Coffee Break: Claxton Weekender Bag

103 Comments

1. You had me at legal sized folders….

   1. If I were to buy this bag, I’d be very disappointed if I couldn’t pull a full sized floor lamp and a large houseplant out of it at a moment’s notice.

2. I’ve been recently put on a high dose of prednisone to help control an allergy outbreak. Five days in and I’ve been feeling very light-headed to the point where I’m having a hard time keeping up with my work. I have another week and a half to go on the prescription schedule and I’m dreading it.

   Any of you go through similar issues with oral steroids, or have any tips to get through the perscription?

   1. Apologies for the spelling errors. Again, not on my “A” game.

   2. I think this is a situation to talk to your doctor about.

      I’ve been on prednisone once – terrible hives, from my scalp to my knees – and it was for six days. They were not a fun six days and I basically assumed that any emotion I had may or may not be proportional to what was going on, but it was manageable.

      FWIW, Dr. Google says to talk to your physician right away if you are dizzy or light-headed from prednisone.

   3. This is worth consulting the prescribing physician or at least a pharmacist about.

      I’ve found that compression can help with lightheadedness, whether that’s “energizing tights” or any shapewear you may have in the back of the closet.

      I sometimes get lightheaded if my blood sugar is out of whack, and prednisone would definitely mess with my blood sugar. That’s something that’s very easy for a doctor to check.

      1. Honestly I’d also want my blood pressure checked (which most pharmacies will check for you free of cost).

   4. Prednisone does weird things to me. I agree to call your doc and test your BP at a pharmacy.

      Are you eating enough? Prednisone can completely screw up your blood sugars even without any prior issues, maybe you’re going low?

      1. Yeah, I think I’m eating alright. Prescribing doc encouraged me to take the prednisone + companion pill (omeprazole) in the morning with a serving of oatmeal.

         I’m just trying to hang in here and keep my head on straight.

   5. If you are coming off of it, they may have you tapering too quickly. I get dependent on steroids very easily and need a long slow taper to avoid my BP going too low. My issue is relatively rare though.

   6. I took prednisone for over three years following a bone marrow transplant. It sucked. I started on a very high dose for acute graft versus host/pneemonia, and then a lower dose for chronic graft versus host. I experienced nausea and dizziness on the regular – both at least once a day, never really finding a way to completely to get those symptoms to go away. It helped to keep carby snacks around to nosh on when I felt either symptom – Nature Valley crunchy granola bars were my go to. I tried omeprazole, but I didn’t have a heartburn really so it didn’t help, and the only anti-emetic that actually worked (phenergan) zonked me out too much to function. I’d take it at night sometimes to be able to sleep better if I was feeling really bad.

      1. Thank you for your input! I have no idea how you made it through such a long dosing schedule. I picked up some bars this morning, and I’m hopeful that they’ll keep me a little more steady.

3. As a (former) marine biologist from the pacific northwest/Alaskan job market, I thought you folks might be interested in my two cents, after this morning’s discussions about the wildlife biologist and her likely income.

   A) That kind doesn’t pay like biotech, no, it’s more in the 30-60 range than 100. And that’s the high end of the pay scale that only comes after years and years (in my case, about 15 years) of unpaid internships and volunteering. Mid-career, I’m finally making 40,000 with benefits in a less prestigious associated field. Most paid jobs require a Ph.D.–myself and one of my mentors are the only exceptions I can think of who got in with only undergrad, by extreme networking and demonstrated skill. So the combination of those two things mean virtually all the marine biologists I know had some trust fund/family support, maybe not enough to live on, but a significant boost to help them start up. Living on the undisturbed waterfront helps too, which of course is a also associated with the wealthy, generally.

   B) To those who say children shouldn’t be near water, or in isolated places: do you realize you’re implying moms (or women who might reproduce) shouldn’t live in large areas like most of Alaska, and the PNW, especially the coastal areas? And since marine biology requires living and spending most of your time in the remotest of those places, I guess women shouldn’t do that kind of science? And in that case, who will go out on the boat to scoop up the whale poop, because men’s chromosomes will contaminate the genetic samples…only women CAN do that science…

   C) If anyone was inclined to ask about advice for themselves or their kids, besides the obvious requirements (study hard, etc.), I would add, learn first aid and some physical endurance (see above about boats and isolated places). And advice I have heard multiple senior scientists give: train your eyes with birdwatching–you can do that wherever you are, and it will pay off whenever you need to look for moving creatures or fine detail in any context. Worry less about scuba-diving training, even though that might be the tempting thing to ask your parents to fund.

   1. …I need to know more about the whale poop science that men can’t do!

      (Also, all this rings true to me as someone who lived on a scientific research station/was married to a forest biologist.)

   2. I don’t disagree with your points, but if it wasn’t enough to live on, it doesn’t sound like a trust fund scenario. There’s a big difference between having your parents co-sign an apartment lease or give you a used car and being able to live off the interest on a huge trust fund. Plenty of low-income people receive the former kind of parental help (including things like free childcare, etc.) while the latter is generally reserved for high-income people. I don’t think the two can be conflated.

      1. Oh please–living for a decade in the San Juan Islands without paid work takes wealth, even if you will some day need to earn an income.

   3. I mean, water is dangerous, but that is true of any water, anywhere, especially with kids. Small kids can drown in a toilet if they fall in — my sister had a lock on her toilet seat to keep it shut when my first nephew was born. For swimming pools — talk to a plantiff’s lawyer. Swimming pools, going to the beach, pool filters that pull you under . . . the list goes on. I think that we *think* we are safe at home in suburbia, but it’s just a false sense of security. At least on a boat, you feel newness and danger (if you are me).

      1. Fwiw, the locks on toilet seats are just because some kids would drink the water and adults think that’s disgusting. :) It’s not really a drowning thing. Agree generally about kids and water safety though.

         1. I think it is serious — a baby in NYC drowned in a toilet last year or perhaps the year before. I thought it was silly before, but they are really top-heavy and if they fall in a toilet or bucket, they may not be able to right themselves and only have a short window of time before it is too late :(

            And it is also nasty, but before I read the NYC incident I hadn’t really followed how this is totally possible.

   4. Or maybe get yourself a job that’ll have you making more than 40k at age 40 — with a ton of schooling (for most) to get there?? Who would do this? Walmart managers making 175,000/yr, and there are Walmarts in every state in the country so you can live near water or desert or whatever. How is this remotely worthwhile?

      1. Not everyone is motivated by money and money alone. I don’t know anything about marine biology, but $40k is plenty to live on in my part of the country, especially if you have a spouse who earns a similar amount.

      2. ….Walmart managers make $175K? SERIOUSLY? Like, 100%, is that a serious number?

         1. Not the person who said that, but yes, I saw a headline to that effect the other day. I would assume it’s very competitive and it might require a college degree, which most store workers don’t have.

         2. Yes it was just disclosed in a filing last week. Generally speaking store/restaurant managers do make 6 figures. At places like Cheesecake Factory, the manager of the entire restaurant usually makes 100k. Of course they are working hard — it’s an on your feet, every night of the week type of job. But IDK 40k in marine biology or 6 figures? Easy answer.

            1. Easy answer *for you.*

      3. Because $$$$ =/= worthwhile for everyone.

      4. I’m the OP marine biologist, and oddly enough I can speak to this too–I worked in a grocery store for 12 years, although I usually leave it off my resume now. The management-track men are incredibly well paid, from a very young age, like 19 and 20 year olds. But it’s only ever the men–so, so, sexist.

      5. Are your imagination and capacity for abstract thinking really so limited that you can’t even conceive of the idea that some people value other things more than money? I don’t understand why this is such a struggle for you.

   5. “And in that case, who will go out on the boat to scoop up the whale poop, because men’s chromosomes will contaminate the genetic samples…only women CAN do that science…”

      I guess I could g00gle, but please tell me more about this. It sounds fascinating! (I do scicomm.)

   6. “And in that case, who will go out on the boat to scoop up the whale poop, because men’s chromosomes will contaminate the genetic samples…only women CAN do that science…”

      Huh? I only have a PhD in human genetics, but I don’t see how a human male’s DNA would contaminate the samples but a female’s would not. I don’t see how human DNA could “contaminate” whale DNA at all – I’d think it would be fairly easy to tell the two apart.

      Agree that many biology jobs are underpaid. However, I believe the person from this morning worked for US Fish and Wildlife (?), which likely is not a hotbed of highly paid jobs, but if someone starts soon enough in their career and is a federal employee scientist long enough, they might be doing pretty well, even without a PhD.

      I have no opinion whatsoever on taking time off or raising kids around boats and water.

   7. I lived in alaska was not shocked by the article, given what I experienced of the culture there.
      The state feels much more itinerant than the lower 48 (aka Outside). Many, many occupations there have strong seasonality to them since so much of the economy is based on resource extraction or tourism, so taking time off during the “slow” season was common. I worked there in a boring 9 to 5 office job and my co-workers did a lot of really extreme outdoors stuff, think being dropped off in the wilderness with no gear and camping for weeks, or whitewater rafting down huge rivers in the interior after the thaw. Taking a trip like this with young children would not be viewed as anomalous there. (not unrelated the mortality rate in alaska due to accidents is shockingly high.)

      Another really interesting part of living in alaska was how much again “average” people in alaska practiced subsistance living practices. Many people hunted/fished for all of their meat (not uncommon in the suburban area I was in to have people have huge fish drying stations set up on their front lawns). Boats are also really common for this reason since so many people practice subsistence fishing/really hardcore recreational fishing. People also heavily used rain barrels/solar panels, built their own homes, and generally lived off the grid in a large scale way that I have not observed in the lower 48 as much.

      Finally, in alaska not only do people not pay state taxes they actually get a check every year from the state. In good years, it can be almost $2k for every man, woman, and child. So their household likely gets a check from ($4-8k a year – with the caveat that it is largely tied to the price of oil.) This led to a culture of more “big ticket” spending in all income classes. It is really common to take a big family trip with the PFD.

      TL;DR – alaska has a lot of very specific dynamics that make these large, adventurous family trips accessible. In the rest of America you would have to be rich AF to do this.

   8. Do none of them work second jobs? I was on a snorkeling tour in Hawaii once and I met a shark researcher (basically a marine biologist, I think, although she didn’t use that term) who worked on a tourist snorkeling boat as a side gig. I know there’s a lot of tourism in whale-watching, etc. in the Pacific NW as well.

      1. Some do–I certainly did. But in my experience, most were mysteriously getting by on wages from employers I know didn’t pay a living wage for the area. I think the slightly more common pattern I saw was that people would leave to find a better paid job for a year or two, and then return to the research/non-profit cycle. But TBH, I don’t think those people often “made it” long-term.

   9. I should have known folks would ask about the whale poo! But that’s okay, I know my career already passed peak coolness forever ;)

      There is a celebrity dog who goes out on a boat behind the Southern Resident killer whales, and sniffs out their poop when it floats up to the surface–his people scoop it up out of the water and bag it. I don’t think they have very long to get to it before it disperses and sinks, and the weather and conditions have to be just right. I never worked on that boat, but I worked on another research boat that followed the whales. Tthe poop smells kinda like smoked salmon, and one day we found some–exciting!

      The samples are incredibly valuable for all kinds of information about health and family structure, but there is only a tiny amount of material. So the stakes are high for not contaminating or losing anything, and a small boat is not ideal laboratory conditions. Men have X and Y chromosomes, while women have only X, so women can’t possibly add a false sex marker into the sample. I never thought about why they they can’t more easily tell whale from human, but maybe it would cost too much of a small sample? We are very similar to toothed whales in a lot of ways (big brains, language, and menopause ftw!) but I’ve never heard our genetic code is particularly close.

4. Lawyers (particularly biglaw associates) – what percentage of your time in the office is billable (or counted as billable – e.g., firm service, etc?). I’ve been unproductive lately and looking for a gut check. Let’s say you get in at 9 am and leave at 8 pm. How many hours would you have billed on an average day?

   1. I’m a partner now, but it’s so project and day dependent. I aim for 3/4 of my day to be billable on a “normal” day. On some (hello, yesterday), I’m lucky to get 50%. When I’m busy with big project (drafting a brief, trial prep), it’s closer to almost 100%.

   2. Can someone explain to little legal aid me what is billable or not? Is it just direct client work? What about pro bono clients? Clearly not billable to them but how is it counted? CLEs? Supervising law students? For us, we count everything as either client or non-client work and we aren’t supposed to have time in a day we don’t attribute to something. So I’m just curious how that works for firms.

      1. In Big Law, most non-client work is non-billable. You get to record it, but it doesn’t count towards your billable hour minimum or for salary/promotion. A lot of Big Law firms let you count some number of pro bono hours as billable, but if you exceed a limit (100 hours or something like that, non-billable).

      2. Pretty much only client work is billable. My firm lets us count 50 hours pro bono toward our billable requirement. My firm also have a nonbillable target and basically everything else counts toward this (my favorite nonbillable code is “firm collegiality”. Lunch with coworkers? Firm collegiality!)

         And to the original question, I usually need 9.5-10 hours in the office to bill 8. A chunk of that lost time is usually lunch or me spacing out or reading this site. I am not great at focusing for long stretches.

      3. It’s actually quite literal – if you can charge a client for doing the work, it’s billable. Many firms will give you a credit toward your billable hours requirement for some amount of pro bono work.

         Stuff that isn’t billable: reviewing and sending bills, doing performance reviews, sitting on firm committees, CLEs, drafting articles, speaking engagements, etc. You usually have a nonbillable code to record the time to so the firm knows what you’re doing, and your firm may have a nonbillable expectation on top of your billable one (at my firm it’s 3-500 hours).

   3. When I was in biglaw I was in office for 11 hours and aimed to bill 9-10. I was really efficient though. Usually billed less on Fridays.

   4. I was a litigator so it varied a lot. When I was staffed on a case and was busy, I aimed for an 80% rate and often exceeded 90%. (Keep in mind I was a junior associate so a lot of this was fairly brainless work, eg., doc review). When I was between cases or when a case was very slow, then way way less.

   5. I’d shoot to bill 7.5-8 hours out of a 10 hour day. Pro bono work was counted as billable, but things like client development were not.

   6. MidLaw here — I work 8:30 a.m. to 5:15 p.m., plus at least another hour at home four nights a week. I count 6.5 billable hours a day as a win.

      I lose time to transitioning between files, having people stop by “just for a quick question” that I cannot bill for, business development, partner meetings, my administrative responsibility within the firm (e.g. law clerk hiring, negotiating vendor contracts, firm committees, etc.), reading and responding to conflicts memos, answering associate and law clerk questions that clients will not pay for, giving clients referrals for things that we do not do or that we cannot handle because of conflicts, attending CLE or doing materials for one, plus lunch/rest room/this place. Evening time usually is spent doing bills/prebills and dictating my time (I roll old school) unless I really need a chunk of undisturbed time for research or writing, which sometimes is hard to get in the office.

5. I am unexpectedly spouse-less this coming weekend (he has an all-weekend non-profit conference). Aside from the typical things like laundry or sleep, what would you do?!

   1. Mani-pedi
      Got to a movie by myself (one he wouldn’t like)
      Have a friend over for dinner and wine
      Clean out my closet

      Enjoy!

   2. That was me last week! I watched whatever I wanted to (with subtitles – husband hates subtitles), made dinners I knew he wouldn’t like, and took a nice long bath.

   3. I make/buy foods that my spouse normally hates :) Not that I don’t eat them when he’s around, but often I’ll opt for making a dinner both of us can eat rather than just me, and this is a good chance to be selfish. I also eat some pretty odd things so…

   4. Not very exciting, but pre-kids, when I had a spouse-less weekend, I would clean out my closet.

   5. Watch a TV show my spouse doesn’t like.
      Make plans with a friend.
      Go to a museum/gallery/event Spouse would only go to for my sake.

   6. Saturday – Sleep too late, binge tv shows he doesn’t like, eat junk food

      Sunday – brunch with girlfriends + extra yoga classes + long bath.

   7. Ooh, I’d do Konmari. Go to lots of yoga, read a novel in a cafe, visit an exhibition.

   8. I have the same, husband is gone for a conference this weekend! I’m going to plant herbs/veggies and some flowers. I have a brunch date with a friend visiting from out of town Saturday morning. I’m going to catch up on shows he doesn’t like while I eat popcorn and drink wine for dinner in bed.

   9. I love to go to the movies by myself.

   10. When my mom is gone my dad makes steak for dinner at least one night, if not two, watches movies my mom won’t watch (black and white musicals mostly) and listens to blues any time a movie isn’t on from all three Alexa speakers, which my mom absolutely does not allow.

       When my dad is gone my mom eats popcorn for dinner, watches 90s British chick flicks and House Hunters and “enjoys that the kitchen is as clean at night as when I left in the morning.”

       1. This is cracking me up, and also I would totally be friends with your mom. Popcorn for dinner FTW.

   11. Cereal for dinner!

6. Suggestions for Quebec City and Montreal Guidebooks? I’m a Rick Steves superfan, so something similar to his style is ideal. And/or a book with good suggestions for a 16 month old.

   1. For Quebec City, I’m not sure I’ve ever really seen a proper guidebook because it’s a pretty small place. It’s one of my favorite cities in the world, but you’ve basically got: Old Quebec for the cute historical architecture and giant park, Limoilou/St. Roch for the hipster stuff and amazing food, Ile d’Orleans for a side trip and lots of cool farm stalls/restaurants, Mont Ste Anne if you go skiing.

   2. There are also forums on Rick Steves’ site, and I think there’s one devoted to non-European travel (i.e., places where Rick Steves doesn’t offer tours or guidebooks). If you poke around the forums, you may be able to find some good advice for Quebec and Montreal.

7. My organization is a hot mess right now, and as a middle manager, I am caught right in the middle. How would you cope being in meetings with senior leadership in which they *appear* to be asking for input from the middle managers, but you know they have zero intention of actually taking said advice or heeding any concerns that are raised? When even calmly worded questions are interpreted as something completely different than you intended? After our last leadership meeting, I literally spent the rest of the work day trying to calm down and not have a panic attack because the expectations are absurd and unrealistic given our resources and total lack of leadership. The next meeting is tomorrow. Speaking up seems more foolish than beneficial, so part of me thinks I should just keep my mouth shut and let the others do the talking. And then plan meetings outside the office for the rest of the day. Any thoughts on how to enter a zen place before, during and after this thing?

   (Yes, I’m trying to get out. Low employment in my city means there are very few options in my field right now, and relocation is not an option. Just trying to make it through.)

   1. Not what you asked for, but I would document everything – the problems in the workplace, the concerns you have raised, how senior leadership responded.

      A corporation this dysfunctional may have other problems as well, and you don’t want to be thrown under the bus when these people (who don’t sound too competent nor ethical) need to blame someone else.

      Write down a few points to make at the meeting, make them, and then understand that the response (as personal as it may be) is most definitely not about you. Then plan meetings for the rest of the day.

      Good luck, and hug.

   2. Having been in a similar situation after a merger, I strongly recommend not speaking up if you know they aren’t going to listen. To calm yourself down, seriously consider spending more time outside of work on a hobby that makes you happy, which may mean learning something new (it was rock climbing for me). Invest your emotion energy in an activity you enjoy.

      From a career perspective I recommend trying to play the role of peacemaker. When I was in this position I wound up getting a sizable bonus because I was the only person on my new team who managed to go through the motions of acting collaborative and didn’t get in a fight with my new boss.

   3. One thing that helps me is to keep pulling back and looking at the big perspective: no matter how intense and all-consuming and urgent this situation appears to you, it absolutely doesn’t matter a bit to most of the people in the world. And one day, 5 or 10 or 15 or 20 years from now, it’s going to be over and you’ll be past it and it won’t matter much to you, either.

      That doesn’t mean the Drama isn’t still brewing all around you; it just means that you pull back and recognize it’s not the all-consuming drama it appears to be. And it’s certainly not worth having panic attacks over. The VERY WORST thing that can happen is that you lose your job. And you’d survive that just fine. Even if catastrophe came about and you were somehow blackballed in your entire industry, you’d change course and be just fine. You have great job skills to have gotten into middle management in the first place, and there is always something waiting for you. You’ve survived difficult situations in the past, and you’ll survive this one, too.

      Oh. And remember to BREATHE during the meeting. When I get tense, my breathing gets shallow and then I get even more worked up. Remind yourself to keep taking even, deep breaths. Whatever happens in that meeting is not the “be all and end all” that it appears to be.

8. Any advice re: getting lipstick out of clothes once the clothes and lipstick have gone through the washer and dryer?

   Clothes include: a mostly white-with-black stripes short-sleeve sweater from Target, a polyester/rayon like shirt that is mid-tone aqua blue, and one more that is more like a nice cotton t-shirt, of course mostly light blue-and-white pattern.

   At this point I am not worried about ruining the clothes. I will try anything!

   1. Oh, man. I do this all the time. Rubbing alcohol may help. If it doesn’t, here’s a risky choice: make a paste of salt and vaseline. And scrub vigorously while doing your best to keep the mixture within the perimeter of the stain. If that works, scrape off the vaseline mixture and sprinkle cornstarch over the stain to absorb the vaseline. Then launder and hope for the best.

   2. I am obsessed with Ask a Clean Person (who has advice for basically every kind of cleaning quandry). She recommends rubbing alcohol, so I’d try that first. I wouldn’t hold out a ton of hope if it’s been through the dryer, unfortunately. https://www.racked.com/2015/8/14/9130637/get-makeup-stains-out-of-clothes

   3. OxiClean all the way! Get the gel stick, apply it to the stains, let it sit for a few days, wash it in warm water. If the stain is still there after the wash cycle, don’t toss it in the dryer, get the OxiClean powder, dissolve it in warm water, and put your clothes in that for a bit. You could also try scrubbing the stains with a laundry brush (or, honestly, a nail brush will do fine), just wear gloves if you’re using OxiClean as that stuff is bad for your hands, but with a stain-lifting detergent you’re probably fine.

      1. +1. That gel stick has worked well on set-in, greasy stains (I am clumsy).

9. Just found out I got into my (long wait-listed) very nice office daycare. Which means I’ll need to let my nanny go. I’m TERRIBLE at these things (and also, don’t really love the nanny – we had been looking around anyway). Any advice? Would you give notice and she would know she’s leaving but still coming to the house every day? Not give notice and pay severance?

   1. I would have her last day be the day you tell her she’s being let go, but then I would give her two weeks pay as severance. One exception would be if you had already discussed an end date around this time. For example, I’m on an academic calendar and if I’d discussed with the nanny in advance that she’d only be with us through the end of the spring semester, I wouldn’t feel the need to give severance if I let her go on May 15, because I’d see that more as a short term contract ending. Congrats on the daycare!!! (I also just got off the wait list at an insanely competitive one.)

      1. I agree with this! No notice, but two weeks’ severance.

   2. How bad is the nanny? Would you give an ok reference?

      I think it’d be kind to give some notice (maybe 2 weeks, longer if she has worked for you for many years) if you think she’d take it well and you can offer help in finding another position (with the understanding that you’ll support her missing some days to interview/start a new job). If she’s really bad, this wouldn’t work, though.

      If you’re not going to give notice, I think at least 2 weeks of severance, longer if she’s a longtime employee.

      1. I’d give her a great reference – my issues with her are about fit with me and my husband, but she takes great care of the baby. I just don’t know how she’ll be knowing her time is up. We went into this hoping it would be a long, long term relationship, but regardless of the daycare situation, I don’t think that was working out. The one time we had a slight disagreement on hours (she generally works 50 hrs/week, but we only guarantee 40, so one week she worked under 50 and thought she should get paid up to 50), she got very put out and made a super passive-aggressive comment about ‘not worrying about her, she can pay her bills’ (see – fit issues), so i just do not know what to expect at all!

         1. Do you have a contract with her that describes how you will go about termination of employment? Does your state have any laws governing this?

            How will her health insurance be handled once you end her employment?

         2. Absent any contract obligations, I would go with notice on her last day and two weeks of severance based on this additional information. If it makes you feel better at all, this will be paying her for two more weeks than if you just give her notice 2 weeks before the last day.

            1. Gosh two weeks seems really short – I don’t think most nannies could get a new job that quickly and you are cutting their salary to zero in an extremely sudden fashion. If you can afford it, I would pay at least a months severance.

            2. It may depend on your geographic area, but in my location, nannies with good references are scooped up almost immediately. It’s very different than a laid-off office worker who could easily be looking for a new job for 6 months or more.

10. IDK why but in shows I follow, I always pick a person or two who I’d be (Kimah or Omar Little from The Wire; Agent Aderholt in The Americans; etc.)

    I got into GOT b/c it’s like the Superbowl — something big on TV and seems to be culturally meaningful. Of course, I got in as Season 8 was starting (so rewatching Season 1 now, it’s awesome b/c from Season 8 I can relax that some people may live past the season I’m on). But I don’t know who I’d be (or why). And it is taking up bandwidth.

    So far, I think Tyrion, b/c he is the only one who has fun (Season 1 is mainly the basis for this) and sticks out in his family.

    1. Based on the way things are going, I think I’ll just wait until it wraps up next week before I pick which character I would be. (I won’t say much due to spoilers, but I sent a long ranty text to a friend last night about this season and character development)

    2. My very sweet and very-almost-SJW friends had a #HouseLannister banner flying from their house the other week. Obvs they have watched longer than me, but I do not think I could support that house. Tyrion, yes, but the house — OMFG are you kidding? Based on S1E1 alone, that’s a hella no.

       But maybe they know something that I don’t.

       And the show is so thrilling and suspenseful that I have to watch the live ones a day later so I can read all of the spoilers and know roughly if anyone I love had been killed or not (or if it is shot too darkly to be quite sure; also I guess not everyone who dies stays dead???). But even then it has just gotten me so pumped with adrenaline that I have a hard time sleeping. Like I have to watch as soon as I get home to have enough time to wind down.

       But what does it mean to be a good ruler (a good worker, a good follower, a good leader, a good mother, a good child)? So many Big Important Questions!!!

       And other than Tyrion, a lot of male characters look a bit similar, no? And Bronn and Bran? Whoever recommended Leslie Jones on Twitter — bless you. What a gift!!! And like her I’ve learned to watch with captions on.

       1. I’m sure this will be a hard one.

          Looking for side work ideas for things like editing, ghost-writing, typing, proofreading. I know that none of these companies pay well. I could use some busy work in the evenings.

11. Out of the mouths of babes … this morning my 9-year-old asks me why my butt wiggles side-to-side when I walk. Sheesh! My booty has gone from flat to more shapely lately, thanks to indoor cycling over the winter. I just didn’t think anyone except me had actually noticed! I was flustered and made some comment about how ladies have hips and that makes the booty move?

    1. I saw my upper outer thighs featured in a commercial last week . . . for Depends.

    2. I mean, depending on height, a 9yearold is staring at your hips pretty closely! Ha!

12. Has anyone bought from the fold? I adore the look of one of their wool jersey tops – is it worth $300? How is the sizing – I am a US 14 or 16.

    1. I’m wearing a Fold dress today – the jersey Arlington I think it is. I’ve gotten several compliments, the clothes are lovely in person, with lining and substantial fabric. I’m having to talk myself out of buying more, because they are a bit of a splurge, but I think they are worth it. Sizing is standard British sizing – comparable to Reiss or Karen Millen, for example. For reference, I’m a US2 at Theory, US2/UK6 (occasionally US4/UK8 for something fitted with no stretch) at Reiss, and am wearing a UK6 from the Fold.

13. I’m sure this will be a hard one.

    Looking for side work ideas for things like editing, ghost-writing, typing, proofreading. I know that none of these companies pay well. I could use some busy work in the evenings.

    1. Repost tomorrow on the morning thread? I’m interested too.

    2. FYI, there are far fewer of these companies than in the past so the jobs are super competitive. Most companies now for this pay very low and require at least a master’s degree in order to even be interviewed. (Why do people take these jobs, you ask? Most are stay at home parents wanting pocket change or retired professors wanting something to do, in my experience from knowing my colleagues. Why do I do it? It’s my 3rd job and fits in well time-wise with my other 2, in a schedule most other jobs won’t fit.)

       You may want to look into something like VIP KID if you just want work from home easy and are fine with very low pay.
       Hope this helps! :)

14. Please suggest some places to stay in Newark in early June? Hotels that are not too pricey or towns to check if I use Air BNB. Will travel to NYC for a weekend.

    1. Jersey City has a lot of PATH stops — direct link to NYC.

    2. Why Newark? I’d stay at a hotel in JC or Hoboken and take the PATH to Newark if I had to.

    3. The Hilton or Hotel Indigo but why? Marriot Residence Inn in JC is much nicer and an easy trip to Newark

    4. I stayed at the Wyndham loft hotel and it was new and clean and had a decent restaurant. Walking distance from the train station.

15. Just found out my sister’s husband, whom she married after knowing less than a year, with no mutual friends or connections (and subsequently, no one around to warn her of any substantial risks they knew he carried but didn’t disclose himself), is in five figures of debt, hasn’t filed his taxes in years, and didn’t reveal any of this until after their birth of their disabled child. To add to this, her reaction was to go on a rampage resulting in multiple broken windows, a guitar destroyed by going through a television set, and the barrel of a gun shoved through a stereo speaker. All of this, I assume, happening with her 3 month old present. I’m not sure who I’m more upset with over this situation. She is not even 21 yet, on her second shotgun marriage, and has a pattern of repeated, unresolved anger and impulse issues that make me question when and if it becomes my place to step in. If it were just her, I’d be fine watching her make her bed and lying in it, but now there’s a kid involved. I just don’t even know what to do about this. I know a lot of people would say it’s not my place or obligation to do anything, but we grew up in the same abusive family and I do not want to do what my aunts and uncles did, which is turn a blind eye to a toxic situation because they didn’t feel they had the right to do anything.

    1. It sounds like there is no adult in this household. Have you ever gone to a dialectical behavioral therapy skills workshop or therapy session to talk through the question of “stepping in” and how? Thank you for not wanting to turn a blind eye (that’s what literally every adult and authority figure did when it came to my household growing up, and it really messed with my head that even the good adults were apparently, at least in my simplistic child logic, cool with things).

       1. In counseling, will be bringing this up next week. She knows more backstory and will probably be more helpful. Calling CPS seems like a “duh” option but I’m in a state where CPS would result in a worse outcome if she ended up in the foster care system, and they would likely place her with our mother, or our aunt, which would allow my sister unlimited access to the child, and essentially change nothing. I am in no place to take even temporary custody.

          And all that is, assuming CPS would do anything. The system is so poorly funded they are very reluctant to step except in extreme circumstances involving hard drug abuse around children or physical injury requiring hospitalization. All else is ignored. Because the gun was not fired, the infant was not put in immediate danger or physically injured by their skewed standards, and neither parent has any criminal record, they would not be compelled to do anything. Source: had first hand experience in attempting to get CPS to investigate my mother’s home after a series of very bad incidences, with documentation, and it was decided that events much worse than what I described above were not worthy of investigation.

          It’s honestly just looking like maybe I can throw some anger management literature my sister’s way, push her toward getting her own counseling, and just waiting in the wings if things get any worse.

          1. Calling CPS only seems like the obvious thing to do to people who are entirely naive about CPS (and probably also very naive about abusive family life). You are correct that they aren’t going to care about this and that the interventions available to CPS could easily make things worse if they did care.

             I was already in counseling when I did a DBT skills workshop in response to a family crisis, but I still found it helpful. I may have found it especially helpful because my family was dealing with a PTSD crisis specifically. I know it’s also helpful when someone has a personality disorder. I don’t really know where your sister’s behaviors are coming from, but aside from the gun, I feel more concerned about her next steps and where they may lead than about the latest rampage. She is going to be going through a lot if she stays in this marriage, but I don’t know if that would mean she’d be open to counseling herself (I’m not hearing that she is really upset and scared that she lashed out in this way).

             As for the kids, I don’t think “stepping in” necessarily has to mean a lot? As a child, I personally would have found it helpful if adults had just responded differently when I broached the topic of how crazy things were at home (for example, if they had listened neutrally instead of shutting it down fast). Aside from the gun(!), rampages are not good, but they’re not necessarily scarier or more traumatizing than an accident like a car wreck. The really scary part is that your mom is acting like a three year old herself, and yet she’s running the show. But that was true before the rampage.

             But I would really like to see that gun in a gun safe.

    2. If you feel a need to, I have learned it is OK to call the department of children and family services, or even “just” ask the local PD to do a welfare check.

    3. Call child protective services and report it. Guns? Violence? Not okay.

    4. Obviously you should be more upset with your sister. How is this even a question? The guy sounds like a loser and a load, but he’s not the one being violent and physically abusive in front of a baby. Call CPS.

16. After 7 years at the same company, I am taking a lateral move to a new company in a couple of weeks. I’ve only worked here so navigating best I can.
    I’ve doing the basics of file sorting etc at my current role, and have reached out to new employer to ask if there is any reading or prep I could complete.
    Any advice for leaving and joining?

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