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Weekend Open Thread

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woven bag features a gray background with multicolored stripes

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

Maybe I've been watching too much of The White Lotus (so good!), but I'm really liking the boho vibes in this market bag from Verve Culture.

It comes in three great colorways, and I'm surprised to hear myself say this because I'm not big on grays, but I really like the gray background against the colors here. It feels like it would pop against an outfit with a lot of whites or a lot of blacks.

The bag is $40, at Nordstrom and Verve.

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198 Comments

  1. Can anyone recommend a good OTC dental night guard? My old, custom one doesn’t fit after some expensive dental work, and I don’t want to pay $$$ for a new one at this time (see: expensive dental work). I bought a drugstore cheapie some years ago when I was out of town without my good one but it was not very comfortable – hoping to step up in quality without spending hundreds.

    1. You want one of the ones you boil to soften and then custom mold to your teeth. Sorry no specific brand recommendations

      1. (the internet seems to think the oral b kind which is boil & bite works really well)

      3. Thanks, all. And 2:01, this made me laugh just a little – by SO is a former college football player and always makes some crack (“put me in, Coach”) when I use the night guard.

    2. I’ve used the boil and bite kind, but tbh after expensive dental work…. Might it be worth not being penny-wise here to protect your teeth?

      1. Good thinking. But in this case the expensive work was crowns to replace very old fillings (like from when I was a kid). Each crown was more than $1000, even after insurance, so they’d better be durable!

        1. Eh, they aren’t indestructible though. There are online companies that will send you an impression kit and make a mouth guard based on that, but I wouldn’t want to put that material in my mouth and have it get stuck or cause problems with the crown. I’d go to the experts on this. There may be recommendations for different material as well with the crowns.

    3. Take the custom one to the dentist and they can tweak it as needed. No need to pay for a new one. I got my guard from dentist A and years later dentist B tweaked it for me after some dental work. If memory serves, I didn’t have to pay for the tweaks to my custom night guard.

      1. I’ll plan to try that, although my old one is so old – the hygienist told me earlier that it is the most worn night guard she has ever seen! – that it might not work. Thanks!

        1. Honestly, if your custom one is worn and you have new crowns (I’m right there with you), I’d get a new custom one. I’ve completely eaten through a custom one, but it took a few years. I ate thru an OTC one in mere weeks. It’s worth it. (Do I have some stress in my life? What makes you think that?)

          1. Thanks. I’ll try an OTC one first but yeah, I might have to, um, bite the bullet and get another custom one.

    4. SOVA Night Guard is the only one I’ll wear. My dental office shaped it for me the first time so that I’d know what the goal fit was.

      1. And it can be re-heated and smoothed out a dozen times or more, so if I chew it up so much (or if my teeth just move when mine like to do), I can reshape it.

    5. I think the one my dentist gave me (recently) was like $150 or something – it really wasn’t bad.

      2. I think the invisalign retainers/mouth guards are 180 for a new set. Maybe you can get something like this without the invisalign. The dentist might have the scanner.

    6. I’ve used the “disposable” soft night guards, Plackers brand I think, when I was traveling and without my regular one, and they were fine. They’re not as sturdy as the harder plastic ones, but comfortable and protected my teeth.

    7. I have TMJ & have spent a fortune over the years. I lost my custom one (2K) while traveling & got one called BRUX for $60. Honestly, I’m glad I lost it because this one is the best and my TMJ is better than ever. It’s a boil & bite type with excellent instructions. Good luck!

  2. Rant: spring has sprung here, and every one of my suburban neighbors has a crew out doing their spring lawn clean up. I can’t hear myself think over the non-stop noise of those machines which seem to go right to the base of my brain. I am not criticizing my neighbors – someone will be here to do our yard in a few weeks. But if we can put a man on the moon, can we for the sake of all that is holy find a quieter machine to do this?

    Off to find the excedrin.

      1. They also don’t last long enough to do my entire yard. We have 2 battery packs that we swap out, but it takes at least 4 packs to do the yard. I totally understand why electric isn’t an option for professionals who are in the field all day.

    2. Haha, I’m in office every day, but a few years ago I arranged to work from home and put together a peaceful set up to do some focus work, and it was a similar day in the neighborhood, and I was so furious.

    3. Back when I worked in the office, the lawn people would appear every single time I had a conference call or needed to record audio.

      1. I was on a Zoom interview once and the city decided it was the BEST time to trim trees on my street.

    4. I will happily pay into a bail and legal defense fund for anyone accused of stealing and destroying leaf blowers.

    5. I just started a job with a very lax in-office requirement, but also recently got notice that the city will be doing major classes instruction across the street for the next 30 months. Yes – three zero.

    6. Electric yard machines are so much quieter.

      But the place to start is leaf blowers: please support local bans on gasoline powered leaf blowers.

      1. My city banned gas leaf blowers. The air is so much cleaner and it’s quieter. 10/10 highly recommend.

        1. Noise pollution contributes to hearing loss; it’s damaging. And I wish it were only for a few days, but around here, they bring the leaf blowers every single time they swing by even if there are 3-4 leafs to blow around with them.

          Everyone will be okay if they’re gone forever.

      3. And yet we still have gas-powered mowers and whackers. I don’t see much of a saving on pollution.

    7. I cannot stand that noise.

      It’s funny I didn’t think I was sensitive to noises at all but now that I work from home my biggest 3 things are leaf blowers, birds that nest directly outside my office, and what we call “basketball hour” from my neighbor’s kid who goes outside and plays basketball for at least an hour every day.

      1. WFH works for me in a $5M house with a separate work space and acreage. Not from my actual home though.

        1. i’m always tempted when I see those beautiful fancy windchimes for $$$$ at the garden store and then am reminded that i would rip it out in 2 seconds if i placed it somewhere i could actually hear them

    8. My electric mower is so quiet that I take calls when I’m mowing. I do have noise cancellation headphones phone but just saying.

  3. I’d love to learn more about the high-powered women on this board. I know a long time ago there were reader surveys, but not for a few years I don’t think. I’d love to do an informal career poll for anyone interested – will share my own answers too in the follow up!

    1) what decade of life are you in? (as a proxy of rough career stage)
    2) what “level” are you in your org?
    3) what “level” do you aspire to?
    4) any nuance you think important to share (eg industry, career change, business type, etc)

    1. I’m 30 and as a fed in my dream job – hahahaha I have no idea for #2 or #3 anymore. Just hoping to make it another day.

    3. 1) I’m in my mid 30s
      2) I’m the senior most subject matter expert without becoming management/executive
      3) I’m happy at my level I don’t really want to manage people, I like thinking work.
      4) I’m my country’s foremost expert in my field, I negotiate international agreements, conventions, guidelines etc. I’m a nobody to the general public but people in my field think I’m cool. It’s the sweet spot of anonymity but being able to make a difference.

        1. It’s a sweet gig! Less than 40 hours a week, except when we’re negotiating things, but those meetings are planned over a year in advance. I have a lot of autonomy and I literally get to change the world. I am paid pretty okay too which is nice.

    4. I’m not “high-powered” but I turn 40 in a couple weeks, am in an individual contributor role in higher ed (staff), don’t really aspire to anything greater and definitely don’t want to manage people. This is my second career, I practiced law in my 20s (in Big Law) and enjoyed the intellectual challenge of the work and the money, but changed careers due to a combination of wanting better work-life balance and moving to a small town without large law firms for my husband’s job.

      1. Does your husband earn crazy money or do something very prestigious? I can’t imagine ever making such a big sacrifice for someone

        1. Not the poster you’re responding to but I grew up in a military town where moving for your spouse with your family was common. Some people like being uprooted to new places and see it as more of an adventure and less of a sacrifice.

          Now I see the same thing with my foreign service friends. Presumably they love each other or are trying to build something different, experientially, for their family. Some people’s love language is sacrifice for loved ones. Maybe it falls under acts of service?

        2. I’d love to move every few years. I did that as a kid and feel bad my kids only know one place and have never had real winter.

        3. He’s in academia, the only way to have a career in that field (unless you’re like Nobel Laureate level successful) is to move wherever you can get a job. I only moved once though, for his tenure-track job, and I did it with the understanding that we were never moving again unless he was denied tenure which (at least in his field) is incredibly rare outside of a handful of very elite universities. I don’t think I would have married him if we’d be moving every few years; especially with kids it was really important to me to put down roots and build a community. He’s been very successful and could definitely be at a more prestigious university at this point if he was willing to make a geographic move, but he understands I don’t want to move.

          1. I promise this comment is genuine. I’ve never had someone make such a huge sacrifice for me (no not even my parents) so I can not fathom someone ever doing something so selfless and kind for me and my career ambitions. You’re a good egg.

          2. Thank you, that’s kind. It wasn’t quite as selfless as you make it sound though. At the time we moved, we were living in the Bay Area and I was DONE with the cost of living and traffic and desperately missed my parents in the Midwest. Sure, if it had been entirely up to me I would have moved to Chicago or Minneapolis or another sizeable Midwest city with more job opportunities, but I was ready to leave our current situation and almost any move within the continental US (he didn’t apply internationally) would have brought me nearer to my family. And I think leaving private legal practice was inevitable for me, because I wanted a better work-life balance than law firms offer. Maybe I could have ended up in house or in a government job if I’d been single, but again that can involve some moving around. I’m really happy with where we ended up and because it’s so affordable to live here we have a very cushy lifestyle even on two higher ed salaries.

    5. 1) in my 30s
      2) VP, report to C-suite
      3) would like to either be C-suite at a mid sized company or SVP level at a large one. Think I have the skills but honestly worry that the career track I’m on significantly advantages those with a stay at home parent as spouse and I have a husband with an equally intense job
      4) started my career in finance before moving to industry and it was definitely an accelerator

      I always love to hear from the very senior executives on this board and really value their advice!

    7. 1. I’m in my early 40s.
      2. I’m in executive leadership and report directly to the Executive Director at a small but nationally known nonprofit.
      3. I’m not sure I see myself as an Executive Director. I really like where I am right now and the kind of work I get to do.
      4. One thing that feels important to share is that my organization doesn’t rely on grant funding or donations, which I really value. I wouldn’t want to lead an organization where fundraising takes up most of my time. At some point, I could see myself moving into higher ed or local government.

    8. 1) early 40s
      2) 2 levels down from C s-te
      3) 1 level down from C s-te — tbh the life of the GC looks kind of awful and not worth the money
      4) legal, in-house, practicing 15+ years

    9. 1. Just turned 40.
      2. In my organization, there are 500 state government attorneys and only 4 people above me.
      3. I don’t really have anywhere else to move up given the type of work I do. When political winds change in a few years, I’ll be moving on but not sure where and I don’t think I’ll ever feel as high level as am I now. That’s a bit tough when I know this is a temporary gig and I still have a long career ahead of me.

    10. Not sure I would describe myself as “high powered”, but:
      1) 35
      2) Senior legal counsel, large international company.
      3) Executive legal counsel. Maybe AGC if I get really fired up when my kids are older?

    11. 1. Mid 40s
      2. Senior mgt (lawyer)
      3. I’m good where I’m at, but if I had to, I could be a divisional leader
      4. I was previously in the c suite and then moved industries. I feel like I accomplished my career goal of being a GC and now I’m loving having no direct reports but still being a leader.

    12. 1) very early 60’s
      2) SVP and GC
      3) where I am now is fine!
      4) It was hard to make the jump from Sr. Counsel/AGC to GC but once there, it seems easy to be considered for new jobs at the same level. I don’t like job hopping but there is money to be made if you are! Also, I would say that my team is as competent and works on just as exciting projects as BigLaw but with less stress-we can always outsource if needed!

      1. So as someone who is on the path to being GC-eligible based on how I’m viewed and positioned seniority-wise, I have to say, the job does not look that fun. Having to go to after-work networking stuff on top of answering calls from the rest of the C-s-te, plus independent board members, at whatever time, just looks exhausting. They can barely take a long weekend vacation without someone bothering them. What do you like about it?

      2. Same but late 40s.
        To the poster below, I love being a GC because it’s strategic and interesting and I get to give input on all the key issues my company is facing. I don’t see calls from my colleagues as a “pain,” but rather what I enjoy and why I like the job. Same with networking – I’m a natural extrovert and none of that bothers me. It’s not for everyone so it’s good to know yourself.

        1. I was the above poster. Calls during the business day? Sure. It’s the on-call 24×7 part that seems dreadful!

          I’m an introvert (not shy, just need my quiet time to feel normal and happy) – it’s def a job more designed for you in that respect!

          1. FWIW, it’s not like you’re getting calls to come in to write motions or something like when I was a junior associate, it’s getting calls for advice. It’s really not that bad.

          2. I think the burden on GC’s can vary alot depending on whether you are in a publicly traded company or private. I would say I also love the strategic and interesting angles of it, and I don’t mind calls from my colleagues or board members. The one thing that is difficult is managing others. I would love it if everyone was a high performer but that is not really reality, at least not in my non-profit field. There is definitely an expectation that you are available “all” the time. I do take vacations but there is always some work to be done while I am out of office, even if it’s PTO. You just cannot check out when you are highly compensated.

    13. 1. 40s
      2. “Senior” attorney title but no one reports to me. I technically report to my manager but he has no substantive input.
      4. I should be eligible for a significant pay bump but I’m very happy not to be managing anyone right now.
      3. I have no ambition except to live nicely day to day.

    14. I am not sure if I qualify as “high-powered”, but figured I would add myself to this informal poll!
      1. I turn 35 next month.
      2. I am the manager of my department at my organization.
      3. I would love to be in a c-suite one day, but that will probably require a change of employer. I am a Trans-Woman and my current employer has made it clear that this is as far as I go with them.
      4. I work in software development.

    15. 1. Early 40’s
      2. Most recently, VP (reported to CISO, but that role reported to the CIO, so not really c-suite). Laid off last year due to massive restructuring and sector decline.
      3. Individual Contributor. I have zero desire to ever be higher than I was. I would be happy with a strategy-focused exec role, but I prefer not to manage people.
      4. Information Security GRC, emphatically not ops, architecture, or engineering.

    16. Mid-40s. Lobbyist (with JD) on big topics that touch about 180M Americans. (It’s my childhood dream job. Well, my childhood dream job just involved climbing giant marble steps to Do Things since I didn’t know what really happened inside, but I thought the skirts and heels and padfolios looked awesome, so I’ll say I made it 😉) Unfortunately, I have health problems that are sidelining me from this career. I’m hoping to switch to a quieter state or local government desk job dealing with any of my topics.

    17. 1) 30
      2) -4 from C-Suite
      3) -1 from C-suite
      4) cybersecurity for top tech company, pivoting into strategy & ops next month in an internal lateral move

    18. 1) early 40s
      2) judge but as entry level as you can get
      3) aspire to a higher court
      4) nuance is that judicial politics is a whole separate game and level so it’s all much more complicated than just “work hard and be good at your job”

    19. 1) Turning 40 this year

      2) Sr. Director, team of 6 people (

      3) C-suite… though the closer I get to that level, the more I wonder if I REALLY want it, is it worth trying to get there, do I have the stamina to keep climbing?

      4) I work in a global tech company, and I’ve been here for a long time, working my way up to this level. I’m actively interviewing to leave for a smaller company, and I’m hoping I can stop doing some of the nitty gritty execution work that I really shouldn’t be doing at my level. My org is bad about sandbagging promotions and asking quite senior people to still handle junior-level IC work. While I am quite senior, sometimes I feel like I’m still trying to climb the ladder as the low man on the totem pole.

      1. This is very interesting as I am in a similar predicament. Do you feel the issue is inadequate staffing under you or something else? Why do you feel like a smaller company would be a better fit?

    20. 1) Early 30s
      2) Senior Manager (-1 level from partner)
      3) Partner
      4) Big 4 Accounting

    23. 1) Early 40s
      2) Partner in a non-law industry
      3) Good where I am now. Perfect mix of control over my work, good compensation, and not having to manage many people
      4) In a sales role, which is very objective. You’re either bringing in work and making money or…. not.

      1. Can you say more about this? I see a lot of business development type roles, and I have a knee jerk reaction that, as an introvert, I would not like/not be good at sales. Is your job a lot of networking and working to develop new leads, or do you manage inquiries and then find good solutions/upsell and keep customer happy? I would be good at the latter but networking is uuggfffh to me

        1. I’m absolutely an introvert as well and have been fortunate to make this work. This biggest thing is boundaries – I rarely do anything in the evening (I’d rather be with my family) and, as a rare woman in my field, it’s not as odd that I just don’t do those things. I think I could make 10%-15% more money if I did, but I’ve decided not to care.

          I work in a hyper-local, niche field that generally prizes knowledge *and* execution skills, so I’m in the top 4 people who do what I do in my area. My skills are well-known, so referrals and passive connections get me a lot of business. I call it “gentle networking”.

          Also, not part of my actual job, but because I know so many people I share a lot of career advice, mentoring, and fairly often connect people with jobs. That goes a long way.

    24. 1) mid 40s
      2) Sr counsel/Asst GC level (-3 from GC)
      3) deputy GC (although this requires managing people which I am good at but don’t always love) (-2 from GC)
      4) it’s a game to get promoted. You don’t have to be the best lawyer (I am fine but certainly not the smartest around), but I am fun to work with and people like me. Apparently my GC told a VP I used to support that I am going places. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I have done some small direct projects with the GC, but nothing I would consider spectacular so I have to assume it’s my presence and personality that helps me more than my legal brain.

    25. 1) Mid-50s
      2) 2nd in command (senior associate director) in a large sector of the organization–stress and required speed of results super-charged by the current administration
      3) Director–in the current or equivalent sector, same org
      4) R1 higher education administration; PhD but not faculty. Higher ed is not a happy place right now.

    26. I don’t know if I count at high-powered but
      1) early 30’s
      2) Senior IC/sometimes a manager
      3) I think I’d really like the director/VP level stuff – I really enjoy strategic big picture work and I’m genuinely good at it (I know, I know, everyone claims that and I’d never say it out loud in the real world… but for bragging on the internet, directors and VPs across the org in my current role come to me for a perspective on knotty problems, c suite leaders have told me “talking to you always helps clarify what I’m actually thinking”)
      4. Some nuance: I spent the last five years trying to build a new team at a F100 company and it just all fell apart (and I and all my team were laid off). I knew from the beginning it was a high risk, high reward job (build from scratch the role I wanted, lots of growth if I prove the impact I wanted to have); and I thought the chance was worth it. But it obviously didn’t work out, and I’m in the awkward in between of figuring out where to go next, what to learn from the experience vs what not to over index on, feeling behind compared to my peers, and all that jazz. Life is non linear.
      I also spent ~5 years working startups right out of undergrad, then a (very prestigious in my field) masters degree. I think of myself as ambitious and career oriented – actually more so than I wish I were – but not exactly a ladder climber, if that makes sense

    27. 1. Just turned 50
      2. Fairly senior, but quit a year ago after 26y as I’ve made enough money.
      3. None
      4. European MNC, living in Asia

    28. Mid-30s, equity partner at a regional firm, n/a – I Chair our practice group and am bringing in business, there is nowhere to move up other than managing partner (I do not want, our firm’s managing partners always take a financial hit). In 10 years I will be seriously thinking about a nonprofit and/or government job as a semi-retirement gig, I expect to have enough money to retire but will want to keep working for my brain+health.

    29. 1) Early 40s
      2) -6 from C-suite (service line Director at a large international org)
      3) Unclear – either up or out to IC.
      4) Right now I manage too many people and do too much IC work while also handling all the policital and executive expectations. Thoughts welcome on how to get past this condundrum.

  4. NYCers – what are some romantic but tasty restaurants (other than 1 if by land 2 if by sea if that one’s still around)… thank you!

  5. I saw a headline today about how the head of JP Morgan says we’re at a 50% chance for recession. But consumer confidence is down, prices are up, people aren’t spending – when will we cross the line into one? Do the economist metrics matter to you as a consumer/citizen?

    1. Metrics like consumer confidence are usually a lagging indicator of what I already perceive to be happening in the world.

    2. A recession has a specific definition (two consecutive quarters of negative GDP) that requires many months where consumer confidence and spending are down before you can declare one. And a decent portion of the time things will turn around enough before that definition is met, but that doesn’t mean that people feel great about the economy for one reason or another- there are lots of economic metrics that matter besides overall GDP.

      3. This. These are red flags for recession but it has the specific definition the previous poster noted and you aren’t officially in a recession until that happens.

        1. You also often don’t know for sure (especially if it’s close) until at least a couple months after – it takes a while for estimates of GDP growth/contraction to get refined and confirmed

      4. It sounds like this assumes that things are being calculated on a consistent basis. If the calculation of GDP changes, how would that impact things?

    3. Technical “recession” (2 quarters of GDP contraction) doesn’t matter to me in 2 senses– it’s not a “step change” (eg. 5.9 months of contraction is only a tiny bit better than 6 months; or GDP growth of +.001% is only a tiny bit better than -.001%), even though only one of those situations is technically a recession

      and 2, when I think “is the economy good”, I’m thinking of something more like a combo of GDP *per capita* and inequality. Like, are most people better off, are they able to afford quality food/housing/healthcare? If their job mistreats them, do they have the ability to leave?

      But “2 quarters of economic contraction” is straightforward to describe and measure, so that’s what we have.

  6. Can somebody explain why the administration claims that diplomatic action is necessary to retrieve the wrongfully deported man currently being held in a prison in El Salvador? Doesn’t the administration have a contract or agreement with the prison or the Salvadoran government to house its prisoners, which would presumably provide for the return of those prisoners upon request? Or is the contention that “we just deported him to a random third country that then decided to imprison him” even though the US literally delivered him to the prison? If that is the case, how is it legal to deport someone to a country other than their country of origin?

    1. Ummm what? None of this is legal or being done correctly that’s the whole problem

      1. Of course not, but surely they must have some sort of rationale behind their claim that they cannot retrieve him?

        3. I think it would be entirely 1000% easy for the US govt to say to El Salvador, we are no longer paying you to house this prisoner and he would be on the next plane back. I don’t see why reputable news orgs are not asking this question or reporting on the payment angle. Not that MAGA would read this since it doesn’t fit with their narrative that he’s a deplorable who should have been deported.

      2. Yeah but the courts are somehow playing along with the fiction that diplomatic action is required. Why?

        2. That part! Trump is supposed to be the master negotiator but we are expected to believe that the taxpayers are paying El Salvador to imprison these people and there is no recourse for their return? If that is the case, then why are we still doing this? So many lies. Bondi needs to be brought before the Hague.

    2. I do not think the contract you assume exists actually exists. Even if a contract exists, I would be surprised if there was a clause in there for return of prisoner upon x days after y request.

      2. Something exists because we’re paying a “fee” to house them “at less expensive rates.” Ilk see if I can dig up the article these quotes came from.

    3. Because they want an excuse to not accomplish the task of getting him back and/or stymie judicial review. It’s not a good faith argument.

    4. One aspect that doesn’t seem to be focused on is that he is a Salvadoran citizen. So he was removed from the United States to El Salvador, and is now “back home.” Unwillingly and admittedly mistakenly, of course, and at risk of persecution, according to an immigration judge at one point in this process. But asking the government of El Salvador to return/expel one of their citizens to the United States might raise complications that would otherwise not be present.

      1. Yes it’s my understanding that this is the problem. El Salvador doesn’t have to send him back. And if they’ve decided he needs to be in prison then there’s no reason they would send him back.

        At this point I think this is a money damages case for the family, sadly.

    5. Hot take: That guy from MD is no longer alive and they are just making up stories to drag out admitting it. Frankly, I don’t think that hairdresser fellow is alive either.

      1. I agree, I think he’s almost certainly dead. This is some North Korea style stuff.

      2. I don’t think so. If there’s one thing this administration does consistently, it’s wild policy swings. El Salvador knows that, and knows that no matter what the admin says today, there’s a 50% chance they say the exact opposite tomorrow.
        (*obviously still terrifying and horrible though)

    6. Because the administration is trying to advance arguments as to why it is not subject to the authority of the courts so that SCOTUS will review and agree. It’s not about this poor shmoe but about limiting judicial review and the accountability of the executive branch.

  7. Are kids’ versions of pain relievers (like Tylenol, etc) any easier on the stomach than pills? I’m not sure what my ailment is right now, but it’s both making me super nauseated and giving me some serious body aches. I just took ibuprofen, but I think I might throw up before it can get anywhere. :(

    1. Eat something! I’m an Advil fan but it’s rough on the stomach unless you coat it w food.

    4. try 1 or 2 saltines – that is usually enough for me to take a med when i’m feeling nauseous. i think covid is showing up as a stomach ailment so… fyi.

    6. You should never take NSAIDs (ibuprofen, naproxen etc..) and never take Aspirin on an empty stomach. Never never. With food.

      1. +1. If you’re nauseous eat some ginger (raw or powder), let it settle for a few minutes, then choke down a few crackers with nut butter or hummus and take your meds. Sip on ice cold water through a straw- dehydration will make the nausea worse.

      2. I’m curious why…is it just because it makes you nauseous or does it do some kind of damage? I will often wake up in the wee hours of the morning with a headache and take some ibuprofen so it’s gone by the time I wake up (teeth clencher, even with a guard)

    7. Generally ibuprofen (Advil), aspirin, and naproxen (Aleve) are rougher on the stomach than acetaminophen (Tylenol), so even sticking just to adult versions the Tylenol should be gentler for your nausea than the pills you just took. I don’t think there would be a difference with the kids’ versions – children’s Advil says nausea and vomiting are potential side effects.

      You could also always take something like Pepto Bismol as well.

    10. Personally, I find chewable anything easier to take than swallowing pills. Does this make me a big baby especially because I’m a middle-aged woman whose mom was a pharmacist? Yes, yes it does. But I don’t care.

  8. I would love recommendations for a short book or website that gives guidance on how to clean your house without committing excessive time. I’ve always prioritized adventures in my free time from work and that was great for a long time, but I’m realizing now that there are areas that just aren’t clean enough and that it interferes with my enjoyment at home. The problem is that I’m not entirely sure what the best methods are for certain things, like how to mop most efficiently so the floor actually looks clean afterward or how to dust hard to reach areas most effectively. I’d like to put in some time to actually learn better techniques, as long as those techniques aren’t “spend every Saturday dusting baseboards”. Any suggestions?

    1. Not meant to be snarky: pay someone else to do it. A house can only be cleaned so fast. We were tired of our weekends getting destroyed cleaning and just gave in on paying someone to do it about a year ago. No regrets.

    2. I think the first time saver is decluttering so you don’t have to tidy before you clean.

      To get your floor looking clean, that would depend on the material of your floor. If you want hardwood floors to look clean, the easist way is to use a high shine laquer surface.The shine will make it look more clean than an equally cleaned matte surface.

      1. For us, our wood floors are gorgeous from years of no shoes in the house, and buffing them with our socks. They are > 100 years old.

    3. Home Comforts was very helpful to me for learning techniques and getting the right mindset.

      1. I love this book SO MUCH. The writer was a lawyer before she got into that business and it’s so straightforward and not overwhelming.

    4. Create a cleaning schedule that is reasonable for your life.. Rotate cleaning different areas in your house so they get touched regularly. Have a list of key tasks to do in each area. Make a list of more seasonal tasks that only need to be done once in a while. If you don’t know how to clean something well, look it up in an article or watch a YouTube video. But a lot of cleaning is just about effort and consistency, which isn’t easy if you are busy. Try new cleaning products or tools when needed. The right ones make a difference. Listen to the “clean with me podcast” if you are clueless.

        1. Then you should not be wasting every Saturday cleaning. Your house is clean enough. Trying to get over this need to do more would be more valuable to your psyche and quality of life.

    6. The Fly Lady system was supposed to just be 15 min a day iirc

      Failing that I really like Dana K White and KC Davis for this kind of advice

    7. Here are some tools and techniques I like. No pets.

      Dusting:
      For high up and awkward dusting, I use a duster brush. The best ones are ostrich feathers, and lamb’s wool with a long handle – those are great for bookshelves, windows, picture frames, knick-knacks and things that get that little layer of dust. Put on a podcast and dance around.
      For bathroom or kitchen dust that may have oil or soap in them, a microfiber duster brush, and then a damp microfiber cloth to actually clean.

      Floors: you need to vacuum before you wash the floors. A robot one is great for everyday maintenance, but you need a manual one for corners occasionally. You will occasionally need to get down on the floor and wash the floor trimmings.

      How you wash your floors will depend on the material and finish. I use a steam mop, aka microfibre pad and steam, which is not the most gentle, but handles stains very easily. No soap with microfibre. Before I used this system, I had a microfibre pad mop.
      Microfibre pads and cloths need to be washed separately from other items, preferably in a guppy bag to catch microplastics.

      When I need soap for stains or grout, I use dish soap and a dish brush (separate one!), and leave the soap on for a while before scrubbing. I do not have hard water or limescale, if you have, you need something acid and a scraper in your shower. Do NOT mix acid and alcalic on your own, you can end up gassing yourself. If you mix chlorine cleaner and an acid (like pee or vinegar) you’ll get very dangerous gas, so don’t leave chlorine in your toilet boil!

      I like dish soap and microfiber cloths for the bathroom, as well as a squeegee. I do have a separate cleaner for the toilet bowl, but dish soap would be fine.

      You need to occasionally dust and wipe your furniture, and vacuum under sofa cushions at least once a year. Damp microfibre cloth for wiping. It’s easy to forget door handles and doors, wipe with microfibre cloth.

      Windows and mirrors – there are loads of different techniques, I prefer window cleaner spray and the cheapest, least soft kitchen paper towel I can get. You need to clean the windows and frames before you use the spray, otherwise you’re just smearing dirt around, the spray is for the finish. Damp microfibre cloth. Don’t wash windows in direct sunlight, they will streak.

      When you use cloths, you fold them in quarters and more, and then you wipe with a clean part of fold, then turn to get a new part, etc. That way your cloth has a clean part for a longer time before you need to rinse.

      1. This is very helpful thank you! I’m 40 and there were some tips in here that I didn’t know about!

    8. If things like baseboards are your hang up then get a quarterly or at most monthly cleaning service. I pay for cleaning every two weeks but they don’t do baseboards routinely, you pay extra for a deep clean for that level of cleaning. I’m sure different services are different, mine is pretty inexpensive and their team of 3-4 is usually in and out in like 2 hours.

    9. If you want your house really clean you have to clean it yourself frequently and thoroughly, which takes time. If you clean regularly it takes less time because there is less buildup, but there aren’t really any “hacks” for doing it faster. The schedules that say X takes 15 minutes and Y takes 5 minutes and do this on this day and that on that day seriously underestimate the time required to get everything clean. For example, those cleaning schedules never correctly estimate the time required to clean the cabinet doors or wipe out the fridge or clean the coffeemaker, if those details are even included. It’s those details that make a room seem truly clean. Paid cleaners never get it really clean, even if you request a “deep clean.”

  9. Does anyone’s kids have Meta Quest VR headset? My 12 year old wants it and internet is full of half people saying it’s great and half saying that my child will be exposed to the horrors of internet scandal. Would love the advice of people here.

    1. we have a meta quest occulus but version 2 i think, not the most recent one. i got it for my kids but my youngest’s head was too small for it, i think they recommend ages 13+ for that reason. with version 2 the biggest problems we’ve had is the room definition — if i’m doing the meditation app and sitting down then i don’t want to have to do the room definition thing and clear 6′ of space all around me. there’s also a problem where the “floor” keeps resetting to be about knee height. finally, it’s uncomfortable to wear with eyeglasses, but i’ve seen prescription goggles you can get at zenni I think for relatively cheap.

      the VR itself is very cool, but we’ve mostly just used it for beats saber, google earth, les mills, and for me the meditation app tripp. some of the downhill skiing / flying / jumping games are legitimately terrifying, so any adult should do them first before you let your kid do if only so you know how to “catch” them if/when they fall. the other games we’ve bought, like a star wars/vader thing, was impossible to play because the game kept telling us stuff was in the game area even in our wide open 1500sf basement.

      i have no idea if there’s an online component to play with friends, so i can’t speak to any internet scandal portion.

    2. I have one and it is fun tbh I never used it much – the games don’t have much depth / get boring after a while

      There is a social “chatrooms” style thing, which are the least fun but def a concern for a 12 yr old. They can talk to strangers; I think most of them are other 12 year olds trying to be edgy. I don’t really think the VR avatar aspect changes calculus – if you have a way of handling other games with live unregulated chat; same deal here; if your kid has gotten into danger with those in other contexts, it’s a big risk here too. Don’t know if you can block the rooms with parental controls.

  10. what is your all time favorite pasta dish that you either make yourself or always order if you see it on a menu?

    I love the picatta sauce — and if there’s a duck bolognese I usually get that.

    1. had first in Italy and now make frequently at home – “midnight pasta”

      I love cacio e pepe and carbonara but make a huge mess making either, so those are go-tos out.

      1. Carbonara is my go comfort food to but I do it very simply with one egg, about 1/4cup milk, salt if I don’t have good cheese (I normally have a chunk of solid parm I can grate into the egg and milk) on hand. Mix it up and pour over drained spaghetti. Lots of pepper.

        It’s not proper per se but it is amazing comfort food.

      1. oohhh I should have said this too. I’ve been disappointed so many times by non-Italian vongole that I’ve honestly given up ordering it anywhere else. Yes, this is my Champagne problem of the day!

    3. Gnocchi. It’s the one pasta I firmly believe is better fresh than in any form sold at the grocery store.

    4. I don’t know that it’s my favorite, but if I’m craving putanesca nothing else will do.

    6. Home: thin spaghetti with garlic fried eggs sprinkled with lots of grated parmesan and/or romano and pepper.

      Restaurant: the unicorn is tortellini alla pana, which is in a cream sauce, that was a staple as a child in Europe, but I haven’t seen it recently. Love butternut squash ravioli and order that whenever it’s on the menu.

    7. Home: broccoli, sun dried tomatoes, parm and crushed red pepper
      Restaurant: anything we can’t make at home

  11. Help me pack? I’m a first year lawyer attending a 3day, 2 overnight conference for professional service providers that support/consult companies in a male-dominated, blue-collar industry. I would LOVE to bring just a carryon and small personal item on my flight but am guilty of overpacking. Hotel does have dry cleaning but I will arrive too late on day 1 to guarantee it for day 2, day 3 would be fine. My male colleagues will be in kakhi/golf shirt/sport coat type of attire (few full suits or ties expected). My firm has never sent a woman and I don’t really have anyone to ask what to wear/bring.

    1. What will you be doing? That would change my answer.

      If you’re mostly indoors, then I’d bring one pair of black pants (you can steam them in the hotel room and hang them at night) and then 3 tops: a blouse, a sweater blazer with a top, and one more sweater or another blouse. One pair of neutral shoes, plus another pair of neutral but comfy shoes you wear on the plane.

      Plus all the other small stuff: undies, socks, pjs. If you want to work out, then a workout outfit or two (I’m always way too ambitious about working out on work trips, but it’s the audacity of hope, I guess) and you can wear your sneakers on the plane.

      1. Indoors. Walking and sitting. Networking reception has activities like group games but I do not plan to do anything more strenuous than a brisk walk

        1. Assuming by ‘two nights’ that you’ll be wearing Day 1 and 3 attire on the plane also-
          -wear black pants, a nice tee, a sweater blazer, and flats for the plane and Day 1
          -wear a different pair of black pants and flats for full Day 2, with something like a nice tee or shell and a Going Out Blazer kind of top
          -re-wear one of the pairs of pants and shoes, and one of the blazers, for Day 3; bring just a fresh shell or tee for underneath

          -optional, an extra blouse or two if you feel gross and want to change before evening activities (often drinks at least if not dinner out with colleagues), or workout stuff but like the prior poster, I value sleep over gym when on the road, plus adding gym shoes to a carryon takes up a lot of space.

    2. I think that list looks good, but I always bring an extra pair of pants and/or jeans — in case of disaster (exploding pen, wet paint, who knows what) and so that I can telegraph a bit more casual vibe if there is an off-site dinner or networking opportunity where a bit of a switch is common. I usually fly in jeans anyway so it doesn’t add bulk to the packing.

    3. You can 100% do this carryon. There’s a FB group “travel fashion girl” that has lots of good ideas, or you can just google. Don’t check a bag! You’ll look like such a pro if you do it carry-on!

  12. Following on from the survey of high powered women, are there any failure-to-thrive women on this board? Underemployed, in their 30s or 40s, financially indigent, no support system, a layoff away from homelessness etc? I’d love to hear from you!

    Lots of love, 40, disabled, very skint, formerly aspiring type A, forced to be type C lol

    1. I’m ‘high powered’ but really I’m just hiding my disabilities like my life depends on it, because it kind of does. I have no safety net and am completely non functional outside of work. So work gets 100% of my energy because otherwise I’ll be homeless. When I get home most days I eat ready made food and have a melt down, then I pull myself together the next day. I’ve had to take stress leave twice (and my job really isn’t stressful!) I’m barreling straight towards burn out.

      1. OP here. I understood high-powered to mean successful and recognised as successful. I still have to give 100% to my job because I’d be out on the streets and suicidal. I just don’t get results and therefore am where I am. Are you where you hoped to be in your career? If so, I’m very proud of you!

        1. Yeah my career is great I do really important stuff and am where I want to be. Unfortunately though in addition to my physical disabilities I also have moral OCD so I could make my life much easier by working for polluting human Rights abuses mega Corp but my brain won’t let me.

  13. I’ve encountered a few people in my work life who initialize their first name even though they use the full name, eg, M. Elizabeth Simpson even though they go by Mary. I know it’s not my business, but why? Why not write Mary E. Simpson or Mary Elizabeth Simpson? The most recent time it happened, it was really confusing because my attendee list did not list a Mary.

    1. So many reasons. Maybe it was a way they began in their career when it felt more formal, or it made their gender obscure. Maybe it was a way to distinguish themselves from someone else. Maybe it felt elegant when it began and then they just kept it up.

      Curious why this is even something you noticed, let alone something that would bother you.

      1. Like you’ve never wondered anything to yourself before about something that’s not your business. Come on.

    2. Are both names as common and gender-specified and first-name-only as Mary and Elizabeth? I could see a “Merritt Elizabeth” emphasizing Elizabeth to avoid getting Mr. Simpson. On the converse I imagine there are women in male-dominated fields who would similarly “hide” a very feminine first name if their middle name was more androgynous. And the middle name is definitely not a maiden name? My maiden name is a woman’s name (think something like “Summer”), so if I put my first initial and my two last names since some people professionally know my by each last name, it might look to someone like the M. Elizabeth Simpson scenario.

    4. I’ll play. My name is along the lines of Mary Loreali Gilmore. I’ve always gone by Rory. Mary is boring but my first name. My formal name for work is thus M. Loreali Gillmore. But everyone calls me Rory so that’s what you’ll hear informally.

      1. This makes sense to me. But the two times I recall encountering I, the person went by the initialized first name or common version of it and not anything related to the spelled out middle name. I’m not “bothered” by it as suggested by another poster. Mostly confused and I’m maybe giving a little side eye for being what looks to me like pretentious (but that’s why I’m asking whether there is a rational explanation I’m not seeing). The gender explanation does not work in the two examples I encountered because the first and middle names can both be readily associated with the person’s gender.

  14. Planning a trip to London – is Viator a good site? We’re trying to book the Harry Potter studio tour and the WB website only has times starting in the evening, but Viator has tour+transport tickets starting at 8:15am (departure). But then do we have to book the tour separately? So confused.

    3. Yeah Viator is legit; I’ve used them all over Europe. You pay a markup over booking directly with the operator but that’s the main downside.

    4. Viator is legit. They are the most expensive way to go with a tour since they anonymize the actual operator and charge a fee on top of whatever the real operator’s price is. Read the reviews carefully. Also do a Google Lens search of the pictures if they’re unique enough (like distinctive outfits on guests of a pictured tour) and you might find the underlying operator’s own page.

    5. Another good thing about Viator is that you get points when you book through them. I recently was able to get a free tour using my Viator points (yes they’re built into the higher prices but I like the convenience and it’s a nice bonus from time to time).

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