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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I bought a camel blazer on something of a whim recently and have been surprised at how often I’ve been wearing it. I love it layered over an all-black outfit (black turtleneck and trousers in colder months, black blouse and ankle pants in the summer) or a jewel-toned sheath for work. I also really like it for making an “outfit” out of a white tee and jeans on the weekend.
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Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Good Morning!
Watch Broadway plays and musicals http://filmedonstage.com/news/84-updating-list-of-all-national-theatre-productions-that-are-available-to-stream-for-free
Sign up to complete a 10 day diary for researchers studying long-term isolation in space https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScchdT8eWQFvDCuLMJQ49DJSTJgNjI8WHWAouqWECDJNk8NYQ/viewform more info https://medium.com/mhci-x-nasa-capstone-2020
If you like bluegrass/folk music you can stream past Woodsongs shows here https://www.woodsongs.com/show-archives/
a painting https://southwindfineart.com/art/sky-dance-by-cristine-sundquist
How’s it going? Happy Monday!
Anonymous
Good morning and thank you! My firm is making us enter time daily on WFH (usually just once a month) and I’m finally nearly caught up on the start of the month and just feeling positive about it. For me this week is going to be about positive habits: moisturizer; longer walks; face masks (the anti aging kind); a clean sink; and drinking lots of water.
Cb
I made myself a kid style star chart with my goals – vitamins, getting outside, meditation, yoga, skin care routine, water. Very effective!
Anon
I love this! Now I need stickers…. Give a mouse a cookie!
Good Morning!
We were doing timesheets 1x per month and they are moving to weekly. I think this will be good accountability for me because monthly timesheets are a mess for me esp when I’m billing to like 6 projects.
We also have a new code for issues encountered during WFH so it will be nice to be honest.
Anonymous
Happy Monday!
2 weeks of WFH has me convinced that DH has hearing loss worse than I suspected. For years, it has been excessive volume on the TV. And I’ve caught him bluffing (smiling and nodding while having no idea what a person is saying to him). He misses half of what I say to him (at first, I blamed it on ADD, but it is clear that he is not even hearing things). [Is it me, you ask, who might be the deaf one? We are also holed up with our kids; it’s not a problem b/w me and them.]
I feel like there needs to be a button to push on doctors e-health thingies for “spouse reporting that patient spouse truly cannot hear; do not treat alone b/c he can’t hear you, either.”
Of course, b/c it is health related but affects vanity, he is unlikely to do anything unless I can figure out the reciprocal vanity trigger to use.
CountC
They make teeny tiny hearing aids now! Of course, it depends on the type of hearing loss, but honestly, most of them are hard to see. My father pushed back on it until he was 75 after years and years of us having to yell at him, so I understand the “pain.” Good luck!
Clementine
So, depends on the target, but the most effective intervention I’ve seen with men particularly is tying hearing loss to prior behaviors, not aging.
For example, ‘Too much loud rock! Still can’t keep me away from it.’ or ‘Yeah, it’s from duck hunting!’ (said by somebody who literally duck hunts once a year and it is absolutely not from duck hunting, it’s ’cause he’s aging but his reality is that it’s from his fun hobby).
Can you tie it to something ‘cool’ he did? Motors? Tuba section in a marching band? Bumping Kanye?
Anonymous
Does anyone know if there is a subtle way to test for hearing loss? Like some common sound, that if you can’t hear it, you need to get your hearing checked. Firetrucks and ambulances are too loud. What else is there?
Anonymous
So I noticed this with a few adversaries who were older men: they couldn’t hear me, but they could hear the (male) judge. I read somewhere that men tend to lose hearing of higher pitches first. To put it another way, they decided it was FINE that they couldn’t hear women speak. That’s not vanity; it’s sexism. If your husband is not a sexist jerk, maybe explain it that way?
Anon
FWIW, I think that hearing loss pattern is true for all of us, not just men. Random story: Someone in our family gave my brother a cool lighter for Christmas this year. It’s electric vs fuel-based and only my youngest sister (age 26 vs our next youngest sibling at 30) could hear it. She cringed every time he turned it on. It was interesting to observe how fast and how young things like hearing change as we age.
Anon
Tell him how much his risk of dementia increases if he doesn’t get hearing aids.
Vicky Austin
Tell him how much his risk of dementia increases if he doesn’t get hearing aids.
Housecounsel
Why are people in general so resistant to admitting they need help? Serious question, not blaming. I know women who are also very resistant.
Senior Attorney
Yes, this. Tons of research to that effect.
Anon
I accept that language is “use it or lose it,” but is “losing language” that big a risk factor for dementia, or does it just look similar on certain tests? There are people who live their whole lives without hearing. I can see how it could be harmful to lose hearing and not compensate in any way.
Vicky Austin
Sorry, when I said “losing language,” I meant to refer to the phenomenon that if you don’t have consistent language input (which would be true if you can’t hear), you lose your ability to create output/speak. Whether the brain actually deteriorates in the same way a brain affected by dementia would, I don’t know. It may just be that the brain and the mouth stop talking (ha) to each other and the brain is fine, just blocked from expressing that it is fine. But I don’t know how that would be demonstrably different from dementia anyway.
Anon
Thank you for responding; that does help me understand what the risks are.
LaurenB
This is also why, if someone with hearing loss that’s gone untreated for a long time gets hearing aids, they don’t just pop them in – they are introduced gradually over a period of time, bc the brain needs to retrain itself. In that regard, it’s unlike getting glasses, where you pop them on and poof, you can see again.
Anon
FYI I have hearing loss that is probably inner ear and it is not treatable with hearing aids. Just because you think you’ve diagnosed his hearing loss doesn’t mean it can just be fixed if he also acknowledges it. It’s also very hard to get any kind of non urgent appointment right now.
How about being kind and sympathetic to your husband instead of playing a game of gotcha with him?
Anonymous
Where is the game of gotcha? My husband was in a band and has no higher end hearing. I worry that he is missing significant important things. He leaves faucets on because he gets distracted and can not hear water running.
Anon
You said you “caught him” bluffing that he could hear, then blamed it on his vanity. You sound angry and frustrated at him about not being able to hear, which I have also faced with select loved ones, and let me tell you, it does not feel loving.
It is very sad to lose hearing ability. Having someone mad at you about it does not suddenly make you able to hear.
CountC
I have hearing loss too, and I too have faced the frustration of all sorts of people, family members and others. But it IS frustrating when someone can’t hear you, even if you love them and are sympathetic. I get frustrated even though I can’t hear half the time!!
Anon
Okay, but this isn’t about you.
Anon
It’s never been a better time for shelter in place. We have countless free classes, workshops, and lectures at our fingertips, millions of YouTube videos and blogs to teach us any workout or skill we want, dozens of streaming media choices, better access to library ebooks than ever before, Internet to teach your kids their schoolwork and provide us as many or as few updates as we want on the news, and probably other things I’m forgetting. It could be a helluva lot worse.
LaurenB
On one hand you are absolutely correct (binge-watched “Tiger King” and “Unorthodox” in the last few days!). On the other hand, those of us who can say this are generally people who are economically privileged, who can do white collar jobs from home and have flexibility during the day, who may already employ au pairs who can watch the children, etc. While I am 110% dedicated to sheltering in place which I’ve done for a few weeks now, my heart bleeds for the small business owners who are losing everything and for whom shelter at home isn’t just a chance to catch up on Netflix and learn a new language. Don’t get me wrong – it’s still 100% the right thing to do, so please don’t take this as a critique of sheltering in place.
Anon
No, you’re absolutely right – I didn’t check my privilege in my post (getting rid of that defensive verbal clutter that I’ve mentioned previously), but in this case, I should have acknowledged that for so many, shelter in place represents a loss of their business/livelihood/everything and it’s not a fun time to learn something new. My heart goes out to those who are suffering economically (not to mention those who are suffering from COVID-19 or who have family members who are).
Airplane.
Down with defensive verbal clutter!
Anon GC
Upsides: stepkids will be over for dinner tonight, which will be a huge lift for my husband as he’s not seen them in a week; baby is moving around a ton, and after 10 days of brutally long hours it looks like we may have gotten through at least one major COVID-related hurdle that was extremely threatening to the health of my company (and thus to our workforce). We also got word that our parent is giving bonuses to employees that we’re not able to send to WFH, which is great bc despite our best efforts we are still going to have people who use programs that can’t be set up for remote or that have to interact with the public (we provide a truly essential but non-healthcare service and we have to have some offices open for customers).
Downsides: the pollen situation in my area is truly brutal and I am miserably allergyish right now, and haven’t been able to get OTC meds for several days. Going to have to start calling drugstores again today to see if anyone has anything in stock that is pregnancy-safe.
AnonATL
Pregnant person in the SEUS, and Zyrtec is my savior. It is recommended you take them daily, but I’ve been getting by with every other day use, because I feel uncomfortable taking meds too regularly while pregnant. My OB says they are safe, but I’m still trying to limit my use.
Anon
I confessed to my ENT that I only take my allergy meds every 48 hours, and he was actually completely fine with that to my surprise.
cat socks
Doing okay today. I went to the grocery store this morning and things are looking more normal. The TP aisle is sill completely empty, but I was able to get a couple of bottles of bleach. One for me and one to donate to the animal shelter. When I got to the store they had someone to wipe down my cart for me. People seemed to be doing well with social distancing. I guess I’m slowly getting used to this new normal.
Housecounsel
I went to the grocery store for the first time in weeks, after completing 14 days of quarantine because of my daughter. I was surprised at how normal it looked. The only bare shelf was where the Lysol/Clorox wipes usually are. They’re limiting milk purchases to one per customer, but there was plenty of milk. I feel less panicky today.
Some bad news: my daughter’s absolute dream job summer internship was cancelled. I am trying to empathize with this loss while also putting it in perspective against all the people who have lost the ‘real” jobs that support their families.
Anon
In case anybody needs a laugh, I got a damned sunburn working from home. Yes, I am that pale. I forgot about the skylights.
I have been using up all my “dud” skincare products and today I delved into the doesn’t-want-to-soak-in facial sunscreens. At my laptop looking like an angry mime right now. Praise be that we do text-only Skype.
anon
lol
Senior Attorney
Ha! “Angry mime” made me LOL for reals!
Anon
Angry mime wins today.
anon
if you are so inclined, join the 4000 people who use this NIH-app to participate in a study to understand the spread and onset of symptoms:
https://covid19.eurekaplatform.org/
Senior Attorney
Honestly, I completely understand my privilege (although DH’s small business is hurting bad) but we had a pretty great time this weekend. My colorist dropped off my hair dye and we went out in the back yard and Hubby applied it and did a great job. Baked bread and it turned out great. Made two wine-cork trivets including one with a new design. Fixed the balky garage door. Made a new chicken/beans/rice dish that turned out delish. ( https://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/one-pan-chicken-drumsticks-with-rice-and-beans ) Had a blast working together on the 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle. Took long walks while carefully avoiding other people. Had a Zoom happy hour with friends. If it weren’t the end of the world as we know it, it’d be pretty fabulous.
However it is the end of the world as we know it so those fun days were accompanied by sleepless nights, at least on my part. So there’s that.
NOLA
I didn’t sleep at all on Saturday night. I was upset and just couldn’t fall asleep. A friend and I discovered that we were both up at 4:30 am, so we messaged for at least an hour. It was incredibly comforting!
hair color
SA – I can relate. I’m waiting for my hair stylist to drop off color. I’ve never done it myself and am glad she is willing to drop it off. I texted her for advice about what drug store brand to buy and she offered to bring my regular product. Also doing a lot of cooking. Alas, we have no puzzles.
NOLA
Dude and I finally had a serious talk about us, after he made some insensitive remarks on Saturday night. As I suspected, he feels like he is not as invested as I am and not as invested as he thought he should be, after four months of being together. I have been just trying to roll with it, without trying to define anything, but things weren’t right. We would have a great time on Friday nights, after not seeing each other all week, then Saturday nights were kinda blah. I suspect that it’s a combination of things – he is working on some really high stress work with hospitals and can barely stop all week. Trying to keep up with me was a lot. In fact, he didn’t get paid this week (admitted that yesterday morning) because he wasn’t in the office enough to do his timesheet in time. In his downtime, I think he would prefer to just lay around, get a few things done, smoke weed, and look at reddit. He said that he feels like I should date other people, but of course, that’s not really possible right now. I also don’t think he understands what it was like when I was dating multiple people. I would not stay his Friday night girl for long. He wants to scale things back and I am busy with work, so I am just doing my job, trying to exercise, getting back to my hobbies, and not worrying about him. I’m disappointed and sad, but surprisingly, not feeling devastated. I think I saw this for a while, despite the fact that we felt very comfortable together and had a lot of fun. I’ve decided to leave him alone. If he texts or calls, I’ll answer, but otherwise, leave it be.
Airplane.
Great that you are not feeling devastated. IMO you should end it now and then be fresh and ready to date when the shelter in place is over. Do you really want a guy (thinking long term here) who just wants to lay around, get a few things done, smoke weed, and look at reddit? I think you deserve better than that – someone who will not tell you to date other people and make you have the sneaking (and accurate) suspicion that he is not as invest in you. You deserve someone as invested in you!
Senior Attorney
Oh darn but I agree with this. Also, darn!!
Senior Attorney
Also big hugs!
NOLA
Yeah, he’s kind of in a funk. The weed thing was surprising (not at all apparent when we first got together). We did a lot until this whole lockdown thing and were having a lot of fun. My love language, as it were, is taking care of the people around me, so I was trying to help him get his place set up. He said yesterday that when I bought things he needed (mainly things we needed to cook there, or so I could make coffee there), it made him feel like he didn’t have his sh!t together. Well, he doesn’t, soooooooo. I mean, yes, he has a coffeemaker, but it hasn’t been working right. He said that he would look up how to fix it, but then when I said something about it yesterday, he said that he figured I would do it. But I wasn’t supposed to bring something to make coffee because he had a coffeemaker. Blah blah blah.
Airplane.
Totally get you on taking are of others being your love language, but is he giving you love in the language you need? I guess I’m not seeing that here. I’m seeing a lot of taking on his part, not a lot of contributing. I’m seeing you issue spot and problem solve, but that’s not a partnership, IMO. Totally fine that he’s in a funk. Also totally fine for you to step away any not involve yourselve in solving his funk. He can do that himself like a grown man.
Senior Attorney
Oh hell with that noise about “you’re making me feel inadequate for my inadequacies.” JSFAMO.
NOLA
Oh I’m totally not trying to solve his funk. Just acknowledging it. I called him on his BS yesterday morning. It was a good conversation and we actually hung out after we had “the conversation.” I guess I have been less excited about him in his current state. He’s a bit cocky and I think he underestimated me. Against my better judgment, I decided to reactivate Match this morning. Lo and behold, I have gotten a flurry of messages. Not really into it and really busy with work, but we’ll see what comes of it.
Jules
Oh, NOLA, I’m sorry to hear this. It’s almost certainly the current strain that’s leading to all of this, but it still sucks. Sending you air hugs.
NOLA
Yeah, it sucks, but I guess I’m surprised that I’m sad, but okay. Odd… I have to stop myself from randomly texting him, but I feel like that’s the right thing to do. I need to give him space and see if he missed me. Honestly, with how his work is, and the messy stuff with his divorce, I doubt if anything will change anytime soon. Time will tell. He’s into me and I know that. Just not into a relationship, maybe with anyone, if that makes sense.
Anon
I’m so sorry, NOLA. This sucks. I agree that time may change things, but not necessarily. And, it’s okay to grieve regardless. Hugs.
No Longer Anon
So sorry, NOLA- sending you hugs. What a difficult thing to have to deal with during this already awful situation.
Hollis
This totally sucks NOLA. I’ve been in this scenario before, where everything seems to be going great, the guy is pushing to get serious, and then the guy pulls out the “I didn’t think I’d be in a serious relationship this soon” and wants us to “date other people… but also keep seeing each other”. Some men just don’t have the emotional immaturity to be good long-term partners and on top of that, their communication skills are critically lacking. I may be wrong, but that’s how I’m perceiving this guy. Good riddance to this guy – you can do so much better. Cut it off cleanly so you can move on to greener pastures.
NOLA
He’s an engineer and good communication is NOT his strong suit.
Another anonymous judge
I say this with love but it sounds like his communication is just fine. You deserve SO much better than this. Please do not answer if he calls or texts. Listen to Senior Attorney and the other ladies on this post and free yourself of this person. People like this have no place in your life.
Shears for cutting my own hair?
Can anyone recommend shears for giving myself a haircut?
Thanks!
Anonymous
Just don’t.
Anon
There is literally a forum about awful quarantine haircuts. Anything beyond dusting the ends should not be tried at home, at least not when you normally get it cut by a professional.
Anononon
I had my husband buzz my undercut with his beard trimmer over the weekend. I have never seen him so terrified! Fortunately it looks good enough and I can wear my hair so my undercut doesn’t show anyway. Letting the rest of it just grow out until this is all done. As someone who usually cuts her hair every six weeks (short, precise, angular cut), this is going to be an adventure.
anon
Tread carefully. Unless you’ve got some barber experience you may do more harm than good. I have done this very thing years ago and it did NOT turn out well.
That being said, I got a pair of scissors at TJ Maxx. They are buried in a box of bad ideas somewhere in the house.
Google may be your friend for brand suggestions.
Lobby-est
“….a box of bad ideas” hahahaha! I have one of those, too!
anon
Just some that say barber shears or hair-cutting scissors. More crucial than any particular brand is that they are not used for anything else (much like fabric cutting scissors but those have a more hefty base).
Anony
Get specific hair-cutting scissors that are sharp. I have a kit from Amazon that came with scissors, thinning shears, clips, and a comb. It’s great! I’ve been cutting my own hair for years and actually just box dyed it and gave it a thin-out and trim this past weekend. Feels so nice and light!
Curious
Yeah, I cut my slightly-past-shoulder length, fine, curly hair, too. Go you! I just use hair scissors from CVS.
Anony
Go you too =) I giggle when I see the posts about how people are going to look with no salons, etc open. Didn’t realize I was so well-prepared for this! Ordered 3 more boxes of hair dye just in case haha
Anon
+1; with care, it can be done. But try to learn a bit about your hair type!
Anony
+1 knowing your hair type! Mine is long, shaggy/rockstar layers, and thin but LOTS of it. I just cut it dry with the scissors held vertically then run the thinning shears through it to lighten up the weight and ends. I have to do it every few weeks otherwise my neck starts to hurt and I get headaches – that’s how much hair I have. It’s crazy.
AnonATL
I trim my just below shoulder length wavy thick hair regularly. I just take an inch off when it starts getting scraggly. There are some good tutorials online, and it helps to have someone check to make sure it’s even across the back. I’m able to pull all mine to the front and tell pretty well, but husband does a spot check.
This gets a little sketchy the shorter your hair is. Less room for error.
Senior Attorney
I’m Team Don’t Touch It.
Fun fact: My husband went to a new barber just before all this hit and in my opinion he got scalped. But now that’s turning out to be a blessing in disguise because it’s going to be quite some time before it’s too long.
No Problem
Ha this happened to my dad too! His last haircut, my mom complained that it was cut too short. But now it looks perfect. It’s going to be super interesting to see what it looks like in another two weeks or so because he has super thick straight wiry hair that just grows straight out in all directions. I wonder how long it will have to be before it starts laying flat.
And my mom is now growing out her hair, since she the haircut she was due for last week was obviously cancelled. Which imho is a good thing, because I think she will look great with hair a few inches longer. She’s worn it the same way for decades and I’ve been gently nudging her lately to consider a change.
Anon
Hair-cutting scissors. Unless you have a very intricate haircut or very curly hair, you absolutely can cut your own hair at home. Watch a YouTube tutorial, watch it again, watch it a third time, then cut your hair. Take your time.
Anon
This reminds me that my dad gave my mom a haircut the other day. He did a surprisingly good job!
Belle Boyd
Ooooh boy.
If you absolutely have to do this…. and I get you, sister, I really, really do…. please think twice. But if you do, DO NOT — and I repeat this — DO NOT CUT YOUR HAIR WET. Hair shrinks when it dries and you may be shocked when you see the end result. Cut dry hair only and cut way less off than you think you need to for starters.
Ulta sells haircutting shears. You may be able to find them online as all their physical stores are closed. But definitely look for scissors designed for cutting hair.
Anonymous
I got the tweezerman styling shears off amazon to trim my kid’s curly hair and was very happy with the scissors and the results. But she’s only 4, so even if it had been a disaster, she wouldn’t have noticed or cared.
Anonymous
Anything really sharp. I used my fabric shears. I have long hair so followed a YouTube video on cutting long layers. It looks surprisingly good.
Anon
I’m not cutting my hair for awhile. This may be the first time I can actually grow my hair long enough to donate.
Groundhog day
Feeling thankful for this online community. I’d honestly been doing not too bad mentally recently, aside from maybe feeling not motivated at work and that the workdays can feel long but unproductive, and working from home is an adjustment. But today it’s really starting to feel like Groundhog Day. Can’t believe it will be another month of it at least. How have you gotten through harder days?
Good Morning!
crying, ranting, and then making sure i have gotten enough food and sleep. There’s no blueprint because nobody has ever done this before, nobody has ever lived through this type of global situation, so we’re all just making it up as we go along.
pugsnbourbon
“workdays feel long but unproductive” – yep, right there with you. I started my day two hours ago and I have …. sent three emails.
Also nearly got missed by the garbage truck because I forgot it was Monday.
Anon
I legit teared up and went into a 30-minute funk because cookies I baked didn’t turn out right. Luckily it passed, but all of this is having more of an impact than I think we even know. I think that I’m likely to have persistent anxiety about public spaces/”exposure” for months or years.
Anonymous
If it makes you feel better, my husband tried to bake cookies this weekend, for the first time in as long as I’ve known him. Attempt #1: Used powdered sugar instead of flour because I put them in OXO containers that I didn’t bother labeling, because I can tell the different between powdered sugar and flour… He apparently cannot and was confused as to why his dough didn’t look like dough. Attempt #2: Successfully followed recipe, except he bought self-rising flour instead of normal flour “because I just thought flour was flour, what’s the difference?” Luckily I caught that in time and told him to leave out the baking powder. Once he rolled out dough: “It’s too soft to cut into shapes, so I just kind of made them into rough rectangles.” They do taste okay, though.
Housecounsel
The powdered sugar aspect is hilarious.
Senior Attorney
OMG my husband has done the powdered sugar thing, too, only he was wondering why his gravy didn’t thicken!
Patricia Gardiner
Ooh I bet that was a not-so-tasty mess!!
PolyD
So he had gravy icing? That’s hilarious.
Anon
Mmmm gravy icing
Vicky Austin
OMG this is hilarious. Thank you!
Anonymous
I made banana bread with salt instead of sugar once. I knew what I had done, but still gave it to my husband to taste (why, I don’t know). It’s been almost 20 years, and he still teases me about it.
NOLA
I’m trying to work (from home) on my regular job, dealing with trying to handle setting up singing for Palm Sunday and Holy Week (we’re doing soloists or pre-recorded solos for online services), while feeling sad about the end of my relationship. Ugh.
EB
I feel like I missed something…NOLA, are you ok? What happened!? When?!
NOLA
See above… yesterday morning.
No Longer Anon
Giving myself room to not be productive- extending myself the same grace we’re all extending to each other.
I’ve been taking a bath each night at approximately 5:10 PM, even if “work” wasn’t quite 9-5.
Reading, a lot. Watching a LOT of Madam Secretary. And all of last week I looked forward to (and then enjoyed) Making the Cut, Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn’s new show.
Dating blues
I’m feeling sad and disappointed because someone I’m seeing is not sure how he feels about me. There hasn’t been much physical contact of course – only holding hands really, and given the current situation we agreed to just do FaceTime and not attempt to meet up or do walks or anything. The funny thing is, I wasn’t fully sure how I felt either and if I was really attracted physically. In normal times we could spend more time together, but there’s no way to test this out right now. I was glad to have someone in my life during this time, and hoped it would work out maybe too much, getting carried away thinking too far ahead about what it could be. I’ve been crying and it feels like a breakup. :( Seeking ideas on how to reframe the situation?
Anonymous
Yes- cut off all contact with him. He’s basically a stranger who has now said he doesn’t like you. Oh well! He is therefore not someone deserving of you or your time.
Anon
+1
He’s just not that into you. That’s fine. This is not a situation worth crying over.
Anonymous
Yikes. Early breakups are still hard. You’re grieving the loss of what might have been. Particularly right now when it’s hard to get back out there.
Anon
This. It’s okay to be sad. Breakups can be hard whenever they happen.
Anon
This is a good point. You sound like you are grieving the possibility of being in a relationship, not necessarily one with this particular guy.
Honestly it sounds like you’re not that into him either. Realize what you’re actually sad about (a future relationship you imagined) vs this actual guy, who sounds like he’s not worth any real estate in your brain.
Anonymous
I’m not sure you do reframe it. It IS a breakup. It IS sad, because a bright and hopeful spot in your life is no longer there. So you just let yourself grieve a bit, but you also don’t go too far into it. And be very careful of layering all the stress or loss of the current virus situation onto the boyfriend situation. Don’t escalate the breakup into more than it is because you’re stressed in general.
Anon
+1. This is the much more compassionate response and guidance you should listen to. You get to decide what’s “worth” crying over.
Anon
I’ll admit I have a different view, and think it really depends on what he said. It sounds like you haven’t been dating long, right? How did this come up? I’m at least of the view that “I’m not sure how I feel” doesn’t have to be the end depending on context and how long you have known each other. But I’m also more comfortable with that view them a guy who professes love super early, and I know not everyone will agree.
Having said all that, it’s still perfectly normal to be really hurt
OP
OP here – I hadn’t heard from him after we hung out and I felt weird about it. He said he didn’t feel like there was a click and coronavirus makes things complicated. But I wonder if that’s an excuse for “I’m just not that into you.”
Anon
That changes my view. Did you have one or two dates, and then he said there wasn’t a click when you reached out again? That sucks, but sounds like this isn’t the guy for you. The right one is out there, this just isn’t the one. That sucks! I’m sorry
Anon
Oh girl…he told you he didn’t feel a click. That’s not an excuse: he literally told he’s just not that into you. It’s ok to be sad, but you didn’t have a relationship with him. You need to stop giving this so much space in your head. There will be lots of guys to date when this is over.
Airplane.
It’s not an excuse! He “didn’t feel like there was a click” is synonomous with “I’m just not that into you.” Grieve for the lost potential of the relationship you imagined, but that’s all this was. Times are stressful, you got carried away, it’s ok to be sad.
CountC
+3 If there isn’t a click for me, then I am not interested in the person romantically. I’m sorry.
Airplane.
I think that’s a false dichotomy – it’s not “I’m not sure how I feel” or “profess love super early.” When a guy wants you, he lets you know. Telling you he isn’t sure tells you everything you need to know – he’s not into it enough to deserve more of your time and investment.
Quarantined Couple
We survived a whole weekend of just doing our own things! I’ve fallen hard and fast for this man. There is definitely some sort of (little) elephant in the room, back in the far corner, that we just aren’t addressing at this point because we don’t know what’s going to happen/when it will happen. We both know I’m trying my hardest to move down to DC for reasons other than him, but it’s a weird feeling to not have a timeline or any answers. I’m trying to tell myself that my need to control situations and prepare for outcomes doesn’t need to be humored in this instance. Just go with my gut and trust in the moment. He invited me down here for a reason, and wants me to stay for a reason. But insecurities, you know? On a lighter note, this morning he lovingly pointed out that I always make a mess when I make coffee. It’s been like, what? Two weeks by this point? Almost? Going strong!
Anonymous
Take it week by week. I went into a ‘what if’ spiral last night and DH pointed out that I could not have imagined all this three weeks ago so no point in trying to figure out what things will be like in three weeks. Just do it one week at a time.
AnonATL
I love following this crazy story. My husband and I were kinda like this out of choice. First date on a Thursday evening, and we spent every subsequent day together. Here we are almost 6 years later with a baby on the way.
Thanks for the rom-com level distraction in these crazy times, helps remind me of the humanity of it all.
Senior Attorney
Yay!
Airplane.
+1
Nan
This is my favorite story line right now. Thanks for the update.
pugsnbourbon
I clicked the link for this jacket because I had to know why it was originally $700. Turns out that camel hair is, in fact, a fabric composition and not just a color. You learn something new every day.
Anon
Is it made from literal camels!?
anne-on
Yup. Camel hair jackets were a posh/preppy thing to wear in between plays during polo. It got picked up here in the US in the 20’s/30’s and has been fairly common in (high end) menswear since. Brooks brothers usually has at least 1 or 2 camelhair blazers every fall/winter. They are VERY soft and warm in person, really gorgeous and definitely a splurge-y wear forever piece.
Good Morning!
Camel hair is so warm, I love it for that.
Senior Attorney
And very soft.
Anon
I had a camel hair blazer in the 90s. It was gorgeous.
pugsnbourbon
Yep (I just read the wikipedia page). It’s hair, not hide, so the camels aren’t harmed. Sounds like a very labor-intensive process.
anon
BALD CAMELS!
BB
I have a comment in mod about owning this jacket. I also have a camel hair skirt. It’s a very soft, kind of furry fabric. I’m a big fan.
Anon
I think I might be due to inherit a camel coat (not for a long time, hopefully) as well as a floor-length mink. I eat meat and wear leather shoes, but I don’t think I could cross the line to a fur coat. Maybe it’s not rational but it feels different.
BabyAssociate
A camel coat is not a fur coat.
Anon
A mink coat is.
anne-on
But camel hair is gathered in a similar fashion to wool, they shear the animals, not kill them (from what I understand anyway). Do you not wear wool as well?
Agreed on the mink though, that one I’d donate, I just can’t stomach it.
Anon
I wasn’t clear – I think I would wear camel since I do wear wool, but I don’t think I could stomach mink either. Idk why I don’t have the same visceral reaction to leather though…
Anonymous
How is it different? Especially with vintage garments, the damage was done many moons ago, unlike with your hamburger where that cow was killed for you. Meat eating is arguably worst than vintage fur.
Anon
I would never buy a new fur coat, but I would 100% wear a fur I inherited if it was in good condition (and I didn’t live in Florida, where it never gets cold enough to need a coat except in my office).
Senior Attorney
I inherited my mom’s mink coat and wore it to a Christmas party last year (remember parties?). I intended to be wearing it ironically, but as it happened I kind of unironically liked it!
Senior Attorney
Also: Typing this from my office in So Cal, next to my space heater.
Anon
I struggle with it too. I have a fox fur collar. It’s vintage. It’s extremely warm. On the coldest days I sometimes wear it. My mostly-vegetarian teenager is all OMG mom and wants me to take it off. But the fox is already dead, long ago. Should I bury the collar, or use it since the fox died for it anyway?
I think the PETA argument is that wearing any form of fur makes other people think it’s ok to wear fur (presumably new fur?) but I don’t really flatter myself that I look so fabulous that people would want to emulate me.
Anonymous
I have a black leather coat with mink trim that was a hand me down. I wear it, because it’s warm, and wearing it means I don’t need to buy another coat.
Non Covid Question
Yesterday I found out that my husband was in a chatroom having an explicit conversation with a man, and I confronted him. He said it was a one time thing many months ago, that he’s not really attracted to men, and that he would never physically do anything in “real life.” I feel so hurt and betrayed, but I don’t know if I should cut him some slack for exploring fantasies online. How would you react in this situation? I’m thinking at a minimum we need to go to therapy (I guess virtually)?
Anonymous
oh interesting. A very similar thing happened to me with my boyfriend when we were in college. I ended up marrying him and we have 4 kids and have been married for 13 years.
But at the time, i absolutely freaked out. it led to some very long conversations. We didn’t do therapy per se, but had we been older/more mature we would have. Like your husband, he said it was more of a curiosity thing, and not something he would do in real life. Reflecting back on it, and knowing my husband now after nearly 20 years, I think it was more like interactive porn vs actual cheating. Many people watch porn and are turned on by things they would never do / be turned on by if happening in real life.
I don’t mean to downplay this at all–because at the time I was out of my mind. But it’s been a long time since and I’ve had no reason to feel that he’s anything other than 100% into our marriage. It wouldn’t be a marriage-ender if I found something like that now–but it might lead to a conversation about fantasies.
OP
Thank you for this perspective.
Anonymous
I would cut him no slack. It’s not a fantasy if you’re interacting with someone else live, it is cheating. He hasn’t apologized or accepted responsibility. Absolutely therapy if you want!
Anonymous
I am the anon above who had a similar experience. I felt the same way. It took a while to understand his perspective, and that he didn’t think of it as cheating. It was “not a real person” to him. I am not saying that’s the right answer. We were also young and not married at the time. If it happened today, I’m not sure I would get over it in the way I did years ago–but maybe I would. I hope it’s not a decision I need to make and I wish the OP and her husband the best.
Anon
+1
Anon
+1
He was cheating. He might be gay. Don’t cut him any slack.
OP
FWIW, he did accept responsibility and was profusely apologetic, if not downright distraught, for having hurt me. It just didn’t make me feel any better that he was sorry.
Anonymous
Your husband is likely gay, and unfortunately women typically get the short end of the stick in these situations. You have been lied to for years, yet somehow you’ll be made out to be the bad person for not supporting him. I know too many women who have been in your situation and I’m so sorry.
Anon
A lot of people are genuinely bisexual and you shouldn’t immediately jump to labeling. Evidence shows that a majority of people are in fact prone to bisexual attraction, just don’t talk about it. Just because he may fantasize about men doesn’t mean he is not also attracted to his wife and women. However, I do agree that interacting with a real live human being crosses into cheating territory and is more than just fantasy territory. But the “he’s gay” thing isn’t the right angle here.
Rainbow Hair
Yup! Bi people exist! Hi!
cbackson
There are people for whom this wouldn’t constitute cheating but for many (most?) people this would fall outside the bounds of what is okay in the relationship. It would definitely feel like a serious betrayal to me, and I would want to go to therapy.
My answer is not affected by the gender of the chat partner, btw.
Anon
I agree, my husband engaging in intimate, sexually explicit chat with another person, regardless of gender, is cheating in my book. And he would feel the same if I did it.
Airplane.
He was dishonest with you and deserves no slack. You say you “found out” and it was several months ago. That means he didn’t even tell you, you had to catch him with evidence you found. I think you would have said it if you two had decided previously that”exploring fantasies online” with other people on the other end was OK, so that means it’s not OK!
“Accepting responsibility and profusely apologetic” would not be enough for me. He should be the on tasked with figuring out how to earn your trust again – don’t be the helper suggesting therapy or counseling. He should tell you what his plan is for fixing this and earning your trust again. This is a breach and you should treat it that way. I’m sorry this happened to you.
Anon
He may be bisexual or he may be gay. If he has suppressed this part of himself, he may not really know right now. I would suggest individual therapy ASAP and would probably wait on couples counseling. He needs help figuring out sexuality and you need someone to help you figure out if you are even interested in staying in this marriage.
Anonymous
Question for those that work with/for nonprofits. My daughter’s preschool is closed due until further notice. They let us know that they have to charge full tuition in order to pay staff. I called and the director said the employees don’t qualify for unemployment because the preschool is a 501(c)3. I’ve worked for nonprofits before and been laid off and collected UI, so this didn’t make sense to me. I got the very distinct impression this had never come up before and they are sort of winging things (she said “do you know any different? or know of a resource that might be able to help us figure it out?”)
I did some cursory internet searching and only found that the way in which nonprofits pay into unemployment is a bit different. Anyone have any idea what they might be running into or how they might be mis-interpreting the rules? And/or if there is anything in the stimulus bill passed on Friday that would change things (eg. I know 1099 workers are now eligible for partial UI). I know the right answer is to contact the state UI department–and I also know they are slammed.
It is in MA, if that matters.
Anonymous
She is wrong. This is not your job. Tell her you aren’t paying, you think her information is incorrect, and move on.
Anonymous
It is not my job, however, it is my kids’ school. I will be sending the rest of my kids there for the next nearly 6 years, so I am trying to be helpful, and not an @sshole. It’s a preschool that affiliated with a church.
“I am not paying” is easier said then done, when I have summer programs and 5 more years of kids going through preschool at this school (which we love).
FP
I’m wondering the same thing because our daycare provider mentioned the same thing (employees not eligible for unemployment because “they are a nonprofit or church.” I’m really hoping the stimulus bill applies to the workers. I’ll keep paying because I still have my job and I want these women to have a safety net, but it would be nice to know if they qualify for assistance.
Anonymous
If the day care has been skirting the laws because they claim to be religious then the church can provide.
Anonymous
I’m the OP. It’s not really “skirting the laws” based on Professor Google. It’s that nonprofits don’t have to pay into UI, they can elect to reimburse if claims are made. so I guess what the nonprofit is saying is that they have elected not to proactively contribute and that they don’t want to reimburse the state UI.
Anonymous
Yup. That’s exactly what I meant. They chose to use religious status as a shield to avoid them and their employees from paying into social benefits. Now, they can’t have them and are, apparently successfully, guilt tripping you into being their unemployment insurer.
Anon
I agree with 11:25. In an effort to maintain goodwill, I’d explain the situation to them in a compassionate way but making clear it’s their choices and actions (or the choices and actions of those above them) who have caused this, not the law. And then I’d probably offer to pay partial fees but not 100%. They saved on unemployment taxes all these years, they can take a hit here and fix it. Churches get SO many tax breaks that I just don’t feel that sorry for them in the end. (Sorry, my politics are showing.)
GCA
Yeah, we’re in the same situation with our church-run daycare in MA, their employees are not eligible for unemployment. They’ve waived tuition but are still paying daycare workers at 50% salary, with an option for parents to…make a donation if possible? I’d like for our daycare teachers to be able to live and also to still have jobs when things reopen. I suppose this makes our tuition payments (we’re struggling a little financially so I’m going down to 50%) a tax-deductible donation?
Anonymous
We’re also in the same situation with a church-run preschool in MD, so I’m curious if the stimulus bill changes anything about this.
Anon
I am in Canada but I am a non-profit employee and have, like you, collected unemployment insurance. It’s absurd that their defense is that they’re a non-profit. I agree it sounds like they were being fishy by not paying into UI. I feel sorry for their employees. But it’s not your job to pay their bills.
Co
I was in a similar situation and posted about it – our preschool isn’t not for profit though. I pulled my kid out – the term ends in May anyway. She will go to their summer program and my younger kid will start there in the fall, provided that the pandemic is under control then.
I just think that this is a time of uncertainty – we have great income and feel secure but there is no guarantee that it continues. The pandemic could paralyse everything for the rest of the year! I just don’t think it’s a time to throw money away for no service – we ended up donating the tuition to other causes. I really don’t get why preschools don’t offer ie. 50% discount – in our eyes it would then be a completely different question.
I know many other families have done the same so don’t feel pressured to keep paying. I know it’s not great but the whole situation is everything but great.
K
I can help! I can’t speak to religiously affiliated organizations, but individuals who are laid off from state and local government entities and non-profits are eligible for regular UI. It is the case that these organizations do not pay UI taxes like private employers, but they are charged for the benefits of laid off workers after the fact. The CARES Act provides relief for these organizations by having the federal government cover half of these benefits, and the organizations can pay back the other half over a longer than normal period. MA actually has reasonable UI replacement rates, and all workers are eligible for a $600 weekly increase through July. However, if the school is keeping the teacher’s heath insurance active as well as paying wages that could be invaluable for maintaining the long term relationship you’ve described if you can weather the payments.
Alanna of Trebond
What I have learned from this pandemic is that incompetence has no political party. DiBlasio is the worst mayor NYC could have had at this time. Parks and playgrounds are still open. The cases will keep going up and people will keep dying.
Anon
That’s upsetting. I totally get that for people who live in apartments, there isn’t much opportunity for green space, but we’ve reached the point (especially in NYC) where the absolute priority has to be social distancing. People have proven themselves incapable of social distancing in parks/trails/etc and they should be shut down.
Anonymous
I disagree. Most people are following the rules, and the ones that aren’t would likely be congregating on the sidewalk if the park closed.
Anon
Where are you seeing that “most people” are following the rules? I’m seeing pictures from crowded af parks and beaches.
anon
Pictures like that make the news because they are not the norm! What you aren’t seeing are pictures of people in central park moving aside paths to stay apart from each other because no one wants to see pictures of people following the rules.
Also, it’s literally impossible to stay 6 feet apart on the bulk of New York City streets so closing the parks would force people to do less social distancing.
Anon
People can stay. home.
Anon
I’m in NYC and when I go for my daily run or walk, I am not seeing any of this. I’m in a working class-middle class, mostly immigrant neighborhood in a far outer borough though, perhaps those with central or prospect park adjacent real estate are behaving otherwise.
anon
Are you seriously suggesting that people in New York City just stay inside and never go out for exercise or fresh air? That’s insane. Especially given how small most New York City apartments are.
Anonymous
For the poster above in a working class-middle class, mostly immigrant neighborhood in a far outer borough — people are or are not following the rules?
I don’t think Central Park is a good proxy here because it’s enormous. If you’re determined you can find nearly empty sections of that park. Other city parks esp in the outer boroughs can sometimes be 1-2 blocks and that’s where people end up being on top of each other whether they mean to be or not. I mean I saw pics of a park in Astoria w multiple people using equipment like chin up bars, kids on jungle gyms etc. I’m pretty sure that violates the spirit of what’s being asked here.
Anon
Social distancing doesn’t work if *most* people do it, only if *all* do it.
Anon
Get off your righteous high horse. People are allowed to go outside and maintain a 6 foot distance from people not in their households. They are allowed to be as close as they want to be to people in their own households. We are not (yet) in an Italy style complete lockdown. People are allowed to go outside.
Anon
That’s not factually true. The more, the better. (FWIW, I am plenty frustrated with those who are congregating in large groups at the beach, or in parks, or in small groups to play volleyball, or have house parties… it goes on. People are selfish and suck. This is not news.)
Anon
Also disagree. We don’t shut down retail if some people shoplift. People need to be told in no uncertain terms what is and is not okay. They are not. Our government is issuing mixed messages every day. AND, I think we need to be handing out tickets. Cops see a group of six playing volleyball? Tickets. Not constitutional? Let them appeal.
Anon
Yup. We don’t need to close access to all parks because some people are not following the rules.
Anon
I’m not sure you can blame the mayor for that. NY state has a stay at home order, right? So does my state but the parks and playgrounds are not closed because the local police department had to do it and didn’t have the resources to do it all at once. They’re finally getting around to the last ones now, a solid two weeks after the stay at home order. Even if they aren’t physically closed, anyone who goes to them is breaking the law (although sadly that doesn’t stop a lot of people).
Anon
I was out for a run this morning and everyone who was running, walking or biking stayed far away from each other. The path near my house is very wide so this is easy to do. If they close it, people will walk and run on sidewalks and have much closer contact with others. Our order specifically allows going outside for walks and exercise and I will continue to use that provision for myself and my kid, especially since my downstairs neighbor complains about noise from us walking, in slippers, so my kid is not allowed to do anything even a tiny bit active indoors. We haven’t been to a playground in weeks and I don’t know anyone else who is going to them either, but I would be totally ok with them being officially closed.
Thanks, it has pockets!
That’s the case in Boston as well, although the playgrounds are closed, and I’ve been taking advantage of that freedom by going for runs when I can, and walks when the weather is okay but I don’t feel up for running. I got outside every day last week, and this week I’ll be staying in only on days it’s too cold and wet to go out. But I’m either by myself or with my boyfriend, I’m avoiding social congregations, even outside, as tempting as it is. And the sidewalks in my neighborhood are not very crowded, for the most part, so it’s been easy to maintain distance.
anon
I think parks should still be open but playgrounds, basketball courts, etc. should absolutely have been shut down by now. It’s been easier for me to socially distance in Central Park than on city streets so that alone pushes me to say parks stay open but I want to scream every time I see people playing basketball, etc.
Bette
What does everyone think about dog parks? Ok or not ok to go? At the one I’ve still been visiting, the people stand far apart, but of course the dogs don’t socially distance. I feel like this is what’s keeping my dog sane, but I don’t want to endanger myself.
Anonymous
I’d hardly put not jailing (I think he is already fining ) people who fail to comply at the same level as disassembling a pandemic task force and pretending the virus was a democratic hoax and threatening to let more people die for the sake of the stock market. But sure. Both sides!
I’m a long Islander in a dense suburban area who is frustrated with some people, but generally pleased with how most people are complying. I also think Cuomo has filled in the massive leadership gap vacated by trump’s lack of competence and basic humanity.
Panda Bear
+1
Alanna of Trebond
I live near Riverside Park, and it is a disaster how many people are there every time I have tried to go out to walk, so I have just stopped. I live in an apartment and do not go outside for fresh air, so it is possible. We can open our windows about 1 foot.
It was ok when it was raining this weekend, which is the only time I have felt comfortable going. Even then, there were kids on the playground. Everyone has said that we are only a week or so behind Italy, so I don’t understand why “quarantine” is such a crazy standard. I blame DiBlasio because he has said publicly that playgrounds are staying open despite not cleaning them regularly and he is taking the nets off *some* basketball courts.
I wasn’t trying to say it was “both sides” or whatever, just that DiBlasio sucks. People can suck even if they are Democrats. I am not optimistic about my home state of Virginia either.
I agree that Cuomo has been good, but I think even he has made missteps in comparison to the much earlier “shelter-in-place” order in California. There is a reason it is so much worse here than elsewhere, at least so far.
AIMS
I’m not saying Cuomo (or DiBlasio) is perfect but the reason it’s so much worse in NYC is because it’s NYC! It doesn’t compare even a little bit to SF or LAor anywhere in the country frankly.
And sure it’s easier to contain stuff if you’re in China or in Russia, but I would not trade my liberties in this situation.
Anonymous
Lived in NYC for 10 years and now in Va for 2 years. Less population density obviously but way more people in Va are doing what they’re supposed to do. My NYC friends are STILL saying no quarantine, their liberties are too important, they MUST go outside many times a day because FRESH air etc. How can you help people who won’t help themselves?!
anon
I think your friends are in the wrong but it’s not particularly fair to compare not going outside of a 400 sq foot studio with people living in suburbs with houses and yards…
Anonymous
The vast majority of Northern Va people aren’t in houses with yards, they are in 25 story apartment towers. And this area is the most densely populated part of Va by far — no comparison to Richmond or Va Beach.
Anonymous
But less dense than nyc.
anon
Ok, but even still, they are probably much larger apartments than in NYC and aren’t surrounded on all sides by other high rise apartments such that there is literally nowhere to go that isn’t also densely populated. Most people in NYC also don’t have cars so don’t have the option of driving somewhere less crowded even for a bit. I have friends in several major cities (Chicago, Washington DC, Philadelphia, San Francisco, LA) and they all acknowledge that each of their experiences are very different than mine in NYC. I’m still staying inside as much as possible and only going outside when I need to for groceries or when I think I can safely stay away from people but I think a lot of people who aren’t in this insane place underestimate how hard it is here.
Anonymous
Agreed – having lived in midtown East for 10 years, having left because I didn’t see my life in a NYC studio/1 bed forever but that’s what I’d have despite a biglaw salary, to now being in a NoVa 1 bed. On Sunday I walked 1.2 miles IN my apt. Yeah it was boring but between the bedroom, living and sunroom — there is room to exercise that didn’t exist in my “large” NYC studio.
Anon
Thinking about getting a MasterClass subscription. Has anyone used it before? Is it worth it?
AnonInfinity
I haven’t used it, but check your local library for this type of digital subscription. In my county, library patrons can access these through an app!
Carrie
My friend has one. She uses it for cooking classes with the superstar chefs, and dance classes I think. She loves it. And she just gifted me a subscription. Apparently this month they gave members a free gift subscription to give away to try to attract new members.
My friend is very selective, so if she loves it, it must be good quality.
The original Scarlett
I’m taking Kelly Wearstler’s interior design class on there. So far it’s pretty basic, but I’m enjoying it anyway – it feels like something productive that’s not just bingeing another Netflix show.
MasterClass fan
A friend of mine founded this company, actually, and I’ll just put in a plug for him as one of the most decent human beings I know. So if you do sign up, know that your money is going to an organization helmed by a kind, community-minded, thoughtful person who truly cares about increasing access to education!
BB
I have this blazer (or at least the 3 years ago version, but I don’t think they update it too much)! It’s a staple of mine during the fall/winter as the color goes great with brighter tones so I can wear red/purple/green/bright blue bottoms. Although I actually got one that fits me unlike whatever weird schlumpy size they put on the model. The quality is great, and I waited for them to have one of those “$50 off $200+ purchase” sales to buy it.
Grad School
Best way to spin “my employer is paying for it so I’d be a dummy not to” into a workable statement of purpose? I can’t brain today.
Clementine
Excited to expand my knowledge and expertise to forward my career in a field I am passionate about/look to grow in/hope to become a leader in.
Anon
Wow you are good. (hats off emoji)
Anonymous
Favorite comfy joggers under $40?
Anon
Senita Athletics Weekend Joggers. Just got them about two weeks ago and love them.
Worried
I like the gap softspun ones. I think they have similar ones at old navy too, though mine are from gap. I change as soon as I get home( done this for ages) and I rotate two pairs, wash, and put in dryer. I sleep in them too as I run cold. They usually are on sale and come in and out of stock.
Anon Lawyer
Y’all, Tiger King. What IS this. I’m only three episodes in but it’s already been an insane roller coaster.
Thanks, it has pockets!
Y’all, Tiger King. What IS this. I’m only three episodes in but it’s already been an insane roller coaster.
Anon 2.0
It is an amazing, emotional journey of a lifetime. I finished it on Friday and I’m sad there is not more craziness to endure. Let us discuss: Are you team Carol absolutely killed her husband and fed him to the tigers? Should Joe be in jail right now? What about Doc Antle?
Mrs. Jones
Basically everyone on that show should be in jail. or eaten by tigers.
anon
+1 everyone is terrible, which is part of the fun of it
Senior Attorney
Yes, everybody except the woman who lost her arm (I guess she’s already been eaten by tigers), and possibly she should be in an insane asylum.
Anon Lawyer
She was so casual about losing her arm to a tiger!
Anon
FYI, Saff is trans and prefers he/him per https://twitter.com/robertmoor_/status/1242249759156367360
Senior Attorney
Oops, sorry!
pugsnbourbon
We watched four episodes last night and I agree that they all need to be in prison, for workplace violations if nothing else ($150 pay a week????).
Anon
Carol Baskin doesn’t pay them at all, and they join a cult-like system where they put in years and years of unpaid work in order to get a higher-level shirt color.
Abby
I’ve seen 5 episodes via Netflix Party with a group of 10 friends and we are ALL team Carole Fed Her Husband To The Tigers!!
Cannot believe she got a 4th husband to marry her?? Major Yikes!
Anon Lawyer
Like even just a suggestion that my fiancé might feed me to tigers would get me to call off that wedding!
Also can I just say, I know not all these people are in Florida per se but they’re all spiritually in Florida.
And I want to be a doctor of mystical science.
Abby
I hope you were taking inspiration notes when they showed Carole’s wedding photos to husband #4 lol. But also Doc Antle and his several girlfriends, and the girl who says she basically got forced into a boob job?? We were debating who paid for it, her or Doc.
Anon
Lol @ spiritually in Florida.
What is with tigers attracting white trash??
pink
@Abby–I don’t know HOW she could pay for it given their non-wages and it sounded like she thought it was worth the time to rest and sleep. ACK!!!!
but honestly, this was the only keeping my attention at some point late last week…
Anon
So, evidently there is more to the story (isn’t there always?) about Carol. Her disappeared husband had a girlfriend, and some other omitted information from the documentary that might have caused her to take some of the steps she did after his disappearance. Hard to know what’s fact and fiction on any of it, but sort of like Making a Murderer, take it for what it is but there’s more to any story. Either way, they’re both nuts. To me, Joe at least embraced his crazy whereas Carol seems, at least to me, to think she’s absolved from her past and innocent of any wrongdoing.
But, I’d like to know what crystal ball Netflix has that let them know that mid-March was the release deadline from which to work backwards from to both shoot and produce this documentary, because the world clearly needed it!
Anon
It’s the difference between poor-crazy and rich-crazy… er… eccentric, though apparently Joe had some family money that he blew (nothing like what Carol has, though).
LaurenB
Schreibvogels are a farm family from KS and later WY. There’s no money there.
But what I didn’t understand was – ok, Joe comes out as gay and his father basically says in so many words goodbye, I don’t want to see you again, you’re dead to me. So then why are the parents still in his life? Do they accept his sexuality now? I mean, there’s a wide range between “mom, dad, I’m gay” and “mom, dad, I’m a gun-totin’ yee-haw desperately in need of a shower with piercings and tattoos and I prefer to prey upon people with meth addictions”?
And yes, for a few glorious hours I forgot about COVID. That’s for damn sure.
Anon
I’m not sure she killed her husband, but I definitely think she runs just another zoo and not an actual sanctuary. And makes boatloads of money from it.
Anonymous
But does she do cub petting/breeding/private sales/euthanasia of tigers that have outgrown their usefulness? To me this is the crucial difference
Anon 2.0
Yes! Netflix has some explaining to do. How did they predict this is exactly what the world needed right now? Carol, in those throwback VHS tapes, is exactly like all the others. She has made a public image of being a rescue but I don’t see what she does as any more acceptable than the others.
KS IT Chick
Yes, a lot more to the story. Slate has an interesting article refuting the point of view that “Tiger King” has taken. (https://slate.com/culture/2020/03/tiger-king-netflix-carole-baskin-villain.html).
I acknowledge that I’m a fan of BCR (not so much of Carole, though). Carole acknowledges the mistakes she made early on, where she would pay for cubs that were to old to be used in the petting zoos or were going to be killed for their fur. She doesn’t make claims of being a saint, but she has worked hard to get the private ownership of exotic animals, especially big cats, outlawed, so that there isn’t a risk of another tragedy like what happened in Zanesville, OH, in 2011.
“Tiger King” has a very particular point of view that’s relatively sympathetic to its subject, much less so than to anyone who is critical of that subject. Nevermind he has actually been convicted of contracting for murder for hire.
Anon Lawyer
Hahah I was doing it in a Netflix party with a friend. As soon as we got to that allegation she said “if she killed her husband and used his money to rescue cats, I’m ok with it.”
Like, the circumstances are pretty shady is all I can say. But he’s also pretty shady. Like he took under the radar flights without a pilot’s license in an unspecified number of private planes? Are we sure he’s not living it up in the Caribbean?
AnonATL
For sure Carol killed her husband. There was not the slightest glimmer of sorrow when she talked about him that whole episode.
Joe deserves to be in jail for breeding and selling those animals. I’m not so convinced about the murder for hire portion (IANAL), though I think he’s crazy as can be and clearly obsessed with her. The rest of the “zoo” people featured deserve to be in jail for breeding/selling/animal cruelty too. He was just the most obnoxious one to point to and call a bad guy. On that note, do you think he was the one who burned down his own studio/alligator building? I sure do.
And Carol’s sanctuary is little better than all those “zoos”. She at least doesn’t breed new animals, that we are aware of…
Btw, I loved her facial expression in the last episode when her current husband was talking about Joe’s arrest and case status.. I can’t quite describe what it was, but it was sketchy. Around 25:50 in the final episode if you want to go look at what I’m talking about.
Anon
If you like the show, there’s a podcast called Joe Exotic that came out last year and is really good! But the podcast is really sympathetic towards Carol, so I thought she was the good guy. I was pretty shocked when I watched the show and learned about how nuts she is. But the podcast goes into a lot more detail of Joe’s tyranny against Carol and the resulting court case/charges.
AnonInfinity
Yes! I listened to that last year and was kind of shocked to see all the memes about Carol killing her husband when people started watching Tiger King. I’ve now watched and totally get that viewpoint!
Anon
There’s a meme going around that is basically
F/marry/kill, Carol Baskin edition.
Don Lewis
Don Lewis
Don Lewis
Anon
I started watching that yesterday and my Husband and I just had our mouths hanging open the whole time. I naively started watching the show thinking it was a faux documentary until he told me it wasn’t and I started googling – it’s a wild ride you guys.
Anon
The only non-nuts person in the whole thing is Saff, IMHO. I wish him all the best.
Abby
In a strange way, I thought Mario Tabraue, the drug lord/animal lover, seemed like he was normal
Anon Lawyer
I told a friend that he seemed by far the most competent. But I think he’s probably still evil.
anon
+1 although I’m not sure that’s a normal reaction to losing your arm to a tiger! He certainly feels like the most normal of the bunch and also the only one who seemed like a genuinely good person
Anon
Wait, Saff is a he?
Anon
Per Robert Moor, who wrote a long piece last year in New York Magazine. His twitter thread also explain a bit more about his personality and the decision to have his hand amputated. https://twitter.com/robertmoor_/status/1242249759156367360
Anon
That whole thread is wild.
Thanks, it has pockets!
Yep, just found out today! Poor Saff was misgendered through the entire series.
LaurenB
If, at the time, Saff was identifying as a female (birth gender), and people reporting on the amputation accident referred to Saff as “she”, and then those tapes are played back years later, that’s not really misgendering. At the time, Saff was living and identifying as a female. It would be misgendering to refer to him as “she” NOW, when he has indicated he prefers otherwise.
Anon
If you like the show, there’s a podcast called Joe Exotic that came out last year and is really good! But the podcast is really sympathetic towards Carol, so I thought she was the good guy. I was pretty shocked when I watched the show and learned about how nuts she is. But the podcast goes into a lot more detail of Joe’s tyranny against Carol and the resulting court case/charges.
Anon
The music videos. I can’t look away.
Also you know that’s not him singing, right?
Mrs. Jones
It’s def not him singing.
The whole thing is insane.
Anon 2.0
Is the poster with the next door neighbors stealing their internet around? Did you figure out a solution? I am far more invested in the outcome than I should be. Blame the quarentine!
Vicky Austin
Ooh, yes – what happened there?
Anon
Update, please!
Anon
OP here. I think the key was changing router admin password, though I am still too scared and annoyed to use my Google Home since resetting my router and WiFi password. Interestingly, they have not been playing really loud music like they used to. Nor have I heard video game sounds. So I imagine that this has done the trick. But we’ll see what happens once I start using my Google Home speaker again. Weirdly, one of them has recently started playing the saxophone (possibly because he can no longer play video games?). He is pretty good at it, so I’m not complaining.
Anon
In my imagination he is playing saxophone to get back at you for cutting off his internet, but joke’s on him because he is giving you a free concert.
Vicky Austin
Best update ever.
Anonymous
Have your friendships ended or changed with long time friends if you got the feeling that they weren’t treating you respectfully? Or do you think they will change post Corona as you think — do I need this? Please share.
Long story short — friends with a woman for 12+ years (ages 39 and 44 now both single). Pretty chill friendship — different cities now so we talk/text every week or 10 days. I’m pretty laid back and agreeable, don’t argue; she has to have the last word and normally I just let her because I don’t care deeply/am like that. Lately though (last year or 2), if I dare disagree with her — and I’m a mild person so my disagreement will be a sentence not a ranting lecture — she basically yells at me about her feelings; how she won’t be made to feel bad or how I have negative energy and hangs up.
Happened most recently about covid where she totally ignoring the guidelines 1-2 weeks ago and is in NYC (and I know lots of NYers were) and I dared to say — this is very real, you really should do what they say and not go out so much — and she told me I was making her feel bad and hung up on me. She’s 44, not 21. If it was just covid, I’d let it drop because people are stressed.
But it’s happened about other things too like work; her over the top annoyance at some 21 year old in her building moving out when I dared defend that kid. Again – yelled at and hung up on.
Part of me thinks – do what you can to fix this friendship. Let’s face it as a nearly 40 year old single woman whose moved around quite a bit, I don’t have many friends. Those who are/were my friends are happy to meet me a few times/year for a weekday lunch but otherwise their lives (rightfully) are about their kids and kids’ soccer, birthday parties etc and their friendships have 100% shifted to those who can bring kids to said birthday parties which I can’t.
But then part of me is like — I’m content with myself (as is being proven in the last 3 weeks of hunkering down alone), do I need or want a friend who only wants me as her yes woman or punching bag when times are stressful?
Anon
I have a friend who showed very, very little compassion when she learned I have an immune deficiency that I need lifelong treatment for, but was quick to show irritation when I expressed concern about her bachelorette party planned for Disneyworld in April (now moot). I barely ever see her anyway so I don’t think I’ll make any effort to ghost her, but I’m going to remember how she acted.
Anon
P.S. I’d drop your “friend” in a heartbeat. You sound like a nice person and she doesn’t. Totally feel you on not having that many friends though – I know that’s led me to hold onto relationships past their expiration.
Anon
It sounds like you should just cut off this woman. It sounds like she adds more negative to your life than positive. She doesn’t even live near you, so she’s not even someone that you can at least meet out and I could see at least some value out of that.
In case you are wondering how abnormal this is, I’m in my early 40s and I don’t have a single friend that yells at me, ever. I can’t even imagine.
Anonymous
This. It made her feel bad that someone dared say she should do what the NIH/Cuomo said to do 2 weeks ago? What is she 5?? I don’t have a single friend who yells at me or hangs up. We disagree. If I said the preceding and a friend of mine disagreed they would’ve said — nah I’ll stay home tomorrow — and we would’ve agreed to disagree. With no yelling or hanging up.
LaurenB
I am DONE with people who aren’t taking COVID restrictions seriously or who are engaging in unnecessary social interactions.
Rainbow Hair
I recently (a year ago?) dropped a friendship (similarly long standing and long distance), because I found myself thinking, “I should contact L, see what’s up” and then being afraid she’d be mean to me again — after a few times of going through that thought process I decided that being afraid to contact a friend wasn’t a great vibe, so I just… let it go. I miss her sometimes, but overall I think it was the right choice for me.
Anonymous
If you feel more calm and content now having not talked to her, there’s your answer. This answers the question below too about how my life changes after this — the things that have made me feel calmer and more content stay, whether that is exercising in my home or dropping some friends down to social media only friends.
anon
This. Changes in life have a way of showing you things about your friends that you may not have observed prior…..and if you feel calm and content with some distance from your friend then you know you made the right decision.
Anon
You don’t have a lot of friends but a bad friend is like negative 10 friends. You’re much better off without someone like this in your life.
Airplane.
She routinely yells at you about her feelings and hangs up on you. She’s not your friend. Agree with Anon at 12:52 that a bad friend is like negative 10 friends. It doesn’t matter that you are nearing 40 and don’t have many friends – you can make new better friends or reach out to old friends and strengthen those (good) friendships. This woman sounds supremely immature.
Anonymous
Will covid and the current lockdowns cause you to live life differently once it ends? If so how? Maybe it’s too soon to ask and we’ll all know better if/how this changed us 2 months from now but if we get responses here, I’ll ask again. Will post my own below.
Anon
I think I’m likely to be anxious about exposures/germs/other people being sick. I have never done it before, but I could see myself becoming someone who wipes down airplane armrests and shopping cart handles. I hope that the anxiety doesn’t become overwhelming.
Anon.
If it helps I did those things before COVID-19.
Anon
I think it depends how long it lasts. If life resumes as normal by this summer, I don’t really see myself doing anything differently. Maybe making an effort to take a random personal day once in a while and let my toddler stay home from daycare, since these last two weeks have been heaven for her. But I don’t see myself avoiding travel, restaurants, gatherings, etc. I washed my hands a lot before this whole mess :)
If it drags on for a year or more, then I think there will be more systemic changes to our society. Like I can see there being way less business travel, which would affect my life significantly.
Anon
No travel until there’s a vaccine; if I have to travel for work, I guess I’ll consider that but those trips for me are usually a 1-2 hour flight max, not opposite. But no leisure travel at all. Guess I’ll end up saving some money. We’ll see what happens when (hopefully) there’s a vaccine by summer/fall 2021. Will I go crazy because I haven’t gone anywhere in 2+ years by that point and thus need a long trip or will not traveling be so routine by then? That part is too soon to know.
Anon
+1 to no travel until there’s a vaccine. And as a Canadian there’s no way in hell I will be going to the US anytime soon.
Anon
As an individual choice, this is your business. As a society, this does not seem sustainable. 18-24 months is the *best* case scenario for a vaccine. It could be 5-10 years. And it could be like the flu shot where the vaccine is only partially effective. So far coronavirus seems more stable than the flu so hopefully a vaccine will be more effective, but who knows.
Anon
You guys won’t travel until there’s a vaccine? I was thinking to myself “no travel until this calms down,” but that’s so unspecific. I don’t know that I’ll be able to get out of all work travel and I’m dying to do some leisure travel, but I’m immunocompromised and have to be very cautious.
Anon
I’m the poster who brought this up re no travel. Literally NO ONE is saying 10 years for a vaccine. I don’t think it’ll necessarily only be 1 year, it could easily be 2 or 3 if the trials that we, Australia, and EU have all fail. Even if it’s not 100% effective, 50% protection is better than zero. As for it not being sustainable – shrug. I personally will be fine not going on vacation for 3 years; of course I won’t avoid work travel for that long but leisure travel, why not reduce exposure that way? But I also am not like my peers who take 4 vacations a year and I think in my entire childhood we took about 3 vacations. So 3 years is NBD for me YMMV.
Anon
I work in public health. Many experts have indeed said a vaccine could take 10 years or more. The normal vaccine development timeline is 20 years, so even 5-10 years would be very accelerated. The concern with vaccines is safety, not effectiveness. You can’t put something in healthy people unless you’re 100% sure it’s safe. 99.9% isn’t good enough. Everyone agrees the 18 month timeline that’s been widely reported is very optimistic, and is contingent on everything going right with one of the current vaccines candidates. Given how shut down society is currently, there will also be huge logistical challenges producing and distributing the vaccine one it’s proven safe.
This article has some good info about why a vaccine isn’t the solution everyone seems to think it is: https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2020/02/covid-vaccine/607000/
Anon
Well that ruined my day :(
Thank you for sharing though, it’s important to know.
As for travel — I haven’t traveled for a few years due to a divorce and related financial upheaval, so I will be sad to not get to travel for another few years, but I’ll survive. And save some more money, I guess.
Ribena
I’ve realised how much I value having time just ‘being’ and not rushing around. I used to spend Sunday’s like this at university and I loved them. Seriously considering going down to four days a week at work after this. I’ll have lots of annual leave days to take (I refuse to use them to sit alone in my apartment unable to go out) after this so I could try out how it feels.
I will also need a while readjusting to physical contact with other people…
Anon
I was always really careful about germs, handwashing and hand sanitizer and some of my friends thought I was nuts. Who’s laughing now? I will continue to be very careful!
cat socks
I will probably keep more items in stock at home – cleaning supplies, canned goods, etc. Previously I used to just buy stuff as needed, but now what I need might not be available in stores. I’m not going to hoard stuff, but will try to go with a two week supply.
Anonymous
Reconsidering my job, working in general. They’ve been treating us like we’re trying to get away with something because we have to work from home. My husband makes 3x the money I do and his boss is being so kind. My pre-schooler is mostly pretty happy to be home and I am optimistic this will help the country finally come around to a national healthcare option.
Anon
Yeah…reconsidering my job too. They’ve been terrible through this debacle. My husband (who earns quite a bit more than I do) is up for tenure next year and assuming Covid doesn’t mess that up, I’m thinking seriously about quitting and doing part-time or freelance work. I would like to spend more time with my child (I’m actually happy about that aspect of quarantine) and would like to have more flexibility to travel, once that’s allowed again.
Flats Only
At the very least reconsider who you work for. My firm has been awesome, even though working from home has left me underutilized (hard to do the office manager part of the job when there’s no office to deal with day to day), but I shudder to think how my prior employer is probably treating their staff.
Thanks, it has pockets!
I won’t take certain things for granted anymore, putting things off and telling me I can do it later, like my ability to see family or friends. That hobby I’ve been meaning to try? I’m just gonna do it! That bar I’ve been meaning to check out? Let’s make plans to go ASAP! That band that’s in town but it doesn’t seem like the right time? Just a little too expensive? Screw it, they might never get to come again, let’s get tickets! That trip we wanna take? Let’s plan it and go!
At the same time, this “stay at home” stuff got me back into video games, so I might play more games as well. I already have a few games on my mind for my birthday in May, because the reality is, we’ll probably still be spending a lot of time inside.
pugsnbourbon
I saw a meme that said “Please invite me out when this is all over, I promise I’ll come this time.” I don’t have a ton of friends but I really miss the ones I do have. I think I’ll be making a greater effort to see them more often.
Planning some household projects, esp. now that I’m staring at the same walls every day. Once I can safely go to a hardware store it’s paintin’ time.
Going to include more of my functional/comfortable clothes into my workwear.
Vicky Austin
100+ to this whole post, but the friends portion especially. I miss community so much, even being able to opt out, lol.
Anon
Not so much for me but a hope for others: I’m hopeful colleagues of mine who have historically worked through illnesses in an effort to look tough and earn martyrdom will just stay home when sick. We’ve all proven in my office working from home can work, and during more normal times things like child care and a run on TP won’t be a distraction, so I hope people will be more inclined to do so and will spare the rest of us.
Anonymous
we looked at some charts of how the spanish flu worked in my metro area (portland or) and unfortunately there were 3 “waves” of infection – each time as the news/leaders said “it’s fine! everything is over!” then the next wave was starting. so unfortuntaely i don’t know that we’ll be rid of this after this summer and should prepare for the fall/winter of 2020 to be a potential thing too.. i certainly will try to make sure we are more prepared going into the winter than we usually are
Anon
This. I mean they are officially now saying this will be seasonal. Fauci said it in an interview, so if it goes away in June/July, it’ll likely still make an appearance again by Sept. I and I think lots of others will use that time to prep/re stock. I imagine that’s easier on supply chains too as some people will restock June-Aug so that when the panicked rush looking for hand sanitizer etc. begins in Sept, many people will already be “ready.”
Anon
I think Oct/Nov is more realistic than September (which is still very hot/humid/sunny in much of the US, increasingly so with climate change) but yeah. If it abates over the summer it will come back in the winter for sure. More than anything we need to be ready with testing. Society could have remained much more open if we’d had the capacity to be testing widely.
Anon
And while there of course won’t be a vaccine by then, I also think there will be more options for drugs so maybe with some people already having immunity to this + some drugs being available, the healthcare system won’t be so over taxed. I know they’re using certain drugs now for people who are very ill and anecdotally — here and in France — they work well, but that particular combo (hydro + z pack) can’t be given to everyone and I believe not at home because it has major cardiac downsides they must watch. But there are other drugs being tested all the time, including a 6000 patient trial in Canada right now of a drug that is ordinarily used to treat gout. I’m choosing to be hopeful. I know they say in 1918 when that flu came back a second time, it was much much worse than the first time; but I also don’t think science could do the same things then as it can now — not to mention a drug doesn’t just have to just come from the US or Canada, Australia or EU or Asia could have massive findings as well that can be used all over the world.
Anon
I thought the second wave of the 1918 flu was worse because it mutated into a more deadly strain? So far the novel coronavirus is very stable. It’s mutating, because everything mutates when it reproduces, but so far none of the mutations have caused more or less severe disease and compared to the flu it’s a very stable virus.
Worried
In the last few years, have been travelling lots less than I used to, and I will likely not travel for a few years, except locally, in my province. If I do travel again in a few years I will only visit stable countries with a good healthcare system and good infrastructure.
After Marie kondoing my closet and home I am grateful to myself for hanging on to the pilled sweaters that do NOT spark joy, but are easy to wash and dry. I have a new found appreciation for the loungewear and worn out jeans that I wear and wash without worrying about wrecking them, especially these days. I’m glad I kept all the old soaps and creams that I didn’t love, and I’m relieved with myself for using things up fully. I kept all my old towels and now use them as rags. I’m not so pleased that I kept fancy dresses and clothes and may reaxamine those once this is over. I’m glad I kept supplies for hobbies stocked, such as painting and sewing. I live in a condo, and was going to toss lots of unused supplies, but it’s comforting to have kept things too.
Anon
I don’t think Covid ends when the lockdown ends. I’m continuing as-is until either I’ve been vaccinated or R-nought is less than one.
Anon
Same. Though I mean I can’t continue in lockdown because I eventually have to return to work, but the decision is already made that I’m driving to/from work instead of public transit + will ask for 1 telework day/week + going out will basically be the grocery store or Target at off peak times.
Veronica Mars
I’ve always been more of a “prepper” in my mindset– nothing like doomsday or anything like that, but there have been several incidents that I think are very credible things to prepare for (one year when I was younger, we had a terrible ice storm in our state and we were without power for 2 weeks). I’d already started doing some things before this happened: getting a generator (which paid for itself during the first hurricane because we could keep our fridge and freezer going), having another freezer in the garage (I have lots of freezer meals), learning how to make my own bread, getting a robust first aid kit, keeping a 2 week, “ice storm” food pantry, etc. I’d wanted to stock up on N95 masks (in case of pollution/fires), but my husband discouraged me from it. But now I’m going to be 100% unapologetic about preparing for very realistic things that could happen in my state. 1 month of food and household goods storage (food we eat and will use, like pasta sauces, rice, etc). Gardening. I’ve always wanted to can my own food (I loved little house on the prairie as I kid, what can I say). Basically I am so thankful for everything I did to prepare before this happened and will do more after this.
Anon
I hope to work from home more often after this. My boss wasn’t a fan in the past and I only worked from home if sick or if I had to let in a service worker. He’s quickly realizing that a lot of us are way more productive working from home than we are in the office. When we return, I’d like to work from home at least once/week.
Anon
Ha, I worked from home once per week before this and now I never want to work from home again!!!! Work from coffeeshop maybe. But not home.
Anonymous
This. I hope WFH becomes more acceptable and encouraged in general. I have a chronic illness, which has nothing to do with covid, but is much more manageable through liberal WFH. I have been doing so for the past year and getting a LOT of passive aggressive comments from coworkers (but none from the people I actually work for). I want WFH to be seen as a valid option and not something I am “getting away with”. FWIW, I am an attorney and bill 2000+ hours a year.
Anon
+1
All this isolation and disinfection works. I usually think of my immune deficiency as mild, but I can’t remember the last time I’ve gone this long without being sick, and my autoimmune conditions have settled down too. Work has been going better just because I feel better. I don’t want to give up this quality of life just to do the exact same job in an office.
Anon
You should share that with your boss. My boss seems to think that we’re all suffering immensely at home, but I feel so much better poised to handle my own immune deficiency now with the reduced stress of commuting and being in the office for so long every day. I’m going to make sure she knows that it’s only been beneficial for me.
Ellen
I am the opposite. I hate having to stay in all day, even tho I am allowed out by Dad to walk my steps, as long as I do it away from other people. It is not easy in Manahattan, b/c so many young women and men want to remain svelte, so we are all out there at the same time. With all of those people like me, Grandma Leyeh keeps wondering why I am not married yet. No matter what I do, I cannot win. FOOEY!
Small Law Partner
I don’t think I’ll change much, except maybe carry hand sanitizer with me and wipe down particularly suspicious public surfaces with alcohol like airplane tray tables or whatever.
BUT I’ve always taken my shoes off, washed my hands, and usually changed my clothes to my “house clothes” as soon as I get home (husband does the same). We also generally keep a decent supply of things. I like to think it is because I hate the convenience of running out of things/like to make infrequent shopping trips, but the reality is we are both scarred from growing up in places with constant shortages of food/supplies. I am not looking forward to when we have to hunt down TP.
Ribena
What’s everyone eating during this time? I’ve decided to try to cook my way through some of my cookbook library – and as my most recent acquisitioj was Alison’s Roman’s perfectly named Dining In I’m starting there. I made the harissa aubergines on Friday and they were amazing! Will definitely be reusing the sauce/marinade for other things too.
AIMS
Love Alison Roman. I just made her spicy bean soup from the NYT, and I’ve been making her spicy shallot pasta (same source) twice a week for the last 2 weeks.
anon
Alison Roman? Don’t know her but sounds wonderful and I will definitely check her out.
AIMS
Def do! I’m a huge fan. Tasty, different and very accessible for this time (pantry ingredients, small kitchen, etc.).
I’ve also been cooking from Gwyneth Paltrow’s cookbooks a lot. Surprisingly easy and delicious. You can google a lot of the recipes to see if you like. She has a sriracha salmon that is delicious, I also love the turkey meatballs recipe. I don’t follow it exactly, but just throw in whatever greenery I have on hand.
Anonymous
Ok, I think I’m the only person in the world who is an Alison Roman hater. I love her and her food always looks amazing and her instagram is great. But I bought Dining In and tried probably 20+ recipes and I find that they are very time/effort intensive and the end results do not warrant the effort. I have much better luck with the classics (America’s Test Kitchen, Bon Appetit, NYT Cooking) – if the recipe is time/effort intensive, it’s always amazing.
AIMS
Hmmmm…. I haven’t tried the book so maybe it’s not worth it, but I would urge you to try the NYT recipes (At least the two above) – very easy and so good.
With you
I agree with you! Also, I find her offerings on NYT cooking really repetitive. Like, is it a pasta with a caramelized vegetable? Is it a bean stew of some sort? Is there lots of dairy (cheese/yogurt), lemon zest and juice? I think her charisma, appearance, personality have a lot more to do with her success than her actual recipes. But, alas, charisma, appearance, and personality have a lot to do with anyone’s success in any industry, so whatever. But I agree her recipes are meh for me.
Cb
No real cooking experiments, just trying to use what we have / make enough so I’m not cooking lunch midday. I made an inventory of everything in my cupboards and fridge/freezer and made a plan to use everything up so should just need fresh veg and fruit for the next two weeks. We’re not shopping at stores with freezer sections (farm shop + delivery from restaurant supplier that’s repurposing its supplies) at the moment so it’s a good time to eat it down and defrost it.
I have been baking bread and stress baking.
Ribena
I’m almost following the opposite strategy – knowing that at any point I might not be able to go out at all for at least a week, I’m trying to keep my freezer and cupboards relatively well stocked.
Senior Attorney
I posted the delicious Epicurious chicken/beans/rice dish I made last night. Yum. Also made Nigella Lawson’s Turkish eggs for breakfast yesterday and it was divine with my homemade no-knead bread. We’re still getting Blue Apron and it’s been a lifesaver, of course. Oh! And I made delicious homemade battered French fries yesterday! Made a ton and froze most of them. Note: double the seasonings called for in the recipe because otherwise they’re a bit bland: https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/50223/homemade-crispy-seasoned-french-fries/
Veronica Mars
I’m making FoodWishes new Hungarian sausage soup tonight, wish me luck! I’ll report back on how it goes.
NOLA
I have been trying to stick with my usual fruits and vegetables and lean protein regular diet as much as possible. On the weekends, we’ve been grilling and I cook vegetables (either roasted or sauteed) and I made incredible mashed potatoes on Friday night. Saturday night was pasta carbonara with shrimp from the freezer and a package of pre-sliced mushrooms that I picked up earlier in the week. The only different thing was that I tried the Jo Cooks no knead skillet bread and added Parmesan and fresh rosemary. That was great with all of the meals and for breakfast toast with eggs!
Vicky Austin
Thinking carrot soup from a Molly Gilbert cookbook tonight. Probably a lot more soup in our future, lol, since I tend to freeze it. I might attempt yellow split pea – a Scandinavian favorite.
All I want is fresh produce y’all.
Anon
We watched the new Good Eats episode on roast chicken and I disagreed with him so angrily and vehemently that I made my own roast chicken just to spite him. (Apparently Alton Brown is not my imaginary enemy). He wet brines the spathcocked chicken then dries it under a fan for two hours to get the skin crispy.
I don’t spatchcock it makes a mess and potentially gets chicken juices all over your kitchen – if you know how to roast a whole chicken you don’t need to do this – however, I will admit spatchcocking is good for grilling.
I don’t wet brine, I pre-salt. It keeps the skin crisp and is just as good at producing moist breast meat as wet brining. Then you don’t have the ridiculous fan-drying process to deal with.
I would try his herb and spice mix but I also like my own. The key thing here is to pre salt with 1 tablespoon of salt for a 4-5 lb bird. My spice mix yesterday was
1 T Morton kosher salt (if you use Diamond, use 2ish teaspoons)
A spinkle each of:
Black pepper
Paprika
Chili powder
Celery seed
Dill weed
1/2 to 1 day before roasting, unwrap chicken, pat dry with paper towels, and apply the spice rub above liberally inside and outside of chicken. Make sure to pay some on the thighs, which are slightly below the chicken. Tuck the wing tips behind the neck so that the chicken looks like it’s relaxing, and place on a plate or tray in the fridge, uncovered. This step helps dry out the skin.
1/2 hour before cooking take chicken out of fridge. Put a shallow cast iron pan – mine is enameled, Le Creuset – in oven and preheat to 375 degrees. 400 will work if you’re in a hurry, the chicken will cook a bit faster and browner. Let oven preheat the full 1/2 hour to get the pan hot. Slide the chicken from the plate into the hot pan, feet toward the back of the oven. Roast 45 minutes, then baste with the pan juices (key for crispy skin, but only baste once). Continue to cook chicken until thigh temperature measures 170 degrees. (I don’t like 160-165- no one likes pink chicken). For me this is a total cooking time of about an hour and 15 minutes at 375.
Let rest 15 minutes or so before carving. This is a good time to make some rice in chicken broth. If your chicken came with a liver, also a good time to sauté the liver with some sliced shallots.
You can make a pan sauce in the roasting pan. I don’t always do this. I do always make a roasted chicken stock out of the carcass and leftover onion tops, celery ends, and a bay leaf. This is easy to do overnight in a crockpot on low. Use the stock to make your rice next time. I like to sauté 1/2 an onion, diced, in some butter and 1 t salt, then add 1 c basmati or long grain rice and toast it a little, then add 1 c stock 1c water and simmer lid-on for 20 min.
And that’s my roast chicken rant. Go f yourself, Alton!
Anon
Haha, thank you for this! Alton Brown’s recipes are often unnecessarily difficult and time-consuming for very marginal improvements. Useless, I say!! Your recipe sounds great and doable!
No Longer Anon
I made real, toast-the-rice-and-stir-forever risotto last night. I’ve made it before, but it was AWFUL. I really don’t think I want to even eat it with leftovers. It was bland and gloppy and just…blah. I had no wine, because I don’t drink wine, but a half dozen trustworthy websites said the wine was nice but not necessary. I’m thinking the wine was necessary.
This whole thing has reiterated how much I absolutely positively hate cooking. My most successful meals have been scrambled egg hash.
I miss normal life.
Anon
I don’t think the wine would make a difference between beautiful risotto and bland and gloppy. Did you salt enough? Home cooking takes more salt and fat than most of us think it will in order to taste as good as restaurant food.
Anon
I made it with chicken stock so I would assume that would be salty enough?
My dad, who is an actual cook, said that I probably overstirred it and definitely used too small of a pan. I asked him for ideas to reuse it and he saw a photo I sent and was like “um, compost it.” Thanks, Dad.
No Longer Anon
Oops, that was me.
Anon
I would salt it up and make arancini (fried breadcrumb-coated risotto balls.) You can stick a little cube of cheese in the risotto ball before you bread it. Yum.
Anon
Don’t feel bad. I have never made a successful risotto and I’m a pretty decent cook with like a 40 meal repertoire before I rotate exact dishes. I think a lot of it is the type of rice and I’m just not that big of a rice connoisseur. I hate to say this but the TJ’s frozen mushroom risotto is comparable to most restaurants.
You can make savory pudding or rice soup (add fresh cooked long grain and celery for texture) with the rest of the glop if you want. But the soup needs to be eaten the same day or it will become pudding.
Anon
Also, adding lemon juice to day-old risotto does wonders for flavor and texture.
No Longer Anon
I might try this: https://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2018/05/risotto-al-salto-crispy-rice-pancake.html
Airplane.
All the fancy foods that I can make at home. Steak. NY strip and filet mignon. Shrimp – sauteed with garlic and oil and a little butter. Fancy cheeses. Prosecco and champagne on and whiskey cocktails on weekend nights. I have a “well, what are we waiting for” attitute about this. I’m not spending on live events, eating out or clothing so I might as well buy fancy groceries. I feel like by eating fancy I don’t mindlessly snack because I look forward to a good, drawn out, high quality meal instead of tupperware lunch at my desk at work.
Senior Attorney
Heh we’ve been having cocktail hour every night. Whiskey for DH and champagne for me. We do take a long walk first to earn the calories.
Airplane.
I like having cocktail hour to look forward to! Same with a meal that involves both of us cooking, prepping, plating, eating. Can’t manage cocktail hour every night, but most nights I’m make myself a mocktail of some flavor of la croix, lemon squeeze, bitters and ice in a nice glass and tuck in with it. Feels like a nice ritualistic treat. Small things, I guess.
NOLA
Dude found out that one of our local grocery stores was selling aged steaks from Dickie Brennan’s steakhouse. We had filet on Friday night, which normally wouldn’t be our steak of choice and it was amazing. A lot of the big restaurants in town are now selling their foods in the grocery stores.
In-House in Houston
Check out Natasha’s Kitchen.com. She’s the best and I love her videos. She’s on FB & IG. She makes great, real recipes that your whole family will love.
Anon
I binged Unorthodox on Netflix last night and highly recommend it. It’s a really fascinating and moving look into the misogyny of the Hasidic Jewish community and based on a true story. The lead actress was fantastic. But (as I quickly learned) since a lot of it is in Yiddish it’s not one of those shows you can just put on in the background and listen to!
Anon
I don’t have Netflix, but it’s based on a book by Deborah Feldman and I highly recommend the book.
anon
I binged the entire series on Saturday and really liked it. It’s a difficult subject matter I think they managed to stay respectful to the Hasidic community and their traditions (and my understanding is that many of the actors were from that community too). Loved all the scenes from Berlin too. Need to add it to my post-COVID travel list.
ohMinnow
Binged this one too – it was excellent.
NOLA
I’m probably crazy, but with no gym and walks just not cutting it, I have decided to start running/jogging. In the past, I just didn’t feel like I could – either with lung capacity/cardio fitness, despite doing a lot of cardio, or for my knees. I’ve been experimenting with running in the streetcar tracks, on dirt and grass rather than pavement, to save my knees. I’m slow, but yesterday, I ran/jogged 4 miles without stopping to walk at all. I am completely surprised that I can do this! Not sure how long it will last, but it feels good to get out and move. There weren’t many people out yesterday in the early evening and we’re all being respectful and keeping distance (with a couple of odd exceptions). If I run toward the streetcar (so I can see it coming), we’re all running or walking in the same direction, so less likely to come face to face. Hoping this will save my workouts and allow me to keep moving and not gain the coronavirus 15!
Anon
Wow, I’m very impressed you could do 4 miles without stopping right off the bat. It’s hard for me to do 10 minutes nonstop when I haven’t been running in a while. Good for you!
NOLA
Well, this was my third run/jog. On Thursday, I realized that I needed to meet a friend at the church and needed to get there more quickly and wanted exercise so I ran and walked there. I *think* that was around 4 miles, although I didn’t have the MapMyRun app yet. I mostly walked home that evening. On Saturday, I was out in the heat of the day and it was sunny, so I walked here and there, but mostly ran/jogged. I truly am surprised myself. I was using an adaptive motion trainer at the gym, which is a pretty challenging cardio workout. I am also thinner than I have ever been in my life, so I guess that helps. I’m surprised that my knees are doing so well, but really surprised that I could pull it off at all.
Airplane.
Great job! I’m completely lacking in motivation without a commercial gym. I just can’t get it up for zoom classes or home workouts with straps and bands without real weights that I don’t have it at home. I’ve run outside a few times and it satisfies my desire for sun/outdoor time but I know that my body just doesn’t respond to cardio the same way as strength training or a yoga in a studio with other people. Ugh.
NOLA
Yeah, I’m missing my usual leg machines. My thighs are screaming from running. Not sure why?
Airplane.
I know, it’s totally different! I can do neavy weight on squats, leg extension machines, weighted step ups, hip thrusts etc. BUT go for a 20 minute manageble speed jog? Do some short sprints? My legs will still be sore. I just chalk it up to different use of muscles, I don’t know.
Abby
Good job NOLA! I started running when the gyms closed down too and have been following a 4xweek training program. I know how much better I feel after some time outside, so I dread the runs less than if this was a normal workout. Wondering if this will turn me into a runner by the time the whole thing is over!
NOLA
I have had the same thought!
Thanks, it has pockets!
Wow, that’s pretty impressive! At least, it’s impressive to me, who’s been running 2-3 days a week and can still only run for short distances before needing to walk, those distances are getting longer but I’m nowhere near 4 miles yet! But I too thought of myself as “not a runner” before this, and had been meaning to take up running this spring, the studios closing just accelerated the timeline a little.
It’s kinda rough up in Boston. My neighborhood’s fine as far as clear sidewalks are concerned, but there are hills everywhere, and most days are either too cold or too rainy for a run. Can’t wait for consistently better weather.
NOLA
It was way too hot on Saturday afternoon, but not bad yesterday early evening, so it was much better. I bought bluetooth earbuds and it’s better with my glasses than with my sunglasses (too heavy and they constantly fall down my nose. I also realized that my shorts have an internal pocket so I can put a house key there. New Orleans is very flat and I’m running in the streetcar tracks. The only problem is that, right in front of Audubon Park, it’s really sandy inside the tracks and it makes it difficult to get footing. That’s right at the end of mile two where I turn around and worse on the way there than on the way back. I’ve been trying to move in between the tracks to avoid that section. I still come home with absolutely filthy feet and legs!
Anon
David Lat is out of the ICU!
Senior Attorney
Yes, I saw that and it made my day!
Anon
Yay!
Housecounsel
So happy for him!
Cara Dune
Finally, some happy news! I am so relieved for him and his family.
Anonymous
Any book recommendations?
I’m part of the way through The Overstory and it is just wonderful! I’m totally glued to it and don’t want it to end.
I read Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead and Nutshell by Ian McEwan in the last couple of weeks and both were great, although the two books couldn’t have been more different!
Senior Attorney
I’m partway through The Dutch House and really enjoying it.
No Longer Anon
I finished This Tender Land this weekend and loved it. I’ve also recently liked The Giver of Stars, Such a Fun Age, A Woman is No Man, The River, I Am I Am I Am (although this one is about brushes with death so YMMV), Shadow of the Wind, Burial Rites, Snow Falling on Cedars, The Widows of Malabar Hill, Bad Blood, and The Island of Sea Women.
anon
I’m reading the Night Circus by the author who wrote the Starless Sea.
Both of those books are good, but I’m still ruminating on some of the passages of The Dog Stars honestly. That books was phenomenal (but possibly not the best book to read during these Covid-19 times).
I really enjoyed the audio book of 36 Righteous Men (thriller, mystery).
I am waiting on Six of Crows to digitally drop on the shelf via the ebook app.
I hope to read J.K. Jemisin’s How Long till Black Future Month soon ( she is the author of the Broken Earth Trilogy series).
Senior Attorney
N.K. Jemisin has a new one out, too, that I am just starting. The City We Became. Really good so far.