Coffee Break: Hannah Flat

hannah flatWe all know I love a good strappy flat, and these gorgeous shoes from Sarah Flint caught my eye recently. I’ve never really been much for orange, but I kind of love these — they’re not quite as twee/in your face as RED SHOES can be (and I say this as someone who has a lot of red shoes!) bu they’re still a nice pop of color — I think they’re also great for fall, particularly worn with navy or gray and, depending on the outfit, black and dark reds. Lovely. They’re $375 at Sarah Flint (also in black and olive), Shopbop (in pink!), and Farfetch (in olive). Hannah Flat in Burnt Sienna Crosta Suede

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Comments

  1. Has anyone read Bad Blood, about the Theranos debacle? I read it over the week-end and found it engrossing. It’s astonishing how she was able to get away with so much and get so much money based on such false actions. I mean, these investors would hand over millions without any independently audited financials.

    • Anonymous :

      Yes! It’s so good! I can’t wait for the movie. I live in Palo Alto and work in a VC-adjacent field so it wasn’t that surprising to me that she was able to deceive investors so much. They will hand out money like candy to anyone they perceive as the next Zuckerberg/Jobs, especially if someone powerful vouches for them, and there’s not as much oversight as you might think.

    • I also just finished it. Unbelievable! It’s truly an emperor’s new clothes situation–seems like everyone was buying into the pitch because they relied on the judgment of someone else who bought in. I came away very, very impressed with the people who were willing to speak out though, especially the very young man whose grandfather was on the board (Tyler Schultz I believe).

      I’ll also add that I used to work for a dysfunctional startup, and it was disturbing to see similarities in the management styles of Elizabeth Holmes and my former boss. Extreme secrecy and paranoia, impulsive staffing decisions, and focusing on how good performance can look vs. how we were actually performing.

      One more thing: it’s always interesting to see a woman take on a traditionally male role, even when it’s a despicable one– like narcissist tech CEO who deceives and swindles.

    • biglaw partner :

      I thought it was fascinating. I also thought, as a lawyer, that is was somewhat thought-provoking in terms of the role of attorneys as counselors – their aggressive legal strategy in terms of silencing former employees looks really bad in hindsight (both ethically and as a business decision, given the reputational impact). Like, I would never want to hire Heather King (their then-GC, now a Bracewell partner), because either she was remarkably clueless about what was going on in the company or she knew and she nonetheless sanctioned legal tactics that were (IMO) ethically questionable. Obviously we’re agents of our clients, but at least in my state, we don’t just get to throw up our hands and say, “I just did what the client told me.”

    • Anonymous :

      If you enjoyed the Theranos story, don’t miss the somewhat lighter Hampton Creek/Just Mayo story. For some reason Business Insider had it in for this company, and their articles read like an episode of Silicon Valley.

      • Thank you! I also recommend reading up on Mast Bros. artisanal chocolate company. They were melting down other chocolate, wrapping it up in fancy packaging, and selling it as their own at a huge markup!

        • Anonymous :

          I remember seeing their chocolate around; the packaging is very on-trend. I will definitely read that story, thank you!

      • Anonymous :

        Can you recommend a book or article on the Hampton Creek/Just Mayo story?

    • No, but I think I know who you are. Sfgc alumna? 😃

    • pugsnbourbon :

      I’ve been fascinated by Theranos/Elizabeth Holmes and cant’ wait to read the book. I wonder if we’ve seen the last of her …

    • Yes, and it was amazing. I saw a little from afar (WSGR alum) and also had a friend who worked there and told me things were very not right. She was not there long–didn’t want to be there once she knew what was up. WSGR came out remarkably unscathed, in all honesty.

    • Anonymous :

      I work in pharma and was glad to see the FDA looking good. Regulations are there for a reason! It’s because people will push the boundaries and BS. Lab inspections and audits are very important! (shaking my fist and yelling at the clouds)

  2. I have pretty persistent jaw line acne that I think is a side effect of my Mirena IUD. Do you ladies have any product recommendations? My normal routine includes washing my face with Cetaphil, moisturizer with SPF, a pretty minimal amount of makeup (Bare Minerals powder, mostly), and then washing said makeup off at night with micellar water. I think I could get pretty into skin care, but I have no idea where to start.

    • Is this a new development since you got the IUD or are there any new elements to your skin care or makeup? I just started using Bare Minerals and started finding fine bumps on my skin where previously smooth, and they recently changed the formula, so that could be a suspect.

    • Anonymous :

      -Doxycycline was amazing for me as I was initially getting acne under control. It really kickstarted things.
      -Cetaphil cleanser is fine, so keep that
      -Try double cleansing at night (micellar water, then the cetaphil again)
      -Definitely add a moisturizer after cleanser, but without spf
      -Try adding Curology in there as well

    • Anonymous :

      Have you been talking on the phone? Is your pillowcase clean? What about your makeup brushes?

      I have pretty normal skin, so every once in a rare while when I see a bunch of fine bumps, I’ll just run a Neutrogena acne pad over my face (yup, the old school ones).

    • BeenThatGuy :

      For me, 6 months of treatment with the dermatologist didn’t work. The only thing that worked for me was having Mirena removed and replaced with Paraguard.

    • No advice, just sympathy – chronic break-outs were one of the reasons I had my Mirena removed.

    • If you really like your Mirena, I’d give curology a couple months trial to see if it helps. My skin is looking great 3 months into curology after a literal lifetime of acne. And it’s cheap.

    • Anonymous :

      Had same problem. I’ve been on Spironolactone for a year and I seriously haven’t had a single blemish since that stuff kicked in. It’s amazing – $10 a month and no side effects. Go to a derm for a prescription. Google before and after Spironolactone.

      • pugsnbourbon :

        I’m also on spiro and my skin hasn’t been this clear since I was 11. I have had some side effects, though they’ve been minor – sore b00bs and occasional lightheadedness.

      • pugsnbourbon :

        Posted too soon – if you’d rather not start with spiro, you could try tretinoin. My skin also benefited from going super simple on skincare – Aveeno face wash and moisturizer with sunscreen.

    • I swear by the AcneFree kit, a Proactive knockoff, that can be purchased at places like CVS and Walmart.

    • Min Donner :

      I used to use a Vitamin C + Zinc serum from Malibu Wellness that kept my skin totally clear, but then they jumped on the Vitamin C bandwagon and tripled the price. Now I’m experimenting with Zinc Niacinimide and different C formulation from The Ordinary and they’re working okay – I think my skin reacts well to zinc for acne treatment/prevention. Also, I just read a blog review of a product by The Ordinary – Azelaic Acid Suspension and the blogger had pretty impressive results using it for her cystic acne. Seems that’s one of the ingredients in Curology. Caution – the blog is maybe NSFW as the title is actually Cheap As F**k.
      http://cheapasf.blogspot.com/2018/03/the-ordinarys-azelaic-acid-suspension.html

  3. Cookbooks :

    Talk to me about umbrellas. Do you have a favorite or do you use whatever you get your hands on first? It’s rainy here today, and my umbrella ( a few years old) is getting tricky to open.

    • Anonymous :

      I get a colorful midsize one that makes me happy and sticks out in an umbrella collection by the door. I think golf umbrellas are rude on city sidewalks and tiny purse umbrellas are only good for insurance.

      • Cookbooks :

        That’s a good point about tiny purse umbrellas. I like them for their convenience, but I walk enough that I need something sturdier. And I agree about an umbrella that sticks out. The one I have now is polka dot and pretty easy spot.

        Thanks!

    • Marshmallow :

      I have a Blunt “metro” umbrella and I LOVE it. I think it’s the smallest size they make. It’s larger than a teeny purse umbrella but small enough for crowded sidewalks, and the rounded-off points make it great for crowds because you aren’t going to take anyone’s eyes out. It’s sturdy, it never turns inside out, it dries practically instantly, and it looks cute.

      • Cookbooks :

        I haven’t seen that shape before. But that could definitely be handy in the city, because I do have the fear that I might accidentally blind someone…

        • Anonymous :

          ooh love that shape! there’s always this too

          https://www.amazon.com/totes-Womens-Clear-Bubble-Umbrella/dp/B01L9DKZ1A/ref=sr_1_5?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1537303236&sr=1-5&nodeID=7141123011&psd=1&keywords=bubble+umbrella

      • Anonymous :

        +1 Have this, love it.

    • This is my favorite umbrella. It was a gift. I realize the print is kind of silly but I love the size of the umbrella and the mechanism (a button both unfurls and collapses it)

      Cats & Dogs Folding Umbrella https://www.amazon.com/dp/B019YORF6Y/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_AovOBbVHHDP45

      • Cookbooks :

        That print is super cute! And the company seems to make other lovely ones, too. Thanks!

      • I have a different cats and dogs umbrella – I think by totes! But I’m also the woman with the dalmatian print (as in, full dalmatians) dress…haha

    • Senior Attorney :

      I got one of those upside-down umbrellas last year and I love it because when you fold it up the water is on the inside :https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07C7R11SX/ref=sspa_dk_detail_0?pd_rd_i=B01MSYNCRF&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_p=f52e26da-1287-4616-824b-efc564ff75a4&pf_rd_r=KZZM8X2RVC9ZBEE9RF2M&pd_rd_wg=Ev3Nu&pf_rd_s=desktop-dp-sims&pf_rd_t=40701&pd_rd_w=P3D7a&pf_rd_i=desktop-dp-sims&pd_rd_r=e26f2491-bb81-11e8-bec8-475d0372adf1&th=1&psc=1

      Not super crazy about the round handle, but it’s so great for getting into and out of the car in the rain!

      • Cookbooks :

        I’ve seen these around! They look super useful for the subway. I could never figure out what they were called. Thank you!

      • Maudie Atkinson :

        I think of umbrellas as something we don’t own, exactly. We’re guardians of umbrellas; they belong to the universe.
        For example, once–just after I had my hair blown out–I was leaving my local dive bar when it began to rain. I didn’t have an umbrella, and I didn’t want to mess up my hair, so I asked them for a bag to put over my hair. Instead, they opened a closet with more than a dozen umbrellas and told me I could take my pick. This is not the only time I’ve been offered a free (used) umbrella under like circumstances. Thus, I don’t buy umbrellas; I am too likely to leave one behind to make it worth the investment, and I appears I’m not the only one who makes that mistake.
        BUT if I believed differently, I’d probably buy one of these because that is very intelligently designed.

    • I gave up on umbrellas and have a waterproof raincoat with a hood. I need two hands!

      Prior to that, I had one of those clear domed ones, which I’d probably use now in a pinch (i.e. I was going somewhere fancy and didn’t want to wear a raincoat). It was nice to be able to be really covered by an umbrella but still be able to see where I was going.

  4. Money Q: When do you decide to sell stock? Do you do a lot of research? I realized today I almost never use something I own stock in so I went and sold as much stock as my small initial investment had been. It was up almost 200% though which made me wonder how others do it.

    • Anonymous :

      Buy low, sell high. And for most of us, hold for longer than one year to avoid short-term capital gains.

      It sounds as though you might need an investment strategy, though. Have you looked into a target date fund or a balanced or index fund?

      • I have tons in index funds and target date funds — stocks are a much smaller “fun” portion of my investing.

    • I tend to let it ride after the initial investment, unless there’s a clear reason I don’t agree with the company’s strategy anymore. I also subscribe to the Suze Orman philosophy of: if a particular stock is making you nervous because of gains or whatnot, sell half.

      Also, trading compliance policies at many firms and corporations make it a huge PITA to own individual stocks now. I still have a few from my pre-law days, but I am definitely not accumulating more and just put my money into index tracking funds now.

  5. These are super cute! And very far out of my price range.

  6. Anonymous :

    When you go to an ER in a different state from where you live/are insured, is it automatically out of network? Just wondering if we’re going to get slapped with a giant bill for a recent visit. (I asked the hospital billing people and they didn’t know.)

    • It depends on your plan and policy. If you call the number on the back of your insurance card you should be able to get more info. Your plan may for example cover a certain health system regardless of the state, or they may not. Bigger national plans may deem something in network if their sister company in a different state covers it. It all depends…

    • Anonymous :

      No, not necessarily. Networks run by insurer, not necessarily geography. And some plans have provisions that if you go to an ER for a true emergency, they won’t charge out-of-network rates. Unfortunately with the lovely American health system, you’ll just have to wait and see what bill comes in the mail. If you do get a bill, check and see if your state has laws about “balance billing” – when a hospital charges you the difference for what an insurer won’t cover – there have been discussions about some states banning the practice, but I can’t remember if any actually have yet.

      • Anonymous :

        Some ins plans have anti balance bill provisions as well. Ours does (Harvard Pilgrim in MA).

    • Anonymous :

      Depends on your plan. When I was pregnant and traveling I called my insurer so I knew which system if possible to go to.

    • Anonymous :

      I went to an ER out of the country and my claim was initially denied for being “out of network.” The customer service line of the insurance company told me I’d need to appeal. I wrote a letter explaining why I went to an out-of-network hospital (though, really, is it not obvious when I’m overseas and broke a bone??). It was approved quickly and paid as if it was in network. Turned out to be easy–shockingly.

    • Often times you can appeal for an out of network hospital to be treated as an in-network hospital with respect to coverage if there are no in network options in your vicinity during a true emergency.

  7. Anonymous :

    How often do you wash or rinse sports bras if you’re doing cardio?

    • Every time.

    • Every wear, regardless of what type of workout. Regular bras go 3-5 wears without washing, sports bras get washed after 1.

      • Anonymous :

        Whoa really? My sports bras are like $80. Even when I ran 3x a week I’d alternate between 2 and 3 bras (for washing once a month).

        • I have 5 running bras and 5 yoga bras. They’re about 40 bucks each. I’m a 34A though. I understand bustier women usually have to spend more on sports bras. If I did have to buy more expensive ones though I’d still own the same amount. I run outdoors in Texas. My clothes have to be wrung out and then hung to dry when I’m done. ;-)

        • I’m sorry but ewww

        • Anonymous :

          What does the price have to do with it? I wear the Victoria’s Secret bras, which are on the pricier side (although I never pay full price for them) but they’re machine washable, and I’m not gonna let the wear of “wearing them out” prevent me from washing them.

          That said, pretty much all of my fitness activities are done in a class environment, inside a studio of some kind, so I worry about stinking up the place (more than I need to), if you run by yourself outside, odor may be less of a concern.

          • Not the Anon above, but for me, the issue is that having 7 $80 bras so that I can run every day and still have a clean bra between laundry days is more of a financial hit, especially since the recommendation for runners is to replace your bras yearly. When you wear a 34C, you can find sports bras on sale, but it is harder for me at 34G to find high impact bras on sale and thus not drop a ton on each bra.

            To answer the question, I usually wash every other run, unless it was a super sweaty run (peak of summer and/or more than 90 min or so).

    • Anonymous :

      Every time but I get suuuper sweaty. If I sweated less maybe not every time.

    • Anonymous :

      Every time, except occasionally when traveling. In which case, I will lay out to dry and re-wear.

    • Anonymous :

      Definitely after each use.

    • Anonymous :

      Every time, with my other workout clothing. Regular bras… embarrassingly infrequently.

    • Every time. Regular bras don’t get washed every time because they generally aren’t dirty after one wear sitting next to your clean skin all day. Sports bras are covered in sweat and dirt/dead skin from the sweating and chafing. Please wash your sports bras every time for the sake of your gym mates.

      • Equestrian Attorney :

        I wash every time unless it was really light exercise (like sometimes I do 15 minutes on the elliptical in the morning and don’t sweat that much, in which case I might do 2 wears)

    • Anonymous :

      I’ll rewear them once. I don’t sweat that much.

    • Anonymous :

      I’m the disgusting outlier, but I wear the same nasty bra for my workouts every weekday, and then wash it once a week. I just hang it up to dry in between. It stinks, but I work out at home , so I am sparing your delicate noses.

      • You need to change it more often to prevent skin infection and irritation, though.

      • Anonymous :

        +1 I hang it up and spray it with a vodka spray after every use, unless I get super super sweaty, then I throw it in the laundry. Switch it out every week no matter how often I’ve worked out – also only work out at home.

    • Anonymous :

      It depends on how sweaty I get. If I am running a couple of miles at my slow training pace, I barely break a sweat so they get another wear. Although honestly, I don’t keep track and sometimes just grab the one I see, so I likely wear them more than once after normal workouts. Usually, my gear goes right in the washer after a long run, which is when I get truly disgusting, so it’s more like ones that are worn during pilates, short indoor runs, and strength training get reworn.

    • Every time. I got a nasty case of cellulitis on my breast. We don’t know what the cause was, but the doctor said she sees it more often in women who wear tight sports bras and then don’t wash them frequently. That wasn’t the case for me (although I did have a really long day in the mountains wearing the bra a week or so before the infection hit), but it made me recommit to washing every time.

      • I also got cellulitis on my breast, though in my case it appears to have started as a bug bite. I also got an abscess at the site. These, and the resulting ONE MONTH of heavy duty antibiotics, are both things you don’t want. Wash your bras, people.

    • I wash every type (sports and not) after every wear, because otherwise my neck and chest explode with acne.

  8. Anonymous :

    Anyone want to play along?

    I’m hosting brunch for a crowd (about 30 adults + 20 kids) in 2 weeks and I can’t quite decide what to serve. I can sometimes go overboard (see: hosting this in the first place ha) and need an outsider’s perspective.

    Here are the items I’m definitely serving. See down below for possible additions, if you think I need them.

    Cheddar-chive egg casserole
    Mini ham sandwiches on yeast rolls
    Hashbrown casserole (like Cracker Barrel)
    Biscuits with jams and jellies
    Fruit
    Coffee, tea, apple cider, and seltzer

    Do I need anything else? Here are the things I’ve considered over the past couple weeks:

    – Pear-walnut-gorgonzola salad…to make the offerings seem lunch-ier
    – Veggies and ____ (hummus or pimiento cheese or dip) – ditto
    – Pumpkin bread – good and easy and seasonal
    – Pumpkin pie – easy and full-on seasonal and it’s not another bread (and it’s clearly a veggie ;) )
    – Apple coffee cake – less easy but seasonal
    – Apple pie – less easy, but seasonal, impressive and not another bread (and clearly fruit ;) )
    – Doughnuts from the mom & pop place around the corner
    – Cranberry-orange coffee cake, if I can find fresh cranberries in 2 weeks

    Thanks for your input :)

    • I would like to come to your brunch, please.

      I would vote for something sweet, as the bulk of your menu is more savory. I’d be perfectly happy with doughnuts, but either coffee cake would be nice too.

      • pugsnbourbon :

        Me too! I’ll bring prosecco for mimosas!

        I’d love doughnuts – they’re easy to cut into quarters if people want to just take a taste.

    • I think you need the salad or the veggies but not necessarily both. Gives the gluten free people an option. The veggies and hummus would give the vegans an option, or you can put the blue cheese on the side for the salad.

      • +1 but for the reason of having a lower-calorie, lower-carb option for any health nuts (like me) in the crowd. Otherwise, looks great!

      • Anonymous :

        This is what I was thinking. Salad covers all the basis of the dietary requests. Though, leave the walnuts off the salad in case you have any nut allergies. You can put them in a bowl next to it.

      • +1

        I’m not sure what you’re planning to put on the sandwiches or in the hashbrown casserole, but I’m just assume cheese and milk because it’s so common, and the current menu would have basically nothing this lactose intolerant adult could eat. Salad and/or veggies would be much appreciated were I your guest.

        Disregard if you’ve checked and none of these 50 people have those restrictions.

    • I think you should add something sweet. You don’t really have anything sweet other than the fruit. I would say one of the coffee cakes or donuts. Or cinnamon rolls are always popular! The menu sounds delicious! Oh – you could pick up donuts and coffee from the same place. I got a big box of coffee from Krispy Kreme for about $10. It served 20 or something. Easy peasy! I would suggest just picking something up – you have a lot of other stuff to prepare!

    • Anonymous :

      Just to be clear … you’re cooking all the food for 50 people? Or are any of these people also bringing some of the items? If you’re doing it all, I”d add the donuts and a veggie tray or two from the grocery store. If others are pitching in, I’d ask for some kind of roasted veggie / salad / veggie thing, and for some kind of pastry/coffee cake thing.

      The outsider’s perspective [aka “horrified rant”]: Why in the heck are you doing all this yourself? Do none of these 30 adults know how to deal with food? I do so much hope that this kind if thing is a fun weekend…right? This is fun?

      • Anonymous :

        Dude, many people enjoy cooking and hosting. The menu does not sound particularly complicated or labor-intensive. Let her enjoy hosting brunch. It sounds nice.

      • Senior Attorney :

        Some of us really like doing stuff like that. Lovely Husband and I have been throwing weekly dinner parties on Sunday evenings, and basically that’s our whole weekend’s entertainment, with the shopping and cooking and planning and all.

        OP, I vote “doughnuts!”

    • Diana Barry :

      I’d go for the coffee cake or apple pie. You don’t have any other straight-up desserts unless the biscuits are particularly sweet. Also I might consider adding another meat, like some sausages or bacon. :)

    • Anonymous :

      I would strongly vote for something greener and lighter- veggies or salad, with cheese or dip on the side. And lots of fruit!

      Other posters have brought up dietary restrictions, which can be important, of course. But in a group that big, you’re probably also going to have a few people who genuinely like rabbit food.

    • Ok, I have no advice. I just wanted to say, your personality came out in this post and I want to be your friend and attend your brunch and thanks for being cheerful!

  9. Anonymous :

    Speaking of this morning’s thread on Faulkner and Hemingway and stuff: any favorite audio books for good literature? I don’t have long drives, though.

  10. Horse Crazy :

    Has anyone bought anything from the Daily Ritual brand on Amazon?

    • Anonymous :

      Yes – a long sweatshirty tee. Very soft, not too heavy. Can’t wait for it to get cold enough to pull out. Returned a dress from the line but it was OK, I just had better options.

  11. Partnership or Flexibility? :

    I was passed over for partner about 2 years ago at my mid-size regional firm and was offered senior counsel instead. I’ve never received a straight answer about why I was passed over, and it was a very demoralizing experience overall (was essentially told by everyone in my department that I was making partner in the summer, then it didn’t happen). I suspect there are lots of internal politics at play; I work in a larger satellite office that has not been as profitable as the firm would like, and I lateraled fairly late due to a mid-career judicial clerkship. I’ve done a lot in the past 2 years, though, and strengthened some relationships with important partners and practices in the firm.

    I really like the group of lawyers I work with, and there is something very freeing about being senior counsel – but my biggest concern is whether I will have enough work in the long term. My mentor is also the leader of my practice group, and I’m meeting with him soon to discuss my career going forward. The firm does allow me to re-apply for partnership, which would be voted on at the end of 2019. I honestly don’t know if I can deal with failing again. Alternatively, I am thinking about taking a more reduced schedule at my current salary and/or working from home 1-2 days per week on a regular basis. Is it worth focusing my energy on partnership, or should I go for more flexibility? (I’m also looking for other opportunities, but there aren’t that many in my current city.)

    • “Is it worth focusing my energy on partnership, or should I go for more flexibility?”

      Why do you want to be partner, if you do? I think you have to think about the answer to that question before you can asses whether it’s worth it to you. For me, that’s not a job I want so no, it would not be worth it. Plenty of people do want the job and would find it to be worth it though. Only you can answer this.

    • Anonymous :

      See if your mentor will give you more clarity as to why you didn’t make it before and whether things have changed enough for you to have a shot now (though given your past experience I’m not sure I’d trust her judgment on the second part). I’d lean toward going for partner one more time. Let the flexibility option be your consolation prize if you don’t get it.

    • Anonymous :

      Can you push him or someone else higher up (preferably on the management or selection committee) for what it is specifically that resulted in your designation as counsel? I understand internal politics, but having been through the process at a firm that sounds similar to yours and now being on the other side, I’ll say that 99% of the time, there is something specific to which you can attribute it. If making partner is something you really want (and it’s ok if it’s not!), I’d take a hard look at yourself and your numbers, and at the other candidates, and figure out what it is.

      • Partnership or Flexibility? :

        I’m pretty self aware and self critical. It’s a very strange situation where literally no lateral in the 5 years this office has existed has made partner, with the exception of one woman whose partnership was essentially made a condition of her group joining the firm. Everyone else who has made partner from this office in that time frame was originally with the firm that merged. The politics are really insane and unlike anywhere I’ve seen. I could accept it if clearly more qualified candidates were making partner, but that’s not the case. Literally the only thing I can point to is an incident that happened the first year I was with the firm (5 years ago) where there was a miscommunication about a relatively minor project for a large case, and I was not confronted with any issues until my review 6 months later.

        So I think in many ways, I would like to be able to say I made partner, because I view it as moving forward. However, I really don’t want to start over somewhere else, so it’s probably here or nowhere.

  12. Anonymous :

    It’s not too weird to e-mail the (male) host of a meeting to ask about a lactation room ahead of time, is it? I’m traveling to all-day meetings at a law firm, and the partner at that firm is the one e-mailing to ask people to let him know about dietary restrictions, etc. Do I just respond to him and his team, cc’ing the partner from our firm (so she knows why I need to take a break) saying, we have x dietary restriction and also, do you have a lactation room I could use? I’ve never met him, but I’m acquainted with the (also male) senior associate on his team from past transactions. I know I’m overthinking this.

    • Yes, please don’t shield men from the realities of a gender balanced workplace!! Ask away.

      I will tell you, no lie, I visited a workplace that didn’t have a ladies room last week. They had a men’s room and a single bathroom for handicapped that women were allowed to use. This was in NYC. MASSIVE EYEROLL.

    • Anonymous :

      I hate the phrase “lactation room.” Like we’re cows. Maybe just say “I’m a nursing mother, is there a private space I can use during my time there?” But yes, ask – what are your other options?

      • Anonymous :

        I agree! But it’s the best shorthand I could think of. My office has a “wellness room”, which is for multiple purposes. Beats pumping in the “sick room”, which is what my old office had!

      • Anonymous :

        But that’s what it is… nursing mothers are lactating. It’s a medical term maybe, but it’s certainly not a term that’s limited to animals.

      • Anonymous :

        +1 Ask about a private space with a plug. You might deal more directly with your partner why you’ll need a break, rather than expecting her to infer from a cc–but I’d suggest doing so on a different string.

    • oil in houston :

      you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do. ask away

    • Not weird, in my experience, and they appreciate you asking ahead rather than day of.

      To the above commenter – I’ve been to about 30 of my company’s offices around the country and at least half don’t have lactation rooms. Or single stall bathrooms. Most memorable one was pumping in a stall with my breastpump hanging off the doorhook because there was no room or shelf or any other way to do this. I was standing face to the door with bottles hanging off my b00bs. Then it just started opening because the latch gave out under the weight of the pump bag (Spectra). Needless to say I didn’t get a full meal’s worth that session.

      I also pumped in an empty office that had a lock that turned but actually didn’t work. It would have been better if it just didn’t have a latch! Then at least I would have been aware the door was not locked.

      I also once forgot my milk in the hotel fridge. The staff were incredibly resourceful and shipped it to me in a box full of ice bags and it was completely fresh.

      After all that, I now know why they invented formula!

    • I had to ask once, which was fun because it was a much older, very religious man. But he had six kids so he knew the drill. It’ll be fine. A better phrasing is “Mother’s room.” He’ll likely put you touch with his assistant, and that person will do the coordinating if necessary.

    • I’ve asked in your situation before, to men I had not yet met. They’re more than happy to connect you to a (usually female) receptionist. Then you should arrive early so that you can drop your stuff off and get oriented before the meeting starts.

      It’s only awkward if you make it awkward!

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