAN’T BUY A DECENT PAIR OF SLACKS AND BLOUSE FOR WORK. Today, stores from Kohls to Ann Taylor have turned to utter crap that is desinted to fall apart after a few wears.

      2. If I look at their website right now, it looks like they have some stuff in the style of The Fold anyway.

        1. Also it looks like a lot of their better offerings are only available in lucky sizes. So somebody shopping there knows what to pick.

    8. Kohls men’s and kid’s departments have a lot nicer stuff than the women’s department. I can find lots of good stuff for my kids and husband there, at a very reasonable price. The home stuff is also good.

    9. To be fair this is exactly the thing I have no patience for but is kohls one of this places where you earn “cash?” Like lots of points and incentives to sort of gamify shopping? It definitely appeals to a certain kind of shoppers, I think. There are people in my life who like the idea of a deal more than they actually want or need the merchandise in question.

      Haven’t been to one in literally years but I imagine it’s a lot of polyester prints and bad cuts. Someone mentioned a Washington insurance company and I’m sure that’s right. But also, isn’t that crazy? With the advent of the internet you’d think dressing like it’s 2009 would be impossible but people remain badly dressed even when they have access to knowledge about what is fashionable and the fact that fashionable clothing can be delivered to almost anyone’s doorstep. It wasn’t about access or knowledge. People actually dress like that on purpose.

      1. No, it’s not crazy. Not everyone cares about wearing “fashionable” clothing. Some people don’t want to stick out. Not everyone has the money to update their wardrobe, or wants to prioritize that. It is not morally wrong or some kind of character flaw to wear out of date clothing.

      2. Huge swaths of the populace don’t shop online and don’t really care about being in step with current fashion. If it was in style when they were coming of age, that’s what they feel comfortable in and so that’s what they seek out.

      3. I mean, yes. Everything that sells has a buyer. They probably think your on trend clothes look bad since their references point is what they think looks good!

        1. I am not convinced that everything offered at Kohl’s ever gets purchased. There is a lot of derelict merchandise that seems to have been hanging out there for years.

      4. Does it really befuddle you to this extent that not everyone shares you personal style preferences?

        1. Absolutely not. I don’t conflate what is current with my personal style. You did.

          It’s perplexing to me that for entire swaths of people style is stuck in a time warp for seemingly no reason. Access to knowledge and clothing have never been more widespread and yet here we are. It’s a weird phenomenon. My perception is that when I was younger trends came more slowly to far flung areas. But change did come. Outside of a few old ladies who never gave up the bouffant hair, style did in fact change eventually. It’s really weird to acknowledge that bell bottoms and parachute pants are of a certain era but pretend that somehow skinny jeans and a polyester tunic are timeless. They look like bouffant hair at this point .

          1. Why not be perplexed that people entirely change how they dress only because… why? A Parisian fashion show? A celebrity in a magazine? As for online shopping, it really didn’t make everyone dress the same or on trend; it did bring us things like Modcloth and women dressing like their grandmothers.

          2. Why are you perplexed? Can you really not work through this, intellectually? Seriously, it’s not that deep, it’s not weird.

            Not everyone cares about wearing “fashionable” clothing. They just do not care. Some people want to blend in with their community or office or family. Not everyone has the money to update their wardrobe, or wants to spend their money on clothing. Some clothing is more generic than others. Timeless and dated aren’t the only options. And maybe they just like their current style. These are reasons. You don’t acknowledge them for some weird reason.

          3. I’m very sorry you have to see women who you think are wearing ugly clothing.

          4. I’ve remained totally neutral and whether I like it. It’s objectively dated.

            But yeah, mock Parisian fashion shows all you want but fashion trend have always trickled down, if more slowly in some places. Most women didn’t need to go to a fashion show to swap her tapered legs for straight legs, then bootcut, then skinnys, ect. It’s weird that that would just stop there. The styles of ten years ago don’t exist outside the laws of fashion except if you shop at places like this on purpose and you have to know that the style dated if it didn’t change. It would have been out of the norm to wear bell bottoms in the mid 1980s, you wouldn’t need to be at a fashion show to know that was out. You have to know the kohls clothing is dated.

          5. If they do care about looking dated, where would you recommend the Kohl’s shoppers should be shopping instead?

            Why do you say that fashion trends always trickle down? Haven’t there always been plenty of people who pick a style and just stick with it? (Haven’t a lot of trends in our lifetime arguably trickled up?) I feel like bell bottoms is an extreme example of statement fashion, but I swear a lot of people did not quit wearing stirrup pants until they quit being able to find them!

          6. I think old navy’s cuts are reasonably current. It’s cheap and accessible. A quick search had me considering some cropped barrel legs. Updated clothing has statistically never been more affordable or accessible and yet dated styles are still selling.

            Maybe you have a point that people wore this stuff until they couldn’t find it and now they can? I do think there are always certain people who had a look and stuck with it but think this is uniquely widespread. There is a difference in wearing old clothing that has dated and actively seeking out and buying styles from the last decade. I don’t think people in the 90s defended stirrup pants like posters here are defending skinnies. I do think people called boot cuts classic for a few years after skinnies started. I remember that and it felt like they were behind the curve and being silly. But skinnies have looked dated to me for half a decade now and I feel like people refuse to move on in a way that is historically unusual.

          7. Bless your heart. What’s weird is how narrow minded your weird fashion priorities has made you.

          8. Are you incapable of reading or taking in new information? Why do you refuse to acknowledge valid reasons why people don’t update their wardrobe? Not everyone cares about whether their jeans are considered “dated,” especially when we’re talking about something that is really pretty generic (i.e., skinny jeans v. boot cuts) as opposed to something that is pretty distinctive (bell bottoms). Some people feel like they look better in certain cuts or styles. It doesn’t take a grand effort to find skinny jeans. They are still sold everywhere. There is no mandate that anyone’s clothing be current or that people “move on” from styles that you feel are dated. It’s fine. Just get over it.

    10. Mon dieu! Not a ponte pencil skirt. A basic, inoffensive garment someone could wear to a job!

      Imagine whining that affordable clothing that many people would be grateful to purchase new is a “waste of the earth’s resources.”

    11. Stores with lower prices keep stuff out longer. They can get a bit shopped over. People of many different ages, tastes, and occupations are shopping there, not just one subset of people who have a lot in common. Some people shop just to replace what they had before. It makes sense to me. Worry more about the waste of the earth’s resources when nice stores with all natural fabrics deliberately destroy all the unsold merchandise to avoid competing with their own overstock.

    13. Kohl’s is so regional IME. the selection at my local DMV one is not current/not my taste, but at the one near my parents in Ohio, it is surprisingly decent. I don’t know enough about how retail works to guess why the inventory is so different, but I coincidentally have several local friends with family in Ohio and we all agree Ohio Kohl’s is better.

  2. lightweight question for today: what do you think would be the absolute best 5 things to happen to America

    1. Completely separate from anything going on politically, my first gut response was immigration/immigrants. While my extended family members arrived in the US more than 150 years ago, I think the history of immigration into the country is a very large piece what makes it what it is today.

    2. Dismantling the billionaire class. I’m not anti-capitalism, but there are limits.

    3. Free fresh raspberries on everyone’s doorsteps every morning.

      Also, this country could use more tulips. Highly underrated flower.

    4. Fat, happy bumblebees
      Autumn
      National Parks
      Public libraries
      Postal service

      Crud, I misread this as 5 currently great things that happened to America, not future ones. But I still think the list works so I am not editing it.

    5. that the world finally learned what you guys are really like. So a reality check I guess.

    6. Universal healthcare

      Safe, legal abortion

      Stringent environmental protections and regulation of pollutants and toxic chemicals in our waterways and food supply and everywhere else

      A robust middle class

      Term limits

      1. #3 should include also clean indoor air and robust disease control on a one health model (one of the current 5 best things about USA is how many diseases and parasites we don’t have to worry about that could so easily come back!).

        1. I’d add something about climate change to one health. Warming means that lots of pathogens eradicated from the US are coming back.

          Mosquitos now live in iceland.

          1. Absolutely not denying the existence of climate change, but I wonder if this has as much or more to do with the isolated island status than the climate? There are much colder places than Iceland that definitely have mosquitoes.

    7. – universal healthcare
      – billionaires actually paying their fair share of taxes
      – either death of electoral college or accurate number of representatives in congress (howwwwww could they have agreed to cap it?!)
      – term limits / upper age limits
      – government that believes in science

      someone was telling me they thought compulsory voting would allow multiple parties… i’m not sure but it’s an interesting idea.

    8. trains (whether subway, commuter, or long distance) prioritized over car culture

      whatever tax play allows billionaires to have taxable income of like 50 cents and some belly button lint… changing those

    11. That would be harsher penalties for parole violators, Stan. And…world peace.

    12. Good question!

      Universal healthcare funded by taxing billionaires properly.

      Stringent water and air quality laws.

      Effective public transport.

      Adoption of a political system that doesn’t require super wealth or super wealth backing to become the leader.

      Gun laws. Your school shootings are horrifying and preventable.

    13. 1 Universal healthcare
      2 Tax equity
      3 Funded college
      4 Better work culture: Paid vacation time, child leave, and a redundancy system that mirrors Europe—not just mass layoffs of talented workers for no reason other than the PE head wants to get richer
      5 Better environmental protection, including use of AI

  3. I’m feeling heartbroken over how a friend is treating me. We’ve been friends more than 10 years and I considered her one of my best friends. The last few months something has been going on. I never hear from her unless I reach out. When I do text her, she takes several days to write back and when she does, it’s like two word answers. It’s like pulling teeth. We used to talk all the time and get together at least once a week. I haven’t seen her in person for about six weeks.

    I finally asked her if everything was ok and asked why she wasn’t talking to me because I was seriously worried. Her response was she’s fine, she’s not feeling social, and she’s not spending time on her phone (??). We didn’t have a falling out or a fight or anything like that. I’m so baffled and extremely hurt that she’s apparently fine to stop speaking to me.

    I told her I’m not trying to bother her, I just miss talking to her since she’s my friend. Crickets since then.

    Do I give it time? I just can’t fathom doing something like this to another person for no reason, so it’s very hard for me to accept that she’s not interested in being friends anymore.

    1. Have you considered that it’s not about you and that she’s suffering from depression or has something else going on in her life?

      1. this. sometimes people are going through something and don’t want to talk about it with friends.

      2. Yes, of course, that’s why I kept checking in and asking if she was ok or if something was going on. She always said she’s fine.

        1. I would not have the emotional energy to respond in more depth to someone who was upset that I took a few days to respond to a text. Like, if she’s depressed, she probably doesn’t want to water your emotional garden, too, and you’re asking her to do so.

          1. I took OP’s post to indicate that this is a huge change in behavior. Some people don’t respond to texts for a few days – or never respond at all – and that’s normal for them. But if that hasn’t been the history of their ten year relationship, then something has changed. I think OP is trying to figure out what and how to deal with it.

          2. anon @ 2:51 That’s it exactly, thank you.

            If she won’t talk to me and won’t tell me if something is going on, I don’t know what else to do.

          3. I don’t think whether it’s a change or not is really relevant. When I am sad, I do not want to talk about it. And I really, really don’t want to talk about it with a friend who can’t handle getting delayed or short text messages without needing me to reassure them.

            Like, this person literally said she “can’t fathom doing this to another person” and the “this” was sending short and delayed text messages and not getting together for less than two months. That doesn’t say “this is a safe person for me to turn to in crisis.” That says “wow, this person has a lot of feelings I need to manage for them in order to participate in this friendship,” and those friends get cut in crisis.

          4. +1 that sometimes someone doesn’t want to explain what is going on, so might answer “fine” when they’re not totally fine.

            “Heartbroken” is really strong and those vibes may make her back off even more. Friends are allowed to be mysteriously less available sometimes. Best course of action if you want to keep the friendship is to give space and not demand answers.

          5. I agree that when this is a huge, sudden change in behavior, that is very different from a slow fade over years. If this happened with my best friend and me, when we text literally every single day, I would definitely be perplexed and wondering what the heck was going on.

          6. I hate this trend that’s popped up in recent years that says that if you’re depressed or having mental health issues, everyone else should be totally, 100% accepting of however much you want to blow them off, however many life events and updates you want to miss are A-OK, and people should just be grateful if you ever bother to text again. I hate it.

          7. Maybe some people with personality disorders are trying to get you to accept bad treatment for them on the basis of weird excuses? But people with major depression that is not responding to treatment aren’t actually capable of showing up to your events or texting normally whether you accept it or not. It’s a brain disease. It sucks for you and for them; nobody should just accept it.

          8. Of course you don’t have you “just accept it.” You can be as high maintenance a friend as you want to be, and if this is a dealbreaker for you, that’s fine.

        2. So, maybe stop badgering your friend? I know your intentions are kind, but…repeated “what’s the matter” questions get annoying very quickly. Be there, send her a funny, cheerful text now and again, but stop adding to her stress.

    2. If she isn’t ghosting you, then I’m wondering if she’s completely infatuated with a new, controlling romantic partner.

      1. If I remember, that’s what it was the last time a similar question came up here.

    3. She’s not just doing this for no reason. I don’t know what the reason is. Is she in an abusive relationship? Is she mad at you? Is she in therapy and taking weird suggestions from a therapist? Did she join a cult? Is she ashamed of something? Was there a death in her family? Did she hit her head? You know her a lot better than I do.

      1. Yes . . . you’ve known her for 10 years! What’s your guess about what’s going on? Does she have a history of depression? What are her relationships like? Is she in a bad job or a bad marriage or a bad family situation? Does she have a chronic illness or other health issues? Mental health struggles over the years? Is she an introvert or an internal processor, or does she usually call up friends and need to process externally?

        You say that she hasn’t been herself in the last few months. What was going on in her life (or yours) a few months ago? What was she like 6 weeks ago when you saw her?

        1. Good questions. As far as I know she doesn’t have a new partner, bad job, family issues, mental health issues, or anything external going on. Everything seemed fine until she stopped talking to me.

          1. My advice is to give her some space and time. I am sure that is hard to do. My advice is coming from some personal experience, which I thought of while reading your post – I have a friend who I love dearly, but who wants to get together more often than I would if it was up to me, and who wants to talk via phone or text more often than I do. I love her so dearly, and have for the past 15 years. I typically take it in stride, and kindly decline when I don’t feel like a hike, or don’t respond when she texts just looking to chat, and it’s all fine. However, there have been times over the years, usually when there’s something else in my life unrelated to her that is stressful, that her communications have very much stressed me out. I feel like a bad friend for not wanting to get together, and I feel bad about the annoyance I feel when I see her texts. I don’t want to feel that way, and then I become more frustrated.
            So all of this to say – it’s possible that a little space might help. Or not, this may have nothing to do with her situation! But thought I would share.

          2. Is there a big difference financially in your lives? If she’s struggling to stay afloat, it can be very hard to be around people who are living their best lives. I avoid people who want to brag about their extravagant vacations for instance.

            There’s a stigma to being poor, so this is not something you may even realize. If this could be the case, just be kind and discreet, and maybe don’t brag when you’re around her/talking to her.

    4. Take her at her word – she’s not feeling social. Heartbroken is a big word to use about a friend who might be very busy, might not be up to sharing something like a difficult diagnosis, or might need a temporary break. It’s only been six weeks since you saw her, which doesn’t prove she’ll never be friendly again. You do sound a bit needy, so maybe seek out other social outlets and don’t put so much on this one friend.

    5. I’m sorry, that’s really rough and it’s not a small thing to effectively lose a friendship. It sounds like you’ve done what you can to try to find out if she needs support and for whatever reason, she isn’t being an emotionally mature adult. Hugs.

    6. Give it time. If normal for you, share short things that don’t require a response, like “saw (her fav flower) at the market today and thought of you!” Don’t forget her bday if it falls within this period. Invite her to something with advance notice, like 2-3 weeks, without a lot of talking, like a movie or concert or even something with other mutual friends. Don’t pressure her to talk about it. If she says she’s fine, then allow her that space.

      Also, find something for you. This could be long term. This could be two months. Take a weekly pottery class solo, start walking at the gym for an hour every Tuesday, do a wine tasting club, volunteer more often, you name it. Try something to fill your time and energy (without her, for now). Just do something for you. She may be going through something or may simply be taking lots of time for her. You may need to have something else to help you give her space.

    7. Did you tell her that you were worried about her and ask whether she needed your support, or were you totally focused on getting an an answer for why she wasn’t being responsive and getting her to talk to you more? It sounds like you were mostly focused on how her behavior impacted you rather than making an effort to ensure that your friend was doing okay and supporting her if needed.

      1. This place never fails with the most uncharitable interpretations possible whenever anyone posts something vulnerable. It’s the worst feature of this community – that the harshest comments (on many similar threads implying that OP is suffering from main character syndrome, making it all about her, that she wasn’t really being a good friend, that it’s no wonder she has no friends because of the way she’s acting) come out for the readers who are hurting in some way.

        1. Not at all. My post is intended to help OP. I read her post multiple times to make sure I wasn’t missing anything and it is not clear what kind of effort OP made to ensure that her friend was doing okay. Seriously, re-read the OP again. Someone who has something serious going on in her life might be more likely to respond to a sincere expression of concern and offer of support –without asking anything in return—than multiple outreach attempts that can seem like one more person wanting something from her (attention, friendship, reassurance). This is not to say that OP doesn’t care about her friend and only wants something from her, but someone who is overwhelmed or dealing with something serious (if that is the case) could easily feel like they just can’t deal with one more thing, and that would be OP’s attempts to communicate or get reassurance.

        2. Thank you. Obviously, I did not make it all about me because I’m not a psychopath. Jfc.

          1. OP – it’s not obvious from your post. You don’t have to interpret every question or attempt to get clarification as an attack.

          2. Well. that response actually makes me more inclined to think your texts were not worded as thoughtfully as you think they were.

        3. I’ve never experienced the feelings described (heartbroken, bafflement, hurt) because someone wasn’t making a lot of time for me, but without them doing anything actively hurtful beyond being relatively unavailable. I would feel disappointed if I’d I would have liked to interact more, or sad about having to spend my time another way, and I’d certainly find myself missing someone while they’re less around. I wouldn’t conclude that they’re simply not interested in being my friend, and I wouldn’t feel like I couldn’t fathom how they could do this to me.

          I’d definitely feel all those feelings if they lashed out at me or were cruel in some way! I would also feel bad about not being trusted if I were concerned something was wrong that they weren’t willing to tell me, but I can’t just force it. It sounded like OP is taking this personally and genuinely really hurting and suffering, and that sounds hard.

          1. This is a different situation from simply “not making enough time for someone,” though. I’m sure OP wouldn’t even have posted at all if her friend had communicated that she’d be texting and hanging out less for whatever life reason but that she’d reach out again soon. OP has been effectively ghosted if it’s gone from once-a-week hangouts and constant talking to nothing, and that isn’t in the same category as “a friend was briefly unavailable while her family was in town.” I would definitely also be hurt by this.

          2. If she’s really avoiding her phone and also doing anything social, there’s not really a lot left that could help someone not feel ghosted. I wonder what’s really going on though.

        4. Literally no one has used any of those words or said that it’s no wonder she has no friends. People just think she’s being overdramatic about a pretty common thing, and it shouldn’t be hard to fathom why someone might go relatively quiet for as short a period as six weeks is.

          1. She said the friend has gone quiet for “months” – it’s no in-person visits for six weeks when they used to go weekly.

          2. If you were seeing the person in person up until 6 weeks ago, then they were not “quiet” up until 6 weeks ago, even if they became a worse texter.

    8. You’ve done all you can, and I think now you need to take care of you and let this go. She may come back, she may not. But that’s besides the point. If you reach out more, you will likely just drive her away.

      I have a lot of friends from all different parts of my life, and one of the reasons I think I’ve been able to maintain a lot of friendships is that I look for these signs and back off if someone isn’t showing reciprocity. 99% of the time, it’s not about you but about something else going on in their lives. You have to trust that if it were about you, the person would tell you. Otherwise, you owe it to yourself to invest your time in something else like the other commenters are saying, whether that’s other relationships in your life, a passion project, exercise, whatever! Put your time and energy into something that gives back to you.

      Many (most) times, the friend does eventually come back on their own time. It’s often much later than I would have liked, and by then I feel like I’ve moved on in some ways. But life is long, and accounting for the natural ebbs and flows of friendship is an important skillset. Try to be your own best friend here and let go of the need for answers. You aren’t going to get them from this person, at least not on the timeline you want.

      Hugs, and hang in there! You sound like a very caring and thoughtful person. This stuff is hard, but you will get through it!

    9. It sounds like it’s not about you, she just may need some space. If you want to keep the lines of communication open, try and focus on one-sided messages for a while. Send memes, videos, etc (look up “pebbling” from summer 2024). They don’t require a response from her but show that you’re still there when she’s ready.

  4. A distant relative passed away and left every kin a piece of jewelry. I received a rolex watch. I suspect, but don’t know, that it’s a fake. If it’s real, I need to add it to my home insurance. What is the best way to find out? There is no rolex store near me, I’m in a very rural part of the country. My local jeweler told me they could take it to a trade show to get it appraised, not sure if that sounds right. I have been googling and most places indicate a jeweler needs to send it away for a few days, I can’t really afford a trip to a city for multiple overnights. I’m hesitant to mail it partly because of scams and partly because of the unknown insurance value. Google is overwhelming me with options.

      1. A search online shows me a similar watch is selling for five figures. That is very real money to me. Although I don’t plan on turning around and selling it immediately, I would potentially sell it or add it to my own estate plan. Insurance because I already insure my wedding ring, and I live in an area with frequent natural disasters and have had close friends and neighbors lose jewelry items and then use insurance proceeds to help rebuild rather than replace the item. I could add it to my insurance for very little extra per year.

        1. Just put it in a safety deposit box at the bank and forget about it until you sort this out.

    2. Is it in your possession yet or can whoever is handling the estate have it appraised before it comes to you?

      It doesn’t make sense to me that you would need to spend multiple overnights in a city as part of getting this appraised. It’s not like the appraiser needs you to sit and watch them work. A legitimate appraiser is not the same as a pawn shop or a “we buy gold” operation.

      1. +1 … find a certified rolex dealer and call them. Ask what they recommend. It will likely involve shipping it. This is a normal thing.

    3. Call up the nicest jewelry shop in your nearest big city and tell them what you’ve told us – you’ve inherited a Rolex but aren’t sure if it’s real, could their appraiser take a look? And you make an appointment that you need to pay for.

    4. As a watch afficianado, if you post a link to a photo or two of it, I can eyeball it and tell you if it is obviously fake or needs to be looked at to determine if it is genuine.

      Alternatively, there is a Rolex subreddit with a thread for fake determinations. You can also ask on Watchuseek.com, though be careful about their rules there about posting.

      1. Thank you! It’s in my safety deposit box now and I will make another trip to town next week. I’ll try the reddit and site you mentioned! If I can figure out the link I’ll make a new post but zero worries if you see it.

        1. Glad to help.

          If it is genuine and you want to insure it, I would recommend either getting a rider on your homeowners insurance/renters insurance or just get a separate policy with Jewelers Mutual. The rule of thumb is that the annual premium should be 1% of the value of the watch.

    5. I would not let a local jeweler take it to a trade show to get appraised. In theory, that person could find out it is real, buy a fake, get the fake appraised, and return the fake to you with its mediocre appraisal.

      Yes I am cynical.

      Do you have a trusted friend in a larger city who could handle this for you?

    7. I have a Rolex. Every Rolex has a serial number. Older watches have it on the inside of where the bracelet connects. Google and figure it out from there.

  5. I have developed some type of sensitivity to tops with high necks. I hate all turtleneck, mock neck, crew neck, boat neck, and elastic neck tops. I still want a modest neckline – a very slight V is ok but most scoop neck, V neck, or cowls are inappropriate in my workplace where I bend and stoop and lift frequently. Ribbed fabric is very unforgiving on me. Looking for a sleeveless tank or true elbow sleeve top, not a cap sleeve. Any ideas? If I found solid colors I would buy multiple!

    1. Is mid-bicep okay rather than true elbow-length?

      Land’s End is my go-to for basics that come in a bunch of necklines and colors.

    2. Peruvian Connection. Their cotton is really light weight and doesn’t trigger my similar sensory issues

    4. LLBean has a jewelneck three-quarter sleeve Pima top that is really nice. Slightly wider/larger than a crew, but higher than a scoop. They have a sleeveless shell also that has a similarly high-ish but open neck.

  6. I am confused by how 1099 vs W2 classification works. There is a company I was looking at that is hiring nurses as 1099 employees, and billing their services to Medicare. The nurses are ‘recommended’ to work 30+ hours, are hired/fired, report to a W2 manager, and are paid an hourly wage while the Medicare reimbursement goes to the company. This doesn’t seem to fit into the 1099 category as I understand it, but obviously must be legal. For those of you with more knowledge in this space, does it in practice boil down to whether they set their hours or is it something else?

    1. IANAL but I don’t think it’s obviously legal. Lots of employers purposefully misclassify their employees as contractors to avoid paying payroll taxes, benefits, etc. The IRS has a clear set of criteria for whether someone is an employee or a contractor.

      1. +1 it’s a pretty well known thing that people abuse the 1099 vs W2 classification

    3. I worked for a couple of companies that abused the 1099 classification. I have to believe that if audited by the IRS, they would have failed with flying colors. I think it’s pretty common to miscategorize people as 1099 contractors when they should be considered employees.

    4. My husband’s former company used a very sketchy outsourced HR firm. They once tried to get him and all of his fellow salaried workers to “volunteer” to become 1099 contractors rather than W2 employees. They offered to give him a “raise” (a pittance compared to the actual cost to replace all the employer-paid taxes and the other benefits they wanted to stop providing). The proposal was blatantly against the IRS classification standards, and they dropped the idea like it was radioactive once he mentioned he would be happy to consider once he had a chance to run their proposal by his employment lawyer.

    5. There are a couple of ways this could qualify. The irs has it laid out in the tax code.

      For 1099 employees I run many through payroll and others through AP. Generally speaking what you are describing, if I saw they were a single member LLC I would run their 1099 through payroll and let them receive a W2. True contractors know how 1099 works and how their contract needs to be structured to qualify as such.

  7. Ugh, we need a new fridge. The current one is side-by-side (was here when we moved in and promptly broke) and my husband is saying a French door style would be nice, but I HATE bending down to get stuff out of a messy freezer drawer. We are at a stage in life where I need to be able to get frozen chicken tenders on the table in seconds for my screaming toddler. What kind of fridges do you all find easiest?

    1. We have the French door style. It’s fine. It’s 15 years old at this point, which feels like a miracle. At the time we bought it, I didn’t want a side-by-side because it felt like we’d lose a lot of storage space. Now that my kids are much older with appetites to match, I can tell you that we still don’t have enough storage space, lol.

    2. The French door style is nice for flexibility if you often have awkward size things in the fridge (like, you can stash an entire lasagna in there without having to navigate a narrow space) but the freezer requires a lot more effort to stay organized.

      The Marie Kondo tshirt method of having things on their sides and therefore visible, vs. stacked columns, does help… but we then end up with one section of the freezer that is a “currently freezing” area where things are stacked flat so as not to leak before fully freezing, before they’re stood on end. Meh.

    3. I’m annoyed by my freezer drawer. I’m fine bending down, and there’s nothing messy about it, but it’s poorly lit and deep, and if anything falls behind the drawers while rummaging, then everything has to be removed so the drawers can be removed so we can get the g d bag of green beans that’s lying behind them, and then put it all back again.

      1. I thought the freezer drawer would be more space-efficient and easier to keep organized than the side-by-side, but I was wrong. As a bonus, family members’ closing the drawer with a knee or foot has caused numerous dents. If they still make side-by-side models I will be going back when it’s time to replace this fridge.

    4. An old-school top freezer without any features beyond being frost free, maybe a door ajar alarm. No water dispenser, no smart anything, no screen of any sort. All of that extraneous stuff adds cost and is notorious for breaking.

        1. Ours is going on 20 years with no complaints or issues. We didn’t even install the automatic ice maker because we didn’t want to deal with potential leaks. Instead we just fill ice trays ourselves (and enjoy a little extra space in the freezer). I would consider moving this fridge with us if we ever sold the house.

      2. Our fridge died 2 summers ago after ~10 years and this is exactly what the repair guy told me. The smart features add a lot of value to our lives so we decided to get another fridge that had them, but this comment is 100% correct if your main goal is maximizing the lifespan of the fridge.

        1. I’m the old school fridge anon. We don’t even have a repair guy any longer because all of our appliances are basic models without bells and whistles and they just work. That fridge is 16 years old and is the youngest of our major appliances.

          We read the owner’s manuals, follow the maintenance schedules (i.e., if applicable we clean vents, replace filters, and dust elements as needed). Our 40 year old washing machine and dryer set are the most high maintenance. They each need about $10 worth of parts replaced every couple of years. This takes basic hand tools and a half hour of time. I have zero interest in buying the problems that seem so prevalent in “smart” appliance. There is no amount of convenience that will convince me to spend so much more on appliances that aren’t meant to last.

    5. I have a french door fridge where the freezer is not a single drawer, but also french doors. Each side has shelves and a pull out drawer at the bottom. It is really nice from an organizational standpoint – it’s much easier to find things and get them in and out. However, it is completely split, so there’s limited space for larger items in the freezer. It may not be any narrower than a side-by-side though. That isn’t a problem for me because we have a large freezer in the garage, but YMMV. I do really love the french door fridge.

  8. I feel like I’m getting sunburned a lot faster than I ever used to in the past. What is going on? Aging? I went to the pool over the weekend and applied sunscreen heavily before I went, and again after 80 minutes or so. The tops of my shoulders still got burned (and burned unevenly). I guess I need to start wearing a rashguard? Kind of a bummer. After not burning for years, I have now gotten pretty bad sunburns two summers in a row while swimming, and that’s despite trying to protect myself.

      1. I take an SSRI, which apparently can be a cause. But I’ve taken it for years, so it’s just weird. No deficiencies that I’m aware of.

        I have an old Athleta Pacifica rashguard, but the fabric is so heavy when it gets wet. Would love to find another option.

          1. They can become slightly less effective over time, but not like sunscreen. A 10 year old rash guard might be 10% less effective. A 10 year old sunscreen can easily be 100% less effective (i.e., provide absolutely no protection).

            Even thin cotton t-shirts provide about SPF 5-10 (and anecdotally as a really pale freckled person, they provide more than that — I burn VERY easily and I’ve literally never burned through clothing). And any rashguard no matter how old is going to beat thin white cotton.

    3. also – where did you get your sunscreen and how old is it?

      i haven’t tested to see whether or not I tan more or less than I did as a kid — I started getting sun freckles on my face when I was pregnant and thought they were cute until I realized they were a sign of damage. Ever since I’ve been vigilant. I associated it with being pregnant but couldve been age also, I was 35.

      1. Look at the expiration date. It should be printed on the bottle or on the crimp if a squeeze tube. Just because you bought it this year doesn’t mean it’s still ok. Some stores and online vendors sell sunscreens that are very close to their expiration dates.

      2. FWIW, my spouse can use anything that pretends to be a sunscreen and won’t ever burn. On the other hand, I can only use either greasy, waterproof “sports”sunscreens from Banana Boat (and have to reapply it religiously every hour), or high SPF mineral sunscreen. The mineral sunscreen is a bear to wash off but at least I don’t burn. Other brands of chemical sunscreens never work for me, even though others in my group can use the same tube and be fine.

    7. I actually think this was an aging thing for me. I’ve always been extremely conscientious about sun protection, and I know there wasn’t any other change in my sun protection, but I noticed this right around the time I turned 40.

      1. Darn. I’m in my early 40s and have always been vigilant about sun protection and the products I use.

    10. Burning more easily is a symptom of perimenopause.

      Australia has good sunscreens and rashies.

      My favourite sunscreen brand is Dermaveen and any of the surf brands make great rashies.

  9. what are your favorite resources for travel planning? Fodor’s? Expat traveler? lonely planet? etc?

    1. I’m a travel bl*gger so slightly biased :) but bl*gs for activities and big picture itineraries, Yelp for restaurants and TripAdvisor for hotels (+bl*g reviews for the top contenders). I tend to book tours on Viator after getting a sense from internet research of what I want to do. I occasionally check out print guidebooks for historical/cultural background on a destination but they aren’t updated often enough to be useful for things like tours and restaurants imo.

    2. Blogs, the Rick Steves forums, TripAdvisor hotel reviews and forums (sometimes; some are better than others), Reddit (for example I recently found a great place near Bath for Sunday roast that was completely off the beaten path and well outside the tourist areas in one of the forums for Bath locals), guidebooks for less well-known sites that I might want to explore in whatever city I am in. Google and Yelp for restaurants.

      I caution against the bias a lot of review sites have in favor of big and touristy. The “top” hotels are often the biggest hotels because they end up with the most reviews. The “top” restaurants are often the ones right next to some major tourist destination with menus in English. And while many bloggers have great content, a lot of them are just pretty. I just finished part of the Cotswold Way and some of the bloggers that the algorithm sent my way were wearing clothes and shoes so impractical as to make it really clear that did not really walk it, at least not dressed like that!

      1. I feel like this is where the distinction between influencer and blogger is important. Influencers are mainly making money off the visuals and a key component of that is by linking their aesthetically pleasing (but often not very practical!) outfits. Bloggers are usually less focused on the visual aspect and are mainly earning money by providing useful info about the destination.

    3. Reddit. Local yelp or publications. I want resident recommendations for the places they’re going to not just tourist recs — especially for food and things to do.

    4. For Europe, Rick Steves for rough ideas of how to prioritize Tourist Must-Sees and also his designed ‘walks’, though we typically do about a third to half of what he thinks can fit in an X day trip. We prefer leaving time for wandering, long meals, etc. over hitting 7 museums and churches in 2 days.

      For food, non-fashion-influencer travel blogs and tbh poring over Google reviews with pictures.

    5. For family travel I’ve found Mumsnet quite good sometimes. For solo trips I find lonely planet and rough guide both good starting points. They seem to have more quirky restaurants and hotels.

Comments are closed.