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I just rounded up north-south totes for work and saw too late that Cuyana has an option now — so let's feature it in dark coral, one of their new seasonal colors.
The new colors all feel earthy toned to me — this coral, a mustardy yellow “biscuit,” a light green “sage,” and a light brownish orange “terracotta.” (Especially get over there if you're an autumn in terms of color analysis!)
The Tall Easy Tote is $268 without a zipper, or $298 with (with fewer color options). You can also purchase a $98 snap-in insert to help you organize it. In addition to a laptop pocket, it features four largeish pockets along the outside perimeter, as well as a key ring.
(They also have a tall Linea tote, available in a pretty sky blue, for $498.)
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Anonymous
If you’ve lived in a city your entire life but then retired somewhere else for tax reasons, how did you choose where to go? Not in a position to move for 10 years at least but I feel like we should start taking weekend trips here and there to research and plan.
Me
In addition to cost of living, I would consider location of family members who are likely to provide support, accessibility of medical care, nearby airport options, and weather. My parents retired to Salt Lake City because it has a major medical center, it’s a Delta hub for airline travel, and they like winter sports and summer hiking. While they don’t have family in Utah, that hasn’t been an issue so far.
Anon
In retirement, I would care more about good access to healthcare, good access to airports (for family to visit, even if you don’t care about pleasure travel) and what it will be like to live a car-free lifestyle once you’re too old to drive than about ~vibes~.
Anon
I mean, those things you just described are what make up the *~vibes~*.
Anon
To me, vibes is like do you think a place is cool and fun when you visit. You don’t really need to visit to learn about airport and healthcare access. That kind of thing is best researched from home.
Anon
I agree with all of your points. There is a lot that’s keeping us in the relatively urban area we are in but one of the big things is healthcare and how well we will be able to age here. I have siblings in more rural areas and their access to healthcare is sharply less than mine.
Anon
Not a retiree and won’t be for another 25 years. General advice though: if you like your current city culturally (if you feel like people around you generally share values you have, if you feel like you can talk to and get along with people), look for a city with a lot of transplants from your area. There are plenty of places with a lower cost of living; there are not a whole lot that will feel culturally comfortable.
anon
I agree with the other posters. Have always lived in cities/high or very high cost of living (and taxation) areas. Tax reasons is on my list I guess when thinking about places to move to in retirement….. but the other variables of being close to excellent health care (we have cancer in my family), weather/accessibility for aging in place, proximity to friends/family are the highest on my list before even thinking about tax. Maybe the last one is less important if you have a spouse? But if you have children and are moving to an isolated place I would definitely stick near a major airport. And think about whether aging near grandchildren is important to you/your kids.
I also find that the city things I enjoy doing now are less exciting to me than they were in my 20s/30s. Natural beauty, less traffic, ease of getting what I need are more important.
I’m having a hard time finding a place that fits my criteria.
Anon
My sibling lives two flights from my parents. In one trip, it took her 4 days to get home, all in the US. I think she could have bought a car and gotten home sooner. Apparently one-way rentals aren’t a rental car thing, just u-Haul (and she’s not the sort to drive a moving truck anywhere). I live in a hub city and guess who gets the main eldercare duties?
Anon
We do one way rentals all the time. This is an excuse on her part.
Anonymous
They do exist but they are generally much more expensive.
Anon
One way rentals are typically much more expensive, unless you have a negotiated corporate discount code, in which case they’re often comparable to normal rentals. (This is one of the few perks of working in higher ed!)
Anon
Heartily agree on the airport.
Runcible Spoon
Retirement experts sometimes warn against moving to where the kids and grandkids are, because they very well might themselves move away — and away from you. And then you will be stuck in a strange place, without your OWN support structure that doesn’t entirely rely on children nearby.
Anon
Market Watch has a “where should I retire” tool that lets you filter for no SS tax, etc.
anon
Definitely agree with everyone who says healthcare and family. As much as I love to travel and to live somewhere cheap/warm/exotic (Mexico? Portugal?) I’ve witnessed a spate of medical emergencies within my circle in the last year that it’s become apparent everyone needs to be near family and good healthcare access. Especially before you start to collect specialists and god forbid cancer treatments because transferring hospital systems and getting new patient appointments is going to be a PITA. And when you’re hooked up on chemo and barely functioning you’ll want someone to be your advocate, to remember the long list of instructions and meds the nurse gives out, to drive you when your feet can’t feel the gas pedal thanks to neuropathy. Sounds morbid, but that’s the reality my family and friends are going through. I live in a MCOL tax-free state, my family lives in a VHCOL high tax state. I’ll absolutely make the move at that time if family doesn’t want to move to me.
Anon
I never thought about what it meant not to live near a trauma center with a relevant surgeon until it was happening to a family member who needed a life flight in a “every minute counts” medical crisis. Don’t move too far away from healthcare (and know the limitations and financial situation of the closest hospitals).
Anon
I started by checking my home state’s rules on how many days I can spend here without being subject to its income tax, and then we shopped for a second home in the state we identified as a likely target. Our plan was to buy or build a second home, live there enough days to not be considered a resident of our home state and eventually move into it full-time. We had already vacationed there many times. We ended up changing our minds about the timing of the move, so now we have an unimproved lot there with no house on it.
Tax savings can be an important part of retirement planning. It is not your civic duty to pay the highest possible taxes.
Anonymous
ohhhhhhh i like this idea
Anonymous
Just remember sometimes taxes get you something you might want in your old age. Like public transit when you can’t drive. And good parks and rec programs to fill your time.
Anon
Right, I think people lose sight of that. I live in a higher property tax area, but I also have a ton of senior services here. So much so that I really tried to get my mom to move here in her later years. There was next to nothing in her smaller town.
Anon
And sometimes taxes are paying for massively underfunded, frozen pension plans that benefit retirees who have not worked for decades, and they pay for roads and other infrastructure you’re not using and schools your kids have long-since left and stadiums for sports teams you don’t follow. A couple could easily save $20,000 in state income taxes, not to mention property taxes, and that is real money and very much something one should take into account in budgeting for retirement. Also, the suggestion that states with a lower tax burden cannot provide activities to fill your day is just ludicrous.
Ellen
Dad bought a home in North Carolina that he visits 2x a year for a week each May and October. I prefer to stay here in NYC, even tho I could get a nice place somewhere else like on LI in the Hamton’s near the manageing partner. But I’m a NYC gal at heart so I just enjoy my time off here!
editor
Coral is my very favorite color AND I’m an Autumn. I don’t need any more totes, though — just came here to say that I wish there were more clothes for me. Especially at this time of year; in classic clothes, it’s all pink, black, and navy, and in romantic/boho, it’s all lilac and aqua. Looking at you HARD, Talbots and Soft Surroundings.
Anon
I’m a summer and I sometimes feel there’s nothing in my colors! My favorite styles of clothing are the stuff that comes out in fall, but not usually in my colors.
I think your issue is that spring clothing is what’s in stores right now.
A lot of the currently popular earth tones are going to look good on you, but certainly not me!!
AIMS
I have this sitting in my cart in case the size works for you: https://www.bodenusa.com/en-us/fluid-tailored-blazer-fox/sty-u0124-red?
Anon
There are if you stop shopping at soft surroundings!
Anonymous
I feel like my front load washer doesn’t clean clothes as well as my old top loading washer with an agitator. I cleaned the inside drum and bought one of the pods to clean a washer. We’re talking kids socks that have dirty spots from the playground, slightly stinky athletic gear even after being washed, yard work clothes that need pre-treat spray plus two cycles to look clean. Should I be using different settings on my front load? What’s worth playing around with? Does everything need to be pre treated with sprays now?
Anon
Hot water, blue Dawn to treat oil spots, soaking cycle.
anon
For athletic wear, get Nathan’s sports wash. Fill tub, throw piles of work out clothes in there + healthy amount of soap, let soak all day. You will be disturbed.
Anonymous
I would consider looking at your detergent. As mentioned in the post this morning you really need an enzymatic detergent to get your clothes clean. You can then wash them all on cold if you have enough enzymes to breakdown the stains. I would also consider if you are over loading your washer as that might contribute, and if you have really hard water. Hard water works better with some detergent than others.
Side note if you have trouble with odors consider the Whole Foods 365 sport detergent. It has an ingredient that is natural and formulated to remove odors. It also is unscented.
Anon
A scoop of borax added to the was cycle for athletic clothes really gets the stink out. I had a teen boy track kid with a tendency to ball his clothing up and forget it in his backpack, and it was pee-yew! Borax really made a huge difference.
Anon
This is exactly why we keep repairing our 1994 Whirlpool top-loader.
Anon
I just switched from a 20 year old Maytag Neptune front loader (the ball bearings gave out twice and could no longer be replaced) to a Speed Queen front loader. This one has stronger agitators on the walls of the tumbler and everything is clean clean clean.
For extra dirty laundry we tend to add oxiclean. I also don’t use dryer sheets, which coat laundry in a waxy coating that actually causes them to hold onto dirt harder. That may be a factor for you.
We use vinegar in the rinse and wool dryer balls.
Runcible Spoon
Oh, I looooooved my Speed Queen when I was temporarily living elsewhere and it came with the apartment. Rapid wash cycles, super-clean clothes. Potentially beat the hell out of the clothing, so fabric wore out a little bit faster, but no more dinge on freshly-laudered clothing, sheets, and towels. Speed Queen is on my list as a replacement for when my current washer dies.
Anonymous
For athletic gear, I like to do a presoak. Since new washers use much less water and synthetics are hard to fully wet, they benefit from some extra time in the water.
Anonymous
Hex detergent will get the stink out of performance fabrics.
Anonymous
My 2023 was a total blur, in a lot of bad ways. I was overcommitted from a work, travel, relational, and overall calendar perspective. This year I’m off all boards, single, not volunteering based on any regular schedule, I’m on a 2/3 schedule at work (and actually working 40 or less hours per week), and staying off social media.
I’m honestly trying to avoid last year when I felt like time was flying (without having fun). I have never enjoyed journaling or meditation – not knocking them, just not for me. Other than those tips, any suggestions for helping time feel slower/me feeling more present?
Anon
Take long walks outdoors.
Vicky Austin
Don’t do two things at once if you can help it – no podcasts while you walk, no music while you drive, etc.
Anonymous
For me, I make myself focus on the thing that I am doing and to think of that thing as the most important thing in the world at that moment. I make myself slow down and really pay attention to what I am doing and not think about -or do- anything else. I do this with mundane household chores, a 5 min coffee break, and whatever else I need to get done in a given day. I do this as many times a day as I need to in order to slow things down.
anon
Photography. With an actual camera. Giving yourself a day to wander and try to look at the world through new eyes has its own meditative feel. I like the real camera because then you aren’t just on your phone.
Runcible Spoon
Catch up on your pleasure reading! Stay off the screens (she says, while surfing online).
Anon
In a waiting room and flipping through a Gorsuch catalog. It’s all wildly expensive (for me) ski wear and apres ski jackets for people who don’t do athleisure. It’s nice, but so much $ that it makes my cart at Boden seem like an absolute steal. Have never heard of this company before.
Anon
It’s the same family as the SCOTUS justice! They’re pretty well known in Colorado.
Anon
Oooh — this is Catalog Living winter (sunny, people are smiling). My winter: damp, no actual snow, skies are gray for 6 months, people are grumpy.
I feel like this is for people who also go to Florida for January to do horse things.
Anonymous
They are distantly related. The current families don’t even know each other. I say this from a place of personal knowledge.
Senior Attorney
Good Lord. How did I never know I needed a down blazer before today?
Anon
I definitely need the $2600 Jenna cashmere zip cardigan.
Anon
That baby blue skin sweater is gorgeous and… $550.
Anon
Ski sweater not skin sweater, geez.
Anon
That’s one of the bargain pieces. I liked something and there was a comma in the price.
anon
ha ha ha
Anonymous
Some of those blazers on there are… a look.
anon
i bought my home from an elderly woman who looked like zsa zsa gabor. that catalog still comes to me in her name. i have wondered who exactly is wearing it….
Anonymous
is there a zsa zsa gabor catalog?
Anon
For those that have done large house projects – what type gift is appropriate at the end of the project? Using both a contractor and architects. Project has taken 9 months of building and we feel very happy with the work. We did things like gifting meals to the builders throughout etc.
Daffodil
On-time payment and recommendations to your friends.
Senior Attorney
+1
Also we invited them to the party we threw to show off the finished product and they seemed to appreciate that, especially the architect.
Anonymous
Isn’t this what the money is for?
Anonymous
Paying in full without delay
Cat
it would never occur to me to buy a gift in this situation. Prompt payment and volunteering to serve as a reference.
luluaj
Same. And potential referrals in future.
Anon
Obligatory “that’s what the money is for”
NYCer
We did a gut reno and did not buy a gift for our contractor or architect.
Anonymous
When I was a very very young architect a very very fancy client gave me some hand me down winter coats (she was elderly and downsizing) that I still have, and that still look fabulous. But that was a pretty specific situation :)
If you get along well with them personally, you could invite them over for drinks at the end of the job. I so rarely got to see how clients were living in my spaces, it was always a treat to get to enjoy it that way, and that definitely has led to actual friendships.
Otherwise yes, prompt payment and referrals are the best things.
anon
This sounds really nice.
I’ll remember that.
Anon
No gift. I think we gave the main workers who were here every day a couple of bottles of wine each – they finished right around Christmas.
Anon
I’ve never heard of giving a gift to a contractor. Like others said, pay promptly and recommend them to others if you were satisfied with the work.
Anonymous
No, we have to stop somewhere with tip/gift culture. It’s one thing to buy lunch for the workers. It’s quite another to tip/gift for professional, contracted services. Don’t do it.
Reader I am divorcing him
After 10 years of marriage I called the police 2 weeks ago when his violence and anger to me became unbearable. He abused alcohol and was 2 people, and sadly the one I loved was disappearing. I am a mixture of emotions, sad, angry but over all calm because I know I tried so hard to make it work, and have done the right thing. I dread the path ahead of me, but he has nothing now, and I pity him. Just wanted to put this out there to internet strangers. I don’t know if charges will be pressed, but I do know it is the end of our marriage. Alcohol abuse is so sad, and those who love those who drink can do nothing but watch them self destruct and pray and hope that they will stop before it is too late. For my husband he has lost the person who was there to pick up the pieces.
Vicky Austin
As has been said on Cup of Jo, perhaps both condolences and congratulations are appropriate. I’m glad you stood up for yourself.
anon
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Good for you for recognizing that it is time to end the relationship. Things will get so, so much better for you.
anon
I am so sorry, and I am very proud of you for getting out of your marriage. Alcohol abuse is life-changing both for the person and the people around them. I fervently believe, after seeing what it has done to family members, that nobody should feel obligated to stay in a marriage with a raging alcoholic.
Anon
I’m sad for you that your effort didn’t make it work. I’m happy for you that you are able to get better for yourself and leave.
We are here to support you.
Anon
I’m so sorry. You’re doing the right thing and a better future is ahead for you.
theguv
This internet stranger is very, very proud of you.
Anonymous
I grew up with an alcoholic father who eventually stopped drinking. But the fear that the second person could come back was always there for me. Sometimes the universe hands you a blessing when you can’t make something work that wouldn’t have been good for you.
Don’t waste any more time on pity for him. It’s time to focus on letting the joy back in for you.
Anon
I’ve been there, and what has stuck with me is the waste –waste of a good brain, waste of all his promise, waste of what we could have had. It’s too bad, but his sobriety was not ever my responsibility, so I had no qualms when I finally left.
Anon
You may find Al-Anon helpful. Not because you should accept staying with an alcoholic husband but they may help you process your feelings. Hope losing his wife is his bottom. Good luck.
Senior Attorney
Congratuations for being brave enough to do what needs to be done. And condolences that it needed to be done. But better days are most definitely coming.
Anon
FU to Lewy body dementia. That is all.
Anon
I’m so sorry. That’s a tough illness.
Anon
So sorry. My best friend’s father died from that, it was so awful to watch.
Anonymous
I know you mean well, but as advice to all, the comment of “so and so died from that” is never an appropriate response to any illness or diagnosis. It helps nothing.
Anon
And to extend the PSA, neither does “I have a friend who had four miscarriages” when someone confides about their one or “so and so had that and the treatment was AWFUL.”
Anon
Well it’s a terminal disease so everyone who has it dies from it. It’s not like cancer or something like that where many people survive and hearing about bad outcomes might be scary.
anon
No, it is a disease you usually die with… not from.
Like Alzheimer’s disease.
That’s why it is often a long, hard road.
Anon
Actually many people die “from” dementia not “with” it. Alzheimer’s is the sixth leading cause of death in the US. You can die from something else first while also suffering from Alzheimer’s, but if you don’t, dementia will eventually kill you. It’s considered a fatal, terminal illness.
Anon
I am so sorry. Have been there with a parent. YMMV, but my parent was prone to having a crisis at odd hours. One less thing to deal with at a 2:00 am call was to keep a go bag in the car with a change of clothing, large scarf that could be used as a small throw blanket, contacts case and old glasses, phone charger, couple of small bottles of water, and a book. Again, I’m so sorry.
Sunflower
Very good advice.
Cantaloupe
My husband’s sister may be in the middle of some sort of crisis. She has been having a lot of pretty irritable episodes with close friends and family (a mutual friend received a string of angry texts that seemed pretty unprovoked and not really comprehensible), sudden shifts in interests (cancelled a longstanding gym membership, sudden texts about investing), in addition to erratic behavior on social media (went from tweeting occasionally to several times per hour, describing whatever she’s doing at the moment). She struggled with addiction as a teenager, although I’m not sure whether that’s the issue currently. Her overall presentation reminded me of a college friend during a manic episode.
We’ve had her over our house for dinner three times in the last few days. The first time, she had difficulty staying still and I found it difficult to carry on a conversation with her. She became angry at my husband (again, for no explicable reason) but then calmed down. The second and third times, she seemed calmer, although still irritable. We tried gently suggesting that she seek help. She admitted to being overtired, but bristled when the conversation turned towards mental health.
If you’ve been in this kind of situation, any advice?
Anon
What you are describing is mania. She needs a medical evaluation, ideally ASAP. I hope she will consider going – can you offer to go with her to urgent care or her regular doctor? New-onset mania can also qualify for an emergency room visit.
Source: someone who watched a family member descend into psychosis after mania began.
Anon
Also, resist the urge to “wait it out.” I read a few books and articles about how tempting that is with mania (you just hope it goes away), but it usually progresses into a worse situation. Early help is crucial.
Cantaloupe
I don’t have any urge to wait it out — I would happily go with her to urgent care or her PCP if she would consent. Were you able to convince your family member to seek out medical treatment, and if so, what was effective?
Anon
Unfortunately, not quickly, but it was partially our fault. We didn’t realize what we were dealing with and the situation spiraled very quickly. We were only able to get him into treatment after over a month of mania and then psychosis. In your case, since you seem to be in the same town (we weren’t when my family member’s situation started), I would ask her gently if you can go with her to the ER.
NaoNao
I had a long-ago ex go into his first ever manic episode (his mother had Bi Polar disorder so there was a slight advantage in convincing him to get help, as he was familiar with the illness and its fallout). I described the symptoms in a no-judgement, calm tone (“I can see your face is flushed, your voice is raised, you’re talking super fast, and I’m having trouble understanding you. You also called me 5 times in the last hour”) and the thing I said that changed his mind about getting help “I see fear in your eyes behind all the things you’re saying and doing, and I just want to help”. It was scary–literal men in white coats took him to inpatient but I believe it may have saved his life.
Anon
Different anon concurring that it sounds like mania. She needs medical attention ASAP.
Also, this is worth a listen. Her descriptions of her behaviors will always stay with me. https://www.npr.org/2023/05/01/1173096938/black-with-bipolar
Anon
My friend’s husband spent all their money and tore down half of the house on a “project” during a manic phase, then went into a depressive phase and never put the house back together. Ex husband. I should say, ex husband.
anon
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Certainly, do what you can. See if there’s any way you can get her help. Consider if your state’s laws would consider her in need of a conservator.
If you get to the point where there’s nothing more you can do that is likely to help, preserve your sanity and your feelings toward her. She’ll need help in the long run and it’s no good for anyone if you’re totally burned out and angry and unwilling to help once she’s ready for help.
Anon
Does she have a CO monitor in her house?
Anon
Sister’s behavior was consistent in OP’s house, tho. If it was CO wouldn’t there be an improvement outside her house?
Anon
Yikes – not, OP, but I didn’t think of that one. Very good point!
Anon
Very unlikely to be the case, but she sounds a bit like the Brain on Fire author who had, and I had to look this up, anti-NMDA receptor encephalitis.
anon
I thought of this too.
Sometimes changes like this can be due to substance use of course, and even as a side effect of medication. And there are of brain disorders – including infections and this rare but well known syndrome of anti-NMDA receptor encephalitis in which young, otherwise health appearing women can start having behavioral changes and can decompensate quickly.
So sudden onset behavioral changes are a real red flag.
You/your husband can be totally honest with her. “Some things seem really different about you that are concerning me…. I really care about you and I’m worried. Can we go the ER to make sure you don’t have an infection or some other medical reason you are so tired/having trouble sleeping etc… I will take you and stay with you…. etc…”
anon
Talk to your therapist (if you have one) to work out a script to talk to her, and consider bringing your husband along since it is his sister. Have an honest conversation with your husband and ask him if you need to be the bad guy – e.g., if you believe that she is a threat to herself, does he want you to do what needs to be done. This can be a relief to him to know that he does not need to be the one to call social services.
I suggest this only if you are religious, when I’ve been in similar places, I’ve always found the old-school go to a church, light a candle at lunch and sit in the pew for five minutes to be what I need. Dealing with this is one of those times where my very only-high-Holidays if that religious self, finds myself asking the powers that be a bit more for help.
Cantaloupe
Thank you so much — I appreciate all of this.
Anon
Appropos of nothing, Cantaloupe Island by Herbie Hancock is one of my absolute favorite things to listen to. Try not to dance in your chair….