Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Clever Crepe Malone Top
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
The Fold just doesn’t miss, does it? This vibrant green crepe top is the type of thing that I plan to wear every day as soon as my budget allows for it. (Just putting that into the universe, The Secret-style.) The fit is elegant, the fabric is gorgeous, and the color is just perfect.
Pair with your favorite trousers and you’ve got “CEO on Casual Friday” energy.
The top is $375 and comes in sizes 0-16. It also comes in ivory.
Sales of note for 4/21/25:
- Nordstrom – 5,263 new markdowns for women!
- Ann Taylor – 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 10% off new womenswear styles
- Brooks Brothers – Friends & Family Sale: 30% off sitewide
- The Fold – 25% off selected lines
- Eloquii – $29+ select styles + extra 40% off all sale
- Everlane – Spring sale, up to 70% off
- J.Crew – Spring Event: 40% off sitewide + extra 50% off sale styles + 50% swim & coverups
- J.Crew Factory – 40%-70% off everything + extra 70% off clearance
- Kule – Lots of sweaters up to 50% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Earth Day Sale: Take 25% off eco-conscious fabrics. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Madewell – Extra 30% off sale + 50% off sale jeans
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 50% off last chance styles; new favorites added
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 30% off entire purchase w/Talbots card
Gorgeous! 😍
Yes, I adore this shape of top. So simple, but so perfect.
Love it but the colour is dated. Wasn’t green the in colour 2 years ago?
The color isn’t dated, but it’s definitely not my color.
Same! If this leaned more emerald, though, my pocketbook would be in danger.
This comment is almost satirical at this point.
+1
Have you been in an actual store lately? Green is everywhere.
I wear kelly green every spring with navy and white. It feels completely classic to me.
I agree that this shade of green was EVERYWHERE a couple of years ago. But it’s also a classic preppy color so one can’t go wrong with it.
Beautiful top.
We have an extended family vacation coming up to an area with world-class hiking (I’ve been twice before). There is a hike I plan to do that, in my mind, requires an early start to beat the significant crowds and strong summer heat. My sister wants to go, but is suggesting a leisurely start and implying I’m being bossy for not considering it. We can either start at 6 am or 10 am due to the shuttle schedule (it has to cross a lake and doesn’t run often) and I’m really, truly not willing to compromise on starting at 6. I’ve hiked there in the blazing sun before and felt physically ill after, plus it ruins the enjoyment for me if I’m shoulder to shoulder with other hikers the whole time. The solitude up there in the morning, on the other hand, is truly magnificent with the alpine lakes and peaks all to yourself. I’d rather just go alone and let her go alone or with her husband when she wants to, but she keeps trying to “do something together.” In my view, if the hike was my idea and I’m the one with knowledge of the area and I’m not forcing anyone to come with me, it’s not at all “controlling” to insist on the start time, especially when the early start leaves ample time for together time later that same day. AITA?
What you’re saying makes complete sense. Sometimes hikes have to start early.
I think this is a situation where people can’t have their cake and eat it too. She wants to do the hike with you at 10am, and not have to wake up early on vacation. It shouldn’t be a problem for you to do them at separate times, but it will be.
Try to frame it not as insisting on start time, but that you’re going at XYZ time and anyone is welcome to join.
That’s how I originally phrased it (“I’m doing the hike early on Saturday. Anyone is welcome to join”) but apparently it was the opening to a negotiation. I’ve been firm so far but that’s where I’m getting called bossy. I can get over it but it did give me pause because I don’t like to be inconsiderate generally.
I definitely feel this, I am constantly afraid of being considered bossy which means I really struggle asserting myself.
Proud of you for standing your ground! You have done the hike before, you know how miserable it is during the heat of the day. If she doesn’t want to wake up early she can do it later, no one has to be wrong in this situation!
Tell her that bossy is a sexist term only used re women!
No. Tell her absolutely not. She can go with you or go with another group, but you’re leaving at 6 a.m.
I’d advise more tact except it’s your sister, so she can probably handle it.
Agree. This is the thing about traveling with people…sometimes travel styles clash. The solution that will be happiest for everyone is to just agree that you don’t need to do everything together. It’s not personal, it’s just everyone enjoying a vacation in their own way.
Not controlling at all. I’m an avid hiker and agree with you completely. Have you explained your reasoning in detail to her? If she’s not a serious hiker, she may just not get it. It seems obvious, but unless you make a habit of early starts, you don’t necessarily grasp just how much worse it is to go when the sun is up and crowds are big, and how magical it is to be up early. Even if she doesn’t agree with your reasoning on an early start, this doesn’t come off as controlling to me based on the fact that you chose this hike and are willing to do something else with her if an early start doesn’t work for her.
I truly dislike the AITA question, because it forces these scenarios into either/or situations. I think you’re right to want what you want AND your sister is right to want what she wants. I also think that you can’t both have what you want out of the same activity. She wants leisure and relaxed togetherness, and it feels like you’re being weirdly rigid about something that doesn’t matter and is supposed to be fun. You want an enjoyable and fun hiking experience free from heat and crowds, and that can only happen by getting your butt out of bed very early.
Can you just be relaxed and casual about it, and casually acknowledge how set you are on it, and offer to catch up later in the day? In other words, don’t double down and get rigid or argumentative. Just talk about it in a relaxed and casual way, acknowledging that it might seem weird to be so fixed on it, but shrugging it off and enjoying being weird. Offer to meet up later in the day and have a great time together doing ___.
She’s not being weirdly rigid. Do you even hike? A morning hike and a mid-day hike are wildly different experiences.
She said what she’s going to do. No one needs “a casual conversation” about it. Sister’s feelings don’t need to be soothed.
Agree. Hiking isn’t enjoyable to me if I’m in sweltering heat. I don’t get ill as OP states, but understand her not wanting to feel that way.
Sorry but “do you even hike?” me laugh out loud. Shades of “bro, do u even lift?” but I assume completely unironically.
I interpreted this as her sister is viewing her as being weirdly rigid – not that the commenter viewed her this way.
Please no. OP doesn’t need to sound “relaxed and casual” and act like she is weird, when she is not, just to placate her sister’s feelings.
Not only is this something she should not have to do, but it’s going to come off as if she’s not serious and open to changing her mind if her sister just pushes hard enough.
Do this particular hike on your schedule.
Are there other hikes that are more shaded / conducive to a late start on a different day?
I am not in a morning person and would never wake up to hike at 6 am. But you’re not the a-hole. I think you can say exactly what you said – you have been looking forward to this for a long time but could be physically ill if you did it later. You totally understand if she doesn’t want to wake up so early. You will meet her for a glorious breakfast after or find something else to do together.
Hey Susie totally get you don’t want to do a 6am
Start but I am going to go ahead them. I’m sure we can find something else to do together
NTA but you also need to respect that she doesn’t think the early time it worth it. You can agree to disagree on the weather. I would be careful that any getting together later in the day does not devolve into debates about the better time or experience.
We hike a lot and I would a thousand times rather be there with a million people and the heat with a 10am start vs. the horror of getting up at 6am to get a shuttle. I’ll get up at 6 or 6:30 for a 7 or 7:30 hike or ski start but no way I’m crossing that 6am line let alone before 6am to make a 6am shuttle while on vacation.
Haha, she does not need to respect it. This is an agree to disagree scenario and do your own thing. I hate crowds during hiking. Whatever the weather I would never choose the more crowded time.
I didn’t say she needs to respect your decision (though I do think that she does), I said that you need to respect her decision. The tone of your message here is that you don’t respect her decision because you disagree with it and she should go at the time you want because you have more experience at the location.
You’re not coming off as “I’m going to stick with the 6am shuttle and hike but let’s meet up for dinner later! How about ABC restaurant?” It’s 110% fine for you to prefer to do the 6am hike but tone matters from both of you.
I did not get the impression OP cares if she goes w sister or alone.
Sometimes you have to let people think you’re bossy. Hold firm and enjoy your amazing hike!
You might be visiting my neck of the woods and 100% stick to your guns. Late hiking starts for “serious” hikes are the worst (for all the reasons that you mention). PLUS… if you take the 10 AM shuttle everyone will start getting hungry when you are barely on the trail….
Not to mention your pack gets much heavier for all the extra water you need to carry in the heat…
Also, the shadows are shorter midday, meaning less shade, something the OP can remind her sister.
I don’t think that anyone has mentioned yet that if you are in an area with high enough altitude like the Rockies, there is a very high risk of bad thunderstorms starting in the afternoon, and you don’t want to be on the side of the mountain for that. A 10 o’clock shuttle means a pretty late start, so if the hike is long at all to me this sounds like you could easily get caught in a bad thunderstorm. Earlier is always safer when hiking.
Midday hiking on trails with slow hikers is the worst.
Your sis can just call you names and not come. A skill I developed in my 40s was being fine with other people not being fine. I’m fine with sister having those feelings–she can have them. I’m just not going to let them make me feel bad.
If this is Lake McDonald at Glacier or Jenny Lake in the Tetons–go early. It’s magical.
I’m an avid hiker and also get really depleted/sunburnt in midday hikes. I hike in Tahoe all the time, and if it’s summer, I’m at the trailhead by 7am always, no matter how early that means I have to get up to be there at that time with water, food, doggo ready.
Find a different hike that doesn’t require an infrequent shuttle on a strict schedule. If she wants leisurely vacation vibes then this hike isn’t for her. She will drag her feet and you’ll be stressed trying to get her out the door and she’ll call you bossy anyway.
Only because you asked for advice – I do think traveling with family requires concessions. If you can get up for a 6 am hike and be back and energetic with everyone else for the entire day then great. But if you’re going to want a midafternoon nap or an early bedtime while everyone else is having together time then I think it’s not a great plan, especially if you’ve already been to the place twice. I would definitely make exceptions for once in a lifetime type trips.
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I need spring/summer pants for work. not too expensive. reasonably casual office but I don’t want to wear elastic waist. Loft seems to already be out of sizes, Nordstrom have a lot of elastic waists or they look like jeans, Banana republic doesn’t fit me properly. I have the maeves from anthropologie and i love them but they don’t wash or iron well and i don’t like to dry clean so wouldn’t buy again. Where am I not thinking Of? suggestions? was toying with sezanne, has anyone ordered?
Old Navy has some pants that might fit this. Also Madewell
Sezanne pants are beautiful but the sizes are all over the place. You probably will have to size up because the European brands do not vanity size. I have one pair that fit perfectly so I ordered another color with the same cut, style name and fabric and could barely stuff myself into them. I’d say if you live near a store and can go try them on it’s worth it but if you have to order then get a few sizes with the idea of trying on at home and returning a lot of it.
also the return window is only 14 days so beware.
Agreed, I like Sezane for tops, but cannot get their pants to work for me as a curvy person. Even sizing up signifiantly never fits right.
I’ll plug their Martin trousers as someone with a significant waist / hip difference. They’re the only trousers that have fit me perfectly without tailoring, so I own them in 7 lengths / colors. (They also come in a fully-lined wool.)
JCrew – many of them are machine wash & hang dry. They need only a light touch-up with the iron to look crisp again.
Uniqlo ankle pants. You may need to size up. I do lighter colors for the summer.
I like the kate straight leg from jcrew, i’m thinking of ordering the carolina flare in stretch linen to try out. I also like the sloane pants from abercrombie
J Crew Factory
Everlane
maybe try Quince pants? supposedly very similar to the Spanx ones
Everlane, Banana Republic factory
Ok ladies, need your best recommendations on where to purchase lab grown diamond pieces. Am going to finally bite the bullet and purchase a diamond tennis necklace, which has been on my wish list forever, and a fancy pair of dangling earrings for my son’s upcoming wedding. Would like a reputable company, but am fine doing it online. Where should I look?
Check Dorsey – lab diamonds (or white sapphires, at a LOT less $). I have a few of their pieces and happy with the quality, feel, etc.
My engagement ring is from Vrai and I also have a pair of their diamond earrings. Both have held up beautifully for the past 5 years.
Pretty much all lab grown diamonds are made in China so you’re likely going to want to pick something in stock so that you’re avoiding the new higher prices and delays. Mureta and Co, Grown Brilliance, Ritani, James Allen, etc all have good options. I believe James Allen has a storefront if you’re in DC. The Real Real also has a selection of lab grown pieces that may be better for your earrings (they have some interesting styles. Happy hunting!
+1 to Mureta and Co plus they run periodic sales
I love the earrings I’ve purchased from Agape
I just bought an anniversary band from Grown Brilliance and I love, love it. I looked at all the sites, ultimately decided on a bit of design compromise in favor of better quality stones, and I have NO regrets. It also arrived in 2 days – no wait. The ring still catches my eye.
ooh I see they have a store in DC, where I will be shopping in a few weeks for a dress to wear to the son’s wedding. Two birds/one stone time!
Quince!
I’ve had great experiences at Helzberg Diamonds.
My company has a sponsorship with the local minor league baseball team, and I’ve been invited to attend a weeknight game in the suite. (I’m in-house council, attendees are probably mostly my laid-back team but not sure, I’ll likely be the only woman who’s not a spouse, weather should be cool-moderate.) What should I wear? Specifically : Sneakers (converse or athletic?) or loafers or work flats? Jeans or ankle slacks (or break out my nice dark trouser jeans?)? A nice t-shirt with a casual jacket or cardigan sweater or … something else?
I’ve been to a box with family on the weekend before and just wore basic weekend summer casual wear, but that seems different.
having gone to a bunch of these, it will be a mix of people who go straight from work in whatever they wore that day (incl. comfortable office footwear – like men would be in Cole Haan sneaker-shoes, not dressy loafers), and people who swap to jeans and team attire.
Minor league games are not fancy occasions, so if you obviously have time to go home and change I’d go with fashion sneakers, jeans, and a casual top + jacket. If it’s a 6pm game and you’re leaving straight from work, just be sure to wear comfortable shoes that day.
I’d like to add, if you can wear some item (jacket, top) in the team’s main color that would be a good idea.
Counsel. Just in case that wasn’t autocorrect.
assuming it’s not hot i would wear nice jeans and cute sneakers (converse, sambas, etc) and a tshirt and either nice sweatshirt (like polished and immaculate) or sweater or even a blazer if that’s your thing.
Jeans, half zip pull over. Or, if you are running late, whatever you wear to work.
If you are sending an edible gift to a couple and you know that one person in the couple cannot eat half of the gift, is it rude to send it? Think, a cake and chocolate gift where one person cannot eat the cake due to celiac disease. Or fruit and cheese where one person can’t eat cheese.
Yes, I think it is.
Yes. There are so many options out there. Sending something you know excludes someone is rude. (Different if you didn’t know obviously)
I agree.
+1. If the couple didn’t know about my dietary restriction I’d be bummed, but if they’re aware then it’s actively rude. Fruit, chocolate, popcorn, nuts, olive oil, vinegar, coffee, tea, spices…there are so many options and they still chose something I can’t eat? Gee thanks
Yes, it’s rude, with the caveat that it’s possibly okay if it’s a small portion of the package and you know they’re not especially sensitive about it (medically or emotionally). So a cake in a basket of otherwise gluten free items might be fine, but not if they’re so sensitive that they don’t allow gluten in the house or if you think they’d feel hurt by it. If you knew that wasn’t the case and their spouse really loved that particular cake, then it’s more acceptable, but probably better to just give things they both can eat, unless you have a good reason not to. I’m writing from the perspective of a vegan in a family with varied meat eating preferences that also includes several people with celiac and other severe food allergies, so I have lots of practice trying to include everyone but also make sure people get to eat things they enjoy!
yea I’d choose a different gift, or do separate smaller gifts. Joint should mean both can enjoy the whole.
I think the only way to do this graciously is to send two gifts tailored to each person’s interets: “Sending chocolate cake for Bob, and cheese for Susie!”. But ideally you would send something they can enjoy together.
Agreed!
Caveat that with something like celiac or an allergy, it would depend on severity. If the person can’t eat off a plate that had ever had gluten on it, then it’s rude to send gluten to their house no matter what. Same with something like a nut allergy – do not contaminate someone’s home.
If the gift is mostly to one person, I think it’s fine to prioritise the main giftee. If it truly is to both, it’s rude.
Let’s say your best friend is a cheese enthusiast and nerd and you go to cheese festvals with them, but their partner can’t eat cheese. You can still give a couple gift including cheese, but the part partner can eat should be equally fancy.
It’s quite miserable to have common food allergies and always be excluded, though, and it would be a lot better to find something inclusive.
OP here and to clarify, I am not the sender. I am the recipient. My MIL sent this, despite knowing for the past decade that I have this restriction.
Yeah, it’s rude but also I wouldn’t go looking for trouble, that generation can think fish is vegetarian.
Seriously. My boomer parents intentionally triggered my kid’s allergy when he was a baby/toddler multiple times. They more or less shaped up once we threatened them with zero access to our kids but I could still 100% see my mom doing this to my poor SIL with celiac.
I’m the vegan who posted above and I think it’s kind of rude, but also that the context matters. If it’s something like a mother sending her kid his favorite childhood Easter treat, I wouldn’t take offense. It’s addressed to both of you, but it’s really for him, and I think that’s okay. If that’s how she handles all of your gifts, I’d be a little annoyed, but I’m okay with my MIL sending things that are really just for my husband.
This is where I land. If I were gluten-free (and not b/c I couldn’t be in the same room without serious consequences) and MIL sent chocolate cake in a gift basket for the whole fam, it might be well-intended. I.e., she sent cake for the rest of the gang since she knows I don’t bake. And she included a token item that I can eat, so all is well.
If I were dangerously reactive and she sent it knowing this, that’s a different story.
Yep, your MIL is either oblivious or deliberately rude.
I call such gifts and efforts “the empty box,” because the giver can get credit for offering a gift, but the gift is of little to no use to the recipient, and the giver is aware of that.
What does your spouse say about it? This is the time for them to pipe up and say “hey Mom, come on, you know OP can’t eat this!”
It’s rude (unless the gift is mainly to your husband, e.g, for his birthday) but it’s also not something I’d make a big deal over.
Eh, it depends where it fits in the pattern. If she’s forgetful and it’s a one-off, just let it go. If she’s always a bitch to you, throw this one on the pile and handle however you handle the rest.
Were you the sole intended recipient, or was it really intended for your husband? If it was an Easter present, I’d just read that as she got her kid an Easter present and not me one, which is …completely fine in my culture.
Would also feel differently if it just being in the house is a problem, like you have an anaphylactic allergy to peanuts and she sent something coated in peanut dust so even if your spouse ate it alone, it might leave a residue that could harm you.
This internet stranger gives you permission to be irritated with your MIL!
I think it’s better if it’s something that’s not medical. Lots of people have different preferences, or if it’s something like an omnivore and a vegan, they’ve already worked that out between themselves.
But if it’s Celiac or a food allergy, the whole household might exclude gluten or peanuts as a household rule.
If it’s something like diabetes, that’s maybe more of a gray area? I have some people in my life who send me edible treats that aren’t on my diet because they cheat on their diets and assume I do as well. I don’t, so I always feel a little bad.
I disagree under one circumstance: if the edible gift is to a new mom and the father can’t eat whatever treat it is, I don’t think it’s rude in that instance even if it’s to congratulate both parents on the new baby. I’ve given cake in this instance because I think the new mom should get to eat a cake if she wants!
Yes, definitely.
generally yes, but I think there are shades to it. e.g. a housewarming gift should be fully for both.
if it’s MIL sending ‘both’ of you an easter gift (but lets be honest it’s really for DH), sending his childhood favorite butter-laden treat when you can’t eat dairy isn’t something to get offended over. If it’s a generic cheese, fruit, & nuts gift box and she never thinks about the fact you can’t have anything with nuts – yes, inconsiderate.
are you sending it to the couple as in, it’s an anniversary gift for both of them? then it’s rude. if you’re sending it to one of them but both will receive it, like a birthday gift, then i don’t think it’s rude. depends on what you mean by “sending an edible gift to a couple.”
I already don’t love edible gifts unless they can be used over a period of time (i.e., a fancy olive oil). But an edible gift that’s addressed to a couple and can’t be enjoyed by both? That’d annoy me regardless whether I’m the person with the eating restriction.
Is the main purpose of the gift for the couple or your friend? If you’re sending cupcakes on your friend’s birthday, I say go for it. If you’re sending them a joint gift, then I would look for something else or at least a gift basket with a number of options.
My husband has some relatives I just cannot stand. The wife, who is his blood relative, will not talk about anything except her son’s struggles in school, and her attitude makes me furious as the parent of a child who has been on the other side. Her son is disruptive, has been to ISS multiple times, and has caused the rest of the class to be removed from the classroom on more than one occasion. She complains about how he is “highly gifted” and “needs” to be in a mainstream classroom because a special ed class won’t meet his needs for social interaction with normal kids. My kid is older (and has an even higher IQ, but my husband and I are the only ones who know that), but has been in class with some of these kids and it was truly awful for her. In elementary school she was assigned by the teachers for multiple years to be “friends” with one of these kids, who bullied her and also chose her as her partner for therapy exercises with the guidance counselor, which meant that my kid got pulled from class and missed instructional time for the benefit of the other kid AND had to spend more time interacting with the bully. Later on another of these kids terrorized one of her high school classes. My kid is an anxious people-pleaser who is afraid to assert herself, and I think the way she was treated by these kids and by adults in relation to these kids was a huge contributor. The relative’s husband is fraudulently working two jobs. I am tired of having to smile and nod as these self-centered and immoral people talk about how hard their life is and about how the world owes them something. Am I justified in telling my husband I won’t come with him to hang out with them any more? He doesn’t approve of their behavior and attitudes either, but feels a sense of obligation to “support” his relative.
You both sound exhausting.
+1
I’m seeing a lot of different things in your post (and if I’m misreading, forgive me). (1) You don’t like this person for several reasons. (2) One of those reasons hits especially close to home, even though their child did not directly impact your child’s classroom experience.
(1) We do not like everyone, and we definitely do not always like all of our spouse/partner’s people (friends, relatives, etc.) and that’s OK! You don’t need permission (not that you’re seeking it) to not like her. You can not like her, and distance yourself accordingly. You can also support someone while still having boundaries! So for example, you only interact at group family settings where you smile/nod/say “Oh, that must be so hard.” Or I find text to be a great method of support/checking in while also maintaining distance — it can make the person feel like you’re connected when really you have the conversation on mute and you only check it every other day or something. I would get your spouse to articulate what “support” means/looks like in his mind and go from there. Maybe think of it as supporting the kid, who has limited autonomy over their own life, vs. supporting the adults you dislik
(2) I’m really sorry about your daughter’s experience. Regardless of what is right/wrong in terms of classroom placement, it stinks when your kid is unhappy at school. BUT the kid/s she interacted with are not your spouse’s relative’s child, and the adults present (teachers) are at fault for not intervening, full stop. Kids (yours and the others in class) are usually at the mercy of their parents/teachers and what they decide for them. Without knowing more, I have no idea whether anyone in the situations you’re describing was or was not placed appropriately. But this is a teacher issue, not a kid issue.
Good luck. Boundaries are hard, and triggers are real.
It sounds like this family is probably really struggling with a child who has some serious developmental or mental health challenges. Though they may have a degree of problematic tunnel vision when it comes to his needs, that hardly makes them “immoral.” Maybe a more compassionate perspective would help.
When I brought up the example of my daughter’s experience, which is the only time I’ve ever challenged her, she said that it was appropriate to sacrifice my daughter’s needs for the benefit of bullies and “clearly it didn’t hurt her because she is in college now.” That’s an immoral and hurtful stance.
I fully agree with you. You’re probably in for a pile on but don’t take it personally. It’s just routine for some here.
Oh, i’m sure you made your point in a completely graceful and not antagonizing way.
You are getting piled in and the people doing so are wrong.
Your SIL’s kid’s needs aren’t an excuse for them to say that your daughter’s needs don’t matter. That’s not okay.
Boy, I just do not believe that you are fairly characterizing what this woman said to you. There is no way “it was appropriate to sacrifice my daughter’s needs for the benefit of bullies” is what she said, and it’s tough to trust your narrative when you’re editorializing that heavily.
That is actually exactly what she said. It’s not a big deal for the rest of the class to be removed from the classroom because her kid’s needs are more important. They need to sacrifice for the benefit of her kid. Literally what she said.
No, you’re not justified. Your kid’s experiences don’t have anything to do with her kid’s, even though obviously there are analogies.
You don’t have to hang out more than is obligated, but this is family and you can learn to deal. No boundaries are being crossed; there’s no reason to give this person a time-out.
Wow, they sound more like they drew a tough lot and work hard. I’d rethink your hot take on working two jobs as being fraudulent. Yikes.
He is double-billing in express violation of an employment agreement.
And are you his boss? A cop?
Someone who works hard and follows the rules and never gets ahead.
Some people are born tattlers. They are incapable of shame.
OP, you need to unpack your issues with your career and your daughter in therapy. These people aren’t the root of the issue, although they sound annoying.
“ Someone who works hard and follows the rules and never gets ahead.”
Holy cognitive distortions, Batman.
It’s not your problem.
What possible difference does that make to you?
If you have solid evidence to this end and it bothers you so much, report him to the employer. Otherwise, you are taking on a lot of emotional work for something that really isn’t your responsibility.
I wouldn’t report him to the employer unless she wants her husband’s entire family (and possibly her husband!) to hate her. I think I’d have a hard time staying married to someone who went behind my back to get a family member fired, even if the family member was behaving in an unethical way.
Have you seen his employment agreement?
OP, I have such a relative who unfortunately thinks that everyone is a crook, and if you’re not cheating then you’re a dummy. He will brag about how he sneaks a twenty out of the till when he’s staffing the farmer’s market booth with the boss out of sight, or cheating on taxes, or cheating on his girlfriend. It’s not a matter of context, when he proudly lists all the stuff he knows is wrong but he thinks he’s got it all figured out because he hasn’t been caught.
He would not blink at bragging about holding two full time job and getting away with pretending to just be a slow worker.
anonshamon, this is the vibe. The guy brags about getting away with it and everyone else in the family tells him how clever and enterprising he is.
I totally get that it grates. It’s annoying when you feel like you’re doing the right things and here is proof of a scrub getting away with stuff. It makes you start doubting whether your own colleagues are all just pretending like that dingbat. Did Sarah from accounting really lose her mom or did she just not want to finish that report on the deadline? It creates horrible resentment, and it’s not good for your outlook on life to hang out with people like that. Fine to distance yourself, but there’s not much else to do here.
I’m with OP.
How does it affect her? Well, it affects all of us. A huge part of RTO is ensuring that people aren’t working two jobs at the same time, billing for one while working the other. As someone stuck in the hinterlands because of my family obligations, remote work is a godsend. I am furious with people who scam the system and are the reason it’s getting taken away.
That’s not the reason it’s going away.
If he’s bragging about double billing and defrauding his employer, the correct reaction is “that’s gross” and changing the subject or walking away. If he’s simply talking about having two jobs, mind your own business. Neither requires refusing to go to events where he’s present.
how frequently do you see these relatives? bc my answer is different depending on how close they live and how often you socialize
1. anyone who only talks about one thing is kind of tedious. Try to set aside your personal scars related to your own kid, which have nothing to do with her life, really, and just politely listen for a few minutes, and then talk to someone else at the gathering.
2. what like he has two remote jobs? whatever
It sounds like you dislike them enough that it doesn’t matter if you’re right or wrong about them, you should avoid hanging out with them for their sake as well as yours.
+1
I agree. I kind of can’t wrap my brain around the anger. They have different views on whether special needs kids should be able to learn alongside others based on personal experience with their own kids. I still can’t imagine actively rooting against a special needs kids’ parents. Maybe op should just acknowledge this is a sensitive issue for her and a huge part of their lives so maybe it’s ok to avoid them.
+10000 The fact that she’s repeatedly calling them immoral is a clear sign she free them from her presence.
Sure do what you want but you sound deeply judgmental and unpleasant and might want to work on that yourself
god yes
Yikes. You are taking out your daughter’s struggles on somebody who had nothing to do with them. Agree that neither of you sound pleasant.
Sigh. Once again, girls are expected to be emotional support animals for boys and no one is allowed to say anything.
Are you the OP? Because this kind of response is exactly why your family doesn’t like you.
Nope. Just someone who isn’t here for BS and cyberbullying pileons.
It’s not that no one is allowed to say anything, it’s that this isn’t the right time, place or person. The time to say something would have been to the school when her daughter was getting bullied. Whatever happened to her daughter is not this random kid’s fault.
So it’s never okay to tell an entitled person that there is another perspective that needs to be considered?
You can do whatever you want, but unless your only goal is to foment your own self-righteous anger, you might wanna consider whether it’s going to be very productive.
What? This person is asking if they can not hang out with a family member they dislike. People here are skeptical of her reasoning. This has nothing to do with being an emotional support animal for boys. And obviously, she can say or do whatever she wants, and has clearly said something both to the family member and her husband.
lol what
I get you.
I have deep scars from the time my disabled child was shoved into an inclusion class and I won’t ever recover from what happened. My PTSD from the horrific experience doesn’t trump obnoxious people’s access to me, family or not. I spend my free time with those whose values are aligned with mine. Having different opinions is one thing, values is not something I will compromise on.
Your time is valuable. Be unavailable, otherwise busy. I wouldn’t suggest having a conversation with your husband beyond saying ‘oops I double booked, you go on without me’.
I was sort of with you until the outrage about two jobs. It seems like you’re just looking for reasons to hate these people.
Her kid has not done anything personally to your kid. It’s unrelated.
Once, sure, but it sounds like you’ve made that point. They haven’t personally done anything to your kid and you’re projecting way too much.
Sorry threading fail! Meant to be a reply to OP at 11:54 (“ So it’s never okay to tell an entitled person that there is another perspective that needs to be considered?”)
They sound annoying, but you are perhaps projecting your issues onto them. If by “hang out” you mean celebrate a holiday in their presence, I think you’re being a bit dramatic. If it means hang out on a Saturday night as if you were friends, then it seems totally reasonable to decline.
There’s a difference between “I don’t respect these people but can make pleasant conversation at family gatherings” vs “Every conversation becomes heated.”
The husband fraudulently working two jobs falls in the former category. That shouldn’t affect your interactions with the couple even if you think less of him for it. The school thing doesn’t have to mean you miss events. “I don’t know what to tell you, I’ve mentioned before that I have a different point of view on this. Anyway how’s soccer going?” is a fine response. I would find these people frustrating as well but pivoting to a neutral topic seems easier than dealing with the drama of boycotting events.
There’s a lot going on in this post. A lot.
OP, you start out by saying you “can’t stand” these relatives, and you end asking if it’s okay to not hang out with them. I suspect that it’s probably better for everyone, your husband included, if you limit your time with them. Since they’re family, you probably can’t avoid them completely, but you can absolutely skip visits and send your husband alone.
But the rest of the post seems to me that you want us to take your side against them, and that’s where you’re losing people. The way you’ve conflated the stories of your kid and theirs is confusing, but I think what you’re really saying is that hearing about your nephew triggers feelings about your daughter’s struggles. I know people joke about how frequently therapy is offered as a solution on here, but in this case, you really may want to try therapy if you haven’t already. And the two jobs thing just feels random, like you realized you needed another point to convince people. Unless you and your BIL work together, this sounds like a not your circus situation.
SIL literally spends every family gathering demanding that everyone agree with her that the school district is wrong for trying to put her son in special ed. I am sick of hearing about it and think she needs to understand that there are other students who have rights and that she needs to do the right thing both for her son and the rest of the kids by putting him in a class that meets his needs. I finally spoke up about what happened to my daughter as a way of showing her that her son’s behavior in a mainstream classroom is harming other students, but clearly it didn’t get through.
In my experience, there are a-hole parents in every subgroup. My cousins have a child with serious special needs and are fantastic humans, while I routinely have to deal with another who thinks every interaction is a calculated insult worthy of legal action.
Aren’t annoying in-laws sort of the hallmark of family gatherings? I’m the person below with the pregnant SIL who goes on and on about all the parenting choices she’s going to make so her fetus turns out better than our kids. Is it annoying? Yes! Does it wound us on a deep level? No because our kids are great and we think she’s an idiot.
I think two things are true here: your in-laws sound obnoxious and annoying AND your own issues are causing you to vastly overreact to typically annoying in-law behavior.
Yeah, I don’t think OP really wanted answers to a question, she just wants us to hate these people too.
Yup.
What’s wrong with that? You don’t know yet. You can take her side or scroll on by. The posters have the most info about whether their family members truly are jerks.
Yeah, at the point you’re bringing up your own kid’s IQ for no apparent reason, that’s when you know there is something else going on here that has nothing to do with the relative. You’ve got stuff on your side as well to work out.
Their kid hasn’t done anything to yours. Full stop.
Whether the guy is a braggart over his approach to work has nothing to do with what you have achieved.
I’d do what I needed to for my spouse, and stop letting this eat at your happiness. They aren’t being annoying “at” you.
Idk. I have a similar relationship with my in-laws. Their son is special needs (but like legitimately needs to be in a special needs classroom). His needs/therapies seem to be the only things they want to talk about, which I get… but sometimes I would like to be able to talk about my kid too. They also always have childcare struggles that are somewhat self-inflicted (e.g., SIL pursuing time-intensive hobby while BIL is working).
That being said– I generally like my in-laws and don’t think they are bad people. I have just recalibrated my expectations for this season of our relationship. Our kids like to see each other, and it is important to my husband that he has a good relationship with them (even if he agrees with me about the above).
It sounds like you just don’t like these people and are trying to find ways to say they are “bad” people– but I don’t think they need to be “bad” for you not to like them.
The parents of a struggling special needs kid working two jobs and fighting for the kid to have some kind of normal socialization are the ones who think life owes them something? Sounds like a rough hand they’ve been dealt. I don’t know much about education but I imagine there is some balance of benefits to special needs kids and disruption to others to bevconsidered in each case and with each kid. By all means avoid them if you’d like but I see where your husband is coming from. My heart goes out to these people. Sorry about your daughter’s experience but it does seem like she’s no longer in the thick of it so maybe that’s what the relative was saying? Maybe be you can muster some compassion with a bit of distance?
Right??
I think it’s pretty often a lose/lose where the special need kid is not really benefiting either, but that’s a difficult situation to be in too. I’m perplexed by being frustrated with these parents or their child when it sounds like these schools are letting everyone down.
Yeah, I had a friend who fought really, really hard for mainstream inclusion of her kid (very violent, disruptive, classroom evacuated a few times a month) and she finally realized that the placement was not helping him. He’s now in a semi-mainstream school placement and it is SO much better for him.
could you say more about the semi-mainstream school placement? i’m so curious – our AuDHD kid is in a special ed school but he’s falling way, way behind academically from where he should be because they just cannot spend time on it between everyone’s behavior disturbances. he’s 5th grade and his special school ends at 8th, we’re terrified of what will come in 9th if we don’t switch him out sooner. above average intelligence, probably will not launch, but I feel like I shouldn’t give up on academic skills that might get him a job beyond a grocery stockist.
He wound up at a charter school with really, really small class sizes. It’s not specifically a “special needs” school, but it’s kind of marketed as a place where non-typical kids can thrive. It’s been a lot better for him since the school district was pretty legalistic in terms of accommodations and the charter school is just a less stressful place.
thank you Seventh Sister!
My husband’s sister is pregnant with her first baby and lately all our conversations with her revolve her around her talking about how she’s going to parent perfectly and her kid won’t have any of the “issues” our kids have (some of which are highly genetic, so good luck to her!!). There’s nothing to do except roll our eyes and laugh about it afterwards, and I think the same logic applies here.
You’re justified and you get one life, so no need to spend more time around these people. I have some very self-centered relatives that also engage in some stuff I find immoral (tax evasion, bogus trusts, that sort of thing) and I try and spend as little time as possible.
And I’m sorry your kid had such a tough time in school with bullying and poor instruction. There are administrators and teachers that make the calculation that it’s better to mollify a parent with a disruptive kid than think about the 29 other kids in the classroom.
You do only get one life. But you have chosen to enter into a marriage and your action’ have consequences. It really should be a partnership. How to balance relative relationships seems like it shouldn’t be a unilateral decision. I would be working out with my spouse the boundaries to set since it will affect both of you. And nothing listed to this point shows actual animosity toward OP–they aren’t doing anything actively against her like snubbing her, calling her names, etc. It’s all dislike of them just living their life.
I’ve been married for over 20 years. No matter how saintly your spouse may be, they can still can have blind spots about their side of the family. It is never going to sink in for my spouse or their sibling that my MIL’s repeated actions and statements are insulting and disrespectful. It may seem unilateral that I don’t interact with her unless absolutely necessary, but we are “working it out” in that his choices are: (1) “allow” me to maintain a distant relationship with her or (2) not stay married.
I’m sorry you have dealt with that. But there is a big difference here. Your MIL is insulting you–that’s not OP’s case. I’m married 18 years (person you are replying to). If my spouse wanted me to cut off a relative because they disagree about mainstreaming special needs kids or how the person’s husband earned his living, we would be having a much bigger talk about our partnership.
This relative hasn’t actually DONE anything to OP if these were the worst examples she could drum up. They have just been deeply unpleasant people (in her opinion).
How do you mean, it’s never going to sink in? Are the insults very subtle? Is your SO very dense?
It’s density. He doesn’t understand how “mean girls” operate and/or passive aggression. He thinks she’s just being dense and not trying to assert dominance by insulting me and insulting others.
“some of these kids” literally eff you.
Right back at you. Kids who are disruptive don’t belong in the classroom, full stop. They are a safety threat, as we routinely see in the headlines.
They’re also at risk of death and injury in the classroom (you can look that up too). Stop pitting kids against kids. A lot of us only attended school because adults forced us to in the first place.
+1 lemme guess some of these bullies were also trans
After 22 years of marriage, I think I need to resize my wedding band to make it larger. Some weight gain means my rings get pretty tight when my fingers swell even a little bit (think, in the summer heat). I am worried about ruining my rings, which are soldered together. I have some channel-set diamonds across the top, but thankfully they don’t wrap all the way around. Tell me this is going to be okay?
A good jeweler will be honest with you about what to expect and I think will also be very reassuring!
This will be fine! I bet you can go to a jeweler and they’ll tell you what is possible and you can make decisions from there :)
It will probably be just fine. Worst case you can have it all reset. FWIW, I had my set reset by Spur Jewelry and completely redesigned for a more modern look and I love it.
I resized a soldered together ring set. It looks as good as new!
I have a really intricate set (lots of pave and matching intricate metal work) and I was shocked how well the adjustment went. The jeweler will let you know what is and isn’t possible. Generally, within two ring sizes is ideal. I am so glad I didn’t get a complete eternity band. No one tells you to think about sizing when you’re young and looking at rings.
My seasonal allergies are the worst they’ve ever been.
I’m in PA and some years I get mild allergies snd some years I barely have them. This year it’s been two full weeks of horribly itchy eyes nose and roof of mouth, congestion and sneezing and my nose leaking lokr a faucet, red and puffy and watery eyes. Some nights I have trouble sleeping because I can’t get comfortable. Sometimes I have a headache from the sinus pressure. Sometimes I have a sore throat from breathing through my mouth at night.
I’m taking allergy meds. I have allergy anti-itch eye drops. I have anti congestion nasal spray. They all help but not nearly enough.
I shower when I get home to wash off the pollen. I’m not opening my windows or dining outside like I normally do in the spring. I just ordered an air purifier.
I’m so miserable I called out of work today.
Any other tips?
ugh, I’m sorry. I never had allergies until about 5 years ago (MD) and some weeks it’s just awful.
Humidifier on your nightstand will help with the sore throat. Air purifier is a good idea. Wear a mask if you have to be outside for a long time; it won’t help your eyes, but it might help with the sinus stuff. Glasses instead of contacts, you don’t need anything else potentially irritating your eyes.
Otherwise, you’re almost through the worst of it! my allergies spiked a couple weeks ago but are much, much better now, and PA is usually about week or two behind Maryland on spring-ness.
For the long term, talk with your doctor to see if they’d recommend immunotherapy for you (typically in the form of allergy shots). You might also see if they recommend switching up an allergy meds in the interim.
For the short term, in addition to the air purifier (ideally in each room you spend a bunch of time in), vacuum often with a vacuum that has a HEPA filter, wash bedding more often, and wear an N95 or similar when you have to go out.
Yeah, this is where allergy shots come into play. It’s a process (one I wouldn’t start until after your allergies are over for the year, because you have to get testing done first, and need to stop all anti-allergy meds for something like a week beforehand) but future you will have a much, much easier time of it.
Allergies can get worse as you get older, unfortunately, so it might be that there’s more pollen this year, but it also might be that you’re more sensitive to it.
Local honey taken every day seems to help me the season I remember to do it.
Ugh, I am north of you and our pollen season is just starting in earnest. Here is what I find helpful when it gets really thick.
If your HVAC setup includes a filter, change that. Put a new bag in the vacuum cleaner and clean all of its filters. Change the air cabin filter on your vehicle and vacuum the seats, carpets, and headliner. Make sure your rugs, carpets, drapes, and upholstery are clean (even just vacuuming them helps). If you have pets, especially ones that go outdoors, bathe them. Wash your bedding, coats, etc. Clean your fan blades. Basically anywhere pollen can build up, clean that.
I had terrible allergies for years. For the long term, definitely get yourself to an allergist ASAP. The prescription meds did more for me than OTC alone.
Short terms, if you have an OTC pill that you used for a while, switch brands. Pataday eye drops are expensive, but they are way better. I have a giant air purifier right next to my side of the bed for when I sleep. I use a neti pot during allergy season to flush the pollen and dust away.
There are newer, better prescription only meds. Don’t DIY it; see a well recommended allergist to get symptoms under control now. Discuss the option of immune therapy for the future with an allergist or ENT.
do you have allergy covers on your pillow and mattress? have you washed them recently? might also flip the mattress and wash the pillows.
Wear a face mask when you go out. I used to wear one to mow the lawn and do other general gardening work, and it was great. No allergic reactions.
My anxiety has been through the roof lately: perimenopause, stage of life, state of the world. Throw in some low-level depression symptoms (lots of tears!), and I feel like a mess. Until now, I’ve been super resistant to medication, figuring I could manage with sleep/exercise/etc. But three months into the year, they’re all still a mess — still not sleeping well, still exercising sporadically, etc. Not sure if it’s a chicken or egg situation. So I guess, for those ladies who have been on medication, how did you decide when it was time to pull the trigger?
I did it because I just felt like I didn’t have to keep muscling through things. I was resistant, too. But it has been wonderful for me. It’s just softened things enough that I can manage, and then I can find joy with my family and in the people/things I love.
I agree with every word of this. Toughing it out was no longer working for me.
I’ve got PMDD and my college roommate basically frog marched me over to the campus health center after watching me be unable to function for ~2wks a month. It was a night and day difference and I was so, so grateful. I’ve gone off and on meds over the years but knowing they are a tool in my toolbox is always helpful.
Fwiw, I’d encourage both talk therapy and meds. The meds can help you get back on your feet in the short term and a good CBT trained therapist can help you ID better coping strategies/ways to avoid triggers longer term.
When I couldn’t sleep well, I started HRT. My body is making less of hormones it needs so I’m replacing them to the levels it needs. I can now sleep again which makes it likelier that I’m going to want to do anything at all. I was offered antidepressants initially, but I found a gynecologist who would listen to me and treat my symptoms. Looking back, I can’t believe I let this fatigue go on as long as I did.
The first time I took a Xanax I cried. I literally didn’t know it was possible to just. Not be anxious.
You can always stop taking medication – what’s the harm in trying it?
To answer your question, I’ve been on antidepressants at several different periods of my life for depression and anxiety. I restarted 1.5 years ago at age 46 when physical symptoms of anxiety became debilitating – especially insomnia but a lot more than that. I tried Lexapro for the first time and it made me feel so much better, so quickly. It has also made me more able to be productive in therapy. I have no plans to stop any time soon.
Some meds are known for a discontinuation syndrome when stopping them, as well as side effects that continue after stopping the med. Some are associated with worse long term outcomes even when they help in the short term. So it’s not always as simple as “just try and see, you can always stop taking it.”
I have every intention of going on HRT and am a big fan of medical interventions, but I definitely always go over with my doctor what the harm in trying a med may be.
Whenever a grandchild would turn their nose up at a new food or activity, my grandma would say, “Try it! You might like it!” Taking a bite of green beans won’t kill you, and neither will trying a couple weeks of an antidepressant. If you don’t feel better, just stop taking it, just like you’re pushing the green beans to the corner of your plate.
This was not my experience with trying a few weeks of an antidepressant. They have some serious risks when they’re not genuinely indicated.
Yeah I get the spirit of your comment, but starting and stopping meds is more complex than this. You can’t just stop taking an antidepressant like you’re pushing green beans to the corner of your plate. You need to be communicating with a doctor as you start, adjust doses, and monitor how you feel. “Just stop talking it” if you don’t “feel better” is way too simplistic. You also need to go off of it in a particular manner, usually gradually reducing the dose. It’s not an insurmountable hurdle but it’s definitely not as simple as green beans.
my uncle killed himself after 1 week of prozac. sometimes just trying the drugs can do harm. suicidal ideations is a side effect of almost all of those pills.
I’m so sorry. I experienced ideation was a side effect, and it was terrifying. I was not prescribed the med for depression, so it was very unexpected and not within the realm of my experience beforehand. It changed my understanding of what a pill can do.
When meds have worked the best for me is when I could not figure out how to work our or take care of myself, etc., and the meds got me to a place where it felt possible. I still had to do the work, but I needed the meds to even feel like I was at ground level.
I grew up in anti-SSRI family, so was very resistant. But my anxiety got so bad that it felt like anything would be better than what I was dealing with. I was on for four years, and in that time did intensive therapy (2x a week, CBT and EMDR), processed the bulk of my trauma and triggers, started working out intensely 5-6 hours a week, and became aware of all my own maladaptive patterns so they don’t hijack my thoughts anymore. I’m weaning off now (currently on a ‘microdose’ level) but the anxiety is nowhere near as bad, I’m still working out 5+ hours a week, have none of the physical anxiety symptoms I used to, and still have all the therapy and mindfulness techniques I’ve developed. Oftentimes doctors don’t prescribe it as a tool to use in conjunction with therapy, but it absolutely can be used that way to great effect. I don’t think I could have gotten out of the spiral I was in without it, but I also have real hope now that I no longer need it.
Hugs and love. You’ll get through this.
What are your best, affordable, Chicago recs?
I’m arriving on Friday and staying until Tuesday. Already planning on doing an architecture boat tour, going to the Art Institute, and seeing some Frank Lloyd Wright in Oak Park. Any other recs, especially for restaurants? We are on a budget, so a $30 entree would be on the top of our range.
I did a public art walk on my own in Chicago a decade ago and enjoyed it so much. This is an example of an itinerary, but you can modify and find other things that you’d find interesting: https://www.frommers.com/slideshows/818565-chicago-s-art-loop-walking-tour-of-picasso-miro-and-more/
I’d add in a trip to the Rookery on your architecture day. You’ll be super close and a very different vibe that Frank Lloyd Wright’s usual. Give yourself some time to just wander around that area too – there is lots of good architecture in the vicinity. The museum of science and industry is also very well done, and the u-boat exhibit is excellent. You can walk there from the Robie house.
Are you staying in the loop?
No, but not too far out. Close to Damen station on the blue line.
So many ideas for you!
Super cheap and delicious eats: Sfera Street Food, Red Hot Ranch, Chiya Chai, Pequod’s, Oasis (Middle Eastern cafe in a diamond shop in the Loop!), Sultan’s Market.
For dinners that are festive and cheap, try Cafe Ba Ba Reeba or Lil’ Ba Ba Reeba, Quartino
Bakeries: Loba (inventive pastries!), Lost Larson (Swedish inspired), Floriole (classic)
Coffee: Oromo, Side Practice (Filipino-owned– there’s a stretch of hot new Filipino businesses on Damen in Ravenswood, including Kanbin for cute general store snacks and Del Sure for bakery treats), The Understudy is a cafe and theater bookstore with immaculate vibes, Cafe Deko is absolutely beautiful w/a vibrant European atmosphere and has a location in Lincoln Park and a brand-new one in South Loop.
Free places to chill and revive yourself: Second floor of Chicago Athletic Association hotel (you do not have to be a guest and you do not have to spend money!) is a gorgeous space. Cultural Center is always free and has some cool exhibits to check out, plus stunning architecture.
Not-as-cheap-but-not-terribly-expensive: Avec, Sabroso, Lula (if you can get in), Chef’s Special, Pompette, Daisies, Lilac Tiger, Bungalow by MiddleBrow, HaiSous, Bayan Ko Diner, Spacca Napoli
Have fun!
These are great recs. Lula is amazing.
I really like both Stan’s and Do-Rite donuts, and the latter also has fried chicken sandwiches.
These are good ideas! I’d also suggest Small Cheval for burgers, Lao Peng You for spicy noodles, and lots of tacos. Also, try some pinball at Logan Arcade! Or there are free shows at Broken Hearts if you’re a fan of Americana-style rock/ folk.
Thank you so much!
Walk around Millennium Park to see the outdoor sculpture, en route from the Architectural Society boat tour to the Art Institute.
Go to the free Mexican Arts Museum in Pilsen (which is often nearly empty), and walk across the park and eat at 5 Rabanitos. I like to walk along the train tracks and look at the graffiti murals.
After the walk around Frank Lloyd Wright houses, end with a walk to Wright’s Unity Temple. Then eat a couple blocks away at Il Vicolo Trattoria (very good Italian) or for something a little different and fresh, try the Brazilian Mulata Kitchen and coffee, or the very good and inexpensive Moroccan restaurant, Grape Leaves. All restaurants are on Oak Park Ave within a couple blocks of each other.
RPM Italian has great happy hour deals. Agree with the other commenter about Ba Ba Reeba and Quartino. They charge reasonable prices for tapas-size dishes and as a traveler you don’t need leftovers. If you have time for the Lincoln Park farmers market Saturday morning they have great pastries and coffee. It’s also right by the zoo (free!) if you have kids with you
Has anyone found any good summer-weight cardigans yet? Mine are looking pretty ratty and need to be replaced. I get that cardis aren’t the most fashion-forward look, but no way am I wearing a heavy lady jacket or sweater blazer when it’s 90 degrees outside.
every year i buy a white, a black, and one or two fashion colors. they don’t hold up but they’re necessary…. i used to always do old navy but last year they were too heavy so i got from jcrew factory. both have (just checked) but i’m not sure about the fabric for old navy…
What are you doing to your cardigans that you need to buy 4 new ones every year?!
Not the person you are responding to, but I find Old Navy cardigans don’t last much more than one year. The fabric is lower quality so not only does it fade sooner, it also bags out and looses shape.
I have much better luck getting multiple seasons with Gap, JCrew, Banana Republic, or the respective Factory lines of any of those than I do with Old Navy.
Look for linen sweaters, at BR, Garnet Hill, Woolovers, ll bean etc
Ditto linen cardigans. They’re warmer than you’d expect! And you can sometimes find them at TJ Maxx if you’re on a budget.
Loft has some decent 100% cotton cardigans. Maybe also try Banana Republic Factory?
I have a few summer cardigans from Nic & Zoe and Eileen Fisher in linen or linen blends that work as professional-looking toppers when it’s too hot and humid to wear a jacket. They’re a few different styles, but all of them are open. At least in the ones I’ve tried, buttons don’t improve lightweight cardigans.
I also saw this recently and am considering it. I would have ordered it already if it cost half as much. https://www.nordstrom.com/s/the-probe-cardigan/8274923?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FSweaters%2FCardigans&color=250
If you like ones in a longer length, check out Nordstrom’s Halogen Side Slit Cardigan. I am considering the green version.
Just a vent – my dad’s workplace shut down with 3 hours notice to all employees this past week. My parents are quite poor, and his qualifications are thin. It’s likely going to take significant time for him to become employed again. My sister got engaged last month, and we’re in a culture where the bride’s parents pay for the wedding. I think between the money my parents already spent, me, and my sister we could pull something together but it is Stressful.
i am so so sorry. that sounds incredibly unfair and stressful. i’m sure also hard for your sister since getting engaged is supposed to be a happy time
I’m so sorry, what an awful situation.
Gosh, what a tough spot to be in. I hope all works out for them.
I’m getting married in the fall and wedding planning is incredible stressful! There are tons of small details that you don’t think of such as the wedding card box, seating chart board, accommodations for guests etc. Costs add up way faster than I expected! I would absolutely try to discuss this with her fiancé and his family and see if they could help. I feel like the tradition of the bride’s family paying for the wedding is under the assumption that the groom will support her for the rest of her life and that’s just not the case anymore.
It’s definitely not OP’s place to start such discussions with the other family.
If she is contributing to the wedding I think she has a right to voice her opinion.
That is stressful. It would also be a time to have a candid conversation about accepting assistance from the other parents/fiance with your sister. It may be cultural but truly no one knows who pays the bills other than the person paying it. You should not stress yourselves out further for appearances.
I grew up in a tradition where the bride’s parents pay for the wedding, but my parents were poor and I had enough awareness to realize expecting that of them would break them. My fiancé and I were also poor college students at the time, but managed to get married without financial input from others and without going into debt ourselves because honestly, the $$$ production isn’t necessary if the end goal is simply to become married.
I did the same thing – my wedding cost less than $2k in 2019. Rented a park pavilion, made cookies myself for the refreshments, cut sunflowers from the side of the road for the bouquet and table decor. I paid my other sister $500 to sew me a dress. And while I enjoyed it and wouldn’t change a thing, it feels terrible that my sister was in the middle of planning something a little nicer than that and got the rug pulled out from under her. I’ve definitely got an eldest sister complex, and I want my siblings to have better than I got, or at least have the option.
Sounds like a great opportunity for your sister to elope.
But the sister might not want to elope. I’m not saying she should or shouldn’t, etc., but it’s legitimate to want a wedding and to be sad that you are changing plans mid-course.
Of course. But now she has to pay for it—not have higher expectations than her parents can currently meet.
any one use peachy for botox? yay or nay? i’m turning 50, think maybe its time
I am pro-botox but I wouldn’t pick peachy. I haven’t used them but I would not choose them over other options in my town. The ads I have seen indicate they are marketed towards the younger crowd. I’d be more inclined for a group that markets for people my age.
I know it’s spring and everyone is thinking about how beautiful this top is, and of course, all the other things in life, (purses, clothes, botox, weddings), but holy ____, this administration is now talking about sending American citizens to prison camps in El Salvador, refusing to condemn the attack on Ukraine, and the president of El Salvador said the idea that he would release the innocent man sent to El Salvador is preposterous. All in violation of the Supreme Court order. This is a four-alarm fire. The end of our democracy. Why isn’t every member of Congress doing something to stop this complete slide to autocracy. Have we just given up?
I’m definitely scared. I’ve reached out to my elected officials, and I’m so concerned about this prison camp. There isn’t evidence any are actually criminals, but even if they are…How long are people being incarcerated there for? They don’t have convictions with sentences imposed. The poor man sent there “accidentally” has no criminal record in any country. What is the plan, for people to just languish there until they die? It’s horrifying. First undocumented immigrants, then students on visas, and people with green cards. Next, US citizens. Bukele has already offered and Trump has mentioned it…
It’s effing terrifying.
It’s what a lot of them want.
Yeah I’ve mostly stopped reading here bc I can’t with the frivolity in the midst of a constitutional crisis.
I’m the opposite, I feel so powerless and hopeless and don’t think my anxiety is doing anything constructive.
Yet you not only went on the site you found the latest comment and commented on it.
It’s okay to talk about things other than the worst thing happening. It doesn’t make you a better or worse person.
I agree with you. So many here thought the courts would take care of Trump. Look how well that’s going.
I couldn’t sleep last night, just laid awake thinking of this real-life nightmare. And then today’s meeting. I’m terrified and I don’t know what to do.
I can think of at least a dozen websites (including many major news sites) I could visit if I wanted to wallow in doom about the state of democracy in America. I read fashion blogs for a break from that.