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Updated: Apr 20, 2021 126 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Galactical Earrings

Coffee Break

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If you're hunting for a little splurge for yourself (or, hey, Mother's Day is coming up!), I just wanted to give a shoutout to these lovely Stephen Dweck earrings. I got a similar pair (in a misty, opalescent pink) about a year ago, and I really like them.

They're comfortable (they're just an open hook, no post or leverback), and because they're fixed rather than dangly, they don't wiggle or feel too fancy for work.

Neiman Marcus has them in a variety of colors for about $250 each.

Readers, what are some of your latest favorites for jewelry to wear to work?

Hunting for great jewelry for the office? I've long been a fan of affordable brands like Kendra Scott and Gorjana, as well as mid-tier brands like Monica Vinader, David Yurman, and Stephen Dweck. For my $.02: spend money on things like a good watch (or watch strap), gold or diamond earrings, a pearl necklace, and more.

Sales of note for 9.10.24

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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Comments

  1. Anon

    It is cold today and I put on skinny cords and booties and . . . my eye must have developed a new sense of what looks good because today this just didn’t look good at all (but were warm!). I have the legs of a racehorse and this sort of emphasized the inverted triangle that is me below the waist. But IDK that mom jeans (or the million named variants of them) would have been better (and IMO probably worse and would look strange with my booties). I feel like I have my spring vibe down (and flats for the feets), but somehow can’t make this weather transition thing work. [And I don’t have 30 minutes to try on clothes before heading out the door each day, and each day seems like a new weather season lately!]

    • anon

      If it’s any consolation, these transitional seasons are the HARDEST to dress for. I am sure you looked fine. Sometimes practicality wins out over fashun. (Source: In my area, it was 31 degrees and snowing on Monday and it’s supposed to be 80 degrees by Sunday.)

    • Anon

      Tuesday I had to mow, last night we had a hard freeze. I give up, I’m just wearing a sack until June.

      • anne-on

        This. We got light snow/hail in southern MA yesterday, after being in the 60’s all weekend. I am hoping it didn’t kill my seedlings and my fruiting trees. It is also resulting in hideous migraines (barometric shifts are a big trigger for me). I hate March/April for this reason. If it’s not allergies it’s the weather being insane.

    • Anonymous

      Ha I feel you on the weather transition! Yesterday it was 75F and I was all about the t-shirts and shorts, but today it’s 40F and I’m back to warm fleece pants and a cozy sweatshirt.

    • Anonymous

      Yesterday it was 77 here at lunch and 37 at night. I gave up trying to dress for transitional weather. I’m sure it was fine.

  2. anon

    Hi Ladies, I’m married and struggling within my marriage with some personal identity issues and whether I should stay or leave. Can anyone recommend a good therapist that takes virtual appointments?

    • pugsnbourbon

      What state are you in? Some licenses don’t allow people to practice out-of-state, even virtually.

    • anon

      I recently started talking with a therapist, and to find one, I logged onto my health insurance’s website to find one that was in network and doing virtual appointments. Then I started contacting them to find who was accepting new patients and could get me in quickly. Wishing you the best of luck.

  3. Anon

    Some things are moving around in our org and the job market is really hot for my skills right now. I’ve helped the company out a lot in the past year, plugging various holes in a way where I was learning and contributing but not necessarily clearly advancing towards my career goals. I think they want to do another similar move and I’m pretty sure I could go outside and make, say 25% more. So my points are about the type of role I hope to move into and also money. I want to be transparent but I am bad at this whole thing. Any tips from those who have been there?

    • AZCPA

      It feels like you are making a lot of guesses and maybe assumptions. So I’d work to clear those up. If you are at all thinking about leaving your company, look at available roles. With a little knowledge behind it, you can then talk to your leadership to find out what opportunities actually exist and guide the conversation to determine if those opportunities align with your own interests and goals.

      Definitely don’t say you are looking. But you can learn about the company’s plans (even if they don’t share much, that says a lot) and decide what’s right for you from there.

      • OP

        Thanks – so, some key information that would have been useful – I’ve had a couple first round interviews with other jobs at that price point. So I might not get them but I’m not totally making it up. Thank you for the counsel on how to frame asking about future opportunities.

    • Anonymous

      I would have a conversation with your manager or a past manager you have a good rapport with, or even a senior colleague. Keep it positive and talking about your future at the company. What you’d like to do, how they see you, etc. you will be able to take away a lot from that conversation.

      Having been on both sides of this table, it will go best if you give the boss a heads up so s/he can prep and not be caught off guard. “I’m thinking a lot about my next steps/career and would like to set up some time to talk through what the next X years could look like for me here.” And then set a date a week or more out.

      One of my reports did this with me and it gave me enough time to think about ways to grow her, talk to HR about some options, and then have a really productive conversation. In this case I staffed her on more projects that would build a skill set she needed, then helped her take a new (more senior, better paying) role internally 18 months later. Five years later she’s been promoted a few times and I’ve moved up too- we are now peers that have a great working dynamic.

  4. Shipping vent

    I just need to vent a totally first world problem. I am having an absolute doozy of a time getting a direct-from-the-large-manufacturer item sent to me. The first time I tried, they sent it to the wrong address, which resulted in it spending 3 weeks floating around the FedEx system before they finally declared it lost. By that time, the original model I wanted was out of stock, so fine, got a refund and chose another model. This time, they left my name off the shipping label, which fine, not a huge deal but annoying. Now today it shows delivered 3 hours ago, but there definitely hasn’t been a FedEx truck at my building today. ARG. I know people here love to bash Amazon, but this would never have happened if I were able to order this through them!

    • Anonymous

      I have been having a terrible time with FedEx lately. They are consistently delivering my packages to the wrong address.

      • Anonymous

        Same. In fairness, they deliver them to the house around the corner that is the same house number with a similar street name (like 1234 Cherrylane vs 1234 cherryglen). But still, at least half the things they deliver get misdelivered.

    • Anon

      omg stuff like this makes me insane, it’s like something that should be simple ends up being ridiculously complicated and wasting so much of your time

      • Shipping vent

        YES OMG This is taking up so much of my head space that I don’t have! I know I should be able to let it go but like…ARG! What makes it worse is that the manufacturer’s warehouse is within a 2 day shipping radius of me, so I basically should have gotten this thing back in mid-March. :(

    • Anon

      I have had a bazillion problems with shipping from Amazon, so no, Amazon is not the be all end all of online shopping.

    • Cat

      lol was it Pottery Barn? They have like a 50% success rate in actually getting packages to my door.

    • waffles

      I have had so much trouble with FedEx lately! I had import duties owing on a package so I called and paid over the phone before my shipment arrived. And since then (in early February), I have been getting increasingly nasty letters threatening to put me into collections. I keep calling, FedEx keeps telling me that they can see my payment in their system, and then I get another threatening letter. All this over $30!!!

  5. Anon

    If you need swim / SUP / beach / summer active gear that can get wet, I got this and am in love and am ordering another one: the Land’s End “Women’s Quick Dry Elastic Waist Active Board Skort Swim Skirt”

    I love Title 9 and Athleta, but LE consistently works for me (I need petite swim tops / rashguards; I love to keep the area just outside of the bathing suit covered a bit more and do things like kayaking where I want more fabric on my skin to help prevent burns). I also lounge at the pool and read, but may want to dip in for a minute and eek often see clients there b/c it is a small city.

    • Anonymous

      Thanks for the rec! I also ordered some suits from Nani (a new brand to me) from REI and they seem to fit the sporty/functional vibe well. I’m much more into active stuff than sunbathing and it’s always hard to find truly functional items that hold everything in.

    • anon

      Good rec. I recently ordered the Pacific cover-up tee from Athleta and am very excited to use it during my kayaking/paddleboarding adventures this summer.

      Now, convert me to swim skirts. :) I think I have some bad preconceived notions from the days when only women of a certain age wore them.

      • Anon

        This to me looks more like a golf skirt. I think that flowy skirts or ones that are very long read old-lady, but ones with a short/straight skirt like old school tennis or golf outfits, look sporty. This is more like an Athleta / Lilly hybrid — I have non-swim Athleta skorts and tennis skorts that I really like.

        OP here and the legs on the skort part don’t ride up, which I love. I have one new spendy one I got elsewhere for hiking that has legs that ride up to the point of chub rub. I can’t find shorts that I like anymore — they are either too short or too young or the legs are so long as to be very very unflattering to me.

    • Cornellian

      I LOVE their “long sleeve crew neck rashguard” which is almost always on sale for 25-30 bucks. UPF 50, dries super quickly, feels nice on the skin, goes over a swimsuit or activewear.

      • Anon

        These are nice! I have a friend who just wears them as shirts in the summer.

      • Anon

        I also have the LE long sleeve rashguard and really like it for swimming; I like that I can bend over and not have my boobs fall out.

        • Cornellian

          I just like it for not having to apply sunscreen every 60 minutes in Texas. I wish they made other things in that fabric.

      • anon

        I love Lands End rashguards too. I got a gorgeous one last season and can’t wait to wear it again. I wear it over a Title Nine bikini top and Title Nine board shorts for kayaking and sailing and just picnicing for sun coverage.

  6. Batgirl

    I have problem feet (sigh) and need a new sneaker that can really handle a lot of walking and a wide toe box. Does anyone have any that they love that aren’t hideous and under $150? Thanks!

    • MagicUnicorn

      Do you have a running shoe store near you? I got fitted at mine a few years ago and was amazed at what a difference it made to have them analyze my steps and recommend appropriate for my gait and foot shape. They were really pleasant to work with and did not try to push things that were above my price range.

    • Anon

      Naturalizer Morrison. They have various colors. The plain white ones are cute enough not to look frumpy and the cushioning is A+ Recommend.

    • x

      I second the comment recommending a trip to a local running store (my favorite chain running store near me is Road Runner Sports) or even outdoor store like REI. A local running store can fit you properly and often has treadmills to try the shoes out for a bit. Road Runner and REI have great return policies if the shoes just don’t work for you after trying them for a month or two. I have returned shoes to both after wearing them and determining that I needed something different.

      I too have problem feet and need a wide toe box. My shoe of choice for the past few years is the Hoka One One Clifton. Lots of cushion and a good size toe box for me.

    • AllieMiles

      I need a wide toe box and got Altras, it has been amazing. However, beware the cushioning — they have varying levels, so please make sure to get the ones that suit you best. No guarantees on the “aren’t hideous,” sorry. For non-sneakers, I got Vionics loafers and actually found those to be quite comfortable for urban walking, but not “hike 10 miles” walking.

      • AnonATL

        Love my altras so much! I am like an altra evangelist. I’ve worn the escalante and torins and prefer the Escalante for running. They also have a casual walking shoe I wear during the day.
        You can get a clown foot vibe from some models. I’ve found good deals on Amazon and the clymb

    • anon

      I have problem feet (sesamoiditis, ligament issues, etc.) and can really only use the Hoka One One Bondis. They are super cushy though so may not be for every type of problem feet, but my feet are very happy in them. Usually around $100 at REI. I’m on my third pair (but I use them a lot). Other Hoka versions have different levels of cushiness.

    • Horse Crazy

      After my bunion surgeries, my podiatrist suggested New Balance Fresh Foam Mores. They’re not hideous, but not exactly cute, and they’re SO COMFORTABLE. They also come in my almost-impossible-to-find size, 10.5W. I found them on shoes.com for $165, so just a little over your budget. I’ve also heard good things about Brooks Ghost or Adrenaline from fellow bunion surgery peeps.

  7. Anonymous Grouch

    Vaccine PSA: If you live in Fairfax County, VA, and are newly eligible for the vaccine, but having trouble finding an appointment, try Medical Access Urgent Care in McLean. Make a patient portal account to access the appointments. I logged in on Monday, having got a Covid test there earlier this year, and just got home from my first appointment with a Pfizer shot in my arm. I know CVS/Walgreens, etc. are overwhelmed right now, but this place has plenty of appointments and an efficient and safe-feeling clinic.

    • Anon

      And tell any local military families you know that Andrews and Bolling offer vaccinations for DOD ID card holders. They have huge clinics set up and I got a same-day appointment last week. My husband hadn’t heard anything about it at work – I heard from another spouse. That way we military families can use the federal supply and leave more for the local counties.

  8. anon

    OK, so here’s a broader-level question about swimwear. I recently turned 40 and am having a hard time striking that balance between “hey, still young enough to look cute and wear cute swimwear!” and “I really want to cover my body because a) I don’t want skin cancer, and b) I don’t feel confident enough to let it all hang out anymore.” Everything I try on either looks way too matronly or just not right in some way. Even Athleta has failed me this swim season! IDK — how much priority do you put on looking fashionable vs. giving into reality? My reality is that I’m a middle-aged mom who swims with her kids, hates adjusting anything, and also has a body type that’s not very easy to fit. I have bought and returned 5 suits so far this year. DH is sort of disappointed that I want to move toward more modest stuff but I’m not sure I care. I just want to not think about my suit once it’s on and not feel self conscious. Men have it so easy. I know LE is much loved here but the styles I’ve tried have looked really matronly on me — I think it’s the low-cut leg, honestly.

    • Anon

      I am very hourglassy and have moved towards a retro 40s swimsuit style. Low leg holes, ruched midsection, sweetheart necklines, removable halter strap. I agree that a low-cut leg can look matronly if the suit is otherwise modern, but on an intentionally older style it works, and then I don’t spend all day digging the seam out of my crack.

      • AZCPA

        This is me as well. Random shorts from Amazon that look like short 80s track shorts, and the Athleta Pacifica rashguards. I feel cute and sporty, but everything stays in place and keeps the sun off.

          • Anonymous

            Not SA, but I am not generously endowed and still wear a bikini top under a rash guard. For support, to prevent show-through, and because rash guards tend to roll up.

          • Senior Attorney

            I bought it in a snug size to keep my ladies under control, and I feel like it’s opaque enough to wear on its own.

          • Senior Attorney

            But now that you mention it I may start wearing my fave unstructured sports bra for a little more support.

        • Anonymous

          That is so cute and sporty! Alas, Boden swimwear does not fit me.

          At age 44 with an “athletic” figure (read: straight up and down with no curves, why did having kids make my hips disappear along with my waist?) and skin that burns if I so much as look out the window, I generally go for the “Title 9 model on a paddleboard” look. Carve Designs is good for this, although I find it tends to run rather large and curvy.

    • Monday

      What makes it hard for you to find a good fit? I.e. what problems do you run into?

      • anon

        I am very hippy (size 12) with a small chest (36B). Very long torso. I have given up on one-pieces. If they’re miraculously long enough and fit my hips, I can’t fill out the top portion. I’m so over tankinis, but that’s really the only way I’ve been able to find a good fit.

        • Monday

          How about a super high-rise bottom with a bra-sized top? I get mine at HerRoom.

    • Cornellian

      I agree on LE bottoms, but there’s no reason you need to buy the bottom from the same brand. I’m sort of hard to size (size 0 waist, size 8 shoulders, flatchested and petite… basically like a preteen boy lol), and I have good luck buying black or navy or white bottoms that fit well and then a pretty/interesting top half that works with my shoulder and chest and includes the solid color. For me this works particularly well because I might wear the same top several times without washing on vacation, but want fresh bottoms.

      • Anon

        I wanted so much to convert to them but I need some help in the chest area and unlined swim wear won’t cut it. The girls need a bit of lift and soft cups, pls.

        • anon

          OP here, same experience. It fit well, except my chest looked very sad and deflated.

    • Anon

      Not going to lie, but I want to look good. Good may be relative, b/c I’m short (normal BMI still) but I’m also 50 with middle-schoolers (so have been doing the mom/pool thing for a WHILE). Usually, for non-swim, I wear Athleta and Lilly Pulitzer activewear and some North Face / Old Navy items. Sort of Sporty Spice but preppy.

      LE swimwear is my ride-or-die and even I HATE this year’s leg openings. HATE HATE HATE. I needed to move up a size, so I have one new bottom that I don’t really love. If they have the “mini swim mini” still, I find that way cuter than the other skirted bottoms. It just skims my problem areas. I am a tennis player on and off, and the closer it looks to tennis attire, the cuter I find things.

      I also like bottoms + rashguards, so I don’t care about my tummy or sunscreen. I think you have to experiment and be picky and return what you hate. If you do find LE things you like, they will last forever (I have some things that are 8 years old and not babied).

    • Anon

      I LOVE Miraclesuit. The Jena style (one shoulder, with mesh) is sexy, but flattering to my G cup chest and soft mom belly. It is the most expensive swimsuit I have ever purchased by far, but worth every penny.

    • nuqotw

      I am a few weeks from 40. I am team matron and have been for years, mostly because I hate the feel of sunscreen/sunburn hurts/I don’t want skin cancer. I say wear what’s comfortable and sun protective.

    • Anonymous

      What I used to do: avoid swimming and water sports unless I could wear a dowdy, full-coverage outfit (long boardshorts, ill-fitting rashguard). Occasionally try on trendy bikinis and spend the whole time obsessing about whether I look too fat or not. Annoy others talking about it. Avoid buying new suits for years to avoid try-on time.

      What I’m doing now: realizing it was absurd to stop doing things I love (swimming! wakeboarding!) because of how I look. I’m not going to magically look thin if I wear a baggy rashguard – I’ll just look like a chubby person in a rashguard. I’m at my highest weight ever and I just bought a bunch of suits that I actually like (cute print, fun design) and that I’m going to wear no matter how I look. The pandemic really brought it home for me that life is WAY too short to focus on anything other than body neutrality. Am I going to love how I look? No, I doubt it. But I WILL be out there swimming and having fun and participating in life.

      • Anon

        I totally get that, but I am the vainest person alive. I get that I could wear any clothes I want, but really want an A+ look. And I do think that you can get that at any size and any age, but while I wish the right outfit would jump out of my laptop and into my closet, it generally takes a lot of trial and error (ain’t no tailoring in swimwear) to get to an A-/B+ look. Which I’m OK with.

        • Anonymous

          I get that. I’m just supremely untalented at appearances (or the work that goes into them, anyway) and I just don’t care enough to learn or try. Time on the water is ALL about fun for me and I regret that I spent so many lake days worrying about whether I looked fat or not while others focused on learning new skills and having fun wakesurfing and water skiing. Not going to beat myself up, but going to do things differently!

        • Anonymous

          FYI some speciality lingerie stores will alter bras and might do swimwear too.

      • Anonymous

        I burn easily but hate baggy rashguards. My solution is to buy real rashguards, the kind that are designed to be worn under wetsuits so they are very fitted.

    • NY CPA

      I randomly got some one-pieces last summer from Loft and really liked them. I’ve also been very tempted by the Summersalt suits that are always targeted to me on Instagram.
      Wear a long sleeve cover-up (kimono and caftan styles look good and cover well) when you’re out of the pool to block the sun.

    • Cat

      Check out JCrew’s one-pieces. Many of them have built-in cups (the ruched strapless style definitely does) and the hip/butt is cut low enough to be “tucked in” but not frumpy.

    • Anon

      i hear ya. whats even more fun is that much of my time in a swimsuit is spent in front of my MIL who is in better shape in her 60s than I am in my mid/late 30s where i’m still rocking that post-pregnancy body 3 years later. i really want one of the ruched rash guards from Cabana Life, but i want one in a print and so far they only have solids this year. my DH does not get to have an opinion about the modesty of my swimwear. i do ask him for input, but i’m already starting with a tankini bc i’m just not comfortable in a bikini. i also don’t do one pieces bc they don’t work well for me.

    • Anonymous

      I’m 44 and have a lot of saggy skin from gaining and loosing a significant amount of weight in my 20s. I also am busty–34G–but droopy. I’ve had the best luck with bra-sized, underwire swimwear made by lingerie brands like Fantasie, Panache, and Figleaves’ in-house brand. I generally wear one pieces, but have had some tankinis too. LE just looks matronly to me too – I hate their prints, and the low-cut legs are killer. They also don’t carry my cup size. I think covering arms but leaving legs more bare looks more youthful – like long-sleeved rash-guard over a one piece or bikini. I would wear Boden or J Crew suits if they worked for me, but I really need a suit made for the G cup.

      • Anon

        Yes — I tend to keep upper body covered but not my legs. Sunburn too many times when I was younger. I will wear a skirt / skort bottom if I am doing other things (pumping gas, running in to a store, etc.) and when I am in very sunny weather for extended periods of time. Cute and less covered is an after 7pm look for me.

    • Shelle

      I wear whatever comfortable plain swimwear I can find (usually involving tankinis and boy shorts or even board shorts) and focus my style game on cute cover ups, sunglasses, sandals, and floppy hats. It lets me maximize comfort and feel glamorous. YMMV since I just like to lounge on the sand and rarely go into the water.

    • Anon

      I’m large and busty (and tall) and I get swim separates from Elomi, in case this helps anyone. Their system involves wearing a swim bra that is your band and cup size, then a variety of other pieces to go with that. You can wear a tankini type top over the bra or wear the bra as a bikini top. My typical system is the swim bra + swim bottoms plus a rash guard and some cover up shorts. I tend to swim in the rash guard because I like to be covered up and sun protected on top. Less worried about my legs when swimming as they are largely underwater.

      Once I sit on the beach for a while and my suit is mostly dry, I can take off the rash guard and pop a dress over the swim bra and bottoms and head to lunch or wherever. I like the system a lot.

      • Anon

        PS I just looked at Bare Necessities and they have a whole section of bra sized swimwear. The brand Birdsong looks cute, especially the Dori Wrap style top. I am more familiar with Panache, who have been doing this for a while, and their stuff looks good too.

    • Anon

      For the budget-conscious, ZeroXposure. I have some of the tops that are meant for, basically, amateur triathles (running and biking in addition to swimming).

      When I’m just playing in the pool, I rock a bikini, despite being your age and having had a baby last year. Bikinis are for women who want to wear them, not women with perfect bodies.

      • Anonymous

        Yes to your last sentence. No matter your body type, a bikini can be more flattering than a matronly suit. If you want sun protection, think “surfer,” not “grandma.”

    • Anonie

      check out jantzen website. also a middle aged mom, got some cute suits there last year, occasionally they run bogo sales.

    • Trixie

      Well, here goes! I am mid 60’s, size 10-12, with lots of cellulite on my thighs, and pale Irish skin. I wear the longitude swim dresses with princess seams because they are super flattering through the torso. The skirt is long, but makes my legs look better as it stops just below my saddle bag area. They are comfortable to swim in, and always available. Yes, rather matronly, but really flattering. I also wear swim shorts and rash guards/LE sun tees a lot, with a regular bra underneath. I wear this for kayaking and beach walking. I own a basic black tank that has an underwire bra and nice ruching, but I rarely wear it–I think of it as my hotel-resort-pool swim suit with an umbrella and a big hat. I just don’t like my thighs to be so bare as well as my chest, arms, and back. I have a long sleeve tank suit with a front zipper that is super flattering–why is that? Something about the arms being covered balances out the body. I rarely wear it. Life is short, wear what you like and is comfortable and makes you forget that you are in a swimsuit. I love that the swimdress makes me relaxed about my rear view when I walk away from family and friends.

  9. Anon

    I’m not spending this kind of money these days but pre-layoff I would have bought these earrings already!!

    • Anon

      I’ve quit spendy earrings since I’ve gotten more piercings. I like the matchy look, and $125 per ear hole is too rich for my blood. These are cute, though.

      • C

        $250 for silver and semiprecious (and, too, quartz rather than say garnet) seems a bit much to me even though they do look cute.

  10. start date?

    How do you handle interviews when you may not be able to start immediately? I have an interview coming up and don’t know how to address this if it comes up–it will be with the hiring manager. If I got this job I would need time to move belongings from my residence overseas where I was working last year. This means packing up an apartment, shipping stuff, and also sorting out pending financial issues overseas. At the moment I have this trip scheduled at the end of May after I get all my COVID vaccines but the travel date could change to June because there is a different personal matter I need to take care of in the US before I travel. I am currently living with a friend as I job hunt, who is also planning to a different area at the end of May. Given these circumstances it could be 2 (or 3 months max) to travel, sort out the move, and finally settle down in the US. I know that I could offer to start earlier remotely but I’m not sure if they would be open to that since the position requires communication with an office on the East Coast and another in California. The time differences mean that it would be tough to accomodate an East Coast and West Coast location overlap, so starting after the move may be easier.

    When asked about start dates I dont exactly want to go into this long story giving all these details but at the same time saying “I can start immediately” if offered the job would be untrue. What’s the best way to answer this question if it comes up?

      • Anon

        We are starting new hires remotely, with the expectation that they get themselves down here by September or so (our new hires from school start generally in September; experienced hires tend to start any time after January generally). September is when we expect to be fully reopened (typical for our car-driving city).

    • Cat

      2 months isn’t a crazy amount of time. I would give the TLDR explanation of the above. “My previous position was in Europe and although I came home for the pandemic, I need a little time to get my affairs in order and ship my belongings back home. Would a start date at the end of June work for your timing? I’d be open to working remotely before then and do my best to be responsive given the time zone issue.”

      • Curious

        +1 my new hire negotiated 7 weeks. Exasperating to me to wait, but I don’t think worse of him for it. (Far from it.)

  11. negotiate vacation time?

    I am at the final interview stage with a company and HR sent me a brochure of their benefits to go through. The company gives 17 paid holidays with new hires accruing 120 hours of vacation time per year, and one can accrue upto 60 negative hours of vacation time per year i.e. 7 days. I have been working in academia research and have much more generous vacation time, usually a month. In one position officially it was 15 days but I was allowed to take a month. At the moment I feel like this is a deal breaker for me mainly because I use my vacation to go abroad to see my parents. They are not planning on taking the vaccine so it is now likely they will not come to the US to visit me. Is there room to negotiate vacation time? Or would you advice me to accept the job because it is an industry I want to break into and then leave after a year when I have some experience? 7 days is too short when you consider that I come from a country requiring 24 hours of travel one way to get there.

    • Anon

      Always try to negotiate vacation in any job. Have documentation on what you had at the job you are leaving – not your whole history, just the job you’re leaving. However, one month is 20 or so work days and it seems like you can get close with what they offer, assuming by paid holiday you mean days you can take any time, not days that are tied to a certain calendar date.

      If you’re leaving academia, please know that in business in the US, it’s extremely unusual to take a month at at time, so you’re going to run into this with any company. You may have the days but taking them all concurrently would be frowned upon. Perhaps it would be better to negotiate your month abroad as a combination of paid time off plus remote work. Or, plan to spend less than a month at at time with your parents. sorry.

      • Flats Only

        This. I’ve worked places with incredibly stingy and strict PTO policies, but for people with overseas family (India & China) they let the person go for a longer trip and work from there. They would be getting up super early or staying up late to call into meetings, and generally kept up pretty close to a full workload, but they got to spend the 4 or 5 weeks seeing family as well as taking some actual time off.

        • Anon

          Yes, as a manager I had people who needed to do these longer trips (the places you mention plus Israel) and it was always a combination of remote work and PTO. I also didn’t personally experience the same people needing to do this annually. It was at most once every 3-5 years per person, although every summer I tended to have 1-2 people off on this kind of trip at any given time.

          • negotiate vacation time?

            OP here: I understand all the points about not taking an entire month off at once when working in a business. In my case I did an annual trip every 2 years, and once I did not travel for 5 years but it was due to financial reasons as a student in the US. The travel costs are high so could not keep up as a student, but it also took a toll because my mental health deteriorated. More recently I have made an annual trip after I started working because now parents are older and I feel like I already lost so much time already.

    • Anonymous

      I think you should try to negotiate but you’re getting 15 days. In the US that’s really not terrible.

    • anon

      Another thing that you can investigate is whether/to what extent the employer supports working from abroad. I also have a stingy vacation day policy (ironically this is academia), and plan to stretch out my next overseas trip by including some work days (I’m thinking one third work, two thirds vacay). Most of my family and friends also work, so I can mostly see them in evenings or weekends anyway.

    • Cat

      Yes vacation is negotiable, but I am having trouble following your thoughts here.

      17 paid holidays means what exactly? Days your company is closed? (That seems like a high number for a US company unless you found one of those that closes for a week or two at yearend… if that is the case, that sounds like a great time to visit your family!)

      Plus 120 hours (or 15 days assuming you are charged 8 hours per day) PTO?

      Plus another 60 hours (or 7.5 days) PTO?

      The amount of PTO you have, and how many days you can use at a time, are separate points. I would be upfront with the manager (after you have an offer) about needing to take 2 weeks off at a time to visit family. It shouldn’t be an issue, just better to address early!

      • Anonymous

        My husband’s financial company follows market closings and gives a couple other holidays such as Juneteenth. It definitely adds up to at least 17 holidays.

      • negotiate vacation time?

        OP here: The 17 paid holidays are listed, which includes public holidays like Labor day, Martin Luther King day etc and yes there is a week long closure at the end of the year from Dec 24 to January 1. Sorry if my post is unclear there are some points like the “negative vacation time” that I am encountering for the first time, I do not have that in academia.

        • Anon

          Everyone is right that you are accustomed to very generous leave time in academia. Welcome to the private sector. The leave package you described is actually fairly generous by private sector, US standards, particularly if you have another bucket of “sick” leave. Another poster already mentioned the solution: take some of your leave adjacent to the company’s winter holiday break. I think the negative leave means that you can borrow against future vacation leave earnings. You pay the negative balance by giving back leave as you earn it, and is not something you want to do except in an emergency. Should you leave with a negative leave balance, the value of the deficit is likely deducted from your final pay.

    • Anonymous

      Do you also get separate sick leave? If you only get 15 days PTO for sick leave + vacation time, you will need to keep at least a week banked at all times in case of illness. If you are like me, you will end up using it all for sick time and never get to take a vacation.

    • Anon

      Yeah, academia is incredibly different from working for a business. You can’t really take a month off unless you’re like, the CEO or something and even then…

      I think you have a bigger problem with your parents not wanting to get vaccinated!!

    • Anon

      Let me explain negative vacation time:

      Let’s say you start work on 01 May. You accrue vacation at the rate of 10 hours per month (in reality, it’s going to be 4.62 hours per biweekly pay cycle, but let’s make the math easy). In September, you want to take a trip to see your family – Labor Day week and the following week. That would be 90 hours of vacation. By that point, you would have accrued 40 hours (10 hours each in May, June, July, August). The extra 50 hours come from “negative vacation time.” Since the 50 hours you need are less than the 60 they allow you, the vacation would be permitted. Over the next five months, you accrue those negative 50 hours back. By February, you will again have a positive PTO allowance.

      This doesn’t mean that you get seven days of vacation per year! It just means that if you take a vacation early in your time at the job, it’s allowed. (I went negative in my accrual when I took my honeymoon four months after I started; my accrued PTO was something like negative ten hours.)

    • Emma

      You can negotiate, but even you do get a month, it might be hard to take it all together. I get 4 weeks but can only take two at a time. My family lives in Europe, I go once a year for two weeks and sometimes another two (summer + holidays) if things work out and I have the budget. My company is not a fan of WFH from abroad for various legal reasons, but sometimes allows it on a limited basis.

    • Serafina

      I think you may be misunderstanding the pamphlet.
      If you get 120 hours, usually you are charged 8 hours a day, so that’s 15 days of vacation time (3 full weeks).
      You can mostly ignore the “negative hours” policy – it just means you’re allowed to “borrow” from future time if it hasn’t technically accrued yet, but it doesn’t give you more time in the future.
      From your 7 days comment, I think you are doing (120+60)/24 = 7, which is not the right math here :). (And my husband just made the exact same mistake last week in trying to figure out how much PTO he had accrued).

      This is a pretty generous policy for the US, especially the 17 days paid holidays. At most places it would be hard to take a full month off every year even if you had the days (for reference at my company 3 weeks has been common for wedding + honeymoon, which is of course not every year), but I have colleagues who take 2-3 weeks off to go to visit family in India/China especially over the holidays. If you plan a visit around the Christmas week you have off, and add 1-2 weeks of vacation, you would be able to take a 2-3 week trip to visit your parents without even using all of your vacation days. And you may be able to add a week of remote work if you want a full month with your parents.

    • cc

      I don’t know why you are referencing 7 days. You have 15 days, which is 3 weeks. That plus the 17 days holidays is very generous for the US, and the whole company shutting down for a week at Christmas is a huge perk. Like others have said it’s unusual to get to take a month, every year, but you could probably consistently take the week before Christmas, then you have your week closure, then maybe work remotely for a week and come home.

      To be honest there are not going to be a ton of places with a lot more vacation than that – you might get some places with 20 days instead of 15 but it will still be hard to take a month.

  12. Anon

    Reading your post again, 120 hours is three weeks right? Couldn’t you just visit your parents for three weeks? But again, consistently taking three weeks off concurrently may also be a problem, especially if you plan to do it every year.

    • Anonymous

      I see contract workers take extended vacations like this, but for employees two weeks is considered a long vacation.

      • Anon

        Yes, the max I’ve ever taken is two weeks. I usually do two weeks in the summer and a week at Christmas and that seems pretty standard.

  13. Cat

    Yes vacation is negotiable, but I am having trouble following your thoughts here.

    17 paid holidays means what exactly? Days your company is closed? (That seems like a high number for a US company unless you found one of those that closes for a week or two at yearend… if that is the case, that sounds like a great time to visit your family!)

    Plus 120 hours (or 15 days assuming you are charged 8 hours per day) PTO?

    Plus another 60 hours (or 7.5 days) PTO?

    The amount of PTO you have, and how many days you can use at a time, are separate points. I would be upfront with the manager (after you have an offer) about needing to take 2 weeks off at a time to visit family. It shouldn’t be an issue, just better to address early!

    • Anonymous

      I think she is saying she can borrow 60 hours against future PTO accurals, which isn’t a sustainable strategy for increasing the length of her vacations.

  14. Anonymous

    What is the difference between a golf sport and a tennis skirt, and can I wear either (or both) for just running around town? Like as a replacement for Patagonia baggies or something? (Assume running around town in Patagonia baggies is a-ok by me).

    • The Good Wife

      A tennis skirt is usually shorter then a golf skirt (a proper golf skirt should be as long as the tip of your fingers), and a tennis skirt may have more pockets to allow for balls etc. Both are skorts (i.e. shorts underneath). It’s a pretty sporty look to run around town, but why not!

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