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Coffee Break: Lisbeth Necklace

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necklace of gold plated sterling silver, labradorite, garnet, peridot, iolite, freshwater pearl.

Labradorite is one of my favorite semi-precious stones, so it isn't surprising that I keep coming back to this necklace and a number of the other labradorite pieces Chan Luu has on their website.

This one features gold plated sterling silver, labradorite, garnet, peridot, iolite, freshwater pearl — and garnet is my birthstone, so it's like it was meant to be, right?

(Hmmn, one of my kids' birthstones is peridot, so that counts even more, right?)

The necklace is $125, at Chan Luu.

Sales of note for 5/23/25:

112 Comments

  1. So quiet here about Harvard, Big Law $$$ pay-offs to Trump vs. fighting, and recent Trump resistance to following Court decisions.

    1. It’s all disgusting. I feel completely paralyzed. We’re the proverbial frog in the pot of water slowly (but actually quickly now) coming to a boil. This is how democracy dies. There are no checks, no balances.

          1. Sorry if it came across as rude. It is actually a serious question about what value is to be had with this kind of discussion/despair at a fashion blog? Do you know?

          2. I am not the og question asker, but since the comments here cover all aspects of life – I don’t feel that the og comment is out of place.

            Some people want to talk to others about what is happening in the world. I do – I have a group chat with my friends where we talk about it. My husband does not – I don’t talk about it with him because I respect his boundary.

            If you don’t want to talk about it, don’t engage. But I don’t think you are the governing body of the comments – so don’t discourage someone else’s desire to talk about something. I see lots of comments I don’t care to engage in, I don’t leave snarky comments about them.

          3. @Annony but if she wants to talk about them she can just talk about them, not complain that others aren’t doing it right.

          4. @anonymous the question was whether or not this was an appropriate topic for this blog, not whether or not the way in which the og commenter asked was appropriate.

            Tbh, It’s opened up a discussion so it kinda did achieve the point I think the og commenter was looking for.

          5. I think it can be problematic that discussions on these topics don’t have much purpose or aren’t very informative here. It becomes a bunch of anxiety dumps and vents that aren’t good for anyone’s mental health (including the posters themselves). It doesn’t forward a cause. Because the intent at this blog is to have a place for open posting I guess? So people just let out their most desperate thoughts.

          6. I would argue that it’s the determination of the mods themselves as to what is appropriate and not for this particular site – it’s not a complete free for all.

            Also, I don’t think blanket speaking about other ppl’s mental health is helpful here there are many ways to handle stress, and perhaps this is one for this commenter. If you don’t want to engage then don’t?

      2. Paralyzed is the right word. It’s so upsetting but I actually don’t known what I can/should be doing, if anything.

      1. No kidding. Not to mention the fact that anyone is free to start a post about any of these things at any time lol. I don’t understand anything about this complaint.

        2. There are a zillion non-fashion related threads on any one post on this site. I hope you go around commenting this on all of them.

          1. I love reading the non fashion threads, and I even enjoy the occasional take on current events. But if I wanted to read news analysis, there are tons of websites for that. General life and career advice, even on heavier topics, is not so one-note DOOM as the hand-wringing about democracy. (And to be clear, I hate what the trump administration is doing to the country, I just don’t want it to ruin my brain breaks, too. It’s like Natasha on SATC: not only have you ruined my marriage, you’ve ruined my lunch!)

          2. same. The fashion blog of it all is not why I come here. I learn a ton of things from y’all.

        4. It’s a blog for smart driven women, which often offers fun fashion advice. Many posters do not comment about fashion. They comment on a variety of topics. Some ask for advice. Our failing democracy is a terrifying, in-your-face thing happening today and to suggest that mentioning it is not appropriate is frankly, weird.

          1. No, to suggest that it’s the other members of the chat who should be doing a better job of taking the lead on this topic here is what is WEIRD. Maybe we’re just doing it in more appropriate places OR she could go anywhere that focuses on politics to find these conversations OR she could open up a discussion about it herself.

    4. Honestly, I think we’re all kind of exhausted, and it feels pointless to keep saying “this is bad y’all” over and over.

          3. IIRC water bottles were deemed professional many years ago but I’m not sure if that advice is outdated….. asking the real questions over here!

          5. Ick? I think it’s gentle meta humor about the sub, not an attack on users who ask these sorts of questions. Assume good intentions!

          6. I think the intent is way different from the impact here.

            I don’t post about any of those things but if I did, I would feel like I was being made fun of based on this thread. It’s virtually impossible to read intent or tone in internet comments.

        2. I just want to know if anyone is having any relationship problems. And also where I should travel to next.

          1. What about me?? I’m really frugal and don’t know where to put my gobs of extra cash??

          2. My relationship problems are equally horrifying and entertaining. Picture a mariachi band playing next to a dumpster fire.

          5. If objecting to making fun of others means I have to touch grass, then I shall do that.

            Being mean/petty doesn’t get you very far.

        4. For anyone who thinks it’s petty to take a break … no, it’s a basic necessity to take breaks and there’s plenty of research on that.

          1. It’s petty to mock other people who come and ask questions. But that’s cool, mean girl it up.

          2. How is it mocking her to say that I come here to take a break not to lead discussion on politics? It’s a fact.

          3. This break does me much more good than further immersion in the political turmoil, so I’m glad there’s a place to take a break even though these things are also discussed in the mix. It doesn’t seem reasonable to be disappointed in us for not doing it more?

          4. Anon @ 4:50

            The only place I see petty being mentioned was about comments that seem to be making fun of comment topics posted by others. I don’t see anyone saying taking a break is petty.

    5. So much of my internet activity involves these issues. I would like a safe haven please.

      1. Wouldn’t that be a time to scroll on by tho? This isn’t a safe haven – it’s an internet blog with all sorts of commenters who post different things based on their interests.

        1. If OP just made a comment about those topics, I would scroll by. She seems to be asking why we aren’t talking about those topics, or implying that we are somehow wrong for not discussing them. I am simply explaining why I don’t here.

          The good long rant I had about those topics in person with a coworker was much better than people anxiety dumping here.

    6. I’ve been in 4-alarm fire for years now. At this point it’s become clear I have no power, and I’m hoping that the 50% if the country that voted for this has a better silo of understanding than I do.

      Or, that whatever we build in the future after everything collapses, doesn’t have an electoral college. I think we’re seeing what a weak system we have in a lot of respects right now actually.

    7. I have so many opinions on this, am completely revolted, scared, disappointed, appalled, etc. But TBH, I haven’t felt inclined to talk about it much on the internet, or even with my partner because I feel so saturated with it already. I vent with friends occasionally, but we’re not talking about it all the time. We all read the news. We all see what’s going on. And I feel like I don’t even know what to say that I haven’t already said, and it’s on top of 20+ years of sounding the alarm about republican antics, etc. So my lack of discussion here isn’t a reflection of not caring, or not paying attention. I just don’t know what purpose is served by writing out novellas in this forum.

      1. Not about Harvard. I made one brief mention the other day and got I think one comment in response.

    9. I agree. There hasn’t been enough talk on a blog where tons of lawyers read and are generally politically active. You have the right to that opinion and to post it here.

      1. And she has! She’s just mad she’s not getting engagement, but it’s not like everyone else is wrong to not participate in something they don’t want to.

  2. What to wear to a training conference for criminal defense attorneys? I am speaking one day, just attending the next. It’s been a while since I attended one of these things.

    1. suit the day you’re speaking. corporate casual or suit the others. these things tend to be cold, i like layers.

    2. When I was on the speaker circuit, I wore the kinds of nice dresses that would not necessarily be for court. My favorite was a tweed Brooks Brothers dress with no sleeves. If you are sitting, pants and a beautiful blouse is better. I noticed that blazers are the not best on women if you are moving around and gesturing a lot. You will, however, need a place for your microphone. Just make sure nothing pulls or gapes so you have maximum confidence.

      I live in soft jeans, t-shirt dresses and boring tops, even for the jail as I work from home and then wear boring suits to court. Conferences give me an excuse to buy things like daytime jumpsuits or really cool casual blazers.

      1. “blazers are the not best on women if you are moving around and gesturing a lot” — Since when is a basic blazer or suit jacket “not the best on women” while moving around and making gestures? Are women not supposed to make gestures or move around when they’re arguing in court or running a professional meeting? Maybe it’s “not the best” look if the blazer doesn’t fit correctly! But that would be true of men too, not just women.

          1. lol. Offended Anon needs to get a life. Who said that we should not make gestures? Silly goose. Wear whatver the F you want. I gave my opinion becase I carefully paid attention to other women presenters when I started presenting. If I were a man, I would have watched them.

  3. I recently moved in with my fiance, and I realized I have some anxieties about him losing attraction to me or taking me for granted. This isn’t about him specifically (he is extremely affectionate and loving) but I guess a more broad anxiety about how love and attraction can sustain decades of partnership.

    For those who’ve been married for years, do you still feel like your partner is in love with you? Do you still feel in love with them? I suppose I just want to know that I’ll always retain an aura of sorts with my husband and that he’ll always have strong feelings for me.

    1. together for 20 years, married for 15, three kids, big life changes – and wow do I LOVE this man. It is true that it is not the *same* as when we first got together… but I still get that same warm smiley glow of being so pleased that this guy thinks I’m the cat’s pajamas. I also think he is objectively cuter than 20 years ago? I assume at some point he will be less cute than he was 20 years ago but hasn’t happened yet, and I expect I won’t care that much when it does.

    2. This ebbs and flows. Be prepared for periods of time where he will absolutely take you for granted, and you’ll take him for granted, too. But then you’ll pull together and be a team for things that need handling and fall in love all over again. Or you’ll realize that they let you down (or you let them down) for the big things and the partnership will dissolve. Life gives you lots of little tests–we pass some and fail others.

      1. +1, though I will note that “falling in love all over again” feels different than falling in love the first time. There are fewer surprises and discovery about the other person, and more growth together.

    3. Maybe this is trite, but love is a verb, not a feeling. Each day you can make a choice to love each other through your actions (generosity, assuming good intentions, service and sacrifice, etc.) If you’re talking about intimacy and grand romantic gestures, that ebbs and flows and can definitely feel non-existent for certain seasons. But the base of love is there because we’ve decided to love each other and taken vows that we are committed to upholding.

      Your relationship also grows in other ways, and can become richer and more complex, which helps sustain you through hard times. Make sure to evaluate whether you are true partners to each other beyond the fancy meals and intimacy, and that you choose to see the best and call forth the best in each other. That’s love.

      1. “Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” Quote from Mr. Rogers I think about a lot for all types of love, not just romantic.

    4. What does love mean to you?Married for 16 years, together for 20. I’m not swooning over my husband constantly, not he over me, but we deeply love each other. We’ve built a life together! With our individual wants and needs both represented and central to all our decisions. I am so deeply appreciative that I always feel like he loves and respects me, that he’s a good dad, that he’s doing his best for all the people who matter to him, that he’s a smart and ambitious person who supports me being the same.

      It is not the same way I loved him when we got engaged, but it is absolutely still sustaining love and attraction, and the “strong feelings” are based on our actual life experience together, not just that he’s kind, fun, attractive and we generally want the same things and are happy to do them together (although all of that is also still true).

      1. This is my basic experience too. I’m much more of a love = respect, shared values, communication, teamwork, effort, and care vs. love = snuggly sunshine and rainbow feelings 24/7. To be honest I’ve had past boyfriends that were big on the gushing/physical touch/grand gestures and it was so out of my comfort zone that it made both me and them unhappy.
        Fell free to disregard this if you’re both very touchy feely kind of people though!

    5. The question you need to be asking yourself is “do I want to do life in partnership with this man no matter what life throws at us?” If you have doubts about your answer or about what you think his answer would be, then it’s not the right partnership.

      1. I’m in a rocky stage of life right now, and I am so incredibly grateful that I chose my DH, who can roll with the punches and step up when I need him to. And more importantly, that he is a good, solid person in general. I have done the same for him. 20 years in, I never doubt that we are each other’s biggest supporters. I have seen enough marriages fall apart when one person consistently and repeatedly never steps up in little and big ways. That’s what’s more important over time than attraction (though we are still very attracted to each other).

    6. Together for 23 years, married for 18. The deep trust and love and comfort and shared memories is so much better than my butterflies-and-rainbows college self could have imagined when we first started dating.

      Advice-
      -the whole ‘two become one’ thing can sound like an eyeroll, but thinking of yourselves as a unit and respecting the unit. Like one of you wants to go for the high-profile busy job? Talk about the impact to your partner, what to outsource rather than assume they’ll take on, etc. It’s not about “permission” it’s about respect that you’re building a shared life.
      -practical things like budgeting & investing, standards of housekeeping, emotional labor for stuff like remembering to buy Mother’s Day cards – figure it out early. I see a tendency for women in particular moving in with the bf wanting to be the cute little homemaker in hopes of a proposal (sorry not sorry), only to be surprised that he continues needing to be told what to do after the wedding. And the posts here from women who are apparently subjected to a different standard of living than their high-earning spouse? Hard pass.
      -that said, not all effort is equal every day. someone’s having a rough time at work? the other one will do more than their normal chores at home, etc. It’s a balance.
      -how much time you’ll spend with each other’s families – again, talk about it
      -physical affection – are you well matched in general? yes dry spells are normal but we’re well into our 40s now and still… beyond that, just cuddling with a movie at night vs. watching separate shows in separate rooms is my fave way to end the day
      -you’re not marrying a static person, you’re marrying the person you want to grow up and old with. Assume there will be changes – but pick the person that you trust to weather the changes hand in hand.

      2. Your last point is so spot on. I got married when my husband and I were both 25. We’re now in our early 40s…we were kids! in 20 more years, I’m sure I’ll think we were kids at 40. You’re going to grow up. Life is going to throw all kinds of stuff at you. But if you both have the right mindset and compatible values, you grow in the same direction and you look back and have a million “remember whens” to share, and that’s where the strong feelings come from after years and years together. at least for me.

    7. Being married to my husband has taught me what love is. I didn’t have a great childhood, my dad left when I was little and my mother is a confusing combination of overbearing and emotionally neglectful. No siblings or extended family. When I was younger, I associated love with that feeling of desperately needing someone else. Like a yearning. I had a lot of relationships with men who were emotionally unavailable or immature, long distance relationships, men who were promising but not willing or ready to be reliable partners.

      My husband is reliable, emotionally stable, and doesn’t leave me guessing. I don’t have that yearning anxious feeling. It’s been such a relief. I don’t have any fear about growing old or losing attraction. I think that just came with time and letting myself let down my guard.

      1. Ooooof. Same. Could have written all of this.

        One of the things that struck me most about my now husband was that I was just never anxious around him or about the relationship. I was never plagued with worry that he didn’t like me/want to be with me. I didn’t feel desperate for him because he was consistently there. Even when he wasn’t literally there, he was still there. But I also didn’t get the “ick” and desire to push away that I do with other guys who are more into me than I’m into them.

    8. so I don’t have decades under a belt but I’m a few years ahead of you (in that fiance & I moved in after engagement & now happily married for a year). Also, I’ve done the – move in with a bf & be taken for granted etc etc disaster (very glad it didn’t work out and I met DH but what a waste of time!).

      I think we both feel like we do 40% of the house responsibilities while we’re actually getting 100% done together, if that makes sense. In part because we take on chores we enjoy more (I feel like thank g-d I don’t have to clean the toilets constantly & DH is happy I handle our grocery shopping for example). But we’re also not tallying. Some weeks I do more, some he does more, and we know the other is acting with best intentions.

      My husband is SO good about (genuinely) complimenting me when I get dressed up for date night, etc. or just every day and I make an effort to do the same. Instead of thinking “he looks great in that color”, tell him, – I think its the little things like that that help keep the attraction/spice.

    9. Together for 21 years, married 17, didn’t live together before marriage.

      Yes, we still love and desire each other, and +1 to many of the other commenters noting that it’s a different kind of love than the butterflies.

      A couple things that we do that make a huge difference:

      Have our own hobbies, so that we are growing as individuals and have something to share when we get home. You can’t be in a happy, healthy partnership if you’re not a happy, healthy individual. Sometimes you go through down periods, but the overall sense of growth means that we remain interesting to ourselves and each other.

      Date each other! I used to think it was so weird when my mom would get dressed up for my dad for a date, but now I think it’s smart. And sometimes we intentionally turn it into a surprise, like a big reveal walking out of the bedroom in a new dress vs. doing our hair next to each other in the bathroom. Sure, my husband can see our credit card statements and we share a closet, so it’s hard to “hide” a dress from him. But I can build a little anticipation with some flirty texts or comments about a new outfit, telling him to go sit in the living room because I want to show him my new outfit for our evening, whatever. It’s 100% cheesy and unnecessary, but it feels out of the ordinary, which helps us get back into the mindset of discovering each other.

      Don’t use the bathroom in front of each other. This one might sound like we’re being prude, but we don’t have kids, so we still have some sense of privacy about bathroom habits. We’ve been camping, we only have 1 bathroom, etc., so it’s not a shyness thing, it’s more like everyone has this kinda gross but necessary function, so maybe we just keep that to ourselves. That kinda fake line of privacy helps maintain the “mystery” as well.

    10. Together 25 years, married for 22. We are closer and more in love now than I ever would have thought possible.

  4. Posting again asi think triggered the mod for some reason last time. I recently finally joined redd!t as i stepped away from other platforms and was wondering if yall have any favorite subs to suggest. I shared a couple I will now share in comments.

        1. Will also plug catswithjobs. Is cats doing people jobs.

          That said, there’s about 8million cat subs. and many are delightful.

    4. If you are trying to get non political content, the gardening, native plant gardening, or regional gardening subreddits are a haven. Also other craft or hobby topics.

    5. i tried sharing some fashion ones but have been stuck in mod again. There is one called pics I love, and then there are ones on anticonsumption and women over 35 (no spaces). Loving all the recs below.

    6. I love korean dramas and no one in my real life watches them. the kdrama reddit is my people!

      reddit is so good for stuff like that.

    9. I enjoy some of the interior decorating subs (amateurroomp*rn, femalelivingspace) and baking subs (sourdough, baking). I also follow a few subs specific to the city I live in that are food and activity focused.

  5. There are too many people who are unable to state that putting people in a foreign concentration camp conditions is unacceptable, no matter what they did. In time, MAGA will be as bad as being a Nazi. But we have to get through this, first.

    2. It’s terrifying. El Salvador has stated the only way people leave the prison is “in a coffin.” Trump is saying he wants to send home grown citizens there next, when it’s a foreign gulag. I don’t understand how people can be so oblivious to it.

      1. It’s not oblivious, it’s a basic lack of empathy and belief that it could never be them.

    3. This really disturbs me too. On a lot of issues, people are too afraid to say “hey, this is wrong” and not because they fear persecution, but because they’re insecure and unable to say “this isn’t right.” Part of it is also self-censorship, but I truly believe a big portion is people being afraid to have their own opinions.

      1. Also, I remember one time here when a poster was upset her brother put down his dog rather than pay for a thousand or so in vet bills, even though the OP would have taken the dog in and paid herself. Sooooo many posters were afraid to say that it was wrong and tried instead to paint OP as crazy. I never forgot that and knew I’d see the phenomenon more clearly in the future as a result.

        1. I don’t remember this thread but know this phenomenon. When people feel threatened by an idea (I might have to take a moral stand and pay/be punished for it) they get very insular and tie themselves in knots to justify the unjustifiable.

          1. Exactly. Sometimes they’re afraid of not sounding smart in front of family or friends as well.

        2. I saw a reminder of this tweet by Omar El Akkad that seems broadly applicable:

          “One day, when it’s safe, when there’s no personal downside to calling a thing what it is, when it’s too late to hold anyone accountable, everyone will have always been against this.”

        3. That is the craziest analogy I have ever heard. Everyone here is off their rocker today.

          1. The gist is when it’s inconvenient or hard to do the right thing, people pretend that they aren’t really doing the wrong thing and then lie to themselves that actually they’re doing the responsible thing or some nonsense. It applies.

        4. I missed that thread, but based on sad personal experience, I can easily envision a scenario in which paying thousands in vet bills would have prolonged the dog’s life without prolonging its quality of life. Sometimes euthanizing is the most humane decision, even if it’s upsetting (which it always is).

          And in any case, I don’t see the analogy to what I think you’re trying to say here. There are no two ways to look at deporting people to be incarcerated in horrible conditions. I’m not a lawyer, but it seems to me that even if the use of the Alien Enemies Act or whatever is up for interpretation, the prohibition on cruel and unusual punishment is clear in US law. My senator is already in El Salvador at least giving the appearance of trying to take a stand, though, so I’m not sure what more I as a private citizen can do about it.

          1. I appreciate this response. I’m not sure what a private citizen can do. I already have democratic representation. Donate to legal non profits so these cases can keep moving forward?

          2. No, it was a situation where it was a solvable problem for the dog, not a “pay thousands and he’ll still suffer and die” thing.

          3. k, well my sad personal experience was “pay $3k for this surgery with a 95% success rate….well that’s odd, the first one didn’t work, we’ll try again for half that price…shoot, it still didn’t work. I guess just keep holding her down to administer valium 3x per day.” At that point we opted for euthanasia, and it was heartbreaking that we’d put the animal through 2 surgeries and an additional month of pain. Again, I didn’t read the original thread, but I will be highly skeptical forever of veterinary problems that seem like a straightforward “how can you not love your pet enough to pay $1k to fix this?”

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