Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Floral Appliqué Cardigan
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
After a few years in the wilderness, Ann Taylor has been absolutely crushing it in recent seasons. This floral appliqué cardigan is one of my favorites for this summer. I know that a jazzy cardigan isn’t everyone’s idea of a good time, but I’m feeling pretty psyched about wearing this with a navy shell and light blue midi skirt for a monochromatic office look this summer. It would also look great with bright pinks, yellows, and greens if you want to lean into colors.
There aren’t any reviews yet, so I’m a little nervous about how it’s going to wash, but I’m willing to take the risk.
The sweater is on sale for $89.40 (marked down from $149) at Ann Taylor and comes in sizes XXS-XXL and XXSP-XLP. It also comes in white.
Sales of note for 6/26:
- Amazon Prime Day is still continuing! You can check out our roundup here… Also don't forget that sister site Shopbop is offering 25% off a lot of great brands if you link your Prime account, including brands like A.L.C., Aeyde, Alex Mill, Alice & Olivia, Anine Bing, Barefoot Dreams, Beyond Yoga, Birkenstock, Black Halo, Clare V., Cult Gaia, Farm Rio, Ferragamo, Frank & Eileen, Jenni Kayne, La Ligne, Marine Layer, Nili Lotan, Printfresh (!), rag & bone, RAILS, STAUD, Stuart Weitzman, Theory, TWP, Veronica Beard, Vince, White & Warren, Xirena, and Z-Supply
- Nordstrom – Designer clearance, up to 60% off!
- Alexis Bittar – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Another Tomorrow – Seasonal sale, 50% off select styles
- Ann Taylor – Semi-annual sale! 300+ new markdowns, extra 50% off al sale styles Readers love this blouse and I always love the variety of colors/textures for this jacket (it's a great separate)
- Athleta – Semi-annual sale, up to 60% off reader favorites like Brookyn and Endless pants, and the Pranayama wrap is marked down to $55
- AYR – Ooh, good sale section — but lots on final sale. Readers love (LOVE) these comfy work pants and these jeans.
- Banana Republic – Up to 60% off sale styles
- Boden – Summer sale, up to 50% off – readers love these dresses, these blazers, and the brand's fun suiting
- COS – New pieces added to sale, up to 50% off
- DeMellier – Summer sale: Final Reductions
- The Fold – Up to 50% off, further markdowns
- Hobbs – Up to 50% off, extra 20% off sale
- J.Crew – Summer sale – extra 50% off all sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off all stores and sitewide, plus 60% off clearance
- Jenni Kayne – Semi-annual warehouse sale
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off
- Lululemon – Summer sale!
- Margaux – Save up to 50% off, including archive sale
- M.M.LaFleur – Fourth of July sale! 70% off occasion styles (Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off on other items)
- Nordstrom Rack – Clearance, new arrivals up to 75% off! Nice selection of Vince, Veronica Beard, Reiss and Rag & Bone, a ton of affordable work dresses from Calvin Klein, Maggy London, Eliza J, and Donna Morgan
- Ruti – Semi-annual sale, up to 70% off!
- Sarah Flint – 30% off select styles (we just ranked these shoes as some of our top 10 most comfortable heel brands)
- Splendid – Up to 60% off women's sale!
- Strathberry – Up to 20% off select styles
- Stuart Weitzman – Summer styles now up to 40% off
- Talbots – 40% off your purchase and 6/26 only: 50% off all T by Talbots
- Veronica Beard – Extra 25% off sale
Thanks for the supportive responses on the weekend about how perimenopause sucks.
I’m booked into a specialist clinic and have an acupuncture and massage appointment tomorrow while I’m waiting. I’m on HRT and it’s an improvement but the vertigo and sleeplessness are making me miserable and too dizzy to drive.
Meanwhile, best for mouthy men to cross the road if they see me coming.
Sorry you are dealing with this! Vertigo can be treated without drugs. Look up the Epely manuever and have your doctor perform it. It may take 2-3 times for it to work.
(The Epley maneuver is a highly effective, non-surgical sequence of head movements designed to cure Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo (BPPV) by repositioning displaced inner ear crystals. It can be performed by an audiologist or physical therapist, or at home using clear, guided steps).
Thank you. Unfortunately the Epley manoeuvre was unsuccessful and triggered a week long vestibular migraine attack. The physiotherapist was unhelpful and said I’d just have to wait for it to settle.
just a note that there’s a random hat you can buy on Amazon to help you with the Epley manueuver timing/angle etc. Dizzy Fix hat.
Also try the wristbands for vertigo, they really do help.
What did your PT mean by “wait for things to settle”? I don’t think that’s how it works if he thinks it’s an ear crystals problem or whatever (BPPV). Maybe he meant you getting used to the drugs? I only ask because it could also be an eye alignment thing instead of ear crystals, in which case the Epley would not help but you would need a deck of cards and some exercises to help your eyes focus between the two cards. This video looks like some of the exercises I’ve done in the past, but she also mentions a bunch of other causes for vertigo that might be worth looking into.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UuZzoNpZwY
In case it is helpful for anyone: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUsMxTHM4Jk
Gretchen Rubin on The Curbsiders talking about menopause care
Hopefully they’re able to increase your HRT to help.
Do you have a neurologist that treats you for migraine? I ask because this is not a normal perimenopausal symptom. You need to see your primary care doctor and/or neurologist.
willpower/habit help wanted! I used to take two classes/week at a local gym near my work, but I got laid off a few years ago and depleted my savings, so the gym membership had to go. I have never had a strong or repeated habit to workout at home. Even things like a mirror post it note that says “squat while brushing your teeth” and a phone alarm that says “go for a walk after you get home from work”…I just don’t do it. Anyone successfully make this a daily or regular weekly habit? I have a studio apartment, my office has a gym nearby but it’ll be 2027 before I can add that cost back in. I do own weights (5, 10 lb), a yoga mat, and some resistance bands. I don’t feel super motivated, but I know this is the right thing to do as I near 40.
Can you gamify it or offer yourself a reward? 10 workouts = 1 pedicure, or something like that. Still cheaper than joining a gym!
I’ve both gotten into your pattern and successfully broken out of it a few times, so lots of empathy here! When it has happened with me, often it turned out that my planned schedule/routine wasn’t really working for me and it worked to change the timing. Just brainstorming – maybe you’d be more likely to take a walk in the early morning before work or during lunch? Also, as someone who also really likes workout classes, might there be an independent studio that would be cheaper than a gym membership and affordable to you a little sooner? I take one a week right now at a studio, and I just googled it and the total I pay if I don’t skip any for a month is about 60% of what a not-too-fancy local gym would cost.
I started doing the very beginner workout from a fitness wiki that I will link in a follow up. I started it at home with my dumbbells. I have since outgrown those weights and moved to my gym so I can use the barbells, bench, and racks.
Since I usually don’t like workouts, it surprised me how much I look forward to this routine. I do make myself do the full rest break between sets instead of trying to maximize my time by going straight into one of the other movements, and that was key to get me to actually enjoy the workout. I have a spreadsheet on my phone to track how much weight and how many reps I do each session (the tracking neatly fits in the rest periods between sets). I tracked growth immediately because I started with the lightest weights. I felt myself getting stronger after two weeks, and started to see improvements in my body after four weeks.
Link: https://thefitness.wiki/routines/r-fitness-basic-beginner-routine/
Not OP but thank you for the link! I am in the same boat as OP but ten years older. I can’t seem to find a routine either but this looks worth a try
It seems at first like it is too little and not hard enough. I follow the instructions to the letter, though, and am quite pleased with how quickly I am noticing results for what feels like very little effort.
I do this workout three days per week (A-B-A one week, then B-A-B the next). My gym time has become something I honestly look forward to. Put on my noise canceling headphones, crank my music, and spend about 20 minutes on this routine.
Not the OP, but this is cool, thanks for sharing
I am like you, so you have my empathy. I do great when I have an accountability structure and will work very hard in my classes, and will show up no matter what to avoid being charged a cancellation fee. But when I’m on my own it’s just the opposite. The only thing that has worked for me is to have a goal that serves as extrinsic motivation, like a thru-hike that I couldn’t manage unless I trained. Another thought is trying workout videos online. I don’t have any recommendations but I think that taking the decision making off of your plate can be helpful to reduce inertia. I did yoga at home during the pandemic (yoga at least makes me feel good and less stressed and not sore so easier to motivate) and thought the online classes the studio offered were helpful to keep me from only doing my fave poses over and over again.
I did Yoga with Adrienne and Heather Robertson videos pretty regularly during the pandemic. I found that my best schedule was to get up, work for an hour or so while eating breakfast, then taking a 30-45 minute break to work out and shower (I was lucky that my days usually accommodated this).
For me, the key was realizing I am not a first thing in the morning workout person (I’d not get up because I didn’t want to work out) and if I waited until the end of the day, I wouldn’t do it. Also waiting to shower until after working out was helpful, because I do enjoy my showers.
This is my BFF who works from home and has a flexible work schedule. She works for a couple of hours and then takes a workout and shower break.
I work out first thing in the morning, otherwise I just don’t do it. I get up, get dressed, feed the cats and head to the basement.
I like doing workout videos at home via Fitness Blender or MonikaFit on YouTube. I like doing workout programs on FB because there is a workout already picked out for me and I don’t have to think about what to do. I just show up and hit play.
I didn’t regular start exercising until I started working from home full time in 2020. I don’t always enjoy working out, but I like how I feel afterwards. I’ve been doing strength training and it’s a good feeling when I can lift heavier weights than I used to.
I don’t even get dressed— I work out in my pajamas. It’s one less barrier to entry for me!
I do this also on the treadmill, haha
Set an appointment for yourself that you exercise at certain times and find a good YouTube influencer with fitness workouts you actually enjoy. I like Nourish Move Love for weight-lifting, and it also has Barre. For yoga, try Yoga with Adrienne or Yoga with Kassandra.
I find that I look forward to seeing the familiar faces. I subscribe to the Nourish Move Love newsletter and find I get excited to see what the weekly workouts are.
I started with 10 mins once a week and worked up from there. So 10, then 20 then 30, then added a day starting with 10 again. I work out 4-5 days a week now!
For me the activity has to be genuinely enjoyable and there must be very little friction around getting started. So I might plan to walk the dog when I get home from work, lay my clothes out before I leave for work, and avoid looking at my phone or mail when I get home so I don’t get sucked into anything.
I meet a friend to walk every morning. Knowing I’d be bailing on her if I don’t show up is motivating, plus I enjoy our friendship and the chance to hang out.
I think the consensus is start with something you enjoy.
I looked up the step videos and streamed them off YouTube. Things like 1500 steps or 500p steps. They’re more like step aerobics with themes so I made it into a dance party kind of thing. It doesn’t have to be hard, just be consistent and build up.
So are there any of you out there who have a depressed or anxious spouse who are truly able not to absorb their bad mood/vibe? I know that codependency is a bad thing in concept, but I’m really puzzled at how it works in practice. I find it near-impossible to not pick up on a bad mood that seems to permeate the house (when we live together in such close quarters). If someone is gloomy or snippy and has a frustrated tone going about their chores, for example, doesn’t it affect all interactions? How does this work in practice for those of you who feel more insulated from experiencing your partner’s moods? Do you go out of the house for a while? Do you call a friend? Do you genuinely not feel bothered? I have friends and hobbies and all of that but I am also home a lot.
You can’t just tell yourself not to be bothered by it. What you can do is call out every instance of your spouse’s blaming you for their problems, and distance yourself physically and emotionally as much as possible. I find sleeping apart incredibly helpful, for the actual sleep and for the dedicated solo decompression time before bed.
Yes this is a great reason to divorce
I don’t have problems with this with my spouse, but I’m very familiar with the idea of “coregulation” with my autistic child (I always think about the graphic with the ship and waves)… he’ll go into these wild meltdowns that leave the rest of us like vibrating from stress and 10 minutes later he’s fine and we’re still vibrating. So I do a lot to prevent those like staying pleasant even though I’m getting frfustrated… I joke that he gets every last ounce of my patience. I’m not sure I could do it with my spouse though.
the graphic – https://self-reg.ca/co-regulation-graphic/
For chores and things like that I’d see if I could put him somewhere else to do the chores. Like outside chores or errands… or I do outside/errands while he’s doing inside chores. Is he mad that at you that you’re making him do chores?
Sorry, but I don’t think it’s appropriate to demand that a spouse absorb one’s own stress. As you observe, it just transfers the stress to you. Parenting is a little different because it’s your job as a parent to teach your child coping skills, but an adult’s coping is on them.
I go on walks. Just wander around the city for like 3+ miles listening to music and looking at the architecture. When my partner was really bad I was gone for an hour and a half to two hours every night. No TV or couple time for us because I couldn’t stand the moods. Bonus it was actually good for my body.
Sympathy — I don’t have a spouse like this, but had a coworker like this. She worked part-time, and came in for the afternoons. In the morning, our department would be peaceful or even cheerful. But she would come in with a bad mood, and it was really hard to get back to that neutral place, much less cheerful. I marveled at how one person’s demeanor could affect a whole group of people like that. And about how much harder it is for one cheerful person to “wreck” the bad mood of a group of people. Somehow the negative pull / mood seems so much stronger than the positive one.
I honestly don’t know how I’d engage with the effort of resisting that cloud, in my own home.
With the caveat that we did not have depression or other diagnosed issues to work with, our household built a habit of reminding each other that we can feel frustrated, sad, angry, or any number of other unpleasant feelings. It is valid to have those feelings and to experience them. It is appropriate to name your feelings to each other and for the rest of us to show care and support for you as you experience and work through those feelings. It is not appropriate to habitually treat each other like garbage because of your feelings. It is not okay to normalize disrespect, inappropriate immaturity, or unhealthy behaviors just because you feel crappy.
A + million to all this. I have a teenage boy with neurodivergence and we have (and continue) to work so, so hard on naming and articulating feelings and offering support. I refuse to let him grow into a man who thinks it’s normal and ok to make their crappy mood the problem of everyone else around them.
I empathize with you – I had a severely depressed partner in my early 20s and it was truly one of the worst experiences of my life. Setting boundaries, therapy for yourself, and determining if this relationship is still viable are all paths I’d take at this point.
Fwiw, the phrase ‘I am not your emotional punching bag just because I’m your mom’ resonated with my kiddo. And doing chores angrily (huffing, slamming, muttered cursing, etc.) IS taking out your emotions on your partner. To be 100% honest my teens are better at this than my husband, so when he choses to act like a child I remove myself and the kids to do something fun.
Angrily doing chores is such abusive nonsense. I hate how we treat it as a normal thing for men to do.
Completely inappropriate use of the word abuse. No one is owed a good mood during chores. Part of partnership is occasionally ignoring obnoxious behavior.
Look into coercive control. By being angry doing chores it teaches you to not ask them to help, do things yourself, and walk on eggshells yourself while doing chores.
Or you just ignore it. I would never reward someone else’s bad behavior by moderating my own behavior. Neither should you.
I think there needs to be at least some application of the golden rule. How do we want things to go when we’re the ones in a terrible mood?
We make heavy use of “while it may not be your intent, this is the impact your actions are having” and then name the impact.
When you slam doors, I feel tense. When you crash dishes around, I worry they will break. When you mutter gripes and complaints, I feel disrespected. If you have a complaint to lodge, you need to express it in a manner that does not put our home and belongings at risk, or that make those around you fearful of physical violence. You may not get your ideal result, but you will get further negotiating with me if you express yourself respectfully and show that you are a reasonable, mature person and not a toddler throwing a tantrum.
How do you handle it if someone says something like “just leave me alone and let me do dishes my own way, I’ll be over it soon, your nagging isn’t helping?” I completely agree that muttering/slamming dishes/closing doors with unnecessary force has a very negative impact and I don’t support it, but I also do understand that sometimes people just want to get their gripes out with a grumpy dishwashing session. Idk, conflicted on this.
We heavily emphasize using words rather than physical outbursts. Physical violence towards things, animals, or people is just not tolerated in our household.
When it is a teen, we as parents stop the chore and redirect them to something that can stand up to the emotion. I.e., until you can articulate your rage in a non-damaging way, go pull weeds, breathe, run, scrub the grout, meditate, do jumping jacks or pushups or whatever physical thing you like as long as it isn’t abusing someone or something.
As adults, we may do the dishes while angry and tell the other person we need space to collect our words before we talk. I can’t think of a time that either of us has lost control so much that we are truly violent, throwing utensils around or breaking glassware, etc. We are more likely to shut down or yell our frustration than get physical.
By getting a divorce from the jerk.
Did not realize divorcing your minor dependents was an option.
OP here and this part is challenging. My husband grew up in a country and with a family where discussing feelings was/is NOT the norm and while he is a genuinely good-hearted person who cares deeply about my happiness, he is struggling with depression that manifests as a lot, lot, lot of complaining about minor things + catastrophizing small setbacks into larger issues. He is NOT good about verbalizing his feelings, despite obvious effort that I have seen over the years. I’m trying really hard to manage my own emotions and be responsible for my own reactions, but I admit to struggling badly if I, say, come home from a nice walk to tell him about some cool bird I saw (we both love animals) and I’m met with a litany of complaints about how the dishwasher isn’t working right and he’s tired and are we sure our toddler is normal (spoiler: he is) because of all these tantrums, etc. I seem to do worse if I’m taken off guard – if I’m expecting to come home to or wake up in a pleasant house and suddenly that’s the day all his grievances need airing, I just totally shut down.
If he’s not in therapy and on SSRIs, I’d make that a nonnegotiable continuation of the relationship requirement.
+1. I would tell your husband this isn’t sustainable long term, and that he needs to start talk therapy and look into other ways of managing his depression. I realize he may not want pills but he needs to do something other than dumping it all on you.
lol—you don’t get to demand someone else medicate.
You can demand that he do whatever is necessary to change his behavior, though.
Oh you are allowed to put conditions on staying married.
Well if we’re making medical decisions for other people, I’d be weighing the pros and cons of being married to someone on a SSRI vs. something else like Wellbutrin.
We’ve both done this to each other at different times. I think the person who is at home generally builds things up related to life at home that get dumped on the person who was out.
Would it help to have another channel for the litany of the complaints? Does he need to write it down somewhere that the dishwasher has an issue, or save it for a specific time? For a while we had a dedicated messaging app just to get these kinds of practical issues somewhere else.
This is a good idea.
This reminds me of my emotionally abusive mother. One of the worst things about her anger was the fact that it was so unpredictable. Sometimes she’d get mad about something and other times the same thing wouldn’t make her angry. So I had to be on guard, bracing for it, all the time. As a child I couldn’t escape it or talk to her about it rationally. As an adult things should be different. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I feel this so much.
One thing that helped us was resetting expectations about life stuff in general. It’s normal and to be expected that appliances will break down, toddlers will be weird and exhausting, you will get sick, the car won’t work, etc.
When things are stable, we talked through what works and what doesn’t about how we approach stressors. Do we just need to vent to each other for a few minutes (and can we agree that this is a brief vent session, not an ongoing one)? Can we agree to address problems pragmatically rather than explosively? Can we act out a few scenarios so we have a script to use the next time the dishwasher goes on the fritz? What kind of reaction would be helpful from me when you are raising these issues?
My husband is similarly struggling and (with a lot of work) I/we have been able to make it a lot more tolerable for me. But it requires a decent amount of boundaries and openness on my part. It’s not okay for him to spew negativity at me like the example you gave. It absolutely hurt his feelings when I first set that boundary, but it’s been good for us to have. Couples therapy helps.
Definite yes to getting out of the house, even if it’s just to go on a walk. My experience is that even if somebody is putting effort into being sunny and warm, and even if their pain is physical and not psychological, the vibe is still bad if they’re doing the kind of ADLs that aggravate pain a lot. It gets uncomfortable hearing and feeling somebody struggle in a way that permeates the space, and it’s better for me to take a break than stick around trying not to notice. So if it’s also psychological, and if they’re also being crabby about things, then I’m definitely heading out the door. It is much better to do chores grumpily than not do them at all, but I don’t need to be there for it.
OP here and I do get out a lot and stay active, but lately I find that I’m resenting that I can’t just relax in bed with a book on too many nights (we still have plenty of good ones, luckily – or I wouldn’t be here). Why should it be on me to go for a walk when I don’t want to? Can’t I put my feet up at the end of a long day too? You can see I’m growing resentful and upset about this situation.
It sounds like he needs to take some walks too!
And I always say this, but he may need more work up if he’s had these symptoms for a while and hasn’t seen progress with them. Our healthcare system seldomly figures things out on its own without some advocacy if they didn’t get it right on the first try.
Have you pursued counseling for yourself? Maybe marriage counseling is in order, too, but this seems like a lot to hold on your own without getting any kind of support.
Agree, that’s very unfair to you and I can understand why you’re feeling resentful about it.
Then do it.
When I had PPD, I had to allocate myself certain times when I could express my anxiety, fear, or depression – like I could only talk about it to my DH between 4 and 5 pm (when it was worst for me). This helped me calm some of the anxious thoughts during the day without the unrealistic expectation that I shouldn’t have them at all. It also helped my DH know that he could gently remind me when I was outside my allocated time period and that he needed to be available and supportive between 4 and 5 pm while I dumped.
If you don’t have kids, I’d cut my losses and divorce. Life is never going to be easy with this guy and you’ll be taking on a lot more than anyone should. Once you have kids you’re entangled forever and this personality type doesn’t get better to deal with.
Lol, and then maybe assess if the institution of marriage is right for you if you’re so quick to bail.
I’m interviewing for a professional board position (extracurricular, not work-related) and have several getting-to-know-you meetings on back-to-back days with the other board members, some for lunch, some just morning or afternoon meetings. My go-to “casual but professional” outfit for these types of things is a breton shirt and black pantsuit but I can’t wear the same outfit three days in a row. The board will probably skew midwest conservative and small business owner. Suggestions for other outfits?
A black pantsuit seems way too formal and heavy for this type of thing, even if dressed down with a tee. What else is in your closet that you could use to break it up? If the proportions and fabrics are right, I’m picturing perhaps the jacket over a white dress, a structured standalone top with the pants… something like this https://www.aritzia.com/us/en/product/nominee-satin-blouse/120661009.html?color=15104
It is a thousand degrees in my area of the midwest right now and full black pantsuit seems OTT formal for just about anything other than a state funeral.
What do you wear in your normal daily work life?
I wear suits for client appointments and I get chilly in air conditioning, hence the layers, but I just did some shopping and got some new wide-legged light colored pants and short sleeved sweaters that might work. I think I was also stymied because I don’t buy much work clothes anymore since I have enough to get by on rotation, and I’m not confident in what looks current.
Dark solid blazer/jacket/cardigan/jardigan over a light solid shell or fancy t-shirt over neutral patterned slacks that match the jacket. For trousers, I like a brushed gray or very subtle plaid or herringbone pattern that incorporates blacks and grays for pairing with black and browns and warm neutrals for pairing with navy blue.
Another option is a matching top and trousers in a dark solid (probably black or navy) with a jacket or cardigan in a coordinating lighter color. Topper can be patterned or solid but I like a subtle gray plaid in cooler months and a cream colored linen in the summer.
Shirt dress
what is the best clothing purchase you’ve made recently? i think my favorite is a maxi dress from Modern Citizen
A couple of Madewell’s Y-neck tops. They look equally good with jeans and work pants.
I’ve also repurchased Athleta’s mesh run racer shorts for like the fourth time, so that’s saying something about how much I wear them and like them!
Oh, I’m eyeing the mesh run racer shorts! Thanks for this!
A casual summer dress I stumbled across in Target last month! It’s cute, comfortable, a great color for me, and fits perfectly.
A Gap denim shell that I wear on the weekends with Old Navy linen drawstring pants, either in fire engine red or black. It’s comfortable, casual, but still pulled together thanks to the structure of the shell.
I have a similar-sounding denim shell and love how versatile it is.
2 Boden and 2 Veronica Beard dresses for work (been rebuilding the work wardrobe for a while after a significant weight loss… I need more like these!)
Please share! I have a 5 days work trip coming up in August and I’m dreading it as there will be lots of walking to/from places and I’m a sweaty mess now thanks to perimenopause.
Boden: Alexa Cotton Midi Shirt Dress – I got two of this same dress. I got it in navy and in the vertical orange stripe. The color is more like a brick, dulled our orange which I like better than what I saw online.
Veronica Beard – Arcadia Denim Shirt Dress and the Elthea Belted Midi Dress. The second is a knit so I’m not sure I’ll be wearing it a ton through July and August but it will reenter the circulation as fall sets in (I’m in the northeast fwiw).
The Old Navy shirt dress that I think was featured here a couple of months ago. Although it does require ironing, it has been a workhorse in this sweltering heat.
I got that one too and really like it!
Twinsies!
Staud Procida skirt.
When I was in Japan in March I bought a lightweight gray bomber jacket with a stitched overall floral pattern in the same color as the fabric. I’ve gotten a surprising amount of use out of it in our “May Gray/June Gloom” So Cal weather. I’m also loving my Old Navy mid-rise cropped barrel leg pants. (I’m short so they’re not really cropped on me.)
How was Japan in March? I’m going next March!
It was a little chilly and the cherry blossoms didn’t really pop until the last day. And it rained in Tokyo (fun fact: Tokyo is definitely Umbrella Culture). TL;DR: it was great!!
Pact brand gauze dress that I am wearing right now. I need to be in and out of the office today, so will be out in the heat several times. I am in the “heat dome” part of the country with a heat index value of 114 expected today. 100% cotton gauze clothing that barely touches my body is all I want to wear, accessorized with sandals, a giant insulated cup of ice water, and a not trendy high ponytail that gets my hair off my neck.
https://wearpact.com/women/apparel/all%20dresses%20&%20skirts/coastal%20double%20gauze%20tiered%20midi%20dress/wb1-w6r-cre
Cozy Earth Always pants, full-length, not cropped. I bought and returned everyone’s travel pants-Vuori, Varley, Lululemon, Bass Pro Shops (no, really), and I already own the Athleta Brooklyn (not a fan, although I know a lot of people love it), looking for something that would work on the plane, including one red-eye, and on some long, hard hikes. This was the winner. It did not look like pajamas (Vuori) or sweat pants (Varley) and was lighter than the Lululemon. It was also reasonably flattering. Five stars.
A few Leset Margo tee shirts. I didn’t want them to be so good, because who needs to get used to $80 tees? But they are perfect and I am now ruined for other tee shirts.
A sleeveless denim dress I got from Walmart for under $30. It is 100% cotton and looks like something I could get at Madewell or GAP. I love it.
3 pairs of linen pants from Am*zon. I am volunteering at our local farmers market each Saturday, and I knew it was going to be getting hot. Getting the linen has been a game changer for me. They are nice and breezy for the blistering hot days, and they look better than the usual shorts.
Recommendations for a) Sports bra without crazy multiple straps and with sewn in pads that comes in white or beige colors and b) bikini or hipster style underwear without VPL? Used to be a fan of soma vanishing edge but I feel like they haven’t been as good lately. Looking for undergarments to go under horse show clothes, so breeches are tight and shirts are white.
For a horse show, you pretty much need to wear a thong if you don’t want VPL.
This is the only sports bras I wear these days as a 36D – it gives me lift/separation while also being easy enough to get on/off thanks to the hook and eye closure.
https://www.nike.com/t/indy-high-support-womens-padded-adjustable-sports-bra-LhwTvH/FD1068-100
depending on your skin tone, I find light gray and light pink or lavender to disappear under white, better than white itself. https://shop.lululemon.com/p/women-sports-bras/lululemon-Glow-Up-Bra-Light-Medium-BC-Cup-MD/_/prod11900020?color=74052&locale=en_US
Yes, reds/pinks for whiter skin tones and purples for darker ones will disappear better under a white shirt than a white bra would.
Aerie no show underwear. They come in a variety of cuts and colors. I know the target demo of the brand skews young but I am almost 40 and have been wearing these for nearly a decade with great success.
Right now I’m seeing a lot of the “cheeky” cut, and I’m skeptical.
Okay.. skeptical seems like sort of a strange word here but whatever. I find their cheeky cuts to be pretty full coverage and not riding up your butt if that’s what you’re concerned about.
I also ride, fwiw.
I think it’s more that it looks like it’s cutting across the absolute squishiest place it could? Maybe people who ride are not as soft! But I was curious if that particular cut also worked, so it’s helpful to hear that they do.
Chantelle Softstretch full brief
I just got some Yvette front zip sports bras and I think they meet your criteria. I would be a little careful with the sizing chart – it said I should get size S+ and I knew that wasn’t right. I ordered a M+ and they are snug but comfortable.
I wear the Soma vanishing edge under leggings, but if those are no longer any good I’d try one of the really thin LLL styles.
I live in a historic row home neighborhood in a 100+ year old house. I have two windows to the street with roman shades that I’ve always kept down for privacy. I opened them and am blown away by the amount of light. I’d like to keep the shade up, but need something on the bottom for privacy. I was looking at window films and it seems the internet is deeply divided on whether these are tacky. My home (and all the homes on my block) have stained glass transoms above the front door, so there might be a way to keep continuity, but I’m not sure if this something that will always look cheap. Any experience/insight is much appreciated. TIA!
I think the plain “frosted glass” ones can be completely unobjectionable. They are also so cheap and easy to apply and take off that you might as well experiment. I’m so glad you’re enjoying your light!
+1 the frosted glass ones are the way to go. It’s the patterned and colored ones that are tacky. Signed a design buff and fellow century home steward.
Just FYI – just remember that if you’re backlit, people on the street may still be able to see a decent amount through them.
This
We installed interior shutters (fka plantation shutters) to solve this problem – can keep the bottom louvers closed or semi-closed for privacy, and the top open for light. Not cheap… but worth every penny.
This is what we did in our old row home. We only got them on the bottom half.
Frosted window films, or if you want to be able to see out the windows occasionally, sheer panels packed densely across the windows. The panels may not work with your roman shades, though, so the frosted film seems easiest.
They’re spending, but you can get blinds that open either from the top or bottom as needed. A house down the street from me has them and they look great from the road and solve the issue of very different lighting needs at different times of year. I’m in a far north town where right now it’s still light at 10PM and midday is very bright. Come winter, days are much shorter and sunlight much less intense.
Was just coming to recommend these. We have them on our first floor and I love being able to still get light while having the bottom part of the window covered for privacy.
I have these and highly recommend them. I have them in a light-filtering material but you can get them more opaque and even room-darkening. I love mine.
We’ve had these and they’re perfect for OP’s situation.
This is the way
Would shades with a top-down installation work? I have them on some windows where I want light but also privacy, and love them.
we have floor-to-ceiling windows next to our front door as well as windows on the door itself and I used a rainbow reflective one for all of those windows — absolutely zero regrets. you have to put them on really well but i like how you can still wash the window, we get pretty reflections on the floor, etc, etc.
Thanks! Do you have a link to what you used by chance?
I just installed the plain frosted film on a bathroom window that we previously always had a honeycomb shade that let a lot of light through. I wish I had done this a few years ago – even with the shades I thought that bathroom was bright, but it’s so much brighter now. In prior homes we’ve also used sheer curtains for a little bit of privacy, which works too. Cafe curtains are very in and might work for you.
Light hearted story for anyone else dealing with the northeast heat dome – we have a bird bath that I try to keep filled as much as possible. I’ll also throw a pitcher of ice cubes in there on particularly hot days. The sparrows have now become entitled Americans and will sit outside my back door in a row and chirp LOUDLY until the bird bath is filled up to their liking, including ice (which they treat like pool floaties). They then proceed to have a rowdy pool party in there. Watching them chase off Blue Jays trying to crash is even more hilarious. Of course this is A++ entertainment to our two cats who chitter at the birds the whole time.
😭 I love all of this
That’s hilarious!
Cute!
I love this! I’ve considered getting a bird bath to put on our deck. I know my cats would love it. I think you’ve convinced me to finally buy one.
If the birds wouldn’t poop everywhere in the process, I would totally do this for the cats.
Fair – our bird bath is next to the blueberry bushes so they are triving on the shall we say ‘enriched’ bird bath water.
Ha, I love this so much!
Does anyone recommend a specific bird bath? I have one that is very popular but only to drink from!
That’s great – thanks for sharing!
Love it. Go birdies!
So great! Bird Spa.
I really want to add a bird bath, but I’m worried about mosquitos. We have enough already.
Mosquito dunks are safe for birds and can actually cut back on mosquitos (you’re attracting them to a reproductive dead end!).
Murder sparrows . . .they look so innocent, but no.
I am a size 16 and feel awkward carrying a small purse or backpack. I think the proportions are off and it potentially doesn’t look good. Is this all in my head?
Maybe yes, maybe no. But it really doesn’t matter. If it looks “wrong” to you, no amount of reassurance will make it look “right” and vice versa. Dress for yourself and what makes you feel good.
I’m the same way. I have a large body and a tiny bag feels ludicrous to me. I tend toward larger bags. Whether anyone else would look at me and think it objectively looks bad, I have no idea. I’m going by how it strikes me, personally. It feels out of proportion to me and makes me feel even larger, so I don’t do it.
I don’t think it’s all in your head. I’m very tall and have an athletic, muscular build. I also think that small purses look tiny and dumb on me. I’m big, they’re small, and I look like I’m carrying a Barbie purse. The opposite of petite women saying they can feel like they look like they’re playing dress up in mommy’s clothes with some styles. Certain proportions don’t work on certain bodies.
Proportion is definitely a thing. That’s why some bag brands show their bags on people of different heights! If you want a smaller bag, try the Clare V Moyen Messenger. It somehow looks proportionate on people of all sizes–it doesn’t overwhelm my small frame, but it is big enough not to look dinky on larger people.
I wish I could have like 3 of these of but have only bought one so far. A+ bag
Not at all in your head, proportion is key. Carry a bigger bag for balance.
Probably? But also, some clothes and accessories just don’t make us feel great, and it’s totally fine to pick something else. Like I will always feel gaudy and OOT if I wear big jewelry. And I will never not feel sloppy with a crossbody bag.
These replies are nuts. Carry what you want–don’t worry about whether your bag is making you look big. Life is way too short and queen, I promise you look fab. We are our own worst critics.
It is more likely that the bag looks comically small than that it looks big. And, I mean, some bags just are comically small.
+1 all these replies are so depressing. Please carry whatever bag you want.
I’m wearing wide leg white pants today with a navy linen vest type top. It looks so cute on insta outfits but I feel like I look like a grandma on a cruise. What am I doing wrong with white pants? I’m wondering if it’s my white rothy type ballet flat shoes? Looking for tips for making white pants look stylish! Thanks!
First, be sure that you’re not comparing your frame/body shape/figure to the people you see on instagram. I often see a cute outfit worn by a very slender woman with great proportions and thin legs and then feel matronly on my larger, large-leg self. Nothing wrong with the outfit; it’s my view of my body and how I think/talk about it.
Then, for me, white shoes do not work with white pants. I tried wearing cream loafers with my cream-colored wide leg jeans and felt awful in them. I’d reach for my cognac sandals with the outfit you’re describing.
Big caveat that I don’t understand shoe trends these days, but I think of any white shoes that are not sneakers as frumpy. Especially w/ white pants – maybe different if not so matchy.
Is your shirt too long? Proportions are pretty important to make this look work.
This
I think it’s about proportions—I’d do high waisted white pants that hit at my natural waist and a vest that’s maybe an inch longer so it’s hitting roughly at my natural waist as well or one of the ones that is split in the front. I’d also do non-white shoes in either a fun color or a pattern or a neutral texture.
Hmm, I’d go with a neutral or metallic sandal rather than white ballet flats. It’s weird, but I think white pants look better with an open-toed shoe, though I cannot explain why. How are the proportions on top?
Almost always it’s the shoes that are wrong. I’ve never seen Rothy’s look good on anyone. Comfortable, debatable, but cute, no.
The shoes are definitely a factor here. I would go with a nude-for-you sandal.
Aren’t summer outfits like this meant to give the vibe of being on a cruise?
Although I agree that white shoes that are not sneakers or bridal wear never really seem to hit right. Perhaps change them out for espadrilles, driving mocs, loafers, sandals, or athleisure sneakers?
One great tip I got from You Look Fab dot com, years ago, is to “bookend” your shoes with your hair or your top. So with white pants and navy top I’d do navy shoes or a light tan leather to match my blonde hair. Or gold. I love my gold footwear.
Thank you!! I’ll try different tops and shoes. I think it might be the flats. I tried to find a solution of not heels/no toes showing and it just is looking frumpy. It is at least comfortable though if not the most stylish look today! I also think more fitted tops are better with the wide leg white.
I wore a similar outfit yesterday with a blush pink, (nude for me, nearly) perforated leather, sleek loafer and received several compliments.
It may be the top and not the pants. I can’t wear vest tops at all. No length or style make them look good on me. And yes, I tend to wear my white pants with nude shoes. I don’t really wear white shoes except sneakers and wear those mostly with jeans.
My office mates have become quite chatty. The talking and random bursts of laughter are annoying AF. And it is rarely about anything work related, which I find easier to tune out and doesn’t bother me in the same way. It happens at the most random times and it breaks my concentration, especially if I need to pause to get headphones (which I usually don’t wear). I know collegiality is important and that I’m being a total grump about this, so if you all have tips about how to manage my annoyance, I would appreciate it. Also in my annoying column: a junior colleague who sends me an email or slack message, and then pops in my office 30 seconds later to see if I’ve seen it yet and wants immediate feedback. I’m at the point where I have to tell people to not contact me for an hour or so while I get some actual work done.
Sending an email or message and then showing up in person is very annoying. I’d just tell them that you need a few minutes to review their request and you’ll get back to them.
A big part of success at work is having friends who will support you as your career goes on. Put down the headphones and engage in the conversation. Take a little longer to get your actual work done.
I agree with this, but am finding the dynamic oddly skewed in the post-pandemic office. I am easily 20+ years older than the colleagues who sit around me. They are on different teams, and not all on the same team. There is a LOT of general chatter all day, both work related and not. However, when I’ve attempted to join conversations that are happening mere feet away from me, on general topics of interest to anyone in the office (motorcade outside, incoming thunderstorm, etc.) I am met with blank stares and looks of discomfort. FWIW I am conventionally attractive and not socially awkward in any way, and have been told I’m very “approachable”.
I am getting the feeling that younger folks don’t “talk to strangers”, and especially don’t want to talk to someone who isn’t their age. They do the same thing to the few other “older” colleagues on the floor (there are probably 3 of us over 50 on a floor with about 60 people, and the vast majority are well under 35). It’s so weird to me – when I was under 30 I was definitely “office buddies” with the people who sat around me, regardless of their age or whether we worked directly together, and it DID help my career.
I’ve begun to just keep the headphones on for concentration, and not bother trying to be collegial.
I’m confused. Do you share an office (“office mates”) and the chatty problem is them? Or are they not in your office and the noise from the cubes is causing the distraction (you reference someone popping in… maybe that’s a different situation).
No, we’re not office mates. It’s noise coming from another team nearby. The popping in is a separate issue, I agree.
Ok, then no, I don’t think you get to complain at all when you have an office and door. My best tip is to be grateful you’re not in a cube, be grateful your colleagues enjoy one another and be grateful you have a door you can close (and close it).
“Oh, uh, Hi. I’m working on something else. I’ll get to your email later. I take it that it’s not an emergency?”
Close your door when you need to focus.
😭 in most companies these days only the c suite have doors.
Offices without doors? I’ve never heard of this.
The OP says “pop in my office” which usually means an area with a door. Otherwise you would say “my desk” or “my cube” or include the fact it’s an open plan…
you say you often don’t have headphones, but it sounds like maybe you need to keep them regularly — either headphones or something small like a Flare or Loop earplug to help cut down ambient noise. Or perhaps some headphones where you could play white noise (or brown or pink or whatever color noise is in these days)?
I agree that socializing is important but if you don’t have an office door that stinks. Another idea – can you go somewhere else in the office where it’s quieter, like a library or conference room?
Headphones or earplugs. Otherwise, deal with it.
I’m doing well in private practice. I have good clients, diversified sources of work, and am making good money (100% eat what you kill, no guaranteed salary, horrible benefits). I am not great at work-life balance but I think that’s me and not totally because of the job. A really good, long term client has asked me to join their in house team. Pay would be a bit less per year, but salary and good benefits. I like the idea but am having a hard time leaving while things are good. Any thoughts or advice? I’m 38, job would not change my commute, I would very likely work fewer hours per week overall but have those hours fall in a more specific structure (i.e., M-F 8-5, an occasional night and every few weekends).
The real questions is, do you want to be in-house counsel? The in-house counsel role is very different from outside counsel role. Like anything, the extent to which this is true depends on lots factors (type of practice, seniority, nature of client, size of client, size of legal department, legal department structure/work style), but the differences in the roles go far beyond billing v. not billing, one client v. multiple.
I’m roughly your age and have been in house for 4 years. Overall it’s been a net positive in my life (mostly due to better WLB and less stress), but it is so different from private practice in ways I couldn’t have really understood before I got here. There are things about private practice that I miss.
This simply about whether or not you want to be in-house, which is an entirely different beast than a law firm.
That said, I think benefits get far more valuable as you age: health care, short term disability, etc.
I would miss being in charge. You may or may not, but I am essentially a solo practitioner and love that aspect of it. I can put a dollar value on benefits (theirs vs. buying the ones that I value myself) and factor that into the compensation, so that’s an easy difference to compare.
How do you split the costs from friend trips either during or after the trip? My friend is hitting a milestone bday and I’m planning a weekend trip for three women in their late 40s. We have been close friends for over 25 years. DH and I make the most money in the group by far, so I want to pay for the hotel room and at least one of the more expensive meals on my own without any reimbursement for them. How can I pull this off without explaining that it’s because we make more money, which obviously sounds obnoxious and I would never say out loud to my friends? Should I just say I’ll pay for everything and then tell my friends how much they owe after the trip and remove some items from that tally? Should other friend and I pay for all or some part of the bday person’s trip costs?
“Friends, I’m so excited to go to the Galapagos with you. I’d like to treat you to the hotel room and a special dinner on night 3. For the rest of the trip expenses, I think it would be $xxx depending on what we do. Should we use an app like Splitwise or do you all want to pay for each part individually?”
This is a great script!
lol to weekend trip to the Galapagos. I want those friends! ;) but yes this is a good script.
I don’t think you need to pay birthday girl’s expenses, especially if you’re offering to cover the hotel for everyone. Birthday trips tend to be less ‘hosted’ than bach trips, in my experience.
+1. Just tell them you are going to cover those items.
I like this a lot.
If you get any push back about the cost of the room I’ve had the most luck with a white lie that I used credit card points and a corporate discount. That’s been the only way I’ve ever been able to get my Midwestern family to accept a ‘free’ room because it’s essentially just good couponing ;)
Ah, yes, I am familiar with this technique!
I’d couch the hotel and meal in terms of “this is my gift to the weekend…”
Second using Splitwise, and that makes it very easy to cover/not split certain items. Love the prior poster’s phrasing.
Say you have points and want to use them. Fake points is the easy face saving move.
+1. I’d either do the points line or “I want to go to this fancier restaurant one night – it would be my treat!”
+2 – I’ve worked in consulting for decades so my family and friends are very used to me using points and status while on vacation to upgrade things for whoever is traveling with us.
Thank you everyone for chiming in and the script and suggestions.
I have done this with my best friend since I started making more money than her (different types of careers). Aside from birthday meals which I just pay for anyway, I find a hotel that aligns with their budget, and then pay the difference for a nicer room. They may not let you pay for the entire cost of the hotel. I also upgrade our plane tickets because I have status and my friend doesn’t. That’s the compromise we’ve worked out.
2 gift shopping ideas needed for 2 different friends:
1. Small engagement gift for a friend who is very much a cool girl and has great taste
2. Birthday gift for a girlfriend turning 40–she loves traveling, live music/concerts, wine, has quirky fun style. In the past I’ve gotten her little fun things for her birthday but 40 is a milestone so I want to get something nicer…
Thanks!
2 – AirTags, a luxe pouch for plane necessities (like holds a tablet, phone, Airpods, charger – LOVE this when seated in the bulkhead), or a luxe passport case
While cute, I find passport cases annoying in the era of electronic passport control gates where you need to easily be able to lay the passport flat and have stopped using them.
+1 it’s also not really what I’d call a “big” gift (and I say this as someone who has a pretty low budget for giving physical gifts).
a nice passport holder is $100-$400 or so, so to me that’s bigger than “little fun”! I like having it to keep my passport tucked firmly away and also not display my nationality. I find it zero effort to remove the passport for scanning.
Sorry, but if I were OP’s friend I would hope for a gift receipt in this package. I would feel guilty that my friend spent so much on something I will be dropping off at a thrift store.
$400!?! Is it made of gold? You can get high quality leather ones for like $25. My mind is absolutely blown that anyone would spend $400 on this and I love a four figure handbag.
+2 These seem like nice tchotchke gifts for a youngster, not milestone bday gifts for someone who likely already has what travel-related specialty items she wants.
I think a luxe tech bag is a great idea. I would love something that holds my kindle, phone, charger, etc. I tried for the longest to get Dagne Dover’s, and they were always out of stock, but there are probably nicer leather ones out there.
I bought my boyfriend a great one at Leatherology he uses all the time.
1. Flowers and a bottle of bubbly
2. Concert tix or wine tasting for the two of you
ok based on feedback to my post, what is your budget? I hear ‘little fun’ and think of like, a Favorite Things Party type $25-$40 gift, so a $100+ price point would be a noticeable budget increase.
Girl nobody except you is spending $100+ on a passport holder. That’s an insane price point for an item that’s barely used and barely seen even when it is used.
I posted yesterday about getting sunburns more frequently despite doing my best to prevent them. Someone posted late in the day that she’s noticed that if she doesn’t use the greasy Banana Boat sport stuff or a mineral sunscreen, she is likely to get burned even if the rest of her family is fine with any other kind of chemical sunscreen. That was a lightbulb for me and probably exactly what’s happening. I had switched to a different sunscreen that has great ratings and is much more pleasant to apply. Apparently it is not sticking to my skin very well. Guess I’m going back to Coppertone or Banana Boat Sport.
And I also could stand to up my rashguard game. I always wear tankinis for stomach coverage, and a rashguard on top would be a LOT of fabric. So, I guess I may need to go swimsuit shopping?
I haven’t checked recently, but Boden typically has the cutest rashguard sets – bikinis and rashguard top. I usually just wear a bikini under my rashguard and if I take the rashguard off for say lunch I’ll just pop on a UPF cover up. Coolibar, Vineyard Vines, and Lands End all have nice ones.
That was me! Until mineral sunscreens became more ubiquitous, Banana Boat Sport was literally the only one that would reliably work for me.
Every other brand I tried, whether drugstore or boutique, would either fail to work for me at all if I was outside for more than 20 minutes or would leave me with weird burned streaks where I swore I slathered the stuff on. My family members can use all my rejected bottles just fine.
If it’s a day ending in -y, I’m wearing a long-sleeved sunshirt outside.
Mineral sunscreens never work for me on their own, no matter how heavily I apply them. I used to love a Banana Boat sensitive skin formula that combined a mineral sunscreen with chemical sunscreens that would not react with the mineral, but alas it’s been discontinued. Sun Bum works best for me now. And spray sunscreens are useless.
European and Asian sunscreens are much more effective than US sunscreens. They have a ton of newer, more effective (and I believe also safer) ingredients approved that haven’t been approved here. I pick them up by the suitecase when traveling, and when I run out I pay the tariffs to import them. Just something to think about if you feel like the US sunscreens are no longer working well for you. But also +1 for rash guards or long sleeve sunshirts for any day when you’ll be spending hours outside. And a large sun hat to protect your face.
The book recommendations from you all are the best!
I’m looking for a book for a friend who’s undergoing a medical treatment. Please send your recs for something that’s got some depth to it but is upbeat.
Am planning to get her Sally Smith’s A Case of Mice and Murder, which was rec’d here. (Thank you! That and the second in the series were wonderful and if she likes Mice I plan to get her Life and Limb.)