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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 204 Comments · by

Coffee Break – Fiorenza Pump

Coffee Break

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Sam Edelman FiorenzaThese shoes are available elsewhere (and for cheaper), but it's remarkable — they're almost all sold out. Size 5 and size 8, lucky you! But 6pm has a big collection of them — in 3 colors and lots of sizes. I like these almost purpley “truffle” shoes — I'd wear them with brown, navy, or black. Ooh, and I love that little embellishment on the heel. They're $85 at 6pm.com in truffle, red “flamingo,” and a lovely “putty suede.” Sam Edelman – Fiorenza (Truffle) – Footwear (L-3)

Sales of note for 9.30.24

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About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. b23

    Okay, this is kind of a silly question, but would you think it’s rude if someone didn’t say “How are you?” back when you asked? I really hate the little exchange people have in the hall: “Hi, how are you?” “Good, how are you?” “Good.” And no one even really thinks about their answers or listens to the other person’s answers.

    So I have trained myself pretty much never to ask someone how he or she is when we’re just in passing. I just answer, “Good, thanks,” and move on. Is that rude?

    • KC

      I don’t think it’s rude, but that’s because i generally hate small talk and understand that when people ask that, they probably don’t really care how you are, they just dont want to ignore you. I usually don’t even say “how are you” – i just say hi or hello. no questions, no answers…if you really care, stop by my office for a chat.

    • RussiaRepeat

      I take a weird enjoyment from the mismatch that can happen when two people have different “in passing” habits:

      me: “hey, what’s up?”
      you: “good, thanks”
      Both walk away and think, huh?

      To actually answer your question, “good thanks” is fine.

    • Susan

      It’s not rude, and I have friends from other (English-speaking) countries who tell me it’s acutally rude to say “How are you?” as a proxy for “Hi!”

      They tell me that it’s because a drive-by “How are you?” is insincere, as the people who say it aren’t actually interested in how the person is doing. These were friends from London and various parts of Australia, btw.

      • Amelia Bedelia

        from the UK and completely agree. It is generally not done and I had a hard time with this “how are you” practice when I moved to America.

      • Cornellian

        This may also be a class/regional thing? I grew up lower/working class in Philadelphia and had problems in BigLaw when I took this as an actual question and responded accordingly.

      • Mel

        This is so interesting. I do this — say “how are you” instead of “hello” — all the time. It never occurred to me that it could be construed as rude or insincere. Good to know.

      • Anonymous Poser

        I am from the US, and though it’s common for people to say (yes, “say”) “How are you”, when they mean “Hello”, I do find it insincere and so also rude. I am glad I am not alone in feeling this way.

    • Jacqueline

      Not rude at all. I hate the exchanges, too. I always at least say “hi” or smile if I know the person, though. I hate when people I know just pretend to not see me because we’ve passed each other earlier in the day!

      Ah, office etiquette.

      • b23

        Yeah, I agree. I always say hi or smile, I just don’t like the “How are you?” part.

        Office etiquette is the worst.

    • Bonnie

      I really hate these short exchanges in the elevator. Do people expect a real answer in the seconds between our floors?

      I do really like these shoes. PSA: lastcall dot com is having a great sale.

    • JessC

      I wouldn’t find that answer rude, but I also find the ubiquitous “how are you?” asked in passing obnoxious as most people don’t seem to give a crap as to the answer…

    • Anon

      I also hate –

      When someone walks past my office and says “Hey Anon” without stopping or even breaking stride. Leaving me with two options: 1) no response, which seems rude, or 2) yelling “Hey Name” as they are already a good 5 feet past my office door, which makes ME feel like the moron.

      • MJ

        Co-sign. I work with several people who do the drive by “Hi ‘MJ'” which generally startles me, takes me a minute to figure out who said it (of the handful that do) and makes me wonder why you’d do that to anyone, ever? Do they whiz by everyone’s office and do that? Just mine? I usually can’t figure out who it was before their out of my line of vision, as my screen does not face the door. So weird and distracting!!!

    • layered bob

      I’ve noticed in certain geographical areas (small pockets in Mississippi and Arkansas are all I’m familiar with, in contrast to my native upper-Midwest), it’s expected to respond to “how are you?” or “how’re you doing?” with “how are you?,” and that completes the exchange.

      • Lyssa

        Although he’s certainly not from either of those areas, I can’t help but read that in the Joey Tribiani (sp?) voice – “How you doin’?”

    • karenpadi

      And this is why I use “good morning” and “good afternoon” at work–I learned it from a partner at my former firm. Yes, it’s more formal but it’s so much easier than the “how are you?”/ “What’s up?” exchange.

      • Senior Attorney

        Me, too.

        And also? The proper response to “Thank you” is “you’re welcome.”

    • anon

      I’m very surprised at all the commenters who thinking that saying “How are you” is rude. “How are you” is a modern version of the older “How do you do.” It’s a greeting, not a personal question. It’s not insincere to ask it, because it is not and never was SUPPOSED to be a personal question, and thus doesn’t require any answer beyond “I’m well, thank you.” Indeed, anyone who answered otherwise would be the rude one. Like many other things, it’s a form of ettiquette that may not make “sense” (why does the fork go on the left?) but it is what it is.

      • Anonnc

        I’m surprised too. And I’m a city-dweller who was born and bred in the northeast.

      • AT

        I have had lengthy conversations with my non-American colleagues about this, and I think that the non-native English speakers are the ones who most take offense (if at all), both because they interpret the phrase literally as a question and are put off by the lack of give/take in what they perceive to be an inquiry, and because in certain of their cultures much more emphasis is put on the formality of greetings and the importance of sufficient engagement before moving on (to either walk away, or get to the topic of conversation). That said, having worked with Americans for some time, they now joke about the fly-by “how are you” without any opportunity to respond as an American-ism.

        • KS

          In Japan, the equivalent greeting translates as “Where are you going?” I lived in Japan many years ago, and when I first arrived, I would actually answer the question, until I realized that I was holding people up by taking the question literally! I quickly learned that I was just supposed to say “I’m heading that-a-way” and move on.

      • Gail the Goldfish

        Ah, but there is a reason for the fork to go on the left: utensils go on the side of the hand you use them with, and in older, continental style dining (European style), you don’t transfer the fork from the left hand to the right after you have picked up a piece of food.

        I wonder how much space in my brain useless trivia like that is taking up. Though I never forget which side utensils go on as a result.

      • baylaw

        Also surprised… I would think the person who didn’t respond was being rude.

    • TCFKAG

      This is somewhat unrelated, but when I lived in Italy for a period of time, and someone would ask me how I was, I would answer “cosi cosi” which some text book or dictionary had told me meant “okay” — sort of like “How are you” and if someone answered “Oh okay” as in nothing terrible, nothing awful…just okay.

      Well, it was only like, a month in when someone told me that this was like saying I was on deaths door in casual conversation. After that, I stuck with va bene.

      I also enjoy immensely when your automatic response does not answer the routine question. “Hey, what’s up” “Okay — and you”. That one get’s me giggling every time.

      Or at a movie theater when the popcorn person says “Enjoy the show” and you say “You too.” I always apologize, but it also just is so funny the way that verbal ticks are insanely insanely hard to break.

      • BigLaw Optimist

        My husband and I are big proponents of saying “Take luck!” after ever slip like this (usually when the cabdriver at the airport says have a nice flight and we say “you too!”). It gives us the giggles … any other Brian Regan fans in c-rette land?

  2. Ellen

    I totaly love the pump’s but I have a dillemna that I REALLY need the HIVEs input.

    The manageing partner asked me if I would go as a date with his nephew, Harold, to his post college gradueation party here in NYC. The dillemna I have is that Frank is alot younger then me (he’s only about 22 I think) and he want’s to come to the party with a profesional type like me b/c he wants to impress his freinds (who are probabley also just gradueated from school and now liveing in the City near me. He is also kinda nerdy.

    While I normally would not object that much, in Harolds’ case, whenever he come’s by to see the manageing partner, they always whisper and smile and also are lookeing at me the WHOLE time from the manageing partners’ office. I do NOT know exactely what they are saying, but somehow I think it is sexeual in nature b/c the manageing partner winks alot at me when they are toegether. I think Harold probabely also is telling his freinds all about me ahead of time, and I do NOT want them all oggleing me like he and the manageing partner do, thinkeing that we do stuff when I hardely even know the guy.

    The worst thing is Harold moved in to an apartement only 5 block’s away from me, so I am sure to run into him alot now. FOOEY!

    What should I tell the manageing partner? I know he knows I am going to be in town, b/c my Hamton’s share fell thru. HELP!

    • eek

      Sorry about your Hamton’s share. At least now you don’t have to get your toosh in shape, right? You never know, maybe Harold likes a tuchas and there’s nothing wrong with being a cougar. Maybe the manageing partner will give you a raise? And I also think you should buy a dress from the Lord & Taylor’s that you can wear to the weddeing so that the manageing partner will pay his 20%.

      • Lourine

        Why feel sorry for her? She has a job, a prominent tuchus, and multiple men who are all longing after her. While I have none of the above, I am much prettier than her, and can spell. The fact that I have some education but still cannot get a decent job is a sad commentary on today’s testosterone driven society. I will agree with her on one thing. Fooey!

    • Godzilla

      As long as Harolde is not a DOOSH, why not? You’re not getting any younger, dear.

    • Susan

      My condolences, this is like an ersatz version of that creepy Patek Philippe ad, where the father gazes possessively at some woman (his mistress?) while his son is present.

      I wonder if the manageing partner whispered: “You never actually own an ELLEN. You merely look after it for the next generation.”

  3. Blonde Lawyer

    Kat, I just won’t to thank you for linking to Pocket in your post about working from home yesterday. I waste SO MUCH TIME reading link after link after link of interesting stuff because I don’t want to miss out on the article or forget where I saw it later. I’m already so much more productive because I can break the cycle and just save the first interesting one to pocket. Yay!

    Now, anyone figure out how you read stuff from pocket offline on a laptop or netbook? I haven’t had time to do enough googling to figure it out.

  4. Anon Analyst

    A food/cooking related TJ b/c I couldn’t wait for the open thread on Friday. :-)

    Do you meal plan and cook dinner every night?

    I do my best to plan meals and cook Monday – Friday, but some weeks are better than others. If I don’t cook, we’ll usually get carry out. I would be happy eating a bowl of cereal for dinner, but Mr. Analyst doesn’t agree. We don’t have kids, so it’s not too expensive to eat out every now and then.

    I don’t mind the cooking part, b/c I enjoy eating a home cooked meal, but sometimes it takes forever and we don’t eat until 9 or 10. I usually get home around 5:30 to 6 and I’ll feed the kitties and play with them and do some other household chores and suddenly it’s 7:30 and I haven’t started dinner yet. I do like to just sit down and relax for a little bit once I get home instead of jumping into the kitchen, so I know that sucks up some time.

    I’m just curious how others balance working all day and then coming home to feed a family.

    • b23

      This is a great question! I cook every night Monday through Thursday unless there’s some specific event we have. The only way I manage is to plan all of our meals on Sunday and go to the grocery store. I always have a very detailed list. I also bring the leftovers with me to work, and I only like certain foods as leftovers, so it actually takes quite a bit of planning to get enough leftovers for every day of the week.

      We also regularly end up eating late. 9:00 is the norm, pretty much never before that and sometimes after. We work out after work, and I get home at about 7:00, so there you go. I don’t know how kids will fit into that schedule! It does sound like you need to get some quicker recipes, though. Rachael Ray is a life saver!

      By the way, I saw someone mention on the earlier thread that eating late is bad for you, but that’s actually been proven as the biggest dieting myth out there. Google “diet myths” and you’ll see it. There’s no reason your body would treat calories different at night or otherwise. My MD husband told me that, and I just didn’t believe him until I researched it.

      • b23

        We also cook on Sunday nights and usually at least one other weekend meal, usually a dinner on Friday night, sometimes including having friends over. Cooking together is our thing.

        • Jo March

          Samesies. I love cooking together. It does make for late meals, but it’s some of our best quality time!

    • AnonInfinity

      Unless my husband gets to come home early one day, we don’t ever make meals that take more than 20-30 minutes from start to finish. That means we usually eat at around 8, but that’s ok.

      We also usually make a dish that will have leftovers so we have the same thing for dinner 2 nights in a row, and that speeds things up a lot.

      • b23

        How long do y’all think leftovers last? Like if you cook something on Monday night, what is the last day you would eat it? (I’m talking about whole grain pasta with sun dried tomatoes and no meat here, but any general principles would be helpful.)

        • DC Jenny

          For as long as it smells all right and doesn’t have anything growing on it. Am I gross?

        • AnonInfinity

          If we cooked it on Monday, Wednesday would be the latest we’d eat it. But we are majorly paranoid like that.

        • Lyssa

          In theory, I say a week. In action, a week is when I start getting concerned about it and thinking that I should really use that up, and 2 weeks is the max, unless it gets smelly or grows something beforehand.

          Yes, I am that gross. But I’ve never gotten sick from food as far as I can tell.

    • JJ

      In my previous, child-less life, I cooked dinner almost every night of the week. (Not so much, now). The secret was finding stuff that wasn’t too time-consuming to cook or using leftovers in a new way. For example, I’d cook four chicken breasts on Monday night. Use some in fajitas on Monday, maybe pasta or quesadillas on Tuesday, etc. I also perfected a few recipes that I can do on auto-pilot in about 3o minutes: aforementioned fajitas, quesadillas, various pastas, chicken and rice, etc.

      My husband always has to have a protein with his meal, but for even quicker meals when alone, I would just do a veggie fried rice with microwave in a bag rice or something similar. Japanese, Vietnamese, and Thai foods are pretty quick to whip up once you have the necessary pantry staples, too.

    • a.k.

      I try to meal plan for 3-4 nights each week, including weekends. I usually make a big batch of something (soup/crockpot dish in the winter; grilled meats in the summer) that will turn into at least a couple of meals. Then one night we usually meet up with friends or do happy hour/light dinner out. I am fortunate that we are both perfectly happy with deli-meat sandwiches and a bag of steamfresh veggies. A typical week for us (just me and DH) this summer looks like this:
      Sun-grilled chicken & veggies
      Mon-pasta salad or veggie wraps (Meatless Monday)
      Tues – something with the grilled chicken, either pure reruns or made into a stir-fry or quesadilla
      Weds – out with friends
      Thurs – a planned meal (usually a recipe I’ve seen I want to try), or sandwiches
      Fri – leftovers or out with friends
      Saturdays are usually brunch-at-home day, and then we’ll forage any leftovers for a second meal. We end up not eating too much on the weekends.

      • a.k.

        I should add that we often eat between 8:30 and 9, and I am the queen of speedy weeknight meals. (Thank you, Cooks Illustrated Best 30-Minute Recipe!)

      • Flamingo

        I feel like I should say from the get go that I’m fairly new to cooking. That said, this is pretty similar to our approach. We cook something that will give us leftovers to use in a different meal the next day. So for example, on Sunday I will cook what we will eat for dinner on Monday and Tuesday, and then on Wednesday night I will make whatever we are having for dinner on Wednesday and Thursday. I try to mix up the salad or veggie we are having on the side so that Mr. Flamingo does not feel like we are having the exact same thing. We’ve been doing this for a couple of months with good results.

        Kat had done a previous post about her freezing method that was very helpful with meal planning. If I have extra time one day, I’ll try to make some dish that we can freeze and use in a pinch. Something else that I’ve been trying to do is learn what the best way to freeze things is. I used to cook whatever and just throw it in a freezer container and call it done, but sometimes that does not work so well with meat. Now, there are some things where I will prep the meat with the marinade and freeze it and all I need to do is thaw in the fridge that morning and then throw on the grill pan that evening. Taking the prep work out of the weeknight has saved us some time.

    • 312

      I recently signed up for an E-meals membership through Groupon and I’m really liking it. They email you a 7 day meal plan once a week. Some of them are of course gross, but once you get your favorites in and then one or two new recipes from the e-meals, it’s nice to round out the week.

    • Anon Analyst

      Thanks for the responses! Glad to see I’m not the only one who eats late. I’ll have to try planning more meals where I can reuse components for another meal.

      Last week I made up a couple of different marinades for chicken and froze the chicken with the marinade. For one of my meals this week I’m going to just defrost the chicken and throw it on the grill.

      a.k – I have the Cooks Illustrated Cooking for Two Books and I love them. I’ll have to check out the 30 Minute Meals book.

      • DC Jenny

        I use the Cook’s Illustrated 30 Minute meals at least once a week. It is fantastic! I also like the Everyday Food 30 Minute cookbook and Nigella Lawson’s Express book, but the CI one definitely gets the most use. Their Slow-Cooker Revolution book is also great if you want to venture into crockpot territory.

        • Research, Not Law

          Another rave for Slow-Cooker Revolution. Husband snubs his nose at ‘crockpot’ meals, but the recipes are just as great as their more elaborate recipes. Love that they highlight the quick-prep ones.

          Their ‘Slow Food’ (or something like that) book is also really good. It has some crockpot meals and lots of yummy oven roasts, braises, etc. We like them for weekends when we can do more prep than a weekday but still want to be free for activities. Plus, it all makes good-for-reheating weekday lunches.

        • JJ

          OMG, the Slow Cooker Revolution is my most heavily used cookbook. I use it probably every other week.

        • CW

          I just wrote this below, but check out Wegman’s slow cooker beef minestrone recipe (only modification, substitute frozen spinach for the fresh). So freaking delicious.

        • MissJackson

          Thanks for these recommendations. Both CI 30 Minute Meals and Slow-Cooker Revolution are en route to me now :) I’m so sick of eating tacos, and hopefully this will help!

          My husband (the main cook at our house) has the maddening “rule” that he buys whatever meat is on sale that week at the grocery store. Which means that it’s practically impossible to plan meals ahead of time. (Never mind that what’s on sale isn’t necessarily the cheapest anyway, and also never mind that we routinely spend $150 on groceries per week for 2 people so it’s hardly like we’re counting pennies.) We spend a lot of time looking frustrated and googling things on our iPhones from the grocery store. He also think that dinner = meat (and rarely do we even have a side dish unless I initiate it). Maybe this will be exactly the right dose of inspiration. I’m going to have to tackle his stance on sale meat, though…

    • Quiche

      We plan our meals for the week on Sunday, and almost every week we only plan 2 things. So Sunday-Wednesday are one meal and Thursday-Saturday are another meal. Our meals are usually easy things to heat up during the week (pasta, soup, any type of casserole) or something super easy to cook during the week (like stir fry or burritos, we spend one night chopping everything and then you just cook the rice and veggies at the same time so it takes 25 minutes start to finish on cooking nights). Our #1 rule for weeknight cooking is that it can’t take more than 30 minutes, including prep.

    • Wordy

      I cook 5/6 nights out of 7. I don’t have much of a choice — I have three kids and not-great takeout options in my neighborhood.

      I plan everything on Sunday, shop for the week, and then post the meal schedule on the fridge. I like to cook different things and so constantly adding new recipes — but I have about 30-40 recipes in heavy rotation that take an hour or less.

      Usually I’m home around 5:30 and goal is to feed children between 6:30 and 7:00. They eat at the kitchen counter and while they are eating, I can be working on my husband’s and my dinner if it’s something different, working on the next night’s dinner if I am making something more time-consuming, or just chatting with them. My husband and I eat together after the kids are in bed/upstairs, so never before 8:15 or so, sometimes as late as 9:30 — it just is what it is.

      So a sample night might be: kids eat Trader Joes fish sticks w/ a fruit and vegetable and my husband and I have a main course salad, and I do the chopping and prepare the meat (if it’s a steak salad, for example), while they eat. Or another night, we all have gumbo, which I’ve made the night before, doing the prep work while they were eating.

      It is a lot of organizing and thinking ahead, but cooking is stress relief for me and I’ve got a kitchen setup that the kids can either be doing homework at the counter or playing in the same room while I’m cooking. And most of the recipes are things I’ve made several dozen times before so have a very clear idea of exactly how long it takes. It has helped a lot that as my kids have grown up, their tastes have expanded so they (mostly) eat what my husband and I do now.

      The worst part is organizing on Sunday and doing the shopping. I hate figuring out what we’re going to eat, although the execution doesn’t bother me! And it does not bother me at all how late my husband and I eat — he’s always had jobs in which he’s worked late, so we’ve always eaten on the late side, which gives me time to decompress when I get home. Most nights I don’t have to jump right in to cooking.

    • AIMS

      We cook 3-4 night a week, on average. It’s much easier now than when we first started b/c we have figured out what works best and have our go-tos. We rarely plan it out unless we order Fresh Direct, which forces the issue.

      Usually, it’s just a matter of rotating through favorites. I also find it helps to have some easy no-cook standbys on hand. For instance, I hoard Trader Joe’s frozen veggie gyoza so that if I have no time to cook or am feeling lazy, I can throw those on the stove, add a quick salad, and have dinner in less than 10 min. In general, Trader Joe’s is great for saving time: many of their veggies are pre-washed, chopped, etc., so it takes no time to cook them since all the prep is already done.

      If I have spare time on the weekends, I’ll make something easy to reheat like ratatouille and, voila, easy dinner with zero weeknight effort. I know some people cook a lot in advance and store extra dinners in the freezer, but I just don’t have that much room.

    • AnnonDiva

      Fun question, I will chime in. I am single and live alone, so this may not scale with kids+hubby. I usually cook large meals on weekends and re-heat leftovers on weekdays. I get home at 7 pm when early or after 9 pm, not much mood to cook from scratch. This is also an attempt to eat healthy+ save money , last year I was eating chipotle/qdobas/subway at least 3 nights. We get free lunch served at work (i.e always eat at desk), so I don’t have to worry about that.
      For example, this Sunday night I made a fish dish with 1 lb tilapia, tofu/spinach curry and another lentil stew with zuchinni/yellow squash/carrots/raddish. Enough to last me rest of the week and more. I make some rice/quinoa or store bought pita/flatbread to go with the above dishes on the weekdays. Friday and Saturday are usually eat out days.

    • Research, Not Law

      In our pre-kids life, we went to the gym after work and either ate out or went to the grocery store afterwards. We both like to cook, so going without a plan was fun. We snacked and drank wine while we cooked together, so a 9:30 pm dinner was no big deal.

      When baby #1 arrived, we started doing more freezer meals on the weekends to handle about half the weekday meals and figured out the rest during the day with one of us going to the store and starting cooking while the other did daycare pick up. (Notice that they gym time got dropped? Yeah, we did, too.)

      We started meal planning once baby #2 arrived. What a difference! It’s really been helpful. We waste less food/money, eat on time, and simply don’t have the stress of figuring out a healthy, balanced, quick dinner when we’re exhausted and the clock is ticking.

      We typically meal plan for four workdays and one day is leftovers, take out, or something super easy (like scrambled eggs and toast easy). Since we like to cook, weekends are mostly off the cuff, but we also use them to prep items for the week. Agree that re-using ‘leftovers’ and ingredients is key. We build meals off our freezer stash, fresh produce in season, prepared items, and quick/easy items – so it’s one part leftover, one part ‘cheated,’ and one part freshly made. We plan and do most shopping at one time on the weekend, with usually one mid-week quick trip for fresh items.

      Example menu:
      Sun: Ham with fixin’s, since we’ve got the time.
      Mon: Purchased rotisserie chicken, leftover sides or easy sides like canned green beans or steamed broccoli and orzo.
      Tues: Omelets with leftover ham and farmer’s market veggies.
      Wed: Tacos with crockpot carnitas, fresh toppings (could be home prepped, could be storebought fresh salsa and guacamole), boxed or frozen homemade Mexican rice, and canned or frozen homemade beans.
      Thurs: Salad mix with leftover rotisserie chicken and misc veggies.
      Fri: Pulled pork sandwiches with reincarnated carnitas, sauce, and homemade coleslaw.
      Sat: Double-batch of something for the freezer.

    • eek

      Yeah, prepping/cooking food can suck up a lot of time, so if you can change, prep and then play/clean while the food is cooking, that will free up a little time (food cooking while you’re doing something else). It’s hard to get moving again when you’re relaxed.

      Also, do you have a grill? You didn’t mention if Mr. Analyst is helpful in the kitchen – perhaps he can grill some kebabs or something. AnonInfinity is right; it also helps to start the week off with something that can turn into other meals or leftovers. Like a roast chicken to eat (if you’re not vegetarian) which can turn into chicken soup, peanut chicken w/ rice noodles, enchiladas, etc. A lot of things can be made in advance and reheated (mashed potatoes, spaghetti sauce, etc.), so think about that too.

      I also agree with b23 – having a menu w/ purchased ingredients is really helpful. Then you don’t have to think too much.

      • Bean

        Ditto on grilling. We stocked up on Penzeys spices and now grill several times a week (somehow, the yummy seasonings made the difference!). SO grills while I make couscous/quinoa/roasted potatoes and a veggie/salad, and dinner is ready in less than 30 minutes.

        • sugarMag

          I love Penzey’s – especially Mural of Flavor. I swear putting that on any meal makes it delicious. Yum!

    • SF Bay Associate

      I *love* this thread and am taking notes. We both get home after 8pm and really don’t feel like cooking, but want to eat more healthfully and frugally than eating out too often. The only meal planning skill we’ve managed so far is big cooking on Sunday with reincarnated prepped ingredients/leftovers for M, T, and maybe W. Not sure what to do about Th or F yet.

      • NOLA

        When I was married, Thursday night was omelet night because we had run out of leftovers. We made a big mushroom omelet and some fabulous whole grain toast and called it dinner.

    • Anon Analyst

      Lots of great suggestions. Thanks all! I’m definitely going to check out the other Cooks Illustrated books.

      We do have a grill and I’ve been using that a lot this summer

      For food prep, I chop onions, garlic and other veggies and keep them in my fridge in mason jars I found at Wal Mart.

      Our kitchen is not huge, so I prefer to cook by myself. With two people we end up bumping into each other and it gets kind of cramped.

      A while back I talked to someone on the other end of the spectrum – she said she never cooks and doesn’t remember the last time she used the stove. I was just fascinated by that b/c I couldn’t imagine eating out every day.

      When I’m super organized, I use a spreadsheet for meal planning. One tab has a calendar and I write down what we’re having each day. And on another tab I keep a list of ingredients I need for the week.

    • CKB

      Well, I’m pretty lucky in that dh gets home around 4:45 and is able to start dinner. He pulls meat or spagetti sauce out of the freezer that morning before heading to work and never cooks something that takes more than about 30 minutes to prepare. Dinner is ready or almost ready when I get home at 5:15. We have 3 kids, btw.

      On nights that are our craziest nights with activities for the kids (usually Tuesdays) we use our crock pot. Defrost meat the night before, throw the meat with some veggies & a sauce in the next morning, and away we go. Or prep a stew the night before & turn it on in the morning.

      I make sure there is always homemade spagetti sauce in the freezer, and usually we have chili ready to be defrosted as well, although the youngest 2 don’t like chili, unfortunately. And at least once a week we eat out. Tonight, for example, we don’t have any activities for the kids, but ds#3 has a dentist appt at 5pm so we’re ordering pizza. Just easier.

      • anon

        What about people who get home later–do any of you out there cook? I usually get home between 9 and 10:30 (NYC, so we’re on a later schedule). I used to cook when I was in school but I never do now that I get home so late, and I really miss it. I like Kat’s freezing method but after day #3 of eating the same meal it gets old. I need some inspiration!

        • JT

          I can’t eat the same thing more than two days in a row, so I try to keep four or five different dishes in the freezer (more in the winter – in the summer, I eat a lot of protein plus salad). So on Sunday I might have three things going – one chicken chili, one beef stew, and maybe a roast or a whole chicken in the oven. I’ll package individual servings of the chili and stew and freeze them, leaving out enough for one dinner of each. We’ll have the roasted meat that night, and for lunches the next few days, the chili the next night, then the stew, maybe order in the following night, another frozen dinner Thursday, then we go out on weekends. I might make different freezer meals the next weekend even though I still have from the week before, which puts more variety into the rotation.

    • naijamodel

      I do what my mother did – I cook on the weekends, and side dishes only during the week. Basically I make at least 2 large dishes that I will alternate between for lunch and dinner all week. I usually have a waffle for breakfast, and yoghurt and cereal for an afternoon snack – so lunch and dinner are large meals e.g. jollof rice, plantains, sauteed cabbage, chicken. And I would cook the rice, the cabbage and the chicken on the weekends.

      The ONLY thing I will cook during the week that is a full meal is a stirfry – and I have prepped the vegetables the night before. If I didn’t have a rice cooker, I may not even do that lol. I’m not a fan of anything that gets in the way of my workout and lounging after work.

    • Herbie

      Okay, I clearly am a single person. I had a peach for dinner last night.

      I love cooking, but I rarely do it on weeknights. When I don’t get home until past 7 yet have to be in bed by 11 (in order not to be a total zombie the next day), yet would still like to (a) work out or (b) do something else enjoyable, cooking falls to the wayside.

    • anonahol

      “I would be happy eating a bowl of cereal for dinner, but Mr. Analyst doesn’t agree.”

      story of my life! Husband feels the need to cook a five-star meal every night, which is lovely, but means we eat at 9:00 p.m. and then he goes, “What happened to the evening?”

      Agreed about being unsure how kids will fit in. My co-worker has her nanny feed her daughter around 5. Then she and her husband eat after the kid’s in bed (which allows her to spend a few hours with her daughter in the evening, rather than spending the whole time cooking/eating/cleaning).

      I think I will need to convince my husband that Baby Anonahol will not need Michelin-quality food every night of the week.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I’m a terrible cook. Seriously, I can make baked chicken breasts and really basic stir fry and that’s about it. My boyfriend or roommate tends to cook for me, and I bake in exchange. I’ve been working so much that I typically bake something on the weekend and sometimes one day mid-week if I have time. I’m not normally home early enough for dinner during the week though so I’ve been taking yogurt and hard boiled eggs to work for breakfast, eating lunch at work (chicken and rice with vegetables from a less-unhealthy chain near my office), and then have a little bit of the boyfriend’s or roommate’s leftovers when I get there after work. I’ve talked to both of them and they are more than happy to cook in exchange for my baking, so that works out perfectly for us.

      • TBK

        I used to have a pretty good arsenal of meals back when I was single. But I didn’t cook much meat for myself and am a big fan of rice, quinoa, and lentils, all of which Mr. TBK does not like. He also doesn’t like pasta or potatoes. He does, however, like meat (he’s the type who doesn’t think it’s a meal if meat isn’t involved, even at breakfast). My repetoire is now pretty limited and I really wish I had more slow cooker/freezer-friendly options. I do a lot of chili and, when it’s cold out, my own version of beef (or goat, or lamb, or venison) stew. Now that it’s summer, though, Mr. is doing a lot of grilling – hooray! Mr. also recently realized he does like some curries (although he doesn’t like putting them on rice so really he likes them as a different type of meat stew) so I might see if I can pull together some curry recipes since they do well in both the freezer and the slow cooker. By the way, I recently saw a very good idea online. You pick three or four slow cooker recipes and buy all the ingredients. Then you prep all of them at once. You get a big zipped freezer bag for each recipe and, using a Sharpie, write the name of the recipe and all the instructions (but not ingredient list) on the bag. You put all the prepped ingredients in the bag (including liquids like stock or wine — but not water) and freeze it. Then you can pull out a bag in the morning, empty the whole thing into a slow cooker (plus any water that’s required), and voila! Dinner when you get home. Definitely want to try this.

    • Susan

      On Sunday mornings, I buy lots of fresh vegetables, plus onions, garlic, ginger, scallions, carrots, and celery. I also buy several containers of chicken (usually deboned thighs as I find the chicken breasts to be boring and too easily dried out if I leave them in the oven a smidgen too long.)

      At some point in the afternoon, I put on some music (or ask DH to hang around the kitchen so we can chitchat) while I chop everything up. Everything goes into a ziploc bag and into the freezer. Then, I bake the chicken in the oven and stow all of it in tupperware once it cools.

      And then we go out to dinner! I love going out to dinner on Sunday night! :-)

      For Monday-Thursday evening, I make:
      (1) stir-fries with the frozen chopped up veggies and chicken. I have many jars of interesting sauces (most from a nearby Asian food mart), mustards, and spices, to change things up or
      (2) noodle bowls with these pre-prepped ingredients
      (3) omelets with these ingredients

      Buying a rice cooker was one of the best decisions ever. I’ll also make the mid-week grocery store run to get hummus, baba ghanouj, olives, and pita bread, just to break up the routine a bit. If Week 1, I buy hummus/pita, for Week 2, I’ll buy hand-made (but not by me) ravioli, and for Week 3, sometimes, I’ll get salmon to grill or broil, just to change up the protein source.

    • CW

      I rarely cook on weeknights anymore, unfortunately. If I bill over a certain number of hours in a day I get a subsidy towards dinner, and I have been mostly meeting that threshold for the past 3+ months. Which translates to a lot of takeout. I try to stay relatively healthy though – mostly salads – and when I do wind up cooking, it has to be really, really easy. I actually mostly find it difficult to cook because of face time. I work on a team that thinks you’re a slacker if you leave before 8pm, and if I get home past 8pm, I’m most likely not cooking.

      My husband will periodically cook (and we do love our crockpot — check out Wegman’s beef minestrone. to.die.for), but he has the same timing issue with my work.

    • TCFKAG

      Sure, if you consider a frozen pizza three nights a week meal planning! :-) Some weeks I’m better than that. But yeah, frozen pizza makes a lot of appearances.

    • Laura

      I cook 4-5 nights out of the week, usually M-Th and one weekend (Fri-Sun) night as well. I menu plan then grocery shop on Sunday afternoon. In addition to the planned meals for which I shop, I also like to grab ingredients to make a quick/easy meal (black beans/rice, pasta, etc.) if I don’t feel like going through all the cooking prep/follow through one evening. Then, occasionally there is the night that my husband and I look at each other and know that we’re going to walk to the Mexican joint or order a pizza.

      I like to have 1 slow cooker meal per week, usually on a night where I go to the gym or have to work late, and then 1 that’s pretty quickly prepped/executed.

      We also have a CSA share, which means that on Wednesday, fresh produce and 1 meat shows up. I try to work it in the planned meals for the week or get it pickled/frozen quickly.

      We both get home after 6 most nights and don’t usually eat until 8 or so.

    • RR

      I do. I actually plan meals and grocery shop for 2 weeks at a time. It takes quite a bit of planning. I generally try to plan meals for the second week that use frozen or heartier veggies and are vegetarian or use frozen meat. We do takeout on Fridays, and we do leftovers or scrounging for random food on Wednesdays (cereal for dinner if you want). I plan more complicated meals for the weekends when I have more time. For weekdays, I keep it to things that cook in 30 minutes or less, and that my husband can make easily, or I make meals in the crockpot. I’ve also got 4 year olds, so I have to consider what they will eat/may eat/need to be encouraged to eat. I have an app for recipes, and I put good ones in, rate them as we eat them, and lose the ones that didn’t work–basically, they get rated on a sliding scale based upon how good they are and how easy they are. If it’s easy and nutritious, it doesn’t have to be the best tasting thing ever. If it’s the best tasting thing ever, it can take 2 hours and 4 pots.

      Things that are easy for weekdays: crock pot, stir fries (with ingredients pre-measured so you just have to dump them in), pastas with veggies thrown in, variations on the chicken breast and side staple, etc.

    • Bluejay

      If by meal plan you mean become familiar with all the takeout places within two blocks of my apartment, sure, I plan. I’m eating Chipotle right now.

      Seriously, I don’t have enough hours in the day to both work out and cook. Since I can eat healthfully without cooking but I can’t live healthfully without working out, cooking goes out the window. I really do love to cook, but I hate cleaning up afterwards, so it’s not worth it for one person.

  5. Gail the Goldfish

    Someone on here recommended these to me last summer when I was looking for a nude-for-me heel when piperlime had them in a tan–I’m pretty sure it’s the exact same shoe, anyway. They are super, super comfortable. I have narrow heels, and they work great for me. Hm, and I’m a size 8. Time to see if I need any more colors.

  6. K... in transition

    It was recommended I repost this where more might see it, and since it’s intended for everyone, I thought it made sense…

    total TJ but I just wanted to say thank you… I’ve been having a really rough 7 mos (job loss, breakup of a long relationship, sick pup, losing him, two moves, still looking for work) and you guys have been a really incredible support.

    I know some here are stressed about whether they contribute enough to their family due to work or are TTC or so many other things, and I hope it helps even a tad to know that, in this c*p*r*tte family, you guys are really great friends/surrogate moms/sisters/etc!

    • Jules

      Right back at ya, K!

      I agree, this is a wonderful community. In the last six months I have: sent and received internet hugs; obtained advice in a neurotic what-to-wear-to-an-important-meeting episode; gotten links to some great recipes; learned about the world of biodating and about stylish hijab looks; brought to the hive’s attention that there is such a thing as non-leather patent leather; shared with a friend who was flashing back to an abusive relationshp an incredibly supportive and helpful comment thread; and been enabled in my desire to buy another pair of shiny red slingbacks.

      I am fortunate to be in a stable time in my life – over 50, partner in a firm, decent marriage and a great kid. I am grateful not to be struggling with issues like student loan debt, an abusive relationship, a bad job or dating market, health problems. I also know that life turns on a dime, and that much of that could change. It feels great to be able to offer even occasional advice to my ‘r*ette sisters — and to know that you all would there for me, too.

      • TBK

        Agreed! I don’t generally do internet forums because usually people are nasty, combative, and/or (frankly) stupid. This is a great community.

  7. Another Erin

    Hi friends,

    I am helping plan a bridal shower. We’re making the bride play a game where she answers trivia questions about her fiance. We’ll get his answers first and see if she gets them right. I need ideas for questions – not too risque, but funny or clever. Any suggestions?

    (I suspect the shower hostess reads this site, so, hi, friend!)

    • K... in transition

      favorite color, food he’s allergic to, if he had to be an animal which would it be, shoe size, favorite meal, the best thing he can cook, biggest pet peeve, his favorite thing about her, his best quality, his favorite body part…

    • AinRVA

      Just did this at a bridal shower for a friend and it was a big hit. I can’t remember all the questions, but some of the favorites were (1) what is his celebrity crush?; (2) what is his favorite meal that the bride cooks?; (3) where was their first kiss?; (4) how long had they been dating when he knew she was “the one”?; (5) what was their first trip together?; (6) what is his favorite holiday?

      Also, as a kind of twist on the game, we played it while she was opening gifts. So, we’d read one question and she’d guess the answer, then she’d open a gift. Rinse, repeat. It was kind of nice to break up both the game and the long “look at me” time of gift-opening (which I personally find pretty awkward).

      Have fun!

    • JessC

      We did something similar to this at my friend’s bachelorette party. We asked her questions (and got the answers from her fiancee) and she had to answer the questions from HIS perspective. I think some of the questions were: “What’s his favorite characteristic (physical and personality) of hers? What’s her most annoying habit? Who has the craziest parents?”

    • NOLA

      Does he organize the bills in his wallet by denomination facing the same way? Or more generally, how does he organize money in his wallet?

    • Duchess

      Just so happens I have the 20 I asked my (now) brother-in-law for my sister’s shower in a Word doc on my office laptop. Here are the ones I used:
      1. What is groom’s birthday?
      2. What is groom’s favorite color?
      3. What was the name of groom’s elementary school?
      4. Did groom ever have chicken pox?
      5. How old was groom when he had his first kiss?
      6. What was groom’s first car?
      7. What does groom miss most about college?
      8. If groom could have any job in the world, what would it be?
      9. Of the Bears, Cubs, and Irish, what is groom’s favorite team?
      10. How did you and groom meet?
      11. What did you and groom do for your first date?
      12. When was your first kiss?
      13. How long have you “officially” been together?
      14. What does groom like most about you?
      15. What does groom think you like most about him?
      16. What is groom’s least favorite chore?
      17. If groom were a cartoon character, who would he be?
      18. What is groom’s favorite band?
      19. Does groom prefer pen or pencil?
      20. What is groom most looking forward to about being married?

      Some of these were pretty obvious, but I included them for the bride-side guests so they could get to know a bit more about him. Also, I made her put a sour patch kid in her mouth and hold it there until the game was done if she got a question wrong. Her faces were hilarious.

        • E.

          The OP was me, obv – I was trying to think of a new username because there is a different person posting as E, but I guess I didn’t remember to fill it into the name field.

        • Cat

          The chicken pox one is funny to me. When were some of you younger r e t te s born that everyone got the vaccine rather than the actual chicken pox?

          • MissJackson

            True story: in law school, I had to send in this medical history form, and one of the questions asked when I was vaccinated for the chicken pox. First of all, I was not even aware that such a thing had been invented since my childhood and obviously I was not vaccinated. Second of all, I apparently did not even go to the doctor when I contracted the chickenpox as I had a standard/mild case and, as I recall, my mom sent me to play with friends with the chickenpox over the summer so that my sister and I would get it on purpose during a “convenient” time.

            I actually had a hold on my account and the school wasn’t going to let me register for classes because there were no “medical records” of either (a) vaccination or (b) actual contraction. I basically had to have my mom call them and tell them that I had chickenpox and the approximate date. I’m baffled that this didn’t happen for every single graduate student at the time because presumably none of us were vaccinated.

    • Amy H.

      DH and I played this at another friend’s anniversary party (we were one of four couples who were the “newlyweds” — having been married within the past year and a half).

      My favorite questions:
      * How long did your first date last?
      * If [he] were a boat, what kind of boat would he be? (Miraculously, I got this right!)
      * Boxers or briefs?

      And several I would add if doing this again for someone else:
      * What’s his favorite band (or rock song or album)?
      * Who is his favorite Beatle?
      * What was the first rock concert he went to?
      * What is his favorite thing to order for dessert at a restaurant?

    • LLM in BsAs

      This depends a little on the family, but I was asked full siblings names and birthdates. For the record, my husband is one of six kids. (everyone was impressed when I got them right).
      Other questions:
      Favorite city in the country/region/world.
      Ideal vacation
      Ideal date
      if he could meet anyone alive, who?
      if he could meet any historical character, who?

  8. Anon in DC

    Longtime lurker, first time poster. Can anyone here share experiences of having a LEEP? After 8 years of normal paps, my test last month was abnormal. I had a colposcopy a few weeks ago, which found “extensive” high grade dysplasia (CIN3; i.e. one stage before cancer) with glandular involvement. I’m scheduled for a LEEP under general anesthesia in two weeks.

    By way of background, I’m 29, have been with my husband for over 8 years, and only had one other partner prior to that. I eat well, exercise, and have never smoked. I don’t have children, but we were planning to start trying in the next year or so. I’ve had yearly paps that have been normal for the past 8 years (I had one abnormal one when I was 20 that cleared up after a colpo and biopsy). From everything I’ve read, it’s unusual for the dysplasia to progress to this stage so quickly after so many normal paps. It’s so frustrating to read about, since it seemed like I was doing everything “right.”

    My doctor tells me that the LEEP generally has a high success rate, but I’m terrified that I have a particularly aggressive strain given how fast it developed since last year, and the LEEP won’t remove all of the dysplasia or that it will show early stage cancer. I keep (irrationally) panicking that I will never be able to have children now. Given how common this is, I know there must be other women here with success stories. I’m too embarrassed to talk to my friends or my mom about this (doesn’t help that if you google it, so many of the “risk factors” relate to what some could view as “promiscuity” — although I know rationally that HPV is incredibly common), and I’ve already spent a ton of time crying to my husband.

    • DC Jenny

      I don’t have any experience with particular procedure, but I just wanted to say that I hope you don’t continue to feel embarrassed or responsible for your diagnosis. I think we get so much information these days about diet and exercise and avoiding this chemical or that chemical and the sun and smoking, etc, etc, that we feel like if we get sick it must be because we did something wrong. While risk factors may be involved, it’s not your fault you are having this health problem. You will never know what, if anything, caused it. So beating yourself up or feeling embarrassed is really pointless.
      My Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer several years ago, and a friend who had lost her own mom to breast cancer confessed to me that my mom’s diagnosis actually made her feel a bit better about her own mom. The reason was that my mom leads an extremely healthy lifestyle. My friend thought that if someone like my mom could get sick, she could stop wondering if her own mom had done something wrong that caused her to get cancer. How sad that she had spent years agonizing over that! It’s natural to want to find reasons for everything, but illness just happens sometimes, in spite of our best efforts to stay healthy.
      I hope everything goes smoothly with your procedure and that you are kind to yourself throughout the process.

      Read more: https://corporette.com/2012/06/26/coffee-break-fiorenza-pump/#ixzz1yvngbO2S

    • Batgirl

      Oh my God, please don’t be afraid to talk to your friends and family about this. HPV is so common and the notion that any perceived stigma would prevent you from getting the support you need is just terrible.

      I don’t have experience with LEEPs but I do have experience dealing with colposcopies and HPV. If I were you, I’d get a second opinion just to be sure that the LEEP is necessary before getting it. Some doctors have very different philosophies on treatments.

      Good luck and hugs!

    • PollyD

      Well, even early stage “real” cervical cancer has a 5-year survival rate of >90% (also want to point out that 5-year survival is generally used because it’s a good indication of “cure” and also there’s not enough money to follow everyone longer, not because sometime after 5 years everybody drops dead. You may laugh, but not everyone quite understands this). A friend of mine had fairly extensive treatment for dysplasia nearly 20 years ago, not sure if it was a LEEP, but it was a significant chunk of cervix. Baby #1 goes to college in the fall and the twins will be… 14? 15? Something like that. So, she managed not only to have kids, but to carry twins to term after her treatment.

      Also, there’s so much we don’t know about who gets what cancer – not smoking, maintaining a healthy weight, and, as a former boss and I used to joke, choosing your parents/family health history well, are the main things and even doing all the “right” is no guarantee. I think it’s pretty thoroughly debunked that anyone with any type of sex life (monogamous, a few partners, many partners) is at risk of picking up HPV, so I think we need to get over the idea of this as a result of promiscuity. You may just be unlucky – probably all your friends and even your mother (sorry to make you think about your mother having s*x) was exposed to HPV, but unfortunately your immune system didn’t quite manage to fight it off, not because of anything you did or didn’t do but because that’s how your immunoglobin genes re-arranged. Unfair, but not your “fault.”

      So, take things one step at a time. Get through the procedure and the first couple of checks, and try not to worry too much about what comes next. Worry won’t change anything and why make yourself miserable? Now if only I could take my own advice!

    • NOLA

      I had advanced precancerous cells more than 20 years ago and the treatment has advanced incredibly. Back then, they did cryosurgery twice unsuccessfully then I had laser surgery. Finally, I had laser surgery again at age 26, followed up with topical chemotherapy. I have, since then, had a few abnormal Paps, but nothing major. It was pretty intense then because my mom was very conservative and always thought that I was doing way worse things than I was. But all is well now and I don’t really have to worry about it. I had so many normal Paps that my gynecologic oncologist dismissed me. I go to a NP who reviews anything with him. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

      • Anon in DC

        I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who replied so far. I really appreciate the support and minor reality checks (I actually was curious why survival rate stats end at 5 years). Since I got the news yesterday, I found my way over to a cervical cancer message board and have been filling my head with worst-case scenarios. I’m going to ban myself from internet research for a little while and try to focus on taking this one step at a time.

        I know intellectually that HPV is SO common — I don’t know why I’m having such trouble convincing myself of that on an emotional level. Once I get a bit more okay with this news, I’m going to try to force myself to get over the embarassment and make a point to talk to a couple of my good friends about it. Given the odds, at least one of them has probably had an abnormal pap before, and I just haven’t heard about it. Now talking to my (very conservative) mother will be another thing…

        • Anonymous

          I just wanted to add to what previous posters have said- HPV is very common, and nothing to feel ashamed of! I’m 35 now, and at around 20 or 21 I had a similar test result as you that also required LEEP (& I’d had two partners & used condoms with both). I don’t even remember much about the actual procedure, except that it was fairly quick and not as scary as I’d imagined. I had follow up pap smears every 3 months for 2 yrs without any unusual results, and then went to yearly routine visits and have always had normal results, I did have one complication of sorts from the LEEP- at the first appt I had with a new Dr (the dr who’d done the procedure moved about two years after she’d treated me- I would have stayed with her if I could have) he asked if I had problems with cramps, etc with my period- I didn’t, maybe a day or so a month that I’d have very mild cramping- but apparently I had scar tissue around the cervix from the LEEP procedure, and in some women that causes issues with cramping. Not a big deal but when I got pregnant (not planned) 3 years ago I learned I would have to have a c section because my cervix wouldn’t be able to dilate enough for a natural birth. I think the Dr made an error when she was treating me; I don’t think it’s something that happens often, but in retrospect I wish I’d asked about how much experience she had with that procedure; I found out later my Dr had very little experience performing that surgery, although she was otherwise an excellent doctor (& I don’t know if it would have happened with someone else anyway, but it’s a good question to ask).

          You’ll be ok- sending positive thoughts your way!

    • S

      I had LEEP and laser surgery (6 months later) to treat grade 3 cervical dysplasia about 8-9 years ago. Since then, I have had no irregular paps. I’m 35 and currently in my first pregnancy, approaching the end of the first trimester and so far, no problems. Conception didn’t take an unusually long time. According to my OB, my cervix is long and healthy and should sustain a pregnancy without problems, but he will have me coming in pretty frequently during the 2nd trimester to monitor everything more carefully. I am feeling pretty positive (knock wood)! Hope this reassures you.

    • zora

      I had an even more advanced stage than you, and I had the more aggressive procedure, and 2 years later, I am back to normal paps and testing negative for HPV. I was totally panicking a lot, but my dr talked me down off the ledge many times, so I hope I can pay it forward. Really, really, really, don’t freak out. The agressive strains of HPV do move fast compared to other strains, but it is so slow compared to other cancers. It is a totally different kind of cancer than others, AND the cervix is so different from other parts of the body. Talk to your doctor, talk to people, talk to your mom, especially!!!! And you might even tell your dr you are freaking out, she might have suggestions of other people to talk to, or just help talk you off the ledge.

      You will probably be totally fine, and not even be able to tell in 2 years that this even happened!! I really don’t like hospitals, etc, but being knocked out for the procedure means I could barely even tell anything had happened the next day! Except for being groggy from the anesthesia. I took the opportunity to take the next few days off work, laid around and watched net-flix and just took care of myself and let my body heal. And I had a bit of cramping and spotting, but really was kind of laughing at myself for how much I had been freaking out beforehand.

      If you want someone to talk to, please feel free to email me: zoradances at the gmail, but honestly, you should talk to people. Esp your doctor and your mom. These things happen, and this is really easy to take care of, and you will probably be just fine. (((Hhhhhuuuuuggggsssss)))))

      • zora

        OH, and DEFINITELY stay away from Dr. Interwebs!!!!! Don’t do it, that way lies crazy-making!!

        • zora

          Ok, i am saying too much, but one more thing. I see that you say your mom is conservative, and I know what you mean about HPV. But honestly, this is why we have Pap smears!!!!! And we have all been having pap smears since before everyone knew about this whole HPV thing! so, this is what they are for, so we can catch things like this and take care of them! So, I kind of think you could tell your mom about the abnormal pap, and getting the dysplasia taken care of, without having to get into the whole HPV thing. And for me, it was super important being able to cry to my mom and talk about being scared of the hospital, etc, and have my mom tell me i was going to be ok.

          BUT, that said, if you’d feel better talking to a friend than your mom, then do that. But talk to someone that can be your emotional support person. Plus, you need someone to take you to the hospital and sit with you and drive you home, anyway. Or email me. ;o) but I would highly recommend confiding in a friend. more hugs!!

          • Anon in DC

            Thank you!! I can’t tell you how much it helps just to hear from you and everyone who responded. My doctor has not been much help at all. I used to like her because she has a very competent but no-nonsense manner, but she was no help at all in talking me off the ledge (might be time for a switch once I get through this immediate part!).

            Thank you so much for your offer for email support too! Luckily my husband has been for some of the immediate emotional support so far (other than his own worries that this is his “fault”) and has already requested the time off to get me to and from the hospital, but he just doesn’t fully “get” it like another woman would. Thanks for letting me confide to an anonymous group of “girlfriends!” I do want to reach out to my mom for emotional support, so maybe I’ll just make myself get over it and talk to her. I’m just scared it will lead to her blaming my husband or us getting into a more uncomfortable discussion about my past than I’d like (she’s a champion at diagnosing through Dr. Google, so she will know what’s up pretty quickly!). Regardless, thank you all again!!

          • zora

            Aw, that is lame about your doctor, I’m sorry. :o(
            Well, I hope you find friends you can talk to. I was in a crazy place for a loooong time about mine, and i had my great doctor who really helped, and then a couple of friends who really smacked some sense into me and helped me get over it and let it go and adopt a “meh” it happens and now that it’s over I’m going to be fine attitude, finally. So, I’m happy if I can help someone else do the same. Your doc should have explained that the cervix is an extremely resilient kind of tissue, think about what it does during childbirth, etc (I think you can imagine, so I don’t have to get too TMI ;o)) So, as my doc explained, they can cut some out, and it will grow back practically like new, just like the other folks described above, having plenty of perfectly normal pregnancies afterwards. And this kind of ‘cancer’ doesn’t grow back the same way as other cancers, once they get rid of the unhealthy cells, it’s gone.

            But I am more than happy to be one of your girlfriends for confiding, or if you have any other questions, since it doesn’t seem like your doctor is being very supportive. I’m sorry you don’t have as much emotional support around you for this. And I hope you and your husband can stop blaming yourselves, like I said, this is what pap smears are for, millions of women get abnormal paps every year, and it sucks that it is kind of becoming a common thing, but it is, and you did not do anything wrong.

          • NOLA

            So sorry your doctor hasn’t been supportive! When I was first diagnosed, I felt like my doctor was very kind and supportive in a fatherly way but somewhat played into my mother’s fears. I was very lucky when I moved here to find my gynecologic oncologist. He’s a pretty awesome guy – the one thing I remember that he just didn’t get was that I was a little freaked out by the topical chemotherapy. It was the same name as the chemotherapy that my mother had (she had just died of cancer the year before). He didn’t see it as a big deal or even the same thing, but you know, my mom had just died of cancer and it was chemotherapy! He was right, it wasn’t a big deal at all. Also wanted to say that if your mom is really conservative or will freak out, find someone else to confide in.

  9. Anonymous

    TJ:
    I wrote in earlier in the month about finding a therapist to deal with my father’s recent alcoholism –
    and firstly, I’d like to really thank the hive for their support through this time. It means a lot to me. I played phone tag with a therapist for the first two weeks of the month and then was out of town on business. I’m currently pursuing another therapist, as it was frustrating getting the first to return my calls.
    However, in the meantime the problem with my father has progressed and he was arrested for a DUI over the weekend. While that is extremely alarming in itself, even more alarming is his refusal to recognize this is a flag telling him he has a problem. He of course has excuses and blames the police.

    My question for the attorny’s on the forum: several years ago, my mother and father cosigned on my condo when I purchased it and due to the economy are still on title and the mortgage. If he were to continue to drink and drive and put himself in a position where he could endanger anothers life, would this property be considered part of his estate if he were to injure someone and be sued? Does it make a difference if all payments for last 6 years have come directly from my bank account and I can show trail of making those payments?

    TIA for any information!

    • Jules

      I’m not a real estate or debtor/creditor attorney but I believe that a creditor of any of the owners of real estate (in this case, that would be you and both of your parents) could make a claim on any real property that they own. The fact that you’ve paid the mortgage doesn’t really mean anything in this context.

      I would try to get them off the deed if at all possible (and be candid about the reasons) . The usual mechanism (at least in my state) is something called a quitclaim deed. One or more of the joint owners of property deeds it over to one or more of the other owners. This document would have to be signed by both of your parents, comply with all the legal requirements (witnesses or notarization) and be filed with the county recorder or other appropriate office. The trickier part would be removing them from the mortgage — I have no idea how that works, but maybe one of the banking or mortgage ‘r*ttes would have some ideas.

      I would speak to a real estate attorney in your area who is knowledgeable about all of this.

      So sorry you have to go through this.

      • eek

        In order to get him off of the mortgage, I believe that you would need to refinance your mortgage. Definitely get him off the deed if you can. That is quick and easy.

      • gina

        If you can get your parents off the title, you shouldn’t need to get them off the mortgage to protect your condo. Title to real estate is an asset that a creditor may go after. A mortgage is just debt.

    • Anon for this

      I can’t answer your question but I have an alcoholic in my life and have found Al Anon very helpful.

    • onehsancare

      *I am not giving you legal advice*

      Worst case scenario is that he incurs a debt large enough that a bankruptcy makes sense for him. My thoughts apply to an aggressive creditor outside of bankruptcy, too.

      If he were to file a bankruptcy, he would be required to list your condo as an asset, as he has a legal interest in it (his name is on the title). He would explain to the trustee that he didn’t have an equitable interest in it, because all of the funds used to purchase the property came from you, BUT:
      1. I am assuming that he did not help with the down payment. Is that correct?
      2. Any time one has to explain anything to a trustee or a judge, the hassle-factor, attorney fees, and risk all go up.

      If my assumption is correct that he did not help with the down payment at all, then Jules’s suggestion of a quitclaim deed is perfect.

      If he did help with the down payment, there is a small risk associated with a quitclaim deed if it is followed by a bankruptcy. (The risk becomes huge if an accident has already happened. I would not, under any circumstances, do anything with the title after an accident without the advice of a lawyer.) You should probably consult with a bankruptcy lawyer on the very limited question of that risk before taking any action. An hour, maximum.

      Given the really great low rates now, I’d explore a refinance and see if you qualify; you could remove him from the title as a natural part of the refinance.

      Good luck with all this!

  10. DC Jenny

    I don’t have any experience with particular procedure, but I just wanted to say that I hope you don’t continue to feel embarrassed or responsible for your diagnosis. I think we get so much information these days about diet and exercise and avoiding this chemical or that chemical and the sun and smoking, etc, etc, that we feel like if we get sick it must be because we did something wrong. While risk factors may be involved, it’s not your fault you are having this health problem. You will never know what, if anything, caused it. So beating yourself up or feeling embarrassed is really pointless.

    My Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer several years ago, and a friend who had lost her own mom to breast cancer confessed to me that my mom’s diagnosis actually made her feel a bit better about her own mom. The reason was that my mom leads an extremely healthy lifestyle. My friend thought that if someone like my mom could get sick, she could stop wondering if her own mom had done something wrong that caused her to get cancer. How sad that she had spent years agonizing over that! It’s natural to want to find reasons for everything, but illness just happens sometimes, in spite of our best efforts to stay healthy.

    I hope everything goes smoothly with your procedure and that you are kind to yourself throughout the process.

  11. anon but regular

    So I found the dream job. so perfect, I know that if there could just be an interview, I could show them what a good match it is. I’m trying very hard not to be desperate even though that’s how I feel. Its a this. is. it. situation. So I’ve applied. I just asked my supervisor at my internship to put in a word for me if she knows anyone there but havent heard back and I dont think she does. I looked for alumni that work there but there are none. Any suggestions on other steps I could take? I found the person who runs the division on the website, would an email directly to him expressing my interest be to much? thank you

    • Flamingo

      Email to the division director is OK, as long as it’s brief and sounds enthusiastic about the position. If you decide to contact them, do it only once and then wait to hear from them. Good luck!

  12. karenpadi

    Office decor question.

    My firm’s decor is pretty casual and the decor is, well, boring (we are patent attorneys). Most people maybe have their diplomas and bar admission certificates on the wall. One guy has an “interesting” print of an XKCD strip on the wall. Another female attorney has Winnie the Pooh prints that looks like Monet prints from a distance. We are geeks.

    I’m moving from the smallest office near the front door to the biggest office way in the back corner in about two weeks. Yay! More space! Fewer interruptions! My new office has two big sunny windows (morning sun) separated by a wall that’s five feet wide.

    I want to get a large, whimsical, yet adult, painting for this space between that makes me smile when I walk into my office. I’m thinking bright colors that incorporate my scuba diving hobby (fish and sea creatures!).

    Two questions:
    1. Is my idea “too much” for an office? My office will be in a corner where clients will not be able to see it. the rest of the office will be pretty dull. This would be a focal point.

    2. Any ideas for creatures? I’m thinking black durgons or a lettuce leaf sea slug or a pink flamingo tongue or Christmas tree worms or an eagle ray or a school of jacks or… (Scuba divers and marine biologists, please help!).

    • SF Bay Associate

      Sounds very cool, but I would suggest instead of one giant print/painting, a cluster of four with a common theme, in matching frames. That would be less imposing than a giant picture, as well as less expensive. And then you can easily switch one print out if you want to at some point (pics from recent dive vacation?), and the smaller size can adapt nicely if you move offices again or want to take some home at some point. Themes could be colorful slugs, things that live in coral, deep water schools of fish, or such.

      • nona

        I’d check out the National Geographic Art Store for prints – you can search by different terms, and they’ve got several mounting options. And more prints than you could ever image. I’ll bet they’ve got some good ones from the Great Barrier Reef and the Caribbean.

        Nat Geo also has some cool prints from the Hubble telescope (Orion Nebula, Carina Nebula, etc) that look more abstract that space-y.

      • Kontraktor

        I just saw a gorgeous glass aquarium sculpture at the Smithsonian website. OMG it is great. I would get it for myself, but I need the thing I’m looking for to be a bit bigger. But something like that could be a nice bright thing to put on your desk or near one of the windows, as it would probably catch the sunlight and make pretty colors.

        Re wall art, I agree that it sounds like almost anything could go in your office based on what other people have. I don’t know if they sell these anymore, but what about some animation cells from a movie like Finding Nemo or something else aquatic? Something like that is colorful, happy, and unique.

    • E.

      If Winnie the Pooh is ok, then fish are definitely ok. I think it sounds really nice. I’d suggest checking out OneKingsLane and Society6 for artwork ideas.

    • Former MidLevel

      Sounds good to me. Assuming you could find paintings of them, I would suggest a blanket octopus or pretty much any jellyfish (for example, a comb jellyfish could be cool).

    • karenpadi

      Thanks! The photos are seriously beautiful! They just don’t make me smile like the artwork Kontraktor describes.

      I’m relieved I can have my extravagant artwork! Yay! Now, to sneak it in before HQ can object. . .they are 2000 miles away but get picky about this stuff. There are some serious cultural differences between Minnesota and California (but that’s a whole ‘nother thread jack).

    • Hannita

      My dad is a marine biologist, and has always loved sea creature drawings by Ernst Haeckel. My sister and I got him a very nice silver giclee print for Christmas this year of a jellyfish. It’s really lovely, with great colors. I don’t know if something like this would be your style, but you could do maybe four of these prints and that would be really nice, as they’re not huge…

      • karenpadi

        Thanks! Those are really beautiful! Not quite what I’m looking for but so beautiful!

    • sugarMag

      I highly recommend looking at Fab.com

      They have art there that can be very whimsical, and unexpected. I love that site.

  13. oclg

    Help! My feet are squeaky. I am wearing a new pair of patent leather heels today and once I got back from lunch the b*lls of my feet got really squeaky in the shoes. Every step is really loud! Are my feet sweaty and once they dry it will be ok? Do I need body glide for my feet now too? Or is it the shoes and once they break in it will be better? What can I do to make it go away before I get home later?

  14. SFMK

    Okay, salary negotiation: What are non-monetary issues? So far I’ve thought of benefits, start date, 401K, possibility of bonuses…what am I missing?

    • non

      Okay, salary negotiation: What are non-monetary issues? So far I’ve thought of benefits, start date, 401K, possibility of bonuses…what am I missing?

      • CKB

        And any required professional development/education costs. Called CPD, CPE even CLE? What about sick days and flex days? How is overtime treated?

    • RussiaRepeat

      Timing of next review for promotion, office location, flex time, parking/commuting expenses, company car, business development budget, tech budget for mobile/home work, phone/internet reimbursement for home work.

      Some of those cost the firm money directly, but way less than salary.

    • Basics

      Moving budget, new furniture/office budget, commuting budget or car, committee assignments (this is a BIG one as per the SFBA Glass Ceiling Initiative — sit on the budget committee or the intake committee or some business-related committee, not recruiting or diversity or summer program), intake say re what cases you get to bring in, promise re no “business conflicts” that mean you lose a potential real case so a partner can keep open a maybe link to future business, origination credit, origination percentage of collections, choice of secretary, choice of associates to work on your cases.

  15. Batgirl

    Second request for one day: any ideas for a present to a department paralegal going to law school? Nonprofit so we’re in the $100 range. Thanks!

    • PollyD

      Gift certificate to whatever place she’ll buy books from? Presented in a mug or some other tchtchocke with your organization’s logo, if you have those sorts of things.

    • Jem

      I got black’s law dictionary signed and inscribed by everyone. Not that I really used it but it was really nice to have the well wishes in a law book on my shelf.

    • Jules

      I like the bookstore idea; text books are insanely expensive.

      If she’s a coffee person, a gift card to Starbucks or another coffee place that is close to the law school or her home might be nice. She will need the caffeine.

    • CW

      I would have appreciated a gift card to my school’s bookstore, or perhaps an Amazon giftcard, for all those random expenses that pop up (highlighters! flags! supplements!).

    • ML

      I was this person! the attorneys i worked for were so sweet and gave me a bunch of really nice gifts, including: blacks law dictionary, sweatshirt with my (new!) law school name on it, baseball cap with same, cute office supplies (really cute pencils, pens, etc.), a cake and a card. I was really touched. And as far as the gifts that went the distance- i have worn the hoodie and the baseball cap to death, and I think of my former bosses and colleagues often when I wear them. The blacks law i never used, but it was very sweet nonetheless.

      Very nice of you to do this!

    • anon

      thirding the posters who appreciated but rarely used the black’s law dictionary given to me. how about *legal writing in plain english* or similar book instead? wish i’d known about that book sooner…
      if you go with ML’s suggestion of several things or a “law school survival kit” type gift — my most-used items / going-to-law-school-gifts:
      laptop lock!!
      travel mug & water bottle
      amazon giftcards for textbooks
      starbucks giftcards (maybe some nice tea or VIA packets if you don’t want to do giftcards?)

    • sugarMag

      I am the fourth to state that I never used the fancy Black’s Law Dictionary. A pocket version would have been more helpful.

      I ended up selling mine on ebay and using the cash for other books I needed.

      So giving cash would be nice. And/Or a really nice coffee mug (if she drinks it) that can go in a backpack without spilling. The one I have is made by NissanThermos and was used daily throughout law school.

  16. AMB

    Just got out of a discussion about why we don’t have more female senior scientists in my organization and thank goodness it was by teleconference because had it not been, it would have been difficult for me to not lose it at my colleague who rejected the premise that this is even an issue at all, since we’re at 18% women at that level instead of the national/academic 16%. Still not good! Glad my organization has these discussions but hate being reminded why they are indeed, so very necessary still.

    • Research, Not Law

      The most recent discussion that I heard ended with the idea that it wasn’t an issue because the benchmark should only be 30%, since – you know – women really aren’t interested in science anyway. Everyone just nodded.

      I wanted to strangle someone.

      • AMB

        I don’t even have words. Beyond the fact that in the government we are required BY LAW to create employment equity I just cannot comprehend how this is your mindset!

    • Susan

      Is your colleague Larry Summers, by any chance? I’m still embarrassed that he was President at Harvard, btw. And yes, I’m the kind of alumna who wrote letters saying (in essence), “while he’s President, you can count on my donating 0 to your university.”

  17. ahm

    Q about final student loan payment: I’m about to make my final payment (woo!) and I vaguely recall seeing on here some discussion of doing something differently when its the final payment. Is there any reason I can’t just pay the “pay off now” amount online?

    • CW

      I can’t answer your question (years to go for me!), but congrats! That must be an awesome feeling.

    • MJ

      Yes, because your statement was mailed a few days ago, so more interest accrues daily. You should call or go online to get an exact payoff quote and then pay that amount. And then you NEVER hear from that servicer again. It’s so satisfying!!!

    • Makeup Junkie

      I had to (bitterly) pay $2.12 to cover the interest that accrued between the time I made the online payment and it was processed. So you might get one.last.bill from them. Or just go online every day to check it out and then pay whatever’s remaining.

      Congratulations!

    • Cat

      I have successfully used the payoff button twice… Once more to go. Congrats – cant wait to be in your shoes, by year end if all goes to plan!

    • Jenna Rink

      You should be able to pay the “pay off now” amount, but just make sure to log in next month and be certain that the amount was correct and there isn’t any spare change due. The “pay off now” amount, rather than the monthly payment amount, is the “different” thing you are supposed to do at the end of paying your loans. And congratulations!!! What an amazing feeling that must be!

  18. ChristinaMD

    401K is going to be of limited negotiation benefit, it’s driven by governmental legislation and can not unfairly benefit a single employee or group of employees. They’re not going to be able to provide you a match (if there isn’t one already) or an additional one than other employees (if there is).

    • emcsquared

      Nope, you can’t ask for a 401(k) match if everyone else doesn’t have one – but you can ask for a “gross-up” in your pay so your salary includes the amount of the match plus the amount of taxes on the increase. Then it’s up to you to invest that wisely (or use the salary bump to increase your 401(k) contribution if you aren’t already maxing it out).

  19. Crosssfit

    Someone at my office was born in the 90s! I am so excited not to be the youngest in the office and also mildly horrified that the 90s kids are now working.

    • E. Parsons

      I totally understand your excitement. I’m known as the “baby” at my firm and I’m almost 30.

  20. Considering starting a non-profit

    Any experience on this board with forming a legal non-profit? How do you get funding? Where do you find grants? Board members?

    It would be a child law oriented non-profit (school law, guardianship, GAL work) but information from anyone with any type of experience forming non-profits would be helpful.

    Thanks! And the shoes are cute, but I can’t walk in narrow heels without tumbling. :(

    • zora

      I haven’t done the full startup of an org, and I am not a lawyer, but I would recommend finding a nonprofit resource organization in your area, that offers classes or other resources to walk you through startup. Examples are the Nonprofit Association of Oregon in Portland, or Compass Point in San Francisco. But, hopefully you can find one in your area. They exist precisely to help people with things like this!

      As a nonprofit-er myself, I commend anyone who wants to start an org to make the world a better place. :o) Good Luck!

      • Kontraktor

        I applied for a job with Compass Point. I did not get chosen. They seemed like a really good org, though.

    • SoCalAtty

      I just did this! But it was an entertainment/educational non profit having nothing to do with law. If you have access to Lexis or Westlaw, you will find everything you need there. I found it helpful to start with the 501(c)(3) paperwork (if that is your goal) and work backward, including everything in my bylaws, incorporation paperwork, and other assorted documents that needed drafting. That way when you go for the IRS election, it should be very straightforward. I’m a big advocate for not re-inventing the wheel and using your state’s exact language in the incorporation paperwork, and the IRS language in the IRS paperwork. Your goal should be to make the review of your documents as easy as possible for whatever government reviewer gets your file.

      Regarding funding…we run a camp once per year where campers pay for the weekend, and we have been using those funds to fund our truly “non profit” activities, or we donate our time. We are currently looking into grant funding and donations from local entertainment orgs, so we’ll see how that goes…

      We have 5 directors, and we don’t have “members” for simplicity’s sake. That is something you really need to read up on, because it makes a big difference “down the road” when new people come in. Good luck!

    • Y

      If you live in Maryland: the Community Law Center (communitylaw.org) in Baltimore basically does exactly this. And if not, maybe there’s a similar organization in your state?

    • GovtMom

      I helped start an adoption-related nonprofit, both as a board member at one point and as a outside counsel doing their non-profit application at another, so some thoughts:

      Before you apply for 501(c)(3), you’ve got to have a sense of the organization, basically a business plan, people who will help, etc. Board members — who are you talking to about this organization? Do you have a network in place of people who are excited about it? What have you done so far to get this idea off the ground? Are you funding people to do the work? Advocacy? Are you looking to provide these services to people? Will it be free, reduced-payment?

      Funding == constant fund-raising in my experience. If appropriate, membership dues are also an option. Grants tend to be really specific to what the org does, so without knowing more about what you’re planning, it’s hard to recommend anything.

      BTW, Children’s Law Center in DC may be pretty similar to what you have in mind. They recruit BigLaw associates to do pro bono guardianship, adoption and the like petitions for kids in foster care.

  21. Artie

    Sorry to jack the thread everyone, but I just found out that my SO has been let go. He’s an electrician, and we live in the country that wasn’t too poorly impacted by the GFC – there are other jobs, but it’s likely he will have to go to a fly-in/fly-out job at the mines and be away for up to 3 weeks/ home for 1 week (rinse and repeat).

    It’s just hitting me that we’re facing what could be a major upheaval, and I need some reassurance – how have you coped with this sort of major change? It’s so hard to focus on my own work right now (3.5 hours til I’m headed home).

    • NOLA

      So sorry this has happened to you and your SO. Would he have internet access at all where he would be? My SO and I went from him being here every day for work to being here two days a week. We chat on gmail every day and, when he goes to his home in another state for weeks at a time, we videochat on gmail every morning. It’s made a huge difference for us to be able to see each other face to face and talk. Every time something has changed for us, we have worried that nothing would be the same, but each time, we’ve adjusted and things have stayed great.

      • Aussie

        Thanks NOLA. That’s a good set up that you guys have, it seems like you’re making the best of the situation. My SO would be working 12 hour days straight while he’s give, which would present some challenges, but it sounds like planning is key.

        You may have hit on it where my anxiety is coming from though – our relationship is great and I dont want this to mess us up.

      • Artie

        Oops, OP on both of those comments. Thats what I get for using different devices.

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