ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 274 Comments

Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Chlo Shirt

A woman wearing a green long sleeve top and green pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This bottle-green blouse from Sézane is listed as one of the brand’s “top 30” items, and it’s not hard to see why. The embroidered band on the button placket and collar add a little something special to this silk button-up, and it comes in 20+ colors and fabrics.

Pick your favorite and wear it tucked into a midi skirt as the weather starts warming up.

This blouse is $130 at Sézane and comes in sizes 0–16.

This option from CeCe is available in 1X–3X and is $69 at Nordstrom.

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

274 Comments

  1. Has anyone had experience with mesothelioma? Healthy 59 year old father in law was diagnosed incidentally last summer. He has had surgery, radiation, and unfortunately despite that it has spread from lungs to abdomen causing lots of fluid and another hospitalization last week. He has no known asbestos exposure. I guess I don’t know what I’m asking, but just feel so scared for him and mother in law (who is losing her mind with stress). Husband and I just spent the past 12 days at their house trying to support and comfort them both (him physically and her emotionally). We are drained.

    1. No experience with this, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you’re all going through this.

    2. I have no advice for you but I am so, so sorry that your family is in these circumstances. I am glad you were able to spend some time with them – you will never regret that, no matter how exhausting it was. Hoping for comfort, peace and dignity in the time ahead.

    3. I’m very sorry. I have no experience with mesothelioma but my observation from a different cancer is that it is a stressful awful time.

    5. I’m so sorry. Spend all the time with him that you can. Is there anything you can do to help put his affairs in order? With hospitalizations and pain, he may not be able to.

    6. I’m so sorry. Having been in a similar situation, my two pieces of advice are a) throw money at problems and b) ask for help. We had to drop everything and spend two weeks out of state, and I will never, ever forget the way people stepped up and showed kindness. We will be thinking about you over here.

    7. No experience, I am sorry your family is going through this.
      Do area hospitals offer support assistance for MIL?

    8. I’m so sorry you are your family are going through this. I am a doctor (hospitalist) and have experience working with families where someone has mesothelioma, but I haven’t experienced it from your side.

      One suggestion is to ask about what kind of palliative care services are available at the hospital. These teams vary, but a good team can help manage your FIL’s symptoms, serve as a constant across other teams, ensure that necessary documents are complete and current, facilitate communication when there are multiple specialists, amplify your FIL’s wishes, and connect your family to support services in the community.

  2. Every time I see a “matching set” I have a Royal Tennenbaums / Run-DMC flashback. This picture is the office version, no?

        1. it buttons but isn’t meant to be IMHO. I think this is more of a “what I’d wear for a day cafe-hopping in Paris” top than an office look.

          1. Oh, wow. What a difference glasses and a bigger screen make. I have pictures of me in Paris in July wearing a sweatshirt underneath a raincoat, so it’s not a sternum-bearing locale for me. Also, I think that my no-bra open-shirt days are behind me except for medical procedures. I’m a fun one now.

          2. oh that was unlucky! our last 2 trips were in September and perfectly temperate for low-cut silk ;)

        2. I am wearing this shirt today. It buttons all the way to to the neck – full prime and proper.

        3. Unclench the pearls, ladies. It’s just a blouse styled that way. I have a couple and they’re basic office wear.

    2. Sezanne seems absolutely determined to photograph its clothes in such a way that you can’t tell what they look like.

        1. BR is doing it, too. While it makes the website look more editorial, it is not very helpful for actually, you know, picking out clothes.

          1. You’re right, BR is another key offender. It really discourages me from buying from either company.

      2. Seriously I can never tell how long anything is anymore, which is a real consideration as a tall person.

        1. Tall arms/legs here: The shirt bodies are on the short side, but the sleeves have been okay-ish. I’ve had mixed luck with the pants – I’ve got a pair that are great with flat shoes or a short heel, but the jeans were not hitting where i wanted. and those were the Tall pants options for the jeans. Which they define as…anyone over 5’7″?

  3. Calling those super talented internet shopping sleuths; any good sources for a belt like the one pictured here over this dress? I bought this dress and have others I like with a belt but need a new one. I instigated a chat with the company but the Bot failed me. Ordering from Canada which can limit options. Thanks! https://www.hatley.com/en/products/celine-maxi-dress-cobblestone?sku=671374514662&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=&utm_campaign=pmax-catchall-ca-fr&utm_content=&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAxaCvBhBaEiwAvsLmWOaHPTPz3Pw03yS2WV_CprC63RmTcjfzeieHpY83FC-FRXwmIJfatRoCkQEQAvD_BwE

    1. I mean this gently but that belt is ugly and you would be better off with something else.

      1. Okay, I will bite. why do you think it’s ugly? what do you recommend, instead? I like it, though would prefer less gold/metal. I want a similar weight, size, brown leather belt.

        1. I’ll bite: it’s shiny. And I hate stamped leather patterns. I have gotten good think non-shiny non-stamped belts from Banana Republic and Love41 / Saddleback Leather. And stretchy ones from shop buru dot com.

    2. I had never heard of ‘Hatley’ before so I looked up their locations. No idea how that store manages to stay afloat in Ottawa with flouncy boho things, no one dresses like that.

      2. I have a few of their things. They do some good tee-shirt dresses and plain linen shifts but I mentioned this week I bought two of these type of dresses and a great pair of chambray pants and light weight sweater. The store in Ottawa (and Kingston) has been around for years. But I also have a half dozen dresses like this from Boden so at least I wear them!

      1. The belt is too wide for the beltloops of the jeans it’s shown with. I think I like Sezane, but 1993 wants its belt back.

        1. I’m not saying I liked it, I was just answering OP’s question without my editorial comments. She didn’t ask if we liked the belt or not.

    4. My comment with a link is in moderation, but google Sezane Sophie Belt. That should get you what you’re looking for.

  4. Just ordered cute champagne colored sneakers. Help me find a new cute outfit for an April conference in Vegas. Attendees will be casual and I want to be stylish with a jacket or sweater in case the hotel is freezing. I’m a petite pear with a belly!

  5. I tried the Catherine boyfriend jeans from Kut from the Kloth and liked the look and material, but they were too large in the waist (perfect on the hips/thighs/butt). Does anyone know of any other cuts for a mid-rise, straight leg that are a bit narrower in the waist? TIA!

    2. This is a pretty easy job for a tailor! I think the rag & bone Dre has a slightly slimmer waist with a boyfriend leg, but obvi a higher price point.

      1. The Dre runs quite large in the waist.I had to size down to keep them from falling off, and they are still slouchy in the waist despite my total lack of curves.

        In general, boyfriend jeans are designed to be straight and loose in the waist because they are supposed to look like you borrowed a man’s jeans. If you want the looser leg with a fitted hip and waist, you need a straight-leg style.

  6. Just found out that I lost out on a director level role to an older male candidate with a less impressive resume (but who has led a large team before). UGH. The VP then offered me a manager role….for $40k less than I’m currently making and with the added benefit of worse vacation/health insurance and mandated days in office! I don’t even know what the thought process was there but thankfully that offer occured via email so I could bang my head on my desk before politely thanking him for the time and turning it down.
    It’s a schoolnight, so no drinks this evening, but I’m booking myself a massage this weekend and a long lunch today.

    1. I’m a bit concerned by this. Can the company say “Anon turned down a manager role so obviously the VP role would be a bad fit”? It seems like they wanted you to turn down that offer and I wonder what they gain from it.

      1. Was the offer widely out of line with pay in their industry? They very well mi go t have not known that OP got paid more in her current role or what her benefits currently are. So, I wouldn’t assume they wanted her to turn it down

        1. This. I’m the OP and my current company is widely known for having high pay/great benefits but I’ve realized most hiring managers/HR don’t realize just how good they are.

      2. I don’t think it was nefarious – they’re down 3 people on the team I would have managed as a Director so they are desparate for bodies. I just had to shake my head at the audacity of the ‘hey, so this $450k blended comp role is a no, but how about this $200k flat salary role’ instead?
        TBH my current company is more prestigious than their company so I’m not super worried about blowback – in academic terms it would be as if I was tenured at Harvard and this was for a department head role at Brown. It’s a step up in comp/responsibility but a step back in overall company prestige.

    3. This happened to me a very long time ago. Similar situation, then offered the role I was interviewing to a man who was less of a fit than I was & then offered me a role reporting to him for less than my current pay. I don’t know what they were thinking, but I didn’t even consider taking it. Within about 2 years that man was fired (widely known in my industry) and they tried to get me to talk to them again but I turned them down.

      With the benefit of hindsight it all turned out for the best. You’ll find the role that’s right for you, I promise. It wasn’t this one.

    4. The company’s benefits and policies are a separate issue and if you’ve got a better deal, keep it. But sometimes another candidate is better for a particular job, and the higher you go the less it is about what’s on your resume. Soft skills become much more important.

      1. Sometimes it’s not your soft skills that are the issue. Your soft skills may be fine. But if the person to whom the position reports has peculiarities, they may be looking for someone who matches his/her peculiarities. That is not about you. That is about the person with the peculiarities.

        1. Let me guess – the person in charge of hiring was of the same general age/race as the person he hired? So sick of the old boys club.

          1. I mean. Hiring the person for a big role who has more experience managing big teams doesn’t scream problematic to me.

    5. There must be something in the water – a friend just lost out on a internal director level role she’d been doing unpaid for the last year in favor of an external (male) hire. Her company is apparently notorious for not promoting from within and is apparently baffled as to why they lose good talent at the manager level and above. What a mystery….

  7. I posted last week about whether to keep or return a pair of wide-leg pants that fit really well but didn’t make me look or feel great. Maybe this truly is an issue with my eyes needing to adjust, but I am so frustrated. I have tried on or returned 20+ pairs of pants in the last couple of months. I am tired of things either not fitting my body well, or if they do, as is the case with the wide-leg pants, they do nothing for me. I should know by now that anything extreme looks very out of place on me. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s my body. Maybe it’s my essence. I just know that if I’m not excited about it right away, it’s usually a lost cause.

    At age 44, I am exhausted from the never-ending-ness of trying to be (or remain) stylish. This isn’t a fun way to express myself. I am starting to understand why my mom stopped wearing jeans at some point. They’re too hard to fit, and rarely as comfortable as they should be. I now understand why the older people I know wear the same clothes or styles all the time. I truly wish I could stop caring because it would make my life easier. And yet I want to look cute and attractive and like I care.

    Lots of ranting on a fashion blog, but I figured someone else could relate. I care, and yet I wish I didn’t.

    1. I guess I feel like you can look cute and attractive without looking stylish/trendy. I’m 41 and definitely don’t want to give up and look frumpy, but I also don’t care about keeping up with Gen Z’z trends. I actually think I look better now because I wear what works for my body and I feel good in, and I don’t try to follow trends.

      1. +1. I have changed (and will change) the silhouette of my pants over the years but some things just don’t look good on me. Kick flare crops, wide legged cropped jeans, heavily distressed jeans (among others) are just not going to be my thing.
        Instead of wide legged jeans what about trouser style ones? Or just a straight leg vs. skinnies? You also have my permission to just find other pants if you prefer!

      2. +1

        I have also stopped caring as much about what is “flattering” (aka what makes me look thinnest). Why does everything have to be flattering? Just wear what you like and is comfortable and stop angsting over it.

        1. I agree with focusing on feeling cute and attractive without having to be trendy, but the older I get the more I care about clothes’ being flattering as opposed to being a victim of trends. Flattering doesn’t have to mean “makes me look thin,” but it does mean “polished and proportionate” and “of a color that makes me look alive.”

          1. And doesn’t specifically highlight what I consider my worst feature. The 22 year olds in the office seem to be comfortable showing off terrible beer bellies in very tight high waist pants and crop tops, but I’m not.

          2. This. When I was 25, I would have looked freakin amazing in a burlap sack. At 43, I need structure, something that fits well, and appropriate colour for my complexion.

        2. I don’t have to look thin, but I know when I … don’t look good and am fooling myself.

        3. Anon at 12:46: that’s exactly my point.”Structure” “something that fits well” – it’s all just code for looking thin/small. Wear a sack if you want even if it makes you look bigger!

          1. (Not 12:46)
            No, it isn’t.
            Structure is also the quality and weight of the fabric and the way the garment is put together.
            Something that fits well means that the garment works for the proportions and shape of the body it is on. That also applies to bodies that are not thin.

          2. You say wear what you want. I want to wear clothes that fit my curves, are comfortable, and look professional. That means for example finding pants that fit my waist and my hips, without being overly tight or loose. I also want to feel like I look like myself and feel good in it. To me that is flattering, but it certainly isn’t making me look smaller.

            I don’t want to wear a sack, all that extra fabric would annoy me. If you would like a sack, I’m happy for you, but its reasonable to want clothes that fit and are your style.

        4. Flattering is not synonomous with thinning. Flattering is an outfit, cut, and color that looks good on you. This is a fashion blog, dear.

      3. +1 Skinny jeans forever, with looser tops. I think they are comfortable and suit my silhouette, and I don’t have to worry about heels or hems or dragging them through puddles because they all hit at my ankle

        2. Same. There is nothing I find “fresh” or “fun” about the latest denim trends. My skinny jeans work for my shape and I see no reason to chase an aesthetic that is nonsense on my body.

    2. You’ve put a lot of your life energy into this. You can stop. This internet stranger gives you permission to focus on other things.

        1. OP says she’s exhausted and not having fun with this. Sometimes people need a reminder that it’s ok to stop what you started – especially when it comes to something like pant width.

      3. Your permission? This internet stranger thinks you don’t know how gross you sound right now.

    3. You’ve learned something valuable: you don’t want to wear wide-leg pants. So, you get to cross that trend off your list and move on. There’s no requirement for you participate in every trend in order to look like you care.
      What pants cut DO you want to wear? Every single possible leg style is available right now. Can you find something more in line with what you want to wear, that also has a nod to a current cut?

      1. This is the way! There are so many types of pants that you can wear right now that aren’t extreme wide legs. Even straight leg or boyfriend cut are a nod to what’s current, especially if you get a lighter wash. Maybe incorporate some more current make up, tops, and shoes to your straight leg and you will look like you keep up.

    4. Are you still shopping at the same kinds of stores that you shopped at when you were in your 20s and 30s? There is a reason that the mom in This Is 40 was crying about shopping at Ann Taylor, JJill, and Talbots! When we get a little older, our bodies change so the stores that cater to our bodies have clothes that accommodate a little bit more in the belly area. Also, fashion right now is not great.

      1. OP here, and maybe this is part of the problem. Ugh. I’ve always been a pear but now it seems that I have a thicker middle, too.

        1. Are you still shopping with the same budget per item that you did in your 20s and 30s? Part of getting older is sometimes spending more per item but buying less items. Better thicker materials hides more things you don’t want to highlight.

        2. You’re a pear and surprised you don’t like wide legs? Putting weight aside I’ll bet you hate them because they emphasize the imbalance of your proportions. Have you tried curvy fit bootcut or straight legs with a lighter colored top? I’ll bet you like that look much better on you.

      2. Eh I think shopping at J. Jill in your early 40s is a great way to look like you’ve given up. You can shop at current stores without trying to dress like a Gen Z influencer.

    5. Now is the time to find your personal style. There’s a lot of older influencer types to follow who find what works for them and it’s trend-less, like Accidental Icon and California is too Casual. Wide legs and flares have always worked for me, I’ve got an Ally McGraw, 70s kind of look and I stock up when they’re “in”. I sat out the entire skinny jeans era and continued to wear my flares and am just updating them now. When things I like come in, I buy a lot and hold onto them. You can have a lot more fun when you let trends go.

      1. Does your body shape never fluctuate? I’m envious. I actually physically feel best in a bootcut because they are shaped for my body type but literally nobody wears them around here, so it feels dorky and dated. And the shoe choices are limited.

        1. Luckily my shape doesn’t but my weight certainly does, I buy a little bigger so I’ve always got some room to grow, so to speak. In your case, I’d wear the bootcuts, I retire clothes when they look worn out but if it’s in good condition and looks good on you, that matters so much more. There’s also other ways to update a look, like wearing colors that are “in,” but again only if they flatter you. I also really go for a polished look which helps things look intentional versus dated.

    6. I think current fashion is ugly. I just don’t think most people look good in most of the current trends. I have yet to see anyone in the real world who looks good in wide leg pants.

    7. Pants are really the problem, not you. I have decided that I will buy on repeat, despite the trends, the jeans and pants that fit me and feel good, and are as flattering as they are going to be. Then, I add in trends in tops, accessories, shoes, etc. That is as good as it is going to get! It is not you, it is the clothes. And who makes up these trends anyway? Just ignore the ones that happen to be pants.

    8. Stylish and trendy are not the same. Wearing an ugly trend is definitely not stylish.

    9. You can look cute and attractive and like you care without forcing yourself to adjust to every trend out there, especially if it doesn’t work for your body.
      I’m a little older than you and my focus is on what works for my body, instead of what is trendy. I have, for example, never worn a pair of cropped jeans because I know they won’t work. I won’t even try them on becauee I know my body. The same was true when skinny jeans were all the rage.
      Another thing that I do is have a tailor altet pieces that are almost but not quite. Simple things like taking in the waist or adding a couple of darts can make a world of difference.

    10. I’m 45 and I’ve gone through highs and lows with my wardrobe. I’m tall and full figured (cusp of plus) so that’s an additional challenge.
      Fashion and style is a hobby for me, and I started a subR*ddit specifically for over-35 fashionistas called “fashionwomens35” (I know, terrible name) so if you’re on that form of social media, please do pop by. You are not alone! Many women are struggling with no recognizing their bodies, feeling like it’s a constant battle, not feeling cute or stylish or even basically pulled together, not wanting to shop at their old standby stores because the quality has dropped or the styles don’t feel like “them”, but not really knowing what other stores there are, and so on.
      I’ve eased into mostly dramatic classic styles (meaning the dreaded quiet luxury) but with a touch of punk, rock, grunge, artsy fun. So I’m wearing a basic v-neck cashmere sweater but with a pair of carrot/ovoid pants + super funky clogs + a pair of those Bing Cherry drop earrings that match the clogs in color.
      I found a solution that works for me (for now):
      80% of my closet is functional, easy-wear basics with interest/high end basics mostly second hand, thrifted, TRR.
      10% is occasion-wear: super pretty dresses from Anthro or special finds from ThredUp or wherever
      10% is wild funky artsy fun playful stuff–just enough to make me feel happy and add some interest to my outfits. So a pair of Togo Pulla shoes in metallic royal blue, Alexis Bittar statement rings, a trendy and impractical Diesel purse, stuff like that.
      I also use wardrobe apps! I have OpenCloset to track wears and CPW and their AI outfit suggestions, and Whering for their “paper doll” function. That paper doll outfit builder has saved my bacon several times over. If I’m considering, say, a pair of shoes, I screenshot, add temporarily to my Whering closet, and then attempt to build *at least* 10 outfits with them. And not just “a dress + these shoes”! I’ve done this with almost all my major purchases in the last year and it’s been extremely helpful to see what items are doomed to wither away because only 3 things match them, and what items will get worn over and over because they are so versatile.
      Anyhow, best of luck! It’s not easy.

      1. Not OP but I will check out that subre ddit! A new job + weight changes have me rethinking most of my wardrobe.

    11. I’m 46, and definitely not trendy. My actual tastes haven’t changed much in the past twenty years, as I’ve fluctuated sizes from a 4 to a 12 and all points in between. There are certain cuts / styles that make me feel put together and powerful, and it shows in my attitude when I wear them.

      Am I the only person in my office who still routinely wears pencil skirts and heels? Yes. Am I regularly complimented on my outfits and attitude? Also yes, and, I’m convinced it’s how I wear the clothes and present myself – not the clothes themselves.

  8. Trench coat question: I lost the belt to my beloved olive green trench coat. The manufacturer (Hobbs) no longer makes this particular coat. Used versions on Poshmark cost $100+ (and it seems silly to buy a new trench coat for just the belt). Do I buy a new trench? Wear the trench without the belt? Something else that I’m not thinking of?

    1. Why not buy another belt in a contrasting color/fabric? This seems like something etsy or a local notions/fabric store should be able to fix.

    2. Ask a local tailor if they could make one? It may be more economical to buy the used one though. IDK if the calculus on usable life left for the trench warrant either expense.

    3. Can you wear it with a contrasting belt? Perhaps from a lower priced secondhand trench coat?

    4. I lost the belt for my black winter puffer and purchased a third party replacement…. it might be trickier with olive, but worth a shot. lots of options on ebay and am*zon. If the color match is tricky, you could also match to the lining, or try a different accent color.

      1. That’s a good idea, you could also go a very contrasting color like red or raspberry to look intentional rather than tried to match and missed.

        1. I feel very dumb about this — but would red work with olive green? It’s the Saskia trench in olive green, and I am terribly un color coordinated.

          1. No, don’t for red with this coat.

            You could do a dusty peachy pink with this olive, or a dusty warm teal, if you want a contrast. Same colour intensity and darkness as the coat.

            You could also go for a slighly darker olive, for a tonal look.

            For the scarf idea, a floral with peach, brick red, aqua, cream and olive would be lovely.

    5. Do you actually belt the coat? If you tie the belt in back the way many people do, could you replace the belt with a rolled-up scarf in a pattern that includes olive green?

    6. I had this happen with a trench coat and even though they didn’t make it anymore, when I called the company they somehow dug one out of a warehouse and sent it to me. So might be worth reaching out to Hobbs if you haven’t already? Otherwise I agree with trying to find/having one made in a contrasting color. Depending on the cut of the trench, if it looks okay without the belt, you could also just have the loops removed.

    7. Can you take off the belt loops and wear it as a boxy coat? Wearing without the belt could work, but taking the belt loops off eliminates the lost belt look.

      1. It’s the Saskia trench coat by Hobbs and so while it would look boxy, I think it could work?

    8. This happened to me and I am making do with the belt from an almost-but-not-quite the same color skirt that I never really liked in the first place. But if the same beloved coat were availabl e on Poshmark I would most definitely buy it just for the belt.

    9. If it’s a coat I really liked, I would get a used version on Poshmark. That’s still cheaper than buying a new coat. As nice as a contrasting color or scarf may sound, I think in the real world that’s not likely to look right. Most trenches have matching belts. And a contrast color would generally have something else in that contrast color, like the belts on the cuffs or a peek of an inside lining that matched. Finding something in the right length and fabric will take some work, only to end up with a result that will probably still just look like you lost the belt.

      2. Nah, it’s suburban mom and just needs some Golden Gooses. I think if you put on a floral pinafore type overlay thing and a bonnet: total shepherdess.

          1. I have seen the Sommerset dress on many people “in the wild” and it is lovely – but I think the material and pattern saves it from being overly cutesy.

          2. It really isn’t a dress for anyone over the age of maybe 10, in my opinion…

          3. An yet, it is sold out in all colors and sizes. So more than a few people disagree with you.

      3. It’s hard to tell what the quality of the dress is: it’s French Connection but it is $19.98. So it could be a “made for Sam’s Club” special.

        IMHO, feel free to disagree, certain trendy styles need to be high quality to work. The cut, darts, fabric, drape, al of that can go subtlety awry in budget clothing. Again, style dependent, it might look fine or it might just all add up to “somehow off” and look like you need a shepherd’s crook.

  10. I’ve been a big fan of the Pilot G-2 pens, but I’m realizing the other type of pen I like is what I call “good conference pens”. It’s not a gel pen, maybe just a ballpoint pen. The pen itself is a little heavy.

    Any suggestions for how go figure out what type of pen this is / how to buy some more?

    1. Not helpful but my favorite pen ever was a no-brand promo item from a local fishmonger that went out of business in the early 2000s. RIP, smooth writing fish pen.

    2. I like the sharpie brand roller pens (I think the model is s.gel but they’re normal roller ball pens – not sharpie markers and not gel pens).

  11. I both can and can’t believe that we’re repeating the 2020 election. I’m so embarrassed to be an American. I’m not a registered Republican- but those who are, Haley seemed like a good option! I would’ve considered voting for her in November

    2. That’s the part that scares me – by all accounts, Haley should have been appealing to Republicans. The fact that she got trounced by massive double-digit margins in favor of a rape-y, demented conman who may be facing jail time illustrates that the GOP of yore is a completely different party today. The embrace of authoritarianism is out in the open.

      I’m also still really upset about the Supreme Court. The decision banning Colorado from taking Trump off the ballot was absolutely not based in the “originalism” the conservative justices clung to so hard when overturning Roe v. Wade. To name just one example, nowhere in the Constitution does it say that “national chaos” should be a consideration when deciding the balance between states and the federal government for setting state-specific election procedures. This article in the Atlantic has a far more in-depth analysis delving into the specific provisions: https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/03/supreme-court-colorado-opinion-trump-disqualify/677646/

      What it comes down to for me is that the walls are closing in on all sides.

      1. I’m not sure if you’re a lawyer, but this is a really embarrassing take. The decision was 9-0, and Section 5 of the 14th Amendment clearly contemplates Congressional enforcement of Sections 1-4. You can hate Trump all you want, but the Section 3 approach was (ironically) a ham-fisted, dishonest con worthy of its target.

        1. Agree, also an attorney. Also somehow who worries about Republicans playing gotcha and tossing Biden off in red or purple states for reasons substantial or insubstantial.

        2. Also an attorney, also found the ballot stuff to be an embarrassing misstep that was doomed to fail. Glad it did, from a constitutional perspective, and hope neither party tries that again in the future.

      2. Why would Haley appeal to Republicans?

        She’s rather hawkish, which might have played well in the wake of 9/11 but isn’t really popular now. (Spending money on a strong military =\= invading foreign countries ‘cuz.)

        She adores Big Business, and after the 2008 crash, a lot of Republicans are very strident about the difference between corporatism and capitalism.

        Her opinions on border security seem to be very big government (police can stop people and ask for their papers, but she doesn’t seem to want to address why we have this influx).

        She’s all over the map on abortion; the most consistent thing seems to be that pro-choice Democrats wouldn’t want to vote for her because of it.

        None of this is meant to say she’s better or worse than Trump, just that there are good reasons she doesn’t appeal.

    3. I’m in NC and the Republicans had a choice between a sane, rational, experienced guy and crazy conspiracy-theorist for their gubernatorial candidate (who is currently somehow leiutenant governor). Guess which one won the primary.

    4. I’m a longtime Nikki Haley fan and I too am so disappointed! How do we not have a better bench on both sides??

    5. Haley consistently disappoints on issues of race and gender. I’d prefer her over that orange guy, as I’d prefer most of humanity over him, but she’s no real loss.

      1. Yeah obviously anyone is better than Trump, and Haley is one of the saner, smarter people in todays MAGA addled Republican Party but she’s not a moderate and this isn’t a loss for the left, except in the sense that she would have been an easier opponent for Biden.

      2. The thing that confuses me is that she claims that she thinks embryos are children but she still supports IVF and is in favor of allowing people dispose of embryos as they see fit. So then she supports what she thinks is murder? Yeah ok lady, just own what you actually believe instead of doing whatever this is.

        2. Of course she doesn’t actually think embryos are children. No one does. They might think embryos are important or special, but they show (through a trillion inconsistencies) that they don’t actually believe they’re the same as living children.

          1. Whether embryos are children isn’t point that’s open for debate. By any scientific standard, embryos are human children. If not, at what point do developing babies becomes children?

            I agree with your point that we as a society (including Republicans) do not treat them the same as larger, more developed children.

          2. There are pro lifers who want to end IVF precisely because they believe embryos are human beings and worthy of being gestated. The whole thing about “are you going to force a woman to carry a baby that can’t make it past 8 weeks” or “there are a million embryos on ice; are you going to conscript young women to gestate them” are, to many pro-lifers, outstanding arguments for winding down IVF.

          3. Obviously they are not living children, the question is if they are living and if they are human, which is a yes on both counts and many people believes that affords them extra protections under the law. Hate on me all you want, but I am one of those not-so-rare people with a consistent pro-life ethic, from womb to tomb. Which includes no capital punishment, improved access to healthcare, care for refugees and the homeless, etc. And yes, people who are against abortion are absolute hypocrites if they think IVF is just fine

          4. From “womb to tomb,” you say? Just not when women are dying of sepsis or ectopic pregnancies. I am aware that there are people like you who claim to be pro-life in every aspect. I have not yet met one that actually supports women’s right to life in emergencies. Never have.

          5. Then count me as the first? Similar to principles of self-defense, I do believe in performing an “abortion” in cases where the mother’s life is in acute danger. Such as ectopic pregnancies, both people would die if nothing was done! Even many of the foremost theologians will admit it’s a gray area that is up to personal conscience (that is the Catholic Church’s position, btw). But medical treatment for an ectopic is not truly the same as a simple abortion; it typically involves a chemo-type drug, many months of avoiding pregnancy after that, etc.

          6. fwiw I really believe that. I would agree there isn’t a political party that fully reflects my views, but I certainly know other individuals who yes, really believe embryos are human children, and make hard choices based on that (like not pursuing IVF even when it’s their best chance of having deeply wanted children)

          7. Anon, I would have thought you were right before listening to a podcast last week – Vox, The politics of IVF from 2/29/24. I recommend you give it a listen.

            FWIW I disagree that embryos are children. They can’t live independently from a host. Babies can. That seems like a pretty big difference to me. But the comments above and the podcast has helped me see that not everyone agrees.

          8. The inability to live independently from the host matters to me in terms of rights (government shouldn’t extend right through anyone’s body!). But a lot of people can’t live without medical care, and I hope premature delivery survival rates will keep improving with technology, so independence doesn’t really matter to me at all.

          9. If the government can’t force a father to donate a kidney to save his son, then it can’t force a woman to use her body to save a baby.

          10. to Anon 12:54- I had an ectopic pregnancy. You clearly lack medically correct information. Please, leave the medicine to the doctors and to those of us who have been in these heartbreaking situations.

            Here was the treatment:
            1) started bleeding, went with husband to hospital to save a very wanted pregnancy, told I was miscarrying and to go home
            2) had blood drawn daily for about a week, hcg levels going the wrong way – unclear if I’m miscarrying or having an ectopic pregnancy
            3) had a D&C, a “simple abortion” to determine this
            4) the D&C showed no “producs of conception” in my uterus, thus the medical determination was an ectopic pregnancy
            5) first round of methotrexate injections (the “chemo-like drug”)
            6) ended up in the ER with internal bleeding, stayed in the hospital for 2 days, received second round of methotrexate
            8) finally, it was over and I was safe and alive, able to have children in the future and be a mother

            The “simple abortion” was a *diagnostic tool*. It can also be a treatment tool. My sister has had recurrent miscarriages, treated with D&Cs, a “simple abortion”.

            There is absolutely zero medical difference. A D&C is a D&C is a D&C.

      3. the fact taht so many people in this country prefer the orange guy is frightening! it was frightening in 2016, but somewhat understandable. i felt like i could understand trump voters in 2016, but now i just truly truly don’t understand. what is the appeal of him?

        1. I think a lot of people are ready to just burn it all down. He represents a force of destruction. They hope that maybe something better will arise from the ashes.

          1. This. They are done feeling like Washington takes care of Washington, that big regulation Democrats help big businesses (small businesses can’t afford the regulatory costs), corporatist Republicans help the Chamber of Commerce and DGAF about low wage workers, both parties do what they want and scratch each other’s backs….

            Correct or not, it’s what they think and feel.

          4. Yes, they realize they may be burning themselves in the process. But they absolutely hate the status quo and are very willing to suffer so long as the people they resent suffer too.

        2. Honestly, for my family members that like the guy, it’s that they like what he’s dishing out. They *enjoy* the anti-immigrant rhetoric, the racism, the “tough talk” about NATO membership, the idea of abortion bans. It’s not nice to say, but it’s true. And when he’s gone, most of them will claim they never liked him much anyway (just like plenty of people in former dictatorships).

    6. According to the Hill, 20% of Democratic voters in Minnesota voted “uncommitted “ over Biden as a protest about his handling of the Israel-Gaza conflict. FML.

      1. they can choose to stay that way come November as if Trump (who is quoted as saying that “Netanyahu should just finish what he started”) is going to be better for their cause or they can wake up and realize that strategy will make that particular issue even worse

        1. Or Biden could handle the conflict better, save thousands of lives, and re-win their support?

      2. I thought Minnesota had a high Muslim population. If so, this wouldn’t be surprising, but do they really think Trump would be better for the Muslim population and against Israel?

        1. This was a primary. Voting no preference/not voting for Biden wasn’t a vote for Trump. It was a message to Biden to change course, now, while he’s president. It was an invitation to Biden to earn those folks’ vote with the action they want to see.

        2. I am Minnesotan – this was obviously not just Muslim votes. All of the people on my social media encouraging others to “vote uncommitted” were (wealthy) white progressives

      3. Something Trump does really really well is listen to his voters and do what they want. Most of us probably (strongly) disagree with those policies, but that’s how you win elections. Biden is NOT LISTENING to the majority of democrats/moderates who disapprove of his handling of the Gaza war. *Ignoring your base* costs you elections, and for good reason.

        I am glad that voters are sending this message NOW in hopes that he can course-correct

          1. If he doesn’t course correct, why do you assume votes will go to Trump? People could stay home. People could write in Mickey Mouse. People could submit a blank ballot.

            I apreciate efforts to “wake up” any candidate to listen to and be responsive to their base.

            Elected officials ignoring the majority of their base is exactly how we got Trump. His supporters feel completely unheard and disenfranchised. No party should ignore their base!

        2. I don’t think the majority of Democrats disapprove of his handling of the Israel-Gaza situation. The majority of progressives maybe, but they’re a relatively small part of the Democratic electorate in the states that matter (MN, MI, WI, GA, etc.). I’m not convinced that he wouldn’t lose more people on the other end of the spectrum if he changed his policies.

          1. There are polls on this; we don’t have to guess. People support Israel existing as a country, but the majority of people still support a two state solution, don’t want USA to be an international outlier among its allies, and don’t want to support what Israel is doing right now.

          2. A lot of polls say 50% or more of Democrats approve of his handling of Israel-Gaza. Those people would presumably be upset if he moved in the other direction.
            https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/nearly-half-of-democrats-disapprove-of-bidens-response-to-the-israel-hamas-war-poll-shows (50% approve, 46% disapprove)
            https://apnews.com/article/joe-biden-israeli-hamas-war-poll-9f9e9bd2ea595ece43f151d8722e47ad (59% approve)

            It’s very age-stratified, with young people strongly disapproving and older people strongly approving. Old people are much more likely to vote, so that’s another thing to keep in mind. The population isn’t the electorate. So something can be unpopular with the population but popular with the voting electorate. I like Biden for the most part, but the guy is a politician and at the end of the day politicians do what is politically expedient. He has smart advisors who are presumably telling him this is the right path based on polls of likely voters. He’s not “ignoring his voters” the way you imply.

    7. I woke up this morning so stressed when I realized I have to re-live the lead up to 2020 election. Except that this time we know that since then, Trump has been indicted on more than 90 counts, tried to overthrow a legitimate election, has been found liable for rape and for committing fraud, AND installed judges who managed to overturn Roe v. Wade….AND POLLS SAY HE IS EVEN WITH, OR IN SOME CASES LEADING?????

    8. Don’t be embarrassed yet. The time for that will be when Trump sweeps the election.
      THEN you can be embarrassed.

  12. I’m having a moment of sheer panic and I know there are a lot of lawyers on here.

    I thought I was divorced in June 2022. Received the docket number and copy of agreement with rubber stamps. Looking closely now it’s just the notarized stamp, not from the court.

    The IRS asked me for the final divorce agreement and I provided this. They said it’s not final so I followed up with my divorce lawyer.

    My lawyer is handling this with the court. I am in a state of shock. What does this mean and what is the process to finalize my divorce?

    State is NJ. I’m just about breathing. It’s been a very tough few years to get away from a toxic and abusive man.

    1. NJ should have an official record in your final as a “final judgment of divorce” IIRC. Is that what you have? It may just be that it’s the wrong piece of paper but the correct one exists somewhere (county courthouse; if older, microfilmed in Trenton; maybe online now).

      1. Apparently the court doesn’t have a ‘final judgment of divorce’. My lawyer said he has followed up after he was told they don’t have a final judgment on file.

        1. Also a divorcee in NJ. When you left the courthouse, you would have left with a notarized final judgement of divorce document. Did you remember if you got that? I recall being shuffled from the courtroom to a room across the hall where they did this right in front of me. Good luck and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this!

          1. No we had an uncontested divorce. My lawyer efiled and I have a docket but no final decree. We never had to appear in court.

            The agreement was signed and notarized in 2022. It was filed but for some reason they can’t find a final decree linked to the filing.

    2. Honestly, if your attorney or your ex-H’s fell down on the job of finalizing your divorce and you have penalties from the IRS, you may be able to look to them (the attorneys) to recover those.

      1. I will happily pay the penalties! In the past two years I’ve been through a very hard time with my ex husband having me followed. I have not been able to get sufficient evidence to show it’s him but comments made here and there are telling. It’s been terrifying at times.

        What is the process after 2 years to finalize this? Do they go back to the ex husband or do they process it now?

        1. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this! No one here can answer you because it is so fact dependent. You need to ask your lawyer.

    3. No advice other than a version of this happened with my sister. Her ex had to do something (file papers?)’and he swore he did. Turns out he don’t.

      After much chaos, it turns out he did file them, but in the county he lives in, not the county in which they were divorced, so they were not on record. It was resolved, but high drama.

  13. Happy to report that I wore golf pants the office yesterday, and nobody batted an eye!

    I’m plotting a trip out to a d*cks sporting goods to try on their clearance golf pants.

    3. Athleta Endless High Rise pants are excellent, if you don’t mind pockets that zip closed.

  14. I’m a director at a nonprofit. I make a good salary for a nonprofit, but nothing crazy. I’m planning to buy an apartment. It’s in a VHCOL city, and its the type of place where everyone knows how much apartments costs and its kinda unlikely that someone my age/industry would be able to buy one by themselves. I’m able to because my parents are giving me the downpayment.

    With friends, I’ve been basically telling people that my parents gave me the downpayment because its obvious.
    At work should I just avoid the topic? I don’t want to seem younger/immature, I’m already the youngest of the directors. We’re fully remote so I could avoid it and just say I moved. I don’t necessarily want to get into the finances of paying for things at work and also don’t want to have to hide things or he aware of hiding them.

    1. I think you should openly discuss it. Nonprofits depend on staffing up with those with secondary sources of wealth. It will probably get you promoted or at least more opportunities to be paraded in front of the board, who will appreciate both that you are one of them and that they can count on you to stay with the org for the long term without being disgruntled by the pay.

      1. Agree with this. I think you’re overthinking it a little. Personally have have the tendency to word vomit too many details, so I do get where you’re coming from. But it’s not hiding or avoiding anything to just not share all of the details.

        1. +1

          You shouldn’t be bragging about buying a place when you know others can’t afford it anyway. And this is work. Too much sharing, especially if you are the boss.

    3. I’m here to tell you that old-ass adults still have help from parent$ or use an inheritance to buy property. I work at a nonprofit in NYC and would not feel like you need to keep this a secret. If anyone is rude enough to ask how you were able to swing it, you could just give a non-answer like “yeah, I’m really grateful [or lucky] I was able to do this” or if you want to be more open, “I had some help from family.” It’s really, really common. Frankly I wish people were more open about this because I think it makes people who can’t access family help feel like they are doing something wrong. But I completely understand not wanting to go into it at work.

      1. YES. Adults get help from parents and use inheritances to buy property all.the.time.

    4. No one at work is going to ask how you paid for the apartment. They will all assume that unless you came from a much more lucrative job or have a spouse with a big career your parents gave you money. That’s just how it is in a VHCOL area.

    6. I would be inclined to keep quiet about this at work. Not so much because of the age thing, but because if you’re perceived as having a wealthy family people may assume you don’t need the job and won’t take you and your accomplishments as seriously.

      I have a somewhat similar situation. I’m in higher ed and my husband and I have a very nice lifestyle that is incongruent with my mid-five figure salary. It’s due to a variety of factors, the biggest one being that I had a lucrative career before this one and saved about $500k in a very short amount of time. I don’t talk about money at work, but people can tell we have more just based on things like where we live and what we do for vacation, and I constantly get comments like “must be nice to not need this job” (which is not true – we have a lifestyle that would be unattainable for most on our income but we don’t have “retire right now” money) and I definitely feel like it’s hurt me performance-wise because I’m seen as not as deserving of raises and promotions.

      1. This is what I was worried about. Assume I don’t need the job, don’t need raises etc.

    7. Congratulations! No one needs to know. You moved. That’s it. Anyone that asks or gossips is being inappropriate and the response is ‘why do you ask?’ Or maybe your crypto returns came in…

    8. It’s not clear to me what course of action you’re associating with seeming ‘younger/immature,’ but I don’t think you need to worry about that. If the topic comes up organically it’s fine to say you moved recently. You don’t need to specify whether you’re renting or buying, and no one at work is going to ask you how you’re affording your home.

    9. Little secret, many people at nonprofits work there because they can afford to because they have other assets. You’ll hardly be alone but no need to mention it.

      1. +1
        I’m in government, so similar world — reasonable but not high salaries. There’s a small number of us here without family money or a spouse in a more lucrative profession. But the majority of my coworkers buying apartments are doing so not just on their salary here. There’s even a 23 year old buying an apartment with her sibling! None of this is surprising or even notable. Share or don’t share as you feel comfortable, but I would be surprised if anyone viewed it as immature.

    10. If you don’t want people to know you own your apartment, they don’t have to know. Lots of people rent apartments. That’s usually my default assumption, to the extent I even think about it.

    12. Tell people if they ask, but otherwise don’t disclose. The older you get, the more you realize people get money in all sorts of ways beyond their 9-5 job (inheritance, spouse, trust). The highlight of WFH 2020 was realizing which of your co-workers were surprisingly well off and never said anything.

    13. You have moved. Don’t even get into that you bought it. For all they know you live with 5 roommates.

    14. I’m not sure where you live or that you’ve moved needs to come up at all. You don’t have to bring it up. If the topic of where you live comes up you say the name of the neighborhood or at most closest big intersection and keep things moving. If the topic of how you afforded your home comes up somehow you can say you were lucky to have family help. A huge amount of adults who buy homes have family help or inheritances, that’s how wealthy folks stay wealthy for generations. People may be jealous and that’s not unreasonable but not something you either need to raise nor hide.

  15. I did a glutes workout (Carolyn Girvan) yesterday and the front of my thighs are killing me (quads) – i’m guessing my form is off. are there any reliable youtuberes to instruct on better sumo squats, hip thrusts, glute raises, etc? thx

    1. I like the instructors on Fitness Blender. They often post “form review” shorts on YouTube.

    2. Are your glutes activating during the exercises? Are you using body weight or actual weights?

    3. Focus on your mind-muscle connection with your glutes and make sure you’re really feeling the contraction there. Can help to touch that muscle as you’re working it. But also – it’s pretty hard to target glutes without also pulling in other leg muscles. Doesn’t necessarily mean you have improper form.

  16. Posted l’on the coffee break last night. Just wanted to thank those who responded. So much resonated. The waste of someone who had so much potential, and the fear that the 2nd version of my husband would be there when I got home. I stood outside with our dogs today in the spring sunshine, and wept for what could have been, then took a deep breath and realised he didn’t have the wherewithal inside him to face his demons and ask for help beyond pills and a bottle. I wasn’t enough for him.

    1. No one else can ever be enough for a person if they themselves are not enough for themselves. It’s like pouring water into a cup without a bottom, no water will ever be enough and it is because of the the cup and not the water.

    2. Hugs, OP. I spent years trying to save my mentally ill husband, even when he became abusive. The day I decided I was done was one of the hardest of my life, and in hindsight, it’s the best thing I ever did for myself. Better times are ahead.

    4. Remember these wise words from RuPaul: “If you can’t love yourself, how in the h*ll are you gonna love someone else.”

    1. Thanks for posting this! Great opportunity to share thoughts in a forum where it can influence actual policy.

      1. Thanks for sharing. This has been super helpful. Please spread the word so that the public can weight in.

  18. I received an email from my boss’s boss about providing feedback on my boss in a 365 reveiw. I have never done this before. I definitely have issues with my boss, the biggest being he is a micro-manager which is not appropriate or needed for me at my level (I am a Sr Director, over 30 years experience). Do I really say what I think? Or is this one of those times I just say nice things and leave it at that? I have to email my comments to the boss’s boss, so it’s not really anonymous.

    1. Unpopular opinion: be honest but not antagonistic. I think these reviews are done when the company knows there is a problem but needs documentation of it. If you are a Sr. Director and he treats you this way, he might be an absolute nightmare to people further below him.

      1. There are some places where these reviews are standard, and OP’s company might just be trying out a new standard. I tried being honest in a diplomatic and constructive way on one of these once and the boss’s boss went into attack mode and started blaming me, so I’d never do that again. Just point out one or two specific things boss does well, even little things.

        1. In her second sentence, the OP says she has never done this before. She also says that she has 30 years of experience under her belt. While it’s possible that she’s new at this particular company, smart money is that the 360 review is designed to uncover issues with her boss.

          She can be diplomatic but saying nice things is ultimately counterproductive.

    2. I also have to give feedback on my boss (quarterly!!!) and I just say nice things. I feel like being honest would just bite you in the a$$.

    3. I suggest you provide comments that are both positive and address areas to improve. It’s important to be very factual — boss does this thing great as shown by this example. For micro-managing, can you show example and impact? Boss needs to review every email, which means our responses are late, impacting other work x way, for example… Or, I’ve asked boss what needs to be done to allow me more responsibility for ABC, but it never happens.

      It will take careful phrasing, but you can try to position this as boss is so involved in specific details that it’s holding them and us back. I’d be careful with personalizing it, that opens a door to explain why you’re wrong.

    4. I would not completely gloss over it but package it differently. Something like “Boss’s industry experience would be of more value to Company if he were able to focus more of his time on [strategy/thought leadership/whatever corporate keyword fits] rather than be so heavily involved in the day-to-day minutiae of the roles he supervises”

      1. +1, the delivery is key here. Boss’ boss can read between the lines but then you look better for knowing the political way to say it.

    5. Yeah unfortunately I think this is one of those situations where you can’t be honest.

    6. Just FYI, I know for a fact that the 365 review at my office broke down the report between boss, reports and peers. I suppose you could be fine leaving constructive comments if there a multiple reports. If not, your boss will know the comment is from you if it is structured the same way as the report I saw.

      1. Sorry, didn’t see the email directly comment when I first read. Long day…

    7. I think the overall approach others have recommended is great, but what is your relationship with boss’s boss? Do you ever talk to them directly? Would it be extremely weird/out of line to talk on the phone to express your general concerns and ask them how to express that in email? Are you fairly certain they already know about this issue, or will this be coming out of the blue? If this is someone you don’t know at all (which, btw, is not a great situation) I’d err even more on the side of making them read between the lines than being forthright.

      1. Yeah I’d think about your experience with the boss’s boss. If you know they value feedback, then be honest but objective/neutral. If you have the impression they don’t value feedback or think of coaching as a waste of time, protect yourself. Also how many direct reports does your boss have? If they have a good number, you can consider being honest.

        Is there any way you can ask that the feedback be anonymous by role instead of emailing the boss’s boss. I thought HR could run these through software so it’s anonymous.

    9. Be honest. Factual. Don’t be mean or use nasty words.

      Eg he could probably benefit from delegating more which would improve staff development opportunities. Instead of saying he’s a micro manager.

  19. I’m starting a new job on Monday where I will have a company cell phone (meaning I will have two phones). Are there any tips/tricks to having two phones? In the past, I have always downloaded work apps to my personal phone, so having two phones is new to me. I like to be in the loop, but keeping track of two phones does seem a bit daunting.

    1. I have two and it’s really not a big deal. It’s just carrying two phones around and using one for work and one for personal. Not daunting at all. Don’t put anything personal on your work phone, ever – it’s your company’s property and they have access to everything on it.

    2. Oh having two is so much better than having work email on your personal phone! I had two phones for years and loved it -when you don’t want to focus on work, you can put the work phone out of sight without preventing friends and family from reaching you. Now I have a job that won’t give me a phone but expects me to have work email on my personal phone and I haaaaaate it!

      2. +2. I recently got my first work phone and I was SO delighted to delete Teams and Outlook from my personal phone.

    3. When I had two phones, I forwarded my personal cell to my business one during office/travel hours. Then unforwarded at home and on weekends. That allowed me to only carry one during the work day and only carry the personal one on days off. At work, I’d keep the personal one in my car, in case I needed to use it. At home, I’d keep the work one in my work bag or car. Although, I often worked long hours and used my work phone when working at home.

    4. Does your company mobile allow two sim cards? My company mobile does and also the company apps and files are in a secure part of the mobile and my company does not have acces to my private part of the device.
      Previously I carried the two mobiles and it was not big deal.

  20. DH stopped getting haircuts in the pandemic and now has super long, luscious and very thick hair (I’m jealous, OK?). I’ve always had fine hair that only grew a few inches past my shoulders.
    It’s been kind of fun to see him figure out how to deal with long hair, both the annoying bits and the fun bits. I taught him how to make a bun using a pencil, which he loves. He wears out regular hair ties within a few weeks. Are there specific hair ties or clips that are tried and true for thick hair?

    1. lucky him!
      Goody does make ponytail holder/rubber bands for thick hair. It’s still a little bit of a crapshoot and some will break.
      I doubt he’ll have call for any elaborate updos, but roller pins work better than Bobby pins if he needs them.
      He needs to be careful to keep it loose as much as he can. Tension alopecia is real (and why I no longer keep my hair long). I kept mine up and pulled back (bun by day, braid at night) 24/7 for years and that was a mistake.

    2. I like the square-ish claw clips (vs the longer/rectangular ones) for holding a bun in place. I’ve got both the big and medium side ones – I try to get the ones that have the rubbery stuff on the inside of the clip to help grip the hair and keep it from sliding out.

      I also like the Goodies Ouchless hair ties – they are a bit thicker, don’t have a metal clasp, though can stretch out at the seam. I think my brother (who was growing his hair out as well) also found ones that were larger than what I got. Mine fit tight on my wrist, but his were like…25% bigger? But to some degree, I also just figure these are disposable. They’ll get stretched out eventually, or they’ll get misplaced, so I just keep a supply on hand.

    3. I have long, very thick hair and unfortunately that’s par for the course with ponytail holders. I second the recommendation to be careful about pulling his hair back. Silk scrunchies are much gentler.

    4. Look for athletic bands or those phone cord spiral bands (the latter can be reshaped with hot water if you get a good brand).

  21. What do I wear to a zoom hearing for change of parenting time/associated child support? I am the Petitioner.
    I wear business or business casual most days of the week to work but it will be obvious I’m in my home office. I don’t want to look overly formal but of course want to look put together and serious. For reference, I am petitioning for more parenting time to reflect the time I actually have the children already and for my ex to pay the child support the court calculates for that time. I have lots of evidence to support my position, but my ex is pleading “she makes twice as much money as me so I shouldn’t have to support them financially in any way.” I’m worried about looking too rich (I’m not) or like a bully.
    And yes, I’m very stressed and overthinking everything so thank you in advance for your kindness.

    1. Pretty privilege is real. Blow dry your hair and wear it down. A soft no makeup but fully made up look. A sweater in a solid color that looks good on you.

      1. Yeah, makeup and good lighting are key here. If you have an attorney, check in with them on their suggestions as well, but unless you live in a castle I don’t think the judge will assume you’re rich just based off your zoom background. Good luck! We’re rooting for you!

    2. A nice sweater works well on zoom. It looks pleasant and respectful. Being in your home office is also fine.

    3. Ask your lawyer. They may have suggestions – like wearing a “mom-feminine” color like a rosy pink sweater, as opposed to a serious neutral, for strategy reasons.

    4. I’m sure you’re thinking about this, but the Zoom background matters here. Nothing super expensive. Photo of you with the children? Nothing religious or political. Etc.

      1. This is why you should ask your lawyer. If you are religious, there are places (and judges) where a visible sign of that could well help you.

    5. Hair down, pink sweater, limited jewelry, remove any pricey items from on screen behind you – eg no Hermes blanket on your chair.

  22. Come on, couldn’t the plus-size version be more than “green shirt for work”? Looking at the regular offer makes me want to touch the velvet or imagine wearing the ruffle, plus the luxury. This is a weird time of year for velvet or or long sleeves but surely there is a more similar or more luxe option than a mall store?

    1. We try to get as close as possible with plus-size dupes, using tools like Shopstyle and Google Shopping (and checking stores like Nordstrom and Eloquii), but sometimes it’s tough, as in this case. As you know, most retailers that offer plus sizes still have so much work to do in providing more stylish options, which is a pretty sad circumstance in the year 2024. Also, Shopstyle and Google Shopping are now including a lot more ultra-fast-fashion brands such as Shein and Temu in search results, which are frustrating to sort though. We do our best, though! Thanks for reading!

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