ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 225 Comments

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Cashmere Silk Theo Polo

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

A woman wearing a blue polo sweater and black pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

After several years at my current job, I’ve amassed quite a collection of company-branded polos, but I don’t think I’ve ever actually worn a single one. I don’t find them flattering, and honestly, a polo and slacks just isn’t my vibe. Or at least that’s what I thought until I came across this cashmere-silk polo sweater from Tuckernuck. It’s soft, flattering, and comes in several gorgeous colors.

I’ve been wearing this light blue version with navy trousers, but I may need to add the other colorways to my cart soon. 

The sweater is $198 at Tuckernuck and comes in sizes XXS-XXL. 

Sales of note for 5/15:

  • Nordstrom – 3800+ items in “new markdowns” — I kind of wonder if they've started marking down stuff for their Half-Yearly sale that usually starts the week before Memorial Day. Good deals on Veronica Beard, Vince, Reiss (esp. coats), as well as Wit & Wisdom and NYDJ
  • Alexis Bittar – Vault sale! 100s of re-issued archival styles up to 70% off, plus 25% off all full-price styles too
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
  • Boden – Up to 50% off with new styles added
  • J.Crew – 40% off your purchase and 50% off dresses
  • J.Crew Factory – Extra 50% off clearance + extra 20% off orders over $125
  • Lands' End – Up to 60% off sitewide + extra 60% off sale and clearance
  • Loft – 50% off your purchase, and 5/15 only: take 60% off the LOFT Versa collection
  • Mango – Weekend exclusive, 30% off everything, and free shipping with $260+
  • M.M.LaFleur – Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Supergoop – 20% off sitewide + free Glow Stick (also, free shipping with $50+)
  • Talbots – Extra 40% +15% off all markdowns, plus Summer Fridays One Day Sale (5/15), $19.50 pocket tees and $29.50 relaxed chino shorts.
  • Theory – 25% off sitewide
  • TOCCIN – 30% off select items with code! (You can't stack codes, but on full price items try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off!)
  • Vivrelle – Looking to own less stuff but still try trends? Use code CORPORETTE for a free month, and borrow high-end designer clothes and bags!

225 Comments

  1. Does anyone have experience with Margaux shoes? My beloved Cole Haan black ballet flats finally died after 15 years of hard use (and many cobbler visits!), and I need to replace them. My problem is that I need a shoe in a narrow size – preferably AAA, but I can make AA work – and Cole Haan no longer makes narrows. I like the looks of several of the Margaux flats, but they are far more expensive than my usual price point and I’ve never seen them in the wild. Also, any other suggestions for stupidly narrow feet would be helpful. Naturalizers run too wide, Trotters fit, but are uncomfortable, and I can’t afford Ferrangamo.

    1. I can’t vouch for Margaux, but I’ve had relative success with J.Crew and Everlane flats!

    2. No experience with Margaux but in case you need another option, M.Gemi runs quite narrow.

    3. I’m spoiled after years in white shoe finance (internal facing, not client work) – we get about 5 weeks PTO and then market closures as holidays.

      1. Sorry – wrong thread!
        Fwiw – cannot comment on Margaux but I’d looking into MGemi. The shoes work well for my narrow heel/wider toe box.

    4. Margaux would probably work for you. I am the opposite with wide feet and found they were not wide enough. I have a pair of mules that I wear anyway now they’re broken in (but it was a painful process) and heeled sandals that are unwearable that I gave to my sister who has normal feet. Don’t buy on sale so you can return if needed.

    5. I have a pair of Margaux boots in a narrow size. They fit well and are comfortable. I found them to run a bit long; I am in between sizes and had to choose the shorter size.

      The brand’s availability is very spotty, especially in narrow sizes, so if your size is in stock don’t wait.

    6. Following! (And commiseration… it’s gotten so much harder to get narrow shoes over the last decade, so many brands have stopped making them!)

    7. I buy the M width in Margaux’s ballet flats and they are pretty narrow, so if they make a narrow width, I’m sure they’d work for you. My feet are on the narrower side of average, and I can just fit into the M width. They’re beautiful shoes. I hate the price point but I buy them anyway.

      1. I have a pair of the Demi flats from Margaux. My feet are also on the narrower side of average and the M width works for me.

    8. Stuart Weitzman also has a few styles in narrow and sometimes goes on sale, but Margaux is more realistic for everyday workwear.

    9. I did very early on. They were really uncomfortable, and I had issues with their sizing. Ended up giving them away. FWIW, I used their measurement guide thing that they used to mail to you, don’t know if they still do this. Their quality wasn’t worth the price.

    10. One of my favorite brands. Great quality and customer service. I think they run on the narrow side.

    11. I have a pair of Margaux Chelsea boots and adore them. Can’t comment on the width (I have average width feet and ordered accordingly), but they’ve held up very well.

    12. I have boots and sandals and flats from Margaux and have been very happy with them. My feet are average to narrow width-wise FWIW.

    13. Thanks for the feedback, everyone – I’ll give them a try! I hope that their narrows also run narrow :)

  2. What would you say qualifies as “generous” PTO? I see this promise on basically every job ad, covering even the most stingy PTO and it’s become meaningless. Does every job just say this even when it’s objectively not true? What do you think is actually generous? Obviously, unlimited PTO, but if limited, what would be “generous” as compared to other jobs?

    1. Six weeks vacation plus at least ten days sick time you can use for both yourself and family (eg when kids are sick).

    2. Separate sick and vacation benefits; sick time that rolls over; probably at least four weeks of vacation.

    3. I have 15 sick days, 20 vacation days and 2 personal days, it is acceptable. There’s a few other types of niche leave I have too (bereavement, jury duty, etc).

      1. All holidays are paid, and we often get a few ‘extras’ like both good Friday and Easter Monday. I didn’t realize there were folks without paid holidays.

    4. I think 5+ weeks of true vacation time (separate sick leave) is generous for the US. I had 6 weeks vacation + unlimited sick leave when I worked in higher ed, and I definitely thought of that as generous (one of the only reasons I stuck around as long as I did).

      1. And I actually don’t think unlimited PTO is generous. Employers mostly do that so they don’t have to pay it out when you leave, and studies show that people with unlimited PTO don’t use that much, I think 3-ish weeks. So basically it’s a way for employers to give stingy PTO without being open about it.

        1. Yeah… unlimited PTO combined with understaffing and endlessly looming deadlines can mean not much time off at all.

        2. I have had unlimited PTO at my last 3 companies – this is specific to the company and you! I use 4+ weeks of vacation time plus random partial days off. I love it and would not want to work without it.

          1. I think it’s still a bad dynamic when people can only take time off at other people’s expense. If other people are taking less, it could be because they’re covering for you.

        3. I’ve only ever been burned by “unlimited PTO.” It means taking the time off is usually political (some areas can use it more than others simply because of department whims and dynamics around staffing/urgency/deadlines). And you end up without even the financial benefit after. I also think companies that combine sick and vacation are horrible, too, but in a different way.

          I barely even weigh vacation benefits anymore since it always seems like what’s on paper is never the reality.

      2. My vacation and sick leave are the two main reasons I haven’t left higher ed … because boy are there some good reasons to leave.

        2. I recently returned to higher ed and was shocked to get just 10 days vacation and 12 sick days per year. In my first higher ed job right out of college, we started with 20 days vacation, 12 sick days, and 3 personal days, and it went up from there. My current university’s justification for the ridiculously low number of vacation days is “we are also closed for the holidays,” but that’s just two days beyond the standard holidays and no more than my old university gave off at the holidays.

          In response to the original question, I’d consider 20 vacation days + 12 sick days to be generous. I am against combined PTO buckets because it incentivizes people to come in to the office sick and get me sick, and it penalizes me for getting sick and having kids who get sick. In my last job with combined PTO, I had to use most of it on sick days and it was always difficult to cobble together time for an actual vacation.

      3. I would lump being hybrid here too. Bc if i have to use PTO for stupid house r medical stuff for instance, I don’t want to also waste time commuting when i leave work and return. I would not work anywhere without at least hybrid policies that let me have that flexibility.

    5. I have 37 days of PTO – no separate sick time, which is my preference – and consider that generous by US standards.

      Unlimited PTO is not generous. It’s too hard to actually use the same amount of time defensibly, plus there’s no payout of unused time if you leave.

      1. Same here; I have 40 days of PTO without a separate sick leave bucket and never want to go back.

        Also would avoid “unlimited” PTO.

    6. I’d consider separate sick leave + 25 days vacation/personal days.

      I refuse to work somewhere without separate sick.

    7. I have 4 weeks vacation and 13 days of sick leave a year, and I consider that generous.

      In order to be generous, I would say that it has to be enough for you to take one week at Christmas, at least a one week vacation trip, and a bunch of random days. I do that every year, and many years take a two week trip.

      1. I agree with this- generous to me means getting all your planned vacations in without stress. We get 4 weeks (after 4 years), plus 2 weeks of sick leave, plus some random personal days, summer Fridays, etc. I wouldn’t necessarily call it generous but it’s more than enough for my purposes.

    8. Five weeks PTO that we are required to take, unlimited sick, and the week between Christmas Eve and New Years Day off – last year that was expanded to include Jan 2, which fell on a Friday.

    9. Definitely a lie. My company offers 3 weeks for managerial level positions and above … and it’s 5 years before you get 4 weeks. 8 holidays. Additional sick leave. And we describe vacation time as “generous” in our job postings. Massive eyeroll. Some positions start at 2 weeks PTO. Our job postings also say that we offer “competitive pay” even though we target slightly below median for new hires.

      Anyways to actually answer your question I’d say 5 weeks (or the ability to get to 5 weeks after a year or two) and at least 11 paid holidays. Separate sick leave. Based on US standards.

      1. I saw this language on a post that was 20 days PTO, sick+vacation combined. It makes me skeptical about everything else the org claims.

    10. I have unlimited PTO but probably average about 20 days of true vacation days. I wfh so unless I’m really ill, I work while I have a mild cold or my kid is home sick.
      I do think unlimited pto is a bit of a con. There are a lot of passive stipulations around it in my org. You can only take so many days consecutively, you have to request it by a certain timeframe with multiple layers of approval etc.

    11. i have 21 days PTO (combined sick) and we are also closed from december 24-january 1,. i do not like having the combined bucket, but the number of days in total i do think is fairly generous. after 10 years you get an extra 5 days.

    12. In my mind, 4 weeks non sick PTO is “average”, so anything less is “bad PTO” and they need to be offering something else above average (top tier salary or it’s a promotion or what have you to interest me); so “generous” PTO ought to be more than that.

      Although tbh, if they post “generous” pto but don’t put more info, I assume they mean “pretty mediocre” PTO. It’s like “competitive salary”. If the numbers are appealing, you’d be sharing them.

      Companies know lots of people are desperate out there right now, and they’re ready to take advantage.

    13. 5 weeks, all major holidays closed, separate sick time, some amount of flexibility to come late and early. That’s what i have and honestly i never need more and at the end of the fiscal year usually end up scrambling to use some of it.

    14. 10 paid Federal Holidays per year
      200 annual accrual hours of PTO for new employees (increases every five years up to the first 15 years with the company)
      up to 10 days of compassionate care (for immediate family)
      12 weeks paid pregnancy leave
      4 weeks paid parental leave
      plus other niche types of leave (military, professional research/teaching, advanced study program, professional renewal)

    15. By the time I retired, I had something like 20 days of vacation (I was there almost 20 years and it increased with length of service), unlimited sick leave, 2 “personal days,” and we observed 12 or so holidays. The vacation was use it or lose it, which I loved because the culture therefore supported taking all your vacation days and people really did take it all. (This was government.) I considered that a generous package.

        1. You know what? You’re right! Just checked and after 15 years I had 25 days.

    16. Very common to say that even the stingiest PTO is generous. My cousin works for a company with 10 days total PTO and they tried to tout it as best in the industry, which it VERY much isn’t.

      1. Several years ago my company got acquired. We moved from a generous policy to 13 days of PTO with forced PTO between Christmas and New Years (so really 9 days of PTO). I remember HR excitedly telling us we didn’t have to use PTO for doctor appointments, we could work late that day to make up for it!

        And yes, the talented people all left shortly after.

    17. I have 4 full weeks of PTO (accrued, so paid on on termination for any reason), 1 week of sick leave, 1 weeks of volunteer time, 10 paid holidays, with generous carry forward rules since I’ve never been able to actually take off 4 weeks in a given year once you factor in long weekends, etc.

    18. I have unlimited PTO and am actually encouraged to take time off. All major holidays off, the week between Christmas and New Years off, 6 months paid parental leave for all parents (plus 6-8 more weeks for birthing parents), and four bonus Fridays off during the summer. I think this is very generous, but I also came from Biglaw where any time off was caveated by client needs and billable hours.

    19. I think most of it is terrible compared to other countries, but I will say that I prefer when companies just give it all at the start of the year instead of accruing through the year. It puts you at a disadvantage if you want to take long vacations earlier in the year.

      1. The right way to do it is continuous accrual with rollover permitted. If your annual allocation of PTO is 24 days and you are paid monthly, you earn 2 days each month. You can let the days accumulate up to a maximum, which is often something like a year’s worth plus a week.

        My husband’s company used to have PTO accrue throughout the course of the year but did not permit rollovers, so it all got wiped out on December 31. People used to take a ton of time off at the end of the year in order to use up their PTO before it vanished, so nothing got done for the last month or two of each year. We had our baby in January and there was no paternity leave, so I was on my own with a newborn.

        1. Or you take your vacation every year, which I do. I believe in using every single vacation day each year and so I want it all available again at the start of the year. I don’t want to work 3 months to have a week off, especially in situations where the first quarter is actually better for time off.

  3. I’m unhappy in my role but need to stay as long as possible for financial reasons and for my resume. Practical tips on how to make the most of it for the time being? I stay late everyday working, and there’s a lack of community with my coworkers. I’ve been here 6 months.

    1. Figure out how much you get paid per working day. Put that number on a sticky note on your monitor. Tell yourself “I can deal with this for $x more today.”

    2. Working late every day is probably not helping anything. As a boss, I’d wonder why you can’t get your work done during the day. For you, that’s a recipe for burnout.

      1. Yea, I think this would be my first place to examine as well. What’s the reason for staying late? And are you taking breaks throughout the day, or just powering through? If you’re just powering through, starting to put firm boundaries around a lunch break where you can disconnect may also help.

      3. Idk, if you’re hourly and getting 1.5x, stay as late as they’ll let you and build that cash up. If you’re not, don’t.

      4. I’m as associate atty with a billable hour req. my boss stays until 6:30 every day. Thus, I stay late every day.

        1. What time does he show up in the morning? Many firms work more of a 10-6 schedule than a 9-5.

          Are you hitting your billables and then dilly dallying? Or are you supposed to bill 35 hr/week and you’re actually billing 40 or something?

          Does your firm offer tiered bonuses such that you can make more if you work more?

    3. Why do you need to stay there for your resume? In this market, it may take you 6+ months to find a new role, so I would at least be looking.

      I agree with everyone else that I wouldn’t stay late. I personally find it easier to reframe that it’s just a job, go in and do the tasks you’re supposed to do, and then leave for your own life.

    4. Try to compartmentalize—when you step away from the laptop do something fun/physical activity/time with friends or family as much as possible. Doomscrolling or TV watching feel good in the moment but don’t really help the anxiety. Start looking now. Reality is that finding something in this horrible market may take longer than you think. Interviews plus notice will eat a good 6 weeks or more anyway. And in the meantime, seeing posts for much worse jobs can be motivating. (I see pay with some things right now versus qualifications and responsibilities and think some of those employers are delulu). If you’re in person at all, scout out if someone might be worth asking to go grab a coffee. Even one friendly face can make a miserable situation so much more tolerable (just be mindful not to vent).

  4. I’m 40 and I don’t have a practical solution for jewelry storage. I’ve somehow gotten by with a cheap box I’ve had since high school and something I got when my grandmother died (not attached to it, it was just a jewelry box she no longer needed).

    What do you use? I don’t wear a lot of jewelry but need something to keep it contained and somewhat organized and not collecting dust. No budget, can spend whatever. I do want it covered as opposed to one of those hanging jewelry organizer things. A couple necklaces, some rings, couple dozen pairs of earrings

      1. I meant it like it wasn’t a cherished family heirloom, just old furniture. And she actually handed it off well before she died ;)

    3. I am pretty spoiled because I have jewelry storage built in to a closet, and I love it. You can get something similar that is free standing. If you do a search for “jewelry armoire,” you will get an ideal of what I have: hooks for necklaces on top and cubbies for rings, earrings and brooches, etc, below. Sort of like this: https://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/Home-Garden/Costway-Wall-Door-Mounted-Mirror-Jewelry-Cabinet-Lockable-Armoire-Organizer-w-LED-Light-White/19204576/product.html?

    4. I love the Stackers from The Container Store. Customizable based on your needs and you can add more as your collection grows!

      4. The Container Store also has nice jewelry stands that I prefer for my necklaces and bracelets versus the trays that I use for earrings.

    5. I bought silk jewelry pouches online. they have zippers as well as button closure. I put the jewelry that I don’t wear everyday in these and can stack them in a box.

    6. I have a lot of jewelry and converted a dresser to a giant jewelry box – I used drawer liners for jewelry from Amazon, I think.

    7. I have a belt hanger in my closet that holds most of my necklaces, rings, and bracelets. I don’t wear earrings so I’m not sure how I would approach those.

    8. I like the Wolf jewelry boxes. They are well made and have tarnish preventing liners. The mall containers store type stuff is really bad for your jewelry.

    9. I use a jewelry box I purchased at West Elm years ago. When I wore necklaces and drop earrings more often, I also used a necklace stand to store them instead of the box.

  5. For employers that have vacation or PTO days increase based on tenure, how realistic is it for a new hire to negotiate into a higher tier? I’m pretty senior in my current job and get 6 weeks vacation (separate from sick days). I would want to get an equivalent amount and not start at 2-3 weeks.

    1. The answer to this is it depends. Are you switching to a small org, a large one with pay bands, government?

    2. if you want significantly more than what long-tenured peers at your new org have, it will look kind of out of touch.

      But if the new org has similar vacation for those folks as you have at your current org, then reasonable to ask to have that same amount of PTO immediately, vs. having to earn your way into it over time.

    3. Very realistic- I did it when I started at my current job. After 10 years of having 4 weeks vacation, no way was I starting with just two.

    4. It’s pretty realistic to ask for a match to what you’d get with a long tenure at the new place, in my experience. So if you have 6 weeks at your current company and long-tenured people at the new company get 6 weeks, you can likely negotiate it. If long-tenured people at the new company get 3 weeks, you can ask but odds are very slim.

    5. depends where you work. government probably can’t accommodate it but a private employer can. i wouldn’t take less time than i’m currently getting at a new job unless i was miserable or desperate. i think it’s reasonable to ask for it, only you know if the job would be worth it to you if they say no.

    7. For an average company (not government), this is very realistic. Most employers do ont expect mid to senior level people to take a step down for PTO with a job switch.

  6. I need a new pair of water sandals that are comfortable enough to walk around in. I don’t necessarily need something rugged, just something that’s going to stay on my feet and be comfortable enough to walk around in. Something lightweight. I loathe Chacos; they are uncomfortable and feel like wearing bricks. I have a pair of Keens, and they’re OK, but I prefer them for walking and gardening and rarely use them as a water shoe. I have a pair of Birkenstock EVAs and have been unimpressed. They make my feet sweat, plus take up a TON of room in my suitcase if they need to be packed.

    I suppose Tevas are my next thing to try. I remember trying on the Tirra and they had too much space around the straps for my skinny, high-arched feet. Curious about the Hurricanes and the Universal Originals.

    For a person who loves to kayak, paddleboard, and be near the water, I have yet to find a sandal that I really love!

    1. The Croc flip flop family (yes, I know, I was skeptical too) is super comfy for me, though I’m not wearing them during actual water sports.

      1. Do they have grip? (I don’t have any Croc brand shoes, but my OOFOS are pretty slippery when wet.)

        1. Use case of walking across a wet pool deck, they do fine. I’m not using them – nor do I think I would – for Serious Outdoor Adventure stuff like if I’m kayaking up to a beach and need to tie up and then scramble over rough rock.

      2. I hated Chacos too. I have a pair of Crocs sandals with velcro straps that work great – comfy and stable wet or dry.

    2. Do you need a lot of protection for your foot? (I’ve worn Xero sandals in water before)

      1. I don’t necessarily need toe protection, but I do need something that straps to my feet, which is why I don’t use flip flops.

        1. Xero do have straps (that’s a non-negotiable for me too). They’re going to pack lighter than anything else you could buy, but whether you can walk in them depends on how long you can go without arch support (I can go on a while on non-pavement like trails; I do not like to wear them on pavement or hard floors). I like to be able to feel what I’m stepping on when I’m on uneven surfaces so they make me feel like I’m less likely to misstep or slip.

    3. I love my Teva hurricanes – they’re probably my most-worn shoe. I don’t find them heavy but they aren’t exactly sleek (they won’t pack down super small). Arch support is decent and my ~4 year old pair still has plenty of tread left.

      1. There must be high arches and high arches. I really like Teva styles, but my arches are too high for anything they make.

    6. I can’t do Merrell shoes but their hiking sandals somehow fit my fit really nicely. I have a pair from several years ago that I use for all my water adventures – hiking in wet conditions, paddleboarding, etc.

    7. How much walking do you want then to accommodate? For kayaking/paddle boarding/etc. I usually just wear water shoes that are neoprene with a rubber bottom – good for parking lots to the shore, but wouldn’t have enough support for eg. 3 mile walk on the boardwalk afterwards (I do wear chacos for that use case, so no help if those don’t work for you!)

      If you have a local rei, this might be a “go try on everything until you find one you like”

      1. Yeah, you’re probably right that I shouldn’t combine everything into one shoe. Every place I go has sand and silt and tiny pebbles that the highly recommended water shoes do not solve for.

        1. yeah I wear actual water shoes (with a rubber bottom and a mesh “sock”) for actual pebbly water entry, since that keeps all but fine sand out of the footbed. But you’d better believe I’m not walking around in them the rest of the time!

    8. I have the same problem with narrow feet and high arches. I did find a pair of Tevas that fit, but the plastic parts in the straps caused blisters.

  7. Where do you get reasonably priced large roller luggage (checked size)? I’m hoping to avoid amazon, but also don’t want samsonite quality. For what it’s worth, I’m making a 10 day trip to the UK and all I have is carry-on size roller bags, and some very old backpacking style backpacks, which I have taken to Europe before, but I don’t particularly want to this time. Suggestions would be helpful!

      2. +1million- these stores are weirdly good for luggage and they’re typically cheap enough that if something doesn’t work well, it’s fine.

    3. I’d ask around your networks if it’s not something you need to use all the time? We travel a ton and have a pretty comprehensive suitcase wardrobe. I regularly lend out a bag to less frequent travellers. None of my bags are particularly precious – although I was very impressed Eastpak repaired the lining of my 15 year old bag for free last month.

    5. What’s your budget? Samsonite has some large spinner luggage for under $200 and currently have everything on an additional 20% off. Amazon Basics bags (around $100) aren’t as nice to wheel around, but they will get you through a 10-day trip.

    6. Kohl’s. And they are always having sales. They carry Samsonite and other known brands.

    8. + Nordstrom Rack, they will have a slightly different selection than TJ Maxx but similar price point

      1. +1 Our downtown Nordstrom Rack is half suitcases, which I assume tourists with broken bags all buy, hah

    10. I got two really nice rollar luggage pieces from Quince two years ago. I travel fairly often and I’ve been very happy with them. People say they are comparable to AWAY luggage but much less in cost. I can’t vouch for the comparison but I can say they are functional, light and have served me well so far.

      1. Counterpoint – I bought Quince hard sided luggage and one corner got smashed up the first flight it was checked. It’s still usable (and Quince did refund it and let me keep it), but I limit using it to driving/trains/flights where I think its unlikely the bag will be checked.

    11. Thanks, everyone, for your very smart replies! I will check with my friends first and see if I can borrow, if not, I’ll hit up the home good stores first and Costco second! Y’all rock.

  8. Help! A week or two (or three) ago, we were talking on here about black pants for work, and somebody recommended a pair that had the type of fabric in the name, like “soft linen drapy pants” or something (but not that name). I remember these pants had buttons at the waistline to adjust the waist, maybe? Anyway I thought I’d bought a pair but apparently I didn’t click “buy,” and now I can’t find them again. Does anybody remember what I’m talking about?

    2. I don’t remember the post, but I will say, using my Google search history has allowed me to find the clothing website in similar situations where I didn’t complete a shopping task! You can even search your google history by key word!

  9. I recently joined the board of a community organization. Our executive director asked me to join her at a Cinco de Mayo mezcal and tequila tasting to rub elbows with about 25 of the wealthiest individuals in our community to schmooze and hopefully fundraise. It’s a casual event where most attendees will be coming either from work or from the golf course.

    I’m thinking white slacks, navy blouse with vaguely Mexican embroidery and driving moccasin style loafers . Does that sound like it would fit in with the other attendees and still represent our organization wet?

  10. I feel like there are usually a lot of comments here about changing style/sizes. I have been struggling this year with going up a size and changing body shape. I finally accepted it and went shopping for some clothes in my new size, went through my closet and put away everything that no longer fits. I feel so much better. I am still working on diet and fitness, but honestly some acceptance goes a long way. I spent time at the mall, in nordstrom rack, and athleta trying things on and have some new very workable outfits for my lifestyle. Just sharing in case it helps others!!

    1. Pants that fit are the only thing that makes this better. Currently on Round 3 of this (@ 55).

    2. YES INDEED! That was one thing Stacey and Clinton got right: Dress the body you have!

    3. Such good advice! I am feeling really down about myself because surgery derailed me. But I kept pants one size up, and having those to wear has been so helpful.

  11. Where do you store your suitcases when not being used (fabric sided)? DH doesn’t want to put ours in the basement because he’s afraid spiders will colonize them. We do have some basement spiders but nothing too crazy, the basement is furnished.

    1. We have no basement, so ours live in the closet of my home office. I store sleeping bags and other rarely used items inside them.

      I wouldn’t store them somewhere that was dusty, infested with bugs, or not climate controlled.

    2. If you leave them in the basement, run a dehumidifier and you should be fine. Idk about spiders since I’ve never had a major infestation. I store mine in the attic, which has a full staircase and floor so it’s not difficult to reach.

    4. Currently under the bed, but in the past also in whatever closet space we had to spare (sometimes the kids closets when they were young!).

    6. Under our beds full of whatever off-season stuff that needs a home. When we use them, we just leave the stuff on the bed or dresser while we are gone and replace it once we unpack.

    7. Could you seal them in a big plastic bag for his peace of mind? Maybe a couple old dry cleaning garment bags taped together?

    8. The basement. And mine isn’t furnished like yours. It’s essentially unfinished.

      We have spiders, but they don’t tend to want to go inside bags. They make webs out in the corners/ceilings where they can catch things. Not inside bags. Of course you can zip the bags closed.

      I always do a spring cleaning of the spider webs (just vacuum them up), before their spring eggs hatch.

    9. currently in my main closet, but inspired by this post, I now have some suitcase bags in my Amazon cart so I can move them down to my basement. I don’t travel often and would love to have that space back.

    10. I don’t know if I’ve just gotten lucky, but we’ve always stored ours on shelving in our garage (with smaller bags and duffels inside) and never had any dust or spider issues. In the midwest.

  12. Dear employer:
    I used to have 1 admin per 3 attorneys. Now I have 1 per 8. I think that this makes me my own admin, pretty much. I know we have a distributed admin system I can e-mail tasks to. IDK which is more unpredictably worse: distributed admins or 1:8 on a regular day (never mind the work that comes in late / holidays / WFH days where papers actually need pushing). All I do is proofread. I don’t think that AI will do anything in the sort run but increase my non-billable tasks and proofreading burden.

    Just me?

    1. How about actually tracking how long you spend on non-billable admin work that you’re not able to delegate, thus quantifying how much your company is losing of your otherwise billable time?

    2. Not just you. I may have just retired from your firm, as we have this system. Not having the same people consistently available to support a client meant I spent a lot of time doing administrative tasks.

    3. I felt this way when I left BigLaw 15 years ago. The firm consistently was pushing admin on to lawyers and reducing admin headcount. I cannot imagine how bad it is now.

    4. Proofreading is billable.

      And make no mistake: all of your male peers are billing their admin tasks. It probably never occurred to them to not bill this stuff. They’re doing it and their time is valuable so of course it’s billable.

  13. Maybe I’m disconnected from reality, but I just attended a large industry event in California with participants from all over, and was shocked that so many women 40+ (I assume) seemed to have some substantial cosmetic work done.

    The number of botoxed foreheads, lip filler, and what I can only describe as Ozempic face and unhealthy skinny bodies (think, upper arms that I can wrap my hand around) was astounding. Add to that the extensions, curled long bleached hair, tans, and strong makeup, and I was feeling at times like I was at a Trump ladies’ luncheon.

    FWIW, this was not a sales event, and the sector was related to science/healthcare.

    I understand that people can do with their bodies as they please, but I felt a bit sad that so many faces looked the same.

    1. I’m torn on this. Agree that women can do what they want but … I don’t want to do all this, and of course it’s going to have an effect on what people think of as “reasonably neat and polished”. It’s hard.

      1. Yes, well said. I don’t want to do any of this, and I resent that it’s changing the standard for the rest of us.

      2. Agreed! I will not do this, but I don’t want to be frumpy just because I don’t!

      3. Well said. This is also one of my secret worries, especially as a curly-wavy who’s beginning to have significant gray.

        My solution so far are fabulous glasses and trying to really nail my eyebrows, cheeks and lips make-up wise.

    2. For better or for worse, unnatural is what’s in style right now. Our society has an incredible amount of disposable income (for at least many people) and it’s not surprising the beauty industry is cashing in.

        1. Well. A good natural look doesn’t look anything like no makeup and undone hair. It’s quite easy to tell when someone spent money on a natural look, it’s just a more natural style.

          1. I can’t understand what this comment is even saying. If a natural look looks like a lot of money was spent on it, what do you call it if somebody didn’t spend money?

      2. And time. That sort of look requires a lot of time, both daily and when it’s time for touch-ups. That is just not how I want to spend my time as a new empty nester.

    3. I feel like everyone I know with money to spend on Ozempic is spending money on Ozempic.

      I don’t think I notice botox if it’s in the elevens only.

      I feel that I notice bad filler.

      Fake eyelashes have been everywhere for a while, even during the daytime. I think it’s a special occasion look, not something for Tuesday morning. Then I think you went out and haven’t make it home yet.

      Fake hair eveywhere also. I feel like I’m at a pageant sometimes.

      Also: way too much makeup. It’s like that olden days “I ran into Tammy Faye” t-shirt but instead of color cosmetics it’s all way too much contouring.

      1. +1 I know sooooo many folks on ozempic, to the point if one of my wealthy friends is still overweight I’m a little shocked.

      2. The contouring is just too much! That, combined with obvious lip filler, looks so bad and unnatural. I guess unnatural is the point.

        1. My college-age niece, who would be lovely in a preppy Love Story or CBK way with no makeup at all, buries her skin under Kardashian level contouring.

          If you are much older, that load settles into creases and wrinkles fast.

      2. But these are ladies with accomplished careers! Not some twenty-something hopping around in matching sweats and crop top selling me some face spray.

        1. The twenty-somethings grew up and got degrees and make a lot of money in professional careers now!

    5. People spend a lot of time trying to hide the deficiencies they can’t eliminate—I get it. But some of the choices made just don’t meet those goals—who do blonde highlights actually suit? I see this look a lot and I don’t understand the appeal. Hair extensions I do understand, but think most look poorly done, so why bother.

      Mutton dressed as lamb is a phrase people love to hate, but there’s a reason it sometimes resonates.

      1. I haven’t heard “mutton dressed as lamb” in years – it really fits the moment.

      2. Ha, that’s it!!!

        I think the overly-“doneness” of it all emphasizes the flaws/natural signs of aging even more!

        2. yeah the end result, far too often, is that the 40yo who wants to look 30…. ends up looking like a 50yo trying to look 35.

    6. Yeah; I went to a women in business award event in LA and it was appalling. I was the only one who was not on this merry go round. And like the Real Housewives, most of them had ruined their original really pretty looks.

      1. OMG my husband and I started watching The Traitors last night and Lisa Rinna… her lips… OMG…

      2. It was a similar event, not in LA. Yep, you nailed it.

        Also, I noticed that this was definitely more common among the white women, as I could not make out the same tendencies with the ladies of various other ethnicities.

    8. I feel the same way about aging. What does it mean to look 50, 60, or 70 when women (including me!) color their hair, get Botox, get other facial treatments, etc. etc.

    9. I wonder where youre from and what’s the norm there. I can’t deny that it’s regional and I don’t pretend my aesthetic or my approach is the “right” one.

      I once went to a bridal shower in upstate New York. There was another luncheon event going on and all of those 50, 60 year old ladies were there in cute flowered dresses and sandals. It was June. And not one of them, I swear to you, had had a pedicure. Ever. Lots of wiry gray pixie cuts. Zero Botox, heck zero skincare, zero blowouts, stained and missing teeth, big bellies and no spanx. This just isn’t how I’m used to seeing older women look, especially at a nice party. Heck my super low maintenance mom wouldn’t go to the drugstore without a pedicure in sandals. I suppose it could have had an economic component but it looked like an upscale ladies charity luncheon like I’ve been to a bazillion times at home.

      What I’m saying is, I agree there are easy ways to go overboard but it’s also kind of a spectrum. Healthy looking skin and teeth, hair that looks soft and groomed, that takes work after 40. Me and the vast majority of my friends dye our grays and do several cosmetic procedures and end up looking pretty natural to my eyes. But eyebrows, toes, a row or two of extensions and a little Botox? That’s pretty standard. Most of us are pretty fit and a few have had “mommy makeovers,” they just look like they have waists again nothing drastic. The ladies with the giant lips and 24 inch extensions, giant boobs and butts look insane to me. I wonder if the “overdone” ladies look at me like the ladies at that luncheon, or if I look crazy “overdone” to the luncheon ladies.

      1. A row or two of extensions is standard? I just cannot.

        RE: upstate ladies. I think so much of this is regional and just what sort of circles you run in. That sounds so standard for what I grew up seeing as “adult,” but my parents’ circles were more academia/science oriented. Highly educated but not super high earning and just a different set of values.

        1. Right. I don’t actually know anyone who regularly gets their nails done except my entry-level direct reports. The c-suite women do not. In my mind this is just make-work for people too insecure to just live.

        2. You may be up to something here.

          I live in the Midwest in a college town and the looks at the event I attended are definitely what I see in my circles otherwise.

        3. If you know women with shoulder length or longer hair in their 40s and 50s and it looks great the odds are pretty good there’s a row in there. Why the pearl clutching? It’s cheaper than the wigs the ladies at the country club have always worn when their hair thinned and they weren’t ready for a barber shop haircut.

      2. In my circle, you are also overdone! It is wild to me that what you do is considered standard.

        I am so curious what OP’s California conference was, as my California hospital / research institute is not filled with women scientists and doctors that look like influencers.

    10. I’m curious – how much of this is regional? When I was in a more national-level practice, I noticed much more contouring makeup, extensions, and tans among women from Texas. Now I’m in Chicago, and I notice the natural makeup of most Gen Z (the millenials and Xers look dated by contouring and eyeliner). Plenty of Ozempic face and fake eyelashes, but not many Trump ladies’ or Mara Lago face. Bleached hair and tans feel so early aughts to me. Maybe I’m in a regional or industry bubble, though.

      1. Yeah, I do think it’s regional. All of the prettiest people from around the world end up in LA. And I think it sort of shifts the eye on what normal looks like. And some people take it too far trying to compete? Too thin, too much filler, lip flips, blephs, etc. It can go horribly wrong.

  14. My FIL was recently widowed after a very long and very happy marriage. He is understandably devastated and keeps posting incredibly sad status updates on social media.

    People (mostly older female relatives and women friends not his own stepsons or sons) have been responding with emojis or short, supportive messages, which is lovely. I think therapy or a widower’s support group would be helpful for him, but he’s adamantly opposed to both as an elderly Englishman.

    If it was my mom or dad, I’d be blunt and say something like, “I agree that therapy sucks*, but it’s changed in recent years and you could pick someone that could really help you instead of just sitting there with some hippie while you criticize your long-deceased parents.” I’m not particularly close to him, but should I make the same suggestion? I wouldn’t put it on the social media, I’d definitely talk to him in person.

    *I don’t actually think this in the aggregate, but I think some kinds of talk therapy aren’t helpful and I’ve never met a support group where I didn’t want at least one participant to spontaneously combust. It also doesn’t help that his late wife was a psychologist who didn’t believe “normal people” (her words) needed talk therapy.

    1. How long ago did he lose his wife? Does he have any male friends who are also widowers?

      It is actually hard to find widower’s support groups, because many men are like your FIL. You also sound pretty aggressive in your opinion about someone who was “recently” widowed. Of course he is upset. Let him be upset, even if it makes you uncomfortable. This is life. Your tone makes it sound like you are tired of it, embarrassed by it, when maybe you and his social media circle should be willing to sit with it. And even better – reach out to him, as he may be extremely lonely. Encourage your husband to be there more for him.

      When my mother died, only one of my father’s friends stopped by to give his condolences. And then radio silence, as none of his friends had lost their wives yet. They dropped him. No one wanted to be reminded that they could lose their wife at any moment.

      It is a hard time, and why you are jumping to trying to convince him to get a therapist I cannot understand. Have your husband encourage him to simply go out to lunch with a friend, or call one of his friends and nudge them to invite him out.

      1. Thanks for the advice. I’m not very close to him, and I think it’s probably best I just butt out.

      2. Yeah my husband was widowed after 27 years of marriage, and the thing that saved him was getting involved in life (he joined a triathlon club, of all things, and made a lot of friends who were younger than he was), not going to therapy.

    2. My mother participated in a grief support group after my father died. I think it helped her to be around others who were grieving without feeling like she was the downer in the group. I should mention that every man in the grief group tried to date her, though. I think that’s kind of a sign that men are more isolated and more likely to relate to the world that way.

      1. I strongly suspect he will start dating in the not-too-distant future. He’s relatively sociable but didn’t have any particularly deep or long-term friendships because my late MIL was a textbook narcissist (think of Lucille Bluth in Arrested Development crossed with Kath Day-Knight from Kath & Kim). She really limited their ability to interact with others and he does like social connection.

    3. wow this is a harsh take. I actually don’t know that therapy would really be helpful for him. If you actually care – what’s his community like? Does he have friends and social outings still or was that all coordinated by MIL? You (or really, your spouse) should be encouraging that. And it’s okay to mute someone on social especially if you can actually be supportive IRL. He’s going through something terrible and it is okay for him to grieve!

      The widower’s groups for senior citizens I’ve seen tend to be more dating pools than support groups.

        1. Related question – has it ever occurred to you that he might not be a nice person?

          3. Yikes, if you don’t actually like him and asked this question in bad faith, why not just mute him on facebook and move on with your life?

        2. 1) Therapy is frequently still bad and counterproductive as you acknowledge, so it’s just kind of risky.

          2) I just see no indication for therapy here? Grief is normal and appropriate here, and talking about it would probably be encouraged by a therapist anyway? Mostly I’m not sure what the therapy would be for.

          1. I guess I mostly agree with the psychologist that talk therapy needs some kind of indication.

            There’s a part of me that wants to send people to therapy to get them to shut up about something or at least tell it to someone who is getting paid to listen. But this is probably a bad instinct, and I think is more appropriate if someone seems really, really stuck in every setting.

            Sad social media updates are something I expect to see; for some people they almost seem to be one of the ways they convey how much they loved the person they lost (I’ve seen this repeatedly from widowers especially, so it doesn’t seem outlier or like it needs an intervention to me without more context).

          2. It’s probably more of a “stuck in every setting” situation, but message received.

        3. Therapy can only be successful if you want to participate. Badgering someone into it won’t give them magical results. It’s a terrible thing to suggest other people do.

    4. I wouldn’t suggest therapy. I would suggest grief counseling or bereavement support. My elderly relatives are hostile to therapy, too, but are more open to the terms grief counselor or bereavement group.

    5. I don’t think this is a therapy situation, but maybe more of a cup of tea situation.

      Let him be sad, but if you (i.e. partner) are able to visit, do. Have a cup of tea – and talk with him about his late wife. Tell him about your fond memories, ask about her favourite spring flowers, let him remember things and tell you about her. Do it in person and help him communicate in a different way than through social media.

      It’s very lonely to grieve, when everybody else has moved on but your whole world has changed. It’s not something that needs to be fixed, but it’s very nice to have it acknowledged, and your person remembered and acknowledged.

      You didn’t say whether this was your partner’s mum, but I’m guessing not? If that’s right, they might have some feelings about their dad grieving somebody they had a complicated relationship, so it might be easier for you to be the one to pop by once in a while.

    6. I lost my husband traumatically 18 months ago. I was advised to give myself 6 months of grieving, before starting to question if I needed help to get through the process. If it is recent I would say time is the first healer. It is trite but true (and I say all this as a Brit, who was married to a psychologist)

Comments are closed.