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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Checked Tweed Midi Skirt

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

It’s been quite some time since I was a student myself, but when I see the back-to-school signs at Target, it always gets me thinking about picking up a few fall pieces to freshen up my wardrobe.

This skirt from Alessandra Rich is just stunning. I love the classic black-and-white tweed, and the high rise is super flattering. For the summer, I would wear this with a tucked-in white oxford shirt. This fall, I would be wearing it with jewel-toned sweaters.

The skirt is $925 at Net-a-Porter and comes in Italian sizes 36–46.

A more affordable option is from Calvin Klein — this tweed skirt is on sale for $53.40 at Macy's and is available in sizes 4–14.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

387 Comments

  1. This makes me think – do you wear tweed in the summer? To me, that’s strictly a fall and winter fabric. I feel the same way with gingham – only Memorial Day to Labor Day, even though it is still hot after Labor Day. What do y’all do? Dress for the actual weather or dress according to the rules?

    1. Tweed is just plain too hot for summer! As far as dressing for the weather vs. the calendar, I like to keep some heavier-weight pastel sweaters around for cold spring days, and darker-colored lightweight pieces for early fall. A punchy gingham doesn’t “feel” right to me in September but my black and navy shells get a lot of wear then.

    2. I live in a climate where a cardigan is always necessary and tights can be year round, but I don’t think I’d wear tweed in August. But it does have a delightful autumnal, back to campus vibe.

    3. 100% winter fabric unless it’s bright and colorful a-la Cher in Clueless and her iconic yellow plaid suit. Or something springy and pink from Chanel.

    4. Weather/climate. It looks perfectly reasonable to wear light linen in Miami in October… but not dark tweed.
      The “Labor day” rule and others like it seem like they’re only for very specific places and cultures, and only for people who don’t have more nuanced opinions.

    5. Depends on the fiber. I have a linen tweed suit in shades of pale green and cream that is very summer-y. My favorite suit I’ve ever seen on a man was a very finely woven linen tweed.

    6. As someone who loves pattern and texture, I have plenty of summer colored tweed – pinks, purples, blues – that is made in a lighter weight summer fabric. In my first in person meeting in aftertimes, I kid you not, the entire room (including the guys) was in some variation of summer tweed since it was the first time we could wear it without the camera messing up.

    8. I dress in fabric for the weather, in colors for the season, so am about to switch to fall colored linen.

    9. I have a linen tweed Chanel style blazer in shades of beige and cream that is definitely for summer (albeit an air conditioned office) but no I wouldn’t wear traditional wool tweed.

  2. Somene’s comment last week about colorful solid sheaths being dated had me thinking about a recent conversation with a (younger friend), wherein she told me that patent leather on shoes (whether black, nude, or otherwise) AND almond toes are dated. Is this true? Alarming if true, as I was wearing black or nude patent LK Bennett almost daily pre-covid. What are people in business formal offices wearing as they head back?

    1. I don’t care if it’s trendy. Patent leather and almond toe shoes are classic and work appropriate.

    2. Patent leather is a classic IMO – neither in or out of style.

      As for the square toes on today’s shoes — to me, I suspect they are the in-and-out trend that will forever scream summer 2021 the same way that cold-shoulder tops were an in-and-out trend a few summers back.

    3. 100% true, but business formal offices are also dated ;)
      The NYT ran an article last week in Wall Street going “casual”you might want to check out.
      Even when I have to dress, I don’t see going back to shoes I can’t walk in and clothes that are uncomfortable.

      1. This. Today I am wearing a rainbow striped knife-pleated skirt with a white tee and white sneakers and I can’t imagine going all the way back to “clothes and shoes that hurt” even after we supposedly go back to business wear next month.

      2. Regardless of what they NYT says, I work on Wall Street and just before my office closed down again, women were wearing sheath dresses and senior women were wearing heels…

        1. Rainbow anin

          I also work in banking, probably adding to why i want a rainbow skirt.

    4. Yes they are dated. And? Why is this alarming? They’re appropriate for the office. Business attire is not all about being trendy.

    5. I think that either patent or almond toes are classic. It’s just the combination is dated because it was so ubiquitous. It still looks nice to me, just not on trend. I’m seeing flats and mules back in the office. Square toes haven’t made an appearance yet, but I don’t think they’re far off.

    6. Ignore this nonsense “dated” mindset. The things we see in media are trying to get us to “buy” whatever. It is to sell more, period. Then again I am a rule breaker.

    7. I don’t think almond toes or patent ever go bad, per se, but they might not be the most in fashion styles. When I think of outdated pumps, I think of those patent nude (pale beige) platform heels with teeny tiny stiletto heels.

      1. Same, they don’t look “fresh” but they aren’t “oh you’re hopelessly out of style”… unless there is also a platform, in which case leave them in 2012 where they belong.

    8. Frankly it’s pretty rare that a trend will be both office-appropriate and cutting edge fashion. Pumps, in general, have been “out” for years but we still wear them in the office. I’m guessing pumps will make a comeback soon; I seem to remember them being trendy with bootcut jeans sometime between heeled platform loafers and Ugg’s.

    9. Almond toe and/or patent are classic. Will never be “out”.Whenever I buy expensive shoes I always buy these and they never look out of place, even years later.

    10. I think a nude patent leather shoe is dated for sure and I would not be wearing them or at least not purchasing any new ones. Forward!

    11. Gen-Z has no concept of classic clothes because they’re barely in the working world – and most are under employed/ not in corporate jobs, and their trends last six weeks. I don’t listen to clothing advice for anyone under the age of 25 for this reason.

  3. Any ‘rettes out there host Airbnb’s? If so, any tips or things to know as a first time host? DH and I have stayed in many Airbnb’s so we have some ideas from that, but we’re going to be dipping our toes into the host side this fall. We’re buying a small place near family to use when we go visit them and then will rent on Airbnb when we’re not there. We’re buying from a family member who already rents it out so we’ll hopefully be able to “import” the history over to us. We’re a 4 hour drive away, so a few family members have agreed to be on call for in-person immediate emergencies. My lawyer mind is immediately jumping to getting a really comprehensive homeowners insurance policy (any recs for companies you use?). I also know some people will leave a laundry list of “defects” in their review afterwards (the doorknob jiggled, 1 of 20 cups was chipped, there was a hole in the corner of the curtain, etc) to try to get a refund – tips for avoiding these types of guests? Any and all hosting suggestions welcome!

    1. Figure out a plan for having it cleaned. Ideally you need a property manager who can do a walk through before guests but you definitely need an excellent cleaning service. And make it easy to clean!

    2. We did for a while, and it was 100% not worth it. Used a property manager for ease (if you do it, highly recommend this route because something will come up every single time and your family will be over it, also many local regs require it). Even with that, renters broke something every single time. Other people treat your home like it’s a rental car and ultimately the cost of fixing things renters broke destroyed any profits. So did ensuring that everything was lovely so you’d get good reviews and could book at a high rate. I have long term rentals and those are nothing like the headache of a vacation rental. Also, all your neighbors will hate you, and in a small vacation town, that’s not the vibe you want especially if you aren’t there all the time. We pulled ours off when Covid started and would never put it back up as a rental. What we did change is our use – we go all the time now and split our city/country time and having a second place is great. Lots of space to entertain family and friends.

      1. Reread and realize you may not care as much about the neighbor issue since you have local family.

    3. My sibling-in-law is a host and honestly it sounds like a huge headache, but would highly recommend at least a 3-night minimum stay, and using a third-party property manager (your family members are going to get really tired of jumping at whatever inane problem each renter comes up with – like inability to find the thermostat on the wall – and getting nothing out of it besides complaints from the property’s neighbors).

      1. My best friend owns a beach property that they put on AirBnB. And I’ll agree it sounds like a huge headache and gross. The bodily fluids and solids that people leave on their towels and sheets is shocking. They’re considering selling the place. However, things they’ve learned include leaving just enough but not too much of extra items such as toilet paper and shampoo; people need some, but will take any extra with them. Charge more per night than you think you’ll need to because the cleaning and replacement costs rapidly eat any amount you earn. Don’t expect the company to be on your side in a dispute; they are on the renter’s side and not the owner’s.

        1. This kind of enrages me as someone who stays in AirBnBs and is conscientiously respectful of the space. WTF is wrong with people.

        2. They’re not on the renters’ side either. They’re looking out for themselves only.

    4. Also, unless I’m misinterpreting, you’re going to need a policy that covers rental properties which will be pricier and harder to find. You are running a business after all; it’s not just a second home. I own a second home and have toyed with the idea of renting it in this way, but I just can’t get over the hassle factor – and I am also a landlord so I’m well acquainted with hassle factor! What I do instead is invite family and friends to stay there at a hugely reduced cost which kind of scratches the urge to have it be used more but with people I trust. It has been really lovely during this Covid disaster to be able to offer people a place to get away safely.

      1. I just bought a house with my partner and am keeping the old house for parents to live in. Because the old house is not my primary residence anymore, my insurance went up to cover renters, but it was, like, an extra $7/month.

        1. I think it’s different for a long term rental vs an air bnb type situation.

          To OP don’t buy anything you can’t afford to own without renting it out, because lots of cities and towns have been banning air bnb.

      1. Original comment in mod but a good friend of mine (she was the interior designer who did my former house) has changed careers and is now a super successful AirBNB host. She has good info for hosts on her web page: Marilynn Taylor dot com.

    6. I have a beach house that I rent out and have done very well with it the past few years. However, I don’t use AirBnB or VRBO and instead do it all myself through social media and repeat guests. I like to speak to the person who will be staying at my house to make sure they understand the area and to make sure they aren’t trying to bring 18 people. I find that many people don’t consider children as people for occupancy so that is one that I always want to make sure I am clear about. Don’t put anything there that you can replace; don’t put out charging cables/ports because they have legs; charge enough that people respect it but don’t charge so much that they think they have the “right” to do whatever they want because they are paying so much; linens have to be replaced very often; provide enough paper products/soap/laundry to get people started; have a clear rental agreement; invest in a good cleaner or property manager because those are so important. And make the tv set up simple AF. I spend so much troubleshooting TV issue when I want to tell people to go to the beach and get off the TV. And it has quickly went from my happy place to my second job and we are considering selling it because the market is so crazy there right now.

    7. I recently learned that teenagers will try to rent AirBnBs to host parties or other shenanigans. Not something I had considered and definitely not something I’d want to be a part of for reasons of mess, liability, and more.

    8. I have a beach house that we rent out which is located about 5 hours away. The biggest advice I would give anyone is to have local management. Relying on yourself or family will get old really quick. Also, I have heard a lot of complaining in the local market lately about AirB&B and/or VRBO fees. Our house has a reservation fee of $75 and of course the guests have to pay hotel taxes in accordance with state law. This is much better than the many hundreds of dollars I’ve heard of AirB&B guests being charged. I pay a commission of 20% of the base rent to the mgmt company and it is some of the best money I have ever spent. I don’t have to lift a finger – they check guests in and out, deal with payments and reservations, handle maintenance issues, do cleaning and linens – everything. If the house caught on fire they would call me; otherwise they handle whatever comes up.

      Also as has been mentioned, be sure you have enough of the right kinds of insurance. We have to have flood and windstorm coverage, in addition to the normal fire/damage policy, because we are on the coast in a hurricane-prone area. We also have a large umbrella policy for liability.

    9. From the neighbor perspective, I really appreciated that my neighbor who Airbnb’ed their house one summer:
      -gave me the number of the property manager, who was readily available 24/7 for anything
      -had strict rules on their listing about noise, smoking, parties, etc.
      -property manager quickly responded to texts to shut down any violation of the rules

      Obviously, I prefer good, long-term tenants/owner occupants to vacation rentals next door. However, the neighbor prioritizing being a good neighbor went a long way. Also, I think it helped lower their own risk to have someone next door calling in the property manager to shut down smoking, large gatherings, etc.

    10. I have two friends with rentals. Based on their input:

      (1) Put a camera at the doors (from and back and let the guests know you are doing it). Then make and enforce a limit on the number of guests. AirBnb will back you up on this as long as it is very clear on your listing.

      (2) The one with the beach rental has a minimum age of 25 for the primary renter and makes it really clear that the person who rents it must actually be there. No renting it for your college kids to party. (She literally put that in the listing.) The other one has a minimum age of 21 but changes it to 25 for the weeks around spring break and Cochella (his rental is in Palm Springs).

      (3) Phone numbers to reliable neighbors .

      (4) White towels, white sheets for easy bleaching.

      (5) Keep excess supplies in a locked closet so they do not walk off.

      (6) Leave a pad of paper for lists of anything that is a problem/missing. Nice guests do not want to say anything on their reviews.

      1. Along the lines of limiting rentals to underage guests, our property management company charges a large *cash* deposit for any rentals in April/May to discourage parents from renting the house for a prom or graduation party.

  4. DMV ladies — my husband has to get from DCA to Harper’s Ferry. I will already be in Harper’s Ferry and he’s meeting me. He could rent a car and we’d just have to have two rentals with us, but wondering if there’s a car service that might take him there one way and then we share the rental back to DCA when we fly home. It feels too far for us to just gamble that an Uber would do it. Do you think that’s true? Any car service recommendations before I just do a straight search online? TIA.

        1. That would be ideal, though it’s more the “Harpers Ferry area” – a small town 25 mins from there at a vineyard for a wedding. Anyone I know at the wedding who will be in town will be at the rehearsal dinner and unable to sneak out and pick him up. He’ll be arriving to DCA around 7 or 8 pm (haven’t booked flights yet). I think door-to-door is the way to go, whether that be a hired car (preference) or rental car of his own.

          1. I don’t know how far this particular geography is, but it’s not uncommon for Uber to drive pretty far. I’ve known people to go from Napa to SF for a wedding, for example, in one. I think you can do the book ahead feature to make sure the driver knows what they’re getting into.

          3. If he arrives at 8 pm to DCA, by the time he gets to Harper’s Ferry the rehearsal dinner will be over or nearly over. I think you have three options: 1) he rents a car and drives himself, 2a) taxi/Uber to Union Station, train to HF, taxi/Uber to venue, or 2b) same as 2a except he cools his heels at the train station until you or someone else can come pick him up after the dinner. 2a and 2b assume that there will be a MARC train leaving that late in the evening, so check those schedules before going that route. I’m sure there’s a car service you can pay $$$ for to drive you out there (or Uber), but he might as well just rent a car for what that’s going to cost.

          4. I don’t think a M(aryland)ARC train is going to West Virginia? It’s Amtrak, right?

    2. An uber from either will take you, but he might be better off flying to Dulles if he hasn’t already bought the ticket.

        1. That’s a good point. Neither of us have bought tickets yet. I was thinking BWI first, but there are no BOS > BWI direct routrs anymore (thanks, ‘rona) so my mind went to DCA. Would Dulles be better for traffic on a Friday?

          I also just learned that bride is rethinking the wedding altogether because of COVID. They’re both doctors so I completely get it. We’ll hold off on booking another week or two at least. So much sympathy to COVID brides….

  5. I had a weird interaction this weekend that I thought might be of interest. Friends and I were discussing just general life finances and my semi-recent house purchase came up, totally normal. The weird part to me was that several of my friends were mad on my behalf that my parents had not paid the downpayment. Personally I was just shocked, I’m an adult that takes care of myself, why on earth would I feel entitled to my parents money? It was all just so strange, they wanted me to be a victim. FWIW we are late 20s/early 30s. Is this a common view and I’m just entirely oblivious or are my friends the ones with odd views?

    1. They’re odd; your parents don’t owe you a down payment. Moreover, it’s my experience that the people whose parents are in a position to provide / have provided down payments and/or buy houses for their adult children don’t actually talk about it, because they don’t want to be seen as rubbing other people’s faces in their good fortune.

      1. The people I know whose parents bought them or helped them buy houses have talked about it. Maybe it’s to convey that they’re grateful and that they understand that other millennials may be much farther from home ownership or even living in a nice place/neighborhood?

        1. My parents helped with our downpayment (by giving us an interest free loan so we could get from 10 to 20%, not donating the whole thing) and I don’t spontaneously bring it up but am upfront if people ask. We bought a nice place in a HCOL and it seems more transparent that way. But I would never expect parental help – in fact I did not expect it from my parents and would have just put 10% down, but they offered and I know I am fortunate to be in this position.

          1. Honestly, I appreciate it, since I didn’t fully realize as a young person at first how many people were getting help and couldn’t understand how to make my money go farther.

        2. My parents helped with a down payment and I didn’t talk to it about anyone except my parents and the mortgage company. But this was also our second house we bought in our mid-30s so maybe it’s different talking about it with your friends in your 20s?

          1. My parents (like Emma’s above) did the no-interest loan thing. I’ve talked about it a couple times – I agree that it’s good for transparency.

      1. Yeah this post just reads as a humble brag that she could afford her house own her own and her friends couldn’t

    3. unless there is something about your parents’ financial situation (like they are billionaires or your friends all know they paid for your siblings downpayments) that you left out from this post, i think your friends are super weird. i have parents who offered to help us with a downpayment (we declined), but it is most certainly not at all something i expected. i know a lot of people whose parents help them out in different ways – like paying the cost of health insurance while in grad school, paying for a flight home to visit them, buying a swing set for the backyard at the new house for the kids etc. and plenty of people whose parents don’t. i definitely don’t think it is the norm for parents to pay for down payments.

      1. Nope my parents are just normal middle class folks, they haven’t helped my siblings either. Idk I mostly couldn’t believe what I was hearing, the entitlement made me deeply uncomfortable.

        1. Yeah, this does not reflect well on your friends. Very entitled (?spoiled) sounding. Are these adults who had to work in high school/college for spending $ and contribute to college, or all from a wealthier class that have had everything handed to them all their life?

          The rich just get richer, and tend to help their kids.

          Curious – are you from a wealthy background, so they were surprised your “rich” parents didn’t help you, since theirs helped them?

          But as someone growing up in a lower middle class/middle class household, helping your kids was not the norm. Parents didn’t help us, and I was even (selfish… ) enough to ask. I was in grad school /professional school forever and have still never owned a home, and my parents said no. But it was too much for me to ask. Their finances were not stable enough. And I was clueless, as I also had several entitled wealthy friends who’s parents paid for theirs and who talked about it and lived a completely different life than I did.

          It is so nice to be rich, and not have to worry about money.

        2. I also have “normal middle-class” parents and they haven’t offered us a dime for anything over the years, which is fine. I think there’s a group of people out there who do get things from their parents – student loan payoffs; home down payments; kid’s private school tuition paid, and they are insecure about it, especially around people who have made it on their own with no parental financial assistance. (I also know some people who aren’t insecure about it at all, which I admire more – I don’t care about people getting help from their parents but I do find it questionable when people lie about it or make grandiose excuses for why they deserved the help.)

          My parents have (maybe) just enough money to support themselves in their elderly years. My MIL doesn’t even have that; we help support her. We won’t be getting anything from them before they die and we likely won’t get much after they die either, and again, that’s fine. It’s their money and they should keep it for themselves, to make their lives more comfortable.

    4. Are they trying to pretend that it’s the norm to get parental support for down payments, so they don’t have to confront the significant privilege of this arrangement?

      1. Ohhh this could be it, you’re so smart, I don’t think I would have put two and two together on my own!

        1. and for the record, I am not saying they are evil geniuses pushing a double think agenda. Finding ways to not admit one’s own privilege is a normal psychological shortcut.

    6. I mean you’re friends sound out of touch, but this isn’t something I would lose sleep over. I joke about hoping my parents pay off the rest of my student loans when they sell the house they bought 30 yrs ago for a $600k profit, but I am in no way entitled to it. Shrug.

    7. lol no. My friends are mostly geriatric millennials and we are 50/50 renters and almost all of us are worried about supporting parents/in-laws who may run out of money (or are already doing supporting them). I’m playing for my mom’s flights to visit me, not the other way around. No one had help with a down payment, though many had help with college. Actually except one person whose parent died unexpectedly and they inherited parent’s (rather modest) retirement account.

      1. As the parent of young adults, I just don’t see why either they would discuss or I would discuss whether I was paying for cell phone, flights home, a new computer, generous gifts, etc. It’s absolutely no one’s business where they get money from. Both are gainfully employed and self-supporting and fully responsible, and neither have an entitled bone in their bodies; if I want to do something nice that comes with no strings, and they are appreciative, I don’t see why they’d blab it to their friends.

          1. Why would it be a topic of discussion? Whatever other people have/own/do, you just take it at face value — you don’t discuss who paid for it.

        2. This is casual conversation for me and my friends. We talk about everything, money is no exception. I have no qualms sharing my salary info, what my parents have gifted me money-wise, etc. with them. We are all in different situational places with this, but no one is judgy and everyone is supportive. It’s not even remotely weird to us.

    8. No, this is one of those things where one weird comment was made to you, one person in this huge world, and it is not at all indicative of any kind of larger trend.

    9. No that’s a weird expectation. We purchased in our early 20s (much lower cost of living area than some of you) and while our parents did help us, nothing was given specifically as “this is your downpayment”. As I recall, my inlaws may have helped with our first downpayment, but we paid them back. Around that time my parents fully turned over a mutual fund (~$6k) they had set up for my college fund that I didn’t use in college (full ride scholarship) and officially gave me the 10 year old car that I had been driving. We don’t come from uber wealthy families, but solidly middle class and I feel very lucky and grateful that our parents are able to help with that kind of stuff however definitely don’t expect it.

    10. Congratulations, you’ve found a way to tell us you’re better than your friends by couching it in a dumb “is this normal?” question.

      2. I’m sorry I miscommunicated, I found the implication that my parents were monsters for being normal middle class people to be hurtful.

        1. You know your parents aren’t monsters. Your friend suck if that’s really what they said. Get new friends!

    11. Are you a Millenial? There’s this in-speak among Millenials about how their parents had it easy and it’s so much harder for them and it’s not fair etc. Might have been more of that.

      I’m just a Gen X spectator.

          1. On average, Millennials have had a much harder economic go of it than Boomers, with no meaningful recovery in sight for the middle and lower classes. You seem frustrated that we Millennials aren’t cool with that.

          2. So are you still denying that this is a thing Millenials constantly talk about, which was my point?

            I can see this odd conversation OP describes as “omg I can’t believe your boomer parents are keeping all their wealth and not helping you buy your house,” which is why I mentioned it.

      2. As a Millennial, I don’t know of a single person who expected or would be “mad” that someone’s parents didn’t pay or help with a down payment. A few did get down payment help, but they tend to keep it quiet and didn’t expect it. And… generationally we *do* have it economically harder than our Boomer parents. We aren’t all just lazy ingrates.

        1. +1 but I also think Gen Xer and others like to take a giant dump on Millennials.

    12. I had the misfortune of dating a guy whose friend group was all quite wealthy and also very oblivious. There seemed to be a divide between the kids whose parents gave them a substantial down payment and the kids who “had to save up all by themselves” but lived with their parents rent and bill free for like 10 years after they graduated (with no student loans). I resolved to never raise kids in that area. Just unbelievable.

    13. Sometimes people have inflated/exaggerated ideas of a family’s wealth. My MIL was convinced that my parents were absolutely loaded because my folks did things like stay in a hotel when they visited me in another city, but the truth was that my folks just didn’t want to sleep on a futon and were happy to spend the extra cash. And of course, she thinks my hobby is lighting $100 bills on fire because sometimes when they come over we order…Chinese food. From a restaurant! She NEVER does takeout.

      As for the generational divide, I’m GenX and I knew a few people who bought places a few years out of college with parental help, mostly only children who were going to grad school in expensive cities and their parents thought it would be a good investment/wealth transfer. Given how much real estate has appreciated, I can see why people do this more often nowadays. FWIW, my parents and in-laws didn’t help us with a down payment, but we bought in 2007 at the height of the “are you alive? you qualify” loan market.

      2. I’m afraid I’m becoming your MIL. My mom was always shocked at how much we spent on restaurants/takeout – the idea that you’d eat at a restaurant more than about once a month was just shockingly frivolous to her.

        But now that my kids are college age and their friends think literally nothing of doordashing $10 worth of Taco Bell (for $20+) or even having a single Starbucks drink delivered, I have turned into my mother.

        1. I have the same aversion to doordash – especially for fast food stuff like Taco Bell or Starbucks. Somehow I feel more virtuous if I go and pick up my own fast food or takeout – it makes 100% no sense and saves me no money (I tend to overtip). While I’m always afraid of turning into my mother (who is leaning in to the “fussy old lady” stereotype in retirement), my MIL’s spending patterns are just baffling to me. $60k+ elevator installed in tract house? Good use of money. $20 of gas to drive to several discount stores in search of >$15 birthday present? Good use of money. $10 flowers from Trader Joe’s? EXTRAVAGANT.

    14. DH and I are 37. I think it’s just another one of those things that some people’s parents do and some do not. My parents paid for 80% of my undergrad. DH’s parents paid for 100% of his undergrad and bought him a car. My parents paid for our $40k wedding.

      nobody’s parents paid for grad school or for any portion of the homes we’ve bought over the years, but part of the reason we could buy is that we could save instead of paying our undergrad loans.

  6. How do you keep relationships/gardening exciting after you have been with someone for a long time? There are a lot of nice things about being in a long-term relationship/marriage but I miss the part when everything is new and exciting.

    1. Doing new stuff together – whether planning a big international trip or just doing a new-to-us thing around our city. Like, this past weekend we tried a cycling route we’d never been on before.

        1. lol ok not all of it is total romance-inspiring but it means we don’t get bored with each other, and that kind of closeness generates intimacy for me. Like we don’t run out of conversation, can get that little jolt of “ha, you really “get” me” when we have separate but identical reactions to something, etc.

          2. @9:49 – that means you need a better seat and good bike shorts! Not an issue for me with those two things :)

          3. Haha we did a cycling trip for our honeymoon and my husband scoffed at my need for a special bike saddle until I explained that it was necessary if he planned to engage in post-ride honeymoon bedroom activities!

      2. I would say try new things in the bedroom. Blindfolds, gardening tools, batteries, wigs, hotel rooms, etc. I could go on but not sure what will get flagged on here. Definitely try to mix it up. Send explicit emails (personal accounts obviously) watch “movies”. Mix up the timing. If normally before bed, try a lunchtime session if WFH.

          1. I would be absolutely furious at my husband if he woke me up in the middle of the night for that purpose

          3. I think timing matters here. It’s the weekend and you’re both kind of awake in the middle of the night? Fun. It’s a weekday before an important presentation? Back off, I need sleep.

          4. Lmao I was thinking the same thing as anon. I totally support the theory of this but it has never went well fo my husband when he tries it.

          5. Haha I guess it’s more fun when you’re beyond the “chronically sleep deprived” years. I stand corrected.

          6. Know your audience for that one! And their sleep cycle. I used to think it would be okay to have an early bird partner – until one guy who was wide awake and in the mood at fu#k-off-o’clock in the mornings who would not get that I was finally, finally asleep.

          7. The only reaction this would elicit from me would be a big ol’ Stink Eye!

          9. Hahaha yes only time I have disagreed with Senior Attorney! Working busy sleep deprived mom of young kids and I will slap your hand if you wake me in the middle of the night and the house is not on fire.

    2. Some of my younger friends have reported that the men they’re dating are so addicted to p*rn that they can barely even get aroused when with an actual woman. The ones who can then expect violent acts as a matter of routine. I’d take “not new” anyway over this trend, which I know is increasingly common overall too.

      Otherwise, make opportunities for intimacy and closeness and new activities like Cat said. That’s what makes it exciting AND respectful to really be with someone.

      1. Anecdata – I have been dating for two decades (with a pretty wide age range) and have never once experienced the issue in your first paragraph.

        That said, agree with your second paragraph!

      2. Re your first paragraph, my longterm partner (we’ve been together for 19 years) has no issues whatsoever in that department and uses p*rn in his personal gardening sessions. I’ve realized from talking with women over the years that I am unusual, but I have no problem with his personal sessions whatsoever. It’s not something we watch together, but I really honestly do not care what he watches. I also have my own personal gardening sessions and I would be annoyed in he had opinions about what I did for myself.

        FWIW, the frequency of our together gardening sessions ebb and flow, but I’d say on average 2-4 times a week right now. We definitely have our go to things, but I think it helps that we take turns picking positions since we each have our favorites. Like one session it’s “his pick” and the next it’s mine. Lol it sounds very transactional but it works well for us, and keeps us from getting in a rut or unbalanced. We also will try new things occasionally, but honestly we don’t make a point of it and it comes up organically.

      3. I’m actively dating in my early 30s and I have never experienced the issue in your first paragraph.

        1. Anecdotally, it’s more of an issue affecting women in their early 20s dating men in their early 20s. These men have grown up with the easiest access to violent, extreme p*rn compared to previous generations. It’s not your father’s Playboy anymore.

          2. It is new. As a xillennial, I remember back when men were actively complaining about how violent and weird stuff was getting during the transition.

          3. But not all men had access to it in their formative teen years when they first began exploring sexuality.

          4. This is a very “kids these days” complaint and I don’t think it’s founded in reality.

        2. I’m 40 now, and 7-8 years ago absolutely experienced this with a man a few years older than me. So while not common, totally is a thing. And horrible.

      4. I’ve definitely dated guys who had trouble because of the death grip issue and/or they needed way more visual stimulation than is possible in partnered gardening. I’m surprised by the violence thing. I guess maybe it depends what you mean by violence? I think more guys expect things to be standard that are not standard according to any woman I know.

        1. One of the things that I have seen reported in very mainstream media as a growing issue reported by teens and discussed on teen audience media is choking and choke holds, which is both violent and dangerous.

          Have not had that experience, but have hooked up with guys who very obviously are acting out an inner movie reel with their moves – very camera angle friendly, not particularly interesting as a participant sport.

    3. Would recommend Dan Savage at The Stranger for inspiration. Listen to some of the podcasts or advise columns, and get some inspiration from other people’s questions and problems. He is zero judgmental when it comes to wanting new and exiting, and the different ways that can be accomplished, but perhaps more interesting to you – hearing about what other people get up and different gardening practices can boost your imagination and give you ideas.

      1. +1 Savage Lovecast! Also “Mating in Captivity” by Esther Perel is all about this and fascinating

      2. I do not like listening to podcasts where men and women discuss things like this. I can do this myself and don’t need coaching from some whiny guy who wants to tell me how to do stuff to his weenie, but never offering to do stuff to me. FOOEY on that.

    4. Doing unique things keeps you feeling excited in general which carries over to other areas. Extreme example but s.* e. * x after skydiving is more intense than it is after watching jeopardy and going to bed.

      1. To build on this, I find sexting about future activities is really hot and use this type of writing as inspiration.

  7. We are planning a trip to Boston over Labor Day weekend with our two kids, ages 16 and 14. Both kids are somewhat interested in history, but not exactly history buffs. I’ve been to Bunker Hill and walked the Freedom Trail, and I think they would like that. What else would you recommend for a family weekend? Activities, restaurants, etc? We are staying in Cambridge, but open to any suggestions.

    1. My 13 year old loved the Museum of Science, the guided tour of the Freedom Trail and the Duck Boats. We detest the Red Sox but really enjoyed the tour of Fenway Park because we are huge baseball fans.

    2. So fun!

      Duck boats are great – I always recommend doing this at the front end of a trip because you kind of get a quick hit and see everything, then you can go back to things one-off that looked extra interesting.

      Also:
      USS Constitution
      Old North Church /North End / Paul Revere’s House
      JFK Library is awesome
      Tour Fenway Park if you’re in to that – a different kind of history, if you will
      Lexington/Concord is probably a stone’s throw too far for just having a weekend in the area, but it’s great
      Harvard Square/Harvard itself is rich with history

    3. I liked the MIT museum and the paul revere museum (may be on the freedom trail). Also loved the aquarium but not as Boston specific. Make sure you check out the North End in general

      1. +1 to the MIT museum. I visited Boston with my parents when I was about that age and definitely enjoyed the freedom trail and all the historical sites too.

    4. Are they into art? science? Natural history? Boston has excellent museums – the Harvard Natural History museum is a fave of my son’s (he loves the ‘gem’ room), the Isabella Gardner is amazing (bonus if you watch the documentary on the heist ahead of time), and the Fine Arts Museum is fantastic. I have spent untold hours at the Boston Science Museum, mostly in the kids areas, but I’d imagine older kids would also enjoy it and you can do the duck tour from right out front too.

    5. Take the ferry from the aquarium to the USS Constitution museum (and go look at the seals at the aquarium even if you don’t go in). Get pastries in the North End. Walk through Harvard Yard and try to find the oldest buildings.

    6. There are some islands off the shore where you can take a boat excursion – starting near the aquarium. Was fun and a little different.

    7. Kayak or stand-up paddle board on the Charles River. Charles River Canoe & Kayak has a location in Cambridge at Kendall Square.

  8. I have regular periods (age 35 and always been regular) and I’m not on hormonal birth control but have one period a year or so which is maybe 5 days late. I’m 9 days late and trying to tell myself it’s nothing to worry about?(definitely not pregnant and tested to check). NHS website says it’s nothing to worry about till it’s 3 months in a row missed. Anyone have any experience similarly? I’m the U.K. so only have a GP we don’t have specific doctor for this. Planning to book an appointment but usually it’s a 2 week wait and I think I’m more anxious than usual due to being fed up with the pandemic!

    1. The only reason I’d care is if I thought I was pregnant and you covered that. As we age, most people start to get a little less regular.

    2. I would say this is NBD, my normal cycle is anywhere from 26-30 days, occasionally more like 33-34, and once it went 45 – definitely not pg as took two tests – I’ve noticed that if I have a super stressful month it will go long, and the 45-day month was absolutely horrendous with multiple deals.

    3. Period Repair Manual is a pretty good book for understanding why stuff like this happens and what it may mean. For example, maybe most your cycles are ovulatory but this one wasn’t… it doesn’t always mean something really bad, so doctors generally don’t care. But it’s my life and my body, so I care.

    4. I went through a stretch when my period was horribly irregular. I’m 90% sure it was stress related. After a few months it went back to normal. Hang in there!

    5. Did you get your jab recently? First dose played havoc with my cycle and just got my second on Saturday so expecting more fun when it rolls around again.

    7. I think you have most probably put your finger on it already – more anxious than usual due to being fed up with the pandemic. Stress can very much influence your period.

      Like you I’m regular and hormonal birth control free, and about once a year I get a short cycle, or a very long one. Like you the pregnancy scare is the bad part. There is always physical and or mental stress involved. My odd cycles are almost always non-ovulation ones. (I can tell because I have labor level cramps and other extra hormonal goodies along with ovulation periods, and zero cramps with benefits with non-ovulation periods.) I do get regular non-ovulation periods as well, maybe twice a year.

    8. When I was about 37 and after first child, I went through an irregular stage that I attribute to really hating my job and thus being under atypical stress (atypical, because I was a 4th year patent lit associate, so used to being in a high stress lifestyle).

    9. I had babies at 36 and 37 so I’m not sure whether it was my age or childbirth, but my periods started getting less regular then. Which made me totally paranoid about getting pregnant again, partly because baby #2 came along sooner than planned.

      So I consider that, for me, the start of peri menopause in hindsight. Then in my mid 40s I started having more of the classic symptoms like hot flashes. My periods went from once in a while to extremely regular, too regular – a short period every three weeks – and then stopped for 6 months at a time a couple of times only to resume again with a vengeance before they finally stopped for real.

      My doctor monitored all of this with me and wasn’t all that concerned. She said your body behaves almost like you’re a teenager again with fluctuating hormones.

    10. Did you recently get a covid vaccine? I (and many others, it’s being studied) experienced cycle changes (including very early and very late periods) that I attribute to the vaccine. Something to consider. (btw i love the vaccine and am not complaining about the changes to my cycle!)

  9. Looking for a place to hold a dinner for 20 to 30 guests in Milwaukee. Catch is, this is on a Monday, so a lot of favorites like Lake Park Bistro are closed. Outdoor patio would be preferred, or otherwise private room. Looking for an upscale experience/slightly fancy vibe. Any ideas?

      1. Bigwig for whom the dinner is being held is only available that date due to trial schedules. Cannot change- we’ve tried other options for a month.

        1. Ooofff. That stinks. Have you called the closed places? If it’s a work event and you have the budget, they may open for you.

          1. I think this is a good idea. I bet even some closed places would be willing to work with you for a 30-person event.

    2. Do you not have the Delta variant in Milwaukee? Who is still holding big dinners right now?

      2. Well, not the OP, but I am in a couple of months with my entirely vaccinated guest list and restaurant. At some point we have to figure out how to live with this and the best we can do is be vaccinated. The delta variant is largely impacting the unvaccinated, FYI.

        1. It’s hospitalizing the unvaccinated but it’s also impacting the vaccinated. It’s not quite honest to imply it’s not impacting the vaccinated at all.

          1. It’s only .008% of the vaccinated that are getting breakthrough cases and even then they are mild. It sounds like a lot because the denominator of vaccinated people is large. It’s not enough- we need closer to 90% for herd immunity but the overall number of people who have been vaxxed is quite large. To be clear, I follow masking guidance even if I find it theater for the most part, but I’m not going to live like it’s summer 2020 anymore.

          2. Anon at 1:27 PM, my understanding is that CDC is currently defining “breakthrough cases” as cases requiring hospitalization (i.e., not mild cases). CDC is not tracking breakthrough cases that do not require hospitalization, so I don’t see how the 0.008% figure could apply. If someone else has different information, I’m listening. But I don’t know why the vaccine would be this much more effective in the US than in other countries that are tracking mild breakthrough cases.

          3. Anon– Where did you get the info about the percentage of people who are getting breakthrough cases? I am sincerely asking because I know the CDC isn’t collecting that data except for people who have been hospitalized with breakthrough infections, right? I live in an area with very low vaccination rates, and I know personally a number of people who have gotten breakthrough infections (though they have been mild). I know anecdotes are not data, which is why I’m curious where to find some good reliable information on this point.

          4. @1:34, check out Laurel Bristow on Instagram – she’s an epidemiologist with good info (read about her here)

          5. @1:37, I’m looking, and it still seems to me that there’s been a misunderstanding.

          9. CDC is not tracking information about breakthrough cases that are mild; they don’t have stats on this. The data from UK and Israel suggests that mild breakthrough infection is not at all rare.

      3. All the attendees are coworkers who work in an office together in person, so it’s the same risk as current company meetings. I requested a outdoor patio or private room option to try to avoid spread between this work group and others in the restaurant. This dinner complies with current CDC guidance.

    4. How about Harbor House or View MKE? Also, for 30 people some places might be willing to open on a Monday. Benelux (not as fancy) also has a great patio

  10. I need a new blender. I mainly use it to make soups or smoothies, and it doesn’t need to be that big. Ideally around $50, but tbh I don’t know how much blenders cost. Any suggestions?

    2. I have both a blender and an immersion blender and use the immersion blender multiple times a week and the full blender just a few times a year. Great for soups, smoothies, sauces, etc. and much easier clean up. You can get a great one for under $50. I think mine if Cuisinart.

      1. Same. My kids talked me into it, and I was skeptical, but because the base sits on the counter all the time, we use it all the time and never pull out the big blender or the food processor. Last night I made salsa. My son made a smoothie in the morning. When I have a bunch of herbs I make a pesto-like herb sauce. I whirl cans of whole tomatoes for making pasta sauce. I make breadcrumbs from stale bread. I use it ALL the time.

  11. we are in the process of buying our first home. i work in an office where people share personal stuff and another colleague recently purchased her first home and shared the listing, etc. her home cost 300k. we are buying a home that costs 1.3 million. obviously my salary does not allow us to purchase this home, it is a combination of DH’s job, some inheritance from the early death of a parent, etc. i do not really want to share my new home purchase with my team, but am not sure how it is avoidable since I currently walk to work, will be needing to drive, will have a different zoom background, and we have a spreadsheet with addresses in it. I also don’t want them to think that just bc we can afford a home of this price, that I don’t need/want my job. any tips?

    2. Is your colleague buying by herself? Most people are well acquainted with the idea that people buying as a pair can afford more.

    3. I don’t think there’s any way around it with the spreadsheet with addresses. Coworkers can be nosy. I’ve gotten some comments about buying a place beneath our apparent means. I am not going to explain that a lot of our money is rerouted to healthcare expenses for invisible conditions. Nor am I going to explain that we want the option of scaling back in the future. My scenario is less awkward (I guess they can just think I’m cheap?), but the people making comments are the ones being rude. I think “yes, we’re very grateful” would go a long way though!

    4. Get a PO box? My guess is the addresses are there for mail and not, like, showing up at your place…so they don’t need to know!

      Congrats on the new home! Enjoy it.

      1. Unless they want a PO Box for some other reason, this sounds like a lot of inconvenience to avoid putting her address on a spreadsheet. I agree with the others– people might be nosey but just say you’ve moved and go along with your life. In my experience, it’s much weirder to hide these things or over explain them.

      2. That’s ridiculous. Your address is what your address is. Pro tip – no one is thinking about you as much as you think they are. If they want to search the price online, that’s their problem.

    5. I think you just approach it in a matter of fact way. If part of this is being funded via your husbands job, i don’t think that your co-workers are going to be terribly surprised.

      For example two married public school teachers are going to buy a smaller house than a public school teacher married to a investment banker.

      I’d just treat it matter-of-factly (don’t do the house equiv of the whole trying to hard “i went to school in Boston” route that some Harvard grads do), continue to work hard, and say “we are very lucky” and change the subject when asked about it directly.

      I think this is one of those things that people care about way less than you imagine.

    6. Remember that people are not thinking about you as much as you might imagine. You’re under no obligation to share the listing, just say you moved and you’re excited for the new place. I admit to thinking hmm, they have a nice place upon seeing a coworker on Zoom but that’s it.

      1. +1 I am nosy AF and would absolutely look up your house after the address was updated but never in a million years would I be judgy about how you paid for it. I DGAF about that and it’s none of my business how you paid for it.

        Just deflect as PnB noted above with sharing generally that you moved and are really happy.

        1. Agree with this. MANY years ago when paying a million dollars for a house in So Cal was still a pretty big deal, a colleague of mine did just that. And I was all “Wow, they paid a million dollars for a house. They must be nuts or rich or whatever!” And that lasted for about ten seconds and then we all got on with our lives.

      3. I dunno, I had a colleague/friend who I’d known for years call me up after seeing the report of the sale in the business paper. The house was wildly expensive for our cohort. (This was a business paper that reported $1,000,000+ house sales for marketing purposes. Yes, we got a lot of spam mail.) He said something like – wow you must be moving up in the world – or something like that, and I had no idea what he was talking about. It was awkward. And he was a nice guy, just nosy.

        OP, I would have a response ready because someone will find out, by hook or by crook – or by google search. Like DH got an inheritance and it had to be used in a long-term asset by terms of the will or something that implies you won’t be living large after the purchase.

        1. But again, it doesn’t have to be a big deal. The response to your nosy coworker is a simple, thanks we are really excited, and then you change the subject and go on with your lives.

    7. They probably already know that your husband makes more than you, since you’ve probably mentioned what he does? IMO it sounds like there’s no way to avoid them finding out so if you try to hide it it will be weirder. I would just avoid saying anything that sounds braggy and you’ll be fine. Different people have different financial circumstances and priorities, and someone will always “judge” if that’s what they want to do. I would not worry about it. No one is going to think you don’t need/want your job just because you bought an expensive home.

    8. I’ve worked in a mosey office, the trick is to talk about something else a lot – have decoy things to discuss (friend’s wedding, nieces, nephews, vacation coming up, drama at husband’s job, etc.) so you stay off the topic. Then be low key about your move. If pressed on the financial piece, I’ve always defaulted to an inheritance – “so sad Granny is gone but she left us her house, isn’t that marvelous” to counter any notion of ongoing increased income.

      2. Yes, I always explain being able to buy my flat when I did by saying that my grandad passed away and we were lucky that he hadn’t had to borrow against it to find care – “I’d rather have a grandad than a flat, but I’m very lucky to have a flat”

          1. In fantasy land, sure. In real life, you often do for the exact reason OP is concerned.

    9. People buy homes at different price points for different reasons. Just be matter of fact about it. Trying to hide that you moved would come across as really strange.

    10. Did I read correctly that your office maintains a spreadsheet that lists everyone’s home address? Or is this just information that HR maintains and would presumably be discrete about?

    11. I used to work with a woman who bought a second home in a really upscale resort about 2 hours away. She didn’t want anyone to know because she thought she’d get laid off if anyone thought she didn’t need the money. No one cared. She made herself totally anxious over nothing.

      Just enjoy your house.

      1. Yeah it is a bit strange to think that people with more family money are hurt or disadvantaged in their career paths. Probably there’s some discrimination towards women who are suspected of wanting to be SAHM if they start a family, but I feel like that exists for women anyway? But generally, more resources is seen as a good thing.

        1. More like if the company falls on hard times and has to make tough decisions about who to lay off, she was worried there would be a perception that she was loaded and didn’t need the paycheck. Implying that the wealth came from her husband and her job was “optional” which is obviously a very sexist assumption.

          However, layoffs did happen at our company and she was fine because she was good at her job and had excellent client relationships.

    12. My advice, just own it and move on (puns slightly intended). My husband is in your shoes at his office due to a later than normal career start – he worked while I was in law school then went back to school. There were some initial comments, especially at the beginning of Zoom land when people could see our house, but honestly, after the initial reactions it just wore off. One thing I can promise you is that the fact you can afford a nicer house is probably not a surprise to your co-workers. At DH’s office, everyone already knew that our financial situation was closer to the partners in his office than his position — not the least bit because we would run into the partners out and about on weekends.

    13. I mean, if your office is nosey then presumably they know that a parent died? That seems like a pretty easy explanation for why you would be able to afford something expensive and also still need your job.

  12. has anyone ever had second thoughts when purchasing a home? we’ve never purchased a home before, and we’ve put in a few offers, haven’t gotten any accepted and we finally got one accepted and i was super excited about the house, but now i’m nervous that we chose the wrong neighborhood and would be happier in a different neighborhood, that a house in a different part of this neighborhood would be better, etc. i will say i am the most indecisive person on the face of the planet and really struggle with decision making, and often second guess my decisions. like if i am buying a pair of pants and trying on two sizes, i will often try on each multiple times before i pick one. yes, i realize this is something i can work on, but it is not something i am going to figure out before the option period is up. has anyone felt a bit nervous after purchasing a home and then it all worked out when you moved in?

    1. I think these feeling about a house are pretty common. We had them and it all worked out.

    2. Oh yeah – we viewed the house with furniture in it, bought it, and then the next time we saw it all the furniture had been removed. The empty rooms looked so small! Turns out I am really bad with spatial relations and our furniture is not as huge as I thought, but I was really worried there. A house is the biggest purchase most of us will make it our lives and it’s 100% normal to have misgivings/doubts about it.

    3. I think it’s just harder right now because prices are so high which makes it feel higher stakes. I think there’s no way around it. It’s also just such a big commitment, and realistically it’s usually a compromise. Move in, get to know the actual neighborhood, or get in the car and go hang out in the places where you want to hang out… For some reason, settling in to a newly purchased home is way, way harder for me than settling into a new rental. I guess it’s that feeling of commitment and investment that makes it harder. But one way or an other, there’s going to need to be some settling in.

      1. thanks for this perspective. honestly, even if prices weren’t so high right now i think i’d feel the same way. the house is only 10 minutes driving from where we currently live, but i suddenly feel like i suddenly feel like i’m moving to siberia. we will be closer to my kids preschool, but will be a bit farther from work, a bit farther from the kids’ pediatrician, etc.

        1. This may sound silly, but one thing that helped me was thinking about driving places in our nice car with the nice sound system. Enough time to listen to a few good songs! I’m not usually much into positivity/looking on the bright side of things since it usually doesn’t work for me, but in this case, just really leaning into all the positives I think can actually help. Maybe research other things you’re closer to, even if it’s just a good sandwich or a park or whatever it is, and make an effort to explore.

    4. “Buyer’s remorse” is common, but it does not mean that you made the wrong decision. It’s just that housing is such a huge decision that it is difficult not to second guess yourself. With real estate, it’s about balancing what you need/want against what you can afford/are willing to pay. You have thought about this for a long time. Revisit the decisions you made and why you offered on this house. You’ve got this.

    5. My brain likes to constantly present me with alternate realities to the one I have chosen, so yes, I have doubted every house (and pants) purchase I’ve ever made.
      My trick with houses is to decide that if it doesn’t work in a couple years I’ll move. (Staying 2 years has tax benefits in some circumstances so I use that number.) That lets my brain shelve it until it’s time to think about it again, OR until it makes me unhappy enough to do something about it.

    6. For sure. One of my biggest fights with my husband was shortly after we moved into our current house. He said he felt we had made a big mistake. I was so frustrated (and it became a fight mainly because it was more of a “this is your fault” conversation). But it’s actually fairly common to have cold feet. We all live in houses that were a compromise on some level. If you really think you’ve made a mistake you can back out, but that would be extreme.

      Congratulations on the house!

    7. If you’re not nervous and having second thoughts, you’re not… I was gonna say not normal, but let’s say you’re not typical! ;)

    9. If it’s any consolation, I’m very decisive and still felt this way after buying our “starter house” and then upgrading slightly. It’s a stressful, intense time with lots of big numbers floating around. Totally normal to freak out. I was excited but also a mess at times. Just trust yourself and go from there. You got this :).

    10. Oh, yeah. Midway through our escrow period on our current house I had a panicked freakout and wanted to back out of the deal. It wasn’t one thing in particular, it was everything – buying a house we didn’t know after we’d lived in our old house 17 years; the expense; weird stuff that had come up on the inspection; cleaning out all of our stuff (a Herculean effort) and moving after being in one place so long; my son losing contact with his neighborhood friends, etc. etc. etc. My husband did a great thing: he listened to my big emotion-dump about everything and said, let’s get in the car and drive over to the house and take another look at it, and then we can make some decisions.

      On the drive over (it was late at night) I noticed the beautiful city views from our neighborhood and how quiet and peaceful the streets were. When we got to the house I noticed things about it that I’d never noticed before – the beautiful plum tree in the front yard; how friendly the neighbors were; how the wind sounded in the pine trees on the side of the house. I calmed way, way down; and we carried through with the sale and I am so happy we did, because this house is more or less perfect for us. We just love it, and feel like we really lucked out finding it when we did. So, OP, if you’re getting “the yips” about closing the deal, I recommend going back to the house at a time you haven’t been there before – early morning, or at dusk, or late at night – and appreciating it from a new perspective. It helped me a lot.

  13. Has anyone watched the Netflix show $ex Life (changed S to $ to avoid moderation)? I originally thought it was new and different and the $ex didn’t bother me that much but as I watched more episodes, it seemed like gratuitous (like we get it – we don’t need yet another one of those scenes), plus all of the characters are starting to become unlikeable. Can anyone tell me whether it’s worth watching to the end of season 1?

    2. I thought it was comically bad. The fooling around is 100% gratuitous. For me it fell in the so bad it’s good territory, but if you’re not liking it already, I would say it does not get dramatically better as the season goes on.

      1. +1 so bad it’s good. I don’t think it will ever be genuinely good. The cast being easy on the eyes helps.

    3. I did watch the whole season 1 and skipped the MANY $ex scenes as those did not brought anything to the plot.
      As a overworked/overtired 40-years mom of 2 toddlers who is no longer in the “hot romance” phase with her husband, I thought the premise of the show was interesting. It is rare that we see a woman in her 40s who seems to have it all questioning her life and being disappointed with her sex life. I could identify with the heroine at the beginning. However, after the 3rd episode, I could not stand her and her “struggles”.
      Plus the show is full of clichés: the ex boyfriend Brad is a rich “bad” boy wearing a leather jacket, driving a motorcycle and working in the music industry, etc. I think she idealized her past boyfriend Brad because he has not changed over the past 10 years. The husband was my favorite character.
      Is it worth watching the show? If you have laundry to fold or any other boring house tasks to accomplish, you can certainly have this show in the background.

    6. I (hate- ?) watched the entire season. The wife reminded me so much of Carrie from SATC in terms of needing drama from Big when she cheated on Aiden and then, THEN, when she finally got Big, being bored of married life.

  14. WWYD? Our company’s return-to-work date is set for next Monday. Cases are unfortunately rising in our area, although it’s in the “yellow” zone, as opposed to severe spread. The employer is requiring re-entry testing and is still encouraging people to practice social distancing. Masks are not required but encouraged in areas where groups may gather. Our desks are not on top of each other, FWIW. Would you push back against going back?

    1. I’d sit tight, most companies are pushing back the date. Share your concerns with your manager so there’s input from the employees.

    2. 100%. If the pandemic taught me anything, it’s that no one else is looking out for your best interests. They may want the best for you in some loose, unclear way, but it’s on you and only you to advocate for the specifics that you need to stay safe.

      1. +1. I caught a virus at work 9 years ago and work retrenched me. Still sick, wheelchair, can’t work and use brain well. Long COVID has been around forever, it was called Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, sometimes chronic fatigue syndrome and there’s no cure. Protect yourself.

    3. I would definitely not push back. It’s perfectly reasonable to be in the office now.

      1. wrong answer, hence the revisions to office opening policies and plans from all major corporations concerned about PR (not to mention actual health and safety).

        Offices should not be reopneing now.

    4. if you’re vaccinated and don’t live with anyone who isn’t, I would not be that bothered about going back, TBH.

    5. No. If you’re fully vaccinated and not immunocompromised (and don’t live with anyone who is), your risk from covid is likely less than the flu. Source: Ashish K. Jha, MD, MPH, Dean of Brown University School of Public Health. On the other hand, if you are immunocompromised, I would ask for an exemption to stay home, and explain the reasons.

      1. I’m still waiting for more data on the risk of mild breakthrough infection and the risk of long COVID from mild breakthrough infection. The data we have so far suggests that vaccination does NOT protect against long COVID in case of breakthrough infection, and that the risk of long COVID is higher than the risk of permanent/long term complications from the flu.

        2. That’s simply not correct. Based on everything we know about vaccines, a breakthrough infection is *much* less likely to result in long COVID than an infection in an unvaccinated person. Delta is bad enough as it is; let’s stop with the unnecessary fear mongering and panic.

          5. From those articles, here’s some of what we know so far.

            In an Israeli study on Delta, “1 in 5 breakthrough cases reported long COVID19, regardless of severity of disease.”

            From the article quoting Fauci: “‘We already know that people who get breakthrough infections and don’t go on to get advanced disease requiring hospitalization, they too are susceptible to long COVID,’ Fauci said. ‘You’re not exempt from long COVID if you get a breakthrough infection.'”

            The other concern is that when there are a lot of breakthrough cases, even if they are relatively mild, it provides an opportunity for a virus to mutate into increasingly vaccine resistant strains, with vaccinated people as their petri dish. Epidemiologists have been raising concerns about lifting the lockdown for vaccinated people for exactly this reason for some time. Vaccinated people, by catching and spreading the virus, could cultivate increasingly vaccine resistant strains.

            I’m glad that over 60s are getting less long COVID, but it’s always been a bigger concern for the younger survivors.

    6. I would push back if I had children. I live and work in the Louisiana parish with the highest number of Covid cases, and I am worried about getting Covid at work and spreading it to my child. I’ve been working in person since June 2020, and this is the first time I’m particularly worried about my 6 yo. The children’s hospitals in New Orleans and Baton Rouge are full of Covid cases, which was not the case in any of the first 3 waves. I know you’re in a yellow zone, but our Covid fatality rate is 6.5 times what it was a month ago.

  15. In light of the IPCC report on climate change that came out this morning, do any other ‘rettes experience this existential dread over the climate? I’ve been feeling like, what’s the point of saving for retirement anymore? What’s the point of trying to make partner at my firm? I’m 30 and feel I will be denied the opportunity to grow old, retire, and live comfortably like my parents. I’m in therapy and on meds- which is helping my distress over the situation but not my assessment of it. It’s really hard not to feel depressed over it.

    1. I feel you and so do all my friends. I recently came to the realization that I don’t think I can have kids on this planet. I simply can’t stomach the thought of raising children in a setting where we evacuate our home every year due to wildfires and can’t go outside due to bad air quality and where we watch the world’s low-income countries bear the brunt of the suffering that they largely didn’t cause. I’m already dealing with these problems RIGHT NOW – what would my kid be dealing with in 20 years? I don’t think our institutions (at least in the U.S.) are capable of any solutions. If we had competent, non-dysfunctional government, I might feel differently, but Trump 2024 or whoever comes after him is not going to solve the climate crisis. Neither are all the wealthy people here and elsewhere who are so eager to resume travel and consumption because they are insulated from the worst effects of this crisis.

      I’m also referring to “climate change” as “climate emergency” or “climate crisis” from now on.

    2. I’m not sure that I feel this way about the climate specifically, but the abject failure of national and global leadership when it comes to climate, the pandemic, etc., is making me feel concerned about the future and our institutions more broadly.

      But in terms of my own lifespan: I’m sure some people will make it into the future dome cities or whatever; why do you think you won’t?

    3. I sympathise. The best thing I’ve done for my climate anxiety is to reorient my professional life to work in the field (ESG investing specifically), and then try not to think about it when I’m off the clock. It’s what made Covid so much more difficult from an anxiety perspective – there wasn’t anything I could do about it!

    4. I barely watch the news except for local weather and traffic. I feel the world overall is a very depressing place. I still save for retirement and plan for the future. I am child free by choice and I don’t know why anyone would want to bring kids into this world that is increasingly getting worse.

    5. Yes, I struggle with this. I try to focus on doing responsible things in my personal choices and on supporting candidates who take it seriously… and on avoiding thinking about it when I am trying to be in the moment and enjoy things.
      I think realistically we’ll still be able to achieve a good old age and retirement, but that we will also be impacted by climate change for that entire period. By impacted, I mean that we will experience extreme weather, fires, wars, and the sadness of seeing animal extinctions we didn’t expect, for the rest of our lives. We will see natural places that were beautiful in our childhood become ugly and polluted. But there will still be children and birthdays and pets and chocolate cake and beautiful natural places.

    6. I started a “trick” a while ago. Whenever my parents say something political/ annoying that I disagree with, I donate $5 to a related cause. So if they talk about how “corrupt” Chicago is, I donate to a local org (MASK Chicago) helping build stronger communities. If they talk about climate change being a hoax, I donate $5 to EarthJustice and the EDF. It’s not much, but it helps me feel like cosmically, I’m negating their opinions. (I do have two organizations where I donate most of my time and efforts more substantially. This is in addition to that work.)

      I’ve started doing that with my anxiety as well. If I start to worry about climate, I find a nonprofit addressing that issue and donate a small amount. If I worry about racial relations and education, I donate to a Bail Fund or a local nonprofit serving unprivileged kids in the city. If I worry about respect for women and children, I donate to the Malala Foundation or Planned Parenthood.

      I don’t donate large amounts by any means, but it helps answer my anxiety in a productive way – I’m contributing to a better future and I’m adding my name to a list of people who care. I’m not able to make the big changes, but I can certainly help in a small way.

      1. Interesting point. I guess I have never done this in such a immediate response to specific thoughts/emotions -kind of way, but I have donated a large fraction of my annual giving to save-the-world type charities for as long as I can think of. All the way from giving my already has everything she needs-mom a certificate for protecting so many square feet of rainforest for her birthday as an undergraduate. The organizations that I give to shifted over time, but it’s been a constant. Between this and trying my best with lifestyle choices, I take comfort in knowing that I’m doing everything I can.

    7. I’m a scientist in a field relevant to climate change, so I’ve now spent half my life thinking about climate change almost daily in my research and teaching. It’s incredibly frustrating, because the recent pace of technological change has actually made me more optimistic about the feasibility of technical fixes, just as political polarization has made me more pessimistic that we can actually take advantage of that technology in time to make the changes we need to make. I always thought the problem with climate change was that the problem appeared too far in the future for people to want to make make changes. Covid showed me that even when people are dying right in front of you, people don’t care, if it’s to their political advantage not to.

      1. Your first sentence is so spot on.

        I have a five year old, and I really want to decide if I’m having a second now, and I am so disgusted by my country’s response to COVID I don’t have any faith we can handle anything. Leaning “no”. it’s disheartening.

      2. Covid made this so, so clear. Facing the truth when it’s scary is an inconvenient truth indeed.

    8. Yep, 100% with you on the existential dread. I also get really stressed out if I think about it too much in the context of having kids, which partner and I are actively trying to do.

      1. Ugh, I feel this hard. I want to have a child so badly. I LOVE this children in my life. But when I think about it too much it feels so selfish.

        1. I would never say this out loud to anyone, but I sometimes feel jealous of my friends who already have kids, because it’s a much harder decision to make with every passing season.

          1. This is part of why I decided to adopt. I did not add to population growth and I am not responsible for creating a life that might be severely impacted by climate change and a whole parade of bad possibilities.

      2. My now-husband and I almost separated pre-marriage about this (with my fears about climate change being the main driver for the no-kids plan). I’ve acquiesced and we have 2 kiddos now. I get through because we’re basically planning on leaving the corporate world in the next 5 years to start building the bunker

    9. I was saying something similar last weekend, and my friend’s husband said that he thinks it is suddenly going to become very profitable to innovate solutions to climate change. So we will end up managing it (if barely) based not on any ethical imperative, but because companies will see it as a way to make or save money. He mentioned manufacturing from carbon, which I know nothing about, but I do know this process has started with fake meat.

      Not sure what I think of this theory but it was new to me.

      1. So I work in ESG investing (as mentioned above) and the interesting thing is that there are a LOT of us in the field who are doing it because it’s the right thing to do… but when we are making professional decisions with other people’s money we are doing it because of the strong investment case. “Investing in the green recovery” etc.
        So it being a good investment makes it easier for those of us who WANT to do it, to do it. If that makes sense?

    10. Not at all. The environment is in much better shape in many respects than it was several decades ago. People have been predicting doom and gloom forever. If you look for the bad, you’ll find it. If you look for the good, you’ll find that too. Your choice.

      1. In what way is the environment in much better shape than it was several decades ago???

        1. Air and water pollution is way down in most developed countries, particularly the US. Cars are much more fuel efficient and much of the developed world is using much more clean energy than in the past. We have more protections for endangered species and habitats. It’s pretty easy to search online

          1. That’s really not the same as the environment being “in better shape.” You’re citing some actions that have been taken.

          2. Not really Monday. The air and water are objectively cleaner than they were in the 70s and 80s. The hole in the ozone layer is significantly smaller. Emissions in developed countries are less. I could go on but you have internet access so you can read about it yourself.

          3. Air and water pollution is exported into poor countries, it is not gone. US fossil fuel consumption is going up-up-up, so while we have more efficient cars, we also drive them more. This is easy to look up.
            I too take comfort in environmental protections like a strong National Park System. Clearly, there can be broad support for preservation. It is worth mentioning that the endangered species and habitats existed fine on their own, and then coexisted with humans for a few millennia without needing any protections.

        2. Not OP but air quality is much better in many areas (I spent part of my childhood in LA), water quality is the same. There are birds of prey in the sky again. When I was a teenager it was the hole in the ozone that was going to kill us all. When my parents were teens, it was the population explosion and nuclear war.

          I live in So Cal. I have been evacuated twice and think we are going to have severe water rationing this fall. Believe me I am not underestimating the issue of climate change. It is bad, getting worse and given what happened with Covid, I doubt the political will to make lifestyle changes to slow it. But for some of us it is not our first ride on the “the world is going to end” train.

      3. I’m the environmental scientist who posted above, not anon at 11:39, but we have actually made huge improvements in air and water quality since the 1970s (at least until the increases in wildfires reduced this in some places), have made massive improvements in fuel efficiency and building/appliance standards, and banned all kinds of pollutants like DDT, ozone depleting chemicals, etc. The Clean Air Act, Endangered Species Act and lots of other pioneering environmental legislation were bipartisan and signed into law by Nixon and other Republicans. We really can make changes for the better if we decide it’s a priority and like I said above, the rapid decrease in costs for carbon free electricity and improvements in batteries and electric cars have me increasingly optimistic that it’s feasible to make a significant difference in our climate trajectory if we really did prioritize it, but it will take a real effort that I just don’t see people being willing to pull together and make. Either way, though, a significant amount of warming is already locked in for the next century or so, so we also need to be prioritizing adaptation.

    11. Yeah I deal with this alllll the time. It’s one of many reasons DH and I are childfree. The climate crisis impacts every major life decision for me from housing to career. Sometimes I wish I could be ignorant and not know, I think life would be easier.

    12. I feel much the same that you do. I’m currently reading Entangled Life by Merlin Sheldrake, which is about fungi, and it’s making me feel a bit better. So many life forms on earth are so incredible and so adaptable that I think the planet will be ok, even if it will be different from what we know now. Whether or not humanity (and us individually) make it through depends on how people act in the next few decades, but somehow knowing that we are but a small part of the story makes me feel better.

      1. I think humans will become near-extinct, but that the planet will exist in some form. You’re right that we’re a small part of the story and there is no reason to believe that we cannot go extinct.

      2. This very long term view helps me somewhat, knowing that the planet itself is going to keep existing and there’s going to be some form of life here, but I also get incredibly sad thinking about the destruction of what already exists.

    13. I have so so much climate anxiety. I have two elementary school aged children and it breaks my heart what they are growing up to. I have some regrets bringing them into the world we have.

    15. I feel the same way. Late 30s, want a kid but also feel like what is the point? I definitely don’t, and won’t, have as good of a life as my parents and grandparents by any measure.

      1. Absolutely, and this isn’t just because of climate change. It’s also because of capitalism and baby bo0mers who pulled the ladder up behind them.

  16. Can anyone recommend cookbooks that are vegan or mostly vegan, with no fake-meat/fake-cheese/other substitutes?

    I’ve been 90% vegetarian for years (eat meat/fish/seafood 2-4 times a month), but recently found out that I’m largely lactose intolerant. I’m now cutting out of my repertoire all my vegetarian recipes that rely heavily on cheese and am finding myself coming up short on options. And there’s only so many eggs that I want to eat! So I’m hoping for some inspiration for some new vegetable based dishes, but I don’t like fake sausage/cheese etc.

    1. There are lots of options! If you’re able to do so, I’d recommend going to your largest nearby bookshop and looking through the cookbook section. If it’s anything like mine, there will be at least a few shelves of vegan and vegetarian cookbooks so you can leaf through and find things you like the look of.

      Personally I like Elly Pear’s Green, Rukmini Iyer’s Green Roasting Tin, and Mob Veggie.

    2. I like cookbooks (as well as her online recipes on 101cookbooks) by Heidi Swanson. She uses dairy from time to time, which I skip or swap for lactose-free products (fellow lactose-intolerant Corporette here).

    3. The Mediterranean Vegan Kitchen and The Supermarket Vegan are two that I’ve gotten a lot of use from. Either online or in book format I’d recommend 21 Day Vegan Kickstart and Engine 2 diet.

    4. I would also look into Indian cooking, or other Asian cuisines that you love. Beyond chicken curry, there is a world of amazing vegan dishes out there, with lentils, coconut milk, cashew paste, tofu and chickpeas in starring roles.

      1. Agree! My mom makes amazing Indian food and she has found new recipes to try via YouTube.

      2. African food is a good source for non-dairy, vegetable forward too. Basically, not European food.

        1. I would *love* some cookbooks or other suggestions for African food! I’m not super familiar with any African cuisines but have read several novels by African and African-American/European authors set in Africa (mostly Nigeria, Ghana and Cameroon) in the last few years and would love to explore the cuisines.

          2. I’m not a cook book person, so no recs. Are there any African restaurants in your metro area? Maybe try a bunch of stuff and then google recipes to recreate at home.

    8. For how you describe your diet, I recommend the Hemsley sisters (Hemsley + Hemsley). They have lots of recipes on a website, and two cook books.

      They do have both meat, fish and dairy in a few of their recipes, but no overly processed ingredients, so no fake-meat, fake-cheese etc. The dairy they do use is mainly full-fat yogurt, butter, ghee and parmesan. Ignore the bone broth evangelizing (unless that’s your jam) and oddities, and enjoy their recipes which really do taste lovely.

      Their coconut dahl is fantastic, it’s from one of the of the cook books, but here’s the recipe in a magazine: https://www.stylist.co.uk/life/recipes/coconut-dahl-recipe-with-zingy-slaw-weekday-healthy-meal-inspiration/255049

    9. Go to your local library! Mine has like 100000 cookbooks, it’s amazing. Some recent ones I’ve liked and remember the title of are Well + Good, Dinner by Melissa Clark (not exclusively veg but has some good veg recipes), the Vegetarian Athlete’s cookbook, the Zahav cookbook, Love and Lemons, Oh She Glows, Simple by Ottolenghi, VBQ.

    10. Lactose intolerance can be a side effect of some medications. I was lactose intolerant for the first year or 15 months when I started taking Zoloft (had a similar, immediate effect with just two doses of a tricyclic). It went away eventually, thank God, as I ended up taking Zoloft for seven years.

      1. Wow thank you for this. I am on a medication and it looks like .08% reported lactose intolerance as a side effect of this medication, and I fit the profile of typical patients who reported it (gender, age and length of time on medication). This is interesting to know!

    12. Robin Robertson’s One Dish vegan is good and without fake cheese/meat. She also has a bunch of other cookbooks, including one for vegan slow cooking that is good.

    13. Two I’ve found great lately:
      America’s Test Kitchen’s Vegan for Everyone
      East by Meera Sodha- Indian, Korean, Chinese, A bit of everything. Some of the stuff is vegetarian, but it’a mostly vegan.

  17. Has anyone been to colonial Williamsburg and Jamestown? Is it worth it? Any good hotel reds? All adult trip. Thanks. Planning to go mid-October. Thanks!

    1. I went to Colonial Williamsburg in late November and thought it was worth it for a day trip (was living in central VA at the time). They had gorgeous holiday decorations if your visiting time is flexible!

    2. We spent a few days in that area when I was a teen (so like – 20 years ago) and I can still remember the delicious sandwich we had in the main street. The silversmith had actually quite pretty jewelry and I still wear a pair of earrings my parents got me as a souvenir!

      1. I still wear a silver bracelet my mom got me from there when I was 12. (I’m now 39.) It’s a narrow sterling silver cuff.

        1. OMG – I forgot until just now that bracelet — which I also have and still wear — was also from that same silversmith. I bet we have the same one!!

      1. +1 This is not an adult trip in my opinion. I went with my son when he was in elementary school, along with his cousins, and we had a great time. Mainly because they had all just learned about it in school.

        1. Different strokes for different folks, because this sounds like a super fun trip to me and I’m solidly in adult territory.

    4. I’ve visited Williamsburg as an adult with other adults who might describe ourselves as “history nerds”. It’s really lovely and full of interesting history and artisans from that time period. You can watch a blacksmith demonstration and tour a recreated colonial era vegetable garden. I’ve never done longer than a day trip.

    5. I did a solo weekend trip as adult a few years ago. Depending on your interest in that time period, I found a weekend was enough time (but I had also been to both of those places as a kid, so maybe that’s why I didn’t feel like I needed as much time.) I did a full day in Williamsburg and then a morning in Jamestown before heading home. Mid-October will be a beautiful time to go and the weather will probably be great for walking around outside. No hotel recs, but if you’ve never been to Williamsburg before, definitely try eating in one of the on-site restaurants.

    6. My husband went over 4th of July before we met and he loved it. My mom went over Christmas one year and loved the decorations and little shops.

    7. I went to college in Williamsburg! If you and your friends are history buffs, I think colonial Williamsburg is a great place to spend a weekend, but probably not any longer than that. If you like amusement parks there is Busch gardens. If you want to stay in colonial Williamsburg the Williamsburg Inn is beautiful. My favorite restaurants are the Cheese shop (the sandwich shop someone mentioned above), the Blue Talon (lovely French food), DoG Street Pub (comfort food and craft beer). People love Food for Thought but I always found the wait to be ridiculous and the food to be average. If you want dive-y food the three deli (Green Leafe, Paul’s Deli, and College Delly) are your spot! I think William and Mary’s campus is gorgeous (I’m biased) and it is right near colonial Williamsburg so I suggest a short walk through campus.

    8. Late reply that I don’t know if you’ll see – If you like history, yes, you’ll like CW as an adult! If you’re not a history buff – if you wouldn’t go to Saint Augustine or the Alamo or Gettysburg or whatever historic site is in your neck of the woods, don’t bother with CW. But if you’re interested in history, there is so, so much there! We live nearby and often walk the streets (because they’re open just like any neighborhood – private citizens live in many of the houses as private residences) and love seeing the gardens or catching snippets of what the interpreters are saying (you do have to pay to listen to them).

      I highly recommend visiting the national park at Yorktown that’s next door-ish. They do a fantastic job interpreting the significance of the Revolutionary battle fought there (“The world turned upside down” from Hamilton, if you’re a fan) and the lives of the people who lived in the town (that’s also a living history site like CW).

      Since we’re local, I can’t recommend any lodging, but I’ve heard the CW facilities are very nice.

      1. Oh! I just remembered that you can rent one of the historic CW homes, just like you would an AirBnb! Info’s on their website.

  18. Is the skirt length pictured here what you’re seeing in the real world? This skirt is high waisted and below the knee so, in total, it’s a long skirt from top to bottom. I tend to wear skirts that start slightly below my belly button and end above the knee.

    1. I’ve seen some of this, but my advice is to wear what looks best on you. I find this tends to look good on tall, thin body types. It looks terrible on my figure so I have zero interest in following this trend!

    3. No, it looks like it belongs in film noir on the leggy ingenue and is a high degree of difficulty for IRL wear, but it’s gorgeous in theory!

      1. I like this shape (tea length fitted?), but find that even with a back vent and stretchy material it tends to shorten my stride and ride up like crazy. I have learned to stop buying these skirts accordingly.

    4. I’m happy to hear that. I don’t like the high waisted or the longer length. And while I’m absolutely not a slave to fashion, I also don’t want to look 20 years out of date.

    5. Hmm I do think hemlines are longer now. I am not sure I’d retire all your above knee skirts but you might try a skirt that hits you mid knee or just at the bottom of the knee next time you buy one. That’s considered a classic length.

    6. I like and wear this silhouette. I am straight-figured and think my knees are the most unattractive part of my body, so I feel good in this kind of skirt or, more commonly, a body-skimming dress of this length.

      1. + 1, I love this look. I am long waisted and not wild about my knees, so it works.

    7. I love wearing skirts in all shapes and forms and I’ve noticed that longer a – line flowy skirts are in fashion, as are mini or shorter skirts. This narrow longer skirt is more classic in my mind, rather than trendy because of the combo of fabric and shape. Then again, I’m a bit of an outlier in my city where most people dress in lululemon leggings or jeans, so skirt lengths are hard to gage. The few times I see a handful of others wear skirts they are either above or at the knee, or long and flowy, even in in the business district downtown.

    8. It looks very Prime Of Miss Jean Brodie to me. Not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s a *look*

  19. I’m on vacation by myself and it hasn’t been as relaxing as I hoped (covid stress and people in my destination town not wearing masks are making it worse) so I’m cutting it short. Unfortunately my flight home got cancelled so I’m here for another day. I’m so upset about it, I just want to be home. How do I try to salvage the day? I have access to a nice pool but that’s it. Ugh, so many regrets about this trip.

    1. Go sit by the pool by yourself!! People are not catching Covid sitting outdoors away from others.

      1. This. And if you’re vaccinated you can relax a lot. Highly recommend spending time looking at what being vaccinated actually means.

    3. I don’t get it. You’re vaccinated right? So you know that covid when you’re vaccinated is basically a cold? You’re going to ruin your vacation because you’re worried about catching a cold? Go sit by the pool and chill

    4. Sit by the nice pool and read a great book. I loved Anxious People recently, also am halfway through The Spies of Shilling Lane and liking it a lot.

  20. I would like to give a toast at my SIL’s wedding this weekend. Any tips or advice? We are very close to SIL, I’ve known her for almost 20 years and there are a number of wonderful things I could say about her, but we don’t know her partner very well. I would hate to only talk about SIL and not say much about partner, so I was thinking about talking more generally about marriage, love, relationships, etc. with a bit of personal stuff about SIL mixed in. On that note, does anyone have any great poems or passages (not religious) that would be good for this? Or any advice on best toasts you’ve witnessed or given? Any ideas appreciated!

    1. Not to rain on your parade but I have never once wished for more toasts at a wedding. The shorter and more personal, the better. I would come up with maybe 5-6 sentences about how you’re so happy for SIL’s happiness, grateful for how welcoming she was to you, and toast to future good times with the newlyweds.

      1. Cosign this. As a friend of mine says: Be brief, be brilliant, and be gone!

    2. No no no, I’d definitely give a heartfelt speech about SIL. Then talk about the qualities she was looking for in her partner, and how you think her new husband meets those (or talk about the first time you met her partner and what your impression was). then you can end with something more generic. I think it’s a given that people giving toasts will know one party more than the other. So for it to be balanced, there should be a good mix of who gives toasts. Be personal and highlight how wonderful your SIL is! I learned soooo much about my good friend’s partner from the best man speech.

        1. If you haven’t actually been asked to give a toast, but still want to share these thoughts with the couple, write them a heartfelt card.

    3. Congratulate the groom on what a smart, funny, fabulous new bride he has (and share whatever poignant or funny anecdote you want about her). Wish the two of them all the very best. Just be sure to keep it short and sweet.

    4. You can include the partner by building on your SIL relationship, if you want, but it’s not necessary. But don’t do a speech more generally about marriage, love, relationships. Keep it personal and short.

      You can start with talking about how great SIL is and how grateful you are that awesome SIL made you part of your family – insert a maximum of one short anecdote – and that you are looking forward to the years together in the family and hopefully being half as awesome an SIL to your SIL’s new partner. Make a toast, and then you’re done.

  21. Further to the comment above about friends talking about a down payment, has anyone else noticed that your friends have become a little… idk how to put it nicely, maybe too far in their own bubble… during the pandemic? Before the pandemic my friends were all so gracious about things like down payments and engagement rings and wedding prices, especially when it comes to family help. Plenty of people in the friend group dont come from family money or make a lot of money now, we’re a pretty diverse bunch. I got together with a group over the weekend and had a similar experience to the person above, but about wedding stuff. My friends were never so snobby about wealth before! It was really upsetting! You could tell a lot of people were uncomfortable. It’s as if people retreated back to their families and forgot that other people with other experiences exist in the world. Has anyone else noticed this?

    1. My first reaction was “no, that sounds made up,” but when I thought about it… yes actually. I can think of some examples of unprecedently clueless comments. I’m sure it goes both ways though.

    2. I have obviously noticed this too. Glad I’m not the only one because that whole conversation with my friends I felt like I’d fallen into crazy land.

    3. I commented before that I think my friends are cranky now. One conversation that went a little sideways was about money / health insurance premiums, believe it or not. I am not sure what it is but people responded to my post that lockdown caused some people’s social skills to get a little rusty. I hope that’s what it is because my recent friend group interactions have been so prickly and uncomfortable, if we were new friends I’d probably decline future get-togethers.

      1. Funny how it’s only everybody’s friends who are cranky, but not anybody here themselves ;)

        2. yeah, it’s entirely possible that I am less willing to put up with/too tightly wound to let go stupid comments that I maybe would have in 2018. Although I was moving in that direction from 2016 probably, it’s not all the pandemic’s fault.

          1. I’m the person who wrote the cranky comment. I can be cranky too but I know when I am cranky, or at least in hindsight I recognize it. In the couple of interactions where my friends snapped at me I think I was annoying them by being too excited about seeing them.

    4. Well, yeah. It’s not hard to understand this happened because for over a year, we limited in-person socializing to very small circles. For many of us, that meant we didn’t see anyone from our larger friend groups in person at all… instead prioritizing time with close family. That means that instead of balanced experiences with in person socializing like normal (a mix of work conversations, mixed friend groups, etc) it’s just your tiny family bubble… so hopefully we can all re-learn how to converse like normal humans again.

    5. I think lots of people got wealthier during the pandemic, and it was NBD to get wealthier – they stayed home, got paid full salaries, saved on commuting costs/lunches/clothing, and the market has nearly doubled since last March. So because people are richer and have made their first, second, third, or whatever million, it’s now NBD. So they have an attitude about it.

    6. I already am a foot in mouth type of person and have become a total idiot socially :). So yes.

  22. I might be too late for the morning thread here but I figured I’d give it a try. I’ll be starting a new job at a firm with some very fashionable attorneys. I will be getting a 14 inch Dell Latitude laptop. I’m looking for a new everyday bag to carry my laptop, purse contents and other accoutrements. I really like the Jemma Bag Emma 37 in navy but it says it only fits up to a 13 inch laptop. I will be driving to work but walking about two blocks from my parking garage to the firm. I can spend up to $500 on this. Tell me your faves!

    I guess it would help if I told you what I normally carry on a given day: cell phone, planner, notepad or 3, a pouch with various medical stuff (about the size of a makeup kit), small wallet, kindle, sometimes a frozen Amy’s meal, and now a laptop.

    2. I carry the regular Cuyana tote for this. If I’m traveling I put my laptop in a neoprene zipper case within my tote but to be honest, for just going to the office, which is a similar commute to yours, I just put the laptop straight into the tote.

      I have the regular tote in Stone and the zipper tote in Burgundy. I use the zipper tote more in the winter; prepared for rain. Both are great neutrals.

    4. Cuyana zipper tote. If you think you’ll ever be walking any more than that, I’d get a backpack. That’s a lot for one shoulder.

      1. Thanks. I was thinking of a backpack too. I have old shoulder and neck injuries and had to use a rolling suitcase for a bit in law school. I figured I’d carry it more as a tote than as a shoulder bag but point taken. Sometimes function should trump fashion, particularly in messy New England weather.

      2. I have a 15-inch laptop for work and use the Cuyana trapeze. Fits a small lunch and regular purse contents. It’s held up well through heavy use. Mine is black but they have other colors.

    6. I love my large Brahmin totes for work. They look dressy but take a beating and are really light weight. I don’t think the slouchy Cuyana look is dressy enough, and the Dagne Dover weighs a ton.

  23. I wanted to share a lightbulb moment in case it’s helpful to anyone else. My mother has terrible taste in men and she’s unfortunately passed that along to me. She has encouraged me to continue to see guys who didn’t treat me well and has discouraged me from staying with men who did. I’ve had to distance myself from her for the sake of my love life.

    I recently had a milestone birthday party and my mom met some of my friends and their SOs for the first time. She’s heard a little bit about two guys in particular, who we’ll call Adam and Bob. Adam is a wonderful hardworking man who does manual labor for a living. Bob is a complete POS and is a very wealthy professional. I despise Bob with my entire being because of how he treats my friend, but I’m of course polite to him for her sake. Well you can guess where this is going. My mother disliked Adam and loved Bob. When I asked why, she listed all superficial things about Adam – she didn’t like the way he dressed, he was gruff (he’s introverted). She loved Bob because he was dressed nicely and he was polite and deferential to her. She could not see through how fake he was, which I can’t understand because his sickeningly sweet/fake voice is like nails on a chalkboard, it makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I don’t know why it never clicked for me that my mother is all about outward appearances and social standing. When she was criticizing MY boyfriends it never seemed so black and white. I really wish I had realized this like 20 years ago, would’ve saved me a lot of trouble.

    1. Bob sounds like my sister’s ex husband who also charmed our mom. He was totally fake and literally charmed the pants off many, many women while married to my sister.

    2. ugh, so disappointing to figure this out (my mother is like this too), but now you have clarity

    3. ugh YES. When my dad said he didn’t think I should marry my now husband because we didn’t look “passionately in love” meaning there was no screaming drama, it was one of my signs that I’d found a good partner. In the moment his comment really hurt because you want your parents to approve of your choices. But I’ve retrained myself to go against what I learned in my upbringing and I’m so (quietly, un-dramatically) happy now.

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