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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This dark mustard blazer from L’Agence would be a gorgeous way to brighten up a winter outfit, but you’ll be able to wear it well into summer. It’s beautifully cut and made from a fabric with a bit of stretch, so the fit will be perfect.
I would wear it with navy trousers this winter and with a light gray sheath this summer.
The blazer is $625 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes 00–14. It also comes in light pink.
This Banana Republic blazer is available in regular and petite sizes and has a more affordable price tag of $209; for plus sizes, this coat from Old Navy ($79) is very close in color and goes up to 4X (also in tall sizes up to XXL).
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Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Danglies
Are slightly dangly earrings with a stone okay for zooming or do they read too evening? I am normally a studs person but I find they are getting lost in my long, thick hair. Now that I am fully remote earrings are all I really have to work with on camera since I’m not a big fan of necklaces. I am envisioning something inspired by Kate Middleton, like the Ippolita mini teardrop earring. I found something similar with a dangling pearl if that makes it better. I tend to like classic and plain.
Cb
I feel like people’s heads are so small on Zoom, I wouldn’t worry about earrings being too flashy?
Anonymous
Agree. I also thing dangly = ok but not dangly + lots of movement from earrings.
pugsnbourbon
I hope drop earrings don’t read “evening” because I wear them all the time. Go for it!
Anonymous
If you like classic and plain, and default to studs and are even asking the question, I think you can banish teh whole idea that you’d go overboard with some kind of over-the-top earrings that should never be worn to work (what would these even be? Just about anything can be made to work). Wear what you’d like, and you’ll be fine. If you had a huge personality and loved huge earrings, you could make those work as well.
Notagirl
This is unnecessarily condescending, unless I am misreadimg the tone.
OP, wear what you like. Know your culture of course, but in general most appearance rules are actually more of polite suggestions (unless written up in a formal dresscode or uniform) – it’s shockingly easy to get away with anythung if you just try.
Anonymous
That was me, and I had zero intention of condescension, and I wasn’t intending any “tone” at all in what I said. So I truly hope it was misreading! What i meant to communicate was the same thing you said in your last sentence. OP, I’m sorry if something came through that wasn’t intended.
Notagirl
I apogize, Anonymous – a lot of people read your tone as intended, so the problem is clearly on my end. I must have woken up cranky today :(
Anon
I think you are misreading the tone! This came across as very reassuring to me (more so than the other posts because it acknowledges based on stated background that the OP is likely more concerned than others would be and can release this entirely from the mental worry-list).
No Face
I read the tone as reassuring. Clearly, the OP has conservative taste so there is no real danger of her picking out some offensive dangly earrings.
Veronica Mars
Nope, zero connotation to evening. It’s just a style of earring.
Anon
I have long think hair and have a fear of anything but studs getting tangled up in my hair. Or babies pulling on them. But you do you! A simple drop sounds perfectly work-appropriate.
Anonymous
I’m wearing them now with a capelet. If you’re worried about “too evening” just double check that you aren’t wearing evening makeup and a fancy up-do ;)
Anon
They are OK! I and other senior leaders in my global company wear drop earrings all the time on Zoom. Our joke is that you can tell someone is having an outside or high profile meeting if you can see their earrings, and you can rarely see studs or more delicate earrings on Zoom.
Senior Attorney
I have been wearing dangly earrings to work since C.J. Cregg rocked them from the lectern in the White House Press Room on The West Wing: https://www.charactour.com/hub/characters/view/C-J-Cregg.The-West-Wing
So I vote “knock yourself out!”
Anon
I was always studs + a necklace (usually pearls) in the office. Now that I’ve been WFH for two years, I’ve ditched the necklace and I’m wearing larger / longer earrings. It’s fine. No one cares. Enjoy!
Big Earring Energy
I think that style of drop earring would be fine! The timing of this is too funny because I just had the same thought a couple of weeks ago. Pre-pandemic, I wore smaller earrings at work (primary studs, huggie hoops, and smaller drops) and reserved larger earrings for going out/formal events. But after wearing my favorite (smaller) earrings on Zoom calls last year and noticing that they do not show up with my medium length curly hair, I decided that I was shifting to “big earring energy” for Zoom. I debated for a bit because I used to wonder if they looked unprofessional when I worked at a firm but I am no longer at a firm and started to notice that more of my colleagues are wearing them now. After realizing how much I liked my colleagues’ earrings and that I wanted to wear more colorful earrings, I decided to order a couple of the classic Kendra Scott earrings (the medium oval size). Who knows if I will wear them as much when we return to full-time in person work, but they will be fun for now and I can wear them when I got out on the weekend.
Anon
I don’t even have pierced ears, and even I think dangly earrings like the ones you describe are fine for work.
Ribena
This is gorgeous, great pick.
Anonymous
+1. I think L’Agence has just enough edge.
Anonymous
I want this so badly.
Anon
Mustard yellow is insanely popular on this s1te, but I never see it IRL. Do people really buy suiting in this color?
Ribena
I wouldn’t wear a full suit in it but I would totally wear this jacket, either with jeans, with black trousers, or with a solid coloured and relatively simple dress.
Although yellow is one of our competitors’ main brand colours so I’d have to pick my occasion carefully!
Anon
EY?
Anon
I would not buy anything in mustard yellow except mustard. As far as clothes and accessories, yellow, orange, and green tend to make me look yellow, orange or green, which is not my goal.
Lobby-est
“except mustard”
Hahahahahahaha!
MagicUnicorn
I do and I get a lot of compliments because it is really flattering with my coloring. I have to be careful what I combine it with, though, so as not to look like either a bumblebee, a Hogwarts escapee, or a rabid sports fan…
anne-on
I love it, but I agree that it doesn’t suit everyone’s coloring. I’m kind of snow-white ish in my coloring (dark auburn hair, very pale, light colored eyes) so I have a lot of grey/navy/army green as my base colors for pants/skirts. With those colors deep pinks/mustard yellows (even orange)/deep purple/forest green all work really well. My mom is a pale blond who’s going ‘ash blod’ (not grey!) as she gets older and this color would wash her out horribly – she can wear all the wedgewood blue/white/celadon green/baby pinks that look horrid on me.
Bonnie Kate
I had a mustard yellow sweater last winter that I liked a lot for and maybe wore once a week about three months. After that I never wore it and it got donated (again – it was a good quality sweater from goodwill when I got it and donated it again).
Anon
I bet you do see it IRL, it’s not an unpopular color. Maybe you don’t notice it because it’s not something you’d wear. I don’t wear it because it doesn’t work with my coloring, but it’s gorgeous and I love seeing other people wear it.
anonny
CapHillStyle just did post on this blazer last week, she linked more affordable options too.
Anon
So so pretty
Anonymous
Hi Hive,
I am hoping to spend mine and my mom’s birthday week in April in London. Looking for pocket friendly activities to do for about three nights’ stay? Willing to spend ~4k for the trip (per person).
Ses
Is that roughly a $1,200 per day budget for each person? Or are you including airfare and hotel in that number?
What types of things do you like to do on vacations? London has a huge variety of things to do, so knowing if you’re spa people or foodies or museums etc is helpful.
Anon
Tea at the Goring Hotel
London in spring is fabulous!
In April the parks will be lovely. Lots of flowers, cherry blossom trees if you are lucky with timing, daffodils, irises etc. Even if you do get rain or wind it very much springtime.
If you or your mother like gardens, Kew Gardens, the botanical gardens, are fantastic. They do however have an entrance fee, and it’s half an hour on the tube from more central London. Holland Park, Regent’s Park and St. Jame’s park are free and very lovely in April.
If you like museums, the big ones generally have general free entrance but tickets for temporary or big exhibitions. But you can see so much great art at the National Gallery or British Museum or Tate or other places without a ticket, that you don’t really need to book one. Of course if there’s a really special one, you might put it in your budget. Victoria and Albert has great fashion exhibitions, if you like that.
You can get an Oyster card to get around, and one of the things you might not know is that there is a Transport for London Ferry, so you can have a little boat trip with your Oyster card, for example from Tate Britain to Embankment. Not so nice in November, but fun in April.
There are lots of community. based centres with free or cheaper program, places like the Barbican Centre and South Bank. Check their websites for exhibtitions or events. If you want to see something on stage, you can get really cheap tickets as long as you accept restricted views (all the way to the back, halfway behind a column or speaker) or standing places (like at The Globe).
There are pubs and small clubs that show live music or comedy with cheap or no tickets. Can be anything from jazz to folk music. You can get beautiful choral music at the big cathedrals, Westminster Abbey and St. Paul’s. Evensong is lovely, and you get a feel for the architecture as well.
Some good places to find out “what’s on” is the London Time Out guide, or my favourite, The Londonist newsletter.
Lots of things depend on where you’re staying – don’t spend the day getting there
I would: walk a lot, visit a pub, a cathedral, a museum, a par, take a bus past Parliament square, eat some cheap and cheerful vegan stuff one day and bangers and mash another. I’d spend some time in Waterstone’s on Pall Mall or Foyle’s in Charing Cross Road. I’d try and have tea with scones, but not bother with a full afternoon tea. I’d get a cheap ticket for a classic comedy theatre show (less than 30 pounds). I’d take the elevator to the top floor at Tate Modern. I’d walk some more.
I would not: spend time around Leicester square (unless you want to go to Chinatown), Tower of London, Madame Tussaud’s or the London Eye. Not worth it for three days, IMO.
Sunflower
Just FYI: Easter Monday (April 18 this year) is a serious holiday in the UK. We were there on our honeymoon over an Easter Monday and EVERYTHING was closed. We had a hard time finding something to eat!
A
And their school kids are on spring break, usually 2 weeks at Easter, in case that impacts the timing of your visit
Anon
We are heading to Asheville in March and I have a feeling that I probably can’t ask the concierge for hiking trail recommendations. So I am asking you. We are from a more flat area, so “easy” and “moderate” trails would be ideal, probably no more than 5 miles (to fit in between meal times and not run out of daylight).
buffybot
I’m sure people here have some firsthand knowledge of Asheville trails, but did want to say that I’ve had lots of experience asking concierge-type people for recommendations on hiking/outdoor activities and if you’re in a place where that’s a common pursuit, they are usually more than prepared to answer those types of questions/provide maps/make suggestions on itineraries.
Anon
+1 a concierge in Asheville is bad at their job if they can’t answer a question about hiking.
emeralds
+2, we ask for that type of recommendation all the time when we travel, and we’ve have gotten some great suggestions we wouldn’t have found by googling.
PolyD
In the Shenandoah, I googled “hikes for kids” to try to get hikes that weren’t too strenuous.
I am rather weak when it comes to hiking, apparently.
Senior Attorney
This is a great idea and I am going to remember it!!
Anon
I use the All Trails app (free version) and you can look up hikes near your location. It tells you if they are easy, moderate, hard and lots of details such as length, elevation gain.
anon
+1 to AllTrails but most concierge folks in a place like Asheville will have hiking recommendations so do ask!
Bonnie Kate
All Trails app and website are both really great. Lots of people review the hikes after they do them and I glean a lot of useful info from them.
I don’t know why you would think the concierge wouldn’t have any ideas though.
BeenThatGuy
I’d recommend hiking Chimney Rock. I did it last summer with 3 (young) teens. It’s all stairs but with lots of landings for breaks. It is considered strenuous, because of the stairs, but it’s fast moving. The 3 teens did not complain.
Elle
There’s a website called Romatic Asheville that has a lot of good hiking info. I’m partial to the DuPont state forest waterfall hike but it may be a bit more strenuous than you’re looking for.
Anonymous
Anyone have a good chili recipe they recommend?
Also thank you to everyone who gave fridge recommendations. I ordered a 25 cu ft French door Maytag from lowes!
buffybot
If you like white chili, I like Pioneer Woman’s white chicken chili. Serve with cornbread and all the toppings (cheese, sour cream, cilantro, avocado).
ElisaR
https://www.skinnytaste.com/quick-beef-chili-recipe/
Cb
I used the Amy and Jacky Pressure Cook Recipes one, but substituted vegan ground “beef” and it is really rich and delicious.
Ribena
I really like the Smitten Kitchen three bean chilli – I make it with canned beans. Usually black beans, kidney beans, and one other type.
Marie
Recipe that is so easy and quick, but tastes amazing:
https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/16235/debdoozies-blue-ribbon-chili/
Some modifications I make for personal preference:
-Add 1 jalapeno minced
-Add 1 red or green bell pepper chopped
-Mince 3 cloves fresh garlic rather than garlic salt
-Use ground turkey instead of beef
-Add 1/4-1/2 cup of brown sugar
-Season with smoked paprika, sriracha and cayenne pepper to taste
-Top with melted cheddar
Curious
Not a recipe, but one modification I make to 90% of beef chilis that makes the flavor pop: add 2-4 diced Anaheim or poblano peppers when you sautee your onions. People love my chili and that’s the only difference I know between it and typical recipes.
Curious
And yes, they can replace the bell pepper if the recipe calls for it. I think that’s how I stumbled on the modification.
Senior Attorney
This sounds great and I will try it next time.
Also: Add a tablespoon of cumin.
Anon
And some cocoa powder or unsweetened chocolate.
Bonnie Kate
It’s not traditional, this white chicken chili recipe is AMAZING. I can practically make it from memory I’ve made it so much. My picky niece (8) and nephew (6) both really liked it and had seconds. I made it for a bigger group of people (~20) and got really good feedback. It’s really solid. The first step is so weird the first time you do it (bacon paste) but it’s the perfect flavor and I’m obsessed with that as a soup base now.
Pinch of Yum Sarah’s White Chicken Chili
I do leave out the jalapeño. The diced tomatoes with green chilis (absolutely necessary) add enough spice for me.
https://pinchofyum.com/sarahs-white-chicken-chili
Anonymous
I just wing it, but things I generally put in include onion ( and celery or carrot if I have them), garlic, beef mince, chilies, chopped tomatoes, cumin, cinnamon, black beans and black lentils, and coriander, lime and cheese to serve.
Cb
Finished my first day of online teaching – lecture and seminar and I’m exhausted. It’s demoralizing speaking to black boxes and I feel a bit like radio host “Jake S is on the line, let’s hear what he has to say!”
anon
Ugh, I’m sorry. That stinks. People forget that online teaching often isn’t ideal for the instructor, either!
Cb
Yeah, I got a “lazy academics, don’t want to come back to the classroom…” the other day and thought, dude, teaching in person is so, so much easier and less labour intensive.
Anon
A tip for teaching (or running a meeting) online: do not ask participants to choose the next individual to introduce, answer, etc. unless folks already know each other. What ends up happening is that those with names that may be less common are left until last, leading to an atmosphere that can feel unwelcoming.
Cb
Oof, yes, definitely not. I’m embarrased that I struggle with all my students’ Irish names so I wait til people raise their hands.
Anon
In a work training I had last week, the instructors had us do introductions in alphabetical order. It worked really well cause you could see the order in the participates list, the instructors just called the next person, and you didn’t have to worry about when you would be called, who had already gone, etc. I HATE when they make you just pick someone to go next
anon
+1 If I am in charge, this is how I do it. I alternate starting at A or Z for funsies.
Anon
Since we’ve been on a retirement vibe lately, I have a Q for VHCOL/HCOL people. I maybe have 30-35 years left working and 30 years is often the length of a mortgage. When retirement calculators assume you need less $ to live on in retirement, it seems that they are expecting you to have a paid-off house. In a HCOL area, that doesn’t seem feasible. So I am thinking that maybe now I should look into remote working and moving closer to family in either AZ or TX so I could actually buy a place and at least start on this. I like both places (and SF was fun before COVID), but now I really think: I probably can’t pay high rent as a retiree (probably will just go up), so I may need to move when I’m old (so maybe I should move now, put down roots, etc.). COVID has brought up so many new big-picture things to think about.
anon
Personally, I plan on selling our home in our VHCOL area and moving somewhere where cost of living is lower. Even without a fully paid mortgage, I imagine the equity in our house will more than cover the full purchase price of a smaller place in a lower cost of living area.
Anon
I totally get that if you own in a VHCOL area. But that’s not me (and not likely to be me). Maybe if I could find some micro-studio of 200 sq ft (but maybe not even that) and I guess you could couple up in that but no way would that work for a roommate.
Anon
If you have 30-35 years to work you are really jumping the gun making these types of firm plans, IMO. A lot can happen in 30 years. A lot. Don’t get out ahead of yourself.
Also, the way my parents handled this was that they sold their house in a VHCOL area – which was not paid off, but had considerable equity – and used the proceeds to buy a smaller house in a smaller town. They bought outright paying cash, so don’t have a mortgage to pay – just property taxes. We know several other couples who have done this (including my friend’s in-laws, who sold their house in San Diego for an $800k profit) and we’re planning to do this ourselves because we’re not planning to stay where we are in retirement. Just because you buy a house doesn’t mean you have to pay it off. When we signed our 30-year mortgage we did so knowing we would be spending a maximum of 12 years in the house. Then we plan to sell and cash out and go somewhere else.
Again, trying to plan today for what’s going to happen in 30-35 years isn’t the move, IMO. Do you *want* to live in AZ or TX? Is getting a remote job what you want, or what’s going to help you grow in your career the way you want to grow? You know my friend’s in-laws? They did all this planning and had all these grand ideas on how they were going to spend their retirement, and within 10 years of selling their house in San Diego, they were both dead. My friend’s MIL had a stroke and died instantly and a few years later her FIL got cancer. Man plans, God laughs. Do what you want to do with your life thinking in terms of a 5-10 year time horizon at the max. Aside from your personal situation, we have no idea what the economy or the general state of society will be in 35 years. With both AZ and TX there are major concerns about water availability and climate change affecting livability of those areas. You may buy a house there only to find out you can’t live in it in retirement, because there’s no water, or it got destroyed by floods or hurricanes. Now is not a good time in human history to be trying to plan decades in advance for what will happen later. We didn’t think we’d be where we are now 35 years ago, I assure you.
Anon
This kind of confirms my suspicions that you really need to own, not rent, where you live. It seems like people’s choices would be starkly different if they had rented into their 40s/50s.
Anon
This response, and some others you are giving, make me feel like you have your mind made up and you aren’t looking for alternative perspectives as much as you’re looking for someone to co-sign the plan you’ve already settled on. So here’s your rubber stamp: your plan sounds great. Go for it.
Anon
I know a person who rents in a VHCOL area but it’s a tiny apartment bought ages ago. He and his wife have a condo in Florida that they vacation at (and I guess let the kids use when they aren’t there). So maybe that? Their plan is to retire there so they will be paying based on . . . 2000-era prices if they haven’t paid it off (or refinanced it) by the time they move there FT.
But, gulp, this may be something not obvious to those of us just starting out (so haven’t bought a place yet to even contemplate paying it off).
Anon
OP here — I honestly don’t know, except that I have never heard financial advice for a single woman in a VHCOL area who can’t afford to buy. Buying seems to be what makes all #s work, and that’s hard on one income. If it’s really not sustainable absent a husband or stumbling onto an inheritance nest egg, maybe someone should just shake some sense into me that what seems like a reasonable lifestyle may really not be sustainable (or I may regret this down the line). Leaving would be easier now as I’m jaded after the 700th day of February 2020. Or it’s Monday and I’m cranky.
Anonymous
If you can afford a mortgage in the HCOL area, a house there will appreciate more in the next couple of decades than a place in a LCOL area. When you sell it to move for retirement, you will fund a nicer place than if you move now. I also see people pick a different place in retirement than they thought they would if they buy their retirement place early. Family may decide to retire elsewhere, etc.
Anon
If you own, at what income level is that realistic to hope for? Especially if you are single? I see the math working out with two incomes, but on one, it just seems hopeless. Unless you are really making $$$ and/or have no loans.
anon
I mean yea, lots of people don’t own homes. Ever. Lots of people don’t pay off mortgages. Ever. Lots of people don’t have $1m or more at retirement. You prepare as best you can and figure it out. It’s not going to be sunshine and roses perfect care free retirement for everyone.
anon a mouse
I don’t want a big house when I retire. I want a condo or something with no maintenance. Even though our mortgage technically runs until I retire, I plan on paying off the house before then and using the equity to downsize.
Anon
I want to downsize to a one-story house in a flat area of the country with mild winters and top-notch medical care. But I probably can’t afford San Diego :(
txblue
Dallas? Houston? It feels like that is a lot of Texas to me.
Anon
SD is not flat.
Anon
Retirement calculators are a one size fits all solution that often don’t make sense for individuals, as they’re based on assumptions about your spending being roughly equal to your current income. You need to come up with your own budget and then determine how much you need to fund that. People with paid off houses will have lower expenses than people without, but also think about how your other costs might change. As someone who currently saves about 40% of my income, it makes no sense to assume that I’ll suddenly be spending much more in retirement. Health care is obviously the big question mark, but you can still come up with some estimates for that. I do agree that moving at retirement age is very unappealing to me. Unless you’re very good at making new friends or are moving to a retirement community, I feel like it’s exactly the time of life where you want to be able to draw on a network of friends and other connections for mutual assistance.
Anon
See, I think I would spend a lot more $ in retirement. My job means that I can take a lot of 3-day weekends, but never a good 1 or 2 week vacation when I can unplug. So I expect LOT of deferred travel spending, on long trips, overseas and to far-flung parts of the U.S. So maybe I defer retirement by a year to fund a travel budget / avoid drawing down cash for that year. But in that year, maybe I get cancer or my partner has a heart attack and the planned-for trip never happens. So I can’t see deferring the wild living or even spreading it out much. Travel in my 90s (women in my family routinely live this long) is not likely to be awesome.
Anon
I developed a chronic illness in my 20s and already don’t/can’t travel much, so I’m fairly certain travel won’t be a large part of my retirement budget. Travel is HARD and also just not that fun once you pick up certain types of health conditions, so if this is something you care about, I do agree that you should do it sooner rather than later. I’ve decided to prioritize living someplace nice (but VHCOL) instead. I don’t mind not being able to travel easily when I already live somewhere beautiful.
Anon
I love NYC, which is VHCOL. But I don’t have time to do anything that makes it great — restaurants, museums, theatres, just the city itself. I’m always working. And it’s so expensive to live here, I tend to go to very low-cost restaurants (which are great) or eat from carts. If I stayed here as a retiree with time to do things (assuming that COVID ever ends and things are do-able), whoa. It would probably be like bleeding $, at least at first. But VHCOL for now b/c a commute from a merely HCOL suburb would not be ideal now.
Anon
“I do agree that moving at retirement age is very unappealing to me. Unless you’re very good at making new friends or are moving to a retirement community, I feel like it’s exactly the time of life where you want to be able to draw on a network of friends and other connections for mutual assistance.”
My parents felt this too. They originally planned to stay where they were at and just downsize to a smaller house. Then, one by one, all of their friends died or moved away (my mom had several female friends who, after losing their husbands, moved to be closer to their children or to their own siblings). After the last friend left the city they were living in they realized – there’s no reason for us to stay here, and so they moved to be closer to my brother and his wife (they don’t like where my husband, son and I live).
I would strongly recommend making plans around what you want for yourself without creating dependencies on what other people are doing or may do. I posted about this before, but our closest couple friends in our city are about to move away. We had talked about the fun stuff we were going to do in retirement together but then the husband decided to retire early and they want to move to a house they inherited in a smaller city; the moving truck will be at their house on Friday. People make their own plans based on their own hopes and ideas and what I have seen is non-family-members don’t factor into those plans, usually. For all the narratives about “chosen family” and what’s portrayed on sitcoms, IRL we are seeing that in older middle or retirement age, people choose to go be with their biological families rather than stay where they have friends. We’re already making tentative plans to do the same thing – we’ll be here until our kid gets settled somewhere in his career and then we’re moving to wherever he’ll be; we’re not going to stay where we are given that we have no close friends or family left here. The other family we socialize with most frequently has already bought retirement property in another state. Once they’re gone, we’ll really be by ourselves here, and unless we want to try to make new friends locally we’ll be on our own. So in the situation you’re referencing (having to make new friends later in life) would happen regardless of whether we move or we don’t. BTW my mom and dad have had no problem making connections with new people where they live and have a great support network in their new home.
Anon
I have this discussion with my parents. When only one is sentient and able-bodied, or there is just one of them left, they need to be near their people so we can check in on them. They don’t need to move in with me, but be maybe in a 1-BR elevator apartment nearby. Instead, they are legit OLD and living an hour from Asheville and have no family within 12 hours of them, so if there is an emergency, we can’t help and their neighbors aren’t able to hear cries for help. And there are bears. What could go wrong???
Anon
I think this is very location dependent. My parents live in a large, MCOL city and I don’t think any of their friends have moved in retirement. I don’t live there, but my brother and his family do, most of my high school friends moved back, and all of my parents friends’ kids still live there or moved back, so there’s just not a big appeal to moving elsewhere- medical facilities are good, plenty of jobs for kids, and decent COL. Obviously this will vary considerably in different places.
Anon
I grew up outside NYC and there are some families that are lifers. But others chain-migrated and followed their kids down to various places in the SEUS. LCOL (or lower) + kids + grandkids + medical facilities.
No Problem
Retirement calculators also assume that you will not be needing to save additional money for retirement while in retirement. So think about what percentage of your income goes to retirement savings (10%? 20% more?) and eliminate that from consideration of your monthly expenses in retirement.
Cornellian
I don’t think you can plan 30 years from now, especially with climate change.
I think you need to preserve as many options as possible. yes, you could start a 30 year mortgage somewhere you think you want to live, but you could also just save that down payment and keep saving the principal amount every month. Then you have a chunk of cash to play with in 30 years, rather than a house that may not serve you or may be flooded/not fed with water/etc.
Anon
That makes a lot of sense. A house makes you make a payment. Saving the same amount takes discipline. [You woudn’t have to save the same amount, but where I live, the premium to own is high compared to the rental price of the same space, so maybe save a pretend mortgage amount?]
Nothing is certain, but money helps even out the rough spots.
early retirement
+1
Houses/real estate can be very expensive to own. It is easy to forget about the lost time/$ for maintenance/repairs/higher utilities bills/lawn care/commute costs etc.. Sometimes living simply (especially if you don’t have kids/schools are not an issue) and saving more is great. My brokerage account certainly agrees….
Anon
Our plan is just to save as much as we can in retirement and savings accounts so we have liquidity to make choices when we need to. We are not accelerating the payoff of our house or overpaying the mortgage because where we live (southwest) there is a much-less-than-zero chance that within 20 years, we will run out of water (or come close) and all of our houses will be worth nothing, or at least worth much less than they are even worth now. The only hedge that I can see to future climate instability and the need to climate-refugee it out of here is cash (meaning investments, not stuff like real estate). If you have liquid cash, you can shelter your assets and then put the keys to your house on your kitchen counter and walk out the door, and go live somewhere else. Yes, if you have a mortgage on that home you’re abandoning, technically it would hurt your credit but if the justification was “the city stopped being able to feed water to houses and we had to leave so we could have drinking water” I think allowances would be made for that. If, at that juncture, all your assets are tied up in your home, or in other real estate in that same place, that’s gonna be a problem. At this point I will only buy more property in states north and east of where I am where they are still experiencing precipitation. I honestly believe the Southwest has maybe 10 years left of viability – maybe not even that. Over the last ten years we have watched the land get drier and drier. This is exactly what climate modeling said was going to happen – it’s just happening faster than we thought. If I can’t stop climate change, I can at least maintain liquidity so we won’t have to live in a tent somewhere when we have to flee our home.
Anonymous
I live in the Boston suburbs in a 4,000sq ft 5 BR house worth ~$1.2M. We have $550k and 19 years left on the mortgage (we paid ~$900k). I’m 38.
We’ll be working until all 3 of our kids are out of college, at which point our plan is to sell our house and downsize into a smaller house in an area that is more friendly for retirees (likely a condo somewhere warm and a smaller home up in MA). We may or may not have the house paid off by then; I refi’d from a 30 year to a 20 year mortgage last year and cut a few years off. Whatever we buy will be in cash and cost less than our current house is worth.
Anon
My husband is retired and I’m on my retirement glide path (self employed, work effectively part time.) We have a mortgage. We also have the money to pay it off but our mortgage interest rate is less than 3% and it’s tax deductible so it really doesn’t make sense to do so.
We will not fully retire in this house. The plan is to use our substantial equity to buy our downsized retirement home after our college aged kids are fully launched. For now, we are keeping the house so they can move home for a bit if they need to before getting on their feet as adult. Our monthly mortgage payment is far less than we’d pay for rent in this area on something much smaller, and that will happen to you too if you hold on to a mortgage for decades.
Anon
There are more career benefits to working in a VHCOL city like SF through your prime earning years than going to live somewhere remotely with fewer options. I think permanent remote roles, while hot right now, will fade as the pandemic ends and life gets back to normal. You have so much life in front of you, too – you could partner up and home ownership, even in the Bay Area, might be a lot more in reach with two incomes. You could kill it, get a big job and buy the place yourself. Don’t plan your retirement before you’ve lived your life more.
Anon
My husband works in big law litigation as a 5th year associate. He might have a big case going to trial the week after we have an extended family trip (16 of us) for 4 nights, Thursday thru Monday. Trial starts Monday after. We planned this trip 9 months in advance and he was only put on this case six months in advance. Is it feasible for him to go on this trip or would any trip or circumstance be consider a no way for the week before trial? I’ve had big jobs making as much $$ but not in law so I don’t understand trial circumstances which is why I’m polling here. TIA
Anonymous
I’d plan on the trip and see what happens. Trial dates change all the time.
Anon
I would say no, he cannot go on the trip. If he does go, it’ll be needlessly stressful. Trials often get rescheduled though.
Anokha
Or settled on the eve of trial!
Anonymous
this. the likelihood of the case actually going to trial on the scheduled date is probably pretty low. but you also will not know if its going to happen or not until pretty close to the originally scheduled date.
Senior Attorney
Agree. You can tentatively go forward with the trip and hope the trial settles or is continued, but if it goes forward as scheduled he’s not going to be able to join you.
Leatty
He will only be able to go on this trip if the case settles. If it doesn’t, he will be working around the clock doing trial prep, and he won’t be able to do that while on vacation. I’m sorry – I know that sucks. I had to cancel a similar trip when I was a young lawyer, and I may or may not have closed my door and cried (and started thinking of an exit plan from law firm life).
MND
this or if the trial date gets pushed out for whatever reason (extension of discovery schedule, dispositive motion decision, etc.). I would suggest he talk to the person on the team who is closest to his level with experience on the case to ask how likely the trial date is to stick. If the date is happening, then yes, the week before trial is likely one of the most busy weeks in the life cycle of the case and going on vacation is not feasible.
That being said, I was civil litigator at firms for 12 years, and the only case I ever went to trial on got its trial dates like 60 days before it occurred (due to a denial of a dispositive motion)… I’ve probably had 50+ “trial dates” that did not happen because the case settled or was decided on summary judgment or the dates were pushed.
I am not clear how far away these dates are – if they are still several months away, it’s possible that things could change. The closer we are to those dates, the less likely.
Anon
I think he plans not to go and may be pleasantly surprised, especially in 2022 (or someone gets COVID and no one goes; hard to predict tomorrow these days).
In BigLaw and at lot of times, 3 of the 4 of us make 100% of a trip (otherwise we’d never go), but often if it’s driveable, we have someone who makes a mid-week appearance or a Monday departure. We plan as best as we can and as long as one parent can go, we go. With litigation, often the benefits are that it’s predictable when courts closed. With transactional work, a lot of deals close by 12/31, so early January is often safe (but the holidays are the pits).
Cornellian
I doubt he’ll be able to go, and if he can go, he’ll be working full-time on cr*ppy wifi and miserable and not partaking anyway. but it may settle or get postponed.
Anon
Unless the case settles, he should not travel. For what it’s worth, you will end up happier on the trip without him than if he were there, working, stressed and damaging his career.
OP
Thank you, this is exactly what I needed to hear that he’s not being overly committed to his job. Its several months away so here’s to hoping it moves or settles but woW is this just how big law is? I’ll still go on this particular trip with our two small children because I have loads of hands to help but what if this were a $$$ Disney or Europe type trip? Just bad luck? Do we always need to be ready to cancel trips?
Anonymous
Yes this is how big law is. You always need to be able to cancel. That is why he gets paid what he does.
Cornellian
I mean, for the amount of money folks make in BigLaw, it sort of makes sense. That’s what employers are paying for.
And, yeah, you won’t be able to count on him being able to come on trips. I knew three associates whose spouses took their honeymoons alone :( I facetimed with clients getting my bridal make up done, ha. Not a great longterm plan for a lot of folks.
anon
+1 Yes, you need to be always ready to cancel trips or go without him. That is how most of BigLaw works.
NYCer
Wow, honeymoons are kind of “sacred” vacations at my big law firm. Everyone leaves you alone, and being out two weeks is generally accepted. I guess trials are trials, but I cannot imagine anyone at my firm taking their honeymoon alone.
Anonymous
Yea, that’s insane to me. Honeymoons were the one vacation you could reliably count on being able to take off. (Also, do all states not have protected leave/notice of unavailability/whatever your state wants to call it?? As soon as we booked our honeymoon, I filed my protected leave notice on all the cases I really couldn’t have someone cover on to block the dates).
Anon
I have never heard of “protected leave” before. Is this a U.S. thing?
Anon
Same, I worked for a notoriously intense partner at a V10 Big Law firm where vacations were not respected at all, but honeymoons were sacrosanct. I missed a friend’s wedding reception that I’d flown across the country for to write a brief, and I once billed >50 hours while I was on a weeklong vacation with my family in Maui AND had the flu, but the two weeks of my wedding/honeymoon I didn’t touch work and I barely even got any emails. Caveat that I was only a second year when I got married and it does get harder to check out completely as you get more senior. I’ve heard of 4th/5th years having to do a tiny bit of work on a honeymoon in an emergency, but an associate working through their whole honeymoon, let alone sending their spouse on it alone (!!!), was literally unheard of at my firm.
anon
Please tell me more about this protected leave for vacations. I’ve never heard of it in the US. Elsewhere I’ve seen it common for vacations to be planned at the mutual convenience of employer and employee (though sometimes must fall during certain times of year by statute/CBA).
Where are you?
Anon
I’ve never heard of protected leave either.
Anon
A notice of unavailability just means you can’t be held to deadlines if you’re served by opposing counsel when you’re out. It’s not the same as FMLA type of leave. And doesn’t really apply strongly in a lot of jurisdictions either.
Anonymous
I’m late circling back to this, so will try to remember to post tomorrow, but in North Carolina. I think it’s actually called secured leave, I never get the term right. But you get 3 weeks each year where you can file notice with the court and they won’t schedule any proceedings during the week. It must be for the entire week, and you have to file 90 days in advance of the secured leave (and obviously you can’t already have anything scheduled–ie, you can’t use it just to delay things). You also get an extra 12 weeks if you have/adopt a child.
Cat
Have never know anyone who had to cancel their honeymoon – good lord, you worked for an exceptionally bad one!
anon
That’s terrible. WTF is this an acceptable practice?!
Anon
This is how litigation is. I’m in government and would still have to cancel a vacation under those circumstances. The benefit to litigation in government vs biglaw is that I have more control over my schedule – I know what big deadlines I have over the next 4-5 months
I would recommend planing trips on shorter notice. during my 7 years in biglaw, I would plan a trip 3-4 months ahead of time at most and got to go on all of them. I’ve never planned a trip 6 months or a year out
Anon
This is good practical advice. I used to travel last minute when a case settled, never made a planned in advance trip.
Senior Attorney
Of course this is how BigLaw is. No snark, but I’m honestly surprised that you are just now realizing that yes,you always need to be ready to cancel trips.
anon
+1 it comes with the territory. Much like accountants know that planning a vacation during tax season isn’t going to happen, big law (and litigators generally) know that there are bad times for vacations based on trial calendars.
NYC
I’m not surprised. I’ve spent 8 years at the biggest of biglaw firms and never had to cancel a vacation (work on vacation, sure).
Anon
+1 I always went, I would just have to work remotely. Which should be even easier today than it was 10 years ago.
Anon
This is how litigation is. You learn to book refundable trips. As sad as it sounds, your husband is not being overly committed to his job, he’s just being reasonable about the pre-trial time commitment. The worst thing would be for your husband to come along on the trip and spend the whole time working on trial prep, because that’s going to make everyone miserable.
No Face
This is a feature of all litigation, not just biglaw. For important, big ticket vacations, schedule them far in advance so he can block them off on his work calendar and schedule around it. I have a Disney World Mega Trip planned this summer and it is on my work calendar already.
Anon
Agreed. Trials are trials and it’s all hands on deck absolutely the week before, more likely the month before. For that reason, people often do last-minute vacations (even if it means taking kids out of school) when they happen to have a slow week come up because it’s very difficult to plan more than a few months in advance.
HFB
Not just BigLaw, litigation is all like this. Signed, non-profit/gov atty who can remember maybe one vacation in 8 years that wasn’t interrupted by work. And I don’t have anything close to a big law salary to show for it.
Anon
It’s not a Big Law thing, it’s a litigation thing. The stakes are extremely high at trial, clients are risking A LOT. Trials involve a lot of moving parts and last minute changes. The amount of work is never-ending, and this is why most cases settle.
babybiglaw
This is kind of just how big law is. But on the money front, many firms will reimburse for canceled vacations. It still sucks on the “I really need a vacation” front, but it’s nice to not lose a ton of money.
OP
How does this work? I think I need to look into this for the future. It seems reasonable to me that the firm would pay for non refundable costs if he can’t join us.
babybiglaw
My firm fronts it as a benefit. My firm also values vacation time so most people never end up using it. But, if you have to work such that you have to cancel a vacation, they refund you out of pocket costs (hotel, airfare, tickets, etc.). Most of the time, they do whatever is required to avoid someone having to cancel their vacation. All of that said, the onus is on the associate to plan ahead, remind the powers that be of upcoming OOO, and advocate for themselves if they have to cancel.
Anon
You should be booking everything refundable. Airlines no longer charge change fees. Most hotels offer a refundable rate that is usually no more than 10% higher than the cheapest rate. The only things I can think of that are impossible to book refundable are cruises, and those are really hard for a Big Law lawyer to take anyway. I haven’t booked anything non-refundable for a vacation in years, first because of Big Law and then little kids who frequently got sick.
anon
Yes, this is how it is. It’s part of why the compensation is so high. You’re supposed to use that money to book refundable things that you can cancel/reschedule as needed. As someone on the transactional side, I’m actually jealous of litigators who at least usually have some sense of a heads up as to when a vacation might be a bad idea, on the transactional side, it can come out of no where (although in my case, I’ve had clients pay to move my vacation so there’s that)
Anonymous
To be clear — this is how litigation is. It would be the same, maybe worse, if he were in a smaller firm. In BigLaw, there is the prospect of having back-up who can cover for you. In a smaller firm that doesn’t exist. I want to clear this up so you don’t sit down at the dinner table tonight and encourage your husband to move to a smaller firm. You, and he, will be in for a rude awakening if you think that will make a litigator available to travel the week before trial or, frankly, be able to plan his schedule with confidence nine months in advance. That said, when he gets to be lead counsel, in most courts, he can give notice of upcoming travel and that will avoid having the trial set on that date. That might happen sooner if he is at a big firm, but it will also mean he is lead counsel rather than a cog in a wheel with many redundant cogs doing the same work and the rest of his life may be more burdened because of that.
Anonymous
*sooner if he is at a small firm.
Anon
+1 from a government litigator. This is a feature of litigation, not just BigLaw.
Anon
Yes. That is what the money is for.
Anon
Almost all cases settle, but it often isn’t until the last minute so you still need to do all of the prep work as if you were going to trial. My husband has trials about once a year, and we plan for him being unavailable for two weeks prior, and during the entire trial time. When feasible, I take that same time off of work (or reduce my schedule) since I know I’ll be solo-parenting and also doing stuff for him that he normally manages independently or on a team with me (laundry, kid pick-up, etc.). Those can be 20-hour days. He’ll sometimes sleep at the office. Granted, he’s first chair and primarily responsible for some of the things that a larger firm could push off to associates or staff, but it’s still an all-consuming kind of thing.
So – I wouldn’t count on him being able to make that trip – decide how you want to proceed based on assuming he’s unavailable.
No Face
Plan the trip, but be comfortable with him not going if the case actually goes to trial. Trials get unexpectedly continued or cases settle unexpectedly all the time. I’ve had a case settle 14 hours before trial was supposed to start. I had a trial set for this March that was 95% sure to happen, and now the opposing counsel on the other side retired and the party needs time to find new counsel and get them up to speed on years of litigation. Jury trials set for this week were just postponed in one of my jurisdictions because of COVID. You just never know.
The script for the other family members is “husband won’t be able to come if his case goes to trial, but will join us if something changes with the case.”
Anonymous
Has anyone heard yet about a 4th booster for elderly/etc? Yay for the new omicron variant I guess.
Cornellian
I know immunocomprised have already been eligible for fourth shots. To me the guidance is unclear on additional boosters because the CDC seems to be saying every 5 (rather than 6) months, and that would be coming up soon for some elderly folks. Now that Israel has released their big study on efficacy, I imagine official guidance is coming here.
I think as a practical matter they could definitely get a fourth now. I took my son to get his and the pharmacist asked if I wanted mine. I said I didn’t have my card and he said he’d just make me a new one. I didn’t do it, but you probably could.
txblue
I’m not elderly (only 33) but I am immunocompromised and according to my hematologist I am eligible for a 2nd booster on Feb 1st which is about 6 months after I had the last one.
AnonMPH
That’s different. Technically if you are immunocompromised, your third dose was part of your primary series, because of the data that shows that those who are immunocompromised didn’t mount as strong a response to two doses as they did to three. Your fourth dose will be your first booster. For everyone else, the third dose was a booster, because they had equivalent protection from two doses to your three. Even for the elderly.
anon
I’m looking for a couple of work-appropriate dresses that will get me through a weight-loss period. I’m actively working on it, and pants are so unforgiving. Currently a size 12/14, pear shaped. Any ideas? I’m trying to stay away from sheaths. Those are hard to fit even in the best of times. A streamlined A-line, not flouncy, is what I’m looking for.
Anon
I went to MMLF and bought some sleeveless dresses on a good sale (or maybe it was on posh?) a size up and threw a blazer or sweater-jacket (like the J Crew Juliet) over it and it was an OK look. Not great, but got me through when nothing else fit. I’m a pear also.
ElisaR
i just discovered that MMLF has a section for previously owned clothes. I bought a jardigan much cheaper than it would have been full price…. i was very happy!
Anon
I know not everyone loves it, but I think the Karen Kane Cascade Wrap is perfect for this! I’m a cusp-size hourglass and I love it. I also could see it still working post-weight loss. Good luck!
NYNY
The Lands End ponte dresses may be exactly what you want. They’re more a shift than sheath style, so a streamlined shape, but not as fitted. Also worth checking out Talbots and Boden.
Cornellian
+1 I really like these, and wore them a lot when pregnant/coming back. Heads up that I’d call their sizing generous (but their charts accurate), and as a long torsoed person the waist was a bit above where was ideal for me.
Anonymous
+ 1 to Lands End being for the short waisted.
Anonymous
This one of the times a true wrap dress is very handy, you can tighten it almost a size as time goes and you’ll be okay.
Boden usually has some that are not super flouncy every season, Hobbs as well.
Anonymous
I like the Chaus dresses for this. They fit a pear really well.
anon
I’m back in the office for the first time in 3 weeks, thanks to Covid making the rounds through my household, kid quarantines, etc. I’m glad to be back but feel unmoored, like I’m coming back to work for the first time since the pandemic. Also had forgotten how much effort it takes just to get packed and ready to go for the day, ugh.
Anonna
This is me too today! Commiseration.
Anon
It’s so quiet today with just me working… Like, it’s very weird that the Baby hasn’t tried to steal my mouse at all today.
Also, I may have to bring my daycare flowers/coffee/wine/muffins tomorrow morning.
Anon
I am a bit bitter on single-test COVID tests. I love the 2-packs: one for the immediate negative test and one for the +36 hour confirmatory test. Next round of this I pray we don’t have an odd number of tests on hand. No one really believes the first negative home test.
Anon
In the US, it’s (finally) easy to get the at home tests again. I stocked up on the w-packs and just printed out the form for the new insurance reimbursement. BC BS is requiring that the reimbursement claim include the UPC cut from each test kit box. I guess this is intended to prevent returns or resale of the test kits, but it is inconvenient.
Anon
2-packs, not w-packs.
anon for this
A not-local friend is having a miscarriage after a few brutal IVF cycles; any suggestions for what to do for her?
aBr
Anything – send her flowers, send her cookies, send her a hilariously inappropriate card. This is one of those situations where just acknowledging the moment is better than having a “perfect” gift basket to send.
Anon
100% agree with above. Just be there and send something (flowers, chocolate, cookies, fruit basket) to acknowledge what she is going through.
anon
I just lived this. There honestly wasn’t much that made me feel better. Gift cards for take out or flowers are totally fine and probably a good option. I treated myself to a facial a few days after it happened, so if you know of a place near her, maybe that? Just make the friend know you’re thinking of her. I spent a lot of time alone, sometimes processing things other times just being mentally blank, if that makes sense. Check ins/texts and not expecting responses back is also good. I had one well-intentioned friend check in multiple times a day and “got concerned” when I didn’t text back and went to my other friends and my husband, and then back to me until I responded — not remotely helpful. I had moments of wanting to talk about it but mostly did not want to relive what I experienced over and over again.
Cornellian
I miscarried recently (but wasn’t trying so probably wasn’t as heartbroken as some folks may be), and I agree that any acknowledgment would be nice.
My hormones went crazy from IUD –> IUD plus pregnant –> pregnant, no IUD –> miscarrying –> methotrexate, and my skin has been a weird teenaged nightmare, so maybe a facial/spa gift cert or something like that would be nice if it’s up her alley/covid risk tolerance.
Anonymous
Tax question- We have fairly straightforward taxes but a decent amount of investment income, and made a mistake and owned money a few years ago when I moved it from one bank to another. DC area, any recommendations for someone who could do them for us so we don’t have to worry about mistakes like this? My husband used to do it with Turbotax, but doesn’t want to anymore, and I sure don’t want to pick it up.
AZCPA
So owing money at tax time isn’t a mistake – if you don’t meet the safe harbor for paying in tax you may owe some penalties that’s one thing, but the amount of investment income where those would be meaningful (e.g. more than a couple hundred dollars) is a LOT.
If you do have that level of investment income – and the penalties you could pay are as much or more than you are going to pay in tax prep fees – make sure you are looking for someone who will do tax planning with you throughout the year, since just prepping your return at tax time won’t avoid interest, penalties, etc. So no specific recommendation, but that should guide what you are looking for when you talk to potential tax pros.
Anon in Arlington
Lamonaca & Williamson in Falls Church.
Don Williamson is a real mensch and is the Executive Director of the Kogod Tax Center at A.U., where he teaches a tax practice course. But he’s not an academic — he has had this small CPA practice for many years.
AZCPA
If you are meaning that you left income off you return because you moved investment houses mid-year and was assessed tax by the IRS after you filed your return, that isn’t the sort of mistake a tax pro can prevent either – they have to rely on your providing data, so if you don’t give them all your investment income information, you would still get a notice and owe tax/penalties.
Loose Tea Recs
Does anyone have a recommendation for good loose tea I can purchase online?
Anon
Upton Tea
Anonymous
I love Mighty Leaf!
Jo April
Adagio.
BB
Rishi tea – independent, based in Milwaukee and very high quality tea!
Anon B
New Mexico Tea Company
anon101
Equitea, a BIPOC owned high quality small batch provider I buy from
PolyD
Harney, especially if you like a variety of unflavored black teas.
Anonymous
Harney and sons. I can share a $5 credit if you’re interested.
Anon
I’m interested!
anon
TeaSource
More Sleep Would Be Nice
Just want to share – after the most challenging ~2 years and not taking care of myself/exercising (moved to new city, new job, pandemic, unexpected pregnancy, marriage problems, parent death, newborn/breastfeeding…) I started dipping my toe back to fitness in November. Since my mid 20’s I’ve been a pretty consistent exerciser so this was an anomaly for me.
I’ve been tracking food where I can on WW. I’ve lost some weight, not NEAR where I want to be. But I’ve noticed changes – less sugar cravings! Enjoying salads! Etc. etc. And finally I feel like I’m in a headspace to do proper intermittent fasting (which I’ve had luck with in the past). Most of my clothes don’t fit, but last week my jeans actually came over my legs/butt which was a win. Hopefully they button up soon :)
I welcome any commiseration, words of wisdom, similar experience!
anon
Right there with you! I started tracking on MFP only 2 weeks ago. I’m also craving less sugar and feel less bloated. I’m making better choices and have cut way down on snacking (my nemesis more than the meals themselves). I also wish my clothes fit better, but that will come in time. I hate all the current styles so much that getting back into the old clothes that I enjoy is actually a huge motivator right now.
OP
BAHAHAH Same. DH and I were traveling last week and after observing someone at the airport, he was like “Please don’t ever wear Mom jeans”, and I responded with “Given my non-existent torso, I think my forever sweet spot will be high-waisted skinnies.” I’m 38 to give context, so definitely in the IDGAF about trends I don’t like, I know what works for me phase.
Anon
Hard same, low rise or die for me.
Nina
I started tracking on the LoseIt app about a month ago and have lost ~3 lbs. I think I had a hangup with MFP after trying/failing to use it for years, and I like the layout of this app better. I think I’ve stopped the random cravings and buying cookies with my coffee etc, which was likely half the problem. I’ve also been entertained that 2 of my biggest drops in weight happened after nights when I’d been drinking. I was checking my weight every other day but really sometimes it just drops at once.
Nina
Also, funnily enough, I’ve started dating a guy who doesn’t eat much. I feel like this is going to be a benefit over the times when a guy eats much more than you and you kind of keep up with him and then gain weight.
Anonymous
This is real. I lost weight just as I was starting to date my last BF. I credit the long-lasting maintenance of the loss with the fact that we never went to restaurants on dates/ate meals together.
anon101
In a similar boat, had a baby during pandemic and zero intentional exercise/movement for 2 years. I just started by doing gentle yoga 2x a week to ease my way in as a small microhabit (not so small for me to keep it routine!), and it’s been doing wonders for my flexibility and mental resilience. I recommend starting gentle/easy/small before diving into bootcamp or high cardio if that seems overwhelming to start (it was for me). Then once that’s an established habit you can amp up and add days or swap for higher effort workouts.
Deedee
Any reccs for great books about pregnancy and/or parenting? I know Emily Oster, so have read hers! TIA
Deedee
Oh, I should have said I’m also interested in great parenting or children’s books oriented toward queer families. I was raised by lesbian parents but my relationship, while not straight, passes. I’m interested in perspectives about talking to children about sexuality, conception by donor, gender ID, family structures etc.
Anon
Okay, can I have a moment to say: being a manager is HARD. Being a decent manager is really hard. Being a decent manager who is understaffed, respects staff boundaries, keeps their sanity, and still meets deadlines is nearly impossible.
Doing all this and having staff try and take advantage of you? Awful.
Sara
+1!
Away Game
+2
Anonymous
ladies, how much have you spent for window treatments for your house/a new house?
I’m getting quotes that are higher than I feel like spending, but also, I think I’m just being cheap.
If you don’t mind sharing ballpark costs and the type of treatments that would be awesome, and help me to just pull the trigger.
Anon
I like curtains, and generally spend 1-2 hundred for a standard size window. My sense is that it’s more expensive if you want something besides curtains.
Fed
First house, I did Next Day Blinds it was $4000 for a small bungalow (7 windows) and they messed up the order, leaving my toddlers sleeping in bright light for weeks. This house? I did custom measurements on Levolor cordless cellular blinds through Home Depot. Averaged 200-350 a window, depending on size and whether I did blackout. We have beautiful casing on the windows and did not do drapes.
Cat
+1 for the Levelor going rate, obviously varies by size and fabric / darkness level.
Anon
We did custom shutters on a new build 1,300 sq foot home last year and spent $12K to do the entire house. Also, they took about three times as long as they did when we ordered similar shutters for another home shortly before COVID.
anon
Curtains – $100 – $200 per panel. Good luck at pottery barn/crate and barrel and I converted all the curtains to drapery pins so it looks more custom. We have a lot of windows, I prefer not to think about total cost. Otherwise, I’ve gotten roman shades from SelectBlinds ($150) that I was pleasantly surprised with for the price. The Bali ones are certainly nicer ($300) on the mechanism, Select Blinds worked on the lead time I needed.
Anon 2.0
This is always one of those things that costs more than you are expecting. I need to order a new blind for the single window in my basement den and was shocked to find it will cost around $300 for a single roman shade.
Another Anon
We just ordered window treatments – I commiserate, it felt really expensive to us, and we went back on forth on if it was worth it. We ended up decided that it was worth it since we are in a condo on the lower levels of city brownstone and would like to open/close daily since it can be kind of like a fish bowl otherwise. We also have some really tall/large windows (like two are 12x12feet) that would be hard to deal with otherwise. We did automated shades from Lutron (who are on the high end of pricing) and it was about $25K for 15 windows including the two giant ones. We are excited for them to be installed now that we decided to go forward, and I think it will be really nice to be able to set them on a daily schedule. I know people in similar sized condos who spent almost double what we did for fancy fabrics.
Anon
This comment lets me know just how insanely out of my tax bracket so many women on this site are. $25k is how much it would cost to replace the WINDOWS in my 2k sq ft sfh(multistory), it is out of the realm of imagination to spend that on voluntary decorations just for windows – even if I could I wouldn’t.
cake
I feel like window treatments are one of those things that everyone wants to cheap out on (me too! they’re so expensive!) but if you spring for good ones, they make your house look so polished and high end.
I’ve gotten some custom cellular blinds for our house for about 100-250 each window depending on size. I go cheap on curtains (like amazon or tj maxx cheap) but hem them to the ground and make sure to get nicer thicker rods because they’re more high impact than those skinny little rods that bow in the middle.
Anonymous
they’re always absurdly expensive. I believe it was $1600 for 9 windows in our house (top down bottom up shades from Bali that we absolutely love). We got a discount through Costco for ours, might look into if you’re doing a lot at once.
pugsnbourbon
Putting in another plug for top-down/bottom-up shades. We are (slowly) replacing our ugly blinds with these and they are great – nice middle ground for privacy and light.
Anon
I would second Costco, as they were great, both with respect to quality and price.
Anon
Several hundred per window, and that’s just for raw materials from Joanne’s. My mom is an expert seamstress and made all my curtains custom, at no labor cost. (Also, whoever eventually buys my house is going to have to deal with bare windows, because these are all going with me, whether they fit the new place or not.)
Anon
Yeah, I’m probably no where as good as your mom, but I’m a capable sewist/seamstress. Making curtains is 400% worth the time for me. I have custom made almost all the curtains/valances in our house, but mine were probably much different fabrics/sizes.
We also have the cordless Home Depot/Lowe’s blinds and they’re great. Those as a blackout shade + a valance across the top is my go-to for high child rooms. You ask why? Well. As someone who has witnessed a toddler George of the Jungle-ing their body across the room using the curtains as stunt straps… that’s why.
Agurk
Do you have any resources you recommend for this? Tutorials etc? I’m a newish but competent sewist with 50 windows to do…
Formerly Lilly
Not Anon at 1:03, but I am not a seamstress, don’t sew anything but curtains, and have had wonderful results filling the instructions in (don’t laugh) The Laura Ashley Book of Home Decorating. Check a brick and mortar library for a copy. My unskilled hands have repeated produced beautifully mitered corners that lay perfectly flat as a result of using this book.
Formerly Lilly
The only thing I sew is curtains. It’s still expensive because nice fabric is expensive and you need a lot of fabric.
IL
About $540 total of Ikea cellular blinds (18 standard size windows × $28/window). It was far and away the best value, and it looks fine. We get tons of compliments about our house from strangers and friends, so it clearly isn’t distracting from the overall look.
Anon
This is why I’ve kept the draperies from three living spaces ago (house bought by ex, we moved, I left him, he died, I moved again). Silk, two layers, enough to cover a good size acreage of windows…
Anonymous
One more tip if you’re still reading, OP – temporary stick-on shades are fine while you get to know the house! We had them up for the first year and know that some rooms get crazy sun in spring, some only for 30-45 minutes in the afternoon… some rooms were too dark even with the white temporary shades. It was helpful and cheap.
Anonymous
Looking for recommendations for professional development trainings that help with leadership skills, public speaking, and/or learning the basics of creating budgets. Thank you!
Anon
Toastmasters
Anon for this
Recs for online (live or recorded) fitness programs? I like kickboxing, cardio, dance cardio. I didn’t take to the Peloton app. Just started using FitOn (free version) fitness app — it’s pretty good for kickboxing, not so great for dance cardio.
Deliberating paying for FitOn or trying Obe Fitness. Anyone here use Obe Fitness?
I would normally initiate a trial, but I saw reviews saying that cancelling Obe Fitness is a nightmare and can only be accomplished by phone.
Anon
Beachbody on demand.
Bonnie Kate
The programs are really good on Beachbody on demand. I did Morning Meltdown 100 (20-30 min workouts that I did not do in the mornings because I don’t do morning workouts) and highly recommend it. I LOVE Jericho. There’s weights too in there.
I’ve also down Liift 4 and like it a lot. A friend is doing 645 right now and really likes it a lot; I’ve done a few of the workouts with her and they are really good! I completed Barre Blend and did not like it so much, but it was effective; I had noticeable lower body toning. I hate lower body workouts though so it’s not surprising I didn’t love Barre Blend; I felt it was basically all lower body.
Anonymous
Fitness Blender has some kickboxing workouts. I don’t think it is their strength, but they are free. They also have a lot of HIIT and HIIT with weights workouts (I would say that is their strength), as well as some other forms of cardio. Nothing dance-y though.
Anonymous
I did Obe fitness for a while – they have tons of boxing and dance cardio so if that’s your thing it’s definitely worth checking out.
Ribena
For dance fitness I love EMKFit, although it’s not a ‘programme’ per se
Carrots
+1 to EMKFit – she’s been really great for coming up with different variety of themes and has a huge back catalogue of videos you can check out since she’s started posted in March 2020. Her videos are usually 20-25, so depending on time, I’ll do either one or two.
nutella
I really liked Obe for the prenatal and post-natal Barre programs. Pre-pandemic I used to do an in-person Barre every week and loved it and Obe was the best/closest to the moves in that class. They also had SO many of them, which was not the case for other apps for prenatal-friendly barre. I think dance cardio is more their speciality, so I bet they have even more of those. I did cancel recently because I just wasn’t doing it as much/able to carve out time with a baby around and when I have time am more interested in a slower/more gentle “flow” and do Melissa Wood.
Monday
Forward Space!
Anon 2.0
Not necessarily a program, but Blogilates has a 30 day free workout course on Youtube for beginner Pilates.
Not as New Here
BodyFit by Amy on YouTube. All are free and its a great mix – cardio, barre, strength, pilates, etc.
I get her newsletter. She sends a monthly calendar you can follow, and each week will send an email with some good info and links to this week’s workouts. Mosst of the workouts are 30 – 40 minutes long, which I have found is my max for at-home workouts at 6 AM. She does have longer ones on her channel
anon
I tried Les Mills few years back when they had a free 30d trial and stayed with it for the last 3-4 years. They have all: spinning [3 different programs], weights, HIIT, regular cardio, kickboxing, core, fusion yoga/pilates/core, dance…. I use Core, Spinning, BodyPump [weights] on regular weekly rotation. They also have multiple workout plans in case you are into that.
The programs are well thought out, great instructors, great music, I had zero interest to look for anything else since.
HELOC to finance house purchase?
Want to make sure I’m not missing anything regarding house financing. We looked into opening a HELOC to help with pulling out equity from our current as needed to cover a downpayment in case we didn’t sell ours before closing on the new one. We could stretch current funds to cover the 20% we’d like to put down, but having a HELOC will give us some cushion. We expected to have a max line of credit from our credit union of $100K based on equity we have in the house and what we perceived to be the current market value, but our credit union says we could open with a credit limit up to $150K. We would never, ever use that much — at the very most, half that, and that’s if we really max out our budget — but I’m wondering if there are downsides to asking to have the HELOC opened at the $150K limit. Would it affect what we would be able to borrow for the new house? We have no debt, outside of our current mortgage and student loans, and 800+ credit scores. Thanks for any input!
Anon
I know nothing about finance, but taking out a loan for the down payment for a new loan doesn’t seem like a great idea.
Anon
Agree not the best — obviously all cash on hand is the best course forward — but isn’t essentially no different from a cash-out refinance? People do those all the time and it’s pulling equity out of your house that you already have. I imagine this is especially popular in markets where there are tons of no-contingency offers.
anon
This is actually a commonly executed strategy. Whether or not it’s a good idea is completely dependent on the sale probability and expected pricing of the first owned home.
AZCPA
Definitely talk to whomever you plan to use to finance the new house before doing this. While it’s tied to the existing home, some lenders see any new debt as a problem during the home buying period.
Formerly Lilly
Have you talked to your lender about a bridge loan? Unless you are selling in a stagnant market it should be a feasible option.
Anon
We did it but it was dicey. The HELOC bank wanted to pull the HELOC when they saw we were selling the house and starting a new mortgage. The traditional solution is a bridge loan. Don’t work with a single bank. Work with a reputable mortgage broker. They will know what to do.
Cornellian
It has its risks but is done. You need to make sure buying a new home and moving your residence and selling the old home aren’t events under the loan, which they very well may be. You also can also deduct interest on one home loan, so you wouldn’t want to mess that up.
I’d work with a broker or attorney, and not just find a lender online.
Anonymous
I just did this and our lender requested/suggested we use the HELOC route as opposed to a bridge loan. It was smooth, beyond the multiple closings part. I was terrified for about 3 weeks between closing on the purchase of the new place and the sale of the current where I suddenly owned $2m+ worth of property, but we closed and everything was paid off and it went just fine.
A case of the gloomies
Anyone else just not feeling it lately? I have zero motivation to do anything right now, even though I have a million and one things to do. I hate my job and I’m in grad school to change careers, which is great, but also incredibly time consuming. I live alone but somehow manage to have a constant mess around me (I blame the cat) and struggle to keep up with even basic chores. I’ve had an allergy flare for almost a month now (it’s not covid) and I’m exhausted, wake up miserable so my sleep isn’t great, and going for walks, which is one of my favorite covid past times, just makes it worse. I see my parents, who are older and high risk, often so I try to stay as safe as possible without becoming a hermit. I’m very active in taking care of my mental health (therapy, meds, journaling, etc), I just need some concrete, tangible things to look forward to that don’t involve me watching Netflix on my couch.
Anon
not the exact same (i have a spouse and two young kids), but i’ve also just been feeling very blech. and i’ve been lucky to (knock on wood) have decent childcare throughout the pandemic so far. by the time i put the kids to sleep i feel so drained that i end up watching tv/scrolling on my phone and raiding the pantry which is not good for my waistline. sometimes i feel like everyone else i know has developed some amazing new skill, picked up a consistent exercise routine or lost 20lbs over the past almost two years, while i’ve been more of a netflix and chill
Anon
I am sinking. My attention span and patience have never been lower, so while I’ve dealt with worse workloads in the past, my ability to handle them is completely shot. If this were 2010 I would be killing it at work, but this version of me is clinging by my fingernails.
I think seeing everything go so horribly wrong (both in society at a macro level and in my own family at a micro level) has destroyed my ability to tolerate BS. I used to suck it up at work and force my way through the circlejerk of project management hoops, knowing that the end result was what mattered. Now I have lost all ability to tolerate the useless parts of the job, which isn’t going to be helped by jumping to another company.
anon
Ooh, your second paragraph is so true. I’m not sure how to get back to a place where I truly care.
Cornellian
Both of these paragraphs are so true. I’m doing like 1/3 as much work as I have at other points of my life, and I am not killing it. I struggle a lot with anger and cynicism about the general world state, as well.
Bonnie Kate
This is me too 100% – “My attention span and patience have never been lower, so while I’ve dealt with worse workloads in the past, my ability to handle them is completely shot.”
I keep trying to tell myself it’s just a season. I’m similar to the OP, my mental strength is really pretty good, but I’m just really lacking focus so much.
Anon
Yeah, just about every January.
Seventh Sister
Right there with you. Last weekend would have been a weekend where I met up with my college friends for a lounge-around-and-drink-fest in a beautiful midcentury house, but we cancelled because of omicron. Instead, I got to go on a Girl Scout hike which was pleasant enough except I had to hear all about how our local public middle school is so inferior to the local private schools, which I cannot afford and it just makes my anxiety spiral like mad. I just hate the idea that I’m not doing right by my kids.
I just feel so frustrated and depressed, even though everything is going mostly right in my life, like nothing is ever going to get any better or change very much.
txblue
I don’t know your life or your circumstances but as a high schooler I remember wishing I got to go to the fancy private school in the next town over instead of our local public school that was right next to a working dairy farm and smelled like it and had a massively high poverty rate, but today I am grateful that I know how to work with people of all walks and that my high school friends still have such incredibly varied and interesting lives.
My parents did spend lots of time and energy tutoring me at home, driving me to debate meets because the school didn’t have a budget for more than the district and regionals and supplementing my life.
Seventh Sister
I’d love it if my kids did debate in high school! I’m grateful for my high school experience for similar reasons. It wasn’t a diverse or forward-thinking place, but I certainly learned how to get along with a lot of different people AND I wasn’t unprepared for college. I actually did quite well even though most of my classmates had gone to private schools or elite public schools (exam schools and high schools in $$$ areas). My kids are already better than I was about getting along with different people and are really easygoing (but assertive) in a lot of situations.
I definitely do a lot of driving and helping them do activities. Right now both kids are doing sort-of-serious ballet, oldest takes private violin lessons, both kids do music classes / ensembles in schools. One does Scouts. The ballet kids (and church kids) are a mix of public and private school students, and I wouldn’t be able to tell which is which from hanging out with them. I think I’m just nervous about the eldest starting high school.
An.On.
These aren’t really long term solutions (nothing solves the oppressive weight of the world right now), and you’re definitely not alone, but here’s a few ideas for some short-lived happiness at least:
1. Schedule a day off work – just wallow in sloth (or spend it cleaning your home, so you have a tidy space, whichever you prefer)
2. Mini goals – last year I tried to cook at least one new recipe from each of my cookbooks, instead of relying on old favorites
3. Normally, get outside, but if walks are out, can you do a nice bath routine? Face mask, lotion socks, etc
4. Pace yourself on Netflix. Find a good show and watch no more than 1-2 episodes at a time, so you have something to anticipate
5. Reach out to friends – Zoom/handwritten cards/texts
6. Small activities (jigsaw puzzle? logic puzzles? coloring book? bead art kit? whatever it is, again, pace yourself)
*I also drink limoncello to clear out my nasal passages, YMMV
Anon
Good Morning! Looking for any recommendations for a sixtieth birthday present for my Dad. He loves sports, wine, and books (nonfiction). Difficult to shop for generally. I also don’t live close by so would need to be something that can be shipped. TIA!
Cat
On-theme — can you find a wonderful bottle of wine from his birth year?
Senior Attorney
Generally wine isn’t going to last that long. You’d probably end up with a bottle of port or similar if you can find it at all. Relatedly, though, this is fun: https://www.etsy.com/listing/1093914051/vintage-1962-etched-11oz-whiskey-rocks?
And I don’t know if it would be his thing, but I’m close to his age and the best nonfiction book I read last year was How the Word is Passed by Clint Smith. Also if he hasn’t read The Boys in the Boat, that might be a good one, too.
Senior Attorney
And oh, look! They have a wine glass, too! https://www.etsy.com/listing/1080024202/vintage-1962-etched-16oz-stemmed-wine?
Anon 2.0
Top Golf gift certificate is there is a location in his area?
Anon
I recommend avoiding those custom-made “your birth year” books you can order from the river site and similar places. We got one for my uncle and it was cheap trash, plus my uncle (tactlessly) pointed out that it was pointless because nobody remembers what happened when they were a baby.
Anon
For my dad’s 60th we got him the NYT birthday book. It’s beautiful to look at and it was a big hit.
Anonymous
Tickets to a sporting event.
Leatty
Check out Uncommon Goods. They have some great custom books you could order. For example, they have a book that is filled with the cover pages of NYT front pages from his birthday, or something sportsball related.
Anonymous
What about a sport biography paired with some really nice Brunello wine?
Maybe something he doesn’t know in detail, but could learn about, like cricket (Bob Willis: a Cricketer and a Gentleman) or cycling (Mark Cavendish: Tour de Force).
Or something to do with the Winter Olympics, which is fast approaching? (Boys of Winter: The Untold Story of a Coach, a Dream, and the 1980 U.S. Olympic Hockey Team)
Sixty is also a time of life where genealogy suddenly gets more interesting. Is there a particular history or family background that might be interesting to him to learn more about, and maybe share with the rest of the family later?
Anon
Eternally stuck in m0d:
I recommend avoiding those custom-made “your birth year” books you can order from the river s1te and similar places. We got one for my uncle and it was cheap trash, plus my uncle (tactlessly) pointed out that it was pointless because nobody remembers what happened when they were a baby.