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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
These high-waisted pants from Alice + Olivia aren’t for the faint of heart, but if you’re looking to grab some attention, they’ll be hard to miss!
I’m picturing these being worn by a keynote speaker at a conference with a crisp white top and some fabulous heels. They’d also work nicely for a more relaxed office day, paired with your favorite work tee and some flats (although hemming will likely be required).
The pants are $350 at Nordstrom and come in sizes 0-14.
Looking for something more affordable? For straight sizes, try these from Mango ($89.99) and Misook ($152 on sale); and for petite and tall, New York & Company ($23.99 on sale). New York & Company also has a plus-size option that's now 80% off at $13.99.
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Anon
I didn’t have this problem in college but have had it ever since: work clothes (even now) are too “work” for non-work and the rest of my clothes are for workouts or reserved for painting, etc.
What are specific examples of clothing for this other time in the week? Like visiting someone in a hospital — gym attire is wrong and also work attire seems too somber when the point is to cheer someone up. It all seems so season-specific also. I have a ton of clothes but never the right ones.
Anon
My middle ground is always jeans and a shirt. You can dress it up or down with the type of shirt and jewelry. You can also wear any type of shoes depending on the occasion.
Anon
Jeans, tshirts, cotton blouses, cotton knit sweaters, casual sundresses, sneakers, Birkenstocks.
My wardrobe consists almost entirely of the above, and it works for most daytime activities.
Anonymous
My entire life is in your middle ground, because my workplace, activities, and church are casual. Here’s what I’ve been wearing:
trousers with a cropped linen shirt and sneakers
A loose shirt-dress with sandals.
jeans with a very nice sweatshirt and sneakers
Linen “chore” jacket, striped t-shirt, jeans, and sandals
Jeans with t-shirt, topped with open-work pullover sweater, and sneakers
Tiered shirt-dress with sneakers
Linen blazer, t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers
Ideally, i’d like more lightweight, modern casual trousers in there, but just haven’t gone out and bought them. The jeans are a combo of straight and wide legs (I’m not terribly trendy– it’s just that I never liked skinnies and moved away from them as soon as other cuts became available).
Anon
Relzxed chinos and a linen button up shirt. A midi skirt and a t. A t-shirt dress.
pink nails
+1 to soft button up shirts, linen or soft cotton. I have multiple white ones and blue striped ones since that’s apparently all I buy. I pair them with jeans or linen pants.
Anon
This is also how I dress but I also like a big linen shirt worn unbuttoned over a tank or other sleeveless top. In super hot weather, more of a linen popover type shirt.
Anonymous
I like pants in chino like fabric, but not actual chinos. So, for a few years cargoes, and more recently fabric joggers. Someone more in touch with trends could advise on what is next after joggers. They can often be mixed with work tops, if you have classic blouses or sweater knit tees.
Anon
Athleisure.
Anonymous
Ugh. SO sloppy. Only an American would say this.
Anonymous
This is an American fashion site.
Anon Paralegal
I agree! I like leisure outfits b/c I have a pooch in the front that eliminates the possibility of wearing tight tops, let alone any that tuck in! So I wear loose blouses untucked so that no one will immediately spot my pooch, or for that matter my tuchus which is not bad now, but will be if I don’t stop eating carbs and chocolates!
Anon
Glad to see the tide turning. I think wearing leggings type pants is so gross.
Anonymous
It’s jeans and a top that isn’t a silk blouse and isn’t an old t shirt. And you can get it at JCrew madewell Anthropologie Ann Taylor Talbots target etc.
Anon
T shirt dress, sun dress, or sweater dress (season / activity dependent)
Jeans + cute top or sweater. I’m partial to floral peasant tops but there are so many different options out there
Non Jean but casual black pants (I love my blow my ponte pants, also corduroy in winter, leather / suede depending on occasion)
Honestly, the last time I visited a relative in the hospital I am pretty sure I wore athleisure. I think it’s more important to be comfy than fashionable at a hospital.
pink nails
Relaxed dress or jumpsuit + jacket is a really handy middle ground look. In my casual office/community, any time I wear a dress I are automatically bumped up one formality level, even if it’s a pretty casual dress. Plus when it’s warm it’s easy to wear.
Anonymous
Casual clothing is not a new thing. For summer I like linen pants, a tank top, and a jean jacket, or a casual dress with sandals. For fall and spring, I am currently into wide-leg jeans with clogs or fashion sneakers, a tee, and an army jacket. For winter, straight-leg or flare jeans with a slouchy sweater and boots. Accessorize with a Clare V bag.
ALT
Jeans and a work top with a sandal. Trousers and a T-shirt with sneakers. A ruffle puff dress with sneakers or a sandal. A casual dress with sneakers or a sandal. A jumpsuit with sneakers. In your example of visiting someone in the hospital, I literally feel like you could wear anything and it would be fine…gently, it seems like you’re way overthinking this.
Housecounsel
Summer is so much easier. I have several versions of T-shirt dresses from J. Crew Factory, Athleta, and Frank & Eileen. In the winter I wear jeans, boots, and blazers or sweaters.
Anon
Co-sign summer is much easier. Especially if the event is happy. Happy winter clothes always read too somber to me. I guess that is where shine and sparkle come in: it’s black but a happy black.
Anon
i dont think there is specific attire for visiting people in the hospital. i wore gym clothes to visit my mom
Anon
Actual gym clothes? I am guessing it was more “pants from Athleta” and maybe a sweater.
But maybe actual gym clothes. Who knows?
That mom
I would be cold at a hospital in actual gym clothes
I have a few shirts that are a step up from casual / workout and ok for errands but not nice enough for like a destination like a restaurant. No words, no pictures, classic cuts and patterns and ok to wear with jeans and sneakers or “slacks” like khakis or chinos (that are gray or navy or white not khaki colored) and flats or loafers. I usually bring a sweater or sweatshirt. I don’t know though, I never feel like I look right but I generally look ok
Anon
This is exactly my problem too — looking forward to the replies. Thanks for bringing it up!
Anon
Chino pants + a casual blouse or top. I wear a lot of sleeveless tops with a lightweight cardigan, because it’s always too air conditioned. In the winter I wear a lot of pullover sweaters.
anon
Nicer t-shirts, especially stripes.
Jeans.
Casual pants: cords in the winter, chinos, cropped pants.
T-shirt dresses.
Any woven top, any time of year. There are so many cute options for spring and summer.
Shoes can really change the formality of an outfit.
See, this is how I’d prefer to dress 90% of the time, but alas, work.
Anon
And when I am home or going to the grocery store, I just go in my comfy at-home clothes. I wouldn’t wear these on a date or for a hospital visit though. And I’d have to do a bit of thinking for both scenarios and it would likely bar by season and for the date, how much outside or walking time might be involved.
anon
I don’t know if you’re the OP or not, but you are massively overthinking this.
Anon
It’s a fashion and style s1te, get over it.
pink nails
+1 I’ll take threads like this here every day of the week.
Hospital anon
For the hospital- make sure everything is washable Then throw it all in the wash the minute you get home
Anon
I like the idea of athleisure, especially pants, but I feel very Sue Sylvester / office version of Run-DMC in them. Maybe they work well for travel and if mixed in with other regular-fabric pieces?
Anonymous
Literally what is happening today? Athleisure is a normal part of a casual wardrobe. Clothes are not this complicated.
anon
this post made me laugh. maybe a gateway athleisure would be athleta or lululemon or knock off pant that isn’t a sweat pant… like this https://athleta.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=198671012&cid=1059471&pcid=1059471&vid=1&nav=hamnav%3ABottoms%3ACATEGORIES%3APants&cpos=4&cexp=3064&kcid=CategoryIDs%3D1059471&cvar=27659&ctype=Listing&cpid=res24051407139782124729725#pdp-page-content
for what it’s worth my 80 (but hip) mom loves these and she would never wear track pants
Anonymous
Giving serious thought to microshading for my brows (AKA powder brows), which seems like a less painful and drastic alternative to microblading. Right now, am having them tinted every two to three weeks, so I think overall the money works out okay. I know to ensure I use a really experienced, careful and good brow artist and to check their work before I commit. Any other tips or warnings out there?
Greensleeves
If you want a filled-in look, powder brows are the way to go. If you want it to look like individual hair strokes, look into nanoblading. I had nano done last fall. It’s easier on your skin than microblading and works better on older skin. In either case, read through the before and after care instructions carefully and consider the restrictions as you decide on timing. You generally are supposed to avoid the sun, water except for a quick wash, and sweating for a couple weeks after you have them done. With nano brows there is generally a touch up session several weeks later, but I’m not sure if that’s the case with powder or not. Also find out about how long they are likely to last and when you may need to go back, as they do fade over time. Good luck! I love my brows and not having to fill them in every morning any more!
Jess
Does anyone ever wake up and it’s like you – slept wrong?? This happened a few weeks ago and again today. My whole body feels stiff this morning. Is this part of aging? Am I not drinking enough water? (I’m 33, typically do yoga a couple times a week but not yesterday.)
pink nails
Yes welcome to your 30s.
Anon
+1
Anon
+1
anon
Happened to me this week! I’m 42. I have been feeling great/normal – then suddenly on monday, I woke up with a sore neck and stiff back. Trying to do gentle stretches to ease back to normal.
Anonymous
Yep. I slept wrong this weekend and now my neck/shoulder muscle has been hurting for 3 days. I try to stretch before bed for a few minutes, which seems to help. Also Naproxen.
Anonymous
Lol yes. I find that regular exercise helps.
There are rheumatology issues that can cause aches and pains but it doesn’t sound like this is a chronic or progressive problem for you.
Anon
Haha yup.
Anon
I enjoy a good “welcome to your 30s”, but jokes aside, work on neck mobility and strength.
Sunshine
I’m mid-40s and this happens to me about 2x per year. I wake up and my neck just doesn’t turn well without pain. I see a massage therapist and then it’s gone. As to my whole body, I only feel stiff when I wake up if I had a super hard workout the day before, so it’s muscle soreness. I exercise a lot and think of myself as being in great shape. I don’t think that waking up with full body soreness is an inevitable part of aging. I know that neither of my parents, who are early 70s and also in great shape, have sore bodies except after hard workouts. But my inlaws who are the same age and sedentary absolutely do.
Housecounsel
Here I am again with my yoga evangelism – as long as I do it consistently, this doesn’t happen. But you already know this!
anon
If it happens often, you might need a new mattress.
pink nails
+1 and/or a new pillow. I was going to suggest that, but once every few weeks doesn’t seem consistent enough yet to start changing things.
Anon
Yoga is not right for everybody. For me, running, plyometrics, pull-ups, other weight training is going to keep me having good form all day and combat the stiffness I could otherwise get from an office job by end of day/night. On top of the strength training that i do, yoga would be counterproductive to the “stiff” and injury free spine that i have (if i did yoga, my spine would be trained to bend too much while loaded). You might consider switching your exercise as you get older, esp as you get closer to 40s. There’s a very good reasons women are told to add weight training (and get rid of much of the rest) as they age, although you’re probably too young to believe me or need to make the switch yet. But keep it in mind, esp if you get more pain and stiffness over the years…
pink nails
Staying on the topic of casual pants…are TENCIL fiber and linen similar? I’m looking at the Women’s TENCEL™ Fiber High Rise Wide Leg Pants at Lands End and they look similar to linen to me, but perhaps less wrinkly? Or the Lands End stylists just own a good steamer.
Anon
In my experience tencel is much softer and stretchier than linen
Anon
No, Tencel is very smooth and kind of synthetic-feeling. Not similar to linen.
pink nails
thank you! does it drape nicely?
I think I’m a no because of the synthetic-feeling but I do give like a smooth drapey fabrics.
Anonymous
Yes, it drapes very well. I don’t find it synthetic feeling. Since you don’t know much about it, but are looking for good drape and fewer wrinkles, it would be worth ordering to try on and get a feel for whether you like it or not.
pink nails
Thanks, that’s helpful!
pink nails
Also how is it that I’m filling up a cart at Lands End? Is lands end cool or am I just a new old? I’m good either way. :)
A
New old. Welcome!
pink nails
:D I kind of figured…
Anon
Tencel is rayon.
Anonymous
Tencel is like viscose, modal, lyocell, rayon etc. Wood pulp fibre.
Anonymous
I love Tencel but it’s not like linen. It’s like brushed acetate almost. The good, thick acetate from days of yore.
pink nails
I only know some of those words; I think I’m going to order it just so I can figure out what this texture is!
Anon
I think of it like woven rayon, like a classic Hawaiian shirt.
Casual Wear trends
I am going to Europe with a big group in a few weeks and am looking for a day time outfit look that is trendy. Are white sneakers and a crossbody bag still the look? Looser fit jeans and a t-shirt? My wardrobe mostly consists of workwear and I’d love to find an on-trend formula. Any details about general style trends for shoes, bags, sunglasses and outfits is super helpful! I’d love to look more put together and fresh for the trip!
SFAttorney
Yes to cross body or belt bag. I was in Rome last September and saw of lots of belt bags (worn across the body) with wide straps. Light colored sneakers – blush or light tan – were popular. I saw on a YouTube fashion channel recently that colored sneakers are more trendy, but I’d go with whatever you have or what works best with your outfits. Yes to looser fit jeans and floaty dresses. I don’t pay much attention to sunglasses, as I have a couple of pairs of prescription sunglasses and don’t buy new ones every year.
Anon
Looking for advice…I am due to return from mat leave in July (first child). I currently work in comms. A new role just opened up internally that would be a jump from comms to working more directly in the subject matter I support. I have wanted to get out of comms for a while, but haven’t seen a position I would feel comfortable taking that isn’t a step down in my career. This role is with a team I work closely with, so they know and respect me, and is at my current level so it would be a lateral move (and likely raise). I don’t have the in-depth expertise, but when I reached out to the hiring manager she seemed excited about me applying, so I feel like I would have a shot.
But. But but but. Am I crazy for considering this before I’m even back from maternity leave? I am not an overly ambitious person when it comes to work anymore. I want challenging and interesting work, but I also really want work/life balance. My current boss and boss’ boss have both been extremely flexible and I know would help me ease into the transition back to work. The hiring manager for this role is also currently pregnant, so I assume she would also have some level of flexibility, but she is much more gung ho about being in the office (we’re currently supposed to be hybrid but I was 95% working from home during pregnancy).
TL;DR I’m worried this is an opportunity that won’t come again, but the timing also feels really scary to blow up my career and start fresh. Would appreciate any guidance/perspective I’m not considering.
Anonymous
I’m surprised you didn’t get any responses – maybe you were in mod for a long time? No, you are not crazy for considering this. You would be returning to a company where you already have a track record, and you already have a good reputation with the team. Also, while I know that comms has a wide variety of roles, my guess is that you’ll find that you have a bit more control over your schedule — or at least more advance warning — when you’re more embedded with a team. This is exactly the opportunity you’ve been looking for.
Anon
Apply!!!!! If you get far in the interview process really ask questions about team and lifestyle, but you can totally do this!
Anon
I took a big scary job when I had an infant. I turned the recruiter down a bunch of times before I would even consent to interview, but they knew I was the right fit for the job and they were right. That job has made a huge, huge, huge difference in my career and income trajectory. And yes, I managed to be a (very busy) mom and get the job done, and done well. Don’t count yourself out! You can do it!
Anon
Do it!!! I had two kids many years apart. With first kid I took a big new job while on mat leave. I came back energized and it went great. Second kid I came back to same job but new boss. Boss started two months before I came back. He was SOOOO unhappy about me not being around to hold his hand. Then I was basically required to do all the things management failed to delegate out while I was away, so it’s been incredibly busy. It is still affecting me and I’m looking for a new job, which would have honestly been so much easier to do while I was on leave.
Anon
Music people, help me out. I play violin (mediocre amateur). How do people in marching bands and rock bands get by without sheet music? I’m in a small community orchestra and am grateful to be in the first violin section since it gives me the melody and I know where a song is going. But anything else where you are counting a lot of measures, learning when to come in (and then what to play from memory) song after song is amazing. I could maybe master one song. Clearly, I am not Keith Richards. Or ever going to be.
Anon
Practice.
Anon
Muscle memory. After enough time and reps, you just know. There are pieces seared in my consciousness that I’m pretty sure will come right back even when I’m 90, in the nursing home and don’t know my own name.
Anonymous
I haven’t touched a piccolo in 25 years but I can still finger along with Stars and Stripes Forever every Independence Day.
Anonymous
Practice! An ex of mine is a mildly famous rock star, his band will spend a full 40h work week before going out on tour to perfect the set list and these are songs they’ve played a bunch of times before, no learning anything new.
Anonymous
Say what? So intriguing!! Pls tell us more!
Anon
Spill the tea!
Anonymous
Not a whole lot of tea to spill! It’s a metal band with about a million Spotify monthly listeners, selling out 3-5k venues. We dated in highschool, he was already signed to a label then, their critically acclaimed debut came out just before highschool graduation. Honestly the weirdest part of it all is 1. people being obsessed with lyrics about me 2. seeing other people’s parasocial relationships with the band on the internet. Being a rockstar if his magnitude pays about the same as my corporate job, which is odd too I guess.
Anon
I love this — midsize metal band for the win today.
Anonymous
Lots of practice and memorization. Eventually, you just remember that you come in after the drums on this part or whatever.
Anonymous
You memorize your part by practicing in sections. Through rehearsal with the ensemble you learn what’s happening around you, where you fit in the texture, and when to come in. You hear the whole thing in your head and it’s like you’re playing along with a recording.
I have played in a marching band, orchestras, wind ensembles, and chamber ensembles, sung large works and smaller works with large choirs and chamber choirs, and performed as a solo instrumentalist and vocalist. Large works for orchestra would be by far the most difficult to perform from memory, and there’s really no reason to bother trying. Performing a concerto as a soloist from memory is pretty standard, but that’s a much different task than playing an orchestral part.
Anon
I am an amateur violinist with the same problem. I tend to copy what the other people in my section are doing or be alert to cues from the conductor. I know I should get better at counting, which would help me with my rhythm issues, too.
Anon
You just play it over and over and over. There are no tricks. Just repetition.
Anon
And also, most rock musicians are following a chord progression, not reading sheet music or individual notes.
Anonymous
I IV V7 I ad infinitum.
Anon
You now know every classic country song ever written.
Anon
The marching bands I watch often have a tiny clip-on cheat sheet. They also practice a ton.
I played a niche solo instrument at a semi-pro level when I was younger and had all of my pieces memorized. They haunted my sleep. I often performed with the sheet music in front of me but was definitely not reading the music. It was only there in case I had a brain fart.
Anonymous
I always find playing from memory with the music as backup to be the worst of both worlds. You have to make sure you are at least halfway following along so when the brain fart hits you know where you are on the page.
Anon
Really? Maybe because I picture the score in my head as I am playing, I knew exactly where I was on the page at any given point in a piece. Sort of like knowing where the brake pedal is on a car, any car.
It was mainly there for if a string broke and I needed to adjust in the moment, or on the rare occasion I was playing with other musicians who crashed partway through and I needed to jump in with their part.
Anon
I was a proud marching band kid. We did sometimes use a lyre to hold sheet music (tiny) while marching, but for competition, it’s usually not allowed. You just have to memorize it. Once you play something as many times as a marching band does while practicing, you just have it down. When you play your instrument well, reproducing the sound is a lot like singing a song you know well – your fingers just go there. It’s not a matter of picturing the notes on paper, it’s singing the song.
A
Playing a march is different from playing a symphony. A march uses pretty much every instrument the entire duration of the piece. A symphony or concerto uses some instruments most of the time (strings!) and a few instruments occasionally (piccolo!). I’ve been in many kinds of ensembles, and marching music was always easier to memorize.
Anonymous
Exactly. There’s also a lot more nuance to symphonic music–tempo and meter changes, modulations, dynamics, etc.
Anon
I can still play symphonic pieces on oboe and piano from muscle memory after several decades.
Ade
Any great ideas for collective co-worker baby gift for a second baby? Price range is $250-500.
Anon
My office usually does an Amazon or Target giftcard & a onesie with a slogan specific to your industry to make it more personal (our research team has given “evidence based baby” onesies, which were well received). You could also go in on a big ticket item from the registry?
anonshmanon
Absolutely a gift card. If you need something tangible to go with it, flowers or a diaper cake.
Anon
For a big ticket item, I’d go with the registry. +1 to a cute onesie that is industry specific
Anon
Target gift card or maybe a meal delivery service if that’s a thing in your area. With my second I already had everything.
Anon
Gift card or registry item.
Anon
Gift card
Anon
A little surprised by the responses above: do people usually make registries for a second baby? I just had my second and definitely didn’t. I don’t want things for my second – we already have tons of the necessary items from our first and don’t want more things in our house. Diapers probably would be the exception or maybe onesies in multiple sizes since we happened to have two different s e x kids (but honestly I’m also fine with my infant having gender ambiguous clothing).
Anonymous
OP – there is no registry!
NYCer
Amazon or Target gift card. I got this from my office, and it was the perfect gift.
Hollis
I agree with Amazon or Target. Maybe DoorDash or Seamless if that’s commonly used in your area.
Anon
Double stroller. I’d get the one on the registry.
Anon
Target gift card.
A
Gift card plus something related to your work place or location — if any swaddle blankets have related prints that’s a great one (e.g., DC themed swaddle blanket).
Anon
Best gift I received from co-workers was a gift card to a local place where you could get pre-made meals (it was kind of a deli-/catering place). It was a lifesaver when we couldn’t deal with grocery stores or making food.
Anon
Please talk to me about your exercise routines! I’m curious in a typical week what you do, when you fit it in, and how you stay motivated overall?
Context: in my 20s I really consistently ran, lifted weights/did reformer pilates, did yoga and thoroughly enjoyed it. Now in my mid-30s with more demands on my time, what worked 10 years ago is no longer enjoyable. Hoping to crowd source ideas & learn from what’s working for you all.
Anon
I walk or ride my mountain bike every day, although not always on trails. Now that I’m pregnant I’m only writing on the flat rail trail behind my house. Then I do physical therapy and strength exercises for the herniated disc issue just about every day. I’d like to put in some more formal Pilates and get back to the rock climbing gym.
It was a huge and really beneficial shift in my life to see exercise as something fun that I get to do instead of something that I have to do to stay thin. I’m not thin.
Anon
Yes that exercise is something we get to do! I have a post in mod but the only cardio I do these days is hobbies that are also cardio. I loveeee trail running, road biking, and skiing. Getting on the trail for an hour or two once or twice a week is honestly one of my favorite things ever.
I also play a variety of sports: tennis and pickleball with some local friends and I play on an intense but rec soccer team. Those activities are purely fun for me but I also get a great workout in
Most of my workouts are strength training, which I mostly enjoy. But on days I don’t enjoy it, I try to frame it as something I need to do in order to enjoy my hobbies.
Anon
I saw a post a few years back about reframing things from “have to” to “get to”. While I can get flippant about this “oh I get to have a root canal”, I really do think that exercise is a “get to”. There’s SOMETHING we can all find that’s active that we enjoy, its good for us, and we’re setting ourselves up for a healthy future; truly a get to!
Anon
When I’m not training for a race this is what I do:
– aim for 10K steps a day every single day. I live in a city and walk everywhere so this is mostly attainable. On WFH days (2x a week) it can be hard, so I recently bought a walking pad.
– 3-5 strength workouts a week. These last 15-30 mins and are full body. I bounce between online programs but modify them. Currently using Ladder.
– 1-2 longer cardio workouts a week that are my hobbies. I love to trail run, road bike, or play a sport for 1-2 hours a few times a week. I do these at a pretty low intensity (except maybe the sport…) And do these because I really love them. Obviously, it can be hard to carve out this much time, so I don’t get to this every week. Occasionally, depending on the season swap out the activities I listed for paddle boarding, surfing, hiking, or skiing
– I hate yoga but know it’s good for me (especially since I’m entering my 30s), so each morning, I try to do a quick little sun salutation. Maybe one time a week I’ll do a 10 or 20 minute video if I feel up to it. I also try to fit in a short full body stretch at night.
My Instagram is inundated with accounts that say everyone should be aiming for 4 30 minutes strength workouts a week, 10,000 steps a day every day, and 100 g of protein a day. I don’t usually follow social media fitness advice, but this was pretty in line with what I’m doing so is a good way to focus my efforts.
anon
I use workout videos from Fitness Blender. I like doing their programs where the video is picked out for you each day. They used to build their programs from existing videos, but now that they have more trainers the programs/challenges have unique videos.
I work out first thing in the morning. I have to do that otherwise I will find excuses to put it off during the day. The only way I was able to get into a regular routine was when I started WFH in 2020. Not having that commute gave me extra time in the morning.
I’m laid off now, but still sticking to my morning workout routine. I’m not sure what will happen when I get a job because I may have to work onsite. I hope I can still fit it into my routine.
Anon
Figure out what you enjoy and do that. I don’t enjoy going to the gym and looking around aimlessly at a bunch of machines but I love a group class where the instructor tells me what to do so my brain can shut off. I also prefer morning classes because otherwise I’m too tired at night, work keeps me late, or I have to cook/clean. I will even get up at 5:15 to get to a 6am class some days. I love having the extra time when I get home and at night.
Anon
I like doing at home lifting routines now that focus on strength training. It’s easier to fit in and effective for me. In my 20’s I did so much – running, biking, yoga, pilates, rock climbing. I wish I still had that kind of free time.
Anonymous
I do a weightlifting workout in my garage for 45 minutes, 3-4 times a week. All in all, the working out, eating and then showering probably takes two hours or more. I usually don’t work out on the weekends because I’m busy doing family stuff or errands. I have three kids and I sleep 10 hours a night. I am not working ATM. There’s no way I could get this done if I had a butt in seat job or no partner to trade child care with. What keeps me motivated? Honestly, most days I have to make myself do it. I treat it like my job. My partner has been working out for 20 years. Recently I asked him what makes him want to do it. He responded: “Want to? Want has nothing to do with it. I almost never want to work out. I do it for future me.”
YMMV
I finally bought a rowing machine. I try to row 3 times a week for 20 mins after work. (If I get to 20, I can usually make it 30, but “20 mins” is short enough to persuade me to make a start. Yes, I play mind games with myself.) I run once a week on Saturdays. I shoot for one more activity on Sundays (swim, hike, a terrible tennis game, etc). My goal is to do something, even if it’s short, 5 days a week and I’m reliably at 4.
Anon
As a former rower I never understand that people want to erg for fun so good for you!!
Work Phone
I started using an erg at crossfit and got a steal on one off craigslist. I LOVE it. I set up my laptop, watch a movie, and just zone out while I row.
Anon
I bought a rowing machine during the pandemic and hated it, but I really like whitewater trips (I’ve done some rowing and more kayaking). I hope to take a kayaking class next year!
Anon
I took up running in my 30s, right after my first baby was born, because I could run out the door, have a good workout and be back in 30 minutes, at first, an in an hour as I ran longer. I ran 4 days/week, on hills, and then a handful of half- and two full marathons. I ran like that for about 10-12 years, through another pregnancy, before I got bored, hurt my knee and just had too many early-morning conflicts to make it work. I am in my mid-50s now (those babies are young adults). I miss that feeling of being fit that running gave me, so I am trying to ease back into it. I never had a runner’s body, but being able to run 5 miles without stopping or walking was one of the best feelings ever for me.
Mpls
Personal trainer with their own gym, near my house – twice a week right after work, strength training (weights, kettlebells) mostly, some kickboxing. Someone tells me what to do and sets up the equipment and keeps me honest on my counting between sets. I don’t have the time/brain power/will power to do it otherwise.
Cardio 3x a week at the fitness center at work because it’s close and there are TVs to watch while I’m doing it.
Yard work on the weekends (at least for spring). Once you’re dirty, you kind of just keep going.
Anon
For health and future use of your body, everyone should be doing some sort of strength training and mobility work. Luckily there are many options for both types of workouts, so hopefully everyone can find something they enjoy enough to do a few times a week.
Provided your getting at least some steps and movement in in your day-to-day life, I think that for most people cardio is somewhat optional and can really be focused on whatever it is you enjoy doing. Per for me, I love hiking and spin class, but for someone else that might be running or playing tennis or walking.
The best thing that happened to me when I Graduated college and was no longer do you want athlete, was that I never again have to do a workout that I don’t want to do. There are certain exercises that I will never ever do again and then there are plenty of days when I have something planned, but I’m not in the mood and so I either switch it up to something I di want to do or I try to get myself to the if I’m not feeling it I can stop
Anecdata
I run three days a week consistently. I keep trying to add a dedicated strength training day and a bike-to-work day but find those much harder to get consistency on. I intermittently play in a local rec league and ski/backpack/paddle board a lot of weekends, but I categorize those as “fun” not exercise :). For me the key parts are:
Running is outside, and I am essentially always desperate for outside time (whereas strength training inside is much less motivational for me)
And running has so few constraints that I can make it the same three days every week – no gym schedule, short enough for a weekday, little equipment). I keep switching around my bike to work day to accommodate more important meetings, the weather, after work schedule, etc. and then it ends up not happening
Anonymous
What motivates me? Family history. My mom and grandma had signs of osteoporosis but both have managed it with plenty of weight-bearing physical activity. My grandma is 96 and still goes up and down the stairs at her house every day, goes for walks with friends, etc. I have nearly all the risk factors for osteoporosis, but I got a bit of a head start by taking up recreational running as a teen. Now, at almost 40 I have 25+ years of consistent activity under my belt and I’m throwing in 15 minutes of mobility/ Pilates a day and a bit of kettlebell strength. Plus, I enjoy running and I want to be able to do it when I’m 60 or 70.
Now that I have kids, I’m also role modeling trying new things. This past winter I did an XC ski technique class and might try orienteering or stand-up paddleboarding with the kids this summer. I just did a ‘mom and kid’ Mother’s Day special judo class at my kid’s dojo this past weekend and it was a lot of fun.
Work Phone
I’m 37 and do a combo of weightlifting and steady-state cardio 3x a week, and some form of cardio 2 more days (long walk, hike, rowing, etc). I’m extremely fortunate to have a great work gym with tons of weights so I head there right after work. I’d like to add another day of weightlifting but like you, life has gotten busier!
Anonymous
I would prefer to go to the gym in the morning, but my teenagers like when we all go together. So we go as a family right after work before dinner 3 nights a week and one day during the weekend. The days we don’t go to the gym we go for a walk or to play basketball, volleyball, or tennis. As long as I don’t sit down when I get home I don’t lose motivation haha. We also worked hard to get our kids in the habit of going so it is important to us to keep it up. We always makes sure we all have our preferred playlists, etc. to make it enjoyable.
Anon
Wow – very impressive that you get multiple teenagers to go to the gym *with you* four times a week. Strong work!
Anonanonanon
I used to run in my 20s and early 30s, but I stopped after having a kid and now lack the time to do it. Now I’m just focused on getting 30 minutes of something in most days of the week. That’s usually 3 at home dumbbell strength training sessions and 2-3 HIIT cardio sessions on a treadmill per week. The 3 strength sessions is new; I used to do 2. But the only way I get it done is early AM 30 minute sessions at home.
Anonymous
I belong to a gym about a half mile from my house that I can ride my bike too, that offers a really wide variety of classes and a nice locker room with showers and a steam room. I try to block my work from home days so I can take a noon class three times a week, and if I have too much going on I’ll do an early morning class. I can occasionally squeeze one in Saturday morning but that’s harder (I have two early elem kids).
The class variety, someone telling me what to do so I don’t have to think about it, and nice locker rooms as a reward afterwards are what keeps me going. Consistently going makes a noticeable difference in my stress level and comfort in my body, and I’ve maintained the same weight for about 15 years, even after having two kids.
Anon
I do yoga really consistently (like 4-5 days a week) and I run sometimes. But “consistently” sometimes includes off-weeks, like these last two weeks where we’ve had some family things to deal with so routines had to be changed. In those weeks, I try to make sure I get movement in — a walk after dinner or at work, 15 minutes of strength stuff in my living room, etc. The basic point is to try your best to find something you love and make time for it; when life gets in the way, just make sure you move your body every single day.
Anonymous
I’m loving short strength training workouts. I go to a gym near my three year old’s daycare and often sneak it in after my workday but before daycare closes. Recently someone commented on me showing up in gym clothes along the lines of “I guess you weren’t really at work today.” It took everything not to scream at them.
Anon
I am following the “4-30-10” method that a lot of fitness influencers recommend: 4 strength workouts a week, 30g of protein at all 3 meals, and 10k steps a day. I usually make my own lifting routines up, but occasionally use an app or program. The basis for my lifting is warm up, upper body set (3 exercises for 30 – 60 seconds each 3x through), lower body set (ditto), core set (ditto), stretch / cool down. I got a walking pad, but only use that on days when I won’t otherwise hit 10k steps (so if its rainy or I WFH). My job gives us 3 hours a week of “fitness time”, so I usually lift then. My lifts take me 20-30 mins, depending on rest time and length of sets.
On weekends (and the occasional weeknight), I like to do hobbies that are active. I don’t count these as workouts per se, but it just so happens that a lot of the things I like to do for fun are active. Examples include playing tennis or pickle ball, skiing, trail running or hiking, biking, paddle boarding, or meeting up with a friend for a walk ( a great alternative to happy hour!). I’m not great at any of these activities, but I love being outside and moving my body. I also do a lot of the activities with friends, so its good social time. I also play in a rec soccer league a few months a year, which is also fun.
I’m a former athlete in a family of athletes / very active people so it’s kind of natural to me to be active. I am also impressed by seeing how well my active family members aged – even ones who had serious medical issues definitely weathered their setbacks better than my non-active relatives.
I also think that a healthy body is a gift, and “to give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift”. I have this great body that can do great things, its my responsibility to take care of it and use it for all I can! When I complete a hard run or hike, I love looking down at my legs and “thanking” them or be impressed for a minute for being able to do that. Trust me, I spend a lot of time NOT liking how my legs look but I am grateful that they can carry me long distances across terrain.
anon
I run 45-60 minutes on two weekdays before work, then tend to do longer runs on Saturdays (and Sunday’s too) with distance depending on race training. Typically work out with a trainer lifting 2-3 times per week, plus live in a very walkable neighborhood so hitting 8k steps a day does not really take much effort. Lifting was new in my 30s, so the trainer is very much a function of I wouldn’t do it otherwise. Full disclosure, we are DINKs and husband also has similar work out interest so we are happy to spend time together working out.
Anonymous
Pilates reformer classes 3x a week at 6 am and long walks/yard work on weekends. It’s the only time I can consistently go work out. I have a large chest, and even with the most supportive of sports bras, I get uncomfortable with any exercise that involves running or jumping. I also don’t like any classes where it’s a competition (e.g., peloton/soul cycle/orange theory) or where I feel like people are looking at me (yoga – I recognize this is all in my head, but it turns me off of going to that class).
Anon
cross posting from the mom’s page. an area high school recently published their yearbook with some problematic content. The published four responses to the question “What has been your favorite trend or event this school year?” and one 9th grader wrote “The Israeli Hamas War because of how it started,” which is obviously problematic on so many levels. Why someone’s favorite event is a war that began with r*pe, murder and kidnapping is extremely disturbing and the fact that it was decided this was appropriate to publish in the school yearbook is also problematic. Many students and parents are understandably quite upset. i’m trying to help a friend gather anecdotal info on yearbook procedures. does anyone have a kid involved in yearbook or have any insight into how yearbook content is reviewed/approved?
Anon
I don’t have kids but I’m Jewish and this is so deeply disturbing. My understanding is that a yearbook committee has a teacher advisor or someone responsible for the group. I’d start there. Honestly, I’d call for that teacher to be removed from the position. I’d also call upon the principal to respond and get my local newspaper involved to put some pressure on them. I could also see people calling for their resignation.
Seventh Sister
It’s smart to start at the school level, and this is a situation where I’d escalate up the chain to the district and the school board. Newspaper is a good idea, but in our town, anything that doesn’t fit the preferred narrative isn’t of interest to the media.
Anon
Also, where are the kids’ parents and the school discipline people — kid has also made himself permanently unemployable and colleges may rightly revoke acceptances and scholarships. Was it not worth a convo before he wrecked his future? OTOH, I’m glad he labeled himself for what he is. If only they all came with warning signs.
Anonymous
Yes. The answer is to cancel this 14 y.o. forever for saying something stupid during an emotional and confusing time. Adults should not be burdened with having a conversation with him. He’s a bigot and he’s not worth engaging. Let’s start the campaign now. Can we get his government name and SM accounts, please?
Anon
Do you seriously think this kid is permanently unemployable? Employed people make bigoted and hateful comments with their real name social media accounts all day long every day.
Seventh Sister
To be frank, I don’t get the impression that kids get punished that often (or that harshly) in public schools. Between “restorative justice” (which in practice means that a kid says sorry when they are just sorry they got caught) and a system that rewards administrators for not suspending anyone, it’s unlikely the school will do anything that would be permanent.
Anon
It’s been a minute since I was in high school but we had a faculty advisor for the yearbook. A senior (editor in chief) and the faculty advisor had to review every single page before it was published.
I was also a section editor of our school newspaper and ditto – faculty advisor and two EICs reviewed every sentence before it was published.
Anon
That is absurd. After years of students getting reprimanded for every microaggression under the sun, THAT gets through?
The people who started celebrating on October 8 were waiting for an excuse. Israel hadn’t fired a single shot.
Anonymous
Wow. Just wow. The yearbook editor and the teacher /adult in charge should be accountable. The student that wrote it should be suspended.
Fwiw in my high school, a member of a sports team pulled his b@lls out of his shorts during the team photo, which made it into the yearbook. THAT was a suspension and removal of walking at graduation and it wasn’t even really noticeable (until he pointed it out to everyone).
Anon
And yet I feel that this is what people do look for vs risking getting chewed up online for policing students words.
OP’s example is so wrong but the temperature is so hot politically that I can see a reluctance to wade in. If an adult was even aware. I’m sure that if a kid read it and thought about it they didn’t think to comment (after all, the kid at issue merely stated something that was true). If someone wrongly added it (the kid at issue did not feel this way), totally different story.
NY CPA
+1 from a former yearbook editor-in-chief
We and our faculty advisor had to approve anything that went in there
Anonymous
Sounds like these were 4 pull quotes. So no need to editorialize…just pick a different kid’s response to stick in the yearbook. Big fail.
OP
i really was not trying to turn this into a debate over this particular conflict. nothing involving any war or r*pe/kidnapping/murder case should be someone’s favorite event for the year, nor does it belong in a yearbook.
there was also a different issue at a different local school regarding content about this particular conflict,
https://nypost.com/2024/05/03/us-news/texas-hs-yearbooks-palestine-page-causes-controversy/
https://nypost.com/2024/05/06/us-news/texas-hs-responds-to-backlash-over-yearbooks-palestine-page/
Anecdata
at my high school, yearbook was an elective class with a teacher – but an English teacher who taught 1 period of “yearbook”, not a full time yearbook teacher. So technically the teacher reviewed what was written but… not in super detail, they were also eg. trying to teach Layout Design 101 and make sure every page at least got written, and prep and grade all their other classes! I know at some it’s a club, where there’s a teacher as advisor with even less dedicated time. Seniors got to print a quote with their baby picture, and some inappropriate ones definitely got snuck in.
The quote is 1000% not okay. But I would focus on first figuring out if the problem here is: the teacher thought it was okay, or the teacher missed it. Which are different problems with different solutions.
Anon
We had a SNAFU locally that cause some outrage but was also totally understandable. Public high school. Yearbook pulled names from school records from each grades. I think one unpaid advisor oversaw high school staff. Seniors get special review, but mainly for spelling not content (so different than here). Everything was correctly spelled.
The outrage was from the fact that some kids were apparently deadnamed.
I was on the “how is this the teacher’s fault” side. If your peers don’t flag an issue, IDK that one teacher knows every backstory. Or should be expected to know this. Or random editors who may not know you.
Here, someone should have caught that and maybe someone pushed back with some first amendment googling. Failure is an orphan.
We will likely have just pictures and names because of OP’s example. Bandwidth and poor judgment are limiting factors here.
anon
Boy, I would’ve hoped that the student editors would’ve been clued into this, but I can also understand how it could happen, especially in a very large HS.
Anonymous
What even. If you want a different name you need to change your official records. You can’t just expect that the yearbook teacher knows the preferred name of every one of 2,000 kids. How else are they supposed to get lists of names other than pulling class rosters?
Anon
I feel like it would be a good idea to size schools such that the adults responsible for overseeing the minors know what names they go by.
Anonymous
That’s ridiculous. Every teacher knows the names of the kids in their classes, but no one person can keep track of all the kids in an entire school, nor should they need to. It’s also kind of presumptuous for an adult to override the name on the roll. If you aren’t going to go by the official records, just have each kid submit a form with the name they want in the yearbook.
Anonymous
In which case there would be no need for, funds for, or staff for a yearbook. Or anything else, for that matter.
Anonymous
Sounds like you should volunteer.
Seventh Sister
This came up at my kids’ school and there was someone in the school office who was able to verify that some kids wanted different names listed for an event.
Anonymous
Many years ago, something deemed inappropriate was printed in my yearbook. Different scenario/concern, but still deemed something that needed to be fixed. The school created stickers the exact size of the inappropriate comment and distributed them to be placed over that article. I am pretty sure they just did pictures fit to size but here it could be someone else’s response.
Anonymous
Adding: In my case, the article was something they wanted to distract from, so the stickers were just handed out and we were directed to place them in the specific areas. In your case, perhaps they should go out with a letter from the principal acknowledging the inappropriate content and unfortunate oversight in the editing process.
Anonymous
Wow. Are you in the south?
Anonymous
Wow, what an ignorant comment.
Anon
+1. What a dumb, snide, useless comment.
Anon
Believe me, anti-semitism exists everywhere, and my experience, it’s more deep-seated and hateful in areas with larger Jewish populations. Yes, I heard kids in my rural Midwest hometown make idiotic comments about the Holocaust, but they’d never had more than a passing acquaintance with a Jewish person and the comments were based on ignorance more than anything else. At a fancy college in the northeast, I met many kids who came from areas with significant Jewish populations who thought it was ok to talk about how all Jews are cheap and have ugly noses. Less overtly offensive than joking about mass murder, but there was a real vitriol behind their comments based on lived experience that wasn’t present when people who’d never met a Jew made dumb jokes, and it bothered me a lot more.
Anonymous
+1
Seventh Sister
Our elementary school had an issue with a Halloween costume that was deemed inappropriate, and they did a reprint of the offending page in a way that you could add it into the existing yearbook (I think it was a large, full-color sticker).
Calling something like a war your “favorite event” is appalling and while I’m not surprised a high school student said something like that, an adult ought to have caught it.
Anonymous
I have a kid in high school. No adult actually supervises anything they do. It’s like the Lord of the Flies. Teachers are so burned out that they just don’t care. When they do try to maintain discipline or actually teach anything, administration doesn’t back them up.
Seventh Sister
I have a high school kid as well and the lack of supervision is pretty striking.
Cerulean
That is horrifying! I’m a high school administrator. I have not been involved in overseeing a yearbook, but in many schools it’s an extracurricular that staff really don’t want to do because it is very visible, has a lot of sentimental value for people, and it’s run on tight deadlines, so you really have to hold students’ feet to the fire to get work done (and sifting through student quotes to figure out if there’s some offensive or inappropriate meaning behind it is no fun).
I’m guessing that the advisor failed to see this quote, whether through negligence or a simple mistake. I know our school (and a few others who used the same publisher) had a scandal a few a years back when the yearbook publisher took it upon themselves to edit student photos to “correct” them, resulting in some photos that looked nothing like the originals.
That mom
My kid’s public high school yearbook this year had a superlative section for seniors – “most likely to lead a protest” cute, except one of the winners was holding up a poster with an offensive slogan on it (think two bodies of water, one of which rhymes with “free”). A local Jewish women’s group did try and organize a petition or emailing the principal. A friend with 2 children at the school went her own route and her own route and emailed a more personalized letter briefly explaining that it was inappropriate and offensive as a Jewish person and not ok given the usually positive and inclusive emphasis on diversity at this school and in our district. The principal called my friend and spoke with her and thanked her very sincerely for educating her (the principal is also a woman) and expressed a very sincere apology. Today the principal sent a kind letter to the entire community on school letterhead signed with a signature. As far as I know it did not hit the local media – we are the largest city in the state and the largest in about 4 adjacent states and most of a 5th.
Anon
Has anyone gotten a personal training certification? I’m considering getting one. Assuming the best, I’ll retire in 12 years and am considering what to do in that timeframe. I’ll be in my mid-50s. My thought is if I begin pursuing health and wellness certifications and build slowly, I’ll be ready to make a major shift at that time. My history is that I’m athletic, enjoy being in the gym and in active environments, and like the idea of helping people use their bodies. I’m most interested in using the next decade to learn more about nutrition, functional exercise, and possibly massage therapy. I’m looking at the personal training certification as my Step 1. I would love thoughts, ideas, or comments.
anon
Do you like group fitness classes? You could do a group exercise certification now, teach a couple times a week, and have an established reputation before taking on personal training clients. I’ve been considering this, too! I think the group fitness cert is fairly quick, cheap, and easy. My concerns about PT are the low motivation/low compliance clients – they would frustrate the heck out of me.
OP Anon
I love the idea of fitness classes–though I’ve always disliked being in them. I don’t like being crowded by other people. BUT I would probably like leading them. I’ll take a stronger look at this. I hear your concerns. I’ve had a lot of personal trainers in my time and I’ve probably been the low motivation client more than once. I’m mostly interested in helping people who are new to working out and want to become comfortable enough to pursue their own routines without being intimidated by everyone around them. My favorite trainers are the ones who understood what I was willing to do and gave me the tools to do it. My least favorite trainer insisted on high energy routines that wiped me out for days.
Anon
One possibility to consider: there is a real dearth of trainers skilled to work with an aging (but active and wanted to stay active) population. Younger trainers may have less awareness of the toll time takes on bodies, the need to adapt exercises and adjust to work around multiple challenge spots, large muscle building/retention. This is also a demographic with many who have the means to pay for personal training.
pink nails
With that philosophy and interest, I think you would be a fantastic group class teacher/personal trainer and I think there’s a really big need for that philosophy in gyms.
Anon
I have been going to my yoga studio for about 6 years and being a part time yoga instructor in retirement is a very attractive path.
Housecounsel
I am about 50 hours in to a 200-hour yoga certification. I love it but it is a lot of work, and it is a lot harder to study (anatomy, philosophy, history) now than it was 30 years ago when there were fewer distractions.
pink nails
Agree that it’s not nothing to complete it! I did the 200 hour immersive experience over 3 weeks, which is a time commitment that doesn’t work for everyone. I think it’s easier to complete it that way, but the teachers who do the weekends version (like 4-6 weekends over several months + home based study) of the 200-hour yoga certification come out of the certification better teachers. I have a small studio and three of my teachers were weekend certified and they were stronger teachers right away than I was.
I love all the yoga talk here today! :)
Anonymous
I have a gym friend who recently did the 100 hour yoga teacher certification with a similar goal in mind. She took a couple of weeks off work in January so she could get the certificate. Now that she’s back at her regular job, she does “pop up” yoga classes at our gym on Sundays to get some experience teaching and start to build her reputation
pink nails
I’ve been a yoga teacher on the side of my “real” career job for 7 years. If anyone is wants to do it, do the 200 hour yoga teacher certification; it’s much more common and many studios will require the 200 hour certification. It’s a wonderful side thing that gives me a lot of joy, a community full of yoga friends, and an outlet for creativity. It gets much easier to do over time and create interesting flows and experiences for students. I would absolutely not recommend anyone do it for the purpose of making actual money.
Anon
I have an amazing group of friends at my yoga studio and know the owner and the majority of the instructors. I don’t have time to commit to any teacher training now but it’s definitely something I’m considering for retirement.
Sunshine
I really like this idea, especially if you could specialize in people over age 60 or so. I think a lot of trainers are young and want to start people out so hard. People get so sore, get discouraged and stop. What someone who is 60 or 90 years old needs is very different than what someone who is 25 years old needs, and I think that as a trainer who is in her mid-50s, you could probably cater better to that. Very cool idea!
anon
I was just scrolling down, waiting my turn to say that! There is a crying need for trainers with empathy to work with older people. This has become clear to me in my last two gyms. These are training gyms, not chains where training is a side issue, if that clarifies. I understand that before it happens to you, you don’t understand arthritis, perimenopause, general aches and pains, whatever. It’s hard if not impossible to imagine these conditions. But if someone repeatedly says “My body doesn’t go there; I can’t do that” or “That hurts,” then believe them.
Anyway, that gym and this one, a gym for older people has been my fantasy. And the trainers wouldn’t even have to be old themselves!
Anon
+100!!! I had a fitness trainer in his 60s and I (50ish) was the youngest in most of his classes. Unfortunately he got injured in a bicycle accident… I’m now looking for somebody similar. I suspect many people are. I hope you go for it!
Anon
I did the 200-hour yoga teacher training two years ago, at age 45. I now teach yoga 3 days a week. My job can accommodate both, so YMMV. But I absolutely loved the training and teaching in this way gives me total joy. The training was work and time, no doubt about it, but that was part of the joy for me.
I agree with another poster that functional mobility, particularly for aging populations that are healthy but are looking forward to staying active in their golden years, is a key area that people are hungry for.
Anon
I have two family members who have done this. One is enthusiastic about weight loss clients and loved the work; the other preferred working with athletes and ended up switching to high school coaching. My mom does a lot of body weight and gymnastic exercises though her set up is at home, and has done some obstacle course racing. I can see how much it has helped her to have those physical abilities!
Personally I always look for a PT with some kind of background in instrument assisted therapy (don’t care what it’s called, IASTM, Active Release Therapy, whatever) since it’s my holy grail for the typing related wrist issues that come up every few years for me. They’re not always easy to find! There may be massage therapies that work just as well that I haven’t tried, but “smoothing out muscles” provides so much more relief for me than stretching and exercise alone. It’s also been hard to find PTs with a background in hypermobility even though a lot of people are looking.
Anonymous
I don’t have any but some of my friends have gotten yoga certifications and massage therapy certs. Is your intention to replace a corporate income with this? I think that could be very difficult, and I would try to have Q&As with people who are already in full time roles. For example, I’m in San Diego and everyone wants to teach yoga. Unless you are extremely dedicated and maximizing your social media following, you probably aren’t bringing in real money teaching. I think personal training is similar. Some people do make money, and there’s a niche for working with older populations, but you really have to hustle unless you can find a full time role.
Anonymous
Oops I missed the portion about retiring. If you don’t need then income, then this sounds more do-able. Still keep in mind that in major markets the fun stuff like leading yoga classes can be competitive.
Anon
My mom got her yoga teacher certificate in her mid-50s. If the goal of this is to make money, wouldn’t discount the bias people have against older folks / towards younger folks when it comes to fitness teachers. Really look around at the studios or gyms you like and see if there are successful teachers in your demographic.
Conversely, I know folks who have become PTs or massage therapists in their 50’s and done really well.
anon
I recently joined orange theory – I love it. I leave with lots of feel-good endorphins and the workouts and trainers are really motivating. Sometimes, I worry that I’m over-doing it because i have random aches and pains, so im trying to go less frequently and find a rhythm that works. Its been amazing for my mental health and that’s been really motivating.
anon
I’m really interested in Orange Theory! How often do you go? Do you have to rent their HRM or can you just use your own (like an Apple Watch)?
op - anon
Initially I was going 5-6 days a week, but have started to dial it down to 3-4 days a week. I bought their hrm and wear it to every class, I dont think the apple watch is compatible, but I havent tried. It is a fun workout and I like how they switch it up everyday.
Anon
I also loooove Orange Theory.
You can use an Apple Watch, but your heart rate won’t be displayed on your treadmill or rower— you’ll have to look at your watch to see where you are. If you decide to get the HRM, you should buy it because renting is expensive and adds up very quickly (plus you know how clean your personal one is). I have a Garmin and will turn on the workout function just to track for myself but I also wear the orange theory HRM because I like seeing where I am at a glance.
I try to go 5 times per week, but at least 2 sessions are the strength classes for me.
The other people at my studio are nice, and I love knowing I’ll get a good workout without having to think it up myself. It’s the only workout program I’ve been able to stick with longterm, so I’m a huge fan!
anonshmanon
yay, good for you!!! Thanks for sharing.
anon
I used to grumble at people being so obsessed with Orange Theory and how culty it is, but I started going in March and now I’m hooked! I cannot imagine going 5 or 6 days a week. You are very hardcore. I’ve been going twice a week, and I’m very sore and stiff in between. I was starting from a very low fitness place for me after 3 years of infertility treatment, pregnancy and postpartum), but still, it’s a hard workout! It feels like I really would benefit from doing a good yoga routine at home on all my off days, I’ve been trying to get into that habit. Maybe you could try that too?
anon
Thanks, all! I signed up for a free class next week. I’ve got a Peloton and love it but also miss getting out of the house for studio classes.
Anon
I also love Orange Theory! I go just 2-3 times a week, and it’s enough to keep me (at age 56) in good shape to enjoy the other active things I love to do — downhill skiing, x-country skiing, hiking, etc. The HITT workout seems to be really effective and efficient.
Anon Pondering
Hi folks. Counsel at BigLaw here. Feel like it’s the end of my road at my firm. Any hive experience / advice asking partners (either my superiors or mentors) for help networking with clients to get the best in-house possible, or do this on my own? I wonder if being honest has worked for anyone, or do I wait for the right opportunity with a client (not all of whom are hiring right now or who pay less than top 25% for in house). Feels kinda like I should have the chops to do this on my own, but also like I’d be leaving value behind if I do it without my firms support. WWYD?
anon
I’m assuming based on your post that your firm does not have an established path to in-house program or point person. Being in a similar position as you a while back, your mentors know that this conversation is coming and would want to help you out. Start with the people that have helped you over the years, because they will continue to advocate for you. Letting everyone know that you are looking is also beneficial because it will give you more time to find something before the firm makes the decision for you.
anon
Also, placing someone makes the most loyal client, so they will want to help you.
Anon
Job search, don’t tell. Firms wildly overestimate their ability to place lawyers in house. As a GC, I’m not usually looking for a firm lawyer, I prefer someone with in-house experience already. I might ask the firms we use to publicize a role but I’m not by any means preferring their picks. Start looking and interviewing and do it on your own timeline. It could take a while and you don’t want to find yourself forced out.
Anon Pondering
Thanks for this. I’ve had secondments over the years and tend to work with clients NOT the C suite so fingers crossed I have some idea how to transition!
Hollis
Counterpoint – I would not tell anyone and just start networking like crazy and find an in-house position on your own. Why would partners who didn’t have the balls to advocate for you and make you partner reach out to clients to see if they will hire you? I’ve never actually seen this happen this way, even at the very top 3 Biglaw firm where their outside clients are large companies with very large legal departments.
Also, you did not ask, but I eventually made myself to a boutique firm where I am now an equity partner and I make more than I did as a counsel at BigLaw and work fewer hours. Our overhead is low, so we keep about 80-90% of what we bill. More autonomy and way fewer meetings than in-house. I am kicking myself for not considering it earlier (I just assumed that small law folks made less $$) and wasting time sitting in on endless meetings and trainings in-house, where legal is always at risk of layoffs.
Anon Pondering
I am considering this. Wondering if I waited too long to make the jump to in house and need the balls to do this instead. Also feeling like I would need to do this now or never.
Anon
Some firms are good at this and help place people looking to leave (or so I’ve heard). But many will just take it as a sign you are not dedicated, and use it to push you out sooner.
Given that you are asking this here, my guess is your firm is the second type. If they tended to be helpful, you would already know that by the time you became counsel.
A.n.o.n.
I echo this and the above comment. if you don’t know your firm is good at this, asking is by its nature “career limiting.” I was a senior associate who asked for help and really didn’t get any – which in retrospect is not surprising as the partners I worked with didn’t actually care that much about my development when I was “committed” to the firm. I stayed for a few months but then was told when my last would be (before I had an offer for an inhouse role, but luckily one came thru to make the transition smoother).
unless you know the firm handles this well, I would reach out to clients at your level who you have a relationship and talk to them. don’t alert the firm unless you think the benefits outweigh the risks.
anon
cross posting bc the moms page is a little younger:
My 10 year old is really testing our patience this week. She has had a few long days at school recently to attend afterschool activities. She behaves differently after these long days with friends, lots of attitude towards us (parents and sibling), not helpful at home, just a bummer/grump who lacks empathy. I’m not sure how to help these situations. We have talked to her about how her words and actions effect us. She is not super outward with loving emotions to begin with and has a younger sibling who is very loving, helpful, and eager to please, which only causes her to bristle more. Here’s an example: she asked for help with homework this morning (doing it late bc of afterschool activity) then got super mad when we tried to walk her through it. She said she just wanted the answer not help because that makes her feel like a baby. Umm, huh? I’m not about to give answers. Help! Commiseration! Strategies! Anything!
Anonymous
Honestly just let it be. This is entirely normal and age appropriate. It’s the end of the year. She is tired. You know this. Kids do not owe you constant sunshine and affection.
Anon
Oh, I’m sorry. 10 is a hard age. But to me, just from this post, it sounds like this is a symptom of being overtired on those days — and it’s possible that she’s given all her extroverted energy to her friends and activities and is just tapped out. So I wonder if on the days she’s being really bristly if there’s a way to give her quiet time, then talk to her the next day?
As far as the homework stuff — try to help, then if/when she says she wants the answer and not help, just say, “Oh, honey, that’s not how this works. Let me know if you’d like me to sit with you and help, but I can’t give you the answer.” Then do not engage more. She’ll either quit, or keep at it (grumbling), or ask you for help and sullenly take it. But she has to figure that part out.
Solidarity. I have a 12-year-old like this, too. The quiet time has helped some.
Josie P
Yup, my kids ALL get like this when they’re tired. She may need help forecasting when stuff is due, then working back from it so she knows when she has to start on it (NOT the night before if she has the long activity). My 14yo (boy) is still working on this skill!
Anon
Congrats, you have a tween! No advice, but lots of commiseration since I’ve got an 11 year old girl.
Vicky Austin
Yeah, my sisters and I were all utter nightmares around age 10, like clockwork.
anon
I have the sweetest 9-year-old girl, and I am dreading when this changes. I was SUCH an a s s to my mom from ages 11-13. And probably sooner, honestly!
Anon
My much-younger sister was a horror show starting at age 8.
Anonymous
Is it possible you’re getting pulled into the details of her behavior, but what’s going on is largely about the “a few long days at school recently.” I’m a more inward than outward person. I care about people and am really good at relationships, but activities and people drain energy from me. When I have long days where I’m going from activity to activity, I’m like a battery that is slowly drained, and then I just hit “empty.” I become a bummer/grump who lacks empathy. If I were 10, I’d show it just like your 10 year old is showing it. I’m an adult with self control and social skills, so I no longer do that. But even now, if I’m stressed because I had to work late yesterday and am late with a deadline this morning, like she is with her homework, and was trying to get the work done last minute and had had to ask for help, and then the “help” just wanted to teach me and get me to learn, when all I wanted was to get it DONE, yeah, I might not have reacted well. I guess I’m still 10 years old!
Anonymous
+1
Anon
Solidarity. I have a neurodivergent 6th grader and the kids are just tapped out this time of year. I’m getting attitude nearly every day around homework/sports practice/chores/etc. We’re trying to make life as easy as possible after school and make sure they have some built in breaks. What helps is if I’m around when the kids are doing homework but not hovering (reading nearby, making dinner, cleaning, folding laundry) and then offering help and going back to ‘my’ activity.
We also do LOTS (and lots and lots) of reminders that mom and dad are people with feelings too and while we will always love you that doesn’t give you permission to be rude/mean to us. I also take my own breaks – after a contentious night of homework last evening I had quiet time in my bedroom while my husband handled bedtime because I was just done getting attitude at home after a long day of getting attitude at work.
I focus on remaining calm but I don’t hide my feelings or reactions if the kids are particularly snide/mean. I’ll say things like ‘that wasn’t a very nice thing to say to someone who is trying to help you’ or ‘that hurt my feelings, I think I need a minute alone please’ or remind them that if you need to take a break, get a fidget, or put on headphones for self-regulation that’s fine, but it’s not ok to be mean to your family because you’re in a cranky mood. Kids don’t get to use family members as emotional punching bags with zero push back in our house.
Anon
“but it’s not ok to be mean to your family because you’re in a cranky mood. Kids don’t get to use family members as emotional punching bags with zero push back in our house.”
This is something we really want to focus on in our house. A warm, loving household is really important to us and snide, cruel comments that are tolerated to avoid rocking the boat really damage that.
Anon
Us too. DH and I both grew up in physically and verbally abusive households and it is super important to us both to not just break that cycle but also model how to feel/process big emotions in healthy ways without being mean/cruel to each other.
Anon
Totally – and no one’s perfect so when blow-ups or rude comments do happen, quick apologies are expected. They don’t have to be extreme, but a simple “ugh I’m sorry I was grumpy. I had a bad day and it wasn’t fair to explode that on you” can go far.
Anon
Thanks for this — I’m going to use this line and this philosophy.
Hollis
I have three teenagers and around 10/11 is when this type of behavior started for each of them. It’s their way of asserting independence and pulling away from their parents. I keep telling DH that X gave me attitude and his response is “X gives me attitude too!” So, put on your seatbelts because you will be on this rollercoaster for awhile. And invest in your relationship with DH because you will need to vent about your kid to someone and your friends without kids the same age will not understand.
anon
Oh, so much this. Only my DH fully understands how I’m feeling when my older kids go into a-hole mode.
Hollis
Haha so true. My friend’s mom is a middle school teacher and she says that all 7th graders are a-holes, and they start pulling out of it in around 8th grade.
anon
It’s the end of the school year, and everyone is wiped out. So lots of commiseration. Build more downtime into your schedule if possible. And I completely agree with the other posters that it’s OK to call out egregiously rude behavior.
Anon
I’m thinking back to when I was roughly that age. My parents were overworked and exhausted, and THEY had attitudes. This, in turn, made me feel like I could have one too. Of course, this is anecdotal, but I would examine your own mood/attitude and how you express it around your daughter. It’s possible she is feeding off your energy.
Anon
Does she want to do these after school activities? Maybe she’s grumpy because she’s hating it.
op
thank you for all of these responses. i am always floored when strangers take the time to provide such thoughtful insights and perspectives. this week’s activity is the school play, so there is an end in sight.
Anonymous
I have a grump of a 10 year old too. We give her space, let her know her feelings are her feeling but she still has to be kind, and we empathize with her.
Idk on the homework specific example, we don’t struggle there, but generally I treat her like an adult. “Giving you the answer is cheating, but I’m happy to help walk you through the steps. Or you can skip it and ask the teacher at school. Want a bagel?”
anon
Heading to Madison, WI for a work trip. The schedule is pretty packed but is there anything that is a can’t miss while I am there. Staying downtown. Is it safe to run along the lake shore alone in the early mornings? Thanks!
Anon
Cheese curds. Beer. Coffee.
Anon
There’s a lovely cheese shop downtown named Fromagination. I haven’t been there in person since 2016, but I still get their emails and order items regularly.
OOO
+1 to Fromagination!
Anon
That lake shore path is a nice run – go all the way out to the end of picnic point and back. Then sit on the terrace at the student union for a coffee (or a beer if you run later). The path is generally well-used and safe, but I’m not sure about early mornings.
CMS
+1 to this. Definitely the Terrace.
TelcoLadyJD
The Old Fashioned on the Capital Square is a classic. If you’re going to be there on Saturday – there is a farmers market on the Square as well. I know there are a lot of outdoor concerts – but I’m not sure when they usually are. Maybe Friday nights? Worth a google.
OOO
The Saturday Farmers Market is fantastic
Anon
Agree! Make sure to get cheese curds and a brandy old fashioned (the traditional Wisconsin style). The Capitol is beautiful if you have time to walk through. Bradburys off the square is a great coffee shop. And on campus, there’s a place you can get a beer (maybe the student center?) and sit outside on the plaza by the lake that is just a delight.
Anon
Definitely visit the Capitol. It is open to the public and has bathrooms. Yes to cheese curds, Brandy Old Fashioned (order it press if you don’t like it super sweet). Fromagination is a fun shop. If you go further down state street from the Capitol, there is a popcorn shop and another, more local, cheese shop. If you like ice cream, Chocolate Shop Zoreo is the best.
Anon
My manager gave me a negative review this year after giving me a satisfactory one last year. The difference in the numerical rating is small (3.1 vs 2.9) but it makes a big difference whether your overall rating is above or below a 3. You’re not considered in good standing and not eligible for cost of living raises with an overall rating < 3.0. He admitted to me (in person, not in writing) that my performance this year was better than last, but said he got in trouble with upper management last year for giving me a 3. This feels really unfair. Would you say anything on your response to the evaluation and if so, how would you phrase it?
Anon
He’s showing you that he’s a sucky manager and that this is not a company that values high performers if it means they have to pay them fairly. I’d start looking for a new role – from experience you are not going to change the company if this is the stated culture.
anon
I don’t think saying anything on your response is going to do much for you. I would start looking around, though, because it seems like your boss doesn’t have your back, and upper management wasn’t happy with your rating last time.
Work Phone
I’m too angry on your behalf to formulate a coherent response. In your shoes I’d start rage-applying.
Anon
Respond by job searching. It’s shitty when companies have stupid policies like this in place.
Anon
Is there anything for you to accept or not? As in, are there substantive portions of the review that you can dispute, or present alternative interpretations? If so, just go on record as doing that. You aren’t going to change anything; the value is in not accepting it.
Talk with your coworkers to see if any of them would provide a reference for you.
Then apply EVERYWHERE.
Anecdata
“I’d like to follow up on my performance review. I’ve given it some thought, and I’m concerned about my rating being unsatisfactory & not being eligible for COL. Can you tell me more about upper management’s concerns with my work?”
I would absolutely ask more about this, even if the “number” difference is small, a rating that makes you ineligible for COL is a big deal/would make me feel like my job is in jeopardy.
If I were you, my first objective would be to figure out what the situation is:
A) Your work isn’t meeting upper management’s expectations (this year or last year). If that’s the case, your next steps are figuring out if your job is in danger, do you know what the expectations actually are and have what you need to meet them, does your manager agree with upper management (which can be true even if you’ve improved over the last year)
B) You’re stuck in stack-ranking doom/upper management prevents your manager from rating everyone 3+/this is just a cost-cutting no-one-gets-raises situation. If this is the case, next steps are feeling out squeaky-wheel push back, and
deciding whether you want to work there overall.
But start with figuring out if you’re in situation A or B
anonshmanon
agree with the responses above. There is no point in writing a reply. Look for other jobs, then feel free to tell them why in your exit interview. Not only is your individual situation crummy, but your companies’ policies are stupid. Cost of living doesn’t ask whether you are a high or low performer. That’s what merit increases are for. Do you also get fewer sick days with your performance rating? It doesn’t make any sense.
Anon
He apparently does not value your work enough to push back on upper management’s crummy zero-sum COL policy. This would be my sign to freshen up my resume, move on, and not look back.
Anon
I got a good night sleep last night, but still feel half asleep/can’t stop yawning. any tips to feel more awake?
go for it
honest….small can of diet coke!
AnonNL
I do 2 sets of 15 push-ups. Works wonder to get my blood pumping and also banishes any pent-up anger out of my body.
Anecdata
Quick walk outside in the sunlight