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Anonymous
So from this morning’s thread – is it accurate that companies are taking NO covid precautions anymore? Help me out as I’m out of touch in a job that still hasn’t gone back to the office though there’s a date for Sept. Yet I don’t want to stay in that job yet being covid cautious the job at least has been good re the pandemic.
To be clear I don’t expect any employer to require masks or vaccines or social distance or anything. But is it still ok for YOU to wear a mask at an office job? Or decline going out to lunch (knowing this harms social capital of course)? I’m located in the Bethesda area in the DMV FWIW and the two employers I’m interested in are local. Are companies no longer selling hybrid work as a recruiting chip? Even for people who aren’t covid cautious, it seemed like most people liked hybrid if only for the lack of commute.
Yet from the thread this morning people were sounding like, no employer offers it anymore so if you dare mention any WFH or covid caution, don’t bother applying. For both employers I’m interested in, I know at least one person who works there, and likely I’d reach out to them to talk rather than just apply cold so I expect I could ask covid questions to them rather than in an official interview. Any issues with that approach?
Anon
Of course an individual can wear a mask. I think a company “taking precautions” means mandating masks or vaccines and that is very rare outside of healthcare settings now.
Anonymous
My office requires masks and daily assessments and vaccines. But we all suspect that will end soon.
Anonymous
No that’s not what people were saying. They were saying don’t ask in a screening info.
Anon
It’s fine to wear a mask at my office but it’s definitely not required.
Cat
I think hybrid schedules are sticking around and fairly common in many industries as a result of employee pushback on the 5-day-butt-in-seat expectations of pre-pandemic. Not because people are concerned about Covid exposure.
My employer has a vax requirement (with an exception and accommodation process if needed). Some people wear masks in the office and aren’t treated worse for it (ymmv depending on your region…), but it’s not required thanks to the vax rule.
I think starting off your questions from the perspective of pandemic safety will probably come across a little too Nervous Nellie. Just ask about hybrid work without mentioning Covid at all – that’s totally fair game!
anon
Texas based. I’m experience is that employers have switched to a you-do-you policy in regards to COVID precautions at work. In other words, you want to wear a mask, totally ok, but it is unlikely that those around you will be required to.
A fair number have no choice but to be hybrid because of giving up office space and no longer have enough desks for all their employees to work from home. With that said, there are a good number of companies are realizing that not all jobs can be remote, and I will be completely honest, not everyone (esp. more junior employees) can accurately tell how “effectively” things are going with a hybrid/remote set up.
I would say that, on balance, and I’m sure that people will react poorly to how I phrase this… a lot of people are over COVID-anxiety-driven risk assessment but genuinely sympathetic to real COVID risk. This is especially true for essential workers who working in the office despite their own risk factors. E.g., don’t expect a sympathetic ear for covid concerns from someone who *had to* work in the office for the last two years, unless you have risk factors that a doctor would give you a note for.
Anonymous
I work in Texas and think this very accurate. I work with someone who is very immunocompromised. He’s in the office most days but double masked and has an air filter he runs constantly. I feel for him but it is very much a “you do you” atmosphere here. I had to be very involved in my organization’s COVID response since early days and it’s been very challenging in the Texas political landscape. I’m concerned about COVID but I’m tired of trying to take everyone’s situation and comfort factor into account.
Anon
I work at a university and our only requirement at the moment is to be vaccinated and boosted, but i wouldn’t be surprised depending on how this newest variant moves if masks become required in large groups/classes again at some point this fall. I’d almost be more interested in how a company responded earlier in the pandemic, though wouldn’t ask this in a phone screen. If it’s an employer who decided they were ‘essential’ and called everyone back to the office much earlier than necessary with no precautions in place, etc I don’t think I’d want to work there bc unless there has been a huge change in leadership.
Northeast Finance
If you test positive, you have to be out for 5 days. You can return on day 6 with a mask and must wear it through day 10. No one is enforcing mask wearing for days 6-10. No signs of any other covid precautions to speak of. This is nationwide company policy. I’m also doing tons of meetings in person with clients and other stakeholders, both locally and in other cities, and there are no material precautions that I’ve noticed but for showing a vax card at one client’s NYC office and attesting that I didn’t have symptoms in another client’s NYC office. I think we’re all (for the most part) mature enough to not pass judgment if you’re in a meeting with someone wearing a mask. Disabilities are not always visible and it’s perfectly ok for someone to wear if if they so choose without ridicule.
Context: I work for a Big Finance that’s been open the whole time, but for mandatory shut downs as ordered by the governor back in spring 2020. We do not permit WFH, even post covid. We have two employees with medical conditions and exceptions were granted without question, so we’re not stone cold, but this is not a “flexible work environment” nor is it advertised as such in job postings. We will to negotiate on this point. We actually make the HR reps on the initial screen interviews state definitively that it’s in person because we’re sick and tired of going through the interview process, extending an offer and having someone make the request and acting turned off when we say no, this is an in person job. It is what it is. Figure it out up front and don’t waste the hiring team’s time.
Anonymous
Yep life is too short to deal with the self important NYC finance types who thought they were essential. LOL. Doesn’t matter how much you pay. But I do agree with you that companies that are like this should be totally upfront about it so candidates who want hybrid or WFH whether for covid or lifestyle reasons can just move on and neither party wastes the other’s time.
Anonymous
What makes you think they are acting turned off? If they are removing themselves from consideration, then it sounds like they are indeed turned off.
Now if only there was something that could be done so you didn’t have to be so sick and tired from having to do so much interviewing. Hmmm. Makes you wonder, doesn’t it? Whatever could it be?
Anon
Wow, it’s almost like the talent in your field is telling you something.
Bay Area
I’m in the Bay Area and I don’t know of anywhere local where one would be looked down on for wearing a mask or needing lunches/coffees to be outside. I think most people would understand if you had special circumstances (no need to explain, could just be your risk tolerance–just say you have to be extra careful) that don’t allow for lunches/coffees at all.
With the current surge, some employers have gone back to permitting all-remote (from hybrid plans). Some employers still require weekly antigen testing, though I don’t know how common that is.
Anonymous
I think applicants have a lot more leverage to request WFH now than they did in the Before Times, even (or especially) if it’s not presented as a COVID precaution. At least in my field, the job market is such that if we asked candidates to move or work in the office they would laugh and decline the offer.
Anonymous
I am in NYC but my employer still requires masks and vaccines (even booster is required)!
Anonymous Grouch
I’m in NoVa, and my large non-profit employer doesn’t require masks in the office, and we are “encouraged” to be in the office most of the time. However, people do wear masks in the office from time to time, and it’s not commented on. Usually it’s because they have travel planned and don’t want to get sick right before. It’s also been OK to work from home before personal travel (high dollar / long planned / big deal like a wedding type of trips especially) to avoid exposure. I honestly don’t worry as much about exposure in the office, where we’re not packed in tightly and I rarely attend meetings, as I do about restaurant, grocery store, etc. I think in general you can expect to wear a mask wherever you want to if it makes you more comfortable, and no one is going to comment. If they do just ignore them.
Ribena
We aren’t taking precautions at any official level, but it’s very normal still to stay away from the office if you’ve travelled a lot, or have an important event coming up (in your professional or personal life), or know you’ve been exposed. I had an external meeting last week that a colleague on my side had to join through Teams because his precautionary rapid test in the morning (the client had asked that we both do them before coming into the building) had turned out positive.
smurf
More ancedata – I’m at a branch office in a blue state of a red state HQ company (both midwest). No requirements around masking but those who do aren’t given a hard time or anything. Required WFH 10-14 (can’t remember which) after positive COVID test. No vax requirement to come into the office but required for business travel. We’re now permanently hybrid and expected to be in office 2x week, unless you converted to full time remote.
This is a company that was somewhat anti WFH pre-pandemic (very manager dependent, needed a reason), and responded quickly during (all WFH March 2020 til..Sept 2020 I think? Then allowed back in the office at a very low capacity, so for those who didn’t want to WFH, and started requiring office days again in May 22.
Most big companies around here have adopted a hybrid model to some extent.
Anon
There’s a difference between Covid policy and changes to the workplace that will likely be there for the foreseeable future. Hybrid work is the most common outcome for many companies and many jobs. For lots, Covid was the forcing factor to demonstrate work could be done this way. Covid-era precautions like required masks, vaccine mandates, forced remote work, etc. are generally a thing of the past. I’m in the Bay Area and can’t imagine anyone caring if you chose to wear a mask in the office or asked to eat outside, but I wouldn’t expect that to be a company’s policy.
Woof
Just don’t lead with the Covid/hybrid/WFH things–and chill out for now until you land an interview. Of course you can network, but your questions may get back to the hiring executives…it sounds like Covid precautions are front most in your mind, but I do think that is dissipating quickly now. Look at the job first, and follow up with the Covid situation second, as it is a work in progress.
Janey
IME at this point companies aren’t taking any affirmative COVID precautions. At most, they’re allowing workers who are COVID-avoidant to skip in person meetings and continue to WFH.
Anonymous
I just got a sitter at the last minute – can anyone suggest a good west-side NYC restaurant where I could get a reservation for outdoor seating, and possibly linger over drinks afterwards?
anonymous
I’ve noticed some on this site tossing around the phrase “ex utero kid/child”. I’d just note that I’m frankly disgusted by this board’s use of such forced-birth language. A clump of cells in a birthing person’s uterus has no more moral worth than a pinecone or a dog turd. Trying equate that thing with a child is anti-science nonsense. It plays right into the hand of an advancing patriarchy in our country that would like to have us all in a permanent state of incubation.
Ses
+1
Anonymous
No you haven’t. You’re making up drama. No one here is doing this. Please stop.
Anon
First of all, I have no idea what you’re talking about because I’m not sure what “Ex utero“ means nor do I recall seeing it on the site. Having said that, I would ask you to give some thought to the absolute cruelty of this statement to any woman who has ever experienced a miscarriage.
Also, if we are going to talk about playing into the hands of the anti-abortion movement, that I would suggest this language is incendiary and unnecessary and fails to distinguish between a fetus at six weeks versus 36 weeks. We have real problems as women in this country and this absurd language policing really needs to stop.
Anon
Okay as a pretty liberal person who is very pro-ab0rtion rights…..I can barely comprehend what this post is trying to say. This is the reason why liberals are not winning races across the country, despite the overwhelming national support for liberal policies (gun control, gay marriage, ab0rtion rights). Yes, gerrymandering is a huge issue – but we are also constantly shooting ourselves in the foot. The left left gets SO tied up in language and creating new phrases and language we’re all supposed to adapt, and it is quite frankly exhausting and unhelpful. The average American has a reading comprehension level of 8th grade. Speak with the intent of being understood, please.
anon
Yeah, the language policing on the left is so unhelpful and so puritanical, honestly!
Anon
100% this.
Anon
Rae Carruth’s criminal record says you are wrong.
Anon
How is that anti science? You were once an embryo.
You can believe that a human in its very early stages isn’t as valuable as a grown woman. You can believe that all humans are valuable but involving the government and criminal law in this situation is stupid and dangerous. You cannot, however, call people anti science for correctly driving scientific fact, which is that human life begins at conception.
anonshmanon
That is a religious belief, not a scientific fact.
Anon
Yes, and specifically a Christian belief. Other religions (for example Judaism) don’t share this belief.
Anon
Other religious assert that a fetus isn’t alive, or if that it’s alive, it’s something other than human?
Personhood, ensoulment, etc. are other concepts.
Anon
The embryo or fetus considered a part of the mother until birth. So unless you would describe a woman’s kidneys as being “alive” (and I think most people wouldn’t) the fetus isn’t either.
If you think life actually begins at conception (i.e., when sperm meets egg) doesn’t that mean IVF involves tons and tons of murder?
Anon
Maybe I’m confused, but it seems that ex utero kid or child is referring to a kid that has been born? As opposed to an in utero fetus? In the carpool discussion, it seemed like the phrase was being used to refer to children who count as a “person” under carpool lane laws. Am I missing something? How is this term forced birth?
anon
Look, I’m as pro-choice as you can get, but to refer to the 37-week occupant of a woman’s uterus as a “clump of cells” is incredibly disingenuous. At some point during the pregnancy, it becomes a baby.
And FWIW, I think it hurts the cause to pretend like there’s no reasonable disagreement on this point. It’s reasonable for someone to value that “clump of cells” at 12 or 15 weeks, even if my understanding and value judgments differ. But the argument, in my mind, is not whether the fetus is a person but whether the woman is in control of her body. So let’s not shift the argument to something that we will never convince people of when we have no way to prove something because its arena is religion, not science.
Anon
I’m pro-choice and would accept a European-style general standard of abortion with no questions asked up until 12-15 weeks (and would leave anything beyond to the political process). At some point, with science being able to save 1-2 pound babies born at 22ish weeks of gestational age, I do think that the tie at some point of gestation goes to the runner. I don’t think you can make infanticide a crime and allow abortions of a 7-pound 40-week fetus.
Anon
Exactly who is telling you about abortions of 40 week fetuses? That’s made up
Anon
Oh, there are a lot of people content to ride the slippery slope all the way down and accept no limit on abortion prior to birth. If you ask me, that was fuel for the other side and look where we are now. Half of a loaf was truly better than none.
IDK about any IRL, but the whole point to some seems to be that no limit is ever OK. Not the hill I wanted to die on and yet here we are.
Anon
I will point out that the Mississippi law that was challenged in Dobbs was a 15 week ban. It just blows my mind that abortion rights activists challenged it and in so doing, said that the Supreme Court could not let the law stand without overruling Roe and Casey. Like, you could just not challenge the law and live with a 15 week scheme.
AIMS
No one is having an abortion at 40 weeks. But there is a small but very vocal component of the “left” that thinks that saying there should be any limits on abortion is unacceptable and would say that something like Clinton’s “safe, legal, and rare” notion is now-insufficiently pro-choice and that statement and similar comments from Obama when he was running would now be deemed “controversial.”
Anon
This isn’t really here or there to the OP, but I’m a person who’s in favor of no restrictions and who is, of course, totally opposed to infanticide.
The reason I hold this view is because no one can point to a real life instance of a woman waking up at 39 weeks gestation and saying she just doesn’t want to be a mom, YOLO!! That is made up. I’d wager that every single case of of 3rd trimester abortion involves something tragic that I don’t think any of us can really judge. I’m certainly willing to rethink my position if anyone can ever show me evidence to the contrary.
Now, I know not everyone feels this way, and I do actually also agree that unfettered access to a certain point is better than no access. And I don’t lead with my position because it can be controversial and I’d rather have policies that are helpful right now and work on the rest rather than just causing the other side to shut down completely.
Anon
There’s no such thing as a 40 week abortion. It’s an induction of labor at any point past viability.
anon
The reason for unfettered access to abortions post-viability is because nearly if not absolutely all of those are occur for tragic, health-related reasons, and when women and their doctors determine whether a post-viability termination is necessary, they should not have to worry about political red-tape or other interference with their decision. There should never be a requirement to submit a request to have this type of abortion to a judge for approval, for instance, because the judge is neither the person having the baby nor the doctor with the relevant medical expertise.
Unfettered access makes sense not because the viable fetus/baby is not alive but because the decisions are so individual and complex.
Still, it goes without saying that access with restrictions is certainly better than no access at all.
Anon
Yes, I know lefties who were upset by the choice of Tim Kaine because he said abortion should be safe, legal and rare at some point in the fairly recent past. I’m pro-choice but think that’s a completely reasonable statement.
Anonymous
An infant is no longer relying on being connected to your body for life support. The law should not require one person to allow another person to use their body as life support. What you think of that morally is up to you, but you cannot say you believe in the right to bodily autonomy – or the right to decline to be an organ or blood or bone marrow donor – if you believe that people should be forced to give of their body to support the life of another.
Anon
And here we are — the perfect is such the enemy of the good.
Anon
A 37 week fetus doesn’t need your body for life support either. Viability (the point at which babies can regularly survive outside the womb) is 23/24 weeks now. 37 weeks is actually considered full term.
Anonymous
Don’t call me a birthing person. I am a woman and a mother.
Senior Attorney
What? I echoed what somebody said in a carpool thread.
Okay, if that’s forced birth language… so noted.
Anon
Srsly concerning that a carpool discussion is this triggering.
anon
You can’t tell me what thing has as much moral worth as another. That’s exactly what the anti-choicers do.
The whole point of being pro-CHOICE is that each of us gets to decide for ourselves where to assign value. So if I value that clump of cells in my uterus more than I value a dog turd (do you really not see how offensive a comparison that is??), that’s MY CHOICE.
Anon
This is honestly cruel, to downgrade everyone’s miscarriage into the loss of a clump of cells. Pinecones and dog turds don’t ever grow into human people, and it’s not wrong to feel a greater sense of loss.
Anon
A clump of cells is the tooth I had pulled.
Anonymous
I find “birthing person” to be a lot more problematic. Maybe that pregnant person doesn’t want to give birth – which is kind of central to a pro-choice position. Equating pregnant with birthing seems more like pro-forced birth language than whatever the heck “ex utero” means.
Anon
What is this post even talking about?
Anon
I feel like I can’t be giddy about this with my girlfriends in real life bc the ones who are dating are not having a great time and the married ones are also having challenges right now, so please indulge me here.
I have been dating a guy for about a month now. He talks about feelings and emotions and is a really good communicator. He had a family crisis last week and I was able to support him through that. Anyway, I was having a crummy day yesterday and took a cute comment (he used a nickname in response to an answer I gave him which indicates I can’t always say yes or no – which is true! I am a lawyer!! It’s hard for me) personally and did that whole silly, “sorry for being annoying” thing. He grabbed my hands, looks me straight in the eyes and said, Anon, I think you are amazing. You are intelligent, independent, empathetic, kind, supportive, and never once has annoying ever crossed my mind. Never. If my tone conveyed that, I am sorry.
As someone who usually manages my anxious attachment style very well, but for whom it’s ultimately based on thinking I am unlovable (rarely now these days thankfully), this was such a great reaffirming moment for me in this new relationship and it made me feel so good.
Just needed to share. Thank you!
Anon
Awww so sweet. My marriage is not in a great place right now but I still love hearing sweet stories like this from others.
Vicky Austin
He sounds like a keeper! Enjoy! Per your last paragraph, you worked on yourself in order to have this, so well done you!
Amber
Oh I love that!! Definitely a keeper!
AIMS
That’s super awesome, very happy for you.
Anonymous
How lovely! Thanks for sharing this sweetness :-)
Senior Attorney
Congratulations! I always tell my husband that his superpower is the ability to not be annoyed by me, and he always responds like your guy. Amazing, isn’t it?
Anon
Oh man, this guy sounds awesome! Best of luck to the two of you!
OP
Thank you everyone! He also tells me almost every time he sees me that he loves how I get prettier and prettier the more he gets to know me, and other lovely things.
I tend to fall fast, but I will say that we have talked about a lot of hard things already and each feel very comfortable with each other. We also both agreed early on to take the physical side of it slowly (which is very unusual for me but felt like the exact right thing here). We freely talk about how scary it can be to be vulnerable with a new person and he has been very open to talking and learning about attachment styles and all of the other work I have done on myself (and vice versa) over the years. Who knows what will happen but we are both a bit older 42/51 so I think we are clear in what we are want. Here’s to those things continuing to align!
Anon
You do you, but I can’t be the only one who thinks this sounds a tad creepy? I guess I’ll show myself out…
Anonymous
You are not the only one. So over the top it’s scary.
Migraine tips?
My brother has just been diagnosed with migraines and “hemicrania continua” – is it people here who are always saying cutting out dairy and/or gluten helped their migraines, or am I confusing it with something else? He previously thought it was sinus pain.
Anon
People say that about pretty much every medical condition and it certainly helps some people, but there’s not a ton of evidence that it helps the majority of people, other than those who have reason to think it’s an issue. If he’s never noticed a sensitivity to gluten or dairy, then I’d start with evidence based solutions: magnesium and riboflavin, migraine meds, and regular sleep, exercise, and diet. I haven’t been able to detect a single food trigger, but not eating is one of my biggest triggers. There’s also some evidence that increasing the amount of omega 3 fatty acids relative omega 6 fatty acids can be helpful. There are some other diet things (look up various headache diets) that help some people, but I’d start with the most effective things first and focus on the other stuff only if nothing else is helping. The exception would be for things that seem to be obvious triggers- then it does clearly make sense to eliminate those, but even then the evidence suggests that a lot of things we used to think were triggers are actually a sign of an oncoming attack causing cravings, not the cause of the attack. Chocolate is a good example of this.
Anne-on
This. I have noticed that on migraine days (or around them) I crave things like tuna fish, fries or potato chips, and mango. Weird right? No, actually fish oil (tuna, obvs), potassium and magnesium are really great at migraines to the point where my neurologist has almost every one of his patients take fish oil/magnesium as supplements unless they have stomach issues or other contraindications. You may also suggest he stock up on electrolyte powders (I like the liquid IV brand) as electrolytes/salts can help with a migraine (I often drink LOTS of water during a migraine but this is more effective).
Anon
Reposting to avoid mod, since it seems to be really slow these days:
People say that about pretty much every medical condition and it certainly helps some people, but there’s not a ton of evidence that it helps the majority of people, other than those who have reason to think it’s an issue. If he’s never noticed a sensitivity to gluten or dairy, then I’d start with evidence based solutions: magnesium and riboflavin, m*gra*ne meds, and regular sleep, exercise, and diet. I haven’t been able to detect a single food trigger, but not eating is one of my biggest triggers. There’s also some evidence that increasing the amount of omega 3 fatty acids relative omega 6 fatty acids can be helpful. There are some other diet things (look up various headache diets) that help some people, but I’d start with the most effective things first and focus on the other stuff only if nothing else is helping. The exception would be for things that seem to be obvious triggers- then it does clearly make sense to eliminate those, but even then the evidence suggests that a lot of things we used to think were triggers are actually a sign of an oncoming attack causing cravings, not the cause of the attack. Chocolate is a good example of this.
Anon
Also wanted to add that hemicrania continua is supposed to have very effective meds- I think that it’s actually part of the diagnosis that it’s improved by indomethacin? So definitely try that first and then add on other meds, but I also very much suggest magnesium and riboflavin as well. I’ve had multiple neurologists tell me that it’s the first thing they recommend to any headache patient.
Anonymous
Agree with all of this. I asked my neurologist if I should go on a headache diet and he said there wasn’t science to back it up and if I had a food trigger, I would for sure know it already (for example, some people with red wine or chocolate).
Anon8
I’m sorry about the migraine diagnosis. As I’m sure your brother will soon learn, migraine treatment is extremely hit or miss and very much dependent on the individual. Cutting out dairy and gluten may help some people, but it hasn’t helped me. Anecdotally I haven’t heard of either of those helping many people with migraines.
Other things to try are magnesium supplement (clinically proven to help some people), a prescription for triptans (which you take when you first feel one coming on and can ab ort the migraine), and a headache hat (glorified ice pack but so amazing I own 3).
Good luck!
Anne-on
+1 to all of this and also you may want to help him be prepared to try different meds until he finds what works. Triptans give me vertigo, but the new class of drugs (ubrevly, the N one that Khloe Kardashian endorses) are life savers. I’ve also heard good things about monthly injectibles but haven’t needed to do those yet. Good luck to him!
Sunflower
Some neurologists recommend taking magnesium to help prevent migraines. I’ve been taking this one since January and I’ve noticed a reduction in my migraines. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B006P536E6?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details
Anonymous
Successful dieters – can you please tell me about your evening meals/routines/habits? I am the best dieter who ever dieted from 7am to 5pm, and then everything goes to he||.
Anonymous
Oh, have I been there! For me, it is all about meal planning and not having too many off-plan temptations around. Also, if I restrict too much during the day, I will over-eat at night, so I take that into account when planning.
I also find it helpful to “close” the kitchen after dinner, cleaning it up for the night. Water/calorie free beverages are OK but that’s it. And I brush my teeth relatively early in the evening.
Senior Attorney
+1 to closing the kitchen.
Anon
One HUGE thing for me is to make sure I’m eating enough at other times throughout the day. For me, it is not reasonable to eat a tiny breakfast and tiny lunch and think I will eat within my allocation for the day because I’ll be so hungry that I reach for foods that are higher calorie. Consequently, I try to eat high protein meals that are roughly the same size.
Vicky Austin
+1. Eating enough during the day so that you aren’t hungry at the end of the day when your self-control may be weakened is the key. Also, I consider satisfaction/enjoyment a macro and try to make sure I get enough of it each day as well as protein/carbs/fat. That way I’m not binging on my favorite foods in the evening because I ate stuff I hate all day long. (I gleaned this outlook from @real.life.nutritionist on Instagram – highly recommend.)
Dr. The Original ...
Stop dieting. Seriously. Your problem isn’t that you cannot diet since you do this during most hours. Your problem is that you don’t know your problem so you can’t fix what you haven’t named. What’s happening in your life between 5 and bed? Is it “too tired to think so I just graze on who knows what?” Is it “too tired to cook so I drive-thru?” Is it “mindless eating while watching tv?” Is it “I was so good all day, I deserve treats now?” Once you figure out why you are eating like you do after 5, you can then begin to look into how to change the pattern.
For example, meal prep works if you are too tired to think or cook but wouldn’t help if you think you deserve treats. Preparing healthy snacks or removing food from reach works if you graze or mindlessly eat but wouldn’t help if you need a meal and are too tired.
Figure out the why it’s going badly and then you (or we) can figure out how to replace that with a healthier habit!
Anon at 3:48
This is a great point! I mentioned above more food earlier in the day helps me. I realized that after thinking through why I was grazing more at night. I was hungry, and the end of the day my decision making is zapped! Adding more calories earlier in the day helped me with that.
AIMS
Not a great dieter but the one thing that works really well for me is to have a rule that I just don’t have anything after X time. No wine, no healthy snacks, water and tea only.
anon
Drinking all the water for the day before dinner is a big help for me.
Anonymous
Let’s say you are going on a 5 day, 4 night vacation to a small Airbnb on an island reachable only by ferry. The ferry is $$ so you only want to go off the island one time during the 5 days. There is a tiny store on the island but no grocery store. Your car will have room for one medium sized cooler and can squeeze in many small bags of non perishable groceries (easier to fit random spots in the car than a second cooler). What dinners would you plan?? Plus if they are more fun than “pasta and jarred sauce,” although we’ve certainly used that on vacation before.
Anon
Are you going to Bald Head Island? The grocery store is very adequate. Pricey, but adequate.
Anon
This is funny to me because until yesterday I had never heard of Bald Head Island and this was its second one mention in 2 days. I was thinking MV/Nantucket
NYCer
There are definitely legitimate grocery stores on both MV and Nantucket. No need to go off island to shop.
Anon
True – I misread and just thought the OP didn’t want to use an on-island store, not that there wasn’t a store at all!
My shore experience is all Jersey so just bridges to get to our islands, no ferries, but the on-island stores are small/limited options and pricey, but it’s annoying to drive off island for groceries. The grocery store isn’t even that far off island, but it’s still off island which can be a pain!
Anonymous
Op here- not bald head! Another part of the country. Short ferry ride but potentially long line for the ferry.
Anon
I would stock up at the nearest decently sized grocery store prior to getting on the ferry. Unless it’s some absurdly long ferry ride, nearly everything would be fine not being in a cooler between the grocery store and your rental.
Anon
Not true for BHI. The ferry times may not be the times you are able to get your stuff on the tram (which may not be the time you have access to your rental). I so need to have my own house on BHI and a friend to bring my golf cart down to the ferry b/c I do not have good karma with this sometimes. Fine on a sunny day.
Cat
ok I’m not familiar with BHI, but in this case it sounds like the family is getting on the ferry in their own vehicle and bringing it on-island, so suggesting a grocery stop at a nearby mainland location first, rather than trying to haul a bunch of perishables in an awkward cooler, is completely reasonable to me.
Anon
From all I’ve learned about Bald Head Island in the last 2 days (which is the first I’ve heard of it! Enthusiastic BHI fan on this board), honestly it kind of sounds like a pain. I’m sure it’s beautiful and a lovely place to vacation but the lack of access to medical care + limited grocery store + seemingly complicated ferry situation makes me kind of glad our family’s vacation house is on a barrier island accessible via bridge and that there is a hospital and full size grocery store in the first town on the mainland.
Anon
BHI is car free so you can bike and not die on a road. Pain to get to; heaven once you are there. Golf carts are allowed but that is it.
Anon
ah. While people do drive at my beach town, it’s rare (really only to go to restaurants that are too far away to walk to). Mostly biking, walking, and the occasional jitney ride. There are golf carts too, though my family doesn’t have one and I don’t really see the point. I like how we have the option for cars (easy to go to the grocery store off island!), but that it’s mostly pedestrian and very safe to bike/walk around.
Anon
I don’t know what a tram is – my ferry experience is limited to driving my fully packed car on, and then getting out of the car and enjoying the ferry ride from the deck (maybe even with a beer from the bar!). But, I’d say I’m pretty okay with leaving foods unrefrigerated for a few hours, so even with the ferry + tram + rental timeline not aligning, I’d imagine most foods will still be okay?
Anon
The BHI ferry is just for people. A tram takes you and your stuff to your rental from the ferry landing. A barge takes the trash truck over and commercial vehicles making deliveries. No passenger cars are allowed.
Anonymous
Op here – great idea that didn’t occur to me! Duh we can shop close to the ferry terminal for perishables rather than at home!
anon
I think you should go for fun sides to complement protein that goes in the cooler.
I like Giada’s Mediterranean salad with pearl couscous, and almost all the ingredients are nonperishable (or at least, can be carried at room temp). https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/giada-de-laurentiis/mediterranean-salad-recipe-1917106
I also LOVE garlic noodles with ramen (something like this: https://thesaltymarshmallow.com/sesame-garlic-ramen-noodles-recipe/)
anon
Chili with cornbread mix (just bring eggs) is also yummy and pretty easy.
Anon
For me, I’d use that cooler space for cheese, butter, tomatoes and lettuce, plus some frozen oj concentrate and eggs for breakfasts. Then for dinners I’d have 1) Jackfruit tacos (tortillas, canned jackfruit cooked in olive oil and a taco seasoning packet, with limes and cabbage which should probably be sturdy enough to be okay out of the cooler all day unless its a bazillion degrees in the car); 2) Pasta salad (pasta, unopened mayo, celery [another sturdy vegetable], maybe with some tinned tuna or canned shredded chicken); 3) Mexican salad bowls (rice, beans, lettuce, tomatoes, more taco seasoning and a sprinkle of cheese); 4) Smitten Kitchen’s cabbage risotto. I think vegetarian cooking is your friend here.
Anon
Butter can be left unrefrigerated for days, tomatoes are generally not refrigerated and eggs/hard cheeses/lettuce would be fine for a few hours unrefrigerated, if you’re low on space.
anon
Nachos. Smitten kitchen has a great recipe, but you obviously can make your own. The only refrigerated item is the cheese. Everything else (chips, corn cut off the cob, black beans, roasted and sliced poblano peppers, etc.) can go in the other grocery bags.
Another we did recently on a beach trip was a pasta salad that was just pasta, cherry tomatoes, basil, torn chunks of mozzarella, and balsamic vinegar.
Anon
1) Burgers and dogs. We always have this for dinner at least one night at the beach. I’d throw the ground beef and hotdogs and probably the cheese in the cooler, but the rest of the toppings are good to be left unrefrigerated for a while.
2) Grilled chicken and veggies. A pack of chicken won’t take a ton of cooler room, and most veggies should be okay for the drive not in the cooler. Almost any veggie works with this: zucchini/squash, tomatoes, peppers and onions, etc. There are so many tasty ways to marinade this too! I might even do it 2x, with different marinades.
3) I love caprese salad at the beach – refrigerate the mozzarella but the tomatoes/basil are better not refrigerated. This could be a good side for more chicken, or grilled shrimp.
4) Taco night. I’d do shrimp tacos. All of the fixings are good to be left unrefrigerated (cheese, salsa or tomatoes, avocados, cabbage, lettuce, beans, etc).
For the shrimp for nights 3+4 I”d buy a big bag of frozen shrimp, depending on the size of your group 1 bag for the 2 nights should be fine.
Most fruit/veggies should be fine to be outside of the cooler for a few hours, I’d really just use the cooler for meat + dairy.
You didn’t mention snacks or other meals, but I’d keep breakfast easy with bagels/toast + fruit (refrigerate cream cheese but the rest is fine) or just add water pancake mix from the box. For lunch at the beach we usually just do sandwiches (it is probably the only time during the year I eat a cold cut sandwich) so cold cuts/cheeses in the cooler with bread/condiments outside. We always do a really nice happy hour spread every night on the porch when at the beach; some good no-fridge needed options are salsa + chips, hard cheeses + crackers, veggies + dip. I love some good fancier dips that need to be refrigerated, but there’s plenty of ways to do this without refrigeration.
Enjoy your trip :)
Anon
I go on vacations where I cook and am there for a week with little grocery store access, and we pack up a large cooler for the road trip there. We are not vegetarians so this may not work for you but here’s what we do eat:
In the cooler:
Steaks, ribs (the ready to heat variety), fish and veggie skewers (put together by the butcher), a pre-marinated Tri tip roast, turkey or beef burgers, sausages like Aidell’s, and maybe some pre-salted chicken pieces depending on how many meals we plan to cook. One or two cheeses. Butter for cooking and for toast. Bagged salad mixes like Caesar (2) and a steakhouse variety. Half and half for coffee.
Not in the cooler: crackers, bread, potatoes, tomatoes, lemons, zucchini, corn, rice a roni, jam(unopened), condiments for burgers (unopened), olive oil, salt, pepper, spices like a steak rub, tea bags, ground coffee, sodas, several bottles of wine, microwave popcorn, chips, dried fruit, other snacks
The key is that you’re not packing in and packing out ingredients. Everything you cook is going to use up everything you have. At home I’m a scratch cook who wouldn’t buy a Caesar salad kit or a box of rice a roni, but for a cooking vacation I do because it’s easy and I don’t need to bring ingredients.
Our usual thing is to have toast and jam for breakfast along with tea or coffee. Sometimes we go to a bakery that is about 20 miles from our vacation rental and bring pastries home for the next morning. Sometimes we drive 15-30 miles and have a late lunch while we’re visiting another area that has restaurants, and then we just have a little cheese and crackers for dinner, mainly to go with the wine. I don’t typically pack in 7 full dinners, usually 4-5 because we know we will end up with other plans 2-3 days while we’re there. The bakery we go to sometimes has pizza so we like to have the flexibility to have that for dinner instead.
The only way to do this is to meal plan and stick to it, don’t have “options” that you’re just going to have to bring back home!
Anon
(Just to be clear, rice a roni is my word for all rice based premixed things that includes Zatarains and other brands. Doesn’t necessarily have to be the San Francisco treat)
Anon
Kath Eats goes to Bald Head Island a lot and has written before about meal planning for the trips. Even if that’s not where you’re going, it might be useful?
anon
Don’t sleep on cooler BAGS. You know, like reusable shopping bags but with that metallic interior. Some of them are the size of a normal reusable shopping bag. That should help a bit. Throw in an ice pack or two and you’re good to go. They work well!
Anonymous
The medium cooler gets meat, cheese, yogurt or similar. I would go beef, which handles temps better. Unless you live somewhere with salmonella eggs are fine in room temp (which might be an insulated bag.
Room temp
Ultra pasteurised milk. Tinned lentils, peas, tuna, tomatoes, olives, capers, olive oil, fresh cucumber, potatoes, carrots..vegetables are fine with a lot.
Choose recipes from a hot country. Italian, Mexican, Thai, Greek. They already know how to handle this, and recipes will reflect that.
Woof
I would not leave the island to get groceries…I would figure it out! Buy fish from fishermen? eat eggs?
Janey
Can you hit a grocery store right before you cross over to the island and just buy whatever you want w/o the limitation of the cooler space? Most perishable groceries would be fine for a few hours in the car, particular things like veggies and fruits, right?
Vicky Austin
Has anyone tried any of the T by Talbots loungewear/pjs? They look very cute and I trust Talbots generally, but figured if they were outstanding I would have heard about them here before now.
Anonymous
I have lovely Haven (a Talbots brand) pjs.
Vicky Austin
Oh I think this is what I meant to say – the Haven brand ones. Glad you like!
J Mills
Yes – I got the striped cotton menswear-looking pajamas from last … fall? Early spring? I think they are awesome quality and as good as my Brooks Bros ones. Didn’t think to give a shout-out here at the time!
anon
Any tips for dealing with COVID nausea and vomiting? It’s been a rough four days…
Anonymous
Call and ask your doctor about Zofran?
Anne-on
As a lifelong migraine/motion sickness sufferer, try bonine (far superior to dramamime), starchy crunchy salty foods (dark pretzels, tortilla chips, wheat thins), cold and watery but bland foods (apple slices, jicama, cucumbers), and your favorite ‘sick’ food of choice – I can almost always stomach toast with cinnamon and sugar, or cereal out of a box in a pinch. Cold plain seltzer water OR very cold lemonade may also help – generally bubbly and sour things calm my stomach down. Good luck!
Anon
+1 to this- my nausea diet is almost exactly the same, though I’d do ginger ale instead of seltzer. You definitely want to stay hydrated, and if you’re really vomiting a lot I’d add something with electrolytes like Gatorade, but I don’t find that very appealing when nauseated (or ever, actually, but especially not when nauseated). If it continues, it could be worth talking to your doctor about meds or making sure there’s not something else going on. Hope you feel better soon!
Anon
If you can get and take Paxlovid, it took the edge off my COVID quickly. My GI upset was more of the “Don’t trust a fart” variety.
Anon
That utterly disgusting taste from Paxlovid MADE me nauseous, but it was my only side efect. I have never experienced anything like it, awful.
Sloan Sabbith
No experience with COVID nausea but many many years of nausea due to meds, stomach issues, etc.
Graham crackers can help. I find that I have to have something in my stomach but it can’t be something with much taste. The sugar in the crackers helps keep me from getting shaky.
Allegedly (although I’ve never actually had this work) some people get real relief from sniffing alcohol wipes. There has been studies about this. Peppermint and cinnamon (along with ginger) are also helpful for some people.
But, really, Zofran is the best bet.
Sloan Sabbith
Oh also Benadryl can help if you can’t get a Zofran prescription. So can Ativan, hydroxyzine, phenergan, or even CBD if you happen to have any of the above.
OP
Thanks for the recommendations! I’ve been taking Benadryl at night, so I’ll try moving it up a few hours. I’m getting worried that all I can eat is cut up fruit and ginger ale. Anything hot seems to be out of the question.
Lonely In A Crowd
Any tips on how to make a best friend in my neighbourhood? Single, no kids and early 30s. I have a few friends but they don’t try to make plans with me until I reach out to them (I actually posted on this board about that issue a while back), when I do they are already booked up with other friends and don’t make time for me, and/or ditch me completely when they get boyfriends, and I’m frankly tired of trying. I’ve been such a good friend to them and really put time and effort into doing so, but it’s not reciprocated and I’m left feeling lonely all the time/never have weekend plans. I just sort of bounce between other friend groups without a sense of belonging to any group or any one. I’m not dating right now and feel that if I just had ONE friend who prioritizes me the same way I prioritize them, it would fix this social hole I’m feeling. I go to the beach/parks alone on the weekend and feel so sad looking at all the groups of friends and just wish I had that! Like just one friend who makes an effort to make weekend plans with me! But I have no idea how to turn acquaintances (I have a few of these from the dog park, my street, etc.) into real friends into a best friend! FWIW I am into yoga and cycling and like to camp a lot in the summer (although this summer have been doing so alone). TIA!
Anon
I would start with making friends before focusing on best friends. As for turning acquaintances into friends you just have to invite them to do something! Invite a neighbor over for a drink on your patio. Invite a dog park friend to grab coffee after the park. Join some activity focused activities (sports team, for example) and grab a drink after the activity.
Anon8
I have social anxiety and found the book “How to Be Yourself” really helpful. Even if you don’t have anxiety, the chapter on making friends was great. There’s also a section in there on how to convert acquaintances to friends.
Dr. The Original ...
Stop thinking it’s you. It’s another wave of c0vid, it’s overheated in most of the country, it’s kids not in school so they’re everywhere, it’s economic, it’s body rights, it’s politics, it’s everything. Everyone is exhausted. Even my best friends and I aren’t as connected all because we’re just so tired from meeting the requirements of life.
That said, you could join one of the d@ting apps with a friend feature or join an online book club or one at the local library or even a m33tup group for the things you like to do. You could also volunteer. All of these let you meet more people. When you meet them somewhere, invite them for coffee after the thing you’re doing already. Try to create a pattern of seeing the same people and then get to know more about them a little each time. Many are exhausted, many are c0vid cautious, but some are bound to also be seeking friends too and may jump at the chance! <3
Anon
Lean into the dog friends. Ask some of your dog park friends if they ever take their dogs to the beach or to certain parks, and then suggest you go together.
My best friends pre pandemic were friends I met through work, and getting together was easy because we all commuted to the same area from relatively far flung places. Now since I’m wfh full time and they’re also commuting less, we are never in the same place at the same time, so although we get together, it takes much more planning.
But my pandemic dog has introduced me to new friends who have the same kind of dog I have (our dogs are breed rescues so there are groups that gather fairly regularly) but if I just happened to meet people at the dog park, that would work too. I have developed one particular friendship with another dog owner who also wfh and lives only 10 minutes away, and I could text her now to see if she wanted to take the dogs out together this weekend and I’m sure she’d be game.
Hope this helps.
Anon
Have a pair of block heel wedge open toe sandals that I love the look of but that are about half a size too big. (I’ve tried to replace in the smaller size but cannot find them even on p0shmark.) They also rub on the heel where the back comes up to meet the ankle strap and on the strap across the toe where it rubs on my smallest toe. Last time I wore them, I put a cheap cushion in the back of the heel (which came off many times as I walked) and put m0leskin on my heel and a bandage on my toe to protect them. Is this the only way or is there something better I can do to wear these and not ruin my feet?
Thanks!
Anon
There’s no way around this aside from wearing shoes that fit properly. I have worn shoes that hurt my feet and literally bought other shoes to wear and thrown away the offending shoes in the garbage leaving the store. In my experience, sandals are sometimes the hardest because you can’t get away with low socks or no shows. Also many sandals just seem to be made with harder, more uncomfortable leather, maybe this is needed so that they keep their shape but they just tend to hurt a lot.
Cat
I like liquid bandaid for preventative measures in weird places.
AIMS
What about a better cushion on the back that will stay. If you get a nicely padded one, it will probably take up the difference in size and add extra softness?
Digby
Ball of feet cushions to help keep your feet from sliding and rubbing?
Aunt Jamesina
Nope. No matter how cute they are, they don’t fit and are bad for your feet (and very possibly a safety hazard). Give them away!
Anon
These shoes do not fit you. Get rid of them and move on.
Seriously. They don’t fit. There’s no solution.