Coffee Break: Amelie Tote

74 Comments

1. This morning’s discussion got me thinking.

   My main sense of college life from a non-student perspective is . . . Coach.

   Realistic? Not realistic? I so want to live in a world that is a hybrid of that, Prime Minister’s Questions, Bull Durham, and The Paper Chase. I’d be an adjunct professor at the law school on tax/securities but go to all of the parties.

   1. What in the world are you talking about?

      1. The Tv Show, I think. Basically movie/tv depictions of adults working at a college vs students attending one.

   2. Coach, the sitcom with Craig T Nelson and Jerry van Dyke?

      1. IDK the other guy but Craig T Nelson was def. in Coach. I loved that show.

         And also Big Bank Theory for working in Cal Tech (which I have never been to, but I will get to Pasadena for work soon and so much want to visit).

         Colleges as I see them in the papers scare me now — angry students, students drowning in debt, shrinking budgets. I’d love to work for a TV-fictional college — they seem awesome.

         1. Angry students?

            1. They are standard issue. Even Les Mis has them.

   3. Ha! I wish my life in higher ed were like any movie or TV show. Definitely not as much fun as you might think.

2. Just want to say that I continue to be shocked by the name calling and attacks on this board, a place where I mostly find good info which keeps me coming back but maybe it is not worth it. Apparently making a point about weddings in a calm manner makes me a troll and “probably not engaged, married, or anywhere close.” Would you say that to someone’s face in real life? Probably not. Can’t we all think twice before posting? We all talk about the effects of bullying but there is rampant cyber bullying here. I know, I know, if I don’t like it then I should just leave…

   1. Oh, sweetie…you should get out more.

      1. Thanks for proving my point

         1. Eyeroll. Seriously? if that constitutes bullying in your book, then I’m not sure that word means what you think it means. being called a troll (which people are too quick to do here) is not bullying. Being told you’re wrong or off topic isn’t bullying. That’s just disagreeing.

            It takes a lot of gumption to flounce into the middle of a conversation and declared yourself a victim when you’re non-responsive to the original comment.

   2. I agree with you, OP. This board has gotten a lot more hostile and juvenile in the past year or so.

      1. Fwiw I’ve been reading here for almost 10 (!?) years and at least once a year there’s a big discussion about how nasty people here are getting. It’s definitely not just something people have started complaining about in the last year.

         1. +1 I can actually remember far worse episodes in the history of this site.

      2. Agreed, I’ve been reading for years, and it’s way worse.

      3. Absolutely agree. There is a level of contempt that was not here when I first began reading. I don’t know if it a few active trolls, or general commenters who are simply harsh.

      4. Yes, peeople need to be more civil. I think that when marrage comes up, women can generally get more catty than normal, b/c this is one area where we are NOT created equal. Women can be either 1) married and happy (the ideal); 2) married and unhappy (which unfortunately many fall in this group); 3) unmarried and happy (a few do fit in here, but far more claim it but wish they were in catagory #1); and 4) unmarried and unhappy (peeople like me who want a man to be MARRIED to). To this group we have to now add the LGBT for same-sex marrages (and the 4 categories) and then you have 8 total categories.

         Given the divergences and 8 categories, you will have at least 8 different points of view for any issue that deals with MARRAGE. So of course people will get catty when they do not relate to an opinion of another person. Dad says opinions are like tuchuses (tuchi). Everyone has one and they all stink! YAY!!! So that is MY explanation for our collective cattyness on this subject!!!!! MEOW!!!!!

   3. Your comment was weird. It’s fine to not want kids at your wedding but I don’t think it had much relevance to OP’s question. Presumably her BIL wants the baby there or she wouldn’t be asking for advice on how to make the trip with a baby. To me it’s like if someone asks for wedding dress advice and you say “I didn’t get married in a dress! I wore a blue suit! Are you sure you need a wedding dress?”

      1. Right, I think tr0lls are awful, but sometimes people here are completely thoughtless or out of touch and then get really sensitive when people rightfully call them out on that. Just because somebody doesn’t agree with you doesn’t make them a cyber bully.

         1. Saying “LOL OK troll who is probably not engaged, married, or anywhere close” is cyber bullying. You would not say that to someone’s face.

            1. It’s hilariously telling to insult someone by saying they’re not engaged. My takeaway is that everyone on that thread is the worst.

            2. Yeah as a single lady I was pretty offended by that comment, even though I eyerolled at the “ew babies” nature of the comment it was responding to. Like, why is being single an insult?

            3. I probably would say that to someone’s face who was trolling me. *shrugs*

      2. +1

      3. I think it was also off-base because even if babies or young children aren’t invited to the wedding itself, presumably her IL’s family would want a chance to see its newest member during events around the wedding. While her husband could attend alone, they can’t exactly leave the baby at home if both of them go. (And the “no children” weddings I’ve been to have often had a loophole for young infants, particularly if it’s immediate family).

      4. Telling me I’m weird is proving my point. There’s nothing wrong with commenting you wore a blue suit on a wedding dress post. It’s all about pointing things out that the OP may not have thought of and the exchange of ideas.

         1. I said your comment was weird, not you.

            Telling someone who asks for advice on how best to travel to a wedding with a baby that their “crying baby” isn’t wanted at the wedding isnt what I’d call a helpful exchange of ideas. At best it’s off topic and irrelevant and at worst it’s just plain rude.

   4. There’s often a disconnect between the tone you say in your head and the one that people read when typed out.

      But my reading of your tone was snotty and condescending. Your hypothetical wedding wasn’t at issue – you inserted it into a discussion about a specific baby at a specific wedding, and you didn’t stop there.

      “Hey, baby is invited, right? Not one of those no-kid weddings that they didn’t tell you about because they got engaged before you got pregnant?” That’s fine.

      What you said seemed to be rather judgy towards kids at weddings.

      1. Who cares if she was judgy towards kids at weddings (in your opinion, as a lot of people don’t do kids at weddings)? The point is that she was just making a suggestion that the OP may not have even considered, a point that was honestly missed by the rest of the responses and could save the OP a lot of hassle.

         1. I disagree that everyone else “missed” that issue – this isn’t a distant acquaintance’s wedding. It would be extremely unusual for the groom’s brother’s child not to be invited, and presumably if she’s asking how about how to bring the baby she either knows the baby’s invited or is assuming but will confirm. But anyway, you can say it like “Are you sure the baby’s invited? Maybe they’d prefer a childfree wedding and you’ll have an excuse to stay home” or something like that. The comment was something like “they probably don’t even want crying babies at their wedding” which is 1) not that helpful and 2) pretty rude.

      2. Right, her language was “I would not be okay with a 2 month old crying baby coming to my wedding at all” … certainly not the most kind way to put it, especially since OP has already let us know she IS going with the baby.

         It seems clear that this poster doesn’t like babies/doesn’t want them at her wedding, which is completely her prerogative (though… possibly one ought to reconsider animus toward babies over all, because it’s not a great look), but weighing in with what is essentially “ew I don’t like babies, get them away from me!” is not helpful on a question about traveling with babies.

         1. i don’t think her comment was rude or off base. there is nothing wrong with saying “ew babies” in response to a conversation about taking a baby to a wedding. and i also don’t think every single comment on here needs to be helpful. sometimes conversation is just conversation, without intent to solve, and sometimes it doesn’t flow in a straight line. frankly i think it is a good reminder that not 100% of people love babies all the time. and for the OP, she should be prepared that there might be some people at the wedding, like the poster in question, who aren’t thrilled about a baby at a wedding. for the rest of us, who might come across the situation in the future, it is sort of helpful to hear “ew babies.” maybe that means someone else will end up deciding against taking their baby to a wedding in the future. i fear that all of the “monitors” who think there is only one right answer are going to shut down the conversation which is the heart of this blog.

            1. But you don’t leave your baby at home because *someone* at the wedding thinks “eww babies.” Only the bride and groom matter. If they’re fine with, it’s ridiculous to suggest OP has to leave her baby at home because there will be somebody who won’t like it. Babies are human beings, you’re allowed to take them to public places and someone who can’t be around babies needs to never leave their house, not expect the rest of the world to stop having and traveling with babies.

               I also think if you say “ew babies” getting called a troll is pretty reasonable.

   5. I don’t know….. I think we all should just get on with it, and not take things so personally. Some people are blunt, some people aren’t. Some people are quick to respond, some more thoughtful. Regardless, most posts are interesting, and the world is a mix, and I think we should just say what we think. I learn a lot here!

      There’s enough censoring in the world already. If you can’t handle this board, how on earth can you survive in law… am I right?

3. Gah, I love this bag. I just wish it had a zipper!

   1. I have a Brahmin tote with a top zipper that I really like. Brown alligator, though, not red. I think they have red in the fall.

4. Pretty bag!

   Any ideas on a non-religious baptism gift? First child of very dear friends whom we see very regularly. They are extremely devout Catholics, we are staunch atheists.

   1. I tend to give bottles of wine that you can cellar until the baby turns 21. Unless they have no room for that.

      In which case: something engraved with the baby’s initials. I’ve always liked picture frames, julep cups, some sort of piggy or other bank, etc.

   2. Teddy bear? Savings bond? I’m 99% sure I got a lot of savings bonds for all my religious things like that.

   3. IMO pretty much any new-baby type gift is fine for a baptism.

      1. Agreed.

   4. Cash or savings bond.

   5. We are Catholic and have many non-Catholic friends who came to our baby’s baptism. We received lots of things non-religious in nature: beautiful baby blankets, clothing, money for the savings/college fund, piggy banks, a pewter cup with his birthday on it, etc. All of them were much appreciated!

   6. Even if you were religious, many religious-themed gifts are . . . not great. It’s sometimes like getting bad souvenirs / stuff that wouldn’t find a buyer if it had been a secular gift.

   7. I am Catholic and funnily enough the only religious gifts my kids got for their baptisms came from atheist friends who shopped at Things Remembered for Christian knick-knacks. Everyone else wrote a check, which is what I’ve done for friends and relatives.

   8. +1 to some of the ideas around general baby gifts. My dad went through a Things Remembered phase when I was in high school and I never use them. They’re sitting in a drawer somewhere in my bathroom gathering dust because a) not my style and b) I don’t want to just donate them somewhere because they have my full name and birth date on them.

   9. Tooth fairy pillow, memory box for their first lock of hair or clothes in sizes larger than 12 months.

      I’m religious and use baptisms to buy things people typically do not give at baby showers.

      1. Silverplated baby hairbrush and comb set, silver spoon, maybe another slightly lavish baby gift? The only religious-type baptism gift our babies got was a necklace with a dove pendant. I always mean to buy something like a stuffed animal Noah’s Ark or a Little People manger set but never seem to remember.

   10. If you’re still there – keepsake bookends with a couple of books is my go-to in this situation.

5. This group is so good at gift suggestions – my mom’s birthday is coming up and I have no idea what to get her. She loves to shop and just buys whatever she wants herself, which makes her really hard to shop for. She likes working in the garden, loves spending time with her grandkids, and rarely takes time to relax for herself. Any ideas?

   1. have a photographer come take pictures the next time she is in her garden with her grandkids

      frame something

   2. My mom is like that too. Frustrating! Is there any kind of experience she would enjoy? I like giving experiences as gifts – gift certificates to a restaurant or spa day, or tickets to a show. My mom also loves her Kindle, good quality robe and slippers, nice tea/jam/honey.

   3. A plant – maybe a lavender topiary

   4. Women’s Work gardening gloves/accessories. Or hand lotion for gardeners – I think Crabtree & Evelyn has a good one.

   5. Lemon or other tree? https://www.fast-growing-trees.com/GiftTrees.htm?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIjt3pz_rT2wIVAdvACh0ilAy1EAAYASAAEgIi9vD_BwE

      1. That reminds me, I have considered buying myself one of these corpse flowers. It’s the ultimate gardening challenge: https://www.logees.com/rare/corpse-flower-amorphophallus-titanum.html?

         1. I hope you have a ton of space with good ventilation. IRL they are huge and the smell is truly horrid.

            1. Maybe save that one for MIL? ;)

            2. Ha! Good one!

   6. Have you checked to see if she has an Amazon wishlist? I have one that’s mostly a place for me to keep track of things I might buy, but it would be a great place to get gift ideas, if one were so inclined.

   7. Crabtree and Evelyn’s Gardener’s Hand Lotion. It is AMAZING, smells good, really does help with tough/dry hands.

6. Gorgeous bag. I especially love the blue.

7. Looking for landscaping ideas. We have a small urban backyard, 3 dogs and 8 chickens. And bees! We have a large coop but the birds freerange during the day, and between that and the dogs the yard gets a bit nasty. We’re good about cleaning up poop every day (and the dogs take care of most of the chicken poop…gross), so it doesn’t stink, but it’s just pretty wet and dug-up. We have mulch right now, plus a small concrete patio. A few plants fenced off from the chickies. But I’d love to have it feel fresher back there. Any ideas? I am wondering if it would work to replace the mulch with pea gravel, but I’m not sure.

   1. I prefer pine straw to mulch and pea gravel. I would go with some bushes that are evergreen and bloom in the spring (azaleas, gardenia – smell so nice!, but check your zone for what grows there). You could put some big planters out there, too. Maybe put some ivy in them and a colorful flower each year.

   2. As a former chicken owner, I think the gravel would quickly get very dirty. There may be groundcover (clover?) you could plant that they wouldn’t completely scratch up – I would try asking the Backyard Chickens forum.

      1. What about laying large stone pavers and surrounding them with ground cover plants

8. Need cleaning help from the hive.

   I have a tan Article couch and recently got one of those popular Moroccan leather poufs from West Elm. I placed the pouf on the couch while I vacuumed and the pouf left behind a round leather spot – I assume an oil transfer.

   I reached out to Article and they said I could treat the couch with Otter Wax leather oil to even out the coloring. Has anyone had something similar happen to them? If so, what did you do?

   1. maybe try to put something like cornstarch /baking soda on it to absorb the oil first? more oil may just make it darker (esp. on a light couch).

   2. No experience with this specific issue, but generally if leather is damaged I’d try a saddle/tack cleaner. Those things are designed to keep leather saddles looking nice under heavy use. I know a number of women here ride; they might have specific recs.

   3. Is the couch fabric or leather?

      1. Its leather. We tried the corn starch tip when we first noticed the stain and it didn’t really make a difference.

9. Paging PolyD from Thurs AM thread re: RI travel reccs.

   I love this tiny state, and rarely have a chance to offer reccs!

   Agreed with other commenters that Newport and Watch Hill are lovely. If you’re into the traditional prep experience, the Newport polo team has regular games to which you can bring a picnic and wine. Also can bring your picnic and do wine tasting/buy bottles and glasses at Greenvale Vineyards. They do jazz tastings on Saturdays, and I prefer them to bigger Newport vineyards. For beaches, I personally prefer Narragansett to Newport. If you go to Narragansett beach, Monahan’s Clam Shack is the BEST NE shack.

   I think Waterfire is highly overrated, but Providence has tons of amazing restaurants. I suggest skipping Federal Hill (little Italy), except Pastiche for dessert (tiramisu cake). Instead, the Grange (vegetarian and fabulous cocktails), Nick’s on Broadway (new American, the best brunch), Persimmon (small plates). Red Stripe exclusively for their moules frites. On the budget end, East Side Pocket or Tallulah’s Taqueria. The bar in the Dean hotel is a speakeasy, and there’s a new wine bar downtown Fortnight. You can get amazing coffee from New Harvest downtown or Seven Stars bakery for the ginger biscuits. It’s great to walk around India Point Park on the east side, do some thrifting on Wickenden St, see historic Benefit St., and the RISD museum is surprisingly delightful.

   1. Good thing I checked back. Thanks!

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