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Weekend Open Thread

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soft burgundy T-shirt

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

Not exciting, but: one of the things I stock up on every year in the Nordstrom sale is their line of Caslon T-shirts. I prefer the wider U neck of the past, but I like the V-necks too — they're incredibly soft, and the way the edges have a double layer gives a slight bit of interest to the tee.

I normally load up on black and navy, but couldn't stop myself from grabbing this pretty burgundy also. I feel like the NAS has certain “colors” every year that they ask designers to work within; this year burgundy, browns, and dark teals are everywhere. This is one of my favorite iterations of the burgundy.

The T-shirt is $16 during the sale; it will be $24 after the sale (but is often down to $19 in regular sales, but it's harder to find the prettier colors like this one in all the sizes on sale). It's also available in plus sizes and in a crew neck.

Psst: readers also historically have stocked up these panties, this bra, and this bra.

Sales of note for 8/7:

141 Comments

  1. I am approaching potential mentors for a very normal and clearly defined type of mentorship in their professional field. They don’t know me, and may not be interested, but I really need to find someone, so I’m going to be somewhat persistent.

    A) Is it better to call or email?
    B) How long should I wait after the first message to follow up?

    1. Not knowing your particular situation, I would say it’s better to email and then I’d wait a week or so to follow up if necessary.

      1. same, unless your industry norms are different, a cold call on this topic would seem excessively pushy and sales-y to me.

    2. i would email. i would also set it up as an “i’d love to hear how you got to where you are today, could i take you to lunch someday?” NOT “will you be my mommy i mean mentor” ask. then when you meet with them ask them for recommendations of who else you should talk to, and ask them if you can use their name. “Tim Smith suggested I talk to you…”

    3. This is super weird. These relationships should happen naturally. I cannot imagine responding to a cold call like this.

      1. Thanks, such a helpful comment. I literally can’t pass my college classes without these connections, so I’m confident it’s a fairly common request.

        1. This is where your activities in college should pay off. Look for college alumni or fraternity connections. Your career office may work with companies or agencies willing to take on interns or provide mentorship. I have a colleague who teaches an undergrad class and she emails a group of us (former public defenders) every year to help her students with mock interviews. Cold calls on Linkedin are unlikely to pan out.

        2. If you’re in college you don’t have an industry and you might want to listen to people telling you this isn’t the way to go about this.

        3. I think if you need this as part of a class assignment your instructor and/or college should be helping you, but it also means you should word your introduction directly. Hello, I’m Susie and I am a student in the xyz program at abc university. As part of my class assignment I need a role model/mentor/industry leader/preceptor to help me with tasks 1, 2 and 3. This will take approximately 100 hours of your time over the next 15 weeks and would involve us meeting in person/over zoom 16 times. Then something about yourself and something about why you picked that person.

          1. Haha, I would respond to nothing requiring 100 hours of my time. I did once have to interview an industry expert for a paper once and was lucky on my 30th outreach attempt to people I didn’t know (pre-LinkedIn)

    4. Why don’t you tell us the industry? You could very well make a connection here.

    5. I also wonder if there’s a professional association that holds mentor meetings or helps pair people, which might be another avenue. Otherwise, I agree with the others saying “email”. I would do no more than one followup email.

    6. I am the recipient of a lot of these requests. Without knowing your industry, I can’t say whether it’s normal/the appropriate behavior, but here’s some thoughts from the other side.

      If you are a complete stranger with zero connection, I’m much less inclined to jump on a call or go to an in-person meeting. If you’ve commented on my content, we met at a conference or networking event, you went to one of my universities, I’m much more likely to reply.

      A generic “help me” ask is unlikely to result in a mentorship relationship. I try really hard to reply to anyone who asks, but my standard reply is to send me specific questions, and I’ll reply with answers. More than half the time, the person never actually responds with questions, so the interaction ends.

      Do you actually want a mentorship, or you’re just using this as a guise for a job referral? Because I’m fine if you want a referral… but then, just ask for a referral. The worst I can say is “no”. But don’t waste my time pretending to ask me questions when all you want is a transactional referral. If you have a decent background/are actually a fit for the role, I’ll just refer you and be done with it (this is fine for my company).

      A mentorship is usually a well-defined relationship, with a timeframe and structure goals. So send that in advance. What are you looking to achieve, and over what time horizon? If you tell me that you’d like 3 sessions to do X, Y, and Z to accomplish [goal], I’m much more likely to agree, because I know that you know what we’re doing here.

      I’ve done multiple mentorships of 4-12 weeks, with a specific outcome, and that worked well. But generic requests tend to just be a sales pitch or a request for referral in disguise, and I have no patience for wasting anyone’s time with a bait-and-switch.

    7. I have recieved hundred of these emails, I have responded to exactly one, because instead of generically saying ‘I love your work’ or something, she specifically mentioned how professionally sassy a particular submission of mine was, which meant she actually read it because it was subtle.

      Which is to say I think you’ll get better traction with a personalized email, but don’t expect any responses. I found the follow ups really off-putting, like yeah I saw your first spam email and I ignored it on purpose.

    8. Email, be very clear with the ask (why you’re reaching out and the task you’re seeking from them and time commitment–“mentoring” with any sort of ambiguity around it is going to get a no). Make the “yes” easy–suggest several time slots for a Zoom or quick call and let them know in advance the sorts of questions you’ll be asking. I might entertain an interview or several interviews like this. But the only way I’m taking away from my busy workday to do coffee with someone is if I already feel comfortable with them and recognize there isn’t some ulterior motive to sell me. I work in marketing. With this sort of ask, I might reach out a week later.

      You aren’t being all that transparent about the situation with us for whatever reason. But I can tell you that in my field, you would be a lot more successful by leveraging a mutual connection (any family friends or connections?) or activity. ‘You were recommended to me by the alumni office, my teacher X is teaching us about Y and we were discussing your article on Y. ” If you have to do total cold outreach, try to aim for those who are speaking or writing on what you’re studying–they’re already giving a sign that they care about improving the profession and you’ll have more of a hook on why you’re selecting them.

    2. What a great question! I’m grateful for a new friend I have recently made. We’ve had lots of conversations here about how to make new friends as an adult. I’ve known her for a while and finally reached out and we met up and had a lovely conversation.

      1. i like that your answer made me realize i AM grateful for a new friend! our kids have the same flavor of autism, which is hard to find if you aren’t profoundly autistic or little genius, so it’s great to find someone who gets it. motherhood is isolating, but mom to autistic is even more isolating.

      2. Also grateful for new friends! A couple with whom we’ve recently become friendly has invited us to meet up with them and a couple we don’t know yet at the pool this weekend.

    3. I’m grateful that I have an excellent local public library, and through it and the other libraries in my region I have terrific access to books and magazines. Through the reciprocal borrowing privileges I can always get something on Libby. Being able to start reading a book immediately is such a gift.
      Am reading “Look What You Made Me Do” by John Lanchester now, and really enjoying it.

    5. We moved and we’re no longer battling the daily difficulties of two WFH adults and one toddler (in daycare) in a tiny apartment. We now have enough space for our family! We have a garage! We have central air! No longer dealing with a combined entryway/dining room/WFH desk situation and it is glorious. The new place needs some work but if you just look at the baseline differences between the old and new, our experiences are night and day. I was getting so worn down by the sheer difficulty of moving around in the old place, never mind babyproofing when ALLLLLL our stuff had to coexist in one small living space.

    6. about to join the family on a holiday. Initially, I was really on the fence about coming along, and now I’m glad I decided to join and stoked for the trip.

    8. Universal healthcare.

      I have dizziness that is not BBPV and have to go for a brain scan. It’s scary enough without having to worry about costs for treatments.

      1. Sending you all the best vibes. I’m glad you have access to care, too, and I hope it turns out to be something diagnosable but also easily treatable so you get relief without any scariness.

    9. My adult daughter invited me on a trip with just the two of us. I love that she wants to spend time with me!

    10. Everything important is good–I have good health, a good family, good friends, material security and comfort. Everything else is really just background noise.

      I recently heard from an old friend who hasn’t had an easy time of it and I’ve been feeling like I just drew the luckiest life out of the hat.

    11. That I don’t have to work in order to make Monday tolerable. It’s been several weeks since I allowed myself the full weekend away from work.

      Air conditioning. It’s 87 with a feels like temp of 99. The air feels thick. I am excusing myself from outdoor chores this evening and retreating to the AC.

    12. Cherry tomatoes from my garden. Last year, I had none, and a friend gave me little baggies of them at church every Sunday. This year, I have gallons. I am basically a tomato welfare-to-work success story.

    13. This is where your activities in college should pay off. Look for college alumni or fraternity connections. Your career office may work with companies or agencies willing to take on interns or provide mentorship. I have a colleague who teaches an undergrad class and she emails a group of us (former public defenders) every year to help her students with mock interviews. Cold calls on Linkedin are unlikely to pan out.

    14. It’s been a brutal week. On Monday, a close friend had a catastrophic stroke at age 37, and tomorrow she will be an organ donor. I’m grateful that my friend’s most generous heart will save lives tomorrow. I’m grateful for the kindness, empathy, and wisdom she brought to our community. I’m grateful that her family will finally be able to say goodbye to her tomorrow, as it has been grueling to keep her body alive while organ recipients are identified.

    15. Grateful for the fresh flowers I get from a local grower. They being me joy every week!

    16. Great weather (it’s cooled off so is about 80) and clear, blue skies! Perfect for getting out and about

    17. Getting home from vacation with my in-laws.

      I do love them but I’m very ready to be in my own space.

  3. My home office has hardwood floors, which I love, but my rolly office chair is going to scratch them up, which would be bad. Anyone have a floor pad that protects the wood, doesn’t look awful, and won’t be my cat’s new favorite thing to scratch/shed on?

    1. i would get one of the thin ruggable type rugs for this but for the entire office space. then put down one of the clear floor protectors on top to anchor it for the roly chair.

    2. Anji Mountain chairmats. I have a large desk so I went with the 40×54 inch mat and the size works well. When we first got it, cat tried to scratch it but decided he didn’t like it as it is super hard.

      1. +1. I’m sure not all chairs have them but when I ordered mine I customized it with those wheels.

  4. I’m having family from small-town rural America visit me in NYC this summer. I live around here, but it’s their first time to such a big city … anything I should tell them to expect or any advice on tourist attractions? We’ll most likely explore midtown Manhattan, the Empire State Building, Central Park, and the MET. It’s a couple with boys in their early teens, and they’re not adventurous eaters and have limited fitness.

    1. are they prepared for periods of time on their feet? Like, can they go 3-4 hours without sitting down or should they build in rest time?

      1. Tell them to bring more than one pair of comfortable shoes. Even with rest breaks they need to alternate shoes or expect blisters.

    2. how early teens? is cursed child still playing, everyone i knew that age loved that.

      i’d do highline instead of CP. maybe chinatown, Ktown, or little italy? i’d also take them to bergdorf goodman and treat it like a museum but one where you can touch.

      transit museum might be cool, ellis island also? a ferry ride might be novel to them.

      1. I would definitely not skip Central Park in favor of the Highline with first time visitors to NYC. Central Park is an iconic NYC destination. And it also beautiful and unique in the middle of a huge city! I like the Highline well enough too, but it is totally different.

      2. It’s still playing and it’s on TKTS a lot. Also Tom Felton (Draco Malfoy from the movies) is back in that role through the fall.

      3. Cursed Child is still playing and Tom Felton (and the rest of the cast) crushes every performance – he’ll still be in the cast through the end of the summer. Highly recommend!

    3. What about the library? Whenever we’re in the city we like to visit the ceiling of the reading room and the Winnie the Pooh crew.

    4. YMMV and realize this is individual, but my parents, who live in a small town get people-d out pretty quickly visiting me in my city, which is much smaller than DC. It may be helpful to build some downtime into your schedule so they can shower or rest at the hotel mid-day. (Probably helpful on the “limited fitness” point too!)

    5. are they shoppers? my boys are big sneaker heads and love to go the second hand stores in the village (second street etc) also just sort of interesting to look and walk around down by NYU. definitely agree a broadway show. are they sports fans? a cyclones game is lovely or a yankees or mets. depending on age and interest, the staten island ferry or the roosevelt island tram are fun.

    6. If they want to do any of the instagram spots (Summit, Edge, etc.), and it’s within the budget, just pay for any skip the line or VIP options. It really does make the experience so much better for the adults.

      If they have any favorite NYC movies (kids or parents), you can quickly build the itinerary around those sorts of items. Not that I’ve ever arranged the trip that I wanted based on allowing hubs to check off a lot of the Ghostbusters locations…

    8. I once took my cousin’s kid’s baseball team to John’s Pizza on W44th street and the kids were blown away by the good pizza in a decommissioned church. If you’re doing things around Times Square, that’s a great bet.

      If they aren’t super into art, you might want to do MOMA instead of the Met, or go to the Museum of Natural History instead. If you do go to the Met, make sure you have a plan and a map, because it can be overwhelming.

      A lot of my rural family members who have visited over the years have really enjoyed the Intrepid and the 9/11 Memorial. And a ride on the Staten Island Ferry is free and gives a great view of the Statue of Liberty if you aren’t planning to spend time at the Ellis Island museum (but I do love the Ellis Island museum – what a great reminder that we are a nation of immigrants).

    9. If they like manga or anime (or just bookstores in general), Kinokuniya in Bryant Park was a big hit with my teenager. It’s also nice to just sit in the park and have a coffee, plus the library with the Ghostbusters lions is just around the corner.

      1. The ghostbusters lions?! I beg your pardon, that’s what you call Patience and Fortitude?! :)

        Jk. I love the idea of visiting their favorite movie spots!

    11. YMMV but my extended family was not used to so much walking (tell them to bring/wear sneakers) and was skeeved out by the Subway more than I expected (tell them to bring hand sanitizer). They had a blast though!

    2. I must say, the older I get, the more I appreciate “just say fooey and move on.”

  6. I know this is a champagne problem, but I’m kind of sad that my sibling apparently won’t be giving gifts to my baby. Sibling is 20 years older than I am. I always gave birthday and Christmas gifts to their kids when they were little. I left our parents’ home at 16 and worked low paying jobs for years to afford rent and school. I always gave his kids nice gifts even if it meant I didn’t get to eat that week (other than free food at work). After the kids graduated from college, sibling instituted a no gifts rule for family. That was fine by me.

    In the past few years, sibling has relaxed the no gifts rule somewhat, I suspect because sibling’s new spouse is very gift-oriented (and a lovely person all around). When I was pregnant, they gave us a gift for my baby shower. The baby just turned 1 and they sent a card but no gift. Sibling and spouse are well off; they’re not skipping meals to scrape together $50 like I was. My baby doesn’t need more stuff. It’s not logical for me to feel sad about a lack of gifts. I don’t want this sad feeling, I don’t want to feel resentful. How do I let it go?

    1. The fastest way to let the feeling go is to stop trying to logic yourself out of it. If you accept that you are sad about this whether or not it’s logical, the feeling will actually dissipate faster. The more you try to deny the feeling, the longer it will stick around. So just sit with the feeling for a little while.

      1. This, 100%. You’re sad about it. No need to argue with yourself. Give yourself time to accept what is, and let yourself not feel perfect about it. That’s about the best we can do, I think.

      3. Man, there have been so many commenters here over the years who should have taken this advice before telling other commenters to get over it/stop whining/no one cares. I too agree that it is valuable to approach situations from how you ACTUALLY feel, not how you think you SHOULD feel. And it almost never works to tell anyone else how they should feel.

    2. I would also find it odd to get (or send) a card without a gift or gift card for a first birthday. Babies are so easy to shop for!

      I noticed a similar dynamic play out with my DH and his sibling. He’s accepted it as the price of their relationship (it’s not a close relationship anymore).

    3. With the caveat that I’m socially inept. All kids get a card, a book (ideally something iconic like Robert Munsch if age appropriate) and a gift card to toys r us. I hate gifts but I can muster up that level of effort.

    4. Is it worth considering what your baby is getting instead?
      An aunt who babysits? A favorite uncle who roughhouses exactly the right way?

    5. Do you know about love languages? Clearly yours is gifts. But gifts can mean next to nothing to other people for whom that isn’t their love language (like me and millions of others). If you can, accept that this person expresses love in other ways and see if you can learn to be happy with “that’s just not how they express love, it doesn’t mean they don’t love.”

      1. Just FYI (incase you don’t know because I didn’t until recently) the love languages was written by a fundamental man to make women have sex they don’t want and be silent house servants. It’s not based on anything other than him being annoyed with his own uppity wife.

        1. I thought the Gottmans originated the idea and I wouldn’t describe them this way. While it might not be the most scientific theory, it persists because it’s resonant with people.

          1. Right, and good LORD that is not a fair interpretation of Chapman. There are absolutely Christian authors who do take that approach (Gothard, etc.), but Chapman is not one of them.

          3. Lol, out of curiosity, what “evidence” would satisfy you? Love languages rings true for a lot of people because it truly reflects that people are different and should be accepted as different, instead of rigidly holding people to your own standard and perpetually being disappointed over self-created expectations.

          4. There’s no evidence behind the seven deadly sins, either, but they’re a pretty good summary of the main vices that can derail someone’s life.

        2. Even if that is true, I personally find the “love languages” to be a useful framework for understanding myself and others. I am not and never ever will be a “gifts” person; in fact, both receiving and giving gifts makes me feel really awkward and uncomfortable. Understanding it as some peoples’ “language “ helped me be more comfortable with it.

      2. +1 to taking love languages with a huge grain of salt. I also think it’s really important to think about how others will accept/understand/feel love, rather than just simply say, “I express love this way and other people just have to deal.” So if someone will feel loved by a small gift, just give the gift, even if you’d feel loved through something different.

        1. This feels self serving. Like instead of you understanding someone else, they should just do more work to understand you. People should be allowed to exist as they are and we should do a better job selecting partners that meet our needs if we are unbending.

          1. Nah, it’s a too-way street. So if my partner’s “love language” is physical touch, I’ll try to offer him that. And if my “love language” is conversation, I would hope that my partner would offer me that. This isn’t about being unbending — in fact, I think just accepting someone’s love language without understanding and asking for your own is unbending and has the added bonus of making people resentful and martyrs.

    6. My (now ex) husband and I got married in our late 30s. His older brothers got married in college and started families in their late 20s. For years, he bought Christmas presents for their girlfriends, then fiancées, then wives, then kids, too.

      The hot second I showed up on the scene, it became “let’s just give presents to the kids.” (I was pregnant but would not be delivering before Christmas.)

      It was gross. When gifts flow up (struggling students working to pay for all this, given to established adults and their families), the older ones should always reciprocate.

    7. It may be that your sibling is in a very different place with that 20 year swing. At my age, (50ish) gifts are often redundant, and I would rather spend time with people, but I have not instituted a “no gift” rule. I have college-age kids that are piling up donations for the local parish yard sale, and I have to be careful not to react to items -I- thought were SO [positive adjective]. With your sibling-family, could they give their time, like an occasional video call to see everyone and check in?

      Also – past you is not today-you, both class and family-wise. Could you reframe those years and experiences as solid research for your parenting and purchasing today? We constantly learn from our siblings. What could you and this family couple do that would be meaningful? Could your sibling tell you a story about when you were one? This may sound terrible, but first birthdays are really, really for the parents…it’s Holy Cow We Survived The First Year of Infancy! in addition to having the little one at a deliriously cute age.

    8. What strikes me is that it isn’t really about gifts for your baby–it’s about how the sacrifices you made to give your brother’s children gifts when you were young and struggling seem to be going unacknowledged. You have probably been hoping all along that your brother understood what you did and that the nice gifts he’d someday give your own kids would demonstrate that.

      The advice above stands–let yourself mourn the recognition you now know for certain that you will never receive. And learn from this that you should only give gifts for the joy of giving, not because you want them to be appreciated.

    9. It’s so lovely that you put so much effort into gifts for your nieces and nephews when they were young. Although I would be absolutely horrified to find out I received a gift from someone who went without food in order to afford it! I think you should just feel how you feel right now and try not to dwell on it. The first year of parenting can stir up SO many emotions as you process a new identity, come to terms with your own childhood and past self, and try to just keep up with parenting and all it entails! It’s so normal to get emotional about things that may seem trivial to others at this juncture.

      You will probably have points later on with your child where you will feel absolutely inundated with kid gifts from other friends and family members so it will balance out.

    10. This would make me sad to the point that I would try to surreptitiously confirm that a package wasn’t stolen. I’d just say on the next FaceTime “oh, thank you for the beautiful card!” and hope that that was met with a “did you not get the baby DJ stand???”

      1. On that note, if no one has gotten your baby the Fisher Price DJ stand…get one!!! It’s been a hit with each of my three kids in turn.

    11. I understand this stings but also skipping meals (apparently on a regular basis?) to give a niece or nephew a “nice gift” is absolutely bonkers, so I think you’re at least partially responsible for the disparity in gift-giving attitudes. We give our nephew a nice birthday present each year because we can easily afford to, but I wouldn’t even think about buying gifts for him if we didn’t have good retirement savings and a robust emergency fund, and skipping meals is a step further than undercutting your savings.

    12. My family recently went to a Secret Santa system, so that adults only give and receive one gift each. However, children in our family aren’t part of this system and they receive gifts from each adult couple. That seems like a good compromise. Bonus that it’s really lessened my mental load around the holidays.

    13. Your brother sounds cheap. These years are full of milestones. I don’t think you can change him, but have a party and the pictures of folks together will be the special keepsakes.

  7. Qs for single condo or home owners or 1st time house hunters who are single

    Im single, early 30s, no kids, chicago area.

    What do you wish you knew going into the house hunt?

    Did you feel ready?

    How did you approach budgeting, down payment and mortgage on a single income?

    The process of buying a home feel so squishy to me – timelines, documents, negotiations etc. . And how can I ‘compete’ on a single income when so many other buyers are doing it with a partner.

    But I want a place that is mine

    1. If you are getting a place that’s been renovated – PLEASE make sure that all permits were properly pulled. The city will go after you as the buyer even though the seller was the one who did the work.

      1. This is a very limiting idea. I’ve never heard of a city “going after” someone for completed work and this just will get in the way of OP making a good financial move. OP, I bought my first place in my 20s and worked with a great relator who helped me with all the questions around process. It’s very market dependent. On a macro level though, figure out what you’re comfortable having as a mortgage and don’t look at places that will push your financial limits. Also, if a place has languished on the market, pay attention to that because it will one day be hard for you to sell too. But definitely go for it, it’s a great way to build equity and your own life. If you meet someone down the road, you can always sell or rent it out.

        1. I have. I work in a subject matter field that is closely related to this, and have had the issue of improper permits and remediation come up a lot for folks I work with. The city is unlikely to come after you immediately, but if you ever need to pull a permit for anything, if they find unpermitted work, you are responsible as the owner, even if the previous owner did the work.

        2. Hi, this happened to me in a city famous for construction bureaucracy (SF). The city inspectors came for a (permitted) project we were having done, saw the unpermitted work by the previous owner, and made us demo the latter before signing off on the former.

        3. This happened to me in a city notorious for construction bureaucracy (SF). We had inspectors over for a (permitted) project, and they saw the unpermitted work done by the previous owner. They made us demo the latter before signing off on the former.

    2. Stay away from vaulted high ceilings unless you’re rich enough to hire out changing lightbulbs or want to deal with pulling a big ladder out for the most mundane tasks.

      A dated but maintained and unmolested house is a better buy than one that has had slapdash additions or renovations that were done by a friend of the previous owner. If it looks like the prior owner got wasted while watching HGTV, run. Likewise, know what the flippers do in your city and if possible steer clear, and if that’s the only thing in your price range, look extremely close at everything before going under contract.
      Water always wins, so any signs of weird drainage/runoff, get documentation that the problem has been fully remediated.

      1. If you have high ceilings, change your light bulbs the way municipalities do. Change all your high light bulbs once a year and change your smoke detector batteries at the same time.

    3. Chicago condo owner here!
      The one thing you absolutely cannot change about real estate is the location, so be confident in your chosen neighborhoods.
      If looking at condos, insist on seeing the board minutes/budgets. There are some deeply mismanaged buildings out there. And amenities (pools, exercise rooms, elevators) are incredibly expensive to maintain. Look closely at the assessment amounts versus those in similar buildings in the neighborhood; if it’s way higher or lower than the next building over, investigate.
      The buying process felt very slow, right up until the moment it went light speed and felt overwhelming. Do as much research as possible before you’re seriously looking at places.

    4. I am single, now in my mid/late 40s and I have purchased three houses on my own (not all at the same time, consecutively!). I buy old houses, so those sometimes come with added “fun.” I wouldn’t ever say I felt ready, but I didn’t feel not ready? I just kind of did it. I live in a LCOL-ish area so that helps. I always put as little down as possible, PMI on my house is like $50/month so it’s NBD.

      – shop for rates!
      – have a pot of cash for repairs
      – know what projects you’re willing to take on yourself and what you will hire out and budget accordingly (painting, small cosmetic changes, hanging curtains/blinds, to the bigger stuff like ripping out a kitchen which my bff did herself)
      – if you want new paint or floors, do that before you move in
      – measure things during home inspection
      – understand neighborhood dynamics as best you can (is it a quiet street, lots of through traffic, etc.)

      As far as budgeting, I came up with a number that allowed me to continue to max out my retirement accounts and save money every month and backed into that number. Pay attention to the taxes. Down payment was as little as possible bc my PMI is so low I DGAF, but if you are shopping for more expensive houses, you may not feel the same way. My current SF house (~1800 sq ft) was ~$250k for reference.

      Get with your realtor to understand how it has been working in your market. I would get comfortable with all the paperwork and the order of it all (with timelines) BEFORE you start looking. That way, when you are ready to go, you understand all the documents and don’t waste time going through them when you want to put an offer in. Get a pre approval letter but do not use their number as your number. It will almost always be higher than what you want to spend (I got preapproved by my online bank for $1.2m, which is complete insanity).

    5. I bought my Chicago condo at 35. Single, no kids. If you’re looking at condos, really work with your representation to probe the HOA on any anticipated upcoming expenses, or deferred maintenance that has been glossed over. Similarly – don’t look at a listing price coupled with the competitive market and think you have to rollover and ignore issues the seller hasn’t taken care of in their unit or home. If they intend to sell with their appliance staying behind, make sure they are in good working condition. Check out the furnace to see if the filter has been changed and maybe ask for maintenance records, and do the same with the dryer vent. Look under the kitchen sink to spot any water damage. Advocate for yourself, is what I’m saying. It is a tight market, but sellers still want to sell, and use their desire to move on to your advantage. And yes, some of this sounds nit picky, but as a person who did this major purchase on her own, in retrospect I wish there were many things I would’ve asked before landing where I landed.

      1. My dad’s advice to me when buying in Oak Park at 32: When you’re buying a condo, look at the condition of the windows throughout the building and the parking space asphalt. It’s an easy way to see if the board is keeping up with easy maintenance or not. Look at the types of cars on surrounding streets. It’s an easy way to get a feel for the community. Affluence doesn’t equate to safety. But it doesn’t usually hurt.

      2. ÑYC real estate lawyer here-you should go read the last 2-3 years of Board minutes. You’ll likely have to go to the property manager’s office to read them. You can find out about planned expenses and if any of your neighbors has been a problem.

    6. I didn’t feel “ready” in that I hadn’t planned it, I got so fed up with my apartment that I called a real estate agent contact and asked her if it was doable to buy a place on my salary with less than 20% down payment. I actually found my place, and the whole process took about 30 days. It was fast. Honestly, I should’ve done it way sooner but didn’t think I could since I live in a VHCOL area. I had great credit and a decent salary and reached out for quotes from multiple mortgage brokers. One of the best things I did is not take the biggest loan I could, because expenses have gone up 20% or more in the last five years. Such as insurance, HOA fees, utilities. I’m not all that handy, so I also got a home warranty which paid for itself the first year. Highly recommend. You have to really budget for increases since there’s no one to help. That, and have a healthy emergency fund because you’re it. Also, really go over the CCRs and maintenance records before you commit— my development had gone through an assessment to fix balconies so I went into it aware, and my lender was good with it. Years later, my HOA is maintaining everything really well, but the one next to us is a mess and it’s hitting home values hard. Good luck OP! Rooting for you

  9. Help me decide between Cuyana East West Easy Tote and Tory Burch Small Perry Tote. Will carry mostly in professional settings.

    1. I love it. Probably millions more people are looking at these earrings and appreciating the craftsmanship and appearance and how they would have looked thousands of years ago than EVER would see them languishing away in a museum.

      1. Wouldn’t a replica work just as well and not potentially interfere with the historical record?

        1. A replica garners no headlines.

          These do not appear to be all that significant. Not everything that is old is historic, and the “historic record”, to the extent that’s even a thing, does not really always require that the physical object still be present. The Mona Lisa was still the subject of much discussion during the periods it was stolen (and that piece actually is profoundly significant, obviously, and its permanent loss really would have been quite sad).

          1. This! Not everything old is historically significant or museum worthy. There are real problems of people crashing around in sensitive sites looking for “treasure” and selling artifacts on the black market. This is a faux internet outrage that escaped Twitter and made it into media.

          3. What? Archeologists absolutely do require the original physical object. The Mona Lisa isn’t more significant just because it’s currently on trend in pop culture. If these aren’t significant, it’s because so much archaeological context was lost when they were sold instead of studied.

          5. But it’s not true that the whole history of jewelry is objects being sold. If these are authentic, I wouldn’t be surprised if these were never previously sold prior to being excavated.

          6. Wasn’t the Ziwiye hoard an example of the real problems of people looking for treasure and selling artifacts that were museum worthy?

            I promise that the Ziwiye hoard would be considered historically significant and a big deal if it could be excavated today.

          7. The paintings that that prolific thief’s mother destroyed are not no longer “part of the historical record.” We still know about them. They just no longer exist.

            The Mona Lisa is absolutely more significant to art than these discs.

          8. I am truly astonished at some of the ignorant comments here, said with the kind of confidence which can only come from people who know absolutely nothing about any of the relevant fields.

    2. I think they’re beautiful. But from an archaeological standpoint, this is bad practice. So I guess if you’re asking fashion folks you’ll get one answer, and if you’re asking researchers you’ll get another.

    3. Zendaya is so perfect they have to go to the most esoteric criticism (like here) to have anything to even say about her

    4. I was a Classics major, and more people will have seen this piece now because she wore it than ever would have in a museum. I don’t actually even know if these would have made it into a display case at most museums.

      1. Congrats on your undergraduate degree. But this is a specific kind of research question, with specific practices and principles; it’s not just about “getting people to see them.”

    5. Sigh. I guess a replica wouldn’t have gotten publicity to promote the movie. I think it’s a savvy publicity move, and also terrible. They should be in a museum.

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