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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This cashmere sweater shell is such a beautiful piece for early fall. Wear it with trousers in September and a midi skirt and boots in October. Once the weather gets chillier, layer it over a white long-sleeved top for extra warmth.
The sweater is $148 at J.Crew (but watch for frequent sales) and comes in sizes XXS-3X. It also comes in heather camel and black.
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
BeenThatGuy
Great pick. This sweater with the Banana silk wide legs pants from yesterday that someone suggested would be a smashing holiday outfit. Fancy earrings, a clutch, cool shoes and call it a day!
Anonymous
That sounds like a smashing outfit indeed!
Anonymous
I don’t understand sleeveless sweaters though. If it’s cold enough for a turtleneck my arms need sleeves. Maybe it’s good for California where it’s not that cold.
Anon
I know! It makes no sense! And yet, I love them and have loved them since high school and I’ve always been on the humid East Coast. I blame the A/C a bit, so you can de-cardigan or de-scarf and go outside and still be sleeveless. But it has to be chunky and not clingy to the neck (and no way would a mock turtle, which I hate always, not drive people batty in the summer).
I wish I could wear beige but the rosacea says no.
anon
“I wish I could wear beige but the rosacea says no.” Truer words were never spoken.
I, too, love the look of sleeveless sweaters even though they make zero sense for my climate.
LE
Agree x 10000. A turtleneck, cashmere sweater….with no sleeves. This makes no sense to me and never has. I would be cold and need a jacket over it.
Anon
I think of this garment the same way I thought of the open-toed boots of yore.
anon
Yeah, I’m in SoCal and wore these the last time they were popular (early 00s IIRC). They are perfect for spring/late fall weather here where you don’t necessarily need your arms to be kept warm but you like the look. I will probably wear them again this time around haha.
Anon
I like them for Maine in the summer (except on the hottest days). But agree they don’t work in a lot of climates.
Anons
I believe they are for occasions where you want short sleeves, but also enjoy the sensation of something gently squeezing your neck all day long.
Anon
Suggestions needed – I need a weekend top to replace my go-to Breton stripe long sleeve tee shirts. I’m just… bored of them and need something to tag out.
Somehow my other options for fall/winter are either sweaters (which… not always needed) or athleisure… so if anyone has a suggestion for an interesting nice long sleeved tee that fits someone tall, I’d love to hear it.
NYC
I like oversized collared button down shirts. Tuck into jeans with a belt, wear loose with more fitted slacks/pants, or wear over leggings/bike shorts for a kids playground trip. AYR makes a good one. Sezane makes some that are good too.
Anon
I’ve said it before, but lately I’ve been dressing like Chessy from The Parent Trap and I’m not too mad about it.
This but with comfier pants: https://www.dailyactor.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/the-parent-trap-chessy-monologue.jpg
Anon
lol – OP here and my go-to summer ‘it’s going to be air conditioned so I need something’ layer has been an oversized gauze shirt.
Anon
Oh shoot, that’s my daily uniform.
(Linen overshirt rather than chambray)
Anon
Different anon. In search of the perfect boyfriend button down years ago, I came across this brand. I think it’s meant for uniforms – certainly the photos are awful – but it’s less than $20(!) and washes up beautifully (no wrinkles and softens with washes). It’s the perfect boyfriend look while fitting properly in the shoulders. (Note: the sleeves run quite short, but I never wear it without rolling the cuffs up, so it doesn’t matter to me, and they land at the perfect spot on my forearm when rolled.) Order your regular size for the boyfriend fit.
I have it in blue and white and it’s my go-to for temperate weather. I probably wear it too much actually :)
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B006R7S2GO
Anon
I don’t know about interesting, but I like the Land’s End Relaxed Supima V- neck tees. Lots of colors, including some I like (rare for LE) and a few prints. These are generously sized; I go wear the smaller end of my range. Petites, regulars and talls are all available, as is a crew neck option. As with all things LE, watch for a promo and buy on sale.
Mpls
As a woman with long arms, I would avoid LE. I have never found Lands End tall sizes to be sufficiently tall/long. Like, the LE Tall long-sleeves were shorter than BR (and BR factory) regular sizes long-sleeves I have.
By all means, give them a try, as something may have changed in the last couple years, but I finally gave up in frustration because everything ended up a little bit wider and much shorter than I wanted.
As an alternative, Eddie Bauer usually has decent options for women’s tall sizes online.
NY CPA
I’ve also found the LE tee shirts wear really poorly and look worn out quickly. Maybe if you didnt dry them they might wear better but I’m not willing to baby cotton tee shirts.
Anon
Well, you can’t expect a cotton T-shirt to do well long term if you wash/dry using harsh conditions.
If you really want your clothing to last – washing everything in cold on delicate, with a mild shampoo, hang everything to dry.
Anon
Yeah, OP here… Lands’ End doesn’t have the right proportions for my body. Like, the sleeves are a little to short and the torso is a little too wide. I used to wear a lot of BR… sounds like I should go back and add them to the rotation.
Mpls
Definitely try BR factory stuff too. And Gap/Gap Factory (i’ve always been impressed with their tall sleeve lengths). I have some v-neck long sleeve shirts from BR Factory that must be…10 years old? I’m wearing one today. I can tell they aren’t necessarily cut on the bias (they fold a little funny, but have worn like iron. Without any babying in the laundering conditions.
Cerulean
Marine Layer has some comfy but nice weekend tops. They seem to run small, so I size up. I also like BR Factory for this (and I think they carry tall sizes).
Anon
Thanks! I haven’t shopped there but will check it out.
So – I’m a M at most shops (JCrew, Banana, etc.) a Small or Small Tall at Gap and LOFT, and it sounds like I would go for a L at Marine Layer?
Anonymous
Check out Evereve if you are looking for something a little less basic and less preppy.
Anon
I haven’t heard of them, will take a look, thanks!
anon
It’s too early to buy, but BR always has these long-sleeve luxe tees that I love because they’re heavier than a t-shirt but lighter than a sweater.
Anon
Will take a look! I think I might have had an old one of these that I wore to death…
Anon
Does it have to be a tee? I enjoy a flowy floral blouse (usually a peasant blouse) for the fall
Anon
OP here – My high school self loves this idea… I used to have this off the shoulder purple faux patchwork print peasant blouse I LOVED…
Anonymous
Lol. Were you in high school in mid 90s too?
Anon
Hah – graduated high school in 2003, so a little later… but that was really a look for quite a while! I remember being a tween or teen dreaming about a trip to Lilith Fair.
Anonymous
I have a couple of long sleeved tshirts from Eddie Bauer I like – one in a unique colour and a striped one. EB has tall sizes.
I wear the heck out of the LL Bean “cozy mixed-knit pullover” – have multiple colours. Just the right weight and they wear so well in the washer and dryer. Also available in tall.
anon
I swear I know most things about caring for myself and my home, but I have a gap in my knowledge: what is one supposed to do about granite and marble that has lost its luster?
It looked great for awhile, but as I approach a decade in my house, it seems like it needs something in addition to regular gentle cleaning.
Anonymous
I put on a sealant for granite every 18 months…
Anon
Have you been using sealer? We apply this once/year: StainProof by DryTreat Premium Impregnating Sealer (formerly Stain-Proof Original)
Other suggestion: call a reputable tile store near you and ask how they suggest caring for the stone they sell/install.
Anon
If you have marble, it’s possible that it has developed etching. You can get someone to come out and polish it for you (grind it with a diamond pad) and reseal.
Anonymous
Marble needs polishing. Seal granite.
Anon
I’m really missing school days when seeing friends every day was something we took for granted. Now in my 40s, I am fortunate to have a lot of friends, but I still feel lonely most of the time probably because:
Many friends are in the thick of childcare years.
Some close friends live on the other side of the country.
I live in a big city and even friends who technically live in the same city might live an hour or more away by public transit.
WFH more often means fewer chances to connect downtown, where pre-pandemic, most people worked so it was easy to catch up at dinner or a happy hour.
Post-pandemic malaise/weirdness? Maybe it’s in my head, but nothing feels the same anymore and there’s a weird lingering sense of things just being OFF.
Or is this just being in your 40s? Maybe it’s that, too.
Anyone else feeling like this?
Anon
I feel you. I’m not WFH, but I had a pandemic divorce. There are a couple of good friends that I see frequently, but I otherwise I feel socially isolated. At my office I am the eldest by a good decade or so, and though it doesn’t matter to me it seems to matter to the rest of them, so there’s isolation there as well. Adding to the above a general acceptance of rudeness in society, I also feel like things are “off”. I’m in the SEUS, where historically good manners were valued across the socioeconomic spectrum, so the general rudeness is very noticeable, whether it’s on the road, in a store, or in the halls of the courthouse.
Anonymous
Just +1 to the last sentence. It’s gotten absurd. The MAGA-types in the SEUS feel they can do no wrong – they don’t obey traffic laws, they’re just generally rude and entitled. It makes me so nervous.
Anon
Wondering why it makes you nervous?
I live in a very red county in a very blue state, and the MAGA types were blatantly violating any and all COVID precautions as early as March 2020. MAGA business owners remained open in violation of our county order and offered indoor dining (including with signs that anyone wearing a mask would be refused service), MAGA patrons loudly availed themselves of any business that was open (so that vulnerable people (elderly, chronic conditions) could not find any grocery store or pharmacy at any time of the day where it was safe to shop) while wearing tshirts with anti-mask slogans or pro-Trump slogans. Local officials did nothing because: (1) one of the most flagrant restaurant owners is a member of our City Council, and (2) most constituents agreed with him/his ilk or were his patrons. So the MAGA people make me nervous for public health reasons (maybe they don’t care if they get sick, but I cannot accept if they make me sick because I have a chronic condition).
They also make me nervous because their behavior indicates to me that they would easily cross the line to physical violence if they perceive me to be doing anything that infringes on “their rights” (my interpretation: their being public bullies). That might be my wearing a mask. That might be their noticing that I am Jewish (though I can pass given how I look physically, my name and my choice not to wear items with a Star of David etc – if I were a minority who cannot pass, I’m sure this would feel even scarier).
Is this along the same lines as you are thinking/feeling, Anonymous at 10:23?
No Problem
I’m not the person you’re responding to, but yeah it’s the physical violence aspect that makes me nervous. I might be wrong, but I’m pretty sure that the guy in the pickup truck with Confederate flag bumper stickers wearing a MAGA hat is more likely to be toting a gun than the guy in the Prius with NPR bumper stickers wearing a Patagonia hat. When you combine the “can do no wrong” attitude with a deadly weapon, things can go south in a hurry.
anon
This. The beliefs don’t bother me as much as the pervasive entitlement that their desire to do what they want/how they want/when they want trump the law and common decency & manners.
As a woman of color in the south, I feel the unsaid pressure to move out a white man’s way in public, or let the white lady cut me in line because they can and will throw a fit if they don’t get their way. If someone who looks like me were to behave that way in public, they’d be beat up in heartbeat.
Anonymous
I feel the exact same way. I never expected life to be so lonely. I think TV spoiled it for me. Everyone seems to hang with friends all the time. That is not my experience at all.
Anon
FWIW, when I moved to the south five years ago, the first thing I noticed was the rudeness. I was/am treated as “lesser” and “low status.” The condescension is horrific and is the main reason we (home, husband, kid, pet) are actively looking to leave.
You are probably perceived as “high status” if you think it’s new. It’s wild to me – I can tell within five minutes who grew up here (with their very rigid and narrow ideas of what constitutes someone worth their time) and who is a fellow transplant.
Anon at 10:06
I’m so sorry you’ve been treated this way. Upon reflection, I think your assessment is sadly spot on. I’m a native and, honestly, very privileged. Even so I think of leaving. I truly believe that what I’m seeing around me now is how people really are, and how it was before was an exceedingly thin veneer of civilization.
anon
Mid-late 30s, definitely feeling like this. You’re not alone–I think this is really common. Even one of my most social friends (you know, that one friend in the group who is always taking initiative to plan and seemingly has endless energy) has expressed similar sentiments, even though her social life is way more robust than mine due to her efforts.
One thing that helps me is to try to make sure I always have a plan with at least one friend in the works. Even if it’s weeks out, I still have that to look forward to and feel connected.
Cora
I’m in my late 20s but I am one of the more social friends. I definitely plan and reach out more than my friends do, but I do think they’re interested when I invite them so I’m going to stick to it. It’s just a lot of work to have to plan out every social interaction this much.
Anon
Can you set up something regular/recurring, like a book club?
For a few years I had a standing Thursday night meet up – it was great.
Anon
This. Early 40s was when my “we’re friends because we are moms together” group started falling apart as our kids grew. I joined a hobby group and and book group. The book group was all in their early 30s with babies which was fun in it’s own way. The hobby group ranged from 20 to 90 and some of them became very close friends.
Anon
I feel this deeply. I even have a pack of kids — and it creates this really strange dynamic. We all rush around to get everyone out the door in the mornings, but then I’m back to a quiet house by 9, and then at 5, there are another active/social 3 hours of sports, after school activities, homework, dinner, cleaning, bedtime. Then, it’s sitting in front of the tv until bedtime. I relish like an hour of quiet while I work, but I miss the more balanced pace of being in an office where I had colleagues to chat with between stretches of work. I feel either frenzied and rushed during non-working hours, or somewhat lonely and alone at WFH. I am a consultant, so I also don’t have colleagues – just clients. I really need the flexibility of consultancy, given the varying needs of the kids, but it’s not been great for my mental health.
Yes!
I could have written this word for word. I feel the same way – the flexibility of WFH is essential because it allows me and my spouse to keep working full-time while managing the family/house but I desperately miss the office. I set a goal to get involved in at least one community group this school year so I can connect with a different group of people.
Anonymous
I’m 48 and a lot of my friends are younger (late 30s). I reached out to a couple of them yesterday who are also WfH (they have unlimited vacation but never really take it). I suggested a hooky day while their kids were in school and they were 100%l in. I’m really looking forward to it. Maybe the trick is to do sort of a staycation day now and then to get out of the funk? I have limited vacation days but this is so worth it to me. I have a job I love and that isn’t all that repetitive (I travel once a month or so for client meetings or conferences that are a lot like social events), but I still really need to shake up the blah.
NY CPA
30s but feeling the same.
anon
I feel you. This is life in my 40s, it seems. I have friends, close ones, even! But it bums me out that my daily life doesn’t bump up against theirs as much as it did even 5-10 years ago. There are so many reasons for that, most of them based on logistics. It’s hard.
Anon
I hear you. I think this is why people get really into routine activities – to have that regular familiar contact – like the gym, a religious group, volunteering
Duckles
I’m in my mid-30s and child free and it’s so isolating. I do have a lot of hobbies and friends, comparatively, but been 1 in, 2 out for the past couple years having friends absolutely disappear to boyfriends and babies. I am considering seeing if other places have higher child free populations.
anon
Also in my 40s and also pretty lonely/isolated (and I don’t have a lot of friends, but I do have a small core group of friends which has always been enough for me – trouble is none of them live in my current city). WFH makes it worse for sure, but my current job doesn’t have the same kind of camaraderie as my prior jobs anyway. It’s strange to me because I am such a strong introvert that there are very few times in my life I have wanted more social contact (as opposed to less), but I definitely feel that way now.
Seafinch
I don’t know why though there are lots of possible excuses. I am very lonely. Mid 40’s with five kids, military postings so have moved a lot and all my life long gang is somewhere else though even when we go home for summers I find it hard to connect. Everyone is just busy and has restraints. My family of origin sucks. Currently on mat leave but a few days per week in the office last year with a great superior on a two person team did mitigate the loneliness but it’s also logistically much harder than WFH so not sure I would choose that though I really probably have no choice going forward. silver lining, I suppose. I am extroverted and do enjoy the forced socializing of kids’ teams and my kids school.
Anon
It takes a lot of effort but I’ve found most people are up for getting together, it just takes a little work and it’s not likely reciprocal. Some friends are better with last minute invites, others require advance planning. My husband and I are DINKS and most of our friends have kids. I’ve had a lot of success with making plans with one friend for a weeknight dinner and inviting people over for weekend dinners. It’s gotten easier to get together now that we’re late 40s and our friends’ kids are older and more self sufficient or out of the house. The TL/DR, if you want it, become the planner and issue the invitations.
Anon
“Become the planner and issue the invitations.” THIS x 1000.
I started throwing dinner parties and even a couple of old-fashioned c*cktail parties. My friends love it and there’s always a great turnout. I’m also fortunate to have not been hit as hard as some by inflation/general expense increases, so it’s a no-pressure way for me to treat friends who are strapped without the 1-on-1 awkwardness of picking up the check.
Anon
I wonder how many of you are single? I am single and have a big loving family, kids, lots of friends, great colleagues, etc. I still feel lonely, but I chalk it up to being single. Maybe it’s just part of the human condition.
Duckles
This is a huge part of it as you get older. I picked my neighborhood because I loved that it seemed to have lots of communal events, etc and two years in I have never connected with anyone because they’re all married, mostly with kids. People are cordial but it never got beyond that. By your mid-thirties, society expects you to be partnered, and it’s incredibly isolating if you’re not, even with friends.
Anon
Things change. I’m in the age group where kids go to college and a hefty percentage are no longer married to husband #1 (myself included.) You have to keep the old friends as best you can, and pick up new friends during the day.
If you’re not making friends at work, you probably need to take up some sort of outside hobby or interest where you meet other people – exercise groups (one friend met her later in life husband in a running group), church if you’re so inclined, volunteerism, etc. I met my most recent new friend via my dog! She owns the same breed of rescue dog, and we started our friendship having essentially doggy playdates. :)
Anon
Do you belong to a gym? The gym always provides a place where I can go, without plans or people. Bonus for being a healthy choice even if I end up there every day. I have also found that by going to a class regularly or working out the same day/time, I have made connections over time. A few of these evolved into true friends over the years.
Anonymous
no it’s definitely being in your 40s – the WSJ had a whole article a while back about how middle age moms are super lonely.
Katherine Rose
I FEEL this too, and I’m in my 30s. I’ve used the Bumble BFF app and I’ve actually had quite a bit of success. Part of what has helped me is realizing that different friends fill different needs. Quality time is my love language, I really value deep friendships with just a few gals, that can be hard to find and honestly I haven’t had a really close friend like that since college. Through the app I’ve met friends who are down for drinks or dinner during the week and another friend who has become my networking buddy. I’m learning to appreciate that kind of connection even though it feels more casual. I’ve also had to accept that I’m just not a big friend group kind of person, I rarely enjoy myself at larger friend gatherings. I’m trying to lean into what does work for, that means being more proactive and seeking out 1 to 1 connections.
Anon
Any recommendations for a hotel or resort within 2.5 hours driving distance of Chicago? I’m trying to plan a cozy fall weekend near lots of trees. I’m picturing myself in a sweater drinking wine in front of a roaring fire. Nearby activities (apple picking, forest preserves with a walking trail, etc.) are a plus. It’ll just be me and my SO. No particular budget in mind. Thanks!
Cerulean
Southwest Michigan (New Buffalo and the surrounding area) should fit the bill. They also have wineries, although I can’t recommend Midwestern wine in good conscience. Lake Geneva is also nice, especially if you’re more on the northern side of the city or suburbs.
Anon
+1 I am very, very far from a wine connoisseur but Michigan wine is undrinkable.
Anon
Haha I’m in Northern CA, my dad’s business was the winery business, and I married a Michigander. His family wanted to introduce us to wine tasting in MI. At least I can say I’ve tasted something called cherry wine.
Anon
Hahaha. Oh my goodness, I’m sorry. I used to live in the Bay Area and easy access to Napa is the #1 thing I miss!
Anon
I love Lake Geneva.
Chl
Osthoff or Timber Ridge in Wi. My girlfriend owns the garden grove inn in union pier, Mi and it is super cute and close to a lot of things. Is Mackinac open in the fall? That’s a little farther but would be beautiful. This is a totally different vibe but the Harrington inn in geneva is cute and on the river. Maybe a place in galena like chestnut mountain?
Anonymous
I love Galena. Stay at the territories. All kinds of nature paths. The hills are so pretty. Wineries, goat walk/yoga, nice restaurants, etc.
MinnieBeebe
Lake Geneva or Kohler, WI. Kohler Resort has a great spa if you’re into that.
Anon
It would be more like 4.5 hours for you but the West Baden Springs resort in southern Indiana is really lovely for a weekend couples’ getaway.
Leadership development
Our office is being forced to do a two day leadership development course. I say forced because everyone knows that no results or changes will come from it.
Tips for getting through it and phrases I can throw out to feign participation? Honesty is punished at our organization.
I know people will say to leave this office culture behind, but I’m not in a position to go right now.
Anon
For inside your head: you are Margaret Mead observing the fauna in its native habitat.
Anonymous
This is good!
Anonymous
When asked for feedback: It’s been a really interesting session.
Anom
Say things that the office culture prides itself on. Like my company is all about how collegial and nice people are and how our worldwide offices cooperate well. So I’d focus on those things. Whereas at my last company, those would not have been topics to focus on. You’re basically just repeating back their own marketing.
Anonymous
Ignore the content, if that’s not your thing, and focus on getting to know the people you work with. Are there different locations coming together? Or are there new people you haven’t met yet? Focus on the camaraderie at least.
Anon
And find like minded people! It’s subtle – the people who are polite about the content but not enthused, who maybe ask a question or make a statement that is not blatant praise…. even if you only find one or two tigers, identify each other!
Anne
I like setting a hydration goal for myself at events like this (e.g. I will drink 70 ozs of water a day). It’s doable, it’s healthy, it doesn’t stand out, and it makes me feel like I got something out of the day. BYO reusable water bottle.
Monday
As a bonus, this also would mean using the bathroom more often! It’s probably more interesting than the training content.
Anonymous
Make it into a water drinking game. Take a sip every time someone says a leadership cliché or something like that. I did this with a colleague who a certain phrase an excessive amount.
bird in flight
oh this is brilliant, I’m stealing this for long work events.
Anonymous
I would try to listen to the material and focus on the bigger picture. It may not be helpful at this job, but it could come in handy at others. I have been through several of these things at different places and I always come away with a few tips that pay off at some point down the line, even if the dynamics around me at the time aren’t supportive. If it seems like the coach is decent, ask about some of their favorite books. If you feel like it’s all performative and not anything practical, then I would just parrot back whatever is being said and mentally try to think about other projects. Trying to get to know others around who you don’t know as well is also good advice.
No Problem
I like the Margaret Mead suggestion above, and I would add that it would be interesting to try to categorize all of the advice or lessons into people you know. Like “Joe back at job X really could have used that advice!” or “Betsy would not have had so many issues with Rob if she had even tried to do that!” Maybe you’ll even find a nugget or two for yourself.
Anon
Try to make a conference buddy. It makes all the difference. Then you can Margaret Mead with your new/temporary bestie.
Anonymous
Being bored and trying to entertain yourself with distraction is one thing but shifting into high school-type toxic mode is another. Gossiping or making petty comments about others is never a good work look. But it should be the last thing you try to pull off at these things, especially around others who you might not know well but may have to work with someday (and potentially in a situation where one of you might be in a leadership role). This is horrible advice.
Anon
Not the Anon above. I read her to mean that the comments would be more along the lines of “I wish Joe in accounting would actually understand that this workplace norm applies to him, too,” not “Ha ha, did you see Robin re-do her hair for the fifth time this hour?”
bird in flight
For getting through it: Make a bingo card with specific phrases or things you think may happen, and then tuck it into a portfolio and check off as they happen. Set little prizes for bingos! For ideas on filling the bingo card, ask ChatCPT for common phrases at leadership development courses.
Some colleagues introduced me to this concept a few years ago for multi-day conferences and I really enjoy thinking about it.
Anon
You play bingo; I take an imaginary shot every time certain buzz words are used. Bonus points if the cue is something about which the speaker thinks is a source of pride when I think it’s just ego. Think “Ivy League.”
bird in flight
I’m stealing your imaginary shots (or shots as water as someone mentioned above) for the next time I have a long day of presentations to sit through! That is fun too!
Anon
I mean, it’s two days. Surely you don’t need tips or scripts to get through two days?
Anonymous
When do friends become “former friends” to you? Was listening to a book and she talked about how friends from law school that she only saw infrequently or via text were “former friends” but for me they’re not former unless there was a falling out or definite end (OR, we were never truly friends, just work friends or school friends or other situational friends). just curious how everyone defines it…
Sunshine
I define this person as “a woman I went to law school with….” and then finish whatever the sentence is. For me, a friend is someone with whom I’m in somewhat regular contact – it may be only once a quarter. I don’t consider people who I don’t see with any frequency as friends, even if we once were close and no longer are because of life circumstances as opposed to a falling out.
Anonymous
Agreed. If I never see you or talk to you anymore, you’re no longer a friend. You’re a fond memory you’re an acquaintance you’re someone I used to know.
Anon
It’s sort of a situational demotion from friend to acquaintance, but I like to say that I’m “friendly with” these people as opposed to using “former friend.” But it’s perfect to use “someone I used to work with” or “I know someone”.
I know a ton of people still in or connected to a small town where I grew up but my parents moved from when I was 17. It tugs at my heart and 50% of my FB “friends” are from this group. I don’t hang out with people much now, but if I were to be passing through, I’d definitely have people I could have lunch with or go out for drinks with.
People who are ex-friends are fired generally, not in a different orbit because of circumstances.
Anon
I agree with OP. Maybe I’d feel differently if I lived in the same place consistently, but I’ve moved a lot, so I don’t see old friends simply because we live thousands of miles away from each other. I still care about them and would love to have them in my life regularly if that that changed. Life is busy and I’m not as good as I should be at staying in touch, but there are lots of people I think of frequently and fondly but haven’t seen in ages.
Anon
Uh my three closest friends aren’t local to me and I see them infrequently and mainly communicate via text. It would be wild to me to describe them as “former” friends, they’re literally my best friends.
anon
I don’t know what the context was of the book OP was listening to, but I would interpret it as people you were once close to (whether that’s someone you saw regularly, or just communicated with regularly if they were not local), but no longer interact with frequently in any capacity (text, phone, or IRL). I think absolutely friends who are not local but you still stay in regular touch with would not count as “former friends.”
Anonymous
Same, my BFF from law school has 4 kids under 6 and lives on the other side of the country. We text maybe once a quarter. We see each other in person maybe once every two or three years. Every time it’s like picking up where we left off, like no time at all has passed. If something was wrong I would be on a plane the same day and I know she would do the same even with small kids. I still consider her to be one of my closest friends. It’s so odd to me that someone might think she and I are “former friends” when that friendship is just as important to me as it was when we saw each other all day every day.
Anon
When I say “former friend,” I mean someone whom I no longer speak with out of deliberate choice.
Anon
I stopped categorizing people in junior high school.
Anon
Yeah, there is literally nobody I’d call a former friend. I might call them someone I went to high school or college with if we weren’t really friends to begin with, but I don’t worry too much about the distinction, with the exception of ex-boyfriends and ex-husbands (though I don’t actually have any of the latter).
Anon
Actually I did hit on one group of people I might call former friends: friends of an ex. There are a lot of people that are friends of the guy I dated for most of my 20s before we broke up and I got together with my now husband. I genuinely liked them and was part of their lives for years (weddings, new babies, etc.), but we’ve both moved several times and so I live far away from them and it seems weird to get in touch with people that were his friends and I doubt I’ll ever see them again. I think that makes them genuinely former friends.
Anon
If we could meet up for a glass of wine today and still have a blast chatting for an hour, even if it’s been a decade+ (thinking about law school classmates here), then I’d still use the term “friend.”
Monte
I only have one person who I categorize as a former friend, because I do not like her and would not say hello if I saw her in passing. Some folks become “old friends,” when we no longer keep up but I still have affection for them. But I have a lot of true, current friends who I talk to once a year or every couple of years who are definitely still friends and who I would drop a text to and could jump back into the swing of things.
Anon
I never really call anyone a former friend because it sounds like we’ve had some sort of falling out. I would say former colleague, former classmate etc. in this situation.
Anonymous
I think I was 12 the last time I used the term former friend with any kind of seriousness.
For me friendships evolve over time, some fade naturally and become either aquantences I speak to occasionally or someone I went to school with/worked with/did whatever with that I haven’t seen or spoken to in years.
Seventh Sister
I only call someone a former friend if there was a falling out or they have made clear that they have fallen off the political deep end (conspiracy theories, etc.). Life is busy, I haven’t talked to my BFF from college since our reunion last summer but we will 100% text all day on our mutual birthday.
Anon
Same.
Anon
Talk some sense into me: two jobs are open at one of my top-list orgs in my city. I’m finishing a fellowship now and have 10 years of experience (mid 30s). Job A is director level, managing a policy team. Job B is junior analyst level, supporting the policy team. I think Job A might be more suitable for someone more senior than me, in their 40s and with director-level experience. Job B might be for someone with 3-5 years experience, more junior than me. But I’d love to get a foot in the door at this org, which rarely has openings. Would it be worth sending my resume to the outgoing director – who I have met once – to express my general interest in the org and ask something to the effect of where would someone with my background fit on the team/at the org?
Anon
Can you talk to the outgoing director live and say that you want Job A and you would be good at it for XYZ reasons and what does he/she think? And if the answer is a clear “you’d never get it,” then bring up Job B and/or “any other openings?”
Anon
I’d do this, reach out asking to talk.
Anonymous
Aim high. That’s what a man would do.
Anon
+1
Anon
I just bought an old pair of lined wool BR Martin for pants on eBay. #desperationforworkpants
Anom
Those were great pants! I still have two pairs that I occasionally wear…
anon
I loved those!
Anon
I have 4-5 pairs of BR suiting pants:
3 Logans from back when they were lined (all black, 4s and 6s)
1 Martin, also lined
1 other Logan, not lined, 8 (current post-pandemic size)
I may not fit in them again, but because they are lined. The Logan rise is shorter than I’d like, but the fact that they are lined wool pants means that I can’t part with them.
I also have an AT 6P size of lined wool pants but those are just a hot mess on my current shape. Still: lined. This is like my kryptonite apparently. Everything else that I’ve outgrown I’ve quickly rehomed. If only lined wool suiting existed still (does it? for a pear? especially for pants? my sizing up must be done in an odd way b/c I have skirts that fit but there is too much junk in my trunk and the pants are indecent now).
Anon
I absolutely still trawl eBay and Poshmark for some of my work favorites from years gone by!
Anon
I need a thin black leather belt for pants. I have the belt from my Etsuko but need something about 2x it’s wish. I’m a pear and the belt needs to keep my pants up versus just being decorative. Prefer solid leather with no backing. 31” waist and I intend so this to be at my waist so IDK how long it needs to be overall.
Anon
https://www.coach.com/products/harness-buckle-reversible-belt-25-mm/72450.html?frp=72450%20B4OH1S
Anonymous
Talbots has good quality leather belts.
Anon
But none for small waists, in my experience
Anonymous
https://www.sezane.com/us/product/livie-belt/patent-black#size-95
Anonymous
Any great Paris restaurant suggestions? Looking for cozy, small, lots of locals, any arrondissement is fine!
Anonymous
We loved Frenchie on a recent trip, although it’s probably a miss on the “locals” front as the table next to us lived two miles from us.
Anonymous
haven’t been in a 10+ years but looooved les papilles when we were there.
Anon
Chez Monsieur is my favorite.
https://www.chezmonsieur.fr/home
They are so nice and the food is delicious. Lots of locals.
Anon
I’m in m0d but C h e z M o n s i e u r on rue du Chevalier Saint-George.
Paris
Pierre Sang in Oberkampf. Do the wine pairing!
anoncat
L’Escargot de Montorgueil
Mediterranean Diet
does anyone have any favorite influencers or cookbooks re the Mediterranean Diet? TIA!
Anonymous
Dan Buettner Blue Zones
Anonymous
The Mediterranean Dish for recipes.
Anonymous Canadian
Olive Tomato is a great website!
Jeans
Recs for soft wide leg jeans that are low or mid waisted? My favorite thing about skinny jeans was how soft/stretchy they are, and I can’t go back to stiff, rigid denim. High rise does not work for my body type.
Anon
Rag & Bone makes these
bird in flight
In a department store a few weeks ago I tried on a bunch of jeans a couple weeks ago and fell in love with Good American jeans. So soft and the waist hits perfectly. The pair I got was a basic pair of straight dark jeans because I needed them for work and they have been excellent. I tried on a pair of the GA palazzo jeans while I was there and really liked them, so much so that I ordered a pair over the weekend during their Labor Day Sale.
Life Insurance?
Would having my mom get a life insurance policy be the best option in this situation? What I am trying to optimize for is minimizing the impact of financially supporting my two adult siblings when my parents die. My mom (54) and dad (64) are both retired and on a pension from low paying jobs (teachers). My two younger siblings (28 and 19) live at home off my parents. The 28yo makes minimum wage (autistic with limited ability to manage his own affairs) and the 19yo dropped out of hs and has no plans (debilitating mental illness). I’ve already set up my parents’ will so that the younger two will get our parents’ house. I was thinking perhaps my mom should get a whole life insurance policy with one or both my younger siblings as the beneficiary. I’d pay the premium. I already have set up Betterment investment accounts for both siblings and pay in a modest amount each month. I have a call with a financial planner next week but want to begin thinking about how to manage this. I am in my early 30s, unmarried/permanently childfree and make just under $300k. Leaving the siblings to fend for themselves isn’t an option but I want to set things up now so there is money for them to live modestly but comfortably outside of my income. Is life insurance the way?
Explorette
You may need to look into a special needs trust for the older, and a regular trust for the younger. Leaving both of them a house outright and proceeds from a life insurance policy might do more harm than good.
Anon
+1 Not an expert, but my immediate thought was that you need some kind of trust and leaving them a house and money outright is a terrible idea.
Anon
Exactly this. You need a specialist in this area.
Anon
This is one for a family law attorney, I think. There are so many potential “traps” here, just to my layperson’s eyes. If one or both of your parents end up requiring long term care, they are looking at a Medicaid spend-down, which will take the house right out of the equation. Depending on where they and your siblings live, as a high earner, if the state has filial responsibility laws on the books, they could come after you. That isn’t consistently enforced, and varies heavily by state, but it’s a thing. If your siblings are both expected to have normal lifespans, they are also looking at Medicaid or other state programs.
I’d skip the financial planner and go straight to an attorney who specializes in complicated care situations, because the likelihood of one of your 4 family members exhausting their limited assets is high, and you need to figure out both your willingness/ability to contribute and how to limit your exposure.
An.On.
Ditto the suggestion to talk with an attorney, but at least in my area it should be an elder law or estate planning attorney, not family law, which are mostly custody/divorce issues. You’ll want someone familiar with the local Medicaid and probate rules and may need a disability attorney too, to find out if your siblings qualify for social security benefits.
Anon
Another strong recommendation to speak to an attorney before you do anything else. Without properly set up trusts, your current plan has the potential to get very messy very quickly.
anon
I love a good flannel shirt for fall, but they always shrink on me. And I have long arms, so it’s a problem. Has anyone found any favorites lately? I prefer cotton (hence, the shrinking) for feel but am willing to consider a blend if it’ll solve the shrinking issue.
Anom
I love my LL Bean flannels. I’ve bought on eBay and Poshmark. The flannel is substantial.
Mpls
LL Bean, but Men’s side. The women’s flannel shirts always seem to be a lighter weight flannel and feels flimsier, even at LL Bean.
So, I go for the Men’s Talls and wear them with leggings, and they look deliberately oversized (but the sleeves fit).
Anan
I have one from Duluth Trading company. They are a little on the thicker side, but very cozy and sturdy.
We also have pants from Vermont Flannel company that have held up well.
Also- if the sizing works for you, I feel like men’s flannel is better quality than women’s.
Anonymous
I find men’s clothes in general are better quality than women’s. It’s annoying sometimes, and one reason I buy a lot of my casual clothes from the men’s department.
Anon
I love mine from Frank and Eileen
anon.
Same with their old brand, Grayson, which they closed down and you can only find on Poshmark!
Anonymous
I buy men’s flannel, since I refuse to consider blends, lol. Even after several washes the fit is still great.
Anon
For nearly any brand of flannel shirt I buy a size up, wash in hot water and dry on high so when the shoulders shrink it actually fits. Same for flannel PJ pants – buy men’s tall in a size up, then shrink them down to fit me.
Anonymous
Rails
Senior Attorney
This is 100% rayon but I put it in the washer and dryer on delicate and haven’t had any problems with shrinking. I have it in a couple of colors and really like it: https://www.nordstrom.com/s/rails-hunter-plaid-button-up-shirt/7034914?
anon
Mine from Uniqlo and Costco have a nice fabric weight and didn’t shrink. But these were from previous seasons so I can’t vouch for this season’s quality.
MJ
Eddie Bauer, Old Navy, Amalli Talli, LongTall Sally will all have varying degrees of quite tall flannel shirts. Recommend you start there, as a fellow monkey-armed Tall.
Anon
Men’s section of Goodwill… get one that’s already been worn and washed a zillion times and won’t shrink any further.
Hollis
I am booking a trip for next April and when looking around at hotel options, I noticed that several are having special deals for this fall or this winter time. So, my question is when is the optimal time to be looking for a hotel room? Should I book a room now and then look for a deal later since most of the bookings are refundable (but the best deals are nonrefundable)? I’m looking at Boston for spring break.
Monte
You can always do that (book refundable, look again later), but I think it also depends on where you are going and when. It will be hard to find deals for spring break because half the world goes on vacation then, but Boston in winter is dreadful and hotels will drop rates to entice people to come.
Anon
+1 to all this. Although I’m surprised you’re seeing great deals for fall. That’s pretty much peak season in Boston.
Anon
April in Boston can mean lovely tulips and spring flowers to howling spring wind or full-on blizzards. Book near Newbury Street/Back Bay or the Public Garden for the most charming Boston experience. Anything in Beacon Hill will also be lovely–there are only a few hotels in BH. The Seaport is not that charming and Boston-y, but it has a lot of hotels, and some have great views. Do not book in Financial District–empty at night. Do not book in East Boston–it’s near the airport, not in actual Boston proper.
Anon
April in Boston also means the Boston Marathon, which causes sky-high hotel prices. If they seem cheap right now, I suspect OP is not visiting on Patriot’s Day Weekend and it won’t be an issue, but if you are that’s definitely a fluke and lock that price in right now!
Anonymous
Venting into the void here, but I am so frustrated that my firm always seems to pick the worst possible times to schedule in-person associate trainings. We’re a national firm and we bring all associates together a few times a year for a training with some outside consulting company and select partners. They’re usually on a Friday and Saturday. I enjoyed it when I was an associate and I’ve been repeatedly invited to participate as a partner. I really want to help! But not the weekend before the 4th of July, or this week right after Labor Day, or basically any time between Thanksgiving and New Year’s. I want to ask, does anyone actually show up to these things? Aren’t flight and hotel prices much more expensive around holidays? I don’t understand why they can’t pick like a dreary February weekend (not president’s day!).
Anon
It sounds deliberate. Not many people travel the weekend before or after a holiday weekend so it’s probably cheaper and less likely to conflict with other plans.
Anon
It’s also you’re in a client service business and your clients are more likely to not call or need things over these holiday weekends. That’s the bargain you make when you work for a law firm.
Anonymous
I am cackling at how badly Joe Jonas PR people are f’ing up his divorce. I barely paid attention to it before but all the over the top stuff is making me wonder what they are trying to deflect from by going so hard against Sophie.
And it’s no mistake that he dropped the divorce while Taylor Swift is on a tour break
Anon
~Mr. Insincere Apology so he doesn’t look like the bad guy~
Anonymous
Mr ‘13 is not too young’
He went after Gigi Hadid when she was 13 and he was 19 and he was in contact with Sophie after meeting her on set when she was underaged. I think she found out that he had an underage side piece and was creeped out.
Vicky Austin
hahahahahaha
Anonymous
Isn’t it so funny how the first thing you see kind of influences you? I barely know anything about their marriage but saw some subtweets about how she was anti-Meghan and got a “shut up” ring because Joe didn’t want to get married.
Anonymous
Hi Joe’s PR person!!
She voiced a cartoon character on a show that mocks the entire royal family and liked a few tweets from a producer. She’s not ‘anti Meaghan’ anymore than she’s ‘anti-royal’ or whatever.
Plus – like being anti-meghan means it’s a good look for Joe Jonas to be trashing her in the press via leaks to TMZ? His kids are going to read that one day and know what a trash person he is even if they don’t learn it before. Every single negative Sophie story makes him look worse. The only thing that MIGHT make him not look like complete garbage is a glowing post about her as a mom and releasing that the kids are going to live with her in the UK whenever he’s on tour. And even then it looks self serving because his reputation is a dumpster fire right now.
Can’t wait until Taylor restarts her tour.
Anonymous
Yes – it was definitely the English teenager pushing for marriage and not the fundie old guy whose brothers were moving on and having families. Super believable.
Anon
Anyone want to help me shop? I have a backyard wedding in a couple weeks in northern MN, so it may be somewhat chilly. I will be about 16-17 weeks pregnant, so just starting to get a bump. I have no idea where to shop, or if I even want a maternity dress or just a size or two up? Help!
ollie
I’m in a similar situation for a wedding in early Oct and I’m going to wear this: https://www.lulus.com/products/rise-to-the-occasion-emerald-green-midi-wrap-dress/687311.html. I’ll be 18 weeks and I think the wrap dress style will work well at that point. I need a cami underneath since I bought my pre-pregnancy size (and there would be a lot of boob out regardless…) but sizing up could also work.
Anon
Baltic Born has a whole bunch of “bump-friendly” dresses: https://balticborn.com/collections/dresses/style-bump
MNAnon
What about the Faherty Isabella dress? I live in the Twin Cities. A backyard wedding in northern Minnesota in a couple weeks could easily be very cold. You might get lucky with a warm day. But I’d look for something on the warmer side and plan a coat option. At 16 weeks, I wouldn’t do maternity—just a size up from usual, maybe two sizes if it’s a slimmer cut. I was thankful for everything I boight one size up during pregnancy because I wore it all again postpartum. Congrats on the pregnancy.
Anon
the other week someone talked about how they learned to pose for pics to make them look more flattering. any suggested resources to look into this?
Anon
Is Hotels.com legit? I normally book directly with the hotel for a variety of reasons, but for our spring break resort I’m seeing rates on Hotels.com that are about half the direct booking rate. It’s very tempting, especially because the resort is quite pricey so it would be thousands of dollars in savings.
NY CPA
Yes it’s legit. There’s defnitely benefits to booking direct, but if the difference was that substantial, I would (1) call the hotel directly and ask if they’d price match, and if not (2) book via hotels.com.
Anon
I hadn’t thought about asking them to price match. I will do that, thanks.
Anonymous
Will the resort price match? I’d call them and ask. I always prefer to book directly through the hotel even if the third party site is legitimate.
Anon
I’ve found these 3rd party booking sites are a lot of risk for very little reward. You’re paying the entire stay up front and you’re SOL if you have to cancel. The 3rd party sites often omit local taxes or resort fees, whether it’s to make the per day cost seem lower or because some taxes aren’t in the feed that displays the prices.
IMO, it’s not worth it and the actual amount saved is negligible.
Anonymous
I think it is legit but not foolproof – I have had a hotel that never got my reservation through Hotels.com. So I always prefer to book direct if possible.
Anon
When I use third party sites, I always confirm the reservation with the hotel soon after booking so I’m not surprised when I arrive to check in.
Anon
I have been using them for years without a single issue and prefer to book through them when possible. I signed up for their loyalty program and get a free night for every ten. I always book fully refundable stays and have cancelled with no issue many times too.
Hide the grays
Brunettes who cover your grays – how often do you get your roots done?
I’m short (so most adults can see the top of my head) and have straight shoulder length hair. Probably 15-25% gray? I start wanting to wear my hair in a ponytail tail at about week 3 to hide my part.
AnoNL
39 and I have lots of greys. My hairdresser is using some low-amonia haircolor that is close to my natural color and it washes away in a nice, natural way. The greys start to show here and there after a month, because my hair grows quite fast. I recolor it at home using professional color around week 6.
Having highlights helps to hide the greys, they kind of blend in. I don’t do that as I don’t get to my hairdresser as often as I would need.
I would start by talking to your hairdresser about your need for a color with better staying power, they might try different brand or suggest different style (highlights/lowlights etc).
Anon
I get my hair professionally done every 6 to 8 weeks and I box dye the roots myself once in between.
Anon
6 weeks and I use this brush on color from color wow (it looks like eyeshadow) if I go much past 6 weeks.
Anonymous
I am on an every 10 weeks schedule.
I have medium brown hair with balayage highlights that I think blend very well with my white roots.
These responses are interesting because I feel like I am high maintenance at this schedule.
Anonymous
Every 3 weeks, single process.
NYC
I’ll have a free night in New York next week, staying near the financial district. Anywhere you recommend to eat, shop, or stroll through? Will be sitting all day so probbaly going to stick within walking distance (not can or subway). Would love somewhere that has yummy food and I can eat alone at the bar or a table comfortably.
Highlander
The 19 Best FiDi Restaurants listings from The Infatuation cover a wide range of tastes are solid. Or walk across the Brooklyn Bridge to a spot in Brooklyn Heights.
roxie
the seaport!! super fun.
Anon
Luke’s Lobster!