ByKat Hours Updated
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Coffee Break: Goldfinch Flats

two women sit at outdoor cafe table; one wears black leather pants and black flats; the other wears a leopard print dress and brown sneakers.

If you've always liked the idea of Birdies (shoes so comfortable they could be slippers) but not the look of the smoking slippers, mules, and sneakers they've had out before, you're in luck because they now have pointed-toe flats. These have a really high vamp, which can make them look a bit less sleek — but a higher vamp also means more comfort, so it might just be a win.

The shoe comes in three colors for $130; it's available in sizes 5–12. (Ooh, and they feature “7 layers of cloud-like comfort in every footbed.” Yes, please.)

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Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

136 Comments

  1. Ohhh are coated black jeans decently stylish per this photo? I could wear them and a tank and feel like myself and also feel a bit more gay per my post this morning.

    1. I first read this as gay as in happy and then I realized this is not what you meant.

      1. I mean maybe both. Idk. TikTok’s got me thinking maybe straight people don’t spend this much time pondering how they are supposed to know they aren’t gay.

        1. I feel like this needs its own separate post. I am interested in why at this age this is coming up, seemingly for the first time. Not saying at all not to look into it, just interesting and confusing (as it seems it is to you).

          1. In particular, I find your phrasing above interesting – “pondering how they are supposed to know they aren’t gay.”

          1. I am just offended that now apparently as a straight woman I am not allowed to wear combat boots and tank tops.

          4. I just think jeans and a tank top, and a tank top was specifically suggested this morning as a hot lesbian fashion trend, is something I can wear and feel both myself and also is a bit less tailored to the male gaze than I usually wear.

  2. What gives you purpose and gets you out of bed in the morning? Especially curious for those that aren’t anyone’s wife or mother, so they don’t have someone relying on them.

    For the first decade of my career, it was my career. Like many here I worked 24-7 but when that ended poorly my decision was made that I’d never work that hard for anyone else’s benefit. Then for the next 5 or so years it was still about making money. Now I’m at a fortunate point where it’s like ok money is great but what else? My job is meh and I’m totally not interested but at least the people are nice which wasn’t true at my law firm. Part of me thinks look for a new more challenging job but it’s hard when you simply don’t care. I know some people are really into hobbies but the only hobby that ever pulled me in was learning a language which I did for a year in the heart of the pandemic. Seems like the perfect midlife crisis time to travel the world for a few weeks or month but I’m still not pandemic comfortable. What drives other people?

    1. My Job… medicine. Caregiving for elderly family members. Volunteering for hospice… life changing. My love of music and the bonds it has created with my friends.

    2. Friends, hobbies, my cat, nice walks, treating my depression, travel, a good cup of tea, my family (I still have a family even though I’m not a mom or a wife!), reading a good book.

    3. I like my job and find the work we do fulfilling. I’ve been in the industry my whole career but only feel this way at my current agency, which serves a slightly different client base, which makes all the difference for me.

      I like travels and have started to book trips again now that I’m vaccinated and boosted. It’s a non-zero risk, but so is everything in life and I figure I need to live life as long as reasonable precautions are taken.

      I like food, so I get excited about that bowl of naengmyeon or a plate of doro wat I get to grab on the weekend when I venture into the “city” (I live in a small nearby town)

      I like nature walks, so I look forward to visiting local parks and breathing in the crisp fall air (it feels like fall already!)

      Sometimes I wonder if the joy of pet ownership would be a good source of motivation, but haven’t pulled that trigger yet, especially as I travel a lot.

      I’m also generally comfortable being lazy so weekends where I don’t do anything but a few chores and errands aren’t that rare. I’m okay with being that coworker who only did a Costco run last Saturday rather than hike the local volcano.

    4. I try to stay motivated by thinking of the people who are counting on me. A job change toward something more mission-oriented may help. I’m an editor. I used to work at an association, and the members’ excitement about getting published helped a ton. I work at an agency now where it’s about checking off marketing to-dos to help clients generate leads and make more money and it is so much harder to feel like I’m making a real impact.

      This may sound sad, but I’d also recommend the new book by Deborah James on how to live like you’re dying. She has a lot of great advice on making life more meaningful and building in the special. Makes you appreciate life with a whole new perspective.

      1. I think this is a great example. A job doesn’t need to be in a nonprofit to be mission-oriented, something like members happy to be being published makes a difference. I feel like my job is much more on the marketing to-dos side of things right now and its just not great.

    5. This is the crux of my current midlife crisis. I need to find some sort of meaning in my career to keep going, but man, it is a struggle. Hobbies are supposed to be enjoyable and a pastime; I’m completely uninterested in making “more” out of them. I do have kids, and while they technically get me out of bed, parenting is not my entire reason for living. I find meaning in parenting, but again, input does not always equal output.

    6. I have no partner, kids, or pets at the moment. I find that curiosity, exploration, and pleasure in experiences and things (not like a big car purchase, more like buying a fancy coffee to drink at a cafe or wearing a pretty outfit I’ve put together) tend to be big motivators. I wake up each morning curious about what the day and world will hold and what I will learn that day. I like my job and I do learn new things at it but I wouldn’t say it’s what primarily motivates me. I also have lots of wishlists (day hikes, cities I want to explore, weekend trips, dream vacations) to work toward. Going for walks and hikes and other forms of outdoor exercise like group sports also tend to keep me happy and motivated.

      One exercise I might recommend is to keep a journal for 10 days or something and identify which experiences throughout your day are energizing and which are draining. Then you can start to work out for yourself which experiences in your everyday life to prioritize and maximize.

      2. +1 – I was trying to articulate how I felt and this is it! What motivates me is just getting to experience another day.

      4. This is me (even though I have a husband and a dog and a baby due in the spring!). What will I learn? What book will I read and how will it change my life? What happy news will other people in my life have to share, or what help will they need, frivolous and serious alike? What joke will I hear? What delicious food will I eat? What work thing will I successfully conquer? What goofy thing will my dog do, or what fun will I have with my husband? These are the possibilities that keep me interested.

    7. Married, no kids, no local family, and not many local friends as we moved right before the pandemic and I’ve been dealing with health issues. I do miss having more people in my life on a day to day basis, and hope to change that in the long term. For now, though, I’ve focused on enjoying time with my pets, time outside in beautiful places, and take so much pleasure in books, movies, and tv.

    8. my dog! My dog needs to be fed and let out at a certain time. My family can fend for themselves and I can procrastinate about my job with the best of them, but the dog responsibilities aren’t flexible like that.

      1. Also a dog opens up a whole new world. I have lived in my condo for 15+ years. I have met more people since the pup came home just before covid than I did in the first 10+!years.

        He brings more joy than I could have ever imagined, and not to just me. And I have learned so much about dog nutrition and training I’m a researcher my nature and love learning. And love my dog.

    9. Honestly, getting out of bed can be a struggle for me most mornings! One of the biggest motivators is my dog, who I know needs to be fed and taken for a walk (and while I could let my husband do it every morning, that also isn’t what’s best for my marriage!). In thinking about it, I think what gets me out of bed every morning is both obligation and joy. Obligation in the form of my dog, my husband, my job….and joy in the little things, like a new creamer for my coffee, walks outside in the neighborhood, texting with friends. Whenever I’m reading a good book that’s also a big motivator, and I’ll try to sneak in a few minutes of reading before work.

      The phrase my dad has ingrained in me is that there are 3 keys to happiness: something to do, someone to love (doesn’t necessarily need to be a romantic partner!), and something to look forward to.

  3. Speaking of flats, has anyone tried the Rothy’s new metallic flats? Since Covid/WFH I do not wear heels and like the idea of a pointy metallic flat for events.

  4. I realize I’m a child of the 1980s but sneakers with a dress like that always look like commuting shoes to me ala Working Girl.

      1. All the 20 something women in my neighborhood are wearing white sneakers and white calf socks!

      2. Ah yes scrunch socks. I thought those were gone forever but my college aged daughter thinks they’re cool.

    2. Amen. I can’t get behind this look for myself but appreciate that others are prioritizing comfort.

    3. Ha…this is about to be me as a first time walking commuter in a new city. I’m not walking a mile to the metro even in “comfy” dress flats!

      1. I’m fine with that as long as you change into some other type of shoe when you get where you’re going. What I can’t abide by is this being the look.

  5. what are your hobbies to stay fit that aren’t just regular exercise routines like strength training or videos?

    also – if you’re married with kids, do you have hobbies you specifically do without your partner so you don’t need a babysitter without feeling guilty that he isn’t coming with?

    2. My husband and I both have solo hobbies and our rule has been that we try to give each other equal time away from the kids for our activities. My husband is a golfer, so if he goes to the range for a couple hours or plays a round of golf, I get equal time to do my thing, whether that’s meeting up with friends or something else.

    3. I commute by bike, do my errands by bike or walk, do my own yardwork and house projects.

    4. Ostensibly, walking my dog. In reality, he is that rare dog that doesn’t get excited about going for walks. In fact, hides when he hears the leash.

      Bulldog problems.

    5. I enjoy running and yoga. I try to go to an early morning yoga class so it doesn’t interfere with the rest of my schedule. My bf and I also enjoy hiking and kayaking when we get out of the city.

    7. Yoga and hiking. Hiking is 95% of the time with DH. We started hiking a few years ago and now go on hiking vacations (although not backpacking, we very much like beds and bathrooms). No kids though.

      I teach yoga and a lot of moms come to my yoga class, hopefully without guilt that their partner is watching the kids.

    9. Day hiking is my primary exercise hobby, but even walking around a local botanic garden or a cute historic town gets you moving. And walking around a new place is something you can do by yourself, with the kids, with your partner, with the entire fam, or with some girlfriends. Alternatively, gardening in a real yard, growing flowers and vegetables.

    10. Yard work, hiking, biking, paddle boarding, snow shoeing. Most of these occur with my spouse or another member of the household, but also we have aged out of needing a babysitter so I feel no guilt on that front if going solo (although yard work and biking are the only items from this list that I do solo).

    11. No reason to feel guilty about trading off fun time with the spouse! You don’t need to find a hobby that your husband won’t like.

    12. When I travel, I have a habit of taking off out the front door of the hotel with no purpose or direction whatsoever and just walking and seeing what I find. Recently I have begin doing that in my own city on weekends when I have nothing planned or pressing. Assuming I have a few hours on my hands, I live in a place where I can walk to neighborhoods or more commercial areas by just stepping off my lawn. I am comfortable talking to strangers so often find myself sitting at a counter or bar or walking into a shop I’ve never seen/noticed before and chatting with someone.

    13. I do aerial silks, which has made me very, very fit. But it’s also a big time commitment (for me).

    14. horseback riding, yoga, and hiking. I don’t have kids, but hiking is the only one of those my spouse participates in.

  6. if you had to invest a lot of money today ($50,000, let’s say), where would you put it? i usually just do a bunch of index funds.

    3. Depends on when you need it and how much you need stability/ protection of principal. I might do a duration matched treasury bond tied to your intended timing until you need the funds.

    4. Max out your allowed yearly iBonds purchase.
      Spend 5 or 10K in a single stock that I am planning to hold for the long term (eg. Apple, Costco)
      The rest in index funds. Vanguard.

    5. Perhaps not quite what you mean by “invest” but if I had this much to work with and nothing earmarked for it, I would put solar panels on my house.

    6. OP here – thanks for the advice! just did index funds because it needed to go into a defined benefits plan so i-bonds and house were out.

  7. TW for cancer.

    Brief update for the hive…. got my detailed diagnosis & unfortunately quite serious. The good news is that I am with a fantastic medical clinic that has moved quickly and I have good insurance. I had colonoscopy, pathology results, CT, MRI, oncology team meeting and radiation simulation all within 10 days.

    My diagnosis is for Stage 3 rectal cancer – it is low-lying and has invaded local lymph notes. I will start chemoradiation shortly (within 2 weeks) followed by chemo followed by surgery, which will result in a permanent bag. The next 6-8 months will be very tough.

    I have always being very career driven, searching out for the next big project or promotion. My life has changed in an instant and I’ve had to realize there is more than just my career. I have spent the long weekend dropping bad news on my family and making everyone cry.

    1. I’m so sorry.

      yes it will be very cistern and very tough and you have this internet stranger’s thoughts.

      I posted this am on things that are helpful for a cancer journey. small things make a big difference at these times.

      good luck

    2. Oh wow, this is awful. Great that you are with an excellent care team. But really hard situation.

      In case it helps, I was very career focused and went through a health crisis that took me out of work for a year. It was a difficult and fraught experience with a lot of uncertainty, and I still live with some of the health fallout but am generally healed. It majorly changed the infrastructure of my internal and external experience, and while it was incredibly challenging, I learned so much about what is actually important to me (my health and my loved ones). You are going to go through a metamorphosis, and it will change everything about your priorities. Let it.

      I wish you all the luck and healing. xo

    3. Big hugs from Boston. A good friend of ours was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer a few months ago. As friends & family of a Patient with Serious Cancer, please please reach out if you need anything, at ALL. If you don’t have a support network, ask for one now. People want to help and if you have anything they can do, they will jump!

      That said, we also know you might not know :). I just keep checking in.

    6. I’m so sorry, that’s very tough. Wishing you the best of luck in the coming months.

    8. My heart goes out to you. There are incredible ostomy communities on facebook that were so, so helpful for me.

      Keep us updated and we will pour some verbal support. Arm yourself with a plan and take people up on their support (meal train, offers to help out, the person you can text for infusion day kvetching, ask for people to drop cards in the mail, etc)

    9. Nothing to add except my very best wishes during your treatment and for a full and speedy recovery.

    12. My thoughts are with you, with as much love as they can hold. Keep us posted.

    13. I’m so sorry, Traveller, but so glad it’s stage 3. My husband was diagnosed with stage 3 colorectal cancer in late 2015. The cancer had spread to several lymph nodes before it was discovered. Went through radiation, resection surgery with an ileostomy bag, chemo, in that order. The surgery was *this close* to the rectum. He is now cancer free. In hindsight I wish we had told more of our friends earlier. It was a comfort that everyone knew, and you never know what your connections may have gone through in the past. Best piece of early advice we received: don’t go searching online for information, survival rates, etc. Most of what’s online may be out of date or inapplicable. I caused myself serious unnecessary heartache from online searches and reading horrible chat boards. Also, speaking from my husband’s experience, an ileostomy bag is not as bad as it sounds. It’s not ideal, but it’s something you can live with. Thousands of people are walking around with the bags under their clothes and you’d never know. We found a highly skilled, top notch surgeon who was able to save my husband’s rectum, so the bag was temporary in his case, but many people have permanent ones and they manage just fine. Wishing you the best and please keep us posted.

    14. Traveller, I’m so sorry to hear this. That’s a lot to face and a scary diagnosis. Sending you all the love I have.

    15. So sorry to hear this, soul-crushing news to receive [and share with family/friends]. Sounds like you are in good hands and my recommendation would be to focus on each step [vs the whole journey], so that your treatment plan doesn’t seem like a never-ending process. Surround yourself with people and accept help – also, tell people specifically how they can help. You could do this maybe without help, but trust everyone here who say it will feel much better if you accept help. Your life will change for some time, maybe some new priorities or values will emerge and that’s ok, our lives are not static. As someone mentioned below, don’t read threads, your patient journey depends heavily on the quality of care you are getting, meds have made huge improvement each year. Follow your med team advice. You may find some value in short, peaceful yoga session [I have picked it up while running to help me stretch and it did amazing things to my ability to slow down, destress, be present].
      But most of all – wishing you all the best, good luck, and sending positive energy.
      Ping this board often, so that we can keep the encouragement running.

  8. Dumb commuting question…I’m a pedestrian commuter newbie (yes, that’s me in the thread above) about the shoes. I wear sneakers to walk about a mile to the metro and then change into flats when I get to the office, and sometimes heels if I’m wearing a dress. However, what do I do in the case of heels with pants? I don’t even wear heels often, but I recently got a pair of pants hemmed for heel shoe length and I want to wear the outfit…but I can’t wear the pants with my sneakers without dragging and ruining the bottom of the pants. Do I just change pants when I get to work too?

    2. pin the pant cuffs up with safety pins.

      Side note, this is why we all love ankle pants

    3. Double-stick [fashion] tape or safety pins would probably be easier than changing pants.

    4. Safety pins, paper clips, and binder clips can each solve this problem. There are also some magnetic thingies you can get if your vanity wont abide both the sneakers and the DIY shortened pants.

      1. Just FYI, I had those magnetic things when I lived in NYC 15 years ago and wide leg pants were still popular – they would inevitably hit my ankle bone and hurt, or fall off somewhere on the subway steps. I’m convinced ankle pants really are the only solution.

    6. Can I just say I feel like I’ve come full circle from asking this question myself circa 2006-7 ish and now realizing the only answers (through much trial and error) are ankle pants, wearing skirts/dresses, buying and hemming 2 pairs of pants – one for flats and one for heels, OR binder clips.
      Don’t get me started on having to stuff full length wide leg pants into rain or snow boots. There IS a reason all of us elder millenials/Gen-x’ers love skinny pants people.

  9. For those who’ve traveled a lot – if you were planning a trip to Europe would you feel comfortable going from and returning to an airport 5 hours away from you? I live in the DC area and while Dulles has direct flights, Newark obviously has many more. I feel like I’d be ok driving up to Newark the day of the flight especially since European flights tend to go at night so you have all day to get there. On the way back though do you think it’s unsafe to land and drive back home due to jet lag, maybe not sleeping on the plane at all? Usually flights from Italy land around 3 or 4 pm but as I don’t have any kind of Global Entry and there are zero appointments to be had for months, assume I get out of the airport by 6. Driving 6 to 11 to get home same night is too much, right?

    1. I wouldn’t do it unless I stayed in a hotel overnight at Newark, at least on the way home.

      1. +1 overnight at the Marriott at the Newark airport. That’s what we do. Flights from Europe mostly land before 4 pm so you can get decent sleep and still get a 6 am flight home.

    2. Yeah no. Even if you take a nap on the plane, landing at 4pm at home is around 10pm in Italy. Would you start a 5 hour drive at 10pm?

      I would consider a multi city itinerary as a compromise. Take the train to EWR but then fly to your home airport.

    4. I usually fly out of LAX because it is so much less expensive than my smaller California city and always spend the night when I return from Europe. I made the mistake once of driving straight home and came to the horrifying realization about half-way home that I had absolutely no business on the road and was a danger to myself and others.

      Look into hotels with sleep, park & fly deals. I have found that what I save in parking basically pays for the hotel. (With the caveat that I have no idea how much it costs to park at Newark.)

    5. Your time is worth something. The all-in cost of flying from an airport far from home is almost never worth it in terms of extra gas, hotel, meals, etc, even before you get into what a royal PITA it is.

      1. My guess is that OP is going to a European city like Milan where you can get direct flights from Newark but from Dulles or BWI you’re connecting in London or Zurich. OP – I get the preference for a direct to Europe flight but when I do this I do the following. Drive rental car or train to EWR from DC so the first flight you get on directly gets you to your destination. On the way back though I fly back into EWR or JFK and then take a shuttle flight to DCA.

        Yes you’re hanging out in the airport longer but it’s not going to be 5 hours which is what your drive would take. An inbound European flight will land around 3 pm, guaranteed you can get a 6 pm flight to DCA and land there before 7. At 7 pm otherwise you’d just be like an hour into your long drive on 95S with your body feeling like it’s midnight. And every time I’ve done this I’ve ALWAYS slept hard on the 45 min shuttle flight – reinforcing that I was way too tired to drive.

    7. I can’t imagine the scenario where this effort pays off for DC vs Newark. You could just fly into Newark or take a short flight or train ride upon landing from the initial destination city. I think the real costs/risks of driving 10 hours are underestimated.

    8. Can you take Amtrak? I think there’s a stop at EWR but I don’t know if the schedules work for you.

      2. I’ve been delayed on Amtrak many times. I wouldn’t trust it there unless you plan to arrive quite early.

    9. I cannot conceive of a reason to do this when you’re close to several major international airports.

      1. I get it bc NY flights are typically far cheaper – we use EWR instead of PHL if it’s a huge difference. But all we need to do is get ourselves to the Amtrak station and we’re home in an hour and a half.

        The idea of driving 5 hours after landing from Europe? No way. We force ourselves to stay awake until 8pm before crashing for the night. Not a viable alternative.

      2. OP here – it’s not about price but Dulles and BWI have far fewer flights direct to Europe compared to EWR. In this day and age of Covid plus luggage always being delayed, I prefer direct flights. I do like the shuttle flight idea for the way back and when I think about it I’m less opposed to connecting in Europe on the way back to arrive directly at Dulles.

    10. Amtrak runs between Newark airport and Washington DC’s union station. Is that an option? The plus is that it would keep you awake until late evening – painful but presumably good for jetlag.

    11. I’ve done it multiple times, as have friends. Although our drive is more like 3.5 hrs from EWR assuming there is no going home traffic. Different strokes. I just want to be home when I land in the US.

    12. I would not do this. If you are going to a smaller Italian city, consider changing in Frankfurt. That always goes really smoothly for me, better than bouncing between two Italian airports.

    13. Look at Philly. I am in MD and I find good flight option to/from Italy out of Philly and the drive is a bit better.

    14. If the plane lands at 4, it’s highly unlikely you’ll be out of the airport (let alone at your car) by 6 pm. The last time we cleared customs in the US (which happened to be at Newark) the wait times for people who didn’t have Global Entry were 3-4 hours. There were people in line literally crying about how they were going to miss connecting flights.

    15. I do this pretty regularly from Baltimore, which is obviously closer to Newark than DC is. I take Amtrak home. It’s the same hassle as a flight connection in Europe, with the major benefit that is f something goes wrong, it’s much easier to find an alternate route home from Zurich than from Amsterdam/Zurich/whatever.

  10. I just feel so bored with life right now. Late 20s, NYC, single, no kids.

    My job is fine but boring. I am extremely proactive but my company moves as slow as molasses so its very discouraging. I have a new interesting project coming up so that’ll help.

    I had a good date last weekend, planning a second one. I went to the beach. My favorite aunt and her family visited. There are social events I’m looking forward to at the end of the month and in October.

    Maybe this just goes back to the post above about “what gets you up in the morning”. When I had a public sector job that was the answer, and it was fulfilling. I could volunteer, but at least in my area it seems weirdly difficult to get yourself into a meaty, regular volunteer position (trust me I’ve tried!). Plus, I don’t really want more work after work.
    My job being bored is a real issue. I’ve only been there a year, so I don’t want to look for a new one, and there are no issues with it its just fine and not exciting.

    I have a therapist and I’m on meds. I don’t think this is really depression – its just a reflection of the fact that I’m bored and don’t know how to not be. I took a painting class, that was great, got a new hobby out of it for sure. Maybe more dating? It’ll be interesting at least. Move to a different country? Would have to figure out my lease but also would be exciting.

    1. First I’d say work on being okay being bored. It’s going to happen sometimes in life and it’s not the end of the world. But second I would say look for a new job. I know in the past when I’ve had boring jobs it’s really affected the rest of my life because it made me very unhappy.

      1. What does your therapist say about this, and what are you on meds for? Be sure that depression isn’t driving this, the medications aren’t tamping down your ability to feel both lows and highs, or that anxiety isn’t driving you to want to be fueled by adrenaline.

        also check: is this the first time you’ve sort of hit a plateau where the next proactive achievement wasn’t readily available or obvious? Have you been on an achievement/accomplishment drive for the past 10 years and haven’t yet experienced an adult season where life wasn’t showing you where to put that drive? If so, then learning how to deal with less-exciting seasons of life is a really good life skill (not a fun one, but necessary.)

        If you pass those checks, and it’s truly just simple boredom, it sounds like you might enjoy a challenge that stretches you somehow. (Since you used the word “interesting” several times, and you listed several activities that are pleasant but not challenging.) Do you need to take a physics class? Write a book? Train for a marathon?

      2. Normal amounts of being bored I get. Have a boring task at work? It happens. No plans one night? I have hobbies. This is more about an overall sense of being bored with everything. Maybe it is just my job boring me and that bleeding over into the rest of my life.

    2. I think this is normal. But one thing that jumps out at me is “I could volunteer, but at least in my area it seems weirdly difficult to get yourself into a meaty, regular volunteer position” — i just don’t think that’s possible in NYC! You literally have so many amazing opportunities to do something helpful here. “Regular” is definitely not the issue, so maybe “meaty” is your problem? The most rewarding volunteer efforts I’ve experienced are not glamorous sounding. It’s not being on a Board of X organization but signing up to visit homebound elderly or helping in a weekly soup kitchen or walking dogs in a shelter… you feel tangibly better doing this stuff, or at least I do.

      1. I was, for example, delivering meals
        to housebound elderly for a while – but the spots disappeared, or it wasn’t that frequent etc. I don’t want to be on the board of anything – I do enough of that at work! I started volunteering at a food pantry that seems promising because they have regular needs at regular places. Maybe it got messed up with the pandemic.

  11. fancy paper for resumes: yay or nay? if you used it at one point had them, when did you stop using it? would you still use it if you were bringing paper copies of your resume with you to the interview?

    3. Disagree with the comments above about no longer using paper resumes…true, the interviewer(s) will already have a digital copy of your resume, but if you’re going to an in-person interview, you should bring several paper copies of your resume and offer one to your interviewer at the start. It’s polite, a nice gesture, and can make you stand out in a small way. Will it make or break if you don’t do this? No. But the head executive of my department loves paper copies when reading things, and it’s something few people know but her. As far as using fancy paper, I don’t think that’s necessary.

      2. Disagree. I’m not one of those people who judges people for not doing things according to unwritten rules that vary from person to person, so I wouldn’t actually hold it against someone who brought me a paper resume, but I’d definitely mentally roll my eyes about it. I really, really don’t want to work with people who insist on doing everything on paper so it would make a bad impression on me.

        1. I think this reaction to someone offering you a paper resume is a bit extreme. I admit, I’ve never worked somewhere where the whole staff is in one office – everyone is at multiple offices across the country and everything has to be digital, thus no one can “insist on doing everything on paper.” However, I just think it’s a nice gesture to bring a paper copy in case your interviewer would like one. They can always say they don’t need it and you move on.

        2. But why would you make the negative assumption that the candidate insists on doing things on paper rather than the positive assumption that she was covering her bases to accommodate you in case you are one of those people.
          Think about it.

          1. That’s why I said I wouldn’t actually hold it against them. I know that there are some people who feel exactly the opposite and I know that there’s no winning the job interview guessing games. But my gut reaction would definitely be negative and I’d have to work to counter that, which is why I wanted to point out that it’s not something everyone appreciates. I’m definitely scarred by people who have made my life much harder by insisting on paper for all kinds of unnecessary things and I’ve never seen anyone show up with a paper resume in 20+ years (STEM field), so it’s definitely not the norm everywhere and would stand out in a bad way.

    4. I got my first professional job in 2002. That was literally the last time I used it, haha. Everything since has required me to upload files. When I’ve brought my resume to an interview, I’ve just used regular paper. Seems to be the norm.

    5. I disagree that there is never a time for them. At my small law firm, not everyone you meet will have prepared for the interview thoroughly and it is not uncommon for one of us to ask for a paper copy. It’s an informal and “old school” firm and interviews are almost always with every partner who happens to be available at the time. So it depends. That said, I dont care about the paper at this point.

    6. No to special paper. Fine to bring a few copies with you but I wouldn’t proactively offer one. If the interviewer didn’t seem to have a copy, I would say “oh I have a copy if you need it” but would also have it in my drafts as an attachment so that I could easily just forward the electronic copy.

    7. Always have 2-5 copes on plain paper for an in person interview but only give it out if they ask for it or mention they don’t have a copy.

  12. Bay Area update – there’s a cooling breeze and temps have dropped at least 15 degrees from the high, at least bayside. Hurrah!!

  13. Goldfinch is amazing when you got some official stuff to do since those do look like your normal shoes and you can build a look around em. But when I’m all about comfort for the day,I’m usually going for my comfy Haflinger slippers/clogs I’ve got from https://gritroutdoors.com/haflinger/ , especially if I don’t have any dress-code meetings to go through.

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