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I've seen a lot of people lately making fun of themselves and their “emotional support drinks” — it rings true because I'm also one of those people with the huge 32-oz water bottle + coffee + afternoon tea + lunch diet Coke. And an occasional smoothie or shake. Give me all the liquids!! (It is driving me crazy that I cannot find a good link to an influencer talking about this recently — I swear I saw a Holderness video on this at the very least, and accordingly just fell down a 25 minute rabbithole watching Holderness videos.) (Update: here's the 3-second Holderness TikTok.)
ANYWAY: all those different bottles can be a pain to carry if you don't want to make multiple trips — so when I saw someone on TikTok talking about how she got this drink caddy for all of her daily drinks, and I thought it was brilliant! Whether you're going into the office, to a coworking space or other remote work space, or even just at your home if your workspace is on another floor or far from the kitchen, it could come in really handy.
(Yeah yeah yeah it can also be handy if you're being nice and bringing back other drinks for other people, or loading up drinks for the family for a long drive or something.)
The drink caddy is $19.99 at Amazon.
(Along similar lines, this other drink caddy goes over suitcase handles, which I can see being really helpful for those times where you just need a second to put your drink and phone down so you can get your ticket out or whatever.)
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Anonymous
I cannot imagine having a house so enormous that I couldn’t go to the kitchen for a drink. If your palace really is that gigantic, don’t you just have a coffee maker and mini fridge in your office?
anon
This is a product that purports to solve a problem most of us don’t have or don’t have often enough to justify the cost of buying this item.
Anon
I will say that if you have a sick patient in your house, it can help with water, gatoraid, etc. so that you keep a sick person, who possibly isn’t steady on feet, to be going up and down to the kitchen more than is needed.
Wheels
This is me but I use a thermos jug and a cup, not multiple cups.
HFB
I mean at that point why don’t you just have a butler or other employee bring you drinks? All kidding aside I could see this being useful for a sick person like the other commenter said, or if ( like me) you find yourself getting distracted easily when you leave your work area. Or maybe if you have kids/pets at home who will want to interact with you every time you leave your work area.
anon
Sometimes I am on really long calls and I’ve forgotten to bring enough water up to my office.
Anon
A reason similar to this is why I got a mini-fridge for the second floor. Bonus, I can store some of my skincare in it.
Anon
Isn’t this what trays are for?! Seems like a waste if plastic if it is for your own home. Just use a wooden tray.
Anon
Agreed! Plus you can use it for plates, bowls, and other non-cup shaped items. And a tray is a much prettier item to have around the house than this ugly thing.
LaurenB
This is the stuff that Marie Kondo warns us about. It’s just wasteful clutter. You don’t need this in your own house. It’s all so gadgety. Kat, love ya but I think you tend to be a gadgety person.
Anon
I’ve been talking to a nice guy from Hinge for about 2 weeks. We’ve talked on the phone, but haven’t been able to meet in person because we have completely opposite schedules. The next time we would be able to meet is next week. I sent him a brief but clear text this morning telling him that I don’t think our schedules are going to align long term, and as someone whose last relationship was long distance, I just don’t want to get myself into another situation where I can barely see my partner.
He has since sent me 5 text messages and called me once (I didn’t answer). He’s all “but we have such incredible chemistry!” Honestly, I do think we have decent chemistry, but I did the right thing, right? Like I did what I had to do? I work M-F 9-5+ (meaning I work a lot of hours) and he works 2-10pm Wed-Sunday (fed job in DC). He wants to have dates at 10:30pm and I told him I just can’t commit to that. I feel bad not answering the 5 texts, but I was clear in my first message and really don’t want to drag this out.
Anon
You get to pick your dealbreakers!
Vicky Austin
Meh, that sounds like bullet dodged to me. Chemistry isn’t worth squat if he doesn’t respect you and your decisions; better to find that out now. Stick to your guns.
Anon
First of all— Having different schedules is a huge pain, and it sounds like he should be able to find a time other than 10:30 on a normal work day, so that would also make him very low on my priority list.
More importantly, you haven’t met. You owe him nothing. Trying to talk you out of it and frantically calling is not okay, and any remaining thoughts I had about potential chemistry would be gone after that. You set a boundary (I need someone with a schedule that works for a relationship), and he is trying to talk you out of it.
Don’t feel bad at all!
Anon
Thank you. He also proposed “morning dates” but I just don’t see how that would work. I’m not interested in repeated romance at 8am…I’m getting up and going to work. What would we do, meet for coffee in the morning? Then what? I just feel there’s no point in falling for each other if we can never see each other. Thanks all for confirming what I thought.
Anonymous
Honestly I think it’s great he at least tried alternatives. Dating with a schedule like that is almost impossible, ask me how I know.
Anonymous
Maybe I’m just old and desperate but I’d just meet him and see where it goes. How often do you have good chemistry from a guy you’ve met online? Plus if it were to work out long term, couldn’t you go out on dates and just hang out regularly Monday-Tuesday after 5 pm? How different is that from when people have busy schedules so the bulk of their hanging out is Friday/Sat? I just don’t see work schedules as a reason to write off a potential relationship, if a relationship is what you want. Jobs aren’t forever.
Anonymous
While I respect your dealbreakers (and totally agree everyone is entitled to whatever dealbreakers they want) and agree that I’d be wary of someone who doesn’t take no for an answer, I too have a government job with weird shifts and I think it’s a big part of why I’m single right now. Weird shifts, erratic shifts, working lots of swing shifts (3pm-11pm), overnights 6pm-6:30am shifts, every other weekend and most holidays, lots of forced and admittedly unforced overtime, etc has made it hard to find someone to date and hard to continue dating people…
There was definitely a time in my life a few years ago where my schedule was so intrusive into my dating life if one more thing happened, I would have broken down crying on the spot. So, I try to be empathetic to people in his situation.
Anon
That’s a him problem and a you problem to solve, not the OPs though.
Anonymous
I never said it was her problem, but I was just putting it out there. No one (or very few people) work those shifts for fun and they’re often critical jobs and the troubles with dating are one of the many, many reasons these jobs suck, but the 9-5 crowd is blissfully unaware
Anon
Maybe you can date OP’s hinge guy!
Anon
This wouldn’t work for me either. I’m also curious how you know you have chemistry without meeting in person! I have had “chemistry” on text and even good phone calls and then met in person and total dud from a chemistry perspective.
This internet stranger gives you permission to let this be a deal breaker for you.
anon
You can decide not to date whoever you want. However, these two schedules just aren’t that hard to align. Why couldn’t you just have dinner or drinks on a Monday or Tuesday? Or go to brunch Saturday or Sunday?
NYCer
+1. If you had good chemistry texting and talking, I probably would have at least tried to meet this guy once before throwing in the towel.
NYCer
And by chemistry, I just meant rapport. Obviously you can’t judge true chemistry without meeting in person!
Anon
+1
Anon
I don’t know. I kind of wonder if she was sensing something else was off without quite having the wording for it. I would be very put off by his behavior after her “no thanks” text, so she may also have been picking up on those vibes before she sent it.
Anon
Yes this is a dealbreaker for me. My bf does not have the typical work schedule and he is generally off Thursday evening and Fridays and Saturdays. I woke the normal M-F 8-7ish depending on my project. If we didn’t have that Saturday and evenings to go to dinner it would be a no go. Him working Sundays is pretty tough as it is.
pugsnbourbon
I don’t think my wife hated it when I worked Saturdays. She got the whole place to herself!
Anon
I mean if we want to go hiking or kayaking or some other activity we only have one day a week together. Rains on Saturday but it’s beautiful on Sunday when he’s working all day, kind of sucks. It would just be nice if we had two full days each week as an option to do more involved activities.
Anonymous
I don’t know what hours your bf works, but working 8-7 is not “the normal”. I’m sure him working Sundays isn’t ideal, but you have a tough schedule to work around too!
Anon
I work M-F. I meet friends for dinner at 8pm all the time during the week. 8-7 is on the longer side of my days and even with that, I can still make it work. Having only 1 fully free day a week to spend time with my bf is tough especially with wanting to still see friends and family over the weekend.
Anon
I wouldn’t be able to start a relationship if we only could meet Sat and Sun mornings and Mon and Tues night. Unless someone has the day off you can’t spend more than half a day together? But the real validation is him not taking no for an answer. You made the right decision.
Anon
One text to try and persuade you – ok, maybe.
Five texts and a call – 🚩
Anon
I’m overthinking this but how should I word an email to congratulate someone at my company on a recent significant promotion? I don’t know her well enough to say anything too personal but we have worked together and I’d like to develop a relationship since relationships/office politics seem to play a pivotal role in a successful career within my company.
Anon
“Hi Jane! I heard about your promotion to X. Congratulations, you deserve it! Best, Annie”
I’d write this. Or instead of “you deserve it” maybe “you’ve worked so hard for it,” whatever resonates best.
Anon
Thanks! I don’t want to just say congratulations but anything like you deserve it feels like…not really my place to say since I’m so junior compared to her. Maybe something like I’m sure you’ll do great in your new role? Definitely an overthinker here!
Cat
Jane, best wishes on the promotion! Well earned. I look forward to working with you in your new role! Regards, Anon
Anon
This is perfect. You are overthinking it, but I do the same thing :) She will be glad you thought of her, even if it’s not exactly what Emily Post would say!
Curious
Junior people often see the most clearly. You can say she deserves it! And note – office politics always matter for growth, even if it’s just so you have a chance to get on a project where you can shine. Relationships matter :)
Curious
(that is, it’s not just your office — it’s everywhere)
Anon
Yep! That’s why I’m trying to maintain relationships etc.
Ses
I sent one of these recently. “Hi Shiv, I wanted to say congratulations on the promotion. Looking forward to working with you as our new COO! Regards, Anon”
Anon
Shiv really wanted CEO and got COO, so tread carefully.
Anon
OP here- thanks everyone!
Anon
Well that was easy! Sent and got a response.
Anonymous
Great ! Also just wanted to mention as someone who got a similar sounding promotion, the comments from junior people around “ well deserved “ “well earned “ or “I’m so happy it’s you “ really meant a lot to me . I felt like I had a lot of impact and support from all levels , not just the executive floor
Anon
Congratulations on your promotion! I’ve always enjoyed working with you and have great respect for you.
Best,
Anon
Anon
My mom needs surgery to remove a pre-cancerous mass on her colon. I’m not nearby but want to help. Can anyone who has gone through this themselves or with a loved one comment on things I should plan to do or anything I should be thinking about?
Anonymous
Sometimes removing masses in that area means temporary or permanent colostomy bags, or a shortened colon that can make bathroom visits very urgent. Be a safe and open person to talk to about those things and any awkwardness or fears she might feel about it.
Removing masses could also mean changes in nearby parts, and she might need to use some silicone trainers (trying to avoid mod…) to make sure future gardening is okay. Again, it might be enough to just be a safe person to talk to about concerns – and for this issue doctors may not give her information without her asking, often gardening is downplayed.
Curious
I don’t know what she’ll be able to eat, but food just showing up at dinner time for me and caregivers was amazing when I was going through chemo. Surgical recovery might be similar (though, again, not sure how her diet will change).
Walnut
I assume your Mom has local support? Honestly, I’d consider taking time off to help with recovery – especially if she ends up with a ileostomy or something similar.
S in Chicago
Everyone jumps to the conclusion that you’ll need a stoma but unless her surgeon is saying it, it’s unlikely. (If it is likely in her situation, I encourage her to follow some users on Instagram—it takes a lot of fear away when you see others are running 5ks, etc.and leading normal lives). Things that helped me when I lost my ascending colon to cancer were a wedge pillow to help me sit up and get out of bed, having the right foods around (her doctors may have her on no fiber and build up—don’t make assumptions though), and having control of who was around me while I healed to minimize catching Covid or other illnesses (I didn’t want a bunch of folks dropping in). Have her ask her surgeon where her scars are likely to be. One of mine is about an inch or two above my belly button. Switching to pajamas without buttons down the front was a huge help in not irritating it. As she is healing, be on the lookout for keloid raising. If it happens, a derm can do injections to flatten the scar (scar tape also helps). I wish I had known that while my scar was fresher. It also would be good to have a bunch of different adhesive bandages of different sizes around. Once she goes through the initial bit, she’ll likely need to change them to some at home (my husband bought me a wound kit so I could sort out the best size). Truly recovery wasn’t as bad as I was fearing. Hoping hers will go just as smoothly as well. Even bathroom changes may not be too bad. I had some diarrhea the first couple of months but then things got normal again. And truly wonderful they are catching it so early. I’m stage 2 colon cancer (right before it breaks through the wall and hits lymph nodes) and I seriously feel so lucky every single day. I haven’t even had to have chemo due to the monitoring my oncologist is doing with frequent blood work. Modern medicine is just amazing and I think that can get lost if you’re Googling too much. Don’t jump to worst conclusions on outcomes until a doctor tells you. (Even then several told me recovery would be worse than it ended up being.)
Anonymous
While I know this isn’t true across the board or anything, does anyone feel like way fewer people ages 35-45 work 9-5s nowadays than they used to a decade or two ago? I mean of course the regular jobs are full, but it seems like every other person I know started their career in banking or law, made some money for a decade or so, and now they own some small business though not a law firm or anything, more like an Amazon marketplace or some small online agency doing something that doesn’t occupy their time more than 20 hours per week, and own a few rental properties and that’s their work. And often that’s with a stay home spouse too, so it’s not like someone else is providing their health insurance or retirement. I’m in the same industries and sometimes it seems like I’m the only one our age still toiling away to keep making money, keep good health insurance etc. And these people aren’t stretched thin or anything given that they own vacation homes, travel a lot. These people come from upper middle class means but were never trust fund types back in our early days of toiling away post business or law school. Anyone else see this in their circles?
Anon
Frankly, owning my own business like that sounds awful. And I think it’s a lot more work than 20 hours/week if you want to be successful. And to answer your question, no, there’s not anybody like that in my circles.
Anonymous
Agreed. I was married to a man who owned his own business. It’s a lot of hard work!
Anon
Agreed. People see me doing a mom schedule but no one see me getting up at 5 to work and working at night. It may look like a little but unless I’m in a coma, the buck stops with me.
Anon
No
Cat
Nope
Vicky Austin
I hadn’t noticed this, but I do wonder if it goes some way to explaining why there are lots of young fresh entry-level or slightly above people and lots of old folks getting ready to retire and no one in between at all the jobs I’ve had in the last few years.
Anon
Ha I was nodding in agreement until your second sentence. I live in the same affluent area I grew up in and 20-30 years ago all the parents worked 40-50 hour a week jobs. Now everyone works 50-60+ hour a week jobs (even in the same fields). I don’t know anyone who is consistently done with work prior to dinner, much less only occupied 20 hours a week.
Anon
Nope. My friends and I are still toiling in law firms sadly
Anonymous
Yes. Not that I know huge numbers of people like this but I definitely have seen what you’re talking about. It’s usually some combo of rental properties, investment income, and some kind of small online business, not a bricks and mortar business that’d have you on site way more than 40 hours per week. It kind of cobbles together income, though obviously the cobbling is a high level of income to somewhat match what they had in biglaw or banking. The people that I know that do this always claim that it’s much better because they have multiple income streams, don’t have to worry about being pushed out in up or out scenarios or other employer restructurings. But IDK to me cobbling together income from multiple sources, my own health insurance which surely goes up every year with no employer eating any part of that cost and certainly no employer having leverage causing insurance companies to keep their plans “reasonable” seems stressful to me. Like way more stressful than a regular 40 hours per week with usual office politics.
I also suspect some of these people got parental money that enabled them to pay off their mortgage or fully fund their kids’ college before they started doing this. I def know a few people who’ve let on they have trust funds but their parents structured trusts in such a way that the “kid” didn’t get it at 22 but rather at 35 or 40, so when that few million (or more) hits, I suspect some people start to think – hey I can live off of income generating property with a bit of consulting on the side.
Anon
Nope, I know a lot of people (including me) who opted out of the crazy “big” jobs, but we still work 9-5ish. I also know a lot of SAHMs, including some who have side gigs, but there have always been a lot of SAHMs. I was one of the only kids in my elementary school with a working mom 30 years ago.
Anonymous
I do think more people in that age range are striking out on their own than ever before, but those I know who’ve gone out on their own have done so for professional businesses and are working really really hard to solo lawyers or consultants. IDK anyone who has left a high paid job like banking to run a vanity online sale business. I mean I know people who did that right from the jump and never established a career, but those were trust fund people not people who suddenly decided to do that in middle age.
anon
No, haven’t seen this yet. There are plenty of women in my circle who are working verrrry part-time, but they all have spouses that have steady jobs with health insurance, benefits, and regular hours. I often feel like the only mom of older kids who has held down a Job With Expectations this whole time, but that’s a different topic altogether! (And it’s not objectively true, if I’m really being honest with myself. It just happens to be true in my group of close friends.)
Anne-on
Ha, same. I have an only child with some extra needs (neurodiversity/health issues) so while one kid is easier I still feel like I’m a bit of a unicorn for having held down a full time job with travel and taken progressively harder/more senior positions over the years. Other women I know work of course but it’s a lot of ‘part time realtor’ ‘part time teacher’ ‘full time teacher but with family down the street to help out’ etc.
Anonymous
I don’t know anyone doing this. I know a lot of people without desk jobs who don’t work 9-5 (I have lots of humanitarian aid worker, firefighter, environmental scientist or engineer doing field work, nurse/doctor friends) but they all work for an established company (mostly the government).
No Face
I know several people like this. Most have trust funds, though you’d never know it because they are not ostentatious. A few FIRE’d, meaning they intentionally over-saved and under-spent.
But most people I know work for a living.
Anon
Nope.
Anonymous
I know a few people but a lot were kind of lucky? former SAHM turned private cookie baker, former SAHM turned house flipper, former lawyer turned history novelist, former lawyer turned women workspace guru…
I think it’s become easier to do a side hustle and make it profitable. dropshipping, etsy … lots of info now on how to make things profitable. was just talking with my FIL about the huge amount of information is just available these days, whereas when i was a kid in the mid 90s you had to go to the library to see what that library had in terms of books or encyclopedias to help you understand something. it’s true of side hustles too, both because lots are digital so entry costs are very small but also lots of people make money telling people how to make money.
Anonymous
I am this person. I’m 38 and worked my butt off from 22-34. I was laid off at 34 while pregnant with my 2nd. I didn’t want to go back to a corporate job so built a consulting practice with two other like minded ladies. I make 75% of what I used to make working 30% the hours.
DH was recently courted for a job that would add $100k to his paycheck. He laughed right out of the first interview. He makes $290k (Inc bonus) now working 35/40 hours from home and they were going to pay him $400k (Inc bonus) for what was going to be 75+ hours, high stress and high travel. No thanks, man.
Anon
Frankly, the 20-something’s we hired in BigLaw over the pandemic are “working” from 9-4 and get surly if you try to schedule something outside of this window. IDK why we haven’t canned them yet. If you want the BigLaw $, at least pretend to work the hours.
Anon
That’s insane. I started working at a very large well known consulting firm in 2021 and I’m shocked they only expect 8:30-6ish.
Anonymous
Belated reply, but yes, I do see this among a surprising number of early-50s men I know. Some appear to have gotten very lucky in tech, others owned a business that was successful, and I suspect others are now living off family money after having washed out of a real career. We’re in the deep south, not SV.
Anon
So my husband and I worked 25y each and we’ve made enough to not work. We’re from solid middle class roots and I suppose would be considered rich now. But it’s been years of graft.
Winter travel
Wanting to take a belated trip for a milestone birthday around Christmas/nye this year. Would be me, husband, current 2yo that doesn’t have a passport (yet). Open to getting him one.
We typically enjoy mountain getaways but aren’t avid skiers so most of the domestic spots are out. I’d love an all inclusive resort since I’m the trip planner in the family and I’d rather just have it all there and not worry about activities and food. I’m not opposed to a strictly beach location.
I’ve looked at Cancun, Costa Rica, usvi, maybe Arizona but a lot of miraval is booked and out of budget. Any other suggestions? We are in the SEUS and I’d like to keep the flight under 3ish hours. I’m not ready to haul a toddler to Hawaii.
We have done coastal ga, sc, and northern/central Florida multiple times.
Anon
Miraval is wonderful but not a place to go with a kid. I don’t think they even allow children. I would recommend a family friendly luxury all-inclusive resort in the Caribbean. Beaches Turks and Caicos is great if you want to lean into the kid thing (free childcare for kids of all ages, and lots of kid entertainment) but there are other options that are more adult-oriented but still allow children. Julia Berolzheimer just went (with kids) to a Belmond resort in Anguilla that looked amazing.
Cat
if Miraval is out of budget, Cap Juluca (where JB stayed) is on another planet, lol. That would be at least four figures a night, particularly at Festive.
Anon
Miraval can be four figures too. And so can Beaches for that matter. But you’re right, I missed the budget part.
Cat
At least Beaches includes all the food and drink for that price. Cap Juluca’s not all inclusive.
Anon
Fair. That makes a big difference, especially on Caribbean islands where food prices are really high. I don’t drink and can eat cheaply in Europe or the mainland US, but food costs really add up in the Caribbean.
Anon
And I don’t doubt that the places JB goes are substantially more expensive than Beaches, even before you factor in food! She has serious wealth.
Cat
what’s your budget and what’s your airport? Flight times from say, Charleston, are a world away from the Caribbean offerings through ATL, CLT, or MIA.
Friends with a toddler raved about the Beaches in Negril. The Beaches in Turks & Caicos gets high marks too but I think it’s one of their most expensive properties. I’ve mentioned this a few times recently but Carlisle Bay in Antigua is a lovely less “bustling” AI option in Antigua.
anon
Aruba.
Anon
If you have to travel the two weeks around Christmas/NYE (Dec. 17 thru Jan 3 or so), you’re going to find sky high prices and very limited availability at this point in the Caribbean. I’m pretty sure all the Beaches resorts are already sold out for those two weeks, for example. If you can travel outside those dates you’ll have more flexibility and better prices. But Beaches is definitely very pricey no matter when you go. We booked a week in early December (which is still “low” season in the Caribbean and was cheaper than January-April) for $1,200/night.
Anon
How do you deal with things that are nuanced being presented (especially to kids, but often in the workplace) as very black and white? I get that Dobbs is a current hot-button issue and some workplaces are chiming in to say how fundamental of a right this is, going so far as to say that it is religiously required by many religions. I think that reproductive rights and the bodily autonomy of women over history is just a sad minefield and if you just want to point to one thing at one point in time, you could pick out some very eye-opening things (Margaret Sanger’s racism, “three generations of idiots are enough,” Plan B only working well on relatively small women, etc.). But HR or schools using a colorful and friendly font is just . . . treating a serious thing as just some flip “obvious” thing that one does, like signing up for your 401K or getting a yearbook.
Nora
I am not sure what your question is here.
Yeah the history of all of those things is why the bodily autonomy of women is an important thing now.
Who is disagreeing with you exactly?
Talking about things in the open, not just in scary hushed voices somewhere, is how you actually make progress.
Anon
I just say “it’s a lot more complicated than that” and maybe a few examples of nuance or sub-issues that aren’t black and white.
“It’s great that our company is trying to support women’s right to choose, but the abortion travel benefit costs a lot less than maternity leave. In fact, they are pretty cheap with maternity leave and new moms feel unsupported and sidelined here. Are we really supporting women, or is this a nice cover to avoid doing the hard and expensive work of employing young mothers?”
anonshmanon
I have no idea what you are trying to say, but if you are talking to a kid about reproduction (which should first include an understanding of how one becomes pregnant, and subsequently how an unwanted pregnancy can be dealt with, so I assume you aren’t having this conversation with a toddler), the best way to simplify is that these are serious issues that have long term impacts, and deciding what to do is highly personal. We don’t know what is going on in someone else’s life or body.
anonchicago
The last few sentences are coming very close to whataboutism and a Fox News strawman argument. Perfect is not the enemy of good. One can support Planned Parenthood without agreeing with everything the founder said a century ago.
LaurenB
+1.
anon
I’m not certain I understand what you’re asking, but the job of HR is not to present current issues in a nuanced way. Its job is to develop and communicate policies and procedures. Now, I don’t abide by using “colorful and friendly fonts” to communicate ANY information of that magnitude, but something tells me this is not specific to Dobbs and your wacky HR department is doing this on everything. Sounds like a disconnect between your leadership and the actual HR functions.
I’m really curious where you live, if your schools are touching this at all.
Liza
The pro-choice/anti-Dobs/pro-women stance IS the nuanced stance. That’s the point. Being anti-Dobbs doesn’t mean being pro-abortion (though the pro-lifers would like to frame it that way). It means being for the government protecting the right of people to make their own choices in consultation with their doctor. Doesn’t get much more nuanced than that.
LaurenB
Well, this is a big fat helping of duh. Pro-choice people aren’t advocating for *everyone* who finds herself pregnant to go get an abortion, and the pro-life crowd darn well knows that. And you knew that too, so who cares if a pro-lifer pretends that the pro-choice side is “abortions all the time, even if the woman wants to be a mother”? I don’t care about intellectually dishonest people.
Anonymous
Omg go away. Stop. We don’t exist to serve your need to make up drama. Bye Felicia.
LaurenB
For the life of me, I don’t see why anyone brings up Margaret Sanger’s racism. It’s so irrelevant to today. It’s not the “gotcha” that the pro-forced-birth crowd thinks it is.
Vicky Austin
My whole team is emotional support drink people, to the point that when we’re all in a conference room working together, it’s just a sea of cups. I love it. Right now there are 7 between the 3 of us at one table.
Curious
I need an emotional support drink. Making do with my husband’s leftover cold fries from lunch, which is just… Sad. But kiddo is at daycare! So a win for us.
Vicky Austin
Oh, good! Hope she gets on a no-bug streak for a bit so you can catch a break!
Sybil
Favorite uses for leftover frosting that don’t involve graham crackers or a spoon?
Vicky Austin
More cake.
What kind of frosting? If it’s cream cheese, make some quickie cinnamon rolls out of a tube?
anonymous
Use it to top a mug cake. Or look for small batch cake/cookie recipes. Or buy some cookies from the store and frost them. Another option is the break and bake cookie dough.
nuqotw
Fruit or toast.
Anan
Eat with pretzels for the perfect sweet/ salty snack.
Vicky Austin
Now that’s smart. Reminds me of how PugsnBourbon once taught us that basic old Lay’s and champagne go well together.
Anon
I’m not Pugs, but Lay’s and pretty much all cocktails go well together. My ritual is a Friday night martini (2 oz Hendrick’s gin, 1/2 oz Dolin vermouth, and a Castelvetrano olive) along with a single serving size bag of Lay’s. Then it’s the weekend!
pugsnbourbon
Oh man, I’ve got champagne but no chips!
My other slightly unusual combo is candy corn and salted peanuts. Mmmm.
alt
Cake pops? I personally would go for the spoon option since I LOVE frosting more than I like cake haha
Anonymous
I would just throw it away, but I don’t love frosting in the first place. If I wanted to serve it, maybe on warm Danish pastries or Brioche?
Anon
Funny, I only like frosting, not cake. My friend once made me a double frosting, half the cake birthday cake and it was the most perfect cake ever.
But only with homemade frosting. I don’t like the canned stuff at all.
Nom
Extra fancy ice cream sundae, dipped fruit. And if you have an ice cream maker, you can make add a swirl of icing to a lot of flavors to make them amazing (pumpkin, red velvet, chocolate, all of the various pie & cake oriented flavors, etc). Obv I am all about the sugar, this may be too over the top of you don’t have a sweet tooth.
Some kinds of homemade frosting also freeze well— I’ve had good results with both cream cheese frosting and royal icing.
MagicUnicorn
I mean, if you don’t have a spoon what about a spatula? A fork is going to be inefficient, and fingers are just too messy.
Anon
Ah. I have found my people
Anon8
I know there are some writers in the house– anyone have any favorite books on writing they can recommend?
My favorites are The Emotional Craft of Fiction, Craft in the Real World and Story Genius
Anon
The Emotional Craft of fiction is really great!
I also like Bird By Bird.
anon
Bird by Bird. Love Anne Lamott!
Anon
+1 I’m not a writer and I found that book highly instructive!
Anonymous
stephen king’s book, i think it’s “on writing”
just got “romancing the beat” if you want to write romance.
Anne-on
It is more for non fiction writing but I’d recommend ‘On Writing Well’ (it was taught in my undergrad nonfiction writing courses and I still refer to it today when I write longer articles/posts). I also like Dreyer’s English (an old colleague saw it on my bookshelves and we geeked out about it and our love of oxford commas).
SF
My mom’s 70th birthday is coming up. I offered to take her on a bucket list trip. She has chosen Egypt (wants to see the Pyramids/Sphinx) any tips on trip length, guides, where to stay, itineraries, etc. Thanks!
Anon
Going anon for this one, but we did 2 weeks in Egypt 15 years ago, and loved it. We spent 4 days in Cairo, 4 days on the Red Sea (Sharm R&R and snorkeling, and climbed Mt Sinai), and did a 4-day Nile cruise from Aswan to Luxor. It was amazing! The break in the middle for some beach and water time helped it not feel like a crazed historic rush. We also did one of the temple tours after dark (in Luxor IIRC) which helped it feel different from the others.
Some Egypt tips
So, even from the East coast there will be hefty jet lag. I’d say 1-2 weeks. I speak Arabic and am of Egyptian descent, but I still would not attempt to travel around the country on my own. The pyramids/Giza are a suburb of Cairo; any hotel you will be staying at can hook you up with a guide and transportation if you’re not using an outside company. You should also go down to Saqqara. In Cairo, you want the Egyptian Museum and Khan el-Khalili. There are of course tons of other sites, but those will depend on your preferences. You will pay through the nose, because the Egyptian economy is not terribly diverse and relies heavily on tourism revenues. (Ex. the prices for tourists are in English; the prices for locals, which are a fraction, are in Arabic because they assume tourists can’t read it.) Sharm el-Sheikh/Sinai are an easy trip with many easy flights. From that hotel, you can get an easy 1-2 day trip to St. Catherine’s (where the burning bush is). I only recommend an overnight if she wants to see the sunrise. There’s one American monk who has a great personal story; I don’t know if he’s still giving tours. Finally, I’d recommend a Nile Cruise. A company can hook you up with flights to Abu Simple and then to Aswan; you then take a cruise north along the river stopping at all the ancient Egypt sites. (Fun fact: The Mummy Returns is actually a good preview of that cruise. And it has prime Brendan Fraser.) Alexandria is a fun 1-2 day trip from Cairo.
I love the country of my ancestors, but it is not a good place for novice solo travelers. You want comfort, and there are plenty of companies willing and able to give it to you.
Anon
Oh I love this! No Egypt advice but my mom and I did a trip together for her 70th and I will cherish the memories forever. And I love that your mom is still up for such adventurous travel at that age.
A
Pyramids, Sphinx are all in one place.
Visit the Cairo museum to see Tutankhamen relics and mummy etc
I’d go to Luxor and Thebes also….valley of the kings and queens, rameses tomb, etc.
My engineer husband enjoyed seeing the Aswan dam.
You could then finish up at sharm al sheikh.
Anon
Reposting from the morning thread for more responses:
Curious to hear thoughts on how our friend group should handle this situation. I have a group of college friends that have known each other for 15+ years, and we have started doing cabin weekends away every summer. One of the friends was previously sober for 2+ years, and recently decided that he wanted to start drinking again. His reasoning was that he was never actually an alcoholic, he just had underlying issues that weren’t being addressed and his life is in a much better place now. It was phrased to us as “I just want to be able to have a glass of wine on a date or a seltzer with you guys at the cabin.” Then it became “I’m just going to be drinking moderately.”
Not surprisingly, the weekend did not go well. He started off drinking “moderately” for our friend group (which admittedly can revert back to our college days and go pretty hard when we’re together) but by the last night he was visibly quite intoxicated, slurring his words, and getting extremely defensive about the smallest of comments. It was extremely awkward and tense. We are also fairly confident he was sneaking alcohol while others were outside. But, the next morning he acted like everything was normal.
No one confronted him or has said anything to acknowledge that he might be backsliding. I was never as close with this friend, so it certainly wouldn’t go over well to hear it from me – but is this a situation where his closest friends should give him some tough love, or where he needs to figure it out on his own? I ask because my best friend is the one who is closest to him, and is not sure at all how to handle the situation. We also have another college friend’s wedding coming up in early October and I’m very worried about a potential scene that could impact her special day. It’s all incredibly sad and I am worried about him falling back into the pit he worked so hard to pull himself out of. And selfishly, it kind of ruined my long weekend with friends I don’t get to see that often.
Anon
Yes, you are right, the friends closest should speak to him gently about it. If any other friends are comfortable doing it too, or can talk about their own experiences with themselves or family members with alcohol problems then it would be good for them to speak to him too.
Binge drinking is so harmful to his health and can put all of you in danger if you are away together so it needs to be addressed. Hopefully if he’s recognised this is an issue before, he’ll be more receptive.
LaurenB
Why don’t you also just plan weekends where there is no alcohol to begin with? I mean, if your group of friends can’t have fun without having a drink, well, that’s pretty telling.
JTM
My eldest daughter has been talking about going to the beach for months, so I’m going to take my kids. Best beach in the GA/FL/AL/SC area? Looks like everything is around 5-6hrs from us by car so I’m more concerned about being somewhere safe, with a good beach & good hotel or resort options. Most likely I’ll be taking my young kids by myself so I’d love a beachfront property as well, if anyone has any suggestions on places to stay.
Anonymous
I am personally a fan of Hilton Head, SC as a great place to stay with plenty to do. For the best portion of beaches and most activity, you’ll want to look in the sea pines area.
Many other people I know like Bald Head Island in NC (off the coast of Wilmington). BHI is only accessible by ferry, there are no cars. I’ve been and don’t get the appeal, as any “quaintness” of being in a place with no cars is negated for me by the fact that you have to bring everything with you to the island, and I find that a huge pain.
Anon
When are you planning to go? After Labor Day weekend prices go down a bit as kids are back in school. Have you been to the beach and if so where and what are your interests? Budget? That will help others give recommendations.
Cat
when are you going? budget? First place that comes to mind for me is Kiawah.
Anonymous
I am from Georgia and while I personally love the Golden Isles (Jekyll, St. Simons, Sea Island) because I grew up with them, I will say most probably would not consider them “good” beaches because the water is brownish (it’s fine, it’s totally safe, it’s silt from the rivers/marshes and very important ecologically. But if you want crystal clear blue water, Georgia ain’t it). I haven’t been yet, but my parents love the Seaside/Santa Rosa area of Florida on the Gulf (Watercolor Inn in Seaside is where they usually stay). WildDunes on Isle of Palms is a good option–it’s a resort, and you’re close to Charleston if you want to go into the city. Fernandina Beach/Amelia Island area of Florida maybe. Sanibel/Captiva islands in Florida have lovely beaches. Personally I hate the Atlantic side South Florida beaches (too built up for me), but they do have more hotel/resort options. If you’re willing to extend into NC, the southern end of Topsail has beautiful beaches/water, but it’s pretty much all rental houses rather than hotel/resorts.
pugsnbourbon
Topsail is lovely. Went there on a late-fall trip and saw a bunch of dolphins.
My family went to Folly Beach a few years ago and raved about it. They stayed on the beach and said everything they needed was walking distance.
Cocoa Beach (Atlantic side) is great in FL, not sure how old your kids are but tons of family activities nearby. It’s kitschy but I like that. If you stay on the south side you get away from the cruise/big hotel crowds. I’ve never stayed the night in St. Augustine, but it’s pretty up there.
Anon
The Destin area is fantastic. Weirdly specific, but we stayed at Adagio in Santa Rosa Beach using Your Friend at the Beach – condos, great pool, on the beach, delicious ice cream within walking distance. My kids are older (tween/teen) and I probably wouldn’t go to that particular area now (not enough to do), but for little kids, it’s great. The beach is shallow for a long way and warm.
NYCer
Kiawah and Sea Island are both very nice and have beach front hotel options.
Anon
We loved the Destin area. We went there in both 2020 and 2021 when Covid prevented us from taking our normal Caribbean trip. We rented a beachfront house in Miramar Beach. It was relaxing for us (well, as relaxing as a trip with little kids can be) and super fun for our then 2/3 year old.
Anon
St. Pete. I like Sirata or the Don Cesar if $$.
Anonymous
how do you encourage exercise in a kid who does not want to do it? i’m out of ideas. he’s 11. over the past 8-9 years i’ve signed him up for soccer, swimming, baseball, tennis, tae kwon do. he also hates criticism and dropped out of everything when they got to the “skill” portion, so he can swim but not do any stroke well, he can play tennis but not a game. lacrosse and football are out because of the head injury thing.
then the pandemic came and he got really out of shape. last spring, i signed him up for baseball and his father let him quit after 1 practice, saying they would go for hikes instead every night he was supposed to have a practice or game. they maybe went on 1. then we signed him up for tae kwon do and paid like $800 for a 6-month membership plus more for equipment. then 1 month in my husband let him quit again saying he was going to go for long walks with him. they have not.
i don’t like to exercise with other people, that is my time alone in my head with a book or my music. so i get it. but i’m not going to drag him out for a walk around the neighborhood where he is trailing behind me and complaining the entire time. oh and he has a strong fear of bees so i can’t just send him outside.
but what now? video game exercises have been a bust thus far. he won’t do yoga or exercise videos. the kid apps all suck. we live in a small town where there aren’t that many options and it’s always me researching this crap and setting things up and wheedling to get the kid there and then my husband gives lets him quit when he expresses the slightest resistance. and then DH complains to me about how big he’s getting.
anon
Much of this could describe my 12-year-old. We have tried so many (so many!) activities. He can’t stand criticism so also hasn’t built up a strong skill set. Being active as a family either leads to lots of whining and complaining, or silent stewing. Both ruin the vibe for all of us. Hates bees, insects, hot, cold, humidity, wind, etc. He is extremely lucky that he’s naturally slim, but he really needs more exercise to burn off steam and deal with his anxiety.
On the other hand: It seems he is very active at recess when he’s with friends. So there’s that. He also took a teen weightlifting class at the YMCA. That motivated him for about three weeks.
I guess I’m dealing with it by requiring him to do active things with us as a family. Not proud, but I have bribed him before (but that didn’t lead to lasting habits, so YMMV on whether that will actually work).
anon
Also, stop paying for lessons if you know full well that it’s not going to happen anyway. Your DH isn’t helping matters, but you already know that.
Anonymous
Nope nope nope. You stop this right now. You do nothing at all about your kid. You drag your useless husband to therapy.
Curious
Yeah this sounds like a husband problem, not a kid problem.
anonshmanon
Sounds a bit more like a husband problem than a kid problem. I hated exercise with a passion, from the moment it started incurring grades at school, and started couch-to-5k voluntarily as soon as I moved out for college(btw same for my sister. The grades and shitty PE teaching methods demoralized us entirely). I was a bookworm and watched a lot of cartoons after school and liked to spend my allowance on sweets and potato chips. I knew many of my friends were thinner, but it was never a big enough deal for me to change any of my lazy ways. I think I am ok as an adult.
Anon
This is partly a husband problem not a kid problem. You both need to be on the same page about not letting him quit. I’d also tell the kid that he can pick his activity each season, but he has to go. Gently, he’s not learning to deal with criticism because you’re letting him quit whenever it’s present.
AIMS
This was me as a kid in some ways. My mom enrolled me in every class and I complained about all of them. In retrospect I still got a lot out of it and I suspect I’m a lot healthier and more fit as a result. And while I am never going to be one for group fitness classes, I do love hikes and walking etc. So maybe your son will get into that too. I’ve also always done better with one on one instruction so maybe look into something where your son can be one on one even if it’s maybe with a personal trainer type person who will just encourage him to just be active for an hour.
Anon
I don’t know, I’d work on the not taking criticism thing. That seems like a more important life skill for your kid to learn.
Anon
My son wasn’t interested in any organized sports or exercising as in working out, but he joined the Boy Scouts and absolutely loved hiking and backpacking. He also likes canoeing.
The truth is, you have to stop pushing. Let him find his own interests. He’s never going to do it if it’s all about you ordering him to do it.
No Face
+1 Stop signing him up for activities. He is not that kid. You cannot make him that kid.
Tell him he needs to be involved in 1 activity and let him pick. At that age, I did theatre at school. Otherwise, I read a million novels and played video games. I didn’t really exercise until I went to college, and I worked out when I felt like it.
Give him healthy foods, cut down on the snacks, and enjoy the time you have left with your kid while he is still at home.
Anonymous
(Agree this sounds like a DH problem, but). Those are mostly team sports. Would he do better with something individual? I hated team sports. I loved horseback riding (note: this is an expensive solution to this problem).
Or, if he likes video games normally, Pokemon Go? Do people still play that?
Anon
It’s ok just to play. Playing in a pool is still good exercise without swimming laps. Does he have friends that he could play man hunt or something with at dusk? Do you live in an area where he and his friends can walk or bike around?
Anonymous
I disagree with the people who are saying you have to stop pushing.
We were told we had to be doing 1 active activity at all time but could pick. We are not a naturally athletic family. I was NOT good. But even as an adult, while I don’t work out as much as I should, there’s some base coding from that that I need to not be fully sedentary.
(Ditto that this is also a husband issue.)
Nom
You will think I’m joking, but any chance you could get him interested in Pokemon Go? There are built in game mechanics that reward walking, and it’s actually in line with one of his interests (video games).
I wouldn’t pressure him to do activities that he dislikes (like sports), or try to get him to do “hard core! get in shape!” exercise. If he finds a way to enjoy getting outside and walking around that’s enough. Do not focus on weight/size at ALL, it can cause lasting damage even when genuinely well-intentioned.
There is a huge Pokemon Go community where I live, people come out and enjoy interacting for community events. Lots of families play together, and I see tons of kids your son’s age playing together outside. Even in a small town there will be enough options for playing (my town is 50-75k, depending on if you include the whole county), and a side bonus if you like doing day trips is that it also rewards exploring new places.
anonshmanon
If he is too grown up for Pokemon go, geocaching will fit the bill similarly.
Nom
Good point, geocaching is another great option!
(I am a big nerd and in my late 30s I am still not too old for Pokemon Go, but depending on his peer group/personality he feel like he’s too old for it, lol)
Anonymous
Oh! I tried Pokémon go in like 2017/2018 and there was zero activity in my neighborhood – might there be more now? Or on hiking trails or does it need to be in a city for Wi-Fi or whatever?
I forgot about geocaching too, great point.
(I actually just signed him up for ice skating lessons too after he agreed to try.)
Nom
Pokemon Go keeps growing, there are more and more stops every day, so there may be a lot more activity in your neighborhood now. Most public parks will have at least one stop, and probably a lot more than that. If you’re on a backpacking trip in backcountry wilderness then yeah, of course that’s not gonna work. But as long as you have a data signal, you can play Pokemon Go.
This does mean giving your kid a mobile device with internet access, and I know there are lots of different levels of comfort with that. There are built in parental controls (and no in-game messaging), and kids can play on wifi in areas where it’s available, instead of using a mobile data connection. My cousin’s kiddos (8yo & 10yo) mostly use wifi to play on an iPad in their neighborhood & the at library, but they have a mobile hotspot that they use on walks and at community days (obv with parents or other adults).
Sorry for the delay responding, hopefully this is still helpful. Good luck with the ice skating! And if it turns out that Pokemon isn’t for him, I have a couple other video game-inspired ideas, but PoGo is an easy, super accessible place to start.
Nom
Also if your husband says he wants to do long walks with your son, then they can use those walks to play Pokemon. Then it’s a fun activity they do together, not a slog or boring obligation.
Anon
I don’t have kids, so won’t comment on the parenting aspect. But, FWIW, I was also a whiner as a kid and begged to quit multiple activities. My parents did make me stick things out for 1-3 years for the most part but would eventually let me quit. Now, as an adult, I sincerely wish they had pushed me harder! Ironically, my dad felt the same way about his mom growing up (and then preceded to still be more along the lines of your husband, although not nearly as egregious).
Walnut
I don’t know, my oldest who abhors cleaning will happily go outside and ride his bike if I threaten any sort of cleaning task.
Anon
I would as a kid (and still will) sweat my a** off mowing the yard, shoveling snow, hauling wood or anything else heavy & outdoors over laundry, housecleaning and the like.
IL
Yeah, DH’s exercise routine is the 6+ hours of yardwork he does each weekend. Your son is at the age he can start offering to do neighbor’s yards and charge them. Maybe getting paid would be the motivation he needs at this stage? All I’m saying is an activity doesn’t have to be a hobby to be exercise.
Anon
Your kid is embarrassed at all these organized sporting events because he is overweight and not good at the sport and likely gets teased. He may also have social anxiety. Please do not make him go, unless you want him to resent you greatly in his teen years. If the solution was that he would go on hikes/walks, why does your husband have to go with him? Why can’t you?
LaurenB
Can he just ride a bike? Climb trees? I felt my kids got enough exercise with that without requiring a specific sport. Also, keep in mind you’re trying to build good life habits. Adults typically don’t get fit with team sports (doesn’t fit into their lifestyles) which is why historical gym classes were so useless.
Trish
Maybe he would enjoy dance or theater more? My only exercise was marching band
KJ
Rock climbing? Super fun, great workout, he will get better naturally, but doesn’t have to worry about ‘being good’ or being critiqued generally, as long as he’s not on a super serious competition team or something.